1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 2 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:07,560 Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, Wherever you are in 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:10,280 Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here, 4 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: back for another episode as we of course break down 5 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: the psychology of our twenties. Today we are tackling the 6 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:22,880 Speaker 1: lucky last in our birth order series. You heard that, right. 7 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,440 Speaker 1: After all of the waiting and the many, many requests, 8 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 1: we are finally discussing the psychology of the youngest child 9 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 1: and what their position in the family means for everything 10 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:39,879 Speaker 1: from their personality, to their relationship and professional choices, to 11 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,600 Speaker 1: their relationships with their middle and eldest siblings, not just 12 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:47,880 Speaker 1: in childhood but in adulthood as well. The youngest child 13 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,720 Speaker 1: is quite obviously the baby of the family and that 14 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 1: position shapes their experiences a lot. And I'm so interested 15 00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:00,400 Speaker 1: in the research around this, from birth order theory to 16 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: some other theories as well as some of the stories 17 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,959 Speaker 1: that you all have shared with me. And you know, 18 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:11,120 Speaker 1: we just have a really comprehensive, fascinating, packed personality episode 19 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 1: for today. I don't do this very often, but I 20 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,039 Speaker 1: think I'm just going to skip the rest of this 21 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:21,039 Speaker 1: intro and let the episode speak for itself. You know, 22 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,400 Speaker 1: let's keep it short and sweet. There is so much 23 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:28,040 Speaker 1: to cover without further ado, let's discuss the psychology of 24 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: the youngest child. So let's do a quick recap of 25 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 1: what we know about birth order theory, so the arguments 26 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:43,160 Speaker 1: for it and the arguments against it as well. We 27 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:46,479 Speaker 1: know that as humans, we are a product of many 28 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:50,720 Speaker 1: many things, some tangible, some intangible, everything from genetics, to 29 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: country of birth, to parenting style, food, all of these 30 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:59,680 Speaker 1: things that kind of fall into two categories, nature and nurture. 31 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,720 Speaker 1: What we are born with, what we are raised in. Now, 32 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:07,120 Speaker 1: the position we are born into a family is part 33 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:10,919 Speaker 1: of our environment, and therefore it kind of falls into 34 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 1: the nurture category. It influences our personality because of how 35 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 1: it impacts how we were raised and therefore how we 36 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:24,680 Speaker 1: end up experiencing the world into adulthood. So this saying 37 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,840 Speaker 1: really goes and I always use this saying to describe 38 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:30,120 Speaker 1: birth order theory. Just because you're raised in the same 39 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:34,119 Speaker 1: house doesn't mean that you had the same childhood as 40 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:38,400 Speaker 1: your siblings, and your position in the family contributes to 41 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:42,240 Speaker 1: this difference in childhoods because you know, for all intents 42 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:46,160 Speaker 1: and purposes, two people who go through the same upbringing 43 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:49,920 Speaker 1: and are raised in the same house by the same parents, 44 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,120 Speaker 1: they should turn out pretty similar. And yes, we have 45 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 1: to account for nature and our personality and how which 46 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,280 Speaker 1: is born and who we are when we kind of 47 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 1: come out of the womb, but is a significant difference 48 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,839 Speaker 1: in how our parents treat us. So the man who 49 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 1: developed birth order theory, he was kind of the first 50 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 1: one to say to notice this. His name was Alfred Adler. 51 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: You may also know him from the creation of the 52 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:17,680 Speaker 1: inferiority complex. Also, he was like a founding father of 53 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: individual psychology, which if you study psychology you've probably done, 54 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,960 Speaker 1: Like I don't know a unit in this. Basically he 55 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:29,040 Speaker 1: says that in individual psychology, what we're really looking for 56 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 1: is a sense of mastery and a sense of completeness. 57 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,040 Speaker 1: That doesn't really matter. It's not what we're talking about today. 58 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: But he was really working hard during the early and 59 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 1: mid nineteen hundreds. But birth order theory as it stands 60 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:45,640 Speaker 1: today is probably what he is most well known for, 61 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 1: and it basically says that being the oldest, youngest, middle, 62 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:57,480 Speaker 1: or only child will affect what characteristics and traits you develop. Now, 63 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 1: let's be really, really clear because we see a lot 64 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 1: of like birth order theory tiktoks going around and Instagram videos. 65 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:08,000 Speaker 1: It is not a medical prescription, like I cannot diagnose 66 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 1: you as an eldest daughter. I cannot diagnose you as 67 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 1: a youngest son. Like that's a descriptor it doesn't you know, 68 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,120 Speaker 1: if you go to a psychologist, they're not going to 69 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 1: like include that on your chart notes. Is like something 70 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 1: that needs an intervention because it's just kind of who 71 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 1: you are. It's definitely like a theory. It's a theory, 72 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:31,400 Speaker 1: and a theory like any theory like has gaps, it 73 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:35,600 Speaker 1: has exceptions, it has flaws. What I kind of see 74 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:39,000 Speaker 1: birth order theory is doing is filling the same role 75 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:43,719 Speaker 1: as personality tests, Like they provide like there is research 76 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 1: behind them, and they provide a structure or guide for 77 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 1: better understanding of where we sit in relation to others, 78 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 1: But they are not a full answer to the questions 79 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 1: we have about ourselves. Like they're really interesting to explore 80 00:04:56,680 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 1: and they're really interesting for reflection. But of course anything 81 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,359 Speaker 1: like that that says you are only the way you 82 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,039 Speaker 1: are because of this one thing and this one test 83 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:09,520 Speaker 1: or this one theory can tell you like it's not accurate. 84 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 1: We exist in a much larger ecosystem of factors in 85 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:17,280 Speaker 1: contexts and situations. With that being said, let's say what 86 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: this theory has to say about the unique traits and 87 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 1: character of the youngest child. According to this theory, the 88 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:28,719 Speaker 1: eldest child is often very responsible, very type A. They 89 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: kind of take care of everyone else, especially if you're 90 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 1: an eldest daughter, you know that kind of makes sense. 91 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 1: They mature the fastest, they're the oldest. They take care 92 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,600 Speaker 1: of a lot of the younger children. They're set up 93 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 1: as a role model. Then we have a middle child. 94 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:47,840 Speaker 1: The middle child is seen as the mediator or the peacemaker. 95 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 1: They're actually sometimes referred to as the easy or invisible 96 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:55,320 Speaker 1: child because of how they are sandwiched between the eldest 97 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,279 Speaker 1: and the youngest. Also, middle children like sometimes they don't 98 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 1: even get to be the only middle child, Like they 99 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 1: have to share that position with someone else. And then 100 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 1: we have the youngest child, the little baby of the family. 101 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,719 Speaker 1: By the time your parents have gotten to their final child, 102 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:16,719 Speaker 1: especially if you're in a big family of three plus kids, Like, 103 00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:21,160 Speaker 1: let's be so real, they are tired. They are tired. 104 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,960 Speaker 1: All of the discipline that they had for their eldest 105 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:28,000 Speaker 1: or older children, all the rules that they promised to implement, 106 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:33,120 Speaker 1: all their energy has kind of dissipated because parenting is really, 107 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 1: really hard. It reminds me of this interview I saw 108 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,920 Speaker 1: the other day with Billie Eilish's mum, really random, and 109 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:43,360 Speaker 1: she talked about how being a parent, especially being a mother, 110 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 1: requires you to use every single creative skill, every single 111 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:53,600 Speaker 1: life skill you have ever developed, like anything you would 112 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,920 Speaker 1: put on a resume and more goes into being a parent. 113 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,039 Speaker 1: And it's right, Like she's totally right. It's a full 114 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:03,040 Speaker 1: time for soul, full body effort, and imagine giving one 115 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: hundred percent to your job for eighteen years straight. Like 116 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 1: by the time you get to that final kid, those 117 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 1: final years, like you are cutting a few corners, especially 118 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 1: when they're teenagers as well. So there's a two thousand 119 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 1: and eight study that looked into this, conducted by Research 120 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: as a Duke University, and if you want to check 121 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,400 Speaker 1: out this research paper, it's titled the Games Parents and 122 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 1: Adolescents Play. And what they found was that eldest and 123 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 1: older siblings are actually raised in a more strict environment, 124 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: like they're penalized more sometimes they're used as an example, 125 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 1: but it also does seem that our parents get softer 126 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 1: with age as a result. Youngest children they kind of sense, 127 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 1: they know that they can get away with much more 128 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 1: than their eldest or older brothers, siblings, sisters, so they're 129 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 1: on average more likely to engage in risky behaviors. Research 130 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: from the University of Birmingham and the University of Reading. 131 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: I don't know if it's reading or reading. I'm going 132 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 1: to say reading. They also found that youngest children in 133 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 1: the families they are also more likely to be self employed. 134 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 1: They are nearly fifty percent more likely to take the 135 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 1: risk of going into business for themselves, so they're risk takers, 136 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 1: the entrepreneurial and this findings were like, this was a 137 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 1: large study. It had almost seventeen thousand children who they 138 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 1: surveyed them in first in nineteen seventy and then again 139 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 1: at thirty eight years old. And some of them are younger, 140 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,040 Speaker 1: some of them are middle some of them were only children, 141 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:35,040 Speaker 1: and the youngest child they were the ones who were 142 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:39,199 Speaker 1: most likely to take risks. I think that's a really 143 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 1: cool trait about younger siblings. And I will say the 144 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,559 Speaker 1: people who I know in my life who have taken 145 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,520 Speaker 1: the leap of faith to start their own business, to 146 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 1: take the road less traveled, Like the majority of them 147 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 1: are younger siblings. And I think about like my office space, 148 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,160 Speaker 1: so I work in an office space that I kind 149 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 1: of rent out with a couple of friends in Sydney, 150 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 1: and most of them like are running their own businesses. 151 00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:05,680 Speaker 1: They're running their own side hustles and like they're doing 152 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 1: that full time or their self like they're self contracted, 153 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,760 Speaker 1: like they do contract jobs. And every single one of 154 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:17,800 Speaker 1: them that's in that office is a youngest child. So 155 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 1: speaking of entrepreneurial spirit, like, that's the evidence I kind 156 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,559 Speaker 1: of see in my own life, which is obviously speculation, 157 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: but I think it's interesting. I will say, please, by 158 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:31,840 Speaker 1: no means take any of these observations as rules, Like 159 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,719 Speaker 1: if you are a youngest child and you're not entrepreneurial, 160 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. Or 161 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,200 Speaker 1: if you're listening to this and you're not a youngest child, 162 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 1: like and you want to start a business, like, by 163 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,120 Speaker 1: no means, does this mean that you can't Like it's 164 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,120 Speaker 1: it's I think ridiculous to look at these rules and 165 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:52,240 Speaker 1: think that they will apply to everyone, but I think 166 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:56,959 Speaker 1: it's just an interesting pattern to recognize in society amongst 167 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 1: people who are just making organic choices. This really links 168 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 1: to the first big stereotype about youngest children though, that 169 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,559 Speaker 1: they're rebellious, that they're more carefree. You know, the youngest 170 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 1: child is sometimes seen as the problem child, like they're 171 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 1: the ones who need to like get bailed out of 172 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,320 Speaker 1: jail or whatever, because they seem to have had a 173 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:20,320 Speaker 1: more relaxed childhood environment. And what also comes with this 174 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:25,199 Speaker 1: relaxed environment is being spoiled. So the second big stereotype 175 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 1: for today is that youngest children are spoilt. They get 176 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 1: more gifts, they get more financial support, they get more praise. 177 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 1: There is much less research on this compared to the 178 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: previous stereotype, mainly because it's slightly hard to measure because 179 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 1: of what we call the social desirability bias in psychological research. 180 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 1: So if we ask parents, okay, which one of your 181 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:54,120 Speaker 1: kids gets more gifts, which kid do you spend more 182 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,560 Speaker 1: money on, etc. They obviously don't want to sound like 183 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,520 Speaker 1: they're playing favorites, so they're not going to be entirely honest. 184 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,160 Speaker 1: And if you ask the youngest child they're probably not 185 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: going to have noticed, right. There may be a situation 186 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 1: where when you're asking them, like they're probably over the 187 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,440 Speaker 1: age of eighteen in order to participate in this research, 188 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,679 Speaker 1: Like they're probably the only child left at home if 189 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:19,240 Speaker 1: that's the case, so they don't have the comparison that 190 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,200 Speaker 1: the eldest and middle children would have. And that's the 191 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:26,560 Speaker 1: final person we might ask eldest and middle children. They 192 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:29,000 Speaker 1: probably are also going to be biased, you know how 193 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 1: like competitive siblings can get. You know, they might be 194 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 1: looking at the youngest child, the youngest baby of the 195 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,840 Speaker 1: family and going like, hey, I never got that, Like 196 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 1: I never got to buy new shoes whenever I wanted, 197 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,679 Speaker 1: Like I never got to just get away with things 198 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,640 Speaker 1: like that. So it's a kind of a tricky one 199 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 1: to think about. Like, if you find a way to 200 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,600 Speaker 1: measure this, please let me know. I think it would 201 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,719 Speaker 1: be a very interesting study. But basically, what we can 202 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: really rely on is kind of speculation, and it's speculation 203 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 1: that I want you to I want you to do 204 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,400 Speaker 1: for yourself. So I'm going to give you a hypothetical 205 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,720 Speaker 1: and you just tell me if this applies to you. 206 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 1: So thinking about your family Christmases, holidays, celebrations. Which child 207 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 1: got more presence, got more attention, got more time, maybe 208 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 1: got more financial help whatever it is like money, it 209 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:24,000 Speaker 1: is usually the youngest. And you know what, quite frankly, 210 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 1: I understand, Like they're the cutest. Everyone likes the little one. 211 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:32,640 Speaker 1: Everyone feels more protective of the youngest because they are 212 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 1: by their age less capable, less mature. So naturally it 213 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 1: might seem that they're being spoiled in comparison to older 214 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:43,480 Speaker 1: siblings at the time. But when the eldest child was 215 00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 1: also at the youngest stage, like at some point the 216 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 1: eldest child is going to be an only child, they 217 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,680 Speaker 1: were probably also spoilt to the same degree. In fact, 218 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:55,040 Speaker 1: I think it's actually the middle child who tends to 219 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:59,160 Speaker 1: miss out the most. Also, like it's not all sunshine 220 00:12:59,559 --> 00:13:03,280 Speaker 1: and rains for the youngest. Like this pattern of behavior 221 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:06,920 Speaker 1: of being spoilt, of maybe being a people being less 222 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,559 Speaker 1: strict with them can also lead to a phenomenon being 223 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 1: known as infantilization. This is something that youngest children you know, 224 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:19,080 Speaker 1: report that they experience even when they leave their childhood 225 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:22,280 Speaker 1: and their teenage years, even when they become adults, they 226 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:26,040 Speaker 1: are still treated like an infant, they are still treated 227 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 1: as less capable by their families because even when they're twenty, 228 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 1: twenty five, thirty fifty, their age may change, but the 229 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:38,440 Speaker 1: position in the family as the youngest doesn't change. And 230 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: this can be a big source of tension for some 231 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,400 Speaker 1: people as they get older and they try and advocate 232 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,719 Speaker 1: for themselves, they try and be independent, they try and 233 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:50,240 Speaker 1: you take charge in the family. Sometimes they are met 234 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 1: with resistance. So there was a large scale internet study 235 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: published in twenty twenty two that looked at over thirty 236 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:02,280 Speaker 1: two thousand individuals and it found at this treatment is 237 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 1: infantilization actually was really really harmful and led to a 238 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,760 Speaker 1: lot of resentment, but also led to a lack of confidence, 239 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 1: sometimes specifically amongst people who were youngest children or who 240 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:18,600 Speaker 1: had reported experiencing experiencing it not just in childhood but 241 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:22,280 Speaker 1: now as adults. Okay, so let's talk about one more 242 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:27,280 Speaker 1: aspect or stereotype of the youngest child personality that you 243 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,560 Speaker 1: may have already heard of. So we talked about how 244 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,360 Speaker 1: they are risk takers, a bit rebellious, how they may 245 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 1: be spoilt. You've probably also heard that they're you know, 246 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:39,360 Speaker 1: their attention seekers, they like to make waves, they like 247 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: to stir the pot, they like to put on the 248 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: dance shows to be a bit ridiculous. I personally think 249 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 1: this is also what makes them so social and really charming. 250 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,080 Speaker 1: You know, the reason why this may be the case 251 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:56,160 Speaker 1: is because the youngest child has had to battle to 252 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,840 Speaker 1: be noticed. You know, yes, they may be spoilt, but 253 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 1: they are also sometimes the second, third, fourth, maybe even 254 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:08,040 Speaker 1: fifth child. Everyone else has kind of already found their role, 255 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 1: you know, the family, maybe at ma's capacity. So the 256 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,680 Speaker 1: youngest wants to find their space, they want to find 257 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,480 Speaker 1: their part, and that can lead to what we would 258 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:22,240 Speaker 1: call attention seeking behavior. But I think it's you know, 259 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 1: deeper than that. I think it's actually identity formation when 260 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:28,120 Speaker 1: you have someone who has already set the bar, when 261 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: you have the eldest children also, just to throw this 262 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:35,720 Speaker 1: stereotype even further out the window, some research actually suggests 263 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 1: that it's actually eldest or only children who typically want 264 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:45,200 Speaker 1: or demand more attention because they, you know, they remember 265 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 1: a time when they got it all. So I don't 266 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 1: think that this like stereotype is entirely true. There you go, 267 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: we debunked some of the common misconceptions about youngest children, 268 00:15:55,880 --> 00:16:00,119 Speaker 1: but also kind of hopefully confirmed some of their wonderful traits, 269 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:04,400 Speaker 1: which is that they're fun, they're outgoing, their entrepreneurial, their 270 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 1: risk takers. We are going to take a short break, 271 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,760 Speaker 1: but when we return, we are going to talk about 272 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:15,720 Speaker 1: whether being a youngest child has, you know, any impact 273 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 1: on dating choices, career choices, and how to deal with 274 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 1: some of the downsides of being the last born. So 275 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:32,800 Speaker 1: stay with us. A big element of birth order theory 276 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 1: that I think fascinates people to no end is how 277 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:41,800 Speaker 1: it can potentially influence some rather big choices and aspects 278 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,600 Speaker 1: of our life, from who we choose to date, who 279 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 1: we choose to marry, who we choose to be friends with, 280 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 1: to profession even and so much more so does being 281 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:55,680 Speaker 1: the youngest child predict much when it comes to these 282 00:16:56,440 --> 00:17:01,840 Speaker 1: large choices. Let's start by talking about relationships. The biggest 283 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,920 Speaker 1: thing you will hear when it comes to dating choices 284 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:08,640 Speaker 1: for youngest children is that they will only choose an 285 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:12,919 Speaker 1: older sibling like a firstborn or an older middle child, 286 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 1: because they tend to appreciate the stability. They want that rock, 287 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,800 Speaker 1: They want someone to calm their wildness. Maybe and for 288 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:25,159 Speaker 1: their partner who is an eldest child or an older child. 289 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 1: They are very responsible, so they appreciate the spontaneity. They 290 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 1: like to be with someone who can help them see 291 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:36,960 Speaker 1: things differently and kind of let loose. That's particularly the case. 292 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,720 Speaker 1: You know, some people would suggest for youngest sons who 293 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:44,760 Speaker 1: are heterosexual, they may be more inclined to date eldest daughters. 294 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:49,919 Speaker 1: Now let me say this, this has absolutely been the 295 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,960 Speaker 1: case of my own life. Like my boyfriend of almost 296 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,199 Speaker 1: two years, he is a younger son. All of my 297 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 1: best friends who are eldest daughters are dating younger sons. 298 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:02,280 Speaker 1: And this is why I find it so rewarding. My 299 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:08,439 Speaker 1: boyfriend is just so chill like. He is so chill, 300 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:14,639 Speaker 1: no drama, all fun, all outgoing, clear headed. And for 301 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:18,840 Speaker 1: someone who is quite anxious, who really overthinks everything, who 302 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,240 Speaker 1: is a perfectionist and I feel like I need to 303 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,199 Speaker 1: be in control, he really levels me out in like 304 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:27,719 Speaker 1: the perfect complimentary way. It's like, you know how they 305 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:31,879 Speaker 1: say opposites attract, Like we feel the parts of the 306 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,359 Speaker 1: other person's personality that they can't feel themselves. And I 307 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:39,600 Speaker 1: really feel like that has been the case. And obviously 308 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,719 Speaker 1: it's not just birth order theory. It's a lot of 309 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 1: other factors that have contributed to us being together. But 310 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:50,560 Speaker 1: you know, like he has older sisters, so that probably 311 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,879 Speaker 1: also helped. But you know, when I hear this idea 312 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:58,840 Speaker 1: of like eldest daughter's younger sons, I'm always like, ooh, 313 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:02,400 Speaker 1: I hate to say it, but it applies only children 314 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:06,919 Speaker 1: and last borns. So only children and youngest children also 315 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,919 Speaker 1: balance each other out really really well for some reason. 316 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,480 Speaker 1: So I heard this really fascinating interview with this psychologist 317 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 1: and she was talking about why this is the case, 318 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,439 Speaker 1: and she said, it really has to do with the 319 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:23,240 Speaker 1: fact that firstborns and only children are kind of cut 320 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,160 Speaker 1: from the same cloth. So if you're a youngest child 321 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,400 Speaker 1: and you like eldest children, like that's who you kind 322 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 1: of end up dating. A lot of only children are 323 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 1: very very similar. They're very self reliant, they're expected to succeed, 324 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,240 Speaker 1: and then you have the younger child who brings like 325 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:44,080 Speaker 1: the liveliness and the creativity to the relationships. So again 326 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 1: it helps the counteracts in a really specific way. So 327 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,959 Speaker 1: I think whilst you know, younger siblings are very much 328 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 1: risk takers, they're entrepreneurial, sometimes they also kind of fly 329 00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:00,679 Speaker 1: by the seat of their pants, kind of makes it 330 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:05,399 Speaker 1: chaotic if two youngest siblings are dating, because someone needs 331 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,840 Speaker 1: to be have that kind of organization or part of 332 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: their brain at the forefront, Like someone needs to be 333 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:15,679 Speaker 1: somewhat forward thinking, somewhat responsible, And if you have like 334 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,720 Speaker 1: two youngest siblings together, yeah, it can be explosive. Like 335 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,879 Speaker 1: you're both risk takers, you're both outgoing, but sometimes you 336 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,000 Speaker 1: need like that anchor. So that is what birth order 337 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:30,399 Speaker 1: theory and position might mean for dating. Again, this is 338 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,800 Speaker 1: no like, this is not a restrictive rule. If you 339 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,040 Speaker 1: can find someone that you love and you care about, 340 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,200 Speaker 1: like doesn't matter, doesn't matter where they were born, who 341 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,479 Speaker 1: they were like, what position in the family. Like that 342 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 1: kind of love is rare enough. So don't listen to 343 00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:47,359 Speaker 1: this and look at your own life and say, oh 344 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:51,199 Speaker 1: my god, I'm dating a youngest child and I am 345 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 1: a youngest child, like we should break up. No, please 346 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,879 Speaker 1: don't do that. Please don't do that because of me, 347 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:59,159 Speaker 1: because it's like it's one of many, many things. So 348 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:03,120 Speaker 1: we've already spoken about how youngest children take more risks, 349 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: so that makes them, you know, business leaders, startup founder, 350 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:10,840 Speaker 1: is quite entrepreneurial. But really there haven't been any long 351 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:16,960 Speaker 1: term studies on birth order and career prospects, which I 352 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:21,040 Speaker 1: don't know. I think that that would be really phenomenal 353 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:23,800 Speaker 1: for all like the somewhat controversy around birth order theory, 354 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,720 Speaker 1: I feel like a study like that could really maybe 355 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,480 Speaker 1: silence or prove some of the doubts. And it would 356 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,439 Speaker 1: be so fascinating to do, like a longitudinal research study 357 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:38,560 Speaker 1: where you interview like people at twelve, at nineteen, and 358 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,840 Speaker 1: then at thirty or some point in time, and see 359 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:45,440 Speaker 1: what careers they ended up choosing. But looking at our 360 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 1: profile again of youngest children, their outgoing, social rebellious, rule changes, charming, 361 00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 1: maybe a little bit attention seeking. Even those negative qualities 362 00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:58,080 Speaker 1: are assets, the assets when it comes to your career. 363 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 1: Someone with these traits is more likely to thrive in 364 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:08,560 Speaker 1: a profession that involves performance, leadership, persuasion, risk taking, so 365 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:14,720 Speaker 1: things like entertainment sales, being a startup founder, investment banking, 366 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:20,360 Speaker 1: and investigative journalist. A lobbyist like someone who really pushes bounds, 367 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,200 Speaker 1: someone who isn't afraid to be, you know, perhaps a 368 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 1: little bit more out there than your average Joe. I 369 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,080 Speaker 1: think about my youngest sister as an example of this 370 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:33,080 Speaker 1: all the time, Like she is so creative, but she 371 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 1: also thinks and dreams so much bigger than me. You know, 372 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,959 Speaker 1: I am very overly cautious. My middle sister is just 373 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 1: like the chillest person ever. Like she's an athlete, so 374 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,680 Speaker 1: she's very focused, but she's also just like, yeah, whatever, 375 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 1: I'm going to go with the flow. Whatever happens will happen. 376 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,119 Speaker 1: My little sister, though, is like I Am going to 377 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,960 Speaker 1: conquer the world. And I'm always the one who's like, 378 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,200 Speaker 1: oh my god, but have you considered this, like this 379 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,560 Speaker 1: could go wrong? Like have you considered this like this 380 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,800 Speaker 1: could this could be a problem, Like what are you 381 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 1: gonna do about that? And she's kind of like, Okay, 382 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 1: I'll deal with it. Like she really has that vibe 383 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 1: of like it's gonna work out for me, and it's 384 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:13,120 Speaker 1: something I really really love about her. The youngest child 385 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:17,240 Speaker 1: definitely has their you know, with all their strengths, there's 386 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,280 Speaker 1: also things they struggle with in relation to like the 387 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:24,840 Speaker 1: family dynamic, and we've talked about them a little bit already, 388 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,440 Speaker 1: but one we haven't spoken about is like a sense 389 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 1: of competition and feeling left out by their other siblings. 390 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:35,520 Speaker 1: So especially when you're a child, like you forever want 391 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:38,080 Speaker 1: to be part of the big kids games and the 392 00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:42,760 Speaker 1: big kids' activities, but you know, you're just a little 393 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 1: the little annoying one. You're the one that's like going 394 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,000 Speaker 1: to ruin it. You're like not quite at the level 395 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,280 Speaker 1: that your oldest siblings want you to be at. And 396 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 1: it can mean that you feel, you know, quite excluded 397 00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:01,640 Speaker 1: and quite like almost in competition with yourself to get 398 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:06,440 Speaker 1: an invite to this like exclusive childhood party. I think 399 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,560 Speaker 1: they sometimes feel looked down upon. You can feel really 400 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:14,880 Speaker 1: compared to your older sibling or overshadowed, not because you're 401 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,679 Speaker 1: less capable, just because you've simply had less time. Like 402 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:23,000 Speaker 1: having older siblings is like having a moving marker ahead 403 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:27,240 Speaker 1: of you that is impossible to reach, Like even if 404 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,639 Speaker 1: you do somehow reach it, like there's always going to 405 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,120 Speaker 1: be you know, you're always going to be looking back 406 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,800 Speaker 1: and seeing what the elder sibling is doing, and there 407 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,800 Speaker 1: is a sense of competition, like they were the first 408 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,680 Speaker 1: one to graduate high school. They may have been the 409 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,840 Speaker 1: first one to go to university, the first one to 410 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,439 Speaker 1: do all of these things that you can only just 411 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:49,240 Speaker 1: do after them, and if you are perhaps not as 412 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:53,320 Speaker 1: intelligent or academically inclined as they are, can feel like 413 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,640 Speaker 1: your parents or your aunts or your uncles or people 414 00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,600 Speaker 1: are looking at you and being like, oh, like you're there. 415 00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:05,560 Speaker 1: How come you're not operating at their level. I have 416 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,679 Speaker 1: found though, that actually this tends to switch up the 417 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,440 Speaker 1: older we get, so the sense of competition in comparison 418 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:14,919 Speaker 1: kind of goes away. And I was talking to my 419 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,200 Speaker 1: friend Steph about this and how she has an older sister, 420 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,160 Speaker 1: and her older sister was like, well, now I compare 421 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,840 Speaker 1: myself to you, like you are doing such cool things, 422 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,480 Speaker 1: and as I'm like approaching thirty, like I kind of 423 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,560 Speaker 1: want your life. And I was like, huh, that's very 424 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,879 Speaker 1: very interesting that you spend your whole childhood wanting to 425 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,680 Speaker 1: be like your older siblings, and then you know your 426 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,440 Speaker 1: elder sibling looks back and is like, I just want 427 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:40,919 Speaker 1: to be where you are, Like I'm so nostalgic, but 428 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:46,240 Speaker 1: also so impressed by you. Final point, and this was 429 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:51,040 Speaker 1: wonderfully described by an article from the Therapeutic Center for 430 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:55,560 Speaker 1: Anxiety and Trauma, and it's the youngest children struggle with 431 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:59,960 Speaker 1: just getting whatever's leftover. And I don't just mean food 432 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:04,040 Speaker 1: or resources or even hand me downs. I'm talking about 433 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:08,440 Speaker 1: roles in the family. The longer a family has been together, 434 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:13,640 Speaker 1: the more rigid every person's role has become. So by 435 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,120 Speaker 1: the time the younger sibling arrives, the family has kind 436 00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:21,760 Speaker 1: of established a pretty consistent and fixed dynamic that more 437 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:25,600 Speaker 1: or less works for everyone involved. So younger siblings may 438 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:29,719 Speaker 1: end up adopting whatever role the family still needs and 439 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:33,119 Speaker 1: still lacks. So if everyone in the family is happy, 440 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:37,159 Speaker 1: go lucky, and really go with the flow, the younger 441 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:41,440 Speaker 1: sibling might fill that gap and become the responsible one. 442 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,480 Speaker 1: Or another scenario, you know, everyone in the family is 443 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,520 Speaker 1: arguing and fighting and there's a lot of tension. The 444 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:51,560 Speaker 1: younger sibling may feel inclined to break the tension by 445 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:55,199 Speaker 1: being the joker or by redirecting the focus of the 446 00:26:55,240 --> 00:27:00,000 Speaker 1: family onto themselves. Also an interesting phenomena that I think 447 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:05,000 Speaker 1: we're noticing maybe more these days is youngest children who 448 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:09,640 Speaker 1: have a significant age gap between themselves and the next 449 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,800 Speaker 1: child up. So people who you know, their parents were 450 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:16,199 Speaker 1: kind of done having kids pretty early and then they 451 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,560 Speaker 1: were surprised by another baby, or they decided you know 452 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:21,960 Speaker 1: a little bit later like, Okay, it doesn't feel like 453 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:26,280 Speaker 1: our family is quite complete, like it does, feels like 454 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,040 Speaker 1: we're missing someone, And they choose to have a child 455 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,240 Speaker 1: much much later on, and in that case, like the 456 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:36,159 Speaker 1: youngest child can take on the personality of an only 457 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,960 Speaker 1: child because it you know, I've heard of age gaps 458 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,280 Speaker 1: of like fifteen twenty years at times like that. That's 459 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,119 Speaker 1: possible these days. So with all of that in mind, 460 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,000 Speaker 1: we can see that being the youngest is quite a 461 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:52,040 Speaker 1: complex experience. How do we overcome some of the challenges. 462 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:56,600 Speaker 1: How do we embrace the strengths as well as the difficulties. 463 00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,880 Speaker 1: I think talking about the first point that I kind 464 00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:01,880 Speaker 1: of made way up the top of this episode, which 465 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:07,480 Speaker 1: was infantialization, being treated like you're incapable or like you 466 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 1: are a child even when you become an adult, I 467 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,560 Speaker 1: think what really needs to happen is at some point 468 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 1: you have to make a very forceful assertion of your independence. 469 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,520 Speaker 1: And whether that is through having a conversation with your 470 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:26,639 Speaker 1: family or moving somewhere like far away, or doing something 471 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:30,560 Speaker 1: that really says like I'm my own person. Most youngest 472 00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:32,960 Speaker 1: children will find that at some point they need to 473 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,600 Speaker 1: address this ongoing sense in their family that they need 474 00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:40,320 Speaker 1: to be protected, they need to be taken care of. 475 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: It is it is actually totally okay to say to 476 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 1: your family, hey, you got me wrong, Like, yep, I 477 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,800 Speaker 1: understand that that is the personality or the person that 478 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:54,240 Speaker 1: you thought I was. I'm not that person anymore, and 479 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,160 Speaker 1: this is who I am. I'm someone who is independent. 480 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,120 Speaker 1: I am someone who is adventurous and who can take 481 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 1: care of myself. I want you to I want you 482 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:06,240 Speaker 1: to treat me that way, Like that's actually totally totally okay. 483 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:11,320 Speaker 1: I think also sometimes there is a point of separation 484 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:15,720 Speaker 1: that is needed, a separation between the parents or even 485 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,920 Speaker 1: your siblings, whether it's through solo traveling, whether it is 486 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:22,080 Speaker 1: through moving away, whether it is just through spending a 487 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:25,400 Speaker 1: little bit less time with them. A lot of youngest 488 00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:27,760 Speaker 1: children that I've spoken to or that I've heard speak 489 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:30,360 Speaker 1: about this in interviews have been like that was the 490 00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,880 Speaker 1: real thing that helped me break out of like the 491 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:36,160 Speaker 1: stereotype that my own family was kind of perpetrating. The 492 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:37,920 Speaker 1: next big thing that I think we need to address 493 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:42,400 Speaker 1: is this sense of competition and comparison wooft. That's a 494 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:45,400 Speaker 1: hard one and it's not like it's comparison with a 495 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 1: random stranger on the internet. Like you can't really say 496 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 1: to yourself, oh, there's gaps in that narrative, because the 497 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,360 Speaker 1: chances are is that you know what's happening with your 498 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:58,960 Speaker 1: eldest and older siblings. That's what makes the comparison sting 499 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 1: even more is that they are such a close counterpart 500 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,960 Speaker 1: to you. What I say to this is this. What 501 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:07,600 Speaker 1: I say to this is this. This is what I 502 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,160 Speaker 1: want to say about it. Like I said, it can 503 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,360 Speaker 1: feel like there is this constant, constant marker like ahead 504 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:15,680 Speaker 1: of you that you can never catch up to because 505 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:19,280 Speaker 1: of your age. I want you to really really sit 506 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,760 Speaker 1: and reflect on what it is you're chasing and what 507 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,800 Speaker 1: is this end goal that you're working towards, because when 508 00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:28,360 Speaker 1: you really start to think about it, what you're really 509 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:32,960 Speaker 1: chasing is someone else's journey. But also it's like this 510 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:37,000 Speaker 1: race to an imaginary finish line, and the imagin finish 511 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 1: line is like the end of your life. So it's 512 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,160 Speaker 1: okay to take things a little bit slower and just 513 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,160 Speaker 1: remember that, like, it's not about timelines, it's not about 514 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:50,200 Speaker 1: what other people are doing. This is really like all 515 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:52,520 Speaker 1: you have, like your journey and your life is all 516 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,840 Speaker 1: you have, and you are totally entitled to figure it 517 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 1: out as you go along, to take your time to 518 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:01,239 Speaker 1: do things that are different regardless of you. Know, if 519 00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 1: your whole family is very academic and you decide you 520 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,080 Speaker 1: want to go do something else, like, that's okay. If 521 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,560 Speaker 1: your whole family are creatives and you've decided you want 522 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,760 Speaker 1: to be an accountant, like, that's also okay. You're allowed 523 00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:15,959 Speaker 1: to assert your own preferences for your life and follow 524 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:20,400 Speaker 1: them deeply and commit to them deeply. Even if there 525 00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,720 Speaker 1: is this person ahead of you who you think that 526 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 1: you should be like, like, they're doing that's their journey, 527 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:30,680 Speaker 1: that's their experience. Don't let their experience overshadow the one 528 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,400 Speaker 1: that you want to have as well. My final reflection 529 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,640 Speaker 1: is that you know, youngest children face a lot of 530 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,720 Speaker 1: unique challenges. They also have a lot of gifts. How 531 00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,360 Speaker 1: can you use that to your advantage? What were the 532 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:48,160 Speaker 1: positives that you heard in this episode that you can say, wow, like, 533 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,200 Speaker 1: I have this ability more than some other people that 534 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:55,520 Speaker 1: I would know to be someone who sees risk differently, 535 00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:59,720 Speaker 1: Be someone who is okay with challenging the rules, Be 536 00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:02,480 Speaker 1: someone who thinks outside the box, who is outgoing, Like 537 00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:07,840 Speaker 1: those are huge advantages. Take those advantages and deal with them. 538 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,680 Speaker 1: Whatever it is you wish, Like that is you, you 539 00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:15,560 Speaker 1: have this beautiful personality. You are probably a wonderful person. Honestly, 540 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,720 Speaker 1: I have such a soft spot for youngest children, So 541 00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:21,800 Speaker 1: let's just yeah, I just think they're amazing, Like they're 542 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,600 Speaker 1: some of my favorite people to be friends with, and 543 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:26,320 Speaker 1: I love them very very much. So if you're a 544 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 1: youngest child, yeah, big claps for you. I think you're 545 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,719 Speaker 1: I probably would really get along with you. That's what 546 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:36,880 Speaker 1: history has told me. And I want to know if 547 00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:39,600 Speaker 1: this resonates with you. So this is kind of like 548 00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:44,320 Speaker 1: my own research, like this is this accurate looking at 549 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:48,840 Speaker 1: your own life? Do you find yourself reflected in this analysis? 550 00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:52,240 Speaker 1: Or do you think you're someone who is very very different? 551 00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:54,720 Speaker 1: And if you are, if you think you're someone who's 552 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:56,160 Speaker 1: very very different, I want to hear from you just 553 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:58,960 Speaker 1: as much as the people who say this is really 554 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:02,160 Speaker 1: spot on for me, because you know, I'm constantly questioning 555 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 1: this theory as well, and I want to know anecdotally, 556 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,520 Speaker 1: like whether it applies. So I'd love to hear from 557 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,200 Speaker 1: you if there's anything else that you think stands out 558 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 1: with you and your youngest child friends, let me know 559 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,240 Speaker 1: that as well. And I hope you just enjoyed this episode. 560 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:18,120 Speaker 1: I hope you learned something. Make sure to leave a 561 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:21,720 Speaker 1: five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening, 562 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,320 Speaker 1: drop a comment down below if you're a youngest child 563 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:28,040 Speaker 1: and what you have learned from this episode or what 564 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,520 Speaker 1: resonates with you, and we'll be back next week with 565 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:35,959 Speaker 1: another episode. Until then, stay safe, stay kind, be gentle 566 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,040 Speaker 1: to yourself, and we will talk soon.