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Speaker 1: Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Don't

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Speaker 1: Vandalize the Satanic trend pull m My name's Jack, that

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Speaker 1: is Miles. These are some of the things that are

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Speaker 1: trending on this Wednesday, January thirty. First, we're almost out

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Speaker 1: of the fucking January. Bro, you hate January? No, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. It just seemed long to me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just like it just feels like when you

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Speaker 2: want it feel I guess it is like the Monday

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Speaker 2: of months. Yeah, you know, for sure, it's like yeah, fine,

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Speaker 2: I mean, you know, some good, good, cool shit happens

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Speaker 2: in January. But like also it also is like the

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Speaker 2: it is the Monday of months, or it's.

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Speaker 1: Like welcome back. I feel like people like generally started

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Speaker 1: work right after New Year's this year, and like like

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Speaker 1: our kids' school in years past had like started like

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Speaker 1: six or seven days into January, and this year was

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Speaker 1: like the third you're back to school, So it just

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Speaker 1: felt long, yeah to me. Yeah, you know what's making

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Speaker 1: it feel a little bit shorter these new Oreo space

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Speaker 1: Dunk cookies. Miles Gray no promo. So there is this

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Speaker 1: article that I was highly suspicious of in something called

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Speaker 1: the Daily Meal Dot com and it was the headline

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Speaker 1: was we tried Oreo Space Dunk cookies and they're out

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Speaker 1: of this world. Yeah. I was the thing get out

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Speaker 1: of here with that ship. But you know, I do

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Speaker 1: enjoy a Oreo variant, especially one that others describe as

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Speaker 1: too sweet. I'm like, and that is my sweet spot. Yes.

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Speaker 1: Uh so the first paragraphs of this review lead me

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Speaker 1: down the path of Okay, so we are the Internet

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Speaker 1: is now just like a corporate like they don't reprint

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Speaker 1: corporate pr statements. So this opens in the world of

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Speaker 1: chocolate sandwich cookies. In twenty twenty four, a new flavor,

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Speaker 1: Space Dunk will boldly go where no Oreo has gone before.

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Speaker 1: This limited edition Oreo flavor also has an out of

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Speaker 1: this world look and proceeds thusly with a neon pink

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Speaker 1: and blue cosmic cream interior. And then they say laced

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Speaker 1: with popping candies and I don't know what that means.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean it's pop rocks due pop rocks.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So that's once you get to that part of

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Speaker 1: the review. I'm in. You pulled me back in, they say,

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Speaker 1: taking a full bite of the cookie, the exterior tastes

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Speaker 1: like any old Oreo and the inside like super sweet

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Speaker 1: cotton candy. Icing with each munch also comes a surprisingly

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Speaker 1: light pop rocks like crunch. Yeah, and I mean that

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Speaker 1: all my My question every time with an Oreo variant,

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Speaker 1: what that cream do? Yeah, Like, what are we looking at?

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Speaker 3: You?

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Speaker 2: I want to know what that cream do because I'm

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Speaker 2: looking at another the takeout our beloved, the takeout foods,

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Speaker 2: even theirs.

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Speaker 1: I was like, is.

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Speaker 4: Everybody fucking all in on this?

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Speaker 2: Like Oreos space dunk fucking syop, but there's space dunk.

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Speaker 2: Oreos are interstellar fun and there's is you know, Like

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'm I don't know how much Promos evolved here,

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Speaker 2: but like they have a very interesting thing too. They

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Speaker 2: talk about the marshmallow and they say, my first bite

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Speaker 2: confirmed the marshmallow notes, which I've always thought tasted pleasant,

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Speaker 2: even mildly artificial berry ish. It's more like a Lucky

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Speaker 2: Charms marshmallow flavor than a jet puff one. I'm in

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Speaker 2: mm hmmm, Lucky Charms marshmallow that is the That is

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Speaker 2: the height of marshmallow flavor of my book. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 2: just whatever it is about it, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 2: It's more the flavor it's not really the texture, but

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Speaker 2: I really like the flavor of the marshal whatever the

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Speaker 2: fuck we even want to call those lucky charms marshmallows,

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Speaker 2: so that and they're saying shout out to the fucking

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Speaker 2: pop rocks too, just a little.

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Speaker 1: Marshmallows always reminded me of like astronaut marshmallow like because

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Speaker 1: they're like so fried out. Yeah, like marshmallows from the

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Speaker 1: future when we don't have water.

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Speaker 4: Rehydrate them with your spit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and there's a hole in it so you can

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Speaker 1: see the like Miami vice icing a little bit better.

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Speaker 1: Is like they it's their first Oreo with a hole

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Speaker 1: in it. I don't know this is this is the

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Speaker 1: first one that like kind of captured me attention. You

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Speaker 1: know who.

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Speaker 4: We got to ask producer Victor, Super producer Victor.

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Speaker 1: I know you.

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Speaker 2: You go out of your way to get Oreo variants,

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Speaker 2: and I know this one.

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Speaker 1: I think it's like limited time it goes on so

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Speaker 1: to day. Are you are you fucking with these? He says,

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Speaker 1: I will damn it.

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Speaker 4: Emphatically in the chat. I will, yeah, okay, but.

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Speaker 1: I hate we got Look the cotton candy is from

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Speaker 1: the bad article.

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Speaker 5: We don't know, oh, he said, So I'm not excited

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Speaker 5: because I hate cotton candy.

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Speaker 1: Okay. In other more serious news, psych we're just gonna

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Speaker 1: keep doing dumb bullshit Elmo vers Big Bird. The debate

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Speaker 1: rages on. A few people hit us up on team

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Speaker 1: big Bird would claw almost thrown out. This continues to

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Speaker 1: make sense to me. I feel like when we when

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Speaker 1: we compare the two creatures, Big bird was designed in

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Speaker 1: the shop of natural selection, like his being a bird

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Speaker 1: implies millions of years of murderous like survival of the

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Speaker 1: fittest guess and check that propelled him to still exist

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Speaker 1: at this poet. I'm just saying, like anything that is

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Speaker 1: an animal like there is the implication that it survived

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Speaker 1: the food chain somehow, so like, don't fuck with it

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Speaker 1: like it's and it's especially at that size, like there,

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Speaker 1: it's got some hidden powers that uh, you know, we're

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Speaker 1: we're not seeing when it's like, you know, doing a

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Speaker 1: fun roll bounce roller skating routine. But right, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: So where are you at with them?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'm I still feel in my heart of

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Speaker 2: hearts that it's a big bird world, you know what

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Speaker 2: I mean?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And Elmo will get stomped the fuck out without question.

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Speaker 2: I mean even the stomping power, I believe, like fuck

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Speaker 2: the claws, you know, a ripping the throat. I feel

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Speaker 2: like Elmo will get mushed under those feet. But I

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Speaker 2: dug a little deeper, and there are things that I'm

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Speaker 2: I'm now that I'm wobbling a bit.

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Speaker 1: Well, guess what that is. Victors are argument, by the way,

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Speaker 1: so too top heavy. Bit. Flip that motherfucker over?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, how's you gonna get up with them weird ass arms?

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Speaker 2: He can't he looking like Josh Brolin with feathers.

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Speaker 1: What if you knocked him over and he just like

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Speaker 1: jumped like you know how karate people could like jump

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Speaker 1: from their back like that. Oh, the people fuck out

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Speaker 1: of me. Karate people.

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Speaker 2: Jack, We're called Japanese Americans. Okay, I really appreciate you.

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Speaker 4: Stop doing that shit called a sushi gang earlier.

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Speaker 2: But the thing I found out about Elmo, He's categorized

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Speaker 2: as a fucking monster.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that's a good point.

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Speaker 2: That's something I have to put a couple of stones

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Speaker 2: on that side of the scale. Knowing that Elmo is

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Speaker 2: not something cuddled. They're like this motherfucker a monster. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so I'm like, okay, I'm willing to give that. Another

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Speaker 2: thing I saw was a conspiracy theory that big Bird

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Speaker 2: is actually what.

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Speaker 4: An extinct bird called the moa.

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Speaker 2: And they point to this because he interacts a lot

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Speaker 2: with like in one of the movies, he was adopted

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Speaker 2: by a family of dodos famously.

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Speaker 1: Oh so he's just on the precipice. He's just in

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Speaker 1: some kind of mammoth. That motherfucker.

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Speaker 2: Extremely he's extinct too, and what is he like surviving

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Speaker 2: out here all that time? The other part is, let's

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Speaker 2: be real, this motherfucker is eight foot five. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 2: also fucking freaky. So I feel like eight foot five,

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Speaker 2: the eight foot five with those thighs because I looked

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Speaker 2: at the skeletal structure.

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Speaker 4: Of a moa.

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Speaker 2: Dude, these femurs are fucking They're grotesque. They're like oil drums,

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Speaker 2: that's how thick these femur bones are, so like, imagine

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Speaker 2: the musculature around that. You're getting fucking stumped to bits Almo,

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Speaker 2: even though you're a monster. I'm still I think I'm

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Speaker 2: coming around to that. The fact that this guy survived,

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Speaker 2: he's the last of his kind.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't that's yeah, that's right, even though he

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Speaker 1: also eyes facing forward implies predation, you know, in the

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Speaker 1: design shop of natural selection. Your eyes are facing forward

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Speaker 1: because you're a killer. You're not worried about what's coming

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Speaker 1: from behind. You're you're just out there on the proud.

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Speaker 2: But doesn't that also put some stock into Elmo? This

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Speaker 2: fucking this motherfucker's eyes couldn't be more in front.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, his eyes are touching.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and they have like I think he has no

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Speaker 2: peripheral vision because he's like, yeah, Elmo.

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Speaker 1: They don't, man, yeh fucking if you touch me on

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Speaker 1: you did. I don't know why he turned to Mike

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Speaker 1: Tyson suddenly, but anyway, that's.

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Speaker 4: There's something I don't know. So the debate rages on.

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Speaker 1: The debate rages on. Yeah, and that is all right.

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Speaker 1: Those are the two important stories of the day. We're

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Speaker 1: going to take a quick break. We'll be back to

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Speaker 1: talk about things that are news elsewhere, not just on

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Speaker 1: this podcast. We'll be right back, and we're back. We're back,

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Speaker 1: and Miles, the word Satanism is trending right now. Social

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Speaker 1: media show spawned thanks to a new development and a

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Speaker 1: story involving Christmas decorations in Iowa State House. So last December,

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Speaker 1: the government building was home to the Satanic Temple's festive

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Speaker 1: statue of the goat headed Baffomet after the group, the

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Speaker 1: Satanic Temple simply filled out the same application as anybody

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Speaker 1: who wanted to put up a Nativity scene and put

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Speaker 1: up a so it featured a rams head covered with

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Speaker 1: mirrors on a mannequin cloaked and red clothing. Lucian Greeves,

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Speaker 1: co founder of the Satanic Temple, says his Satanic display

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Speaker 1: as the symbol of their right to religious freedom. I

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Speaker 1: got to give a shout out to Lucian Greeves being

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Speaker 1: you know that is the Slytherin ass name. Like well

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Speaker 1: well done all around by the Parentscian A Lucian or

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Speaker 1: Lucian either way, it's like that motherfucker. Like at five

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Speaker 1: years old, they were like, and he's going to be

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Speaker 1: part of the Satanic Temple like that. Do you know

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Speaker 1: any kid's named Lucian.

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Speaker 4: I don't I feel like I heard that name reason.

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Speaker 1: I was like, Yo, that's just fucking all right kind

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Speaker 1: of goes. I like Lucian, especially if you're going to

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Speaker 1: like do some ill shit like put a Baphomet up

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Speaker 1: in like next to the activity scene.

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Speaker 2: I like to I like to class up Baha Met

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Speaker 2: and pronounce it like Timothy Baffo. May you know the

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Speaker 2: tea is an invitation to class it up a bit.

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Speaker 2: So he shut out Baame Baffo.

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Speaker 1: Man. So the Satanic Temple puts up their own monuments

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Speaker 1: and government buildings all the time, has a counterpoint to

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Speaker 1: Christian ones. And it's kind of like a lot of

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Speaker 1: the time when I hear people from the Church of

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Speaker 1: Satan or the Satanic Temples talk, they're they're kind of

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Speaker 1: making sense more than the knee jerk reaction might lead

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Speaker 1: you to believe. Uh So they're calling attention to the

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Speaker 1: loophole in the First Amendment that allows for religious displays

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Speaker 1: despite the no Establishment of Religion clause. So basically, the

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Speaker 1: Supreme Court created a loophole in the First Amendment to

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Speaker 1: allow religious displays by arguing that as long as every

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Speaker 1: group gets to have one, it doesn't violate the no

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Speaker 1: Establishment of religion. Cause yeah, yeah, got their ass. They're

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Speaker 1: like truly just being like, yeah, it's no problem, right.

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Speaker 2: I love how they put up their baphome and this

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Speaker 2: fucking their fuck this fucking state represented some weird dude

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Speaker 2: who had a failed congressional campaign just fucking ripped it down.

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Speaker 4: And now what are we looking at here?

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Speaker 1: What kind of charges? Uh So at first it was

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Speaker 1: fourth degree criminal mischief, which makes them sound like a

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Speaker 1: real scamp. But now they got bumped up to hate

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Speaker 1: crime charges, which that's uh, I mean kind of is

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Speaker 1: what it.

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Speaker 2: Is, right, Wait to keep it consistent, I mean, yeah,

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Speaker 2: if we're we're talking about these are these are like

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Speaker 2: the freedom of religious expression, then yeah, to tear down

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Speaker 2: someone else's religious expression should be considered a hate crime.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So prosecutors Mattu ramped him up to third degree

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Speaker 1: criminal mischief with a note that the crime actions were

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Speaker 1: committed in violation of individual rights under Iowa's hate crime statute.

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Speaker 1: So somebody's like behind the scenes doing doing the good

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Speaker 1: work of being like, we gotta gotta defend these Yeah,

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Speaker 1: these satanic temple people doing the doing the lord's work.

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Speaker 1: Obviously this has caused a lot of conservatives to flip

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Speaker 1: their ship just all the way they're they're just like,

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Speaker 1: how could you be charged with a hate crime when

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Speaker 1: he was fighting hate by beating up a mannequin? It

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Speaker 1: was clearly a manifestation of pure evil.

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Speaker 2: Right, pure evil that, as Brian the Editor points out

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Speaker 2: that abortion is a sacred religious right.

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Speaker 1: You know, yeah, that's what the Courch of Satan per evil,

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Speaker 1: per evil, pure evil.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, it's really just a foil to the Christo

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Speaker 2: fascism that we're seeing just just ramp up by by

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Speaker 2: every decade, just a little bit more.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, the Satanic Temple has been designated as

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Speaker 1: a church by the IRS. In twenty twenty two, a

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Speaker 1: guy tried to burn down a Satanic Temple building in Salem, Massachusetts.

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Speaker 1: I'm literally telling police it's a hate crime. He was

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Speaker 1: churched with a civil rights violation, destroying a place of

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Speaker 1: worship and arson.

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Speaker 4: So I'm great, I'm doing a hate crime poth.

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Speaker 1: Hey, buddy, I'm doing a hate crime over here, because

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Speaker 1: you get those blinking lights off me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, hey, get your blink is off me. I'm trying

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Speaker 4: to do a hate crime here.

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Speaker 1: Brian the Editor points out the Church of Satan and

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Speaker 1: the Satanic Temple different churches with similar ideals. So in

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Speaker 1: case I fucked that up, I don't get them apology.

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Speaker 1: Don't get them fucked up. Yeah, you don't want to

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Speaker 1: get big birded out here. Big Bird definitely an icon

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Speaker 1: of the of the church. No, I'm saying they'll stomp

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Speaker 1: you out. Yeah. Yeah. Twenty seventeen, the Satanic Temple's decorative

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Speaker 1: tree topper was stolen from a holiday celebration, and the

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Speaker 1: police asked them if they wanted to file the incident

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Speaker 1: as a hate crime, but they declined. So the cops

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Speaker 1: are like, you know here.

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Speaker 4: To Satan is a kind god.

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Speaker 1: Satan is a kind god. I will say that. I

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Speaker 1: will say that, all right. So, there was a drone

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Speaker 1: attack in that we talked about on our I think

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Speaker 1: it was the Monday Morning Trend's episode. Yeah, just to

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Speaker 1: update that story, there's new reporting about how the drone

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Speaker 1: was able to attack American soldiers on the Syrian border.

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Speaker 1: It turns out that the drone was mistaken for an

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Speaker 1: American drone that was heading back to base.

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Speaker 4: Not not great, not great.

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Speaker 2: There sounds avoidable, but unfortunately that has led you know,

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Speaker 2: just thought leader Maria Bartiromo over on Fox to just

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Speaker 2: to really identify the true and I'm sure it's predictable,

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Speaker 2: but you kind of have to hear how quickly she

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Speaker 2: like in light of this report just pivots to some

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Speaker 2: culture worship.

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Speaker 1: Maria take it away.

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Speaker 3: It's the weakness that invites that aggression. Well, maybe they're

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Speaker 3: focused too much on DEI. There's a concern at the

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Speaker 3: FBI because they're dropping the FBI special agent requirements in

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Speaker 3: the name of DEI. I'm just wondering if that has

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Speaker 3: anything to do with missing an important drone that just

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Speaker 3: killed three of our heroes. Congressmen, And by the way,

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Speaker 3: the national security issues go way beyond just this, look

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Speaker 3: at your backyard at.

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Speaker 1: The Southern Yeah, that's wild. I don't know, man, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I guess not. She's a character for TV, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's wild.

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Speaker 4: But they love that.

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Speaker 2: I mean like, I just love the logic they is

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Speaker 2: like something bad happened, they got DEI.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what it was.

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Speaker 2: That's what it was, man, Not gross negligence, not oversight,

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Speaker 2: not being overworked, not corporate greed. It's that it's that

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Speaker 2: they're trying to give marginalized people a fair shake.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the as we talked about before that they blamed

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Speaker 1: DEI initiatives at American Airlines for Boeing planes falling apart, and.

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Speaker 2: Boeing too I feel like too probably I don't know,

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Speaker 2: I feel like anything that's I wonder do any police

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Speaker 2: departments have DEI initiatives? Because would they would they keep

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Speaker 2: it a you know, a buck if they're like seeing

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Speaker 2: these cops they're doing such a terrible job.

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Speaker 4: They're hurting innocent people because the DEI stuff.

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Speaker 1: Whoa really the police too?

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Speaker 3: Whoa?

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Speaker 1: Whoa? That's just logic is so wild to me.

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Speaker 2: Like it's especially with like that un you know, the

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Speaker 2: welfare organization that got their funding pulled after like Israeli

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Speaker 2: intelligence was like twelve people of this like thirteen thousand

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Speaker 2: member organization may have been evolved in the October seventh attacks,

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Speaker 2: and they're like defund it all. And it's like I

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Speaker 2: thought the American government was such a fan of don't

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Speaker 2: let a couple bad apples on the bunch, right, you know,

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Speaker 2: because even if you do game that out and like

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Speaker 2: it was in fact some people did infiltrate, then does

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Speaker 2: is that reason to defund the entire thing?

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Speaker 5: But yea, it shows you, it turns out in this

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Speaker 5: consistency and thought there Yeah, finally, Mark Zuckerberg back on

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Speaker 5: Capitol Hill, testifying at a contentious Senate hearing.

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Speaker 1: There's plenty of research evidence that social media is very

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Speaker 1: bad for young people, that they are just focused on

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Speaker 1: making money and just drastically underfunded when it comes to

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Speaker 1: making sure that their platforms are like safe places for

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Speaker 1: humans to communicate and exist with one another. So, Noah Hawley,

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Speaker 1: I think it was Hally. I think isn't that his

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Speaker 1: first name? No Josh, Josh Josh. Yeah, so Josh Holly

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Speaker 1: made him get up and apologize to the families, and

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Speaker 1: he did it and it was very uncomfortable. And then

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Speaker 1: the Snapchat ceo like apologized to families because somebody bought

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Speaker 1: a fentanyl pill on snap and uh so you can

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Speaker 1: buy a whole lot more than them on the fucking Snapchat, right,

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Speaker 1: And then, yeah, they're wildly irresponsible companies that make these

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Speaker 1: people a shitload of money. But I don't know that

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Speaker 1: a public shaming is is quite enough. It seems like

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Speaker 1: maybe instead of having them get up there and like

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Speaker 1: stand in the stockades of you know, on scene man

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Speaker 1: and be like pelted with disapproving looks from families who've

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Speaker 1: like lost people, maybe we should actually like pass some

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Speaker 1: legislation that requires these things to be fucking monitored and

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Speaker 1: like staffed appropriately.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just, uh, it was just a it was

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Speaker 2: just a chance for people to win mill on Mark

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Speaker 2: Zuckerberg and like I'm not defending him at all, but

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Speaker 2: it's it's wild when you see all of these people

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Speaker 2: just come at him from For a moment, I was like,

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Speaker 2: Oh that sucks, and then you're like, wait, this fucking

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Speaker 2: guy's the destroyer.

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Speaker 4: Yeah that's how hard they were going on him.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, the real question is, Okay, what kind of

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Speaker 2: substantive legislation are you going to introduce, what a kind

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Speaker 2: of like, what a kind of laws are you going

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Speaker 2: to draft any or is this just gonna be again?

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Speaker 2: So Ted Cruz can go on, He's like, did you

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Speaker 2: hear when I said, what.

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Speaker 1: Were you thinking?

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Speaker 4: What the hell were you thinking?

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Speaker 1: Like it's just a.

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Speaker 2: Bunch of people grandstanding like that, And I'm like it

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Speaker 2: again to your point, it's it.

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Speaker 1: God, don't make it for nothing.

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Speaker 2: Like I love seeing this guy with he did change

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Speaker 2: his hair like he's getting wavy. Yeah, he's got a

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Speaker 2: little because he's the Roman emperor that he like idolizes

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Speaker 2: that he was doing his hair like you know with

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Speaker 2: the with bringing it all to the front.

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Speaker 4: I mean call the Caesar.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, in the black fir style Justinian. Maybe I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I just made that up. But I don't know who

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Speaker 1: Mark Zuckerberg likes from the Roman Empire. Uh god, no,

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Speaker 1: there was someone.

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Speaker 4: It's it's so specific. Augustus's.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he's so into fucking Augustus, Like everything is about

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Speaker 2: that anyway.

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Speaker 4: So and now he's like it's growing out. I guess. Look, dude,

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Speaker 4: just being in Hawaii man.

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Speaker 1: Chill, laid back Zuckerberg man, exactly. Hey that that guy,

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Speaker 1: that guy was sucker nerd all right, this this is

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Speaker 1: Mark Man, This is your buddy. Mark. I grow my

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Speaker 1: own beard to like eat my get my cattle drunk.

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Speaker 4: Grow grow my own cow to feed my beer or something,

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Speaker 4: my bunko. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Man.

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Speaker 4: Look, I'm surfing the surfing the waves.

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Speaker 1: Buddy. You're out there surfing the web, and it is

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Speaker 1: my web that is killing you. I'm out here surfing waves. Brother.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, God, it's just it's fucking This is like the

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Speaker 2: worst part of like, you know, Hill politics is just

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Speaker 2: like the bringing out your poster boards and being like

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Speaker 2: what do you have to say?

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Speaker 4: And it's like except for will you keep donating to

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Speaker 4: my campaign?

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Speaker 2: And then that's right, Maybe we will do something about this, because, yeah,

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Speaker 2: when you look at the face of it, and we

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Speaker 2: talk about this all the time, the harm that's been

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Speaker 2: done not just to younger people, but to like marginalized people,

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Speaker 2: Like if the actual violence that has played out because

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Speaker 2: of the lack of moderation on these platforms, like what.

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Speaker 1: That's the fucking tragedy.

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Speaker 4: Now do something other than just being like, do you

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Speaker 4: see what I fucking said to him?

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Speaker 1: Dude, fucking snailed the sweat. Dude. All right, well, those

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Speaker 1: are some of the things that are trending on this

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Speaker 1: January thirty. First, we are back tomorrow with a whole

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Speaker 1: ass episode of the show. Until then, be kind to

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Speaker 1: each other, be kind to yourselves, get the vaccine, don't

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Speaker 1: do nothing about white supremacy, and we will talk to

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Speaker 1: you all tomorrow. Bye bye,