WEBVTT - Intimacy Appointments with Jade Roper Tolbert 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:04.320 Hell We Suck At Being Newlyweds Hayla Miller Key and 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:10.720 Jared haven An iHeartRadio podcast. Hello everyone, and welcome to 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:13.960 an all new episode of Help We Suck At Being Newlyweds. 0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:17.200 We have an incredible guest on with us today is 0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:21.320 none other than Jade herself. Thanks for coming on, Hi, 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:24.320 thank you for having me. Congrats by the way, Oh 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:27.200 my gosh, I'm so excited for you, thank you, thank you, 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:29.360 and I'm happy to have you on here. You've been 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:39.080 married for seven years, so us crazy feel it feels 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:42.240 like forever, like we've been married, like I can't even 0:00:42.600 --> 0:00:45.720 remember life before marriage now, but it also goes by 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:50.200 so quickly. Is it weirder to think of life before 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:56.520 marriage or life before kids? Definitely life before kids, because 0:00:56.560 --> 0:01:01.920 that changes everything, right, So getting married, especially three, will 0:01:01.960 --> 0:01:05.680 do it to you. There is a whole different ballgame. 0:01:06.080 --> 0:01:09.119 But I mean getting married, if you've known each other 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:10.920 for a while or you've lived at each other for 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:14.959 a while, it really doesn't change that much, right. So 0:01:15.040 --> 0:01:17.399 it's more the kids. I think that's the big game 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:23.080 changer because then your life revolves more around raising children. 0:01:23.280 --> 0:01:26.800 So wait, did you just have Wait? When was your 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:31.720 seven year anniversary? Was it January January twenty fourth? Wow, 0:01:31.959 --> 0:01:35.960 I know rap, that was seven years ago, that wedding. Yeah, 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:39.160 and I saw yesterday for I guess for Valentine's Day. 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:43.160 That's seven years ago is when the episode aired. Yeah, 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:45.520 and I got I got like a little timeline reminder. 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:47.200 I was like, oh my gosh, I cannot believe I 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:49.600 forgot that it aired on Valentine's Day. That's right. I 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:51.760 forgot about two That was during Ben's That was like 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:57.080 the twentieth anniversary special. Yeah. Yeah, and you and Ashley 0:01:57.120 --> 0:02:00.760 had a nice little cameo. Jesus Christ, it's all a 0:02:00.840 --> 0:02:05.040 lawns fall. It's always all lawns fall. That's yes, seven 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:09.200 years ago. I'll never forget the moment where JJ came 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:12.960 to sit at the table and because they were teasing 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:19.240 us about your first song featuring a celebrity musician, and 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:24.400 j J was like, dude, Seal is singing their first song, 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:28.160 Seal is here. That is awesome. And then of course 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:31.160 he came out singing Kissed by a Rose. I was like, Wow, 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:35.720 this is the coolest thing ever. Oh God, what a day. Yeah, 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:37.400 it was pretty epic. Did you know it was going 0:02:37.440 --> 0:02:39.160 to be seal or was that a surprise to you guys? 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:43.519 Do I can't remember, no, so Matt Nathanson saying, when 0:02:43.560 --> 0:02:45.600 I walked down the aisle and we knew that one, 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:47.960 but Alan was like, I want to keep it as 0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:50.520 surprised for you. Who's going to be like your first 0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:53.799 song as husband and wife. And but I don't know 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:57.919 if you remember, but our wedding was stalled by two 0:02:57.960 --> 0:03:00.440 hours and that's why everybody was so dry by the 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:02.280 time I walked down the aisle because they were just 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:05.799 feeding everybody liquor. And I heard it was because Steel 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:08.280 was like giving them drama. He was like in the 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:10.440 bathroom and refusing to come out and didn't want to 0:03:10.440 --> 0:03:14.560 play for oh my god, yeah something. There was some 0:03:14.639 --> 0:03:18.760 kind of drama. So but then obviously it worked out 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:21.280 and it wouldn't be a Bachelor Special episode if there 0:03:21.320 --> 0:03:25.640 wasn't drama. You know, really, do do you ever regret 0:03:25.760 --> 0:03:29.560 having it on television? Are you happy you did it? 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:34.960 Um like little pieces that I regret. So obviously it 0:03:35.000 --> 0:03:39.040 was amazing. It was a beautiful wedding. I don't think 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:41.760 I could have asked for anything more that way, But 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:45.160 having it be a production even though they made it 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:47.800 feel more like a wedding than a TV set. There's 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:49.840 just things that I wish I would have gotten more of, 0:03:49.880 --> 0:03:53.040 like we didn't. I thought we would have had a videographer, 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:55.520 which I should have asked for, but I thought we 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:57.440 were going to have more wedding footage, so I was like, 0:03:57.480 --> 0:04:00.000 they'll take care of that for me. But I literally 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:04.000 don't have any wedding footage of our wedding besides what 0:04:04.120 --> 0:04:07.920 aired on television, and some of our vows are cut out. 0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:10.640 Like there's just things that I wish that we would 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:13.840 have had that you get in a normal wedding. Like 0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:17.000 the photographer was rushed because they were running behind on production, 0:04:17.320 --> 0:04:19.240 so I don't have as many like wedding photos as 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:22.240 I wanted and things like things like that. But I mean, 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:24.680 they paid for all of our family, all of our 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:28.320 friends to come out to California and so like yeah, 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:31.520 so I mean I can't complain because they footed the 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:35.760 whole thing. But it's just like now I'm seven years 0:04:35.800 --> 0:04:39.320 married and on our anniversary, we don't even have like 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:43.760 anything true that we can watch back besides what was 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:46.799 produced as a show, which is which is like chunks 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:49.520 of our wedding throughout you know, it's like little scenes 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:53.600 so with like drama sprinkled into it. Yeah yeah, and 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:58.680 like people asking like like people like I remember Chris 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:01.080 Harrison was asking people to do the mesnics, so like 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:03.000 people were like doing like a fake cry, and there 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:05.120 was like the top Villains and like all these things 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:07.760 that were kind of sprinkled into that episode and so 0:05:07.800 --> 0:05:11.479 it wasn't like just about our wedding. So yeah, yeah, 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:13.400 do you think for your tenure you would have like 0:05:14.240 --> 0:05:17.159 a vow renewal slash redo not a redo wedding, but 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:21.080 like a sort of ceremony. I always like the idea, 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:24.120 but people always say that's like the killer of marriages 0:05:24.200 --> 0:05:28.000 and to never do a vow renewal. Why though, I 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:30.200 don't get it because Ashley says that too. She says 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:32.400 she never wants to renew her vows. But I don't 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:37.080 get why. I don't know. I think they they say 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:40.320 like if you're needing to renew your vows, like if 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:43.040 it's more about the vows, then maybe your marriage is 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:46.800 already going a bad direction. So I'm like, maybe we'll 0:05:46.839 --> 0:05:48.960 have more of just like a party, you know, like 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:52.000 another just like aware a wedding dress. We'll have a party, 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:54.040 like my kids will get to be there, which I 0:05:54.040 --> 0:05:57.520 think would be really special. So maybe something more like that. 0:05:57.520 --> 0:06:00.400 That's fun. We just had Trista on and she had 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:03.599 a valornewel for her tenth and she wants to have 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:07.160 another one for her twentieth. So yeah, maybe I should talk. Yeah, 0:06:07.240 --> 0:06:09.760 I should talk to her then, because they're like like 0:06:10.120 --> 0:06:15.800 top notch relationship goals. Yeah serious. I mean, like you know, 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:18.680 a vow of course is like the biggest promise you 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:23.240 can give, but like you know, I I need to 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:25.280 make promises all the time, So like, I don't think 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:27.320 there's an issue if I'm like, oh okay, yeah, let's read. 0:06:27.839 --> 0:06:30.279 I don't know. I understand why you want to, like 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:32.440 the idea of not renewing it you don't have to. 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:34.159 But at the same time, like I think it's also 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.000 different for you and Tanner because like you guys said, 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:40.560 you didn't have you have this beautiful, incredible wedding, but 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:43.560 it was it was also I'm sure if you have 0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:45.680 an idea Jade in your head of like, okay, well 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:50.080 what I would do is this, You can do that now, right? Yeah? 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:52.520 I mean they did give me everything I asked for. 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:57.760 So I wanted to be married under a weeping willow, 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:01.440 and so they didn't, like they married me under that 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:04.640 like pergola or whatever that thing was. But they brought 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:08.679 in weeping willows with cranes and put them all around 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:11.320 like the wedding venue. So it was like they went 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:15.240 above and beyond a certain things. So that is so cool. Yeah. 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:18.400 I remember Matt Nathanson plane, he played Bill Murray, which 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:20.880 that song. It was the first I've ever heard that song, 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:23.520 and I'm like, oh my god, this song is awesome. 0:07:23.520 --> 0:07:25.760 And now I listened to it all the time. It's 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:27.880 so good. We play it all the time. Yeah. Yeah, 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:29.760 is that Would you consider that your wedding song? Or 0:07:29.760 --> 0:07:33.040 would you consider Kissed by a Rose your wedding song? Um, 0:07:34.680 --> 0:07:37.960 I feel like I have a more emotional attachment to 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:42.080 Bill Murray, But I mean there's it's it's just epic 0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:44.960 to blast kiss by a Rose, you know, and just 0:07:45.240 --> 0:07:48.480 it's I don't know, it is such a good one. Damn, 0:07:48.480 --> 0:07:51.960 it's such a great song, just the beginning, like everybody 0:07:52.000 --> 0:07:57.320 knows that song. Yeah, so good. Yeah, your wedding felt 0:07:57.360 --> 0:08:00.440 like a wedding that was That was cool because like 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:05.160 we've been lucky enough to go to I think three 0:08:05.360 --> 0:08:12.080 filmed weddings yours, Carly and Evans and um Kristen Crystals, 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:15.640 and I yeah, like, by far, your guys felt like 0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:18.400 the most wedding of the wedding. Yeah. I feel bad 0:08:18.400 --> 0:08:21.320 because Christen Crystals, you know, unfortunately didn't work out. But 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:25.520 their wedding it felt like a TV show. I remember 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:29.160 that drama. Yeah, I felt bad. It felt like they 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:31.400 set up the scene just for the drama and like 0:08:31.440 --> 0:08:34.560 the wedding was the background. Yeah. Yeah, it didn't feel 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:39.160 like it just felt Yeah, it felt like TV show. Yeah, 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:40.560 but what are you gonna do? I mean, it was 0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:45.400 a TV show, so you know if the shoe fits. Um. So, 0:08:45.520 --> 0:08:48.360 you have obviously been married for seven years, you have 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:55.560 three kids, potentially wanting a fourth. So what is Listen, 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:58.760 we're gonna we're talking about dating, We're talking about everything. 0:08:58.760 --> 0:09:01.959 So you can answer any question with as much discretion 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:05.600 as you'd like. How do you guys get alone intimate 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:08.680 time with three kids running around the house Because it's 0:09:08.679 --> 0:09:12.160 difficult enough with one child, I can't imagine adding two 0:09:12.160 --> 0:09:15.920 more to the mix. Yeah, for one, I do want 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:18.679 to normalize I saw this statistic the other day about 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:21.280 like how much sex couples are having after they have 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:25.000 a baby, and it varies a lot, but there's I 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:27.880 don't think people are having as much sex as society 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:31.200 likes to, like create because there is this whole new 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:35.360 transition of a baby in your life, and it does 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:37.439 change everything and it does change a little bit of 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:41.000 the dynamics of your relationship. But for us, what really 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:44.440 works because it's definitely like important to us to keep 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:47.560 that physical intimacy, and I think there are other ways 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:49.440 that you could be intimate with your partner two that 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:52.040 don't have to be sex, that can keep you close 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:56.760 after a baby. But we schedule sex. And I've talked 0:09:56.760 --> 0:09:59.320 about it before and people some people think it's crazy, 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:02.960 but it's really what works for us. So um, we 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:05.040 tried to come up with a number that works for 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:08.640 us and what makes more my husband feel at least 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:10.880 somewhat satisfied. I mean, I know, if like I was like, hey, 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:13.360 let's have more sex, he would be like, yeah, yeah, baby, 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:16.840 let's go, you know. But we schedule it, and so 0:10:17.040 --> 0:10:20.200 we have a night and sometimes it's loose. Sometimes the 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:22.440 night doesn't work and we're fine with it. We don't 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:25.280 try to put pressure on it, but we put the 0:10:25.360 --> 0:10:28.640 kids to bed and um sometimes Emmy has a hard 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:32.720 time going to bed um earlier, so we just have 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:35.000 to make it work. There's been times where she's almost 0:10:35.720 --> 0:10:41.720 locked in the door at intimate times, but there's definitely 0:10:41.840 --> 0:10:44.240 definitely been those moments where we were like holy crap, like, 0:10:44.440 --> 0:10:52.480 well there's the comforter over. But it's it's something that 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:57.360 we're trying to prioritize in our relationship because we want 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:01.000 to have a healthy marriage and we want our kids 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:03.880 to like see a healthy marriage. So it's for us 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:06.880 and it's also oddly for them, No, that makes sense. 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:08.680 It's the same thing with Ashley and I where we 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:13.080 have to schedule. It's like all right, Tuesday, like yeah, 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:15.400 you know, you're not like you're not going to be 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.760 at Audreies all that much, and so because it's it's 0:11:17.840 --> 0:11:19.640 and so like you put the kid to bed and 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:23.240 then you're like all right, like uh, let's you know, 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:26.600 she like goes to do her thing for a minute 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:29.200 and then I'll like freshen up and then here we go. 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:31.600 But you're right, you have to schedule it. There's no 0:11:31.720 --> 0:11:35.839 like impromptu anymore. And it's tough too, because, like you said, 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:39.520 when you have kids, things change intimacy whiles, but also 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:41.640 like I don't feel as good as I once did, 0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:43.800 Like I don't work out as much, I don't eat 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:46.840 as healthy as I once did. Ashley's body changed for 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:48.839 a while, and then she still like doesn't work out 0:11:48.880 --> 0:11:51.280 as much, and it's just like we're always covered in 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:56.640 drool and you know, baby food and just changing diapers 0:11:57.360 --> 0:11:59.679 like yesterday, like I picked uson up and it had 0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:01.280 like a will poop on the outside of his diaper 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:02.520 and it got on my arm. And it's like you 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:06.040 just don't feel sexy anymore. So it's hard. It's not easy, 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:10.240 I agree, And and it's it's kind of one of 0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:15.240 those things where it's like it's not spontaneous anymore. And 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:18.320 maybe that's not like sexy, but it's still something I 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:20.280 feel like if you're not, I don't know, it just 0:12:20.280 --> 0:12:22.960 needs to be a priority in some ways. But I 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:26.520 also do think that it's so natural for a woman, 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:31.280 especially hormonally, to go through those shifts, and so it's 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:33.240 it's hard, Like I don't want people to feel like, oh, 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:35.319 I'm not having sex right now after having kids or 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:37.880 having a baby, Like I want that to be normalized too, 0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:40.479 like as long as you and your partner are communicating 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:43.000 and that, like I said, there's other ways to be 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:46.240 like intimate with your partner. Like for me, I like, 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:48.959 I really need conversation with Tanner, Like I need to 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:52.480 talk about things that aren't children, that aren't like you know, 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:56.360 like things that I'm already like mentally overloaded with that 0:12:56.520 --> 0:13:02.400 makes me feel close to him so well to hear, yeah, 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:04.719 it's you need that adult time. Even last night we 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:07.960 went out to dinner, so we made them so well. 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:10.480 So on Valentine's Day we went out to dinner, and 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:12.240 we went out to dinner as a family, so my 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:15.200 parents made reservations, so as my parents, my brother in law, 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:18.440 my sister, their daughter, and then me and Ashley with Dawson. 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:23.920 And first of all, I'm the definition of the person 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:26.360 who hates going on on Valentine's Day because it's such 0:13:26.400 --> 0:13:28.959 amateur hour. Because everybody who never goes out goes out 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:32.400 of Valentine's Day. So it's packed, it's crowded. People that 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:34.400 never leave the house are leaving the house and they're 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:37.679 just the worst. And so I'm like, we let's celebrate 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:39.200 a different time. But anyway, we went out to dinner. 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:42.640 It was nice, but like you said, it's impossible to 0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:44.960 have adult conversations when they're children are at the table 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:47.439 because you're always just focusing, Like even when I try 0:13:47.440 --> 0:13:50.240 to listen, my other eye and so is Ashley's. Were 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:53.600 always like watching Dawson because he's like grabbing things. He 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.000 broke a pepper shaker yesterday because it was just like 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:58.160 out of it was barely in his reach and he 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:00.760 just like grabbed it for a second. It just and 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:03.680 we're like oh, and then he's like grabbing plates. So 0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:06.520 it's like impossible to have adult time. And I was 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:08.600 thinking about that last night, exactly what you talked about, 0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:11.040 where it's like, man, I wish as much as I 0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:13.480 love having the kids here, I wish we got a 0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:15.319 babysitter for the kids so we could actually sit down 0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:20.720 and just like talk because you need that adult conversation. Yeah. 0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:22.920 I think that's something Tanner and I've kind of realized 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:26.800 is we need to hire a babysitter more for date 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:30.560 nights because we rely a lot on his mom and 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:34.440 she's only she has a very limited availability and He's like, well, 0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:35.760 we should be doing this more, and we should be 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:37.360 doing this more, but it's too hard with kids. I 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:41.560 was like, it is not. We just don't prioritize going 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:46.160 on dates by just hiring somebody else. You know, Yeah, 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:49.400 I'm getting out there and having those adult conversations and 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:53.360 getting to just be a couple. How much would you 0:14:53.400 --> 0:14:55.360 have to vet the person in order for them to 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:59.240 become a babysitter of your kids? That's the problem, right, 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:02.360 because I think about you, because you just said, like Tanner, 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:03.960 it's not that hard. We just need to hire a babysitter. 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:06.280 And I'm like, someone tells me that Jade would be 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:10.840 much more nervous about the babysitter than Tanner. It is hard. 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:15.040 It is hard to trust somebody to take care of 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:18.440 your child who you love in a door and want 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:20.720 to be taken care of a certain way. It's there's 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:24.400 some surrender in it, you know. But it's also like 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:27.560 I'm going to turn on the furbow and make sure 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:32.000 oh yeah, oh watching the living room or you know, 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:35.400 like the dog camera's coming, handy for watching the babysitter 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:39.960 and the kid interact, Like making sure that everything's going smoothly. Yeah. 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:42.240 I always tell them, I'm like, there's a nanny camera 0:15:42.280 --> 0:15:45.400 right here, but oh yeah, there's a dog. The dog 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:48.480 cameras on, like there's it's very visible. They know that 0:15:48.480 --> 0:16:04.840 we're watching. Yeah, Jade, if you could describe your relationship 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:08.479 in one word with Tanner when you first were newlyweds, 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:10.360 I know I'm putting you on the spot right now, 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:12.360 but I want you to describe your relationship in one 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:15.359 word with you and Tanner when you guys were first newlyweds. 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:18.040 And I want you to describe your relationship in one 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:21.960 word right now. And I'm curious what word you would 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:24.640 use if you would use the same word. If you'd 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:26.760 use it, I would imagine it'd probably be different words. 0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:32.120 But what word comes to mind? I want to say, 0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:35.360 just like more spontaneous. We were just having fun like 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:39.040 we were. We got married early. We only knew each 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:42.120 other for seven months, so we were still in that 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:44.160 like really, I mean, we knew each other and we 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:47.040 knew we wanted to get married and everything, but we 0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:48.960 were still really getting to know each other. So I 0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:53.560 still think it was more exciting. But also he went 0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:58.680 back to work and after we got married or after 0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:01.400 the Bachelor. I guess that chlarette for him, and so 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:03.600 he was working like sixty hours a week, so he 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:06.120 was busy too. But it just felt like we always 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:08.320 were just having We were just always spontaneous, like on 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:10.200 the days he had off, we were just doing fun 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:15.520 stuff together. Yeah, what about now, So spontaneous, will say, 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:17.760 is the word you're going to use for nuliods, which 0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:19.640 I like, And if you had to use one word 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:28.120 right now, chaos, that is pretty accurate surviving. I know, 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:30.840 you guys just I mean when we were there, I 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:33.080 remember talking to Ashley. She was so when we went 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:35.320 to your house, because you know, with three kids and 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:37.199 then you add Dawson in that mix, it's just like 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:40.199 constantly all over the time. And she was like, I 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:43.199 want to be able to like talk to Tanner and Jade, 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:45.040 you know, and hang out them. But it's like, well, 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:47.160 of course we can, and we want to, but it's 0:17:47.200 --> 0:17:49.680 tough because it's like we got kids running around everywhere, 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:54.760 and so, yeah, you guys are in constant chaos. Yeah, 0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:56.880 I know. I think it's kind of funny. When you 0:17:56.920 --> 0:17:59.359 guys were here, we were all just sitting on the 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:02.080 floor in the room and just letting like literal little 0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:07.560 toys being chucked around our heads just so we could 0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:11.160 sit and chat. Yeah, seriously, but it works. Yeah, gotta 0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:12.920 do what you gotta do, Like you said, survival mode. 0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:15.960 But then so you're talking about survival mode. But when 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:20.600 we were there, you were very open about I want 0:18:20.640 --> 0:18:27.760 a fourth kid. Oh yeah, I'm crazy. I don't know. 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:30.399 There's just something in like my heart of hearts that 0:18:30.480 --> 0:18:33.359 feels like there's just one more kid out there that 0:18:33.560 --> 0:18:37.119 will complete our family, and it just feels that waits me. 0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:39.120 But also at the same time, Tanner and I talk 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:42.720 because Reed is too and he's really getting to the 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:45.760 point where he's he's not a baby. He's a little 0:18:45.760 --> 0:18:48.800 more independent, he's starting to like become his own more 0:18:48.840 --> 0:18:52.600 of his own person, and so it's like we're almost 0:18:52.640 --> 0:18:57.120 getting to the point where we're almost out of the diapers, 0:18:57.160 --> 0:19:00.600 We're almost out of like the sleep the sleep issues 0:19:01.760 --> 0:19:06.000 and everything. And they'll all be in school, which is crazy. Yeah, 0:19:06.160 --> 0:19:09.560 he can go to school next year, so for preschool 0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:13.800 and part time. So I think tannersy is the light 0:19:13.840 --> 0:19:18.119 at the end of the tunnel. Yeah, yeah, but I 0:19:18.240 --> 0:19:19.760 told them, I was like I kind of see it 0:19:19.800 --> 0:19:23.119 the opposite way, because we're almost the era of like 0:19:23.200 --> 0:19:27.880 twenty four to seven parental chauffeur, because they'll be kid events, 0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:31.840 there's kid games, there's like friends friend like social circle 0:19:31.920 --> 0:19:34.239 things going on. Like we'll just be constantly driving our 0:19:34.320 --> 0:19:38.400 kids to their little lives. I don't feel like there's 0:19:38.480 --> 0:19:40.679 much of a light at the end of the tunnel. 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:41.960 I was like, I don't know, I feel like we're 0:19:42.080 --> 0:19:44.679 entering just as busy of an era. So why not 0:19:44.800 --> 0:19:46.760 just have a little nugget that I just like pack 0:19:46.800 --> 0:19:49.920 in the baby carrier and carry it around everywhere. You're 0:19:49.960 --> 0:19:53.200 really selling this, You're you're making it sound logistically like, yeah, 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:56.040 that could work. Think about it, because like you're making 0:19:56.040 --> 0:19:58.159 it sound like Tanner, when they're at we're gonna have 0:19:58.240 --> 0:20:00.080 no it's gonna feel like we have no kids, So 0:20:00.160 --> 0:20:02.040 might as well just add one more to the pile, 0:20:02.080 --> 0:20:05.080 because then we'll just have one well kind of yeah, 0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:07.880 when they're in school at least, but then also like 0:20:07.920 --> 0:20:11.119 we'll just be going to baseball games and basketball games 0:20:11.119 --> 0:20:14.280 and dance recitals, like we'll just be busy parents anyway, 0:20:14.320 --> 0:20:17.080 that's not like we're just gonna I think he thinks 0:20:17.160 --> 0:20:18.840 once the kids are in school, We'll just have so 0:20:18.920 --> 0:20:21.040 much more time together. I'm like, I feel like it's 0:20:21.119 --> 0:20:24.520 gonna be just as busy. So throw another one in there. 0:20:28.000 --> 0:20:29.879 Did you always know, Jade, that you were going to 0:20:30.000 --> 0:20:33.840 be this motherly? Like? Did you feel before you had 0:20:33.840 --> 0:20:38.800 because you are the most like loving and endearing and 0:20:38.880 --> 0:20:44.240 just hard working but like there's a word that I 0:20:44.440 --> 0:20:46.800 can't think of, but like you are just like you're 0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:50.200 just an an incredible mom. And so did you always know? 0:20:51.320 --> 0:20:53.399 Did you always feel like you were going to be 0:20:53.440 --> 0:20:56.040 this person? Or were you nervous before you had kids? Like, 0:20:56.080 --> 0:20:59.440 am am I gonna be this? Am I gonna be 0:20:59.440 --> 0:21:04.040 a good mom? Yeah? I don't. I think maybe when 0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:06.200 I was younger, I always wanted to be a mom, 0:21:06.320 --> 0:21:10.439 But before I met Tanner, I really didn't know if 0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:12.360 I wanted kids. I really didn't know if I wanted 0:21:12.400 --> 0:21:15.160 to get married. And I think it was just because 0:21:15.320 --> 0:21:18.520 my parents were divorced. They got divorced when I was 0:21:18.720 --> 0:21:23.520 twenty three, and so I was like an adult child 0:21:23.560 --> 0:21:27.760 of divorce and it really like rocked my whole. Like 0:21:28.680 --> 0:21:32.720 I guess idea of marriage and I was like, oh, 0:21:32.800 --> 0:21:36.000 I certainly don't want that. And I don't want my 0:21:36.160 --> 0:21:38.560 kids to ever have to feel this, and so I 0:21:38.600 --> 0:21:40.320 think I was like, I don't know if I even 0:21:40.359 --> 0:21:42.239 want to go through that. And that was more of 0:21:42.280 --> 0:21:45.919 me just healing, I think, and growing as a person, 0:21:46.720 --> 0:21:50.760 because once I met Tanner, I was like I could 0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:54.439 see myself having a family with this man. And then 0:21:54.640 --> 0:21:58.119 when we got pregnant, I was instantly I was like 0:21:58.160 --> 0:22:01.040 that woman that was like instantly connected with Emerson. Like 0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:03.800 it was so I told I'm gonna get you guys. 0:22:03.800 --> 0:22:06.560