Speaker 1: Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Don't
Speaker 1: Vandalize the Satanic trend pull m My name's Jack, that
Speaker 1: is Miles. These are some of the things that are
Speaker 1: trending on this Wednesday, January thirty. First, we're almost out
Speaker 1: of the fucking January. Bro, you hate January? No, I
Speaker 1: don't know. It just seemed long to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just like it just feels like when you
Speaker 2: want it feel I guess it is like the Monday
Speaker 2: of months. Yeah, you know, for sure, it's like yeah, fine,
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, some good, good, cool shit happens
Speaker 2: in January. But like also it also is like the
Speaker 2: it is the Monday of months, or it's.
Speaker 1: Like welcome back. I feel like people like generally started
Speaker 1: work right after New Year's this year, and like like
Speaker 1: our kids' school in years past had like started like
Speaker 1: six or seven days into January, and this year was
Speaker 1: like the third you're back to school, So it just
Speaker 1: felt long, yeah to me. Yeah, you know what's making
Speaker 1: it feel a little bit shorter these new Oreo space
Speaker 1: Dunk cookies. Miles Gray no promo. So there is this
Speaker 1: article that I was highly suspicious of in something called
Speaker 1: the Daily Meal Dot com and it was the headline
Speaker 1: was we tried Oreo Space Dunk cookies and they're out
Speaker 1: of this world. Yeah. I was the thing get out
Speaker 1: of here with that ship. But you know, I do
Speaker 1: enjoy a Oreo variant, especially one that others describe as
Speaker 1: too sweet. I'm like, and that is my sweet spot. Yes.
Speaker 1: Uh so the first paragraphs of this review lead me
Speaker 1: down the path of Okay, so we are the Internet
Speaker 1: is now just like a corporate like they don't reprint
Speaker 1: corporate pr statements. So this opens in the world of
Speaker 1: chocolate sandwich cookies. In twenty twenty four, a new flavor,
Speaker 1: Space Dunk will boldly go where no Oreo has gone before.
Speaker 1: This limited edition Oreo flavor also has an out of
Speaker 1: this world look and proceeds thusly with a neon pink
Speaker 1: and blue cosmic cream interior. And then they say laced
Speaker 1: with popping candies and I don't know what that means.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean it's pop rocks due pop rocks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So that's once you get to that part of
Speaker 1: the review. I'm in. You pulled me back in, they say,
Speaker 1: taking a full bite of the cookie, the exterior tastes
Speaker 1: like any old Oreo and the inside like super sweet
Speaker 1: cotton candy. Icing with each munch also comes a surprisingly
Speaker 1: light pop rocks like crunch. Yeah, and I mean that
Speaker 1: all my My question every time with an Oreo variant,
Speaker 1: what that cream do? Yeah, Like, what are we looking at?
Speaker 3: You?
Speaker 2: I want to know what that cream do because I'm
Speaker 2: looking at another the takeout our beloved, the takeout foods,
Speaker 2: even theirs.
Speaker 1: I was like, is.
Speaker 4: Everybody fucking all in on this?
Speaker 2: Like Oreos space dunk fucking syop, but there's space dunk.
Speaker 2: Oreos are interstellar fun and there's is you know, Like
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm I don't know how much Promos evolved here,
Speaker 2: but like they have a very interesting thing too. They
Speaker 2: talk about the marshmallow and they say, my first bite
Speaker 2: confirmed the marshmallow notes, which I've always thought tasted pleasant,
Speaker 2: even mildly artificial berry ish. It's more like a Lucky
Speaker 2: Charms marshmallow flavor than a jet puff one. I'm in
Speaker 2: mm hmmm, Lucky Charms marshmallow that is the That is
Speaker 2: the height of marshmallow flavor of my book. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: just whatever it is about it, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: It's more the flavor it's not really the texture, but
Speaker 2: I really like the flavor of the marshal whatever the
Speaker 2: fuck we even want to call those lucky charms marshmallows,
Speaker 2: so that and they're saying shout out to the fucking
Speaker 2: pop rocks too, just a little.
Speaker 1: Marshmallows always reminded me of like astronaut marshmallow like because
Speaker 1: they're like so fried out. Yeah, like marshmallows from the
Speaker 1: future when we don't have water.
Speaker 4: Rehydrate them with your spit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and there's a hole in it so you can
Speaker 1: see the like Miami vice icing a little bit better.
Speaker 1: Is like they it's their first Oreo with a hole
Speaker 1: in it. I don't know this is this is the
Speaker 1: first one that like kind of captured me attention. You
Speaker 1: know who.
Speaker 4: We got to ask producer Victor, Super producer Victor.
Speaker 1: I know you.
Speaker 2: You go out of your way to get Oreo variants,
Speaker 2: and I know this one.
Speaker 1: I think it's like limited time it goes on so
Speaker 1: to day. Are you are you fucking with these? He says,
Speaker 1: I will damn it.
Speaker 4: Emphatically in the chat. I will, yeah, okay, but.
Speaker 1: I hate we got Look the cotton candy is from
Speaker 1: the bad article.
Speaker 5: We don't know, oh, he said, So I'm not excited
Speaker 5: because I hate cotton candy.
Speaker 1: Okay. In other more serious news, psych we're just gonna
Speaker 1: keep doing dumb bullshit Elmo vers Big Bird. The debate
Speaker 1: rages on. A few people hit us up on team
Speaker 1: big Bird would claw almost thrown out. This continues to
Speaker 1: make sense to me. I feel like when we when
Speaker 1: we compare the two creatures, Big bird was designed in
Speaker 1: the shop of natural selection, like his being a bird
Speaker 1: implies millions of years of murderous like survival of the
Speaker 1: fittest guess and check that propelled him to still exist
Speaker 1: at this poet. I'm just saying, like anything that is
Speaker 1: an animal like there is the implication that it survived
Speaker 1: the food chain somehow, so like, don't fuck with it
Speaker 1: like it's and it's especially at that size, like there,
Speaker 1: it's got some hidden powers that uh, you know, we're
Speaker 1: we're not seeing when it's like, you know, doing a
Speaker 1: fun roll bounce roller skating routine. But right, I don't know,
Speaker 1: So where are you at with them?
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm I still feel in my heart of
Speaker 2: hearts that it's a big bird world, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And Elmo will get stomped the fuck out without question.
Speaker 2: I mean even the stomping power, I believe, like fuck
Speaker 2: the claws, you know, a ripping the throat. I feel
Speaker 2: like Elmo will get mushed under those feet. But I
Speaker 2: dug a little deeper, and there are things that I'm
Speaker 2: I'm now that I'm wobbling a bit.
Speaker 1: Well, guess what that is. Victors are argument, by the way,
Speaker 1: so too top heavy. Bit. Flip that motherfucker over?
Speaker 2: Yeah, how's you gonna get up with them weird ass arms?
Speaker 2: He can't he looking like Josh Brolin with feathers.
Speaker 1: What if you knocked him over and he just like
Speaker 1: jumped like you know how karate people could like jump
Speaker 1: from their back like that. Oh, the people fuck out
Speaker 1: of me. Karate people.
Speaker 2: Jack, We're called Japanese Americans. Okay, I really appreciate you.
Speaker 4: Stop doing that shit called a sushi gang earlier.
Speaker 2: But the thing I found out about Elmo, He's categorized
Speaker 2: as a fucking monster.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's a good point.
Speaker 2: That's something I have to put a couple of stones
Speaker 2: on that side of the scale. Knowing that Elmo is
Speaker 2: not something cuddled. They're like this motherfucker a monster. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I'm like, okay, I'm willing to give that. Another
Speaker 2: thing I saw was a conspiracy theory that big Bird
Speaker 2: is actually what.
Speaker 4: An extinct bird called the moa.
Speaker 2: And they point to this because he interacts a lot
Speaker 2: with like in one of the movies, he was adopted
Speaker 2: by a family of dodos famously.
Speaker 1: Oh so he's just on the precipice. He's just in
Speaker 1: some kind of mammoth. That motherfucker.
Speaker 2: Extremely he's extinct too, and what is he like surviving
Speaker 2: out here all that time? The other part is, let's
Speaker 2: be real, this motherfucker is eight foot five. Yeah, that's
Speaker 2: also fucking freaky. So I feel like eight foot five,
Speaker 2: the eight foot five with those thighs because I looked
Speaker 2: at the skeletal structure.
Speaker 4: Of a moa.
Speaker 2: Dude, these femurs are fucking They're grotesque. They're like oil drums,
Speaker 2: that's how thick these femur bones are, so like, imagine
Speaker 2: the musculature around that. You're getting fucking stumped to bits Almo,
Speaker 2: even though you're a monster. I'm still I think I'm
Speaker 2: coming around to that. The fact that this guy survived,
Speaker 2: he's the last of his kind.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't that's yeah, that's right, even though he
Speaker 1: also eyes facing forward implies predation, you know, in the
Speaker 1: design shop of natural selection. Your eyes are facing forward
Speaker 1: because you're a killer. You're not worried about what's coming
Speaker 1: from behind. You're you're just out there on the proud.
Speaker 2: But doesn't that also put some stock into Elmo? This
Speaker 2: fucking this motherfucker's eyes couldn't be more in front.
Speaker 1: Yeah, his eyes are touching.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they have like I think he has no
Speaker 2: peripheral vision because he's like, yeah, Elmo.
Speaker 1: They don't, man, yeh fucking if you touch me on
Speaker 1: you did. I don't know why he turned to Mike
Speaker 1: Tyson suddenly, but anyway, that's.
Speaker 4: There's something I don't know. So the debate rages on.
Speaker 1: The debate rages on. Yeah, and that is all right.
Speaker 1: Those are the two important stories of the day. We're
Speaker 1: going to take a quick break. We'll be back to
Speaker 1: talk about things that are news elsewhere, not just on
Speaker 1: this podcast. We'll be right back, and we're back. We're back,
Speaker 1: and Miles, the word Satanism is trending right now. Social
Speaker 1: media show spawned thanks to a new development and a
Speaker 1: story involving Christmas decorations in Iowa State House. So last December,
Speaker 1: the government building was home to the Satanic Temple's festive
Speaker 1: statue of the goat headed Baffomet after the group, the
Speaker 1: Satanic Temple simply filled out the same application as anybody
Speaker 1: who wanted to put up a Nativity scene and put
Speaker 1: up a so it featured a rams head covered with
Speaker 1: mirrors on a mannequin cloaked and red clothing. Lucian Greeves,
Speaker 1: co founder of the Satanic Temple, says his Satanic display
Speaker 1: as the symbol of their right to religious freedom. I
Speaker 1: got to give a shout out to Lucian Greeves being
Speaker 1: you know that is the Slytherin ass name. Like well
Speaker 1: well done all around by the Parentscian A Lucian or
Speaker 1: Lucian either way, it's like that motherfucker. Like at five
Speaker 1: years old, they were like, and he's going to be
Speaker 1: part of the Satanic Temple like that. Do you know
Speaker 1: any kid's named Lucian.
Speaker 4: I don't I feel like I heard that name reason.
Speaker 1: I was like, Yo, that's just fucking all right kind
Speaker 1: of goes. I like Lucian, especially if you're going to
Speaker 1: like do some ill shit like put a Baphomet up
Speaker 1: in like next to the activity scene.
Speaker 2: I like to I like to class up Baha Met
Speaker 2: and pronounce it like Timothy Baffo. May you know the
Speaker 2: tea is an invitation to class it up a bit.
Speaker 2: So he shut out Baame Baffo.
Speaker 1: Man. So the Satanic Temple puts up their own monuments
Speaker 1: and government buildings all the time, has a counterpoint to
Speaker 1: Christian ones. And it's kind of like a lot of
Speaker 1: the time when I hear people from the Church of
Speaker 1: Satan or the Satanic Temples talk, they're they're kind of
Speaker 1: making sense more than the knee jerk reaction might lead
Speaker 1: you to believe. Uh So they're calling attention to the
Speaker 1: loophole in the First Amendment that allows for religious displays
Speaker 1: despite the no Establishment of Religion clause. So basically, the
Speaker 1: Supreme Court created a loophole in the First Amendment to
Speaker 1: allow religious displays by arguing that as long as every
Speaker 1: group gets to have one, it doesn't violate the no
Speaker 1: Establishment of religion. Cause yeah, yeah, got their ass. They're
Speaker 1: like truly just being like, yeah, it's no problem, right.
Speaker 2: I love how they put up their baphome and this
Speaker 2: fucking their fuck this fucking state represented some weird dude
Speaker 2: who had a failed congressional campaign just fucking ripped it down.
Speaker 4: And now what are we looking at here?
Speaker 1: What kind of charges? Uh So at first it was
Speaker 1: fourth degree criminal mischief, which makes them sound like a
Speaker 1: real scamp. But now they got bumped up to hate
Speaker 1: crime charges, which that's uh, I mean kind of is
Speaker 1: what it.
Speaker 2: Is, right, Wait to keep it consistent, I mean, yeah,
Speaker 2: if we're we're talking about these are these are like
Speaker 2: the freedom of religious expression, then yeah, to tear down
Speaker 2: someone else's religious expression should be considered a hate crime.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So prosecutors Mattu ramped him up to third degree
Speaker 1: criminal mischief with a note that the crime actions were
Speaker 1: committed in violation of individual rights under Iowa's hate crime statute.
Speaker 1: So somebody's like behind the scenes doing doing the good
Speaker 1: work of being like, we gotta gotta defend these Yeah,
Speaker 1: these satanic temple people doing the doing the lord's work.
Speaker 1: Obviously this has caused a lot of conservatives to flip
Speaker 1: their ship just all the way they're they're just like,
Speaker 1: how could you be charged with a hate crime when
Speaker 1: he was fighting hate by beating up a mannequin? It
Speaker 1: was clearly a manifestation of pure evil.
Speaker 2: Right, pure evil that, as Brian the Editor points out
Speaker 2: that abortion is a sacred religious right.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, that's what the Courch of Satan per evil,
Speaker 1: per evil, pure evil.
Speaker 2: But yeah, it's really just a foil to the Christo
Speaker 2: fascism that we're seeing just just ramp up by by
Speaker 2: every decade, just a little bit more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, the Satanic Temple has been designated as
Speaker 1: a church by the IRS. In twenty twenty two, a
Speaker 1: guy tried to burn down a Satanic Temple building in Salem, Massachusetts.
Speaker 1: I'm literally telling police it's a hate crime. He was
Speaker 1: churched with a civil rights violation, destroying a place of
Speaker 1: worship and arson.
Speaker 4: So I'm great, I'm doing a hate crime poth.
Speaker 1: Hey, buddy, I'm doing a hate crime over here, because
Speaker 1: you get those blinking lights off me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, hey, get your blink is off me. I'm trying
Speaker 4: to do a hate crime here.
Speaker 1: Brian the Editor points out the Church of Satan and
Speaker 1: the Satanic Temple different churches with similar ideals. So in
Speaker 1: case I fucked that up, I don't get them apology.
Speaker 1: Don't get them fucked up. Yeah, you don't want to
Speaker 1: get big birded out here. Big Bird definitely an icon
Speaker 1: of the of the church. No, I'm saying they'll stomp
Speaker 1: you out. Yeah. Yeah. Twenty seventeen, the Satanic Temple's decorative
Speaker 1: tree topper was stolen from a holiday celebration, and the
Speaker 1: police asked them if they wanted to file the incident
Speaker 1: as a hate crime, but they declined. So the cops
Speaker 1: are like, you know here.
Speaker 4: To Satan is a kind god.
Speaker 1: Satan is a kind god. I will say that. I
Speaker 1: will say that, all right. So, there was a drone
Speaker 1: attack in that we talked about on our I think
Speaker 1: it was the Monday Morning Trend's episode. Yeah, just to
Speaker 1: update that story, there's new reporting about how the drone
Speaker 1: was able to attack American soldiers on the Syrian border.
Speaker 1: It turns out that the drone was mistaken for an
Speaker 1: American drone that was heading back to base.
Speaker 4: Not not great, not great.
Speaker 2: There sounds avoidable, but unfortunately that has led you know,
Speaker 2: just thought leader Maria Bartiromo over on Fox to just
Speaker 2: to really identify the true and I'm sure it's predictable,
Speaker 2: but you kind of have to hear how quickly she
Speaker 2: like in light of this report just pivots to some
Speaker 2: culture worship.
Speaker 1: Maria take it away.
Speaker 3: It's the weakness that invites that aggression. Well, maybe they're
Speaker 3: focused too much on DEI. There's a concern at the
Speaker 3: FBI because they're dropping the FBI special agent requirements in
Speaker 3: the name of DEI. I'm just wondering if that has
Speaker 3: anything to do with missing an important drone that just
Speaker 3: killed three of our heroes. Congressmen, And by the way,
Speaker 3: the national security issues go way beyond just this, look
Speaker 3: at your backyard at.
Speaker 1: The Southern Yeah, that's wild. I don't know, man, I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess not. She's a character for TV, but yeah,
Speaker 1: that's wild.
Speaker 4: But they love that.
Speaker 2: I mean like, I just love the logic they is
Speaker 2: like something bad happened, they got DEI.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what it was.
Speaker 2: That's what it was, man, Not gross negligence, not oversight,
Speaker 2: not being overworked, not corporate greed. It's that it's that
Speaker 2: they're trying to give marginalized people a fair shake.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the as we talked about before that they blamed
Speaker 1: DEI initiatives at American Airlines for Boeing planes falling apart, and.
Speaker 2: Boeing too I feel like too probably I don't know,
Speaker 2: I feel like anything that's I wonder do any police
Speaker 2: departments have DEI initiatives? Because would they would they keep
Speaker 2: it a you know, a buck if they're like seeing
Speaker 2: these cops they're doing such a terrible job.
Speaker 4: They're hurting innocent people because the DEI stuff.
Speaker 1: Whoa really the police too?
Speaker 3: Whoa?
Speaker 1: Whoa? That's just logic is so wild to me.
Speaker 2: Like it's especially with like that un you know, the
Speaker 2: welfare organization that got their funding pulled after like Israeli
Speaker 2: intelligence was like twelve people of this like thirteen thousand
Speaker 2: member organization may have been evolved in the October seventh attacks,
Speaker 2: and they're like defund it all. And it's like I
Speaker 2: thought the American government was such a fan of don't
Speaker 2: let a couple bad apples on the bunch, right, you know,
Speaker 2: because even if you do game that out and like
Speaker 2: it was in fact some people did infiltrate, then does
Speaker 2: is that reason to defund the entire thing?
Speaker 5: But yea, it shows you, it turns out in this
Speaker 5: consistency and thought there Yeah, finally, Mark Zuckerberg back on
Speaker 5: Capitol Hill, testifying at a contentious Senate hearing.
Speaker 1: There's plenty of research evidence that social media is very
Speaker 1: bad for young people, that they are just focused on
Speaker 1: making money and just drastically underfunded when it comes to
Speaker 1: making sure that their platforms are like safe places for
Speaker 1: humans to communicate and exist with one another. So, Noah Hawley,
Speaker 1: I think it was Hally. I think isn't that his
Speaker 1: first name? No Josh, Josh Josh. Yeah, so Josh Holly
Speaker 1: made him get up and apologize to the families, and
Speaker 1: he did it and it was very uncomfortable. And then
Speaker 1: the Snapchat ceo like apologized to families because somebody bought
Speaker 1: a fentanyl pill on snap and uh so you can
Speaker 1: buy a whole lot more than them on the fucking Snapchat, right,
Speaker 1: And then, yeah, they're wildly irresponsible companies that make these
Speaker 1: people a shitload of money. But I don't know that
Speaker 1: a public shaming is is quite enough. It seems like
Speaker 1: maybe instead of having them get up there and like
Speaker 1: stand in the stockades of you know, on scene man
Speaker 1: and be like pelted with disapproving looks from families who've
Speaker 1: like lost people, maybe we should actually like pass some
Speaker 1: legislation that requires these things to be fucking monitored and
Speaker 1: like staffed appropriately.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just, uh, it was just a it was
Speaker 2: just a chance for people to win mill on Mark
Speaker 2: Zuckerberg and like I'm not defending him at all, but
Speaker 2: it's it's wild when you see all of these people
Speaker 2: just come at him from For a moment, I was like,
Speaker 2: Oh that sucks, and then you're like, wait, this fucking
Speaker 2: guy's the destroyer.
Speaker 4: Yeah that's how hard they were going on him.
Speaker 2: But yeah, the real question is, Okay, what kind of
Speaker 2: substantive legislation are you going to introduce, what a kind
Speaker 2: of like, what a kind of laws are you going
Speaker 2: to draft any or is this just gonna be again?
Speaker 2: So Ted Cruz can go on, He's like, did you
Speaker 2: hear when I said, what.
Speaker 1: Were you thinking?
Speaker 4: What the hell were you thinking?
Speaker 1: Like it's just a.
Speaker 2: Bunch of people grandstanding like that, And I'm like it
Speaker 2: again to your point, it's it.
Speaker 1: God, don't make it for nothing.
Speaker 2: Like I love seeing this guy with he did change
Speaker 2: his hair like he's getting wavy. Yeah, he's got a
Speaker 2: little because he's the Roman emperor that he like idolizes
Speaker 2: that he was doing his hair like you know with
Speaker 2: the with bringing it all to the front.
Speaker 4: I mean call the Caesar.
Speaker 1: Yeah, in the black fir style Justinian. Maybe I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just made that up. But I don't know who
Speaker 1: Mark Zuckerberg likes from the Roman Empire. Uh god, no,
Speaker 1: there was someone.
Speaker 4: It's it's so specific. Augustus's.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's so into fucking Augustus, Like everything is about
Speaker 2: that anyway.
Speaker 4: So and now he's like it's growing out. I guess. Look, dude,
Speaker 4: just being in Hawaii man.
Speaker 1: Chill, laid back Zuckerberg man, exactly. Hey that that guy,
Speaker 1: that guy was sucker nerd all right, this this is
Speaker 1: Mark Man, This is your buddy. Mark. I grow my
Speaker 1: own beard to like eat my get my cattle drunk.
Speaker 4: Grow grow my own cow to feed my beer or something,
Speaker 4: my bunko. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 4: Look, I'm surfing the surfing the waves.
Speaker 1: Buddy. You're out there surfing the web, and it is
Speaker 1: my web that is killing you. I'm out here surfing waves. Brother.
Speaker 2: Yeah, God, it's just it's fucking This is like the
Speaker 2: worst part of like, you know, Hill politics is just
Speaker 2: like the bringing out your poster boards and being like
Speaker 2: what do you have to say?
Speaker 4: And it's like except for will you keep donating to
Speaker 4: my campaign?
Speaker 2: And then that's right, Maybe we will do something about this, because, yeah,
Speaker 2: when you look at the face of it, and we
Speaker 2: talk about this all the time, the harm that's been
Speaker 2: done not just to younger people, but to like marginalized people,
Speaker 2: Like if the actual violence that has played out because
Speaker 2: of the lack of moderation on these platforms, like what.
Speaker 1: That's the fucking tragedy.
Speaker 4: Now do something other than just being like, do you
Speaker 4: see what I fucking said to him?
Speaker 1: Dude, fucking snailed the sweat. Dude. All right, well, those
Speaker 1: are some of the things that are trending on this
Speaker 1: January thirty. First, we are back tomorrow with a whole
Speaker 1: ass episode of the show. Until then, be kind to
Speaker 1: each other, be kind to yourselves, get the vaccine, don't
Speaker 1: do nothing about white supremacy, and we will talk to
Speaker 1: you all tomorrow. Bye bye,