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Speaker 1: This is John. This is your og okay storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 1: got a quick tuninute ad break from a sponsors keeping

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Speaker 1: the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 2: My coworker demanded I be available twenty four to seven,

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Speaker 2: even when I'm.

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Speaker 1: At a funeral. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Sorry, that's You're not going to be able to excuse

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Speaker 3: that if you're gonna have to call in.

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Speaker 2: I work at a small company with about ten employees.

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Speaker 2: Because it's such a small team and most people have

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Speaker 2: been there for a long time ten plus years.

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Speaker 1: For most it's a very relaxed environment.

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Speaker 2: And unfortunately this has bread some bad habits and toxicity

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Speaker 2: into the culture. By the way, this comes from an

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Speaker 2: anonymous reader on ask amanager dot org. So nothing especially groundbreaking,

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Speaker 2: and for the most part it was being ignored since

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Speaker 2: most of our negativity was coming from one source.

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Speaker 1: Are main admin Karen.

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Speaker 2: This fall, an opportunity opened up for me to work

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Speaker 2: exclusively from home due to the nature of my particular position,

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Speaker 2: and I jumped on it. I go into the main

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Speaker 2: office about twice a month, and for the most part

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Speaker 2: it's been a dream.

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Speaker 1: I am vastly more productive.

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Speaker 2: I work hard to ensure that I maintain good work

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Speaker 2: from home habits, and have found that my mental health

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Speaker 2: has improved drastically.

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Speaker 1: That's wonderful. Since the transition.

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Speaker 2: I have done everything I can think of to set

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Speaker 2: clear expectations as far as when I am available. I

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Speaker 2: have specific set hours when they can expect me to

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Speaker 2: be at my desk. I use Google Hangouts away messages

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Speaker 2: to say if I'm up from my desk for a

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Speaker 2: quick break, to stretch my legs, use the bathroom, etc.

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Speaker 1: And with a time I'll be back.

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Speaker 2: I also always have my personal sell on me in

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Speaker 2: case it's a rare emergency. I do most of my

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Speaker 2: communication with clients and our team via email. I do

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Speaker 2: have a voice phone that dials out with the main

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Speaker 2: office number, and I can be interoffice paged via this

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Speaker 2: phone as well. Almost the whole team is great with

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Speaker 2: this arrangement, with one exception, Karen cannot seem to respect

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Speaker 2: these boundaries.

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Speaker 1: Come on, Karen, what are you doing? Come on?

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Speaker 2: She'll page me outside of my work hours or regardless

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Speaker 2: of whether I have an away message set and if

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Speaker 2: I don't get to my phone fast enough I can

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Speaker 2: hear it elsewhere in the house. She'll call myself, usually

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Speaker 2: for a very simple question that could have waited or

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Speaker 2: could have been an email. If I point out that

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Speaker 2: I sent an away message, she'll say, sorry, I didn't

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Speaker 2: see it.

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Speaker 1: I have even paged her and told her.

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Speaker 2: I'll be unavailable for an hour, and she'll agree pleasantly

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Speaker 2: and then turn around and page me fifteen minutes later,

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Speaker 2: followed by the usual call to my cell phone. If

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Speaker 2: I don't pick up, I will also often come back

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Speaker 2: to see that she's I amed me in an effort

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Speaker 2: to get my attention as well. Would I politely point

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Speaker 2: out that I had sent an away message and was

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Speaker 2: away for a short time This question could have been an.

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Speaker 1: Email, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: Karen will often reply with, well, I didn't think it

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Speaker 2: was a big deal, since you're already there.

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Speaker 1: My position does have a certain degree of needing to

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Speaker 1: be on call.

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Speaker 2: If certain things happen with my pro at any time

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Speaker 2: of day, I do need to act, but Karen's questions

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Speaker 2: are rarely about that so much as spell checking and

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Speaker 2: nitpicking coworkers work, which is another problem she has and

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Speaker 2: one of the chief reasons I leap to this opportunity

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Speaker 2: to keep my job but not work in that office.

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Speaker 1: Wow, you thought you could escape Karen. You thought Karen.

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Speaker 1: Karen's still coming for you. They will reach you at

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Speaker 1: any time of the day. You just can't. You can't

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Speaker 1: escape him.

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Speaker 2: I should note that working from home is a perk

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Speaker 2: offer to everyone as an as needed thing. And there

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Speaker 2: is one other employee who works from home full time.

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Speaker 2: I asked him and he says that he has not

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Speaker 2: experienced this level of intrusion at all. And then when

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Speaker 2: he says that he's busy, Karen leaves him alone. No

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Speaker 2: away messages needed, just sting, just.

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Speaker 1: Sting a Karen with a double standard way, that's wild.

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Speaker 2: Meanwhile, when I say I'm busy, Karen says, oh, I know.

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Speaker 1: We all are, and continues with her questions and behavior.

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Speaker 1: What can I do differently to enforce these boundaries.

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Speaker 2: I have stopped running to the phone if I've communicated

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Speaker 2: that I'm away and I hear page or I am,

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Speaker 2: but that doesn't stop the inevitable tide of calls or

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Speaker 2: texts to my cell phone.

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Speaker 1: Or sometimes she'll page and page.

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Speaker 2: And page until I get sick of hearing it and

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Speaker 2: answer even though I'm taking a break. I pride myself

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Speaker 2: on being just as available now as if I were

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Speaker 2: in the main office. But at this point I'm being

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Speaker 2: forced into being much more available at home than I

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Speaker 2: ever was when I worked in that building. How do

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Speaker 2: I keep from turning my work at home situation into ha?

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Speaker 1: I actually I just live at work now. PS.

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Speaker 2: I had this open as a draft, got up to

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Speaker 2: refill my coffee after setting a back at ten thirty

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Speaker 2: away message yes with all caps, And what do I.

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Speaker 1: Hear from my kitchen but a page and a hello, Hello, Hello?

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Speaker 1: Is anybody there? It's like, no caring, I'm not not

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Speaker 1: I old JA Come on?

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Speaker 2: So there is still more, but let's just pause for

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Speaker 2: a second answer these questions.

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Speaker 1: What can OPI do?

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Speaker 3: I mean, I think it's kind of delicate because you,

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Speaker 3: I think being work from home, no matter what you're

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Speaker 3: you're gonna have more scrutiny probably on like whether or not.

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Speaker 1: You're working properly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but just go to a superior like you delicately though,

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Speaker 3: just be like, there's one person who seems to not

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Speaker 3: be understanding this, Yeah, and it kind of if she

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Speaker 3: keeps doing this, like because it's for emergencies. Oh, like,

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Speaker 3: you know, she gets an emergency message while she's away

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Speaker 3: from her desk, and it's like, oh, someone's texting me

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Speaker 3: while I'm away. If Karen keeps just message bombing her,

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Speaker 3: she won't know when it's actually an emergency.

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Speaker 1: A boy who Cried Wolf kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think that'd be good.

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Speaker 2: I think even if you're not complaining to the superior,

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Speaker 2: at least just being like, hey, I have this issue.

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Speaker 2: How can I communicate this better to her? Because clearly

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Speaker 2: she doesn't get it, you know what I mean, Like,

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Speaker 2: maybe you're superior can help with that, but there is more,

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Speaker 2: so let's jump right back into it.

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Speaker 1: In regards to the paging, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: If I commute it, I can turn it down so

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Speaker 2: I can't hear it elsewhere in the house, and I have,

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Speaker 2: but then I get bombarded with texts and passive aggressive

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Speaker 2: comments when I come back to my computer.

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Speaker 1: Right now, I have it at a volume where I

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Speaker 1: can hear.

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Speaker 2: It if I'm up, but it's not startlingly loud if

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Speaker 2: I'm sitting at my desk either. I suppose I am

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Speaker 2: also worried about drawing the boundary too firmly and seeming

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Speaker 2: unavailable to my colleagues who aren't Karen. You know, I

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Speaker 2: can definitely see the value in being able to communicate

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Speaker 2: within the office quickly, and it definitely does make working

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Speaker 2: from home easier. But there have been plenty of times

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Speaker 2: when I've tried to page a colleague can't get a

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Speaker 2: hold of them in that moment, and either make a

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Speaker 2: note to try it back later, or are you an

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Speaker 2: email if it's urgent and move on. Come on, Karen,

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Speaker 2: you gotta take notes. That's the overall staffs approach, regardless

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Speaker 2: of weather, working remote or in the brick and mortar building.

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Speaker 2: It's just Karen who seems to think that since I

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Speaker 2: literally live at my office, I should be able to

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Speaker 2: respond instantaneously to the pages.

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Speaker 1: And I am. And guess what, Dakota, Oh, we've got

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Speaker 1: it up date. My goodness, let's get into it, shall we? Yes?

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Speaker 1: All right.

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Speaker 2: First of all, thank you so much for publishing my

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Speaker 2: letter your advice along with the commentariat. That was all perfect.

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Speaker 2: I keep my phone super quiet out and don't jump

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Speaker 2: when she calls. I also think that a lot of

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Speaker 2: the commenters picked up on the fact that I was

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Speaker 2: trying to prove that I was working just as efficiently

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Speaker 2: from home and not doing anything helpful with my minutia

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Speaker 2: based away messages, right, I mean yeah, I.

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Speaker 3: Think okay, because Karen is just constantly like, well, have

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Speaker 3: you double check to the spelling in sentence seventeen of

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Speaker 3: coworker's email, And it's like no, because that's I don't

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Speaker 3: need to do that.

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Speaker 2: I see, I am following now, I'm learning new words today, guys.

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Speaker 2: I was all happy to let this go and move

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Speaker 2: on with my life, but we actually had a fairly

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Speaker 2: bizarre outside incident happened the other day, and Karen's boundary

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Speaker 2: pushing is actually about to get her in trouble with

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Speaker 2: someone besides me?

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Speaker 1: Is it the police? Whoa? Could that be the twist?

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Speaker 1: That would be crazy.

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Speaker 2: As I mentioned before, we are a small family owned company.

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Speaker 2: Very sadly our owners suffered a stroke and passed away

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Speaker 2: last week.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, no, it wasn't the police. It was the

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Speaker 3: corner Oh my god, No, no, no, I'm sorry, that's bad.

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Speaker 1: Wow, the owner's son, Norman. It's our CEO.

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Speaker 2: So the status quo is remaining relatively the same, but

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Speaker 2: we're all pretty sad. Norman has missed a few days

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Speaker 2: of work due to the little loss, but we're plotting

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Speaker 2: a long business wise. However, at the funeral this week,

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Speaker 2: apparently Karen decided to bring some contracts that needed to

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Speaker 2: be discussed and signed off on mat It's one thing

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Speaker 2: to like hang out with your coworkers and to like

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Speaker 2: talk work outside of work, but to bring contracts that

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Speaker 2: need to be discussed to a.

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Speaker 3: Funeral that is unblievable behavior, crazy crazy, Like you don't

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Speaker 3: need to share your dedication that much, carrot, Like take

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Speaker 3: a second to grieve Karen. Karen's like, oh, this is

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Speaker 3: a perfect opportunity for me to prove how valuable I

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Speaker 3: am as a resource to the new CEO while he

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Speaker 3: grieves his parent.

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Speaker 2: Yes that was everyone else's like previous work owner Like

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Speaker 2: that's crazy, that's crazy. Folks don't do that, and decided

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Speaker 2: it would be a good idea to ask Norman to

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Speaker 2: review and sign these documents while he was a meeting

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Speaker 2: with the other pallbearers while they were all gathered around

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Speaker 2: his father's casket.

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Speaker 1: This she needs to get fired. That's a new story

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Speaker 1: right there. Yeah, exactly exactly figure out of the funeral.

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Speaker 1: But you know, she is really on top of those contracts.

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Speaker 1: I guess she's just really Oh man.

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Speaker 2: All of us from the office saw this happen, and

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Speaker 2: frankly none of us knew what to say. It was

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Speaker 2: so surreal. Fortunately, Norman just shut her down with a

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Speaker 2: firm this is really not a good time, which is

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Speaker 2: much more diplomatic than what I think I might have.

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Speaker 1: Said in that situation. Well, good on you, Norman. Yeah, good,

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Speaker 1: good way to Norman handle that one like a champ. Yep.

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Speaker 2: I suspect Karen will be spoken to about this, since

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Speaker 2: Norman is aware of my complaints regarding Karen as well,

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Speaker 2: and I am not the only one who has had

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Speaker 2: issues with her boundaries stopping stomping in the past, and

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Speaker 2: I might have a pretty strong ally moving forward. That's

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Speaker 2: nice having the CEO on your side, being on the

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Speaker 2: same team as the chief.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's what you want.

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Speaker 2: Oh but guess what, Dakota, there is a second update.

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Speaker 1: Shall we get into or do we have any other thoughts?

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Speaker 1: I think let's get in to just jump right in.

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Speaker 2: I just want to give everyone a wee update to

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Speaker 2: the updates to cut the chase. Karen wasn't fired, oh.

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Speaker 1: She is, Well, she was on top of those guds.

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Speaker 1: I guess, I guess that's plays wrong time, right.

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Speaker 2: She just she can still work for them, she just

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Speaker 2: won't be invited into anything. Yeah, definitely not a funeral. However,

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Speaker 2: this is horrible and gossipy. Oh my God should tell

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Speaker 2: it's opey. But I am friends with the guy who

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Speaker 2: has the office next door to.

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Speaker 1: Karen in the brick and mortar building, and he mentioned that.

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Speaker 2: Our CEO, Norman, came into the office and he has

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Speaker 2: been absent lately due to stuff with his dad's death.

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Speaker 2: Norman had an hour long closed storm meeting in Karen's office.

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Speaker 1: I love the gossip. This is great.

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Speaker 2: The walls in that building are pretty thin, but my

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Speaker 2: friend said that they didn't need to be. Norman apparently

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Speaker 2: got fairly animated friend's words about being approached to sign

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Speaker 2: things at his dad's funeral, and then brought up that

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Speaker 2: this isn't the first time that this has been an issue.

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Speaker 2: My friend didn't elaborate, just said that my complaints, among

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Speaker 2: all others, had been brought up, and then he decided

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Speaker 2: that he didn't want to be essentially caught with his

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Speaker 2: ear to the door when Norman left. That makes sense

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Speaker 2: and he found a project elsewhere in the building. Yeah

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Speaker 2: that's fair. You can't be caught like snoopin'.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but we all want to know you have a

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Speaker 3: little tact which sounds like that guy did.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, good on you. Karen went home for the rest

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Speaker 2: of the day after this talking to That was on Tuesday.

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Speaker 2: When she came back in on Wednesday, my friend said

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Speaker 2: that she stuck mostly to herself and is almost tiding

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Speaker 2: Ooh that's kind of funny.

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Speaker 3: See Norman shut her down. This has to stop. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you need to stop.

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Speaker 1: Yes, good on him, man.

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Speaker 2: People are coming to her for things rather than vice versa.

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Speaker 2: And she hasn't paged anyone, not just me, but anyone.

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Speaker 1: I really don't think anyone is missing.

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Speaker 3: And if you don't want to miss hearing more stories

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Speaker 3: like this, head over to your favorite podcast platform, whether

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Speaker 3: it's Spotify or Apple Podcasts, or even the streaming services

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Speaker 3: like YouTube and TikTok. Look up Okay story time, and

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Speaker 3: that's where you'll find more stories just like this one.

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Speaker 1: Who come on hour. I think that this.

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Speaker 3: Has gone pretty much as well as you could expect

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Speaker 3: it to, especially if you want to stay like kind

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Speaker 3: of in the shadows like you don't want to draw

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Speaker 3: attention to being like I'm getting too many pages while

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Speaker 3: I work from home?

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Speaker 2: Right, I think Ope was like in a good spot here,

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Speaker 2: Like you gave the complaints that you needed to the CEO.

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Speaker 2: The new CEO is aware if someone is being annoying

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Speaker 2: and really bad and not just to you, they're gonna

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Speaker 2: get what's coming to them.

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Speaker 1: And truly you were not.

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Speaker 3: The opie is not the only one dealing with this,

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Speaker 3: because yeah, the new CEO was like, yeah, not only

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Speaker 3: are you bringing contracts to my dad's few, Yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: but you are doing this and that and this and exactly,

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Speaker 3: and I'm getting very animated.

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Speaker 1: About it, right right, So she's on thin ice. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: this Karen.

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Speaker 2: I think she is embarrassed, probably mostly by her behavior

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Speaker 2: at the funeral, and is now laying lou. I'm hopeful

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Speaker 2: that this will be a wake up call to her

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Speaker 2: and that she'll understand that her need to get work

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Speaker 2: done doesn't trump everything. My friend with the neighboring office

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Speaker 2: also offered that he thinks that Karen isn't very happy

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Speaker 2: at home and that with our grandboss dying, she was

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Speaker 2: probably trying to really supplement herself in work.

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Speaker 1: And get through it. Okay, that's a very nice way

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Speaker 1: to look at it. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: True, I can be sympathetic to that, even if I

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Speaker 2: think bringing contracts to a funeral is wildly inappropriate. Anyway, cheers,

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Speaker 2: Thanks for all your validation and outrage on my and

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Speaker 2: Norma's behalf.

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Speaker 1: You guys are all great. Thank you so much. Op.

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Speaker 1: I think you're a great Oh. Working from home, it's

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Speaker 1: not easy to work from home. It takes love. You

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Speaker 1: got to balance.

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Speaker 2: You got to balance though, well's self discipline and then yeah, exactly,

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Speaker 2: balancing work life.

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Speaker 1: You know, going to the bathroom and all those pages.

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Speaker 1: That's hard to balance.

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Speaker 3: N it's crazy getting paiged about going to the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's great. Well, but that is the end

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Speaker 1: of that story. Yes it is.

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Speaker 3: My coworker's wife accused us of infidelity and h R

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Speaker 3: believed her.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 3: Oh, man, I female twenty five have a coworker, Connor,

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Speaker 3: male fifty that I am close with. We both worked

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Speaker 3: at the same university and have a lot of the

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Speaker 3: same friends from there, and at our new job we

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Speaker 3: the same people. That's a good common bond right there.

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Speaker 1: Hey.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from user false freedom sixty

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Speaker 3: five oh nine on the r slash Okay storytime.

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Speaker 1: Suppread it.

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Speaker 3: We are close, quote unquote, but we don't hang out

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Speaker 3: outside of work.

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Speaker 1: We don't contact each other after hours.

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Speaker 3: I asked him about his wife and kids at least

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Speaker 3: once a week if he doesn't bring them up first,

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Speaker 3: et cetera. We're not flirting. We just went Last week,

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Speaker 3: a lady came up to me asking for a favor.

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Speaker 3: She told me to stop following him around and that

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Speaker 3: everyone could see what was going on, and I knew

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Speaker 3: it too. I was shocked because I had no idea

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Speaker 3: who she was. Oh my gosh, but then it clicked

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Speaker 3: and I couldn't say anything except that I was sorry.

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Speaker 1: Apparently I've been on her radar for a while.

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Speaker 3: My co worker Kara told me that his wife called

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Speaker 3: her a few weeks ago to ask about Mekara said

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Speaker 3: she told her she had nothing to worry about with

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Speaker 3: me because we don't like each other like that, which.

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Speaker 1: Is one thousand percent true.

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Speaker 3: Cara said that I had add nothing to worry about

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Speaker 3: as the wife is just a little mentally unstable and

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Speaker 3: whatever problems are going on in their.

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Speaker 1: Marriage are not my problem.

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Speaker 4: Eh.

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Speaker 1: Well, it sounds like they're about to be right. I

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Speaker 1: spoke with hr.

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Speaker 3: I first started off with saying that I do not

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Speaker 3: want anything done or said for the time being, and

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Speaker 3: I made that very clear. I told her what happened,

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Speaker 3: but not who it was. She, however, already knew who

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Speaker 3: it was. She told me that she had seen Connor

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Speaker 3: and I together frequently. I assured her it wasn't anything

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Speaker 3: more than conversation. She said that they could have the

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Speaker 3: wife banned from the campus, but I said no, as

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Speaker 3: I didn't want to embarrass Connor. Yeah, it's like, is

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Speaker 3: that the only option? They're like, wow, we could just

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Speaker 3: ban her from ever coming here ever again.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that seems a little extreme.

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Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, that's gonna make her really reassured that

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Speaker 3: nothing bad is happening, right right. I haven't talked to

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Speaker 3: Connor since then. He's hanging around my area of work,

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Speaker 3: but I've been avoiding him like the plague because I

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Speaker 3: don't know what to do. Kara says, he is really

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Speaker 3: embarrassed about the whole thing and that I should just

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00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,600
Speaker 3: act like nothing happened. But in my mind, something did

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00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:09,480
Speaker 3: happen and it was kind of big.

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Speaker 1: What should I do when.

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Speaker 3: I see him tomorrow and we have some relevant comments.

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Speaker 3: But before we ask those, what what would you say?

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Speaker 2: I don't know, because that's like so weird, Like I

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Speaker 2: just be in buds with someone I'm working, all of

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Speaker 2: a sudden it's like you're jig, you're dear.

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Speaker 1: Sleeping with my eyes best. Yeah, it's like the.

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Speaker 3: Shock of like wait a minute, whoa And then you

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Speaker 3: find out HR has already been like yeah, we kind

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Speaker 3: of picked up on that too.

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Speaker 1: It's like oh my god, no, like we're not. But

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Speaker 1: I would.

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Speaker 3: Definitely at least talk to Connor about it and be like, hey, like,

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Speaker 3: I think you need to do some work at home

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Speaker 3: to make your wife understand like this is not uh,

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00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:56,160
Speaker 3: this is just platonic friendship work friends.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because sometimes I think when people like are

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Speaker 2: talks like that just on their own time, like they

390
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,800
Speaker 2: he could be pulling the thing where it's like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I got someone that I talked to at work.

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Speaker 1: She seems pretty interested in me, and then you know

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Speaker 1: she's like, oh no.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he made like one comment in a fight, and

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00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:17,040
Speaker 3: now all of a sudden, OP is getting dragged intes.

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Speaker 3: All right, let's see what these comments say from Rough

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Speaker 3: Foundation six' nine. ONE a lot of expert hr, here

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Speaker 3: people not asking where did this, happen which is a

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00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:32,320
Speaker 3: pretty important. Question Oh op said inside the, OFFICE i

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00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,359
Speaker 3: was alone in the supply room and she blocked the

401
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:35,720
Speaker 3: door with.

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Speaker 1: Her but oh my, god, WAIT i thought it was

403
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Speaker 1: a phone. Call the wife was, there he's.

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00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,800
Speaker 2: There that's why they were like like saying like we

405
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:44,679
Speaker 2: could just have her band from the.

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Speaker 1: Camp oh my, god that's. Why, yeah because she just

407
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,520
Speaker 1: showed up to THE, whoa that's.

408
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:55,200
Speaker 2: Crazy oh that's extra. Crazy in the supply room, too. Yeah, Trapped,

409
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:58,120
Speaker 2: yeah trapped you in the supply. Room that's that's.

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Speaker 3: Wild transgemini responds to that, Knowledge, holy absolutely. Inappropriate Contact.

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00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:10,320
Speaker 3: Batman why isn't this nutcase already? Banned this behavior doesn't

412
00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 3: pop up out of. Nowhere the coworker definitely knows his

413
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:17,680
Speaker 3: wife is. Unstable oop when asked why she was following him,

414
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:21,200
Speaker 3: AROUND i wasn't following him around like. That we had

415
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,840
Speaker 3: a week long event back In. July my boss just

416
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 3: assigned me to work with his. Team around that. Time

417
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 3: his department deals with a lot of heavy. Lifting my

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00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,439
Speaker 3: boss wanted someone from our team to be there to

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00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:35,359
Speaker 3: help guide him and his team since we basically leave the,

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Speaker 3: event she felt it was best If i'd be there

421
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:43,200
Speaker 3: because that's my area of expertise And i'm the strongest

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00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,080
Speaker 3: member in my, department so i could easily help with

423
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 3: any lifting they. Needed there was never any funny, business just.

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00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,199
Speaker 3: Business sure we talked about things other than, work but

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00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,840
Speaker 3: it was mostly his, family which is also like not

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00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,920
Speaker 3: you can talk to your coworkers about things that aren't.

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00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,440
Speaker 2: Working, yeah it's totally.

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00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 3: Okay we never got into anything. Personal and we have

429
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 3: an update.

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00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,480
Speaker 1: Here oh, man let's go ahead and let's jump in to.

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00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,520
Speaker 3: IT i had no idea about the unexpected drama that

432
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 3: was about to be unfolded before his wife confronted. Me

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00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,359
Speaker 3: my coworker and his wife were invited to dinner with

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Speaker 3: one of the higher.

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00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:22,640
Speaker 1: Ups so this is.

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00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 3: The higher up dinner is before being trapped in the,

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00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,920
Speaker 3: Closet so this is this is, Backstory.

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00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,440
Speaker 1: Okay out of the, blue the.

439
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 3: Wife pulled out a speech from her purse accusing my

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Speaker 3: coworker and me of having an affair and read.

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00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 1: It out loud at the higher up's. Dinner oh my,

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00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:45,160
Speaker 1: god that's.

443
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:49,959
Speaker 3: CRAZY hr had caught wind of this and asked him

444
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,879
Speaker 3: about it after seeing us together at an, event which

445
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 3: was already normal for. Us when my coworker got angry

446
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,600
Speaker 3: over the, ACCUSATION hr assumed it must be true and

447
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:03,040
Speaker 3: started asking everyone in the office for their opinions on the.

448
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:08,159
Speaker 1: Situation oh my, Goodness, okay, Okay, honestly why did they

449
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:09,640
Speaker 1: care that? Much why DOES? Hr?

450
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 2: LIKE i feel like IF i WAS, hr i'd be,

451
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 2: like you know, what as long as it doesn't affect your, Work,

452
00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:15,119
Speaker 2: like have an affair.

453
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 1: All you, want but, like as long as it doesn't

454
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:17,479
Speaker 1: affect your.

455
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 2: Work but clearly like THEY'RE i don't, know they feel

456
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,200
Speaker 2: more involved than they need to, Be like the.

457
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,440
Speaker 3: Relationships or whatever in the office can be like they

458
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 3: do kind of need to be managed BY hr and

459
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 3: away like they need to be aware of. It but

460
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 3: at the same time their rationale for, like, oh he

461
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 3: got upset about, it so it's, true, Right, NO i

462
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,200
Speaker 3: think you'd just be upset if you're Like, god they

463
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 3: got wind of the letter that my crazy wife read

464
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 3: at the D, No i'm not cheating on my wife

465
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,399
Speaker 3: with my co, worker For god's. Sake and then they're, like,

466
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 3: oh that sounds like, wow my friend told me my

467
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 3: coworker called her to say his wife wanted to talk about,

468
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 3: me and she reassured her THAT i wasn't a. Threat

469
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,399
Speaker 3: but when his wife saw me talking to, him she

470
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,679
Speaker 3: freaked out and confronted. Me, boy my sister, said my

471
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 3: coworker didn't want me to, worry but their silence put

472
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,199
Speaker 3: me in a tough and vulnerable. SPOT i made it

473
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,440
Speaker 3: clear TO hr that while my coworker AND i get,

474
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 3: along there is nothing. Romantic he's twice my age and

475
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 3: focused on supporting his. Family since, Then i've just been

476
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 3: following his. Lead one minute he acts like nothing, happened

477
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:27,000
Speaker 3: the next he avoids me. Completely people are now talking

478
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,640
Speaker 3: and we need to decide where we go from. Here

479
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,120
Speaker 3: but it's been almost three weeks since the wife confronted,

480
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,480
Speaker 3: me and the drama behind it all has been going

481
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 3: on for a while.

482
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 1: NOW i don't know what to do and we haven't. Edit,

483
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 1: WOW i don't.

484
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 3: KNOW i think you need to go about LIKE hr

485
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 3: has fumbled. This from my, Perspective i'm not an expert in.

486
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 3: That it sounds like this was handled in a way

487
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 3: that only made the situation more.

488
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: Inflammatory, yeah LIKE, hr they.

489
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,639
Speaker 2: Just they're supposed to like you, know calm things, down

490
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,439
Speaker 2: like be the, mediators and they were just, like you,

491
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 2: know egging them, on just, like, OH i guess someone here.

492
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 3: Cheated hr literally went through the entire office and, went,

493
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 3: hey do you guys hear about Op, like did you

494
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 3: hear that they're saying each? Other what do you guys

495
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 3: know about? That everybody in the. Office that's, crazy messy.

496
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 3: People and then of course the wife is going to be, like,

497
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 3: yeah everyone in the office is talking about how you're

498
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 3: having an.

499
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 1: Affair that's.

500
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 2: Weird but it's like bo but that wouldn't have happened

501
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 2: if you didn't stand up in front of everyone and

502
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 2: read a.

503
00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:36,360
Speaker 3: Letter that you not already have everyone the higher, up

504
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 3: like the Big britches pulled down a letter and, SAID

505
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 3: i just want everyone to know THAT i know my

506
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 3: husband's cheating on me with this.

507
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 1: One and everyone's, like you're cheating on your. Wife he's,

508
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 1: Like i'm, not, no, no just let her just let

509
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,440
Speaker 1: her have, this just let her. Go oh, man she'll

510
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:58,399
Speaker 1: be done. Soon let's get into this. Edit we have an.

511
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:01,240
Speaker 3: Edit thank you to everyone WHO i shared their opinions

512
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:04,159
Speaker 3: and offered. ADVICE i want to clarify that from my,

513
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:07,359
Speaker 3: perspective there has never been any attraction or feelings between.

514
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 3: Us in our office of about thirty to forty, people

515
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 3: it's common to ask about each other's. Families i've met his,

516
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 3: kids who come in twice a, week and he often

517
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:18,119
Speaker 3: shares updates about their. Lives asking about his wife is

518
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 3: simply a way to acknowledge her. Presence we've never spoken

519
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 3: negatively about, her AND i actually admired how obsessed he

520
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,880
Speaker 3: is over. Her we have a shared connection through our

521
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 3: time at the. University he worked there BEFORE i, started

522
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,640
Speaker 3: and NOW i do contract.

523
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:31,679
Speaker 1: Work there on.

524
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 3: Weekends he currently works part time at the university in

525
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:38,360
Speaker 3: addition to our main, job but we have different. SCHEDULES

526
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 3: i work during the day and attend university at, night

527
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 3: while he works at the university during the day and

528
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,679
Speaker 3: our other job at. Night and by the, way that

529
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 3: it could be, ni it could be, day it could

530
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 3: be any. Time you can join us and listen to

531
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 3: full episodes with stories like. This just go To, Spotify Apple,

532
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 3: podcasts or your favorite podcast app and. Search, okay story,

533
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:07,480
Speaker 3: time and we do have a little bit left. Here

534
00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 3: just jump right in AND i think let's just, go

535
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 3: AND i think we've kind of we haven't really touched

536
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,960
Speaker 3: on if there could be like feelings that maybe the

537
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,679
Speaker 3: coworker has That opie, doesn't AND opi hasn't picked up on.

538
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:21,120
Speaker 1: It But i'm sure you would have noticed that.

539
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:25,159
Speaker 2: Probably i'm, Yeah i'm STILL i would still believe that

540
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:28,439
Speaker 2: maybe he's like exaggerating things at, home either in a

541
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,479
Speaker 2: fight or or MAYBE i don't, know maybe she is

542
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:32,119
Speaker 2: just blind to.

543
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,280
Speaker 1: It who, knows so he he might be weaponizing the.

544
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 3: Friendship, yeah maybe may, well, well just to spice things.

545
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:43,120
Speaker 3: Up welllet's see how this ends right. Now, importantly we've

546
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 3: maintained a professional relationship at. Work we rarely have lunch,

547
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 3: together we don't reach out outside of office, hours and

548
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,960
Speaker 3: while we are friends on social, media we don't interact there.

549
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,920
Speaker 3: EITHER i came here to ask on how to handle

550
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,720
Speaker 3: the matter in the best. Way we've not spoken about

551
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 3: what has been going, on but he goes from acting

552
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 3: like everything is fine to being distant. Again, unfortunately we

553
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,119
Speaker 3: do still have to work together and there is nowhere

554
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 3: else for me to be moved AS i am already

555
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:12,560
Speaker 3: in a different, department and we do have some relevant.

556
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 1: Comments maybe they will shed some light on the situation.

557
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 1: Here see.

558
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 3: It Pumpkin patch eighty five, says if he's not your

559
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 3: friend outside of, work and it's just a, misunderstanding then

560
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,400
Speaker 3: let your coworker know and handle it and stay away

561
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,440
Speaker 3: from him. Completely hmm oh, oh he, SAYS i wish

562
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 3: it were that. Easy we still have to work. Closely

563
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 3: he knows what, happened and my friend said he's really

564
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 3: embarrassed by. It he also told her that he tried

565
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 3: to warm me a couple of weeks. Ago he told

566
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,040
Speaker 3: me that someone made a comment THAT i was hanging

567
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,879
Speaker 3: around his guys too. Much but his guys are in

568
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,679
Speaker 3: their eighties AND i talked to them maybe once a.

569
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,399
Speaker 3: Week he wouldn't tell me who said it or in what,

570
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,720
Speaker 3: context but just told me to watch my.

571
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:52,160
Speaker 1: BACK.

572
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,360
Speaker 3: WHOA i thought MAYBE i had distracted them or one

573
00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 3: of them complained about, me SO i stayed away from,

574
00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 3: them but not from, Him and he didn't act any different.

575
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 3: Either and what he told me was completely different from

576
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,800
Speaker 3: what was actually going. On i'm not saying it's his,

577
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 3: fault but my understanding was completely different from what was

578
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 3: actually going. On Pumpkin patch eighty five of them, replies

579
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 3: you can work with him. Professionally and not have any

580
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,880
Speaker 3: other kind of, interaction no, text no social. Media, also

581
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:21,400
Speaker 3: you don't need to make any small talk or ask

582
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 3: about his wife once a week like you have been

583
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,920
Speaker 3: in the. Past just stay. Away it's not. Hard but

584
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 3: why does she have to do? That, YEAH i feel

585
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 3: like this comment is sort of THROWING ohp under the

586
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:34,000
Speaker 3: bus by just being, like, well now you can't have

587
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 3: that friend because his wife thinks that you're, cheating that

588
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 3: you're in a fair.

589
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 1: Partner it's, like but you're not.

590
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 2: RIGHT i know that, Definitely like shouldn't be how it

591
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 2: is at, all and that's.

592
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 1: Frustrating BUT i kind of see where they're coming.

593
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 2: From LIKE i kind of feel like it's, like, well

594
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 2: you are in this tough situation, now obviously something is

595
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 2: going on and it's all weird and you're not really

596
00:28:56,440 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 2: involved in, it but things might get worse from SO

597
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 2: i could see, like you, know wanting to avoid the

598
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:03,880
Speaker 2: situation to not cause any more.

599
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 1: Problems but it does suck that that needs to.

600
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 3: Happen it seems LIKE i agree because it's it is

601
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 3: probably the, easiest clearest, path but it's also like kind

602
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 3: of the most unfair. One, yeah and it's also gonna

603
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 3: be really hard because it's, LIKE i don't, know you

604
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 3: don't want to mess up the work, vibes, right you

605
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 3: got good, vibes you don't want to mess him.

606
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 2: UP i, mean IF hr is, involved then you know

607
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 2: their jobs might be on the line, too, Right, yeah.

608
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: Just, yeah So op. Responds that's the.

609
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 3: Thing though we don't call or text or hang out

610
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 3: outside of, work interactions have only ever been work. RELATED

611
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 3: i guess the only THING i can think of is

612
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 3: we only communicate THROUGH. Admin but to be, honest they

613
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 3: both suck and we end up having to give communications

614
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 3: with each other directly. Anyway that's kind of been the recurring.

615
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 3: Issue spa five ninety nine, SAYS i was wondering if

616
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 3: the older colleague might have a crush On op without

617
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 3: her realizing. It he may be so one who talks

618
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 3: about his work day when he gets home and brings

619
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,240
Speaker 3: Up opie's name a. Lot the wife probably heard about

620
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:08,120
Speaker 3: OH pi so much that she thought the. Worst OH p,

621
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 3: SAYS i think you're. Right he has mentioned a few

622
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 3: times before that he told his wife some things that

623
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 3: we've discussed at, work and, honestly she's right about the following.

624
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 3: Around she just has the people mix. Up he tends

625
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 3: to follow me around more THAN i follow. Him oh,

626
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 3: oh he might be having the.

627
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 1: Crush, yeah like.

628
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 3: It rotato, says she called you out in public at

629
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,920
Speaker 3: a company. Dinner you should have already filed a complaint

630
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 3: about that WITH. Hr not trying to seem, aggressive but

631
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,360
Speaker 3: it protects, you so do. It oh he, SAYS i

632
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 3: wasn't there when it, happened and this was weeks before

633
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 3: she confronted. Me the commentary says there are, Witnesses, no INCLUDING.

634
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 3: Hr shouldn't be too. Tough ohp says it was just four,

635
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 3: people the, boss his, wife and my coworker and his.

636
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 3: Wife oh my, god just directly to the boss and.

637
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 2: His wife intimate dinner and she's, like oh, no you

638
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 2: can make an announcement.

639
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 1: And you won't believe. It but that's the. End that's

640
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 1: the last.

641
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:12,560
Speaker 3: Comment get so, Okay so Clearly i'll say THIS hr fumbled.

642
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 3: THIS hr assumed that there was an affair where there isn't,

643
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,960
Speaker 3: one just based on his negative reaction to being accused

644
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 3: of having. One and first of, all most of this

645
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 3: needs to fall on the coworker and he needs to

646
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 3: rain in his wife's behavior and make it clear that

647
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 3: it's impacting.

648
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 1: Work but you.

649
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 3: Need to skip up the ladder of THE hr department

650
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 3: because whoever was handling this didn't handle it right at,

651
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 3: all and you need to go above them to whoever

652
00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 3: is in charge of. THEM i, agree go up as

653
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 3: far as you can and just make it clear, like,

654
00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 3: hey this is being totally mishandled AND i don't appreciate

655
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 3: being made out to be like an affair partner in

656
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:54,720
Speaker 3: a situation where that's not.

657
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 1: Happening, ah oh my. Goodness. Wow so literally the wife

658
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,440
Speaker 1: AND hr our jump age conclusions.

659
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 2: Here that's the worst possible.

660
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 3: Outcome, truly and, maybe you, know maybe reach out to

661
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 3: the boss directly and also be, like, HEY i heard

662
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 3: what happened at that.

663
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 1: Dinner that is not. True, yeah JUST i don't. Know

664
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 1: let your voice be. Heard, yes at the very, least,

665
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 1: yes but that is the end of that. Story, hey

666
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 1: It's sam og. Host we're going get back to these delectable.

667
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:25,040
Speaker 3: Stories but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors

668
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 3: to help support the.

669
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 2: Show my new employee did a background check on. ME

670
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 2: i told him that that was completely, inappropriate just.

671
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 1: A random background check from nobody in.

672
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:41,040
Speaker 2: Charge WHAT i started a new position recently and was

673
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 2: promoted quickly to a management.

674
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 1: Position.

675
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 2: GREAT i have a long supervisory, background looking forward to

676
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,960
Speaker 2: helping in a wider. Capacity by the, way this comes

677
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 2: from anonymous writer on askamanager dot. Org so one of

678
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 2: my direct reports is a very conscientious and ambitious young

679
00:32:58,880 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 2: man Named.

680
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,320
Speaker 1: Scott WHO i have found pleasant to work.

681
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,400
Speaker 2: With last, week during a normal conversation about a, Project

682
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 2: scott brought up that he had done a background search

683
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 2: on me and then asked me about an arrest on my.

684
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 2: Record what, Hey scott maybe pumped the brakes a little.

685
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 2: Bit yea an insurance snafu that led to a driver's license,

686
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 2: snaffho and WHEN i was pulled over for a normal

687
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 2: traffic stop in a rather conservative, COUNTY i spent a

688
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,480
Speaker 2: night in, lockup which was both humiliating and.

689
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 1: Illuminating this is not immediately.

690
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 2: GOOGLEABLE i gave it a try myself after he brought it,

691
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 2: up and some of the specificity of the details he

692
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 2: used leads me to believe that he went to one

693
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 2: of the publicly available background report sites and paid and

694
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 2: paid the nominal fee to obtain a detailed.

695
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 1: Report. Wow he went in it in he spent like

696
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 1: thirty bucks to learn this.

697
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 2: Way his question was framed as that he had been

698
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 2: doing some research and wanted to clarify what happened IN

699
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 2: X state because it wasn't clear if it the arrest

700
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 2: was IN x Or Why.

701
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 1: State, Hey, scott that doesn't matter at.

702
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,359
Speaker 3: All don't do background checks on your coworkers for no

703
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 3: reason other than to like stalk them low, key.

704
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 1: Like can you?

705
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 2: Imagine he's, like we work at like PACs On, like

706
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 2: you don't need to be doing, that, MAN i lived

707
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 2: In Why state more, recently but there's nothing easily found

708
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:29,520
Speaker 2: that links the two without paying for. It in the,

709
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 2: MOMENT i answered truthfully that these items were from more

710
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:36,120
Speaker 2: than one from more than a decade, ago and were

711
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 2: the result of a particular set of. CIRCUMSTANCES i then

712
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 2: excuse myself from the conversation and returned to my. Office

713
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:46,040
Speaker 2: the LONGER i think about, it the more weirded OUT i.

714
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,759
Speaker 2: Am scott would like to, advance AND i feel like

715
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:52,360
Speaker 2: a follow up conversation is definitely, Warranted But i'm struggling

716
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 2: with an approach aside From, hey you super violated a

717
00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 2: boundary for, me and that will go over like a

718
00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 2: ton of.

719
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,759
Speaker 1: Bricks if you do it with you your, Manager.

720
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 3: Oh my, God, YEAH i didn't even think about, that

721
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:03,480
Speaker 3: the fact that this is his.

722
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 2: Manager, Yeah like if this was like a manager to an,

723
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 2: employee LIKE i can see, that but like this is

724
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:11,880
Speaker 2: like totally.

725
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,040
Speaker 1: Reversed, yeah it's.

726
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:16,320
Speaker 3: Crazy maybe it's just Like scott's, Like i'm going to

727
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 3: make a power PLAY.

728
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:19,200
Speaker 1: Rp i'm going to do a power play right, here,

729
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 1: dude crazy so.

730
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 2: Bold to be, fair this is an overtly aggressive office,

731
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,759
Speaker 2: culture and asking to explain your professional background in a

732
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 2: fair amount of detail to coworkers or employees is par

733
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 2: for the. Course but WHILE i understand having a background

734
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 2: check run by the company during the hiring, Process i'd

735
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 2: like to keep my personal background. Personal and While i'm

736
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 2: not wild about discussing this embarrassing, incident my reaction.

737
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:46,319
Speaker 1: Was more of a how and why did you obtain this?

738
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,879
Speaker 2: Information then a deep dark search That i'm worried might

739
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,880
Speaker 2: come to. Light how DO i let go of my

740
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 2: weirded out? Feeling and how DO i best address this

741
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 2: in a follow up? Conversation and there is an, update

742
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:00,160
Speaker 2: but let's answer those questions really.

743
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 3: QUICK i think that, like it just sounds like a

744
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,400
Speaker 3: case of especially with that comment about the office culture

745
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:11,359
Speaker 3: already being. AGGRESSIVE i feel like this is a case, of, like,

746
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 3: well let's see IF i should be the new manager

747
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 3: instead of this. PERSON i noticed you have some suspicious

748
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 3: arrests on your record, here, right little.

749
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 2: MANAGER i, LIKE i just am trying to understand what

750
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:27,400
Speaker 2: kind of company this could be where this would be like,

751
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:28,840
Speaker 2: Important like we're.

752
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 1: Not seing of like sales.

753
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:34,400
Speaker 3: Finance, yeah those are two just like really, right just

754
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 3: really aggressive where they're just like everyone's looking out for,

755
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 3: them so everyone wants their own.

756
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 1: Promotion it is. Weird it is.

757
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:43,839
Speaker 2: Weird but let's see what this update. SAYS i can't

758
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,880
Speaker 2: tell you how MUCH i appreciated your advice on this peculiar.

759
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 2: Situation it was a much needed grounding and reminder of

760
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 2: what normal should look. Like, WELL i was not able

761
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:56,239
Speaker 2: to participate when the post was originally. PUBLISHED i did

762
00:36:56,280 --> 00:37:01,240
Speaker 2: read every single. Comment your point about questionable judgment was spot.

763
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 2: On scott was indeed a younger employee and deeply convinced

764
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:09,360
Speaker 2: of the superiority of his own intellect and. Gender he

765
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 2: had a, five ten and fifteen year life planned with ambitious. Goals,

766
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 2: unfortunately this was coupled with no more sense Than.

767
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:17,120
Speaker 1: God gave a.

768
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 2: Goose his previous work experience in an unrelated field left

769
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:24,320
Speaker 2: him the impression that it was absolutely reasonable to deeply

770
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:27,960
Speaker 2: examine the people around, him but then verify his findings through.

771
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: Research as part of his five year.

772
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:33,320
Speaker 2: Plan he was applying for many roles within the company

773
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:37,279
Speaker 2: in search of, advancement despite not having relevant experience nor

774
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 2: demonstrating development in any key skilled. Areas as mentioned in my,

775
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:45,239
Speaker 2: LETTER i was hired on IN i was hired on

776
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 2: in a line level position and then promoted to a

777
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 2: management position within a couple of. Months in that, industry

778
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:56,279
Speaker 2: career advancement is often tied to a reassignment in diverse geographic.

779
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 2: Locations going where the work is and arriving at a

780
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:03,560
Speaker 2: new look is accompanied by sharing bonafides with the teams

781
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:07,400
Speaker 2: to build. Connections imagine you've worked for twenty years for

782
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 2: the same, company but have moved eight times and never

783
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,719
Speaker 2: worked in the same place with the same team more

784
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,279
Speaker 2: than two years in a. ROW i had spent a

785
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:18,880
Speaker 2: great deal of time grabbing opportunities as they, arose living

786
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:22,719
Speaker 2: out of suitcases and working, far far too MUCH i

787
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 2: had garnered some nice accolades in some faintly glamorous, locales

788
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,200
Speaker 2: but anyone who has done it knows that the luster

789
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 2: is surface level. Only scott was intensely interested in my

790
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 2: career experience and HOW i progressed in the. Field coupled

791
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,840
Speaker 2: with his desire for promotion and deeply flawed perceptions around

792
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 2: reasonable follow, up this led to the rather extraordinary SITUATION

793
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 2: i wrote in. About armed with the knowledge That scott

794
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 2: was about as intuitive as a pile of, BRICKS i

795
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:55,680
Speaker 2: was planning a follow up conversation the next time we worked.

796
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 2: Together he beat me to the punch when he asked

797
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 2: me again about the information he had found as soon

798
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 2: AS i approached his, desk this time with a copy

799
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:07,840
Speaker 2: of my booking photo pulled up on his.

800
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 3: Screen yeah, no, no, no, no this guy this Power this

801
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:11,399
Speaker 3: guy's trying to pull a power.

802
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 1: Play, yeah he's trying to power play the.

803
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:16,919
Speaker 2: MANAGER i reacted much more, decisively this, time telling him

804
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:19,719
Speaker 2: to close the browsing window immediately and pulling him into

805
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:23,399
Speaker 2: the office for a one on one. Conversation looking, BACK

806
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 2: i THINK i used your phrasing almost verbatim around work

807
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 2: boundaries and everyone deserving.

808
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 1: Privacy scott was mostly confused by this.

809
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:34,799
Speaker 2: Response in his, view it was perfectly reasonable to look

810
00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 2: for deeper, oops for deeper.

811
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 1: Information about almost.

812
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:42,279
Speaker 2: Anyone his rationale behind asking me about what he'd found.

813
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 1: Was he wanted to alert me this information was out.

814
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 3: There, WELL i, mean, yeah that's also a huge like the.

815
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 3: Lie it's such an obvious. Lie, yeah that's.

816
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 2: STUPID i told him it was unacceptable behavior and demonstrated

817
00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 2: incredibly poor judgment that he'd dig this far into any,

818
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:04,280
Speaker 2: colleague much less his, manager.

819
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,080
Speaker 1: Then bring it up multiple.

820
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:09,799
Speaker 2: Times the company completed background checks for every. Employee if

821
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 2: they had proceeded with the, hire one would assume that

822
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 2: nothing relevant was in the. REPORT i also let him

823
00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:19,839
Speaker 2: know that this was such an egregious situation we would

824
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:22,880
Speaker 2: be documenting both conversations and issuing a write, up and

825
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 2: this endangered his future with the. Company after distance from the,

826
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 2: SITUATION i genuinely Believe scott was an incredibly intelligent, person

827
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 2: demonstrating that anyone can be an absolute. Idiot DID i

828
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:35,360
Speaker 2: document the situation in?

829
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 1: Detail? Absolutely DID i discuss.

830
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 2: This WITH hr and my, boss, absolutely and she was

831
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 2: ready to Fire, scott who all? RIGHT hr was flabbergasted

832
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 2: and incredibly helpful in their handling of the. Situation my

833
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:53,120
Speaker 2: documentation plan was supported with the agreement That scott was

834
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:56,640
Speaker 2: on his final. Chance Did scott get promoted into another,

835
00:40:56,680 --> 00:41:00,560
Speaker 2: position not WHILE i was. There after this incident he

836
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 2: Had he did demonstrate an earnest desire to improve as

837
00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 2: a team member and make.

838
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,800
Speaker 1: Amends we parted on decent.

839
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:10,000
Speaker 2: Terms by the, Way we'll always be on decent terms

840
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:13,440
Speaker 2: because you can listen to full episodes with stories like.

841
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:16,960
Speaker 2: This just go To, Spotify Apple, podcasts or your favorite

842
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 2: podcast app and Search, okay story, time come on. Over,

843
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,360
Speaker 2: unfortunately my industry was one devastated by the.

844
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:27,080
Speaker 1: PANDEMIC i wrote the letter in mid twenty.

845
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 2: Nineteen By march of twenty, twenty almost my entire professional

846
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 2: network was either unemployed or being overworked as skeleton. Staff

847
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:38,799
Speaker 2: after giving some serious consideration about What i'd like out

848
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 2: of my work moving, FORWARD i.

849
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 1: Retooled my resume and got to.

850
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:46,640
Speaker 2: Hunting i've successfully transitioned to a, new very different industry

851
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 2: and landed a position with a great. Company it offers

852
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:52,799
Speaker 2: a much better work life balance and more reasonable employee.

853
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 2: Culture WHILE i do sometimes miss my old, career my

854
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 2: situation is much, improved AND i have been quite happy

855
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 2: to be settled. DOWN i have no idea Where scott has,

856
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 2: landed BUT i wish him.

857
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:06,839
Speaker 1: WELL i will not be googling, him and there are

858
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:07,520
Speaker 1: some relevant.

859
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:11,760
Speaker 2: Comments Aquatic stoner in nineteen ninety six, SAYS i cannot

860
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,719
Speaker 2: imagine the actual lack of awareness to think it's okay

861
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 2: to pull up someone's booking photo to quiz them again

862
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 2: on an arrest already. DISCUSSED i would have had a

863
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 2: hard time working with someone Like, scott AND i would

864
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:29,920
Speaker 2: have been deeply uncomfortable with this. Encounter no Pants powerstance

865
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 2: says here's another. THING i had to run several background

866
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:36,680
Speaker 2: checks on myself about a year, ago and the vast

867
00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:39,879
Speaker 2: majority of those regular background, sites even if you, pay

868
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 2: are still incredibly. VAGUE i ended up having to do

869
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 2: AN fbi background check on myself and directly request reports

870
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 2: from the police because they were so. Vague it sounds

871
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,920
Speaker 2: worse than it, IS i, promise so For scott to

872
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 2: have specifics means he did some incredibly deep investigative work and.

873
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 1: Probably put a lot of time into.

874
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 2: It some states allow booking photos to be, public but

875
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 2: details beyond the charges take a big effort to Find

876
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:09,400
Speaker 2: we ran checks on on multiple PEOPLE i know with

877
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 2: their permission to see if theirs were as useless or for,

878
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:16,840
Speaker 2: fun and their results were just as vaguely to totally missing.

879
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 2: Info all that to, Say scott is, creepy and that

880
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 2: is the.

881
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:27,800
Speaker 3: END i would have to agree That scott's, Uh scott's a.

882
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 1: Little, Yeah scott is a little that's. Creepy.

883
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,799
Speaker 2: YEAH i would be scared Of scott honestly if he's doing,

884
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 2: this like this is so weird and like, insane but

885
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 2: LIKE i don't want to know he's like in just.

886
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 3: Conversation you would have to have a very specific vibe

887
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 3: to be able to get away with. This BUT i

888
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:50,359
Speaker 3: IMAGINE i Imagine scott's being, like, yeah SO i here

889
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,400
Speaker 3: just like no eye, movement no.

890
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:54,000
Speaker 1: NOTHING i looked at.

891
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 3: You he's like background, check AND i noticed the states

892
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 3: weren't lining. Up it seemed like maybe it happened, Here

893
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 3: maybe it happened to their know anything about.

894
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 2: That, Yeah i'm imagining op like comes into the room

895
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:05,879
Speaker 2: and Then scott's like turned backwards in his swivel chair

896
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:08,200
Speaker 2: and he like turns around petting a, cat and he's like,

897
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 2: like he's, Like.

898
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 3: I've got your photo pulled up. Here he's he just,

899
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:16,120
Speaker 3: Tay he takes a deep, inhale just goes. AH i

900
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 3: THOUGHT i smelled you come. In it's just Like. Scott

901
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 3: did you memorize HOW i? Smell what's going? On?

902
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:24,879
Speaker 2: Scott, Yeah i'm scared Of. SCOTT i think everybody's stay

903
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 2: away From.

904
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 1: Scott scott's scary and. Intense but that is the end

905
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:29,480
Speaker 1: of that.

906
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:34,240
Speaker 4: Story my friends excluded me from the bridal party BECAUSE

907
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:35,840
Speaker 4: i didn't pass their friendship.

908
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:37,839
Speaker 1: Test what type of test was it is like one

909
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:39,680
Speaker 1: of those Online yeah was?

910
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 4: It LIKE i was gonna, sponsor BUT i GUESS i can't.

911
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:45,240
Speaker 4: SPONSOR i twenty one female at the, time now twenty,

912
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:46,680
Speaker 4: seven dropped out of a wedding.

913
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 1: Party here's the tea give.

914
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 4: Us by the, way this comes from medium goose to

915
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 4: to ninety seven on The okay storytime separate. It but

916
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:57,600
Speaker 4: WHEN i was in, College amber twenty three, Female tara

917
00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 4: twenty one, female AND i were close. Friends we enjoyed

918
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 4: having wine nights and girl time as supposed to do in.

919
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:06,320
Speaker 4: College the summer going into my junior year of, College

920
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:09,759
Speaker 4: amber got engaged and asked Me tara and some other

921
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:11,600
Speaker 4: friends in our friend group to be her.

922
00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 1: Bridesmaids.

923
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 4: Wow in, COLLEGE i was beyond excited for, her AND

924
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 4: i truly felt honored to be in her wedding. PARTY

925
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 4: i was and still am in love with weddings and

926
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:23,680
Speaker 4: all things love and. ROMANCE i was especially excited For

927
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:26,280
Speaker 4: amber to pick out her wedding. DRESS i remember sending

928
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:28,880
Speaker 4: her pictures of beautiful wedding dresses she should try on

929
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 4: and telling her how EXCITED i was for her to.

930
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 1: Say yes to the, Dress, yes the.

931
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:36,120
Speaker 4: DRESS i had never been a bridesmaid, before AND i

932
00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:38,239
Speaker 4: was so excited to see my friend get.

933
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 5: Married and she loves weddings and, romance and she loves.

934
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:45,879
Speaker 1: She loves, love she loves finding a romance podcast.

935
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:48,319
Speaker 5: Speaking of, Love, STELLA i did see you changed. BACK

936
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 5: i love your.

937
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:50,800
Speaker 1: Wife, ah that's. Beautiful.

938
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:54,360
Speaker 4: Yeah an important and unfortunate FLAW i had in college

939
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 4: had severe. ANXIETY i never. SLEPT i was in constant

940
00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:00,560
Speaker 4: state of fight or. FLIGHT i quite literally never stopped

941
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 4: studying and. PRACTICING i studied music. EDUCATION i even ended

942
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:06,359
Speaker 4: up in the er at one point BECAUSE i THOUGHT

943
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 4: i was having a heart. Attack, nope just. ANXIETY i

944
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,880
Speaker 4: got that REALLY i went to THE. AAA i went

945
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 4: to THE er my freshman year panic. Attack it was an anxiety.

946
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:19,560
Speaker 4: Attack it's a little bit really. Quick my understanding is

947
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 4: panic attacked is kind of like you're, Freendling you're. Crying

948
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:25,360
Speaker 4: it's like like a lot where it's anxiety. Attack it

949
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:28,360
Speaker 4: just you're, Like i'm, fine BUT i cannot stop my

950
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:29,440
Speaker 4: heart from pounding And i'm like.

951
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 1: Shaking you're, like this is so.

952
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:33,719
Speaker 4: Weird all this is to say that, unfortunately WHEN i get,

953
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:36,840
Speaker 4: STRESSED i shut, down AND i shut out almost everyone

954
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:39,480
Speaker 4: in my. LIFE i basically disappeared during the spring of

955
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 4: my junior year and had no AWARENESS i was even

956
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,799
Speaker 4: doing so BECAUSE i was so hyper focused on not

957
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:45,799
Speaker 4: being a failure in.

958
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 1: School as a.

959
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:49,440
Speaker 4: Result From january all the way Until april of that,

960
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 4: YEAR i had unintentionally failed to reach out To amber

961
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 4: junior year of college and also trying to be a.

962
00:46:56,520 --> 00:47:01,200
Speaker 4: Bridesmaid hard stuff and just. Severe it's a bee, anxiety

963
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 4: hard stuff to. Manage but it is very important to

964
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 4: note That amber had also not reached, out, called or

965
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:11,399
Speaker 4: texted me once during these months, either BUT i didn't even.

966
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 4: NOTICE i had no idea of how much time had

967
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 4: passed since we last. TALKED i have a lot of

968
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:18,280
Speaker 4: friends THAT i may go a few months without talking,

969
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 4: to and when we talk, again we're still. Besties SO

970
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:23,760
Speaker 4: i thought nothing of. It during the spring of my junior,

971
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:27,279
Speaker 4: year the week before a very important piano performance THAT

972
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 4: i had and finals the week, After tara asked me

973
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 4: IF i was available That saturday for a girl's wine

974
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:35,320
Speaker 4: night with, Myself, tara And, amber as we had always.

975
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:37,040
Speaker 1: DONE i told, her, WELL i would love to.

976
00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 4: GO i really couldn't that. WEEKEND i needed to practice

977
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:43,759
Speaker 4: and study for my upcoming performances and. Finals fast forward To,

978
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:46,279
Speaker 4: MONDAY i had just finished the piano PERFORMANCE i was

979
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 4: stressed about WHEN i Saw amber posted a picture of

980
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:53,799
Speaker 4: her with all of her bridesmaids except, me holding a

981
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 4: sign that READ i said yes to the. Dress so

982
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 4: they went to the dress shopping WITHOUT opi, yeah the

983
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 4: way my heart dropped into my stomach WHEN i saw that.

984
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 4: Picture why hadn't she invited? Me why Did tara tell

985
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:10,120
Speaker 4: me it was just a girl's wine night when really

986
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:12,200
Speaker 4: it was a whole girl's day For amber to pick

987
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 4: out for.

988
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 6: Dress, oh so she didn't go to the, Invite.

989
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:19,759
Speaker 4: So, Basically tara asked me IF i was available That

990
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:21,919
Speaker 4: saturday for a girl's wine. Night so, OH p, SAID

991
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 4: i can't, go but only only knew that it was

992
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:25,359
Speaker 4: a wine.

993
00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:27,080
Speaker 6: Night why why she couldn't?

994
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:28,120
Speaker 1: Go she was, STUDYING i.

995
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 4: Think, Okay, yeah so wasn't given the, actual you, know

996
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,200
Speaker 4: what was actually, happening which is. Weird, yeah why Did

997
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:36,160
Speaker 4: tara tell me it was just a girl's wine night

998
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 4: when really it was a whole girl's day For amber

999
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:41,279
Speaker 4: to pick out her wedding. Dress so even, then it seems, like,

1000
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:43,359
Speaker 4: oh you wouldn't have been invited to the whole, thing just.

1001
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 1: The white night.

1002
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:47,319
Speaker 5: Portion, Yeah i'm confused on she was deliberately hiding it

1003
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 5: or the plans changed the what happened?

1004
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:49,799
Speaker 1: THERE i was so.

1005
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 4: CONFUSED i immediately Called. Amber when she, ANSWERED i told

1006
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:56,320
Speaker 4: her THAT i saw her. POST i told her congratulations

1007
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 4: for picking out the dress And i'm sure she looks,

1008
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 4: beautiful and THAT i couldn't wait to see, it and

1009
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 4: she said thank.

1010
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 1: You THEN i.

1011
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 4: Asked her why hadn't been invited when all the other

1012
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 4: bridesmaids had. Been you told me that she hadn't heard

1013
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:08,960
Speaker 4: from me Since january and she didn't THINK i was

1014
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 4: a good friend BECAUSE i had been M M I.

1015
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:14,800
Speaker 4: A i apologized profusely and it took so much strength

1016
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 4: for me to not cry on the phone with. HER

1017
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:18,799
Speaker 4: i told HER i was so so sorry for not

1018
00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:20,600
Speaker 4: reaching out to her in the past few, months and

1019
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 4: THAT i am so excited for her wedding AND i

1020
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 4: really value our friendship and it was nothing. Personal i've

1021
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:28,279
Speaker 4: just been stressed about. School but she didn't lighten. Up

1022
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:30,440
Speaker 4: she insisted THAT i was not a good bridesmaid or

1023
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 4: friend and IF i was going to say no to

1024
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 4: a casual whine, night THEN i didn't deserve to help

1025
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 4: her pick out her. Dress that's incredibly.

1026
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 6: Unfair, also relationships are two way.

1027
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 1: Streets, yeah like why didn't you reach?

1028
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:44,680
Speaker 6: Out you're not reaching out like you're playing a big

1029
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 6: or same.

1030
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 1: Role, yeah it's a little.

1031
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:48,799
Speaker 5: Bit it's a little bit of a double, snare BUT i,

1032
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:51,319
Speaker 5: understand like it's it's. Contection it's a little, different like

1033
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:53,799
Speaker 5: you're having a wedding coming. Up but STILL i think

1034
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 5: it's still too ways Stream.

1035
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:57,600
Speaker 4: Again also like, SCHOOL i mean she's, anxiety, yes but also.

1036
00:49:57,600 --> 00:50:00,880
Speaker 4: Schooled it even alone is just a, busy busy.

1037
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 5: Time not if you're a cam major AT. Ucsb you

1038
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 5: got time to, party.

1039
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 1: DANG i did not have time to. Party.

1040
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 6: REALLY i was a theater.

1041
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 4: MAJOR i was a double, major AND i was Also,

1042
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:12,160
Speaker 4: YEAH i was a double, major AND i was doing uh.

1043
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 1: PLAYS i was resing like every.

1044
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:15,480
Speaker 6: Day, yeah oh, really AND i was.

1045
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 1: WORKING i was basically the thing for the.

1046
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,799
Speaker 4: Record, well basically the whole thing was a, plan And

1047
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:25,000
Speaker 4: tara was in on it.

1048
00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:27,800
Speaker 6: Too oh oh so it was a friendship.

1049
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 1: Test, yeah so that was the. Test she didn't go

1050
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:33,640
Speaker 1: to the. Wild that makes me really messed. UP i

1051
00:50:33,680 --> 00:50:35,239
Speaker 1: could have just communicated with. You could have just.

1052
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:37,799
Speaker 5: Communicated you could have you could have even communicated your

1053
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 5: upset in this and your.

1054
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:40,319
Speaker 4: ANGER i could have, said, hey, LIKE i feel like

1055
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:41,200
Speaker 4: you haven't reached out to.

1056
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 5: Me instead of you wanted to go behind her back

1057
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:47,239
Speaker 5: and tried to, yeah and just manipulate.

1058
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 4: It they planned to ask me to the wine night

1059
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:50,880
Speaker 4: as a test to see IF i was worthy of

1060
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:53,600
Speaker 4: helping her pick out the. DRESS i continued to apologize

1061
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:55,480
Speaker 4: to her AND i PROMISED i would be a better.

1062
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 4: Friend her response was, okay but with a will see

1063
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:01,799
Speaker 4: if you can straighten up your as. Kanto that night

1064
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:03,719
Speaker 4: was one of the worst nights of my time in.

1065
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:07,640
Speaker 4: COLLEGE i cried all, night literally soaked my pillow with,

1066
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:10,759
Speaker 4: tears and called my sweet Boyfriend julian now, husband who

1067
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:13,239
Speaker 4: was long distance at the, time so many times throughout

1068
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:14,640
Speaker 4: the night for comfort BECAUSE i was so.

1069
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 1: DISTRAUGHT i was heartbroken and felt LIKE i had been

1070
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:19,360
Speaker 1: a terrible friend for not reaching.

1071
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:21,920
Speaker 4: Out BUT i also felt betrayed By tara And amber's

1072
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:25,680
Speaker 4: plan to test my. Friendship like the guiding light he always,

1073
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 4: Is julian gently convinced me THAT i was not in

1074
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:31,680
Speaker 4: the wrong and this whole thing was. Toxic If amber

1075
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:33,719
Speaker 4: had texted, ME i would have responded. Her if she

1076
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:35,920
Speaker 4: had called, ME i would have answered LIKE i had always.

1077
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:37,719
Speaker 4: Done and if she had invited me to help pick

1078
00:51:37,719 --> 00:51:39,920
Speaker 4: out her dress that, WEEKEND i would have made the

1079
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:42,520
Speaker 4: time to be there even THOUGH i was. Stressed MAYBE

1080
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 4: i didn't have time for a careless wine night that,

1081
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:46,760
Speaker 4: weekend BUT i did have time to be a, bridesmaid

1082
00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:48,879
Speaker 4: and if it was a wedding related, ACTIVITY i would

1083
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:50,759
Speaker 4: have made it a point to be there even IF

1084
00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:53,600
Speaker 4: i was stressed and. Anxious, YEAH i, mean there are

1085
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 4: different levels to event, importance and like if someone was Like,

1086
00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:59,000
Speaker 4: hey do you want to go get gassed with?

1087
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:00,759
Speaker 1: Me AND i have like a work to, Do i'd be,

1088
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:02,960
Speaker 1: like m, sorry what a work to? Do versus if

1089
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:04,839
Speaker 1: they were, like, hey do you want to go wedding dress?

1090
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:06,480
Speaker 1: Shopping i'd be, like, Yeah i'll make.

1091
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:09,480
Speaker 5: TIME i will prioritize it because it is important if

1092
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:12,760
Speaker 5: you give false context and get an answer that matches

1093
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:13,920
Speaker 5: that false context and.

1094
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:15,680
Speaker 6: Get mad at the, person, yeah he's your.

1095
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:19,640
Speaker 4: Fault that entire week was emotionally. DRAINING i took it,

1096
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:22,800
Speaker 4: hard and it took me almost two months to fully process.

1097
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:26,320
Speaker 4: EVERYTHING i felt isolated and excluded from that friend group

1098
00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:28,600
Speaker 4: and the wedding party because they had all been there

1099
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:30,520
Speaker 4: to help her pick out a dress AND i was

1100
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:34,040
Speaker 4: intentionally excluded and not one of the, bridesmaids who were

1101
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 4: also my friends let me know or gave me a

1102
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:37,360
Speaker 4: heads up that the whole thing was a.

1103
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:39,319
Speaker 6: Train it's, frustrating very first.

1104
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:42,960
Speaker 4: FRUSTRATED i finally started to find clarity about the, situation

1105
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:45,720
Speaker 4: and my clarity was, this IF i have to convince

1106
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 4: you That i'm a good, friend you don't know me

1107
00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 4: and me aren't. FRIENDS i have good. FRIENDS i would

1108
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:51,680
Speaker 4: go to the end of the world for, them and

1109
00:52:51,719 --> 00:52:54,840
Speaker 4: they know THAT i don't have to prove myself, yes preach, it,

1110
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 4: yes and we definitely don't lie and play games to see.

1111
00:52:57,920 --> 00:52:59,359
Speaker 1: If the other is. Worthy, OH i love.

1112
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:01,120
Speaker 6: It as much AS.

1113
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:03,279
Speaker 4: I, TRIED i couldn't get over this incident or be

1114
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:06,120
Speaker 4: with the bride or bridesmaids knowing what they had. Done

1115
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:08,440
Speaker 4: In june of that, YEAR i dropped out of her.

1116
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:10,239
Speaker 4: WEDDING i had to practice WHAT i was going to

1117
00:53:10,239 --> 00:53:12,880
Speaker 4: say a million times with my mom BEFORE i talked to.

1118
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 6: Her i'm so proud Of, okus this.

1119
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:16,840
Speaker 4: Is, Great BUT i basically told her a true friend

1120
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 4: would never have wanted to make me feel the way

1121
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:21,600
Speaker 4: she made me. Feel if she wanted to talk to,

1122
00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:23,640
Speaker 4: me she could have texted me or called, me but

1123
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:25,879
Speaker 4: she didn't and then made me feel bad for doing

1124
00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:26,200
Speaker 4: the same.

1125
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:27,719
Speaker 1: Thing she was very upset with the.

1126
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:30,239
Speaker 4: News the conversation was one of the hardest ONES i

1127
00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:33,000
Speaker 4: have ever, had BUT i ended it proud BECAUSE i

1128
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:35,319
Speaker 4: stuck up for myself for the first time in my.

1129
00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:37,399
Speaker 1: Life i'm proud of. You i'm proud of you. Too

1130
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:38,680
Speaker 1: this is. Great it's a.

1131
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:40,560
Speaker 4: Communication this is what your friends should have been doing.

1132
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:42,400
Speaker 5: The whole time if she was upset one hundred percent

1133
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:45,480
Speaker 5: and you detangled the shame that and the narrative that

1134
00:53:45,520 --> 00:53:48,360
Speaker 5: they put on. You luckily you had a wonderful partner

1135
00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:50,560
Speaker 5: now husband to help with, that and you put down

1136
00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:53,279
Speaker 5: a boundary and stood up for, yourself realizing that you

1137
00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:54,880
Speaker 5: have enough worth to be able to do.

1138
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:55,520
Speaker 6: This this is.

1139
00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 1: AMAZING a few.

1140
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,080
Speaker 4: Months, later she asked to meet for coffee and she

1141
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:03,080
Speaker 4: apologized for her. Behavior, OKAY i forgave her but time

1142
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 4: and only solidified my decision to leave the. GROUP i

1143
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:08,479
Speaker 4: hope the best for her and everyone, involved just from

1144
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:10,799
Speaker 4: far far, away but we hope that you guys are

1145
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 4: never too far far away from, us because you can

1146
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:16,800
Speaker 4: listen to full episodes like this On, Spotify Apple, podcasts

1147
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:19,759
Speaker 4: or your favorite podcast. App just search. Up, okay start

1148
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:21,440
Speaker 4: time and there is a little bit left to this.

1149
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:24,040
Speaker 4: Story but do you have any final thoughts FOR.

1150
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:25,759
Speaker 6: Op want to hear.

1151
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:28,640
Speaker 1: YOURS i think that was definitely the right thing to.

1152
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:31,120
Speaker 4: DO i THINK op taking that time that two, months

1153
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 4: as you, said dtangle in figure out what she was

1154
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 4: feeling and then go to her friend and, say, hey

1155
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:38,040
Speaker 4: this is HOW i. Felt it was not okay for

1156
00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:39,520
Speaker 4: you to do that and then at the end of

1157
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:41,440
Speaker 4: the day not go back to, her not be like

1158
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:43,799
Speaker 4: you know, WHAT i actually. REALIZED i still don't need

1159
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:47,000
Speaker 4: this friendship regardless of your, apology BUT i can forgive.

1160
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 4: You and so it's like taking off that mental weight

1161
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:52,600
Speaker 4: of worrying about that situation while also not pushing yourself

1162
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:54,279
Speaker 4: to go back into a friendship that doesn't serve.

1163
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:54,400
Speaker 3: You.

1164
00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:56,400
Speaker 1: Right, yeah proud of.

1165
00:54:56,440 --> 00:55:00,359
Speaker 5: Op and, also if you have to win love or earn,

1166
00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:04,040
Speaker 5: love it is not love new and so if your

1167
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:07,680
Speaker 5: friends are proposing tests for you to prove, yourself that

1168
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:10,319
Speaker 5: is not what a, loving secure relationship looks.

1169
00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:12,120
Speaker 6: Like and So i'm glad That ope was able to.

1170
00:55:12,719 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 4: Agreed but there is a little bit left. Story all

1171
00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:18,000
Speaker 4: is not. Lost THOUGH i have grown from this. EXPERIENCE

1172
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:19,799
Speaker 4: i now make it a huge point to go to

1173
00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:22,440
Speaker 4: every friend and family FUNCTION i can possibly go, to

1174
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:24,760
Speaker 4: AND i take pride and always saying yes to plans

1175
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 4: no matter how busy life may. GET i don't know

1176
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:29,279
Speaker 4: if that's necessarily the. Takeaway you don't have to go

1177
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:30,080
Speaker 4: to EVERYTHING.

1178
00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:33,759
Speaker 1: I want you. To, YEAH i Hope ope can learn your.

1179
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:37,080
Speaker 5: No, Yeah and that Was i'm not traumatized the other

1180
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:39,200
Speaker 5: way AND i always have to say yes now unless

1181
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:42,239
Speaker 5: it's the. Test like your no is so important to

1182
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:45,840
Speaker 5: your worth and to your, sanity SO i hope that

1183
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:46,359
Speaker 5: you can say.

1184
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:49,080
Speaker 4: NO i intentionally answer the phone every TIME i get

1185
00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 4: a caller, text even If i'm strust or, anxious AND

1186
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:53,440
Speaker 4: i try to remember to check in on my friends

1187
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:55,439
Speaker 4: more often than. Before BUT i know that my true

1188
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:58,080
Speaker 4: friends know my heart and have my. Back, okay and

1189
00:55:58,120 --> 00:55:59,880
Speaker 4: that is the. END i, again you don't have to

1190
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:02,399
Speaker 4: say yes to. Everything if you're stressed and, anxious that's.

1191
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:04,279
Speaker 4: Okay people should understand if they know.

1192
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:04,440
Speaker 3: You.

1193
00:56:04,719 --> 00:56:06,560
Speaker 1: Yeah and you can also just provide like.

1194
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:08,759
Speaker 4: Explanations you can, say, HEY i can't come to this

1195
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:12,000
Speaker 4: Because i've got a lot of, work because feeling a

1196
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:12,319
Speaker 4: little bit.

1197
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:15,080
Speaker 1: Stressed that's okay. Too, hey it's jan. Here we're gonna

1198
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:16,879
Speaker 1: get back to this, episode but a quick three minute

1199
00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:17,800
Speaker 1: break with asermur.

1200
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:22,120
Speaker 5: Sponsors my friend secretly moved in her sister at our

1201
00:56:22,200 --> 00:56:23,560
Speaker 5: house despite our.

1202
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:26,160
Speaker 1: Disapproval she's living it all. WORSE i have.

1203
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:28,960
Speaker 5: Thirty two year old female have a longtime friend twenty,

1204
00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:31,920
Speaker 5: five let's call Her. Emily emily is currently living in

1205
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:33,840
Speaker 5: my family. Home by the, way it comes from. YOU

1206
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:37,480
Speaker 5: i see Poison barry six nine on the rok storytime.

1207
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:40,000
Speaker 5: Stubreddit so now for some, context we have Known emily

1208
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:43,560
Speaker 5: for almost eighteen years and her family lives near my. Grandparents,

1209
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:47,800
Speaker 5: Now emily's family are all dead. Beats even some members

1210
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:50,400
Speaker 5: are in the illegal. Business they have this as a.

1211
00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 5: Career due to, This emily and her siblings went through

1212
00:56:52,680 --> 00:56:55,719
Speaker 5: many bad times because their mom is a real piece of.

1213
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:58,719
Speaker 5: Work this woman was only concerned about the man in her.

1214
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:01,800
Speaker 5: Life there were many left her children alone for months

1215
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 5: and then returned as if nothing had. Happened oh, Wow

1216
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:06,120
Speaker 5: so not only did she like get distracted by a

1217
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:09,480
Speaker 5: mage physically Left, yeah you can say that they were

1218
00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:12,520
Speaker 5: raised by her grandmother and they were often left. Unattended

1219
00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:14,319
Speaker 5: before we met her and her, family we've lived in

1220
00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 5: another area like the, countryside about thirty minutes from my grandparents'.

1221
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:20,200
Speaker 5: Home fast forward to WHEN i entered. College we moved

1222
00:57:20,200 --> 00:57:22,840
Speaker 5: to the same neighborhood as my grandparents And, emily very

1223
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 5: close to my, college like you could walk to get.

1224
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:27,800
Speaker 5: There we didn't sell our family home because my parents

1225
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:29,440
Speaker 5: said it would be one of the things they left for,

1226
00:57:29,560 --> 00:57:31,240
Speaker 5: Us so we took care of the maintenance of the,

1227
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:33,280
Speaker 5: house but no one lived there. Permanently we used it

1228
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 5: as a guest house sometimes and as a vacation.

1229
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:37,120
Speaker 6: Too that was alongside.

1230
00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 5: Note, yes we then realized the gravity Of emily's. Situation

1231
00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:44,360
Speaker 5: she became a very close friend with one of my

1232
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:48,120
Speaker 5: younger sisters twenty five Female, lizzie and seeing that often

1233
00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:51,120
Speaker 5: they didn't even have anything to. Eat, whoa but like

1234
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:54,400
Speaker 5: in a really tough. Family, yeah we started inviting her

1235
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:55,320
Speaker 5: and her sister to our.

1236
00:57:55,320 --> 00:57:58,040
Speaker 6: House they eat with us almost every. Day that was really.

1237
00:57:58,120 --> 00:57:58,360
Speaker 1: Kind.

1238
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay so there's a lot of family stuff going.

1239
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:01,560
Speaker 4: On it seems like.

1240
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 5: They're trying to help Out emily And emily families kind

1241
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:08,720
Speaker 5: of knew each, other, ye but basically more friends WITH Opc,

1242
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:12,040
Speaker 5: yes who's more her. Age my parents often said that

1243
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:14,880
Speaker 5: we can't ignore when our family slash friends need, us

1244
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:16,720
Speaker 5: and if we have to help, them we sure have

1245
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:17,040
Speaker 5: to do.

1246
00:58:17,080 --> 00:58:18,400
Speaker 6: It that's the kind of people they.

1247
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:20,920
Speaker 5: Are the only problem THAT i had With emily in

1248
00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 5: all these years was the fact that her family had

1249
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:25,840
Speaker 5: wrapped around their fingers and she was always getting them

1250
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:27,959
Speaker 5: out of, trouble even that meant getting herself into.

1251
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:31,960
Speaker 6: Trouble they're really a problem with. Millions i'm on her.

1252
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:35,959
Speaker 5: Life, yeah and you, know like any natural human being,

1253
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:40,440
Speaker 5: response sty'll want the approval of your. Family, yeah but

1254
00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:43,320
Speaker 5: then again that was not my problem and it wass

1255
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:44,520
Speaker 5: her is her.

1256
00:58:44,560 --> 00:58:45,720
Speaker 6: Life now to the.

1257
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:49,120
Speaker 5: Issue almost two years, Ago emily got married and we

1258
00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:51,840
Speaker 5: were very happy for. Her my sister was the maid of,

1259
00:58:51,840 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 5: honor and my family actively participating in the.

1260
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:55,720
Speaker 6: Planning my dad even officiated the.

1261
00:58:55,720 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 1: Wedding is. Lovely they're.

1262
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:00,680
Speaker 5: Connected, yeah the families are at least, together OR i

1263
00:59:00,720 --> 00:59:04,000
Speaker 5: guess family With. Emily around that, time, again her family

1264
00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:05,360
Speaker 5: was in trouble and she went out of her way

1265
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:07,480
Speaker 5: to help, them even her fiance was against.

1266
00:59:07,480 --> 00:59:09,120
Speaker 6: This the result she was left with.

1267
00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:12,240
Speaker 5: No money nothing even used the rent, money and now

1268
00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:14,960
Speaker 5: she didn't have anywhere to. Stay so being her support,

1269
00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:16,800
Speaker 5: system my parents told her that she could stay in

1270
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 5: our family.

1271
00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:18,439
Speaker 6: Home so, wait, wait.

1272
00:59:18,440 --> 00:59:20,440
Speaker 4: So after the, wedding she used up all the money

1273
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:21,560
Speaker 4: on the, wedding and now.

1274
00:59:21,560 --> 00:59:24,800
Speaker 5: No emily used the money to help her bail her

1275
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:26,680
Speaker 5: family out of whatever trouble they were getting.

1276
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,520
Speaker 4: Into oh, okay, mister, Okay i'm like taking. IN i

1277
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:31,720
Speaker 4: don't know why this story is tripping me.

1278
00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:33,800
Speaker 1: Up there's like a lot of a lot of.

1279
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 4: Stuff, Okay So emily bailed out her family and so

1280
00:59:37,720 --> 00:59:40,680
Speaker 4: now has moved into Oh PE's family's.

1281
00:59:40,680 --> 00:59:45,040
Speaker 5: Place, yes, okay no more, money bail got. It, HONESTLY

1282
00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:47,440
Speaker 5: i was opposed to that BECAUSE i know. Her my

1283
00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:49,439
Speaker 5: dad told her that she didn't have to pay rent

1284
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:51,720
Speaker 5: or even pay for the. Maintenance the only condition was

1285
00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:55,360
Speaker 5: that she wasn't allowed to bring any member of her family, none.

1286
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:56,960
Speaker 1: Which she was, like a REASONABLE i think that's very.

1287
00:59:57,000 --> 01:00:00,240
Speaker 4: REASONABLE i, mean she's she's shown that she's willing to

1288
01:00:00,520 --> 01:00:04,480
Speaker 4: like kind of give them whatever they need without regard

1289
01:00:04,520 --> 01:00:04,880
Speaker 4: of what.

1290
01:00:04,840 --> 01:00:07,920
Speaker 1: She, needs even her, siblings and she agree with.

1291
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:10,520
Speaker 5: This, currently she is pregnant with her first, child and

1292
01:00:10,560 --> 01:00:12,760
Speaker 5: two weeks ago she from behind our back and spoke

1293
01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:15,280
Speaker 5: with my. Parents WHY i said this BECAUSE i haven't

1294
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:18,600
Speaker 5: mentioned that our family home is legally my sister's and.

1295
01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:21,560
Speaker 5: Mine our parents transferred the property to, us so we

1296
01:00:21,600 --> 01:00:23,960
Speaker 5: have been taking care of it. Since emily knew, this

1297
01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:25,880
Speaker 5: and she went to talk to my parents, askemoth they

1298
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:28,040
Speaker 5: would allow her sister to stay at her house when

1299
01:00:28,040 --> 01:00:30,800
Speaker 5: she gave birth for two weeks to help her while

1300
01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:32,160
Speaker 5: her husband was given leave from.

1301
01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:34,920
Speaker 4: Work, Okay SO i understand the problem here is that

1302
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:36,840
Speaker 4: they had had an agreement that it was only going

1303
01:00:36,840 --> 01:00:39,200
Speaker 4: to Be, emily and Now emily's gone to the parents

1304
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:41,280
Speaker 4: and been, like, hey my soilcials going to move into

1305
01:00:41,440 --> 01:00:43,640
Speaker 4: even though technically this is supposed to Be opie and

1306
01:00:43,680 --> 01:00:44,320
Speaker 4: her sister's.

1307
01:00:44,400 --> 01:00:48,840
Speaker 5: Place, yes however it's legally It's opie and her sister's

1308
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:51,680
Speaker 5: place with the. Parents were the people in the first

1309
01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:54,480
Speaker 5: place who invided oh or Invited emily.

1310
01:00:54,640 --> 01:00:56,200
Speaker 1: In, YES i think.

1311
01:00:56,080 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 4: It's pretty disrespectful Of emily when she's being very like

1312
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 4: helped a lot to then kind of capitalize on that

1313
01:01:03,640 --> 01:01:04,520
Speaker 4: and like go behind the.

1314
01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:06,080
Speaker 1: BACKS i think that's pretty.

1315
01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:07,880
Speaker 4: Rude, like if you're going to do, it at least

1316
01:01:07,880 --> 01:01:10,479
Speaker 4: have the you, know courage to actually ask the people

1317
01:01:10,520 --> 01:01:11,160
Speaker 4: who you're living.

1318
01:01:11,160 --> 01:01:12,240
Speaker 6: With, YEAH i see.

1319
01:01:12,240 --> 01:01:14,280
Speaker 5: That, so and she went to talk to my parents

1320
01:01:14,280 --> 01:01:15,680
Speaker 5: and asked them that they would allow her sister to

1321
01:01:15,720 --> 01:01:17,560
Speaker 5: say at our house when she gave birth for two

1322
01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:19,840
Speaker 5: weeks to help her while her husband was given leave

1323
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:22,120
Speaker 5: or my parents agreed again.

1324
01:01:22,040 --> 01:01:23,680
Speaker 1: Without asking, guys mess with the.

1325
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:26,560
Speaker 5: Parents, yeah so the parents are like now like factors

1326
01:01:26,600 --> 01:01:29,520
Speaker 5: and being disrespectful WHICH i didn't think was, okay since

1327
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 5: even though it's the house they both, bought it's not

1328
01:01:31,960 --> 01:01:33,040
Speaker 5: legally ours.

1329
01:01:32,720 --> 01:01:33,919
Speaker 6: And we should be including any.

1330
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:36,080
Speaker 1: Decision, yeah, yes that checks.

1331
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:39,000
Speaker 5: Out, anyway two days, ago we went shopping With emily

1332
01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:41,360
Speaker 5: and she made this. Comment my sister was asking me

1333
01:01:41,400 --> 01:01:44,200
Speaker 5: and when we're going home because she's, tired to WHICH

1334
01:01:44,240 --> 01:01:48,320
Speaker 5: i reply home how So emily says, yes because my

1335
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 5: sister came to me as a surprise a few days

1336
01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:52,800
Speaker 5: ago and she's been living with, us but last night

1337
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:54,880
Speaker 5: she went out partying and didn't come, home to which

1338
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:57,120
Speaker 5: my husband got angry because he doesn't want her to

1339
01:01:57,160 --> 01:01:57,560
Speaker 5: live with.

1340
01:01:57,640 --> 01:02:01,320
Speaker 4: Us they didn't know that she, was so the parents

1341
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:05,440
Speaker 4: And emily moved her sister Into opie at her sister's

1342
01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:07,240
Speaker 4: house and never told.

1343
01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:09,600
Speaker 1: Them that's. Crazy that's.

1344
01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:12,720
Speaker 4: Crazy it's one thing to be, like, oh, yeah they're

1345
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:15,640
Speaker 4: gonna move in, now and another thing entirely to be.

1346
01:02:15,680 --> 01:02:18,480
Speaker 1: Like they've been moved in and you guys didn't. Know,

1347
01:02:18,720 --> 01:02:22,520
Speaker 1: yeah there's someone that you are not aware. Of your house.

1348
01:02:23,040 --> 01:02:29,240
Speaker 4: Wild i'm Hearing, Emily, emily, Girl, emily that's the.

1349
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:32,560
Speaker 1: Walls you're hearing voices in the. Walls i'm going. CRAZY

1350
01:02:32,720 --> 01:02:36,200
Speaker 1: i asked, her what's that about her living with? You

1351
01:02:36,400 --> 01:02:37,120
Speaker 1: we agree that.

1352
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:39,080
Speaker 5: She was gonna help you for two weeks after you gave,

1353
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:40,920
Speaker 5: birth not that she was gonna live with. You i'm,

1354
01:02:40,920 --> 01:02:43,280
Speaker 5: sorry but she didn't learn anything from her situation going,

1355
01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:43,760
Speaker 5: Up and that's.

1356
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:45,640
Speaker 1: Fine that's her, life her. Problem BUT i don't want

1357
01:02:45,640 --> 01:02:46,680
Speaker 1: her on my. Property i'm.

1358
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:49,080
Speaker 4: SORRY i love that he's, LIKE i understand that SHE

1359
01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:51,040
Speaker 4: i don't want to, hear BUT i understand how much

1360
01:02:51,040 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 4: she's going through a.

1361
01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:52,720
Speaker 1: Lot BUT i don't want her.

1362
01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:55,720
Speaker 4: Like constantly going, back like trying to, be you, know.

1363
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:58,160
Speaker 1: Understanding but really it seems like the whole thing was.

1364
01:02:58,160 --> 01:02:59,760
Speaker 6: Angry, WELL i think.

1365
01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:02,000
Speaker 4: She's, angry BUT i think she's like she's trying to

1366
01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:02,960
Speaker 4: show that she's.

1367
01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:06,280
Speaker 5: Understanding oh that's my, Respect i'm reading it. Different though

1368
01:03:07,160 --> 01:03:09,920
Speaker 5: she kept, quiet finished shopping and. LEFT i mentioned this

1369
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:12,479
Speaker 5: To lizzie the, sister and she was in shock Because

1370
01:03:12,480 --> 01:03:14,560
Speaker 5: emily had never spoken about this to. Her it turns,

1371
01:03:14,600 --> 01:03:17,240
Speaker 5: out when she asked my parents for, permission she already

1372
01:03:17,240 --> 01:03:20,000
Speaker 5: had plans for her sister to stay permanently.

1373
01:03:19,520 --> 01:03:20,120
Speaker 1: With her at our.

1374
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:22,280
Speaker 5: House he just knew that we would, refuse so she

1375
01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:24,120
Speaker 5: put her there in the hope that we would let

1376
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:27,160
Speaker 5: it go. Later oh kill mon comments is Again opie

1377
01:03:27,160 --> 01:03:27,680
Speaker 5: and her sister.

1378
01:03:27,760 --> 01:03:31,040
Speaker 4: Don't, oh that actually does change a lot if we

1379
01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:31,480
Speaker 4: missed that.

1380
01:03:31,520 --> 01:03:33,520
Speaker 6: Part, wait OH i missed.

1381
01:03:33,520 --> 01:03:36,080
Speaker 1: THAT i missed that. Too it does change the context of.

1382
01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:38,760
Speaker 4: YOU i mean it doesn't obviously doesn't Change emily's still the,

1383
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:40,600
Speaker 4: wrong but it doesn't make sense why they didn't.

1384
01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:42,480
Speaker 6: Know, YEAH i was, like how do you not know

1385
01:03:42,560 --> 01:03:43,640
Speaker 6: this one was in your? House?

1386
01:03:43,680 --> 01:03:47,560
Speaker 5: Okay So opie is saying That emily was plotting to

1387
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:50,800
Speaker 5: like have get the okay for two weeks and then

1388
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:54,120
Speaker 5: have her sister live there. PERMANENTLY i wonder if this

1389
01:03:54,200 --> 01:03:56,680
Speaker 5: has been confirmed or IF opi is just SAYING i

1390
01:03:56,720 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 5: know what she's, Doing, like.

1391
01:03:58,120 --> 01:03:58,720
Speaker 1: Like it seems like.

1392
01:03:58,760 --> 01:04:00,920
Speaker 4: THAT i, mean we know for a fact that she

1393
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:02,920
Speaker 4: went behind their. Back so regardless of whether or not

1394
01:04:02,960 --> 01:04:03,920
Speaker 4: she was, plotting she did.

1395
01:04:03,920 --> 01:04:03,960
Speaker 3: It.

1396
01:04:04,160 --> 01:04:06,680
Speaker 6: No, yeah but do you see the. Difference, yeah there's

1397
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:07,160
Speaker 6: the two.

1398
01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:10,680
Speaker 5: Weeks, yeah and ops now making an accusation That, emily

1399
01:04:10,840 --> 01:04:13,160
Speaker 5: under the context of moving her sister in for two

1400
01:04:13,200 --> 01:04:15,680
Speaker 5: weeks with the, parents who's actually wanting her sister to

1401
01:04:15,680 --> 01:04:15,960
Speaker 5: live there.

1402
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:16,520
Speaker 1: Permanently.

1403
01:04:16,600 --> 01:04:19,680
Speaker 4: Yeah so even a further lie That i'm lying to

1404
01:04:19,680 --> 01:04:20,160
Speaker 4: the parents as.

1405
01:04:20,200 --> 01:04:23,360
Speaker 5: Well i'm, questioning, like IS op assuming that like was

1406
01:04:23,360 --> 01:04:27,760
Speaker 5: that confirmed? Confirmed, yeah however we my sister AND i

1407
01:04:27,800 --> 01:04:29,840
Speaker 5: are not willing to do. So my, parents on the other,

1408
01:04:29,880 --> 01:04:31,880
Speaker 5: hand got mad at me BECAUSE i was so rude

1409
01:04:31,880 --> 01:04:33,520
Speaker 5: WHEN i responded to, her and THEN i should have

1410
01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:35,360
Speaker 5: waited for a better. Time BUT i told them that

1411
01:04:35,400 --> 01:04:37,360
Speaker 5: she was acting behind her, back SO i reacted.

1412
01:04:37,360 --> 01:04:40,160
Speaker 1: Appropriately BUT i don't, know AM i? Wrong, no that's.

1413
01:04:40,040 --> 01:04:42,440
Speaker 4: Your, house regardless of whether or not you're living in.

1414
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:45,240
Speaker 4: It your Crazy gat says as the legal, Owners op

1415
01:04:45,360 --> 01:04:47,040
Speaker 4: and her sister need to go to the town court

1416
01:04:47,080 --> 01:04:48,800
Speaker 4: and get the sister And emily served an.

1417
01:04:48,800 --> 01:04:51,400
Speaker 1: EVICTION i think that, you, well FIRST.

1418
01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:52,760
Speaker 4: I think you can be, like, hey get out of the,

1419
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:54,400
Speaker 4: house like before we even go to the legal OR

1420
01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:56,919
Speaker 4: i just say you gotta, go and then if they

1421
01:04:57,000 --> 01:04:59,720
Speaker 4: don't leave in a timely manner that it's like.

1422
01:04:59,760 --> 01:05:02,440
Speaker 5: Okay so you would, say like for, sure you'd be

1423
01:05:02,480 --> 01:05:04,240
Speaker 5: like you went behind my, Back yeah you're.

1424
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:07,720
Speaker 4: LEAVING i THINK i think because she's, pregnant my reaction

1425
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:10,440
Speaker 4: would have been, like, Hey i'll give you like a

1426
01:05:10,480 --> 01:05:12,800
Speaker 4: week or two or something to like sort, out but

1427
01:05:12,880 --> 01:05:13,720
Speaker 4: the sister's not living.

1428
01:05:13,720 --> 01:05:15,880
Speaker 1: There i'll Give emily three weeks for, Sure, yeah for.

1429
01:05:15,920 --> 01:05:18,720
Speaker 4: Sure sister can't say, Yeah emily gets three weeks to

1430
01:05:18,840 --> 01:05:21,080
Speaker 4: figure out her, situation then she's gotta.

1431
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:22,720
Speaker 1: Go that's that's my final.

1432
01:05:22,760 --> 01:05:24,800
Speaker 6: OFFER i think there's a little more nuance and.

1433
01:05:24,800 --> 01:05:28,760
Speaker 5: Complicated there's so much, relationship there's so much, history like

1434
01:05:30,080 --> 01:05:33,920
Speaker 5: all this. Crap she did something, wrong but perhaps it

1435
01:05:33,960 --> 01:05:36,120
Speaker 5: was the first time she went behind your, back the

1436
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:37,920
Speaker 5: big it's a big.

1437
01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:38,080
Speaker 1: One for.

1438
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:39,520
Speaker 6: SURE i don't. KNOW i don't.

1439
01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:41,560
Speaker 5: Know IF i would Kick emily, out you'd give her four.

1440
01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:43,240
Speaker 5: WEEKS i THINK i would give her a. STRIKE i

1441
01:05:43,280 --> 01:05:46,680
Speaker 5: feel like this is, unacceptable but your sister needs to.

1442
01:05:46,720 --> 01:05:50,520
Speaker 1: Leave, okay, okay so sister's gotta, go and Like i'm very.

1443
01:05:50,560 --> 01:05:51,880
Speaker 6: Upset, yeah that's probably.

1444
01:05:51,640 --> 01:05:54,760
Speaker 1: How That's, alex AND i give three. Weeks.

1445
01:05:56,800 --> 01:05:58,479
Speaker 5: Updated first of, ALL i want to thank the people

1446
01:05:58,480 --> 01:06:01,160
Speaker 5: who took the time and read my comment on. It

1447
01:06:01,160 --> 01:06:03,240
Speaker 5: it's been crazy, lately BUT i could finally write an.

1448
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:05,440
Speaker 5: UPDATE a couple of THINGS i would like to. MENTION

1449
01:06:05,760 --> 01:06:07,439
Speaker 5: i don't live with my. PARENTS i have my own

1450
01:06:07,440 --> 01:06:09,520
Speaker 5: house and live with my older. SISTER i have two

1451
01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:12,760
Speaker 5: younger sisters that's still living with my. Parents my older

1452
01:06:12,800 --> 01:06:14,880
Speaker 5: sister is, engaged and she talked to us when she

1453
01:06:14,880 --> 01:06:17,480
Speaker 5: started dating her fiance about the house and how she

1454
01:06:17,560 --> 01:06:19,480
Speaker 5: wanted to buy us, out and we agreed with this

1455
01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:21,680
Speaker 5: because she's the one that always wanted to live away

1456
01:06:21,680 --> 01:06:24,160
Speaker 5: from the. City so they're selling it to another. Sister,

1457
01:06:24,480 --> 01:06:26,760
Speaker 5: yes now to the, update we have a family meeting

1458
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:29,040
Speaker 5: to discuss how to move forward regarding the. House my, Sister,

1459
01:06:29,120 --> 01:06:33,080
Speaker 5: Lizzie emily's best, friend was disappointed By emily's, attitude but

1460
01:06:33,120 --> 01:06:35,360
Speaker 5: not surprised, because AS i said in my previous, post

1461
01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:37,720
Speaker 5: when it comes to her, family she totally. Changes we've

1462
01:06:37,720 --> 01:06:39,320
Speaker 5: tried to tell her that it is not a healthy,

1463
01:06:39,320 --> 01:06:42,000
Speaker 5: relationship even her husband had told her, so because she

1464
01:06:42,120 --> 01:06:44,280
Speaker 5: is always the one who ends up hurt without, money

1465
01:06:44,280 --> 01:06:46,760
Speaker 5: even with health, problems but she doesn't listen to. Us

1466
01:06:46,800 --> 01:06:48,960
Speaker 5: it's like she's always expecting the best from, them but

1467
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:51,720
Speaker 5: they always end up disappointing her and she doesn't. React

1468
01:06:52,120 --> 01:06:54,160
Speaker 5: is being taken a manager of by her, Family but

1469
01:06:54,160 --> 01:06:56,919
Speaker 5: it makes so much sense that she. Allowed, Yeah she's

1470
01:06:56,960 --> 01:07:00,040
Speaker 5: been trained her whole life to abandon her no and

1471
01:07:00,080 --> 01:07:03,920
Speaker 5: to self abandon herself in order to save. Them i'm

1472
01:07:03,960 --> 01:07:05,520
Speaker 5: not judging, Her, yeah BUT.

1473
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:07,360
Speaker 4: I, mean like it seems like she's progressed to the

1474
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:09,840
Speaker 4: point where she's also doing this to other. People she's just,

1475
01:07:09,920 --> 01:07:12,160
Speaker 4: expected you, know she just doesn't LIKE i don't need

1476
01:07:12,760 --> 01:07:13,480
Speaker 4: permission for.

1477
01:07:13,520 --> 01:07:16,200
Speaker 5: Sure, yeah, no when it involves like other pe scenarios

1478
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:18,440
Speaker 5: of one hundred, percent you, know put down, boundaries this is.

1479
01:07:18,520 --> 01:07:21,920
Speaker 5: Unacceptable but still As alex, like, Yeah i'm saying this

1480
01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:23,960
Speaker 5: feels that feel that makes sense based on her.

1481
01:07:24,040 --> 01:07:26,760
Speaker 4: History you, Know i'm saying that she's taking what her

1482
01:07:26,800 --> 01:07:29,480
Speaker 4: family is doing and doing it in one, way and

1483
01:07:29,560 --> 01:07:32,320
Speaker 4: that like she's Not she's just kind of doing stuff

1484
01:07:32,320 --> 01:07:34,800
Speaker 4: without getting. Permission she's, like, OH i don't even need Your,

1485
01:07:34,920 --> 01:07:36,600
Speaker 4: Like i'm not going to ask for, Permission Like i'm

1486
01:07:36,600 --> 01:07:37,800
Speaker 4: not going to ask for you yes or.

1487
01:07:37,800 --> 01:07:38,480
Speaker 1: No i'm just gonna Do.

1488
01:07:38,880 --> 01:07:41,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, so as a, family we decided to go to

1489
01:07:41,200 --> 01:07:43,000
Speaker 5: the property and talk to her and her husband about the.

1490
01:07:43,000 --> 01:07:45,200
Speaker 5: Situation we also wanted to check if her sister is

1491
01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:45,800
Speaker 5: still living.

1492
01:07:45,840 --> 01:07:48,040
Speaker 1: There, yeah get her out of.

1493
01:07:48,080 --> 01:07:48,240
Speaker 2: There.

1494
01:07:48,360 --> 01:07:50,560
Speaker 5: Yeah AS i mentioned, above my older sister is going

1495
01:07:50,640 --> 01:07:52,640
Speaker 5: to move there after she gets. Married so we were

1496
01:07:52,640 --> 01:07:54,040
Speaker 5: going to tell them that they have until the end

1497
01:07:54,080 --> 01:07:55,160
Speaker 5: of the year to vacate the.

1498
01:07:55,200 --> 01:07:57,640
Speaker 1: Property damn when what was?

1499
01:07:57,680 --> 01:08:00,360
Speaker 5: This many in the comments advised me to take her out,

1500
01:08:00,440 --> 01:08:01,919
Speaker 5: Immediately sofia.

1501
01:08:01,560 --> 01:08:03,080
Speaker 1: Says three. WEEKS i give three.

1502
01:08:03,080 --> 01:08:05,480
Speaker 5: Weeks but you also have to understand that besides being our,

1503
01:08:05,520 --> 01:08:08,000
Speaker 5: friend her husband is also a good family. Member he

1504
01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:11,200
Speaker 5: Met emily through, us oh at, it and we don't

1505
01:08:11,200 --> 01:08:13,280
Speaker 5: want to end this, friendship so we decided to give

1506
01:08:13,320 --> 01:08:15,240
Speaker 5: her another. Chance added to the fact that she is

1507
01:08:15,280 --> 01:08:18,880
Speaker 5: seven months, pregnant it has no money and no. Money of,

1508
01:08:18,920 --> 01:08:21,439
Speaker 5: course what she did is not, excusable but As i've

1509
01:08:21,439 --> 01:08:24,200
Speaker 5: mentioned multiple, times totally changes when it comes to her.

1510
01:08:24,240 --> 01:08:26,800
Speaker 5: Family with that, said we left for the property and guess,

1511
01:08:26,840 --> 01:08:30,360
Speaker 5: what her sister was still living. There in, fact when we,

1512
01:08:30,479 --> 01:08:32,479
Speaker 5: ARRIVED i saw that she was eating a snack on

1513
01:08:32,520 --> 01:08:34,760
Speaker 5: a piece of furniture that my older sister had just

1514
01:08:34,800 --> 01:08:37,479
Speaker 5: bought for when she moved into the. HOUSE i have

1515
01:08:37,520 --> 01:08:39,559
Speaker 5: to clarify That emily doesn't know that my older sister

1516
01:08:39,640 --> 01:08:41,639
Speaker 5: is moving into the, house know that she is. Engaged

1517
01:08:41,680 --> 01:08:43,559
Speaker 5: it was something recent that only we, know and she's

1518
01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:45,639
Speaker 5: planning To NaN's the next month at a family. Party,

1519
01:08:45,680 --> 01:08:48,400
Speaker 5: anyway you're out of, THERE i Told emily that the

1520
01:08:48,400 --> 01:08:50,280
Speaker 5: furniture was going to stay in, storage but for some,

1521
01:08:50,360 --> 01:08:52,160
Speaker 5: reason her sister felt he had the right to take it,

1522
01:08:52,200 --> 01:08:53,680
Speaker 5: out And emily didn't say anything to.

1523
01:08:53,720 --> 01:08:56,200
Speaker 1: Her my sister AND i were. Furious they saw these,

1524
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:57,400
Speaker 1: people saw they're.

1525
01:08:57,439 --> 01:09:01,400
Speaker 5: Squatters disrespect of the, furniture, yeah is just adding to the,

1526
01:09:01,400 --> 01:09:03,559
Speaker 5: FIRE i. Believe and we told her to get up

1527
01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:05,759
Speaker 5: from the furniture immediately and if there was any, damage

1528
01:09:05,760 --> 01:09:06,840
Speaker 5: she would pay for it along with the.

1529
01:09:06,880 --> 01:09:11,400
Speaker 1: Cleaning the furniture was stained with something like. Sauce, Noo i'm,

1530
01:09:11,560 --> 01:09:13,360
Speaker 1: pissed and it's. New furniture is.

1531
01:09:13,400 --> 01:09:17,160
Speaker 5: Expensive her sister starts yelling at, us away the god

1532
01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:20,400
Speaker 5: audacity and saying a lot of. THINGS i couldn't take it.

1533
01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:24,800
Speaker 5: ANYMORE i yelled. Shut we came here to talk to

1534
01:09:24,840 --> 01:09:27,280
Speaker 5: your sister and her, husband not. You you have nothing

1535
01:09:27,280 --> 01:09:28,920
Speaker 5: to do with this. Equation you mean nothing in this.

1536
01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:32,880
Speaker 5: Equation you are not part of this, Equation so get

1537
01:09:32,920 --> 01:09:36,720
Speaker 5: off my. Property BEFORE i called up The emily will

1538
01:09:36,760 --> 01:09:39,000
Speaker 5: gather your things and get them to. You but you're

1539
01:09:39,040 --> 01:09:41,080
Speaker 5: not getting anything out of. HERE i KNOW i may

1540
01:09:41,080 --> 01:09:44,439
Speaker 5: have said some harsh, things but the audacity dumb people

1541
01:09:44,520 --> 01:09:45,120
Speaker 5: brings out the.

1542
01:09:45,280 --> 01:09:46,360
Speaker 1: Worst, NO i.

1543
01:09:46,280 --> 01:09:48,639
Speaker 4: Mean like she literally you made no agreement with. Her

1544
01:09:48,760 --> 01:09:50,840
Speaker 4: she's a like a random person your anger.

1545
01:09:50,880 --> 01:09:53,880
Speaker 5: Makes, Yeah emily was shocked to say the least instead

1546
01:09:53,880 --> 01:09:55,960
Speaker 5: of even her sister was. WRONG i shouldn't have just

1547
01:09:56,000 --> 01:09:59,920
Speaker 5: spoken to her that. Bad oh so Oh emily's. Mad,

1548
01:10:01,160 --> 01:10:04,160
Speaker 5: yeah which is, ridiculous which my dad, Replied and what

1549
01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:06,639
Speaker 5: did you Expect? Emily you have abused our?

1550
01:10:06,720 --> 01:10:12,000
Speaker 4: Trust and he, SAID i let you bring her in,

1551
01:10:12,080 --> 01:10:14,080
Speaker 4: Here Papa bears coming in.

1552
01:10:14,240 --> 01:10:17,400
Speaker 5: Strong we allowed you to live here without contributing anything

1553
01:10:17,760 --> 01:10:19,599
Speaker 5: that you could get back on your, feet all because

1554
01:10:19,600 --> 01:10:21,160
Speaker 5: of that family that you defense so.

1555
01:10:21,320 --> 01:10:25,880
Speaker 6: Much you've harmed yourself and your. Husband now, us what

1556
01:10:25,960 --> 01:10:26,240
Speaker 6: did you?

1557
01:10:26,320 --> 01:10:29,120
Speaker 5: Expect my daughter told you no more than two weeks

1558
01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:31,200
Speaker 5: ago to get your sister offer property and you and

1559
01:10:31,280 --> 01:10:34,360
Speaker 5: completely ignored that and total lack of respect towards her

1560
01:10:34,439 --> 01:10:35,000
Speaker 5: and all of.

1561
01:10:35,120 --> 01:10:38,800
Speaker 1: Us so The papa bears we deeming, HIMSELF i mean

1562
01:10:38,840 --> 01:10:41,559
Speaker 1: like kind of started this. Problem but, yeah, so but

1563
01:10:41,640 --> 01:10:42,160
Speaker 1: he's redeeming.

1564
01:10:42,240 --> 01:10:45,000
Speaker 5: Himself he's coming to the defense of his, daughter standing

1565
01:10:45,080 --> 01:10:48,000
Speaker 5: up for her and telling them, off putting in our,

1566
01:10:48,040 --> 01:10:52,280
Speaker 5: boundaries Says. No her husband interrupted and apologized to us

1567
01:10:52,280 --> 01:10:54,920
Speaker 5: since he didn't know That emily didn't have authorisation to

1568
01:10:54,920 --> 01:10:57,200
Speaker 5: bring her sister to the, house much less THAT i

1569
01:10:57,280 --> 01:10:58,400
Speaker 5: told her she couldn't stay.

1570
01:10:58,439 --> 01:10:59,719
Speaker 1: There he's, Like i'm pissing.

1571
01:10:59,800 --> 01:11:02,559
Speaker 5: Him he's, sorry to WHICH i, Said i'm so, sorry

1572
01:11:02,560 --> 01:11:04,559
Speaker 5: but because of all of, this we can't trust you

1573
01:11:04,600 --> 01:11:07,400
Speaker 5: to respect the boundaries we've. Set please vacate the property

1574
01:11:07,439 --> 01:11:09,280
Speaker 5: by the end of the. Month, also still one coming

1575
01:11:09,280 --> 01:11:11,320
Speaker 5: to install cameras on the, property And i've already told

1576
01:11:11,360 --> 01:11:13,200
Speaker 5: the door man not to let anyone else.

1577
01:11:13,280 --> 01:11:16,800
Speaker 6: In just you two door. Man, yes, Honey.

1578
01:11:16,840 --> 01:11:18,479
Speaker 1: I'm so SORRY i had to come to, this but

1579
01:11:18,560 --> 01:11:19,679
Speaker 1: you're leaving us no. Choice.

1580
01:11:19,680 --> 01:11:22,880
Speaker 5: Emily you're like family to, us but you betrayed our

1581
01:11:23,040 --> 01:11:26,120
Speaker 5: trust and you want we trust you to go listen

1582
01:11:26,160 --> 01:11:28,120
Speaker 5: to full episodes the stories like. This just go To

1583
01:11:28,160 --> 01:11:30,280
Speaker 5: spotify your favorite podcast app.

1584
01:11:30,400 --> 01:11:31,960
Speaker 1: Search, okay story, time.

1585
01:11:31,920 --> 01:11:33,600
Speaker 4: Ah, man there's a little bit left of the, story but,

1586
01:11:33,760 --> 01:11:37,160
Speaker 4: uh final thoughts like, fair, fair get her out.

1587
01:11:37,000 --> 01:11:38,960
Speaker 1: Of, there, fair very.

1588
01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:41,240
Speaker 4: Fair, yeah which is kind of WHAT i said at

1589
01:11:41,240 --> 01:11:41,560
Speaker 4: the end of the.

1590
01:11:41,600 --> 01:11:44,320
Speaker 1: Day i'm right two weeks and he said three. WEEKS

1591
01:11:44,400 --> 01:11:45,120
Speaker 1: i settled on.

1592
01:11:45,200 --> 01:11:47,320
Speaker 4: Three but, man Oh, Man kimberly finds us he came

1593
01:11:47,360 --> 01:11:49,640
Speaker 4: in with The i'm disappointed energy.

1594
01:11:49,400 --> 01:11:49,880
Speaker 1: Dude not.

1595
01:11:49,960 --> 01:11:54,200
Speaker 5: MADAME i liked his, response you. TOO i felt proud you,

1596
01:11:54,240 --> 01:11:56,040
Speaker 5: too standing up for his house his.

1597
01:11:56,120 --> 01:11:58,519
Speaker 4: Daughter, yeah look, Good but there is a little bit

1598
01:11:58,560 --> 01:12:00,400
Speaker 4: left to the, story finish it.

1599
01:12:00,439 --> 01:12:02,559
Speaker 5: Off so, yeah that's. It they'll be out of the

1600
01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:04,519
Speaker 5: house by the end of the. MONTH i honestly don't

1601
01:12:04,520 --> 01:12:08,479
Speaker 5: know what will happen to our. Friendship probably, not probably not,

1602
01:12:08,840 --> 01:12:11,280
Speaker 5: nice nothing good from now, on but it will be

1603
01:12:11,320 --> 01:12:13,320
Speaker 5: hard for everything to go back to, normal at least for.

1604
01:12:13,439 --> 01:12:15,599
Speaker 6: Now thank you so much for your. Help, ends and

1605
01:12:15,640 --> 01:12:16,080
Speaker 6: there you have.

1606
01:12:16,120 --> 01:12:18,360
Speaker 1: It that's the end of That's do you have any last?

1607
01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:18,920
Speaker 6: Words?

1608
01:12:19,240 --> 01:12:20,320
Speaker 1: NO i think they handled it.

1609
01:12:20,360 --> 01:12:25,439
Speaker 5: Well there seems like they put warnings, down the boundaries.

1610
01:12:25,479 --> 01:12:25,920
Speaker 4: Down they were.

1611
01:12:26,040 --> 01:12:27,920
Speaker 1: Broken, yeah BACKT i.

1612
01:12:29,880 --> 01:12:33,160
Speaker 4: My friend took advantage of me, financially SO i blocked,

1613
01:12:33,160 --> 01:12:34,360
Speaker 4: her like how?

1614
01:12:34,479 --> 01:12:36,519
Speaker 1: Advantaged how? Much? About how?

1615
01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:37,599
Speaker 6: Much how? Much how much?

1616
01:12:37,680 --> 01:12:40,280
Speaker 4: Money names and certain details have been changed to try

1617
01:12:40,320 --> 01:12:43,240
Speaker 4: and stay as anonymous as. POSSIBLE i twenty eight, male

1618
01:12:43,439 --> 01:12:46,720
Speaker 4: have known my best, friend let's call Her, marie twenty five,

1619
01:12:46,760 --> 01:12:49,519
Speaker 4: female for ten. Years we've been inseparable since we met

1620
01:12:49,520 --> 01:12:52,600
Speaker 4: in high school and have been through some very dramatic experiences,

1621
01:12:52,640 --> 01:12:57,080
Speaker 4: together mostly revolving around relationships and general life. Experience by the,

1622
01:12:57,120 --> 01:13:00,120
Speaker 4: way this comes From Organic corgi eighteen fifty three on

1623
01:13:00,120 --> 01:13:03,439
Speaker 4: THE Ok Storytime. Suppared so we've very rarely had any

1624
01:13:03,520 --> 01:13:07,559
Speaker 4: problems save for simple. MISCOMMUNICATIONS i moved in With marie

1625
01:13:07,560 --> 01:13:10,719
Speaker 4: and her now ex Husband mike twenty six mail two years,

1626
01:13:10,720 --> 01:13:13,479
Speaker 4: ago where the ex husband paid the majority of the

1627
01:13:13,479 --> 01:13:16,160
Speaker 4: bills WHILE i pitched in WHAT i. Could he paid

1628
01:13:16,200 --> 01:13:18,400
Speaker 4: fourteen hundred. DOLLARS i paid eight hundred.

1629
01:13:18,439 --> 01:13:19,400
Speaker 6: Dollars that was kind of.

1630
01:13:19,439 --> 01:13:21,680
Speaker 4: Them. YEAH a year ago we were forced out of

1631
01:13:21,720 --> 01:13:24,160
Speaker 4: the apartment we lived in due to a rent increase

1632
01:13:24,240 --> 01:13:25,520
Speaker 4: that they said they couldn't.

1633
01:13:25,160 --> 01:13:26,880
Speaker 1: Elaborate why on effing.

1634
01:13:26,960 --> 01:13:30,320
Speaker 4: Landlords as, such they bought a house since apartment rent

1635
01:13:30,360 --> 01:13:33,400
Speaker 4: near his job was astronomical and they had multiple, pets

1636
01:13:33,520 --> 01:13:35,760
Speaker 4: no apartment would allow seven, total.

1637
01:13:35,640 --> 01:13:37,080
Speaker 1: A lot of. Bets this would have been.

1638
01:13:36,960 --> 01:13:39,799
Speaker 4: Fine except they had no down payment for the house

1639
01:13:39,880 --> 01:13:43,120
Speaker 4: and got a crap interest. Rate So mike's fourteen hundred

1640
01:13:43,240 --> 01:13:47,439
Speaker 4: turned into three, thousand and my eight hundred dollars turned

1641
01:13:47,479 --> 01:13:51,599
Speaker 4: into fourteen. Hundred notice HOW i haven't Mentioned marie's rent.

1642
01:13:51,840 --> 01:13:56,839
Speaker 4: Yet i'm confused was that less than what the apartment

1643
01:13:56,920 --> 01:13:57,519
Speaker 4: rent was going to.

1644
01:13:57,600 --> 01:13:57,720
Speaker 3: Be.

1645
01:13:58,800 --> 01:14:00,559
Speaker 4: Yeah, no But i'm saying THAT i had to leave

1646
01:14:00,600 --> 01:14:03,040
Speaker 4: the apartment because they couldn't afford the. Increase oh, god

1647
01:14:03,080 --> 01:14:03,679
Speaker 4: can they afford?

1648
01:14:03,720 --> 01:14:05,599
Speaker 1: This? Yeah, yeah they left.

1649
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:07,320
Speaker 6: To save, money and then they went to a place

1650
01:14:07,360 --> 01:14:07,879
Speaker 6: that's even.

1651
01:14:07,680 --> 01:14:11,000
Speaker 4: More, anyways the husband's job required him to be out

1652
01:14:11,040 --> 01:14:13,040
Speaker 4: of the country for most of the, year so he

1653
01:14:13,120 --> 01:14:16,120
Speaker 4: basically bought the house and never lived in. It marie

1654
01:14:16,160 --> 01:14:18,280
Speaker 4: decided that this would be a wonderful time to put

1655
01:14:18,280 --> 01:14:20,960
Speaker 4: the deed in her name and the debt in his. NAME,

1656
01:14:21,560 --> 01:14:24,479
Speaker 4: whoa that seems like she's scamming her. Husband yeah What

1657
01:14:24,960 --> 01:14:26,880
Speaker 4: this should have been my first, Clue but she told

1658
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:29,160
Speaker 4: me the relationship was, Horrendous SO i let.

1659
01:14:29,000 --> 01:14:33,200
Speaker 1: It go house from her husband and she's, like, yeah

1660
01:14:33,600 --> 01:14:34,240
Speaker 1: he's gonna pay all the.

1661
01:14:34,280 --> 01:14:38,439
Speaker 4: Tea fast forward a few months And marie starts flirting

1662
01:14:38,439 --> 01:14:41,200
Speaker 4: with a friend of Ours ben twenty eight, mail and

1663
01:14:41,280 --> 01:14:43,720
Speaker 4: it escalates to where she flies to Where mike is

1664
01:14:43,720 --> 01:14:45,320
Speaker 4: working and tells him she wants a.

1665
01:14:45,360 --> 01:14:45,799
Speaker 1: Divorce.

1666
01:14:45,960 --> 01:14:48,679
Speaker 4: Oh she flies back and tells Me ben makes enough

1667
01:14:48,680 --> 01:14:50,280
Speaker 4: money to WHERE i won't have to pay rent.

1668
01:14:50,320 --> 01:14:54,200
Speaker 5: Anymore, oh he's just getting strung along With yurie and

1669
01:14:54,320 --> 01:14:58,160
Speaker 5: like her men that are like covering his, money taking.

1670
01:14:57,800 --> 01:14:59,960
Speaker 1: Advantage of all these, guys And she's, like, yeah they'll Pay,

1671
01:15:00,479 --> 01:15:03,360
Speaker 1: Yeah NoP's, like let's. Go, Like, OKAY i.

1672
01:15:03,360 --> 01:15:05,240
Speaker 4: Was broke off at the time From, rent SO i

1673
01:15:05,280 --> 01:15:07,680
Speaker 4: didn't really care about anything. Else And mike AND i

1674
01:15:07,720 --> 01:15:10,000
Speaker 4: had her own. Issues but again should have been a.

1675
01:15:10,000 --> 01:15:14,160
Speaker 4: Clue mike was the ex. Husband, okay Current opie is

1676
01:15:14,360 --> 01:15:15,320
Speaker 4: male male.

1677
01:15:15,360 --> 01:15:18,719
Speaker 1: Friend. Yeah around that, TIME i started dating my now, Fiance,

1678
01:15:18,960 --> 01:15:21,439
Speaker 1: jen thirty one, female and she moved in with me

1679
01:15:21,560 --> 01:15:24,040
Speaker 1: to help with. Bills marie And jen had a rocky,

1680
01:15:24,120 --> 01:15:27,240
Speaker 1: start As marie decided to sleep With jen's roommate while

1681
01:15:27,240 --> 01:15:30,120
Speaker 1: she was Dating ben and before the divorce was. Filed

1682
01:15:30,880 --> 01:15:32,800
Speaker 1: what what is he? Like two?

1683
01:15:32,800 --> 01:15:35,840
Speaker 4: People, Yeah marie told both of Us ben was just

1684
01:15:35,880 --> 01:15:38,360
Speaker 4: an f buddy at the. Time but it wasn't just

1685
01:15:38,400 --> 01:15:40,720
Speaker 4: the fact That marie was sleeping with her. Roommate it

1686
01:15:40,840 --> 01:15:44,200
Speaker 4: was the fact, that in her, Words marie basically invaded their.

1687
01:15:44,280 --> 01:15:46,719
Speaker 4: House the roommate And jen were renting from the. Owner

1688
01:15:46,840 --> 01:15:49,840
Speaker 4: neither of their names were on the. House So opie's current,

1689
01:15:49,920 --> 01:15:54,360
Speaker 4: Roommate marie started Dating ben while she WAS i think

1690
01:15:54,600 --> 01:15:56,280
Speaker 4: or like her husband was. AWAY i don't think they

1691
01:15:56,320 --> 01:15:57,920
Speaker 4: were fully divorced, yet it doesn't seem.

1692
01:15:57,960 --> 01:16:00,000
Speaker 5: Like but she's What she had asked for a divorce

1693
01:16:00,280 --> 01:16:01,920
Speaker 5: because Of, ben because things were Progressing.

1694
01:16:02,080 --> 01:16:03,960
Speaker 4: Ben, yes so she asked for a, divorce but they're not.

1695
01:16:03,960 --> 01:16:07,599
Speaker 4: Fullydvorce so she starts Dating. Ben while she's Dating, ben

1696
01:16:07,760 --> 01:16:12,000
Speaker 4: she starts sleeping With opie's fiance's roommate before the divorce was.

1697
01:16:12,040 --> 01:16:14,760
Speaker 4: Filed but that's, Okay marie told both of Us ben

1698
01:16:14,800 --> 01:16:16,519
Speaker 4: was just an f buddy at the. Time but it

1699
01:16:16,600 --> 01:16:18,400
Speaker 4: wasn't just the fact That marie was sleeping with her.

1700
01:16:18,439 --> 01:16:21,040
Speaker 4: Roommate it was the fact, that in her, Words marie

1701
01:16:21,080 --> 01:16:24,120
Speaker 4: basically invaded their. House the roommate And jen were running

1702
01:16:24,120 --> 01:16:25,800
Speaker 4: from the. Owner neither of their names were on the.

1703
01:16:25,880 --> 01:16:29,320
Speaker 4: House so Now marie is basically Infiltrating ope's fiance's place.

1704
01:16:29,360 --> 01:16:32,800
Speaker 4: Too marie was basically always, there And jed didn't mention to.

1705
01:16:32,840 --> 01:16:35,439
Speaker 4: Me she was frustrated she Saw marie more often than

1706
01:16:35,439 --> 01:16:37,639
Speaker 4: she got to see. Me her roommate was also awful

1707
01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:39,960
Speaker 4: at respecting, boundaries But jen tried to set.

1708
01:16:40,000 --> 01:16:45,559
Speaker 5: Them, nonetheless opis a master yeah at like seducing people for.

1709
01:16:45,640 --> 01:16:50,360
Speaker 4: Free, yeah we recently figured out That marie was not

1710
01:16:50,400 --> 01:16:53,599
Speaker 4: only Dating ben and the roommate while still telling her

1711
01:16:53,640 --> 01:16:55,479
Speaker 4: husband there may be a chance when he got, home

1712
01:16:55,720 --> 01:16:58,200
Speaker 4: but she was also talking to multiple other men at

1713
01:16:58,240 --> 01:16:59,760
Speaker 4: the same. Time how does she have the?

1714
01:16:59,800 --> 01:16:59,920
Speaker 2: Time?

1715
01:17:00,120 --> 01:17:00,240
Speaker 3: Right?

1716
01:17:00,360 --> 01:17:02,600
Speaker 1: Yeah? Right how does she have the? Time don't hate the,

1717
01:17:02,600 --> 01:17:06,800
Speaker 1: player hate the game beyond that's. Crazy that's.

1718
01:17:06,920 --> 01:17:10,439
Speaker 4: Crazy the Minute jen moved, In ben lost the high

1719
01:17:10,520 --> 01:17:12,840
Speaker 4: paying JOB i was promised would free me of rent.

1720
01:17:12,840 --> 01:17:17,640
Speaker 4: Obligations he's, like wait a, minute my. Rent because of,

1721
01:17:17,680 --> 01:17:20,679
Speaker 4: this we've essentially taken over mortgage payments for a house

1722
01:17:20,760 --> 01:17:24,080
Speaker 4: that's not, ours even though that's not was discussed With

1723
01:17:24,160 --> 01:17:26,240
Speaker 4: jen when she first moved. In it was explained to

1724
01:17:26,280 --> 01:17:28,960
Speaker 4: her that everything would be split into four equal, parts

1725
01:17:29,120 --> 01:17:34,200
Speaker 4: and somehow our portion was two k The So, Ben, Marie,

1726
01:17:34,439 --> 01:17:36,920
Speaker 4: opie and Now jen we're all going to be living

1727
01:17:36,920 --> 01:17:39,400
Speaker 4: in a house. Together ben loses his job and is

1728
01:17:39,439 --> 01:17:42,439
Speaker 4: no longer able to pay for the. Rent but also

1729
01:17:42,479 --> 01:17:44,479
Speaker 4: it seems Like jen was under the impression that would

1730
01:17:44,479 --> 01:17:46,519
Speaker 4: be four equal. Parts but we also know that op

1731
01:17:46,600 --> 01:17:49,519
Speaker 4: he was going to be paying, Less SO i don't understand.

1732
01:17:49,560 --> 01:17:53,000
Speaker 4: This since, Then jen has pointed out multiple points Where

1733
01:17:53,040 --> 01:17:55,800
Speaker 4: marie has gone beyond regular ribbing that friends do and

1734
01:17:55,840 --> 01:17:59,560
Speaker 4: has been regularly disrespecting, me making multiple comments on my,

1735
01:17:59,640 --> 01:18:02,800
Speaker 4: weight pointing out failures in, college and blaming me when

1736
01:18:02,800 --> 01:18:05,240
Speaker 4: bills are late or not paid, for even though when

1737
01:18:05,280 --> 01:18:07,120
Speaker 4: she and better late or don't have, IT i have

1738
01:18:07,200 --> 01:18:08,960
Speaker 4: covered them with no promise.

1739
01:18:08,680 --> 01:18:09,720
Speaker 1: Or even inclination of.

1740
01:18:09,760 --> 01:18:12,799
Speaker 4: Repayment really fast forward to, Now marie has now threatened

1741
01:18:12,880 --> 01:18:16,599
Speaker 4: my fiance with physical violence because of what she perceives

1742
01:18:16,640 --> 01:18:19,439
Speaker 4: is outright, disrespect and threatened our two dogs with the

1743
01:18:19,479 --> 01:18:21,639
Speaker 4: same because they like to jump on her with dirt

1744
01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:24,240
Speaker 4: on their, paws not the, dog which honestly doesn't even

1745
01:18:24,280 --> 01:18:26,400
Speaker 4: happen often anymore Because jen has been working with them

1746
01:18:26,439 --> 01:18:28,360
Speaker 4: for a. While from What i've, seen there's been no

1747
01:18:28,439 --> 01:18:32,320
Speaker 4: signs of disrespect From, jen only From, marie who doesn't

1748
01:18:32,320 --> 01:18:35,280
Speaker 4: seem to realize we're essentially paying her rent in a

1749
01:18:35,360 --> 01:18:38,200
Speaker 4: house we don't own and can't cover on our own.

1750
01:18:38,200 --> 01:18:40,439
Speaker 1: Bills because of, it y'all need to. Leave why are

1751
01:18:40,520 --> 01:18:42,320
Speaker 1: we living With? Marie we should Leave.

1752
01:18:42,400 --> 01:18:45,840
Speaker 5: Marie marie is an interesting person to choose for ten, Years,

1753
01:18:46,120 --> 01:18:48,200
Speaker 5: yeah deep, Friendship why are we still?

1754
01:18:48,280 --> 01:18:51,920
Speaker 4: Here like obviously she's at, fault but Like, Opie marie

1755
01:18:51,960 --> 01:18:55,840
Speaker 4: is also starting to complain That jen specifically doesn't help with. Groceries,

1756
01:18:56,040 --> 01:18:58,240
Speaker 4: again when she first moved, in she was told that

1757
01:18:58,240 --> 01:19:00,599
Speaker 4: our rent included part of a grocery. Boy but then

1758
01:19:00,640 --> 01:19:03,599
Speaker 4: that changed After marie stopped doing any grocery shopping and

1759
01:19:03,640 --> 01:19:06,519
Speaker 4: it started to fall On jen AND i no communication.

1760
01:19:06,000 --> 01:19:06,800
Speaker 1: About, it she just.

1761
01:19:06,840 --> 01:19:09,920
Speaker 4: Stopped there was one occasion Where jen spent almost three

1762
01:19:10,000 --> 01:19:13,280
Speaker 4: hundred dollars by herself unjust groceries and things for the,

1763
01:19:13,320 --> 01:19:14,839
Speaker 4: house and she barely got.

1764
01:19:14,640 --> 01:19:15,640
Speaker 1: A thank you For marie Or.

1765
01:19:15,720 --> 01:19:17,720
Speaker 4: Ben there was another incident WHERE i had spent my

1766
01:19:17,800 --> 01:19:18,840
Speaker 4: last one hundred dollars on.

1767
01:19:18,920 --> 01:19:20,400
Speaker 1: Groceries Then marie.

1768
01:19:20,080 --> 01:19:22,680
Speaker 4: And ben refused to pay any part simply for the

1769
01:19:22,720 --> 01:19:24,559
Speaker 4: fact that they didn't get to help pick what was,

1770
01:19:24,600 --> 01:19:27,479
Speaker 4: purchased but they sure had no problems eating what was.

1771
01:19:27,520 --> 01:19:30,000
Speaker 4: Purchased i've told her multiple times the house we live

1772
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,320
Speaker 4: in isn't worth keeping if we can't afford, it and

1773
01:19:32,400 --> 01:19:33,960
Speaker 4: she needs to sell it or give.

1774
01:19:33,840 --> 01:19:35,639
Speaker 1: It back to the bank and we need to bail.

1775
01:19:35,680 --> 01:19:38,000
Speaker 4: Out he refuses to do, either since it's hard to

1776
01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:39,960
Speaker 4: get a house in the current. Economy to begin, with

1777
01:19:40,120 --> 01:19:43,400
Speaker 4: as much AS i can understand that it's not my problem,

1778
01:19:43,439 --> 01:19:46,120
Speaker 4: Overall i've been honest about wanting to move back near my.

1779
01:19:46,160 --> 01:19:48,840
Speaker 4: Family it's been the plan all, along but it's taken

1780
01:19:48,920 --> 01:19:51,120
Speaker 4: longer THAN i wanted it Because i've been kind of

1781
01:19:51,200 --> 01:19:52,439
Speaker 4: stuck here bailing her.

1782
01:19:52,479 --> 01:19:55,160
Speaker 6: Out, wait so they renting this, house they own this

1783
01:19:55,280 --> 01:19:55,760
Speaker 6: what's going?

1784
01:19:55,760 --> 01:19:58,800
Speaker 4: On so it seems LIKE i don't fully, understand BUT

1785
01:19:59,000 --> 01:20:02,000
Speaker 4: i think, that, oh from WHAT i, understand op And

1786
01:20:02,080 --> 01:20:04,960
Speaker 4: jen are paying rent to this house that they don't

1787
01:20:05,080 --> 01:20:07,559
Speaker 4: own and are not on the lease. OF i Think

1788
01:20:07,640 --> 01:20:09,639
Speaker 4: marie's husband was on the lease and she was trying

1789
01:20:09,640 --> 01:20:11,479
Speaker 4: to ogie husband and she was trying to put her

1790
01:20:11,520 --> 01:20:13,960
Speaker 4: name on. It, okay and now we have Like ben's living.

1791
01:20:14,000 --> 01:20:17,040
Speaker 1: There took just, crazy.

1792
01:20:16,280 --> 01:20:20,000
Speaker 4: AND opi is saying that he's been wanting to move

1793
01:20:20,000 --> 01:20:22,600
Speaker 4: back to the, family but now he's having to like

1794
01:20:22,800 --> 01:20:25,439
Speaker 4: consistently pay For marie and so like can't save up and.

1795
01:20:25,479 --> 01:20:26,759
Speaker 4: Stuff that's what it seems.

1796
01:20:26,800 --> 01:20:27,120
Speaker 3: Like uh.

1797
01:20:27,160 --> 01:20:29,839
Speaker 4: Huh she has message me and said to my face

1798
01:20:30,200 --> 01:20:32,200
Speaker 4: that IF i move out With, jen that would be

1799
01:20:32,240 --> 01:20:35,120
Speaker 4: me choosing my fiance over. Her, yeah and she would

1800
01:20:35,160 --> 01:20:37,000
Speaker 4: want nothing to do with Me after the, fact and

1801
01:20:37,040 --> 01:20:38,320
Speaker 4: the friendship would be essentially.

1802
01:20:38,360 --> 01:20:42,160
Speaker 1: OVER i, mean oh, no what a, Loss what a great.

1803
01:20:42,320 --> 01:20:45,840
Speaker 6: Loss, hey she's wonderful, persuasions that's.

1804
01:20:45,840 --> 01:20:48,519
Speaker 4: True, okay so even went so far as to SAY

1805
01:20:48,560 --> 01:20:50,400
Speaker 4: i was delusional to think it would go any other.

1806
01:20:50,400 --> 01:20:52,600
Speaker 5: Way AND i feel like we also skipped over the

1807
01:20:52,640 --> 01:20:56,679
Speaker 5: fact that she like physically threatened, yes jess fiance And opie's.

1808
01:20:56,760 --> 01:21:02,439
Speaker 1: Dog, yes, like and also like these other like money.

1809
01:21:02,479 --> 01:21:06,320
Speaker 4: Things, Yeah mogre, says stop bailing her. Out she sounds

1810
01:21:06,320 --> 01:21:08,400
Speaker 4: like a, useless horrible. Person my family has offered a

1811
01:21:08,439 --> 01:21:10,360
Speaker 4: place to stay a few states away for both me

1812
01:21:10,360 --> 01:21:12,639
Speaker 4: And jen until we get on our. Feet my original

1813
01:21:12,640 --> 01:21:14,559
Speaker 4: plan was to give a heads up To, marie but

1814
01:21:14,640 --> 01:21:17,360
Speaker 4: after her threats and the way she's treated herself like a,

1815
01:21:17,439 --> 01:21:20,920
Speaker 4: Victim i've lost any sense of morality toward the. Issue

1816
01:21:20,920 --> 01:21:23,400
Speaker 4: they're leaving for a few days this, weekend And jen

1817
01:21:23,479 --> 01:21:25,840
Speaker 4: AND i plan to pack while they're gone and move

1818
01:21:25,880 --> 01:21:29,360
Speaker 4: into a motel until we can secure either cheap accommodations

1819
01:21:29,560 --> 01:21:32,040
Speaker 4: or secure a moving company to transfer our. Stuff we

1820
01:21:32,160 --> 01:21:34,519
Speaker 4: plan to leave a note and our keys saying what's,

1821
01:21:34,560 --> 01:21:37,400
Speaker 4: happened and when we. Leave i'm blocking her on, everything

1822
01:21:37,600 --> 01:21:39,840
Speaker 4: but will also be sending a folder of evidence of

1823
01:21:39,840 --> 01:21:42,320
Speaker 4: her infidelity To ben so he can leave as. Well

1824
01:21:42,439 --> 01:21:45,000
Speaker 4: i'm struggling with the fact That i'm abandoning this Person

1825
01:21:45,080 --> 01:21:47,599
Speaker 4: i've known for my whole. Life it feels Like i'm

1826
01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:50,400
Speaker 4: destroying her, life even though logic tells me this is

1827
01:21:50,439 --> 01:21:53,080
Speaker 4: the consequences of her. Actions so WOULD i be the a?

1828
01:21:53,200 --> 01:21:56,840
Speaker 1: Hole, no get out of, There get out of. There

1829
01:21:57,320 --> 01:21:59,360
Speaker 1: that's ALL i have to. Say there's an. Update that's

1830
01:21:59,360 --> 01:21:59,960
Speaker 1: ALL i have to get out.

1831
01:22:00,160 --> 01:22:04,800
Speaker 5: There it's not your responsibility to ruin your life and

1832
01:22:04,840 --> 01:22:08,840
Speaker 5: be in a terrible situation Because marie continuously makes bad

1833
01:22:08,880 --> 01:22:11,000
Speaker 5: decisions and continuously disrespects.

1834
01:22:11,000 --> 01:22:12,599
Speaker 1: People, yep hello all.

1835
01:22:13,000 --> 01:22:15,599
Speaker 4: Update thank you all for the support and, yes even

1836
01:22:15,600 --> 01:22:17,719
Speaker 4: the hard truths in the comments of my last. Post

1837
01:22:17,840 --> 01:22:20,280
Speaker 4: some things were definitely hard to, hear BUT i needed

1838
01:22:20,400 --> 01:22:22,320
Speaker 4: to hear. Them first, Off i'd like to say That

1839
01:22:22,400 --> 01:22:25,240
Speaker 4: jen AND i are out and say. Amazing we're storing

1840
01:22:25,240 --> 01:22:27,080
Speaker 4: the majority of our stuff in the garage of a

1841
01:22:27,120 --> 01:22:29,479
Speaker 4: friend of hers who will also be letting us move

1842
01:22:29,560 --> 01:22:31,920
Speaker 4: in temporarily while we get stuff figured out for the

1843
01:22:31,920 --> 01:22:33,160
Speaker 4: big move to where my family Is.

1844
01:22:33,360 --> 01:22:36,880
Speaker 5: Puzzle one, Second, yes really important comment From winchester By.

1845
01:22:36,960 --> 01:22:39,439
Speaker 5: Queen i'm so confused. Too i'm not SURE i Trust op.

1846
01:22:39,640 --> 01:22:42,479
Speaker 5: Either he seems okay with her manipulating all the other

1847
01:22:42,560 --> 01:22:44,519
Speaker 5: guys to pay his, rent but gets mad when the

1848
01:22:44,520 --> 01:22:45,320
Speaker 5: wheel lands on.

1849
01:22:45,439 --> 01:22:48,320
Speaker 4: Him, Yeah i've noticed that, Too like it seems like

1850
01:22:48,360 --> 01:22:55,360
Speaker 4: he was, like, yeah she's cheating on her. Husband it's, like,

1851
01:22:55,400 --> 01:22:58,960
Speaker 4: oh NOW i have to pay for. Everything, SECONDLY i

1852
01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:01,160
Speaker 4: would like to acknowledge some of the not so kind

1853
01:23:01,240 --> 01:23:03,439
Speaker 4: Comments i've. Received, yes a lot of you were right

1854
01:23:03,439 --> 01:23:05,360
Speaker 4: to point out THAT i was wrong for going along

1855
01:23:05,360 --> 01:23:07,439
Speaker 4: with a lot of the sketchy Stuff marie was, doing

1856
01:23:07,560 --> 01:23:10,680
Speaker 4: BECAUSE i was not to excuse Anything i've, done but

1857
01:23:10,800 --> 01:23:13,480
Speaker 4: ten years worth of what Even jen would call gaslighting

1858
01:23:13,479 --> 01:23:16,800
Speaker 4: and manipulation isn't something you can just overcome. Overnight it

1859
01:23:16,880 --> 01:23:19,000
Speaker 4: honestly Took jen pointing a lot of things out to

1860
01:23:19,040 --> 01:23:20,759
Speaker 4: me for me to be able to take a step

1861
01:23:20,800 --> 01:23:23,920
Speaker 4: back and realize what a bad Person marie really, was

1862
01:23:24,120 --> 01:23:26,680
Speaker 4: And i'm extremely grateful to her for. THAT i WISH

1863
01:23:26,720 --> 01:23:29,840
Speaker 4: i would have woken up in a sense, sooner but hindsight.

1864
01:23:29,439 --> 01:23:30,920
Speaker 1: Is always twenty, twenty isn't.

1865
01:23:30,920 --> 01:23:33,240
Speaker 4: It and, Yes jen is a saint for staying with

1866
01:23:33,280 --> 01:23:35,360
Speaker 4: me and putting up with. This she tried her best

1867
01:23:35,360 --> 01:23:37,800
Speaker 4: to warn me about What marie was having had some

1868
01:23:37,880 --> 01:23:40,759
Speaker 4: experience with, LIKE i should have listened, sooner and that'll

1869
01:23:40,800 --> 01:23:42,680
Speaker 4: be my mistake to make up. FOR i couldn't have

1870
01:23:42,680 --> 01:23:45,040
Speaker 4: done this without. Her after we both talked about, it

1871
01:23:45,080 --> 01:23:47,960
Speaker 4: we did decide against setting ben the. Evidence the point

1872
01:23:48,040 --> 01:23:50,240
Speaker 4: was to get out of the situation and we've done that.

1873
01:23:50,320 --> 01:23:53,080
Speaker 4: Now being vindictive now would just make us as bad as.

1874
01:23:53,120 --> 01:23:55,400
Speaker 4: Her we agree that she'll make the same mistake, again

1875
01:23:55,640 --> 01:23:58,400
Speaker 4: it's just a matter of, time so we'll Let arma

1876
01:23:58,439 --> 01:24:01,240
Speaker 4: handle that one. Herself we've all so discuss starting couples

1877
01:24:01,240 --> 01:24:03,960
Speaker 4: counseling once we've made the big move across. States we

1878
01:24:04,040 --> 01:24:06,120
Speaker 4: both feel like we would benefit from it given all

1879
01:24:06,160 --> 01:24:08,799
Speaker 4: we've been. THROUGH i will also be seeking individual therapy

1880
01:24:08,840 --> 01:24:11,720
Speaker 4: myself Because i'm honestly not doing so hot right. Now

1881
01:24:11,760 --> 01:24:14,439
Speaker 4: but it would be really hot of, you guys if

1882
01:24:14,479 --> 01:24:16,480
Speaker 4: you went and listened to full episodes.

1883
01:24:16,080 --> 01:24:16,640
Speaker 1: Of stories like.

1884
01:24:16,680 --> 01:24:19,840
Speaker 4: This just get A spotify Or apple podcast or your

1885
01:24:19,840 --> 01:24:22,360
Speaker 4: favorite podcast app and SEARCH u book a start time

1886
01:24:22,479 --> 01:24:24,439
Speaker 4: kind of. Sex that would be really hot of. You

1887
01:24:25,800 --> 01:24:27,920
Speaker 4: and there is a little bit, left but, yeah my

1888
01:24:28,000 --> 01:24:30,040
Speaker 4: final thought is just you don't Leave marie in the

1889
01:24:30,080 --> 01:24:31,280
Speaker 4: past and pay your.

1890
01:24:31,320 --> 01:24:35,080
Speaker 1: Rent, yeah your own, rent your own. Rent the shortcuts

1891
01:24:35,200 --> 01:24:36,400
Speaker 1: not paying your rent are not worth.

1892
01:24:36,400 --> 01:24:36,439
Speaker 3: It.

1893
01:24:36,720 --> 01:24:36,960
Speaker 1: Nope.

1894
01:24:37,080 --> 01:24:38,920
Speaker 4: Uh and there's a little bit left and that's pretty.

1895
01:24:38,960 --> 01:24:39,120
Speaker 1: Much.

1896
01:24:39,160 --> 01:24:42,519
Speaker 4: It probably won't update again unless anything happens With, marie

1897
01:24:42,600 --> 01:24:44,719
Speaker 4: but as far as we both, know we have blocked

1898
01:24:44,720 --> 01:24:47,879
Speaker 4: her on everything and she has no way to contact us.

1899
01:24:47,800 --> 01:24:49,040
Speaker 1: Or any idea where we.

1900
01:24:49,080 --> 01:24:51,800
Speaker 4: Are we're both terrified and excited for this next step

1901
01:24:51,800 --> 01:24:52,920
Speaker 4: of our. LIVES i thought they're.

1902
01:24:52,720 --> 01:24:54,840
Speaker 1: Going to say they're terrified Of. Marie, YEAH i, would

1903
01:24:55,080 --> 01:24:57,360
Speaker 1: BUT i can't imagine a better partner to take the step.

1904
01:24:57,400 --> 01:25:01,479
Speaker 4: With AND i Hope ten feels the. Same, lovely and

1905
01:25:01,520 --> 01:25:03,439
Speaker 4: that is the end of that story and the end

1906
01:25:03,439 --> 01:25:06,040
Speaker 4: of this. Episode so if you love, us make sure to.

1907
01:25:06,080 --> 01:25:08,479
Speaker 4: Subscribe we love you and see you.

1908
01:25:08,560 --> 01:25:09,600
Speaker 1: Tomorrow