WEBVTT - #133 You can’t avoid this pain 0:00:00.600 --> 0:00:06.160 We have to live life as though there is no tomorrow. 0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:10.719 Don't skate through life with a guarded heart, afraid of 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:13.680 any pain that might come. You can't live like that. 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:17.400 You can't live life in the shadows away from the pain, 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:31.680 because there's no life in that. What's up, guys, Welcome 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:33.479 to the podcast. This is one of my favorite things 0:00:33.520 --> 0:00:35.680 to do. One of my favorite times of the week 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:38.559 is to sit here with you. I walk through your 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:42.360 questions that could be about anything in life. Email Grangersmith 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:45.600 Podcast at gmail dot com and I'll get to yours. 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:47.320 Put yours in the queue. I have a whole bunch 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:50.040 today and I have no idea what they say. So 0:00:50.120 --> 0:00:52.680 I used to kind of get these organized and make 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:54.520 sure that I had, you know, the ones that I 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:56.200 wanted to start with and the ones that I wanted 0:00:56.200 --> 0:00:59.720 to finish with. But these days I don't do that. 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:02.440 I am totally unprepared, no notes in front of me. 0:01:02.720 --> 0:01:05.280 We're going to walk through this stuff as if me 0:01:05.319 --> 0:01:06.720 and you are sitting in the cab of a truck 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:10.880 and having a good old friendly conversation. I'm not a therapist, 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:13.640 I'm not a counselor. I've not been trained in psychology. 0:01:14.160 --> 0:01:17.760 So everything I say is just coming from friend advice, 0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:19.959 So to just take that as you will. This is 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:23.280 friend advice, nothing more. You could take it or leave it. 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:25.880 I'm not always right, but I like to talk about 0:01:25.880 --> 0:01:29.520 it with you, and it's become a very interesting platform 0:01:29.560 --> 0:01:33.240 for me. This has become a very popular podcast. It's 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:35.640 always high on the charts of podcasts, which blows me 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:38.479 away because I'm really saying nothing about me. I'm saying 0:01:38.520 --> 0:01:43.280 everything about you. So let's jump into this, the first 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:46.240 one here on the list. It actually came an hour 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:50.640 ago today, and the subject line says Summer Love. Hey Grangers. 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:53.160 I'm seventeen years old. I'm from Cape May, New Jersey, 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:55.480 and my family owns a restaurant. There is a girl 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:58.840 if I could have a nickel every time I heard 0:01:58.840 --> 0:02:01.520 that on this podcast. There is a girl that's an 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:03.640 employee and I love her and I would do anything 0:02:03.640 --> 0:02:05.040 for her. And I don't know if she loves me, 0:02:05.680 --> 0:02:07.920 but she likes me and we go on dates. We 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:10.720 both would not want a serious relationship, but I went 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:13.560 to prom with her and I've gone on a couple 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:16.560 of dates with her in the summer. Whenever she comes 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:18.520 down in June and then leaves for college in August. 0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:20.800 I have an upcoming date with her in June, but 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:23.640 I think I should break it off so that it 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:25.880 could save me from the pain. Or should I write 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:30.360 out the relationship until she leaves. This is like the 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:35.120 scenario straight out of an eighties movie Summer Love. So 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:38.720 many songs were written about this. This comes from Christian 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:44.560 by the way, Christian seventeen Summer Love. You're basically at 0:02:44.600 --> 0:02:49.280 camp and own your parents, own a restaurant, and she 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:51.320 comes in June and then leaves for college in August. 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:53.840 This is straight out of a country song from nineteen 0:02:53.919 --> 0:02:58.040 ninety five. I think it was called Strawberry Wine. Just kidding. 0:02:58.040 --> 0:03:00.720 There's a lot of them. Let's walk through it. So 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:04.440 your main question here is should you break it off 0:03:04.480 --> 0:03:07.320 to save yourself from the pain, or should you write 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:11.520 it out until she leaves? So this is an analogy 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:14.560 for life itself so much so. And then there's a 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:18.160 couple of layers to this. The first thing I would 0:03:18.160 --> 0:03:21.040 say before anything is you're seventeen Christian, protect your heart, 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:23.960 Guard your heart, Guard your heart. Don't just give it 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:26.600 away to anybody, especially if you know there might not 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:29.480 be a future. There may be, but there might not be. 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:34.480 And you're young and she's young, and you're seeing it 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:36.960 as it is, which is great. You're asking the right 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:41.120 questions and you're seeing it as it is. Right, So 0:03:41.240 --> 0:03:44.680 guard your heart knowing that, don't give it away to her, 0:03:44.720 --> 0:03:48.240 don't give her everything, don't tell her you love her. 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:51.840 Maybe you have already, but don't tell her. Don't tell 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:54.320 her anymore. If you have already, you told me, and 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:59.119 that's okay. I'll take it. So while you're guarding your heart, 0:03:59.120 --> 0:04:01.720 there's a second layer here. This is a big one 0:04:01.760 --> 0:04:08.440 for life itself. We have to live life as though 0:04:10.120 --> 0:04:14.600 there is no tomorrow. So you realize why I said 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:17.640 guard your heart first. I said that first. But the 0:04:17.720 --> 0:04:21.960 second component is don't skate through life with a guarded heart, 0:04:22.440 --> 0:04:26.240 afraid of any pain that might come. You can't live 0:04:26.320 --> 0:04:29.599 like that. You can't live life in the shadows away 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:33.720 from the pain, because there's no life in that. There's 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:38.520 no fulfillment in that. Trying to have a life that's 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:42.120 painless is first of all impossible, and second of all, 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:46.120 it's bland. You're gonna miss everything that's happened around you. 0:04:45.960 --> 0:04:50.320 If you've lived in a world where you never saw pain, 0:04:50.920 --> 0:04:52.960 then you would never have a chance to grow, you 0:04:52.960 --> 0:04:55.640 would never get better, and that's not a place you 0:04:55.640 --> 0:04:59.240 want to be. So no, I don't think you should 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:03.279 cut this off because you know she's leaving in August. 0:05:03.400 --> 0:05:06.040 I don't think you should cut it off to hide 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:08.039 from some kind of pain that might come in. I 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:10.799 don't blame you for thinking that. I'm I'm just telling 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:13.479 you from the outside looking in, from our perspective, me 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:16.120 and you riding together in a truck talking about this, 0:05:17.200 --> 0:05:21.280 I would say, you live it, and you be seventeen, 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:25.360 and you go in these dates with her, and you're 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:26.920 gonna take this with you the rest of your life. 0:05:26.920 --> 0:05:30.240 You're gonna learn so much from this while you're guarding 0:05:30.279 --> 0:05:33.599 your heart, You're going to learn so much from this. 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:35.760 You remember the Garth Brooks song the dance. The whole 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:40.400 concept of the dance is I could have missed the pain, 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:45.320 but I'd have had to miss the dance, And you 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:47.640 wouldn't want to miss that for the world. You wouldn't 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:49.719 want to miss that. You wouldn't want to miss this summer, 0:05:49.800 --> 0:05:54.240 the summer of seventeen, with this girl in this environment, 0:05:55.520 --> 0:05:57.680 while you're guarding your heart. You don't want to miss that, 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:02.960 so go for it. You're going to learn something. Maybe 0:06:02.960 --> 0:06:06.160 there's something for you guys together in the future. Maybe 0:06:06.200 --> 0:06:08.160 she gets out of college and you still miss her, 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:10.400 and she still misses you, and you guys end up 0:06:10.400 --> 0:06:12.560 in the same town and you get married and that's 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:16.359 happily ever after type story. Maybe you don't, maybe you 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:19.000 forget about her, but you learned from this, and you 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:21.720 learned what you wanted out of a girl, and she 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:24.000 wanted she learned what she wanted out of a guy. 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:28.200 Don't miss the pain. Don't ever skip the pain. Live it, 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:32.080 live through it, not worried if you're going to get 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:39.120 hurt or not. Second question, subject line says I need 0:06:39.160 --> 0:06:42.440 your help. Hey buddy, my name is Mason. I'm fifteen 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:45.719 years old from Mississippi. I recently ended a relationship with 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:48.440 my girlfriend so that I could better myself physically and 0:06:48.480 --> 0:06:51.120 get closer to God. The relationship was very stressful and 0:06:51.160 --> 0:06:53.520 I felt like it was getting nowhere. The girl I 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:56.080 broke up with has now moved on already. Just a 0:06:56.080 --> 0:06:58.160 week after I ended it, I found out she'd been 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:00.640 dating this guy for two months while we dating. I'm 0:07:00.720 --> 0:07:03.039 very broken over this and I'm gonna slump. What do 0:07:03.080 --> 0:07:06.240 you suggest? It says in one more thing, if I 0:07:06.240 --> 0:07:08.120 have feelings for a girl that isn't close to me, 0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:09.920 how do I express my feelings for her in a 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:15.040 way that doesn't come off as creepy? Okay, there's multiple 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:17.560 questions here. One is how do you get over a girl? 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:19.400 And the second question is how do you get into 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:22.840 another relationship? So because of those two questions, I'm gonna 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:26.480 cancel it out and say, buddy, you're fifteen. You don't 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:30.720 need to be in a relationship right now. Nope, you 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:33.679 you were right in thinking that you needed to better 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:37.280 yourself physically and get closer to God. So go back 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:40.680 to that thought, and let's just erase the last thing 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:42.280 that you wrote. If I have feelings for a girl 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:43.800 that isn't close to me, now, how to express my 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:46.440 feelings in a way that doesn't come off creepy. Yeah, 0:07:46.480 --> 0:07:50.920 you're you're already being creepy, and that's that's nothing to you, Mason. 0:07:50.960 --> 0:07:53.520 This is your name, Mason. That's nothing against you. I 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:56.000 was once fifteen, I was once you. So there's nothing 0:07:56.480 --> 0:07:58.960 that you're saying that's wrong. But I'm saying from my 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:01.440 seat looking at you in the cab of this truck. 0:08:01.920 --> 0:08:03.640 You don't need to be dating right now. You don't 0:08:03.640 --> 0:08:07.119 need to be worried about advice on talking to another girl. 0:08:08.600 --> 0:08:11.080 Just go back to that thought of bettering yourself and 0:08:11.120 --> 0:08:15.360 getting closer to God. You're out of the stressful relationship. 0:08:16.000 --> 0:08:19.560 She found somebody else. Hey, that's somebody else's problem. Now, 0:08:20.160 --> 0:08:23.200 that's somebody else's stress. Now, good on you. You're in 0:08:23.240 --> 0:08:28.120 a good place. You don't have that stress anymore. Congratulations, 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:32.080 that's a victory somebody else. Right now, as we speak, 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:35.520 as I'm doing this podcast, somebody is stressing over that girl, 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:42.160 and it's not you. Good job, brother, Stay single, you're fifteen. 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:48.720 Stay single. Next question septic Line says in laws. Hey, Granger, 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:50.559 how do you deal with in laws that don't want 0:08:50.600 --> 0:08:52.760 to be involved with their grandkids other than when it's 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:55.599 convenient for a social media post. They never want to 0:08:55.640 --> 0:08:59.000 spend time with them, but always guilt their son about 0:08:59.000 --> 0:09:01.520 wanting to see them, and every time we try, they 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:04.200 were busy. We want our kids to be actively involved 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:06.319 with both sets of grandparents, but we don't know how 0:09:06.360 --> 0:09:10.040 to make that happen. Thanks Megan, Hey, good question. Megan, 0:09:10.040 --> 0:09:14.559 thanks for emailing in laws. This is a tricky one. 0:09:14.760 --> 0:09:19.520 There is a perception that people have that they want 0:09:19.559 --> 0:09:24.719 their kids to have these two sets of amazing grandparents 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:30.280 and they go fishing and they feed chickens together, and 0:09:29.240 --> 0:09:32.800 they they learn how to drive an old truck from 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:37.360 their grandpa. Like it's like it's the Juds country song. 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:41.760 You know, Grandpa, tell me about the good old days. Okay, 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:46.360 that's the perception we have in this country. And that's awesome. 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:48.680 If you can get that, that's a blessing if you 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:53.000 get that, But not everybody does, and you have to 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:59.280 understand the realization that maybe that's not your family. Okay, 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:05.520 here's an example in my family. My dad died when 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:08.360 my daughter was two and my son was an infant. 0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:11.680 Lincoln was three months old when my dad died. The 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:15.640 thoughts that I had my dad, he would have been 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:20.040 an incredible grandpa. So the thoughts that I had of dad, 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:22.960 my dad teaching Lincoln how to put a worm on 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:26.840 a hook and taking him to his first baseball game 0:10:26.880 --> 0:10:28.920 and getting a hot dog with mustard on it and 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:33.440 sitting in the cheap seats, good old Grandpa's stories, those 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:36.440 are gone. Those are not part of my life. Those 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:39.440 will not happen with my dad. So I had to 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:41.720 get over that, Like, that's a thought that I had 0:10:41.760 --> 0:10:46.080 that I grieved over. Lincoln will never have this, London 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:48.480 will never have this, Maverick and River will never have this, 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:53.960 And that thought is over. Okay, that idea for me 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:57.240 is not going to happen. Not every family gets it, 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:00.400 so not every family is going to live the Juds song. 0:11:02.000 --> 0:11:04.240 So then we go back to you and you have 0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:07.840 the in laws that are still here, but you're struggling 0:11:07.840 --> 0:11:10.280 with them, and you're struggling with them having time, and 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:13.040 so you have to do what's right for your family. 0:11:13.280 --> 0:11:15.760 You have to do what's right for your kids, ultimately 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:17.840 your husband. First. You have to do what's right for 0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:21.319 your husband first and secondly for your kids. And that 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:25.480 does not have to include the in laws or your parents. 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:28.360 It doesn't mean you have to invite them to every Christmas. 0:11:28.559 --> 0:11:30.200 It doesn't mean every time they call you have to 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.680 drop everything and go and strap the kids in the 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:36.840 car seats and go see them. And you have a 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:40.000 good intuition that they're wanting to see the kids for 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:44.319 the wrong reasons. Now give them grace, understand where they're 0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:47.880 coming from, understand their position, give them grace in that. 0:11:48.520 --> 0:11:50.680 But you don't have to indulge them in every time 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:54.480 they call you drop everything. You could pump the brakes 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:57.840 on that. You see it. You have a discernment already 0:11:57.920 --> 0:12:00.520 about them, and so go with that. Go with that 0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:04.640 good discernment and say, you know what, I'm not going 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:07.319 to take the kids over there this weekend because we 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:09.760 already had plans. I'm so sorry, but you're welcome to 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:12.520 come to our house. And then when they don't come, 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:18.600 it's no big deal. If you're worried about what you 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:21.440 have to tell your own kids, go back to what 0:12:21.520 --> 0:12:25.439 I said. Not every family gets that, And so then 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:28.000 you pour into them and they get a good mom 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:30.360 and a good dad. They might not have to have 0:12:30.400 --> 0:12:34.319 the grandparents. Not everybody does. It's a good question, Megan. 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:41.920 Next question is another one that came in today. It says, 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:46.520 subject line dating a non believer. Hey, Granger, I'm a 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:49.040 typical thirty two year old Midwest girl from Saint Louis 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:51.440 who has a huge heart for everyone, which can't be 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:54.200 a downfall. Sometimes I found myself caught up in a 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:57.439 guy who believed in God, but now tells me he's agnostic. 0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:02.800 He's a great guy whom I show, who I became 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:05.880 so close with and thought he was even the one. 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:09.079 I've always been a woman of faith, and I've always 0:13:09.080 --> 0:13:11.680 said that I want to date Slash Mary, a man 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:14.600 of God. Now I think about it, and I feel 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:16.520 like I've kind of fallen off of God's path for me? 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:18.680 Is it him? Am I too caught up? Am I 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:21.640 trying to figure out why we cross paths? Now? I'm 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:24.000 just so confused. Maybe this is why I've lost sight 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:26.840 and kind of fallen off the path. Any advice would 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:31.800 be much appreciated. Please tell Amber Hello, Thank you, Laura, Laura, 0:13:31.840 --> 0:13:36.840 thank you for the email. You are You're right in 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:41.600 emailing this and you are answering your own question. And 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:44.760 I see this, guys so many times on this podcast. 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:48.360 You email me and you're really answering your own question 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:52.080 before I get a chance to. And that makes this 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:55.840 podcast easy for me, because you're saying you know a 0:13:55.920 --> 0:14:00.280 guy and he's he's great, and he's agnostic, and you're 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:03.600 a believer, and you are falling off of God's path. 0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:06.080 You feel it, and then you ask the question, is 0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:15.480 it him? When you know that it is, at least partly. 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:19.840 What you have to think about, Laura in the situation 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:25.640 is he's a nice guy. You're a fixer. You have 0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:29.440 a huge heart for everyone. You think, maybe I could 0:14:29.440 --> 0:14:32.200 fix this, Maybe I could turn this guy around. Maybe 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:34.680 I could I can get him seeing what I see. 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:37.520 Maybe when I do that, I'll get closer to God 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:39.880 and the process. Maybe maybe God put him in my 0:14:39.920 --> 0:14:42.880 life because I need to fix him. And God put 0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:44.360 him in my life so that I could make him 0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:48.200 a believer. And that was the purpose. And that is 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:52.040 a tough pill to swallow because what you're looking for 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:55.560 is not a project, not someone to fix. You're not 0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:59.760 looking for a mission field. Dating is not a mission field. 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:05.160 You're not going out to convert people through dating. You 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:09.560 do that with your partner that you have faithful strength 0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:14.160 in together as a team. So put yourself ten years 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:15.400 down the road and you're with this guy and you 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:19.280 have two kids and you say, hey, babe, I want 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:21.120 to go to church on Sunday and he goes, I 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:23.960 ain't going to church. I don't believe in that stuff. 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.560 I don't go to church, and you go, well, I 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:29.520 want to. I believe that we should raise our kids 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:32.320 going to church and believing in God and reading the 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:35.440 Bible and praying it before dinner at the table at home. 0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:38.560 I believe that we should do that, and he says, great, 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:41.880 but I don't. So you do it. But I'm just 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:43.680 not going to be part of it. I love you, 0:15:43.800 --> 0:15:46.600 but I'm just not going to be a part of it. Laura, 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:52.880 what do you do? Then it's too late. Then it's 0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:54.920 too late to have this discussion we're having Now. I 0:15:54.920 --> 0:15:57.720 feel like I'm falling off the path. I'm struggling. And 0:15:57.800 --> 0:16:00.120 I get these kind of emails all the time with 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:01.760 people that are ten years down the road in their 0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:05.120 marriage and they're just now seeing this. You see it now, 0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:10.600 and you're just dating. It's time to move on. It's 0:16:10.600 --> 0:16:14.640 time to move on. If there's even a hint that 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:18.560 because of this relationship, because he's agnostic, if there's even 0:16:18.600 --> 0:16:22.520 a hint that this is causing you to be indifferent 0:16:22.680 --> 0:16:26.680 about God, to be a little stagnant about it. If 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:28.800 there's a hint at that now while you're in the 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:32.600 dating process, that's going to compound one hundred times in 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:35.160 a few years, and then you're gonna have to raise 0:16:35.240 --> 0:16:37.720 kids in a split household like this, and you don't 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:40.800 want to do that. As hard as it is for 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:43.080 a thirty two year old Midwest girl from Saint Louis 0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:52.200 with a big heart, it's time to break his It's time. Okay, 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:58.080 let's go to another question here, subject line looking for guidance. 0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:00.400 Hey Grange, your name is Sarah. I was hoping you 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:02.360 can give me some wisdom. I'm a follower of Christ 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:04.399 and I live in awe of God's grace in my 0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:06.240 life every day. I have a sister and a brother, 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:08.760 one of which is an atheist and the other is 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:13.480 an agnostic. Ironic back to back questions. Huh, My sister 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:16.520 has a very hard heart. She won't even listen to 0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:19.280 talk about God. I do not push her into it, 0:17:19.320 --> 0:17:21.439 but we visit her every year, and I feel like 0:17:21.720 --> 0:17:23.480 when I'm around her, I could not listen to Christian 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:25.760 music in the car or speak freely about God in 0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:29.040 a way to avoid any kind of strife. It is 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:31.560 hard because Jesus is so much of my life. He's 0:17:31.600 --> 0:17:33.879 a big part of my life. He's everything. Yet I 0:17:33.920 --> 0:17:37.280 find myself changing my ways when I'm around her. I'm 0:17:37.320 --> 0:17:39.200 having a harder and harder time being around her. Because 0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:42.000 I feel like I'm allowing her disdain for Christ to 0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:45.480 have an effect on me. God calls us to love boldly, 0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:48.160 and I feel like I'm dishonoring him by making these 0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:52.520 alterations in my life, even only briefly. Am I thinking 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:54.720 about this all wrong? How do you handle people who 0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:57.840 have such different views on life? But our family? Thanks 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:01.800 for what you do, Sarah, interesting back to back questions, 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:05.520 totally by accident here. So, Sarah, you're in a different 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:09.600 situation than Laura was. Laura has a decision now where 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:13.240 she could break it off with this boyfriend. You can't 0:18:13.440 --> 0:18:16.560 break it off with your sister, per Se. You're gonna 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:19.200 be You're gonna be seeing her the rest of your life. 0:18:19.280 --> 0:18:26.080 And you know, the Bible says that the Gospel will 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:30.880 come and split families intwo. It'll split sister and sister apart, 0:18:31.200 --> 0:18:34.680 It'll split brother and brother, mother and father, I mean 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:37.520 mother and daughter and father and son. It'll split you 0:18:38.480 --> 0:18:44.720 in two, that's what it says. So what you're experiencing 0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:48.960 is so unfortunate, and I'm sad for you and it's 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:53.000 difficult for you, but it's also biblical, and so we 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:55.679 can't be surprised. I'm not surprised by reading it, and 0:18:55.720 --> 0:18:59.800 I don't think you're surprised by living it. The only 0:18:59.840 --> 0:19:03.760 thing you could do in this situation, as you cannot 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:08.119 backslide at all. You cannot drift because of her, and 0:19:08.160 --> 0:19:12.080 if that's becoming a problem, then you have to find. 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:15.359 You have to find separation from her, and you have 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:18.000 to find in your own space, in your own time, 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:22.679 the building of your own faith so that when you 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:27.240 are with her you don't backslide. Now, I don't think 0:19:27.400 --> 0:19:30.239 you have to get in the car with her and 0:19:30.880 --> 0:19:34.160 crank up some Christian song and feel so proud about it. 0:19:34.800 --> 0:19:38.200 I think there's times when you go, I understand this 0:19:38.240 --> 0:19:40.399 is going to cause an argument, so I'm just not 0:19:40.520 --> 0:19:43.560 going to play the radio. I don't think that's backsliding 0:19:43.560 --> 0:19:46.440 from God or dishonoring him in any way. I don't 0:19:46.480 --> 0:19:49.480 think it is. You're just choosing in that environment to 0:19:49.640 --> 0:19:53.280 have a different tactic. And your different tactic is love her, 0:19:54.119 --> 0:19:58.520 pour into her, accept her for what she is, forgive 0:19:58.720 --> 0:20:02.960 her because you you are no better than her. You're 0:20:03.000 --> 0:20:05.560 both human, you both have flaws and I do too. 0:20:06.080 --> 0:20:09.160 You're no better because you're a Christian. That would be hypocritical. 0:20:11.720 --> 0:20:14.879 The only thing different with you and her is that 0:20:14.920 --> 0:20:19.320 you understand God's grace and his forgiveness to you and 0:20:20.040 --> 0:20:23.680 the life that He's saved with you. And that's a gift. 0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:27.560 That's a gift of grace through your faith. It's nothing 0:20:27.600 --> 0:20:30.800 you did. You didn't help enough old ladies across the street. 0:20:31.720 --> 0:20:33.679 You don't have a checklist that checks a little bit 0:20:33.720 --> 0:20:36.960 more boxes than she did. You were no better, You 0:20:37.000 --> 0:20:41.560 were forgiven, and you're a sinner, and so when you 0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:45.760 look at her, you're seeing a reflection of yourself the same. 0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:48.359 And so you forgive her like God for gave you. 0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:52.919 You understand, you hear what I'm saying. So all you 0:20:52.920 --> 0:20:55.639 could do is lover. You don't even have to preach 0:20:55.680 --> 0:20:58.400 to her. You don't have to crank up Christian songs. 0:20:58.840 --> 0:21:02.240 You could just love her and be hopeful for her 0:21:02.520 --> 0:21:06.040 and be joyful for you. And if she asks you, 0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:10.000 especially through a tough situation, what you two are going 0:21:10.040 --> 0:21:11.879 to have to go through some tough situations. Maybe you're 0:21:11.880 --> 0:21:13.600 going to lose your mother or your father one day, 0:21:14.160 --> 0:21:18.879 you probably will, and through that funeral, when you're someone 0:21:18.920 --> 0:21:22.480 that she could rely upon, when you're someone that's holding 0:21:22.520 --> 0:21:28.280 herself together through this tragic situation and she's broken. You 0:21:28.320 --> 0:21:29.679 want to be that person that she can go up 0:21:29.720 --> 0:21:32.560 to you and go, Sarah, how how are you holding 0:21:32.560 --> 0:21:35.760 yourself together? How do you have hope in this dark time? 0:21:36.920 --> 0:21:40.880 And you say, I could tell you. His name is Jesus. 0:21:42.160 --> 0:21:45.720 I could tell you right now how I have hope. 0:21:45.800 --> 0:21:47.960 And I'm no better than you, but I just see 0:21:47.960 --> 0:21:51.880 this hope and I want you to see it too. 0:21:52.560 --> 0:21:54.639 That's the witness that you could be to her, and 0:21:54.640 --> 0:21:56.960 that's what you need to be prepared to do with 0:21:57.080 --> 0:22:03.639 her and lover and be thankful that she's your sister 0:22:03.960 --> 0:22:07.800 and grateful that you're in this situation. That's what you 0:22:07.800 --> 0:22:11.120 could do. I'm gonna take a break and be right back. 0:22:16.840 --> 0:22:19.360 Podcast is brought to you all today by ship Station. 0:22:20.040 --> 0:22:22.119 Do you run a small business? Are you part of 0:22:22.160 --> 0:22:24.840 a small business like me with ee Apparel? 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