WEBVTT - Omi Bell: Turning Disruptions Into Opportunities 0:00:00.520 --> 0:00:02.480 No, has nothing you know has nothing to do with me, 0:00:03.000 --> 0:00:06.600 So that that's the lesson know is about that person's 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:07.640 ability to respond. 0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:21.959 Welcome to she Pivots, the podcast where we talk with 0:00:22.040 --> 0:00:25.280 women who dared to pivot out of one career and 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:29.680 into something new and explore how their personal lives impacted 0:00:29.680 --> 0:00:38.040 these decisions. I'm your host, Emily Tish Sussman. Fitting Omi 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:44.120 Bell into one intro just might be impossible. The CEO 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:48.159 and founder of Black Girl Ventures is no stranger to pivots. 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:52.600 She started her career studying computer science as a single mom, 0:00:53.400 --> 0:00:56.720 later going into teaching as a K twelve educator. She 0:00:56.840 --> 0:01:01.240 founded her first side hustle, developing websites, and from there 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:06.080 she just couldn't stop. Despite the multiple challenges life has 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:10.040 thrown her way, She's handled each with grace and determination. 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:16.040 Omi is a community builder, mom of three systems disruptor, 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:22.399 spoken word artist, nonprofit executive, educator, and so much more. 0:01:23.360 --> 0:01:26.560 Despite Black women making up the majority of entrepreneurs and 0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:31.040 small businesses in America, they only receive point zero zero 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:36.039 zero six percent of venture capital dollars. Through her company, 0:01:36.080 --> 0:01:39.480 Black Girl Ventures, she has transformed the way black and 0:01:39.520 --> 0:01:43.000 brown women founders get access to social and financial capital. 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:47.200 A quick note before we jump in, Omi asked us 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:49.680 to preserve some details about her children that we had 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:52.800 discussed in the interview, so to respect their privacy. You 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:54.840 might hear some quick cuts in the audio where we 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:59.560 had to take out identifiers. Enjoy. 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:02.920 I am Shelley Owe, me La de Bell, but I 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:06.640 go by Omi. I'm the founder CEO of Black Girl Ventures. 0:02:06.880 --> 0:02:08.239 And you know it's always so trucky to say, what 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:10.880 do you do? I do so much, We'll like black 0:02:10.880 --> 0:02:14.040 Girl Ventures, the company I started. Also just a huge 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:17.560 advocate for women, so women being empowered me and I 0:02:17.560 --> 0:02:20.160 love that it's is she pivots because I'm fiviting a 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:22.600 million times. But I've been thinking a lot about that. 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:25.680 How do I when people say who are you? Because 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:27.800 now I'm thinking about, like, who am I outside of 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:30.400 this work that I do? And am I constantly defining 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:32.840 myself by the work and like and then how does 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:34.639 that make me feel about the achievements? 0:02:34.840 --> 0:02:34.920 Right? 0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:37.079 Whereas like, oh, no, I want to win this award. 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:39.280 I'm hoping that Forbes come out with a fifty on 0:02:39.400 --> 0:02:41.440 the fifty because I missed the thirty under thirty. 0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:43.520 Time frame you know what I'm saying. 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:45.880 It's like that kind of stuff where you just get 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:48.960 sort of obsessed with the achievement from the work. 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:53.000 Okay, so let's just let's do a quick like stage setting. 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:56.400 So and backup, Where did you grow up? How did 0:02:56.440 --> 0:02:58.679 you grow up? Give us, give us some childhood background. 0:02:59.040 --> 0:03:01.360 Yeah, so I grew up in North Carolina, from Durham, 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:03.680 North Carolina originally, and I grew. 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:07.040 Up very middle, middle of the middle, middle class. That's 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:07.720 not funny. 0:03:07.760 --> 0:03:11.919 It's like very middle middle two parents, a little brother, 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:14.880 you know, the like two parents, one point five kids, 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:17.840 dog house, Like that was really how I grew up. 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:20.160 It's funny because like I grew up in a very 0:03:20.200 --> 0:03:24.280 middle class environment and then as an adult because of 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:27.280 my life, vivoted because I had a child at seventeen 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:31.760 so and part of that was rebellion. My mom became 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:34.920 very religious, So I had a pretty free childhood, just 0:03:35.000 --> 0:03:36.880 do what I want. So, you know, like my mom 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:38.920 was never like a cause I told you so, or 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:41.840 my dad was never like a stop talking kind of person. 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:43.880 Like they let me talk as once as I wanted to, 0:03:43.960 --> 0:03:46.440 and my mom would answer all of my questions. So 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:48.560 it was a pretty free childhood, and then somewhere around 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:51.320 middle school, my mom became very religious and she started 0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:52.440 going to Pnecosta Church. 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:55.840 So I thought, okay, well, like if this is what God. 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:58.640 Wants from us, like women don't were bands, women don't 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:00.760 look like this or say this, so act like this. 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:03.360 So the time I was in maybe seventh grade to 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:05.720 like ninth grade, I didn't wear pants. I was the 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:08.160 girl at school with the long skirts and a tendis 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:12.080 shoes on who didn't curse so do anything bad because 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:15.080 God was just gonna damn me to hell. And so 0:04:15.240 --> 0:04:18.000 I followed that for a long time, and then finally 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:22.120 I started thinking, like, God can't be this small, Like 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:24.280 you mean to tell me, out of all the billion 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:26.080 people in the world, you just checking out for me. 0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:28.120 And then the one thing I do is gonna send 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:30.920 me to hell, Like come on, y'all for wearing pants, Yes, 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:32.960 and that would be the one thing. Like that's not 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:35.560 gonna So I started I went through a phase, actually 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:38.560 are really challenging. So later in like after college, challenging 0:04:38.640 --> 0:04:41.760 everything with the Bible, Like so if you say man 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:43.400 should look like a man or woman should like a woman, 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:44.880 because that was a scripture that I used to say 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:47.120 women shouldn't wear pants. I'm like, but if I wear 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:48.800 women's pants, so I still look like a woman. 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:51.720 Like what are we talking about? Right? So high school 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:52.560 I just started rebelling. 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:55.599 Forget that, you know. I started like school all the time. 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:58.760 I was smoking weed every day. I was wrong, crowd, 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:02.720 I was. It was just wild, and I did what 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:05.159 I thought was the thing that my mom told me 0:05:05.200 --> 0:05:05.440 to do. 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:08.159 You would have sex. Comes talk to me. So I did. 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:11.320 I say, Hey, I want to have sex, and she 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:13.000 was like, well, let me pray about it. So while 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:15.800 she was praying about it, I was doing it. And 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:18.839 I got pregnant, and it really changed my whole world. 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:21.800 When I first spoke to Omi, one of the things 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:24.080 she said was that she had something inside of her 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:26.920 that just made her believe that things would work themselves out. 0:05:27.960 --> 0:05:30.599 And then there's like a rhythm that we have that 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:32.719 we don't know we have, like this formula that we 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:37.559 lives inside of us. I think I wasn't thinking about 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:39.360 my future. I was just thinking it will work out, 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:41.599 Like whatever's going to work out. I'm gonna go hard 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:43.240 on whatever I want to do right now, and then 0:05:43.279 --> 0:05:45.919 it will work out when I actually think about that mindset. 0:05:46.240 --> 0:05:48.440 I probably had that a couple of times throughout my career, 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:50.839 right throughout my life, where I'm like, I don't know 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:52.840 what's about to happen, but I know all I'm about 0:05:52.839 --> 0:05:53.440 to put all. 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:54.599 Into what I'm doing right now. 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:56.960 And I'm never actually articulated in that way, but like, 0:05:57.160 --> 0:05:59.800 if I think about that feeling of right now is 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:01.680 what I have. Right now is what I'm going to do, 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:03.120 and you're not going to tell me how I'm going 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:05.599 to live my life. I think I've carried that throughout 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:08.200 my life, this moment of like, no, I'm going to 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:10.040 go hard here and we'll see where it goes. 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:10.799 It'll be fine. 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:15.640 But after her conservative upbringing, getting pregnant at seventeen created 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:18.040 complications and strains in her family. 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:22.279 So my dad was very upset and he blamed my 0:06:22.320 --> 0:06:24.479 mom and it was kind of the beginning of the 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:27.920 end for them. And so my mom and I drew 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:30.760 closer because of my dad and my mom kind of 0:06:31.200 --> 0:06:33.520 being in os over this pregnancy because my dad did 0:06:33.560 --> 0:06:35.320 not want me to have it, but my mom was 0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:38.159 super religious, so she's like, no, no, we can't do that. 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:41.160 We can have an abortion and So after that went 0:06:41.240 --> 0:06:44.000 on and I just went hard. I negotiated with my 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:46.840 teachers like, hey, I need to pass. I was dedicated 0:06:46.839 --> 0:06:50.039 to graduating on time. I went to summer school, night school, 0:06:50.200 --> 0:06:52.080 everything I could do because just because I had been 0:06:52.080 --> 0:06:55.680 skipping school so much and got it all back together 0:06:55.880 --> 0:06:57.960 graduated on time. My mom was like, you're not going 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:00.960 to be statistic. You're going to college. I'm like, oh okay. 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:05.200 So she attended North Carolina A and T University in 0:07:05.520 --> 0:07:08.799 HBCU and settled on studying computer science. 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:11.520 I like computers. I want to make money. They're gonna 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:12.280 probably make money. 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:14.000 Let's go. And that was pretty much it. 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:18.200 But everything went into That's when that switch flipped of 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:21.520 like hardcore. I'm gonna go hard. I'm gonna get what 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:23.920 I'm coming for. I want everything that I want to achieve. 0:07:24.000 --> 0:07:24.760 I want success. 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:26.680 It started there. It was like I'm not gonna fail. 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:29.080 Nobody's gonna tell me I can't be something. 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:32.240 So I imagine there were very few women, very few 0:07:32.240 --> 0:07:35.360 women of color, very few mothers going through that. 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:36.200 What was that like? 0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:39.600 Well, one, computer science is nothing like this game that 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:42.400 you're having your head. It is super hard, and most 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:45.440 people were dropping out in the first semester, and it 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:48.120 was other kids that came from similar backgrounds to me. 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:51.400 And actually in Maryland they teach computer science in high school, 0:07:51.400 --> 0:07:53.840 and like as an adult, I taught computer science at 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:56.720 in the city of Alexandria at TC Williams High School 0:07:56.760 --> 0:07:59.120 because I saw the power of the kids that came 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:00.200 from Maryland to school. 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:02.360 They already knew how to program and. 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:04.640 So it was like, oh wow, like I knew nothing 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:07.880 about programming or that even computer programming existed in that 0:08:07.920 --> 0:08:10.880 way like the way that I actually learned it. And 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:14.840 so it was community funding students, other students that was 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:15.800 staying in it. 0:08:16.000 --> 0:08:18.000 We were like, hey, we're going to bind together. 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:21.960 Between all the ones and zeros of coding. Only still 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:24.960 had to juggle the demands of motherhood and child's care. 0:08:25.880 --> 0:08:26.040 Well. 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:28.800 The first year, my oldest son stayed home with my 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:33.440 parents and Durham and Greensboro's maybe like an hour away 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:35.400 from each other, so I was able to like drive 0:08:35.440 --> 0:08:37.400 back home, come back, drive back, that kind of thing. 0:08:37.760 --> 0:08:39.760 Between my parents and my oldest. 0:08:39.440 --> 0:08:42.319 Son's dad, they would handle the childcare and it was 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:44.760 kind of like weekend visits and like maybe come up 0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:45.800 sometime during the week. 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:46.800 But that bar was a. 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:50.280 Little hard, right because now there would going on two 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:52.720 and I'm one or two, and I'm like in school 0:08:52.920 --> 0:08:54.480 and trying to manage that. By the time I got 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:56.800 to my junior year, I ended up staying getting my 0:08:56.840 --> 0:08:57.360 own place. 0:08:57.720 --> 0:08:59.400 The roommate, who just so happened to like. 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:03.840 Kids, Omi did what she did best. She created a 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:07.359 community using the resources that she had at her disposal. 0:09:08.440 --> 0:09:12.600 So I went and I found got government assistance for 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:15.920 like a childcare voucher research. 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:18.880 And found a random lady. So between daycare. 0:09:18.600 --> 0:09:20.800 And if I had to take a night class, and 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:23.120 I can remember this woman's house and everything in my head, 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:26.760 found her. She took my voucher, and so that was 0:09:26.800 --> 0:09:28.320 the way it was like going and getting as much 0:09:28.320 --> 0:09:30.640 assistance as I could. So it's funny, you know, you 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:34.040 grow up feeling like you have to not ask for help, 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:36.480 and then when you do ask for help, you may 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:38.719 be shamed. So you don't want anybody to know you're 0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:40.920 own public assistance. You don't want anybody to know you 0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:43.760 getting like social services and things like that. So I 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:45.920 just went out and got every available service I could 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:49.439 get food SAMP Section eight, childcare, vouchers, like everything I 0:09:49.480 --> 0:09:52.160 could do to keep myself afloat throughout my career, just 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:55.640 for anybody listening as things I've done to get child care, 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:58.640 like actually enter into groups or put my children in 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:01.480 sports because of children in sports, and there's other. 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:04.400 Parents I would keep their kids, they would keep my kids, And. 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:07.440 So you actually end up networking your way through it 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:09.880 in a way, and like figuring out when you know 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:13.080 nobody in the city, you end up developing light levels 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:16.760 of trust, networking your way through and finding a new 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:17.800 community for yourself. 0:10:18.520 --> 0:10:20.920 I do find that that there's like a real bond 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:25.160 among parents that your kids get along with, that you trust, 0:10:25.320 --> 0:10:28.600 that you can like the feeling that you feel good 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:30.920 about leaving your children with them and knowing that they 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:33.520 will be cared for, and the reciprocity in it, I 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:37.439 think does make for a very bonding relationship and community 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:38.839 one percent. 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:41.560 And I think you understand each other in a way 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:44.760 that maybe other people don't, especially like it was a 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:46.520 single mom, So a single mom you kind of like, yeah, 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:47.520 I'm dealing with that same thing. 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:49.440 I also couldn't make it pick up my kid, could 0:10:49.440 --> 0:10:50.600 you keep my kid? Oh? 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:50.760 Oh? 0:10:50.800 --> 0:10:52.400 Like my kids coming out the bus, will you go 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:54.600 to the bus? So even now in the building that 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:56.880 I live in now we have a group of moms 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:59.560 and so some of us do mourning bus duty and 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:02.160 some people what we do afternoon bus duty. Or it 0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:04.520 was like, hey, like can you get my child from school? 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:07.080 You're going to the school. All those kinds of things. 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:09.760 Community is so important to me. It is like the 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:13.080 number one thing I've learned to always build no matter 0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:13.600 where I am. 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:18.640 And she did build. Even after graduating and becoming a 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:22.000 teacher at a K twelve school, she continued to find 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:24.559 new side hustles, and so. 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:27.400 I started teaching computers. I started my first company with 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:30.280 the other computer teacher. We started a well development company. 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:31.760 And this is back in the day. I'm not trying 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:33.319 to date myself, but this is back in the day 0:11:33.440 --> 0:11:37.480 when Adobe didn't own the suite of things. It was Macromedia. 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:38.600 I don't know we. 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:42.160 Remember it, but it was Macromedia back then, Okay, And 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:43.959 so you had the sweet dream. We were flash that 0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:46.920 kind of thing, and so we would build websites and 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:51.360 use flash or animation. But even during teaching, I worked 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:53.400 so many different kinds of jobs. I was a nanny, 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:54.640 I mean, as a teacher, you have to have a 0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:57.600 zize because you're not making enough money. America is not 0:11:57.720 --> 0:11:59.720 set up for you to be one person with kids. 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:03.200 You need multiple adults. And it doesn't even have to 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:06.160 be marriage. It can be grandparents whoever. But you need 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:10.400 more than one adult to raise even one child in America, right. 0:12:10.440 --> 0:12:12.080 And so a lot of times when I tell this story, 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:14.440 I always say, like, my story is not a black 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:18.000 story or a woman's story or a person from the South. Story, 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:20.760 is an American story. There's so many people who are 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:23.600 dealing with the challenges of I didn't marry, but I 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:25.920 wanted a kid, right, and then what did that mean 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:28.040 for what I had to set up for myself? And 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:30.960 so that challenge that I was facing around like I 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:32.920 can't just be a teacher. Even though it's one of 0:12:32.960 --> 0:12:37.560 the most like appreciated, at least verbally appreciated jobs in 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:40.800 the country, it's most underappreciated, I think when it comes 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:44.040 to the work that we're doing with America's children, and 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:45.160 the pain that you get. 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:49.040 Will only continue to hustle and find her purpose. Her 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:51.199 kids were also on their own journey. 0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:56.559 I have two trans children. My son transitioned right after 0:12:56.640 --> 0:12:59.520 high school, which I was really nervous about because going 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:02.000 into college just so many changes, and they're like, are 0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:03.360 you sure you want to do it right now while 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:04.640 you're also going into college. 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:06.560 I'm glad you asked me about it, though. 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:10.400 So my other child is non binary, but bro now's 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:14.600 day and she honestly, for me, my biggest fear when 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:17.760 my son decided transition was I didn't raise you to 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:20.240 be a black man, and so I didn't get an 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:25.040 opportunity to like instill these you gecided by the beliefs. 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:25.840 You need to do these things. 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:27.840 You see these things happening, so where you need to 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:29.760 move this way, you need to be this kind of 0:13:29.760 --> 0:13:32.400 proximity to women or not this kind of proximity to women. 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:34.240 You need to think about when a woman is saying 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:35.120 this is what you mean? 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:38.240 Like I didn't get that space, and so I felt 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:42.880 handicapped a little bit in my motherhood because now I'm like, oh, gosh, 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:46.520 what if it gets wrong as a black woman. Not 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:49.200 to say that police won't harass you as much, but 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:51.280 you're still a woman, and so I think there's certain 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:53.760 things that you can feel through and not maybe experience 0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:57.440 the same way men will and so that really scared me, 0:13:57.800 --> 0:14:00.240 and I think for my child who's non primary, I 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:03.800 was more worried about scrutiny and like, you know, whether 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:06.240 or not they would be accepted and like how that 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:06.760 would look. 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:08.679 There are two different schools. 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:10.319 Somebody said and graduated from North Carolina Anti, which is 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:13.959 where I went with a SBCU. My other pot they 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:17.720 are at George Mason. Totally different environment. You know, it's 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:21.160 a PWI predominantly white institution, so it's totally different. Even 0:14:21.160 --> 0:14:23.840 the level of acceptance is different or the level of 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:27.720 questioning is a little different because it was also being 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:31.880 in the South, so getting access to tea like getting 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:34.840 access to as South around getting access to the doctors. 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:36.800 That would like be able to do the blood. 0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:38.920 Tests and things like that, like you would have to 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:41.920 come back home to kind of get easy access to 0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:44.080 it and not kind of like where could I go? 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:46.880 Even the down to things like the you know, the 0:14:46.960 --> 0:14:49.600 gender gender neutral bathroom situation. 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:51.280 Right, It's like now he has. 0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:54.200 To be on campus while bunch of students are just 0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:56.240 feeling like, you know, no, I don't want to I 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:57.240 want to go to this bathroom. 0:14:57.240 --> 0:14:59.880 I don't think it should be gender, nuture, bathrooms. 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:02.800 For whatever reasons, other oppression and trauma that we've dealt 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:05.680 with just as black people, right, I mean both. I 0:15:05.680 --> 0:15:08.160 would say it's the same generation, so everybody's a little 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:11.960 bit progressive, so it's not so bad in the differences. 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:13.680 I think interestingly enough. 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:17.120 Though, my middle child, they're dealing with more race things 0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:20.800 versus my oldest son, who didn't have to deal with 0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:22.960 more race things, but maybe had to deal with more 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:26.840 gender or LGBTQ things, So it's like they're both having 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:29.200 to deal with things in a way. I don't know, 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:32.800 it's interest in journey as a mom, you know, Yeah, did. 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:36.040 You have that same feeling when your child came out 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:38.720 as non bordinary did you have that same feeling of 0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:42.160 not preparing them? I honestly don't know how I would 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:45.040 prepare a child for the world as non binary. 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:50.640 Yeah, oh lord, we need a couch, So I am. 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:53.280 They're so different in the way that they are with 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:55.600 other child it was like, oh, I'm gay, and I 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:57.560 don't think you're gay, but I also don't think it's straight. 0:15:57.720 --> 0:16:00.640 Like I kind of knew that already before coming out 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:02.280 a non binary, and I would tell them that and 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:05.480 they would get offended. Oh well, mom, I'm identifying his gay. 0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:08.320 You should respect that. And I'm like, I do respect it. 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:10.760 I mean I identify his bye to I'm like, I 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:13.760 respect it. But I just don't think you're either one. 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:16.960 And I would say that for a while. 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:18.440 They would just kind of like whatever. 0:16:18.280 --> 0:16:20.720 And then finally some when they came out as non binary, 0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:24.160 I think it's funny I'll say this and they know this. 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:28.320 I think I'm having more challenges with moving the pronoun 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:32.400 to she than I am about they, And I don't 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:35.080 know why. That's something I need to think through what's 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:37.400 happening with me, because I mean, like even with them, 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:39.560 they always been mistaken for a woman, Like people have 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:42.440 always thought that, and it's nothing. 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:45.160 Wrong with that. Like I'm fine with them identifying as she. 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:48.760 It's been a harder transition for me than my older son, 0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:51.359 where like first things first for me was the pronounce 0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:55.080 then the name. So it's like, let's work on me 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:58.760 saying he, which it took a while to change it over. 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:01.040 This is the person that you here. 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:03.720 It's right, you've known every minute other life. 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:07.200 Every minute you know, it's kind of like the switchover. 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:10.439 I think if the detrimental feeling that some bears are having. 0:17:10.840 --> 0:17:12.680 Then they're talking about it is this is the part 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:13.960 that I wish the would talk about. 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:15.400 I wish they would talk about like. 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:19.040 Hey, I respect what you did, but these pronouns are 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:20.160 hard to switch over. 0:17:20.240 --> 0:17:22.760 I need your patience right totally. 0:17:23.320 --> 0:17:26.000 We had a guest on last year who's one hundred 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:26.440 and one. 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:31.680 I'm Betty Red Saustin and I'm one hundred years old. 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:37.800 I started my life out as her son David, and 0:17:37.920 --> 0:17:43.280 in the last five years I discovered that instead of 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:51.800 a man that had feminine traits, that all my life 0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:55.560 I've been a woman pretending to be a man. 0:17:56.600 --> 0:18:03.359 So that's been a difficult transition for myself, but also 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:09.320 with my mother, who understood my oldest brother being gay, 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:16.200 but this isn't a sexual thing. It's an identity thing, 0:18:16.840 --> 0:18:21.240 which is a different, totally different concept for her to grasp. 0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:26.760 I know that it probably is just just as hard 0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:30.840 for you as for me, and you were someone else 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:36.199 for most of your life and became a daughter in 0:18:36.240 --> 0:18:37.440 the last three years. 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:42.479 It's hard for me in many ways, but not the 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:48.960 ways you expect. I don't have trouble accepting I have 0:18:49.040 --> 0:18:55.560 trouble because after all these years of calling you David, 0:18:57.119 --> 0:19:03.120 I expect you to call you Diana. That's that's That's 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:04.560 about the hardest thing for me. 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:11.639 It's just the adjustment period. I feel like it's actually 0:19:11.640 --> 0:19:14.040 the conversation I hear among parents more so. 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:17.560 The adjustment period includes okay, let me lay some of 0:19:17.600 --> 0:19:20.880 it out. It includes the pronouns, it includes the name. 0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:25.000 It includes talking to them, and it includes talking to 0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:29.080