WEBVTT - Back Home 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:04.520 Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio High 0:00:04.559 --> 0:00:08.160 Family Secrets Listeners. It's Danny here to share a bit 0:00:08.160 --> 0:00:12.200 of exciting news with you before today's episode. We just 0:00:12.240 --> 0:00:15.080 found out that our podcast is a nominee for the 0:00:15.080 --> 0:00:18.840 Webby People's Voice Award in the category of Best Series. 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:22.119 This is a huge honor and honestly it put the 0:00:22.160 --> 0:00:24.960 spring in my step as I walk alone each day 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:28.280 down into my basement to record my conversations with my 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:32.800 amazing guests. Podcasts can be a bit like the sound 0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:35.839 of a tree falling in a forest. You know, is 0:00:35.880 --> 0:00:40.080 anyone listening? Does it really exist? So here's the thing. 0:00:40.640 --> 0:00:43.479 This is the People's Voice Award, So you get to vote. 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:47.280 It would mean so much if you'd go to vote 0:00:47.440 --> 0:00:50.479 dot Webby Awards dot com and cast your vote for 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:53.480 Family Secrets. Thank you so much for hearing me out. 0:00:53.680 --> 0:01:05.959 I love you guys. Now on with today's episode, I'm 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:10.039 Danny Shapiro and this is Family Secrets, the secrets that 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:12.880 are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, 0:01:13.360 --> 0:01:20.720 and the secrets we keep from ourselves. My guest today 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:26.280 is Emma Ramos, actress, comedian, and writer. Emma has an 0:01:26.280 --> 0:01:29.720 important story to tell, and her telling of it is brave. 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:33.919 After all, she was told that if she ever spoke 0:01:33.920 --> 0:01:36.840 of it, she could be risking her life and the 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:41.319 lives of her loved ones. But secrets only accumulate power 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:47.760 when they stay silent and dormant. Here's Emma. I grew 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:53.480 up in Cula, Cancinaloa, Mexican that's in the northwest of Mexico. 0:01:54.640 --> 0:01:58.200 That city. Unfortunately, I'm a really bad rep You could 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:02.760 see it briefly in the collateral with Tom Cruise. It's 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:06.840 well known for its nargo culture. To me, it was 0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:10.920 really well known for its beautiful contexts. Uh. This is 0:02:10.960 --> 0:02:13.519 one of the cities of Metago that actually is awarded 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:16.800 for its beautiful sunsets. So I grew up in middle 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:21.280 class and uh, I would say in the nineties in 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:27.840 this town there was this striving draw cartel that was 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:32.160 out around the families who grew up there for generations, 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:40.040 very conservative, staunch Catholics, very proud people that had their 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:48.040 honorable jobs. But this political and corrupted system was happening around. 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:50.679 And I grew up in the middle of all of that. 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:54.560 What did that feel like? And was there is a 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:57.080 sense that there was danger that you were in danger. 0:02:57.160 --> 0:02:58.960 I mean, how did how did that play out in 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:03.880 your family? I would say that parents from my community. 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:09.600 Um needs a million awards from middle classes because it's 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:13.560 a constant like distracting your kids and trying to make 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:17.239 it as if nothing is happening. I say that women 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:20.520 from my hometown, because women are in charge of, you know, 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:23.160 taking care of of the kids and men go to work. 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:29.280 It's very, very nineteen Still, they would distract us and 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:33.200 they would you know, filled our afternoons with toys and 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:38.560 school would be very I would say normal, but for example, 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.360 in the middle of class there would could be a 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:48.480 gun shooting. I learned the word as from school. Our 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:50.760 teachers taught us to go to the ground whenever there 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:54.839 was a gun shooting happening outside, and I learned how 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:59.720 to distract myself, well, danger, what's happening, because it's kind 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:04.240 of a second nature. You built this muscle of being 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:07.800 completely out of your control. So I would kind of 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:09.920 like look to my friends while I was laying on 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:12.720 the floor and make them laugh while, you know, just 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:16.520 to distract ourselves while it happened. And then we would 0:04:16.560 --> 0:04:18.359 go back to school, you know, like there was no 0:04:18.440 --> 0:04:21.520 discussion I would say, like that could happen. Also, you 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:25.040 could be at church and there could be a squeeze 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:27.680 of a gun shooting between a Hallelujah and an amen. 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:32.159 But then the math would keep going and we would 0:04:32.200 --> 0:04:36.640 have And the economy of being part of that community 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:41.479 is that conversations outside while that was happening, had nothing 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:46.440 to do with that world. Women were preoccupied with, you know, 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:49.400 beauty pageants or what were they wearing, or let you know, 0:04:49.880 --> 0:04:52.599 when was the next keen Stays or the girls or 0:04:52.600 --> 0:04:57.320 the first communion, and everything was very much connected to 0:04:57.839 --> 0:05:00.760 being good with God and being a a good girl. 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:03.520 That was kind of how you made your parents and 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:07.599 your grandparents proud. You know, good grades and being a 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:10.839 good girl meant that you would be leaning into those 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:14.760 feminine things. And if you were a boy, well you 0:05:14.880 --> 0:05:17.279 need to be brave because you are going to be 0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:22.719 someone who's going to take care of women. In the 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:26.719 world of Emma's childhood, there was a strict delineation between 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:29.960 the roles of boys and men and the roles of 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:34.280 girls and women. An undercurrent of danger ran through their 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:37.480 daily lives, such a part of the fabric of their 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:43.680 community that it went without saying it just was. So 0:05:43.800 --> 0:05:46.039 is it fair to say that the men and the 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:49.560 boys were the ones who were more sort of hyper 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:54.719 aware of the dangers and of protecting the girls and 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:59.400 the women from those dangers. Yes, now, looking back, I 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:03.640 have a lot more compassion really for for men, because 0:06:03.920 --> 0:06:08.480 it was inherent that they would have to take that responsibility, 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:12.360 whether they wanted or not. It was part of being 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:14.960 a man. They would be part of those conversations. They 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:17.719 would be the ones who, you know, if there was 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:21.440 any need to defend their work, and I would say, 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:25.760 defend their work because um, in this system, whatever kind 0:06:25.800 --> 0:06:30.000 of job you had, you would have to negotiate with 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:34.200 you know, that other corrupted system. Example, you would have 0:06:34.240 --> 0:06:37.280 to pay a certain amount of your income to these 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:40.000 people just for them to leave you alone. And if not, 0:06:40.200 --> 0:06:43.080 if you would try to be if you were that guy. 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:45.599 I have a friend whose brother tried to, you know, 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:50.120 to just defy that reality and with murders, so that 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:54.400 would be kind of the process, right. But because women 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:58.160 were meant to stay at home, that was the way 0:06:58.240 --> 0:07:02.480 that men would protect them. Tell me about your parents. 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:06.440 Tell me about your mother first. My mother is someone 0:07:06.839 --> 0:07:10.840 that I hear these stories since I was a baby. 0:07:11.240 --> 0:07:14.160 That she wanted to study literature when she was a kid, 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:16.520 but she couldn't. She couldn't go to Mexico City to 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:20.800 study literature because she had to decide and start a family. 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:26.520 She started her family when she was twenty one. She 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:29.480 was very young. She's um, the second of six kids, 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:35.120 and she grew up very quickly because of the same. 0:07:35.480 --> 0:07:37.960 She became a mom at a young age, and she 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:44.920 couldn't continue studying, and her entire life and happiness was 0:07:45.080 --> 0:07:50.320 about making her home as beautiful as possible, as perfect 0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:54.120 as possible. She takes a lot of pride in not 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:58.520 talking about violence and not talking about the ugly stuff 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:01.960 how she called it. She is also very very proud 0:08:02.000 --> 0:08:05.880 of the way she coped with life. In fact, before 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:08.720 this conversation, Danny, I would just wanted to double check 0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:11.520 things with her, just to see if my memory was right. 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:15.080 And uh, she has this thing where she purposely forgets. 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:19.040 She tells me that she doesn't remember the things that 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:21.720 she doesn't want to remember, and that's the way she 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:24.160 just chooses to be happy. Every day she chooses to 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:27.720 be happy. And that's why certain moments in certain pictures 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:30.480 go to the trash and we act like it didn't happen, 0:08:30.880 --> 0:08:33.800 and that's the way I respect her life. Yeah. Yeah, 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:38.599 that's so interesting, Emma, because really one of the predominant 0:08:38.679 --> 0:08:43.120 themes in this podcast is that what you just describe 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:46.560 your mother doing, it's actually impossible, Like you can't just 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:50.880 decide not to remember something, or secrets go into corners 0:08:51.000 --> 0:08:53.520 or things that we don't remember that we choose not 0:08:53.559 --> 0:08:56.120 to remember. They kind of stay there in a way, 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:59.520 they never completely disappear. So it's just it's so interesting. 0:08:59.679 --> 0:09:04.000 I mean, can completely understand someone doing that. I mean, 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:07.440 especially in circumstances where the way you're describing it, it 0:09:07.480 --> 0:09:09.839 sounds like your family and your home community were so 0:09:09.920 --> 0:09:13.840 surrounded by, you know, things that were really frightening and 0:09:13.960 --> 0:09:18.640 encroaching and threatening. Yes, And I'd say that there's something 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:21.520 strange about sharing this with you. There's a there's a 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:25.280 thing about language also that I have to be aware 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:30.240 that I feel like, because I'm sharing this in English, 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:34.000 i am short of protecting them because if I would 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:36.400 say it in Spanish, and if they would understand what 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:42.160 I'm saying, they would be very annoyed. They would feel 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:47.640 that I am kind of ill mannered. By just exposing 0:09:47.679 --> 0:09:50.679 something that's not good about where I was from. Right, 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:54.920 there is a misunderstanding of being grateful, and they've built 0:09:55.000 --> 0:09:59.960 this quilt of emotions, And that's why I feel sometimes 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:04.720 hesitant to even share realities. But I I find certain 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:10.360 anecdotes so telling. For example, I remember this during Christmas. 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:12.440 She was the one in charge of buying all the 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.439 presents because my dad would make the money and she 0:10:14.480 --> 0:10:17.920 would do the house things which involved being Santa. So 0:10:18.520 --> 0:10:22.239 there was this particular Christmas she went to the supermarket, 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:27.480 had all the gifts in her car, and then two 0:10:27.720 --> 0:10:31.600 kidnappers approach her with guns, you know, like pointing out 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:34.920 her head. They would just kind of like wanted to 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:37.439 kidnap her and like like steal the car and steal 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:39.120 the gifts, and god knows what they were going to 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:42.200 do with her. So she rans outside, she tried like 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:46.480 to negotiate with them, screaming, and just she ran back 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:50.960 to the supermarket. So these guys just stole the car 0:10:51.080 --> 0:10:54.760 with with the toys. But when she talks about it, 0:10:54.920 --> 0:10:58.960 what I find fascinating is that what she remembers the 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:02.760 most is that when she was hiding behind the counter, 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:08.320 filled with fear, she would look at the supermarket floor 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:11.160 she noticed that it was dirty. So she's like that 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:14.360 flow was so dirty, and I was distracted by like 0:11:14.440 --> 0:11:16.679 all the dirtiness and all the hair that was on 0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:21.520 the floor, and that was happening, while like the cashier said, 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:24.760 we need to call her husband. So now the superhero 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:28.720 and the Savior King which is Dad, right, which is 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:33.160 another human being who gets a call that his wife, 0:11:33.360 --> 0:11:35.480 you know, just dealt with that, and he has to 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:39.240 come and save her, and we as kids receiving I 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:41.360 know the story now as an adult, but back then 0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:44.480 I couldn't. I didn't know what happened. I just I 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:48.320 just remember seeing Mom coming back from who knows where 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:51.560 and just shutting down and not telling us anything. And 0:11:51.600 --> 0:11:54.199 then you know that, I believe that Christmas we they 0:11:54.280 --> 0:11:58.520 organized somehow getting our toys, but I find that detail 0:11:58.640 --> 0:12:06.839 for some reason. So telling of the women from my city, well, yeah, 0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:11.480 I mean, you're describing this amazing coping mechanism. It's not 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:15.319 that different from the way you described telling jokes and 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.800 making making people laugh during school when you had to 0:12:19.160 --> 0:12:20.360 what was the word when you had to go down 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:25.440 on the floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean you're down 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:28.360 there and and making people laugh and sort of doing 0:12:28.400 --> 0:12:31.720 what you can do to not be thinking about what 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:35.360 is actually happening. And your mother in the supermarket is 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:38.840 looking at the floor and the dirt and the grime, 0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:40.760 and it's sort of what she can do to not 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:45.000 be completely freaking out about what just had happened to her. 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:51.240 We don't decide what are coping mechanisms will be. We 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:53.760 don't get to choose. Oh, I'll be the funny one, 0:12:54.120 --> 0:12:57.160 or I'll focus on the small detail to avoid seeing 0:12:57.160 --> 0:13:01.160 the big picture. Some coping mechanisms are healthy and others 0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:05.160 are self destructive. Whatever they are, they're an attempt to 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:09.720 control an uncontrollable environment. And when it comes to Emma's father, 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:13.160 all he wants to do is keep his family safe 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:16.240 in an unsafe place, and he has a lot of 0:13:16.360 --> 0:13:19.760 very strong ideas about the way his kids Emma is 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:26.160 one of three, should live their lives. Tell me about 0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:32.640 your father. My father is a beautiful man, a very 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:37.520 sensitive human being that was never allowed to explore his 0:13:37.640 --> 0:13:43.360 feminine side. He works in the agricultural business. He inherits 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:47.640 his land that was like from you know, many generations 0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:51.520 before him, so kind of also his story was written 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:54.439 for him before he could say anything. I saw that 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:56.800 that was only for women, but I think, you know, 0:13:56.880 --> 0:14:02.040 I think for men too. My father's also very proud 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:04.840 to share like the same values that my mom has 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:09.800 to prioritize family. So just you know, his biggest moment 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:14.079 of happiness is to be with his kids. I think 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:18.479 he imagined that, you know, working and giving us everything 0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:21.320 they steele cafe sustain. So he would say, like you 0:14:21.360 --> 0:14:24.200 know that he would take care of our clothing, our 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:29.680 house needs, and our education education with something huge. But 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:33.520 I'm from that generation that the Internet happened, so I 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:36.320 don't think they could plan that I was going to 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:40.120 have access to so much information when they invested on 0:14:40.240 --> 0:14:43.120 the best education they could. So I think that Dad. 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:48.440 I clearly remember graduating from college having all these dreams 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:52.000 where I would see finally that we had in Mexico 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:55.760 at the time, only one female senator, and I remember 0:14:55.880 --> 0:15:00.680 meeting her more than being so connected to her thinking 0:15:00.880 --> 0:15:04.240 and reading and understanding that there was a way in 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:08.840 which women could also vent their truth and would be 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:12.880 paid for it, and coming back home and telling Dad 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:16.000 that I would want to pursue that, and him being 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:21.880 extremely confused and afraid that that meant that I would 0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:24.040 not learn how to cook, because I've never learned how 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:27.160 to cook. I can't cook anything. But his advice would be, 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:31.520 you should start to learn how to cook, because that's 0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:34.400 what's next. You know, like you have the best education, 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:38.240 therefore you are connected to this group of people. Thank god, 0:15:38.280 --> 0:15:41.640 I did everything that you could be safe while growing up. 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:44.960 And please don't be a disappointment, and you give me 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:48.120 more hard at tags while you're still how side in 0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:51.400 the world without being protected from and via man. So 0:15:51.520 --> 0:15:55.520 I think that that where our relationships started having a 0:15:55.680 --> 0:16:01.440 lot of conflicting conversations based on his idea of how 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:04.960 should I continue in my life and my impetus of 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:08.520 just responding to a call, which was to keep exploring 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:12.360 and asking questions and and make money for myself. It's 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:15.680 so interesting the way that the Internet really does play 0:16:15.720 --> 0:16:18.960 a role in so many of these stories that you 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:22.920 ended up being exposed to. Your aperture was open so 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:27.840 much wider to the possibilities that were available to as 0:16:27.880 --> 0:16:30.960 a young woman then they might have been without the 0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:33.640 advent of the Internet when you were growing up. Yeah, 0:16:37.320 --> 0:16:47.080 we'll be right back, So Emma hustles, she has big dreams. 0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:52.400 She goes to college, graduates early. She's smart, talented, well liked, 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:55.280 and ends up with a good job in public relations 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:59.080 in Mexico City. She works during the day and it's 0:16:59.120 --> 0:17:04.879 even studying for a master's degree at night. Tell me 0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:07.359 what happened about fifteen years ago one evening when you 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:11.359 were on your way from work to your classes. So 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:15.880 now knowing that that was not happy about me continuing 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:19.879 and pushing to be the next senator in machial but 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:22.840 even if we fight, he loved me, so he allowed 0:17:23.640 --> 0:17:26.000 for me to work on this job in Mexico City. 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:31.280 One of those things where I got away with pursuing 0:17:31.359 --> 0:17:35.440 my career. But obviously I had to call Dad every 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:39.879 Saturday and like all of his mechanics around having him 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:42.520 at ease that this little girl was, you know, doing 0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:45.600 the right thing and just working and balancing the fact 0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:50.520 that I wanted to be this superwoman to simplify as 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:54.440 that term. So while I was doing that, being a 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:59.680 superwoman at that time, and I'm twenty one at the time, 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:03.080 I was truly truly young to have this position at 0:18:03.119 --> 0:18:06.920 the company as a director and also studying my first 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:11.399 master's kind of my mind was in that, you know, 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:15.520 drinking that juice, that there was a possibility of young 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:19.680 women being part of politics and doing something for themselves 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:22.919 other than just being there because they were women, they 0:18:22.960 --> 0:18:26.920 were pretty, or whatever. Men thought that we were. Men 0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:30.840 from my generation would say that I got that far 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:35.560 in my profession because I was pretty, and I would 0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:40.520 be so livid. So with that thrive and anger, that's 0:18:40.560 --> 0:18:42.760 why I was like, I will keep studying, and my 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:46.399 focus was like first as masters, then the PhD, and 0:18:47.280 --> 0:18:52.400 Mexico City. This was the time where Fox was president, 0:18:53.000 --> 0:18:55.240 and I just mentioned him because when we say in 0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:57.960 Mexico is a dangerous country, it's just so general. It's not. 0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:00.880 It's really it's like any other country. It really depends 0:19:01.280 --> 0:19:05.680 on the moment in politics. If we had a precedent 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:09.000 for the first time from a different party. Mexico is 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:11.800 a country who had seventy one years free was governing, 0:19:12.200 --> 0:19:16.080 which would be the equivalent of the Republicans, and then 0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:20.320 we had folks for the first time, so the political 0:19:20.400 --> 0:19:24.160 temperature and violence of the city was different. That's why 0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:30.360 there were certain things called express kidnaps. An express kidnap 0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:32.680 has nothing to do with being the daughter of a 0:19:32.760 --> 0:19:35.960 mogul or an ambassador. It's a method of abduction in 0:19:36.000 --> 0:19:40.400 which a victim is targeted, abducted, often violently, and held 0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:45.119 captive for a quick, small ransom, either from the victims family, employer, 0:19:45.640 --> 0:19:50.200 or most often a T M machines. I usually could 0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:54.040 go to school, would take a site taxi to be cautious, 0:19:54.400 --> 0:19:57.199 but that day I believe I had an exam or something, 0:19:57.640 --> 0:20:01.560 and the traffic wasn't like imp posible, so I took 0:20:01.600 --> 0:20:05.720 a cab from the street, which you shouldn't, but my 0:20:05.840 --> 0:20:09.480 focus was in becoming the next senator, so so I 0:20:09.640 --> 0:20:12.520 had to go. I had to go to class. Um. 0:20:12.680 --> 0:20:15.560 So as soon as I got into the car, I'm 0:20:15.600 --> 0:20:18.440 giving you these details just to paint the picture of 0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:21.600 how distracted and focused I was, so kind of like 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:25.400 how my mind delayed a lot of the things that happened. 0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:29.439 Kind of I was absorbed them in a delay because 0:20:29.680 --> 0:20:32.639 I was on the phone, still dealing with my job, 0:20:33.320 --> 0:20:37.800 and I had in my hands um paperwork from school. 0:20:38.160 --> 0:20:41.200 So I was kind of focusing and trying for the 0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:44.440 cab to just get me to school. And as soon 0:20:44.560 --> 0:20:47.920 as I cop on a inside the cab, two men 0:20:48.400 --> 0:20:52.240 stepped in, and it kind of because I was still 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:55.399 on the phone and I couldn't I couldn't understand. I 0:20:55.520 --> 0:20:58.760 felt that they were they were pointing at me, and 0:20:58.840 --> 0:21:02.879 there was a cook halpen me of a lot of fear. 0:21:03.040 --> 0:21:07.560 I would say in these guys voices, they were screaming 0:21:07.680 --> 0:21:11.680 commands and they were screaming things. Because I wasn't moving, 0:21:11.680 --> 0:21:13.880 I couldn't understand what was happening. So I would say 0:21:14.400 --> 0:21:17.680 that after two minutes of understanding what was happening, then 0:21:17.720 --> 0:21:20.639 I looked down and I see that there were guns 0:21:20.720 --> 0:21:23.520 pointing um at my ribs. They were touching my ribs 0:21:23.600 --> 0:21:28.760 from both sides. I looked at the cab driver, and 0:21:28.920 --> 0:21:31.359 the cab driver acted after if he was a victim. 0:21:31.440 --> 0:21:34.720 But they are part of the whole thing. So then 0:21:34.760 --> 0:21:38.720 I understood what was happening. And then kind of there's 0:21:38.760 --> 0:21:42.760 a moment where I felt that I was out of 0:21:42.800 --> 0:21:46.480 my body because all of this. The next moves happened 0:21:46.520 --> 0:21:50.200 so quickly. The guy on my left took my necklace. 0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:53.000 The guy in my right opened my bag and took 0:21:53.080 --> 0:21:55.960 my phone and took all of my I D and 0:21:56.080 --> 0:22:00.159 everything I had inside my bag. So I remember her 0:22:00.280 --> 0:22:03.399 that he was addressing me by my name and he 0:22:03.440 --> 0:22:07.680 would say my address. And unfortunately, the way I d 0:22:07.880 --> 0:22:10.560 S work in Mexico, you will always I will always 0:22:10.640 --> 0:22:14.199 have This is another caveat of patriarchy. I will always 0:22:14.320 --> 0:22:17.520 have my parents address on my I D until I 0:22:17.600 --> 0:22:20.480 get married, then I will have the address or whoever 0:22:20.600 --> 0:22:25.680 I marry, whatever home I moved to. So the fact 0:22:25.760 --> 0:22:29.320 that they were saying out loud my parents address and 0:22:29.400 --> 0:22:32.240 my name, and they start saying that if I moved 0:22:32.280 --> 0:22:35.280 that I was going to be murdered. And they would 0:22:35.320 --> 0:22:37.280 be like, this is how it's going to go down. 0:22:37.400 --> 0:22:40.520 They start explaining to you, um that they're gonna stop 0:22:40.640 --> 0:22:42.720 at different a T M S. You have to give 0:22:42.800 --> 0:22:47.520 them the nip uh and they would take the largest 0:22:47.520 --> 0:22:50.160 amount of money. And if you cry, they will kill 0:22:50.200 --> 0:22:51.720 you if you if you scream, you would try to 0:22:51.800 --> 0:22:56.080 do anything. So they start attacking you with all these words. 0:22:56.320 --> 0:23:02.200 So you become so small and your fear, you know, 0:23:02.359 --> 0:23:07.320 inhabits you of any emotion. And I remember I started praying. 0:23:08.600 --> 0:23:13.080 I started praying, praying and praying and praying Holy Father 0:23:13.359 --> 0:23:17.280 and Spanish like a mantra. I could not stop praying. 0:23:17.520 --> 0:23:21.080 I couldn't believe what was happening. They stopped at three 0:23:21.160 --> 0:23:24.040 different A T M. S. I stupidly had three cards 0:23:24.119 --> 0:23:27.920 with me, something that you shouldn't do. As this is going, 0:23:28.080 --> 0:23:31.520 I would say that this is happening with Mexico traffic. 0:23:31.680 --> 0:23:34.479 It's like the next two hours, right, it takes more 0:23:34.560 --> 0:23:37.040 or less two hours, and they're driving around and they 0:23:37.600 --> 0:23:40.560 remember being inside the cab and all of a sudden, 0:23:41.119 --> 0:23:42.639 right next to us there was a you know, a 0:23:42.680 --> 0:23:47.200 police officer, and we had to act. I remember having 0:23:48.080 --> 0:23:51.000 one of the guy's arm holding me, and I have 0:23:51.160 --> 0:23:53.240 to act as if we were, you know, just three 0:23:53.680 --> 0:24:00.240 friends driving somewhere. It's terrifying and claustrophobic. Even listen sending 0:24:00.320 --> 0:24:03.240 to this, can you imagine what it must have been 0:24:03.320 --> 0:24:07.560 like inside that car. He's violent, out of control, dangerous 0:24:07.640 --> 0:24:11.280 men have Emma's name, her family's address, and guns in 0:24:11.320 --> 0:24:15.600 her ribs. She can't signal a police officer. She's completely 0:24:15.760 --> 0:24:21.000 utterly trapped. But then her coping mechanisms begin to kick 0:24:21.080 --> 0:24:26.280 in at that point. I don't know how, but thankfully, 0:24:26.960 --> 0:24:30.760 being two hours with these two individuals, three individuals if 0:24:30.880 --> 0:24:32.639 I count the cab driver, but I was focusing on 0:24:32.720 --> 0:24:37.240 the guys with a gun. I started clocking their energy 0:24:37.480 --> 0:24:40.280 and their frequency, if that makes sense. It's just like 0:24:40.440 --> 0:24:44.080 I would say, like they're one was a little kinder 0:24:44.200 --> 0:24:48.240 than the other. And I start to myself, I have 0:24:48.520 --> 0:24:51.359 to convince them of not raping me. I just have 0:24:51.520 --> 0:24:55.200 to convince them. I am going to convince them of 0:24:55.320 --> 0:25:01.800 not to rape me. So I already talking to what 0:25:01.960 --> 0:25:04.000 I called the good one, the good guy, which is 0:25:04.040 --> 0:25:06.600 the guy on my left. The guy on my right, 0:25:06.880 --> 0:25:09.120 which was the bad guy, would go outside and get 0:25:09.160 --> 0:25:10.640 the money from the A t M. And the guy 0:25:10.720 --> 0:25:12.919 on my left. I started just engaging and looking at 0:25:12.960 --> 0:25:15.320 his eyes. And every time the guy on my right 0:25:15.359 --> 0:25:18.680 would pop outside and get the money, I would talk 0:25:18.760 --> 0:25:20.480 to him and I would look straight to his eyes 0:25:20.560 --> 0:25:22.760 and be like, I know you have a sister. I 0:25:22.840 --> 0:25:25.240 know you have a mother. There's someone, a girlfriend, someone 0:25:25.800 --> 0:25:28.360 in your life looks like me. Look at my eyes. 0:25:28.440 --> 0:25:30.000 Put her in my eyes, look at my eyes. Threw 0:25:30.040 --> 0:25:32.640 her in my eyes. You don't like, it's okay, You've 0:25:32.720 --> 0:25:34.720 raised enough women. It's okay. It's just going to be 0:25:34.920 --> 0:25:37.520 this one. I stray to God with this one that 0:25:37.600 --> 0:25:41.280 you let go. So I started kind of trying to 0:25:41.640 --> 0:25:46.160