WEBVTT - Make invitations specific

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is to make your invitations specific. If you are

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<v Speaker 1>suggesting getting together with someone, offer enough details that it

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<v Speaker 1>can actually happen with one reply. Today's tip like another

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<v Speaker 1>this week, comes from Anna Goldfarb, who is the author

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<v Speaker 1>of the new book Modern Friendship. Goldfarb notes that it

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<v Speaker 1>is really harder to make friends in our disconnected age,

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<v Speaker 1>but this is an important but it is not impossible.

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<v Speaker 1>One way to move casual acquaintances up the friendship ladder

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<v Speaker 1>is to invite them to get together in a new way.

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<v Speaker 1>A lot of people know this intuitively. You chat with

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<v Speaker 1>your fellow yoga class attendee regularly, so at the end

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<v Speaker 1>of a class you say, we should get together sometime.

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<v Speaker 1>The problem is that while the intention is lovely, this

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<v Speaker 1>statement is pretty much unworkable. Imagine the person enthusiastically says yes,

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<v Speaker 1>now what you say, okay, when I don't know I

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<v Speaker 1>need to check my calendar. We still don't know what's

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<v Speaker 1>going on, or what you're doing, or how long it

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<v Speaker 1>will take, and now we need to come back to

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<v Speaker 1>each other at some other point, to make it happen.

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<v Speaker 1>I know people who will stay on it until it happens.

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<v Speaker 1>But these people already have tons of friends because they

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<v Speaker 1>are just like that. For the rest of us, these

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<v Speaker 1>are some fairly long odds, so Goldfarb suggests making your

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<v Speaker 1>invitations more specific. You should ask ask the person to

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<v Speaker 1>do something that you strongly suspect they will be interested in.

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<v Speaker 1>You should give them a specific time, or maybe even

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<v Speaker 1>a backup time. If it's something more vague, you could

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<v Speaker 1>explain the upside for them. She offers examples. For instance,

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<v Speaker 1>if you've noticed that someone seems into their nails or

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<v Speaker 1>at least wants to be want to get manicures next weekend.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking eleven am on Saturday at the place near

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<v Speaker 1>your gym.

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<v Speaker 2>We can grab Chipotle afterwards. If you have time or

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<v Speaker 2>for someone interested in food, you might email thinking of you.

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<v Speaker 2>Any interest in going to a farmer's market with me

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<v Speaker 2>on Saturday from ten am to noon we can grab

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<v Speaker 2>almond croissants from the new bakery that just open nearby.

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<v Speaker 2>Or it's been too long since we've seen each other.

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<v Speaker 2>Any interest in going with me to the new tapas

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<v Speaker 2>place for sungria on Thursday, say six pm, we need

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<v Speaker 2>Sungria in our lives. I know if anyone I had

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<v Speaker 2>chatted with enjoyably extended one of those invitations to me,

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<v Speaker 2>that would be a pretty easy yes. If I couldn't

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<v Speaker 2>because of the timing, I would immediately come back with, well, gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>I'd love to, but I have a kid's piano recital

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<v Speaker 2>at eleven am on Saturday. Could we do two o'clock

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<v Speaker 2>or could we do the next Saturday. The specificity of

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<v Speaker 2>the invitation invites specificity in response and guessing. These would

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<v Speaker 2>be easy yeses, or at least easy yeses with modifications

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<v Speaker 2>for you as well. So if you would be excited,

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<v Speaker 2>probably most people you would extend these specific invitations too

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<v Speaker 2>would be excited as well. The odds are good that

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<v Speaker 2>you will wind up spending time together. As you spend

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<v Speaker 2>time together, the relationship grows. So follow Goldfarbe's advice in

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<v Speaker 2>Modern Friendship and make these invitations specific. Your social life

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<v Speaker 2>will likely improve as a result. In the meantime, this

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<v Speaker 2>is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making the

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<v Speaker 2>most of our time. Thanks for listening to before breakfast.

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<v Speaker 2>If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach

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<v Speaker 2>me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 2>is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia,

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<v Speaker 2>please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you

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<v Speaker 2>listen to your favorite shows.