Speaker 1: We have to live life as though there is no tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Don't skate through life with a guarded heart, afraid of
Speaker 1: any pain that might come. You can't live like that.
Speaker 1: You can't live life in the shadows away from the pain,
Speaker 1: because there's no life in that. What's up, guys, Welcome
Speaker 1: to the podcast. This is one of my favorite things
Speaker 1: to do. One of my favorite times of the week
Speaker 1: is to sit here with you. I walk through your
Speaker 1: questions that could be about anything in life. Email Grangersmith
Speaker 1: Podcast at gmail dot com and I'll get to yours.
Speaker 1: Put yours in the queue. I have a whole bunch
Speaker 1: today and I have no idea what they say. So
Speaker 1: I used to kind of get these organized and make
Speaker 1: sure that I had, you know, the ones that I
Speaker 1: wanted to start with and the ones that I wanted
Speaker 1: to finish with. But these days I don't do that.
Speaker 1: I am totally unprepared, no notes in front of me.
Speaker 1: We're going to walk through this stuff as if me
Speaker 1: and you are sitting in the cab of a truck
Speaker 1: and having a good old friendly conversation. I'm not a therapist,
Speaker 1: I'm not a counselor. I've not been trained in psychology.
Speaker 1: So everything I say is just coming from friend advice,
Speaker 1: So to just take that as you will. This is
Speaker 1: friend advice, nothing more. You could take it or leave it.
Speaker 1: I'm not always right, but I like to talk about
Speaker 1: it with you, and it's become a very interesting platform
Speaker 1: for me. This has become a very popular podcast. It's
Speaker 1: always high on the charts of podcasts, which blows me
Speaker 1: away because I'm really saying nothing about me. I'm saying
Speaker 1: everything about you. So let's jump into this, the first
Speaker 1: one here on the list. It actually came an hour
Speaker 1: ago today, and the subject line says Summer Love. Hey Grangers.
Speaker 1: I'm seventeen years old. I'm from Cape May, New Jersey,
Speaker 1: and my family owns a restaurant. There is a girl
Speaker 1: if I could have a nickel every time I heard
Speaker 1: that on this podcast. There is a girl that's an
Speaker 1: employee and I love her and I would do anything
Speaker 1: for her. And I don't know if she loves me,
Speaker 1: but she likes me and we go on dates. We
Speaker 1: both would not want a serious relationship, but I went
Speaker 1: to prom with her and I've gone on a couple
Speaker 1: of dates with her in the summer. Whenever she comes
Speaker 1: down in June and then leaves for college in August.
Speaker 1: I have an upcoming date with her in June, but
Speaker 1: I think I should break it off so that it
Speaker 1: could save me from the pain. Or should I write
Speaker 1: out the relationship until she leaves. This is like the
Speaker 1: scenario straight out of an eighties movie Summer Love. So
Speaker 1: many songs were written about this. This comes from Christian
Speaker 1: by the way, Christian seventeen Summer Love. You're basically at
Speaker 1: camp and own your parents, own a restaurant, and she
Speaker 1: comes in June and then leaves for college in August.
Speaker 1: This is straight out of a country song from nineteen
Speaker 1: ninety five. I think it was called Strawberry Wine. Just kidding.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of them. Let's walk through it. So
Speaker 1: your main question here is should you break it off
Speaker 1: to save yourself from the pain, or should you write
Speaker 1: it out until she leaves? So this is an analogy
Speaker 1: for life itself so much so. And then there's a
Speaker 1: couple of layers to this. The first thing I would
Speaker 1: say before anything is you're seventeen Christian, protect your heart,
Speaker 1: Guard your heart, Guard your heart. Don't just give it
Speaker 1: away to anybody, especially if you know there might not
Speaker 1: be a future. There may be, but there might not be.
Speaker 1: And you're young and she's young, and you're seeing it
Speaker 1: as it is, which is great. You're asking the right
Speaker 1: questions and you're seeing it as it is. Right, So
Speaker 1: guard your heart knowing that, don't give it away to her,
Speaker 1: don't give her everything, don't tell her you love her.
Speaker 1: Maybe you have already, but don't tell her. Don't tell
Speaker 1: her anymore. If you have already, you told me, and
Speaker 1: that's okay. I'll take it. So while you're guarding your heart,
Speaker 1: there's a second layer here. This is a big one
Speaker 1: for life itself. We have to live life as though
Speaker 1: there is no tomorrow. So you realize why I said
Speaker 1: guard your heart first. I said that first. But the
Speaker 1: second component is don't skate through life with a guarded heart,
Speaker 1: afraid of any pain that might come. You can't live
Speaker 1: like that. You can't live life in the shadows away
Speaker 1: from the pain, because there's no life in that. There's
Speaker 1: no fulfillment in that. Trying to have a life that's
Speaker 1: painless is first of all impossible, and second of all,
Speaker 1: it's bland. You're gonna miss everything that's happened around you.
Speaker 1: If you've lived in a world where you never saw pain,
Speaker 1: then you would never have a chance to grow, you
Speaker 1: would never get better, and that's not a place you
Speaker 1: want to be. So no, I don't think you should
Speaker 1: cut this off because you know she's leaving in August.
Speaker 1: I don't think you should cut it off to hide
Speaker 1: from some kind of pain that might come in. I
Speaker 1: don't blame you for thinking that. I'm I'm just telling
Speaker 1: you from the outside looking in, from our perspective, me
Speaker 1: and you riding together in a truck talking about this,
Speaker 1: I would say, you live it, and you be seventeen,
Speaker 1: and you go in these dates with her, and you're
Speaker 1: gonna take this with you the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: You're gonna learn so much from this while you're guarding
Speaker 1: your heart, You're going to learn so much from this.
Speaker 1: You remember the Garth Brooks song the dance. The whole
Speaker 1: concept of the dance is I could have missed the pain,
Speaker 1: but I'd have had to miss the dance, And you
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to miss that for the world. You wouldn't
Speaker 1: want to miss that. You wouldn't want to miss this summer,
Speaker 1: the summer of seventeen, with this girl in this environment,
Speaker 1: while you're guarding your heart. You don't want to miss that,
Speaker 1: so go for it. You're going to learn something. Maybe
Speaker 1: there's something for you guys together in the future. Maybe
Speaker 1: she gets out of college and you still miss her,
Speaker 1: and she still misses you, and you guys end up
Speaker 1: in the same town and you get married and that's
Speaker 1: happily ever after type story. Maybe you don't, maybe you
Speaker 1: forget about her, but you learned from this, and you
Speaker 1: learned what you wanted out of a girl, and she
Speaker 1: wanted she learned what she wanted out of a guy.
Speaker 1: Don't miss the pain. Don't ever skip the pain. Live it,
Speaker 1: live through it, not worried if you're going to get
Speaker 1: hurt or not. Second question, subject line says I need
Speaker 1: your help. Hey buddy, my name is Mason. I'm fifteen
Speaker 1: years old from Mississippi. I recently ended a relationship with
Speaker 1: my girlfriend so that I could better myself physically and
Speaker 1: get closer to God. The relationship was very stressful and
Speaker 1: I felt like it was getting nowhere. The girl I
Speaker 1: broke up with has now moved on already. Just a
Speaker 1: week after I ended it, I found out she'd been
Speaker 1: dating this guy for two months while we dating. I'm
Speaker 1: very broken over this and I'm gonna slump. What do
Speaker 1: you suggest? It says in one more thing, if I
Speaker 1: have feelings for a girl that isn't close to me,
Speaker 1: how do I express my feelings for her in a
Speaker 1: way that doesn't come off as creepy? Okay, there's multiple
Speaker 1: questions here. One is how do you get over a girl?
Speaker 1: And the second question is how do you get into
Speaker 1: another relationship? So because of those two questions, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: cancel it out and say, buddy, you're fifteen. You don't
Speaker 1: need to be in a relationship right now. Nope, you
Speaker 1: you were right in thinking that you needed to better
Speaker 1: yourself physically and get closer to God. So go back
Speaker 1: to that thought, and let's just erase the last thing
Speaker 1: that you wrote. If I have feelings for a girl
Speaker 1: that isn't close to me, now, how to express my
Speaker 1: feelings in a way that doesn't come off creepy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're you're already being creepy, and that's that's nothing to you, Mason.
Speaker 1: This is your name, Mason. That's nothing against you. I
Speaker 1: was once fifteen, I was once you. So there's nothing
Speaker 1: that you're saying that's wrong. But I'm saying from my
Speaker 1: seat looking at you in the cab of this truck.
Speaker 1: You don't need to be dating right now. You don't
Speaker 1: need to be worried about advice on talking to another girl.
Speaker 1: Just go back to that thought of bettering yourself and
Speaker 1: getting closer to God. You're out of the stressful relationship.
Speaker 1: She found somebody else. Hey, that's somebody else's problem. Now,
Speaker 1: that's somebody else's stress. Now, good on you. You're in
Speaker 1: a good place. You don't have that stress anymore. Congratulations,
Speaker 1: that's a victory somebody else. Right now, as we speak,
Speaker 1: as I'm doing this podcast, somebody is stressing over that girl,
Speaker 1: and it's not you. Good job, brother, Stay single, you're fifteen.
Speaker 1: Stay single. Next question septic Line says in laws. Hey, Granger,
Speaker 1: how do you deal with in laws that don't want
Speaker 1: to be involved with their grandkids other than when it's
Speaker 1: convenient for a social media post. They never want to
Speaker 1: spend time with them, but always guilt their son about
Speaker 1: wanting to see them, and every time we try, they
Speaker 1: were busy. We want our kids to be actively involved
Speaker 1: with both sets of grandparents, but we don't know how
Speaker 1: to make that happen. Thanks Megan, Hey, good question. Megan,
Speaker 1: thanks for emailing in laws. This is a tricky one.
Speaker 1: There is a perception that people have that they want
Speaker 1: their kids to have these two sets of amazing grandparents
Speaker 1: and they go fishing and they feed chickens together, and
Speaker 1: they they learn how to drive an old truck from
Speaker 1: their grandpa. Like it's like it's the Juds country song.
Speaker 1: You know, Grandpa, tell me about the good old days. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's the perception we have in this country. And that's awesome.
Speaker 1: If you can get that, that's a blessing if you
Speaker 1: get that, But not everybody does, and you have to
Speaker 1: understand the realization that maybe that's not your family. Okay,
Speaker 1: here's an example in my family. My dad died when
Speaker 1: my daughter was two and my son was an infant.
Speaker 1: Lincoln was three months old when my dad died. The
Speaker 1: thoughts that I had my dad, he would have been
Speaker 1: an incredible grandpa. So the thoughts that I had of dad,
Speaker 1: my dad teaching Lincoln how to put a worm on
Speaker 1: a hook and taking him to his first baseball game
Speaker 1: and getting a hot dog with mustard on it and
Speaker 1: sitting in the cheap seats, good old Grandpa's stories, those
Speaker 1: are gone. Those are not part of my life. Those
Speaker 1: will not happen with my dad. So I had to
Speaker 1: get over that, Like, that's a thought that I had
Speaker 1: that I grieved over. Lincoln will never have this, London
Speaker 1: will never have this, Maverick and River will never have this,
Speaker 1: And that thought is over. Okay, that idea for me
Speaker 1: is not going to happen. Not every family gets it,
Speaker 1: so not every family is going to live the Juds song.
Speaker 1: So then we go back to you and you have
Speaker 1: the in laws that are still here, but you're struggling
Speaker 1: with them, and you're struggling with them having time, and
Speaker 1: so you have to do what's right for your family.
Speaker 1: You have to do what's right for your kids, ultimately
Speaker 1: your husband. First. You have to do what's right for
Speaker 1: your husband first and secondly for your kids. And that
Speaker 1: does not have to include the in laws or your parents.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean you have to invite them to every Christmas.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean every time they call you have to
Speaker 1: drop everything and go and strap the kids in the
Speaker 1: car seats and go see them. And you have a
Speaker 1: good intuition that they're wanting to see the kids for
Speaker 1: the wrong reasons. Now give them grace, understand where they're
Speaker 1: coming from, understand their position, give them grace in that.
Speaker 1: But you don't have to indulge them in every time
Speaker 1: they call you drop everything. You could pump the brakes
Speaker 1: on that. You see it. You have a discernment already
Speaker 1: about them, and so go with that. Go with that
Speaker 1: good discernment and say, you know what, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to take the kids over there this weekend because we
Speaker 1: already had plans. I'm so sorry, but you're welcome to
Speaker 1: come to our house. And then when they don't come,
Speaker 1: it's no big deal. If you're worried about what you
Speaker 1: have to tell your own kids, go back to what
Speaker 1: I said. Not every family gets that, And so then
Speaker 1: you pour into them and they get a good mom
Speaker 1: and a good dad. They might not have to have
Speaker 1: the grandparents. Not everybody does. It's a good question, Megan.
Speaker 1: Next question is another one that came in today. It says,
Speaker 1: subject line dating a non believer. Hey, Granger, I'm a
Speaker 1: typical thirty two year old Midwest girl from Saint Louis
Speaker 1: who has a huge heart for everyone, which can't be
Speaker 1: a downfall. Sometimes I found myself caught up in a
Speaker 1: guy who believed in God, but now tells me he's agnostic.
Speaker 1: He's a great guy whom I show, who I became
Speaker 1: so close with and thought he was even the one.
Speaker 1: I've always been a woman of faith, and I've always
Speaker 1: said that I want to date Slash Mary, a man
Speaker 1: of God. Now I think about it, and I feel
Speaker 1: like I've kind of fallen off of God's path for me?
Speaker 1: Is it him? Am I too caught up? Am I
Speaker 1: trying to figure out why we cross paths? Now? I'm
Speaker 1: just so confused. Maybe this is why I've lost sight
Speaker 1: and kind of fallen off the path. Any advice would
Speaker 1: be much appreciated. Please tell Amber Hello, Thank you, Laura, Laura,
Speaker 1: thank you for the email. You are You're right in
Speaker 1: emailing this and you are answering your own question. And
Speaker 1: I see this, guys so many times on this podcast.
Speaker 1: You email me and you're really answering your own question
Speaker 1: before I get a chance to. And that makes this
Speaker 1: podcast easy for me, because you're saying you know a
Speaker 1: guy and he's he's great, and he's agnostic, and you're
Speaker 1: a believer, and you are falling off of God's path.
Speaker 1: You feel it, and then you ask the question, is
Speaker 1: it him? When you know that it is, at least partly.
Speaker 1: What you have to think about, Laura in the situation
Speaker 1: is he's a nice guy. You're a fixer. You have
Speaker 1: a huge heart for everyone. You think, maybe I could
Speaker 1: fix this, Maybe I could turn this guy around. Maybe
Speaker 1: I could I can get him seeing what I see.
Speaker 1: Maybe when I do that, I'll get closer to God
Speaker 1: and the process. Maybe maybe God put him in my
Speaker 1: life because I need to fix him. And God put
Speaker 1: him in my life so that I could make him
Speaker 1: a believer. And that was the purpose. And that is
Speaker 1: a tough pill to swallow because what you're looking for
Speaker 1: is not a project, not someone to fix. You're not
Speaker 1: looking for a mission field. Dating is not a mission field.
Speaker 1: You're not going out to convert people through dating. You
Speaker 1: do that with your partner that you have faithful strength
Speaker 1: in together as a team. So put yourself ten years
Speaker 1: down the road and you're with this guy and you
Speaker 1: have two kids and you say, hey, babe, I want
Speaker 1: to go to church on Sunday and he goes, I
Speaker 1: ain't going to church. I don't believe in that stuff.
Speaker 1: I don't go to church, and you go, well, I
Speaker 1: want to. I believe that we should raise our kids
Speaker 1: going to church and believing in God and reading the
Speaker 1: Bible and praying it before dinner at the table at home.
Speaker 1: I believe that we should do that, and he says, great,
Speaker 1: but I don't. So you do it. But I'm just
Speaker 1: not going to be part of it. I love you,
Speaker 1: but I'm just not going to be a part of it. Laura,
Speaker 1: what do you do? Then it's too late. Then it's
Speaker 1: too late to have this discussion we're having Now. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm falling off the path. I'm struggling. And
Speaker 1: I get these kind of emails all the time with
Speaker 1: people that are ten years down the road in their
Speaker 1: marriage and they're just now seeing this. You see it now,
Speaker 1: and you're just dating. It's time to move on. It's
Speaker 1: time to move on. If there's even a hint that
Speaker 1: because of this relationship, because he's agnostic, if there's even
Speaker 1: a hint that this is causing you to be indifferent
Speaker 1: about God, to be a little stagnant about it. If
Speaker 1: there's a hint at that now while you're in the
Speaker 1: dating process, that's going to compound one hundred times in
Speaker 1: a few years, and then you're gonna have to raise
Speaker 1: kids in a split household like this, and you don't
Speaker 1: want to do that. As hard as it is for
Speaker 1: a thirty two year old Midwest girl from Saint Louis
Speaker 1: with a big heart, it's time to break his It's time. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's go to another question here, subject line looking for guidance.
Speaker 1: Hey Grange, your name is Sarah. I was hoping you
Speaker 1: can give me some wisdom. I'm a follower of Christ
Speaker 1: and I live in awe of God's grace in my
Speaker 1: life every day. I have a sister and a brother,
Speaker 1: one of which is an atheist and the other is
Speaker 1: an agnostic. Ironic back to back questions. Huh, My sister
Speaker 1: has a very hard heart. She won't even listen to
Speaker 1: talk about God. I do not push her into it,
Speaker 1: but we visit her every year, and I feel like
Speaker 1: when I'm around her, I could not listen to Christian
Speaker 1: music in the car or speak freely about God in
Speaker 1: a way to avoid any kind of strife. It is
Speaker 1: hard because Jesus is so much of my life. He's
Speaker 1: a big part of my life. He's everything. Yet I
Speaker 1: find myself changing my ways when I'm around her. I'm
Speaker 1: having a harder and harder time being around her. Because
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm allowing her disdain for Christ to
Speaker 1: have an effect on me. God calls us to love boldly,
Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm dishonoring him by making these
Speaker 1: alterations in my life, even only briefly. Am I thinking
Speaker 1: about this all wrong? How do you handle people who
Speaker 1: have such different views on life? But our family? Thanks
Speaker 1: for what you do, Sarah, interesting back to back questions,
Speaker 1: totally by accident here. So, Sarah, you're in a different
Speaker 1: situation than Laura was. Laura has a decision now where
Speaker 1: she could break it off with this boyfriend. You can't
Speaker 1: break it off with your sister, per Se. You're gonna
Speaker 1: be You're gonna be seeing her the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: And you know, the Bible says that the Gospel will
Speaker 1: come and split families intwo. It'll split sister and sister apart,
Speaker 1: It'll split brother and brother, mother and father, I mean
Speaker 1: mother and daughter and father and son. It'll split you
Speaker 1: in two, that's what it says. So what you're experiencing
Speaker 1: is so unfortunate, and I'm sad for you and it's
Speaker 1: difficult for you, but it's also biblical, and so we
Speaker 1: can't be surprised. I'm not surprised by reading it, and
Speaker 1: I don't think you're surprised by living it. The only
Speaker 1: thing you could do in this situation, as you cannot
Speaker 1: backslide at all. You cannot drift because of her, and
Speaker 1: if that's becoming a problem, then you have to find.
Speaker 1: You have to find separation from her, and you have
Speaker 1: to find in your own space, in your own time,
Speaker 1: the building of your own faith so that when you
Speaker 1: are with her you don't backslide. Now, I don't think
Speaker 1: you have to get in the car with her and
Speaker 1: crank up some Christian song and feel so proud about it.
Speaker 1: I think there's times when you go, I understand this
Speaker 1: is going to cause an argument, so I'm just not
Speaker 1: going to play the radio. I don't think that's backsliding
Speaker 1: from God or dishonoring him in any way. I don't
Speaker 1: think it is. You're just choosing in that environment to
Speaker 1: have a different tactic. And your different tactic is love her,
Speaker 1: pour into her, accept her for what she is, forgive
Speaker 1: her because you you are no better than her. You're
Speaker 1: both human, you both have flaws and I do too.
Speaker 1: You're no better because you're a Christian. That would be hypocritical.
Speaker 1: The only thing different with you and her is that
Speaker 1: you understand God's grace and his forgiveness to you and
Speaker 1: the life that He's saved with you. And that's a gift.
Speaker 1: That's a gift of grace through your faith. It's nothing
Speaker 1: you did. You didn't help enough old ladies across the street.
Speaker 1: You don't have a checklist that checks a little bit
Speaker 1: more boxes than she did. You were no better, You
Speaker 1: were forgiven, and you're a sinner, and so when you
Speaker 1: look at her, you're seeing a reflection of yourself the same.
Speaker 1: And so you forgive her like God for gave you.
Speaker 1: You understand, you hear what I'm saying. So all you
Speaker 1: could do is lover. You don't even have to preach
Speaker 1: to her. You don't have to crank up Christian songs.
Speaker 1: You could just love her and be hopeful for her
Speaker 1: and be joyful for you. And if she asks you,
Speaker 1: especially through a tough situation, what you two are going
Speaker 1: to have to go through some tough situations. Maybe you're
Speaker 1: going to lose your mother or your father one day,
Speaker 1: you probably will, and through that funeral, when you're someone
Speaker 1: that she could rely upon, when you're someone that's holding
Speaker 1: herself together through this tragic situation and she's broken. You
Speaker 1: want to be that person that she can go up
Speaker 1: to you and go, Sarah, how how are you holding
Speaker 1: yourself together? How do you have hope in this dark time?
Speaker 1: And you say, I could tell you. His name is Jesus.
Speaker 1: I could tell you right now how I have hope.
Speaker 1: And I'm no better than you, but I just see
Speaker 1: this hope and I want you to see it too.
Speaker 1: That's the witness that you could be to her, and
Speaker 1: that's what you need to be prepared to do with
Speaker 1: her and lover and be thankful that she's your sister
Speaker 1: and grateful that you're in this situation. That's what you
Speaker 1: could do. I'm gonna take a break and be right back.
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Speaker 1: back to the podcast. I have more questions are These
Speaker 1: are completely out of order and I have no idea
Speaker 1: what I'm getting into. Let me go with this one.
Speaker 1: This is interesting. Subjectline says I'm a North Texas Muslim conservative. Hey, grangeer,
Speaker 1: I'm thirty years old, single, conservative and a Muslim. I've
Speaker 1: been looking for someone to settle down with, but it
Speaker 1: seems like most people in my life are against my
Speaker 1: conservative views. For whatever reason, I feel alienated from both sides,
Speaker 1: even though the views are virtually the same. I'm not
Speaker 1: accepted by all sides, but I refuse to give up
Speaker 1: who I am, and I feel like I'll be denied
Speaker 1: for it. Your advice is much appreciated. No name associated here,
Speaker 1: so buddy, thank you. I'll see I'm assuming I'm assuming
Speaker 1: you are a okay, so I'll call you buddy. Thanks
Speaker 1: for emailing. Here's where I'm gonna go with this. You are,
Speaker 1: this is this is This is what bothers me about
Speaker 1: your email, the part that says, I refuse to give
Speaker 1: up who I am and feel like I'll be denied
Speaker 1: for it. You are expecting that there will be no
Speaker 1: compromise in a relationship with somebody. That's what you're That's
Speaker 1: what your email is saying. There is no compromise to
Speaker 1: you and who you are and what you stand for
Speaker 1: at all, and you are You were severely narrowing the
Speaker 1: gap of of who will be available to you, instead
Speaker 1: of saying something like I have an open heart and
Speaker 1: an open mind. And as I'm starting to date, I
Speaker 1: want to learn about myself as much as I learn
Speaker 1: about the other person. And through dating, as I see
Speaker 1: who I'm attracted to and who I'm not, and as
Speaker 1: I play this game of process of elimination, as I'm learning,
Speaker 1: I'm going to learn just as much about myself. And
Speaker 1: when I find that person that's right for me, that
Speaker 1: clicks with me, I will learn that there's some things
Speaker 1: in my life I can compromise, and I don't have
Speaker 1: to see eye to eye on everything. Here's an example.
Speaker 1: What if I started dating at thirty like you, and
Speaker 1: I said, I am a I'm a thirty year old
Speaker 1: country singer songwriter. I love hunting and fishing, and I'm
Speaker 1: a conservative. And if I find a girl that doesn't
Speaker 1: like any of those things and doesn't understand country music,
Speaker 1: maybe she likes pop and she doesn't understand conservative views
Speaker 1: she's liberal, or she doesn't understand hunting and fishing at all,
Speaker 1: in fact, she doesn't like it, then I want no
Speaker 1: part of her. That's that, that's not That's not a
Speaker 1: good formula for me. Right. What if I went into
Speaker 1: it and said, I'm looking for someone that that loves
Speaker 1: me and I love her, and I'm gonna have a
Speaker 1: completely open heart at the beginning. Now you're gonna narrow
Speaker 1: this down as you get the dating. We talked about
Speaker 1: that a couple of questions ago. But at the very beginning,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sit at the date and here someone go,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm just really not into fishing. I
Speaker 1: just really I don't really like fishing at all, and
Speaker 1: I'm more of a water skier. I could make a decision, right,
Speaker 1: there at the dinner table and think she's gone. She's gone.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's you see what I'm saying. I don't think.
Speaker 1: I think you're putting yourself in and too narrow of
Speaker 1: a box, and it's it's going to it's gonna really
Speaker 1: eliminate your chances on figuring out who you are. And
Speaker 1: you can do that through other people. People will tell
Speaker 1: you who you are because you'll see the reflection of
Speaker 1: yourself coming back from them. So when you're sitting at
Speaker 1: the table, you'll go, Man, everything I'm saying to this
Speaker 1: person is a little bit crazy because I see the
Speaker 1: reaction from this person coming back at me. Maybe I
Speaker 1: should tone it down a little bit. Maybe I should
Speaker 1: refute the idea of refusing to give up who I
Speaker 1: am and feel like I'll be denied for it. I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people do that. I think this
Speaker 1: country is full of people that that stand by something
Speaker 1: because they believe the Aaron Tippins song, you got to
Speaker 1: stand for something or you'll fall for anything. I don't know.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of that I believe, and I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about the American flag. I'm talking about everything else.
Speaker 1: That we have to take a side on like, when
Speaker 1: you claim to be conservative, what that means really, especially
Speaker 1: if you're a politician, is that you have to take
Speaker 1: a side on every single conservative issue, and if you
Speaker 1: change your mind on one of them, one of them,
Speaker 1: then you're not a true conservative. So if you're a
Speaker 1: politician running for office, you have to check every single
Speaker 1: box on the right side, every single one. Are you're
Speaker 1: wrong or you shouldn't be in that party. And we
Speaker 1: as citizens take on that same attitude, and we're like, man,
Speaker 1: I believe I believe this and this and this and
Speaker 1: this and this from the Conservative party. But on the
Speaker 1: mask issue, I can go either way. And then someone
Speaker 1: looks at you, go then you're not a conservative. Get
Speaker 1: out of here. You know what I mean. And I'm
Speaker 1: not taking sides. I'm just saying it's interesting that we
Speaker 1: have to check every box on the right or the left,
Speaker 1: or we're not either one truly, and so we choose
Speaker 1: to check all the boxes. It's easier to just check
Speaker 1: all the boxes because we sleep better at night because
Speaker 1: we're herd animals. As humans, you know, we love to
Speaker 1: get in our pack and stay in our pack. Don't
Speaker 1: leave the pack, you'll get killed. There's wolves out there.
Speaker 1: That's what we think, that's how we operate. So, Buddy,
Speaker 1: I think it's a great question, and I don't think
Speaker 1: that I don't. I think a lot of people agree
Speaker 1: with you. But I would encourage you to take that
Speaker 1: last sentence out and instead of saying I refuse to
Speaker 1: give up who I am, changed that too. I'm going
Speaker 1: into looking for a relationship with an open mind and
Speaker 1: an open heart, and there might be somebody out there
Speaker 1: that could change some of my mind. I'm open to that.
Speaker 1: I'm open to someone that could change my mind on
Speaker 1: a few things. There's a couple of things I won't
Speaker 1: change my mind on ever, but there's other things I
Speaker 1: could hear them out and maybe I'll be better for it.
Speaker 1: Let's consider that. Here's another one subject line says, respecting
Speaker 1: my mom's wishes, Hey Granger, I'd like to stay inonymous.
Speaker 1: I'm a fan from Ontario, Canada. Thank you for all
Speaker 1: your work on this podcast. I'm thinking about getting my
Speaker 1: first tattoo, something small, simple, meaningful, easily hidden, something just
Speaker 1: for me. However, I hesitate because I'm also a Christian
Speaker 1: in the Christian community, and they frowned upon it. Additionally,
Speaker 1: my mom would be disappointed if I got one. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty five, I'm not living at home anymore, so I
Speaker 1: know it's completely not It is completely my choice, But
Speaker 1: I'm looking for some advice. Am I disrespecting my mom
Speaker 1: by going ahead and getting one? Is it okay to
Speaker 1: keep it hidden? Or is that being really dishonest with
Speaker 1: those who actually care? Yeah, I'm anonymous. Shout out to
Speaker 1: Ontario Love Ontario. My straight up advice to you is
Speaker 1: don't get a tattoo. Don't and I'll tell you why.
Speaker 1: Because you're you're wanting to get one, but you don't
Speaker 1: know what yet. You want it to be simple and meaningful,
Speaker 1: and you also want it to be hidden. Then why
Speaker 1: would you want to do that to yourself? Why would
Speaker 1: you want to get a permanent mark on your body
Speaker 1: for a temporary idea. If you came to me and said,
Speaker 1: I have a very specific idea and I want it
Speaker 1: to be known, like look, look on my arm right
Speaker 1: here says river. That is a very specific meaning that
Speaker 1: I had that I want people to see the word
Speaker 1: river on my arm. And when I play shows and
Speaker 1: I play guitar, I want people to see river, and
Speaker 1: I want to see it when I look in the mirror,
Speaker 1: and I want to want to look down because it
Speaker 1: is very meaningful to me. I will not hide this.
Speaker 1: I've never hidden my river tattoo in any environment that
Speaker 1: I've been in, Okay, and that's with all the tattoos
Speaker 1: on me. Twenty five is too young, I think, in
Speaker 1: my opinion, you got to be thirty. That's just my opinion.
Speaker 1: And you need to know exactly what it is, and
Speaker 1: it's something not an idea, but it's concrete. This is
Speaker 1: what you're gonna do, and you don't care if the
Speaker 1: world sees it. This is not something you need to hide.
Speaker 1: So if you want to hide it and you don't
Speaker 1: know what it is yet, don't do it. Because you could,
Speaker 1: trust me, you could think of something. You can go
Speaker 1: to the tattoo parlor right now and just say I'm
Speaker 1: looking for something small and meaningful and easily hidden and simple,
Speaker 1: and they're going to go, here's a book, look through it.
Speaker 1: What do you want? You want to cross? You want
Speaker 1: to you want mom? You know I mean, and you're
Speaker 1: gonna go, Yeah, I guess Across is cool. I like
Speaker 1: Jesus is cool. And that's not enough. That's not enough
Speaker 1: for me, Secondly, you're twenty five and you're living apart
Speaker 1: from your mother, but still there's an idea of respecting
Speaker 1: your mother's wishes and honoring your mother, and she doesn't
Speaker 1: want you to. And so without you having a concrete
Speaker 1: idea something that's very important to you, I wouldn't go
Speaker 1: against her wishes and dishonor her, especially if something that
Speaker 1: you just want to hide. I think I just I
Speaker 1: feel like you're going to regret this. I feel like
Speaker 1: you're going to be in fifteen years, you're going to
Speaker 1: be at the tattoo removal place getting it off and
Speaker 1: saying I'm forty years old now and when I was
Speaker 1: twenty five, I don't know why I wanted to do this,
Speaker 1: but now I just wanted off me. It was a
Speaker 1: bad idea, and I hate trying to hide it all
Speaker 1: the time. I hate going to a dinner, a nice dinner,
Speaker 1: and I'm wearing a dress and I can't hide it.
Speaker 1: I hate that feeling. So don't do it. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: my advice. The next one that just popped up, subjectline
Speaker 1: says struggling with life. Hey, Gran, your my name is Chase.
Speaker 1: I'm a college student in Arizona, I just started listening
Speaker 1: to your podcast, and I love the wisdom advice you shared.
Speaker 1: The past couple of years, I feel like life has
Speaker 1: only chewed me up and spit me out time and
Speaker 1: time again. Months back, my girlfriend left me and all
Speaker 1: my friends have turned on me. Though they were the
Speaker 1: wrong people I needed in my life, I could not
Speaker 1: let go. Struggle to make new friends that don't just
Speaker 1: end up using me for their own profit. I also
Speaker 1: struggle with overthinking everything. I could have told you that.
Speaker 1: I try to relinkish things and go back to God
Speaker 1: as I've believed my whole life. But for the past year,
Speaker 1: I've strayed so far and do not know what I
Speaker 1: genuinely believe anymore. I'm not sure what they do anymore.
Speaker 1: Any advice? Ye ye, Chase, Buddy Chase, thanks for the email. Man,
Speaker 1: Let me go. Let me go with a couple of things.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start by saying. First, I'm gonna start by saying,
Speaker 1: I love you, Bro, thanks for emailing much respect. The
Speaker 1: second thing I'm gonna say is, Bro, you're feeling way
Speaker 1: too sorry for yourself. You're feeling way too sorry for yourself.
Speaker 1: You've got to get over it. You gotta get over
Speaker 1: feeling sorry for yourself. Dude, Okay, your girlfriend left you,
Speaker 1: all your friends turned on you. You You can't make new
Speaker 1: friends because they just want to use you. Get over
Speaker 1: your bro. You have a too high of an expectation
Speaker 1: of everyone around you and what you expect them to
Speaker 1: bring and add to your life, and you're not. In
Speaker 1: my opinion, you're not giving them enough. You're not putting
Speaker 1: out and serving enough from you. You're expecting to be
Speaker 1: filled and you're not doing any filling. And you're expecting
Speaker 1: to be filled. You're like, I need friends because I
Speaker 1: need them to fill me. I need I need friends
Speaker 1: because I want them to make me feel good because
Speaker 1: I don't feel good. I don't even know what to believe.
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I believe in God anymore.
Speaker 1: So I need friends and girlfriends to come and feel me,
Speaker 1: to make me feel good. And you're not gonna get
Speaker 1: anywhere with that thought. Man, you're not, Like I said,
Speaker 1: with all due respect, I appreciate you emailing you, but
Speaker 1: you're not gonna get anywhere with that thought. You have
Speaker 1: to go into friendships going I'm gonna pour into them,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask them if I could buy the pizza.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask them if they want to go to
Speaker 1: a movie. I'm gonna ask them if they want to
Speaker 1: go out on Friday night and I'll drive. And then
Speaker 1: if they don't talk to me that much, or if
Speaker 1: they're in a click and they're chit chatting with each
Speaker 1: other too much, I'm not gonna take offense to that.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pour in more. I'm gonna vite them next
Speaker 1: Friday night, and I'm not gonna go home and feel
Speaker 1: sorry for myself. You speak of God as though it's
Speaker 1: like the third or fourth option to make you feel good,
Speaker 1: Like I guess I just try to relinquish things and
Speaker 1: go back to God. That's what you said. But the
Speaker 1: past year are strayed so far, and I don't even
Speaker 1: know what I believe anymore. Okay, that's kind of a
Speaker 1: that's kind of an issue. Like that's kind of a
Speaker 1: thing right there, right, Like that's a big sentence. You
Speaker 1: said it so easily, you typed it, But dude, I
Speaker 1: think that's a big thing. Like it. It's this idea
Speaker 1: that if God, if God is real and he created
Speaker 1: the universe and he created you, and he knows every
Speaker 1: hair on your head, and he formed you in your
Speaker 1: mother's womb, and he knows you all the way till
Speaker 1: your last day on earth. He knows what you're gonna
Speaker 1: do on every day in between. Like that's the sovereign
Speaker 1: God that the Bible says that he is. So if
Speaker 1: we take that at face value and we believe that,
Speaker 1: then we go God. I trust you, I believe you.
Speaker 1: I have faith in you. I don't have faith in me.
Speaker 1: All I do is mess up. But you said that
Speaker 1: I would. He said that I'm just a man. You
Speaker 1: said I have flaws. So I trust you, not me.
Speaker 1: I don't trust my own heart, it deceives me. I
Speaker 1: don't trust my own instincts or my own work ethic
Speaker 1: or my own will just fails. Let's I trust you.
Speaker 1: And if you don't chase, if you don't, which to
Speaker 1: some degree none of us do totally. But if you don't,
Speaker 1: and if you're if you're straying away and you don't
Speaker 1: know what you believe anymore, then you don't believe in
Speaker 1: God at all, not the one that the Bible says
Speaker 1: that he is, not the one that created everything. So
Speaker 1: then you gotta kind of start there, like before you
Speaker 1: get to friends and girlfriends and jobs and work and hobbies.
Speaker 1: You kind of got to start there and go, I
Speaker 1: need to I need to sort this out, this whole
Speaker 1: God thing, because I believed my whole life, and I
Speaker 1: don't know if I believe anymore. So I should probably
Speaker 1: straighten this out. And if you're like me, then you go,
Speaker 1: what does that mean? What does that mean to straighten
Speaker 1: things out? Well, let's go backwards. Let's go all the
Speaker 1: way back to creation. Let's go all the way back
Speaker 1: to the universe when it was nothing and then it
Speaker 1: was something, and then it was the earth, and then
Speaker 1: the earth was green, and there was water and oceans
Speaker 1: and animals, dinosaurs and birds. Right then there was man. Okay,
Speaker 1: where did that come from? Evolution? You think that came
Speaker 1: from evolution? How? Okay, let's back up again. How did
Speaker 1: something come from nothing? We have to answer that question.
Speaker 1: And then you got a lot more to things to
Speaker 1: explain all around you. And then you got to explain
Speaker 1: why the Bible is here and why people read it,
Speaker 1: and why it's influenced cultures for thousands of years, and
Speaker 1: why it speaks as if it's talking in historical terms.
Speaker 1: It's giving names and places and dates specifically written by
Speaker 1: many authors at the same time period, and we have
Speaker 1: found the remnants of those original writings. So we got
Speaker 1: to explain all that. Were they all lying? Was this
Speaker 1: a big hoax? Impossible? You can't use a hoax theory.
Speaker 1: It's impossible. How would you explain that people from all
Speaker 1: different countries writing eyewitnesses that saw things happen and recording
Speaker 1: it in exact same ways. We have to account for this.
Speaker 1: And so if we do, then we go back forward again,
Speaker 1: like a roller coaster. We're back at the beginning again,
Speaker 1: and we go okay, well, okay, well yeah, I guess
Speaker 1: I believe. Then if you do believe, then here we
Speaker 1: are back at the train station. Here we go starting again.
Speaker 1: Then you have to believe that God made you, formed
Speaker 1: you in your mother's womb, knows every hair on your
Speaker 1: head and all the days of your life till the
Speaker 1: very end, and he has a plan for you, and
Speaker 1: he has a purpose, and you trust that. See that's
Speaker 1: the way my brain works, Like I have to think
Speaker 1: analytically about this. I can't just take Romans twelve and
Speaker 1: read it and go duh, I believe, I believe. I
Speaker 1: can't my brain has to go. I need to think
Speaker 1: more about it. I need to think more. I need
Speaker 1: to go backwards in history. I need to go forward
Speaker 1: in my mind. I need to look at everything around me.
Speaker 1: I have to figure this out. We're all different and
Speaker 1: we all kind of sort through this differently. But that's
Speaker 1: what I want to encourage you with, Chase. You got
Speaker 1: a lot to think about. Brother, Just don't feel sorry
Speaker 1: for yourself. Man, I got off on a tangent on
Speaker 1: that one, didn't I let's hit another subject. Client says,
Speaker 1: being a man, this should be interesting. Hey Grander, my
Speaker 1: name is Nathan. I'm twenty one years old from New Mexico.
Speaker 1: First off, just wanted to start by saying I love
Speaker 1: your music and your podcast. A big fan of you.
Speaker 1: I have a five month old baby girl, excuse me,
Speaker 1: five month old baby and a girlfriend yet to get
Speaker 1: married because me and her are scared to get a divorce.
Speaker 1: I've seen a lot of people get divorced, including my parents,
Speaker 1: which left a hole in my life. As for my
Speaker 1: five month old baby, I don't want to follow my parents'
Speaker 1: footsteps and I want to be there for my baby
Speaker 1: girl each step of her life. And I want to
Speaker 1: become the best dad I possibly can. It's become difficult
Speaker 1: to go to work. It's become difficult to go to
Speaker 1: work and handle what I have because of I'm so
Speaker 1: stressed and the daily emotions to become a dad for
Speaker 1: her and be the best I can for my daughter.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm trying to read this. I'm sorry I'm
Speaker 1: trying to read what you wrote here. I also have
Speaker 1: to worry about fixing the house, paying the bills, fixing
Speaker 1: the car, making sure I have enough money to support
Speaker 1: my family. It's become very difficult to take control of
Speaker 1: all that and really become a man. I really appreciate
Speaker 1: your time reading this. Have a great day, Nathan. Okay, Nathan, dude,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Shout out to New Mexico. Thank you
Speaker 1: for emailing. I see a major flaw in this email.
Speaker 1: Here's the deal. Let me just spit this out as
Speaker 1: clearly as I can. You have the girl, and you
Speaker 1: have the baby girl, and you don't want to get
Speaker 1: married yet because you're scared of divorce, and you're scared
Speaker 1: of divorce because you don't want to split up the
Speaker 1: biological parents of your baby girl. But do you see
Speaker 1: what I'm getting at here, you already have the baby
Speaker 1: girl and you already have the biological parents together. So
Speaker 1: if you choose to not get married and split now,
Speaker 1: what's the difference to the baby girl and splitting now
Speaker 1: or getting a divorce later and splitting as a divorce
Speaker 1: like that's just a legal document, the divorce papers. But
Speaker 1: to your baby girl, mommy and daddy are not together.
Speaker 1: So your end goal you're trying to accomplish is you
Speaker 1: want baby girl to have mommy and daddy together. That
Speaker 1: only means that only means you marry this married the mama.
Speaker 1: You marry the baby mama. That's to accomplish what you're saying.
Speaker 1: Your subject line says, being a man, Do you want
Speaker 1: to be a man? Marry the baby mama marrier, That's
Speaker 1: how you be a man. I could summ up everything,
Speaker 1: all these problems of house bills and fixing cars. That's life.
Speaker 1: Everyone listening to this podcast understands that. And so you
Speaker 1: fight through it, and you fight for your marriage, and
Speaker 1: you fight for baby mama, and you fight for your
Speaker 1: baby girl, and you pay the bills as you get
Speaker 1: them the best that you can, and you take on
Speaker 1: a second job if you have to. You move if
Speaker 1: you have to, You do what you can. Life is
Speaker 1: a battle. You're in a battle right now. This is
Speaker 1: not all roses. The baby girl is here. You can't.
Speaker 1: You don't have the liberty of making the decision to
Speaker 1: be single man anymore because she's here. So if you
Speaker 1: want to support her the best that she needs, she
Speaker 1: needs you to stay together with biological mother. That's what
Speaker 1: she needs. There is no better solution for her than
Speaker 1: to you to get married right now. Go to the
Speaker 1: courthouse and get married tomorrow after you hear this podcast.
Speaker 1: There is no better way. There is no alternate solution
Speaker 1: to this. There is no better woman out there that
Speaker 1: you eventually find and date and marry and she becomes
Speaker 1: the stepmother that is not as good as biological Mama. Today,
Speaker 1: I don't think I could say anything more clearly to you,
Speaker 1: with all respect, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl, your
Speaker 1: beautiful five month old baby girl with a huge future
Speaker 1: ahead of her, and she needs mommy and daddy together
Speaker 1: for her. Regardless of what your heart tells you, your
Speaker 1: heart is deceiving you. That's what the Bible says. Could
Speaker 1: prove that. It doesn't just take the Bible to see
Speaker 1: that our hearts deceive us. We want to follow, and
Speaker 1: people say follow your heart. That's lying to you, dude.
Speaker 1: Things Think where that gets people when they follow their heart?
Speaker 1: Where does that get people in this world? Three or
Speaker 1: four divorces is want to get them to following your
Speaker 1: heart feels good in the moment and then ten years
Speaker 1: later your heart goes Nah, never mind. I got another idea.
Speaker 1: Are you gonna follow it? Then? Marry baby mama, raise
Speaker 1: your girl the right way, and you'll be a man.
Speaker 1: Thank you, guys, Sorry for the Sorry for the rants today.
Speaker 1: Love y'all. See you Monday. Ye thanks for joining me
Speaker 1: on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer,
Speaker 1: or email granger Smith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yeh