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Speaker 1: Hi, what's going on, What's what's happening, what's shaking? Well?

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Speaker 1: Today is my parents fiftieth wedding anniversary. Wow, fifty years.

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Speaker 1: That's scary. It is a little scary. But then I

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Speaker 1: also think about me and brand I'm like, we've been

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Speaker 1: together for seventeen years and I'm still a young thing. Seventeen. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's scary too. Such a long time, like almost longer

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Speaker 1: to gather than apart. Right, Yeah, I'm getting there. I

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Speaker 1: was like twenty when we started dating. So you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm excited for my folks. They're like going to a

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Speaker 1: steak dinner and we sent them fifty flowers for fifty years.

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Speaker 1: That's pretty well. Congratulations, that's sweet. Thanks. I will pass

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Speaker 1: it along. But how are you doing? What's going on? Well,

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Speaker 1: I'm in Whistler. I mean when this air is I'll

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Speaker 1: be hosting the Daily Show this week that it airs,

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Speaker 1: but we're taping this in advance. I'm up here. The

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Speaker 1: snow is just not cooperating right now. So I went

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Speaker 1: to go visit my girlfriend in Park City for a

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Speaker 1: four A's Whisky Deer Valley, and there was so much

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Speaker 1: snow there it was heaven. I was like oh my god.

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Speaker 1: And then I came here and I'm just hanging out

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Speaker 1: writing a book, writing new material. Also, I'm going back

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Speaker 1: on tour. Everybody, I have a new tour. It's called

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Speaker 1: a little Big Bitch because I'm a little big bitch

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Speaker 1: and I always have been. Well now I'm a big

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Speaker 1: little bit. No, I'm still a little big bitch. Whatever. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I'm going back on tour. I'm gonna be at Zany's

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Speaker 1: Nashville March twenty nine through Sunday April six, and then

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Speaker 1: Irvine Improv and then I have theater dates everywhere from Peoria, Illinois, Carmel, Calamazoo, Spokane, Washington, Boys, Idaho, Vegas, Highland, California, Tulsa, Oklahoma,

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Speaker 1: and more and more and more. So go to chel

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Speaker 1: Sadler dot com for tickets. And that starts in April.

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Speaker 1: So I'm very excited. Catherine. Yeah, amazing. I have family

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Speaker 1: in Peoria, Illinois. They might fell too square though to

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Speaker 1: come see you. Well, now they can see me. They

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Speaker 1: just we shouldn't interact, right exactly. Yeah, you are a

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Speaker 1: wild woman, like you just finished a tour and they're

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Speaker 1: like surprised. Here's another I know, I know it doesn't

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Speaker 1: make any sense. I'm like, why am I going right

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Speaker 1: back on tour. They're like, because you just put out

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Speaker 1: a special, now you go on tour. I'm like, wait,

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Speaker 1: what so confusing all of it? I thought you were

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Speaker 1: just like ready to raid. So many responsibilities. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't know which way to turn, no wonder. I

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Speaker 1: want to stay in bed all day when I'm home.

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Speaker 1: Yesterday I was like, I got up, I wrote from

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Speaker 1: like five am to eight am, and then I smoked

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Speaker 1: a joint and everything went to ship. Oh my gosh. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I have like a three hour burst of creativity first

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Speaker 1: thing in the morning. And then I wasn't gonna go

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Speaker 1: skiing because it was so crappy out. I was like,

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Speaker 1: what's the point? But it was cozy. I just want

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Speaker 1: to be in bed and watched bad TV. Not even

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Speaker 1: bad TV. I really want to watch good TV. But

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Speaker 1: I think I've exhausted all television shows. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's slim pickants out there right now, even though there

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Speaker 1: are one thousand shows. Well, I know, which makes no

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Speaker 1: sense with the volume of of options. But I know

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Speaker 1: you also like to be in bed with a good book.

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Speaker 1: And actually we've had a bunch of people asking for

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Speaker 1: book recommendations. Oh, yes, we have Lessons in Chemistry is

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Speaker 1: really good. I'm reading that right now. There's another book

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Speaker 1: that's someone left in my house and I'm also reading,

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Speaker 1: but I don't remember the name of that, The Great Alone.

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Speaker 1: Did we talk about The Great Alone yet? Oh? By

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Speaker 1: Kristin Hannah. That is a great book. And every yes,

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Speaker 1: that book is about homesteadying in Alaska, which is a

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Speaker 1: subject matter that I couldn't be less interested in. And

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Speaker 1: I that book that was a page turner. I mean

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Speaker 1: I could not get enough of it. And it's a

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Speaker 1: big book. It's like six hundred pages, but it flies by.

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Speaker 1: I think I read it into plane rides or onto

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Speaker 1: plane rides. I love that. The Great Alone is great.

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Speaker 1: I read The Paper Palace. I mean that wasn't one

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Speaker 1: of my favorite books. I read that pretty quickly too,

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Speaker 1: so it's kind of a page turner. And then oh,

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Speaker 1: I read this cute little nightstand book, Gallatea by Madeline Miller.

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Speaker 1: What's that about? She wrote cirk or cercy. I don't

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Speaker 1: even know what the proper pronunciation is for it, but

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Speaker 1: I think it's cirk. Yeah. I look at that every time,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't know how to say that.

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Speaker 1: It's such a good book. I wish I could reread books,

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Speaker 1: but I mean, there's too many books to read to

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Speaker 1: have time to reread any Yeah, this is a podcast recommendation,

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Speaker 1: but it has one of the greatest names I think

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Speaker 1: I've ever heard. There is a new podcast that is

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Speaker 1: about the kind of throwaway books that we all get

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Speaker 1: at airports, and it is called If Books Could Kill

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Speaker 1: I guess to put it at the way they would.

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Speaker 1: They describe this podcast as a podcast about the books

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Speaker 1: that captured our hearts and ruined our minds. So it's

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Speaker 1: a lot of debunking. It's a lot of funny commentary

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Speaker 1: and like unpacking the culture of what we believed at

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Speaker 1: a certain point when this book was popular. They sort

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Speaker 1: of break down like Malcolm Gladwell and The Secret and

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Speaker 1: all these different books, and it's great. So it tells

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Speaker 1: you which books are worth reading and which ones aren't. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and like some of them are sort of teasing about

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Speaker 1: them because there may be like a couple of decades

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Speaker 1: old and they're like, remember what we believed at the time,

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Speaker 1: and you how this fit into the culture and what

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Speaker 1: this did to us all what we all believed in.

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Speaker 1: But it's a fantastic listen. It's very funny. I just

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Speaker 1: love the name if Books Could Kill. I also want

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Speaker 1: to make a couple of recommendations of some of my

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Speaker 1: favorite books. I think House of Mirth by Edith Wharton

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Speaker 1: is an old classic. That's fucking awesome. That's a real

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Speaker 1: commentary on society then and now, like not much has changed.

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Speaker 1: And then The Red Tent is a really good book.

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Speaker 1: I have always heard about The Red Tent and I

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Speaker 1: need to read it. Yeah, that's a classic book too.

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Speaker 1: That's beautiful. I mean, I love the way, you know

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Speaker 1: when books just take you to a place that you

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Speaker 1: would never go, like homesteading in Alaska. I'm never doing

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Speaker 1: that and never catching my own food. If you know,

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Speaker 1: that's not gonna happen. Even if I tried, it wouldn't happen.

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Speaker 1: So for some reason, I always conflate The Red Tent

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Speaker 1: with Pillars of the Earth, even though I read Pillars

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Speaker 1: of the Earth and loved it. For some reason, I

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Speaker 1: always think those are the same kind of Stuff's funny

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Speaker 1: I always conflate. I always put them together. The Red

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Speaker 1: Tent and Memoirs of a Geisha because I just think

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Speaker 1: both of books are really important reading, are great reading

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Speaker 1: at the very at the very least, Yes, especially for women,

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Speaker 1: especially for woman. Well, I'm going to have to get

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Speaker 1: on the red tent because it's just been too long.

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Speaker 1: Did you get the clip I sent you of me

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Speaker 1: talking about you and your hard boiled eggs on Alex

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Speaker 1: Cooper's podcast and about Brad Like the fact that Brad

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Speaker 1: has remained He's an victim, he's gang he's getting egged

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Speaker 1: to every day, victim of your abuse. Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: I loved that. Thank you for thank you for bringing

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Speaker 1: me very stoned to Alex Cooper. Oh my god, my

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Speaker 1: eyes were closed and she could not stop giggling. It

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Speaker 1: was my favorite. I was like, this is a fucking

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Speaker 1: mass this interview. That was so much fun. But I

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Speaker 1: think people loved it because they're just like, this is

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Speaker 1: what we want to see from Chelsea Hammer and I

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Speaker 1: think Alex Cooper, I think that's what they're there for. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So we have a guest today. He is a gay man,

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Speaker 1: and that is an identifier. You're not supposed to do that. Okay.

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Speaker 1: He's a great guy and he I've known him for

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Speaker 1: a long time. And I did his podcast which is

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Speaker 1: called Table for Two, and then he elbowed his way

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Speaker 1: onto this podcast. So please welcome Bruce Buzzy. Hi Bruce.

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Speaker 1: How are you good? Chelsea? How are you? Can you

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Speaker 1: hear me? I can see you and I can hear you.

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Speaker 1: This is Katherine, my partner in crime. Hello, how are you? Bruce?

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Speaker 1: I'm good? Are those all your Grammy's behind you? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: My grammy's my oscars my. Yeah. I didn't know you

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Speaker 1: were such an award winning performer. Thank you, Chelsea. But

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Speaker 1: you know you learned something new every day. Maybe you'll

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Speaker 1: win an award for your podcast. Aren't there a podcast awards?

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Speaker 1: The Webbies? Oh really Yeah? We were at Webby Honoree

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Speaker 1: this year and honoree. I thought we were a nominee.

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Speaker 1: What's an honoree? We were a nominee and then we

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Speaker 1: were at honoree. It's like that when I first set

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Speaker 1: of podcasts, you were way to cut it and a half.

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Speaker 1: By the way, who you Who did you just have

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Speaker 1: on your podcast that was so good? Was it Scarlett Johansson?

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Speaker 1: Thank you? Yeah, we had Scarlett. Yeah, she kind of

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Speaker 1: kicked it off and Octavia Spencer just dropped and you're

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Speaker 1: coming up. Oh, this is very exciting. I can't wait

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Speaker 1: to see what headlines this brings. Every time I say something,

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Speaker 1: I have to stop. I'm like, oh, I'm glad I'm

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Speaker 1: out of the country, as if you can't access the

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Speaker 1: news when you're in a different country. I was just

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Speaker 1: on a podcast with a girlfriend and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to comment on this because it will

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Speaker 1: become a headline. And sure enough, there was like fifteen

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Speaker 1: articles the next day with that headline. So anyway, I'm

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Speaker 1: just going to be mute from now on because I

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Speaker 1: can't express myself. The world would be a lesser place

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Speaker 1: if you, I know. I want to talk about your

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Speaker 1: long storied career, pivoting careers. We've curated today's calls, hopefully

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Speaker 1: to suit something that you have some area of expertise in,

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Speaker 1: which is the restaurant business. For instance, you're kind of

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Speaker 1: in the Hollywood business. You have been a fixture on

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Speaker 1: Hollywood scene forever. So, but that's also do you think

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Speaker 1: that's by way of the restaurant business, you know, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean the so the restaurant business. Obviously, thirty year career,

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Speaker 1: ninety at the Palm restaurant, which my great grandfather co

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Speaker 1: founded in I got involved doing summer jobs through college

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Speaker 1: and then just it became my career. It's just like

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Speaker 1: a calling for me, which kind of made sense because

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Speaker 1: it was in the d n A. And I think

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Speaker 1: to answer that question, I think the Palm really sort

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Speaker 1: of was the intro to my sort of Hollywood relationships

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Speaker 1: because I moved to l A and I was ringing

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Speaker 1: checks in the West Hollywood Palm as I was also

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Speaker 1: trying to do commercials and be an actor, but I

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Speaker 1: was a really bad actor. But it was like my

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Speaker 1: early twenties and I was out in l A. So

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Speaker 1: I met a lot of people. Then I call it

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Speaker 1: my sort of normal gene trying to become Marilyn and

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Speaker 1: Row years. Well, yeah, okay, great, exactly who you remind

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Speaker 1: me of? Norma Jean? Thank you? Gee. I wish it

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Speaker 1: was Marilyn and Wrow, but I'll take Normachine. Yeah right,

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Speaker 1: It's more normal Jane for me than Marilyn Monroe. I

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Speaker 1: appreciate that. So then so, yeah, so that happened. Then

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Speaker 1: I moved back to New York, opened up the restaurant

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Speaker 1: in Times Square, and a lot of my friends were

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Speaker 1: like they were all actors. It seemed I was friends

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Speaker 1: with Sarah, Jessica Parker and Andy Collen's always everyone was

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Speaker 1: like in the same little tribe. And I was in

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Speaker 1: the restaurant bis. So I wasn't in show business. I

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Speaker 1: just was a part of their world and loved everything

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Speaker 1: about show biz and then fell in love with Brian

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Speaker 1: Lord and that kind of through a whole different Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: so Brian Lord is your partner husband you guys have

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Speaker 1: been who's a Who's a partner at ci A correct? Yes,

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Speaker 1: exactly and one of the biggest agents, if not the

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Speaker 1: biggest in Hollywood. So does has he seen you act? No,

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Speaker 1: he has never seen me act. I think my big

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Speaker 1: my last well in the early nineties I did it

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Speaker 1: was nine O two one oh, and it was all

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Speaker 1: those kind of shows that you would be like sent

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Speaker 1: out for, never got one. The commercials I got were

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Speaker 1: all commercials that I had to strip down, like, I

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Speaker 1: had to dance in a bathing suit around rubber made

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Speaker 1: garbage cans, or I had to like isn't it funny

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Speaker 1: that that has only happened to women and gay men.

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Speaker 1: No straight men have had to dance around like that

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Speaker 1: for an audition. It was all objectrification. It was all

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Speaker 1: like okay, hey, can you say your name? Could you

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Speaker 1: give me your profiles? And can you take off your clothes?

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Speaker 1: And I was like okay, and then he hasn't but

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Speaker 1: he never saw me at the last I moved back

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Speaker 1: to New York. I did a Caligula in the East Village.

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Speaker 1: When the East Village was bad, I mean Orchard and Stanton.

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Speaker 1: There were drug addicts. The theater was called House of Candles.

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Speaker 1: Oh that sounds tragic. House of Candles. It is tragic.

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Speaker 1: And I was so bad. I was freezing. And I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you remember a guy named Sandy Gallen, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: of course, big manager and he became a good friend.

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Speaker 1: And when I was in l A, he would run

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Speaker 1: sides with me and he was like, you were the

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Speaker 1: worst actor ever scene in my life. But I was

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Speaker 1: having fun and in actuality, what I was doing was

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Speaker 1: kind of discovering myself, getting comfortable with my sexuality. It

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Speaker 1: came from an Italian New York family, so it wasn't

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Speaker 1: the easiest. The mafia exactly. I didn't want to hit

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Speaker 1: taken out on me, Catherine, because I was a game boy,

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Speaker 1: you know, so that that was the purpose of those

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Speaker 1: years became of real good foundation and great friendships, and

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Speaker 1: so that's kind of the hollywe And Okay, so how

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Speaker 1: did you and Brian fall in love? Because Brian was

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Speaker 1: married to Carry Fisher, right, they weren't actually legally married,

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Speaker 1: but you know that didn't happen, but they had it.

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Speaker 1: They were in love, and then they had Billy. So

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Speaker 1: I had baby Billy Lord, his daughter, Billy Lord, who

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Speaker 1: some of you have seen. She's been in a bunch

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Speaker 1: of stuff American horror story most most of you maybe,

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Speaker 1: So around two that marriage ended and Brian kind of

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Speaker 1: came out. That was his realization that he was in

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Speaker 1: the wrong place. And so then I met Barry. So Hollywood,

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Speaker 1: so bougie, Chelsea, I'm so bougie. I met Barry at

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Speaker 1: Barry Diller and Dion von Furstenberg's wedding. And I had

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Speaker 1: met Barry in my normal Janie years here in l A,

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Speaker 1: so then I had gotten to know Dion. And so

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Speaker 1: I was in this wedding and I see this guy

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Speaker 1: and he's so sexy, and I'm like, whoa, and but

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Speaker 1: nothing happens. And because I'm living in New York at

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Speaker 1: the time, and he's living in l A. And we'd

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Speaker 1: see each other like I'd always crash Andy Cohen and

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Speaker 1: I would come out here and we would crash every

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Speaker 1: party there was during Oscar time, because we were just

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Speaker 1: horrors and hookers for a good time and a movie

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Speaker 1: star and fun. So I started to get to know

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Speaker 1: Brian a little bit more and I decided to become

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Speaker 1: a dad when I was forty. I realized, you know what,

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Speaker 1: this is something that I want to do. When I

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Speaker 1: started the process as a single guy, and really quite honestly,

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Speaker 1: on an airplane coming to l A for one night

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Speaker 1: to have a facilitated meeting with my surrogate. Potential surrogate,

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Speaker 1: a mutual friend was on the plane. She was staying

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Speaker 1: with Brian. She asked if I could take her back

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Speaker 1: to his home, dropped her off. It was Christmas time.

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Speaker 1: He asked, why are you coming to California for a day.

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Speaker 1: So I said, I'm doing this thing. It's obviously a

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Speaker 1: huge thing. And he said, come back tomorrow before you

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Speaker 1: take the red eyeback. So I was here for quite

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Speaker 1: four hours and I did, and in that moment, in

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Speaker 1: the house that I now live in, we kind of

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Speaker 1: just we're honest with each other, and that kind of

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Speaker 1: led to us being in a relationship. I said, I

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Speaker 1: have very strong feelings for you, he said, I do

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Speaker 1: for you. We're old. I was forty at the time,

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Speaker 1: he was forty six. Looking back now as I'm about

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Speaker 1: to turn fifty seven, I'm like, that was not old,

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Speaker 1: by the way, and began, you know, a really great

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Speaker 1: sixteen years. We're like, we just passed sixteen years together, married,

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Speaker 1: like five lovely. So when you revealed to him that

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Speaker 1: you were planning on becoming a father, he was on

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Speaker 1: board with that right away. He was on board with

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Speaker 1: that right away. And now he says, I got pregnant

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Speaker 1: and trapped him. That's a cute story. I'm glad you

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Speaker 1: guys found each other. Brian so fucking sexy, all right,

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Speaker 1: I mean yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean he's landed the guy.

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Speaker 1: He's sexy to everybody. Yeah, he really is. He's universally

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Speaker 1: sexy and a good guy. So the kids now fifteen, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: what what is your kid's name? Eva? A v A.

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Speaker 1: I kind of was inspired because you know, I'm a

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Speaker 1: gay guy by Ava Gardner, who I just thought it

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Speaker 1: was just gorgeous, strong woman, Bossie Lord. He legally adopted

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Speaker 1: her a couple of years ago when we were getting married,

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Speaker 1: and all made sense. Yeah, that's sweet. I love gay parents.

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Speaker 1: I'll have a daughter that's lovely. Isn't it the best

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Speaker 1: gay parenting? Yeah? Gay parenting is interesting because like for me, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: I was going full throttle my twenties, my thirties, New

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Speaker 1: York Palm, restaurant, working in the restaurant, staying out late.

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Speaker 1: And it just because you're not married to a woman

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Speaker 1: who's her body is changing, so you're slowing up naturally.

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Speaker 1: It's like all of a sudden, you're like the next day,

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Speaker 1: it's like, excuse me, can you get to the hospital?

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Speaker 1: Your your life's about to be over. Yeah, I know.

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Speaker 1: It's a kind of like it takes your lifestyle to

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Speaker 1: a grinding halt. Like that's how I felt when Andy

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Speaker 1: Cohen had a kid. I was like, wait a second,

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Speaker 1: this is gonna change a lot. And then he had

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Speaker 1: another one. I'm like, wait what So Yeah, it's funny,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I guess because nine months is there to

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Speaker 1: prepare you. Although nine months is never enough to prepare anybody,

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Speaker 1: you know, when you're when you're carrying a baby, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I had a friend who just had a baby a

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Speaker 1: couple of days ago and almost died during the delivery.

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Speaker 1: She had the worst was she lost so much blood

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Speaker 1: and she's her heart was leaking, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, Like you think it's such an everyday

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Speaker 1: easy thing, and it's like, no, this used to kill people. Yeah, yeah, No.

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Speaker 1: Billy just had her second baby, and I gotta say

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Speaker 1: she was so committed to making sure everything was you know,

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Speaker 1: the nine months, she took such great care of herself.

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Speaker 1: But the actuality, you know, it was a difficult. There

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Speaker 1: were difficulties and Brian was a mess and he was like,

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Speaker 1: can this please, Like, can we not have any more babies?

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Speaker 1: It's like you said, it's not to be taken for granted.

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Speaker 1: How difficult to have a kid come out of your vagina? Pikachu? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you should start saying Pikachu too, because you're never ever

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Speaker 1: going to have to deal with a vagina and Pikachu

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Speaker 1: such a It's just such a nice other way to

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Speaker 1: say it, right, vagina sounds like, I don't know, there's

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Speaker 1: a hammer coming down at the end of it or something.

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Speaker 1: Tell us about parenting with your daughter, what's her situation

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Speaker 1: at fifteen. Is she manageable or is she about to

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Speaker 1: you know, does she hate you? She manageable? That's how

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Speaker 1: I think of children. Are they manageable? I thought of

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Speaker 1: you today because I drive her to school, which is irritating,

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Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, you know what, Chelsea doesn't

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Speaker 1: have to get up before ten am. No, but for

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Speaker 1: some reason, I get up at fucking five every single day.

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Speaker 1: I should be sleeping till ten am. Yeah, you should.

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Speaker 1: I go to bed at like nine, So I've just

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Speaker 1: completely switched my clock. Me too. I actually couldn't keep

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Speaker 1: my eyes open last night. But she is still into

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Speaker 1: building these massively complicated lego things that like I could

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Speaker 1: never do. She got that kind of brain. She's definitely

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Speaker 1: bitchy to me, Like I asked her a question, like

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Speaker 1: you have to like sneer at me when I asked

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Speaker 1: you the question, can you just answer nicely? We're in

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Speaker 1: that phase. She's not going to the parties. That's not

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Speaker 1: where her mind is at. So you know, I don't

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Speaker 1: want her going to those parties. Yeah, but I don't

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Speaker 1: think what we did at those parties is happening with

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Speaker 1: this generation of people. I think they're much more scared

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Speaker 1: of drugs. They're not partying like we partied, and they

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Speaker 1: should be scared of drugs because they're everything is so

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Speaker 1: screwed up out there with fent at all and stuff

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Speaker 1: like that. But I feel like fifteen year olds are

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Speaker 1: much smarter than we were. They have access to so

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Speaker 1: much more information than we did. We didn't have the

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Speaker 1: Internet when we were fifteen. No, you're so white, and

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Speaker 1: they actually kind of tell you what they want to do,

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Speaker 1: and like they have a plan. Yeah, you had a

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Speaker 1: plan to get in a first class ticket. I do

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Speaker 1: have fucking plants. Who knows what they are, but they're

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Speaker 1: just inside of my head until I expel them and

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Speaker 1: then watch out and then watch out duck. So that's

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Speaker 1: the kid thing. What were your roles with you and

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Speaker 1: Brian as parents? Who's the softie and who's the kind

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Speaker 1: of rule enforcer? I'm sure of the primary caretaker. So

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Speaker 1: I'm the one who's like, wake up, let's get breakfast,

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Speaker 1: let's do this, like, oh, you gotta go to the dentist.

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Speaker 1: You know, when Brian, when we when we began this

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Speaker 1: journey together, Billy was already like fourteen. I was like,

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Speaker 1: you don't have to do that. You know, if she

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Speaker 1: gets up blah blah blah. She considers him the smart one.

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Speaker 1: So all homeworks, she's like, you know, I want to

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Speaker 1: go through this project, so can I talk to you

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Speaker 1: about it? As I'm sitting there and I'm like, hello,

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Speaker 1: because you funked up from homework so badly, looked up

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Speaker 1: our homework so badly. And then and they're a little

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Speaker 1: bit like snotty towards me, Brian, and they look at

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Speaker 1: me like and then I'm like, fine, I'll go in

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Speaker 1: my office. I'll go and hang out and have a

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Speaker 1: glass of wine and binge. I don't need you guys either.

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Speaker 1: Get out. That's a spirit there, you go. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick bit. We're gonna take a

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Speaker 1: quick bake, and we're gonna be right back. And we're back.

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Speaker 1: We're back, We're back. You're someplace very glamorous. Oh I'm

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Speaker 1: in Whistler, Canada. That's your place, your happy place. Yeah.

400
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,600
Speaker 1: But the snow is no bueno. It's not happening. Really,

401
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,359
Speaker 1: it's just wet and damp and there's no snow. It

402
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,600
Speaker 1: hasn't snowed in like two weeks. Surprising with all this

403
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:57,040
Speaker 1: weather snow patterns around the world. Well, I think when

404
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,880
Speaker 1: it hits America, it doesn't hit Canada and vice versa.

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00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,480
Speaker 1: So Canada has been pretty lucky the last few years,

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Speaker 1: and now it's probably back to America's turn. We got

407
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Speaker 1: all the precipitation and then maybe throwing a little little

408
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:13,400
Speaker 1: pinch of climate change and then you see what happens. Yeah,

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00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,880
Speaker 1: a tad Okay, So what's going on there, toy. Katherine's

410
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 1: gonna take us through what we can expect because we're

411
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Speaker 1: going to talk to live callers, So you better get

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Speaker 1: your fucking a game on, Bruce. Okay, Bruce, I read

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Speaker 1: in People Magazine that you said one of your favorite

414
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Speaker 1: moments on your podcast Table for Two was your conversation

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Speaker 1: with Chelsea we have fun lunch. Chelsea didn't have a

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Speaker 1: fun lunch, I know, but we didn't even have a drink.

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Speaker 1: I regret that it's all Chelsea's orders an iced tea.

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Speaker 1: And then at the end, Chelsea, you go, we could

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Speaker 1: have had a drink and I was like yeah, She's like, well,

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00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,159
Speaker 1: I didn't realize we were having lunch. You know, I

421
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,120
Speaker 1: don't ever really look at my calendar. I just show

422
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 1: up where I'm supposed to be. So I could be

423
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,359
Speaker 1: showing up for a lunch or I could be showing

424
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,159
Speaker 1: up for a podcast. I don't really know until I

425
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,199
Speaker 1: get there. And when I got there, I thought, oh,

426
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,919
Speaker 1: this is a podcast. And then we ordered food and

427
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 1: then I was like, wait a second, I should have

428
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 1: had a drink in this situation. Was there a lot

429
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,639
Speaker 1: of chewing into Mike's That's my only question, because we

430
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,360
Speaker 1: turned it off. Well, I don't know what we did. No, No,

431
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,680
Speaker 1: we were actually people do complain about the chomp and

432
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 1: we were not chopping. We were like, very gracious. Listen,

433
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,719
Speaker 1: just so you know, this is a woman who carries

434
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,400
Speaker 1: hard boiled eggs on planes, and so if she wants

435
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:25,359
Speaker 1: to talk about or complain about chomping, you need to

436
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:29,600
Speaker 1: back the duck up, you know what. I flip listen

437
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,400
Speaker 1: to it. I heard that episode and I was like, oh,

438
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:37,639
Speaker 1: and I've been bullying her ever since. Please for the

439
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 1: first kind, you know what, I think I may have

440
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 1: to change my ways. Maybe we'll just have them to

441
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:46,120
Speaker 1: the airport to an egg an meeting where people admit

442
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,119
Speaker 1: to terrible things they've done with eggs. Although you know

443
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,879
Speaker 1: what they do sell those like little double bag of

444
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,119
Speaker 1: eggs now at the airport? I feel slightly, I know,

445
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 1: but that's just they're just trying to taunt you. Don't

446
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 1: give in, do not. It's her victims like you. You know,

447
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:06,120
Speaker 1: Yeah you cannot Yeah no, no, no no buyo. Well, Bruce,

448
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,399
Speaker 1: I have some questions that I think are right up

449
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,439
Speaker 1: your alley. We are very excited for you to be

450
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:15,200
Speaker 1: joining us. You ready to answer some questions? I am

451
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 1: ready well. Our first email comes from d D, says

452
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. I'm a thirty one year old gay man

453
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 1: living in Canada. I've been with my partner for just

454
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,359
Speaker 1: over three years. We've been exploring with other people in

455
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 1: the bedroom for about two years now. Recently, we had

456
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 1: a threesome with another guy on vacation. We ended up

457
00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:37,359
Speaker 1: spending almost four days with him. We were on a

458
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 1: high from it and it was an amazing experience. However,

459
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:44,640
Speaker 1: since coming home from this vacation, things have taken a turn.

460
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 1: I bet we're both very much hung up on this

461
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:52,639
Speaker 1: guy and it's starting to affect our relationship. We haven't

462
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 1: always had the easiest sex life, and this experience is

463
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,840
Speaker 1: making us both question our compatibility in the bedroom and

464
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 1: in other areas of our relation. Chip looking for some

465
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:06,399
Speaker 1: advice or a hard dose of reality. Cheers D Bruce.

466
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: You need to take that as a gay man, because

467
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 1: I know that the rules feel slightly different for heterosexual

468
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 1: and homosexual relationships. Yeah, D, I would say they are different.

469
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:21,200
Speaker 1: And you so okay with no judgment with how people

470
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: want to live their lives, which means we're judging you

471
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:33,200
Speaker 1: no judgment. Get a fucking grip. Yeah, keep it, um.

472
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:37,160
Speaker 1: I think it's always a very slippery slope when you

473
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 1: have sex, when you bring somebody in to enhance your

474
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:44,440
Speaker 1: sex life, if you're in a relationship. From personal experience

475
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 1: in my early twenties, I did have an experience where

476
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 1: it turned out unexpectedly. I was brought to someone's house

477
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,120
Speaker 1: and I was really into this guy that I was dating.

478
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,440
Speaker 1: The next thing I know, there was like two other

479
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,360
Speaker 1: people there, and we were getting a tour of their

480
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 1: house and we've got to their bed room and he

481
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,160
Speaker 1: starts like rubbing my chest and I was like, Oh,

482
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:06,680
Speaker 1: this doesn't normally happen in the tour part of the house.

483
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 1: And then I realized it just was not my speed,

484
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 1: and I exited the situation sat in the living room left,

485
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 1: So that's being very just personal. But so for D,

486
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,360
Speaker 1: I think you know, someone's always going to be favored.

487
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,400
Speaker 1: If you have a three way and you're with your

488
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 1: partner and all of a sudden the person likes your

489
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 1: partner more, it's just not good. The fact that they

490
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 1: made it like a four day Yeah, it sounds like

491
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 1: a kidnapping. Like kidnapping. Yeah. I think part of being

492
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,240
Speaker 1: in the relationship is you know, it's not always fun

493
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: to have sex with the same person, and it's not

494
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 1: easy and it does get a little bit like okay,

495
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,199
Speaker 1: but it's just a very tricky I would say D,

496
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: this relationship probably doesn't not gonna last. And because it's

497
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 1: just not gonna last, so you both like have this

498
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 1: thing for him, where does he fit in? Like someone's

499
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 1: gonna end up with this guy? And I don't know

500
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 1: if it's going to be team, but it sounds like

501
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 1: it's somebody who's like in another country somewhere or some

502
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 1: other location. But they can all they can all regroup

503
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 1: or one of them could regroup with him. And but

504
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 1: I also think listen, if you're having those feelings, you

505
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 1: had that experience with this guy for four days, you

506
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: come home and your relationship is not right. That's a

507
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 1: good sign that you just got that your relationship isn't

508
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: right and that your sexual compatibility may not be sustainable.

509
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,160
Speaker 1: So that's a good thing to find out that you're

510
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,120
Speaker 1: not compatible with somebody sooner than later. And so look

511
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,679
Speaker 1: at it like that. I feel like sexual compatibility like

512
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 1: when that's gone or if it's that's not there, that's

513
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 1: like the most fundamental thing that you need to be

514
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 1: attracted to the other person that you want to fuck them.

515
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: You know, if you don't want to suck them, or

516
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 1: you have trouble fucking them or it's awkward, then that's

517
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,640
Speaker 1: not compatible. Because there's people out there that you're gonna

518
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 1: have in incredible chemistry with. Yeah, I agree, the chemistry

519
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 1: that's the foundation for the relationship. And if that's not

520
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 1: there in the beginning, you're not gonna have a long

521
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 1: term relationship because at the end of the day that

522
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,119
Speaker 1: does change. But you do have to reinvent and I

523
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,399
Speaker 1: always want to like have sex with them, but and

524
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,639
Speaker 1: I think to your points else, you're right, better to

525
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 1: learn early. And also it makes you questionable kind of

526
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 1: relationship you want to have like, maybe you don't want

527
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:19,159
Speaker 1: to have a long term monogamous relationship where you or

528
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: maybe you want to call the guy from your vacation

529
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 1: and get together with him. Yeah, maybe it's a refle situation.

530
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:27,920
Speaker 1: Maybe that's the relationship you're supposed to be in. Yeah,

531
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 1: and just I tend to agree with you both. But

532
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:33,120
Speaker 1: just to play devil's advocate, you know, when you open

533
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,439
Speaker 1: up your relationship, you are giving yourself the sort of

534
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 1: room to play sexually. And maybe part of your relationship

535
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 1: not working sexually is Hey, that's why we have this

536
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,480
Speaker 1: open thing, so we can go like have fun elsewhere

537
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 1: we come back together. But yeah, what do you think

538
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,399
Speaker 1: about that? I mean, just to play devil's advocate, the

539
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,679
Speaker 1: opening up of the marriage could have been the solve

540
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 1: to the sex life, but it sounds like it's creating

541
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 1: too many problems. I don't know relationships that it solves it. Yeah.

542
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 1: I know another friend that's kind of experiencing going through

543
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 1: something similar and they have an open relationship and now

544
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 1: the boyfriend is really into the other person. Yeah, you know,

545
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 1: and this is bringing up all sorts of feelings for

546
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 1: this guy. So I don't know, but I feel like

547
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 1: I can't comment on it because I'm a straight woman,

548
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 1: and so my opinions of it are like, no, I

549
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 1: don't want an open relationship. I mean, I don't mind

550
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 1: sucking around with the third party, but I don't want

551
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:31,440
Speaker 1: to be dating other people when on relationship. I mean,

552
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 1: I think there's there's a big distinction there. And I

553
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,919
Speaker 1: do think you have no matter what your sexual hetero, straight,

554
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,560
Speaker 1: you know, gay, it's the same thing. If you were

555
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 1: in a relationship and you opened it up and all

556
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 1: sudden there's like another woman this relationship with you, and

557
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,320
Speaker 1: this scot your guy, You're going to be like after

558
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 1: a while, this this isn't working. You know, I don't

559
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 1: know how many fumbles that work. And I think it's um.

560
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 1: I also think gay guys and this is a generalization,

561
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 1: there's just an issue with long term sex commitment and

562
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 1: it's kind of built into the d n A and

563
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 1: men are pigs and this is what we do. I mean,

564
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 1: you have it, everybody, Men are pigs. You heard it

565
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 1: here first, and no one will be surprised to hear

566
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 1: that they heard it on my podcast, except it didn't

567
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: come out of my mouth, did it. Well. I think

568
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 1: we sort of solved that one. Yeah tell DA, let

569
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 1: us know what goes down, because I want to hear

570
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 1: yeah D. Please keep us posted. I will also say,

571
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 1: if you do decide to give your relationship a try,

572
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 1: like a real college try after this, there are therapists

573
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 1: that specialize in open relationships, polyamory, all that stuff. So

574
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 1: since the majority of our relationship has been polyamorous, open,

575
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 1: that might be a good thing to try. There you go,

576
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 1: that's good advice that I didn't even think about that.

577
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 1: That's what I'm gonna I'm gonna get certified as a

578
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 1: polyamorous therapist. Oh my god, I would go to r

579
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 1: O one one more thing to add to my repertoire.

580
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 1: It's also the advice I gave to two of my

581
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 1: friends and they opened up their marriage and blew it

582
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 1: up in spectacular fashion. And she ran off with his

583
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 1: best friend and now he dates guys. So it's great.

584
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 1: Sounds like a home run. It all works out in

585
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 1: the air. Yes, I mean opening it up and including

586
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 1: your best friend. That's not so I know, at least

587
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 1: these guys did it on vacation. But also opening it

588
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 1: up though, and finding out that you're into the same

589
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 1: sex and you start dating the same sex, Like, you're

590
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 1: freeing both people up to actually pursue what they really want,

591
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So that's a good thing too.

592
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 1: It's not such a bad thing when people separate, especially

593
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 1: if both people even if they go in complete opposite directions,

594
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 1: like if both people are fulfilled. Greatgre Wow. Well. Our

595
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:51,960
Speaker 1: next question comes from Amanda. She is calling in here

596
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 1: and she is a chef in Ohio. Hello, Chelsea. I'm

597
00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 1: a freelance chef and I've been working my ass off

598
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 1: all my adult life. Over the last six and a

599
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 1: half years. One of my jobs has been working part

600
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 1: time as a private chef amongst a group of full

601
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 1: time chefs. My boss, who exhibits extreme narcissistic traits, only

602
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: takes note of things that will benefit him. He took

603
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 1: an interest in a healthy cookie I was making for

604
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 1: guests and would ask about the recipe. I had been

605
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,640
Speaker 1: carefully developing this recipe over the course of eight years

606
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 1: and had loose plans to market it. This sent off

607
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 1: a red flag in my head, and I became guarded

608
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 1: about giving the recipe to him. The last time he

609
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 1: asked for the recipe, he said he wanted to make

610
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 1: it in one of the guests homes and would give

611
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: me credit for the recipe. I politely asked him instead

612
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 1: if I could critique the current method he was using

613
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 1: and avoided giving my recipe to him. Fast forward a

614
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 1: few months, as it was working next to him, one morning,

615
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 1: he revealed to me that he and his pastry chef

616
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:52,320
Speaker 1: wife have developed their own healthy cookie and that they

617
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:54,080
Speaker 1: are going to take it to market with the help

618
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 1: of his wealthy clients. I was so furious I shut

619
00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: down and ran to the office to cry. This is

620
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 1: a corporate environment in which if you show signs of

621
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 1: distress or confrontation, you are the problem. If he mentions

622
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 1: it in front of me again, I'm not sure how

623
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 1: I'll react. My gut tells me to be direct with

624
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 1: him to help break his unchallenged ways of narcissism and

625
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:16,959
Speaker 1: possibly build a future where others aren't taken advantage of.

626
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 1: But another coworker thinks my confrontation would only lead to

627
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 1: an uncomfortable work environment. I certainly don't want to lose

628
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 1: my job. What would you do, Amanda? Oh wow, Hi Amanda, Hi,

629
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 1: Hi hire. We have our guest today, Bruce Bozzi. Say

630
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 1: hi to Bruce. Hi, Bruce, Hi, Amanda, how are you good?

631
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:40,440
Speaker 1: How's it going good? Excellent? Thank you. So Bruce is

632
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 1: a restaurant guy through and through, and that's why I

633
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,280
Speaker 1: thought he'd have some good wisdom on this for you. Sure,

634
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: I think this is like even beyond just the restaurant piece,

635
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 1: and so people will steal a good idea and there,

636
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 1: you know, and and restaurant business, you know, create a dish,

637
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 1: create a special Someone then takes that special over and

638
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 1: they try they want credit. So I feel she could

639
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:04,760
Speaker 1: be direct with him. She could say, you know, hey,

640
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 1: that sucks. I gave you this idea, I mean, and

641
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 1: you kind of took it. I guess. Was she planning

642
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: on bringing him into offer to their guests and he

643
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 1: then him making a business of it? Is just like

644
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,720
Speaker 1: a stab, you know what I mean? And I think

645
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: it happens in all business show business, and you know

646
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:25,680
Speaker 1: you you say you're working on something, and all of

647
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: a sudden, somebody has good funds with you, they go

648
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 1: for the part. They She learned a hard lesson here

649
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 1: and her feeling she's never really going to get past that.

650
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 1: She just gotta now just develop her own cookie. And

651
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 1: she's gotta. I think, make that a business plan be

652
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 1: motivated by That would be my advice to her. I mean,

653
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 1: this doesn't preclude you from pursuing the avenue that you

654
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 1: were pursuing previous to him revealing that, right, you can

655
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:53,480
Speaker 1: still do your thing. Yeah, I mean I'm a freelancer.

656
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:55,239
Speaker 1: I have a lot of different things going on. This

657
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 1: is kind of like on the back burner. I think

658
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 1: the bigger thing for me, I think I'm over the emotional,

659
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,960
Speaker 1: all gut reaction to it. It's more of like how

660
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 1: do I respond if this gets brought up in the

661
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 1: workplace again? How do I keep myself calm and collected?

662
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:12,680
Speaker 1: And how do I effectively communicate with him? As like

663
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 1: an extreme narcissist. I feel like, honestly, with an extreme narcissist,

664
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:20,360
Speaker 1: there's no point in revealing how you feel. It's not

665
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,399
Speaker 1: going to have any impact. I think with him, it's

666
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 1: like just look the other way, Like he's on his

667
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,720
Speaker 1: own planet, you know. I mean, if you feel compelled

668
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 1: to say something to him, I honestly feel like it

669
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 1: will fall on deaf ears. Yeah, going and looking at

670
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 1: him is the hard part. And to sort of like

671
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 1: being in a work environment that you find joyous and

672
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 1: you want to be creative and you want to bring

673
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 1: something to the table. Now you there's a lack of

674
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 1: trust there so and all narcissists just deny what you're

675
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,920
Speaker 1: saying anyway, like they deny their own behavior. They have

676
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 1: no accountability. Yeah, it's just it's hard for me to

677
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 1: understand that mindset. I tend to be empathetic and try

678
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 1: to understand, you know, why people do things, But it's

679
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:59,400
Speaker 1: more of me just being able to cope in that

680
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:01,799
Speaker 1: environment someone like that. And really, when I talk to

681
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 1: my coworkers, they all kind of come to the same conclusion,

682
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:07,760
Speaker 1: is that this is just kind of how it is.

683
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 1: Is he senior to you in any way? Uh yeah,

684
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,399
Speaker 1: I mean he's been there longer than me, but he's

685
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 1: not your boss. I mean I could talk to someone

686
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:19,800
Speaker 1: in like HR above him, but usually that just creates

687
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,120
Speaker 1: a whole mess and a lot of times when you know,

688
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 1: things don't get resolved because he's kind of the head

689
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,640
Speaker 1: of our department. Well, also, HR is not going to

690
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:29,160
Speaker 1: resolve this. It's not a human resources thing, right, I mean,

691
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 1: I guess the person above him that's in charge of

692
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 1: our department, I should say me coming from the corporate

693
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,839
Speaker 1: environment that I do knows these things. Oh man, it's

694
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 1: funny that you use this cookie thing because I know

695
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 1: someone who's created a cookie. It's really great. And she

696
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 1: refuses to give anybody the recipe. She just hasn't. And

697
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:47,839
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, yeah, good on you for not giving

698
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 1: him the recipe. By the way, that's good. Yeah, I

699
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 1: think you know karma comes into play here. I'm sorry,

700
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 1: just believe in it. And I also think that that

701
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 1: so the hard part for you is how do I

702
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 1: work with this person because you took my idea and

703
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,320
Speaker 1: and that's difficult, and I think you just have to

704
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,839
Speaker 1: sort of. I actually do feel, even though he's a narcissiist,

705
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 1: is room to have a conversation and communications say hey,

706
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 1: you know, this was something I shared and in my

707
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:14,799
Speaker 1: fall on deaf yours, I think to Chelsea's point, which

708
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 1: then could even leave you less fulfilled in the conversation.

709
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:22,240
Speaker 1: It's very tricky. I would just continue with your projects.

710
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 1: Don't even give him the time of day. Let it

711
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 1: be like water off a ducts back. Seriously, just he's

712
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 1: not important enough to you. He's not going to prevent

713
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: you from succeeding in your life when he's stealing ideas

714
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,839
Speaker 1: from people, that says at all. So it's not even

715
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,279
Speaker 1: worth your aggravation. And so I think you just have

716
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 1: to think of it your yourself as like on a

717
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 1: different level than him, and it's not even worth interacting

718
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 1: or engaging unless he really disrespects you in a very

719
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: blatant way. Than of course you can defend yourself and

720
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 1: speak up for yourself, but on this matter, like it's

721
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:53,319
Speaker 1: just not worth it. That's true. I just I can

722
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,560
Speaker 1: just foresee an issue similar to this coming up again,

723
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 1: and it's just more about maintaining composure and just knowing

724
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:02,239
Speaker 1: how to handle it. Yeah, I think maybe you should

725
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,480
Speaker 1: just you know, maintaining composure. What my therapist Dan always

726
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,320
Speaker 1: used to say is that there's like your reaction plus

727
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 1: time is a response. So like as soon as you're

728
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 1: reacting in real time, that's not a response. That's like

729
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 1: a jerk guttural thing. So in any instance where he

730
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:21,360
Speaker 1: does provoke you in any way, if that happens, you

731
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,360
Speaker 1: just have to take a real calm, deep breath or

732
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 1: a few and be like, I won't be spoken to

733
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 1: like this. This feels very disrespectful because then it's about

734
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,239
Speaker 1: what it feels like to you. You're not accusing him

735
00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 1: of anything. It's like this is you know, you don't

736
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 1: want to be emotional, you want to just be direct

737
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 1: and confident. I feel disrespected in this moment. There's nothing

738
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: that anybody can argue with about that statement, right, Yeah,

739
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,720
Speaker 1: And he can only take from you what you give him.

740
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 1: There is sort of an energy boundary that I think

741
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:50,959
Speaker 1: that you can set for yourself, Like Chelsea's said, water

742
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:53,799
Speaker 1: off a ducks back, where you know what your bubble is.

743
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 1: He doesn't get access to that, he doesn't get access

744
00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 1: to your creative ideas. You know, I have a relationship

745
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,680
Speaker 1: of someone in my life who will always be in

746
00:38:01,719 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 1: my life, and several years ago I was like, you

747
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:07,239
Speaker 1: know what, I can't tell this person stuff that's really

748
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 1: personal to me because it'll get used against me. But

749
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,320
Speaker 1: now I have a great relationship with that person because

750
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 1: I keep it light, I keep it civil. We chat

751
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:18,320
Speaker 1: about the weather, We chat about stuff like that, and

752
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:22,160
Speaker 1: it's really improved things. So, you know, maintaining them talking

753
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:27,720
Speaker 1: about the weather, that's a great way to keep your cool. Yeah,

754
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 1: but give yourself a boundary where You're like, you know,

755
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 1: he can't get in here. Yeah. Yeah, that's a smart

756
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: thing to do. And it also might be time to

757
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:39,320
Speaker 1: get your own wealthy clients to market that cookie because

758
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 1: eight years, I bet it tastes pretty good. Yeah, good idea.

759
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,719
Speaker 1: All right, Amanda, let us know what happens. Okay, thanks

760
00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:49,439
Speaker 1: a lot, and send us some cookies. Yeah, I would

761
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: love it, so yeah, yeah, send us some cookies. Yeah,

762
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:56,440
Speaker 1: I'll be in touch with you, Catherine. Awesome, Thanks Amanda, Amanda.

763
00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 1: I well, I'm such a ding like Amanda, pops up.

764
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 1: I don't realize that the man is the one. No ship,

765
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 1: You're like, she she, I'm like, she's sitting right here,

766
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 1: and I know, you know, what are you staring at

767
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,319
Speaker 1: yourself on the screen because I do that all the

768
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 1: time where you don't look at the other person and

769
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:19,720
Speaker 1: I'm looking at myself. So I apologize, Amanda. I literally

770
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:26,840
Speaker 1: was like, that's who we're talking to. Yes, that's a man. Well,

771
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,799
Speaker 1: our next question is sort of an industry question, so

772
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 1: I thought you would both have some good insight into this.

773
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 1: Our next caller is Caroline. She is thirty six, she's

774
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:41,320
Speaker 1: a PhD student, and she's also ex military Dear Chelsea,

775
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:45,640
Speaker 1: I'm a PhD student and not in the industry quote unquote, However,

776
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 1: I met an older man in a networking event and

777
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 1: he showed interest in a book I published, Fairly Smooth Operator.

778
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:54,719
Speaker 1: We're both military veterans, and he wants to produce a

779
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,360
Speaker 1: short film of one of the chapters, a chapter that

780
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:00,880
Speaker 1: tells the story of sexual harassment issues I encountered that

781
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:04,560
Speaker 1: still exists in the military. The problem is, when we

782
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 1: finally met in person, he took the conversation in the

783
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:11,320
Speaker 1: direction of asking me about my dating life. I don't

784
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 1: think he crossed a line, and he didn't ask me out.

785
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is just what people in

786
00:40:16,239 --> 00:40:19,400
Speaker 1: l A talk about, or if this is inappropriate and

787
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,280
Speaker 1: he's trying to shoot his shot. Why can't I network

788
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 1: with men without being subject to potentially dating them. I

789
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,080
Speaker 1: feel like I'm being asked to sign away my rights

790
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 1: to a book with someone who has connections that would

791
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:34,359
Speaker 1: be helpful. However, there's a murkiness now around his intentions.

792
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,279
Speaker 1: What should I say to make the line clear or

793
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 1: should I not work with him at all? Is this

794
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:42,879
Speaker 1: why you only work with women? Chelsea? Thanks for your help.

795
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 1: Caroline Hi, Caroline, Hi, Hi, thanks for having me. Hi.

796
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 1: This is Bruce Bozzy. He's our guest today and he

797
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:57,239
Speaker 1: is embedded in the Hollywood industry. I have a stronghold

798
00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: in it. No, I don't, but yes, I familiar with it.

799
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:03,800
Speaker 1: I actually have something that I feel. But I think Chelsea,

800
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 1: you should lead with this. Well. I just think absolutely not, Like,

801
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 1: do not work with that is so out of style

802
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 1: and so passe, and men asking you about your dating

803
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,320
Speaker 1: life when you're on a business meeting is unacceptable period,

804
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 1: That's not what you're there for. So I would just

805
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 1: cut ties with him and continue to send your script

806
00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:23,320
Speaker 1: out and network and just you're going to find somebody

807
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 1: that's gonna want to do it for you, and it's

808
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:27,359
Speaker 1: probably going to be a woman. Yeah. And I think

809
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 1: also people reveal themselves so quickly, So if you're paying

810
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:34,839
Speaker 1: attention and you choose to look past that because you

811
00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:37,680
Speaker 1: want to get the project done, you're going to find out, oh,

812
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 1: that was actually who they are and he revealed himself

813
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:43,439
Speaker 1: and you felt it and trust your instincts in your gut,

814
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 1: and I would say, he's not the guy, okay, And

815
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 1: then what's the best that I'm going to run into

816
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,839
Speaker 1: him again at these networking meetings. So do I make

817
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 1: an excuse, do I confront it, or do you think

818
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 1: is the best way to do that? I would I

819
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 1: would confront it, because men like that needs to be

820
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 1: called out. I would be like, hey, listen, it's inappropriate

821
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 1: for you to be asking me about my dating life.

822
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 1: And he'll you know, minimize it and say, oh, well, no,

823
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 1: I was just trying to get to know you. It's like,

824
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 1: it's not We're not in that era anymore. We're in

825
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:11,120
Speaker 1: present day, modern times and there's been enough information in

826
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:13,280
Speaker 1: the last five years for you to understand that, especially

827
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,399
Speaker 1: in this industry, you need to behave yourself and act

828
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,440
Speaker 1: above board, like you're serious about your work, and you

829
00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,680
Speaker 1: showing him that you're serious about your work is going

830
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 1: to have a longer and bigger impact than you continuing

831
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:29,360
Speaker 1: to work with him. Is there anything in the moment

832
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 1: with that that you would say, you know, I was

833
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:35,160
Speaker 1: kind of shocked at the moment and not prepared for that. Well, yeah,

834
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 1: I would go, really, are you asking me about my

835
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:38,960
Speaker 1: personal life? Do you know what year it is? It's

836
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:49,359
Speaker 1: twenty twenty, what year is it? Whatever? Right? Okay? Three?

837
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:50,960
Speaker 1: I don't Why am I expected to know what year

838
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:54,400
Speaker 1: it is. It's also fucking confusing. You need to like

839
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 1: react to it in a way that's like you can't

840
00:42:56,719 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 1: possibly be thinking that's appropriate. It's like somebody fartay when

841
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,000
Speaker 1: you sit down to meet with them, it's like, no,

842
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: I mean, parting is obviously less offensive than asking you

843
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:08,880
Speaker 1: about your dating life, but still inappropriate, but also normal

844
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 1: not to know what to say in that moment because

845
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 1: some things settle, like you kind of take it back.

846
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 1: You're we're all taught to be respectful and to be

847
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 1: good people and to you know, and you're in the

848
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:24,319
Speaker 1: room and you're talking business. So when the time goes away,

849
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 1: you know, the next day, you always like, god, I

850
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: should have said that, or now you'll for the next time,

851
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:31,399
Speaker 1: or when you see him again, you're gonna like hear

852
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,680
Speaker 1: it much quicker and be able to be like, hey, hey,

853
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:35,840
Speaker 1: you're crossing the line here, And I think Chelsea is

854
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 1: completely right. Yeah. A softer version of that is I

855
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 1: wasn't comfortable with that. I was, you know, it made

856
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:44,759
Speaker 1: me uncomfortable. I'm going to go in a different direction. Thanks,

857
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,839
Speaker 1: but no thanks, But I think I totally agree your

858
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:49,800
Speaker 1: gut is telling you it wasn't just like an innocent

859
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:53,239
Speaker 1: question of like shooting the breeze. It's great, and you're

860
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:56,200
Speaker 1: also like protecting future people and you know that he's

861
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,520
Speaker 1: going to interact with so think about it that way.

862
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 1: He needs to know that he can't be just like

863
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 1: asking women about their personal lives, right, Okay, Yeah. I

864
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,360
Speaker 1: feel like he kind of used this leg veteran bond

865
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:10,000
Speaker 1: to make it seem like we're just being friendly. But yeah,

866
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:12,640
Speaker 1: especially with the topic, I just felt like, oh, now

867
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:18,200
Speaker 1: this is feeling exploit exploitative, exploited, I exploited. Well, especially

868
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: when you're talking about, like the theme is sexual harassment

869
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:24,320
Speaker 1: and he's like, so you like to go out like

870
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:26,640
Speaker 1: what was your dating life? You're like, what, this is

871
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 1: not appropriate? Yeah? Yeah, well keep us posted and the

872
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 1: next time you run into him and what happens with that,

873
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 1: and we hope you'll find an awesome woman who wants

874
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 1: to help you tell your story as well. Awesome. Thank

875
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:44,759
Speaker 1: you so much for the reassurance to appreciate it. Awesome,

876
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:51,280
Speaker 1: Thanks Caroline, Thanks by man are pigs? Well, that doesn't

877
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:54,040
Speaker 1: get us anywhere, does it? No? But it's like so

878
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 1: but not all men are pigs. I mean, that's just

879
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:00,920
Speaker 1: not true. A lot of men are. I mean, I'm

880
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:02,480
Speaker 1: not a pig, but I know a lot of good

881
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:06,359
Speaker 1: guys too. But I feel like these stories, we hear

882
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:08,799
Speaker 1: them so much, and you're right, we're not a whole

883
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:11,840
Speaker 1: different times think monogamy is really just too much pressure

884
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 1: on too many people. I also think that we have

885
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 1: to restructure it. It doesn't make sense with monogamy. I

886
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:20,239
Speaker 1: feel like you can make a choice to say, hey,

887
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 1: I love you, I want to be with you, but

888
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:23,640
Speaker 1: every now and then I might want to sleep with

889
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:25,919
Speaker 1: somebody else. You can have like a sort of don't ask,

890
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:28,359
Speaker 1: don't tell policy, But it's not a relationship. You're not

891
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:31,360
Speaker 1: forming a relationship. You just might have a moment. You

892
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 1: might be like in Whistler and be like, oh, so

893
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:36,400
Speaker 1: and So's here. I feel like there's a lot of

894
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 1: ways to live a full life and have multi sexual

895
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 1: partners and not just immediately when you're like in lockdown

896
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:47,480
Speaker 1: with one person. Well, yeah, it also depends at what

897
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:49,960
Speaker 1: age you meet that person. You know, like, when I

898
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 1: meet my person, it's I'm going to be basically in

899
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 1: my late forties or fifty seven right now, and I

900
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,399
Speaker 1: feel like that's enough time for me not to fucking

901
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 1: want to kill because I'm not twenty and meeting them

902
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 1: or thirty or forty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will say

903
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 1: in my because obvious in my early forties, but later

904
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 1: I meet my person this shorter time, amount of times

905
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 1: you want to martyr them, take them out. I actually

906
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,240
Speaker 1: think it's really healthy to meet people in your forties

907
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 1: and yeah, well you're smart. I mean you're more yourself

908
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:23,879
Speaker 1: than you were in your thirties for sure, so that's

909
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:27,799
Speaker 1: a benefit as well. Definitely. Yeah, if someone's you know,

910
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:33,480
Speaker 1: down with your personality, if someone's down with your personality, yeah,

911
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 1: but you think meeting somebody in your forties and fifties

912
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 1: other conversely, it's you know, you kind of like know

913
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:41,840
Speaker 1: who you are and like your routine and like your stuff.

914
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 1: It's not so easy to be like yeah, yeah, Well

915
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 1: there's lots of ups and downs to all ages, so

916
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:51,920
Speaker 1: just keep that in mind. Yeah, well, let's take a

917
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,319
Speaker 1: quick break and we'll be right back to wrap up

918
00:46:54,360 --> 00:47:05,400
Speaker 1: with Bruce and Chelsea. And we're back. We sure are well, Bruce,

919
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask if there's any advice you'd like

920
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 1: to ask Chelsea Chelsea. Yeah, I would. So if there

921
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:14,600
Speaker 1: was one question that you would have appreciated being asked

922
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:18,439
Speaker 1: at fifteen at age, what would that have been? Oh? God,

923
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 1: I was so selfish when I was fifteen. I mean

924
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 1: I didn't think even my parents existed. You know, it

925
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 1: was like, why aren't they here to serve me? I

926
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:28,120
Speaker 1: just couldn't And I was so angst written too. You

927
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:30,319
Speaker 1: know what a great question would be is how can

928
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:32,759
Speaker 1: we do a better job of parenting you? Or how

929
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:37,359
Speaker 1: can I do a better job as a parent? Dangerous? Dangerous?

930
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 1: But it really actually opens up the conversation in a

931
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:44,959
Speaker 1: way that you feel like your partners rather than necessarily

932
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:48,839
Speaker 1: parented child. And I feel like the more you read

933
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 1: about parenting, and and I do read about parenting ironically,

934
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:58,280
Speaker 1: because I'm always interested and curious about the ownership parents

935
00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:00,640
Speaker 1: feel over their child. They think they own the person,

936
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 1: when it's not that you don't own your kids. You're

937
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:06,640
Speaker 1: guiding them. And the idea is that when they grow up,

938
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 1: they go out into the world and you've prepared them

939
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 1: with enough information, you know, in their arsenal to navigate

940
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:17,560
Speaker 1: a life for themselves that is fulfilling. Yeah, but a

941
00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:21,200
Speaker 1: lot of parents are just so controlling of their children,

942
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 1: even when those kids are adults. They think that their

943
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:27,440
Speaker 1: opinion is more important than their child's opinion. And I

944
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:29,399
Speaker 1: don't think that that's true when you're talking about two

945
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 1: human beings. I find it very interesting that there's just

946
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:36,440
Speaker 1: so much ownership, Like you don't own a person. You're

947
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 1: there in this life with a person, and it's a

948
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:43,319
Speaker 1: two way street. I think you're like me. It's a

949
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 1: great question for me to ask her because when I

950
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 1: think about it now, you know, quite honestly, we have

951
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:51,799
Speaker 1: about three years left and then if I've done my

952
00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:55,239
Speaker 1: job right, there's a strong person now that's going to

953
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 1: have a life of their own. And I agree this

954
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 1: weird sense of ownership of children. It's like, I know

955
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 1: you're your own person from the minute you're here. But

956
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 1: that is the way for us to sort of navigate

957
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:10,960
Speaker 1: the next three years, which I think a really important

958
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 1: for her to really know that I'm a support for

959
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 1: her to pursue what she wants. That's the way to

960
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:21,400
Speaker 1: do it because it can avoid the frustrations and the

961
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:25,560
Speaker 1: arguments because you know, as you read about kids, the

962
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:27,840
Speaker 1: chapters changed, so when you have a small kid, you

963
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 1: have to like micro manage them. And so I will

964
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:34,319
Speaker 1: ask for that question, and I will see what she says,

965
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:36,439
Speaker 1: and then see if she asks you the question back,

966
00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:38,319
Speaker 1: how can I be a better daughter? I bet you

967
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:43,359
Speaker 1: she won't. That's what she won't. But it's that's that's

968
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 1: a really good question. That's a good conversation to have.

969
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I get three minutes at dinner, she's in

970
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:52,120
Speaker 1: and out, bam, she's being in a room. Yeah, it's

971
00:49:52,160 --> 00:49:54,800
Speaker 1: just I remember my father being like on the father

972
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:57,799
Speaker 1: I decide. I'm like, no, it's for how long? Like,

973
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:00,800
Speaker 1: are you serious? Because that doesn't make me to you seriously,

974
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:03,879
Speaker 1: you deciding everything doesn't make me respect you. It makes

975
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:08,359
Speaker 1: me think you're foolish. Yeah, that's funny. Again your head,

976
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:12,200
Speaker 1: I was like in the box of child parent relationship, like, no,

977
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:14,080
Speaker 1: you can't do this, this is what you should do.

978
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:16,680
Speaker 1: So like I didn't know I actually had the voice too.

979
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:20,360
Speaker 1: So much later and the later you that happens. You

980
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 1: have to go through the steps of life. You know

981
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:24,759
Speaker 1: you wanna you don't want to be doing what you

982
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:29,440
Speaker 1: should have done in your teens in your late twenties, absolutely, yeah,

983
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 1: and there we have it. You guys Parenting Hot Hot

984
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 1: parenting Tips one oh one. That's what we'll call this episode.

985
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:40,160
Speaker 1: Hot parenting Tips from Chelsea Hammler, delivered straight to Bruce

986
00:50:40,200 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 1: Bozzy's Lap any day welcomed. Thank you Bruce for today

987
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:47,839
Speaker 1: that was really fun and love you. I love you too,

988
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:53,320
Speaker 1: Thank you, Catherine, Thank you soon, Bye bye. Don't forget

989
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:56,600
Speaker 1: to watch my special on Netflix. You guys revolution. It's

990
00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:59,840
Speaker 1: a revolution. So if you like advice from Chelsea, just

991
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 1: send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail

992
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:07,440
Speaker 1: dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio.

993
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:11,560
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and

994
00:51:11,760 --> 00:51:13,840
Speaker 1: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.