1 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, where we 2 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:12,119 Speaker 1: discussed all things mental health, personal development, and all the 3 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible 4 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:19,520 Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Harden Bradford, 5 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:24,640 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information 6 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:28,920 Speaker 1: and resources, visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls 7 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: dot com. And while I hope you love listening to 8 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,159 Speaker 1: and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to 9 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,400 Speaker 1: be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental 10 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 1: health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me 11 00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:50,680 Speaker 1: for session twenty three of the Therapy for Black Girls podcasts. 12 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: So this week we have another special request episode, and 13 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:58,000 Speaker 1: this episode is for all of the parents or loved 14 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 1: ones of teens in the audience who said, please give 15 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 1: me something to help me deal with my teen, to 16 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 1: help me have difficult conversations with my team. So this 17 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,560 Speaker 1: week I am joined by another very special guest therapist. 18 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,440 Speaker 1: From suffering from teen depression to being written off by 19 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:18,040 Speaker 1: her family and teachers as being just another troubled teen, 20 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 1: Jane Johnson has always been a firm believer that at 21 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 1: any given moment, you have the power to say this 22 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,680 Speaker 1: is not how the story is going to end. Jane 23 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:32,480 Speaker 1: chose to take control of her story, choosing to dedicate 24 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:35,479 Speaker 1: her life to uplifting and empowering the leaders of tomorrow. 25 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 1: Janet's body of work includes a published book, magazine, features, 26 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:45,920 Speaker 1: radio interviews, and multiple guest appearances. Recently, she has been 27 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:49,840 Speaker 1: featured on Essence dot com exploring reasons why marriages fail, 28 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 1: ex O Nicole, and Huffington Posts as one of the 29 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: ten Black female Therapists To Know. Janet works as a 30 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,400 Speaker 1: provider at a local nonprofit dedicated to offering a range 31 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 1: of behavioral health and social services to those in the 32 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 1: Greater Philadelphia region. She is also the founder of teen Talk, 33 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: a therapy practice for teenagers, author of Dear Team Self, 34 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 1: and the co founder of the nonprofit The Black Brain Campaign, 35 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,040 Speaker 1: which strives to eradicate the stigma of mental health in 36 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: the black community via education and advocacy. Jenny received her 37 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:30,959 Speaker 1: bachelor's and master's degree from Delaware State University and LaSalle University, respectively. 38 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: So when you all requested an episode about teens, then 39 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 1: I knew that she was definitely the person I wanted 40 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 1: to have to speak with you all. So please enjoy 41 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 1: this conversation I have with Janey Johnson, licensed marriage and 42 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:47,200 Speaker 1: family therapists. So, Janey, thank you so much for joining 43 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 1: me for the podcast today. Thank you so much for 44 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:55,400 Speaker 1: having me. Yeah, this has been a very highly requested episode. 45 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,080 Speaker 1: So a lot of people in the audience have teens 46 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,040 Speaker 1: that they really wanted a special episode just for them. 47 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 1: So I thought, who better to bring on than the 48 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,239 Speaker 1: teen expert that I know. I'm very I think you 49 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,360 Speaker 1: could join me today. Damn, I'm excited. I love to 50 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,919 Speaker 1: talk about teenagers. So tell me in your work, what 51 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,080 Speaker 1: are some of the major issues that you are working 52 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:20,399 Speaker 1: with with your black girl teens? Um in your practice. 53 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 1: Absolutely so. One of the biggest issues, which is probably 54 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: no surprise to anyone listening, is social media. Social media 55 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 1: has become a very big source of contention for our 56 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 1: young girls, and it really impacts a lot of other issues. 57 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:42,160 Speaker 1: So social media impacts their self esteem. Um, it just 58 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,839 Speaker 1: completely consumes them. So I see a lot of young 59 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: girls that are struggling with self esteem, and then that 60 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 1: self esteem sometimes spirals into depression, and then that depression 61 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:57,520 Speaker 1: sometimes spirals into suicidal ideations. So I see a lot 62 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 1: of youth that are dealing with a complex, um variety 63 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:07,560 Speaker 1: of issues, and a lot of it is around social media. 64 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 1: So a lot of girls come in with suicidal ideations, 65 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 1: self harm thoughts, they have self harmed in the past, um, 66 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 1: and that's just kind of peer stuff. And then on 67 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,679 Speaker 1: the flip side, I do see a lot of girls 68 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:26,880 Speaker 1: who are also struggling to navigate their parental situation. And 69 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:30,640 Speaker 1: I say situation because it varies from you know, all families. 70 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 1: I've noticed that there's been a very um large influx 71 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,320 Speaker 1: of parents who understand those social and culture you know, 72 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: cultural dynamic and so they're pushing their kids really hard, 73 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,480 Speaker 1: but they're pushing in almost to the brink of breaking. 74 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,720 Speaker 1: And I don't think a lot of parents are really 75 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:52,400 Speaker 1: stopping to take stock of that. It's almost like they're 76 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:57,040 Speaker 1: operating so much out of fear that they're really damaging 77 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: and hurting their child. So that's another aspect of what 78 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,200 Speaker 1: I see. And a lot of those kids as well 79 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:07,440 Speaker 1: have suicidal ideations because they feel like they can never 80 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:13,040 Speaker 1: live up to what their parents want from them. OK. Yeah, 81 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,160 Speaker 1: so we'll dive into each of these individually. So let's 82 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,560 Speaker 1: start with the social media piece. Um, So what specifically 83 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:23,360 Speaker 1: is happening with social media, and that is causing like 84 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:27,479 Speaker 1: the um changes in mood and like the suicidal ideation 85 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,680 Speaker 1: that you're seeing. What what specific aspects of social media 86 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:35,120 Speaker 1: is related to this. So the biggest piece of it 87 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 1: is image. So many young girls do not look like 88 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 1: the models, right. They don't, you know, have they're not 89 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,039 Speaker 1: super tall, or they don't have like this long hair, 90 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 1: or they don't have this perfect symmetry to their bodies. 91 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,840 Speaker 1: And that's what they see over and over again on 92 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,400 Speaker 1: TV and on social media. So a lot of our 93 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 1: young girls do not even feel beautiful because the beauty 94 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:04,160 Speaker 1: standard that they see does not look like them. Um. 95 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,120 Speaker 1: The girls are also interested in a lot of young boys, 96 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: but a lot of the young boys seem to also 97 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 1: be interested in that beauty standard, and so the girls 98 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 1: are trying to become that beauty standard in some way 99 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:22,640 Speaker 1: to get the boys attention. And it's just like such 100 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 1: a vicious cycle. The other part of it is a 101 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,120 Speaker 1: lot of our teenagers really aren't sure how to navigate 102 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:33,400 Speaker 1: sexual conversations or sexual situations and scenarios, and a lot 103 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 1: of our young girls are being exposed on social media. 104 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 1: I've had a few different clients that have been exposed 105 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,560 Speaker 1: their body parts and different things on social media and 106 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:47,720 Speaker 1: then they come into treatment for that. And it's a thing. 107 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,919 Speaker 1: So when I say it's a thing, I mean, you know, 108 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:55,760 Speaker 1: new pictures are flying through teenagers and preteens phones and 109 00:06:55,800 --> 00:07:02,560 Speaker 1: they're saving it for an opportunity to use it. It's yeah, 110 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 1: so they're they're they also use social media as the 111 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,279 Speaker 1: ultimate get back. So it's like if you play me, 112 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:13,640 Speaker 1: I'm gonna post this okay, okay, which of course yeah, 113 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,920 Speaker 1: which of course, you know, like if you are dating 114 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 1: this new guy or whatever, you're not thinking that eventually 115 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 1: this could end in that he could do something evil 116 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:26,320 Speaker 1: with these pictures that you sent him, right or you 117 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: you're so into him. And a lot of young you know, 118 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: and in a lot of relationships, boys are telling girls, 119 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: if you don't send this to me, then you don't 120 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 1: care about me, you don't like me, you don't love me. 121 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: Somebody else will send it. So a lot of our 122 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,200 Speaker 1: girls are doing things that they don't even want to do, 123 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,400 Speaker 1: but they don't want to miss out on the quote 124 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: unquoteen experience of a boyfriend or you know, having friends, 125 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 1: and so a lot of them are being peer pressured 126 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: on the larger scale than we've ever, in my opinion, 127 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 1: ever seen before. Okay, and so something you mentioned, um 128 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:00,920 Speaker 1: brought up this thought for me. So, you know, I 129 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: think a lot of us maybe, um you know, of 130 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:08,360 Speaker 1: course generations removed from our teens now. Um. You know, 131 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 1: like I typically use social media to keep up with 132 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: like people I actually really know, like peers and that 133 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 1: kind of thing. But from what you're saying, it sounds 134 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 1: like the teens are really kind of following maybe celebrities 135 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 1: and like reality stars who are not even peers. So 136 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 1: they're kind of trying to compare themselves to people who 137 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:30,240 Speaker 1: are not even in their peer group. Yes, and or 138 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 1: they're comparing themselves to so yes, and they're also comparing 139 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:37,320 Speaker 1: themselves to those peers. And we've all had this. This 140 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 1: is more common, right. The one girl that was super 141 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:42,440 Speaker 1: popular in school, you know, she had the popular boyfriend everybody, 142 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: so she was pretty, and that's also still happening for 143 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 1: teenagers teenagers have you know. I just got back from 144 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: Puerto Rico and I'm just gonna share this story because 145 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,839 Speaker 1: it was so interesting to me. I was in Puerto 146 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: Rico and they were teenagers on the beach, and of 147 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,440 Speaker 1: course one of them came up to me. I was like, 148 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:02,199 Speaker 1: I find teenagers everywhere. Um, And she was from Texas. 149 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 1: But what was interesting with or the other teenager She 150 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,079 Speaker 1: was on the beach taking pictures and she was saying like, oh, 151 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 1: I have to keep my followers in the loop. I 152 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,800 Speaker 1: have to keep my followers in the loop. And the 153 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 1: one boy, actually, how many followers do you have? Just 154 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 1: like I have ten thousand followers. They got to know 155 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,120 Speaker 1: what's going on. I can't have other people in my pictures. 156 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 1: And it was just so interesting to hear that dynamic 157 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: because a lot of our youths are really attached to 158 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:31,560 Speaker 1: their followers and they're really attached to those friends on 159 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,920 Speaker 1: social media because they don't really know how to connect 160 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,679 Speaker 1: with people in real life or in real time I 161 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: should say, um. And so social media has become this 162 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:47,559 Speaker 1: safe ground for trying to make friends and not really 163 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:50,320 Speaker 1: having to deal with the rejection and not having to 164 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,240 Speaker 1: deal you know, not having to deal with it in 165 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 1: your face. We all know that we can get on 166 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,839 Speaker 1: our phone and we don't want to be bothered. We 167 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:59,160 Speaker 1: can put our phone down, but you can't really do 168 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 1: that in real life. And so a lot of our 169 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:05,680 Speaker 1: youths are really attached to their followers. Um, it's some 170 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 1: for good reasons and something not so good. So I 171 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,600 Speaker 1: would imagine that that does come up in you in 172 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:17,720 Speaker 1: your work too, then, like helping your teens navigate like 173 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:21,680 Speaker 1: actual in real life relationships, if all they've really done 174 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:25,200 Speaker 1: is connect with people online, yes it does. It comes 175 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,080 Speaker 1: up a lot. A lot of our you do not 176 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:31,319 Speaker 1: know how to make friends, They do not know how 177 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:35,360 Speaker 1: to keep friends. They don't even really understand that someone 178 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,960 Speaker 1: disagreeing with you does not mean that they hate you, 179 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,720 Speaker 1: or that now there has to be a war between you, um. 180 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:47,439 Speaker 1: And I think that that's why bullying has become so pervasive. 181 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,200 Speaker 1: And I I don't like to say that. I don't 182 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:54,120 Speaker 1: want to say that bullying is overrated. The term bullying, 183 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: to me is overused. I don't think our youth are 184 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:01,320 Speaker 1: really having an opportunity need to learn how to process 185 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,200 Speaker 1: their feelings. They're not having an opportunity to process with 186 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 1: peers conflict, Like, conflict is a real thing and it's 187 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: not bullying. But we're really not separating the two. And 188 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,800 Speaker 1: I actually think when we kind of overuse the term, 189 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:20,280 Speaker 1: we're really causing more isolation to youth than we think 190 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:24,559 Speaker 1: we are. Um, and they're not learning how to resolve conflict. 191 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:28,119 Speaker 1: They're not learning that two people can have different opinions 192 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:29,959 Speaker 1: and it doesn't mean that now you guys have to 193 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,760 Speaker 1: hate each other or fight each other, you know, or 194 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,360 Speaker 1: do mean things to each other. So that's a whole 195 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:40,199 Speaker 1: another thing. But it's it's so layered. It's what they 196 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 1: go through is very layer Yeah, it definitely sounds like it. 197 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,440 Speaker 1: So I do want to go back to the parent 198 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 1: piece that you also mentioned. Um, you know, like these 199 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:52,199 Speaker 1: parental expectations, um, so talk to me more about what 200 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 1: that looks like and then what the team might come 201 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 1: in saying related to this. Sure. So, um, some parental 202 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 1: expectations could like, you know, I didn't really have a 203 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,200 Speaker 1: parent to be there for me or to put me 204 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,439 Speaker 1: in all of these different activities. You know, my parents 205 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 1: didn't have the money. So I think that they need 206 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 1: to you know, play basketball, or I think they need 207 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 1: to go do this, or they need to go do that. 208 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 1: But the team may not want to do that. They 209 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:20,080 Speaker 1: may want to you know, do art or something else, 210 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,680 Speaker 1: and the parent is kind of like, know that that's 211 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:25,280 Speaker 1: not gonna work. You need to do this, or the 212 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 1: team could be doing really well or doing well in school, 213 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 1: but the parents feels it's not good enough. Um. The 214 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 1: biggest one of the biggest things I am staying now 215 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,600 Speaker 1: in a an hour. I guess our climate now in 216 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 1: the world has been a lot around race, and it's 217 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 1: been a lot of tension. I've seen a lot of 218 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 1: parents who felt they didn't have the best schools, if 219 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 1: you will, and so they're sending their children to private 220 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:52,040 Speaker 1: or Catholic schools, and then the kids are struggling in 221 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:55,559 Speaker 1: those settings because they're the only kid there that's black, 222 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,720 Speaker 1: and now their peers are talking about their hair because 223 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 1: they don't want to wear their hair natural, and they're 224 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,320 Speaker 1: just not feeling like, you know, they're not They're not 225 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:08,640 Speaker 1: feeling good about themselves. And the parents see it from 226 00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 1: a perspective of, oh, well, this is one of the 227 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,520 Speaker 1: best schools, but the child doesn't necessarily see it that 228 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:20,200 Speaker 1: way because for them, I'm being beat down emotionally daily. Um. 229 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:23,320 Speaker 1: And so that's something that I see come into my 230 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 1: office often where parents feel like that's what I needed, 231 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 1: that's what I needed, and I always have to tell them, 232 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:33,080 Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean that's what your child needs. That 233 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,480 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that's what your team needs. And that's typically 234 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:39,839 Speaker 1: an AHA moment because I don't think parents really stop 235 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:42,600 Speaker 1: to think about that. They think that whatever they were missing, 236 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,320 Speaker 1: if they give it to their team, then their team 237 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,600 Speaker 1: won't feel like they did. But the reality is your 238 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:51,960 Speaker 1: team may not need what you needed. They may need 239 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:55,000 Speaker 1: you to pull back a little bit, They may need 240 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:58,440 Speaker 1: you to let them explore a little more um And 241 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,840 Speaker 1: so it comes in because teams start to feel again. 242 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,959 Speaker 1: It's really a lot of things at present that come 243 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:08,200 Speaker 1: into my office are really around depression and suicidal ideation, 244 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 1: and then I kind of unpack it to see what 245 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 1: else is happening. But that's originally how my girls come in, Okay, 246 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:21,040 Speaker 1: And what kind of strategies are you using with your 247 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 1: girls to um work on some of these issues, because 248 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 1: it sounds like you kind of see the same kinds 249 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,080 Speaker 1: of things popping up. You talked about the depression and 250 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:32,120 Speaker 1: the suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideation, So what kinds of 251 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 1: strategies and activities and things are you using with them 252 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,920 Speaker 1: to help with this. So I do a lot of 253 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,920 Speaker 1: different things, but I always try to figure out what's 254 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,880 Speaker 1: going to work best for my girl that's walking in UM. 255 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:47,160 Speaker 1: Believe it or not, a lot of girls don't always 256 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,960 Speaker 1: like to talk, but they do like to be in 257 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,720 Speaker 1: a safe space. UM. They do like to be with 258 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 1: someone that they know when they are able, when they 259 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 1: want to talk, that this person can help them and 260 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,920 Speaker 1: address what they have going on. So well, actually, one 261 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 1: of my girls, we would have a full session or 262 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 1: close to a full session, and we would spend ten 263 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:09,120 Speaker 1: minutes um coloring because it would help her calm down, 264 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 1: it would help her decompressed and help her, you know, 265 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:15,600 Speaker 1: just express herself in a different form. UM. I used 266 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 1: my drop, my big drag erace board, and we do 267 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,760 Speaker 1: actual like you know, activities where they write out affirmations, 268 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,640 Speaker 1: where they write things that they love about themselves, things 269 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:28,040 Speaker 1: that they would want to improve. How we can do that. 270 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:32,040 Speaker 1: We listened to music. Music is a big thing for teenagers. 271 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 1: So I always like to say, okay, well tell me 272 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,880 Speaker 1: the song that you've been listening to the most lately, 273 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,760 Speaker 1: because it'll give me insight into their mood and how 274 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 1: they're feeling. And so we'll talk about the different songs 275 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,560 Speaker 1: that they're listening to, even the type of shows and 276 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: the movies that they're watching, because you know, like thirteen 277 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,960 Speaker 1: reasons why I came out, and there's like all these 278 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,000 Speaker 1: different shows. I also try to keep myself on top 279 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 1: of that. That way, when they come in, I could 280 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 1: do my best to have knowledge of you know, what 281 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 1: they're watching and you know, be able to process it 282 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 1: with them in a healthy way. So I use a 283 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,400 Speaker 1: lot of different strategies UM and I do use a 284 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:12,440 Speaker 1: lot of TFCBT, which is trauma focused UM work because 285 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: with this packet, the girls really don't have to talk, 286 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,880 Speaker 1: so it's just about where do you feel this emotion? 287 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,600 Speaker 1: Do you feel the anger more in your chest? Do 288 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,440 Speaker 1: you feel it more in your hands? Do you feel 289 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,400 Speaker 1: it more on your feet? Because helping them recognize where 290 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:29,960 Speaker 1: they're feeling things can also help them remain aware of 291 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: their body when their mood is changing and ultimately change 292 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:38,040 Speaker 1: whatever behavior we're seeing that isn't healthy. So it sounds 293 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,120 Speaker 1: like a lot of your strategies and interventions are kind 294 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 1: of like back door kinds of things, right, because I 295 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,160 Speaker 1: would imagine, of course, and what we typically know about 296 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 1: teams is that they don't tend to be like super 297 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,400 Speaker 1: vocal right on the outset, so you have to kind 298 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,480 Speaker 1: of get at some of the talking and the emotion 299 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,960 Speaker 1: through some of some of these other things. Absolutely, some 300 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,640 Speaker 1: of them. You know, after a while they open up. 301 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,080 Speaker 1: And one of my clients, she always cracked me up 302 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,880 Speaker 1: because she's all, like, you won't tell my mom, right, 303 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:09,240 Speaker 1: So there's always even just that you know, um, I 304 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:11,960 Speaker 1: don't want to say fear, but they're like, I'm scared 305 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,840 Speaker 1: to tell because you know, most of the time they 306 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:17,720 Speaker 1: see adults as people who have conversations with other adults, 307 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 1: and they are sometimes a little scared of the therapy 308 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 1: process because you know, they know that their parents won't 309 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:28,960 Speaker 1: understand everything in its entirety. So there are there are 310 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,119 Speaker 1: times where I'm just constantly reassuring them about the process 311 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,480 Speaker 1: and that is a safe space. It's a stafe space. 312 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,959 Speaker 1: And I tell their parents that in front of them, like, hey, 313 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 1: I just want you to remember this is a safe space. 314 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 1: You know. These are the reasons that I wouldn't share 315 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,000 Speaker 1: because I like them to be able to trust that, 316 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:48,080 Speaker 1: you know, I'm holding their information and sacred. So so 317 00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 1: that's I was that was gonna be my next question. 318 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,000 Speaker 1: How do you navigate then, because of course they are minors, 319 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,119 Speaker 1: so technically, you know, the record does technically belong to 320 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 1: the parents. Um, so I was gonna ask, how do 321 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 1: you navigate the piece of helping the parents understand that 322 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,240 Speaker 1: it will be a safer place if they, you know, 323 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:08,720 Speaker 1: agree to only being notified if they absolutely need to 324 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 1: be Yeah. I tell my parents and my my girls typically, 325 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,840 Speaker 1: and I have some young boys that I see too, like, hey, 326 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 1: these are the reasons that I absolutely have to talk 327 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:22,480 Speaker 1: to you about. And I tell my my clients specifically 328 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 1: if there's something that you tell me that I absolutely 329 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 1: think your mom or your dash and know you and 330 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,239 Speaker 1: I can process that right. You and I can have 331 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 1: a conversation around if you want to tell them, how 332 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,000 Speaker 1: you want to tell them, you know, and how to 333 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,399 Speaker 1: have that you know, open dialogue with your parents. And 334 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 1: so I don't leave the kids hanging, and I don't 335 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,720 Speaker 1: exactly like shut the parents out, but I am very 336 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:51,399 Speaker 1: strategic around how we do decide to go about the 337 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,119 Speaker 1: communication and how we do decide to have you know, 338 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:58,000 Speaker 1: open dialogue. And as I think something is really pressing, 339 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,000 Speaker 1: and if a parent is really like, oh, what's gonna 340 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,280 Speaker 1: going on? I will invite them in for a family session, 341 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,560 Speaker 1: if you know, I feel that this is something that 342 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,399 Speaker 1: we kind of all need to talk about together because 343 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,280 Speaker 1: of course, you don't want to be triangulated. You don't 344 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,080 Speaker 1: want to be in the middle, and you don't want 345 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,359 Speaker 1: to break that trust with your client, but you also 346 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,360 Speaker 1: don't want the parents to feel as if they're shut out. 347 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,960 Speaker 1: So it is a very delicate balance. UM. But I 348 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 1: think my strategy so far has really been working and 349 00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 1: been great for all parties involved. Cool. So I'm just curious, UM, like, 350 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,840 Speaker 1: what are the like popular songs that your teams are 351 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,679 Speaker 1: coming in talking about UM and if there are like 352 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 1: songs that tend to be UM, you know, ones that 353 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,439 Speaker 1: like the entire groups are UM really focused on, you know, 354 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,679 Speaker 1: that really talk about like mental health issues or that 355 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 1: really kind of speak to the moods that teens are happening. 356 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,600 Speaker 1: They come in with songs I've never heard before in 357 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 1: my entire life, and I'm like, where did that song 358 00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:01,480 Speaker 1: come from? You know in And That's one of the 359 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 1: reasons why I really enjoy that activity because I've never 360 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 1: even heard of some of these artists I don't know, 361 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,639 Speaker 1: like anything, and so they always just keep me on 362 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 1: my feet because they're like into Stoff. You know, they're 363 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:19,359 Speaker 1: they're so hit, So there really isn't a main song 364 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,160 Speaker 1: that you know, I can say a lot of teams 365 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 1: have come in and said, yeah, this song is how 366 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:30,800 Speaker 1: I feel. It is different for almost every single teenager, um, 367 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:35,640 Speaker 1: and they just the songs range. Sometimes the songs are 368 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:40,200 Speaker 1: songs about anger, sometimes the songs are songs about lost lost, 369 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:44,680 Speaker 1: but they definitely definitely vary, and I never know half 370 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 1: of the artists. So I'm just always in awe of 371 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 1: how teenagers are really just I like how they're into 372 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,360 Speaker 1: their own world, and I don't think that we give 373 00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:59,920 Speaker 1: them enough credit, um, just for being awesome innovative creat 374 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:03,920 Speaker 1: of and just you know, fun creatures, like they're so fun. 375 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,600 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I mean, and I think, you know, as 376 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,800 Speaker 1: much as we talk about like some of the dangerous 377 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 1: pieces of social media, I do feel like a lot 378 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 1: of what you see, um in terms of like these 379 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,320 Speaker 1: viral videos and different kinds of things, a lot of 380 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:21,960 Speaker 1: those things are created by teens. So I feel like 381 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,320 Speaker 1: it also gives them like a platform that's happened to 382 00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:29,800 Speaker 1: their creativity that was not there before. Absolutely, and it's 383 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 1: large scale validation, you know. And I mean it's it's 384 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,720 Speaker 1: definitely I think it was a was it the mannequin challenge? 385 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 1: I think it wasn't the mannequin challenge that was started 386 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,239 Speaker 1: by teenagers and they were like all outside at our 387 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 1: high school. I'm like, how are you all even coordinating? 388 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:47,640 Speaker 1: It's like that that is a lot, you know, even 389 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,359 Speaker 1: all of the little dances, and so it does. I 390 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,400 Speaker 1: love those viral videos because they are done by teens. 391 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,760 Speaker 1: They're so creative and like I just said, it's like 392 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:59,359 Speaker 1: large scale validation, like, hey, you are so awesome the 393 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:00,840 Speaker 1: fact that you create it at this I know a 394 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 1: two two teen boys, they were on Ellen from their 395 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,840 Speaker 1: viral video and it's like, how awesome is that? And 396 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,439 Speaker 1: I just wish we could cultivate that creativity on a 397 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:16,400 Speaker 1: smaller scale, um, because it's almost like we don't pay 398 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 1: attention until it's viral. But it's like they're creative like 399 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,840 Speaker 1: that at home, they're creative like that in their schools, 400 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:28,120 Speaker 1: but we really aren't cultivating in enough. So Yeah, teams 401 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:31,840 Speaker 1: are awesome. Yeah. So I know you already touched a 402 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,120 Speaker 1: little bit on the bullying um, and I'm sure you're 403 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:37,199 Speaker 1: wanting to stick to like what is actually bullying, not 404 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,520 Speaker 1: the overuse of the term that you feel like it's happening. UM. 405 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,720 Speaker 1: But I have heard and read a lot about how 406 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:46,560 Speaker 1: bullying may look different in groups of girls versus guys. UM. 407 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,320 Speaker 1: So I wanted to know if you could talk a 408 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,439 Speaker 1: little bit about, um, what you've seen in terms of 409 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 1: groups of girls and what bullying looks like with them. 410 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:59,680 Speaker 1: So for me, what I've seen in girls with bullying 411 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,720 Speaker 1: is it's very cliquish and I don't know, like I 412 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,480 Speaker 1: know what I was growing up, there were just cliques 413 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,040 Speaker 1: of girls that always hung out with each other, and 414 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 1: there was just kind of like isolation based on not 415 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:15,480 Speaker 1: being in that click um. And so it really from 416 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:20,120 Speaker 1: what I personally see, it is still very similar to that. 417 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:24,359 Speaker 1: Certain girls click up and they kind of create this 418 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:28,440 Speaker 1: group with their It's not even that they have like requirements, 419 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 1: but you know, they clicked up and now they're a group, 420 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,880 Speaker 1: and that's kind of just how they operate, like, Hey, 421 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,320 Speaker 1: we're a group, we're all we have. We really don't 422 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:41,399 Speaker 1: accept outsiders, and you have to be loyal to this group. UM. 423 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 1: And I think that what has happened is a lot 424 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 1: of our young girls are really striving to be accepted 425 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 1: and validated, and so they end up doing whatever you 426 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,320 Speaker 1: know that said group and I said, click is telling 427 00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:59,400 Speaker 1: them to do because they want to be a part 428 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,960 Speaker 1: of something, they want to be included. And so that's 429 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:06,880 Speaker 1: probably how I see bullying in you know, for me, 430 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,240 Speaker 1: it's just a lot of kids, in my opinion, who 431 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,560 Speaker 1: want it to be accepted, who wants to have genuine friendship, 432 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,120 Speaker 1: and they go to for me, what's the easiest thing, 433 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:17,919 Speaker 1: which is kind of like being a part of this 434 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,480 Speaker 1: larger group um of acceptance. And I think that they 435 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,520 Speaker 1: just end up getting into a lot of situations where 436 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,680 Speaker 1: now that they're accepted, a part of being accepted means 437 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,800 Speaker 1: that we're I don't want to say, like hunting, but 438 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,040 Speaker 1: now we're after someone else, and then they end up 439 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:37,240 Speaker 1: being the exact person that they didn't like or want. 440 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:42,160 Speaker 1: So that's pretty much how how I'm seeing it with 441 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:47,359 Speaker 1: a lot of the young girls. They just really want friends. Yeah, 442 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,760 Speaker 1: I mean, and who doesn't you know, like that's a 443 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:53,639 Speaker 1: key transitional kind of phase for them in that age, right, 444 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,840 Speaker 1: it's kind of the isolation versus being connected to us. 445 00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:02,480 Speaker 1: So it makes sense absolutely they definitely want to be connected. Yeah, 446 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 1: So I'm curious about your thoughts, UM about like what 447 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:11,480 Speaker 1: kinds of characteristics UM of therapists might need to work with, 448 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,679 Speaker 1: like black teenage girls. Like do you feel like there 449 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,919 Speaker 1: are special things or special skills that you need to 450 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:19,040 Speaker 1: have to really be able to connect with this population 451 00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:23,600 Speaker 1: and to really do some good work there. Yes, UM, 452 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 1: I do. Actually so, I think one of the key 453 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 1: things I was telling Lenny therapists you really need to 454 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,440 Speaker 1: be authentic. You really have to be able to have 455 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,439 Speaker 1: a layer of vulnerability. I'm not saying the schools all 456 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,800 Speaker 1: of your business, because we know that that's not appropriate, UM, 457 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,960 Speaker 1: but there does have to be a layer of vulnerability 458 00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:49,080 Speaker 1: and you know, genuineness and authenticity in order to get 459 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:52,000 Speaker 1: through to a teenager. Um. They really they are really 460 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,359 Speaker 1: big on trust. So you want to make sure that 461 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,640 Speaker 1: they're able to trust you, and you almost want to 462 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,320 Speaker 1: do the opposite of what their parents and to do, 463 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 1: which is sometimes be a little pushy and sometimes you 464 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,520 Speaker 1: want to provide more structure. And the reason why I 465 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,040 Speaker 1: say it can be either or is because some parents, 466 00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:14,280 Speaker 1: you know, are extremely forceful, and so if that's what 467 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,160 Speaker 1: you see, then it's going to be important to move 468 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,120 Speaker 1: at a slower pace and allow them to make more 469 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,200 Speaker 1: of the decisions and treatment. If you notice that they 470 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,520 Speaker 1: may not have a lot of structure in their home, 471 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,840 Speaker 1: it may be important to structure some of the therapy 472 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,679 Speaker 1: sessions just so that they can get an idea for 473 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:35,119 Speaker 1: things that are structured in a safer environment. So I 474 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:38,040 Speaker 1: would say those are the main components for a clinician 475 00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:41,840 Speaker 1: doing really good work with the teenager is just really meeting, 476 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,840 Speaker 1: meeting them where they are, being authentic, being genuine, being 477 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,880 Speaker 1: okay with a layer of vulnerability. Teenagers ask a lot 478 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:52,680 Speaker 1: of questions. They ask a lot. I get asked so 479 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,080 Speaker 1: many questions and I say that is not an appropriate question. 480 00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:00,960 Speaker 1: I cannot answer that. But you know, I don't shut 481 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:05,680 Speaker 1: them down. It's just I'm showing them boundaries. This isn't 482 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,640 Speaker 1: this that crosses the line for what we can discuss. 483 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,400 Speaker 1: But tell me, what does that you know mean for you? 484 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,639 Speaker 1: What does what would that answer have meant to you? 485 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 1: But a lot of it is them just trying to 486 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 1: get to know you and connect. But it's okay to 487 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,919 Speaker 1: say that that's not okay and to still have a 488 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:25,960 Speaker 1: good relationship. So those would be my characteristics um for 489 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,680 Speaker 1: any clinician to just do really good work with teenagers. Yeah, 490 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,600 Speaker 1: like you know the fact that you still have to 491 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,879 Speaker 1: have some boundaries, but you may have to be a 492 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,840 Speaker 1: little more disclosing versus if you work with a strictly 493 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,960 Speaker 1: adult population, Yes you do, and and and really being 494 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:45,240 Speaker 1: able to process it through. So one thing I always 495 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,119 Speaker 1: say is adult sometimes get caught up in the don't 496 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:52,920 Speaker 1: do this. And when a teenager says why, the word 497 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,840 Speaker 1: that probably triggers a lot of people like why you think, oh, 498 00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,600 Speaker 1: they're being disrespectful, they're talking back. No, they actually really 499 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,040 Speaker 1: want to know why you're saying, like this isn't a 500 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:06,000 Speaker 1: good idea. Because if we don't equip them with the 501 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,040 Speaker 1: why this isn't a good idea, they'll continue to do 502 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,480 Speaker 1: it or they're gonna they're gonna go find out why 503 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:12,960 Speaker 1: you said that. They're gonna do it anyway because you 504 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:16,040 Speaker 1: didn't fully explain it to them. So one thing is 505 00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,600 Speaker 1: just really being able to have the conversation like, hey, 506 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:24,199 Speaker 1: so this decision could lead down a few different paths. 507 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:27,320 Speaker 1: Of course, we never know what's gonna happen, but the 508 00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,360 Speaker 1: probability of A or B happening is kind of high 509 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:34,199 Speaker 1: based on. You know what's presented, and so it is 510 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:38,080 Speaker 1: important to be able to go beyond just the that 511 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 1: isn't a good idea. And I think that you know, 512 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,840 Speaker 1: as a clinician, if it's gonna be hard for you 513 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:48,680 Speaker 1: to see that teenager just as a person with their 514 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:52,040 Speaker 1: own idea, set of ideas and thoughts versus there a 515 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:53,640 Speaker 1: kid and they should just do what their parents tell 516 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,440 Speaker 1: them to do. It may be a struggle to work 517 00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:59,880 Speaker 1: with a teenager because they do have their own set 518 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:02,160 Speaker 1: of thoughts and ideas and you may not like some 519 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,240 Speaker 1: of the things that they say, but you have to 520 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,160 Speaker 1: be able to work through that from their lens. Yeah, 521 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,360 Speaker 1: that those are great points. So what are some of 522 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,880 Speaker 1: the signs and symptoms a parent maybe seeing in their 523 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:18,000 Speaker 1: team that would signal that they probably need to go 524 00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:22,200 Speaker 1: and talk with someone. All right, So the first thing 525 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:25,080 Speaker 1: that I tell every parent is you really you have 526 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,720 Speaker 1: to be able to know your teenager. And the reason 527 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:31,480 Speaker 1: I say that is because sometimes a parent will say like, oh, 528 00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,720 Speaker 1: this is going on and and I'm like, well is 529 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:37,880 Speaker 1: that normal? I don't know, I just did this, and 530 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,720 Speaker 1: it's like, well, it's always important to get a baseline, right, 531 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,400 Speaker 1: That's what we call it, like, you need to know 532 00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:46,040 Speaker 1: how often this person does this to even know what's abnormal. 533 00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:48,640 Speaker 1: So that's the first thing you really need to be 534 00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,680 Speaker 1: able to get in there with your teenager. Understand your teenager, 535 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:54,840 Speaker 1: understand their schedule, understanding the type of food that they eat. 536 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,280 Speaker 1: And I'm not saying understand, but like, just pay attention 537 00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:59,680 Speaker 1: because I know a lot of our lives to move 538 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,920 Speaker 1: very very fast, and we're probably not paying attention to 539 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,320 Speaker 1: some of the smaller things, but those are the things 540 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,640 Speaker 1: that can really help us know when something's wrong. So 541 00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,920 Speaker 1: definitely paying more attention to your team in the every day, 542 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:15,080 Speaker 1: in their everyday life, just everyday lives to see what 543 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,960 Speaker 1: it's like. That way, you have a better understanding if 544 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:22,760 Speaker 1: something is abnormal, if something strays from that routine of 545 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:26,680 Speaker 1: what you've of what you've noticed outside of that, you'll 546 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,000 Speaker 1: be able to see if your team is maybe sleeping 547 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:33,760 Speaker 1: more or eating more, if they are sleeping less or 548 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:37,080 Speaker 1: eating less, if they are hanging out with the certain 549 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,040 Speaker 1: type of peer group. Now this is that one isn't 550 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:42,360 Speaker 1: always a bad thing. And I can probably go on 551 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:45,240 Speaker 1: and on, but it's not always a bad thing that 552 00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: your child is hanging out with a different type of 553 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,480 Speaker 1: you know, peer group, but it's important to think about 554 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:53,200 Speaker 1: if their behavior is changing along with hanging out with 555 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:57,280 Speaker 1: this different peer group. UM failing great. If you notice 556 00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:59,680 Speaker 1: that your kid is typically a A or B student 557 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,920 Speaker 1: and how they're bringing home sees ords, you should pay 558 00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:05,960 Speaker 1: attention to that. UM, it could be an academic issue. 559 00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:08,320 Speaker 1: I will always ask have you talked to the teacher 560 00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,760 Speaker 1: to see what the teachers and that it could be that, 561 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,400 Speaker 1: or it could be that the child is struggling to 562 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: focus due to other emotional stressors and you know, self 563 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:22,120 Speaker 1: harm obviously, if your child is actually self harming, or 564 00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:24,080 Speaker 1: if they're saying that they want to take their lives, 565 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:26,120 Speaker 1: or if they're saying that they feel like they're depressed, 566 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 1: you definitely just want to listen to that and get 567 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,880 Speaker 1: them to someone so that they can really try to 568 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:35,280 Speaker 1: process what is happening and what is the current. So 569 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:40,160 Speaker 1: those are some key signs to just check to see if, UM, 570 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:42,560 Speaker 1: you know, something is bothering your team and if maybe 571 00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:47,000 Speaker 1: therapy would be a good option. Okay, and for any 572 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:50,360 Speaker 1: teens listening, UM, would you offer those same kinds of 573 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,760 Speaker 1: things to be checking in for in themselves, like if 574 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,880 Speaker 1: they're thinking, Okay, do I need to talk to my 575 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:56,680 Speaker 1: parents about this? Or do I need to talk to 576 00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:00,840 Speaker 1: a therapist about this? Yes, I would it. Um. I 577 00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:03,920 Speaker 1: guess for a teenager, I would say, Um, if you're 578 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:08,960 Speaker 1: listening any out there, hey, I would say you definitely 579 00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,960 Speaker 1: want to think about yourself, think about if you're making 580 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:15,360 Speaker 1: decisions that you normally wouldn't make, if you're feeling and 581 00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 1: feeling ways that you normally don't feel. Um. But some 582 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,320 Speaker 1: more concrete things is if you are feeling like you 583 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,280 Speaker 1: are suicidal, if you're feeling like you want to run away, um, 584 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,479 Speaker 1: you may want to check in with someone because that 585 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:30,520 Speaker 1: means that wherever you are, you're not feeling safe there 586 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:36,000 Speaker 1: and you want to run obviously probably to a safer place. Um. Yeah. 587 00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:40,040 Speaker 1: And if you are eating more or eating less, or experimenting, 588 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,520 Speaker 1: and that's something this goes both plays. Those kids are 589 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:47,360 Speaker 1: experimenting more with drugs um or alcohol for doing more 590 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:51,760 Speaker 1: risky behavior, maybe engaging a more sexual activity. Um. Obviously 591 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:56,000 Speaker 1: some of it is normal for teenagers to become UM interested. 592 00:32:56,520 --> 00:33:00,480 Speaker 1: But if you're noticing that your teen is our home 593 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:03,040 Speaker 1: and you're noticing that they're out aloud or they're coming 594 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:07,080 Speaker 1: home smelling like alcohol or you know, marijuana. That's something 595 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,280 Speaker 1: to also think about and say, hey, I may need 596 00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:11,840 Speaker 1: to step in and intervene. And for those teams that 597 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,400 Speaker 1: you know can hide it from their parents, if you 598 00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,200 Speaker 1: are starting to notice that you're doing more of that, 599 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,640 Speaker 1: it may be time for you to also check in 600 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:25,120 Speaker 1: with someone, Okay. And I know a lot of this, 601 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:29,160 Speaker 1: you know requires parent intervention, and you talked about you know, 602 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,040 Speaker 1: like a lot of that is your work to like 603 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,440 Speaker 1: really helping parents to figure out how to talk with 604 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,000 Speaker 1: their teens. And I know you wrote a recent piece 605 00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:41,000 Speaker 1: about effective communication with um between parents and teens. Can 606 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,560 Speaker 1: you share maybe like some of the key strategies or 607 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:47,880 Speaker 1: tips you would offer to parents. Absolutely. So I love 608 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:52,080 Speaker 1: the little chart that I created around effective communication, And 609 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,080 Speaker 1: if you don't mind, I'll just kind of run through 610 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:57,320 Speaker 1: it really quick because it makes it's so awesome. So 611 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,320 Speaker 1: a lot of times using I statements for us, you 612 00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:04,760 Speaker 1: statements are like they're so important, so important, and it 613 00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:07,560 Speaker 1: makes such a difference in how you communicate. So most 614 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:10,160 Speaker 1: parents will say, you know, why don't you ever listen 615 00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:12,920 Speaker 1: to me? You never listen, But you could say an 616 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:16,440 Speaker 1: alternative is I feel like I'm not being understood and 617 00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:18,640 Speaker 1: it's making me upset because I want the best for you. 618 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,680 Speaker 1: It's the same thing, but it sounds a lot better 619 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:27,759 Speaker 1: when you use an eye statement or saying things like, um, 620 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:31,120 Speaker 1: you know, why are you always coming home late? You 621 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,479 Speaker 1: could say something like I feel anxious when you don't 622 00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:36,320 Speaker 1: come home or time, UM, and I find it difficult 623 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:39,360 Speaker 1: to complete certain things because it's delayed without you, and 624 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:43,480 Speaker 1: I want to make sure you're safe. Same thing, but 625 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,040 Speaker 1: the tone of it is completely different, and it's conveying 626 00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:50,479 Speaker 1: concerned to your child, and that's a different ballgame than 627 00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:54,840 Speaker 1: kind of you know, being accusatory and blaming um or 628 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:58,080 Speaker 1: even saying you know, you need to find new friends. Again, 629 00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:00,719 Speaker 1: we were talking about peer groups, and onto relative would 630 00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:03,440 Speaker 1: be I feel hurt when you choose to be friends 631 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,000 Speaker 1: with teens that may cause you harm or that cause 632 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:11,400 Speaker 1: you harm. Same thing, but it's word it differently and 633 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:15,280 Speaker 1: that makes a big difference. So really, as a parent, 634 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 1: being able to be vulnerable too, being able to say 635 00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:25,640 Speaker 1: exactly what it is that's bothering them about the teen's behavior, um, 636 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:29,480 Speaker 1: even when it comes to grades. They alternatively, I am 637 00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:32,239 Speaker 1: worried about your scores and I will be happy to 638 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:35,400 Speaker 1: just see you successful. Maybe we can work at approving 639 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,920 Speaker 1: some of your study hadits. It's the same thing, but 640 00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,600 Speaker 1: it sounds completely different. So those are just some examples 641 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:49,359 Speaker 1: of how you can really change communication um with your teenager. Nice. So, 642 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:51,640 Speaker 1: I think that a lot of people you know, listen 643 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:53,919 Speaker 1: to the show while driving in things, so I don't 644 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 1: want you to think that you will miss this. The 645 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,719 Speaker 1: checklist will be included in the show notes, so we 646 00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:00,680 Speaker 1: will make sure you have access to that. If you 647 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,040 Speaker 1: need to get a copy of what to say to 648 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:06,120 Speaker 1: your team instead of you know kind of thing, will 649 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:09,319 Speaker 1: make sure you have access to that. So I want 650 00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:11,960 Speaker 1: you to talk more with us about your book. So 651 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:15,240 Speaker 1: you have a book called Dear teen Self. Um, that's 652 00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:17,719 Speaker 1: really really great and I want, you know, want you 653 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:19,960 Speaker 1: to share with the audience more about what that is, 654 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,439 Speaker 1: your hopes for the book, and what kinds of things 655 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:26,600 Speaker 1: are included. Absolutely, So, like Dr Joy said, my book 656 00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:30,160 Speaker 1: is their team self and this book is pretty much 657 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:34,480 Speaker 1: an interactive It's an interactive book. It has journal pages, 658 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:38,000 Speaker 1: I have a word bank, and it's tip based. So 659 00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:41,040 Speaker 1: I wanted to make sure that I grabbed the teenager's 660 00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:43,879 Speaker 1: attention and that I kept it. So I didn't make 661 00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,759 Speaker 1: it a super long novel. I just really wanted to 662 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,439 Speaker 1: hit home some of the points that I wanted to make, 663 00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:52,040 Speaker 1: and I wanted to be able to have a very 664 00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:57,040 Speaker 1: open dialogue or conversation with them around why I made 665 00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:00,239 Speaker 1: some of the choices that I made. So fun act, 666 00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:03,480 Speaker 1: this book is about my life as a teenager, and 667 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:07,080 Speaker 1: I went through some pitfalls and some ups and downs. 668 00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,680 Speaker 1: But I feel even with the fact that I made 669 00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:12,960 Speaker 1: it here today, it really inspires teenagers that even if 670 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,600 Speaker 1: you make a few poor choices, you can still get 671 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:17,680 Speaker 1: on the right path. You just have to put your 672 00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:23,360 Speaker 1: mind to that. So the book has um over seventy tips, 673 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:27,239 Speaker 1: and one of my favorite tips is, you know, not 674 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,120 Speaker 1: everyone is a hater. And I know that that sounds interesting, 675 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,359 Speaker 1: but I really stopped to talk to teenagers in this 676 00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:37,480 Speaker 1: particular tip around how I called people haters because I 677 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,200 Speaker 1: didn't really know how to connect with people. I didn't 678 00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:43,040 Speaker 1: know what I was doing in this situation or in 679 00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:46,440 Speaker 1: this environment that would make someone not think I was 680 00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,839 Speaker 1: a nice person, and really just talking to them about 681 00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:53,640 Speaker 1: the emotion around what I was going through and how 682 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,840 Speaker 1: that changed how I saw the world, and sometimes I 683 00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,640 Speaker 1: saw the world in a very negative light. Um. And 684 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,120 Speaker 1: so that what this book is, it's saving lives is 685 00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:04,000 Speaker 1: you know, I talk about some other deep stuff in here, 686 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:07,680 Speaker 1: but um, this book is really saving teenagers from going 687 00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:12,600 Speaker 1: down certain roads that could really harm them or hurt 688 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,560 Speaker 1: their feelings in a way. And I'm just excited. I 689 00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:18,200 Speaker 1: want like every girl to have this book. I want 690 00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:20,880 Speaker 1: girls in high schools to have this book, even some 691 00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:23,040 Speaker 1: I've had girls that are in college that I say, 692 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:25,120 Speaker 1: I love this book. I wish I had it when 693 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,840 Speaker 1: I was a teenager. But I'm still applying some of 694 00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:31,520 Speaker 1: these concepts now. Um. I have adult women who say, oh, 695 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:33,239 Speaker 1: I put this book from my niece, but I want 696 00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:37,359 Speaker 1: to keep it. Um. You know. So it's really just 697 00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:41,160 Speaker 1: speaking to speaking to the inner us, right and speaking 698 00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,880 Speaker 1: to that vulnerable place in us where we're feeling unsure, 699 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,960 Speaker 1: we're feeling uncertain, when we're feeling less than and because 700 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:50,239 Speaker 1: we're feeling those ways, we make choices in those spaces. 701 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,120 Speaker 1: And we all know a lot of times when we 702 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:55,280 Speaker 1: make choices in those spaces, they're not the best. So 703 00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:57,680 Speaker 1: that's what this book does for teen girls. And I 704 00:38:57,719 --> 00:39:00,319 Speaker 1: really want. I want at least a million girls to 705 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,920 Speaker 1: have touched this book. Rests this book, and you know 706 00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:07,200 Speaker 1: have been motivated from this book. So I'm I'm excited 707 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,839 Speaker 1: about how far it's gonna go. I'm excited. And if 708 00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:14,280 Speaker 1: you are listening, you absolutely have to pick a copy 709 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:16,359 Speaker 1: of this book up for the team in your life 710 00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:20,279 Speaker 1: because it really is an amazing interactive book, like she mentioned, um, 711 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,200 Speaker 1: not at all stuffy and very accessible for a team, 712 00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,520 Speaker 1: So make sure you grab a copy. Of course, it 713 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,680 Speaker 1: will also be included in the show notes where you 714 00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:30,920 Speaker 1: can find it. So tell us more about where we 715 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:34,480 Speaker 1: can find you online, Jenny. Where can people contact you 716 00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:38,120 Speaker 1: if they want to? Yes, So, my website is probably 717 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:42,720 Speaker 1: one of the best stops, UM, and that is www 718 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:46,720 Speaker 1: dot teen therapy talk dot com. You can also find 719 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:49,600 Speaker 1: the book the team self there. I also have an 720 00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:53,640 Speaker 1: Ultimate Guy for parents to love their teenager. UM. I 721 00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:57,840 Speaker 1: love this guy so much. It's on sale actually right now, 722 00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:01,960 Speaker 1: but it's really um an amazing guy to just help 723 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:06,480 Speaker 1: keep parents just really dig into how to better connect 724 00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,600 Speaker 1: with their teenager. So that's also on the website. UM. 725 00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,840 Speaker 1: You can email me. My email was also on the website. 726 00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:19,440 Speaker 1: I'm on social media as their teen self, UM, teen talk, therapy, 727 00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:24,400 Speaker 1: and gennational. So those are all of my handles, guys, 728 00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:27,960 Speaker 1: and I'm excited to be here. I'm like so happy, 729 00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:32,319 Speaker 1: so wonderful. Well, like I said, Jennie, I definitely when 730 00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,680 Speaker 1: people ask for a teen episode, I knew exactly who 731 00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:36,520 Speaker 1: I was going to ask to do this, and so 732 00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,960 Speaker 1: I'm happy that you agreed to do this, UM, And 733 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:42,440 Speaker 1: you know again hope that the teens in everybody's lives 734 00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,839 Speaker 1: will be able to benefit from your knowledge and your work. 735 00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:47,960 Speaker 1: So thank you so much for joining us again today. 736 00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:50,480 Speaker 1: Thank you for having me, and thank you to all 737 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:54,440 Speaker 1: of the listeners. UM, and if anyone needs me, I 738 00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,239 Speaker 1: gave a shout out to all of the ways to 739 00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,920 Speaker 1: find me. It's perfect. Now you see why she's the 740 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,000 Speaker 1: person I decided to bring on to talk with you 741 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:04,839 Speaker 1: all about teens. She is just a wealth of information 742 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:08,640 Speaker 1: related to teenagers and I think the freebees that she 743 00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:11,799 Speaker 1: has to give away for you are definitely worth your while, 744 00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,160 Speaker 1: so make sure you check those out. You can find 745 00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:16,760 Speaker 1: all of the resources and things she shared at Therapy 746 00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:21,160 Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot Com Backslash Session twenty three, and 747 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:23,600 Speaker 1: as always, if you are looking for a therapist in 748 00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:26,920 Speaker 1: your area, Jane and other people, um, you can make 749 00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:29,200 Speaker 1: sure to look in the directory that you can find 750 00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:32,920 Speaker 1: that at Therapy for Black Girls dot com backslash directory. 751 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,560 Speaker 1: And if you're a therapist and you're interested in adding 752 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,799 Speaker 1: your practice information to the directory, then you can check 753 00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:42,080 Speaker 1: that out at Therapy for Black Girls dot com backslash 754 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:45,440 Speaker 1: being listed. Let me know your thoughts about the episode, Jane, 755 00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:47,520 Speaker 1: and I definitely want to hear what you thought about 756 00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:50,279 Speaker 1: dealing with the teens in your lives. Make sure that 757 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:52,520 Speaker 1: you share this with the teens in your lives or 758 00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:55,280 Speaker 1: people who you know are parenting or caring for teens. 759 00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,440 Speaker 1: You can find us on social media on Twitter at 760 00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:02,359 Speaker 1: Therapy for the Before Be Girls, and you can find 761 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:05,240 Speaker 1: us on Instagram and Facebook at Therapy for Black Girls. 762 00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:09,240 Speaker 1: The hashtag for the show is tv G in Session. 763 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,880 Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to continue in this conversation with you 764 00:42:11,920 --> 00:43:00,680 Speaker 1: all real soon. Take a care five