Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 1: Crum a dub dumb sultry.
Speaker 2: We have a very special fun guest coming in today. Who.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've had her on the pod before.
Speaker 2: She's a repeat scrubbing in guest.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but we'll welcome her an any day.
Speaker 2: Anytime she wants to scrub in. We open the O
Speaker 2: our door.
Speaker 1: We always are O. Our doors are open to you.
Speaker 1: Sarah Drew.
Speaker 2: Sarah Drew. You know her as April Kepner on Grey's Anatomy.
Speaker 2: She is a writer, she's a producer. She really does
Speaker 2: it all.
Speaker 1: She does do it all.
Speaker 2: We couldn't be more excited to have her here with
Speaker 2: us today. So please everyone welcome Sarah Drew. Everyone's always like,
Speaker 2: do I clop for myself? I just feel like.
Speaker 3: I'm a celebratory person in general, So why not?
Speaker 2: We were just actually I was we were just saying,
Speaker 2: I think I don't know if we've discussed this, but
Speaker 2: I feel like what we know about you, you're like
Speaker 2: a Tanya. You're Tanya in.
Speaker 1: Every way. Oh yeah, that's fun. Yeah? Are you sensitive?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay, are you a great friend, I hope. So are
Speaker 1: you happy, go lucky? Yes, positive, super, yes, your Tanya?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: What else?
Speaker 2: What else? No? No, I don't are you? Are you territorial?
Speaker 3: I'm actually not possessive or territorial. I feel like I
Speaker 3: also like I am. I'm positive in that I am
Speaker 3: constantly on the hunt for the good, even if there's
Speaker 3: something painful that's going on. There's just like I know
Speaker 3: there's going to be a nugget of gold in here,
Speaker 3: so I got to find it. But it doesn't ignore
Speaker 3: I don't ignore the like the reality of the heart
Speaker 3: and the pain. I think I I and I parent
Speaker 3: that way too, because my parents, my kids experience pain
Speaker 3: all the time, you know, and so you can either
Speaker 3: try to protect them for it or you can help
Speaker 3: them sort of grow through it and find the goodness
Speaker 3: in the midst of it. So she's more true Lulu,
Speaker 3: not de Lulu.
Speaker 2: She feels more she feels like a Tanya beca hybrid.
Speaker 1: On the spot, which is a really nice place to
Speaker 1: be a good balance.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I was first of all, we're so excited
Speaker 2: to have you back. We love you.
Speaker 1: It's been a long time since you've been on the pod.
Speaker 3: I think I wasn't on. I think the last time
Speaker 3: I was on was twenty eighteen because I was there
Speaker 3: with Justin Bruening demoting that our movie Indivisible.
Speaker 2: Yep, I think you guys didn't we do a zoom
Speaker 2: thing where we introed that that movie or show that
Speaker 2: you were you were in and everyone was like coming
Speaker 2: in and we did the interviews and the intro yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, and we.
Speaker 3: Were in the it was pandemic, like a part of
Speaker 3: Pandemic and I zoom.
Speaker 1: That must have been a long time soon.
Speaker 3: Because I had to go into a little room and
Speaker 3: even though you were there, right, that was such a
Speaker 3: fun event.
Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, it did such a great job considering the
Speaker 2: circumstances of it.
Speaker 3: It was so magical all of us on our balconies
Speaker 3: watching the show. All the rooms were decked out in
Speaker 3: nineties paraphernalia.
Speaker 2: Probably very expensive for them, but we did appreciate it.
Speaker 3: It was really fun.
Speaker 1: We saw each other in Chicago, yes, yes, and then
Speaker 1: we ran out of time. We were supposed to do
Speaker 1: the pod. I was supposed to do the pod in
Speaker 1: Chicago at Epicons. But backing up a little bit to
Speaker 1: the night before, that this is my favorite thing ever.
Speaker 1: So we did a pod swap with Camilla and Jessica.
Speaker 1: So we did a call it scrubbing in crossover. Oh
Speaker 1: that's so fun, so cute, right, so cute, And we've
Speaker 1: had Camilla on the podcast a few times. So we're like,
Speaker 1: you know, old fast friends. And it was late, like
Speaker 1: we were doing it at like five o'clock or something,
Speaker 1: five or six.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they had just fawn in. They were like, we
Speaker 2: have some dinner with friends, ate dinner with friends later.
Speaker 1: So we were like, oh, wow, okay, thinking like they
Speaker 1: were going to invite us to dinner.
Speaker 2: I didn't think that, by the way, I have, I
Speaker 2: have realistic expectations.
Speaker 1: And Delulu comes in, Yes, I was like waiting for
Speaker 1: them to invite us to dinner with everybody?
Speaker 3: Do you mean truth and delusional?
Speaker 1: Yeah by Lulu and yeah yeah, yeah, I was trying
Speaker 1: to now I understand.
Speaker 3: So I was waiting for the invite.
Speaker 1: The invite didn't come, and then we saw later that
Speaker 1: night that you were at the dinner and like Jake BURRELLI,
Speaker 1: who we also love, and I was like, we totally
Speaker 1: could have fit in on this dinner.
Speaker 3: You could have you could have I know.
Speaker 1: That's what I thought too, Thank you. I hadn't seen
Speaker 1: seen everybody in a long time years, so it was
Speaker 1: nice to have a little like one time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, to have it kind of like in the family,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. You're always welcome, not to
Speaker 3: exclude you, but just we were. We'd been looking for
Speaker 3: to just getting that time to be together for a
Speaker 3: long time. I hadn't seen I hadn't seen any of
Speaker 3: them for years.
Speaker 1: That's crazy because in my mind, like, and this is
Speaker 1: gonna sound probably crazy to you, but it's like in
Speaker 1: my mind when you're watching like old episodes of Grey's Anatomy,
Speaker 1: like I feel like you guys see each other.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you just assume we're all doing life together constantly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so wild.
Speaker 2: So I was listening to your podcast that you did
Speaker 2: for Call It What It Is, and you were talking
Speaker 2: about how the when you and Jessica Capshaw left Arizona
Speaker 2: and April it felt very abrupt, and I've always wondered
Speaker 2: because I was so devastated, And if I'm being completely honest,
Speaker 2: that is kind of when I feel like the show
Speaker 2: for me lost this sparkle, sparkle. I'm seriously and i'd watch.
Speaker 2: I mean it, so she speaks for a lot of us. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I do feel like there was a moment when
Speaker 2: that happened and I was like, I think the fans
Speaker 2: were going, where did this come from? This happened out
Speaker 2: of nowhere, And then hearing that it was the same
Speaker 2: for y'all made me feel really defensive and angry because
Speaker 2: I was like, wait, they didn't even know that it
Speaker 2: was coming.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, but I mean that's not news though. I mean,
Speaker 3: I think we both posted about it right when it
Speaker 3: first happened, just like, wow, this is new information. I
Speaker 3: remember posting right like the day after saying I'm I'm sad.
Speaker 3: I know you're sad too. I've been with this information
Speaker 3: for forty eight hours and here we go. I'm gonna
Speaker 3: keep showing up with a whole heart for the rest
Speaker 3: of my time here. And her story's not done yet.
Speaker 3: But I think whenever anybody leaves any of these beloved shows,
Speaker 3: it feels really abrupt, because you know, you get attached
Speaker 3: to characters. Of course, the audience gets attached. We get
Speaker 3: attached playing the characters, so yeah, it is a it's
Speaker 3: always abrupt.
Speaker 2: Well did it feel I liked hearing you say that
Speaker 2: you felt at peace, though, like there was something about
Speaker 2: that that I was like, wow that. I just feel
Speaker 2: like that's a testament to who you are as a
Speaker 2: person though, because I feel like you don't. I don't
Speaker 2: know you own a deep level, but I feel like
Speaker 2: you're the type who doesn't hold grudges. You're kind of like,
Speaker 2: this was a time in my life and it led
Speaker 2: me to this place of doing what I'm doing now,
Speaker 2: and it was a stepping stone, but absolutely.
Speaker 3: It was a season of my life and I think
Speaker 3: I learned so many amazing lessons while doing the show,
Speaker 3: and also in the wake of being let go, I
Speaker 3: grew as a person. I grew in resilience, I grew
Speaker 3: in my sense of purpose and my sense of things
Speaker 3: happening for a reason, you know that way. And also,
Speaker 3: I mean, the thing I said on the other podcast too,
Speaker 3: is I just felt so unbelievably loved and cared for
Speaker 3: in the middle of all of it happening. I was
Speaker 3: so overwhelmed by the love the fans showed and the
Speaker 3: you know, the cast and the crew and just it
Speaker 3: was this outpouring of love that was so incredible. You
Speaker 3: could reach out and touch it. It was it was bananas,
Speaker 3: I think, and I'll never I'll never be sad that
Speaker 3: that happened, because it was such a glorious moment in
Speaker 3: the midst of something that was hard.
Speaker 2: You know, were you at a point of being on
Speaker 2: the show where you saw an end like that you
Speaker 2: would choose to leave? Was there any of that leading
Speaker 2: up again? Yea, I would have.
Speaker 3: Really No, I don't think I would have. But I think,
Speaker 3: you know, it's amazing how life works in funny ways,
Speaker 3: because I think what the next chapter of my career
Speaker 3: was sort of it was almost like it was waiting
Speaker 3: for me, my next chapter, and I didn't see it.
Speaker 3: I didn't know that that's what was supposed to happen next.
Speaker 3: But then getting to step into it and go, oh,
Speaker 3: I've gained a voice while being on this show. I
Speaker 3: know I know how to advocate from my character in
Speaker 3: a lot of ways. I learned how story, when story works,
Speaker 3: when story can be elevated. You know, there's all kinds
Speaker 3: of things I learned just being there day in and
Speaker 3: day out that I wouldn't have necessarily gone, oh I
Speaker 3: should be a writer next, or oh I should be
Speaker 3: at or oh I should I should produce next, but
Speaker 3: then getting the opportunity to then go out into the
Speaker 3: world and kind of go, well, what is next. Maybe
Speaker 3: I'll try this, maybe I'll try that. And now I
Speaker 3: feel like I'm really living into my purpose in a
Speaker 3: way that feels really exciting.
Speaker 1: I feel like because I think you you obviously understand,
Speaker 1: like obviously when we were Epicon, you see like the
Speaker 1: Gree's anatomy, uh Zeitgeist's multiverse, multiverse that that is out
Speaker 1: there and the fans. I feel like, and when we
Speaker 1: were talking to Jessica, she said, like, there's more to
Speaker 1: the story of me leaving, but I'm not ready to
Speaker 1: like share that story yet. And I feel like there's
Speaker 1: so much in there that like we don't know, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like there's so much that
Speaker 1: went on that we're like kind of always left wondering.
Speaker 1: And I'm feeling like one day there's gonna be there
Speaker 1: has to be some sort of like docu series tell
Speaker 1: like people share, but like I really do like I
Speaker 1: feel like there's going to maybe it's in ten years,
Speaker 1: maybe it's in twenty years. I feel like that's coming.
Speaker 1: Would you ever participate?
Speaker 3: I don't know, you'll have to ask me in ten years.
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 3: I think there's always more to every story than what
Speaker 3: gets out into the world. And there are things that
Speaker 3: I that I will always hold on to that I
Speaker 3: don't have any interest in talking about. You know. It's
Speaker 3: not useful to either the audience or to me, you know,
Speaker 3: and I I, I guess that's probably all I want to.
Speaker 1: Say, you know. But the thing that's useful, and like
Speaker 1: what I find to be very interesting about this stuff
Speaker 1: is women in the industry, right, you know, like how
Speaker 1: much we have to advocate for ourselves, where that fine
Speaker 1: line is of standing up for yourself and advocating versus
Speaker 1: being grateful for your job and your position, and how
Speaker 1: much to speak up and what you know, like as women,
Speaker 1: if we assert ourselves you were a bitch or were this,
Speaker 1: and we're that and so so it's like finding this
Speaker 1: fine line. And so I do feel like there is
Speaker 1: a lot of purpose in sharing like our stories when
Speaker 1: it comes to that type of stuff, which I do
Speaker 1: feel like happens a lot in the entertainment industry.
Speaker 3: It is hard being a woman in a leadership position anywhere. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I had one of my best friends is has a
Speaker 3: really kind of high up position in a very very
Speaker 3: all boys club kind of work place, and she's had
Speaker 3: to kind of come up with a very specific way
Speaker 3: of confronting someone when they're not doing their job where
Speaker 3: she has to look them in the eye and not smile.
Speaker 3: And she's a very warm, bubbly, smiley, loving kind person,
Speaker 3: but she has to kind of go step by step
Speaker 3: by step to say what needs to be said to
Speaker 3: establish I'm in charge here, you are not doing your job.
Speaker 3: And still there are peope, there are men that don't
Speaker 3: like when she confronts them, right because they're like, why
Speaker 3: do you Why weren't you warned to me? Why weren't
Speaker 3: you smiling to me? Why weren't you Like you're you're
Speaker 3: a horrible person. Like if you had been not doing
Speaker 3: your job and a man had been in charge, this
Speaker 3: whole scene would have gone very very differently and you
Speaker 3: would not be complaining about it. You know. It is
Speaker 3: a very very strange line to walk and a thing
Speaker 3: that we're thinking about all the time. I find myself
Speaker 3: in emails saying, so you know, what I was thinking
Speaker 3: is maybe if if you don't mind it, they are
Speaker 3: all these extra caveats I put into emails to make
Speaker 3: people feel like I'm not mad at them or I
Speaker 3: want them to tel comfortable. But I still have to
Speaker 3: get at what I do, and then I have to
Speaker 3: go back and edit my emails to be very clear
Speaker 3: about what the expectations are while still being respectful and
Speaker 3: making people feel valued and appreciated for what they bring
Speaker 3: to the table. But it is it is a tightrope
Speaker 3: walk all the time. Yeah, I think.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was.
Speaker 2: Wondering on that podcast you were saying, how that how
Speaker 2: you would I think they're saying you and Sondra was
Speaker 2: it that had an opinion on how something was written,
Speaker 2: or like my character wouldn't do that and you were inspired?
Speaker 2: I know you were saying that about Sandra. Oh, like
Speaker 2: how you were very inspired by her doing that. How
Speaker 2: far into being on the show did you have feel
Speaker 2: like you had a voice to speak up for what
Speaker 2: the storyline was.
Speaker 3: I didn't, So I didn't really start using my voice
Speaker 3: until they wrote into my character that my character was
Speaker 3: a Christian because I have a lot of experience with that.
Speaker 3: I grew up in the church, my dad is a pastor,
Speaker 3: I am a person of faith, and so I had
Speaker 3: actually a lot of insight into that world and I
Speaker 3: and I remember when they first decided that my character
Speaker 3: was going to be somebody who loved Jesus, they welcomed me.
Speaker 3: And I remember having a conversation with Shanda where she said, look,
Speaker 3: you know that world really really well, and I'm interested
Speaker 3: in telling a very real, engrounded story about a person
Speaker 3: of faith, So pitch stories to me and if anything
Speaker 3: doesn't feel right, you come in and let us know.
Speaker 3: And it was really that door opening. And then and
Speaker 3: then also the example of watching Sandra advocate for her
Speaker 3: character with such respect and collaboration with the writers and
Speaker 3: their relationship was so good and so beautiful, and it
Speaker 3: was a beautiful thing to witness, so so kind of
Speaker 3: seeing how she did it and then being given the
Speaker 3: open door and to come, please come tell us how
Speaker 3: you feel about this allowed me to really participate in
Speaker 3: the journey that April took, specifically in the faith journey.
Speaker 1: You I'm gonna say you, I'm not going to say they,
Speaker 1: because like you did such an amazing job of like
Speaker 1: taking a character that came off at first so annoying, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, and made her so lovable. Really, Like when
Speaker 1: I first met April, I was like, oh no, make
Speaker 1: her going and make her I need her gone. And
Speaker 1: then I fell so in love with you. You became one
Speaker 1: of my favorite and that's hard to do. I think
Speaker 1: in the history of grays Now and me, the only
Speaker 1: other character that did that for me was Addison. Oh yes,
Speaker 1: you know, it's so interesting because for me, that just
Speaker 1: feels like being human, you know, because it's so easy
Speaker 1: to have a snap judgment about someone right off the bat,
Speaker 1: about I don't like that person's energy or whatever. And
Speaker 1: then when you start to crack away at the surface
Speaker 1: and the vulnerability comes out, and you see the pain
Speaker 1: that that person has brought to the situation that's maybe
Speaker 1: created that sort of an energy, and then you see
Speaker 1: that person fight against hardships and you see her rise
Speaker 1: to the occasion and become heroic.
Speaker 3: In the midst of she had some bullying happened to her,
Speaker 3: you know, like the other doctors also found her quite
Speaker 3: annoying for many years. Yeah, So watching her kind of
Speaker 3: just relentlessly try to do the right thing, even if
Speaker 3: she failed, even if she was messy, she still like
Speaker 3: had this heart of wanting to be good and wanting
Speaker 3: to show kindness and wanting to do good in the world.
Speaker 3: And I think you just can't help but love someone
Speaker 3: when they begin to crack open, no matter where they're
Speaker 3: coming from, no matter what you know, side of the
Speaker 3: aisle they're on. As soon as you someone becomes human.
Speaker 3: And I think that was what was so fun about
Speaker 3: April's that over the course of my nine years playing her,
Speaker 3: she just became more and more and more human. There
Speaker 3: were just so many more colors that I got to play,
Speaker 3: like six different versions of the same person, which felt
Speaker 3: very much like really growing in adulthood. You know, you
Speaker 3: do change a lot as a person in your twenties
Speaker 3: and thirties, you change a lot. So really getting to
Speaker 3: live into that and breathe into that was such a privilege.
Speaker 1: Like I just saw this is very recently in my
Speaker 1: TikTok algorithm, Thank you very much, someone was showing their husband.
Speaker 1: They were watching grays at me from the beginning, like
Speaker 1: they were showing their husband for the first time, and
Speaker 1: there were it was the episode where you get married.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I saw that to you, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: it was the cutest. When Jackson stands up and she
Speaker 3: was like she could not hand.
Speaker 2: Yeah, better wait and that's it so good.
Speaker 1: It was so so goodd I love do you go
Speaker 1: in there and like, do you ever want to like
Speaker 1: stitches it stitch what do these people do with these people?
Speaker 3: And like that would be somebody used to show me
Speaker 3: how to do that. I have a TikTok, but I'm
Speaker 3: never on it, and I think that would be really fun.
Speaker 1: But like people don't react like that anymore to television.
Speaker 3: I feel, yeah, like yeah, And also because like that
Speaker 3: ended on a cliffhanger and then it didn't come back
Speaker 3: fin hour. Yeah, and it didn't come back for months,
Speaker 3: so people were just like what happened?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Did you because you were talking about her being a
Speaker 2: Christian and you being a person of faith, and you
Speaker 2: said that if April hadn't been a Christian, your role
Speaker 2: would have been a lot easier. You made the common
Speaker 2: about that, but at the same time, it opened the
Speaker 2: door for you to have a say in the character.
Speaker 2: So when you found that out, because I grew up
Speaker 2: very Christian and was like very much in the church,
Speaker 2: and even talking about Christianity and faith in terms of
Speaker 2: anything in my life gives me so much anxiety talking
Speaker 2: about it, Like yeah, on the podcast, even it's like
Speaker 2: you don't want to offend people or say the wrong thing,
Speaker 2: and it's such a personal experience. But did you find
Speaker 2: that that was why I brought so much pressure onto
Speaker 2: playing that character. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think because prior to April, we hadn't really seen
Speaker 3: any Christian characters that weren't just like one dimensional villains,
Speaker 3: that weren't just like bigoted faces.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And I and I I felt a desire to represent
Speaker 3: my community and my friend my friendships and the way
Speaker 3: I try to walk out in the world. And I'm
Speaker 3: I'm not a jerk face, you know. I am generous
Speaker 3: with my heart and I'm not judgmental, and I'm welcoming
Speaker 3: in a lot of way, like you know, you believe,
Speaker 3: I believe in Jesus, and that's who Jesus was. That
Speaker 3: is literally who he was all about, welcoming everybody, saying
Speaker 3: come as you are, you know. And so I just
Speaker 3: I really felt like I wanted to have an opportunity
Speaker 3: to show the people that represented me, a person that
Speaker 3: represented what my faith journey was. So I was it
Speaker 3: was a privilege, but it was also it was hard.
Speaker 3: It was hard to kind of try to try to
Speaker 3: get in there and offer a new thought or shifted
Speaker 3: one of the thoughts, or you know whatever, all the
Speaker 3: little things that you do to kind of go well,
Speaker 3: how about we think about it in this way, or
Speaker 3: how about we think about it in this way? And
Speaker 3: also the pressure of then presenting a new version of
Speaker 3: a person of faith on television and hoping that the
Speaker 3: people out there that connect with her will really feel seen.
Speaker 3: You know, that's all. It's all just about feeling seen.
Speaker 3: You want everybody and everybody. I mean, that show is
Speaker 3: so amazing at allowing so many different people to feel seen.
Speaker 3: So that was really important to me for the people
Speaker 3: that I grew up with and people that I'm doing
Speaker 3: life with to really feel seen. In April as well,
Speaker 3: I have.
Speaker 2: A question about Gray's around me, and then I want
Speaker 2: to move on because we can.
Speaker 1: Take a break after your next question and then we'll
Speaker 1: come back.
Speaker 2: So I get to ask my question. Then we're taking
Speaker 2: Ariad correct. I normally thought to break.
Speaker 1: So she's trying to.
Speaker 2: Do you. I know it was so long ago, and
Speaker 2: I know that sometimes it's like you or you get
Speaker 2: the script? Do you do the script? And then you
Speaker 2: probably like move on a little bit, unless a fan
Speaker 2: brings it up. But do you have any moments where
Speaker 2: you got the script at the table read and you
Speaker 2: were like, Oh my gosh, I cannot believe I'm about
Speaker 2: to get to act this out.
Speaker 3: Oh for sure, I would say the first time that
Speaker 3: happened was the Shooter episode in season six, that huge
Speaker 3: speech that I was given. It was the first time
Speaker 3: they'd given me something. The writers had given me something
Speaker 3: to like really sink my teeth into. And then I
Speaker 3: was given tons of stuff throughout the nine years on
Speaker 3: the show, but I feel like that was the first
Speaker 3: moment where I was like, I have I have a
Speaker 3: huge job ahead of me. I gotta nail this because
Speaker 3: I was still in audition mode basically when we shot
Speaker 3: that episode. I wasn't a series regular yet I have been.
Speaker 3: You know, I'd done two episodes and I and my
Speaker 3: character got fired and I was I thought I was
Speaker 3: done with the show forever, and then they called me
Speaker 3: back and brought me in. But it was sort of
Speaker 3: this strange every three episodes you get a little tiny
Speaker 3: bump and then you and then they don't even tell
Speaker 3: you until June whether you're picked up as a series regular.
Speaker 3: So all season six, every single script I got I'm like,
Speaker 3: can I show them what I can do? Can I
Speaker 3: show them what I can do? You know? It was
Speaker 3: just this, It was it felt like a whole season
Speaker 3: long audition, so getting razy crazy. So then getting that episode,
Speaker 3: I was like, I gotta nail this. I really got
Speaker 3: to nail this, and it was. It was one of
Speaker 3: those kind of iconic moments the show. So thank you
Speaker 3: for saying that, But it was.
Speaker 2: It wasn't an what did you What was your process
Speaker 2: to get into the headspace to do a scene like that?
Speaker 3: Like, I don't do my process. I don't do like
Speaker 3: I don't try to access past traumas or past tarts.
Speaker 3: My characters, all the characters I play have had so
Speaker 3: much more trauma in their life than I have. So
Speaker 3: it's really an exercise of imagination for me. So it is.
Speaker 3: And I also sometimes if I have to get emotional,
Speaker 3: I'll I have like a sad mix that I'll plug
Speaker 3: myself into just to stay and block out stay in
Speaker 3: a moment in the kind of energy of emotion and
Speaker 3: kind of block out everything else that's going on. But
Speaker 3: it really for me is all about using my senses
Speaker 3: to create the reality of this particular moment for this
Speaker 3: particular person. Sometimes I journal in the voice of the character.
Speaker 3: I just it's full imagination for me, and that's what
Speaker 3: I do. Yeah, I don't do I don't. I know.
Speaker 3: Some actors like to do past hurts and past traumas.
Speaker 3: That doesn't actually work. It completely takes me out of
Speaker 3: a scene. For me, I have to just plant my
Speaker 3: body into these present circumstances. That's that's how I do it.
Speaker 2: And then you just go home and then you mom.
Speaker 3: No, but then you go back. I didn't have kids
Speaker 3: at that point, but you do. I had residual panic
Speaker 3: attacks from that for like a good week after just
Speaker 3: all of a sudden, the cortisol levels would spike, and
Speaker 3: I would be like, you know, because your body when
Speaker 3: you work yourself into a panic that feels that real
Speaker 3: and is that you're trying, you really trying to ground yourself.
Speaker 3: This is happening right now, There is a gun right now,
Speaker 3: I might die right now. Your body reacts as if
Speaker 3: that's really happening, and your body doesn't know that it's
Speaker 3: your imagination that's caught it causing it. So it really
Speaker 3: does take time for your body to shift out of it.
Speaker 3: That's why I went into premature labor with my daughter.
Speaker 2: What scene?
Speaker 3: But when when I gave birth to Samuel and he
Speaker 3: died in my arms? I was eight months pregnant with Hannah.
Speaker 3: Oh fully eight months pregnant. Yeah, and I yeah, I
Speaker 3: was eight months pregnant and then I shot that scene.
Speaker 3: It was ten hours on set, labor delivery death, baby
Speaker 3: dies in my arms, and I went home and went
Speaker 3: into premature labor ten hours later and she was born
Speaker 3: a month early. And it was in the nique for
Speaker 3: two weeks.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I have chills. And that is crazy,
Speaker 2: so intense.
Speaker 3: That took some therapy to get over.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like, I lighten things.
Speaker 3: I think I did that to my kid, and I
Speaker 3: feel horrible that I did that to my kid. She's
Speaker 3: super healthy and super great and everything is fine. But yeah,
Speaker 3: it was because my body was like, oh, we're doing it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I guess we're doing it now.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's so crazy.
Speaker 2: Wow, Okay, we're gonna take a break and digest and
Speaker 2: we'll be right back. All right, we are back. So
Speaker 2: Tony was saying she wanted to tell all eventually, but
Speaker 2: you have a show that you don't even feel like
Speaker 2: there will be a tell all necessary, all the tell
Speaker 2: will be just.
Speaker 3: It was rainbows and puffies and happy lands. I just
Speaker 3: it is such a sweet community. We laughed every day
Speaker 3: of ten weeks of shooting. The writing is so good,
Speaker 3: the leadership was so Can I tell you something really
Speaker 3: fun about our production. Our producer, like boots on the
Speaker 3: ground producer, had this thing where he would do every Friday,
Speaker 3: people all week love it. I don't even know what
Speaker 3: you're say. I love it. So all week long people
Speaker 3: would nominate the best employee all week long, and on
Speaker 3: Friday before we started shooting, they would be announced as
Speaker 3: the winner. They get one hundred dollars bill and then
Speaker 3: their faces on the call sheet for the whole next
Speaker 3: week is Employee of the week. And so it just
Speaker 3: created this culture where you just want to speak well
Speaker 3: about people this You got to look at what they're doing.
Speaker 3: Did you ever get employee of the week. No, the
Speaker 3: actors and producers, but it was just the people were
Speaker 3: like activated to work hard. We stuck to ten hour
Speaker 3: work days, which just kept everybody happy. We had our
Speaker 3: showrunner and producer. They're a married couple and they're the
Speaker 3: most collaborative, kind hearted and also smart. The show is
Speaker 3: so good, and so I just sometimes you have a
Speaker 3: really beautiful experience on set and then the thing comes
Speaker 3: out and it's it's great, but it's nothing to write
Speaker 3: home about, you know. And sometimes the show is amazing,
Speaker 3: but there's all kinds of drama behind the scenes. It's
Speaker 3: rare when you get like a diamond d experience when
Speaker 3: you're shooting something and then it turns out as beautifully
Speaker 3: as it turned out that I can be. I'm so
Speaker 3: proud of it. So I'm I hope we get to
Speaker 3: do it for years.
Speaker 1: If you could compare it to a show that like
Speaker 1: the vibe of it, what would you compare it to,
Speaker 1: I would say it's Verona Kamars meets Murders.
Speaker 3: She wrote with the backdrop of Cozy Christmas.
Speaker 1: Wow, so kind of like, oh my gosh, why am
Speaker 1: I blinking on the name of the show with Lucy Hale.
Speaker 1: Oh it was on ABC Family Tru.
Speaker 4: Oh, Pretty Little Liars, Pretty Little Liars.
Speaker 3: You know what's funny is my lead act for my
Speaker 3: Christmas My other Christmas movie I wrote is from Pretty
Speaker 3: Little Liars. But I've never seen a single episode of
Speaker 3: the show. I know it's crazy, so but I have
Speaker 3: a feeling that show was maybe a little bit a
Speaker 3: touch darker because there are murder mysteries happening in mistle
Speaker 3: Chow murders, but there's also like it's still Cristials. It's
Speaker 3: like Christmas Noir, you know, but it felt it feels
Speaker 3: like Veronica Mars to me in that there is one
Speaker 3: mystery that gets solved every two episodes, but then there's
Speaker 3: a broader mystery through line of who is this woman?
Speaker 3: Who is Emily Lane? She there's more to her than
Speaker 3: meets the eye. She has all these skills that a
Speaker 3: retail owner should not possess. She's crazy for Christmas, and
Speaker 3: yet she might have kind of a dark past, and
Speaker 3: and it's it's really, it's really really kind of fascinating.
Speaker 3: So the bigger mystery is what is her story? And
Speaker 3: you get little snippets and little breadcrumbs throughout the whole
Speaker 3: first season.
Speaker 1: Can I ask you a question that really, like, I
Speaker 1: don't I don't understand the decision making behind the one
Speaker 1: week every week drop an episode, Oh, because you.
Speaker 3: Wanted to just be all bit yeah, Like I.
Speaker 2: Think, oh, I like the once a week no, but
Speaker 2: I feel.
Speaker 1: Like there's there was like this whole thing. When streaming
Speaker 1: came about, it was like, Oh, everything's like did you
Speaker 1: binge this? Did you binge this? And then I feel
Speaker 1: like it's now going the other way where all these
Speaker 1: shows are doing dropping once a week.
Speaker 3: I think it's to get water cooler moments. I think
Speaker 3: they want people to watch it and build up, Oh
Speaker 3: what's the next one. I'm dying for the next episode,
Speaker 3: and they're talking about it, and that's what That's what
Speaker 3: I thought was really cool about Cruel Summer. When we
Speaker 3: did Cruel Summer, it was every week, it was a
Speaker 3: ten week, ten weeks of episodes and dropped once a week,
Speaker 3: and I think people were I mean, TikTok was went
Speaker 3: crazy with it, just having all kinds of conspiracy theories
Speaker 3: about what actually happened. And so first show show this
Speaker 3: sort of a mystery show where you're trying to figure
Speaker 3: some stuff out. It's sort of fun to let people wait.
Speaker 3: But I know some people will not start watching it
Speaker 3: until the last one, just the binge, because it's it's
Speaker 3: it's weird, you know, Like I do understand. I understand
Speaker 3: the getting everybody hyped up, you know, But then I
Speaker 3: also I'm one of those people where like when I
Speaker 3: sit down to watch something and I can only watch
Speaker 3: one episode, get mad. I'm like, this is not okay.
Speaker 1: I've been trained the other way. Now now you're trying
Speaker 1: to train me to go back your survivor not happily.
Speaker 3: But there's no joy.
Speaker 2: So it premiered on on Triber thirty. First premiered on Halloween,
Speaker 2: which I think is fun, so fun. Yeah, and then
Speaker 2: it goes into it's like everyone gets to have it
Speaker 2: for the holiday season of like gearing up for Christmas
Speaker 2: and the holidays, which I love. And you also have
Speaker 2: another movie coming out that you wrote and.
Speaker 3: Directed, produce produce, Yeah, executive produce.
Speaker 2: So I want to know as someone who has typically
Speaker 2: always been in front of the camera, because I know,
Speaker 2: did you direct episodes on Grace?
Speaker 3: I directed a web series. We did a web series
Speaker 3: my last year on the show was called B Team.
Speaker 3: It actually was. It was nominated for an Emmy. I
Speaker 3: got to go to the Emmys with it. Yeah. I
Speaker 3: think it's just look a Gray's Anatomy. B Team. I
Speaker 3: think you can find it on ABC dot com. You
Speaker 3: can find it on YouTube. It's there, okay, but there.
Speaker 3: It was a six, little two minute episodes, and yeah,
Speaker 3: I directed that web series uh right, right before I
Speaker 3: left the show. And I've I directed a radio play
Speaker 3: last December that was a lot of fun. And I've
Speaker 3: shadowed a bunch, but I've been doing a lot more producing,
Speaker 3: and then I've now written and produced three films.
Speaker 2: So do you have what is where do you find?
Speaker 2: I know you probably will say both, find the joy
Speaker 2: I'm doing both. But what are the things that you
Speaker 2: love about writing something and watching it come to life?
Speaker 2: Because I feel like that would be so cool to
Speaker 2: have an idea and writing a script is really hard,
Speaker 2: my girlfriend, and yeah it's crazy. Yeah, But I just
Speaker 2: want to know what it's like for you to watch
Speaker 2: something that you wrote and are producing, come to see
Speaker 2: it come to fruition.
Speaker 3: It's so exciting and it's so much fun. And I
Speaker 3: think I really love the process of writing. Sometimes I
Speaker 3: want to bang my head against the wall when you get,
Speaker 3: you know, a fire hose of notes and you go,
Speaker 3: oh do I even I don't think, Maybe I don't
Speaker 3: know what I'm doing at all, And then you have
Speaker 3: to go back to the drawing board. Not the drawing board,
Speaker 3: but I've had on several of these films like lots
Speaker 3: of notes that then you go and you rework it.
Speaker 3: But then you rework it and you realize, oh, this
Speaker 3: is actually much better storytelling. This is much more interesting.
Speaker 3: This character just came to life in a new way
Speaker 3: because of this note somebody gave me. There's something. Really
Speaker 3: it feels really good when you're in the flow, when
Speaker 3: you're writing a scene. Sometimes I'll like get so gushy
Speaker 3: because I liked because I write romance. Basically, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: this scene, it's so delicious, so tasty. Men should always
Speaker 3: say these things to women, you know. And and I
Speaker 3: love the idea that I'm just imagining it by myself
Speaker 3: and creating the whole picture by myself. And then I'll
Speaker 3: go back and edit it. But I can just let
Speaker 3: myself go because nobody's watching, nobody's filming me. I don't
Speaker 3: have a finite time to shoot the scene. I'm I
Speaker 3: really get to sort of explore creatively, even more so
Speaker 3: than when I do as an actor, because I'm I'm
Speaker 3: exploring creatively every different character on top of the journey
Speaker 3: of the story and the buttons at the end of
Speaker 3: the scenes and how you move from this piece to
Speaker 3: that piece. You know, so it's a very kind of
Speaker 3: holistic creative experience that feels really really good when it's
Speaker 3: not killing me and I'm not banging my head against
Speaker 3: a wall, and then watching it come to life is
Speaker 3: really interesting because then I have it in my head
Speaker 3: how I imagine people cans, and then you give it to
Speaker 3: somebody else, and then the director has his vision or
Speaker 3: her vision, and then the actors approach the character in
Speaker 3: their own way. And then I got to visit on
Speaker 3: this one three times, which was really really fun, just
Speaker 3: witnessing the whole process happen and watching them find their
Speaker 3: way through the scenes and stuff. And sometimes it's it's
Speaker 3: really fun too because they'll they'll do something that I
Speaker 3: hadn't intended, but it's better, you know, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: you just brought a whole other color to this scene
Speaker 3: that I hadn't even imagined. So it's it's a really
Speaker 3: fun process.
Speaker 2: Do you have any say in casting.
Speaker 3: The last two? No? No, that's so indesting.
Speaker 2: Because I've always thought about that if you write it,
Speaker 2: you would think that you're get to say because you
Speaker 2: have a vision of what these people look like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there are a lot of people making decisions and
Speaker 3: you know, the role of executive producer kind of changes
Speaker 3: based on whatever production company you're working with, and there's
Speaker 3: some that really welcome you into the process and there's
Speaker 3: some that don't welcome you as much into the process,
Speaker 3: and you kind of just you kind of just go
Speaker 3: with the flow. It's so, yeah, I didn't, but I've
Speaker 3: been thrilled on the last two movies. With my first
Speaker 3: movie that I wrote that Justin Bruening was in with me,
Speaker 3: I had a hand in getting to cast him. I
Speaker 3: watched audition tapes for all the supporting characters. I was
Speaker 3: in all the production meetings. Part of that was also
Speaker 3: because I was shadowing the director at the time as well,
Speaker 3: so I kind of was inside of all of the
Speaker 3: decision making. And that's that's how I prefer to do it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but sometimes that's just not the way that it that
Speaker 3: it runs. But it's fun both ways.
Speaker 2: Was that the movie where you wrote the first sex scene?
Speaker 2: For the Christmas movie?
Speaker 3: So the one with Justin there wasn't a sex scene,
Speaker 3: but there was a really intense makeout scene on a
Speaker 3: porch that fades out while they're getting kind of heated
Speaker 3: on the porch. So you can kind of use your
Speaker 3: imagination of like where that went. And that was at
Speaker 3: the time the first time on Lifetime they done like
Speaker 3: a real full on makeout scene in the middle of
Speaker 3: the movie. That so I kind of felt like I
Speaker 3: dipped my toe into bringing a little more spice and
Speaker 3: a little more heat to the typical model, which is,
Speaker 3: you know, kind of a chaste kiss at the end,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, people want, oh, not everybody, but I
Speaker 3: think there is an audience that loves a little more heat.
Speaker 3: I like that.
Speaker 1: I mean there's a big range spectrum in between that.
Speaker 3: I just say, My Lady Jane was my binge this year.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you guys saw.
Speaker 2: That about it though. It's so good.
Speaker 3: It's kind of romanticy. It's really good. Anyway, you should
Speaker 3: watch it. It's on Amazon. They didn't pick it up
Speaker 3: for a second season, which is devastating.
Speaker 1: That's the worst.
Speaker 3: I love, love, love, love the romance genre. I just
Speaker 3: think I just love it so much. So getting the
Speaker 3: chance to kind of push the boundary last year and
Speaker 3: then it did so well. It was their highest rated
Speaker 3: Christmas movie I think in two years, so they you know,
Speaker 3: I tried it again. People liked it there's an audience
Speaker 3: for it. So I did it again and they bought
Speaker 3: it again.
Speaker 2: So oh that's huge.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so fun.
Speaker 1: That's really really exciting.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's like there's there's so much out there,
Speaker 1: and so it's like when you hear that that it
Speaker 1: did so well, like that must make you feel really
Speaker 1: like proud.
Speaker 3: Yeah, especially since I'm still sort of new at it.
Speaker 3: You know, I think I I still feel a little
Speaker 3: bit of imposter syndrome. Whenever you want to buy my script,
Speaker 3: you want to you want to make my movie. You're
Speaker 3: all in a production meeting talking about people I came
Speaker 3: up with in my brain. It feels really weird at
Speaker 3: this point of MYE have that What's that I think
Speaker 3: we are? No, we all have imposter syndrome. I know,
Speaker 3: I know what I bring to the table as an actor,
Speaker 3: and I now really have begun to see what I
Speaker 3: bring to the table as a leader. I know I
Speaker 3: bring a lot to the table as a leader. When
Speaker 3: I'm in a leadership position, when I get to be
Speaker 3: an executive producer and get to set the tone, I
Speaker 3: know that I bring goodness, you know, And I know
Speaker 3: and I've been acting my whole life. So I know
Speaker 3: when I'm on, I know when I'm off. I know
Speaker 3: I know that I can do it. Writing still feels
Speaker 3: a little scary, like a little like somebody that I
Speaker 3: don't know how they I don't know how they're gonna
Speaker 3: if they're gonna like it.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: After this, maybe we're gonna get another one.
Speaker 3: One.
Speaker 2: I just love that you had this incredible career on Graze,
Speaker 2: And I was thinking about what you said at the
Speaker 2: beginning of the podcast of like you don't know if
Speaker 2: you ever would have left, And it's like if you
Speaker 2: had never if that had never happened, you would you
Speaker 2: have stepped into these new roles that you're where you're
Speaker 2: trying new things like or would you have been comfortable
Speaker 2: in your position on grades? You know it's I I was.
Speaker 3: I was shadowing to eventually direct episodically. Yeah, so I
Speaker 3: was already kind of in that trajectory a little bit,
Speaker 3: But it never occurred to me that I could be
Speaker 3: a writer, and I never would have done that while
Speaker 3: I was still on Graze. I don't think that ever
Speaker 3: would have happened. Ye, And I think you know, the
Speaker 3: reason I started writing is from doing one of these
Speaker 3: Christmas movies. They did a Christmas movie called Twinkle All
Speaker 3: the Way on Lifetime and worked with these two amazing
Speaker 3: rock star female producers, Stephanie Slack and Margaret Huddleston, and
Speaker 3: I pitched them an idea after making that movie and
Speaker 3: they were and I was like, so we should probably,
Speaker 3: you know, find a writer for it. And they're like, no,
Speaker 3: you're the writer. Go buy yourself final draft. You've literally
Speaker 3: just painted the whole story for us. We're watching the
Speaker 3: movie as you talk. You know how to write, you know,
Speaker 3: so go get final draft and write. And I would
Speaker 3: never have done it if those two women had not
Speaker 3: come into my life and had not kicked me in
Speaker 3: the butt and told me I was capable of it.
Speaker 3: And then they were my producers on my first one,
Speaker 3: on that exact one that I wrote, and they were
Speaker 3: so empowering every step of the way, so encouraging, so loving.
Speaker 3: It was just such a beautiful experience. Yeah, so nice,
Speaker 3: so good.
Speaker 2: I love hearing that. I know. It's just cool to
Speaker 2: see women go like, you can do this, and we're
Speaker 2: gonna cheer you on to be a part of it
Speaker 2: while you do it.
Speaker 3: Yes, it was such a gift. I just didn't even
Speaker 3: it hadn't even occurred to me that I would be
Speaker 3: the writer. I thought I'd be an executive producer on it,
Speaker 3: we'd hire a writer. I thought i'd star in it.
Speaker 3: But they're like, you're going to write it, You're going
Speaker 3: to write it, and you're you're, you're it's gonna be great.
Speaker 2: If you got to write and then act in your
Speaker 2: dream role and your dream character, who would that be?
Speaker 2: What would who would she be?
Speaker 3: It would be sort of it would be in the
Speaker 3: era of like a Pride and prejudice.
Speaker 2: My girlfriend Aly loves a period piece.
Speaker 3: I love a period piece. I love, love, love a
Speaker 3: period piece. I love I love a strong female character
Speaker 3: inside of a strange world where women do not have
Speaker 3: the rights that we know possess, and watching them resilient
Speaker 3: and bold in the midst of all of the that
Speaker 3: that the constraints that are put on them socially. So
Speaker 3: I think that would be really fun. I don't think.
Speaker 3: I well, yes, I could, I could write out. I
Speaker 3: think something about writing for period is harder because you
Speaker 3: really do have to do a lot of research to
Speaker 3: figure out all of the social norms of the day
Speaker 3: and how do people talk to each other? And you know,
Speaker 3: it's a whole other style of writing.
Speaker 1: The day of jorn when you are filming. So when
Speaker 1: you were doing Mistletoe Murders, were you filming that in
Speaker 1: La No, that was in Toronto, And it's how long
Speaker 1: do you film?
Speaker 3: Ten weeks?
Speaker 1: So you're you're in Toronto for ten weeks?
Speaker 3: Is that crazy? Yes?
Speaker 2: Is your family with you?
Speaker 3: No, they're here. Yeah. So this year was insane because
Speaker 3: my husband went to teach. He teaches at Dartmouth in
Speaker 3: New Hampshire, So he went to teach for the winter
Speaker 3: semester for ten weeks in the winter, and then I
Speaker 3: was gone for ten weeks in the summer to Toronto,
Speaker 3: and then he's gone this fall again to teach at Dartmouth.
Speaker 3: My parents live with me when he goes, so I
Speaker 3: have this amazing support system because I'm in and out
Speaker 3: of town all the time. But yeah, it was definitely
Speaker 3: challenging to not be with my family. They came to
Speaker 3: visit for I think like two and a half weeks
Speaker 3: something like that, but they do get they need they
Speaker 3: need to get back to their rhythm and their routine.
Speaker 3: The kids want to see their friends. Peter starts to
Speaker 3: go stir crazy. You know. It's it's because I'm working
Speaker 3: all the time. They come out to Toronto and then
Speaker 3: they can't really even spend very much time with me.
Speaker 3: I was also writing Carpenter Christmas Romance while I was
Speaker 3: shooting that, so I was writing. I had to buy
Speaker 3: myself a lap desk, and I was I turned in
Speaker 3: my first draft before we started, but then I had
Speaker 3: so many notes, so I was doing my second and
Speaker 3: third drafts on my lap in the car on the
Speaker 3: way to work every day.
Speaker 1: But it's probably fun because you can, like when you're working,
Speaker 1: you're just like solely focused on that, and then when
Speaker 1: you're home, you're just like fully mom, you know.
Speaker 3: I find that, like this fall has been really crazy
Speaker 3: with I did a bunch of traveling, and I've done
Speaker 3: a bunch of promotional stuff and for Hallmark and a
Speaker 3: lot of a lot of press and a lot of traveling,
Speaker 3: and I find that it is very hard to be
Speaker 3: going going full time in the business and then also
Speaker 3: have to then kids. Kids are picked up at three
Speaker 3: ten and then it's just your mom for the rest
Speaker 3: of the day, and you can't sort of recuperate or
Speaker 3: recover from so I mean, my parents are my mom
Speaker 3: and my dad are so amazing and are They're just
Speaker 3: so amazing, But it doesn't the reality of having two
Speaker 3: very full jobs at the same time. It's very present,
Speaker 3: even if you have a lot of help and a
Speaker 3: lot of support. Because when my kids are going through something,
Speaker 3: they they need mom, you know, and I want to
Speaker 3: be mom. I don't I'm not passing that off to
Speaker 3: my parents when my son is struggling with something or
Speaker 3: my daughter's struggling with something, like I want to do
Speaker 3: that stuff. But then it just it means that I'm
Speaker 3: sometimes getting four or five hours of sleep at night.
Speaker 3: So it is, Yeah, it's a lot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like we get we talk a lot
Speaker 1: to women in the industry that they do. It's like
Speaker 1: we are superhuman, we can do it all, but like
Speaker 1: we can't do it all at the same time. But everybody,
Speaker 1: like social media makes it seem like everybody does and
Speaker 1: that we all have it under control and like it's
Speaker 1: no big deal, and so it's like, but it is.
Speaker 1: It's the reality of the situation, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And I think there's a lot of women that feel
Speaker 1: guilt in if they work too much or if they're
Speaker 1: not working at all and they're not you know, supporting
Speaker 1: in a certain way. And it's like we're just always
Speaker 1: as women made to feel guilt and shame on either
Speaker 1: matter what.
Speaker 3: We do, no matter what we do, no matter what.
Speaker 3: If we're working all the time, if we have help, yeah,
Speaker 3: oh shame, shame, shame. If we're choose to be a
Speaker 3: stay at home mom, shame, shame, shame. You know, there's
Speaker 3: and I think the reality is you can participate in
Speaker 3: all of these things. That is true. Like I can
Speaker 3: have a full time job and be a mom, but
Speaker 3: something is going to give constantly. I am constantly something
Speaker 3: is falling, some plate is falling all the time, and
Speaker 3: you're just in clean up on Aisle six all the time,
Speaker 3: you know, and it really comes out. I mean there's
Speaker 3: so many times, my sweet mom, because I will just
Speaker 3: I get so this fall. I've gotten so exhausted that
Speaker 3: I just burst in. I'm just sitting I'm at the
Speaker 3: kitchen sink or whatever, I'm somewhere at the dining table.
Speaker 2: I'm like, She's like, honey, and I'm like, I know,
Speaker 2: I just really need to cry. This is so much.
Speaker 3: It's all so much because it takes. And my kids
Speaker 3: just my daughter just started middle school and my son
Speaker 3: is in all of a sudden this year. The workload
Speaker 3: is getting to be more and there's social stuff that's
Speaker 3: happening all the time. There's so much that you want
Speaker 3: to be present for and be direct, helping to direct
Speaker 3: their steps and helping to give them the tools they
Speaker 3: need and show up for them. And then you also
Speaker 3: just can't let stuff fall by the wayside that you're
Speaker 3: that you've committed to. It's uh, yeah, it is. It's
Speaker 3: no freaking jokes hard.
Speaker 1: It is really hard.
Speaker 2: So your your daughter's in middle school going into middle school.
Speaker 3: She's in middle school now. They started in fifth grade
Speaker 3: at her school, so I feel, oh, yeah, it's young.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's okay.
Speaker 3: Wait fifth through eighth at their school.
Speaker 2: Oh, I was because I was asking. I was wondering
Speaker 2: if they there's this like resurgence of people watching and
Speaker 2: binging Grace at me from the beginning. Do they have
Speaker 2: they encountered that part of your life.
Speaker 3: They haven't done. I still feel like they're too young
Speaker 3: for Grace Academy and it wouldn't spark their interest as much.
Speaker 3: I don't think yet they've watched a bunch of my Hannah.
Speaker 3: We were just saying this on the way because we
Speaker 3: watched the first two episodes of missileto Murders last night,
Speaker 3: and my kids are so invested. They're like, where's the
Speaker 3: where's the third one? Where's the fourth? Can we know?
Speaker 3: We have to keep watching? Like I need to know
Speaker 3: what happens? What is her past? Where is she from?
Speaker 3: You know, who's gonna be the Who's gonna be the mystery?
Speaker 3: The next time and we're driving and Micah was saying,
Speaker 3: you know you really you really enjoyed doing Mistletoe Murders, right,
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, I loved it. He's like that's great,
Speaker 3: because you know what, it's a really good show. And
Speaker 3: I was like, thank you. He's like, I'm really into it.
Speaker 3: You know, usually i'd get a little tired. For instance,
Speaker 3: he said, for instance, when we watched and Or a
Speaker 3: couple of years ago, when it first came out, I
Speaker 3: was less into it because it was much more character
Speaker 3: driven and there weren't as many like battle scenes. But
Speaker 3: now I think I could go back to and Or
Speaker 3: and like it more because I'm now really responding to
Speaker 3: all the character driven stuff. Yeah, And I was like Yeah,
Speaker 3: isn't that cool? Isn't it cool that you shift and
Speaker 3: change and the stuff that you get excited about shifts
Speaker 3: and change. And then Hannah's like, but is there romance?
Speaker 3: And I was like, yeah, there's a romance in this show.
Speaker 3: And she's like, I love romance.
Speaker 2: She gets that, honest, it seems so good.
Speaker 3: Mic is like, I hope there isn't too much kissing.
Speaker 1: That's so funny, so funny.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm amazed by how you do it all. And
Speaker 2: I feel like so grateful that we've gotten to have
Speaker 2: you on the podcast and we're talking about new things
Speaker 2: and what you're doing. And it's so cool to watch
Speaker 2: you like grow as an actress and writer and producer
Speaker 2: and watch you do all these things.
Speaker 1: And I do really appreciate you opening up about that
Speaker 1: because I just feel like it is something that is
Speaker 1: just it's a it's just an ever present. I don't
Speaker 1: know what the word that I'm looking for is, but
Speaker 1: as women that work and have kids and.
Speaker 3: You don't stop thinking, there are things happening in your
Speaker 3: brain all the time, whether it's a conversation a hard
Speaker 3: conversation you have to have work wise, or a hard
Speaker 3: conversation you have to have kid wise, or a hard
Speaker 3: conversation you have to have with your partner about how
Speaker 3: we're doing a certain thing. Right. There is constant, it
Speaker 3: does the voice does not stop.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just wanted to bring up I wanted to
Speaker 1: thank you because I felt very seen at Epicon when
Speaker 1: we received a question from a fan that said, if
Speaker 1: you could have a romance with anybody living or dead
Speaker 1: on Grey's Anatomy, and you threw it back to somebody
Speaker 1: very far back in the past, that I have been
Speaker 1: preaching about him since day one, and I will die
Speaker 1: on this hill, that he was the best character male character,
Speaker 1: Andrey's lady and what was your answer, Danny do Guet
Speaker 1: obviously pre ghost sex.
Speaker 3: Yes, I didn't need any of that either.
Speaker 1: I didn't need them to bring him back, Like, if
Speaker 1: you're going to kill him, let it be.
Speaker 3: He was such a beautiful, generous, loving man. I was like,
Speaker 3: this is how you should behave as a man.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 3: And I always loved Izzy Denny. I just I died.
Speaker 3: I love them so much.
Speaker 1: I love them so much too, and I really feel
Speaker 1: like gone too soon.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 3: It was very sad, very sad that elvat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so I just want to say thank you
Speaker 1: really from the bottom of that, because I A preached
Speaker 1: it so much on this podcast.
Speaker 3: The reaction in the room was phenomenal.
Speaker 1: It was I think everyone was like it was extraordinary,
Speaker 1: like many other people feel the same way. So anyway,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to thank you for that.
Speaker 2: Really validated her because we go back and forth. I'm like,
Speaker 2: that's I was not a fan.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I know it's tough, tough being next
Speaker 1: to her.
Speaker 3: Henry was so really really good. Henry's so good.
Speaker 1: I'm Henry discriminists.
Speaker 3: Why do they have to die? I know the good
Speaker 3: ones gone to my kind hearted, like nice, good guy,
Speaker 3: good guys, caring, loving, sensitive.
Speaker 2: My youngest sister's watching and she's like, I can't believe
Speaker 2: that you ever liked Derek Shepherd. He is the worst
Speaker 2: character I've ever seen on TV.
Speaker 3: That was so funny.
Speaker 2: WHOA what happened?
Speaker 3: I remember? People got people are passionate.
Speaker 2: She's watching it, so it's fun. That's fun.
Speaker 1: That is very fun.
Speaker 2: We'll have her on to talk about it. Right, I
Speaker 2: want to know your sign, but I want Tanya to
Speaker 2: try and guess your son.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I'm getting Capricorn vibes. But it's not Capricorn, right,
Speaker 1: it's Taurus. It's not taurres is visit Capricorn cancer librah.
Speaker 2: That's right, right, Yeah, you knew it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I knew it makes sense right now she knows
Speaker 1: all of them, and she'll be.
Speaker 2: Like, do you guys know the end?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I love the enneagram, are you? I'm I'm almost
Speaker 3: identically a three four. I'm a three four. So that's
Speaker 3: the three is the achiever, and then the four is
Speaker 3: the feeler, and I achieved through feeling.
Speaker 1: It's just so yeah, it's you were nine right, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I do you think you've changed?
Speaker 2: Maybe?
Speaker 1: Oh well I'm one? Yeah, Justice, I thought it was perfectionist.
Speaker 3: It is that too, but but part of perfectionism is
Speaker 3: also just like there's a right way, there's the wrong way.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah that's me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, before we go, okay, I want to know
Speaker 4: if they if you have a question, that you would
Speaker 4: be happy never being asked again?
Speaker 1: Oh that's the good one.
Speaker 3: How did it feel when they let you go from
Speaker 3: Gray's and Adams as that?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: Well the last time it's okay, and I because can
Speaker 3: I tell? I will tell you. Why is because I
Speaker 3: will inevitably say a string of words that then become
Speaker 3: the clickbait headlined that then don't tell the whole story,
Speaker 3: and then that feels super shitty. So I actually love
Speaker 3: talking about the incredible, expansive joy that I felt in
Speaker 3: the because so much of the engine that drives my
Speaker 3: life is holding pain and hope together at the same
Speaker 3: time I'm holding it. I'm always I'm so aware of
Speaker 3: the darkness in the world and the light in the world,
Speaker 3: and the light that is there if you're looking for it,
Speaker 3: and so I'm kind of in pursuit of the light
Speaker 3: whenever there's pain or whatever. So I like to talk
Speaker 3: about that whole thing, and that experience is like the
Speaker 3: epitome of both of those things happening at the same
Speaker 3: time to me. But I inevitably will say a string
Speaker 3: of words together that then become the quote that then
Speaker 3: everybody picks up, and it just ends up feeling like
Speaker 3: not not my heart and not my not who I am,
Speaker 3: you know, it just becomes like, Oh, she's bitter, and
Speaker 3: it's I'm not. Actually, that's not the.
Speaker 2: Point better for me at all. In fact, I want
Speaker 2: I wanted a little more bitterness from you about it. Honest,
Speaker 2: I wanted a little more.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I don't think anybody who's ever interviewed me about this
Speaker 3: would ever have said that they got bitterness from me. No,
Speaker 3: but the headlines that are grabbed just show bitterness, right,
Speaker 3: So you know, I don't like that.
Speaker 2: I've never gotten that from you and anything I've seen
Speaker 2: from you talking about it.
Speaker 3: So just bitterness is such a waste of energy and
Speaker 3: doesn't It's not useful and I don't want to live
Speaker 3: in I would never want to live in that space. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's not how I live my life.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, I always see it as like, oh, we I
Speaker 3: moved into a new direction, and now look at this
Speaker 3: awesome stuff I get to do. Yeah, you know, that's
Speaker 3: that's how I live my life. Yeah, and I don't
Speaker 3: pretend that the pain didn't happen. It happened. But I
Speaker 3: also but it's like it created this new which is
Speaker 3: so beautiful. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2: It's the first question.
Speaker 1: I know, But it is.
Speaker 3: I don't mean to make you feel bad in any way.
Speaker 3: Ready for it, and I you know, I'm used to
Speaker 3: it totally. And I also I think right in the
Speaker 3: wake of being let go I got so tired of
Speaker 3: everybody only wanting to talk about Grey's Anatomy. But now
Speaker 3: as I've engaged with more fans, I love being on
Speaker 3: Cameo by the way I've had the I just think
Speaker 3: it's the sweetest experience to get to meet people where
Speaker 3: they are at beautiful moments in their lives and to
Speaker 3: hear how much April has meant to people. I know
Speaker 3: that April is ever green, Gray's Anatomy is ever green.
Speaker 3: April will always be a part of me and will
Speaker 3: always be a part of the audience's idea of who
Speaker 3: I am, and I'm proud of that. I love it.
Speaker 3: I actually I've gotten to a place where I'm like
Speaker 3: that time is precious, that season was precious to me
Speaker 3: and I and I feel like when I hear people's
Speaker 3: stories about how much a Roles stories broke their heart
Speaker 3: open or made them feel less alone, I go, yes,
Speaker 3: that's that feels so affirming. It feels like me living
Speaker 3: into my purpose. Yeah, and I love it. I love
Speaker 3: it now. So I don't mind talking about.
Speaker 1: Grazes though, because I feel like I do I understand that,
Speaker 1: not even just from Grey's Anatomy, but like I feel
Speaker 1: like there's several actors who have this role and like
Speaker 1: a huge dynamic show and then like people, they just
Speaker 1: get asked questions about that all the time and then
Speaker 1: they're like, no, but I'm promoting this, you know.
Speaker 3: So it's like I do get that.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, like as a fan, you
Speaker 1: you're so interested in intriguing, so you hold this like
Speaker 1: space for these people, these characters, and so it's like
Speaker 1: it's so it's like.
Speaker 3: A and I love it. As someone was asking me
Speaker 3: actually that I'll I know, our time is up or whatever,
Speaker 3: but like someone was asking me after epicuns they were like,
Speaker 3: how do you how does that experience feel? Is it chaotic?
Speaker 3: Is it overwhelming? Is it like an ego boost? And
Speaker 3: I my experience at those situations where I get to
Speaker 3: have this time, it is exhausting, of course, because you're
Speaker 3: trying to you know, people are waiting in line to
Speaker 3: see you, They've paid money to see you, and you
Speaker 3: want to make sure that you're giving them their money's
Speaker 3: worth and you're really focused on them and you're really
Speaker 3: giving yourself to them to some degree, so that it's draining,
Speaker 3: But hearing people's stories is so affirming. It makes It's
Speaker 3: not an ego thing for me. It's really fully the
Speaker 3: sense of I set out from the earliest stages when
Speaker 3: I was in high school. I wanted to impact people's
Speaker 3: lives through storytelling and through acting. So whenever anybody tells
Speaker 3: me that a story has impacted them and a story
Speaker 3: I got to tell, that is me living into my purpose.
Speaker 3: And it's such a gift to hear it because we
Speaker 3: so many people in so many industries don't get to
Speaker 3: hear it the number of times we get to hear it, right,
Speaker 3: So it's sweet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean you know forever. I mean you are.
Speaker 2: You are so loved by the Raised fandom, and I
Speaker 2: think that people will love you in everything you do
Speaker 2: because you put that out there for people. It's like
Speaker 2: who you are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is who you are.
Speaker 2: So I hope you always feel that in everything you do.
Speaker 1: And where can please come back for any project that
Speaker 1: you have in the future.
Speaker 3: Our door is always.
Speaker 2: Open to you.
Speaker 3: I will, and you can ask me how I felt
Speaker 3: leaving Grace mad Me if you really need to again,
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I got, I've gotten all I need to know, and
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry that I asked them one question don't apologize.
Speaker 3: I expect it every single place I go.
Speaker 2: So if you have any that I didn't, we love
Speaker 2: you so much and everyone's stream or wait.
Speaker 3: You could start it now and just and you're gonna
Speaker 3: you're gonna have some cliffhanger moments, but it's gonna be
Speaker 3: really fun. It'll it'll drop a new episode. There's six episodes,
Speaker 3: and a new episode drops every Thursday, and the first
Speaker 3: one just dropped on Halloween, so we have a new
Speaker 3: one episode two drops this Thursday.
Speaker 2: Amazing. Where can they follow you?
Speaker 3: The Sarah Drew on Instagram? I'm also on TikTok. I
Speaker 3: think I'm the Sarah Drew might be just Sarah Drew,
Speaker 3: M sure, and I think Twitter is or X. I'm
Speaker 3: never there, guys. I won't pay the money either. I
Speaker 3: won't pay the money, so I can't find the mentions
Speaker 3: and I don't know how to. I don't know how
Speaker 3: to interact with people anymore on that, but I am
Speaker 3: amazing think Sarah Drew. Yeah, if you want to, if
Speaker 3: you want to, honestly, if you want to see mentions
Speaker 3: so that you can response, bond and repost, you, yeah,
Speaker 3: you have to pay like twelve bucks a month.
Speaker 1: It's been a minute, thank you.
Speaker 2: I haven't been there in a minute.
Speaker 1: So yeah.
Speaker 3: So mostly Instagram. That's that's my main place where you'll
Speaker 3: see and hear anything else going on.
Speaker 1: Awesome.
Speaker 2: We love you so much. I love you. Thank you.