1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm 2 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: Danny Shapiro, and this is family Secrets, the secrets that 3 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,440 Speaker 1: are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, 4 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,919 Speaker 1: and the secrets we keep from ourselves. As I tore 5 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 1: the nation from my book Inheritance, I've heard from so 6 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: many about your own family secrets and realize that what 7 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 1: we are creating for each other on this podcast is 8 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 1: a community, a community for those who are looking for 9 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:40,479 Speaker 1: a safe and supportive space to unburden themselves. To that end, 10 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,600 Speaker 1: we've created a number for listeners to call in to 11 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:48,160 Speaker 1: record stories to share here in this space. This week, 12 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,599 Speaker 1: I'd like to share a few of those stories from 13 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:54,480 Speaker 1: our community. Thanks for listening. I just want to say 14 00:00:54,520 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 1: thank you for having this podcast. It's really really interesting 15 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: and I'm not the only one that holds a secret. 16 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:15,040 Speaker 1: I am holding a secret from my daughter, myself, my family. 17 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:22,160 Speaker 1: I guess. UM. I don't know if my ex is 18 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:29,480 Speaker 1: my twenty year old daughters father. UM. We always said 19 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:35,200 Speaker 1: keep it as what it was. I had my daughter. UM, 20 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 1: my husband took over the role. He doesn't even know. 21 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:45,840 Speaker 1: I just never told anyone. I looked at her. She 22 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 1: looks like my husband. But the guy that I was 23 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:55,440 Speaker 1: with also looks like my husband. UM, just you know, 24 00:01:56,480 --> 00:02:03,040 Speaker 1: different pigments UM in the skin talk the lighter and 25 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: I've never talked about it, UM, but with one person, 26 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 1: and it was him, the the one that I think 27 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,519 Speaker 1: is my daughter's father. At the time, he was going 28 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:20,680 Speaker 1: to do eight years and and and the penitential and 29 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:26,720 Speaker 1: UM be broken off. And back then it was something 30 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:30,400 Speaker 1: called Humphrey eleven pills and it wasn't the morning after 31 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 1: UM and I took those and I ended up finding 32 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:41,520 Speaker 1: out I was partner and I kept my daughter. She's 33 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,919 Speaker 1: the love of my life. UM. But she would be 34 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:50,160 Speaker 1: devastated is she found out that her dad wasn't really 35 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 1: her dad, which is Micaelspin. My husband would be deadist 36 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,720 Speaker 1: devastated as well. I would be devastated. I wouldn't even 37 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 1: know what to do with myself. Mom. We've had a 38 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:03,639 Speaker 1: fabulous life. I just figured I would just botle degree 39 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 1: about it, UM, write a letter and if they find 40 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:13,720 Speaker 1: it one day, they find it. If they don't, then 41 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 1: it will be the way it will be for the 42 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: rest of the life. UM. I thought about doing UM ancestry, 43 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:29,920 Speaker 1: but that just makes me want to vomit. I can't 44 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 1: even bathom what I would do if I would find 45 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 1: that out. But again, thank you so much. Have a 46 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:48,280 Speaker 1: great day, and thanks for listening to my story. Hi. 47 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 1: I have two secrets. One is when I learned a 48 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:55,000 Speaker 1: while ago and another one that I learned more recently. 49 00:03:55,000 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 1: And the first one is that UM, I have an 50 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 1: aunt who was married to a man who um was 51 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 1: actually probably a large percentage African American. But that was 52 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:15,040 Speaker 1: a big deal secret in the family, and um he 53 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,800 Speaker 1: told his wife, and his wife told her sister, who 54 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 1: was my mom. And I only found out when I 55 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,440 Speaker 1: was maybe in my twenties, and it was a huge 56 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:28,280 Speaker 1: big deal for my mom to tell me this, and 57 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,600 Speaker 1: he forre me to secrecy. And I never told my cousins, 58 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 1: and we're not close. There's been a lot of trouble 59 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 1: in our family, and I don't I don't talk to them, 60 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:38,880 Speaker 1: but I know where they are and I know how 61 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,320 Speaker 1: to reach them, and I'm very tempted to call or 62 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:44,680 Speaker 1: to text member leave them an email or something and 63 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 1: tell them. But if they were genetic testing, they'll find 64 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 1: out on their own. But then the man was the 65 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:56,440 Speaker 1: father of my uncle was passing as why that he was. 66 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 1: If you look at the pictures their wedding, you can 67 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,600 Speaker 1: really kind of thing that it wasn't he might have 68 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 1: been myding Stern or whatever. But I know it's it's 69 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:09,320 Speaker 1: pretty interesting to me. It's not a big deal, but 70 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:14,080 Speaker 1: it was like terribly shameful to my mom and apparently 71 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 1: to her sister as well. The second secret is that 72 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: I am a large percentage asking I'm Jewish, and my 73 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:25,679 Speaker 1: father and his first wife we're both um we're both 74 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 1: a really large percentage Jewish. And I don't know if 75 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: they ever even talked about to to each other, because 76 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,680 Speaker 1: it was kind of a thing that their families wanted 77 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 1: to set um. Both sides came from Germany, and I 78 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:41,280 Speaker 1: think it had been it had been like a very 79 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:44,000 Speaker 1: difficult Jewish in Germany, and I think a lot of 80 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: people just wanted to forget that they were. So I 81 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:50,159 Speaker 1: was surprised to find out that the percentage is so high, 82 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,360 Speaker 1: but that was it. So thank you. I'm really enjoying 83 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:59,599 Speaker 1: the podcast so much. Take care of why him. My 84 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 1: family secret is that, Um, I grew up not looking 85 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: like my dad. My dad is a very small, petite man. 86 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 1: His dad was a jockey. I don't look anything like him. 87 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 1: He had dark hair, dark guys, I'm flong with blue eyes. 88 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 1: And Um, when I came home from college, I was 89 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,600 Speaker 1: watching one of those Maury Povich, you know, he's not 90 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,560 Speaker 1: my dad DNA testing shows, and I was joking with 91 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 1: my mom and I said, oh, you know, like maybe 92 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 1: I'm adopted, just joking around and or you know, I said, boy, 93 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 1: I look like you, but not like dad. And she 94 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 1: admitted to me that she had been married, UM in 95 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 1: her early twenties. UM, she's been married to someone who 96 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:44,560 Speaker 1: was in the Coastguard and that the relationship wasn't working out, 97 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 1: and while he was at see she wrote him a 98 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,240 Speaker 1: letter and packed up her things and moved back to 99 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: the town that I live in now. UM immediately got 100 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:57,400 Speaker 1: together with my dad, who was her high school sweetheart 101 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 1: and he raised me. On the age of five, he 102 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 1: started really getting bad into drugs and he was a 103 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 1: heroine at it. UM around the time that my mom 104 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,440 Speaker 1: told me that, you know, there's that she was married 105 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,480 Speaker 1: to another man, and there's a possibility that this man 106 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 1: was my father. UM, my dad had recently gotten off 107 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:19,400 Speaker 1: drugs and we had started rebuilding our relationships so I 108 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 1: didn't really look too much further into it. I did 109 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,320 Speaker 1: an ancestry DNA test um like so many other people, 110 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,880 Speaker 1: I did find out that I was not related genetically 111 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,760 Speaker 1: my father and instead was related to another man. I 112 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,560 Speaker 1: was linked to a first cousin. I reached out to 113 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 1: that person um getting here back. I reached out to 114 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 1: another person on Instagram of all things, who was an aunt, 115 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,920 Speaker 1: and she did get back to me UM and kind 116 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:50,680 Speaker 1: of confirmed things and let me know that my biological 117 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,120 Speaker 1: father is not interested in having a relationship with me. 118 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:58,119 Speaker 1: In fact, he UM is a very conservative Republican and 119 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: I'm married to a woman, so I think that that 120 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 1: would probably be a big issue. But you know, it 121 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: was kind of hard for me, and it's still as 122 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: hard to come to terms with the fact that this 123 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: person that is my biological father is not even interested 124 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 1: in meeting me. So that's my family's secret. If you'd 125 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,200 Speaker 1: like to share your story, call one eight eight eight 126 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:37,800 Speaker 1: Secret zero and record your story. We won't be able 127 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,600 Speaker 1: to run all the stories, but we do want to 128 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 1: shine a light on as many as we can. The 129 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:46,040 Speaker 1: number again is one eight eight eight Secret and then 130 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 1: the numeral zero For more podcasts, for my heart Radio, 131 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,920 Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 132 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.