WEBVTT - EP 25 - Kelsey Pt. 1 0:00:02.800 --> 0:00:05.120 My mom was the first one to be like, does 0:00:05.160 --> 0:00:07.880 this seem off at all to you? It was really 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:11.160 the first time someone said something that made me think, 0:00:11.360 --> 0:00:14.440 what do you mean off? Like? I was immediately defensive. 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:29.800 I'm Andrea Gunning, and this is Betrayal, a show about 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:33.320 the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:35.920 change everything. 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:40.199 When I hear other people's horrific stories of things that 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:42.280 have happened to them, I now have a lens of 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:45.600 what a human experience to love so deeply that we're 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:50.839 willing to suspend disbelief that high is Like, I truly 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:54.400 believe that deception really comes from a deep desire to 0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:57.440 be loved, and I can sympathize with a desire to 0:00:57.480 --> 0:00:58.000 be loved. 0:00:58.760 --> 0:01:01.640 This is Kelsey's story of building her life around someone 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:06.200 else's lies. Lies that consumed Kelsey's twenties, derailed her early 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:10.440 career and destroyed her sense of trust. For many years, 0:01:10.560 --> 0:01:14.399 she tried to hide from the deception she experienced, but 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:19.680 now she's ready to tell her story as a listener. 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:23.280 Note names and locations have been changed to protect privacy. 0:01:26.040 --> 0:01:28.720 When she was a little girl, Kelsey's mom told her 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:31.920 the origin story of their family unit It was a 0:01:31.959 --> 0:01:32.880 survival story. 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:36.959 My dad was really abusive to all of us kids 0:01:36.959 --> 0:01:41.559 and my mom, and so my mom was finally able 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:44.440 to get out when I was about three months old. 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:49.520 She packed all of us up, left my dad, and 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:57.200 drove cross country to my mom's hometown. That's where I 0:01:57.240 --> 0:01:58.840 spent most of my life. 0:01:59.120 --> 0:02:01.720 Her mom, in the three girls, started anew in a 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:04.800 small West Coast town, but the fear of her dad 0:02:04.880 --> 0:02:06.680 was always looming in the background. 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:11.280 He actually went to prison after my mom left, and 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:14.919 if he got out of prison, there was this fear 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:18.520 that my dad would find us one day. 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:21.799 Nearly everyone in their new town was Mormon, and their 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:25.320 family wasn't. Their dad was Cuban, so Kelsey and her 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:28.280 sisters stood out in a sea of blonde hair and 0:02:28.320 --> 0:02:28.919 blue eyes. 0:02:30.600 --> 0:02:32.640 I remember my mom would like brush out my hair 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:36.280 so I looked more white, and so I looked like 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:40.480 the other Mormon girls in town, and then essentially told 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:44.680 me not to talk about my background, which worked because 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:47.639 she was also I think, hiding us from my dad 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:48.120 in prison. 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:54.079 Her mom's survival story had another chapter for Kelsey's entire childhood. 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:56.000 Her mom battled breast cancer. 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:59.320 It was finally getting away from my dad. But then 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:00.880 she had a bout of answer. She thought she's going 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:02.120 to die from. 0:03:02.000 --> 0:03:05.080 As a kid, Kelsey didn't know the details. She just 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:07.640 knew her mom was exhausted and was always going to 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:08.799 the hospital. 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:11.000 And that was definitely on purpose. I think that she 0:03:11.120 --> 0:03:14.079 wanted to be super careful, and even when I asked 0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:17.640 her about it, I even remember her saying, this was private. 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:21.120 This is adult things. I don't want to scare you. 0:03:22.480 --> 0:03:24.560 I'm protecting you from this information. 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:28.360 Kelsey's escape was the Girl Scouts. 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:33.359 I had this tiny pocket of girlhood that was so fun, 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:36.800 like waiting once a week with my girlfriends to earn badges. 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:41.360 When I think about where I felt like I mattered most, 0:03:42.480 --> 0:03:43.000 it was there. 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:46.160 Over the summer, she started going to Girl Scout Camp. 0:03:46.760 --> 0:03:49.040 There she was allowed to just be a kid. 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:51.200 I would go for weeks at a time. I just 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:55.160 loved summer camp. I was meeting women who were older 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:57.520 than me, who were models of what it was like 0:03:57.680 --> 0:04:01.680 to really be yourself. Oh. I have the best memories 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:02.560 at Girl Scout Camp. 0:04:03.560 --> 0:04:06.400 The women who ran the camp were Kelsey's idols. She 0:04:06.520 --> 0:04:08.600 wanted to be just like them. 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:10.840 I just thought they were so special. And cool. I 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:13.440 just thought, that's it. I'll be there one day. 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:18.320 As she got older and entered high school, she started 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:20.400 dreaming about broadening her horizons. 0:04:20.880 --> 0:04:22.920 I'm going to do whatever it takes to get out 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:27.440 of the state I was raised in and really find myself. 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:31.279 So I got perfect grades and worked truly hard in school. 0:04:32.080 --> 0:04:36.240 That This was also around the same time that I 0:04:36.520 --> 0:04:39.080 fell in love for the first time, and I fell 0:04:39.120 --> 0:04:40.880 in love with a girl in the grade above me. 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:45.680 Kelsey and her high school girlfriend kept their relationship a secret. 0:04:46.200 --> 0:04:48.120 It was in the mid two thousands and they were 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:51.400 in a mostly Mormon community at the time. 0:04:51.960 --> 0:04:55.240 I think I was afraid of being gay, definitely afraid 0:04:55.279 --> 0:04:56.520 of the implications of it. 0:04:57.120 --> 0:04:59.279 So she set her sights on going to college in 0:04:59.320 --> 0:05:01.760 a place where she I could be out and be herself. 0:05:02.160 --> 0:05:04.839 She was accepted to her first choice and made the leap. 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:07.640 I loved being on my own for the first time. 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:13.200 I came out and openly had a relationship and thought 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:16.440 that was so special. And I was doing really good 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:16.960 in school. 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:22.160 But her family's finances took an unexpected turn, so after 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:25.840 the first year, Kelsey had to transfer to a new university, 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:28.560 one that she'd be paying for herself. 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:33.600 I transferred to the public university. I was just pretty 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:37.160 isolated and it wasn't the dream for me, but it's 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:38.159 all I could afford. 0:05:39.040 --> 0:05:41.640 She worked to put herself through college, and she started 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:45.119 working summers as a counselor at her old girl Scout camp. 0:05:45.360 --> 0:05:49.120 It was life changing and I loved it. 0:05:49.200 --> 0:05:52.200 By her third summer, she earned an executive leadership role 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:55.719 at the camp, helping coordinate all the younger counselors. 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:59.840 I was doing real programming work and I went to 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:04.599 I'm our camp that year early because senior staff meets 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:06.520 early before counselors get there. 0:06:07.440 --> 0:06:10.680 Arriving at camp was a much anticipated reunion where she 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:12.480 saw all of her closest friends again. 0:06:13.320 --> 0:06:15.440 I had a lot of friends at camp, like I 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:18.799 had been really established there. This was the first work 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:21.520 experience I ever had when I was out, and for 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:23.560 the first time at camp we had other queer people. 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:26.479 They really diversified our pool of hiring that year. 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:30.800 One of the new counselors immediately caught Kelsey's attention. Her 0:06:30.880 --> 0:06:31.600 name was Morgan. 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:36.880 I remember her walking into the office. She was very sporty, 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:41.080 so she had the classic Arii look, and then they'll 0:06:41.120 --> 0:06:44.960 cut off hair, and she just had the most beautiful eyes. 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:49.440 I just remember thinking, ah, mostly because it was the 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:51.279 most radical thing I'd ever known for someone to cut 0:06:51.279 --> 0:06:51.880 off their hair. 0:06:52.640 --> 0:06:55.599 When they first met, Morgan was shy. She kept to 0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:57.359 herself and seemed guarded. 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:00.520 I found her to be really mysterious. 0:07:00.839 --> 0:07:04.000 But she and Morgan had a close mutual friend In comment. 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:07.200 My other camp friend really vouched for her and was like, 0:07:07.520 --> 0:07:10.040 trust me, when she opens up, you're going to love her. 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:14.600 And over time she did. It felt like she chose Kelsey. 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:18.440 I felt really honored. I just felt like she kind 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:20.360 of opened up more to me. I felt really privileged 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:22.440 to be the one person that she was opening up to. 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:27.120 Like we would spend the weekend after training just talking. 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:29.600 Everyone's like, oh my gosh, I can't believe you got 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:32.280 her to talk to you. That's how shy she was. 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:35.560 And she was telling me like really intimate details about 0:07:35.560 --> 0:07:37.840 her life. 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:41.600 Even though Morgan was only twenty years old, she'd been 0:07:41.640 --> 0:07:42.480 through a lot. 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:50.320 She had shared about some sexual assault, body dysmorphia, struggles 0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:54.000 with an eating disorder. I just felt like I really 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:54.600 knew her. 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:59.760 Morgan confided in her, forming close bonds was a hallmark 0:07:59.800 --> 0:08:03.520 of the camp experience. They would be spending every day 0:08:03.600 --> 0:08:05.640 together for the next three months. 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:10.800 In camp time, that's three years. It's a massive amount 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:13.120 of time that people don't normally get to spend in 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:16.120 a very intense environment where you're like growing and learning 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:18.800 and changing about yourself and funding things from kids and 0:08:18.800 --> 0:08:22.239 teaching kids of remarkable things that change you. It really 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:24.040 is a lifetime together. 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:29.520 At camp, there were no cell phones, no distractions from 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:32.760 the outside world, and in this bubble, Kelsey knew she 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:36.040 was developing feelings from Morgan, but she was in a 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:38.000 leadership role, and then. 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:42.280 There was this camp relationships are famously passionate and intense 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:45.959 and destructive, which is why we avoid them at all costs. 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:49.880 So they continued on with a supercharged friendship. It was 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:53.920 a connection Morgan needed at home. She'd been struggling with 0:08:53.960 --> 0:08:54.880 an eating disorder. 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:59.480 She had shared that she was really struggling with her 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:04.480 eating disord order at camp and eating with your campers 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:06.760 is such a huge part of the experience, Like you're 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:10.560 with your campers twenty four to seven, and we're really 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:13.440 rigid at camp about calorie intake and water intake. 0:09:14.240 --> 0:09:17.920 That kind of structure and vigilance around food was really 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:21.840 triggering for Morgan. In fact, it was having an impact 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:23.160 on her job performance. 0:09:24.120 --> 0:09:28.640 She had gotten disciplinary write ups from the camp director. 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:33.960 If she didn't get it under control, this was not 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:35.000 going to be the job for her. 0:09:35.960 --> 0:09:39.400 The idea of losing Morgan at camp was upsetting. Kelsey 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:42.720 felt a responsibility to help as both a friend and 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:44.320 a camp executive. 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:47.080 And so she was really nervous about losing her job 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:50.560 because she really loved the work. I remember spending all 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:53.600 of my free time. I got books from the local 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:55.760 library and brought them up to camp and was reading 0:09:55.760 --> 0:10:01.199 about eating disorders. Like I really became resource to stay in. 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:04.000 I was like, I'll help you stay don't worry. I've 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:06.640 got this under control. And I really felt responsible for that. 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:10.559 They were spending a lot of time together. Even when 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:14.000 they had days off. We would travel as friends, like 0:10:14.080 --> 0:10:16.800 off to go to Walmart and get face wipes, or 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:21.160 to a local festival. We tried to get as much 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:24.720 time off from camp as possible. My outside of camp 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:26.160 time be king Morgan time. 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:29.320 About halfway through the summer, they took a day off 0:10:29.360 --> 0:10:31.760 together and drove to Kelsey's hometown. 0:10:32.040 --> 0:10:36.240 And I just think there was this little switch. One weekend, 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:39.560 we were just alone for the first time really together, 0:10:40.440 --> 0:10:41.960 and then we kissed. 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:46.480 Now it was clear that the attraction was mutual. 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:50.400 After that week, we started sharing like a journal. So 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:52.520 we had a notebook that we would write notes to 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:54.200 each other and then keep it in a cubby, and 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:57.120 then I'd write it put it away, and she'd write 0:10:57.120 --> 0:10:58.800 it and put it away, and so we sort of 0:10:58.840 --> 0:11:02.120 had this very sw romance at camp. 0:11:05.440 --> 0:11:07.959 Near the end of camp, Morgan's parents came to town. 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:12.000 They were devout Mormons, and on that visit, Morgan wanted 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:15.720 to come out to them. Kelsey drove her to meet them, 0:11:15.960 --> 0:11:18.080 to be there for emotional support. 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:21.880 She met with her parents and I wasn't with her. 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:23.880 I was in the parking lot, but I remember seeing 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:27.400 them at a picnic bench. She came out to them 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:31.360 and it didn't go well. She got back in the car. 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:37.000 She was like, they believe I'm living in sin. They 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:40.960 think this is wrong. They think that any person who 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:43.960 had influence over me is of the devil, and that 0:11:44.000 --> 0:11:48.120 I should separate myself from those people. She was really 0:11:48.160 --> 0:11:49.280 really emotional about it. 0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:53.800 Her parents' rejection brought the two of them even closer. 0:11:54.400 --> 0:11:58.240 It sort of deepened that connection. It was like, look 0:11:58.280 --> 0:11:59.320 what we're fighting for. 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:05.079 There was so much at stake, and Morgan was now 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:08.840 left on our own. They made their relationship official, and 0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:13.079 when camp ended, Morgan couldn't go home, so they decided 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:13.960 to move in together. 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:17.280 We were all like, what cow adult, We are well 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:20.560 for own space and our own beds. So it wasn't like, oh, 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:23.120 I live with my girlfriend now. It was very much 0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:26.760 like we were just continuing the summer camp experience. I 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:29.199 think we were on that high of the summer flame. 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:34.080 It was Kelsey's last year of college. At first, living 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:38.480 with Morgan was a novelty. Even mundane tasks were exciting. 0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:42.079 Figuring out bus schedules, like everything was just really fun. 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:48.080 I also remember doing paintball fights and making cookies and 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:52.640 burning them for the neighbors. But soon reality set in. 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:55.360 I was working also a full time job while I 0:12:55.400 --> 0:12:56.640 was in school because I had to pay for it. 0:12:57.080 --> 0:12:59.119 I was doing everything to put me on the trajectory 0:12:59.120 --> 0:13:02.360 to go to my master's program, and at this point 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:04.480 I was on track to be valedictorian. 0:13:05.120 --> 0:13:06.840 Kelsey's priority was school. 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:09.360 We just weren't getting this much time together and we're 0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:11.319 like drifting a little bit. 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:17.240 But right when the semester began picking up steam, Kelsey 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:20.480 started receiving emails from Morgan's family. 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:26.160 I remember them very explicitly. One was from her dad. 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:30.080 One was from her mom, saying that it was an 0:13:30.080 --> 0:13:35.880 abomination that I was poisoning Morgan, that I took her 0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:39.520 away from the life of Christ. It didn't help that 0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:41.480 the person Morgan was waiting for it to come back 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:43.959 from a mission had come back and they had really 0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:48.480 hoped that she would marry him. Every time I got 0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:51.360 a message from them, it was very nasty. 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:55.000 The message was clear. They thought Kelsey brainwashed their daughter, 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:58.280 and they wanted her to leave Morgan alone. 0:13:58.520 --> 0:14:04.120 Morgan's very sacred and pure. Stop this now before you 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:09.200 ruin that forever for her, like they deeply wanted to 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:13.400 make me hate myself, so I didn't feel deserving of Morgan. 0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:16.240 The messages were overwhelming. 0:14:16.880 --> 0:14:21.360 After a couple months, it got complicated very quickly. It 0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:26.560 was just that feeling of thinking that I was destroying 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:27.400 someone's salvation. 0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:35.640 It was taxing, but Morgan was fixated. All she wanted 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:37.800 to do was talk about her parents with Kelsey. 0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:41.600 It's like I'm with you, I care about you, but like, 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:44.520 I can't process this with you all the time. I 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:46.920 think I started feeling like she needs to branch out, 0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:49.480 like I realistically can't be everything for her. 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:53.560 Between the stress of school and the drama with Morgan's parents, 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:57.040 Kelsey's connection with Morgan was fading. 0:14:58.080 --> 0:15:02.200 That intimate connection felt like stayed at camp. In the 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:05.080 real world, it was kind of hard to sustain because 0:15:05.680 --> 0:15:08.080 I had a lot of ambition. I was really excited 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:11.160 about starting my life somewhere new, and it just suddenly 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:14.200 was like, oh, this is kind of affecting my ability 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:16.640 to be president work in school, and I'm really rigid 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:19.480 about doing right by my career. 0:15:19.920 --> 0:15:21.800 So Kelsey made a tough decision. 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:28.040 Ultimately, I came home from school one day and said, 0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:30.800 this is not what I want anymore, and I think 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:33.880 it's better if we break up. She said okay, and 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:36.360 then left. What she would do a lot when she 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:38.640 was trying to process something, she would go for a run. 0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:42.280 So she went for a run and came back and 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:46.040 I was already asleep, and she was asleep, and we 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:46.640 went to bed. 0:15:48.360 --> 0:15:50.720 The next day, Kelsey came home from school to find 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:54.320 Morgan on their couch in tears. There was something she 0:15:54.400 --> 0:15:55.520 needed to tell Kelsey. 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:58.720 I sat down with her and she had explained that 0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:03.240 she had been hiding something from me that she didn't 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:05.160 want to talk to me about because she didn't want 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:07.240 to burden me with it. But she just got really 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:10.960 bad news. I honestly thought at the time that it 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:13.280 was something with her parents. 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:14.840 But it wasn't about her parents. 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:20.160 That's when she shared that she had been living with 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:26.880 terminal bone cancer and she was in remission, but her 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:29.160 doctors gave her the prognosis when she was at the 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:32.760 doctor today that she had three months to live. 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:54.440 Just when Kelsey thought her relationship with Morgan was over, 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:58.480 Morgan came to her with devastating news. She had bone 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:03.720 cancer and she was Kelsey was no stranger to cancer. 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:06.800 She grew up watching her mother's breast cancer go into 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:11.600 remission and return again. It was a horrible cycle, and 0:17:11.680 --> 0:17:14.120 to think another person she loved was going through this 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:15.360 was hard to fathom. 0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:20.040 I don't think I got it at first. 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:24.080 Morgan had known about the diagnosis all along, but she 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:26.840 was just telling her now that the cancer had returned 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:29.240 when she only had three months to live. 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:35.520 I asked her more details. She said she was diagnosed 0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:39.440 when she first went to college. She had an injury, 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:44.240 a bone break. They did some testing and they discovered 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:47.280 that she had cancer. She was fighting it for about 0:17:47.280 --> 0:17:52.040 a semester, but she beat that bout and then had 0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:55.840 overcurrence until that day. 0:17:57.320 --> 0:18:00.399 She was so flooded with grief for Morgan that the 0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:02.600 breakup became an afterthought. 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:06.719 I remember feeling so deeply sabbed because my breakup with 0:18:06.840 --> 0:18:10.800 Morgan was never about not loving her. I cared about 0:18:10.800 --> 0:18:16.359 her so deeply. The thought of her dying was insane 0:18:16.440 --> 0:18:21.600 to me and felt so unfair, especially to have this 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:26.560 prognosis with her family not being very close. I was 0:18:26.640 --> 0:18:31.040 devastated for her. We were sobbing, and then we went 0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:34.040 to bed and I remember holding her, thinking, no, no, 0:18:34.119 --> 0:18:36.120 this is like my partner going through cancer. This isn't 0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:40.280 oh my ex girlfriend from yesterday. This was someone I 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:45.760 love so deeply dying, Like this really is the end 0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:48.640 of someone's life. 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:51.879 The next morning, Kelsey woke up with a new perspective. 0:18:52.880 --> 0:18:55.879 It changed the way I framed our relationship. I felt 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:59.040 grateful that she was alive, and I was ready to 0:18:59.200 --> 0:19:00.280 figure this out together. 0:19:00.960 --> 0:19:03.080 So she sat down at the kitchen table with her 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:08.480 laptop and a notepad to talk about what this would mean. Luckily, 0:19:08.720 --> 0:19:10.080 Morgan had some answers. 0:19:10.440 --> 0:19:12.400 She's like, I already have a plan with my doctor. 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:17.159 We're gonna start treatment. It's really unlikely that I'll survive 0:19:17.200 --> 0:19:21.080 this treatment, but it's worthy of taking a shot. And 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:23.200 so that's what she did. 0:19:23.640 --> 0:19:26.159 During the day, Kelsey would attend class for her senior 0:19:26.240 --> 0:19:28.800 year of college, and Morgan would spend the day at 0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:29.400 the hospital. 0:19:29.960 --> 0:19:32.920 The next few weeks, she was doing treatment all the time, 0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:35.639 like four or five times a week. She would leave 0:19:35.680 --> 0:19:40.159 the house and come back really tired and struggle to 0:19:40.240 --> 0:19:43.760 keep a conversation, struggle to stay awake. She was just 0:19:44.080 --> 0:19:46.600 deeply impacted by the treatment. 0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:49.800 Quickly, Kelsey took on a caretake her role. 0:19:50.680 --> 0:19:55.040 I started really doing some research and taking care of her. 0:19:55.119 --> 0:19:59.359 I was making meals once again. She was juggling the 0:19:59.359 --> 0:20:02.240 way of school and being there for Morgan. 0:20:02.880 --> 0:20:06.159 I distinctly remember trying to complete homework and being like, 0:20:06.200 --> 0:20:11.400 I can't finish this. She's puking somewhere, thinking like, get 0:20:11.440 --> 0:20:14.320 your priority straight. This is someone's life, this is the 0:20:14.400 --> 0:20:16.960 end of their human life, and you're worried about like 0:20:17.000 --> 0:20:20.440 not finishing this math problem, Like why was I wasting 0:20:20.440 --> 0:20:22.679 my time on these early morning classes for like my 0:20:22.760 --> 0:20:26.160 own benefit when she only had a few months left 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:30.720 to live. I just suddenly felt selfish and stupid. And 0:20:30.840 --> 0:20:33.280 that's really the moment that I reframed my entire life. 0:20:34.400 --> 0:20:36.959 For the first time in her life, Kelsey let school 0:20:36.960 --> 0:20:37.760 take a back seat. 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:39.520 I was letting go of a lot of things I'd 0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:42.040 worked my whole life toward. But I was like, I 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:45.080 can do this for three months for somebody to enjoy 0:20:45.200 --> 0:20:46.800 the last few months of their life. 0:20:47.080 --> 0:20:50.360 Christmas was a few weeks away. With Morgan's family out 0:20:50.359 --> 0:20:53.520 of the picture, they decided to celebrate with a family front. 0:20:55.040 --> 0:20:57.840 An older woman named Joanne, who had been a mentor 0:20:57.920 --> 0:20:58.760 to Morgan. 0:20:58.480 --> 0:21:01.920 For years, considered her like a second mom. We drove 0:21:01.960 --> 0:21:04.760 out of state to visit her. This family friend was 0:21:04.800 --> 0:21:09.840 with her when Morgan got her first diagnosis of having 0:21:09.880 --> 0:21:12.959 bone cancer, and she was with her when she was 0:21:12.960 --> 0:21:16.680 doing IVY treatments. To meet someone who was so intimately 0:21:16.680 --> 0:21:20.320 involved with her treatment, I felt really bonded right away. 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:22.840 I remember her saying, I didn't even know what I 0:21:22.880 --> 0:21:24.480 was doing. I just got kind of thrown into this 0:21:24.560 --> 0:21:25.440 and I was like, I didn't know what I was 0:21:25.480 --> 0:21:27.120 doing either. It was a. 0:21:27.080 --> 0:21:29.600 Relief to talk with someone else who'd been involved with 0:21:29.680 --> 0:21:34.119 Morgan's care. She was a great resource. For Christmas, Morgan 0:21:34.160 --> 0:21:36.360 and Kelsey got each other something special. 0:21:37.400 --> 0:21:40.080 We got rings for our wedding. 0:21:40.920 --> 0:21:44.479 Rings for their wedding. Morgan wanted to get married to Kelsey. 0:21:44.960 --> 0:21:46.960 It was a legal and financial decision. 0:21:48.119 --> 0:21:51.000 Her attorney had shared with her that when she died, 0:21:51.600 --> 0:21:54.840 her health payout would be really big and it would 0:21:54.840 --> 0:21:58.679 go to her parents because that's next of kin, and 0:21:59.040 --> 0:22:01.520 that was really over for her, Like she had fought 0:22:01.560 --> 0:22:03.840 so hard for her queerness and now suddenly in her 0:22:03.960 --> 0:22:06.000 death as a queer woman, all this money would be 0:22:06.000 --> 0:22:10.520 granted to her parents. But if she were married to me, 0:22:12.160 --> 0:22:14.560 then I would get to decide where that money goes. 0:22:15.920 --> 0:22:19.040 Morgan wanted the money to be donated to a library foundation. 0:22:19.960 --> 0:22:23.200 Kelsey was honored to help facilitate one of her final wishes. 0:22:24.040 --> 0:22:27.720 Of course, whatever you need to do, what you want 0:22:27.760 --> 0:22:29.560 to do with the end of your life, so for 0:22:29.640 --> 0:22:32.520 her this was a really meaningful way of honoring her life. 0:22:32.880 --> 0:22:36.760 So we agreed that we would get married. 0:22:39.560 --> 0:22:42.359 Kelsey felt a responsibility to make sure every day was 0:22:42.400 --> 0:22:43.080 a good day. 0:22:43.440 --> 0:22:46.800 I tried to make our life so joyful and loving 0:22:47.359 --> 0:22:51.640