Speaker 1: Hi, what's going on, What's what's happening, what's shaking? Well?
Speaker 1: Today is my parents fiftieth wedding anniversary. Wow, fifty years.
Speaker 1: That's scary. It is a little scary. But then I
Speaker 1: also think about me and brand I'm like, we've been
Speaker 1: together for seventeen years and I'm still a young thing. Seventeen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's scary too. Such a long time, like almost longer
Speaker 1: to gather than apart. Right, Yeah, I'm getting there. I
Speaker 1: was like twenty when we started dating. So you know,
Speaker 1: I'm excited for my folks. They're like going to a
Speaker 1: steak dinner and we sent them fifty flowers for fifty years.
Speaker 1: That's pretty well. Congratulations, that's sweet. Thanks. I will pass
Speaker 1: it along. But how are you doing? What's going on? Well,
Speaker 1: I'm in Whistler. I mean when this air is I'll
Speaker 1: be hosting the Daily Show this week that it airs,
Speaker 1: but we're taping this in advance. I'm up here. The
Speaker 1: snow is just not cooperating right now. So I went
Speaker 1: to go visit my girlfriend in Park City for a
Speaker 1: four A's Whisky Deer Valley, and there was so much
Speaker 1: snow there it was heaven. I was like oh my god.
Speaker 1: And then I came here and I'm just hanging out
Speaker 1: writing a book, writing new material. Also, I'm going back
Speaker 1: on tour. Everybody, I have a new tour. It's called
Speaker 1: a little Big Bitch because I'm a little big bitch
Speaker 1: and I always have been. Well now I'm a big
Speaker 1: little bit. No, I'm still a little big bitch. Whatever. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm going back on tour. I'm gonna be at Zany's
Speaker 1: Nashville March twenty nine through Sunday April six, and then
Speaker 1: Irvine Improv and then I have theater dates everywhere from Peoria, Illinois, Carmel, Calamazoo, Spokane, Washington, Boys, Idaho, Vegas, Highland, California, Tulsa, Oklahoma,
Speaker 1: and more and more and more. So go to chel
Speaker 1: Sadler dot com for tickets. And that starts in April.
Speaker 1: So I'm very excited. Catherine. Yeah, amazing. I have family
Speaker 1: in Peoria, Illinois. They might fell too square though to
Speaker 1: come see you. Well, now they can see me. They
Speaker 1: just we shouldn't interact, right exactly. Yeah, you are a
Speaker 1: wild woman, like you just finished a tour and they're
Speaker 1: like surprised. Here's another I know, I know it doesn't
Speaker 1: make any sense. I'm like, why am I going right
Speaker 1: back on tour. They're like, because you just put out
Speaker 1: a special, now you go on tour. I'm like, wait,
Speaker 1: what so confusing all of it? I thought you were
Speaker 1: just like ready to raid. So many responsibilities. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know which way to turn, no wonder. I
Speaker 1: want to stay in bed all day when I'm home.
Speaker 1: Yesterday I was like, I got up, I wrote from
Speaker 1: like five am to eight am, and then I smoked
Speaker 1: a joint and everything went to ship. Oh my gosh. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have like a three hour burst of creativity first
Speaker 1: thing in the morning. And then I wasn't gonna go
Speaker 1: skiing because it was so crappy out. I was like,
Speaker 1: what's the point? But it was cozy. I just want
Speaker 1: to be in bed and watched bad TV. Not even
Speaker 1: bad TV. I really want to watch good TV. But
Speaker 1: I think I've exhausted all television shows. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's slim pickants out there right now, even though there
Speaker 1: are one thousand shows. Well, I know, which makes no
Speaker 1: sense with the volume of of options. But I know
Speaker 1: you also like to be in bed with a good book.
Speaker 1: And actually we've had a bunch of people asking for
Speaker 1: book recommendations. Oh, yes, we have Lessons in Chemistry is
Speaker 1: really good. I'm reading that right now. There's another book
Speaker 1: that's someone left in my house and I'm also reading,
Speaker 1: but I don't remember the name of that, The Great Alone.
Speaker 1: Did we talk about The Great Alone yet? Oh? By
Speaker 1: Kristin Hannah. That is a great book. And every yes,
Speaker 1: that book is about homesteadying in Alaska, which is a
Speaker 1: subject matter that I couldn't be less interested in. And
Speaker 1: I that book that was a page turner. I mean
Speaker 1: I could not get enough of it. And it's a
Speaker 1: big book. It's like six hundred pages, but it flies by.
Speaker 1: I think I read it into plane rides or onto
Speaker 1: plane rides. I love that. The Great Alone is great.
Speaker 1: I read The Paper Palace. I mean that wasn't one
Speaker 1: of my favorite books. I read that pretty quickly too,
Speaker 1: so it's kind of a page turner. And then oh,
Speaker 1: I read this cute little nightstand book, Gallatea by Madeline Miller.
Speaker 1: What's that about? She wrote cirk or cercy. I don't
Speaker 1: even know what the proper pronunciation is for it, but
Speaker 1: I think it's cirk. Yeah. I look at that every time,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't know how to say that.
Speaker 1: It's such a good book. I wish I could reread books,
Speaker 1: but I mean, there's too many books to read to
Speaker 1: have time to reread any Yeah, this is a podcast recommendation,
Speaker 1: but it has one of the greatest names I think
Speaker 1: I've ever heard. There is a new podcast that is
Speaker 1: about the kind of throwaway books that we all get
Speaker 1: at airports, and it is called If Books Could Kill
Speaker 1: I guess to put it at the way they would.
Speaker 1: They describe this podcast as a podcast about the books
Speaker 1: that captured our hearts and ruined our minds. So it's
Speaker 1: a lot of debunking. It's a lot of funny commentary
Speaker 1: and like unpacking the culture of what we believed at
Speaker 1: a certain point when this book was popular. They sort
Speaker 1: of break down like Malcolm Gladwell and The Secret and
Speaker 1: all these different books, and it's great. So it tells
Speaker 1: you which books are worth reading and which ones aren't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and like some of them are sort of teasing about
Speaker 1: them because there may be like a couple of decades
Speaker 1: old and they're like, remember what we believed at the time,
Speaker 1: and you how this fit into the culture and what
Speaker 1: this did to us all what we all believed in.
Speaker 1: But it's a fantastic listen. It's very funny. I just
Speaker 1: love the name if Books Could Kill. I also want
Speaker 1: to make a couple of recommendations of some of my
Speaker 1: favorite books. I think House of Mirth by Edith Wharton
Speaker 1: is an old classic. That's fucking awesome. That's a real
Speaker 1: commentary on society then and now, like not much has changed.
Speaker 1: And then The Red Tent is a really good book.
Speaker 1: I have always heard about The Red Tent and I
Speaker 1: need to read it. Yeah, that's a classic book too.
Speaker 1: That's beautiful. I mean, I love the way, you know
Speaker 1: when books just take you to a place that you
Speaker 1: would never go, like homesteading in Alaska. I'm never doing
Speaker 1: that and never catching my own food. If you know,
Speaker 1: that's not gonna happen. Even if I tried, it wouldn't happen.
Speaker 1: So for some reason, I always conflate The Red Tent
Speaker 1: with Pillars of the Earth, even though I read Pillars
Speaker 1: of the Earth and loved it. For some reason, I
Speaker 1: always think those are the same kind of Stuff's funny
Speaker 1: I always conflate. I always put them together. The Red
Speaker 1: Tent and Memoirs of a Geisha because I just think
Speaker 1: both of books are really important reading, are great reading
Speaker 1: at the very at the very least, Yes, especially for women,
Speaker 1: especially for woman. Well, I'm going to have to get
Speaker 1: on the red tent because it's just been too long.
Speaker 1: Did you get the clip I sent you of me
Speaker 1: talking about you and your hard boiled eggs on Alex
Speaker 1: Cooper's podcast and about Brad Like the fact that Brad
Speaker 1: has remained He's an victim, he's gang he's getting egged
Speaker 1: to every day, victim of your abuse. Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I loved that. Thank you for thank you for bringing
Speaker 1: me very stoned to Alex Cooper. Oh my god, my
Speaker 1: eyes were closed and she could not stop giggling. It
Speaker 1: was my favorite. I was like, this is a fucking
Speaker 1: mass this interview. That was so much fun. But I
Speaker 1: think people loved it because they're just like, this is
Speaker 1: what we want to see from Chelsea Hammer and I
Speaker 1: think Alex Cooper, I think that's what they're there for. Okay,
Speaker 1: So we have a guest today. He is a gay man,
Speaker 1: and that is an identifier. You're not supposed to do that. Okay.
Speaker 1: He's a great guy and he I've known him for
Speaker 1: a long time. And I did his podcast which is
Speaker 1: called Table for Two, and then he elbowed his way
Speaker 1: onto this podcast. So please welcome Bruce Buzzy. Hi Bruce.
Speaker 1: How are you good? Chelsea? How are you? Can you
Speaker 1: hear me? I can see you and I can hear you.
Speaker 1: This is Katherine, my partner in crime. Hello, how are you? Bruce?
Speaker 1: I'm good? Are those all your Grammy's behind you? Yeah?
Speaker 1: My grammy's my oscars my. Yeah. I didn't know you
Speaker 1: were such an award winning performer. Thank you, Chelsea. But
Speaker 1: you know you learned something new every day. Maybe you'll
Speaker 1: win an award for your podcast. Aren't there a podcast awards?
Speaker 1: The Webbies? Oh really Yeah? We were at Webby Honoree
Speaker 1: this year and honoree. I thought we were a nominee.
Speaker 1: What's an honoree? We were a nominee and then we
Speaker 1: were at honoree. It's like that when I first set
Speaker 1: of podcasts, you were way to cut it and a half.
Speaker 1: By the way, who you Who did you just have
Speaker 1: on your podcast that was so good? Was it Scarlett Johansson?
Speaker 1: Thank you? Yeah, we had Scarlett. Yeah, she kind of
Speaker 1: kicked it off and Octavia Spencer just dropped and you're
Speaker 1: coming up. Oh, this is very exciting. I can't wait
Speaker 1: to see what headlines this brings. Every time I say something,
Speaker 1: I have to stop. I'm like, oh, I'm glad I'm
Speaker 1: out of the country, as if you can't access the
Speaker 1: news when you're in a different country. I was just
Speaker 1: on a podcast with a girlfriend and I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to comment on this because it will
Speaker 1: become a headline. And sure enough, there was like fifteen
Speaker 1: articles the next day with that headline. So anyway, I'm
Speaker 1: just going to be mute from now on because I
Speaker 1: can't express myself. The world would be a lesser place
Speaker 1: if you, I know. I want to talk about your
Speaker 1: long storied career, pivoting careers. We've curated today's calls, hopefully
Speaker 1: to suit something that you have some area of expertise in,
Speaker 1: which is the restaurant business. For instance, you're kind of
Speaker 1: in the Hollywood business. You have been a fixture on
Speaker 1: Hollywood scene forever. So, but that's also do you think
Speaker 1: that's by way of the restaurant business, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean the so the restaurant business. Obviously, thirty year career,
Speaker 1: ninety at the Palm restaurant, which my great grandfather co
Speaker 1: founded in I got involved doing summer jobs through college
Speaker 1: and then just it became my career. It's just like
Speaker 1: a calling for me, which kind of made sense because
Speaker 1: it was in the d n A. And I think
Speaker 1: to answer that question, I think the Palm really sort
Speaker 1: of was the intro to my sort of Hollywood relationships
Speaker 1: because I moved to l A and I was ringing
Speaker 1: checks in the West Hollywood Palm as I was also
Speaker 1: trying to do commercials and be an actor, but I
Speaker 1: was a really bad actor. But it was like my
Speaker 1: early twenties and I was out in l A. So
Speaker 1: I met a lot of people. Then I call it
Speaker 1: my sort of normal gene trying to become Marilyn and
Speaker 1: Row years. Well, yeah, okay, great, exactly who you remind
Speaker 1: me of? Norma Jean? Thank you? Gee. I wish it
Speaker 1: was Marilyn and Wrow, but I'll take Normachine. Yeah right,
Speaker 1: It's more normal Jane for me than Marilyn Monroe. I
Speaker 1: appreciate that. So then so, yeah, so that happened. Then
Speaker 1: I moved back to New York, opened up the restaurant
Speaker 1: in Times Square, and a lot of my friends were
Speaker 1: like they were all actors. It seemed I was friends
Speaker 1: with Sarah, Jessica Parker and Andy Collen's always everyone was
Speaker 1: like in the same little tribe. And I was in
Speaker 1: the restaurant bis. So I wasn't in show business. I
Speaker 1: just was a part of their world and loved everything
Speaker 1: about show biz and then fell in love with Brian
Speaker 1: Lord and that kind of through a whole different Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: so Brian Lord is your partner husband you guys have
Speaker 1: been who's a Who's a partner at ci A correct? Yes,
Speaker 1: exactly and one of the biggest agents, if not the
Speaker 1: biggest in Hollywood. So does has he seen you act? No,
Speaker 1: he has never seen me act. I think my big
Speaker 1: my last well in the early nineties I did it
Speaker 1: was nine O two one oh, and it was all
Speaker 1: those kind of shows that you would be like sent
Speaker 1: out for, never got one. The commercials I got were
Speaker 1: all commercials that I had to strip down, like, I
Speaker 1: had to dance in a bathing suit around rubber made
Speaker 1: garbage cans, or I had to like isn't it funny
Speaker 1: that that has only happened to women and gay men.
Speaker 1: No straight men have had to dance around like that
Speaker 1: for an audition. It was all objectrification. It was all
Speaker 1: like okay, hey, can you say your name? Could you
Speaker 1: give me your profiles? And can you take off your clothes?
Speaker 1: And I was like okay, and then he hasn't but
Speaker 1: he never saw me at the last I moved back
Speaker 1: to New York. I did a Caligula in the East Village.
Speaker 1: When the East Village was bad, I mean Orchard and Stanton.
Speaker 1: There were drug addicts. The theater was called House of Candles.
Speaker 1: Oh that sounds tragic. House of Candles. It is tragic.
Speaker 1: And I was so bad. I was freezing. And I
Speaker 1: don't know if you remember a guy named Sandy Gallen, Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, big manager and he became a good friend.
Speaker 1: And when I was in l A, he would run
Speaker 1: sides with me and he was like, you were the
Speaker 1: worst actor ever scene in my life. But I was
Speaker 1: having fun and in actuality, what I was doing was
Speaker 1: kind of discovering myself, getting comfortable with my sexuality. It
Speaker 1: came from an Italian New York family, so it wasn't
Speaker 1: the easiest. The mafia exactly. I didn't want to hit
Speaker 1: taken out on me, Catherine, because I was a game boy,
Speaker 1: you know, so that that was the purpose of those
Speaker 1: years became of real good foundation and great friendships, and
Speaker 1: so that's kind of the hollywe And Okay, so how
Speaker 1: did you and Brian fall in love? Because Brian was
Speaker 1: married to Carry Fisher, right, they weren't actually legally married,
Speaker 1: but you know that didn't happen, but they had it.
Speaker 1: They were in love, and then they had Billy. So
Speaker 1: I had baby Billy Lord, his daughter, Billy Lord, who
Speaker 1: some of you have seen. She's been in a bunch
Speaker 1: of stuff American horror story most most of you maybe,
Speaker 1: So around two that marriage ended and Brian kind of
Speaker 1: came out. That was his realization that he was in
Speaker 1: the wrong place. And so then I met Barry. So Hollywood,
Speaker 1: so bougie, Chelsea, I'm so bougie. I met Barry at
Speaker 1: Barry Diller and Dion von Furstenberg's wedding. And I had
Speaker 1: met Barry in my normal Janie years here in l A,
Speaker 1: so then I had gotten to know Dion. And so
Speaker 1: I was in this wedding and I see this guy
Speaker 1: and he's so sexy, and I'm like, whoa, and but
Speaker 1: nothing happens. And because I'm living in New York at
Speaker 1: the time, and he's living in l A. And we'd
Speaker 1: see each other like I'd always crash Andy Cohen and
Speaker 1: I would come out here and we would crash every
Speaker 1: party there was during Oscar time, because we were just
Speaker 1: horrors and hookers for a good time and a movie
Speaker 1: star and fun. So I started to get to know
Speaker 1: Brian a little bit more and I decided to become
Speaker 1: a dad when I was forty. I realized, you know what,
Speaker 1: this is something that I want to do. When I
Speaker 1: started the process as a single guy, and really quite honestly,
Speaker 1: on an airplane coming to l A for one night
Speaker 1: to have a facilitated meeting with my surrogate. Potential surrogate,
Speaker 1: a mutual friend was on the plane. She was staying
Speaker 1: with Brian. She asked if I could take her back
Speaker 1: to his home, dropped her off. It was Christmas time.
Speaker 1: He asked, why are you coming to California for a day.
Speaker 1: So I said, I'm doing this thing. It's obviously a
Speaker 1: huge thing. And he said, come back tomorrow before you
Speaker 1: take the red eyeback. So I was here for quite
Speaker 1: four hours and I did, and in that moment, in
Speaker 1: the house that I now live in, we kind of
Speaker 1: just we're honest with each other, and that kind of
Speaker 1: led to us being in a relationship. I said, I
Speaker 1: have very strong feelings for you, he said, I do
Speaker 1: for you. We're old. I was forty at the time,
Speaker 1: he was forty six. Looking back now as I'm about
Speaker 1: to turn fifty seven, I'm like, that was not old,
Speaker 1: by the way, and began, you know, a really great
Speaker 1: sixteen years. We're like, we just passed sixteen years together, married,
Speaker 1: like five lovely. So when you revealed to him that
Speaker 1: you were planning on becoming a father, he was on
Speaker 1: board with that right away. He was on board with
Speaker 1: that right away. And now he says, I got pregnant
Speaker 1: and trapped him. That's a cute story. I'm glad you
Speaker 1: guys found each other. Brian so fucking sexy, all right,
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean he's landed the guy.
Speaker 1: He's sexy to everybody. Yeah, he really is. He's universally
Speaker 1: sexy and a good guy. So the kids now fifteen, Yeah,
Speaker 1: what what is your kid's name? Eva? A v A.
Speaker 1: I kind of was inspired because you know, I'm a
Speaker 1: gay guy by Ava Gardner, who I just thought it
Speaker 1: was just gorgeous, strong woman, Bossie Lord. He legally adopted
Speaker 1: her a couple of years ago when we were getting married,
Speaker 1: and all made sense. Yeah, that's sweet. I love gay parents.
Speaker 1: I'll have a daughter that's lovely. Isn't it the best
Speaker 1: gay parenting? Yeah? Gay parenting is interesting because like for me, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I was going full throttle my twenties, my thirties, New
Speaker 1: York Palm, restaurant, working in the restaurant, staying out late.
Speaker 1: And it just because you're not married to a woman
Speaker 1: who's her body is changing, so you're slowing up naturally.
Speaker 1: It's like all of a sudden, you're like the next day,
Speaker 1: it's like, excuse me, can you get to the hospital?
Speaker 1: Your your life's about to be over. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1: It's a kind of like it takes your lifestyle to
Speaker 1: a grinding halt. Like that's how I felt when Andy
Speaker 1: Cohen had a kid. I was like, wait a second,
Speaker 1: this is gonna change a lot. And then he had
Speaker 1: another one. I'm like, wait what So Yeah, it's funny,
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess because nine months is there to
Speaker 1: prepare you. Although nine months is never enough to prepare anybody,
Speaker 1: you know, when you're when you're carrying a baby, I mean,
Speaker 1: I had a friend who just had a baby a
Speaker 1: couple of days ago and almost died during the delivery.
Speaker 1: She had the worst was she lost so much blood
Speaker 1: and she's her heart was leaking, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, Like you think it's such an everyday
Speaker 1: easy thing, and it's like, no, this used to kill people. Yeah, yeah, No.
Speaker 1: Billy just had her second baby, and I gotta say
Speaker 1: she was so committed to making sure everything was you know,
Speaker 1: the nine months, she took such great care of herself.
Speaker 1: But the actuality, you know, it was a difficult. There
Speaker 1: were difficulties and Brian was a mess and he was like,
Speaker 1: can this please, Like, can we not have any more babies?
Speaker 1: It's like you said, it's not to be taken for granted.
Speaker 1: How difficult to have a kid come out of your vagina? Pikachu? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you should start saying Pikachu too, because you're never ever
Speaker 1: going to have to deal with a vagina and Pikachu
Speaker 1: such a It's just such a nice other way to
Speaker 1: say it, right, vagina sounds like, I don't know, there's
Speaker 1: a hammer coming down at the end of it or something.
Speaker 1: Tell us about parenting with your daughter, what's her situation
Speaker 1: at fifteen. Is she manageable or is she about to
Speaker 1: you know, does she hate you? She manageable? That's how
Speaker 1: I think of children. Are they manageable? I thought of
Speaker 1: you today because I drive her to school, which is irritating,
Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, you know what, Chelsea doesn't
Speaker 1: have to get up before ten am. No, but for
Speaker 1: some reason, I get up at fucking five every single day.
Speaker 1: I should be sleeping till ten am. Yeah, you should.
Speaker 1: I go to bed at like nine, So I've just
Speaker 1: completely switched my clock. Me too. I actually couldn't keep
Speaker 1: my eyes open last night. But she is still into
Speaker 1: building these massively complicated lego things that like I could
Speaker 1: never do. She got that kind of brain. She's definitely
Speaker 1: bitchy to me, Like I asked her a question, like
Speaker 1: you have to like sneer at me when I asked
Speaker 1: you the question, can you just answer nicely? We're in
Speaker 1: that phase. She's not going to the parties. That's not
Speaker 1: where her mind is at. So you know, I don't
Speaker 1: want her going to those parties. Yeah, but I don't
Speaker 1: think what we did at those parties is happening with
Speaker 1: this generation of people. I think they're much more scared
Speaker 1: of drugs. They're not partying like we partied, and they
Speaker 1: should be scared of drugs because they're everything is so
Speaker 1: screwed up out there with fent at all and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. But I feel like fifteen year olds are
Speaker 1: much smarter than we were. They have access to so
Speaker 1: much more information than we did. We didn't have the
Speaker 1: Internet when we were fifteen. No, you're so white, and
Speaker 1: they actually kind of tell you what they want to do,
Speaker 1: and like they have a plan. Yeah, you had a
Speaker 1: plan to get in a first class ticket. I do
Speaker 1: have fucking plants. Who knows what they are, but they're
Speaker 1: just inside of my head until I expel them and
Speaker 1: then watch out and then watch out duck. So that's
Speaker 1: the kid thing. What were your roles with you and
Speaker 1: Brian as parents? Who's the softie and who's the kind
Speaker 1: of rule enforcer? I'm sure of the primary caretaker. So
Speaker 1: I'm the one who's like, wake up, let's get breakfast,
Speaker 1: let's do this, like, oh, you gotta go to the dentist.
Speaker 1: You know, when Brian, when we when we began this
Speaker 1: journey together, Billy was already like fourteen. I was like,
Speaker 1: you don't have to do that. You know, if she
Speaker 1: gets up blah blah blah. She considers him the smart one.
Speaker 1: So all homeworks, she's like, you know, I want to
Speaker 1: go through this project, so can I talk to you
Speaker 1: about it? As I'm sitting there and I'm like, hello,
Speaker 1: because you funked up from homework so badly, looked up
Speaker 1: our homework so badly. And then and they're a little
Speaker 1: bit like snotty towards me, Brian, and they look at
Speaker 1: me like and then I'm like, fine, I'll go in
Speaker 1: my office. I'll go and hang out and have a
Speaker 1: glass of wine and binge. I don't need you guys either.
Speaker 1: Get out. That's a spirit there, you go. Okay, So
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick bit. We're gonna take a
Speaker 1: quick bake, and we're gonna be right back. And we're back.
Speaker 1: We're back, We're back. You're someplace very glamorous. Oh I'm
Speaker 1: in Whistler, Canada. That's your place, your happy place. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But the snow is no bueno. It's not happening. Really,
Speaker 1: it's just wet and damp and there's no snow. It
Speaker 1: hasn't snowed in like two weeks. Surprising with all this
Speaker 1: weather snow patterns around the world. Well, I think when
Speaker 1: it hits America, it doesn't hit Canada and vice versa.
Speaker 1: So Canada has been pretty lucky the last few years,
Speaker 1: and now it's probably back to America's turn. We got
Speaker 1: all the precipitation and then maybe throwing a little little
Speaker 1: pinch of climate change and then you see what happens. Yeah,
Speaker 1: a tad Okay, So what's going on there, toy. Katherine's
Speaker 1: gonna take us through what we can expect because we're
Speaker 1: going to talk to live callers, So you better get
Speaker 1: your fucking a game on, Bruce. Okay, Bruce, I read
Speaker 1: in People Magazine that you said one of your favorite
Speaker 1: moments on your podcast Table for Two was your conversation
Speaker 1: with Chelsea we have fun lunch. Chelsea didn't have a
Speaker 1: fun lunch, I know, but we didn't even have a drink.
Speaker 1: I regret that it's all Chelsea's orders an iced tea.
Speaker 1: And then at the end, Chelsea, you go, we could
Speaker 1: have had a drink and I was like yeah, She's like, well,
Speaker 1: I didn't realize we were having lunch. You know, I
Speaker 1: don't ever really look at my calendar. I just show
Speaker 1: up where I'm supposed to be. So I could be
Speaker 1: showing up for a lunch or I could be showing
Speaker 1: up for a podcast. I don't really know until I
Speaker 1: get there. And when I got there, I thought, oh,
Speaker 1: this is a podcast. And then we ordered food and
Speaker 1: then I was like, wait a second, I should have
Speaker 1: had a drink in this situation. Was there a lot
Speaker 1: of chewing into Mike's That's my only question, because we
Speaker 1: turned it off. Well, I don't know what we did. No, No,
Speaker 1: we were actually people do complain about the chomp and
Speaker 1: we were not chopping. We were like, very gracious. Listen,
Speaker 1: just so you know, this is a woman who carries
Speaker 1: hard boiled eggs on planes, and so if she wants
Speaker 1: to talk about or complain about chomping, you need to
Speaker 1: back the duck up, you know what. I flip listen
Speaker 1: to it. I heard that episode and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: and I've been bullying her ever since. Please for the
Speaker 1: first kind, you know what, I think I may have
Speaker 1: to change my ways. Maybe we'll just have them to
Speaker 1: the airport to an egg an meeting where people admit
Speaker 1: to terrible things they've done with eggs. Although you know
Speaker 1: what they do sell those like little double bag of
Speaker 1: eggs now at the airport? I feel slightly, I know,
Speaker 1: but that's just they're just trying to taunt you. Don't
Speaker 1: give in, do not. It's her victims like you. You know,
Speaker 1: Yeah you cannot Yeah no, no, no no buyo. Well, Bruce,
Speaker 1: I have some questions that I think are right up
Speaker 1: your alley. We are very excited for you to be
Speaker 1: joining us. You ready to answer some questions? I am
Speaker 1: ready well. Our first email comes from d D, says
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. I'm a thirty one year old gay man
Speaker 1: living in Canada. I've been with my partner for just
Speaker 1: over three years. We've been exploring with other people in
Speaker 1: the bedroom for about two years now. Recently, we had
Speaker 1: a threesome with another guy on vacation. We ended up
Speaker 1: spending almost four days with him. We were on a
Speaker 1: high from it and it was an amazing experience. However,
Speaker 1: since coming home from this vacation, things have taken a turn.
Speaker 1: I bet we're both very much hung up on this
Speaker 1: guy and it's starting to affect our relationship. We haven't
Speaker 1: always had the easiest sex life, and this experience is
Speaker 1: making us both question our compatibility in the bedroom and
Speaker 1: in other areas of our relation. Chip looking for some
Speaker 1: advice or a hard dose of reality. Cheers D Bruce.
Speaker 1: You need to take that as a gay man, because
Speaker 1: I know that the rules feel slightly different for heterosexual
Speaker 1: and homosexual relationships. Yeah, D, I would say they are different.
Speaker 1: And you so okay with no judgment with how people
Speaker 1: want to live their lives, which means we're judging you
Speaker 1: no judgment. Get a fucking grip. Yeah, keep it, um.
Speaker 1: I think it's always a very slippery slope when you
Speaker 1: have sex, when you bring somebody in to enhance your
Speaker 1: sex life, if you're in a relationship. From personal experience
Speaker 1: in my early twenties, I did have an experience where
Speaker 1: it turned out unexpectedly. I was brought to someone's house
Speaker 1: and I was really into this guy that I was dating.
Speaker 1: The next thing I know, there was like two other
Speaker 1: people there, and we were getting a tour of their
Speaker 1: house and we've got to their bed room and he
Speaker 1: starts like rubbing my chest and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: this doesn't normally happen in the tour part of the house.
Speaker 1: And then I realized it just was not my speed,
Speaker 1: and I exited the situation sat in the living room left,
Speaker 1: So that's being very just personal. But so for D,
Speaker 1: I think you know, someone's always going to be favored.
Speaker 1: If you have a three way and you're with your
Speaker 1: partner and all of a sudden the person likes your
Speaker 1: partner more, it's just not good. The fact that they
Speaker 1: made it like a four day Yeah, it sounds like
Speaker 1: a kidnapping. Like kidnapping. Yeah. I think part of being
Speaker 1: in the relationship is you know, it's not always fun
Speaker 1: to have sex with the same person, and it's not
Speaker 1: easy and it does get a little bit like okay,
Speaker 1: but it's just a very tricky I would say D,
Speaker 1: this relationship probably doesn't not gonna last. And because it's
Speaker 1: just not gonna last, so you both like have this
Speaker 1: thing for him, where does he fit in? Like someone's
Speaker 1: gonna end up with this guy? And I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's going to be team, but it sounds like
Speaker 1: it's somebody who's like in another country somewhere or some
Speaker 1: other location. But they can all they can all regroup
Speaker 1: or one of them could regroup with him. And but
Speaker 1: I also think listen, if you're having those feelings, you
Speaker 1: had that experience with this guy for four days, you
Speaker 1: come home and your relationship is not right. That's a
Speaker 1: good sign that you just got that your relationship isn't
Speaker 1: right and that your sexual compatibility may not be sustainable.
Speaker 1: So that's a good thing to find out that you're
Speaker 1: not compatible with somebody sooner than later. And so look
Speaker 1: at it like that. I feel like sexual compatibility like
Speaker 1: when that's gone or if it's that's not there, that's
Speaker 1: like the most fundamental thing that you need to be
Speaker 1: attracted to the other person that you want to fuck them.
Speaker 1: You know, if you don't want to suck them, or
Speaker 1: you have trouble fucking them or it's awkward, then that's
Speaker 1: not compatible. Because there's people out there that you're gonna
Speaker 1: have in incredible chemistry with. Yeah, I agree, the chemistry
Speaker 1: that's the foundation for the relationship. And if that's not
Speaker 1: there in the beginning, you're not gonna have a long
Speaker 1: term relationship because at the end of the day that
Speaker 1: does change. But you do have to reinvent and I
Speaker 1: always want to like have sex with them, but and
Speaker 1: I think to your points else, you're right, better to
Speaker 1: learn early. And also it makes you questionable kind of
Speaker 1: relationship you want to have like, maybe you don't want
Speaker 1: to have a long term monogamous relationship where you or
Speaker 1: maybe you want to call the guy from your vacation
Speaker 1: and get together with him. Yeah, maybe it's a refle situation.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's the relationship you're supposed to be in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and just I tend to agree with you both. But
Speaker 1: just to play devil's advocate, you know, when you open
Speaker 1: up your relationship, you are giving yourself the sort of
Speaker 1: room to play sexually. And maybe part of your relationship
Speaker 1: not working sexually is Hey, that's why we have this
Speaker 1: open thing, so we can go like have fun elsewhere
Speaker 1: we come back together. But yeah, what do you think
Speaker 1: about that? I mean, just to play devil's advocate, the
Speaker 1: opening up of the marriage could have been the solve
Speaker 1: to the sex life, but it sounds like it's creating
Speaker 1: too many problems. I don't know relationships that it solves it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I know another friend that's kind of experiencing going through
Speaker 1: something similar and they have an open relationship and now
Speaker 1: the boyfriend is really into the other person. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: and this is bringing up all sorts of feelings for
Speaker 1: this guy. So I don't know, but I feel like
Speaker 1: I can't comment on it because I'm a straight woman,
Speaker 1: and so my opinions of it are like, no, I
Speaker 1: don't want an open relationship. I mean, I don't mind
Speaker 1: sucking around with the third party, but I don't want
Speaker 1: to be dating other people when on relationship. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think there's there's a big distinction there. And I
Speaker 1: do think you have no matter what your sexual hetero, straight,
Speaker 1: you know, gay, it's the same thing. If you were
Speaker 1: in a relationship and you opened it up and all
Speaker 1: sudden there's like another woman this relationship with you, and
Speaker 1: this scot your guy, You're going to be like after
Speaker 1: a while, this this isn't working. You know, I don't
Speaker 1: know how many fumbles that work. And I think it's um.
Speaker 1: I also think gay guys and this is a generalization,
Speaker 1: there's just an issue with long term sex commitment and
Speaker 1: it's kind of built into the d n A and
Speaker 1: men are pigs and this is what we do. I mean,
Speaker 1: you have it, everybody, Men are pigs. You heard it
Speaker 1: here first, and no one will be surprised to hear
Speaker 1: that they heard it on my podcast, except it didn't
Speaker 1: come out of my mouth, did it. Well. I think
Speaker 1: we sort of solved that one. Yeah tell DA, let
Speaker 1: us know what goes down, because I want to hear
Speaker 1: yeah D. Please keep us posted. I will also say,
Speaker 1: if you do decide to give your relationship a try,
Speaker 1: like a real college try after this, there are therapists
Speaker 1: that specialize in open relationships, polyamory, all that stuff. So
Speaker 1: since the majority of our relationship has been polyamorous, open,
Speaker 1: that might be a good thing to try. There you go,
Speaker 1: that's good advice that I didn't even think about that.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm gonna I'm gonna get certified as a
Speaker 1: polyamorous therapist. Oh my god, I would go to r
Speaker 1: O one one more thing to add to my repertoire.
Speaker 1: It's also the advice I gave to two of my
Speaker 1: friends and they opened up their marriage and blew it
Speaker 1: up in spectacular fashion. And she ran off with his
Speaker 1: best friend and now he dates guys. So it's great.
Speaker 1: Sounds like a home run. It all works out in
Speaker 1: the air. Yes, I mean opening it up and including
Speaker 1: your best friend. That's not so I know, at least
Speaker 1: these guys did it on vacation. But also opening it
Speaker 1: up though, and finding out that you're into the same
Speaker 1: sex and you start dating the same sex, Like, you're
Speaker 1: freeing both people up to actually pursue what they really want,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So that's a good thing too.
Speaker 1: It's not such a bad thing when people separate, especially
Speaker 1: if both people even if they go in complete opposite directions,
Speaker 1: like if both people are fulfilled. Greatgre Wow. Well. Our
Speaker 1: next question comes from Amanda. She is calling in here
Speaker 1: and she is a chef in Ohio. Hello, Chelsea. I'm
Speaker 1: a freelance chef and I've been working my ass off
Speaker 1: all my adult life. Over the last six and a
Speaker 1: half years. One of my jobs has been working part
Speaker 1: time as a private chef amongst a group of full
Speaker 1: time chefs. My boss, who exhibits extreme narcissistic traits, only
Speaker 1: takes note of things that will benefit him. He took
Speaker 1: an interest in a healthy cookie I was making for
Speaker 1: guests and would ask about the recipe. I had been
Speaker 1: carefully developing this recipe over the course of eight years
Speaker 1: and had loose plans to market it. This sent off
Speaker 1: a red flag in my head, and I became guarded
Speaker 1: about giving the recipe to him. The last time he
Speaker 1: asked for the recipe, he said he wanted to make
Speaker 1: it in one of the guests homes and would give
Speaker 1: me credit for the recipe. I politely asked him instead
Speaker 1: if I could critique the current method he was using
Speaker 1: and avoided giving my recipe to him. Fast forward a
Speaker 1: few months, as it was working next to him, one morning,
Speaker 1: he revealed to me that he and his pastry chef
Speaker 1: wife have developed their own healthy cookie and that they
Speaker 1: are going to take it to market with the help
Speaker 1: of his wealthy clients. I was so furious I shut
Speaker 1: down and ran to the office to cry. This is
Speaker 1: a corporate environment in which if you show signs of
Speaker 1: distress or confrontation, you are the problem. If he mentions
Speaker 1: it in front of me again, I'm not sure how
Speaker 1: I'll react. My gut tells me to be direct with
Speaker 1: him to help break his unchallenged ways of narcissism and
Speaker 1: possibly build a future where others aren't taken advantage of.
Speaker 1: But another coworker thinks my confrontation would only lead to
Speaker 1: an uncomfortable work environment. I certainly don't want to lose
Speaker 1: my job. What would you do, Amanda? Oh wow, Hi Amanda, Hi,
Speaker 1: Hi hire. We have our guest today, Bruce Bozzi. Say
Speaker 1: hi to Bruce. Hi, Bruce, Hi, Amanda, how are you good?
Speaker 1: How's it going good? Excellent? Thank you. So Bruce is
Speaker 1: a restaurant guy through and through, and that's why I
Speaker 1: thought he'd have some good wisdom on this for you. Sure,
Speaker 1: I think this is like even beyond just the restaurant piece,
Speaker 1: and so people will steal a good idea and there,
Speaker 1: you know, and and restaurant business, you know, create a dish,
Speaker 1: create a special Someone then takes that special over and
Speaker 1: they try they want credit. So I feel she could
Speaker 1: be direct with him. She could say, you know, hey,
Speaker 1: that sucks. I gave you this idea, I mean, and
Speaker 1: you kind of took it. I guess. Was she planning
Speaker 1: on bringing him into offer to their guests and he
Speaker 1: then him making a business of it? Is just like
Speaker 1: a stab, you know what I mean? And I think
Speaker 1: it happens in all business show business, and you know
Speaker 1: you you say you're working on something, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, somebody has good funds with you, they go
Speaker 1: for the part. They She learned a hard lesson here
Speaker 1: and her feeling she's never really going to get past that.
Speaker 1: She just gotta now just develop her own cookie. And
Speaker 1: she's gotta. I think, make that a business plan be
Speaker 1: motivated by That would be my advice to her. I mean,
Speaker 1: this doesn't preclude you from pursuing the avenue that you
Speaker 1: were pursuing previous to him revealing that, right, you can
Speaker 1: still do your thing. Yeah, I mean I'm a freelancer.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of different things going on. This
Speaker 1: is kind of like on the back burner. I think
Speaker 1: the bigger thing for me, I think I'm over the emotional,
Speaker 1: all gut reaction to it. It's more of like how
Speaker 1: do I respond if this gets brought up in the
Speaker 1: workplace again? How do I keep myself calm and collected?
Speaker 1: And how do I effectively communicate with him? As like
Speaker 1: an extreme narcissist. I feel like, honestly, with an extreme narcissist,
Speaker 1: there's no point in revealing how you feel. It's not
Speaker 1: going to have any impact. I think with him, it's
Speaker 1: like just look the other way, Like he's on his
Speaker 1: own planet, you know. I mean, if you feel compelled
Speaker 1: to say something to him, I honestly feel like it
Speaker 1: will fall on deaf ears. Yeah, going and looking at
Speaker 1: him is the hard part. And to sort of like
Speaker 1: being in a work environment that you find joyous and
Speaker 1: you want to be creative and you want to bring
Speaker 1: something to the table. Now you there's a lack of
Speaker 1: trust there so and all narcissists just deny what you're
Speaker 1: saying anyway, like they deny their own behavior. They have
Speaker 1: no accountability. Yeah, it's just it's hard for me to
Speaker 1: understand that mindset. I tend to be empathetic and try
Speaker 1: to understand, you know, why people do things, But it's
Speaker 1: more of me just being able to cope in that
Speaker 1: environment someone like that. And really, when I talk to
Speaker 1: my coworkers, they all kind of come to the same conclusion,
Speaker 1: is that this is just kind of how it is.
Speaker 1: Is he senior to you in any way? Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean he's been there longer than me, but he's
Speaker 1: not your boss. I mean I could talk to someone
Speaker 1: in like HR above him, but usually that just creates
Speaker 1: a whole mess and a lot of times when you know,
Speaker 1: things don't get resolved because he's kind of the head
Speaker 1: of our department. Well, also, HR is not going to
Speaker 1: resolve this. It's not a human resources thing, right, I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess the person above him that's in charge of
Speaker 1: our department, I should say me coming from the corporate
Speaker 1: environment that I do knows these things. Oh man, it's
Speaker 1: funny that you use this cookie thing because I know
Speaker 1: someone who's created a cookie. It's really great. And she
Speaker 1: refuses to give anybody the recipe. She just hasn't. And
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, yeah, good on you for not giving
Speaker 1: him the recipe. By the way, that's good. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think you know karma comes into play here. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: just believe in it. And I also think that that
Speaker 1: so the hard part for you is how do I
Speaker 1: work with this person because you took my idea and
Speaker 1: and that's difficult, and I think you just have to
Speaker 1: sort of. I actually do feel, even though he's a narcissiist,
Speaker 1: is room to have a conversation and communications say hey,
Speaker 1: you know, this was something I shared and in my
Speaker 1: fall on deaf yours, I think to Chelsea's point, which
Speaker 1: then could even leave you less fulfilled in the conversation.
Speaker 1: It's very tricky. I would just continue with your projects.
Speaker 1: Don't even give him the time of day. Let it
Speaker 1: be like water off a ducts back. Seriously, just he's
Speaker 1: not important enough to you. He's not going to prevent
Speaker 1: you from succeeding in your life when he's stealing ideas
Speaker 1: from people, that says at all. So it's not even
Speaker 1: worth your aggravation. And so I think you just have
Speaker 1: to think of it your yourself as like on a
Speaker 1: different level than him, and it's not even worth interacting
Speaker 1: or engaging unless he really disrespects you in a very
Speaker 1: blatant way. Than of course you can defend yourself and
Speaker 1: speak up for yourself, but on this matter, like it's
Speaker 1: just not worth it. That's true. I just I can
Speaker 1: just foresee an issue similar to this coming up again,
Speaker 1: and it's just more about maintaining composure and just knowing
Speaker 1: how to handle it. Yeah, I think maybe you should
Speaker 1: just you know, maintaining composure. What my therapist Dan always
Speaker 1: used to say is that there's like your reaction plus
Speaker 1: time is a response. So like as soon as you're
Speaker 1: reacting in real time, that's not a response. That's like
Speaker 1: a jerk guttural thing. So in any instance where he
Speaker 1: does provoke you in any way, if that happens, you
Speaker 1: just have to take a real calm, deep breath or
Speaker 1: a few and be like, I won't be spoken to
Speaker 1: like this. This feels very disrespectful because then it's about
Speaker 1: what it feels like to you. You're not accusing him
Speaker 1: of anything. It's like this is you know, you don't
Speaker 1: want to be emotional, you want to just be direct
Speaker 1: and confident. I feel disrespected in this moment. There's nothing
Speaker 1: that anybody can argue with about that statement, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: And he can only take from you what you give him.
Speaker 1: There is sort of an energy boundary that I think
Speaker 1: that you can set for yourself, Like Chelsea's said, water
Speaker 1: off a ducks back, where you know what your bubble is.
Speaker 1: He doesn't get access to that, he doesn't get access
Speaker 1: to your creative ideas. You know, I have a relationship
Speaker 1: of someone in my life who will always be in
Speaker 1: my life, and several years ago I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I can't tell this person stuff that's really
Speaker 1: personal to me because it'll get used against me. But
Speaker 1: now I have a great relationship with that person because
Speaker 1: I keep it light, I keep it civil. We chat
Speaker 1: about the weather, We chat about stuff like that, and
Speaker 1: it's really improved things. So, you know, maintaining them talking
Speaker 1: about the weather, that's a great way to keep your cool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but give yourself a boundary where You're like, you know,
Speaker 1: he can't get in here. Yeah. Yeah, that's a smart
Speaker 1: thing to do. And it also might be time to
Speaker 1: get your own wealthy clients to market that cookie because
Speaker 1: eight years, I bet it tastes pretty good. Yeah, good idea.
Speaker 1: All right, Amanda, let us know what happens. Okay, thanks
Speaker 1: a lot, and send us some cookies. Yeah, I would
Speaker 1: love it, so yeah, yeah, send us some cookies. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll be in touch with you, Catherine. Awesome, Thanks Amanda, Amanda.
Speaker 1: I well, I'm such a ding like Amanda, pops up.
Speaker 1: I don't realize that the man is the one. No ship,
Speaker 1: You're like, she she, I'm like, she's sitting right here,
Speaker 1: and I know, you know, what are you staring at
Speaker 1: yourself on the screen because I do that all the
Speaker 1: time where you don't look at the other person and
Speaker 1: I'm looking at myself. So I apologize, Amanda. I literally
Speaker 1: was like, that's who we're talking to. Yes, that's a man. Well,
Speaker 1: our next question is sort of an industry question, so
Speaker 1: I thought you would both have some good insight into this.
Speaker 1: Our next caller is Caroline. She is thirty six, she's
Speaker 1: a PhD student, and she's also ex military Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I'm a PhD student and not in the industry quote unquote, However,
Speaker 1: I met an older man in a networking event and
Speaker 1: he showed interest in a book I published, Fairly Smooth Operator.
Speaker 1: We're both military veterans, and he wants to produce a
Speaker 1: short film of one of the chapters, a chapter that
Speaker 1: tells the story of sexual harassment issues I encountered that
Speaker 1: still exists in the military. The problem is, when we
Speaker 1: finally met in person, he took the conversation in the
Speaker 1: direction of asking me about my dating life. I don't
Speaker 1: think he crossed a line, and he didn't ask me out.
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is just what people in
Speaker 1: l A talk about, or if this is inappropriate and
Speaker 1: he's trying to shoot his shot. Why can't I network
Speaker 1: with men without being subject to potentially dating them. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm being asked to sign away my rights
Speaker 1: to a book with someone who has connections that would
Speaker 1: be helpful. However, there's a murkiness now around his intentions.
Speaker 1: What should I say to make the line clear or
Speaker 1: should I not work with him at all? Is this
Speaker 1: why you only work with women? Chelsea? Thanks for your help.
Speaker 1: Caroline Hi, Caroline, Hi, Hi, thanks for having me. Hi.
Speaker 1: This is Bruce Bozzy. He's our guest today and he
Speaker 1: is embedded in the Hollywood industry. I have a stronghold
Speaker 1: in it. No, I don't, but yes, I familiar with it.
Speaker 1: I actually have something that I feel. But I think Chelsea,
Speaker 1: you should lead with this. Well. I just think absolutely not, Like,
Speaker 1: do not work with that is so out of style
Speaker 1: and so passe, and men asking you about your dating
Speaker 1: life when you're on a business meeting is unacceptable period,
Speaker 1: That's not what you're there for. So I would just
Speaker 1: cut ties with him and continue to send your script
Speaker 1: out and network and just you're going to find somebody
Speaker 1: that's gonna want to do it for you, and it's
Speaker 1: probably going to be a woman. Yeah. And I think
Speaker 1: also people reveal themselves so quickly, So if you're paying
Speaker 1: attention and you choose to look past that because you
Speaker 1: want to get the project done, you're going to find out, oh,
Speaker 1: that was actually who they are and he revealed himself
Speaker 1: and you felt it and trust your instincts in your gut,
Speaker 1: and I would say, he's not the guy, okay, And
Speaker 1: then what's the best that I'm going to run into
Speaker 1: him again at these networking meetings. So do I make
Speaker 1: an excuse, do I confront it, or do you think
Speaker 1: is the best way to do that? I would I
Speaker 1: would confront it, because men like that needs to be
Speaker 1: called out. I would be like, hey, listen, it's inappropriate
Speaker 1: for you to be asking me about my dating life.
Speaker 1: And he'll you know, minimize it and say, oh, well, no,
Speaker 1: I was just trying to get to know you. It's like,
Speaker 1: it's not We're not in that era anymore. We're in
Speaker 1: present day, modern times and there's been enough information in
Speaker 1: the last five years for you to understand that, especially
Speaker 1: in this industry, you need to behave yourself and act
Speaker 1: above board, like you're serious about your work, and you
Speaker 1: showing him that you're serious about your work is going
Speaker 1: to have a longer and bigger impact than you continuing
Speaker 1: to work with him. Is there anything in the moment
Speaker 1: with that that you would say, you know, I was
Speaker 1: kind of shocked at the moment and not prepared for that. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I would go, really, are you asking me about my
Speaker 1: personal life? Do you know what year it is? It's
Speaker 1: twenty twenty, what year is it? Whatever? Right? Okay? Three?
Speaker 1: I don't Why am I expected to know what year
Speaker 1: it is. It's also fucking confusing. You need to like
Speaker 1: react to it in a way that's like you can't
Speaker 1: possibly be thinking that's appropriate. It's like somebody fartay when
Speaker 1: you sit down to meet with them, it's like, no,
Speaker 1: I mean, parting is obviously less offensive than asking you
Speaker 1: about your dating life, but still inappropriate, but also normal
Speaker 1: not to know what to say in that moment because
Speaker 1: some things settle, like you kind of take it back.
Speaker 1: You're we're all taught to be respectful and to be
Speaker 1: good people and to you know, and you're in the
Speaker 1: room and you're talking business. So when the time goes away,
Speaker 1: you know, the next day, you always like, god, I
Speaker 1: should have said that, or now you'll for the next time,
Speaker 1: or when you see him again, you're gonna like hear
Speaker 1: it much quicker and be able to be like, hey, hey,
Speaker 1: you're crossing the line here, And I think Chelsea is
Speaker 1: completely right. Yeah. A softer version of that is I
Speaker 1: wasn't comfortable with that. I was, you know, it made
Speaker 1: me uncomfortable. I'm going to go in a different direction. Thanks,
Speaker 1: but no thanks, But I think I totally agree your
Speaker 1: gut is telling you it wasn't just like an innocent
Speaker 1: question of like shooting the breeze. It's great, and you're
Speaker 1: also like protecting future people and you know that he's
Speaker 1: going to interact with so think about it that way.
Speaker 1: He needs to know that he can't be just like
Speaker 1: asking women about their personal lives, right, Okay, Yeah. I
Speaker 1: feel like he kind of used this leg veteran bond
Speaker 1: to make it seem like we're just being friendly. But yeah,
Speaker 1: especially with the topic, I just felt like, oh, now
Speaker 1: this is feeling exploit exploitative, exploited, I exploited. Well, especially
Speaker 1: when you're talking about, like the theme is sexual harassment
Speaker 1: and he's like, so you like to go out like
Speaker 1: what was your dating life? You're like, what, this is
Speaker 1: not appropriate? Yeah? Yeah, well keep us posted and the
Speaker 1: next time you run into him and what happens with that,
Speaker 1: and we hope you'll find an awesome woman who wants
Speaker 1: to help you tell your story as well. Awesome. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for the reassurance to appreciate it. Awesome,
Speaker 1: Thanks Caroline, Thanks by man are pigs? Well, that doesn't
Speaker 1: get us anywhere, does it? No? But it's like so
Speaker 1: but not all men are pigs. I mean, that's just
Speaker 1: not true. A lot of men are. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not a pig, but I know a lot of good
Speaker 1: guys too. But I feel like these stories, we hear
Speaker 1: them so much, and you're right, we're not a whole
Speaker 1: different times think monogamy is really just too much pressure
Speaker 1: on too many people. I also think that we have
Speaker 1: to restructure it. It doesn't make sense with monogamy. I
Speaker 1: feel like you can make a choice to say, hey,
Speaker 1: I love you, I want to be with you, but
Speaker 1: every now and then I might want to sleep with
Speaker 1: somebody else. You can have like a sort of don't ask,
Speaker 1: don't tell policy, But it's not a relationship. You're not
Speaker 1: forming a relationship. You just might have a moment. You
Speaker 1: might be like in Whistler and be like, oh, so
Speaker 1: and So's here. I feel like there's a lot of
Speaker 1: ways to live a full life and have multi sexual
Speaker 1: partners and not just immediately when you're like in lockdown
Speaker 1: with one person. Well, yeah, it also depends at what
Speaker 1: age you meet that person. You know, like, when I
Speaker 1: meet my person, it's I'm going to be basically in
Speaker 1: my late forties or fifty seven right now, and I
Speaker 1: feel like that's enough time for me not to fucking
Speaker 1: want to kill because I'm not twenty and meeting them
Speaker 1: or thirty or forty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will say
Speaker 1: in my because obvious in my early forties, but later
Speaker 1: I meet my person this shorter time, amount of times
Speaker 1: you want to martyr them, take them out. I actually
Speaker 1: think it's really healthy to meet people in your forties
Speaker 1: and yeah, well you're smart. I mean you're more yourself
Speaker 1: than you were in your thirties for sure, so that's
Speaker 1: a benefit as well. Definitely. Yeah, if someone's you know,
Speaker 1: down with your personality, if someone's down with your personality, yeah,
Speaker 1: but you think meeting somebody in your forties and fifties
Speaker 1: other conversely, it's you know, you kind of like know
Speaker 1: who you are and like your routine and like your stuff.
Speaker 1: It's not so easy to be like yeah, yeah, Well
Speaker 1: there's lots of ups and downs to all ages, so
Speaker 1: just keep that in mind. Yeah, well, let's take a
Speaker 1: quick break and we'll be right back to wrap up
Speaker 1: with Bruce and Chelsea. And we're back. We sure are well, Bruce,
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask if there's any advice you'd like
Speaker 1: to ask Chelsea Chelsea. Yeah, I would. So if there
Speaker 1: was one question that you would have appreciated being asked
Speaker 1: at fifteen at age, what would that have been? Oh? God,
Speaker 1: I was so selfish when I was fifteen. I mean
Speaker 1: I didn't think even my parents existed. You know, it
Speaker 1: was like, why aren't they here to serve me? I
Speaker 1: just couldn't And I was so angst written too. You
Speaker 1: know what a great question would be is how can
Speaker 1: we do a better job of parenting you? Or how
Speaker 1: can I do a better job as a parent? Dangerous? Dangerous?
Speaker 1: But it really actually opens up the conversation in a
Speaker 1: way that you feel like your partners rather than necessarily
Speaker 1: parented child. And I feel like the more you read
Speaker 1: about parenting, and and I do read about parenting ironically,
Speaker 1: because I'm always interested and curious about the ownership parents
Speaker 1: feel over their child. They think they own the person,
Speaker 1: when it's not that you don't own your kids. You're
Speaker 1: guiding them. And the idea is that when they grow up,
Speaker 1: they go out into the world and you've prepared them
Speaker 1: with enough information, you know, in their arsenal to navigate
Speaker 1: a life for themselves that is fulfilling. Yeah, but a
Speaker 1: lot of parents are just so controlling of their children,
Speaker 1: even when those kids are adults. They think that their
Speaker 1: opinion is more important than their child's opinion. And I
Speaker 1: don't think that that's true when you're talking about two
Speaker 1: human beings. I find it very interesting that there's just
Speaker 1: so much ownership, Like you don't own a person. You're
Speaker 1: there in this life with a person, and it's a
Speaker 1: two way street. I think you're like me. It's a
Speaker 1: great question for me to ask her because when I
Speaker 1: think about it now, you know, quite honestly, we have
Speaker 1: about three years left and then if I've done my
Speaker 1: job right, there's a strong person now that's going to
Speaker 1: have a life of their own. And I agree this
Speaker 1: weird sense of ownership of children. It's like, I know
Speaker 1: you're your own person from the minute you're here. But
Speaker 1: that is the way for us to sort of navigate
Speaker 1: the next three years, which I think a really important
Speaker 1: for her to really know that I'm a support for
Speaker 1: her to pursue what she wants. That's the way to
Speaker 1: do it because it can avoid the frustrations and the
Speaker 1: arguments because you know, as you read about kids, the
Speaker 1: chapters changed, so when you have a small kid, you
Speaker 1: have to like micro manage them. And so I will
Speaker 1: ask for that question, and I will see what she says,
Speaker 1: and then see if she asks you the question back,
Speaker 1: how can I be a better daughter? I bet you
Speaker 1: she won't. That's what she won't. But it's that's that's
Speaker 1: a really good question. That's a good conversation to have.
Speaker 1: I mean, I get three minutes at dinner, she's in
Speaker 1: and out, bam, she's being in a room. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: just I remember my father being like on the father
Speaker 1: I decide. I'm like, no, it's for how long? Like,
Speaker 1: are you serious? Because that doesn't make me to you seriously,
Speaker 1: you deciding everything doesn't make me respect you. It makes
Speaker 1: me think you're foolish. Yeah, that's funny. Again your head,
Speaker 1: I was like in the box of child parent relationship, like, no,
Speaker 1: you can't do this, this is what you should do.
Speaker 1: So like I didn't know I actually had the voice too.
Speaker 1: So much later and the later you that happens. You
Speaker 1: have to go through the steps of life. You know
Speaker 1: you wanna you don't want to be doing what you
Speaker 1: should have done in your teens in your late twenties, absolutely, yeah,
Speaker 1: and there we have it. You guys Parenting Hot Hot
Speaker 1: parenting Tips one oh one. That's what we'll call this episode.
Speaker 1: Hot parenting Tips from Chelsea Hammler, delivered straight to Bruce
Speaker 1: Bozzy's Lap any day welcomed. Thank you Bruce for today
Speaker 1: that was really fun and love you. I love you too,
Speaker 1: Thank you, Catherine, Thank you soon, Bye bye. Don't forget
Speaker 1: to watch my special on Netflix. You guys revolution. It's
Speaker 1: a revolution. So if you like advice from Chelsea, just
Speaker 1: send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and
Speaker 1: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.