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Speaker 1: This is my legacy. In honor of World Mental Health Day,

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Speaker 1: this week's bonus Drop revisits our powerful conversation with New

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Speaker 1: York Times bestselling author and podcast host Jay Shetty. Together

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Speaker 1: with his incredible wife, Roddy Devlukia. They open up about resilience, healing,

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Speaker 1: and finding calm in a disconnected world. Let's jump in.

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Speaker 2: Jay, You've interviewed some of the most remarkable people in

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Speaker 2: the world and gained their insight and wisdom on issues

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Speaker 2: about happiness and living a fulfilled life. I'd like to

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Speaker 2: ask you if there's one or two things from one

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Speaker 2: of your guests or multiple guests that have really impacted

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Speaker 2: your thinking in those areas.

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Speaker 3: When I think about my guests, I definitely think about

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Speaker 3: a lot of the incredible experts we've had on sleep.

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Speaker 3: And the reason I bring up sleep is because I

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Speaker 3: think it's the one habit that incredibly impacts every other habit.

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Speaker 3: When you get a good night's sleep, you're less likely

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Speaker 3: to eat foods that are bad for you, You're more

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Speaker 3: likely to have the energy to work out, You're going

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Speaker 3: to feel more motivated and focused at work. It's the

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Speaker 3: domino effect, and what I've learned about sleep is that

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Speaker 3: a lot of us are not trying to build up

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Speaker 3: our sleep like we build up other parts of our life.

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Speaker 3: We want to gain mastery at our careers, we want

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Speaker 3: to get good at our relationships, but so much of

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Speaker 3: that is based on the quality of our sleep. If

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Speaker 3: you have slept well, you're less irritable, you're less agitated,

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Speaker 3: you're less likely to get angry or frustrated when something

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Speaker 3: doesn't go your way because you have that foundational calm.

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Speaker 3: And so for me, the things I've learned about sleep,

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Speaker 3: the first is set a bedtime routine. Try and sleep

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Speaker 3: at the same time every single day, again at least

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Speaker 3: five days a week. Second is, try and sleep in

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Speaker 3: what's known as cave like darkness. A lot of us

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Speaker 3: today have flashing lights from TVs, from remote controls, from

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Speaker 3: our phones, whatever it may be. Try and sleep in

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Speaker 3: cave like darkness as best as you can. Try and

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Speaker 3: sleep in a temperature that's sixty three to sixty eight

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Speaker 3: sixty nine fahrenheit, that's the recommended temperature, slightly cooler. We

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Speaker 3: actually sleep better when it's a little bit cooler than

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Speaker 3: what we think. And the last one is have a

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Speaker 3: bedtime routine. You know, eat a few hours before you

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Speaker 3: get into before you're going to go to bed, stop

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Speaker 3: looking at phone an hour before bed, really create that

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Speaker 3: energy to be able to switch off. And so sleep

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Speaker 3: has been something I've focused on with a lot of

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Speaker 3: my amazing guests, and the fulfillment and sleep can give

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Speaker 3: so much fulfillment and peace in life. I think it

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Speaker 3: would change so much of our day. And the other

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Speaker 3: one I'd say that has really moved me is a

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Speaker 3: lot of the advice that I've received on people talking

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Speaker 3: about childhood trauma and the need to revisit our inner child.

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Speaker 3: I think what we don't realize is so much of

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Speaker 3: what we see today is not someone's adult self, but

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Speaker 3: their child's self stuck in their adult body. And so

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Speaker 3: when you're looking at someone, if you were to look

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Speaker 3: at them as a child, you could actually understand why

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Speaker 3: they say the things they do, and why they demand

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Speaker 3: the things they want, and why they behave the way

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Speaker 3: they do, and why they act the way they do

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Speaker 3: because it's their child's self. And I think if all

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Speaker 3: of us were able to look at not just other

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Speaker 3: people that way, but look at ourselves that way, and

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Speaker 3: look at our child self and say, where have I

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Speaker 3: not fulfilled my childhood dreams. Where have I not met

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Speaker 3: my child in a child? Where have I not really

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Speaker 3: reconciled with that in a child? I think life would

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Speaker 3: change incredibly. I think the way we talk to ourselves.

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Speaker 3: I think if we talk to ourselves as if we

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Speaker 3: were talking to a younger child, we would transform the

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Speaker 3: hate and the harshness and the pain that we inflict

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Speaker 3: on ourselves, just through the self criticism and self judgment

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Speaker 3: and the self harsh talk that we have in our

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Speaker 3: mind constantly, from the moment we wake up and we

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Speaker 3: look in the mirror and comment on our weight, to

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Speaker 3: the moment we go to work and comment on our intellect,

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Speaker 3: and the moment we get home and comment on our

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Speaker 3: effort and enthusiasm. We're constantly criticizing ourselves, and so I

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Speaker 3: think the need to see each other as children, see

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Speaker 3: ourselves as children, makes such a big difference and would

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Speaker 3: hugely transform the planet we live on. And there's a

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Speaker 3: beautiful quote by Russell Barkley that I love where he

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Speaker 3: said that the people who need the most love often

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Speaker 3: ask for it in the most unloving ways. And I

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Speaker 3: think that's what we are. The child self in us

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Speaker 3: we're not asking for love in adult ways. We're asking

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Speaker 3: for love in childlike ways. And if we can heal

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Speaker 3: that and recognize that in ourselves and the people around us,

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Speaker 3: then we have the opportunity to truly have maturity, which

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Speaker 3: is what I think we're also deeply looking for and seeking.

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Speaker 4: You know, from my experience, it's often the struggles that

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Speaker 4: define who we are. Many times we know the glory,

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Speaker 4: but we don't necessarily know the story of the individual.

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Speaker 4: So Jay, can you share or take us back to

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Speaker 4: one of the toughest moments in your journey and what

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Speaker 4: ultimately it taught you.

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Speaker 3: It's so interesting, isn't it. When you're asked to think

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Speaker 3: about a tough moment in your life, you almost just

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Speaker 3: see it as your life, and so you don't I

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Speaker 3: don't know. I never grew up. I only recognize when

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Speaker 3: I got older and I spoke to people about experiences

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Speaker 3: I went through that they were tough, because up until

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Speaker 3: that point they were just my life and they just

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Speaker 3: felt normal. And you kind of assume everyone's going through

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Speaker 3: those things, and so I think we all walk around

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Speaker 3: thinking that everyone should understand us because they went through

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Speaker 3: the same thing. And the truth is we don't understand

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Speaker 3: each other because we went through very different things, and

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Speaker 3: until you meet someone who's gone through something that you

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Speaker 3: can connect with or resonate with, it's really hard to

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Speaker 3: reconcile it. I think for me, a big part of

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Speaker 3: it was that I grew up in a home that

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Speaker 3: I mediated my parents' marriage, and I would say that

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Speaker 3: that was the most challenging thing growing up, because I

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Speaker 3: didn't wake up to a great environment, and I think

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Speaker 3: for me, that made me who I am today, and

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Speaker 3: so I have a lot of gratitude for that and

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Speaker 3: appreciation for that. But I think a lot of people

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Speaker 3: see me and the work I do today, and they

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Speaker 3: often see the marriage I have with my wife today

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Speaker 3: in our connection and relationship, and it comes from just

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Speaker 3: having a long list of what not to do. And

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Speaker 3: so I think often in life, you could get an

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Speaker 3: amazing experience, and when you get that, you should write

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Speaker 3: down everything you should do, and sometimes you're going to

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Speaker 3: get a really painful experience, and in that you should

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Speaker 3: write down everything you should never do. And so partly

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Speaker 3: what I'm grateful to have today is a list of

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Speaker 3: what not to do in a relationship. And I'm very

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Speaker 3: grateful that I got those lessons and those messages because

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Speaker 3: they allowed me to really be conscious about who I

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Speaker 3: wanted to be, what I wanted to build, how I

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Speaker 3: wanted to grow. And so that was very very early

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Speaker 3: on in my life, and I really believe that today.

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Speaker 3: The reason why I have the ability to listen to

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Speaker 3: people and their pain, and why I feel empathetic and

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Speaker 3: compassionate to pretty much all experiences is because I remember

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Speaker 3: doing that for my parents.

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Speaker 2: Well, Jay, we're so inspired by that context of how

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Speaker 2: you've become such an incredible voice, Raddie, I wanted to

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Speaker 2: ask you a question. You've dedicated so much of your

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Speaker 2: life to helping others heal. What's a moment in your

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Speaker 2: life where you've had to heal yourself.

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Speaker 5: That's a good question. I feel like I'm healing on

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Speaker 5: a daily basis. But I'd say a place where I

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Speaker 5: felt I needed the most amount of growth and noticed

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Speaker 5: the most amount of growth was when me and Ja

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Speaker 5: first got married. We moved to New York and it

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Speaker 5: was the first time i'd really moved away from family,

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Speaker 5: moved away from home, moved to a place where I

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Speaker 5: pretty much knew nobody, and we were starting from scratch

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Speaker 5: and I grew up as the youngest child, where most

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Speaker 5: things were done for me. I was whether it was

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Speaker 5: like me doing my homework late, my sister would stay

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Speaker 5: up late and help me, whether any part any decision

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Speaker 5: I would make, my mom would help me make it.

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Speaker 5: You know, I really wasn't used to doing things for

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Speaker 5: myself or by myself, and so when we moved to

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Speaker 5: New York, I also had been studying for a long time,

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Speaker 5: only to move with Jay to have a spouse visa

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Speaker 5: where I couldn't work, And so I found myself in

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Speaker 5: a weird position of just feeling lost and having to

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Speaker 5: get to know myself in ways that I never had before.

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Speaker 5: I was able to hide by hind and the work

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Speaker 5: I did, or my family or the community I was

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Speaker 5: part of, and all of that was kind of stripped

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Speaker 5: away from me to only come to realize I absolutely

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Speaker 5: did not know myself at all.

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Speaker 6: I didn't know.

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Speaker 5: How to choose colors of things that I liked. I

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Speaker 5: didn't know how to make decisions for myself. I didn't

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Speaker 5: know whether I wanted something or didn't. And so it

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Speaker 5: became this journey that of just starting to learn about

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Speaker 5: who I actually was. Like I grew up just thinking

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Speaker 5: I wanted what my family wanted or I liked what

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Speaker 5: my sister liked, because I didn't spend the time to

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Speaker 5: really get to know what my wants or needs were.

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Speaker 5: And so I spent a lot of my time in

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Speaker 5: New York walking around, well one crying over crying down

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Speaker 5: the streets, which seemed really normal in New York no

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Speaker 5: one seemed to care for, and then having to do

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Speaker 5: some seriously deep work of figuring out what is it

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Speaker 5: that I like and dislike and want in my life.

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Speaker 5: And so I'd say that took a lot of heat

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Speaker 5: because I had to also unlearn things that I had

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Speaker 5: I thought that I knew about myself based on other people,

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Speaker 5: and I had to realize that those were all views

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Speaker 5: from others and perceptions of others that I had to

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Speaker 5: step away from because maybe I didn't want that narrative

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Speaker 5: of myself and I wanted to create a new one. So, yeah,

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Speaker 5: they say that was probably the time I've had to

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Speaker 5: heal the most.

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Speaker 7: Scrolling won't change your life, but subscribing just might tap

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Speaker 7: that button and stay connected to conversations that kept.

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Speaker 8: Now back to my legacy, we obviously have laughed a

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Speaker 8: lot today together and that's that's that's wonderful, and it's

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Speaker 8: so important we have to be very transparent that right now,

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Speaker 8: it's it's very difficult for so many people, and so

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Speaker 8: many people feel such an overwhelming fear, you know, disconnection.

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Speaker 6: And so I would really I am curious to hear

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Speaker 6: from both of you, what would you offer to people

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Speaker 6: that are that are feeling that that fear, that that disconnection,

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Speaker 6: that the overwhelm, the the stress.

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Speaker 8: Good question.

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Speaker 5: Uh, you know, the first thing that came to mind

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Speaker 5: for me is whenever I feel like things are out

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Speaker 5: of my control or I feel like overwhelmed at what's

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Speaker 5: happening around me, or even in our own life, Uh,

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Speaker 5: there's this every time I feel like it's just me,

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Speaker 5: the problem feels really difficult to handle. But as soon

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Speaker 5: as I think the problem is me plus God, or

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Speaker 5: me plus the universe or something that has a much

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Speaker 5: higher power than I do, it starts to feel a

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Speaker 5: little bit more manageable. And so I find that prayer

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Speaker 5: for me has always been such a beautiful place to

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Speaker 5: come to when all other hope feels lost. I think

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Speaker 5: I get a lot of solace in prayer, and I

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Speaker 5: think that also connects to the idea that if we

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Speaker 5: can feel way more disconnected when we don't feel connected

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Speaker 5: to ourselfs, and so whether it's practices and rituals to

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Speaker 5: actually connect deeper to ourself that allows us to connect

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Speaker 5: deeper to other people and have meaningful connections with others

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Speaker 5: that help us through those times. I think reconnecting every

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Speaker 5: single day in some way to who you are and

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Speaker 5: having those moments are really important to be able to

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Speaker 5: connect to someone else, to be able to feel understood

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Speaker 5: or valued by other people. And yeah, I think for me,

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Speaker 5: the main one always ends up being prayer because I'm like,

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Speaker 5: at this point, I can't control anything, so I'm leaving

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Speaker 5: it up to you. But yeah, I would love to

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Speaker 5: hear some of yours.

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Speaker 3: There's something called the third space theory, and it's this

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Speaker 3: idea that just around twenty five fifty years ago, we

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Speaker 3: had three spaces we lived in, we had home, we

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Speaker 3: had work, and then we had church or temple, synagogue, mosque.

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Speaker 3: And what happened is that those three spaces shrunk to

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Speaker 3: two spaces. We went from work to home and home

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Speaker 3: to work, and now we all know that those two

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Speaker 3: places have shrunk into one place. We work from home,

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Speaker 3: and we live at home. And what's happened is not

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Speaker 3: that we've just lost three spaces, but we've lost what

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Speaker 3: that third space provided us. So what happened at church

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Speaker 3: or the community center or a place of gathering was

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Speaker 3: you had a space to look back on work and

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Speaker 3: home and state and everything else and reflect on how

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Speaker 3: could I be better? What could I do differently? Let's

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Speaker 3: figure out together what the solution is, what can we

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Speaker 3: all band to do together. So the biggest challenge today

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Speaker 3: is that we're all feeling the same feeling, but we're

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Speaker 3: feeling it on our own. We're lonely feeling the same thing.

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Speaker 3: And there's a big difference between being lonely feeling something

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Speaker 3: and feeling belonging in feeling something. And so what I

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Speaker 3: would encourage everyone to do is go and find your

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Speaker 3: third space. Go and find your space of belonging. Go

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Speaker 3: and find your space of connection. Go and find that

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Speaker 3: space where you're with people of equal value, where you

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Speaker 3: can share your heart, when you can hear other people's,

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Speaker 3: when you can open up your mind, where you can

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Speaker 3: carry someone else's burden. I think we've just lost that

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Speaker 3: as a society, and I think these moments are great

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Speaker 3: reminders that we are stronger when we are working together,

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Speaker 3: we are better when we're working together, and ultimately, when

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Speaker 3: we're united and carrying each other's weight, the weight doesn't

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Speaker 3: feel as large. And I think that's the biggest challenge today,

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Speaker 3: is that we're all carrying the weight on our own

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Speaker 3: and so finding that third space, creating that third space

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Speaker 3: if you don't have it. The third space doesn't have

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Speaker 3: to be two hundred people, two thousand people, twenty thousand people.

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Speaker 3: It can literally be four people in a room that

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Speaker 3: are reading scripture together, that are starting a book club,

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Speaker 3: that are listening to this podcast and sharing what they

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Speaker 3: learned from you and all your amazing guests that you've

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Speaker 3: had on It starts that small, and I really feel

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Speaker 3: that we have to create that third space, even because

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Speaker 3: right now our third space is all of us sitting

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Speaker 3: in front of the television, and the TV screen is

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Speaker 3: the third space, the phone screen is the third space,

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Speaker 3: and that third space isn't giving you what the original

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Speaker 3: third space gave you.

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Speaker 7: Jin Reddi, thank you for sharing your wisdom, your love

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Speaker 7: with each other in that beautiful, authentic way. The extraordinary

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Speaker 7: challenges that you've laid in front of us of how

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Speaker 7: we can all our listeners and our viewers do small

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Speaker 7: but deeply intentional things every day in our lives.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us. If you enjoy today's conversation, subscribe, share,

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Speaker 1: and follow us on at my Legacy movement on social

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Speaker 1: media and YouTube. New episodes drop every Tuesday, with bonus

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Speaker 1: content every Thursday. At its core, this podcast honors doctor

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Speaker 1: King's vision of the beloved community and the power of connection.

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Speaker 1: A Legacy Plus studio production distributed by iHeartMedia creator and

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Speaker 1: executive producer Suzanne Hayward Come executive producer Lisa Lyle. Listen

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Speaker 1: on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.