1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:04,520 Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio High 2 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:08,160 Speaker 1: Family Secrets Listeners. It's Danny here to share a bit 3 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 1: of exciting news with you before today's episode. We just 4 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:15,080 Speaker 1: found out that our podcast is a nominee for the 5 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: Webby People's Voice Award in the category of Best Series. 6 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:22,119 Speaker 1: This is a huge honor and honestly it put the 7 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:24,960 Speaker 1: spring in my step as I walk alone each day 8 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,280 Speaker 1: down into my basement to record my conversations with my 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:32,800 Speaker 1: amazing guests. Podcasts can be a bit like the sound 10 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,839 Speaker 1: of a tree falling in a forest. You know, is 11 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 1: anyone listening? Does it really exist? So here's the thing. 12 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,479 Speaker 1: This is the People's Voice Award, So you get to vote. 13 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:47,280 Speaker 1: It would mean so much if you'd go to vote 14 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,479 Speaker 1: dot Webby Awards dot com and cast your vote for 15 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,480 Speaker 1: Family Secrets. Thank you so much for hearing me out. 16 00:00:53,680 --> 00:01:05,959 Speaker 1: I love you guys. Now on with today's episode, I'm 17 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:10,039 Speaker 1: Danny Shapiro and this is Family Secrets, the secrets that 18 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,880 Speaker 1: are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, 19 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 1: and the secrets we keep from ourselves. My guest today 20 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 1: is Emma Ramos, actress, comedian, and writer. Emma has an 21 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:29,720 Speaker 1: important story to tell, and her telling of it is brave. 22 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,919 Speaker 1: After all, she was told that if she ever spoke 23 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:36,840 Speaker 1: of it, she could be risking her life and the 24 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:41,319 Speaker 1: lives of her loved ones. But secrets only accumulate power 25 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: when they stay silent and dormant. Here's Emma. I grew 26 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:53,480 Speaker 1: up in Cula, Cancinaloa, Mexican that's in the northwest of Mexico. 27 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: That city. Unfortunately, I'm a really bad rep You could 28 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:02,760 Speaker 1: see it briefly in the collateral with Tom Cruise. It's 29 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:06,840 Speaker 1: well known for its nargo culture. To me, it was 30 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,920 Speaker 1: really well known for its beautiful contexts. Uh. This is 31 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,519 Speaker 1: one of the cities of Metago that actually is awarded 32 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,800 Speaker 1: for its beautiful sunsets. So I grew up in middle 33 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 1: class and uh, I would say in the nineties in 34 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:27,840 Speaker 1: this town there was this striving draw cartel that was 35 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 1: out around the families who grew up there for generations, 36 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 1: very conservative, staunch Catholics, very proud people that had their 37 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:48,040 Speaker 1: honorable jobs. But this political and corrupted system was happening around. 38 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,679 Speaker 1: And I grew up in the middle of all of that. 39 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 1: What did that feel like? And was there is a 40 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,080 Speaker 1: sense that there was danger that you were in danger. 41 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:58,960 Speaker 1: I mean, how did how did that play out in 42 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 1: your family? I would say that parents from my community. 43 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:09,600 Speaker 1: Um needs a million awards from middle classes because it's 44 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 1: a constant like distracting your kids and trying to make 45 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:17,239 Speaker 1: it as if nothing is happening. I say that women 46 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,520 Speaker 1: from my hometown, because women are in charge of, you know, 47 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 1: taking care of of the kids and men go to work. 48 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 1: It's very, very nineteen Still, they would distract us and 49 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,200 Speaker 1: they would you know, filled our afternoons with toys and 50 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:38,560 Speaker 1: school would be very I would say normal, but for example, 51 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 1: in the middle of class there would could be a 52 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 1: gun shooting. I learned the word as from school. Our 53 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 1: teachers taught us to go to the ground whenever there 54 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:54,839 Speaker 1: was a gun shooting happening outside, and I learned how 55 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:59,720 Speaker 1: to distract myself, well, danger, what's happening, because it's kind 56 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:04,240 Speaker 1: of a second nature. You built this muscle of being 57 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,800 Speaker 1: completely out of your control. So I would kind of 58 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,920 Speaker 1: like look to my friends while I was laying on 59 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: the floor and make them laugh while, you know, just 60 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:16,520 Speaker 1: to distract ourselves while it happened. And then we would 61 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,359 Speaker 1: go back to school, you know, like there was no 62 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:21,520 Speaker 1: discussion I would say, like that could happen. Also, you 63 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:25,040 Speaker 1: could be at church and there could be a squeeze 64 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,680 Speaker 1: of a gun shooting between a Hallelujah and an amen. 65 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,159 Speaker 1: But then the math would keep going and we would 66 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:36,640 Speaker 1: have And the economy of being part of that community 67 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:41,479 Speaker 1: is that conversations outside while that was happening, had nothing 68 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 1: to do with that world. Women were preoccupied with, you know, 69 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 1: beauty pageants or what were they wearing, or let you know, 70 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:52,599 Speaker 1: when was the next keen Stays or the girls or 71 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:57,320 Speaker 1: the first communion, and everything was very much connected to 72 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: being good with God and being a a good girl. 73 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,520 Speaker 1: That was kind of how you made your parents and 74 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:07,599 Speaker 1: your grandparents proud. You know, good grades and being a 75 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,839 Speaker 1: good girl meant that you would be leaning into those 76 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:14,760 Speaker 1: feminine things. And if you were a boy, well you 77 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,279 Speaker 1: need to be brave because you are going to be 78 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:22,719 Speaker 1: someone who's going to take care of women. In the 79 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:26,719 Speaker 1: world of Emma's childhood, there was a strict delineation between 80 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: the roles of boys and men and the roles of 81 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:34,280 Speaker 1: girls and women. An undercurrent of danger ran through their 82 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:37,480 Speaker 1: daily lives, such a part of the fabric of their 83 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:43,680 Speaker 1: community that it went without saying it just was. So 84 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,039 Speaker 1: is it fair to say that the men and the 85 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 1: boys were the ones who were more sort of hyper 86 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:54,719 Speaker 1: aware of the dangers and of protecting the girls and 87 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 1: the women from those dangers. Yes, now, looking back, I 88 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:03,640 Speaker 1: have a lot more compassion really for for men, because 89 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:08,480 Speaker 1: it was inherent that they would have to take that responsibility, 90 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:12,360 Speaker 1: whether they wanted or not. It was part of being 91 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: a man. They would be part of those conversations. They 92 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,719 Speaker 1: would be the ones who, you know, if there was 93 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 1: any need to defend their work, and I would say, 94 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:25,760 Speaker 1: defend their work because um, in this system, whatever kind 95 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 1: of job you had, you would have to negotiate with 96 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 1: you know, that other corrupted system. Example, you would have 97 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,280 Speaker 1: to pay a certain amount of your income to these 98 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:40,000 Speaker 1: people just for them to leave you alone. And if not, 99 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,080 Speaker 1: if you would try to be if you were that guy. 100 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,599 Speaker 1: I have a friend whose brother tried to, you know, 101 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 1: to just defy that reality and with murders, so that 102 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:54,400 Speaker 1: would be kind of the process, right. But because women 103 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,160 Speaker 1: were meant to stay at home, that was the way 104 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:02,480 Speaker 1: that men would protect them. Tell me about your parents. 105 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 1: Tell me about your mother first. My mother is someone 106 00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 1: that I hear these stories since I was a baby. 107 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 1: That she wanted to study literature when she was a kid, 108 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: but she couldn't. She couldn't go to Mexico City to 109 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 1: study literature because she had to decide and start a family. 110 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 1: She started her family when she was twenty one. She 111 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 1: was very young. She's um, the second of six kids, 112 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: and she grew up very quickly because of the same. 113 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: She became a mom at a young age, and she 114 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:44,920 Speaker 1: couldn't continue studying, and her entire life and happiness was 115 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:50,320 Speaker 1: about making her home as beautiful as possible, as perfect 116 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 1: as possible. She takes a lot of pride in not 117 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: talking about violence and not talking about the ugly stuff 118 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 1: how she called it. She is also very very proud 119 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,880 Speaker 1: of the way she coped with life. In fact, before 120 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,720 Speaker 1: this conversation, Danny, I would just wanted to double check 121 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: things with her, just to see if my memory was right. 122 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 1: And uh, she has this thing where she purposely forgets. 123 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 1: She tells me that she doesn't remember the things that 124 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 1: she doesn't want to remember, and that's the way she 125 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,160 Speaker 1: just chooses to be happy. Every day she chooses to 126 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 1: be happy. And that's why certain moments in certain pictures 127 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,480 Speaker 1: go to the trash and we act like it didn't happen, 128 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 1: and that's the way I respect her life. Yeah. Yeah, 129 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:38,599 Speaker 1: that's so interesting, Emma, because really one of the predominant 130 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: themes in this podcast is that what you just describe 131 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,560 Speaker 1: your mother doing, it's actually impossible, Like you can't just 132 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:50,880 Speaker 1: decide not to remember something, or secrets go into corners 133 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: or things that we don't remember that we choose not 134 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:56,120 Speaker 1: to remember. They kind of stay there in a way, 135 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 1: they never completely disappear. So it's just it's so interesting. 136 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:04,000 Speaker 1: I mean, can completely understand someone doing that. I mean, 137 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,440 Speaker 1: especially in circumstances where the way you're describing it, it 138 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,839 Speaker 1: sounds like your family and your home community were so 139 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,840 Speaker 1: surrounded by, you know, things that were really frightening and 140 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 1: encroaching and threatening. Yes, And I'd say that there's something 141 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,520 Speaker 1: strange about sharing this with you. There's a there's a 142 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 1: thing about language also that I have to be aware 143 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:30,240 Speaker 1: that I feel like, because I'm sharing this in English, 144 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:34,000 Speaker 1: i am short of protecting them because if I would 145 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,400 Speaker 1: say it in Spanish, and if they would understand what 146 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 1: I'm saying, they would be very annoyed. They would feel 147 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 1: that I am kind of ill mannered. By just exposing 148 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:50,679 Speaker 1: something that's not good about where I was from. Right, 149 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:54,920 Speaker 1: there is a misunderstanding of being grateful, and they've built 150 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 1: this quilt of emotions, And that's why I feel sometimes 151 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:04,720 Speaker 1: hesitant to even share realities. But I I find certain 152 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 1: anecdotes so telling. For example, I remember this during Christmas. 153 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:12,440 Speaker 1: She was the one in charge of buying all the 154 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,439 Speaker 1: presents because my dad would make the money and she 155 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 1: would do the house things which involved being Santa. So 156 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:22,239 Speaker 1: there was this particular Christmas she went to the supermarket, 157 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 1: had all the gifts in her car, and then two 158 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: kidnappers approach her with guns, you know, like pointing out 159 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:34,920 Speaker 1: her head. They would just kind of like wanted to 160 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,439 Speaker 1: kidnap her and like like steal the car and steal 161 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 1: the gifts, and god knows what they were going to 162 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,200 Speaker 1: do with her. So she rans outside, she tried like 163 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 1: to negotiate with them, screaming, and just she ran back 164 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:50,960 Speaker 1: to the supermarket. So these guys just stole the car 165 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:54,760 Speaker 1: with with the toys. But when she talks about it, 166 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:58,960 Speaker 1: what I find fascinating is that what she remembers the 167 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,760 Speaker 1: most is that when she was hiding behind the counter, 168 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:08,320 Speaker 1: filled with fear, she would look at the supermarket floor 169 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,160 Speaker 1: she noticed that it was dirty. So she's like that 170 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 1: flow was so dirty, and I was distracted by like 171 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,679 Speaker 1: all the dirtiness and all the hair that was on 172 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 1: the floor, and that was happening, while like the cashier said, 173 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,760 Speaker 1: we need to call her husband. So now the superhero 174 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:28,720 Speaker 1: and the Savior King which is Dad, right, which is 175 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 1: another human being who gets a call that his wife, 176 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: you know, just dealt with that, and he has to 177 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 1: come and save her, and we as kids receiving I 178 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 1: know the story now as an adult, but back then 179 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 1: I couldn't. I didn't know what happened. I just I 180 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 1: just remember seeing Mom coming back from who knows where 181 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,560 Speaker 1: and just shutting down and not telling us anything. And 182 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,199 Speaker 1: then you know that, I believe that Christmas we they 183 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:58,520 Speaker 1: organized somehow getting our toys, but I find that detail 184 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:06,839 Speaker 1: for some reason. So telling of the women from my city, well, yeah, 185 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:11,480 Speaker 1: I mean, you're describing this amazing coping mechanism. It's not 186 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:15,319 Speaker 1: that different from the way you described telling jokes and 187 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:18,800 Speaker 1: making making people laugh during school when you had to 188 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 1: what was the word when you had to go down 189 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:25,440 Speaker 1: on the floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean you're down 190 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,360 Speaker 1: there and and making people laugh and sort of doing 191 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:31,720 Speaker 1: what you can do to not be thinking about what 192 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:35,360 Speaker 1: is actually happening. And your mother in the supermarket is 193 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 1: looking at the floor and the dirt and the grime, 194 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 1: and it's sort of what she can do to not 195 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:45,000 Speaker 1: be completely freaking out about what just had happened to her. 196 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 1: We don't decide what are coping mechanisms will be. We 197 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,760 Speaker 1: don't get to choose. Oh, I'll be the funny one, 198 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,160 Speaker 1: or I'll focus on the small detail to avoid seeing 199 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 1: the big picture. Some coping mechanisms are healthy and others 200 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:05,160 Speaker 1: are self destructive. Whatever they are, they're an attempt to 201 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:09,720 Speaker 1: control an uncontrollable environment. And when it comes to Emma's father, 202 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 1: all he wants to do is keep his family safe 203 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 1: in an unsafe place, and he has a lot of 204 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:19,760 Speaker 1: very strong ideas about the way his kids Emma is 205 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 1: one of three, should live their lives. Tell me about 206 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:32,640 Speaker 1: your father. My father is a beautiful man, a very 207 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:37,520 Speaker 1: sensitive human being that was never allowed to explore his 208 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:43,360 Speaker 1: feminine side. He works in the agricultural business. He inherits 209 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: his land that was like from you know, many generations 210 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 1: before him, so kind of also his story was written 211 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,439 Speaker 1: for him before he could say anything. I saw that 212 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 1: that was only for women, but I think, you know, 213 00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 1: I think for men too. My father's also very proud 214 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,840 Speaker 1: to share like the same values that my mom has 215 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:09,800 Speaker 1: to prioritize family. So just you know, his biggest moment 216 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:14,079 Speaker 1: of happiness is to be with his kids. I think 217 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:18,479 Speaker 1: he imagined that, you know, working and giving us everything 218 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,320 Speaker 1: they steele cafe sustain. So he would say, like you 219 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 1: know that he would take care of our clothing, our 220 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 1: house needs, and our education education with something huge. But 221 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 1: I'm from that generation that the Internet happened, so I 222 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,320 Speaker 1: don't think they could plan that I was going to 223 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:40,120 Speaker 1: have access to so much information when they invested on 224 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,120 Speaker 1: the best education they could. So I think that Dad. 225 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:48,440 Speaker 1: I clearly remember graduating from college having all these dreams 226 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:52,000 Speaker 1: where I would see finally that we had in Mexico 227 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 1: at the time, only one female senator, and I remember 228 00:14:55,880 --> 00:15:00,680 Speaker 1: meeting her more than being so connected to her thinking 229 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 1: and reading and understanding that there was a way in 230 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 1: which women could also vent their truth and would be 231 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:12,880 Speaker 1: paid for it, and coming back home and telling Dad 232 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 1: that I would want to pursue that, and him being 233 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:21,880 Speaker 1: extremely confused and afraid that that meant that I would 234 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,040 Speaker 1: not learn how to cook, because I've never learned how 235 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 1: to cook. I can't cook anything. But his advice would be, 236 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 1: you should start to learn how to cook, because that's 237 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,400 Speaker 1: what's next. You know, like you have the best education, 238 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:38,240 Speaker 1: therefore you are connected to this group of people. Thank god, 239 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:41,640 Speaker 1: I did everything that you could be safe while growing up. 240 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 1: And please don't be a disappointment, and you give me 241 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: more hard at tags while you're still how side in 242 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,400 Speaker 1: the world without being protected from and via man. So 243 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 1: I think that that where our relationships started having a 244 00:15:55,680 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 1: lot of conflicting conversations based on his idea of how 245 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,960 Speaker 1: should I continue in my life and my impetus of 246 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,520 Speaker 1: just responding to a call, which was to keep exploring 247 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 1: and asking questions and and make money for myself. It's 248 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,680 Speaker 1: so interesting the way that the Internet really does play 249 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: a role in so many of these stories that you 250 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,920 Speaker 1: ended up being exposed to. Your aperture was open so 251 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 1: much wider to the possibilities that were available to as 252 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,960 Speaker 1: a young woman then they might have been without the 253 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,640 Speaker 1: advent of the Internet when you were growing up. Yeah, 254 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:47,080 Speaker 1: we'll be right back, So Emma hustles, she has big dreams. 255 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 1: She goes to college, graduates early. She's smart, talented, well liked, 256 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 1: and ends up with a good job in public relations 257 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 1: in Mexico City. She works during the day and it's 258 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:04,879 Speaker 1: even studying for a master's degree at night. Tell me 259 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,359 Speaker 1: what happened about fifteen years ago one evening when you 260 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:11,359 Speaker 1: were on your way from work to your classes. So 261 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:15,880 Speaker 1: now knowing that that was not happy about me continuing 262 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:19,879 Speaker 1: and pushing to be the next senator in machial but 263 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 1: even if we fight, he loved me, so he allowed 264 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,000 Speaker 1: for me to work on this job in Mexico City. 265 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:31,280 Speaker 1: One of those things where I got away with pursuing 266 00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:35,440 Speaker 1: my career. But obviously I had to call Dad every 267 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,879 Speaker 1: Saturday and like all of his mechanics around having him 268 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: at ease that this little girl was, you know, doing 269 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,600 Speaker 1: the right thing and just working and balancing the fact 270 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:50,520 Speaker 1: that I wanted to be this superwoman to simplify as 271 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:54,440 Speaker 1: that term. So while I was doing that, being a 272 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:59,680 Speaker 1: superwoman at that time, and I'm twenty one at the time, 273 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 1: I was truly truly young to have this position at 274 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:06,920 Speaker 1: the company as a director and also studying my first 275 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:11,399 Speaker 1: master's kind of my mind was in that, you know, 276 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,520 Speaker 1: drinking that juice, that there was a possibility of young 277 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 1: women being part of politics and doing something for themselves 278 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,919 Speaker 1: other than just being there because they were women, they 279 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:26,920 Speaker 1: were pretty, or whatever. Men thought that we were. Men 280 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,840 Speaker 1: from my generation would say that I got that far 281 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 1: in my profession because I was pretty, and I would 282 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 1: be so livid. So with that thrive and anger, that's 283 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 1: why I was like, I will keep studying, and my 284 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:46,399 Speaker 1: focus was like first as masters, then the PhD, and 285 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:52,400 Speaker 1: Mexico City. This was the time where Fox was president, 286 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,240 Speaker 1: and I just mentioned him because when we say in 287 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 1: Mexico is a dangerous country, it's just so general. It's not. 288 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,880 Speaker 1: It's really it's like any other country. It really depends 289 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:05,680 Speaker 1: on the moment in politics. If we had a precedent 290 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 1: for the first time from a different party. Mexico is 291 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 1: a country who had seventy one years free was governing, 292 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:16,080 Speaker 1: which would be the equivalent of the Republicans, and then 293 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:20,320 Speaker 1: we had folks for the first time, so the political 294 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:24,160 Speaker 1: temperature and violence of the city was different. That's why 295 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:30,360 Speaker 1: there were certain things called express kidnaps. An express kidnap 296 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,680 Speaker 1: has nothing to do with being the daughter of a 297 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,960 Speaker 1: mogul or an ambassador. It's a method of abduction in 298 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:40,400 Speaker 1: which a victim is targeted, abducted, often violently, and held 299 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:45,119 Speaker 1: captive for a quick, small ransom, either from the victims family, employer, 300 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:50,200 Speaker 1: or most often a T M machines. I usually could 301 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:54,040 Speaker 1: go to school, would take a site taxi to be cautious, 302 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,199 Speaker 1: but that day I believe I had an exam or something, 303 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 1: and the traffic wasn't like imp posible, so I took 304 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:05,720 Speaker 1: a cab from the street, which you shouldn't, but my 305 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,480 Speaker 1: focus was in becoming the next senator, so so I 306 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,520 Speaker 1: had to go. I had to go to class. Um. 307 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,560 Speaker 1: So as soon as I got into the car, I'm 308 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,440 Speaker 1: giving you these details just to paint the picture of 309 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 1: how distracted and focused I was, so kind of like 310 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:25,400 Speaker 1: how my mind delayed a lot of the things that happened. 311 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:29,439 Speaker 1: Kind of I was absorbed them in a delay because 312 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,639 Speaker 1: I was on the phone, still dealing with my job, 313 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 1: and I had in my hands um paperwork from school. 314 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,200 Speaker 1: So I was kind of focusing and trying for the 315 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,440 Speaker 1: cab to just get me to school. And as soon 316 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:47,920 Speaker 1: as I cop on a inside the cab, two men 317 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:52,240 Speaker 1: stepped in, and it kind of because I was still 318 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,399 Speaker 1: on the phone and I couldn't I couldn't understand. I 319 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,760 Speaker 1: felt that they were they were pointing at me, and 320 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:02,879 Speaker 1: there was a cook halpen me of a lot of fear. 321 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:07,560 Speaker 1: I would say in these guys voices, they were screaming 322 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,680 Speaker 1: commands and they were screaming things. Because I wasn't moving, 323 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,880 Speaker 1: I couldn't understand what was happening. So I would say 324 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,680 Speaker 1: that after two minutes of understanding what was happening, then 325 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:20,639 Speaker 1: I looked down and I see that there were guns 326 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:23,520 Speaker 1: pointing um at my ribs. They were touching my ribs 327 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 1: from both sides. I looked at the cab driver, and 328 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,359 Speaker 1: the cab driver acted after if he was a victim. 329 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,720 Speaker 1: But they are part of the whole thing. So then 330 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,720 Speaker 1: I understood what was happening. And then kind of there's 331 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 1: a moment where I felt that I was out of 332 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,480 Speaker 1: my body because all of this. The next moves happened 333 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:50,200 Speaker 1: so quickly. The guy on my left took my necklace. 334 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,000 Speaker 1: The guy in my right opened my bag and took 335 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,960 Speaker 1: my phone and took all of my I D and 336 00:21:56,080 --> 00:22:00,159 Speaker 1: everything I had inside my bag. So I remember her 337 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,399 Speaker 1: that he was addressing me by my name and he 338 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:07,680 Speaker 1: would say my address. And unfortunately, the way I d 339 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 1: S work in Mexico, you will always I will always 340 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:14,199 Speaker 1: have This is another caveat of patriarchy. I will always 341 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 1: have my parents address on my I D until I 342 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:20,480 Speaker 1: get married, then I will have the address or whoever 343 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:25,680 Speaker 1: I marry, whatever home I moved to. So the fact 344 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: that they were saying out loud my parents address and 345 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 1: my name, and they start saying that if I moved 346 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,280 Speaker 1: that I was going to be murdered. And they would 347 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 1: be like, this is how it's going to go down. 348 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,520 Speaker 1: They start explaining to you, um that they're gonna stop 349 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:42,720 Speaker 1: at different a T M S. You have to give 350 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 1: them the nip uh and they would take the largest 351 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,160 Speaker 1: amount of money. And if you cry, they will kill 352 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,720 Speaker 1: you if you if you scream, you would try to 353 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:56,080 Speaker 1: do anything. So they start attacking you with all these words. 354 00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:02,200 Speaker 1: So you become so small and your fear, you know, 355 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:07,320 Speaker 1: inhabits you of any emotion. And I remember I started praying. 356 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 1: I started praying, praying and praying and praying Holy Father 357 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:17,280 Speaker 1: and Spanish like a mantra. I could not stop praying. 358 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 1: I couldn't believe what was happening. They stopped at three 359 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,040 Speaker 1: different A T M. S. I stupidly had three cards 360 00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:27,920 Speaker 1: with me, something that you shouldn't do. As this is going, 361 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 1: I would say that this is happening with Mexico traffic. 362 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,479 Speaker 1: It's like the next two hours, right, it takes more 363 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:37,040 Speaker 1: or less two hours, and they're driving around and they 364 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 1: remember being inside the cab and all of a sudden, 365 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:42,639 Speaker 1: right next to us there was a you know, a 366 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 1: police officer, and we had to act. I remember having 367 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,000 Speaker 1: one of the guy's arm holding me, and I have 368 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,240 Speaker 1: to act as if we were, you know, just three 369 00:23:53,680 --> 00:24:00,240 Speaker 1: friends driving somewhere. It's terrifying and claustrophobic. Even listen sending 370 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,240 Speaker 1: to this, can you imagine what it must have been 371 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:07,560 Speaker 1: like inside that car. He's violent, out of control, dangerous 372 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:11,280 Speaker 1: men have Emma's name, her family's address, and guns in 373 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:15,600 Speaker 1: her ribs. She can't signal a police officer. She's completely 374 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:21,000 Speaker 1: utterly trapped. But then her coping mechanisms begin to kick 375 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:26,280 Speaker 1: in at that point. I don't know how, but thankfully, 376 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 1: being two hours with these two individuals, three individuals if 377 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,639 Speaker 1: I count the cab driver, but I was focusing on 378 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:37,240 Speaker 1: the guys with a gun. I started clocking their energy 379 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,280 Speaker 1: and their frequency, if that makes sense. It's just like 380 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:44,080 Speaker 1: I would say, like they're one was a little kinder 381 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:48,240 Speaker 1: than the other. And I start to myself, I have 382 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,359 Speaker 1: to convince them of not raping me. I just have 383 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:55,200 Speaker 1: to convince them. I am going to convince them of 384 00:24:55,320 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 1: not to rape me. So I already talking to what 385 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,000 Speaker 1: I called the good one, the good guy, which is 386 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 1: the guy on my left. The guy on my right, 387 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,120 Speaker 1: which was the bad guy, would go outside and get 388 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:10,640 Speaker 1: the money from the A t M. And the guy 389 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,919 Speaker 1: on my left. I started just engaging and looking at 390 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,320 Speaker 1: his eyes. And every time the guy on my right 391 00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:18,680 Speaker 1: would pop outside and get the money, I would talk 392 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:20,480 Speaker 1: to him and I would look straight to his eyes 393 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,760 Speaker 1: and be like, I know you have a sister. I 394 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,240 Speaker 1: know you have a mother. There's someone, a girlfriend, someone 395 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,360 Speaker 1: in your life looks like me. Look at my eyes. 396 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,000 Speaker 1: Put her in my eyes, look at my eyes. Threw 397 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,640 Speaker 1: her in my eyes. You don't like, it's okay, You've 398 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,720 Speaker 1: raised enough women. It's okay. It's just going to be 399 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,520 Speaker 1: this one. I stray to God with this one that 400 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:41,280 Speaker 1: you let go. So I started kind of trying to 401 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:46,160 Speaker 1: make him see me as someone he liked, he loves, 402 00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 1: he would have compassion towards And I don't know if 403 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,920 Speaker 1: this makes sense to you, but and this is very physical. 404 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,400 Speaker 1: I think that this is very easical because I would 405 00:25:56,480 --> 00:26:00,080 Speaker 1: feel the guns the way it just pushed my it 406 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 1: for the guy in the left, the metal or whatever 407 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:08,119 Speaker 1: it was made with started having a little bit more ease, 408 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,720 Speaker 1: so I would I would say something, said, Okay, so 409 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,680 Speaker 1: at least this guy maybe is going to help me 410 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,600 Speaker 1: out when the time comes. Because the nature of this 411 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,040 Speaker 1: is once they take all the money, then they moved 412 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,159 Speaker 1: to a different place, which is they go outside the 413 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,240 Speaker 1: city and that's where it happens. So with the last guy, 414 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,920 Speaker 1: he got upset because he couldn't take money from the 415 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:32,119 Speaker 1: last a t M. So he starts yelling, he starts healing, 416 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:36,560 Speaker 1: and he starts getting really annoyed and saying really horrible things. 417 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:38,480 Speaker 1: That's what he was going to do to me. And 418 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 1: I don't know where I found this strength, but I 419 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:48,600 Speaker 1: just fought him back with the same level of my voice, 420 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:50,960 Speaker 1: and I just screamed back at him and I said, 421 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,200 Speaker 1: do not be an idiot. This is my nip. Just 422 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,879 Speaker 1: press it correctly, Just press it again and this is 423 00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:02,080 Speaker 1: my nip right it. So I just thought back and 424 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:08,720 Speaker 1: kind of gained his respect for just fining back. So 425 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:12,200 Speaker 1: Emma screams and fights, which is amazing enough that she's 426 00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:15,159 Speaker 1: operating on such an intuitive level that she knows what 427 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,520 Speaker 1: to do in the midst of a life threatening situation. 428 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:22,040 Speaker 1: But then she takes it to the next level. Remember 429 00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:23,920 Speaker 1: the way as a kid she used to make the 430 00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:25,920 Speaker 1: other kids laugh when they were down on the floor 431 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:31,320 Speaker 1: dodging bullets. Emma deploys humor. She isn't a trained comedian, 432 00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:36,359 Speaker 1: not yet, but she's funny and she uses it. So 433 00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:39,840 Speaker 1: then at the time came of moving outside, Um, I 434 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:43,880 Speaker 1: made this guy laugh by you know, continuing this rhetoric. 435 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:48,960 Speaker 1: I knew that wherever in Mexico, whatever social class you 436 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,760 Speaker 1: come from, the one thing we have Mexicans in common 437 00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:58,160 Speaker 1: is our belief in God. The Catholic system has done 438 00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:02,000 Speaker 1: really horrible things and some great things, which is we 439 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:05,240 Speaker 1: all believe there when we die, we're going to go 440 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,560 Speaker 1: somewhere and we can be forgiven and we in the 441 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,760 Speaker 1: next life will be better. So with that story, I 442 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 1: just told him and I was like, listen to me, 443 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 1: my mom, and this is true. My mom is very religious, 444 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,560 Speaker 1: she's very connected with a bath Vatican. I'm going to 445 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:24,600 Speaker 1: if you don't rape me, this is what I'm gonna do. 446 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,160 Speaker 1: And I started just talking about how I was gonna 447 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,879 Speaker 1: negotiate a past, a past for him to you know, 448 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 1: to have a little just like just like a Nintendo game, 449 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,760 Speaker 1: just to cavil a mushroom or when you are playing 450 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,680 Speaker 1: Mario or whatever. I was like, I'm gonna give you 451 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,920 Speaker 1: a point if you if you let this one go. Um. 452 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,280 Speaker 1: So once he laughed, and he basically said, listen, I've 453 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:50,280 Speaker 1: never ever encounter anybody that has first talked back to 454 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,040 Speaker 1: me secondly made me laugh. So I'm just gonna give 455 00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:57,400 Speaker 1: you a chance. So they let me go. They said, Okay, 456 00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,400 Speaker 1: we're gonna let you go, but remember we have your 457 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,479 Speaker 1: address and your your parents address. Um, if you look back, 458 00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,440 Speaker 1: we're gonna still point a gun at you. So you're 459 00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 1: gonna walk. You gotta have to count to eleven. If 460 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,840 Speaker 1: you report, they give you all these instructions. Um, we 461 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:13,640 Speaker 1: will come and murder you. So don't play funny da 462 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,800 Speaker 1: da da, and don't forget Tona goes you don't forget 463 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:20,480 Speaker 1: my point in the sky. So so I walked, and 464 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:24,040 Speaker 1: I tell me, I think I counted to a thousand. 465 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,680 Speaker 1: My body because of the past three hours of just 466 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 1: like holding this play for that, you know, like holding 467 00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:39,160 Speaker 1: this story for them, holding some sort of like fake 468 00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:43,600 Speaker 1: strength was so so so tight that finally I don't 469 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:45,560 Speaker 1: know where I was. Obviously I didn't have anything. I 470 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 1: had to have a bag and I have a phone. 471 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,600 Speaker 1: I don't know what neighborhood I was in. Um I 472 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 1: started bawling, and a guy in the corner just saw 473 00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:57,240 Speaker 1: me crying in the corner and just if he wanted 474 00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,360 Speaker 1: to help, and also that for me kind of I 475 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:03,000 Speaker 1: was still in shock, so I couldn't trust anyone, and 476 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:06,560 Speaker 1: I couldn't put you know, words together, because everything that 477 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,520 Speaker 1: I did not feel for the past three hours, it 478 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 1: came like it just hit my body. So I couldn't 479 00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:16,240 Speaker 1: couldn't stop crying and just feeling so so so afraid. 480 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:20,360 Speaker 1: I would say the next twenty minutes, any I don't, 481 00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,080 Speaker 1: I kind of There are images that comment back and 482 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,320 Speaker 1: forth of what actually happened. The only thing I remember 483 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:30,480 Speaker 1: is that somehow there was a woman, an older woman, 484 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:34,960 Speaker 1: that she could put things together. What I was saying 485 00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 1: while crying so she put me in a cab. She 486 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,360 Speaker 1: paid this cab driver to take me to my apartment 487 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:45,560 Speaker 1: in Mexico City, and that drive back home was when 488 00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:49,720 Speaker 1: I had to make a choice. If I called my 489 00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:53,000 Speaker 1: parents and tell them what happened, I would have to 490 00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,200 Speaker 1: go back to my hometown. I would have to say 491 00:30:56,240 --> 00:31:00,160 Speaker 1: goodbye to my grad school, to my life as a 492 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 1: working woman in Mexico, to all of these things. I 493 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:04,760 Speaker 1: would have to say goodbye. I would have to go 494 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:09,280 Speaker 1: back home and my father, you know, I would have 495 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 1: to ask for forgiveness. Basically on top of this, because 496 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 1: I was in Mexico City doing what I was doing 497 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:20,880 Speaker 1: because I said I could, and this happened. So at 498 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:25,080 Speaker 1: that moment, the only thing I could do was rely 499 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:29,320 Speaker 1: on my roommates at the time and deal with my 500 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 1: PTSD for my like, by myself and just stay quiet. 501 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:37,640 Speaker 1: How do you deal with your PTSD on your own 502 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:41,320 Speaker 1: with no help? For the next week, I asked my 503 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,880 Speaker 1: roommates if I could sleep with him. I couldn't sleep 504 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,600 Speaker 1: by myself. I would wake up just just in shock. Um. 505 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,920 Speaker 1: I had a boyfriend at the time who was obviously 506 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 1: furious and feeling so he had no power to do anything, 507 00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:59,120 Speaker 1: because in these these cases you couldn't report it to 508 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,000 Speaker 1: the police. The police was cluded on this and and 509 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,480 Speaker 1: that would have given another layer of danger if I 510 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:07,960 Speaker 1: would report it. And also he knew that if I 511 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,040 Speaker 1: told my parents, that would be the end of me 512 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,240 Speaker 1: seeing him. Also, so I would say that I we 513 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,280 Speaker 1: would watch movies. That was the first time that I 514 00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:18,200 Speaker 1: got was obsessed with philispo Mo Hofman. I think I 515 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:21,040 Speaker 1: watched every single Philistiner Hofman movie. I watched The Band 516 00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:25,040 Speaker 1: of Brothers for the first time. Anything that was like 517 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:28,280 Speaker 1: far away from my reality. I got. I was so 518 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 1: into science field. I need like I was engaging in 519 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:37,240 Speaker 1: stories that were outside Mexico and my situations that were 520 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:42,440 Speaker 1: funny and different. And I kept working. I went back 521 00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:44,560 Speaker 1: to work. I went back to work. I think I 522 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:47,960 Speaker 1: I missed work for the next three days, but I 523 00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,040 Speaker 1: went back to work, and I would just I mean, 524 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:54,160 Speaker 1: obviously this pdo became, you know, like there were like 525 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:58,880 Speaker 1: three months after a friend, uh was coming behind me 526 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,920 Speaker 1: and just say hey, am and just I just couldn't. 527 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,720 Speaker 1: I just started screaming, UM. So I had radical reactions 528 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:09,160 Speaker 1: for the next months or so. But that's how I 529 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:12,160 Speaker 1: dealt with it, and I think that that I became 530 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:16,200 Speaker 1: extremely resilient and that what doesn't kill me make you 531 00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,800 Speaker 1: funnier than he didn't. I just it just make me. 532 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:25,040 Speaker 1: It just makes me want to push more for faciness 533 00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:29,040 Speaker 1: and creating spaces or women to be free and to 534 00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:31,520 Speaker 1: be safe to do what they want to do. Really, 535 00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:37,800 Speaker 1: we'll be back in a moment with more family secrets. 536 00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:53,680 Speaker 1: When it comes to telling her family, Emma is in 537 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,400 Speaker 1: an impossible position. To tell means that she might be 538 00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:01,400 Speaker 1: putting them in danger. To tell also means that she'll 539 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:05,840 Speaker 1: be curtailing her own life. Her protective father, who hadn't 540 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,799 Speaker 1: wanted her to work and live in Mexico City, will 541 00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,120 Speaker 1: force her to come home and learn how to cook 542 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:15,080 Speaker 1: and run a household. So she lives with her PTSD 543 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:18,920 Speaker 1: and just pushes through deals with it. Her life thus 544 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,880 Speaker 1: far has taught her to pay attention and do whatever 545 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:25,440 Speaker 1: it takes to get ahead. She hasn't considered whether she 546 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:28,840 Speaker 1: loves what she's doing. She's just trying to move forward. 547 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,799 Speaker 1: I think I've had delayed reactions all over my life 548 00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:37,480 Speaker 1: because of this way of growing up and comedy and 549 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:42,680 Speaker 1: acting came as a delayed reaction because the propeller, the 550 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:45,839 Speaker 1: Senator and me was and that was the only thing 551 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:51,960 Speaker 1: I knew back then that would give voice to my 552 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:57,399 Speaker 1: questions and my observations about injustice in the place where 553 00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:01,799 Speaker 1: I lived, and the propeller and the path was set. 554 00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:07,400 Speaker 1: That happened, and I kept going because that was the 555 00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:11,480 Speaker 1: way to be involved. That was keeping me in the conversation. 556 00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:14,719 Speaker 1: I was not benched. I was still in the game. 557 00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:20,880 Speaker 1: I remember that another job I had right before I 558 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:24,320 Speaker 1: decided to move to New York and become a community 559 00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:29,040 Speaker 1: actress um I had another big job for the government 560 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:33,200 Speaker 1: in Mexico. And there was a delayed reaction to all 561 00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:36,600 Speaker 1: of this because in one of these trips to New 562 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,040 Speaker 1: York work trip to New York, I had at the 563 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:43,919 Speaker 1: time the money that none of my friends had because 564 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:46,760 Speaker 1: I start I worked from a very early age, because 565 00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,720 Speaker 1: that was what my plan. My independence and my freedom 566 00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:54,720 Speaker 1: was a priority for me. So I I was economically solvent. 567 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,000 Speaker 1: And I looked at myself in the mirror, knowing that 568 00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:01,840 Speaker 1: a lot of my male friends also envied my position, 569 00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:07,879 Speaker 1: and yet I saw so much emptiness because I had 570 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:13,239 Speaker 1: to adjust my truth to be seen. And by adjusting 571 00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:17,720 Speaker 1: my truth was this suit I had this Louis Baton 572 00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:23,560 Speaker 1: bag and these like you know, the stiletto that all 573 00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,560 Speaker 1: of these things I carried, and I was like walking 574 00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:29,120 Speaker 1: back and forth to the New York Stock Exchange and like, 575 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:35,080 Speaker 1: you know, all of this exterior persona that they taught 576 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,880 Speaker 1: me that that's how women are independent and that's how 577 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:43,080 Speaker 1: we have a voice. I could never say how I 578 00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:48,319 Speaker 1: really felt. I also have worked my muscle of being 579 00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:50,840 Speaker 1: invisible when I had to be invisible in order to 580 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,879 Speaker 1: keep a job. I knew that I got so far 581 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:57,279 Speaker 1: in the game because I knew how to play it, 582 00:36:57,840 --> 00:36:59,920 Speaker 1: and the way how to play it is to navig 583 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:04,239 Speaker 1: it around whose empower and whose empower is these men 584 00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:09,120 Speaker 1: at the time that have this need to accumulate wealth 585 00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:13,120 Speaker 1: no matter what and to see women as traught. So 586 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:17,640 Speaker 1: the decision to do what I do now truly truly 587 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:22,560 Speaker 1: came as a need to have fun. I said to myself, 588 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:26,640 Speaker 1: I've done so much. Can I have recess now? I 589 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,880 Speaker 1: always say like I had a childhood of an adult, 590 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:31,680 Speaker 1: and now as an adult, I'm living like a child 591 00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:36,040 Speaker 1: because I worked so hard for that. So many of 592 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:40,120 Speaker 1: us who become artists, writers, creatives of all kinds come 593 00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:44,440 Speaker 1: to this kind of crossroads, especially women, How do we 594 00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:48,800 Speaker 1: become authentic, do what we love, find our own voices. 595 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:53,520 Speaker 1: Emma realized that empowerment didn't come in the form of 596 00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:59,440 Speaker 1: expensive handbags and stiletto heels. True empowerment came in learning 597 00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:05,840 Speaker 1: to fully inhabit her own self. I would never forget 598 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:09,600 Speaker 1: the first time I was walking to a play and 599 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,080 Speaker 1: I was like dancing in the morning and rehearsing and 600 00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:15,719 Speaker 1: singing and sitting outside. This was that Soho rep and 601 00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:17,880 Speaker 1: so you know, you know we're Sovilo reppis in New 602 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:21,280 Speaker 1: York City. It's not it's it's not the risk, Carlton. 603 00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:25,240 Speaker 1: You know, it's a very small theater where raps probably 604 00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,680 Speaker 1: are going to appear in whate your shows. What the 605 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:29,920 Speaker 1: previous Civilo rep not not the one that is now. 606 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:35,120 Speaker 1: But I would feel this joy, the secrecy of like 607 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:40,080 Speaker 1: I cannot believe that I have the privilege to enjoy 608 00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,600 Speaker 1: myself and to just express these words where I feel them, 609 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:47,000 Speaker 1: and I felt while living all of this. It came 610 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:50,200 Speaker 1: again as as an afterthought, as a delayed reaction of 611 00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:54,720 Speaker 1: all of this, understanding that this privilege that I called, 612 00:38:54,800 --> 00:39:01,200 Speaker 1: it's called coming from a patriarchical society and never having 613 00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:04,640 Speaker 1: a chance to just be Yeah, I love that. It 614 00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:08,240 Speaker 1: makes so much sense. And I can think of little 615 00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:15,880 Speaker 1: that's more expressive than comedy. Really, that ability to speak 616 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,920 Speaker 1: some sort of like truth so deep that it's funny 617 00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:22,200 Speaker 1: or to make people laugh, which is actually a through 618 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:24,000 Speaker 1: line in your whole in your whole story. And mean, 619 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,239 Speaker 1: you talk about that from the time that you're in 620 00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:30,000 Speaker 1: grade school, and then it saves you when you're in 621 00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:33,160 Speaker 1: the car with the kidnappers. That just makes a lot 622 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:37,920 Speaker 1: of sense. You were twenty one when this attack happened, 623 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,960 Speaker 1: is kidnapping. How old were you when you made the 624 00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:46,680 Speaker 1: move to New York? How old are you today? Seven 625 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:51,920 Speaker 1: this year? So for all these intervening years, Emma heeds 626 00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:56,000 Speaker 1: the kidnappers warning. She never tells her family. She never 627 00:39:56,120 --> 00:40:00,719 Speaker 1: tells her parents. But then during the COVID ninet in pandemic, 628 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:06,640 Speaker 1: Emma returns to Mexico to quarantine with her family. Her 629 00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:09,359 Speaker 1: father is ill and she's there to take care of him. 630 00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:14,240 Speaker 1: And the thing about secrets is they have their own energy. 631 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:21,480 Speaker 1: Even if it's years, decades, lifetimes, centuries, Eventually they come out. 632 00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:28,280 Speaker 1: I'm there as an adult trying to help my parents 633 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:32,520 Speaker 1: business in March. We knew even less that we know now. 634 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:36,040 Speaker 1: The only thing that we were certain was that this 635 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:40,799 Speaker 1: was attacking the elders. And I was there thinking, I'm 636 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:44,080 Speaker 1: here to do the groceries, to do all of things 637 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,960 Speaker 1: for my parents because I'm the young person. So this 638 00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:52,680 Speaker 1: day I grabbed the car keys and I'm just asking 639 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:55,560 Speaker 1: my mom my dad, what else do we need? Do 640 00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:58,520 Speaker 1: we need apples? Do we need that? And my dad, 641 00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:01,080 Speaker 1: my dad looks at me. I be He's like, where 642 00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:03,959 Speaker 1: do you think you're going. I'm gonna do a grocery today. 643 00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:07,440 Speaker 1: He goes, You're not going with those shorts. You're not 644 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:11,640 Speaker 1: you can't go with those short shorts. I'm like, yeah, 645 00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:18,600 Speaker 1: it's it's very shocked. This is Queercon, it's March, and 646 00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:21,239 Speaker 1: it's really hot. So I am going with I'm not 647 00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:25,800 Speaker 1: putting pants and yes, don't know. That was the beginning 648 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:32,239 Speaker 1: of this fight where he would say, you're not going, 649 00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:35,279 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go, and I said, Dad, I'm here for 650 00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:38,600 Speaker 1: this same reason. Let me go. I can't believe if 651 00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:41,400 Speaker 1: you don't change your clothing and you're you, you're not 652 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:45,239 Speaker 1: gonna you don't understand you now the thing. You're American 653 00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:48,120 Speaker 1: and you go to all these women marches, and but 654 00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:51,840 Speaker 1: here is Mexico, here is different. And he starts getting 655 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:55,640 Speaker 1: very agitated, and I get very agitated too, because I 656 00:41:55,880 --> 00:42:01,480 Speaker 1: can't believe that he can't trust is grown a daughter 657 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:05,320 Speaker 1: to do the groceries with with shorts on. So I 658 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:09,000 Speaker 1: said to him, I was like, Dad, do you understand 659 00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:12,560 Speaker 1: that I negotiated my way out of a rape and 660 00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:17,080 Speaker 1: you think that I cannot handle going outside with short 661 00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:23,719 Speaker 1: shorts to bring you drawing? A pandemic apples there. It 662 00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:29,200 Speaker 1: is the secret tumbling out and as so often happens 663 00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:34,960 Speaker 1: during an argument, at the worst possible moment. It was 664 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:38,239 Speaker 1: a disaster because for both of us there was a 665 00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:42,160 Speaker 1: lot of things to combat. First of all, it wasn't right. 666 00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:44,360 Speaker 1: It was not the right time for me to just, 667 00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:47,760 Speaker 1: you know, shelve that it came out of just picking 668 00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:50,320 Speaker 1: the most radical thing. For for him to hear what 669 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:53,719 Speaker 1: he was saying, that it made me furious that I 670 00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:59,440 Speaker 1: still don't have independence in his eyes, And for him, 671 00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:03,879 Speaker 1: he starts crying um after saying that that I'm very 672 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:07,359 Speaker 1: ill mannered and that he can believe that I don't 673 00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:10,120 Speaker 1: respect my elders and all that, and after it, while 674 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:11,920 Speaker 1: he was trying what you have to imagine, this is 675 00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:15,839 Speaker 1: a very proud Mexican dad, so I barely see him cry. 676 00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:21,560 Speaker 1: So that was shocking too. So with tears in his eyes, 677 00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:27,440 Speaker 1: he says to me, if something happens to you at 678 00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:31,719 Speaker 1: the supermarket, if you get kidnapped, I don't know what 679 00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:36,279 Speaker 1: how I could handle, you know, being a dad and 680 00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:40,759 Speaker 1: being a husband. Again, we stayed in that conversation for 681 00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:45,160 Speaker 1: a long time, and you know, he said things like 682 00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,520 Speaker 1: this pandemic is getting all guys corny because they can't 683 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,040 Speaker 1: go out. And I was like, what the women do? 684 00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:54,239 Speaker 1: I'm like women do and he doesn't want to hear that. 685 00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:59,360 Speaker 1: I mean, from that extreme to to just coming together 686 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:06,080 Speaker 1: to agree on disagreeing, no matter, if I dealt with that, 687 00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:09,480 Speaker 1: no matter if he still thinks that I was very 688 00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:13,319 Speaker 1: lucky to get that was protected from God. This has 689 00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:15,640 Speaker 1: not This had nothing to do the fact that I 690 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:21,200 Speaker 1: wasn't raped, the fact that I'm still alive. I had 691 00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:24,600 Speaker 1: to do with God protecting me. It had nothing to 692 00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:28,960 Speaker 1: do with what I did. And I have to honor 693 00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:31,200 Speaker 1: that I have because I don't know. I mean, that's 694 00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,840 Speaker 1: what I mean. I told you, I prayed. I prayed 695 00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:36,840 Speaker 1: a lot inside that cab. So I feel like for 696 00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:40,040 Speaker 1: the next twenty years, that's what I'm still gabbling with, 697 00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:43,640 Speaker 1: all this like mysticism and believe in God, and like 698 00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:46,640 Speaker 1: what is you and what is God? Really? In terms 699 00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:51,840 Speaker 1: of protection, Emma and her dad are likely never to 700 00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,680 Speaker 1: see completely eye to eye about what happened in Mexico 701 00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:57,960 Speaker 1: City and the reasons why the kidnappers let her go. 702 00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:02,759 Speaker 1: He believes God protected her, and she may believe this too, 703 00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:06,640 Speaker 1: but she also knows as she handled herself in a 704 00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:09,759 Speaker 1: way that got her out of that car, both and 705 00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:16,719 Speaker 1: not either or during the years where you obeyed the 706 00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:22,600 Speaker 1: command of the kidnappers to never tell, was that difficult 707 00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,440 Speaker 1: for you to not tell? How did that sit with you? 708 00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:29,080 Speaker 1: And then how does it sit with you now that 709 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:32,280 Speaker 1: you that you did ultimately tell your parents what had happened. 710 00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:37,400 Speaker 1: It's not easy, really, it's really not easy to be 711 00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:40,880 Speaker 1: open about a secret when your parents are still alive. 712 00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:46,239 Speaker 1: I would feel very, very responsible. It's so funny because 713 00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:50,439 Speaker 1: they've protected me for so long, and I think there's 714 00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,320 Speaker 1: a moment in my life that I was it was 715 00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:57,040 Speaker 1: okay to to be mad at how things are and 716 00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:00,360 Speaker 1: to point fingers and to some sometimes feel like a 717 00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:04,759 Speaker 1: victim and sometimes feel you know, rage. But to be 718 00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:08,320 Speaker 1: completely honest, now that I'm at a different moment in 719 00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:11,120 Speaker 1: my live and that they're older, it would really hurt 720 00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:14,520 Speaker 1: me if I took years from their life by now 721 00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:19,239 Speaker 1: knowing now, I don't think that's true. I think that 722 00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:24,200 Speaker 1: that is just something I've learned somewhere, that these truths 723 00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:28,640 Speaker 1: sometimes it's very difficult to carry them. I'm no longer 724 00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:32,320 Speaker 1: that kid that just wants yearning for an applause and 725 00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:36,520 Speaker 1: you know, for to bring them a plus grade. I 726 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,480 Speaker 1: know that, but that girl is true in me, that 727 00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:42,319 Speaker 1: girls are still in need. I want, I want them 728 00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:46,400 Speaker 1: to be happy. Right now, I don't know when this 729 00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,440 Speaker 1: is when this is gonna go out. You know that 730 00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:50,400 Speaker 1: when this story is going to come out, you know, 731 00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:55,680 Speaker 1: I'm still kind of like, because I coming from a 732 00:46:55,920 --> 00:47:00,319 Speaker 1: world that goes from generations behind, that this is something 733 00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:03,759 Speaker 1: you don't do. You do not tell these stories, you 734 00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:09,480 Speaker 1: do not share secrets, because that's the way you protect legacy, 735 00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:13,279 Speaker 1: that's the way you keep things going moving forward. And 736 00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:17,560 Speaker 1: so this day, Danny, this is so naive of me, 737 00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:20,160 Speaker 1: But I still think that these guys live there and 738 00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:23,560 Speaker 1: that they still have my I d because this is 739 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:27,040 Speaker 1: the way I grew up. I have tons of anecdotes 740 00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:29,879 Speaker 1: of growing up this way. I remember being pulled out 741 00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:33,000 Speaker 1: of a beauty paget contest like a small town the 742 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:36,080 Speaker 1: good fighting content, because my dad received a call. And 743 00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:39,120 Speaker 1: this is a world where it is a town where 744 00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:43,839 Speaker 1: there were kids. If anarcha would like the girl, they 745 00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:47,320 Speaker 1: would kidnap her and disappear. There were families who moved 746 00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:49,680 Speaker 1: somewhere else. They would move to San Diego. They would 747 00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:52,360 Speaker 1: love to the state to hide from them if a 748 00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:55,000 Speaker 1: guy liked a girl. So this is not kind of 749 00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:58,600 Speaker 1: like oh cute, you know, and funny for an end 750 00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:01,600 Speaker 1: of a horror story, like these are stories that I live. 751 00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:04,640 Speaker 1: I would love to say that it makes me feel 752 00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:08,439 Speaker 1: like I took a weight off of me, but I don't. 753 00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:10,560 Speaker 1: I don't feel that way. I don't feel that way 754 00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:15,040 Speaker 1: because we are not in a different world. My sister 755 00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:19,000 Speaker 1: still lived there, I have nieces, and I have a 756 00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:22,439 Speaker 1: lot of friends that live there. I'm the only one 757 00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:25,560 Speaker 1: that lives outside. I'm the immigrant. I'm not first generation. 758 00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:29,239 Speaker 1: I am the immigrant. This world is still part of 759 00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:33,319 Speaker 1: my everyday calls, so I would feel so bad if 760 00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:37,080 Speaker 1: I do anything to disrupt their peace. Does that makes sense? 761 00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,200 Speaker 1: I hear this so often from guests on this podcast. 762 00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:45,480 Speaker 1: One of the most profound reasons to have a secret, 763 00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,360 Speaker 1: to keep a secret, is that we don't want to 764 00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:54,239 Speaker 1: hurt one another, especially in families. But you know where 765 00:48:54,280 --> 00:49:00,239 Speaker 1: I'm going with this. And yet, and yet, after all 766 00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:03,480 Speaker 1: the years of silence and the complexities of life in 767 00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:07,680 Speaker 1: the city where Emma's family still lives, even though Emma's 768 00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:10,840 Speaker 1: father may not be able to fully process what happened, 769 00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:16,239 Speaker 1: it brings them closer together. He said things to you. 770 00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:19,400 Speaker 1: I mean, you saw him cry. And the words that 771 00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:21,759 Speaker 1: crossed my mind when you were describing that was you 772 00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:25,680 Speaker 1: saw your father as vulnerable, yes, and his love for 773 00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:30,040 Speaker 1: you making him vulnerable, which is what being a parent does. 774 00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:33,719 Speaker 1: Somebody once described it as, you know, walking around with 775 00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:36,880 Speaker 1: your heart outside your body once you have children. And 776 00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:41,840 Speaker 1: that's what I heard. It took my truth of what 777 00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:45,520 Speaker 1: happened and what I dealt. And I don't think he 778 00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:51,000 Speaker 1: validated it because he couldn't because the reality of his 779 00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:55,040 Speaker 1: life and his perspective is still so it's his truth. 780 00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:59,920 Speaker 1: It's definitely his truth, and I just felt a lot 781 00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:06,400 Speaker 1: of some passion for the macho culture that I've disliked 782 00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:10,439 Speaker 1: for so many years. I would never see that other 783 00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:21,400 Speaker 1: side before. Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Media. 784 00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:26,600 Speaker 1: Dylan Fagin and Bethan Macaluso are the executive producers. Andrew 785 00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:30,040 Speaker 1: Howard is our audio editor. If you have a secret 786 00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:32,920 Speaker 1: you'd like to share, leave us a voicemail and your 787 00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:37,480 Speaker 1: story could appear on an upcoming bonus episode. Our number 788 00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:43,919 Speaker 1: is one secret zero, that's secret and then the number zero. 789 00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:48,359 Speaker 1: You can also find us on Instagram at Danny Writer, 790 00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:53,520 Speaker 1: Facebook at facebook dot com, slash Family Secrets Pod, and 791 00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:56,560 Speaker 1: Twitter at fami Secret Spot. And if you want to 792 00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:00,480 Speaker 1: know about my family's secret that inspired this podcast, check 793 00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:13,879 Speaker 1: out my New York Times bestselling memoir Inheritance. For more 794 00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:16,799 Speaker 1: podcasts for my Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, 795 00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:19,880 Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.