1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:04,200
Speaker 1: This is John. This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts,

2
00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:06,840
Speaker 1: and we have some rockin stories for you coming up.

3
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:09,639
Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

4
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,039
Speaker 2: got a quick chum in an ad break from a sponsors,

5
00:00:12,119 --> 00:00:13,520
Speaker 2: keeping the show rocking and rolling.

6
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,720
Speaker 3: My boyfriend refused to marry me because I'm an immigrant.

7
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:21,000
Speaker 3: Well that doesn't sound very good. My boyfriend doesn't want

8
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,480
Speaker 3: to marry me because I'm an immigrant. I twenty nine female,

9
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,480
Speaker 3: moved to the US seven years ago as a grad school.

10
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,200
Speaker 4: Student from Indonesia. I met my boyfriend thirty mail a

11
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:33,400
Speaker 4: few months after I moved, and we've been together ever since.

12
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,199
Speaker 4: My boyfriend is a US citizen. By the way, this

13
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:40,040
Speaker 4: comes from red Earaches and high cree And if you

14
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,680
Speaker 4: want to spit your own stories, go to the r

15
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,640
Speaker 4: slash okay story Times subreddit.

16
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,559
Speaker 3: Ooh, we got a little double pov. Well love to

17
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:48,120
Speaker 3: see those.

18
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:52,160
Speaker 4: After I graduated, we had a serious discussion about where

19
00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:55,080
Speaker 4: our relationship was headed. I made it very clear that

20
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:58,320
Speaker 4: I wanted to eventually get married and have children. My

21
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,600
Speaker 4: boyfriend echoed the sentiments. I remember asking him if he

22
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,400
Speaker 4: saw that happening with me, because I didn't want to

23
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:07,039
Speaker 4: be in a relationship with no future. He told me

24
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,560
Speaker 4: he loved me and that we were definitely at in

25
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:14,000
Speaker 4: that direction as of last week. We've been dating for

26
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,319
Speaker 4: seven years.

27
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:16,160
Speaker 3: Wow.

28
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,240
Speaker 4: We've occasionally talked about marriage, but we were both busy

29
00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:24,400
Speaker 4: with our respective careers, so the timing didn't seem quite right. However, recently,

30
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,959
Speaker 4: my company announced that there's a chance that my department's

31
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,920
Speaker 4: work will be outsourced. I'm on an H one B

32
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,040
Speaker 4: visa temporary worker, so this means that I need to

33
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,080
Speaker 4: start looking for a job asap if I want to

34
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:40,280
Speaker 4: continue staying in the US. Last week, during our anniversary,

35
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,240
Speaker 4: I brought this up. I asked him if he thought

36
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:45,240
Speaker 4: it was the right time to think about getting married,

37
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,360
Speaker 4: as that will also help with sorting out my visa issues.

38
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:52,360
Speaker 4: He looked like he was about to vomit. After much prodding,

39
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,120
Speaker 4: he confessed that he wasn't planning on us getting married

40
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,240
Speaker 4: before I was able to get a green card permanent

41
00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:01,280
Speaker 4: resident in the US. I was incredible confused because he'd

42
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,120
Speaker 4: never mentioned this before. His reason was that he didn't

43
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:07,080
Speaker 4: want to be used as a visa mule his words,

44
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,520
Speaker 4: not mine by me, and that he wanted to make

45
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,680
Speaker 4: sure that I married him because I loved him and

46
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,840
Speaker 4: not because it was a ticket forgetting to stay in

47
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,760
Speaker 4: the US, which can only happen when I get a

48
00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:17,360
Speaker 4: green card.

49
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:18,639
Speaker 1: It took me a.

50
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,680
Speaker 4: While to process what he said. I asked him if

51
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,760
Speaker 4: he'd be okay to move to Indonesia with me, which

52
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,760
Speaker 4: he wasn't. I did not react well and ended up

53
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,800
Speaker 4: leaving because I couldn't deal with what just happened. I

54
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,680
Speaker 4: am still in disbelief. I started dating him because he

55
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:36,600
Speaker 4: was the kindest, most thoughtful, and generous man I've ever met.

56
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,040
Speaker 4: I now feel like I wasted seven years. While the

57
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,400
Speaker 4: visa issues are certainly a problem, I did not date

58
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:44,639
Speaker 4: him with the intention of making him my safety net.

59
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,200
Speaker 4: I cannot believe that, even after nearly a decade together,

60
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,720
Speaker 4: he doesn't know what kind of person I am. I

61
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,600
Speaker 4: feel like this relationship is possibly over, and it hurts

62
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,000
Speaker 4: so much, And there is an.

63
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,120
Speaker 3: Update that's I don't know interesting.

64
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,280
Speaker 4: A few days back, I made a post about how

65
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:02,400
Speaker 4: my boyfriend of seven years didn't want to marry me

66
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,560
Speaker 4: because I was an immigrant on an H one B

67
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,520
Speaker 4: and he didn't want to be a visa mule. I

68
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,840
Speaker 4: got a lot of wonderful comments and dms, and because

69
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,720
Speaker 4: the three got locked, the post was subsequently removed. I

70
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:19,000
Speaker 4: wasn't able to respond addressing some of the stuff in

71
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,680
Speaker 4: the comments. I've been on an H one B visa

72
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:25,080
Speaker 4: for a bit more than two years. I was on

73
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,040
Speaker 4: STEM OPT for about three years after grad school. I

74
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,519
Speaker 4: had terrible luck with the H one B lottery, and

75
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,440
Speaker 4: I got one in the last round I was eligible

76
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,960
Speaker 4: to apply in Getting PR in the US is not easy.

77
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,360
Speaker 4: I know people who have been here for fifteen plus

78
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,160
Speaker 4: years who are still waiting for their PR. For those

79
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,520
Speaker 4: of you who DMed me calling me a gold digger,

80
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,200
Speaker 4: you guys made me Lael. I am aware of the

81
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:50,480
Speaker 4: legalities around sponsoring a spouse for a PR, including the

82
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,000
Speaker 4: financial aspect. It shouldn't have been a problem for the

83
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:57,360
Speaker 4: following reasons. I'm a STEM major who recently shifted into management.

84
00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,680
Speaker 4: I work for a large company, and I do quite

85
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:02,480
Speaker 4: well for myself. My boyfriend is a teacher, and our

86
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,840
Speaker 4: incomes are not comparable. He earns around sixty K. I

87
00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:08,480
Speaker 4: earn close to three hundred K. We've been living together

88
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,040
Speaker 4: for six years. We have a shared account to pay

89
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,920
Speaker 4: for expenses like rent and utilities that we both deposit

90
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,960
Speaker 4: a percentage of our salary into. The rest of our

91
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,360
Speaker 4: money goes into our own private accounts, and we don't

92
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,080
Speaker 4: manage each other's money. Because I'm pretty frugal, I've saved

93
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:24,800
Speaker 4: up quite a bit of money in the form of

94
00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:28,320
Speaker 4: savings and investments. If my boyfriend was worried about the

95
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,840
Speaker 4: legality of sponsoring me financially for ten plus years, I

96
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:35,039
Speaker 4: would have happily discussed moving the money around. I was

97
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,680
Speaker 4: even considering buying a house, so we could have made

98
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,480
Speaker 4: that a joint ownership thing. The point is we could

99
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:44,440
Speaker 4: have figured it out. I haven't relied on him financially ever,

100
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:46,839
Speaker 4: and I didn't intend on doing that in the future.

101
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,720
Speaker 4: I might not have considered everything. But you have to

102
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,920
Speaker 4: note that I thought about the marriage for visa thing

103
00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:55,280
Speaker 4: very recently, only when the threat of possibly having.

104
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,760
Speaker 1: To leave loomed over me.

105
00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,640
Speaker 4: This isn't something I thought about in details at all.

106
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,520
Speaker 4: Regarding my situation back home in Indonesia, I come from

107
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:08,479
Speaker 4: a very religious and conservative family and had a horrible childhood.

108
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,000
Speaker 4: My family doesn't support my career choices. I cut contact

109
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,719
Speaker 4: with my family when I moved to the US, so

110
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,400
Speaker 4: they are not in the picture at all. I was

111
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,159
Speaker 4: on great terms with boyfriend's family.

112
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:18,680
Speaker 3: They loved me.

113
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:23,200
Speaker 4: Now for the actual update, he is now my ex boyfriend.

114
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,360
Speaker 3: Whoa wait, whoa Okay.

115
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,040
Speaker 4: I took a few days to collect myself and then

116
00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:29,600
Speaker 4: reached out to him wanting to talk.

117
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:30,440
Speaker 1: He agreed.

118
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,880
Speaker 4: It turns out that he has been insecure about earning

119
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,480
Speaker 4: less than I did for a while. Apparently his friends

120
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,839
Speaker 4: have been poking fun at our relationship, calling me the

121
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,919
Speaker 4: sugar mommy because I take care of most of the expenses.

122
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,520
Speaker 4: He never told me this until now. He apparently didn't

123
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,159
Speaker 4: feel like an equal because our pay differs so much,

124
00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:51,280
Speaker 4: and started feeling that I was only with him as

125
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:56,640
Speaker 4: a quick way to get a pr here. I was speechless.

126
00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,400
Speaker 4: I couldn't believe that his friends gasled him into doubting

127
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:03,720
Speaker 4: our relationship. Yeah, bad friends, but also like on like,

128
00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:06,839
Speaker 4: you know, people can influence you if they say it enough.

129
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,680
Speaker 4: But it's also on him to like stand up for

130
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,239
Speaker 4: himself and for his partner.

131
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,039
Speaker 3: Yeah.

132
00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:15,560
Speaker 4: I reminded him how he had supported me when I

133
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,640
Speaker 4: was in grad school, like getting me groceries when I

134
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,240
Speaker 4: had little money to spare, allowing me to stay with

135
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,239
Speaker 4: him rent free in my last year of grad school

136
00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:24,359
Speaker 4: to help me minimize expenses so I didn't have to

137
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,920
Speaker 4: take out a loan, letting me use his car when

138
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,880
Speaker 4: I was attending interviews. I told him that he did

139
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,479
Speaker 4: them because he loved me, and me taking on the

140
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,919
Speaker 4: majority of household expenses since I started working is my

141
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:37,919
Speaker 4: way of paying him back for all the things he

142
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,520
Speaker 4: did for me back then. He said that he gets

143
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,719
Speaker 4: what I'm saying, but also that he didn't expect me

144
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,880
Speaker 4: to start earning more than him. Straight off the bat,

145
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,000
Speaker 4: I asked him if there was any chance he'd consider

146
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,599
Speaker 4: going to couple's therapy like some of you had suggested,

147
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:54,040
Speaker 4: and he declined because he didn't think he was being unreasonable.

148
00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,359
Speaker 4: He said that he wanted to be the provider in

149
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,320
Speaker 4: a relationship and that he didn't feel like.

150
00:06:58,279 --> 00:06:59,160
Speaker 3: One in ours.

151
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,159
Speaker 4: Oh, there's no gone back from this unless I quit

152
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,039
Speaker 4: my job and found another that paid substantially less, which

153
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:08,280
Speaker 4: isn't gonna happen. Yeah No, if you can't get over that,

154
00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:09,720
Speaker 4: that's like not your problem.

155
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:15,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, long story short, we broke up. Yep, I

156
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:16,280
Speaker 3: need to ask.

157
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:19,320
Speaker 4: Your partner who's earning three hundred thousand dollars for the

158
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,840
Speaker 4: both of you. Really, yeah, to break I mean to

159
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,880
Speaker 4: quit their job when you earn sixty K, which is fine.

160
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,840
Speaker 3: But like that's like so not the solution, so not

161
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,600
Speaker 3: like that's so stupid, it's so stupid.

162
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,520
Speaker 4: His family is in disbelief. They were hoping that he

163
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:38,800
Speaker 4: would propose soon. I moved into an airbnbe for now.

164
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,840
Speaker 4: A little bit of good news to end this update

165
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,640
Speaker 4: with my company offered me a similar role in a

166
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,480
Speaker 4: different department. However, this is based out of France and

167
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:50,080
Speaker 4: there's a small decrease in pay. I've always dreamed about

168
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,240
Speaker 4: living in Europe, and I've accepted this offer. And maybe

169
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,720
Speaker 4: you can get like a visa, a work visa too.

170
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you can get to what I have to.

171
00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:59,920
Speaker 4: I've signed the relocation agreement and I'll move there and

172
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,960
Speaker 4: in the next eight to twelve weeks. A few comments

173
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,920
Speaker 4: people took apart my update to point out a discrepancy.

174
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,360
Speaker 4: I first said I haven't relied on him financially ever,

175
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,200
Speaker 4: and later I reminded him how he supported me when

176
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,200
Speaker 4: I was in grad school. Blah blah blah about that.

177
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,360
Speaker 4: I'm sorry for wording my feelings poorly, causing this confusion.

178
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,560
Speaker 4: I never asked or expected my ex to help me

179
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,200
Speaker 4: buy groceries or house me. I moved to the US

180
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,440
Speaker 4: to pursue a tech MBA from a top twenty school

181
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,240
Speaker 4: and had scholarships and student loans that were going to

182
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:31,720
Speaker 4: help me cover the cost tuition plus living expenses, so

183
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,920
Speaker 4: at no point did I need him to help me.

184
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,679
Speaker 4: I knew I was going to have a financially difficult

185
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,640
Speaker 4: time for two years, and I was prepared for this.

186
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,319
Speaker 4: My ex, however, did not like that I was eating

187
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,960
Speaker 4: cold sandwiches and instant ramen most of the time, and

188
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,280
Speaker 4: would bring me some groceries, vegetables, frozen food, and the

189
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,079
Speaker 4: like because he wanted to make sure I was eating well.

190
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,120
Speaker 4: He was also the one who proposed the idea of

191
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,200
Speaker 4: me moving in with him because he wanted us to

192
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:57,320
Speaker 4: live together and also thought it would lower my stress levels.

193
00:08:57,559 --> 00:09:01,360
Speaker 4: He was an extremely kind, considerate, and onerous man, and

194
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,120
Speaker 4: it was one of the reasons I fell in love

195
00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:06,680
Speaker 4: with him. I am extremely grateful for the support, but

196
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,240
Speaker 4: I wasn't relying on it. Had he not done any

197
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,640
Speaker 4: of the above, I would have managed. And there is

198
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:15,520
Speaker 4: a second update A right, wow, I'm back with an

199
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,839
Speaker 4: update after about a year of moving to France. What

200
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,480
Speaker 4: my previous posts are on my profile. I absolutely love

201
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,120
Speaker 4: it here. The language barrier is very real, but I'm

202
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,319
Speaker 4: taking classes and the people around me have been incredibly helpful.

203
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,640
Speaker 4: I've spent the last year experiencing all the good things

204
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:37,760
Speaker 4: Europe offers. I've visited multiple cities and France, Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Portugal, Switzerland, Denmark,

205
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,240
Speaker 4: Germany and Luxembourg. All those are great places that I've

206
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,760
Speaker 4: been to and I love them. So I'm glad that

207
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,439
Speaker 4: you get you. I mean, like, that's the nice thing

208
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,600
Speaker 4: about being in France or just any place in Europe

209
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:51,600
Speaker 4: is that it's so easy, Yeah, to go anywhere. You

210
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,439
Speaker 4: can visit so many countries.

211
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,360
Speaker 3: I know that sounds so nice.

212
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like you travel like two hours in your another country,

213
00:09:58,240 --> 00:09:59,640
Speaker 4: You travel two hours and you're.

214
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,440
Speaker 1: In a Yeah.

215
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:06,240
Speaker 4: Literally, I cannot believe how gorgeous all of these places are.

216
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,120
Speaker 4: And the more time I spend here, the more I

217
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,960
Speaker 4: think about how fortunate I am to be able to

218
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,840
Speaker 4: experience this. I'm soon traveling to Italy.

219
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:13,559
Speaker 3: Girl.

220
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:17,520
Speaker 4: This is a life amazing and I'm excited about everything.

221
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,640
Speaker 4: My work life balance is also incredible. I was frequently

222
00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:23,640
Speaker 4: putting in twelve ten to twelve hour workdays in the US,

223
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,839
Speaker 4: and I can count on one hand the number of

224
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,640
Speaker 4: times I've had to work more than eight hours a day. Yeah,

225
00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:31,080
Speaker 4: I bet, I bet. I haven't had the courage to

226
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,680
Speaker 4: get back into dating yet. My experience with the X

227
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,440
Speaker 4: has left a really bad taste in my mouth. Even

228
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:38,840
Speaker 4: though immigration here is a lot easier than the US

229
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,320
Speaker 4: and is not really one of my worries, the thought

230
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,240
Speaker 4: of things falling apart after putting in a significant amount

231
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:48,560
Speaker 4: of time and effort scares me. I'm considering therapy, but

232
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,560
Speaker 4: I haven't quite made the leap to do that yet.

233
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,880
Speaker 4: My ex reached out to me a few months after

234
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,840
Speaker 4: I moved. He faced a lot of backlash from his

235
00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,800
Speaker 4: family after we broke up, and he wanted to discuss

236
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:02,280
Speaker 4: reconciliation because he realized the error of his ways.

237
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:08,400
Speaker 3: No, no, blocked. You might have realized the error, but

238
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:09,840
Speaker 3: have you fixed the air?

239
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,200
Speaker 4: I told him exactly how he made me feel and

240
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,520
Speaker 4: that I could no longer trust him. I decided to

241
00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:16,959
Speaker 4: move on and advised him to do the same. Nice

242
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,120
Speaker 4: He's had to downgrade his lifestyle as he can no

243
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,720
Speaker 4: longer afford to live the same way we did, and

244
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,040
Speaker 4: I could tell him that it made him unhappy. Shocking,

245
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,120
Speaker 4: he can't do the same things that you guys did

246
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:31,440
Speaker 4: on a three hundred and sixty thousand dollars salary versus

247
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:35,200
Speaker 4: now that he is sixty thousand dollars salary, dude, shocking.

248
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:38,560
Speaker 3: Like, wait, babe, I miss your money, miss your money,

249
00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:38,960
Speaker 3: come back.

250
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:39,719
Speaker 1: Not gonna lie.

251
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,280
Speaker 4: I did feel a pang of guilt and sadness after

252
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,199
Speaker 4: our conversation, but it is what it is. I got

253
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,880
Speaker 4: a bunch of dms asking me what I do. I

254
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,640
Speaker 4: have an undergrad and comp sigh, And after a year

255
00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:53,120
Speaker 4: of working, I decided to pursue an MBA. I was

256
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,760
Speaker 4: fortunate enough to get into one of the top twenty

257
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,160
Speaker 4: B schools with a scholarship that reduced my tuition by

258
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:03,040
Speaker 4: about thirty I got into tech consulting initially, and then

259
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:06,160
Speaker 4: switched to product management after a couple of years. And

260
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,160
Speaker 4: there is a third update.

261
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,160
Speaker 3: Oh wow, I can't wait to see how good she's doing.

262
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,000
Speaker 4: It's been three years. I now live in the Netherlands,

263
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,839
Speaker 4: all right, so a great place. Switched over to another

264
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,360
Speaker 4: company last year. It's cold and wet most of the year,

265
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,720
Speaker 4: but this summer was glorious and at times hot enough

266
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,680
Speaker 4: to remind me of home. I went through therapy for

267
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:29,640
Speaker 4: a few months. I must admit that I was not

268
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,960
Speaker 4: fully committed to it, but talking slash venting helps a

269
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:36,560
Speaker 4: lot that and distance and time has definitely helped me heal.

270
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:41,000
Speaker 4: It's a bit hard making friends in Netherlands. In the Netherlands,

271
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,520
Speaker 4: most people seem to want to stick to their existing

272
00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:46,080
Speaker 4: social circles. I have made a few friends through the

273
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,560
Speaker 4: xpac community, but these friendships need more time and effort

274
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,160
Speaker 4: to become something worthwhile.

275
00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:54,440
Speaker 3: I bet, by the way, you can join us.

276
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,880
Speaker 4: To listen to full episodes of stories just like this.

277
00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:00,280
Speaker 4: Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio and search

278
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,120
Speaker 4: a bookcase right time. I'm trying to date now, signed

279
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,959
Speaker 4: up on a bunch of apps. Haven't really had a

280
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,400
Speaker 4: lot of success so far, but I keep putting myself

281
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,240
Speaker 4: out there. I still miss my ex sometimes, especially on

282
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,439
Speaker 4: days when I'm unwell. I mean, you were with him

283
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,959
Speaker 4: for seven years, because it reminds me of how he

284
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,760
Speaker 4: used to take care of me and make me kung.

285
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,679
Speaker 4: I miss being cared for and no I haven't reached out.

286
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,800
Speaker 4: That chapter is truly done. I got a cat nice,

287
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,960
Speaker 4: she's a very loud girl. I'll add a photo on

288
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,640
Speaker 4: my profile. Life is kind of good. I guess I

289
00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:33,559
Speaker 4: need more friends. And there are some comments to finish off.

290
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,880
Speaker 4: Comment one says, you know the funniest thing about all

291
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,439
Speaker 4: of this is that I'm ninety percent certain that all

292
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,720
Speaker 4: his friends who were laughing about him having a sugar

293
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,600
Speaker 4: mommy and being a visa mule are now shaking their

294
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,880
Speaker 4: heads at him, saying I can't believe you let that

295
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,560
Speaker 4: absolute catch of a woman go.

296
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,720
Speaker 3: Yeah. Probably, Yeah, they're like you just dumbo. Yeah, she

297
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,880
Speaker 3: was so great. Reply notes for any straight men reading.

298
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,200
Speaker 3: If your homeboys ever tease you for your partner earning

299
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,880
Speaker 3: more than you do, not do. But this guy did.

300
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,559
Speaker 4: All those fools jealous and have her buy you more

301
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,440
Speaker 4: things to rub it in and worship the ground she

302
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:08,080
Speaker 4: walks on. If I had a partner making three hundred K,

303
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:09,679
Speaker 4: I'd be waiting on them hand and foot.

304
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:10,560
Speaker 1: Reply.

305
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:13,720
Speaker 4: The amount of men who with their love partners earning

306
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:17,520
Speaker 4: high salaries is astounding to me. If my partner was

307
00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:19,760
Speaker 4: earning that much, I'd be showing them off and basking

308
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,280
Speaker 4: in the upgraded lifestyle reply one hundred percent. I saw

309
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,960
Speaker 4: a post the other day about how the story of

310
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,520
Speaker 4: Eve being born from Adam's rib is part of the

311
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,479
Speaker 4: history of robbing women of anything that puts them above men.

312
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,040
Speaker 4: Women belonging in the kitchen, but only men can be chefs.

313
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,160
Speaker 4: Women should be school teachers, but I have no places

314
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,960
Speaker 4: professors with academics. Women should run the home, but the

315
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,920
Speaker 4: home man is the owner and his word is law.

316
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,720
Speaker 4: Anything to make women small. Mom two says, Honestly, this

317
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,600
Speaker 4: is probably the most realistic outcome of everything. Opie still

318
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,760
Speaker 4: misses her boyfriend sometimes, who she dated for almost seven years.

319
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,760
Speaker 4: Anna struggles fitting in with a new culture. I do

320
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,160
Speaker 4: hope she's able to find a friend group. I've heard

321
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,240
Speaker 4: from friends that it is really hard to do that

322
00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,960
Speaker 4: in the Netherlands. Maybe there are hobby groups or clas Also,

323
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,240
Speaker 4: the grin on my face when I think about him

324
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,560
Speaker 4: having to downgrade his lifestyle that he misses being a

325
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:11,320
Speaker 4: kept man now, and that is the end of that story.

326
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,480
Speaker 3: My girlfriend's rich family looks down on me and it's

327
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:21,720
Speaker 3: making me doubt our relationship. Don't doubt, just leave and

328
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,560
Speaker 3: trigger running. There are mentions of physical abuse. So if

329
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:28,160
Speaker 3: you don't want to listen to that, skip on to

330
00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:31,600
Speaker 3: the next video. So December twenty sixth, twenty eighteen, my

331
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,360
Speaker 3: girlfriend and I have been together almost three years. Ninety

332
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,160
Speaker 3: nine percent of the time we're great. She's funny and smart,

333
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:40,800
Speaker 3: and we have a lot of shared interests. But every

334
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,880
Speaker 3: time we visit her family, I start doubting everything. By

335
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,000
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from some case, and if you

336
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,520
Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

337
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:51,640
Speaker 3: slash Okay storytime Separate do it. So. They are very wealthy,

338
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,040
Speaker 3: which by itself is not a bad thing, but they're

339
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,400
Speaker 3: also very fixated on being rich and have a habit

340
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:01,280
Speaker 3: of placing the monetary value of things and people over

341
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:02,040
Speaker 3: everything else.

342
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:02,880
Speaker 1: Not good.

343
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,480
Speaker 3: I come from a very middle class background. I have

344
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,960
Speaker 3: a good education in a decent career that I enjoy,

345
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,080
Speaker 3: but I'm definitely not rich. Because of this, they view

346
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,720
Speaker 3: me as a loser. For example, yesterday we made the

347
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,400
Speaker 3: two hour drive to her parents in my new Ish Honda.

348
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,960
Speaker 3: When we got there, her mom immediately ordered me to

349
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,440
Speaker 3: park the car behind the house so the neighbors wouldn't

350
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,760
Speaker 3: see it. She was furious that we didn't bring girlfriend's

351
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:30,000
Speaker 3: land Rover, which they bought for her as a birthday

352
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,240
Speaker 3: gift this year. Girlfriend doesn't like to drive on long

353
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,600
Speaker 3: trips and I'm not allowed to drive the land rover

354
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:40,000
Speaker 3: per her parents, so we brought my haunt. Girlfriend's dad

355
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,760
Speaker 3: has never spoken to me directly, even when she introduced

356
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,680
Speaker 3: me the first time, he turned to her and said,

357
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,440
Speaker 3: what does she do? This is very weird behavior, super weird.

358
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,120
Speaker 3: So we went in the house and I gave her

359
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,120
Speaker 3: dad the usual hi, Merry Christmas, and he gave me

360
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:58,280
Speaker 3: the usual disinterested glance. One more example, last year, I

361
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,680
Speaker 3: made the mistake of bringing a bottle of World. It

362
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,120
Speaker 3: was a twenty five dollars bottle, which was pricey for me,

363
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,520
Speaker 3: and I even had the wine store lady help me

364
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,600
Speaker 3: pick it out. Girlfriend's mom told me to put it

365
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,760
Speaker 3: in the kitchen and they didn't open it while we

366
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:14,080
Speaker 3: were there. She later admitted to girlfriend that they'd regifted

367
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:17,800
Speaker 3: it to their housekeeper because it was gas station hooch.

368
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:21,760
Speaker 3: Oh my god, these people sound like a nightmare. Oh yikes,

369
00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:24,960
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. We managed to get through the day

370
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:28,000
Speaker 3: yesterday without much drama except the car thing, which I

371
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,159
Speaker 3: would normally consider a win. But today I kept thinking

372
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 3: about the whole situation with her family and wondering if

373
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,119
Speaker 3: I'm really willing to deal with these people for the

374
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,600
Speaker 3: rest of my life. Girlfriend and I have tossed around

375
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,199
Speaker 3: the possibility of getting married more than once, but I

376
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:45,520
Speaker 3: know that they'll never accept me. If we get married,

377
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,920
Speaker 3: I'll have to see them a lot more than once

378
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:50,440
Speaker 3: a year. Girlfriend has given up trying to defend me

379
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,840
Speaker 3: to her parents and just ignores their bs most of

380
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,360
Speaker 3: the time, but I can tell it bothers her too.

381
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:58,040
Speaker 3: They bankroll a big chunk of her lifestyle, and I

382
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,919
Speaker 3: think that she's worried they'll cut her off if she

383
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,359
Speaker 3: pushes too hard, which they've threatened to do over other things.

384
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,359
Speaker 3: So not to sound like the ahole, but am I

385
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:10,040
Speaker 3: wasting my time? Is this relationship doomed? My girlfriend always

386
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 3: tells me that she doesn't care what her family thinks,

387
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,600
Speaker 3: but I'm not sure that's true. She always tries to

388
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,280
Speaker 3: downplay how grappy they are to me, but I know

389
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,320
Speaker 3: that I'll never be good enough for them, even if

390
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,520
Speaker 3: I'm good enough for her. There are some relevant comments,

391
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,280
Speaker 3: but I want to hear your comments. Well.

392
00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:26,439
Speaker 4: The thing is that, like, regardless of whether or not

393
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,400
Speaker 4: she's like, oh, I don't care what they think. She's

394
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:32,560
Speaker 4: still letting them say it, and it doesn't really seem

395
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:36,520
Speaker 4: like she's telling them stop saying it. Yeah, and if

396
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,360
Speaker 4: she's not gonna stand up for you or say like, oh,

397
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,720
Speaker 4: you know, maybe we should limit contact with my parents

398
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,880
Speaker 4: because they're treating my partner who I love right terribly right,

399
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,320
Speaker 4: then this relationship can't work because it's not just that,

400
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,600
Speaker 4: you know, it's not like, uh, oh I love you.

401
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,600
Speaker 4: I don't care what my parents say, like they're you know,

402
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:58,280
Speaker 4: I don't really want them in my life. It's like, no,

403
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,680
Speaker 4: they're gonna stay in my life. I'm not gonna say anything.

404
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:04,560
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna stand up to them at all for you. Yeah,

405
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:05,719
Speaker 4: and you have to deal with it.

406
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:06,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

407
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,280
Speaker 3: I would be so pissed at my parents if they

408
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,679
Speaker 3: were the reason that I was broken up with.

409
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd be so mad.

410
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:15,159
Speaker 3: Yeah. So yeah, you should definitely at least try to

411
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:19,400
Speaker 3: say something. But there are some relevant comments. One commenter

412
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,520
Speaker 3: says your girlfriend needs to be able to live without

413
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,320
Speaker 3: her parents' money before you consider marrying her. At the

414
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 3: moment they're waiting you out, but probably do small things

415
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,480
Speaker 3: to undermine the relationship. They view you as the fun

416
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,960
Speaker 3: that their daughter is having before she settles down for

417
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:35,280
Speaker 3: something real. They probably exclude you from vacations that they

418
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,880
Speaker 3: would take her on or family events. When they take

419
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,479
Speaker 3: a family photo, they probably ask you to take the photo.

420
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,880
Speaker 3: Wealthy parents use money to control their adult children as

421
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,119
Speaker 3: they have no other avenue to do so and they

422
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,760
Speaker 3: are used to being in control of everything. They get

423
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,919
Speaker 3: the kids used to nice things, then make demands to

424
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,320
Speaker 3: continue the flow. Once they dem it's serious, they will

425
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,520
Speaker 3: work to prevent the marriage as they do not think

426
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:58,399
Speaker 3: that you will be able to provide the lifestyle that

427
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,719
Speaker 3: they want for her. They will withdraw funding for her

428
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:06,200
Speaker 3: dream wedding. They'll have legal documents drawn up detailing inheritance, divorce,

429
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,760
Speaker 3: child sport alimony, et cetera. For the relationship. They'll do

430
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,640
Speaker 3: anything that they can to add stress to break it up,

431
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,719
Speaker 3: and they'll be very good at it. I grew up

432
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,800
Speaker 3: in a wealthy community, so I've met all sorts of

433
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,640
Speaker 3: rich people. Your girlfriend's parents are the A whole sort

434
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,280
Speaker 3: of rich people, with the importance of material goods that

435
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,320
Speaker 3: they place and the way they act. I'd also wager

436
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,880
Speaker 3: that they're also probably not as wealthy as they want

437
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:29,640
Speaker 3: you to think they are.

438
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:30,560
Speaker 1: Hope.

439
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:34,240
Speaker 3: He responds, just reading this made me tired. I don't

440
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,639
Speaker 3: want anything to do with her family's money for pretty

441
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:40,159
Speaker 3: much every reason you just stated, though that hasn't stopped

442
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,320
Speaker 3: her mom from calling me a gold digger. Her parents

443
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:46,200
Speaker 3: do control her with the money. My girlfriend is co

444
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,600
Speaker 3: owner of a business and has a decent income of

445
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,160
Speaker 3: her own, but her lifestyle is way beyond what she's

446
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,200
Speaker 3: bringing in. She's really bad at managing her own money,

447
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:57,119
Speaker 3: has never had to make or stick to a budget,

448
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 3: and doesn't have much of a grasp on priorities when

449
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,879
Speaker 3: it come to spending. Her parents pay for her townhouse

450
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,440
Speaker 3: and her credit cards. Whenever they get mad at her,

451
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:08,280
Speaker 3: they threaten to suspend her cards and she freaks out

452
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,080
Speaker 3: because she doesn't have any of her own money set aside. Yeah,

453
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,199
Speaker 3: those are some good comments, and we do have an update.

454
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:16,439
Speaker 3: But yeah, I think they're kind of nailing it.

455
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 4: I think that she is too reliant on her parents,

456
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 4: and therefore until she she like gets out from under

457
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,560
Speaker 4: their thumb, she's not gonna stand up for you.

458
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:28,080
Speaker 1: Yeah.

459
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:33,200
Speaker 3: And if she's because I mean, knowing your partners spending habits,

460
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:37,439
Speaker 3: and you know, habits just regarding money at all is

461
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 3: really important in a relationship. Very true.

462
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:39,920
Speaker 2: Yeah.

463
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:43,120
Speaker 4: The fact that she's you know, not good at managing

464
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:44,120
Speaker 4: her own money.

465
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, then that's that's a whole other thing that you

466
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,440
Speaker 3: want to pay attention to too. I posted a few

467
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,199
Speaker 3: days ago on a throwaway count, thinking it probably wouldn't

468
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,200
Speaker 3: go anywhere, but hoping a few more experienced Internet strangers

469
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,879
Speaker 3: might give me some insight. It got some attention, and

470
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 3: there was some solid advice uh, and a lot of

471
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 3: perspective on the whole situation, and I was like, okay,

472
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 3: that was enlightning and went on with my day. My

473
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,679
Speaker 3: girlfriend was working that night, so there wasn't much to

474
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,439
Speaker 3: do with all that info at the time, and I

475
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,480
Speaker 3: fell asleep while attempting to formulate my side of the

476
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,680
Speaker 3: big talk. Little did I know that post blew up

477
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 3: overnight and made the front page and my girlfriend saw it.

478
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 3: Oh no, I didn't give any names or locations, but

479
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,399
Speaker 3: there was enough specific information that she had no trouble

480
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,680
Speaker 3: figuring out it was me. So Thursday, while at work

481
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 3: and still unaware of all this, I got a dreaded

482
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 3: we need to talk text yep, all caps, and I

483
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 3: was like, well, I'm done with so. She was feeling

484
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 3: hurt and angry when she sent that text, but she

485
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:47,879
Speaker 3: said that she had time to read through some of

486
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 3: the comments and think about things, and she wasn't as

487
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 3: upset when she came to my apartment later and she

488
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 3: brought food. It's a good way, good way to get someone.

489
00:22:56,520 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, great thing to have in an argument. Yees. Food.

490
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:04,399
Speaker 3: Make sure no one's hangry. No one should be angry

491
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 3: or tired in an argument. Yeah. Still, She said that

492
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 3: I had no right to tell the whole internet about

493
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,360
Speaker 3: our relationship problems, and I agreed and apologized. She knows

494
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,439
Speaker 3: I'm writing this update and she's going to read it

495
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,959
Speaker 3: before I post. The reason for that being that she

496
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,720
Speaker 3: admitted the Internet actually made some good points regarding our

497
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:24,160
Speaker 3: relationship problems. We talked for a long time Thursday night.

498
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:26,960
Speaker 3: She said she knows her parents treat people like crap,

499
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 3: and that they control her and her siblings with money.

500
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 3: It's partially a cultural thing. According to her, My girlfriend

501
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 3: was born and raised in the US, but her parents

502
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,000
Speaker 3: grew up rich in a different country and moved here

503
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 3: a long time ago. Dude, this is crazy richasis ah

504
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:45,879
Speaker 3: maybe maybe man. Are they from Singapore. She said that

505
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 3: they had a hard time assimilating with the upper class

506
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 3: Americans and flaunt their wealth because they're socially insecure. Girlfriend

507
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 3: also implied that kind of behavior was a lot more

508
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,439
Speaker 3: acceptable in their home country in the nineteen eighties and

509
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,400
Speaker 3: they never changed. She grew up seeing them act that way,

510
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 3: and at least when she was younger, thought it was normal.

511
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 3: On top of that, girlfriend's mom was and is emotionally

512
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 3: and physically abusive. Oh no. Girlfriend said she's still afraid

513
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 3: of her mom and has a hard time standing up

514
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,200
Speaker 3: to her. She also got very little affection from her

515
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 3: parents growing up. It seems like that was all replaced

516
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 3: with material things, So to her, being cut off from

517
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,879
Speaker 3: her family financially is the same as being cut off emotionally.

518
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,879
Speaker 3: All that being said, a girlfriend doesn't expect me to

519
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 3: visit her parents again. She would that's great, that's great.

520
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 3: She was very apologetic about how they treated me and

521
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 3: also about not calling them out. She was really hurt

522
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 3: that I said I thought I was wasting my time

523
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,679
Speaker 3: in the earlier post, and I said I was sorry

524
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,159
Speaker 3: and I am. I was still raging a little when

525
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,159
Speaker 3: I wrote that. I asked her about maybe letting her

526
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 3: parents cut her off financially and living on her own.

527
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,160
Speaker 3: It wouldn't mean that she has to go no contact,

528
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,399
Speaker 3: but their relationship would be based on something other than money.

529
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,640
Speaker 3: We've been talking about moving in together for a while now,

530
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 3: and she actually suggested that she move out of her

531
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:06,479
Speaker 3: townhouse that her family pays for and that she move

532
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:10,160
Speaker 3: in into my apartment. Oh wow, wow, I'm totally fine

533
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,399
Speaker 3: with this. We've been together for almost three years, and

534
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,200
Speaker 3: I think we would have moved in together a while

535
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 3: ago if her parents weren't so against it. She's really

536
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 3: nervous about being on her own financially, but she's willing

537
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,679
Speaker 3: to try it. We spent hours yesterday going through her

538
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 3: finances and coming up with the budget. That's what I

539
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 3: was about to say. I was gonna say, make sure

540
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 3: you guys talk about her finances and you did this. Yes,

541
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,120
Speaker 3: that's great, and helping her through a budget. She's got

542
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 3: to learn somehow. It's going to be a big change

543
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 3: in how she lives and thinks about things. I'm managing

544
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,760
Speaker 3: my expectations as far as spending is concerned. No one

545
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 3: can change their habits overnight. We're not combining our finances

546
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 3: or putting her name on the lease. The plan for

547
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 3: now is to split the cost of rent and utilities,

548
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 3: and she asked me to put her on an allowance

549
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 3: for spending her own money. She also gave me the

550
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 3: credit cards her parents paid for and told me to

551
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,200
Speaker 3: hide them. It's weird to me to have this much

552
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 3: control over another person's finance. We're going to give it

553
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:03,639
Speaker 3: until my lease is up in March. My apartment is

554
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 3: a little small for both of us and all of

555
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 3: our stuff, and then, assuming all this works out, we'll

556
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,360
Speaker 3: look for a place to officially live together. She isn't

557
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:13,680
Speaker 3: going to tell her parents right away, but she promised

558
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,919
Speaker 3: that she will before March. And you better promise that

559
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 3: you will listen to full episodes with stories just like

560
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 3: this one on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, whatever your favorite

561
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 3: podcast app is. Just her Jokay story Time, do it

562
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 3: edit to everyone who's wondering her parents are from Mexico.

563
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 3: Girlfriend has a job in her own income. She is

564
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,359
Speaker 3: the co owner of a business and makes a decent

565
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,640
Speaker 3: living on her own, just not nearly enough to fund

566
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 3: the kind of lifestyle that she used to. Also. Before

567
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 3: you say she shouldn't have been mad that he posted

568
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 3: about the relationship on Reddit, please for one second put

569
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,160
Speaker 3: yourself in that situation. You're casually browsing the front page

570
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 3: and find a post about your personal life that was

571
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,639
Speaker 3: obviously written by your boyfriend. And in that same post,

572
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 3: your boyfriend says he's thinking about breaking up with you.

573
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,920
Speaker 3: That's now just out there for the world. You can't

574
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 3: say that wouldn't be alarming. She said, it felt like

575
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 3: a slap in the face, which made me feel pretty

576
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 3: crappy for posting it. All all things considered, I think

577
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,160
Speaker 3: she was pretty reasonable about it. Ultimately, she was cool

578
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 3: about me posting the update and actually wanted to make sure,

579
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 3: I think to Reddit for the perspective. No, she is

580
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 3: not demanding to approve this update. She's just involved now,

581
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:25,159
Speaker 3: as she should be since she's half of this relationship.

582
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 3: And that's the end of the story.

583
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to this episode.

584
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 1: But a quick three minute break with aswermar sponsors.

585
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 2: My girlfriend's mom ruined my proposal. She spilled the bean.

586
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:40,439
Speaker 3: Beans beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the

587
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 3: more you too.

588
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 2: Ah.

589
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 1: She tuned it all over the place.

590
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,879
Speaker 2: So for context, my girlfriend, thirty one female let's call

591
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 2: her Linda, and I thirty two male, have been dating

592
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,080
Speaker 2: for over three years now and have been living together

593
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:53,119
Speaker 2: for the past two. Her family has gotten to know

594
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 2: me through various family functions, parties, and holidays and have

595
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 2: always been absolutely wonderful. By the way, this comes from

596
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 2: user front you seven six', one and if you want

597
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 2: to submit your own, stories go to the r slash

598
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:07,680
Speaker 2: Showcase storytime. Suburn so her parents welcome us over from

599
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,159
Speaker 2: time to time to play games with them and have dinners,

600
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,600
Speaker 2: together and we always have a great time chatting about

601
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,119
Speaker 2: life and making each other. Laugh i've been around them

602
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,679
Speaker 2: enough to know them fairly, personally WHICH.

603
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,479
Speaker 1: I love because of how great they.

604
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 2: Are her mom AND i even have a running joke

605
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 2: where whenever we're about to, leave she YELLS i love,

606
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 2: you AND i yell it back really. Loudly she said

607
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 2: it to me one day while we were on our

608
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:31,879
Speaker 2: way out the door AND i didn't, hear so she

609
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,000
Speaker 2: got all self conscious about it SINCE i didn't respond

610
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:35,320
Speaker 2: the first, time AND i felt so bad THAT i

611
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 2: decided to yell it. Back and it's the running. JOKES

612
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 2: i do Love linda's family and have no problem telling them. That,

613
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 2: linda on the other, HAND i love an ador more

614
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 2: than anything in the entire, world AND i can't imagine

615
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 2: spending the rest of my life with anyone. Else so,

616
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 2: naturally we've been talking about getting engaged and getting. MARRIED

617
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 2: i always knew i'd want to ask the parents of

618
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 2: WHOEVER i wanted to marry for approval or permission to

619
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 2: marry their, daughter So linda AND i had that.

620
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 1: Discussion as, well which she thought was very.

621
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,000
Speaker 2: Sweet so about three weeks, AGO i ordered the ring

622
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 2: that she liked the most out of the ones we shopped.

623
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,239
Speaker 2: For the week, AFTER i started a group text with

624
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 2: her parents asking me if they would be okay IF

625
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 2: i could come over some time in the coming few

626
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 2: days to, talk and to please keep it between just.

627
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 1: Us this is. IMPORTANT i.

628
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 2: GUESS i already had a group chat with them from

629
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,479
Speaker 2: the last TIME i texted them, both SO i just

630
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,840
Speaker 2: added on to. That the last MESSAGE i sent was

631
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 2: a link to A usb extension cord On amazon for

632
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 2: their gaming. System her mom responded to my message, saying

633
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 2: is THE usb extension top?

634
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:31,720
Speaker 1: Secret she THOUGHT i was, joking but she.

635
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 2: Was actually serious since she THOUGHT i was talking about

636
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 2: the previous MESSAGE i sent a few weeks, before and

637
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 2: we laughed it. Off they suggested that we meet up for,

638
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 2: lunch WHICH i agreed to and had the. Talk it

639
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 2: went extremely, well and WHEN i asked them permission to

640
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 2: marry their, DAUGHTER i got a big old smile from her,

641
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 2: dad who extended his hand for a firm, handshake and

642
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 2: her mom teared up a, bit exclaiming how excited they

643
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 2: were and voicing their. Approval the rest of the lunch went,

644
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 2: well talking over little details like if we had.

645
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,160
Speaker 1: A timeline in mind for the, wedding blah blah.

646
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 2: Blah linda's mom was so, excited And i'm guessing she

647
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 2: knew WHAT i wanted to talk. About she was very

648
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 2: quickly asking if we had a place in, mind and

649
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 2: proceeded to show me a picture of a wedding venue

650
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 2: she had saved in her. Phone not too sure how

651
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 2: long that photo had been saved or if she had

652
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:18,800
Speaker 2: it ready for the, talk but she was clearly.

653
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 1: Excited to say the.

654
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 2: Least she wanted so badly to talk about her daughter

655
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 2: about our talk that, day AND i just let them

656
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 2: know she was at, work AND i kind of didn't

657
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 2: want her to. KNOW i love Surprising linda with things

658
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 2: all the, time but this was definitely the most.

659
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 1: Important her mom was.

660
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 2: So visibly giddy THAT i decided to let up on

661
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,800
Speaker 2: that RULE i set. Anyway after, All i'm almost ninety

662
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 2: nine percent Positive linda knew WHAT i was doing that

663
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 2: day and why she gave me fun little hints through,

664
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 2: text like, quote let me know how the lunch with

665
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 2: my parents. GOES i really want to know what they.

666
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 2: SAY i, mean have fun with whatever you're doing, today

667
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 2: a little winki. Face my only stipulation to her parents

668
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 2: during that talk was that we keep it between us

669
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 2: besides their, daughter AND i didn't want anyone else, knowing especially.

670
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 2: Family LIKE i said, BEFORE i wanted the engagement to

671
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 2: be a, surprise other than having her mom Call linda

672
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 2: on the way home from work to express her.

673
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 1: Excitement here's where the problem.

674
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 2: STARTS a day or two, Later linda receives a text

675
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 2: from one of her mom's friends, saying congratulations on your.

676
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 2: Engagement she immediately told me about, it And i'll ADMIT

677
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 2: i was a little. Upset she talked to her mom

678
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,719
Speaker 2: later that, day and apparently she only told two of her.

679
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 2: Friends we were both kind of mad at that, point

680
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 2: but we both agreed it wasn't, family so we brushed it.

681
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 2: Off linda reiterated to her mom that no one else

682
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 2: was to know about our talk because we aren't actually engaged.

683
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 2: Yet her mom said she just wanted to tell those

684
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 2: two people and that was, it AND i thought that

685
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 2: was the end of. It fast forward To easter. Weekend

686
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 2: we went over to her parents for. Dinner her brother

687
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 2: and brother's wife were also, invited and her grandfather was

688
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 2: there as. Well we were all seated on the couch

689
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 2: after our, meal and with the way it's set, UP

690
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 2: i was having a conversation With. Linda her, mom her

691
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 2: brother and his, wife, grandpa and her dad were having

692
00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,160
Speaker 2: a separate conversation talking about what was ON. Tv her

693
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 2: mom then starts talking about this cryptic TEXT i sent

694
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 2: her a few weeks ago asking to come and see,

695
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 2: them and she thought it was about setting up THE

696
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 2: usb chord and how she was. CONFUSED i thought maybe

697
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 2: she would just stop, there but she kept going into.

698
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 2: Detail she SAID i only wanted to talk to them

699
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,760
Speaker 2: and not Letting linda know about, It and at this

700
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:19,760
Speaker 2: Point linda AND i are staring at each other in

701
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,959
Speaker 2: a bit of, shock like what do we? Do as

702
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:25,040
Speaker 2: she continued to give away details about us going to meet,

703
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 2: SOMEWHERE i tried mouthing to her mom to, stop ever so,

704
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 2: slightly Which i'm almost positive she didn't. See linda AND

705
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,719
Speaker 2: i are now visibly uncomfortable at this, point since her

706
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 2: brother and his wife were intently, listening and her brother

707
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 2: obviously has picked up on what she's talking about and

708
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 2: notices mine In linda's, Displeasure this.

709
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 1: Is strange to. Me, yeah where is the displeasure coming?

710
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:46,880
Speaker 3: From i'm a little.

711
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:50,800
Speaker 2: Confused the only relevant party in terms of like getting

712
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 2: engaged your, partner AND i guess to opee also the

713
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,880
Speaker 2: parents because you wanted to ask her. Mission why are

714
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:59,000
Speaker 2: we caring how everyone else finds out about?

715
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 3: This, well BECAUSE i think how it hasn't even happened.

716
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 2: YET i mean, Sure, okay let's be, Real i'm not engaged. Yet,

717
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 2: okay but you've already Told linda knows you're going to.

718
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 1: Propose, yeah your the parents have given you the. Approval

719
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 1: you literally already bought.

720
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 2: The ring that you guys both went out and shopped for. Together,

721
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 2: yeah y'all are not fooling. Yourselves y'all know you're getting.

722
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 3: ENGAGED i don't want to be engaged Unless i've gotten

723
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 3: ring shopping or my partner like knows THAT i want

724
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 3: to be.

725
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 2: ENGAGED i said something along the lines of we were

726
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 2: meeting to talk about gift ideas to save the, conversation

727
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 2: and her mom looks at me confused and continues to

728
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 2: tell her.

729
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:36,959
Speaker 3: Story, girl take a.

730
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 2: HAND i can't remember how far her mom actually. Got

731
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 2: but Then linda's brother expertly steers the conversation away from

732
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 2: that and exclaims it's time to get some.

733
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 1: Games going and gets up to help set up the.

734
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 2: Console at this, Point linda and her mom are talking

735
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 2: under their breath to each, other and obviously the conversation

736
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 2: is a little.

737
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:57,600
Speaker 1: Heated her mom leaves the room And linda looks at me.

738
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,240
Speaker 2: Disappointed, later when we got, Home linda explained say and

739
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 2: she told her mom we didn't want anyone knowing, again

740
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 2: and her mom didn't see what the big deal. Was

741
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,960
Speaker 2: her mom apparently Told linda that her brother already, knew

742
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 2: which is highly improbable because the only people that did

743
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 2: know where my, parents who live many states. Away and

744
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:16,399
Speaker 2: have no way of contacting, them and if they did

745
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:20,399
Speaker 2: contact her, parents they would most certainly ask and her

746
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 2: mom's two. Friends the only explanation we could think up

747
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 2: was That i've expressed my interest to her brother in

748
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 2: wanting to Marry linda, before but he didn't know about

749
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 2: my conversation with her parents or the fact THAT i

750
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 2: bought the. Ring later that, Night linda's brother texted me

751
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 2: saying he's sorry their mom spilled the, beans so to,

752
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 2: speak but he's very.

753
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 1: Excited for us and Thinks i'm great for.

754
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 2: HER i expressed my gratitude and asked politely if he

755
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 2: and his wife would please not tell anyone, else which he.

756
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 2: Agreed over the past few, Days linda has expressed how

757
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,439
Speaker 2: upset she's been about, it and her mom has since

758
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,399
Speaker 2: told her she will shut her mouth about it now

759
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:53,320
Speaker 2: and is acting. Distant we've both agreed that it doesn't.

760
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,319
Speaker 2: Matter the reason we don't want anyone else to. Know

761
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,799
Speaker 2: it's the fact that it's our decision to keep it

762
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:01,320
Speaker 2: between the few of us until the proposal actually. Happens

763
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 2: the fact is that we aren't officially engaged, yet and

764
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 2: we don't want the breath taken out of the. Moment

765
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 2: we also know that regardless of whatever, happens we're going

766
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 2: to be happy and excited to finally be engaged and

767
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 2: get married to one. Another but are we going too

768
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,479
Speaker 2: far with not wanting others to? Know on the other,

769
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 2: HAND i know her mom is excited for her only,

770
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 2: daughter AND i truly love how excited she. Is the

771
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 2: sparks she showed in her eyes WHEN i asked IF

772
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 2: i could Marry linda was so indicative of her love

773
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 2: for her daughter and excitement for what's to. COME i

774
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 2: don't know what that feeling is like Because i'll never

775
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,319
Speaker 2: be a, mother and it makes me feel like we

776
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 2: are in the wrong for letting her be happy for her.

777
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 2: Daughter so AM i or are we? Overreacting and there

778
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,440
Speaker 2: is an? UPDATE i, mean you could be? Annoyed, YEAH

779
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 2: i Already i've. Spoken, YEAH i have. Spoken we have.

780
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:50,719
Speaker 3: Spoken now the chat needs to. Speak what do we Think.

781
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:54,320
Speaker 2: You're free to be? ANNOYED i wouldn't blow up anything over.

782
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 3: This yeah, too BUT i get. It, yeah you could be,

783
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 3: like what the?

784
00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:01,600
Speaker 2: Heck at this, point y'all both know y'all are getting,

785
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,359
Speaker 2: Married so that's not going to take.

786
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:04,760
Speaker 1: Now it's just more, like, guys shut.

787
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 2: Up linda's mom actually wound up sending her a message

788
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 2: yesterday and she showed it to. Me to be, brief

789
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:12,239
Speaker 2: she apologized and stated she was sorry for overstepping our

790
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:14,680
Speaker 2: boundaries and what we, wanted and she promises not to

791
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 2: do it in the.

792
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 1: Future she seemed very sincere.

793
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,960
Speaker 2: In the message and apologized fairly profusely since she Knew

794
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 2: linda was upset with. Her, thankfully it didn't seem at

795
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:25,040
Speaker 2: all like she was just apologizing to avoid more. Confrontation

796
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 2: she said she understands now where we are coming from

797
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 2: and is more or less upset with herself for not

798
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 2: taking our request for discretion as seriously as we. Stated

799
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 2: and by the, Way i'm seriously stating that you can

800
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,759
Speaker 2: listen to full episodes with stories just like this On

801
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 2: spotify Or iHeartRadio Or apple podcast wherever you're listening to,

802
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:48,319
Speaker 2: podcasts just Search, okay story, time so we do have

803
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:49,360
Speaker 2: a little bit more story.

804
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 1: LIVE i like.

805
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 3: It, yeah i'ms. Apologized then it seems like it's working.

806
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 3: Out you were, annoyed but we finally got through to

807
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 3: the mom to be, quiet and and then we can

808
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 3: forget about it for a few months, hopefully and then

809
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:02,319
Speaker 3: it'll be all.

810
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:03,399
Speaker 1: Right, yeah you've already got.

811
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 2: Permission now just wait for that that perfect unsuspecting moment.

812
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:09,759
Speaker 3: Exactly ambuscher at THE.

813
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:14,799
Speaker 2: Dmv, oh that's truly the last place she respect that.

814
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:16,279
Speaker 3: Was, really that was?

815
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 1: Really that really is. Wow, yes don't do. That please

816
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 1: don't do.

817
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:24,400
Speaker 2: That i'm happy to say things are finally back to.

818
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,719
Speaker 2: Normal thanks to all that we're able to. COMMENT i

819
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,319
Speaker 2: took your advice to, heart and we will certainly keep

820
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 2: in mind to share future big life events at a

821
00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:33,839
Speaker 2: more appropriate time with her moving. Forward, also thanks for

822
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:35,800
Speaker 2: Making linda and me feel like we aren't.

823
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 1: Crazy, cheers. Cheers the heart of that, Story.

824
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 3: Well everything seemed to work out in the. End my

825
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 3: fiance's grandmother crossed a, line so we banned her from our.

826
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 1: Lives grandmother more like band. Mother Oh, so.

827
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 3: Me twenty two female and my fiance twenty six male

828
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:00,200
Speaker 3: who will Call, matt have been having issues with his

829
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:03,840
Speaker 3: grandmother who will Call, linda since we found OUT i was. Pregnant,

830
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 3: sorry this is going to be kind of, long and

831
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 3: it's my first. POST i had issues with her touching

832
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 3: my stomach without permission and her just trying to cross clear.

833
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:13,879
Speaker 3: Boundaries by the, way this comes from Upset average thirty

834
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,759
Speaker 3: six twenty nine and if you want to submit your own,

835
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 3: stories go to the r Slash okay. Storytime it's. Upbreded

836
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 3: so fast forward a few months and we end up

837
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 3: going out of state to Visit matt's family BEFORE i

838
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 3: had the. Baby we left on really bad terms With.

839
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 3: Linda she had been extremely disrespectful to me anytime she

840
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,720
Speaker 3: talked to. Me most, recently she had agreed to watch

841
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 3: my dog while we were out of. State she literally

842
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,480
Speaker 3: begged me to let her watch her because she had

843
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 3: bonded with my. Dog we had lived there previously with my,

844
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:42,360
Speaker 3: dog but the issue now was that she wanted to

845
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 3: come out of state to visit my family, too SO

846
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 3: i needed to figure out what to do with her

847
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,880
Speaker 3: or she was going to take her to the. PATH

848
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 3: i was seven months pregnant at the, time and it

849
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 3: caused me so much. STRESS i started having panic attacks at,

850
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 3: night asking literally every single PERSON i knew if they

851
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,799
Speaker 3: could watch, her and no one. COULD i understand she

852
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:01,759
Speaker 3: was a bigger Dog German shepherd box her mix and

853
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:04,520
Speaker 3: was two years, old so a little. ROWDY i felt

854
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 3: so HELPLESS i was so far away and there was

855
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 3: literally NOTHING i could. Do she ended up getting one

856
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 3: of her friends to watch her when she, came so

857
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 3: she caused me all that stress for. Nothing she did

858
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 3: end up staying with us while she was. Visiting we

859
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:20,760
Speaker 3: were staying With matt's dad and, Grandfather linda's ex. Husband

860
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 3: around this, TIME i started getting. SICK i wasn't able

861
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 3: to keep anything, down AND i had some trouble. Breathing

862
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 3: i'm pretty sure it was just BECAUSE i was carrying

863
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 3: her so. High she was like right under my rib.

864
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 3: Cage they always wanted to go out and do, stuff

865
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 3: which was just really hard on. Me but one day

866
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:37,799
Speaker 3: me And matt decided that we'd get some fresh air with,

867
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 3: them and IF i needed to stop and, rest we.

868
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:41,600
Speaker 3: Would No one is home And i'm doing my own.

869
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 3: Makeup Asked matt to go get me a drink from

870
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 3: the gas station down the. Street so he. Does while he's,

871
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 3: gone everyone gets home and they're so mad that he's not.

872
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:52,080
Speaker 3: THERE i explained that he's probably on his way back,

873
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,640
Speaker 3: already but they're just not having. It When matt gets,

874
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:58,160
Speaker 3: back they're, Like, okay let's. Go but the thing IS

875
00:39:58,320 --> 00:39:59,959
Speaker 3: i was on the phone With matt the whole, time

876
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,439
Speaker 3: so he heard. Everything he said that we weren't going

877
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 3: anywhere with them if they were going to talk to

878
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 3: me the way that they. Were linda then had the

879
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,760
Speaker 3: absolute audacity to say that we.

880
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:13,840
Speaker 4: Weren't allowed to be alone in the, house like which

881
00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:14,719
Speaker 4: you don't even live.

882
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 3: Here so we said we won't and we went To

883
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 3: matt's mother's. House while we were at his mom's, House

884
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:22,479
Speaker 3: linda texted his mom saying that she doesn't Want matt

885
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 3: or that white trash back in the house and That

886
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:28,399
Speaker 3: i'm turning him against, her which he hasn't liked her

887
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 3: since long before. Me she's done a lot of crap to,

888
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 3: him but that's not my story to. TELL i was

889
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 3: pregnant and, hormonal SO i started crying WHEN i heard,

890
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 3: that because his mom ended up calling his dad and

891
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,319
Speaker 3: yelling at him for how she was talking about me

892
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 3: and making me cry in her living. Room after, THAT

893
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,040
Speaker 3: i just kind of stopped talking to her at. All

894
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:48,359
Speaker 3: she didn't really talk to me, either BUT i never

895
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:51,280
Speaker 3: got an. Apology fast forward a month and she. Leaves

896
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:53,920
Speaker 3: i'm super, sick so it was recommended to me not

897
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 3: to fly, back so we decided to stay till we

898
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,360
Speaker 3: had the. BABY i ended up having my daughter six weeks.

899
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:01,799
Speaker 3: Early she was super, tiny four, pounds but she was

900
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,319
Speaker 3: super healthy and we were only in the hospital for two.

901
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 3: Days the day aheud my, Daughter matt's dad had Sent

902
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,439
Speaker 3: linda pictures of my baby. Live not thirty minutes, LATER

903
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,399
Speaker 3: i was On. Facebook there were multiple pictures of her

904
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 3: posted on there saying things like my new baby, girl

905
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 3: and she had even changed her profile. Picture me And

906
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 3: matt had talked to everyone before liv was born about

907
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 3: how we didn't want pictures of her all over social

908
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 3: media and that we would let them know and we

909
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,839
Speaker 3: felt comfortable with them. Posting my dad called her and

910
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 3: she didn't end up taking them. Down that night at the,

911
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 3: hospital her And matt ended up getting into an argument

912
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 3: over the. Phone she ends up, saying do you want

913
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 3: me to CALL cps on? You?

914
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: Woman the child was just? Born?

915
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 3: Yeah was he doing? Wrong after she said, that he

916
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 3: just hung up on. Her apparently this isn't new for.

917
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 3: Her come to find, out she had done it multiple

918
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 3: times To matt's, mother who would just say outlandish things

919
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 3: to try to GET cps to take the kids so

920
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,279
Speaker 3: that she and her son could have the kids fuld hot, crazy.

921
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 1: Right that's quite literally. Insane that is.

922
00:41:57,160 --> 00:42:00,440
Speaker 3: Crazy like three months, later we were still living over

923
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 3: here Because matt got a job and it's just. Easier right,

924
00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:05,719
Speaker 3: Now linda decides to come visit because she hasn't seen

925
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,800
Speaker 3: her great. Grandbaby she would literally Call matt dad crying

926
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:12,279
Speaker 3: looking at pictures of. Her she's really freaking. WEIRD i,

927
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 3: decide you know, What i'm gonna be the bigger. Person

928
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:16,839
Speaker 3: she's not here all the. TIME i might as well

929
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:18,880
Speaker 3: let her spend some time with her because family is.

930
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:23,799
Speaker 3: Important oh, no come, on, no, no boy DO i

931
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 3: WISH i could take that.

932
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:28,879
Speaker 2: Back that's just such a concerning behavior pattern because it's

933
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 2: like she's like obsessed.

934
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:34,040
Speaker 1: With the grand. Baby, yeah but then at the same,

935
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 1: time it's Like i'll CALL cps on you and ruin your.

936
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 1: Family it's like that's not good for the.

937
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:40,920
Speaker 3: Baby that's the kind of person that you would be

938
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 3: scared to like kidnap your.

939
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 2: Baby it's, something and there's like in their delusional, head they're,

940
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:48,880
Speaker 2: Like i'm keeping the child from there terrible parents.

941
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 3: Exactly so my birthday happened to fall on a day

942
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,400
Speaker 3: that she was. Here SO i Decided i'd let her

943
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:55,360
Speaker 3: get someone on one time with, her just to be.

944
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:57,719
Speaker 3: Nice we were only going to go to dinner and come.

945
00:42:57,800 --> 00:42:59,799
Speaker 3: BACK i told her the RULES i. Had please change

946
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 3: her in my. Bedroom i've seen Both matt's dad and

947
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,279
Speaker 3: grandfather do creepy. Crap everyone has to wash their hands

948
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 3: before touching, her and don't kiss her. Face does constantly

949
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 3: hold her and sit her. Down don't just sit her

950
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 3: in front of THE. Tv she needs to take a

951
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:15,600
Speaker 3: nap by eleven am and like three pm If i'm not.

952
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:17,840
Speaker 3: BACK i don't feel like that's too much to. Ask

953
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:19,840
Speaker 3: she explained that she was the mother, before so she

954
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 3: knows what she's, doing AND i said, okay and we.

955
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:24,799
Speaker 3: Left it took a little longer THAN i thought to

956
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:26,759
Speaker 3: get home because we were taking the, bus so we

957
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 3: got home at like four. Pm when we got, home

958
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 3: she is being held By matt's dad AND i can

959
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 3: already tell that she hasn't. SLEPT i take a look

960
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 3: around the. Room on the coffee table is baby wipes

961
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 3: in a journey. DIAPER i walk over to her AND

962
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:40,400
Speaker 3: i ask if she changed her in our, room but

963
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 3: she cut me off super, quick saying, YES i. Did

964
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 3: SO i dropped. It come, on, folks come, on come, on.

965
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 2: Folks, dad just a couple of freaking, stipulations it's all she.

966
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 3: HAD i picked up my daughter And matt came over

967
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,360
Speaker 3: to say hi to, her And linda, goes did you

968
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 3: wash your? HANDS i, said he's her dad if he

969
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:58,640
Speaker 3: doesn't want to wash his hands before touching, her and

970
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:01,799
Speaker 3: that's not your, problem and she JUST i had such

971
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 3: a hard time Putting live down that. NIGHT a quick

972
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,600
Speaker 3: summary of some other things that she did while. There

973
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,440
Speaker 3: she yelled At matt Because live had a. Rash she

974
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 3: didn't have a. Rash she told on me for not

975
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 3: letting her spend time with her one day BECAUSE i

976
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:17,879
Speaker 3: was just having an emotional. DAY i HAVE ppd and

977
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,520
Speaker 3: didn't want to be around. Her she would Tell matt

978
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 3: the baby cried, today SO i don't know What i'm,

979
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:25,240
Speaker 3: doing And i'm obviously not taking care of. Her matt

980
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:27,520
Speaker 3: always shut them up because he doesn't put up with

981
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 3: stuff like.

982
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:30,799
Speaker 2: That, Oh she's, like, YEAH i saw the baby, crying you,

983
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 2: know like how a baby.

984
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:34,239
Speaker 1: Does So i'm. Worried your wife can't raise a.

985
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:36,719
Speaker 3: Child you can't stop, that, Man what are you doing

986
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 3: to your babies to stop them from.

987
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 2: Crying, YEAH i don't. Know i'm a memorial. Lead she's

988
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 2: not coming around anymore after, this at.

989
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:45,840
Speaker 3: At least not unsupervised like this.

990
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 1: Was, no she's not watching the. Kids she. Won't.

991
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 3: Yeah now listen fast forward to now she's back in

992
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:54,080
Speaker 3: her state and one, Day i'm just having a really bad.

993
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:56,239
Speaker 3: DAY i missed my fiance because he was working a,

994
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:58,719
Speaker 3: lot AND i was just as stressed as a. MOM

995
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:01,719
Speaker 3: i was. Crying live was, crying AND i was just

996
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,080
Speaker 3: holding her and rocking. Her BUT i couldn't calm her

997
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,440
Speaker 3: down as quickly AS i normally. DO i Guess matt's

998
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:09,479
Speaker 3: dad Told linda about that, day And linda Contacted, matt,

999
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 3: Saying i'm an unfit mother and she's going to CALL

1000
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:15,399
Speaker 3: cps and take her away from. Us When matt told,

1001
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 3: ME i walked up to his dad and, said, so

1002
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:19,880
Speaker 3: your mom's spending on CALLING cps on. US i know

1003
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 3: no one is going to take her away from, me

1004
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,680
Speaker 3: but if she has to live with, family it's going

1005
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:25,719
Speaker 3: to be my. MOM i know your mother thinks that

1006
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:27,640
Speaker 3: she's going to take my kid away from, me but she's.

1007
00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 3: Not in, fact after, this she's not allowed to see

1008
00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 3: her ever. Again he was, like we don't want to

1009
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 3: take her away from, you AND i, said your mother,

1010
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:36,840
Speaker 3: does but we are done with, her AND i walked.

1011
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:39,919
Speaker 3: Away by the, way we are never done with, you

1012
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:44,160
Speaker 3: because we've got so many episodes with more stories just

1013
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 3: like this one On. Spotify, iHeartRadio apple. Podcasts just. Search, okay,

1014
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 3: storytime but there is a little bit more to the.

1015
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:50,959
Speaker 3: Story but what do we think about like? That come

1016
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 3: back the boundaries that are being set here.

1017
00:45:53,239 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 2: Today the parents are, like, well we don't want to

1018
00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:59,359
Speaker 2: take your. Baby it's, like, okay, cool grandma. Does, yeah

1019
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 2: so what do we? Do why are we just like

1020
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 2: tolerating that behavior from from?

1021
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 1: Grandma? YEAH i guess the parents probably grew.

1022
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:07,920
Speaker 3: Up with, it but, yeah maybe they're just in the

1023
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 3: state where she's, like that's just.

1024
00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:12,399
Speaker 1: Grandma so she, Is, yeah it's, LIKE i don't worry about.

1025
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:13,719
Speaker 1: Her she'll CALL cps on.

1026
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:16,399
Speaker 2: Everybody, right she goes to a, restaurant she gets the wrong,

1027
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:19,239
Speaker 2: thing you, know she starts to CALL cps on the.

1028
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:21,880
Speaker 3: Restaurant almost everyone is on my, side but of Course

1029
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 3: matt's dad thinks that it's very harsh for us to

1030
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 3: keep living from. HER i think if you can't respect the,

1031
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:28,920
Speaker 3: parents you shouldn't be able to see their. CHILDREN i

1032
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:31,359
Speaker 3: Guess i'm not really Asking amma the a. Hole the question,

1033
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:33,319
Speaker 3: is SHOULD i continue to let this woman in my

1034
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:36,840
Speaker 3: daughter's life because she's, family or SHOULD i continue to

1035
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 3: hold her accountable for her? Action m good, question good,

1036
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:42,120
Speaker 3: question hold her.

1037
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 2: Accountable definitely hold her, accountable don't let her, around depending

1038
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:48,799
Speaker 2: on like whatever the situation. Is it's like it might

1039
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:52,799
Speaker 2: be unavoidable to like completely cut grandma. Out, yeah BUT

1040
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:55,520
Speaker 2: i definitely wouldn't put grandma in a position of, like,

1041
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:58,080
Speaker 2: yeah you're gonna watch the kid wam at work or

1042
00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 2: like you and especially or even the dad and, stuff

1043
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 2: because it's like you you just laid, Out you're, like all,

1044
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:06,080
Speaker 2: right this is HOW i want my child taking care

1045
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 2: of While i'm. Gone, yeah just for like four, hours,

1046
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 2: Right and they couldn't even respect, that yeah.

1047
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:13,799
Speaker 3: Exactly SO i, know maybe it can be a thing

1048
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 3: where it's like, SURE i mean when we have family

1049
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 3: get togethers And i'm bringing my, child like sure you

1050
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:21,080
Speaker 3: can see, her but like you're definitely not gonna be

1051
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:21,959
Speaker 3: babysitting at.

1052
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 1: All, Right it's like all none of that, realistically it's.

1053
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:26,880
Speaker 2: You you'll probably have to deal with there the zombach,

1054
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:30,719
Speaker 2: stent but like just don't and just and clearly all

1055
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 2: THE cps stuff is just they're empty their empty. Threats, yeah,

1056
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 2: yeah you, know even if she, did it's, like nothing's

1057
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:37,319
Speaker 2: gonna happen except an inconvenience to.

1058
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:38,760
Speaker 1: You but it's, like, right.

1059
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:42,799
Speaker 2: The principle of like you're threatening, us of course we're

1060
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 2: not gonna just like have you.

1061
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:46,759
Speaker 1: Around we might see you twice a. Year, yeah like come,

1062
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 1: on you, know come.

1063
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:50,719
Speaker 3: On, consequences, Man, hey It's.

1064
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:52,279
Speaker 1: Sam we're going to get back to these. Stories but

1065
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our.

1066
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:58,399
Speaker 2: Sponsors my husband let his mother control our. Lives it's

1067
00:47:58,440 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 2: time we break. Free we've got two big. FEE i

1068
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:05,719
Speaker 2: thirty four, female have been married to my husband thirty four,

1069
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:08,759
Speaker 2: male for nearly twelve, years together for sixteen at the

1070
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:12,120
Speaker 2: ripe age of. Sixteen let's call my husband M, no

1071
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,120
Speaker 2: we're gonna call Him. Marty by the, way this comes

1072
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,920
Speaker 2: from user adept ad seven to eight oh, Seven and

1073
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:18,440
Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own, stories go to

1074
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:21,319
Speaker 2: the r Slash owcase story time. Subreddit SO i have

1075
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 2: had issues on and off with my mother in law

1076
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:26,600
Speaker 2: since day. One for, CONTEXT i come from a very hard,

1077
00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:30,399
Speaker 2: working blue collar family and have always had at least one.

1078
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 2: Job being a productive member of society and contributing financially

1079
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,720
Speaker 2: has always been a priority to. Me i've also always

1080
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:39,200
Speaker 2: wanted a big savings account to plan my retirement and

1081
00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:42,240
Speaker 2: also travel as much as. Possible WHEN i first started

1082
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 2: dating my, HUSBAND i worked full time at a bank

1083
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:47,400
Speaker 2: and had a second weekend. Job my husband had a

1084
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 2: trust fund where he would receive a small disbursement from

1085
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:53,800
Speaker 2: each month that he lived off for about nine. Months

1086
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:55,759
Speaker 2: he had a party house that he rented with a few,

1087
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:58,440
Speaker 2: roommates but he would stay with me WHILE i was still.

1088
00:48:58,200 --> 00:48:58,799
Speaker 1: Living at my.

1089
00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 2: Parents after nine months of him not, WORKING i Pressured

1090
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:04,880
Speaker 2: marty to finally get a. Job soon after we started

1091
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 2: renting our first house. Together during this, time he absolutely

1092
00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 2: hated his job that had little room for, growth AND

1093
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 2: i had been encouraging him to look into the same

1094
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 2: trade school that my family member. Attended this was only

1095
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 2: a few months long, program but it was out of. State,

1096
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 2: Finally marty was convinced to take the leap and go

1097
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:22,799
Speaker 2: for the trade. School to do, this we had to

1098
00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:24,960
Speaker 2: move to another state and sell the majority of our

1099
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,799
Speaker 2: things to start completely over in a new. CITY i

1100
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 2: was also going to school during this time to be a,

1101
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:32,239
Speaker 2: teacher SO i decided to let that go so we

1102
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 2: could Pursue marty's new career. Path after a couple, months

1103
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:37,399
Speaker 2: we took the leap and started our new. Life by

1104
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:39,840
Speaker 2: this time we had been together for three. Years so

1105
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:43,520
Speaker 2: on our trip to our new, Location marty proposed AND i,

1106
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 2: said he. Has it was so great to go on

1107
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:49,600
Speaker 2: this adventure with my. Love after being there and engaged

1108
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:52,000
Speaker 2: for a, here we SAID i do and had our

1109
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 2: family come down to celebrate our. VOWS a little rewhinee

1110
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:58,880
Speaker 2: so you can see how my relationship with mother in

1111
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:01,239
Speaker 2: law was up until. This mother in law AND i

1112
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:05,520
Speaker 2: would have constant up and. Downs i'm a very social

1113
00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 2: person and loved doing, things and we would often spend

1114
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:11,080
Speaker 2: time together just the two of. Us she did not

1115
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:14,600
Speaker 2: work and has not Since marty and his siblings were small.

1116
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:17,080
Speaker 2: Children not that there's anything wrong with, that but it

1117
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:20,600
Speaker 2: does make a. Difference, later she also Had marty pay

1118
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 2: her rent for nine months and give her money when

1119
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:25,839
Speaker 2: she needed. Extra she AND i would have so much fun,

1120
00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:28,839
Speaker 2: together but it almost always came with. Consequences we would

1121
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:31,040
Speaker 2: share a bottle of wine and play games and tell.

1122
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:33,759
Speaker 2: Stories i'd talk to her about my exes and we

1123
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:36,839
Speaker 2: would compare past. Relationships she was really good at making

1124
00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 2: me feel like we were. Friends she would then later

1125
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:41,520
Speaker 2: confront me for not loving her son and THAT i

1126
00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:43,799
Speaker 2: must still be in love with my exes IF i

1127
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:46,439
Speaker 2: still talk about, them even though she pried for more

1128
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:50,080
Speaker 2: information about. Them keep in, MIND i was very young

1129
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:52,239
Speaker 2: during this time and a little, naive SO i told

1130
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:54,920
Speaker 2: her all sorts of. Things one time she waited outside

1131
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:57,959
Speaker 2: my work for, hours demanding THAT i pay for half

1132
00:50:58,000 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 2: the bottle of wine that we drank the night, before

1133
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:02,799
Speaker 2: a six dollars bottle of. WINE i would give her

1134
00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:04,839
Speaker 2: money here and there to pay her phone, bill get

1135
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:07,920
Speaker 2: her nails, done et. Cetera after we, moved we kept in,

1136
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:10,840
Speaker 2: contact but it was much easier during this. Time ONCE

1137
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:14,880
Speaker 2: i got, married we almost immediately got pregnant with BABY,

1138
00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:18,399
Speaker 2: a and after a few, months decided to move back

1139
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:20,960
Speaker 2: home after spending the last eighteen months.

1140
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:22,960
Speaker 1: Away so the baby's name Is.

1141
00:51:23,120 --> 00:51:26,239
Speaker 2: Albert marty had completed his schooling by this, time so

1142
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:29,040
Speaker 2: there was no need to stay Away once we returned

1143
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 2: to our hometown in a new, house she started coming

1144
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:34,800
Speaker 2: over a ton and would almost always ask for money

1145
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:36,839
Speaker 2: before she. Left we went as far as letting her

1146
00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:39,319
Speaker 2: have my car that we were still making payments, on

1147
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 2: SINCE i needed a bigger car for the. Baby, anyway

1148
00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 2: she was supposed to make the, payments but often. Couldn't

1149
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:46,640
Speaker 2: she had the car for a few, months and during

1150
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:50,080
Speaker 2: that time she wrecked it twice and got it stolen

1151
00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 2: by leaving the keys in the car in a bad neighborhood,

1152
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:55,640
Speaker 2: overnight never offering to pay for any of. It, luckily

1153
00:51:55,719 --> 00:51:58,000
Speaker 2: we recovered the car and we were able to sell

1154
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:00,799
Speaker 2: it to someone. Else she didn't like that, much as

1155
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,920
Speaker 2: it was quote unquote her. Car once Baby albert was,

1156
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:06,080
Speaker 2: born it was only a few months before we were

1157
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:09,239
Speaker 2: expecting Baby. Bertha this time was a blur for me

1158
00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 2: for obvious. REASONS a few months after Baby bertha was,

1159
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:14,799
Speaker 2: born we were able to buy our first. Home we

1160
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:16,640
Speaker 2: allowed mother in law to live with us for free

1161
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:18,840
Speaker 2: for a while as our fifth. Wheel we had a

1162
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:21,920
Speaker 2: great PRIVATE RVs step up at our house with its

1163
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:24,839
Speaker 2: own hookups in private. Yard during this, time we would

1164
00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:27,640
Speaker 2: also pay her to babysit her. Grandkids if we ever

1165
00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 2: wanted to have a date, night she always insisted that

1166
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:32,880
Speaker 2: we pay. Her we were also giving her extra cash

1167
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:35,719
Speaker 2: here and there and paying her phone bill most, months so,

1168
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:38,359
Speaker 2: really you're already paying. Her Baby albert was a few

1169
00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:40,879
Speaker 2: years old, now with Baby bertha just one year.

1170
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:42,960
Speaker 1: Behind Baby albert was born with lots of.

1171
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 2: Complications the babies on bilical cord was wrapped around the,

1172
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:48,120
Speaker 2: neck cutting off, oxygen causing him not to be breathing once,

1173
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:50,880
Speaker 2: born along with a partially developed. Kidney Baby albert was

1174
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 2: always very tiny and didn't have any rolls like most.

1175
00:52:53,719 --> 00:52:56,520
Speaker 2: Babies mother in law started taking pictures of Baby albert

1176
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:59,200
Speaker 2: and Showing marty's, siblings claiming THAT i was neglecting. Him

1177
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:03,160
Speaker 2: Baby albert also had been recently diagnosed with AUTISM adhd

1178
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 2: and periodic fever. Syndrome after a year of traveling to

1179
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 2: the city three hours away multiple times a, month the

1180
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:12,319
Speaker 2: fevers would come once a month and essentially cook him

1181
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:13,440
Speaker 2: with temperatures reaching up.

1182
00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:17,000
Speaker 1: To one hundred and seven point six degrees. Aeronite oh,

1183
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 1: my that's like the highest Fever i've ever. Heard, yeah

1184
00:53:20,360 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 1: specially for a little.

1185
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 2: Baby this would lead to the er every time to

1186
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 2: get him ON ivs as fast as. Possible mother in

1187
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:28,880
Speaker 2: law would tell the siblings and her family And france

1188
00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:31,279
Speaker 2: behind my back THAT i didn't love Baby albert because

1189
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 2: of his, issues THAT i didn't Love, marty and THAT

1190
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:36,080
Speaker 2: i Wanted marty And Baby albert to go away SO

1191
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:38,759
Speaker 2: i could just live peacefully with Baby. Bertha this was

1192
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:41,800
Speaker 2: obviously far from the, truth AS i was extremely protective

1193
00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 2: of and constantly advocating for Baby. ALBERT a lot of,

1194
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:47,920
Speaker 2: times she had others convinced THAT i was, terrible and

1195
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:50,440
Speaker 2: they would all gang up on, me sometimes even posting

1196
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:51,360
Speaker 2: about me on social.

1197
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:55,279
Speaker 1: Media where Is marty during any of? This, Marty He's Marty.

1198
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:59,279
Speaker 2: Marty mother in law went as far as CALLING cps on,

1199
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:02,560
Speaker 2: me CLAIMING i was neglecting Baby. Albert she also started

1200
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:05,319
Speaker 2: Sending marty and me multiple messages a day CLAIMING i

1201
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 2: didn't love him and THAT i told HER i was

1202
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:10,280
Speaker 2: still in love with my. Ex this was five years

1203
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:12,759
Speaker 2: after her AND i had ever had conversations about my.

1204
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 2: Past she would also say THAT i worked him too

1205
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:19,200
Speaker 2: hard BECAUSE i encouraged him to have a. Career during this,

1206
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:22,719
Speaker 2: time my little underage sister had gone missing and was

1207
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 2: missing for nearly a. Year oh my, god and did

1208
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:27,040
Speaker 2: the mother in law blame that on you as?

1209
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:30,359
Speaker 3: Well, well that's actually that's a, big big. Detail that's.

1210
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:33,920
Speaker 2: Crazy my family had fallen apart during this time because

1211
00:54:33,920 --> 00:54:35,839
Speaker 2: of our, loss and this was one of several other

1212
00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 2: life altering SITUATIONS i was dealing. With because of all

1213
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:41,239
Speaker 2: of the, stress my first and only psychotic break was,

1214
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:43,840
Speaker 2: triggered sending me spirally. Mentally for a few, MONTHS i

1215
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:47,680
Speaker 2: was considering separation As marty had never stepped in to

1216
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:49,080
Speaker 2: defend me in hopes.

1217
00:54:48,840 --> 00:54:50,239
Speaker 1: Of just avoiding the.

1218
00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:52,759
Speaker 2: Drama it had seemed as though mother in law had,

1219
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 2: succeeded AND i was considering a separation after losing my

1220
00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:59,480
Speaker 2: SISTER cps being called on, me my side of the

1221
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:02,840
Speaker 2: family fall going, apart Baby, albert having multiple health, issues

1222
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 2: and being a young, MOM i had felt as THOUGH

1223
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:08,279
Speaker 2: i was being buried alive and could not reach the

1224
00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:10,839
Speaker 2: surface for. Air not having the SUPPORT i needed From

1225
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 2: marty seemed to be my final breaking. Point, LUCKILY i

1226
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:16,880
Speaker 2: found a great therapist that helped me set boundaries THAT

1227
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:17,680
Speaker 2: i had never.

1228
00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:19,319
Speaker 1: HAD i am a recovering people.

1229
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:23,400
Speaker 2: PLEASER i also found a great psychiatrist that worked with

1230
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:25,560
Speaker 2: me on. MEDICATION i found a great doctor to help

1231
00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:28,480
Speaker 2: me with my lifestyle change and, diet and got certifications

1232
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:29,879
Speaker 2: in fitness and began that.

1233
00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:32,600
Speaker 1: Journey after a, WHILE i was able to heal.

1234
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 2: Myself WHEN i felt healthy, AGAIN i Gave marty an

1235
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:38,640
Speaker 2: ultimatum me or his, mom which a fair at that.

1236
00:55:38,719 --> 00:55:42,000
Speaker 2: POINT i know we usually don't advocate for an, ultimatum,

1237
00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:44,360
Speaker 2: right but at this, point it's, like how are You

1238
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:47,759
Speaker 2: you Cannot you cannot placate her and stay with. Me

1239
00:55:47,920 --> 00:55:51,399
Speaker 2: he chose me and cut his mother and siblings out

1240
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,520
Speaker 2: of our. Lives it took some, time but we grew

1241
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:56,360
Speaker 2: together and worked on our. Marriage he became members at

1242
00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:59,240
Speaker 2: a church and completed a marriage course through the, church

1243
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 2: and were doing better than. Ever it has now been

1244
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:04,040
Speaker 2: seven years and mother in law is starting to reach

1245
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:06,720
Speaker 2: out To. MARTY i can tell he misses his, family

1246
00:56:06,800 --> 00:56:09,239
Speaker 2: AND i feel. Torn i'm afraid that if we let

1247
00:56:09,239 --> 00:56:11,600
Speaker 2: them back, in it will eventually turn into a hate

1248
00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:13,840
Speaker 2: best on me all over, again and our marriage and

1249
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:16,279
Speaker 2: family will suffer as a. RESULT i also feel sad

1250
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:18,799
Speaker 2: For marty BECAUSE i know he misses his. FAMILY i

1251
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:21,440
Speaker 2: have offered to have his siblings back in with the

1252
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:24,160
Speaker 2: understanding THAT i will not plan or host AS i used.

1253
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:25,719
Speaker 2: To that would be on, him AND i would be

1254
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:29,040
Speaker 2: happy to attend and support, him but absolutely not with

1255
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:32,239
Speaker 2: mother in law. Involved and by the, way you can

1256
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:36,239
Speaker 2: fully get involved with listening to the full episodes with

1257
00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:40,759
Speaker 2: stories just like this On, Spotify, iHeartRadio apple podcasts wherever you,

1258
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:44,040
Speaker 2: listen just Search okay story time and then you can

1259
00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:47,080
Speaker 2: listen to full episodes to hearts. Content we have a

1260
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:50,200
Speaker 2: little bit more story. LEFT i, mean what is your

1261
00:56:50,239 --> 00:56:52,640
Speaker 2: take on, This? Andrew what are you? Doing are you

1262
00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:55,160
Speaker 2: letting the family back? In are you letting the siblings back?

1263
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:56,520
Speaker 2: In are you letting no one back?

1264
00:56:56,560 --> 00:56:57,160
Speaker 1: IN i don't.

1265
00:56:57,200 --> 00:56:59,880
Speaker 3: Know ultimatums are always very. Harsh we know. THIS i

1266
00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:03,320
Speaker 3: feel like maybe instead of an ultimatum being like you

1267
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:06,319
Speaker 3: gotta cut her out completely of your, life it can be,

1268
00:57:06,440 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 3: like you, know you gotta stand up for, this because

1269
00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 3: it Doesn't it seems like he's been pretty silent in all,

1270
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:14,399
Speaker 3: this this whole, time And olp's just like drowning over

1271
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:15,680
Speaker 3: here and he's just chilling.

1272
00:57:15,760 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 2: Out we are so incredibly happy. NOW i own multiple,

1273
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:22,560
Speaker 2: Businesses marty has a booming. Career we purchased our second

1274
00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:25,560
Speaker 2: and absolutely beautiful. HOME i have strong boundaries with both

1275
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 2: sides of the family and the Confidence i've never had.

1276
00:57:27,680 --> 00:57:30,400
Speaker 2: Before Baby albert is now a pre teen and absolutely,

1277
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:33,040
Speaker 2: thriving along With Baby bertha right behind. Him we have

1278
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:35,560
Speaker 2: a nearly perfect, life and the four of us all

1279
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:38,120
Speaker 2: have the strongest bond without mother in. Law this is

1280
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:40,240
Speaker 2: only possible because we have truly put in the work

1281
00:57:40,280 --> 00:57:43,080
Speaker 2: as a, couple both individually and. Together so what DO i?

1282
00:57:43,120 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 2: Do AM i the a hole for keeping this boundary?

1283
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:47,720
Speaker 2: Set or SHOULD i give them all another? Chance, wow

1284
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:49,919
Speaker 2: you don't have to say to. That what if it ain't,

1285
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 2: broke don't fix? It there you, go like our life is?

1286
00:57:53,680 --> 00:57:56,240
Speaker 2: Perfect should we lent one of the worst people that

1287
00:57:56,280 --> 00:57:57,439
Speaker 2: we've had to deal with back?

1288
00:57:57,480 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 3: In, right it's perfect now because they haven't been in your.

1289
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:00,280
Speaker 1: LIFE i.

1290
00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:02,160
Speaker 3: AGREE i, agree