1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional. Oh professional. 2 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:39,519 Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode of the PhD podcast. 3 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 1: It's your Girl and I'm very excited about this week's episode. 4 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 1: Before we begin, please make sure to follow me on 5 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:49,479 Speaker 1: on Instagram at the Professional, home Girl, at the PC podcast, 6 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:52,159 Speaker 1: and last not least at and a Beauty. Please keep 7 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 1: in mind all of my guests are anonymous. So let's 8 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:58,319 Speaker 1: begin this week's show. So to my guests, how are you? 9 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:07,119 Speaker 1: I know you're a little nervous. Yeah, I've never done 10 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:14,200 Speaker 1: a podcast before. Um, and yeah, thank you for giving me. 11 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: So before we dive into your story, what are you? 12 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,080 Speaker 1: What are some misconceptions you want to clear up about 13 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaker 1: being a man of the transgender community. Um, some that's 14 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 1: a good so. I think some misconceptions is that the 15 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 1: first thing to be a man looks a very certain way. UM. 16 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:37,559 Speaker 1: And some of the ways, like people immediately want people 17 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:41,319 Speaker 1: really feel like they can ask me, um, personal questions 18 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:45,679 Speaker 1: about like my autonomy of my body that um, like 19 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 1: how about my body to look? Particularly want to know 20 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 1: like if you want to get bottom surgery or not. 21 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 1: I'm like one bottom surgery doesn't make you more or 22 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 1: less of a man um in any we call them 23 00:01:55,360 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 1: since uh this is lexicon in the like LGBT community 24 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: called cis gender, which just means like anyone who was 25 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 1: you know, they were born and the doctors said they're 26 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,720 Speaker 1: male or female and they agreed with that. Um. So 27 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 1: a lot of times people are like, okay, so if 28 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,679 Speaker 1: you're gonna be a dude, right, you're gonna get a 29 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 1: bottom surgery and that's gonna make you a Roman. I'm like, 30 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,960 Speaker 1: I know guys who have you know, tonically they have 31 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:27,520 Speaker 1: penises and cox or whatever. They don't show up for 32 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,959 Speaker 1: their family, don't show up for their kids, and you're 33 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:34,040 Speaker 1: saying they're more Roman than I am. So not really. 34 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,000 Speaker 1: So those A's one type of misconception, Um that you 35 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,799 Speaker 1: gotta have certain body parts in order the b e 36 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 1: men um. And then the other is we want to 37 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,840 Speaker 1: be a man in the same way that men right 38 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 1: now are told to be. Um, like you know this 39 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 1: our kick an outdated way of thinking that men have 40 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:56,239 Speaker 1: to be never show ESPRESSI emotions. Um, they gotta be hard, 41 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: they gotta always want to be the financial bread winner 42 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: of every relationship there they have, and well, you know, 43 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 1: I want to make my own bread, um, and I 44 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: wanted that to take care of my family and friends 45 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:11,079 Speaker 1: like I'm here for like my my partners, um and 46 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 1: if I'm going to have their own money, so that 47 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:15,360 Speaker 1: we can redistribute that to more people and that we 48 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 1: can go in bigger and better vacations like bring your coin. 49 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 1: I'll bring my coin and let's flip it together. Um 50 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 1: so did I? Yeah? So ideas of what manhood looks like? 51 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:33,120 Speaker 1: What are some challenges challenges that you face since you transition. Um, 52 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,280 Speaker 1: I think I've been well. I know I've been blessed 53 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 1: and lucky in that. Um. So the medical hospitals and 54 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: insurances can be a real bitch um period um industry 55 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:52,480 Speaker 1: for trans folks. Um, I did a lot of Yo. 56 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 1: It's crazy when I first, um try transitioning or get 57 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:02,240 Speaker 1: in breast augmentation. So you know how I had. I 58 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 1: went from like a forty two double d uh to 59 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 1: a chest that makes me feel real secure in my body. Um. 60 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 1: There's top surgery, which means removal of your chest. But 61 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,240 Speaker 1: there are some women right who have breasts so that 62 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:20,800 Speaker 1: it hurts their back, so they get him reduced before 63 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:23,920 Speaker 1: I was, before I can get top surgery I thought 64 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 1: maybe I just want to breast reduction and want them 65 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:30,279 Speaker 1: to adopt. And they're like, now you're too big for this, um, 66 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,919 Speaker 1: And I was like, excuse me. They're like, yeah, you know, 67 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:39,200 Speaker 1: you gotta lose more weight. And I'm a husky, handsome individual. Um, 68 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:48,280 Speaker 1: you are handsome, you know. I gotta because I was 69 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:51,279 Speaker 1: looking at a picture because I saw what you were 70 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,839 Speaker 1: before you transition as a young woman to where you 71 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: had now as a man. And you was like, I 72 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:58,880 Speaker 1: mean you was brief as a woman, but you are 73 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:02,400 Speaker 1: handsome as a man. So I agree with you. I 74 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 1: think making me a little dogskin to my little blush 75 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:11,040 Speaker 1: is just coming out with my cheek bones. We'll go ahead, 76 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:17,840 Speaker 1: go ahead, Um, what is it? So I'm husky and handsome. Yes. 77 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,159 Speaker 1: And but when they told me that I had to 78 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:23,279 Speaker 1: lose more weight, I was like I started. You know, 79 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,240 Speaker 1: then I couldn't get. I got. I fell into suppression 80 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,719 Speaker 1: because basically were like, you can't, you can't, um, And 81 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,520 Speaker 1: we refused to give you the service you need to 82 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: feel like yourself. Um. And they blamed it on the 83 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 1: fact that I was large. But when I did more research, 84 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,760 Speaker 1: my my weight was actually perfectly fine and there are 85 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,680 Speaker 1: people who were bigger than I am who could get 86 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:44,360 Speaker 1: the surgery. So there are doctors who are out there 87 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:50,080 Speaker 1: just misinforming people, and that's tragic, do you know what. 88 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 1: I'm glad they're doing it because if a person I 89 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,160 Speaker 1: want to operate on me, I won't be bothered because 90 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 1: I'm trying to live. So maybe that's a blessing in 91 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 1: the sky, you know, because if I would have sucked 92 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,200 Speaker 1: me up, and I'm pretty to be sucked up shore. 93 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,919 Speaker 1: So when, so when did you realize that you were 94 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:11,599 Speaker 1: born in the wrong body? Um? So I actually I 95 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 1: think it was born in the right body. Um. I 96 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 1: think there's there's there's that narrative like being wrong in 97 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 1: the wrong body. But I think I was born rightly 98 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:23,560 Speaker 1: so in a female's body, um, because it gave me 99 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,120 Speaker 1: all the lessons to be a better dude and to 100 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,680 Speaker 1: be a better man. Um. I don't think I would 101 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 1: have been as um per, have as much empathy and 102 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:37,600 Speaker 1: be as aware of like if people are feeling isolated 103 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 1: or lonely when in groups settings, or be as sympathetic. Um. 104 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,680 Speaker 1: Two folks who are more marginalized as myself, right, like 105 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 1: I'm able body, like I can walk in the world. Um, 106 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,359 Speaker 1: my health is like pretty dope. Um. Some people are 107 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,280 Speaker 1: like are in wheelches, are disabled and artistic and different 108 00:06:55,920 --> 00:07:00,320 Speaker 1: levels of disabilities. So I think the fact that I 109 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 1: was born that body gave me a little bit more 110 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,359 Speaker 1: of a better like to give me more empathy, to 111 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,040 Speaker 1: be like, oh, I feel what you feel in terms 112 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,560 Speaker 1: of being like left out of the conversations that I 113 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:14,920 Speaker 1: feel like. But I realized that this was in the 114 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 1: body I was supposed to I was meant to continue 115 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:20,720 Speaker 1: living my life and um, and I figured that out 116 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 1: when I repressed the shot out of that. Because I'm Haitian, 117 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 1: I'm for generation yo. Now bull it, No, you my 118 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:38,480 Speaker 1: second Haitian guests, Well go ahead. I really want to 119 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 1: start a Queer Caribbean party, a Caribbeans parting. Yo. We 120 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,480 Speaker 1: out here. But you know, I foundly think what are you? 121 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:53,960 Speaker 1: What are you doing? Um? So, being Haitian American, growing 122 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:58,360 Speaker 1: up with Haitian immigrant parents like there was, I didn't 123 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 1: allow myself too think it was okay to be trangent 124 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,960 Speaker 1: up until my late twenties. So between and I started, 125 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: I was even organizing as a youth around um safe 126 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: spaces for queer folks for police probility, um, and so 127 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 1: trans civil rights when I was nineteen, But like, I 128 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 1: couldn't allow myself to feel like I was trans until 129 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 1: and be okay with that until I was twenty six 130 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:31,320 Speaker 1: and realized that I knew what I was the eight 131 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 1: Oh wow, m hm, and how did you know? At 132 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:41,199 Speaker 1: the age of eight, Um, I like my breast reforming 133 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,360 Speaker 1: and I was like trying to hold them back. I 134 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 1: would just sleep with my hands on them and be like, Okay, 135 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 1: you're gonna go back inside. What are you doing? Um? 136 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 1: I just like I wanted to walk. I mean actually 137 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 1: is a big part of the Caribbean culture. And I 138 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 1: always wanted to wear my dad's stuff and my brother's claws, um. 139 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,960 Speaker 1: And I would just sneak into their closet and put 140 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 1: everything on. And for a while I was like, maybe 141 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,680 Speaker 1: I just want to look like dressed like them. And 142 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 1: then I was like, oh, actually, I just I want 143 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,960 Speaker 1: this body and I want this like to walk in 144 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,080 Speaker 1: the world like them. Um. And as I got older, 145 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,400 Speaker 1: I was like, I want to work walk in the 146 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 1: world like a man, like with masculinity that's like nurturing, 147 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 1: not just like foul masculinity that's too fragile, um and 148 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:37,520 Speaker 1: like hurts people. You know. That's when assist dudes or 149 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,000 Speaker 1: just dudes are like attracted to trans women, they get 150 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 1: all violent. I don't want to be that type of dude. 151 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,960 Speaker 1: I don't want me to do that. Like UM beats 152 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,760 Speaker 1: women right or does that doesn't show up for their 153 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,960 Speaker 1: friends and ghost is on people when they say they 154 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 1: like them, Like, but yeah, so you decided you want 155 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 1: to go for with your transition in your twenties, right, 156 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 1: yeah I did about that? Um? So I did. Um. 157 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:15,240 Speaker 1: I decided and wanted to go forward. UM. What happened 158 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: was my one of my best friends, Maria, was getting 159 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:23,720 Speaker 1: married and she asked me to be a bride'smaid and 160 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 1: it was a super meaningful ask um, and I was 161 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,400 Speaker 1: like really nervous. I was like, um, so I called 162 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 1: her up and I was like, hey, so can I wear? 163 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 1: Because I had any more dressed in like years and 164 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: I really didn't want to um, and I was really afraid, 165 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,679 Speaker 1: Like you know, bridesmaids, that's the look for them. UM. 166 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,480 Speaker 1: And I was really nervous, and I was like, hey, 167 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 1: are you can? I we are a round for I 168 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 1: was like basically trying to give all these suggestions of 169 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,000 Speaker 1: things that looked like a pens that would make me 170 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,120 Speaker 1: feel comfortable. And she was like, wait, do you just 171 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,320 Speaker 1: want to wear pants? I was like, um yeah, She's 172 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,319 Speaker 1: like where what makes you feel comfortable? Like my only 173 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,360 Speaker 1: requirements that you're at my wedding, my bridesmaid, right, I 174 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:12,200 Speaker 1: just want you there, um. And that was like a 175 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 1: catalyst for me to be like, yeah, I just can 176 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:19,400 Speaker 1: keep being who you are, um, And literally I went 177 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:22,560 Speaker 1: to the doctors like, um. From that it was like 178 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 1: keeping who you are, your friends will love you, um. 179 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:30,200 Speaker 1: And from there I just I was like literally already 180 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 1: in the process of looking and research into breast augmentation, 181 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 1: which is a little different from top surgery. The breast 182 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 1: augmentation is um when you have a large breasts and 183 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 1: you want to just reduce the size and of it 184 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 1: and still have it. But I remember my doctor was 185 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 1: pretty fat phobic, um, and they were like, you have 186 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,880 Speaker 1: to lose more weight in order to get the surgery. 187 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,640 Speaker 1: And you know, they had to be a blessing in 188 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 1: the ski, right because breast augmentation or reduce my breast 189 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,120 Speaker 1: wasn't really what I wanted, um, but I want it 190 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:04,840 Speaker 1: was top surgery um. And there's doctor who miss give 191 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaker 1: me incorrect information because later on I had to find 192 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 1: out that, you know, my way had nothing to do 193 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 1: with me getting the surgery. I was actually a fine 194 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 1: candidate for it. Um. I like fell into depression um, 195 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 1: and I had to do more work and it was like, oh, 196 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 1: I just I want to be free. And um I 197 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,880 Speaker 1: went in and moved to New York and was able 198 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,320 Speaker 1: to get a top surgery. And so it was really 199 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 1: like a whole a whole lot of like I'm learning 200 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,240 Speaker 1: about myself, like being okay to give myself what I want. 201 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:42,200 Speaker 1: But the catalyst was being act to be part of 202 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 1: someone's beautiful day and wanted to be my best self 203 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 1: and like celebrate her and celebrate myself and be reminded 204 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 1: that to come as my to come as myself. Um. 205 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 1: And that's when I started trying. Yeah yeah, um, I 206 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:03,439 Speaker 1: mean alms for the past two months to two and 207 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:08,800 Speaker 1: a half months. No, um, and that's going really good, 208 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 1: really good. Um. What does it look like? So in 209 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,120 Speaker 1: two a half months, it's not like a dramatic physical 210 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:22,439 Speaker 1: outwardly changed, um, but you do see like internal changes, 211 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:28,120 Speaker 1: like mood changes, um. From taking it, you know, eventually 212 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,720 Speaker 1: my voice again deeper right now more than time voice. 213 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:36,920 Speaker 1: Um so but you only like it's like second puberty 214 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 1: that happens. Um so small incremental changes, So what is 215 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:47,439 Speaker 1: taking The sacerond has reminded me of patience and that 216 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:54,199 Speaker 1: and that things will come in time. Um. Yeah, so 217 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,560 Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to it. Have you seen any changes 218 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:03,760 Speaker 1: so far? Even I know you just started, but yeah, 219 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,920 Speaker 1: not so much changeing, Like my physical appearance hasn't changed 220 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: so much, which is like kind of a god sent 221 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 1: in a way, right, because the more trending not conforming 222 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:14,960 Speaker 1: you are, the more that you don't pass or look 223 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:20,120 Speaker 1: um binary to like what people know and feel comfortable 224 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 1: with in terms of like what's the posted, like a 225 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 1: guy wants the post like a woman. Um, you're more 226 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 1: likely to get harassed in the streets um by you know, 227 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 1: fragile people um um my face yeah right, not people 228 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:44,600 Speaker 1: desruct people. Um. What I have noticed is like a 229 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 1: little bit of my jawline is more defined than previous 230 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,880 Speaker 1: and like more of a softer round or shape my 231 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 1: face before and not my my jawlines like more pronounced, um, 232 00:14:56,280 --> 00:15:01,840 Speaker 1: more defined, which it's really cute and really hot. Um. 233 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,920 Speaker 1: So the one thing I love about your story is 234 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 1: because I was on your Instagram page and I loved 235 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,480 Speaker 1: how honest and transparent you were about having your breath removed. 236 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 1: And like I told you before, like I wasn't becoming 237 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,080 Speaker 1: emotional because you did something with your friends where you 238 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,200 Speaker 1: had your friends sign your breast. I guess they put 239 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 1: like affirmations and really nice things in your breast and 240 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,800 Speaker 1: you had it on there for like three days, and 241 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,680 Speaker 1: I thought that was like a really nice way of 242 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 1: saying goodbye to your breast before you had your surgery. 243 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 1: Tell us about that, UM, So telling my story has 244 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: become really really important to me. UM. I still struggle 245 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:50,000 Speaker 1: with it, um because I'm Haitian American, and like being 246 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: trans and Caribbean and Haitian is not something we often see. UM. 247 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 1: I I wanted to, like I used to seduce, I 248 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 1: did like a little bit of stand up comedy um 249 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 1: early twenties, and I wanted to do something like that again. 250 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 1: But um, I didn't make the time, and I think 251 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,080 Speaker 1: it was still pretty scared so to be that public. 252 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:16,040 Speaker 1: But I still wanted a way to like acknowledge the 253 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: fact that I've had these breasts for twenty nine years 254 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 1: and as much as like I didn't want them to 255 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 1: be part of my future, I did want to show 256 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 1: respects to them about what they offered me um and 257 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:32,400 Speaker 1: how they like taught me how to move in the world. Um. Yeah. 258 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 1: So it was I'm ridiculous and I'm really extra that 259 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 1: I realized it's just ridiculous. Um. But so what had 260 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,160 Speaker 1: happened was I was like, it would be a great 261 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,680 Speaker 1: way of like letting my letting myself, let go of 262 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,000 Speaker 1: my breast um and help it help myself move forward. 263 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:55,120 Speaker 1: And I asked my friends who were just my friends 264 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,120 Speaker 1: are legit. They're like the best people I know, and 265 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:03,360 Speaker 1: they literally helped me with my confidence with like I 266 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 1: was accepting myself and reminded myself that's amazing. Um. And 267 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 1: I just asked them and I was like, hey, we 268 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:14,919 Speaker 1: signed my we're semi breasts um. And they were like, 269 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:18,160 Speaker 1: show me a Toddy's right now. And I was alright 270 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:23,919 Speaker 1: excited moth of them um Um. I did it the 271 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 1: first time with dry race, which was not smart because 272 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,959 Speaker 1: the dry race was like, you know, you're like moving 273 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,760 Speaker 1: and talking and so kind of would smudge off and 274 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,760 Speaker 1: so I'd have to retrace what my friends wrote, um. 275 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:39,120 Speaker 1: But then later on I do with permanent marker and 276 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: just had my friends and they were just so down 277 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,639 Speaker 1: for it. Like the messages they wrote were really sweet 278 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:51,639 Speaker 1: and it was like be unapologetic about who you are, like, um, 279 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:56,560 Speaker 1: there are some funny ones like uh, I wanna miss 280 00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 1: these days. Oh And then I took photos of them 281 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:04,639 Speaker 1: and what I actually want to end up doing is 282 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:08,400 Speaker 1: put them in my room like a whole like mini series, 283 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 1: just reminding myself like, hey, um, look out for you've come. Um. 284 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,920 Speaker 1: But I'm also still thinking about that because that might 285 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:20,240 Speaker 1: be like, yeah, I'm still thinking about let's do with them. Um. 286 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:24,199 Speaker 1: But it's a really good way of just like, you know, 287 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:28,959 Speaker 1: I was someone with breast for like most of my life, UM, 288 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,560 Speaker 1: and I didn't want to just be like cool by UM. 289 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 1: I wanted to be like, hey, good looking now, hey guys. 290 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 1: The PHG podcast is sponsored by eban a Beauty. Eban 291 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:41,639 Speaker 1: a Beauty is a beauty company that I found it 292 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 1: and our very first product is Alright Beautiful make lashes 293 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,639 Speaker 1: that you can wear up to five times, yes, twenty 294 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,159 Speaker 1: five times with the proper care um. For more information, 295 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:54,520 Speaker 1: visit E b O and E beauty dot Com use 296 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,360 Speaker 1: called PhD tend to receive some coins off at check out, 297 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,080 Speaker 1: and trust me, all these lashes are really beauty. For 298 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,920 Speaker 1: like I have been receiving nothing but really good reviews 299 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: on them, So make sure you go to the website 300 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,680 Speaker 1: website eb and A beauty used the cold And let's 301 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 1: get back to this week's episode. So I feel like 302 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:14,000 Speaker 1: you really, like, did you suffer from gender dysphoria? And 303 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,000 Speaker 1: the reason why I feel like it didn't really affect 304 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: you as much from the outside looking in, because like 305 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:20,919 Speaker 1: you said earlier, you felt like you were you was 306 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,639 Speaker 1: born to the right body and the thing that you 307 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 1: did with your breath and how you have to accept 308 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,600 Speaker 1: the fact that you know you have to love your 309 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,879 Speaker 1: breast in order to move forward. So did you suffer 310 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:36,399 Speaker 1: from gender dysphoria? Really? Yeah? Um? So gender spora, I 311 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:39,280 Speaker 1: think as like, looks like a lot of things. Um, 312 00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:43,240 Speaker 1: the more I learned about it within myself and as 313 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:47,720 Speaker 1: I read stories and have conversations with folks in the 314 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:53,840 Speaker 1: gender nonconforming and transgender community, UM my gender dysphoria looked 315 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,879 Speaker 1: like me not being able to give myself what I needed, 316 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 1: And um, it looked like cold of pendency trades. It 317 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:06,280 Speaker 1: looks like putting other people's first, and particularly it looked 318 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:10,280 Speaker 1: like me not taking photos of myself. UM, like I was, 319 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:14,000 Speaker 1: I love my I'm pretty like extroverted and go out 320 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:18,320 Speaker 1: often and UM, I love fashion and love how that 321 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:24,000 Speaker 1: makes um How that tells a story about who you are. UM. 322 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:28,399 Speaker 1: But I always would like only go halfway to that point. UM, 323 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:34,119 Speaker 1: I would be like I'd be robust and um, robust 324 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 1: and out there. But there was always this part of 325 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 1: me that felt like, don't do too much though you 326 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 1: really in um, because then people would see you. And 327 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,280 Speaker 1: I wasn't really afraid of people seeing me, and seeing 328 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:49,159 Speaker 1: me was like man like seeing me as a chance 329 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:54,600 Speaker 1: guise as trans masculine person. Um, my agenda is for you. Um. 330 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,120 Speaker 1: I it took me, like I said, like it took 331 00:20:57,119 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 1: me wants to love my breast, but I had really 332 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:04,679 Speaker 1: large breast prior to surgery, and it just wouldn't make me. 333 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,400 Speaker 1: UM when we feel good in terms of like what 334 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:11,680 Speaker 1: clothes I wore, I I had to be taking. It 335 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:15,240 Speaker 1: took a really long time into like fine clothes and 336 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:18,400 Speaker 1: to have a mindset with clothes that would kind of 337 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 1: minimize minimize the minimize my breast um. But what but 338 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,280 Speaker 1: even more than that, gender sporior for me looked like 339 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:29,960 Speaker 1: having to see through myself when I looked in the 340 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,879 Speaker 1: mirror to see who I really was. So when people 341 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,800 Speaker 1: look in the mirror where we think about like friends, 342 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:39,000 Speaker 1: plan on, like the idea of like self and you 343 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:42,520 Speaker 1: can always see yourself the second you look in the mirror. 344 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,959 Speaker 1: I couldn't see myself, but I looked in the mirror, 345 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 1: I would like have to look deeply, deeply into the 346 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,680 Speaker 1: mirror and kind of search. Um. So that's what it 347 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 1: looked like for me gendersporia after the removal my breast um, 348 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,800 Speaker 1: and once I realized like that's what I wanted, I 349 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,919 Speaker 1: was able to look at myself in the mirror and 350 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,040 Speaker 1: more and more get faster. We're finding we're finding myself, 351 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:13,000 Speaker 1: finding who I am. Um. So yeah, that's what it 352 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: looked like for me, like I had it, um and 353 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,960 Speaker 1: it didn't look that way in the world, but like 354 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:22,040 Speaker 1: intimate and intimate spaces in the most intimate parts of myself, 355 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 1: like before going to bed, waking up in the morning, um, 356 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,200 Speaker 1: seeing reflectisical reflections of myself. I had to do more 357 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:31,000 Speaker 1: work than um on how to do this actual lay 358 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,119 Speaker 1: of work or trying to see who I am. And 359 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 1: I know, really, I know before we talked about um 360 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,840 Speaker 1: like when you sexually involved with someone, so I can 361 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,920 Speaker 1: imagine that your agenda this wore it came into play 362 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 1: doing those intimate times as well. Yeah, and absolutely, yeah, 363 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:54,159 Speaker 1: it's remind me. I said that, Um my restaurall, you know, 364 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:59,000 Speaker 1: having being intimate people, restaur all out there, we're all 365 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:01,919 Speaker 1: naked and everything. I'm out, I'm all out here for 366 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 1: people getting their orgasms. Um means a lot to me 367 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:09,760 Speaker 1: by one sum as well. Um, but people would be 368 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,600 Speaker 1: very fond to my breast. My partners and lovers would 369 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,160 Speaker 1: be very fond on my breast, and for me, I 370 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,880 Speaker 1: was just there. I'd be like, they you can enjoy them, 371 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,000 Speaker 1: you can play with them, whatever, but like it's more 372 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:24,520 Speaker 1: for you, Like I don't physically feel anything when you're 373 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:28,359 Speaker 1: touching them or participating in them, participating them. That's a 374 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,280 Speaker 1: very odd word, but you see, that's how much I 375 00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:37,120 Speaker 1: like disassociated with my breast. Um. Yeah, okay, So explaining 376 00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:39,440 Speaker 1: the procedure of having your breast move like I'm pretty 377 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:43,120 Speaker 1: sure he was pretty nervous, said there right, Yeah, I 378 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 1: was hella nervous, Oh shout out to my my doctor's 379 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 1: at n Yu like going. Um. I was really hoping 380 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:54,920 Speaker 1: it was gonna be like great anatomy. So that's why 381 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,920 Speaker 1: I was like, I was nervous and like I kept 382 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,160 Speaker 1: singing the theme song to myself, so called myself down 383 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:05,360 Speaker 1: in my nerves. Um. They called me by my correct name, UM, 384 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 1: which felt really good and felt really seeing they're working 385 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:11,639 Speaker 1: on being more trans inclusive and like just making it's 386 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 1: not like just asking for my government name UM on 387 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,199 Speaker 1: the spot. So they call him my right name and 388 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 1: that felt good. Um. I went up to the changing room. 389 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:27,679 Speaker 1: I brought my parents UM with me. So Haitian immigrant 390 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:33,520 Speaker 1: parents came with their son to the surgery. That was 391 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,760 Speaker 1: the real How is your family feel about your transition? 392 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 1: Before you continue with the first other question. You're Haitians, 393 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:47,400 Speaker 1: I know in the Haitian community like Sun. It's exactly 394 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:53,439 Speaker 1: that is that silence. It was. Their relationship with me 395 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:56,880 Speaker 1: has grown and involved in My relationship with them has 396 00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:01,040 Speaker 1: grown and involved. So they weren't like excited for at first, 397 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,600 Speaker 1: and I wouldn't even say they're excited now, but they 398 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,800 Speaker 1: love me unconditionally, um. And that love doesn't look like 399 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,880 Speaker 1: Seventh Heaven type of love. It looks very much like 400 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,880 Speaker 1: I have questions like why would you do this to yourself? 401 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,720 Speaker 1: This is God's body and you don't need to make 402 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:20,800 Speaker 1: any changes to it, and why do you and all 403 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 1: these questions about like how do you know? How do 404 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,040 Speaker 1: you know? And how are you sure? Um? So I'm 405 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,159 Speaker 1: constantly having to tell them like I know who I 406 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,679 Speaker 1: am and I know how I want to work in 407 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,640 Speaker 1: the world. Um. And they're like, you know what's dangerous 408 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,520 Speaker 1: to be trans You can like not find job or work. 409 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,680 Speaker 1: People could kill you. And I was like that's exactly right. 410 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:44,360 Speaker 1: And I could have been killed. Um. And I there's 411 00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:46,399 Speaker 1: a lot of struggles that being a black woman that 412 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:50,400 Speaker 1: I face right Yo. I was like, I feel very 413 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 1: equipped to live this life. I have twenty nine years 414 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:54,679 Speaker 1: of being a black woman live in this world Like 415 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,880 Speaker 1: that is the best amount of bosses. Black women are 416 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:04,680 Speaker 1: God our bosses. I e. The professional home girl. Okay, 417 00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:08,800 Speaker 1: So I was like, I can do this. I have 418 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,600 Speaker 1: you want to see my resuent bam them because we 419 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 1: go through a lot, man go through a lot. People 420 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,000 Speaker 1: don't want to hear you when you like have the 421 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 1: answers or want to offer opinions, like are you say 422 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:27,360 Speaker 1: you passionate when you just sad enough for yourself? When 423 00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 1: you try advocating for others, they're like, you know what, 424 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,280 Speaker 1: please be quiet, like or they wonder how you got 425 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:37,840 Speaker 1: into the room. Um, don't get me started. That's why 426 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:43,280 Speaker 1: I really appreciate the work this podcast. Um, thank you. Yeah, 427 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,920 Speaker 1: like the mount I was looking through this the titles 428 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:50,679 Speaker 1: one the titis hurt Larry's and like the my favorite 429 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 1: one is the most basically when you did I have 430 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,720 Speaker 1: someone who loves budgeting, who loves financial literacy. So the 431 00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 1: financial Dominatrix had me. I was like, I'm in love 432 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,000 Speaker 1: right now. Yeah that was a good one, man, that 433 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,919 Speaker 1: was a good one. But you know what it was, 434 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 1: I think for me, like being a black woman, like 435 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,399 Speaker 1: I really want us to have a platform where we 436 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,240 Speaker 1: can just be who we want to be, who we 437 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 1: are without anybody like shutting us up. And I wanted 438 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,520 Speaker 1: to create a platform for those who don't feel like 439 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,920 Speaker 1: they have a voice because we go through so much. 440 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,960 Speaker 1: I mean women go through so much ship but black 441 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,119 Speaker 1: women go through It's just it's crazy the amount of 442 00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:28,840 Speaker 1: ship that I go through on a daily basis, and 443 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,800 Speaker 1: I have to keep it moving, like I can't lap 444 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:35,640 Speaker 1: a bit, you know, Yes, you're like I was with 445 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:41,200 Speaker 1: a very dear friend of mine. What we do something? 446 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,879 Speaker 1: We're doing the walk through cemeteries, just getting their life 447 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:46,840 Speaker 1: and I'm out here in regular clothes. A white woman 448 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:48,479 Speaker 1: reaches out to me, be like, excuse me, do you 449 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:51,439 Speaker 1: know where I don't work here? By like, I'm not 450 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:55,240 Speaker 1: here to show you around your life. Um, it's just constant, 451 00:27:55,560 --> 00:28:00,200 Speaker 1: the constant microaggressions that black women face, that black they're 452 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,800 Speaker 1: not confirmed people phrase, and then they asked you to 453 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:06,320 Speaker 1: do twice to three times as much as everyone else. Yo, 454 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,080 Speaker 1: I always say, you gotta work twice as hard just 455 00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:16,040 Speaker 1: to get half as far. Like it's just I'm just 456 00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,360 Speaker 1: so like I went to therapy today and I'm just like, yeah, 457 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:25,160 Speaker 1: I'm so yes, the black women and black people take it. Yeah, man, 458 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,920 Speaker 1: and being okay to saying that sh it out loud. 459 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,000 Speaker 1: Oh No, I'm an advocate for therapy. I think that, 460 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:33,359 Speaker 1: I mean, we all have stories and we all I 461 00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:36,080 Speaker 1: mean I had a very traumatizing and upbringing and like 462 00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:38,760 Speaker 1: even when you're transition, like I'm pretty sure. It wasn't easy. 463 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,600 Speaker 1: So I advocate for therapy, especially somebody that looks like 464 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,720 Speaker 1: us or that's a reflection of us, because we just 465 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:45,400 Speaker 1: go through so much ship and I don't want to 466 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,200 Speaker 1: have to get to a point where it boils over 467 00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:53,239 Speaker 1: and I lose my ship. Right, that's like we were 468 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,160 Speaker 1: talking about self care. You know. I feel like we 469 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,600 Speaker 1: talked about self care. Is that the point where you're 470 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 1: kind of are broken and I like them more if 471 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:03,360 Speaker 1: we can start talking my self care, like in the 472 00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,280 Speaker 1: preventative way, like self care before you get so exhausted 473 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 1: you can't help yourself in it feels too much. So yeah, 474 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 1: I get that for it boils over, like we get 475 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,760 Speaker 1: that help. I get my therapy. I have therapy sessions 476 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:20,640 Speaker 1: on my Thursdays, which feel really good. Yeah. You need it, man, 477 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:22,800 Speaker 1: because this world is not built for us. So we 478 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,160 Speaker 1: gotta do what we gotta do to take care of 479 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:32,160 Speaker 1: ourself mentally, physically and emotionally. Mm hm oh. So what 480 00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:36,080 Speaker 1: was post surgery like afterwards? No? No, I don't think 481 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 1: he was going to shopping us through the day. Yeah, 482 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,320 Speaker 1: so the day and it's um Haitian parents were there. 483 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:44,000 Speaker 1: My mom was full of in her tears of like, 484 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:45,960 Speaker 1: oh my god, you're really gonna do this. I'm like, 485 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,240 Speaker 1: and I'm out here skipping. I'm like, I'm really gonna tube. 486 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:52,720 Speaker 1: That's Haitian parents, right, Like my parents love me on 487 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,400 Speaker 1: condition to me and they wish i'd you know, didn't 488 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:56,880 Speaker 1: do it. At the same time like and that's the 489 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,960 Speaker 1: duality that we can I can hold and be okay 490 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:05,120 Speaker 1: with um. And so I got into the operating room 491 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:08,080 Speaker 1: and I had like my my surgeon who I had 492 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,800 Speaker 1: been like talking to, who I consulted with, the first 493 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:15,400 Speaker 1: time I asked about top surgery. Um, and he's been like, 494 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:18,800 Speaker 1: you know, advising me throughout the process. She was there, 495 00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:22,520 Speaker 1: Um a list of gold dtr A, Lissa Golas um 496 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:28,040 Speaker 1: and my you look on amazing doctor. All right, I 497 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:30,720 Speaker 1: guess is dropping these names. So if y'all need a doctor, 498 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:36,560 Speaker 1: don't say we didn't put you all on y'all well, 499 00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:42,920 Speaker 1: oh when you heard it from yo, I wish you 500 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,200 Speaker 1: can get referral points or like a bubble tea forever 501 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:50,360 Speaker 1: you know, reference you never know, you never know, but 502 00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:54,360 Speaker 1: go ahead, Um, I got onto the table. It's a 503 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:59,200 Speaker 1: for our procedure. Um. Wow, yeah, it's a it's so 504 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:02,600 Speaker 1: you need this, so it's long but also short because 505 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:05,120 Speaker 1: I can leave. I left that same day. UM. One 506 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:08,800 Speaker 1: of my weird UM one of the things that happens 507 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:13,520 Speaker 1: that you know you're on UM what's that thing called 508 00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:20,480 Speaker 1: the table? Yeah? On the table um anesthesia. Sorry. I 509 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,440 Speaker 1: was like what um? And they put it on and 510 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:24,880 Speaker 1: they asked me to count to ten and I was 511 00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,840 Speaker 1: like ten and I mean one, two, three, day, Like okay, 512 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,120 Speaker 1: you're counting way too much, and it just like increased 513 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,520 Speaker 1: the two hundred and I was like increased to I 514 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:37,520 Speaker 1: was that wow. UM. And I woke up. I saw 515 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,840 Speaker 1: nurses like smiling and waving and be like hey, and 516 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,120 Speaker 1: I was like huh, I was groggy, and then it 517 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:47,800 Speaker 1: went back and like what do they do? Exactly? So 518 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:51,520 Speaker 1: they put you under your basically dead for about your 519 00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:53,360 Speaker 1: like as close to that as possible so that way 520 00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:58,200 Speaker 1: you don't feel any pain and they can perform the surgery. UM. 521 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,880 Speaker 1: So you're like as mostly of a corpus as possible, 522 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:04,280 Speaker 1: and they basically are cutting. They cut you open um. 523 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,280 Speaker 1: So they um it's a cut they make UM from 524 00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:12,520 Speaker 1: the underneath your armpit um to the middle of your 525 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:16,360 Speaker 1: chest um to contour and they remove the breast tissue out, 526 00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:21,000 Speaker 1: so there's no way that your breast will ever regrow again. Um. 527 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:24,080 Speaker 1: And if you're ever interested in having in the breastfeeding right, 528 00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:30,400 Speaker 1: they're actually transpant who are parents and they do chest feeding. UM. 529 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,800 Speaker 1: You there's some possibility you can lactate, but it's very 530 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,560 Speaker 1: it's super minimal. So what looks like for for transplant 531 00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:39,000 Speaker 1: who want a chest feed is just attaching the bottle 532 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:41,680 Speaker 1: um to their chest and so still giving that like 533 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:45,880 Speaker 1: physical contact with the child, but they removed They removed 534 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,120 Speaker 1: the breast tissue by using a knife and cutting it 535 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 1: all out um. And they do it from the very 536 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,000 Speaker 1: underneath your armpit and they curve it under a line 537 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,680 Speaker 1: on to your chest and then do another one on 538 00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:01,800 Speaker 1: the other side and and they then they stitch you 539 00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:05,840 Speaker 1: back up. You have drains um before the swelling and 540 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:09,400 Speaker 1: for the liquid um. It's like two small little bazookas 541 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:12,480 Speaker 1: that hang from you for like a week um to 542 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:17,480 Speaker 1: for the drainage. And after they're gone, you like every 543 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:20,160 Speaker 1: night for a week and a half to two weeks. 544 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:23,080 Speaker 1: I was taking them out. I was really I was 545 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:27,400 Speaker 1: um opening it up and taking them out. Actually my 546 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,160 Speaker 1: parents didn't live very clear I did. I did it 547 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,680 Speaker 1: like the last two days UM, because I was physically 548 00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:38,080 Speaker 1: unable to really move. UM it hurts. Were you in 549 00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,640 Speaker 1: a lot of pain? Yeah, like I took i'd be broken, 550 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:43,960 Speaker 1: which I'm really grateful for. Like I didn't have to 551 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:52,000 Speaker 1: take that UM. I didn't have UM hydro hydro oxy 552 00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:56,920 Speaker 1: and the oxy post according UM. So that made me 553 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:58,840 Speaker 1: feel really good because people can get addicted to that, 554 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:03,720 Speaker 1: right like a lot of people have unfortunately it UM. 555 00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,440 Speaker 1: But I was my pain camp when I was when 556 00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:08,840 Speaker 1: I need to sleep, like I had to sleep on 557 00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,160 Speaker 1: my back and I'm not used to that UM. And 558 00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,400 Speaker 1: it just felt really heavy, so really sore. I couldn't 559 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,680 Speaker 1: move my arms more than so. I couldn't move my 560 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:22,520 Speaker 1: arms for about two weeks. So showering UM, shout out 561 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,960 Speaker 1: to those showers, the little brushes that have like a 562 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:30,319 Speaker 1: stick and you like wash yourself. Am h. But did 563 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,160 Speaker 1: you have to wear I think it's all a binder? 564 00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:35,799 Speaker 1: Did you have to wear one too? Um compression vest um? Yeah, 565 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:39,480 Speaker 1: so binders you wear? You are so well informed, fist. 566 00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:43,440 Speaker 1: Just I do my research and you know what it is. 567 00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,440 Speaker 1: I have a I did an episode on the trans 568 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:50,840 Speaker 1: woman in the beginning, and we became friends, so she 569 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,480 Speaker 1: just been like educating me and then and I'm going 570 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:55,799 Speaker 1: to ask you a question about this later, but you know, 571 00:34:55,840 --> 00:35:00,520 Speaker 1: I've been noticing that a lot of trans women haven't 572 00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:03,359 Speaker 1: been killed, and a lot of these women look like me, 573 00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:06,239 Speaker 1: like the people black women. So I think that I've 574 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,080 Speaker 1: been like really like deeply rooted into it because I'm 575 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,520 Speaker 1: just like, it's it's really fucking disgusting what they're doing 576 00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,239 Speaker 1: to the transgender community because at the end of the day, 577 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,839 Speaker 1: everyone is still a person, you know. So I try 578 00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:18,759 Speaker 1: to do my research as much as possible because I 579 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:22,719 Speaker 1: really want to educate people all this that's fucking lit. 580 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:27,520 Speaker 1: That's that's super necessary because we are, like the folks 581 00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:33,080 Speaker 1: who trans women, trans guys, um, We're like always constantly 582 00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:36,080 Speaker 1: advocating for ourselves and sometimes it just doesn't work for 583 00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:40,080 Speaker 1: us to always be the people talking UM. So having 584 00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:43,440 Speaker 1: other people advocate for our behalf is also super necessary. 585 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:46,200 Speaker 1: It's like talking people who look like each other, so 586 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,600 Speaker 1: you know, a different when you're like in an argument 587 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:51,600 Speaker 1: or like making a point, like you need certain people 588 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:53,520 Speaker 1: to make it to make it on your behalf because 589 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,840 Speaker 1: it lands differently. So it was just like as you 590 00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:58,920 Speaker 1: were saying, like, I was like, oh wow, you you 591 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:00,960 Speaker 1: know the difference in buying in the compression vest. Are 592 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,319 Speaker 1: you're accing? You know the words like you know, it's 593 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:07,920 Speaker 1: like because this is about life, like right, um yeah, UM, 594 00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:12,000 Speaker 1: so bideners. I used to wear bideners um uh before 595 00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:16,040 Speaker 1: I had the surgery. Binders minimize um, the appearance of 596 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,920 Speaker 1: your breast. And also people wear binders who are interested 597 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:23,200 Speaker 1: in um cosplay, like dressing up like particular anime characters. 598 00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:27,000 Speaker 1: That was interesting. And I wore a compression vest that 599 00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:31,040 Speaker 1: was much tighter um and had a vehcal middle in 600 00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:34,040 Speaker 1: it um. And every night I'd wrapped that around my 601 00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:36,879 Speaker 1: dad wrapped it around me because I couldn't be too tough. 602 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:38,480 Speaker 1: It would be too much work to put my arms 603 00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:43,560 Speaker 1: around myself UM. And it compress my vest so that 604 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:46,359 Speaker 1: more of the liquid that needed to be drained out 605 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:50,160 Speaker 1: of my body could come out. M. And that was tight, 606 00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:54,319 Speaker 1: and sleeping with that shirt on is challenging. It's like 607 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:59,239 Speaker 1: sleeping with um, that's something super tight. I'm probably male 608 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:04,240 Speaker 1: uncomfortable mm hmm, especially the first two weeks man. And 609 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:06,879 Speaker 1: as after the first two weeks, I felt better because 610 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:10,320 Speaker 1: I was getting more stronger. Um, my body was healing. 611 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:14,640 Speaker 1: But the first two weeks was it was really challenging. Yeah. 612 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,960 Speaker 1: I went from I went from being able to move 613 00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:19,879 Speaker 1: to like not being able to do any not being 614 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:24,239 Speaker 1: able to take care of myself. Mm hmm. So how 615 00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:30,200 Speaker 1: do you feel now? I feel like an inner peace 616 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:36,720 Speaker 1: apiece physically. I can. I do stretches now every morning. 617 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:42,279 Speaker 1: Um yeah. So, and I've always used to like, you know, 618 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:45,040 Speaker 1: pastures good for me and I I love having no 619 00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:47,239 Speaker 1: great good posture and I had a d I can 620 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:51,000 Speaker 1: touch my toes. I'm pretty flexible, but I couldn't after surgery, 621 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,160 Speaker 1: or even a month after surgery raise my hand all 622 00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:57,080 Speaker 1: the way Like I couldn't say Hi, I'm present and 623 00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,560 Speaker 1: like wave my hand out out, wave my hand up 624 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:03,040 Speaker 1: in the air. But now I can't. Um. So, I 625 00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,920 Speaker 1: have most mobility back in my arms and stretches, but 626 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:11,200 Speaker 1: it gets tight from time to time. Um So I 627 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:15,000 Speaker 1: stretched like every day, first thing in the morning, at night, 628 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:19,640 Speaker 1: during the day. Um. Yeah, but I feel really good. 629 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:26,080 Speaker 1: I feel like, no, that's good. Um. One of the 630 00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,280 Speaker 1: documentaries that my friend told me to watch is Paris 631 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:33,320 Speaker 1: Is Burning and I watched that ship like several times 632 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,920 Speaker 1: and I was like beyond inspired, And I think I 633 00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:40,960 Speaker 1: was more inspired by the legacy that each person left behind. UM. 634 00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:45,560 Speaker 1: How has Paris Is Burning inspired you? Paris Is Burning? 635 00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:51,560 Speaker 1: It's such a good documentary. They be documentaries like that 636 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:55,560 Speaker 1: since UM there's been like there are similar ones, but 637 00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:59,400 Speaker 1: in terms of having like actual UM tryings people and 638 00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:04,080 Speaker 1: like g b t Q I a community represented and 639 00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:10,520 Speaker 1: like talking about the impact of homelessness, of law, culture 640 00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:16,360 Speaker 1: of gentrification, UM and police brutality and sex work like 641 00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:23,200 Speaker 1: living life right, UM, it's we stilling more representation of 642 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:27,440 Speaker 1: We're still more representation and out there regarding that UM. 643 00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:33,040 Speaker 1: I first saw when I was twenty UM. And what's 644 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:37,400 Speaker 1: interesting and great is that that was a movie UM 645 00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:42,200 Speaker 1: that influenced the next documentary that was done by this organization, 646 00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:45,040 Speaker 1: this queer youth organization called Fierce that was a part 647 00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:48,800 Speaker 1: of UM, and it advocated it helped like young queer 648 00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:52,239 Speaker 1: folks advocate for safe spaces UM and particularly they were 649 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:55,160 Speaker 1: fighting for like a homeless shelter in New York City. UM. 650 00:39:55,920 --> 00:40:00,480 Speaker 1: Homelessness really affects queer kids, UM and LGBT you youth 651 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:05,440 Speaker 1: the most homeless. The largest homeless population is is lgbt 652 00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:09,760 Speaker 1: Q youth and youth of color mm hmm. Um. Paris 653 00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:14,279 Speaker 1: is Vernon, Like it was a place where I got 654 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,960 Speaker 1: to see like people like myself. Um. I got to 655 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,759 Speaker 1: see the ball culture and then like participated, like in 656 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,600 Speaker 1: terms of we had a ball on the pier um 657 00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:28,200 Speaker 1: in New York City, um before a hurricanes andy like 658 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:34,440 Speaker 1: wiped out most of the pier um. And just seeing that, like, 659 00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:36,920 Speaker 1: and it was something I do when we go down 660 00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,080 Speaker 1: to the pier I like name it today like same 661 00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:43,239 Speaker 1: by it takes me about thirty minutes because I'm so 662 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,160 Speaker 1: used to going up to every single person and have 663 00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:50,200 Speaker 1: a conversation before we can leave. Um. And it was 664 00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:53,200 Speaker 1: just that it's just like make sure you're present as possible. 665 00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:57,040 Speaker 1: That's what Paris burning um impacted me the most. It 666 00:40:57,120 --> 00:40:58,600 Speaker 1: was like make sure the people you love and care 667 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:02,040 Speaker 1: about know that you see them, um, and make sure 668 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:05,440 Speaker 1: you love loudly as like loud as fun um. And 669 00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:07,960 Speaker 1: it's not gonna be always cute or easy, because most 670 00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:09,440 Speaker 1: of I'm not gonna be cute easy, but there's this 671 00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:14,799 Speaker 1: beauty right and knowing that like the community that you're 672 00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:23,280 Speaker 1: building is one who chooses you back. M hm. Yeah, 673 00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:28,440 Speaker 1: what are your thoughts about the killings in the trans community? 674 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:35,520 Speaker 1: State violence and interpersonal violence is bullshit. Um, so it's 675 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:43,799 Speaker 1: really tragic, super fucking tragic. Um him with his last name. 676 00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:46,759 Speaker 1: But um, there was a cisioner dude who was in 677 00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:50,960 Speaker 1: love and you know he got bullied Maurice m r. I. 678 00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,919 Speaker 1: He got bullied U by other black men for being 679 00:41:55,920 --> 00:42:00,279 Speaker 1: in love publicly and openly and proudly UM loving his 680 00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:03,000 Speaker 1: trying Uh, his girlfriend who was trying it was a 681 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:06,920 Speaker 1: trans woman who is a trans woman, and he committed 682 00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:11,240 Speaker 1: suicide because of that bullying. Trans women walk outside general 683 00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:15,080 Speaker 1: performing and transferminent women walk outside and they can't feel safe, 684 00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:20,560 Speaker 1: um and everyday spaces, and it makes no it makes 685 00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:27,040 Speaker 1: like systematic sense, like right, like the US and internationally 686 00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:31,560 Speaker 1: they fear women and they demonize women, and they try 687 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:33,720 Speaker 1: and they want to abuse women so that they can't 688 00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:38,279 Speaker 1: get any power, right, Um, everything from voting rights to 689 00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:43,160 Speaker 1: not holding men combo when they are sexually assaulting women 690 00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:48,279 Speaker 1: in the workspaces and outside of workspaces. UM. Yeah, that's 691 00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:50,200 Speaker 1: so true that you make that point, because I mean, 692 00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:51,880 Speaker 1: I'm a black woman. I don't even feel safe so 693 00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:53,719 Speaker 1: I can just imagine what a trans woman feels like 694 00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:59,799 Speaker 1: because we are living in a time yeah, and we've 695 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,000 Speaker 1: in but this is just it's just a heightened awareness, 696 00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:07,319 Speaker 1: right right. Um. So I just felt really sad and 697 00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:11,080 Speaker 1: really angry, and I just I also convert that energy, 698 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:15,040 Speaker 1: that anger and that anger and that sadness into actual 699 00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:19,160 Speaker 1: Bible work. Um. I think that's one of the reasons 700 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,400 Speaker 1: that it's influenced the work that I do with the 701 00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:24,120 Speaker 1: queer and trying Streft and social because we need more 702 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:26,840 Speaker 1: spaces where trans when we can feel I can feel 703 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:30,960 Speaker 1: safe to like do everyday normal things like shop without 704 00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:36,920 Speaker 1: being mis gendered or being seemed like be given a 705 00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:41,560 Speaker 1: side eye. Um, you know, to be like can I 706 00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:47,000 Speaker 1: use the rest from over here without being harassed? Right? Um? Yeah, 707 00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,040 Speaker 1: because I can't talk to the trans woman experience like 708 00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:52,560 Speaker 1: I can talk to be have been a black woman, 709 00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:57,239 Speaker 1: sud But I know this, I know my I know 710 00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,520 Speaker 1: trans woman can speak for themselves, and but I know 711 00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:03,160 Speaker 1: I can to make sure that people will listen when 712 00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,279 Speaker 1: I have the space like uplift them um and be 713 00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:11,800 Speaker 1: like yo, shut up, you know what you're saying, it's facts. 714 00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,279 Speaker 1: Nothing said at the point that we keep like regithering 715 00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:19,719 Speaker 1: that same message. You know what does an advice you 716 00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:21,480 Speaker 1: would give to one of our listeners that's in the 717 00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:31,440 Speaker 1: process of transitioning be patient and compassionate with yourself or compassionate. Yeah, 718 00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:34,040 Speaker 1: I know, we could be really critical. And there's this 719 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:37,840 Speaker 1: idea of like, you want to have this the right body, 720 00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:41,719 Speaker 1: And there's a lot of influence in like, once you trys, 721 00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:44,200 Speaker 1: why why are you transitioning? You it's not gonna be immediate. 722 00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:46,359 Speaker 1: You're not gonna see that, you're gonna feel amazing. One 723 00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:50,160 Speaker 1: to go. If you're thinking about it, go for it. Um, 724 00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:51,759 Speaker 1: that's it. If you think about it, go for it. 725 00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:56,040 Speaker 1: But compassion in terms of there's no right body in 726 00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:59,759 Speaker 1: terms of looking like a woman or a man, right, 727 00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:02,160 Speaker 1: Like you don't have to be skinny to be beautiful 728 00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:07,840 Speaker 1: and attractive. Um, like be yourself and like love the 729 00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:12,719 Speaker 1: body that you have. Um, if you don't pass, if 730 00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:14,960 Speaker 1: you know you're a trans woman, you have and you 731 00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:17,160 Speaker 1: support a beard. If your tender not conforming, you support 732 00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:21,480 Speaker 1: a beard. Fucking support that beard. Yo. Um. If shorter 733 00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,400 Speaker 1: trans dude, like, if you're like five too and you 734 00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:25,960 Speaker 1: don't you know, you kind of be like damn I 735 00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:28,399 Speaker 1: wish I was taller because men are generally like five 736 00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:32,040 Speaker 1: seven five night whatever, Like, fuck it, you're a shorter dude, 737 00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:34,080 Speaker 1: and you're fucking fine as short dude. You know we 738 00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,880 Speaker 1: can do with that ship, right, Like, just be compassionate 739 00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:42,000 Speaker 1: with yourself and don't compare your body to someone else's 740 00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:45,120 Speaker 1: or even to other trans people's bodies. Um, because everybody 741 00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:50,680 Speaker 1: experience is different. Yeah. Um. Last, and not least, what 742 00:45:50,719 --> 00:45:54,040 Speaker 1: are the things that you want to leave the listeners 743 00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:58,080 Speaker 1: on how we as a people can be more supportive 744 00:45:58,080 --> 00:46:02,759 Speaker 1: of the trans community. Give them I would. I would 745 00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:05,759 Speaker 1: say to the listeners to folks, one, you listen to 746 00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:09,040 Speaker 1: this You listening to this podcast is a step in 747 00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:13,520 Speaker 1: the right direction. And like you know, like highlight, high five, 748 00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:17,200 Speaker 1: fucking dab due to do a fucking dance, like you 749 00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:19,640 Speaker 1: on it, Like you already educating yourself. You're on it. 750 00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:24,520 Speaker 1: So step one done. Step two I start asking people 751 00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:29,160 Speaker 1: for their pronouns, which is important, which is super important, 752 00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:32,080 Speaker 1: and then it could be super casual. You don't have 753 00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:33,920 Speaker 1: to be like, oh my god, I've never asked, and 754 00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:35,880 Speaker 1: so I've been sucking up, Like no, just take a 755 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:39,040 Speaker 1: deep breath, don't make it about you just asking for 756 00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:42,480 Speaker 1: people's pronouns, even if you think they're straight, Like, actually 757 00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:46,480 Speaker 1: start acting straight people, because your straightness and your cranness 758 00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:50,200 Speaker 1: has nothing to do with your pronouns. Just start asking, 759 00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:54,520 Speaker 1: and I say, asked people that to normalize it so 760 00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:57,719 Speaker 1: that when you have your first coworker who's a transperson, 761 00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:00,520 Speaker 1: none of them telling you your pronouns a big deal. 762 00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,760 Speaker 1: You're like, oh, I've been like what do you she heard? 763 00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:08,080 Speaker 1: They z even if you don't get it, just or 764 00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:11,239 Speaker 1: you're like, why do you use day? People use day 765 00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:14,800 Speaker 1: because they for two reasons, right, are multiple. They sometimes 766 00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:21,720 Speaker 1: feel they resonate with both of masculinity and feminine energy, 767 00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:24,200 Speaker 1: and sometimes I feel like neither, So they use they 768 00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:26,960 Speaker 1: don't give them hassle and don't be like but just 769 00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:32,879 Speaker 1: choose one. Nah, let them be um. And I think 770 00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:36,200 Speaker 1: the other part fear listeners is like when we talk 771 00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:39,640 Speaker 1: about representation, we think about representation just in the media. 772 00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:43,879 Speaker 1: We think like only celebrities should like self expression should 773 00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,120 Speaker 1: be kept, should be left to celebrities. And that makes sense. 774 00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,000 Speaker 1: If I see a drunk I see Liver and Cox 775 00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:50,960 Speaker 1: or Janet Mock like, all right, cool, they're celebrities, Like 776 00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:54,400 Speaker 1: they can do that. No, it shouldn't be just that 777 00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:58,400 Speaker 1: like your co workers are probably I don't know, but 778 00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:02,560 Speaker 1: I've I'm one of the first coworkers to the people 779 00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:06,319 Speaker 1: I work with who's chats and and out, um, and 780 00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:11,360 Speaker 1: they're like their ages between nineteen and and I'm the 781 00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:15,000 Speaker 1: first trans person they've met and they work with them 782 00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:19,799 Speaker 1: like you work with trans people, y'all. Um. And you know, 783 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:25,839 Speaker 1: we're not just like people on the television telling you 784 00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:29,440 Speaker 1: how to style yourself. Um, We're actually people who do 785 00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:35,960 Speaker 1: administrative work, who are program managers, who are nurses, um, 786 00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:40,320 Speaker 1: who are massage therapists, who are filmmakers, um, who are consultants. 787 00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:47,160 Speaker 1: You know, like just be like yo'self, what's your pronouns? Um? 788 00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:51,160 Speaker 1: And just you know, relax and have fun with us. 789 00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:55,400 Speaker 1: Like we're just like we have very Yeah, we're good people, 790 00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:59,920 Speaker 1: were right, Yeah, but this access of our pronouns and 791 00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:03,960 Speaker 1: like let's start from there. Well, I think this was 792 00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:07,879 Speaker 1: an amazing episode. Um. I have a little story. Huh. 793 00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:11,120 Speaker 1: I really think this episode. So I have a little 794 00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:13,680 Speaker 1: story to share. You're like the third person that I 795 00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:17,040 Speaker 1: interviewed for this story, and I must say I was 796 00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:20,400 Speaker 1: a little nervous because my last two experiences was just horrible. 797 00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:23,279 Speaker 1: And I was just like, damn, like, why do you 798 00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:26,000 Speaker 1: think so they mean to me? So I just wanted 799 00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:29,040 Speaker 1: to say thing, and it was so they was nasty, 800 00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:32,359 Speaker 1: Like I mean the first person literally like backed out 801 00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:34,359 Speaker 1: of the interview right before I was not to see 802 00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:37,399 Speaker 1: him the lake. I guess he yeah, And I guess 803 00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:39,839 Speaker 1: he felt like I was trying to like make a 804 00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:42,440 Speaker 1: mockery of his like story, and I'm like, what are 805 00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:44,319 Speaker 1: you talking about, Like if anybody listened to any of 806 00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:48,200 Speaker 1: the episodes that've done, like these episodes are very huh no, 807 00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,439 Speaker 1: that's your I mean, I'm sorry he felt that way, 808 00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:54,680 Speaker 1: Like I hope he feels like better and he knows 809 00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:57,319 Speaker 1: that it wasn't your intention, like, oh, it was my 810 00:49:57,360 --> 00:50:00,759 Speaker 1: intention at all. And then the second person, I didn't 811 00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:03,600 Speaker 1: like how he was moving because he was light skinned 812 00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:06,920 Speaker 1: with pretty eyes, and I don't know, like it was 813 00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:09,200 Speaker 1: just like you know, me being a dark skinned woman, 814 00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:11,440 Speaker 1: Like I try to give everybody a chance to share 815 00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:14,480 Speaker 1: that story, but I just didn't feel right putting his 816 00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:16,600 Speaker 1: story out there when he felt like he was able 817 00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:18,760 Speaker 1: to get by because of what he of how he looked. 818 00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:22,000 Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, because I light skinned a better thing and 819 00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:26,000 Speaker 1: not just coming with that rock. So we know there's 820 00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:28,879 Speaker 1: light skinned privilege colorism, like it affects how we move 821 00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:31,640 Speaker 1: like as much as passing does as well. So I 822 00:50:31,719 --> 00:50:35,359 Speaker 1: get that it's really big in the community. I mean, 823 00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:37,440 Speaker 1: I know big in our community because we've deal we've 824 00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:40,239 Speaker 1: been dealing with since we were young. But I'm in 825 00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,879 Speaker 1: the in the trance community, like being light skinned, I mean, 826 00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:45,040 Speaker 1: the fairer you it's not. I think it's more like 827 00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:48,680 Speaker 1: the intersectionalities, Like the fairer you are, the more white 828 00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:53,000 Speaker 1: passing you are, the easier to to navigate. Um, they 829 00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:56,840 Speaker 1: easier to navigate the world, the world and the passing. 830 00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:01,799 Speaker 1: And you're not gonna be treated uh a light skin 831 00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:04,960 Speaker 1: trans woman, a light skin trans dude, Like especially if 832 00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:07,880 Speaker 1: you pass, you're gonna look like a white trans and 833 00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:13,759 Speaker 1: you're gonna look a white sisgender person, right, So yeah, 834 00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:17,160 Speaker 1: I get that tridn't like this. So I want to 835 00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:19,840 Speaker 1: say thank you so much for just like being open, 836 00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,360 Speaker 1: being honest and that feel like you have fun, Like 837 00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:25,120 Speaker 1: it was cool, it was cool, it was cool. I 838 00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:30,279 Speaker 1: don't it's also spos together like, uh, the same my 839 00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:34,319 Speaker 1: story and I hope that my story like not really 840 00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:37,239 Speaker 1: the only inspires people, but like people can just feel seen, 841 00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:40,680 Speaker 1: like they're not alone and what they're going. Now, there's 842 00:51:40,719 --> 00:51:46,239 Speaker 1: one point for billion trans adults um that's been uh 843 00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:49,880 Speaker 1: noted by the census, which means there's even more than that. Um. 844 00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:52,040 Speaker 1: So you know, we out here and we just need 845 00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:54,520 Speaker 1: to like see each other in multiple different spaces. So 846 00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:58,200 Speaker 1: I'm here for like telling my story and hoping that 847 00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:00,880 Speaker 1: people know like day Alone and Chiki Ki and like 848 00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:06,480 Speaker 1: have these like queer Caribbean dinner parties and parties anytime. Yeah, well, 849 00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:09,080 Speaker 1: if you want to come to my guest career Caribbean 850 00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:13,480 Speaker 1: parties or you have any questions, comments, concerns, remarks, please 851 00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:17,040 Speaker 1: email me at hello at the Professional Homegirl dot com. 852 00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:20,840 Speaker 1: You have been listening to the PhD podcast and until 853 00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:25,560 Speaker 1: next time, y'all okay letters m hmm