1 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:05,600 Speaker 1: I didn't learn as so as fifty four years old. 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,560 Speaker 1: If I had known this way back when, I would 3 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:13,560 Speaker 1: literally not have been a walking red flag for most 4 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: of my life. I would not have taken my stress 5 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:19,360 Speaker 1: out on my family. I would have been more peaceful 6 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,760 Speaker 1: and more powerful because I had no idea how much 7 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,080 Speaker 1: power I'd given to other people. 8 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,280 Speaker 2: That was mel Robbins sharing a life changing lesson she 9 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 2: learned at fifty four, one that became the foundation of 10 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:34,199 Speaker 2: her international bestseller. On this special best of episode of 11 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,960 Speaker 2: My Legacy, How Smartin Luther King the Third, Andrea Waters, King, 12 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:41,840 Speaker 2: Mark Kilberger, and Craig Kilberger explore what it really means 13 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:45,879 Speaker 2: to protect your peace, especially when the world is loud, messy, 14 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 2: and demanding. Award winning singer songwriter Keisha Chante on why 15 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 2: walking away isn't weakness, It's wisdom. The iconic Billy Porter 16 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 2: on how he finally learned to set boundaries and work 17 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 2: through his trauma. Deepak Chopra explaed means why peace in 18 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:04,679 Speaker 2: the world starts with peace within, and Martin reflects on 19 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 2: a powerful lesson in forgiveness passed down from his grandfather. 20 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:12,479 Speaker 2: It's a masterclass in finding strength, clarity, and protecting your 21 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 2: peace when it matters most. First up, Mel Robbins breaks 22 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 2: down her viral let Them theory how it helped her 23 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:21,800 Speaker 2: stop reacting, start healing, and reclaim her power. 24 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 3: Mel your new book, The Let Them Theory. It encourages 25 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 3: people to just let control go over other people's choices. 26 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 1: Absolutely, so the let Them theory is a simple mindset 27 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 1: tool that helps you identify literally in a moment what's 28 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:40,000 Speaker 1: in your control and what's not in your control, and 29 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 1: the way that you use it is very simple. If 30 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 1: you're in a situation and some other person is stressing 31 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:48,000 Speaker 1: you out or upsetting you or offending you, or you're 32 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:50,680 Speaker 1: worried about them, or they're treating you poorly, you literally 33 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:54,560 Speaker 1: say let them because the number one thing in life 34 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: that you will never, ever, ever, ever be able to 35 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,760 Speaker 1: control is another human being. You can't control what they think, 36 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 1: you can can't control what they do, You cannot control 37 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:06,280 Speaker 1: how they feel, period, And any psychologists will tell you 38 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 1: that any time that you spend trying to only makes 39 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,440 Speaker 1: you feel more stressed, out, frustrated, and out of control 40 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:18,360 Speaker 1: and the problem for all of us. And I didn't 41 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,600 Speaker 1: learn this so I was fifty four years old. If 42 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: I had known this way back when, I would literally 43 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:27,960 Speaker 1: not have been a walking red flag for most of 44 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,480 Speaker 1: my life. I would not have taken my stress out 45 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:33,800 Speaker 1: of my family. I would have been more peaceful and 46 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 1: more powerful because I had no idea how much power 47 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 1: I'd given to other people, and neither nobody does, because 48 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 1: we don't understand how we're turning other people into the problem. 49 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,919 Speaker 1: And I've got very important and exciting information. It says, 50 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:54,080 Speaker 1: if you feel tired in life, if you are frustrated, 51 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,799 Speaker 1: if you're stuck, if you're stressed out, if you feel 52 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 1: like you never have time for yourself, if you're just 53 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:02,600 Speaker 1: not as happy as you'd like to be, the problem 54 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 1: isn't you. The problem is you're unknowingly giving power to 55 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: other people, and you do it in four ways. You 56 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 1: allow them to stress you out, You worry about and 57 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,960 Speaker 1: you manage what they're thinking. You navigate your life based 58 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 1: on their moods and their opinions and their disappointment and 59 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 1: their guilt and their expectations. And you paralyze yourself because 60 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 1: you're chronically comparing yourself to them and telling yourself that 61 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: if they're successful or they're this, then I can't have it. 62 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 1: And it's simply not true. And what the let them 63 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,840 Speaker 1: theory does is that any situation that you're in and 64 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 1: you're going to use it with your family more than anybody, 65 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 1: because I think family teaches you how to love people 66 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 1: you hate sometimes, right, you gotta let them because you're 67 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 1: not going to change them. And what you will learn 68 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,960 Speaker 1: as you start to use this is people only change 69 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,440 Speaker 1: when they feel like changing. People only change when they're 70 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 1: ready to change. People only change when they're ready to 71 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:03,160 Speaker 1: do the hard work to change. And the other piece 72 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: that you have to embrace is that we think worrying 73 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 1: about or pressuring or judging or pushing people to change 74 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 1: motivates people to change. It's actually the opposite. If you 75 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,440 Speaker 1: look at the wiring of a human being, everybody has 76 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:20,279 Speaker 1: a fundamental need for control. When you're in control of 77 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,040 Speaker 1: what you're thinking about, in your decisions and your future 78 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 1: and the environment that you're in, you actually feel safe. 79 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,920 Speaker 1: And the problem is if Martin's doing something that is 80 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 1: worrying me. Now, his behavior is something I want to control, 81 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: But Martin has the same need to control his life 82 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 1: as I do. So when I start to push on 83 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,799 Speaker 1: Martin or suggests that Martin should do this or should 84 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: do that? What does Martin do? Martin pushes back because 85 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,719 Speaker 1: he needs to be in control. And I didn't realize 86 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:58,560 Speaker 1: that I was creating so much unnecessary friction and frustration 87 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 1: and distance with people in my life. I didn't realize 88 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 1: how much time and energy I was losing, because you know, 89 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 1: let's just take a simple example. You're at the grocery 90 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: store and there's five people in front of you, and 91 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:19,120 Speaker 1: there's one cash here. We've all been there, right, yes, 92 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: And immediately the stress rises up inside you. And then 93 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,160 Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you get agitated, and then you 94 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,280 Speaker 1: start thinking why are they not calling it? And then 95 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,400 Speaker 1: you're looking around, and then you start thinking you can 96 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:34,040 Speaker 1: run the store better than anybody, right, And now let's 97 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,160 Speaker 1: just stop and actually really look at what this is. 98 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 1: This is you giving power to something that you do 99 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 1: not control. And when you do that, a number of 100 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,080 Speaker 1: things happen. Number one did you notice is the stress 101 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 1: goes up, your life force energy goes out. So you 102 00:05:52,800 --> 00:06:00,320 Speaker 1: are allowing stupid, meaningless, all kinds of irritating people that 103 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,920 Speaker 1: are beneath you and not worth your time and energy. 104 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,680 Speaker 1: You are allowing it to exhaust you, and you don't 105 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: have to, and the solution is just to say let them, 106 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 1: and immediately you feel peace because what you're doing is 107 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:18,479 Speaker 1: you're tapping into a tremendous like I feel like I've 108 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,480 Speaker 1: got everybody's ancestors with me. Because this is an application 109 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:26,680 Speaker 1: of stoicism, of Buddhism, of radical acceptance, of detachment, theory 110 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:34,960 Speaker 1: of literally not reacting and staying in your peace, and 111 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 1: then something interesting happens. You say the second part, which 112 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: is let me, let me remind myself that in any situation, 113 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 1: I have power because there are three things I can control. 114 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:49,279 Speaker 1: I can control what I think about. Next, I can 115 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 1: control what I do or I don't do. Because you 116 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 1: can leave the supermarket, you could if you never have 117 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,039 Speaker 1: time to talk to your friend, you could pick up 118 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,159 Speaker 1: the phone and call your friend or your grandma. You 119 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:06,000 Speaker 1: could practice meditation, you could say a prayer. If you say, 120 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:09,280 Speaker 1: let me and remind yourself that you have power, right, 121 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 1: and so that's what it is. 122 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 4: It Also, you said, you know all of these different 123 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 4: ancestors you're bringing in the ancestor of Martin Luther King 124 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 4: Junior and the whole civil rights movement. Yes, because I 125 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 4: think what people also forget is that when you're talking 126 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,640 Speaker 4: about the lunch counters, you're talking about the freedom writers. 127 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 1: Yes they trained, Yes. 128 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 4: You know, they didn't just go and you know and 129 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,560 Speaker 4: so and no, that was and it was a lot 130 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 4: of what exactly that you're talking about and let them 131 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,880 Speaker 4: Like this is like they're going to do this. Yes, 132 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 4: I you know, I choose, I choose how then I 133 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 4: will respond to that. And what I also think is 134 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,320 Speaker 4: important is like you have to it is training. 135 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 5: Yes, it is. 136 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 4: You know, you have to think about it and you 137 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:57,000 Speaker 4: have to. 138 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,480 Speaker 1: Yes, it is disciplined. And here's the other thing it 139 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 1: is because a lot of people hear this and then 140 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 1: they'll say, wait, you're just allowing people to walk all 141 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 1: over you. You're allowing people to abuse you. And I'm like, 142 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:11,400 Speaker 1: oh no, it's the opposite, because you're actually allowing it. 143 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 1: Now when you say let them, it's almost like you're 144 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: allowing it without allowing it, because you're saying, I see 145 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 1: the reality here and I see that I can't control this, 146 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:27,400 Speaker 1: and so I choose my response because I know I 147 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:31,360 Speaker 1: do have power. And oftentimes the best response is no response. 148 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 1: The best response is peace. And we give too much 149 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 1: energy and too much fear into things we can't control, 150 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,320 Speaker 1: and in doing so, we blind ourselves to the fact 151 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 1: that you always have control. And whether you're talking about 152 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 1: a family dynamic, or you're talking about a community, or 153 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 1: you're talking about a world at large, I see. I 154 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:57,079 Speaker 1: find it just so sad and fascinating that we always 155 00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,719 Speaker 1: let the most challenging and toxic behavior seem to get 156 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:04,520 Speaker 1: all the power. But I actually think the opposite is true. 157 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,080 Speaker 1: I believe that the person that is peaceful, I believe 158 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 1: that the person that understands their power. I believe the 159 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:16,439 Speaker 1: person who actually constantly reminds themselves, wait a minute, I 160 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,360 Speaker 1: have power here because I have power over my thoughts. 161 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 1: I have power over my actions. I have power over 162 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: how I allow my emotions to rise and fall. And 163 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 1: it's inside that power that any single person can change 164 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 1: something for the better. 165 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:36,680 Speaker 4: And you know that's what because you're responding and not reacting. Yes, 166 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 4: and responding is when you come from a place of power. 167 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:41,080 Speaker 6: Yes. 168 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:45,800 Speaker 1: And it's also how you take personal responsibility. Let's talk 169 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:50,559 Speaker 1: about responsibility, because the word responsibility is just the ability 170 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:56,600 Speaker 1: to respond and everybody has that. And so when you 171 00:09:56,720 --> 00:10:01,720 Speaker 1: really remind yourself of that, oh, you can be the 172 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:05,880 Speaker 1: person that changes everything, because it just takes one person 173 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 1: to change the energy and dynamic in a family. It 174 00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 1: takes one person who cares enough to change the politics 175 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 1: in a country. It takes one person to just shift everything. 176 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:20,079 Speaker 5: And if you. 177 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: Don't like where you're at, or you don't like where 178 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 1: your family's at, or you don't like something in a relationship, 179 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,200 Speaker 1: or you don't like something in the world at large, 180 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 1: that one person is you. And as long as you 181 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 1: give your time and energy, and you give other people power, 182 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,960 Speaker 1: their opinions, all of it that none of what you 183 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: can control. You are not present to the power you 184 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,200 Speaker 1: actually have and the time and the energy that you 185 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:47,800 Speaker 1: need to create the change that you're capable of changing. 186 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 2: Coming up Quis Sante on why walking away is sometimes 187 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,960 Speaker 2: the most powerful thing you can do, and Billy Porter 188 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 2: opens up about the healing power of boundaries. 189 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,280 Speaker 4: Now back to my legacy, and one of the things 190 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:09,360 Speaker 4: I admire about Yukesha is that you know you have 191 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 4: walked away from things when it didn't serve you. Oh yes, 192 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 4: how would you say to our listeners? What would you 193 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,880 Speaker 4: say to them about taking care of their mental health? 194 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,320 Speaker 7: Mental health is a huge thing I find it so 195 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:26,280 Speaker 7: fascinating that we speak on physical health and we separate 196 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:28,520 Speaker 7: mental health like it doesn't exist, like you is your 197 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 7: brain not attached to your body? Why why are we 198 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:31,720 Speaker 7: treating it as. 199 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 2: A separate thing. 200 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 7: But there's something very humbling about experiencing depression. It's at 201 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 7: your lowest moment where you I've experienced times where I 202 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,679 Speaker 7: was like, I don't want to do this anymore, I 203 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:49,079 Speaker 7: am done, I'm tired, and it's you know, sometimes it's 204 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 7: just a lot of maybe trauma of you you experience 205 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:55,959 Speaker 7: and it gets overwhelming. But once you've made it out 206 00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:00,199 Speaker 7: of depression one time, it renews your faith in God. 207 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:00,960 Speaker 2: Or whatever you believe in. 208 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:05,160 Speaker 7: Right for me, it was God. It makes your faith stronger. 209 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,920 Speaker 7: But it also makes you realize, like I can really 210 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:10,280 Speaker 7: get through it. 211 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 5: I just have to. 212 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,440 Speaker 7: Figure out what my game plan is to get out 213 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 7: of it. So I would say, you know, through my 214 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:21,439 Speaker 7: experiences in life, it's the falling and the getting. 215 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:21,760 Speaker 5: Back up. 216 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 7: That has allowed me to believe that there's more. And 217 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,920 Speaker 7: also when you feel so close to not wanting to 218 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:33,319 Speaker 7: be here, or when you experience a huge death, when 219 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:38,080 Speaker 7: you lose someone, it really makes you realize how precious 220 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:41,880 Speaker 7: life is and wanting to maximize your time here. So 221 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,680 Speaker 7: I genuinely have this place of like, I don't know 222 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:48,320 Speaker 7: what's happening tomorrow or the next week or the next month, 223 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 7: but I want to make sure it's a good one. 224 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,199 Speaker 7: I want to make sure that I'm giving as much 225 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,720 Speaker 7: as I can. Like when I leave the house, I 226 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,000 Speaker 7: try to be as intentional. Sometimes I'm having a bad 227 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:59,720 Speaker 7: day or I'm struggling with anxiety or depression, and I 228 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 7: try to still go out in the day and be 229 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 7: as mindful and as self aware as I can with people, 230 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,600 Speaker 7: because I want to pour into people as much as 231 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 7: I can. So if I feel like something isn't right, 232 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 7: and I immediately I'm like, this is a waste of time, 233 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,840 Speaker 7: no matter how valuable it could be to others. 234 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:17,840 Speaker 5: If I don't feel like. 235 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 7: It's right to my core or it takes me out 236 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 7: of alignment with my relationship with God. There is nothing 237 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,320 Speaker 7: more important to me than my relationship with God. 238 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,280 Speaker 5: So if it doesn't feel right. 239 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 7: I'm good. I don't care how much money it is, 240 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 7: I don't care how cool it is. If it doesn't 241 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,480 Speaker 7: feel right with me and Him. When I go to 242 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 7: bed at night, I'm not doing it, So I have 243 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 7: no problem walking away, and I'm lucky to have parents 244 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 7: that are like, good on, you do it, yeah girl, Yeah. 245 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 8: I think one of the one of my favorite things 246 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:52,320 Speaker 8: over the last ten years, I'll say, is people being 247 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:55,480 Speaker 8: much more open about their mental health and what it 248 00:13:55,559 --> 00:14:00,360 Speaker 8: takes to keep your mental healthy right. It's not hidden 249 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:04,559 Speaker 8: in a closet anymore. You can really say, Look, I've 250 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,080 Speaker 8: gone through depression. I understand what it is because there's 251 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 8: something about not locking it inside that makes it freeing, 252 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:15,120 Speaker 8: and it helps and helps helps, it helps you towards 253 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 8: the positive. And so I love that through social media 254 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 8: or whatever it is, mental health has been much more 255 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 8: on a conversation and much more. People have been much 256 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 8: more open about it over the last it feels like 257 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 8: ten to fifteen years. 258 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 4: And let's just say it too, it's important for everyone's 259 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 4: mental health. I think it's been so wonderful that in 260 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 4: the Black community that we are talking about mental health 261 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,080 Speaker 4: in ways in which we haven't. And I'm sure in 262 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 4: all communities, but in the Black community that we're able 263 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:48,720 Speaker 4: now to talk more openly about mental health. That's critical 264 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:49,480 Speaker 4: and so healing. 265 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:55,440 Speaker 3: Ye think, Billy, you've been open about the profound pain 266 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 3: you've worked through in trauma therapy, where you could tell 267 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:01,400 Speaker 3: us a little bit about that, and perhaps some of 268 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 3: the meaningful breakthroughs you've had along the way. 269 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:13,080 Speaker 9: The mental health profession and what they have developed over 270 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:19,600 Speaker 9: the years to sort of help people heal themselves heal trauma, 271 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:24,760 Speaker 9: all of those things. It's extraordinary. And I began a 272 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:32,640 Speaker 9: very tailored process to my specific trauma in very specific 273 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 9: trauma therapy during COVID in a way that you mean, 274 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 9: you know, I keep saying the world shut down so 275 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:45,960 Speaker 9: that I could address my trauma for real, you know. 276 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:50,720 Speaker 9: And the thing I learned the most and I still 277 00:15:51,000 --> 00:16:01,720 Speaker 9: deal with, is the self compassion component that all of 278 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:08,840 Speaker 9: us have to learn about for ourselves and for our 279 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:15,920 Speaker 9: mental health self care and boundaries. The fact that I 280 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:19,640 Speaker 9: didn't even know what that was. I didn't know what 281 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 9: a boundary was, and so I kept finding myself in relationships, 282 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:30,920 Speaker 9: particularly romantic relationships with no boundaries. Those are the two 283 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:37,080 Speaker 9: biggest healing components that I have taken away from that, 284 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 9: you know, in the practice, in the everyday practice. 285 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 3: And Mary Martha witnessing Billy confronts and to start to 286 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 3: heal from such deep trauma must be quite a powerful experience. 287 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,600 Speaker 3: What changes have you seen in him since he's begun 288 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,160 Speaker 3: his own journey of trauma, healing, the. 289 00:16:54,120 --> 00:17:00,680 Speaker 10: Self compassion, Seeing him learning how to say no. Billy 290 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,640 Speaker 10: is such a giver and always wanted to see everyone win, 291 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:08,640 Speaker 10: but sometimes you know, when we do that to what end, 292 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,919 Speaker 10: at what cost? And so seeing him being able to 293 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,880 Speaker 10: say to say no and to take care of himself. 294 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,320 Speaker 3: Billy, Well, happiness is often seen as the ultimate goal. 295 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:23,720 Speaker 3: It doesn't necessarily equate to a fulfilled life. Would you 296 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 3: believe are the key ingredients of living a fulfilled life? 297 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,920 Speaker 9: You have to choose yourself. You know, there's no way 298 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:36,200 Speaker 9: to be happy when you're lying. You know, one must 299 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,639 Speaker 9: choose truth. One must choose yourself. And I know for 300 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:44,080 Speaker 9: me growing up in the church, you know, one of 301 00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 9: the things that was very difficult for me was conflating 302 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:55,840 Speaker 9: choosing myself with being selfish. Interesting, and I think that's 303 00:17:56,280 --> 00:18:00,480 Speaker 9: I think that's being illuminated these days in way that 304 00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:04,320 Speaker 9: you know, it's like, oh no, actually, because when I 305 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:09,240 Speaker 9: put my oxygen mask on first, which is a version 306 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:17,159 Speaker 9: of choosing myself, then I'm actually have more energy and 307 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:22,520 Speaker 9: more consistency to help others. 308 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:26,000 Speaker 11: And to give to others like follow and subscribe to 309 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,679 Speaker 11: My Legacy podcast and most importantly, share this with someone 310 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:35,159 Speaker 11: who needs a reminder of their strength today. 311 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,000 Speaker 4: Now back to my Legacy. 312 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:46,560 Speaker 5: Deepak, you've said that the world is on fire and 313 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,560 Speaker 5: so are we, and that the chaos around us is 314 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:53,640 Speaker 5: a reflection of our own interstate. How do we as 315 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:59,520 Speaker 5: individuals begin to create peace within ourselves so we can 316 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,439 Speaker 5: create peace in the world. 317 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 6: Mahatmanghani said, the only way to change the world is 318 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:10,639 Speaker 6: to be the change yourself. So you have to be 319 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,920 Speaker 6: the change you want to see in the world. If 320 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:17,840 Speaker 6: you want peace in the world, start with your own peace. 321 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:23,640 Speaker 6: If you want love, then start giving love. Love can 322 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:27,480 Speaker 6: only be shared by those who know how to give 323 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 6: and receive love. Peace can only be created by those 324 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:36,359 Speaker 6: who are peaceful, not by peace activists, but those who 325 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:39,679 Speaker 6: are at peace. And if you have a critical mass 326 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:44,240 Speaker 6: of people who want to be the change they want 327 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,399 Speaker 6: to see in the world, who are the change, a 328 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 6: critical mass that would translate into peace in the world. 329 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:56,760 Speaker 6: But you need that critical mass right now. The critical 330 00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 6: mass that we have is the recycling of trauma. So 331 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 6: when we say and the history of humanity is in 332 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:08,680 Speaker 6: a way the history of trauma. Ever since the Middle Ages, 333 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:14,280 Speaker 6: we recycle trauma, and the memory of trauma is anger. 334 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:21,119 Speaker 6: The desire to get even is hostility. Blaming yourself is 335 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:24,919 Speaker 6: guilt and shame. And then the depletion of energy that 336 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:28,480 Speaker 6: happens as a result is called depression, which is the 337 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 6: number one pandemic recycling of trauma. So if we want 338 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:36,920 Speaker 6: to change the world, we have to stop recycling trauma. 339 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:40,920 Speaker 6: And that can only come about if we are at 340 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:45,720 Speaker 6: peace with ourselves. So, as I've been said, forever peace 341 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:52,479 Speaker 6: begins with us, with ourselves. It's not happening because of 342 00:20:52,680 --> 00:21:02,240 Speaker 6: the melodrama of social media, news networks, entertainment where violence 343 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:07,920 Speaker 6: is romanticized. You know, World War One, people who wont 344 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 6: the war they get medals as heroes. The other side 345 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 6: war criminals. So you know who's a war criminal, who's 346 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 6: a war hero? 347 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:21,240 Speaker 9: What is war? 348 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:24,520 Speaker 6: It's murder? You know when you look at the history, 349 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:28,560 Speaker 6: and I hate to be a political since now we 350 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 6: have permissioned to be a political But colonialism, slave trade 351 00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:41,200 Speaker 6: and piracy went together. You know, slave trade and colonialism 352 00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:44,800 Speaker 6: and piracy are the same thing, but they were done 353 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:49,359 Speaker 6: under a uniform with medals. Long live the King, a 354 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,560 Speaker 6: live the monarch. That has to stop. You have to 355 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:59,479 Speaker 6: stop glorifying trauma. Even now, star wars, you know, the 356 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:03,320 Speaker 6: war against cancer, the war against drug. Everything is a 357 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:08,639 Speaker 6: war our metaphors themselves. We're not talking about creative solutions. 358 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:12,320 Speaker 6: We're talking about war. You know, I beat the cancer, 359 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,560 Speaker 6: I got rid of the cancer. No, there's a creative 360 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 6: way to solve every problem. And that creativity comes from 361 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:25,080 Speaker 6: deep within our soul, you know. So when we refer 362 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,240 Speaker 6: to God, we say the creator. Right, So every act 363 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:33,560 Speaker 6: of creativity is a divine act. And that's not an algorithm. Okay, 364 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:37,320 Speaker 6: that is that is the spirit. That's the only way. 365 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:45,359 Speaker 5: So certainly, at ten years old, I think many know 366 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:51,159 Speaker 5: that my father was assassinated on that day of April fourth. 367 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,480 Speaker 5: My mom lost her husband, and the four of us 368 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:59,040 Speaker 5: lost our father. So that's the greatest trauma that I 369 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:04,000 Speaker 5: believe I had gone through in my life. Then what 370 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:07,560 Speaker 5: I know, none of us knew, was five years later 371 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,480 Speaker 5: my grandmother was going to be assassinated in the church 372 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 5: while playing the Lord's prayer. Now, people were always inflicted 373 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:22,320 Speaker 5: with tragedy, so we're not the first ones. We were 374 00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:26,040 Speaker 5: not the first ones, but at an early age it 375 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 5: was the way. It was not an accident. It was intentional. 376 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:34,399 Speaker 5: Someone came intentionally to kill Dad. Someone came intentionally to 377 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:38,359 Speaker 5: kill Dad's mom. And it really was how we chose 378 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:44,800 Speaker 5: to deal with it by seeing we'd been taught as 379 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:49,560 Speaker 5: kids that you know, to forgive that which is terrible 380 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:54,920 Speaker 5: and nonviolence. Dad been the pre eminent civil rights leader, 381 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,800 Speaker 5: one of the preeminent civil rights teachers in our society. 382 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,840 Speaker 5: We had been taught or strong founday, we had a 383 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:08,960 Speaker 5: strong spiritual foundation, but still it's it's tough. And what 384 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:14,879 Speaker 5: my grandfather did was he publicly stated, I refused to 385 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,560 Speaker 5: allow the man to kill my lovely wife or the 386 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:21,919 Speaker 5: man that killed my son, to reduce me to hatred. 387 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,439 Speaker 5: I love everybody. I'm every man's brother. In fact, he 388 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,160 Speaker 5: went to visit the man who killed his wife, and 389 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:30,399 Speaker 5: he went down to the jailed where the man was 390 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,560 Speaker 5: being held because this was at at the church, the 391 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:42,160 Speaker 5: man who killed my grandmother, and it was so Granddaddy 392 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,800 Speaker 5: that afternoon went down to see the man who was 393 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,280 Speaker 5: being held in the mental ward at the hospital in Atlanta, 394 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:52,200 Speaker 5: and he visited with him and he said, son, why 395 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,879 Speaker 5: did you kill my lovely wife. And the guy looked 396 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,399 Speaker 5: at him and said when I when I get out 397 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,080 Speaker 5: of here, I'm going to come back and get you. 398 00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:04,440 Speaker 5: And Granddaddy said, well, son, I'm gonna pray for you, 399 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:12,480 Speaker 5: because that's who he was and what he believed. Interestingly enough, 400 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,040 Speaker 5: if he had taken his he had a cane. He 401 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,840 Speaker 5: walked with a cane back then, but he could have 402 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,400 Speaker 5: taken that cane and hit the man in the head, 403 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 5: but he did not do that. He said, son, I'm 404 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 5: gonna pray for you because I know prayer changes things. Now, 405 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,760 Speaker 5: that's a powerful example. I was not physically there that day, 406 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,959 Speaker 5: but my brother and my cousin were, and so to 407 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,560 Speaker 5: hear this story shared over and over again made a 408 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:42,960 Speaker 5: profound impact upon me. So I shared this story often 409 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 5: with young kids because I believe that there's merit to Again. 410 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:53,200 Speaker 5: If I had been bitter and hostile, people would understand. 411 00:25:54,160 --> 00:26:00,560 Speaker 5: But I'm thankful that I chose to exhibit what I 412 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:04,520 Speaker 5: call positive energy and saying, oh, that greatly impacted my life, 413 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,399 Speaker 5: but I choose not to go continue to hate others. 414 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:11,560 Speaker 5: Hate can never solve the issue. Only love can do that. 415 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,680 Speaker 5: Dad would say, darkness can't put out darkness. Only light 416 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:18,199 Speaker 5: can do that. I hope that every time I have 417 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:24,160 Speaker 5: an opportunity, I am depositing energy, positive energy, light into 418 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:24,639 Speaker 5: the world. 419 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,360 Speaker 2: Thank you for joining us for the best of my legacy. 420 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:32,080 Speaker 2: New episodes drop every Tuesday. Don't forget to subscribe so 421 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:33,240 Speaker 2: you never miss a moment.