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Speaker 1: We have to live life as though there is no tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Don't skate through life with a guarded heart, afraid of

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Speaker 1: any pain that might come. You can't live like that.

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Speaker 1: You can't live life in the shadows away from the pain,

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Speaker 1: because there's no life in that. What's up, guys, Welcome

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Speaker 1: to the podcast. This is one of my favorite things

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Speaker 1: to do. One of my favorite times of the week

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Speaker 1: is to sit here with you. I walk through your

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Speaker 1: questions that could be about anything in life. Email Grangersmith

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Speaker 1: Podcast at gmail dot com and I'll get to yours.

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Speaker 1: Put yours in the queue. I have a whole bunch

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Speaker 1: today and I have no idea what they say. So

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Speaker 1: I used to kind of get these organized and make

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Speaker 1: sure that I had, you know, the ones that I

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Speaker 1: wanted to start with and the ones that I wanted

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Speaker 1: to finish with. But these days I don't do that.

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Speaker 1: I am totally unprepared, no notes in front of me.

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Speaker 1: We're going to walk through this stuff as if me

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Speaker 1: and you are sitting in the cab of a truck

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Speaker 1: and having a good old friendly conversation. I'm not a therapist,

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Speaker 1: I'm not a counselor. I've not been trained in psychology.

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Speaker 1: So everything I say is just coming from friend advice,

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Speaker 1: So to just take that as you will. This is

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Speaker 1: friend advice, nothing more. You could take it or leave it.

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Speaker 1: I'm not always right, but I like to talk about

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Speaker 1: it with you, and it's become a very interesting platform

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Speaker 1: for me. This has become a very popular podcast. It's

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Speaker 1: always high on the charts of podcasts, which blows me

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Speaker 1: away because I'm really saying nothing about me. I'm saying

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Speaker 1: everything about you. So let's jump into this, the first

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Speaker 1: one here on the list. It actually came an hour

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Speaker 1: ago today, and the subject line says Summer Love. Hey Grangers.

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Speaker 1: I'm seventeen years old. I'm from Cape May, New Jersey,

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Speaker 1: and my family owns a restaurant. There is a girl

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Speaker 1: if I could have a nickel every time I heard

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Speaker 1: that on this podcast. There is a girl that's an

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Speaker 1: employee and I love her and I would do anything

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Speaker 1: for her. And I don't know if she loves me,

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Speaker 1: but she likes me and we go on dates. We

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Speaker 1: both would not want a serious relationship, but I went

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Speaker 1: to prom with her and I've gone on a couple

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Speaker 1: of dates with her in the summer. Whenever she comes

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Speaker 1: down in June and then leaves for college in August.

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Speaker 1: I have an upcoming date with her in June, but

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Speaker 1: I think I should break it off so that it

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Speaker 1: could save me from the pain. Or should I write

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Speaker 1: out the relationship until she leaves. This is like the

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Speaker 1: scenario straight out of an eighties movie Summer Love. So

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Speaker 1: many songs were written about this. This comes from Christian

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Speaker 1: by the way, Christian seventeen Summer Love. You're basically at

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Speaker 1: camp and own your parents, own a restaurant, and she

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Speaker 1: comes in June and then leaves for college in August.

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Speaker 1: This is straight out of a country song from nineteen

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Speaker 1: ninety five. I think it was called Strawberry Wine. Just kidding.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of them. Let's walk through it. So

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Speaker 1: your main question here is should you break it off

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Speaker 1: to save yourself from the pain, or should you write

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Speaker 1: it out until she leaves? So this is an analogy

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Speaker 1: for life itself so much so. And then there's a

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Speaker 1: couple of layers to this. The first thing I would

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Speaker 1: say before anything is you're seventeen Christian, protect your heart,

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Speaker 1: Guard your heart, Guard your heart. Don't just give it

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Speaker 1: away to anybody, especially if you know there might not

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Speaker 1: be a future. There may be, but there might not be.

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Speaker 1: And you're young and she's young, and you're seeing it

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Speaker 1: as it is, which is great. You're asking the right

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Speaker 1: questions and you're seeing it as it is. Right, So

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Speaker 1: guard your heart knowing that, don't give it away to her,

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Speaker 1: don't give her everything, don't tell her you love her.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you have already, but don't tell her. Don't tell

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Speaker 1: her anymore. If you have already, you told me, and

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Speaker 1: that's okay. I'll take it. So while you're guarding your heart,

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Speaker 1: there's a second layer here. This is a big one

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Speaker 1: for life itself. We have to live life as though

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Speaker 1: there is no tomorrow. So you realize why I said

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Speaker 1: guard your heart first. I said that first. But the

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Speaker 1: second component is don't skate through life with a guarded heart,

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Speaker 1: afraid of any pain that might come. You can't live

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Speaker 1: like that. You can't live life in the shadows away

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Speaker 1: from the pain, because there's no life in that. There's

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Speaker 1: no fulfillment in that. Trying to have a life that's

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Speaker 1: painless is first of all impossible, and second of all,

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Speaker 1: it's bland. You're gonna miss everything that's happened around you.

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Speaker 1: If you've lived in a world where you never saw pain,

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Speaker 1: then you would never have a chance to grow, you

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Speaker 1: would never get better, and that's not a place you

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Speaker 1: want to be. So no, I don't think you should

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Speaker 1: cut this off because you know she's leaving in August.

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Speaker 1: I don't think you should cut it off to hide

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Speaker 1: from some kind of pain that might come in. I

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Speaker 1: don't blame you for thinking that. I'm I'm just telling

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Speaker 1: you from the outside looking in, from our perspective, me

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Speaker 1: and you riding together in a truck talking about this,

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Speaker 1: I would say, you live it, and you be seventeen,

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Speaker 1: and you go in these dates with her, and you're

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Speaker 1: gonna take this with you the rest of your life.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna learn so much from this while you're guarding

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Speaker 1: your heart, You're going to learn so much from this.

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Speaker 1: You remember the Garth Brooks song the dance. The whole

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Speaker 1: concept of the dance is I could have missed the pain,

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Speaker 1: but I'd have had to miss the dance, And you

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Speaker 1: wouldn't want to miss that for the world. You wouldn't

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Speaker 1: want to miss that. You wouldn't want to miss this summer,

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Speaker 1: the summer of seventeen, with this girl in this environment,

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Speaker 1: while you're guarding your heart. You don't want to miss that,

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Speaker 1: so go for it. You're going to learn something. Maybe

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Speaker 1: there's something for you guys together in the future. Maybe

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Speaker 1: she gets out of college and you still miss her,

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Speaker 1: and she still misses you, and you guys end up

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Speaker 1: in the same town and you get married and that's

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Speaker 1: happily ever after type story. Maybe you don't, maybe you

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Speaker 1: forget about her, but you learned from this, and you

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Speaker 1: learned what you wanted out of a girl, and she

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Speaker 1: wanted she learned what she wanted out of a guy.

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Speaker 1: Don't miss the pain. Don't ever skip the pain. Live it,

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Speaker 1: live through it, not worried if you're going to get

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Speaker 1: hurt or not. Second question, subject line says I need

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Speaker 1: your help. Hey buddy, my name is Mason. I'm fifteen

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Speaker 1: years old from Mississippi. I recently ended a relationship with

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend so that I could better myself physically and

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Speaker 1: get closer to God. The relationship was very stressful and

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Speaker 1: I felt like it was getting nowhere. The girl I

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Speaker 1: broke up with has now moved on already. Just a

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Speaker 1: week after I ended it, I found out she'd been

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Speaker 1: dating this guy for two months while we dating. I'm

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Speaker 1: very broken over this and I'm gonna slump. What do

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Speaker 1: you suggest? It says in one more thing, if I

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Speaker 1: have feelings for a girl that isn't close to me,

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Speaker 1: how do I express my feelings for her in a

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Speaker 1: way that doesn't come off as creepy? Okay, there's multiple

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Speaker 1: questions here. One is how do you get over a girl?

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Speaker 1: And the second question is how do you get into

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Speaker 1: another relationship? So because of those two questions, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: cancel it out and say, buddy, you're fifteen. You don't

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Speaker 1: need to be in a relationship right now. Nope, you

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Speaker 1: you were right in thinking that you needed to better

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Speaker 1: yourself physically and get closer to God. So go back

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Speaker 1: to that thought, and let's just erase the last thing

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Speaker 1: that you wrote. If I have feelings for a girl

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Speaker 1: that isn't close to me, now, how to express my

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Speaker 1: feelings in a way that doesn't come off creepy. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're you're already being creepy, and that's that's nothing to you, Mason.

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Speaker 1: This is your name, Mason. That's nothing against you. I

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Speaker 1: was once fifteen, I was once you. So there's nothing

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Speaker 1: that you're saying that's wrong. But I'm saying from my

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Speaker 1: seat looking at you in the cab of this truck.

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Speaker 1: You don't need to be dating right now. You don't

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Speaker 1: need to be worried about advice on talking to another girl.

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Speaker 1: Just go back to that thought of bettering yourself and

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Speaker 1: getting closer to God. You're out of the stressful relationship.

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Speaker 1: She found somebody else. Hey, that's somebody else's problem. Now,

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Speaker 1: that's somebody else's stress. Now, good on you. You're in

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Speaker 1: a good place. You don't have that stress anymore. Congratulations,

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Speaker 1: that's a victory somebody else. Right now, as we speak,

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Speaker 1: as I'm doing this podcast, somebody is stressing over that girl,

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Speaker 1: and it's not you. Good job, brother, Stay single, you're fifteen.

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Speaker 1: Stay single. Next question septic Line says in laws. Hey, Granger,

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Speaker 1: how do you deal with in laws that don't want

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Speaker 1: to be involved with their grandkids other than when it's

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Speaker 1: convenient for a social media post. They never want to

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Speaker 1: spend time with them, but always guilt their son about

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Speaker 1: wanting to see them, and every time we try, they

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Speaker 1: were busy. We want our kids to be actively involved

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Speaker 1: with both sets of grandparents, but we don't know how

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Speaker 1: to make that happen. Thanks Megan, Hey, good question. Megan,

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Speaker 1: thanks for emailing in laws. This is a tricky one.

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Speaker 1: There is a perception that people have that they want

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Speaker 1: their kids to have these two sets of amazing grandparents

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Speaker 1: and they go fishing and they feed chickens together, and

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Speaker 1: they they learn how to drive an old truck from

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Speaker 1: their grandpa. Like it's like it's the Juds country song.

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Speaker 1: You know, Grandpa, tell me about the good old days. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's the perception we have in this country. And that's awesome.

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Speaker 1: If you can get that, that's a blessing if you

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Speaker 1: get that, But not everybody does, and you have to

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Speaker 1: understand the realization that maybe that's not your family. Okay,

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Speaker 1: here's an example in my family. My dad died when

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Speaker 1: my daughter was two and my son was an infant.

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Speaker 1: Lincoln was three months old when my dad died. The

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Speaker 1: thoughts that I had my dad, he would have been

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Speaker 1: an incredible grandpa. So the thoughts that I had of dad,

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Speaker 1: my dad teaching Lincoln how to put a worm on

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Speaker 1: a hook and taking him to his first baseball game

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Speaker 1: and getting a hot dog with mustard on it and

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Speaker 1: sitting in the cheap seats, good old Grandpa's stories, those

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Speaker 1: are gone. Those are not part of my life. Those

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Speaker 1: will not happen with my dad. So I had to

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Speaker 1: get over that, Like, that's a thought that I had

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Speaker 1: that I grieved over. Lincoln will never have this, London

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Speaker 1: will never have this, Maverick and River will never have this,

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Speaker 1: And that thought is over. Okay, that idea for me

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Speaker 1: is not going to happen. Not every family gets it,

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Speaker 1: so not every family is going to live the Juds song.

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Speaker 1: So then we go back to you and you have

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Speaker 1: the in laws that are still here, but you're struggling

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Speaker 1: with them, and you're struggling with them having time, and

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Speaker 1: so you have to do what's right for your family.

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Speaker 1: You have to do what's right for your kids, ultimately

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Speaker 1: your husband. First. You have to do what's right for

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Speaker 1: your husband first and secondly for your kids. And that

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Speaker 1: does not have to include the in laws or your parents.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't mean you have to invite them to every Christmas.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't mean every time they call you have to

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Speaker 1: drop everything and go and strap the kids in the

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Speaker 1: car seats and go see them. And you have a

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Speaker 1: good intuition that they're wanting to see the kids for

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Speaker 1: the wrong reasons. Now give them grace, understand where they're

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Speaker 1: coming from, understand their position, give them grace in that.

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Speaker 1: But you don't have to indulge them in every time

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Speaker 1: they call you drop everything. You could pump the brakes

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Speaker 1: on that. You see it. You have a discernment already

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Speaker 1: about them, and so go with that. Go with that

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Speaker 1: good discernment and say, you know what, I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to take the kids over there this weekend because we

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Speaker 1: already had plans. I'm so sorry, but you're welcome to

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Speaker 1: come to our house. And then when they don't come,

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Speaker 1: it's no big deal. If you're worried about what you

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Speaker 1: have to tell your own kids, go back to what

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Speaker 1: I said. Not every family gets that, And so then

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Speaker 1: you pour into them and they get a good mom

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Speaker 1: and a good dad. They might not have to have

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Speaker 1: the grandparents. Not everybody does. It's a good question, Megan.

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Speaker 1: Next question is another one that came in today. It says,

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Speaker 1: subject line dating a non believer. Hey, Granger, I'm a

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Speaker 1: typical thirty two year old Midwest girl from Saint Louis

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Speaker 1: who has a huge heart for everyone, which can't be

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Speaker 1: a downfall. Sometimes I found myself caught up in a

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Speaker 1: guy who believed in God, but now tells me he's agnostic.

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Speaker 1: He's a great guy whom I show, who I became

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Speaker 1: so close with and thought he was even the one.

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Speaker 1: I've always been a woman of faith, and I've always

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Speaker 1: said that I want to date Slash Mary, a man

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Speaker 1: of God. Now I think about it, and I feel

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Speaker 1: like I've kind of fallen off of God's path for me?

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Speaker 1: Is it him? Am I too caught up? Am I

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Speaker 1: trying to figure out why we cross paths? Now? I'm

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Speaker 1: just so confused. Maybe this is why I've lost sight

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Speaker 1: and kind of fallen off the path. Any advice would

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Speaker 1: be much appreciated. Please tell Amber Hello, Thank you, Laura, Laura,

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Speaker 1: thank you for the email. You are You're right in

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Speaker 1: emailing this and you are answering your own question. And

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Speaker 1: I see this, guys so many times on this podcast.

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Speaker 1: You email me and you're really answering your own question

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Speaker 1: before I get a chance to. And that makes this

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Speaker 1: podcast easy for me, because you're saying you know a

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Speaker 1: guy and he's he's great, and he's agnostic, and you're

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Speaker 1: a believer, and you are falling off of God's path.

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Speaker 1: You feel it, and then you ask the question, is

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Speaker 1: it him? When you know that it is, at least partly.

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Speaker 1: What you have to think about, Laura in the situation

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Speaker 1: is he's a nice guy. You're a fixer. You have

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Speaker 1: a huge heart for everyone. You think, maybe I could

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Speaker 1: fix this, Maybe I could turn this guy around. Maybe

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Speaker 1: I could I can get him seeing what I see.

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Speaker 1: Maybe when I do that, I'll get closer to God

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Speaker 1: and the process. Maybe maybe God put him in my

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Speaker 1: life because I need to fix him. And God put

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Speaker 1: him in my life so that I could make him

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Speaker 1: a believer. And that was the purpose. And that is

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Speaker 1: a tough pill to swallow because what you're looking for

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Speaker 1: is not a project, not someone to fix. You're not

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Speaker 1: looking for a mission field. Dating is not a mission field.

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Speaker 1: You're not going out to convert people through dating. You

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Speaker 1: do that with your partner that you have faithful strength

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Speaker 1: in together as a team. So put yourself ten years

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Speaker 1: down the road and you're with this guy and you

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Speaker 1: have two kids and you say, hey, babe, I want

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Speaker 1: to go to church on Sunday and he goes, I

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Speaker 1: ain't going to church. I don't believe in that stuff.

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Speaker 1: I don't go to church, and you go, well, I

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Speaker 1: want to. I believe that we should raise our kids

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Speaker 1: going to church and believing in God and reading the

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Speaker 1: Bible and praying it before dinner at the table at home.

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Speaker 1: I believe that we should do that, and he says, great,

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Speaker 1: but I don't. So you do it. But I'm just

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Speaker 1: not going to be part of it. I love you,

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Speaker 1: but I'm just not going to be a part of it. Laura,

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Speaker 1: what do you do? Then it's too late. Then it's

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Speaker 1: too late to have this discussion we're having Now. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm falling off the path. I'm struggling. And

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Speaker 1: I get these kind of emails all the time with

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Speaker 1: people that are ten years down the road in their

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Speaker 1: marriage and they're just now seeing this. You see it now,

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Speaker 1: and you're just dating. It's time to move on. It's

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Speaker 1: time to move on. If there's even a hint that

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Speaker 1: because of this relationship, because he's agnostic, if there's even

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Speaker 1: a hint that this is causing you to be indifferent

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Speaker 1: about God, to be a little stagnant about it. If

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Speaker 1: there's a hint at that now while you're in the

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Speaker 1: dating process, that's going to compound one hundred times in

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Speaker 1: a few years, and then you're gonna have to raise

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Speaker 1: kids in a split household like this, and you don't

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Speaker 1: want to do that. As hard as it is for

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Speaker 1: a thirty two year old Midwest girl from Saint Louis

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Speaker 1: with a big heart, it's time to break his It's time. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's go to another question here, subject line looking for guidance.

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Speaker 1: Hey Grange, your name is Sarah. I was hoping you

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Speaker 1: can give me some wisdom. I'm a follower of Christ

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Speaker 1: and I live in awe of God's grace in my

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Speaker 1: life every day. I have a sister and a brother,

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Speaker 1: one of which is an atheist and the other is

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Speaker 1: an agnostic. Ironic back to back questions. Huh, My sister

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Speaker 1: has a very hard heart. She won't even listen to

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Speaker 1: talk about God. I do not push her into it,

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Speaker 1: but we visit her every year, and I feel like

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Speaker 1: when I'm around her, I could not listen to Christian

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Speaker 1: music in the car or speak freely about God in

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Speaker 1: a way to avoid any kind of strife. It is

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Speaker 1: hard because Jesus is so much of my life. He's

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Speaker 1: a big part of my life. He's everything. Yet I

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Speaker 1: find myself changing my ways when I'm around her. I'm

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Speaker 1: having a harder and harder time being around her. Because

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm allowing her disdain for Christ to

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Speaker 1: have an effect on me. God calls us to love boldly,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm dishonoring him by making these

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Speaker 1: alterations in my life, even only briefly. Am I thinking

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Speaker 1: about this all wrong? How do you handle people who

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Speaker 1: have such different views on life? But our family? Thanks

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Speaker 1: for what you do, Sarah, interesting back to back questions,

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Speaker 1: totally by accident here. So, Sarah, you're in a different

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Speaker 1: situation than Laura was. Laura has a decision now where

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Speaker 1: she could break it off with this boyfriend. You can't

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Speaker 1: break it off with your sister, per Se. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: be You're gonna be seeing her the rest of your life.

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Speaker 1: And you know, the Bible says that the Gospel will

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Speaker 1: come and split families intwo. It'll split sister and sister apart,

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Speaker 1: It'll split brother and brother, mother and father, I mean

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Speaker 1: mother and daughter and father and son. It'll split you

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Speaker 1: in two, that's what it says. So what you're experiencing

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Speaker 1: is so unfortunate, and I'm sad for you and it's

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Speaker 1: difficult for you, but it's also biblical, and so we

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Speaker 1: can't be surprised. I'm not surprised by reading it, and

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Speaker 1: I don't think you're surprised by living it. The only

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Speaker 1: thing you could do in this situation, as you cannot

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Speaker 1: backslide at all. You cannot drift because of her, and

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Speaker 1: if that's becoming a problem, then you have to find.

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Speaker 1: You have to find separation from her, and you have

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Speaker 1: to find in your own space, in your own time,

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Speaker 1: the building of your own faith so that when you

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Speaker 1: are with her you don't backslide. Now, I don't think

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Speaker 1: you have to get in the car with her and

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Speaker 1: crank up some Christian song and feel so proud about it.

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Speaker 1: I think there's times when you go, I understand this

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Speaker 1: is going to cause an argument, so I'm just not

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Speaker 1: going to play the radio. I don't think that's backsliding

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Speaker 1: from God or dishonoring him in any way. I don't

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Speaker 1: think it is. You're just choosing in that environment to

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Speaker 1: have a different tactic. And your different tactic is love her,

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Speaker 1: pour into her, accept her for what she is, forgive

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Speaker 1: her because you you are no better than her. You're

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Speaker 1: both human, you both have flaws and I do too.

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Speaker 1: You're no better because you're a Christian. That would be hypocritical.

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Speaker 1: The only thing different with you and her is that

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Speaker 1: you understand God's grace and his forgiveness to you and

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Speaker 1: the life that He's saved with you. And that's a gift.

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Speaker 1: That's a gift of grace through your faith. It's nothing

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Speaker 1: you did. You didn't help enough old ladies across the street.

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Speaker 1: You don't have a checklist that checks a little bit

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Speaker 1: more boxes than she did. You were no better, You

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Speaker 1: were forgiven, and you're a sinner, and so when you

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Speaker 1: look at her, you're seeing a reflection of yourself the same.

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Speaker 1: And so you forgive her like God for gave you.

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Speaker 1: You understand, you hear what I'm saying. So all you

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Speaker 1: could do is lover. You don't even have to preach

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Speaker 1: to her. You don't have to crank up Christian songs.

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Speaker 1: You could just love her and be hopeful for her

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Speaker 1: and be joyful for you. And if she asks you,

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Speaker 1: especially through a tough situation, what you two are going

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Speaker 1: to have to go through some tough situations. Maybe you're

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Speaker 1: going to lose your mother or your father one day,

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Speaker 1: you probably will, and through that funeral, when you're someone

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Speaker 1: that she could rely upon, when you're someone that's holding

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Speaker 1: herself together through this tragic situation and she's broken. You

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Speaker 1: want to be that person that she can go up

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Speaker 1: to you and go, Sarah, how how are you holding

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Speaker 1: yourself together? How do you have hope in this dark time?

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Speaker 1: And you say, I could tell you. His name is Jesus.

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Speaker 1: I could tell you right now how I have hope.

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Speaker 1: And I'm no better than you, but I just see

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Speaker 1: this hope and I want you to see it too.

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Speaker 1: That's the witness that you could be to her, and

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Speaker 1: that's what you need to be prepared to do with

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Speaker 1: her and lover and be thankful that she's your sister

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Speaker 1: and grateful that you're in this situation. That's what you

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Speaker 1: could do. I'm gonna take a break and be right back.

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00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:15,160
Speaker 1: back to the podcast. I have more questions are These

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00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:16,920
Speaker 1: are completely out of order and I have no idea

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Speaker 1: what I'm getting into. Let me go with this one.

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Speaker 1: This is interesting. Subjectline says I'm a North Texas Muslim conservative. Hey, grangeer,

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty years old, single, conservative and a Muslim. I've

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Speaker 1: been looking for someone to settle down with, but it

427
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,800
Speaker 1: seems like most people in my life are against my

428
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:38,360
Speaker 1: conservative views. For whatever reason, I feel alienated from both sides,

429
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 1: even though the views are virtually the same. I'm not

430
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 1: accepted by all sides, but I refuse to give up

431
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 1: who I am, and I feel like I'll be denied

432
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 1: for it. Your advice is much appreciated. No name associated here,

433
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 1: so buddy, thank you. I'll see I'm assuming I'm assuming

434
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 1: you are a okay, so I'll call you buddy. Thanks

435
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:09,920
Speaker 1: for emailing. Here's where I'm gonna go with this. You are,

436
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 1: this is this is This is what bothers me about

437
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 1: your email, the part that says, I refuse to give

438
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: up who I am and feel like I'll be denied

439
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 1: for it. You are expecting that there will be no

440
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:30,960
Speaker 1: compromise in a relationship with somebody. That's what you're That's

441
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,919
Speaker 1: what your email is saying. There is no compromise to

442
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,240
Speaker 1: you and who you are and what you stand for

443
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 1: at all, and you are You were severely narrowing the

444
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 1: gap of of who will be available to you, instead

445
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 1: of saying something like I have an open heart and

446
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 1: an open mind. And as I'm starting to date, I

447
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:02,000
Speaker 1: want to learn about myself as much as I learn

448
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 1: about the other person. And through dating, as I see

449
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,360
Speaker 1: who I'm attracted to and who I'm not, and as

450
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,880
Speaker 1: I play this game of process of elimination, as I'm learning,

451
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,359
Speaker 1: I'm going to learn just as much about myself. And

452
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,199
Speaker 1: when I find that person that's right for me, that

453
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:22,480
Speaker 1: clicks with me, I will learn that there's some things

454
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,760
Speaker 1: in my life I can compromise, and I don't have

455
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 1: to see eye to eye on everything. Here's an example.

456
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:32,719
Speaker 1: What if I started dating at thirty like you, and

457
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:36,440
Speaker 1: I said, I am a I'm a thirty year old

458
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:42,720
Speaker 1: country singer songwriter. I love hunting and fishing, and I'm

459
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:47,240
Speaker 1: a conservative. And if I find a girl that doesn't

460
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 1: like any of those things and doesn't understand country music,

461
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:54,720
Speaker 1: maybe she likes pop and she doesn't understand conservative views

462
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 1: she's liberal, or she doesn't understand hunting and fishing at all,

463
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 1: in fact, she doesn't like it, then I want no

464
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: part of her. That's that, that's not That's not a

465
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 1: good formula for me. Right. What if I went into

466
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 1: it and said, I'm looking for someone that that loves

467
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 1: me and I love her, and I'm gonna have a

468
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,160
Speaker 1: completely open heart at the beginning. Now you're gonna narrow

469
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 1: this down as you get the dating. We talked about

470
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 1: that a couple of questions ago. But at the very beginning,

471
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sit at the date and here someone go,

472
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,000
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm just really not into fishing. I

473
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 1: just really I don't really like fishing at all, and

474
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:41,920
Speaker 1: I'm more of a water skier. I could make a decision, right,

475
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:45,680
Speaker 1: there at the dinner table and think she's gone. She's gone.

476
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:48,640
Speaker 1: I mean, that's you see what I'm saying. I don't think.

477
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 1: I think you're putting yourself in and too narrow of

478
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 1: a box, and it's it's going to it's gonna really

479
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 1: eliminate your chances on figuring out who you are. And

480
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:02,120
Speaker 1: you can do that through other people. People will tell

481
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: you who you are because you'll see the reflection of

482
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 1: yourself coming back from them. So when you're sitting at

483
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: the table, you'll go, Man, everything I'm saying to this

484
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:15,879
Speaker 1: person is a little bit crazy because I see the

485
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,960
Speaker 1: reaction from this person coming back at me. Maybe I

486
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: should tone it down a little bit. Maybe I should

487
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 1: refute the idea of refusing to give up who I

488
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 1: am and feel like I'll be denied for it. I

489
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:30,879
Speaker 1: think a lot of people do that. I think this

490
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:34,439
Speaker 1: country is full of people that that stand by something

491
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 1: because they believe the Aaron Tippins song, you got to

492
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 1: stand for something or you'll fall for anything. I don't know.

493
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 1: There's a lot of that I believe, and I'm not

494
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 1: talking about the American flag. I'm talking about everything else.

495
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 1: That we have to take a side on like, when

496
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 1: you claim to be conservative, what that means really, especially

497
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 1: if you're a politician, is that you have to take

498
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 1: a side on every single conservative issue, and if you

499
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 1: change your mind on one of them, one of them,

500
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 1: then you're not a true conservative. So if you're a

501
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 1: politician running for office, you have to check every single

502
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 1: box on the right side, every single one. Are you're

503
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:18,640
Speaker 1: wrong or you shouldn't be in that party. And we

504
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 1: as citizens take on that same attitude, and we're like, man,

505
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 1: I believe I believe this and this and this and

506
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 1: this and this from the Conservative party. But on the

507
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 1: mask issue, I can go either way. And then someone

508
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 1: looks at you, go then you're not a conservative. Get

509
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 1: out of here. You know what I mean. And I'm

510
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: not taking sides. I'm just saying it's interesting that we

511
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 1: have to check every box on the right or the left,

512
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 1: or we're not either one truly, and so we choose

513
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: to check all the boxes. It's easier to just check

514
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,480
Speaker 1: all the boxes because we sleep better at night because

515
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 1: we're herd animals. As humans, you know, we love to

516
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 1: get in our pack and stay in our pack. Don't

517
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 1: leave the pack, you'll get killed. There's wolves out there.

518
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 1: That's what we think, that's how we operate. So, Buddy,

519
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 1: I think it's a great question, and I don't think

520
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 1: that I don't. I think a lot of people agree

521
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 1: with you. But I would encourage you to take that

522
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:20,600
Speaker 1: last sentence out and instead of saying I refuse to

523
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 1: give up who I am, changed that too. I'm going

524
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 1: into looking for a relationship with an open mind and

525
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 1: an open heart, and there might be somebody out there

526
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 1: that could change some of my mind. I'm open to that.

527
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 1: I'm open to someone that could change my mind on

528
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 1: a few things. There's a couple of things I won't

529
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 1: change my mind on ever, but there's other things I

530
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 1: could hear them out and maybe I'll be better for it.

531
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:57,200
Speaker 1: Let's consider that. Here's another one subject line says, respecting

532
00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: my mom's wishes, Hey Granger, I'd like to stay inonymous.

533
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 1: I'm a fan from Ontario, Canada. Thank you for all

534
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 1: your work on this podcast. I'm thinking about getting my

535
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 1: first tattoo, something small, simple, meaningful, easily hidden, something just

536
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: for me. However, I hesitate because I'm also a Christian

537
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 1: in the Christian community, and they frowned upon it. Additionally,

538
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 1: my mom would be disappointed if I got one. I'm

539
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 1: twenty five, I'm not living at home anymore, so I

540
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 1: know it's completely not It is completely my choice, But

541
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 1: I'm looking for some advice. Am I disrespecting my mom

542
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 1: by going ahead and getting one? Is it okay to

543
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:32,959
Speaker 1: keep it hidden? Or is that being really dishonest with

544
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:38,520
Speaker 1: those who actually care? Yeah, I'm anonymous. Shout out to

545
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 1: Ontario Love Ontario. My straight up advice to you is

546
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 1: don't get a tattoo. Don't and I'll tell you why.

547
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 1: Because you're you're wanting to get one, but you don't

548
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 1: know what yet. You want it to be simple and meaningful,

549
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 1: and you also want it to be hidden. Then why

550
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 1: would you want to do that to yourself? Why would

551
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 1: you want to get a permanent mark on your body

552
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 1: for a temporary idea. If you came to me and said,

553
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 1: I have a very specific idea and I want it

554
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 1: to be known, like look, look on my arm right

555
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 1: here says river. That is a very specific meaning that

556
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 1: I had that I want people to see the word

557
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 1: river on my arm. And when I play shows and

558
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 1: I play guitar, I want people to see river, and

559
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 1: I want to see it when I look in the mirror,

560
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:35,239
Speaker 1: and I want to want to look down because it

561
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:41,080
Speaker 1: is very meaningful to me. I will not hide this.

562
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 1: I've never hidden my river tattoo in any environment that

563
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 1: I've been in, Okay, and that's with all the tattoos

564
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 1: on me. Twenty five is too young, I think, in

565
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 1: my opinion, you got to be thirty. That's just my opinion.

566
00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 1: And you need to know exactly what it is, and

567
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 1: it's something not an idea, but it's concrete. This is

568
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 1: what you're gonna do, and you don't care if the

569
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 1: world sees it. This is not something you need to hide.

570
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 1: So if you want to hide it and you don't

571
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 1: know what it is yet, don't do it. Because you could,

572
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 1: trust me, you could think of something. You can go

573
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 1: to the tattoo parlor right now and just say I'm

574
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 1: looking for something small and meaningful and easily hidden and simple,

575
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 1: and they're going to go, here's a book, look through it.

576
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 1: What do you want? You want to cross? You want

577
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 1: to you want mom? You know I mean, and you're

578
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:35,320
Speaker 1: gonna go, Yeah, I guess Across is cool. I like

579
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 1: Jesus is cool. And that's not enough. That's not enough

580
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: for me, Secondly, you're twenty five and you're living apart

581
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 1: from your mother, but still there's an idea of respecting

582
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 1: your mother's wishes and honoring your mother, and she doesn't

583
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:56,720
Speaker 1: want you to. And so without you having a concrete

584
00:33:56,760 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 1: idea something that's very important to you, I wouldn't go

585
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 1: against her wishes and dishonor her, especially if something that

586
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 1: you just want to hide. I think I just I

587
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 1: feel like you're going to regret this. I feel like

588
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 1: you're going to be in fifteen years, you're going to

589
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 1: be at the tattoo removal place getting it off and

590
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 1: saying I'm forty years old now and when I was

591
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 1: twenty five, I don't know why I wanted to do this,

592
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,360
Speaker 1: but now I just wanted off me. It was a

593
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:25,399
Speaker 1: bad idea, and I hate trying to hide it all

594
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:28,239
Speaker 1: the time. I hate going to a dinner, a nice dinner,

595
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:29,799
Speaker 1: and I'm wearing a dress and I can't hide it.

596
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 1: I hate that feeling. So don't do it. Okay, that's

597
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:38,360
Speaker 1: my advice. The next one that just popped up, subjectline

598
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 1: says struggling with life. Hey, Gran, your my name is Chase.

599
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,640
Speaker 1: I'm a college student in Arizona, I just started listening

600
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,040
Speaker 1: to your podcast, and I love the wisdom advice you shared.

601
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,319
Speaker 1: The past couple of years, I feel like life has

602
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:50,279
Speaker 1: only chewed me up and spit me out time and

603
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 1: time again. Months back, my girlfriend left me and all

604
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 1: my friends have turned on me. Though they were the

605
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:58,600
Speaker 1: wrong people I needed in my life, I could not

606
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:02,400
Speaker 1: let go. Struggle to make new friends that don't just

607
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,799
Speaker 1: end up using me for their own profit. I also

608
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 1: struggle with overthinking everything. I could have told you that.

609
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 1: I try to relinkish things and go back to God

610
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 1: as I've believed my whole life. But for the past year,

611
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:17,719
Speaker 1: I've strayed so far and do not know what I

612
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,719
Speaker 1: genuinely believe anymore. I'm not sure what they do anymore.

613
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 1: Any advice? Ye ye, Chase, Buddy Chase, thanks for the email. Man,

614
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 1: Let me go. Let me go with a couple of things.

615
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start by saying. First, I'm gonna start by saying,

616
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 1: I love you, Bro, thanks for emailing much respect. The

617
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 1: second thing I'm gonna say is, Bro, you're feeling way

618
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 1: too sorry for yourself. You're feeling way too sorry for yourself.

619
00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 1: You've got to get over it. You gotta get over

620
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 1: feeling sorry for yourself. Dude, Okay, your girlfriend left you,

621
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:56,759
Speaker 1: all your friends turned on you. You You can't make new

622
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,680
Speaker 1: friends because they just want to use you. Get over

623
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 1: your bro. You have a too high of an expectation

624
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 1: of everyone around you and what you expect them to

625
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:11,359
Speaker 1: bring and add to your life, and you're not. In

626
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 1: my opinion, you're not giving them enough. You're not putting

627
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 1: out and serving enough from you. You're expecting to be

628
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:23,320
Speaker 1: filled and you're not doing any filling. And you're expecting

629
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,040
Speaker 1: to be filled. You're like, I need friends because I

630
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 1: need them to fill me. I need I need friends

631
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:29,239
Speaker 1: because I want them to make me feel good because

632
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 1: I don't feel good. I don't even know what to believe.

633
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I believe in God anymore.

634
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 1: So I need friends and girlfriends to come and feel me,

635
00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 1: to make me feel good. And you're not gonna get

636
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 1: anywhere with that thought. Man, you're not, Like I said,

637
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 1: with all due respect, I appreciate you emailing you, but

638
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,400
Speaker 1: you're not gonna get anywhere with that thought. You have

639
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 1: to go into friendships going I'm gonna pour into them,

640
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:58,400
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask them if I could buy the pizza.

641
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask them if they want to go to

642
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,840
Speaker 1: a movie. I'm gonna ask them if they want to

643
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: go out on Friday night and I'll drive. And then

644
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: if they don't talk to me that much, or if

645
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 1: they're in a click and they're chit chatting with each

646
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 1: other too much, I'm not gonna take offense to that.

647
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pour in more. I'm gonna vite them next

648
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,239
Speaker 1: Friday night, and I'm not gonna go home and feel

649
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 1: sorry for myself. You speak of God as though it's

650
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:33,319
Speaker 1: like the third or fourth option to make you feel good,

651
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:37,279
Speaker 1: Like I guess I just try to relinquish things and

652
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 1: go back to God. That's what you said. But the

653
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 1: past year are strayed so far, and I don't even

654
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:47,040
Speaker 1: know what I believe anymore. Okay, that's kind of a

655
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 1: that's kind of an issue. Like that's kind of a

656
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,840
Speaker 1: thing right there, right, Like that's a big sentence. You

657
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 1: said it so easily, you typed it, But dude, I

658
00:37:55,920 --> 00:38:02,720
Speaker 1: think that's a big thing. Like it. It's this idea

659
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:08,840
Speaker 1: that if God, if God is real and he created

660
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 1: the universe and he created you, and he knows every

661
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 1: hair on your head, and he formed you in your

662
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:20,440
Speaker 1: mother's womb, and he knows you all the way till

663
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 1: your last day on earth. He knows what you're gonna

664
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 1: do on every day in between. Like that's the sovereign

665
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:31,359
Speaker 1: God that the Bible says that he is. So if

666
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 1: we take that at face value and we believe that,

667
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:38,840
Speaker 1: then we go God. I trust you, I believe you.

668
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 1: I have faith in you. I don't have faith in me.

669
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:45,040
Speaker 1: All I do is mess up. But you said that

670
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 1: I would. He said that I'm just a man. You

671
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 1: said I have flaws. So I trust you, not me.

672
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,400
Speaker 1: I don't trust my own heart, it deceives me. I

673
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 1: don't trust my own instincts or my own work ethic

674
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 1: or my own will just fails. Let's I trust you.

675
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 1: And if you don't chase, if you don't, which to

676
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 1: some degree none of us do totally. But if you don't,

677
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 1: and if you're if you're straying away and you don't

678
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,800
Speaker 1: know what you believe anymore, then you don't believe in

679
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:21,280
Speaker 1: God at all, not the one that the Bible says

680
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 1: that he is, not the one that created everything. So

681
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,360
Speaker 1: then you gotta kind of start there, like before you

682
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 1: get to friends and girlfriends and jobs and work and hobbies.

683
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 1: You kind of got to start there and go, I

684
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,600
Speaker 1: need to I need to sort this out, this whole

685
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,279
Speaker 1: God thing, because I believed my whole life, and I

686
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 1: don't know if I believe anymore. So I should probably

687
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 1: straighten this out. And if you're like me, then you go,

688
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 1: what does that mean? What does that mean to straighten

689
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,120
Speaker 1: things out? Well, let's go backwards. Let's go all the

690
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:51,879
Speaker 1: way back to creation. Let's go all the way back

691
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,759
Speaker 1: to the universe when it was nothing and then it

692
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 1: was something, and then it was the earth, and then

693
00:39:57,160 --> 00:40:00,840
Speaker 1: the earth was green, and there was water and oceans

694
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:07,360
Speaker 1: and animals, dinosaurs and birds. Right then there was man. Okay,

695
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 1: where did that come from? Evolution? You think that came

696
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 1: from evolution? How? Okay, let's back up again. How did

697
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 1: something come from nothing? We have to answer that question.

698
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 1: And then you got a lot more to things to

699
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:23,880
Speaker 1: explain all around you. And then you got to explain

700
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 1: why the Bible is here and why people read it,

701
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:30,799
Speaker 1: and why it's influenced cultures for thousands of years, and

702
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:34,840
Speaker 1: why it speaks as if it's talking in historical terms.

703
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:40,359
Speaker 1: It's giving names and places and dates specifically written by

704
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 1: many authors at the same time period, and we have

705
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:47,560
Speaker 1: found the remnants of those original writings. So we got

706
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 1: to explain all that. Were they all lying? Was this

707
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 1: a big hoax? Impossible? You can't use a hoax theory.

708
00:40:55,640 --> 00:41:00,160
Speaker 1: It's impossible. How would you explain that people from all

709
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 1: different countries writing eyewitnesses that saw things happen and recording

710
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 1: it in exact same ways. We have to account for this.

711
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 1: And so if we do, then we go back forward again,

712
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 1: like a roller coaster. We're back at the beginning again,

713
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 1: and we go okay, well, okay, well yeah, I guess

714
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 1: I believe. Then if you do believe, then here we

715
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,040
Speaker 1: are back at the train station. Here we go starting again.

716
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 1: Then you have to believe that God made you, formed

717
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,239
Speaker 1: you in your mother's womb, knows every hair on your

718
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 1: head and all the days of your life till the

719
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 1: very end, and he has a plan for you, and

720
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:37,399
Speaker 1: he has a purpose, and you trust that. See that's

721
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:39,479
Speaker 1: the way my brain works, Like I have to think

722
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:43,320
Speaker 1: analytically about this. I can't just take Romans twelve and

723
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 1: read it and go duh, I believe, I believe. I

724
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 1: can't my brain has to go. I need to think

725
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 1: more about it. I need to think more. I need

726
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 1: to go backwards in history. I need to go forward

727
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:55,920
Speaker 1: in my mind. I need to look at everything around me.

728
00:41:55,960 --> 00:42:00,120
Speaker 1: I have to figure this out. We're all different and

729
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 1: we all kind of sort through this differently. But that's

730
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 1: what I want to encourage you with, Chase. You got

731
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 1: a lot to think about. Brother, Just don't feel sorry

732
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 1: for yourself. Man, I got off on a tangent on

733
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 1: that one, didn't I let's hit another subject. Client says,

734
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:20,279
Speaker 1: being a man, this should be interesting. Hey Grander, my

735
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,720
Speaker 1: name is Nathan. I'm twenty one years old from New Mexico.

736
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 1: First off, just wanted to start by saying I love

737
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 1: your music and your podcast. A big fan of you.

738
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 1: I have a five month old baby girl, excuse me,

739
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 1: five month old baby and a girlfriend yet to get

740
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: married because me and her are scared to get a divorce.

741
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 1: I've seen a lot of people get divorced, including my parents,

742
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:42,840
Speaker 1: which left a hole in my life. As for my

743
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 1: five month old baby, I don't want to follow my parents'

744
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 1: footsteps and I want to be there for my baby

745
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 1: girl each step of her life. And I want to

746
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:55,360
Speaker 1: become the best dad I possibly can. It's become difficult

747
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 1: to go to work. It's become difficult to go to

748
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 1: work and handle what I have because of I'm so

749
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:07,640
Speaker 1: stressed and the daily emotions to become a dad for

750
00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:09,879
Speaker 1: her and be the best I can for my daughter.

751
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm trying to read this. I'm sorry I'm

752
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:18,360
Speaker 1: trying to read what you wrote here. I also have

753
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,320
Speaker 1: to worry about fixing the house, paying the bills, fixing

754
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,320
Speaker 1: the car, making sure I have enough money to support

755
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:24,920
Speaker 1: my family. It's become very difficult to take control of

756
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:28,000
Speaker 1: all that and really become a man. I really appreciate

757
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 1: your time reading this. Have a great day, Nathan. Okay, Nathan, dude,

758
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:35,400
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Shout out to New Mexico. Thank you

759
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,920
Speaker 1: for emailing. I see a major flaw in this email.

760
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:41,799
Speaker 1: Here's the deal. Let me just spit this out as

761
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 1: clearly as I can. You have the girl, and you

762
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 1: have the baby girl, and you don't want to get

763
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 1: married yet because you're scared of divorce, and you're scared

764
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,719
Speaker 1: of divorce because you don't want to split up the

765
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:01,880
Speaker 1: biological parents of your baby girl. But do you see

766
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: what I'm getting at here, you already have the baby

767
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 1: girl and you already have the biological parents together. So

768
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 1: if you choose to not get married and split now,

769
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 1: what's the difference to the baby girl and splitting now

770
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 1: or getting a divorce later and splitting as a divorce

771
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,880
Speaker 1: like that's just a legal document, the divorce papers. But

772
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,840
Speaker 1: to your baby girl, mommy and daddy are not together.

773
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:29,840
Speaker 1: So your end goal you're trying to accomplish is you

774
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:33,920
Speaker 1: want baby girl to have mommy and daddy together. That

775
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:39,839
Speaker 1: only means that only means you marry this married the mama.

776
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 1: You marry the baby mama. That's to accomplish what you're saying.

777
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:49,799
Speaker 1: Your subject line says, being a man, Do you want

778
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:58,320
Speaker 1: to be a man? Marry the baby mama marrier, That's

779
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:00,720
Speaker 1: how you be a man. I could summ up everything,

780
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 1: all these problems of house bills and fixing cars. That's life.

781
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 1: Everyone listening to this podcast understands that. And so you

782
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 1: fight through it, and you fight for your marriage, and

783
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:18,319
Speaker 1: you fight for baby mama, and you fight for your

784
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 1: baby girl, and you pay the bills as you get

785
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 1: them the best that you can, and you take on

786
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,640
Speaker 1: a second job if you have to. You move if

787
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 1: you have to, You do what you can. Life is

788
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,319
Speaker 1: a battle. You're in a battle right now. This is

789
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 1: not all roses. The baby girl is here. You can't.

790
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 1: You don't have the liberty of making the decision to

791
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 1: be single man anymore because she's here. So if you

792
00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 1: want to support her the best that she needs, she

793
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 1: needs you to stay together with biological mother. That's what

794
00:45:55,040 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 1: she needs. There is no better solution for her than

795
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 1: to you to get married right now. Go to the

796
00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 1: courthouse and get married tomorrow after you hear this podcast.

797
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 1: There is no better way. There is no alternate solution

798
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:17,719
Speaker 1: to this. There is no better woman out there that

799
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 1: you eventually find and date and marry and she becomes

800
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 1: the stepmother that is not as good as biological Mama. Today,

801
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:33,759
Speaker 1: I don't think I could say anything more clearly to you,

802
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:40,920
Speaker 1: with all respect, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl, your

803
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:46,360
Speaker 1: beautiful five month old baby girl with a huge future

804
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:51,240
Speaker 1: ahead of her, and she needs mommy and daddy together

805
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:56,359
Speaker 1: for her. Regardless of what your heart tells you, your

806
00:46:56,360 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 1: heart is deceiving you. That's what the Bible says. Could

807
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:03,399
Speaker 1: prove that. It doesn't just take the Bible to see

808
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 1: that our hearts deceive us. We want to follow, and

809
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 1: people say follow your heart. That's lying to you, dude.

810
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 1: Things Think where that gets people when they follow their heart?

811
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,920
Speaker 1: Where does that get people in this world? Three or

812
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:21,080
Speaker 1: four divorces is want to get them to following your

813
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:23,439
Speaker 1: heart feels good in the moment and then ten years

814
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:26,840
Speaker 1: later your heart goes Nah, never mind. I got another idea.

815
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:31,239
Speaker 1: Are you gonna follow it? Then? Marry baby mama, raise

816
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:33,640
Speaker 1: your girl the right way, and you'll be a man.

817
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 1: Thank you, guys, Sorry for the Sorry for the rants today.

818
00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:41,560
Speaker 1: Love y'all. See you Monday. Ye thanks for joining me

819
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:44,840
Speaker 1: on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.

820
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.

821
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that

822
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never

823
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a

824
00:47:58,160 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer,

825
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 1: or email granger Smith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yeh