00:00:08
Speaker 1: But I invited you.

00:00:10
Speaker 2: Here thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests.

00:00:27
Speaker 1: Your own presences presents enough.

00:00:31
Speaker 2: I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare.

00:00:36
Speaker 1: To surbey me?

00:00:48
Speaker 3: Welcome to I said, no gifts. We're in the backyard. It's thrilling. I'm always thrilled to be in the backyard, and so you know, as usual, I'm gonna just say up top. I actually do think the audio quality is better than when it's on zoom, so I'm not going to hear any complaints. We're in person. It's such a rare opportunity to be in person recording a podcast at this point, and it always sets my heart racing. I've also had about thirty ounces so far of cold brew. I'm on my second cup. So whatever's happening for the next hour or so is not my responsibility. It's yours. I think we should get into it and try to get some get back on track here. Things are chaos, is currently raining, and we need to get the guests in so he can settle me down. I love today's guest, a dear friend Jeff Loveness Bridger.

00:01:47
Speaker 4: I am delighted to be here. I'm here to kiss the ring now.

00:01:51
Speaker 3: Of the Keen of Radio, the podcast where guys can be guys.

00:01:56
Speaker 4: Oh at last, I see you going for Rogan's throat. See this misinformation campaign you put out there.

00:02:05
Speaker 3: Well, when I lit your cigar, then lit mine, we're both kind of smoking. I just thought we're gonna have an excellent time. Just bullshit, guy. We have one fucking episode, so yours will be edited.

00:02:21
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean just to be at you know, Wineger Studios here, like just to be in person, going through three layers of security.

00:02:32
Speaker 3: To get in, you had to undress. You went through the metal detector and then I had my team of security kind of dress you down. Is that Rush Limbaugh's gold microphone that you have recording? I dug it out of his grave. I am a grave robber. Jeff, you were going to be Look the podcast is now how many years two years old? At this point you were going to be an early guest.

00:02:55
Speaker 4: I was, yeah, and I we had to cancel. We were jumping back and forth. Things popped up. Friendship's broke here.

00:03:03
Speaker 3: Yes.

00:03:05
Speaker 4: Then I left the country for a year because of aforementioned fight. Yeah, yeah, I had to get out do not make an enemy. But I feel the distance has healed, I think, so, Yeah, I've come back stronger.

00:03:22
Speaker 3: You found me weaker. Yeah, I've been putting.

00:03:25
Speaker 4: Lots of paint into your food.

00:03:30
Speaker 3: How are you doing? I'm good, you know.

00:03:32
Speaker 4: I mean, like, this is the first time off I've had in a long time, and I don't know what to do with myself. But I'm just watching a lot of very random movies and hanging out and letting the despair creep in bit by bit. But so I'm just watching Close. I'm talking to people about Closer a lot.

00:03:48
Speaker 3: You have mentioned Closer to me multiple times in the past two weeks. Fantastic movie of people just being huge dicks to each other. It's great. What is it? Tell me the exact plot of Closer?

00:04:00
Speaker 1: What is?

00:04:01
Speaker 3: Well, not the exact, but what's the general premise? I can picture of the DVD. There are four horny freaks.

00:04:08
Speaker 4: And they get off on just being brutally honest to each other to their face.

00:04:14
Speaker 3: And is it British freaks? It's an international cast.

00:04:19
Speaker 4: There's Clive Owen, there's Jude law at like, you know, two thousand and four Jude Law, so he's right and high. Then he had Natalie Portman. I refuse to believe an American, but I guess she is. She doesn't wish she was. She has that impression of like if she could be like French, she would.

00:04:35
Speaker 3: Is Natalie Portman American born Israeli as well?

00:04:39
Speaker 1: I feel.

00:04:41
Speaker 3: There's judged her. And then Julia Roberts, Oh, excellent cementing the cast. Yeah, it's great. It's a Mike Nichols movie. It's just incredible. I think after.

00:04:50
Speaker 4: Like, you just don't see a movie like that anymore. It she's like four adults talking about their love lives. It's embarrassing, like you're embarrassed for.

00:05:00
Speaker 3: You're embarrassed for the characters. Yeah, they're just adults having like horny problems. And why are they not saving the world. I don't know. Yeah, it's a big question.

00:05:08
Speaker 4: There should be a giant light that goes up sometime over the skyline.

00:05:15
Speaker 3: I saw Natalie Portman a few years ago at a local taco establishment. Its completely Starstruck is a guy podcast? What was your approach? I know I thought of, you know, all of the YouTube videos I watch about the game I watched up. I walked up to her, told her she had a bad haircut, told her she could lose the kid, and she was there with her child and it was good, you know. Then I asked her on a date, and she quickly realized I'm gay. She from a mile away, she spotted it. But I continued to push because you know, I'm trying to get back in the closet, and unfortunately things did not work out as as I had hoped typical. So I'm kind of you know, it's a numbers game.

00:06:01
Speaker 4: It's a numbers game. Go up to any beautiful every beautiful celebrity.

00:06:05
Speaker 3: You can just beg them to turn you again back, please please, I've got to be back in the closet. Eventually it will work. I'm kind of, you know, prowling red carpets, just going to Hollywood nightclubs. You would be.

00:06:25
Speaker 4: Take this the best possible way, like you know that who's Brian Wilson's like lawyer or like doctor and Eugene Landy.

00:06:33
Speaker 3: It might be Landy like you would be. That's like your dream role.

00:06:37
Speaker 4: I think you need to really like slowly respute in a celebrity, like take over their finances.

00:06:45
Speaker 3: I would love nothing more than to suddenly be in a relationship with a woman way beyond my category. Everyone knows I'm gay, but I'm like now in control of her.

00:06:56
Speaker 4: Person, like Terry Hatcher take over to Marry Hatcher's life.

00:07:02
Speaker 3: Suddenly were on us weekly, Terry's new man.

00:07:07
Speaker 4: And you're just slowly creeping more and more into the center of the magazine.

00:07:11
Speaker 3: Shoots clearly spending all of her money on surgery. My face is just ravaged. My clothing is so expensive. And then and you can tell that she hasn't slept in weeks. But Terry understands the arrangement. This is not new to her. That's the goal, that's the that's the retirement plan.

00:07:34
Speaker 4: And well, I mean, yeah, I'm gone for a year, and you were the kine of radio. I've caught you on like the Fresno Valley Radio coming in.

00:07:45
Speaker 3: Soundboards. I've been slowly, you know well. And I wouldn't say slowly. I would say I was probably one of the first to kind of be out there saying don't get vaccinated. Of course, don't believe your doctors. And it's it's paid off in spades. I would say, I've got contractually I've got a ninety million dollar blocked in. I've got an exclusive deal with one of the biggest streaming services, and they are begging me to continue to just kind of spread misinformation. Good. I won't say which one, but I will say Scandinavian shareholders, a lot of Scandan shareholders. But you were, as we said before, out of the country for a year. That wasn't a lie. You were in London, Yeah, London, England familiar. It's if the listeners not familiar, you can google. But you went to England with a mission. Yes, you were going to.

00:08:46
Speaker 4: I was there on I was doing a movie, feature film. I was I wrote Aunt Man three and I was not going to drop that for anything. I had to be there to see the It's kind of my fits Galdo. I had to really go down with the ship.

00:09:04
Speaker 3: I do like that. At this point in the podcast, the listener may be very confused. They may think that you're making this up. No, oh, sorry, they're they're confused.

00:09:12
Speaker 4: The full titles ant Man in the Wasp, Colon Quantumnia.

00:09:16
Speaker 3: But this this is actually true, which is so exciting.

00:09:19
Speaker 4: Now it's weird, like I uh, I had a very strange COVID period because, like.

00:09:25
Speaker 3: I think I it was one of those just random liness.

00:09:28
Speaker 4: I was driving into Rick and Morty and I got a call to be like, hey, can you get to Marvel.

00:09:33
Speaker 3: I'm like, god, sure, Like.

00:09:34
Speaker 4: I didn't know what it was about, and then like I did the interview and all that, and like you, it was a very I feel like something was going wrong behind the scenes. They needed someone fast. I got the job. I think later that day I'm like, I didn't do that good of.

00:09:49
Speaker 3: A job with that. Okay, well, listener, you should know it was a fall guy, chef love this is lying here, and well he's not lying, he's being extremely modest. There's no one more qualified to write a movie than Jeff Loveness. Well that's very nice. But that said, I will say earlier that afternoon, I had been at Marvel headquarters, sweating, pitching my version of this movie. I was saying to them, I was saying, look, I've got debts I have to pay off, I have a family to feed. Give me the opportunity. Then we crossed Pads on the way out of the Superdio. You had just gotten out of your corvette.

00:10:25
Speaker 4: And I don't want to say you were trying to ice me, but I wouldn't say it was cordial on the way in.

00:10:31
Speaker 3: But it wasn't a bad place, you said to me.

00:10:33
Speaker 2: It was.

00:10:35
Speaker 3: I said, good luck, hot shot. Oh yeah, and then unfortunately you got the job.

00:10:43
Speaker 4: Yeah, and my windows were ruined when I got out. Someone it's like a wild horse had just kicked in the windows.

00:10:53
Speaker 3: Well, I don't carry golf clubs in my car for golf. Let's just say that I did bash out all of the windows of your Sonata. Yes, you know, Keid, maybe maybe some some things I regret into the side of your car, and then took off into the late afternoon sun. And then we didn't speak for a year, but you were offerating the movie and I think that that allowed you to forgive me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yes, definitely. But overall you had a nicest time in England. It was great. I I legitimately had an amazing time.

00:11:27
Speaker 4: And it was like, obviously it's it's insane schedule and like brutal and there's wild things happening every day, but it was I mean, I feel like I luckily I got to have something to occupy my time during COVID, and like I got something that I could actually work on, and you have to make a movie like it's wild like it was, and like it's cheesy or whatever. But like even I went into like a movie theater, you know, you see like Spider Man or whatever, and you just it it didn't click until like I was watching Spider Man in a theater and it's like, oh wait, I wrote one of these This is so weird, Like this is going to play in every country that has movies, like you can probably go to like the middle of India or Nepal or Vietnam, like Southeast Asia.

00:12:11
Speaker 3: I'm focusing on that market. But like you get just you have a real personal stake in this movie. And so yeah, for some reason, Japan anywhere, like but like that kind of hit me where I'm like, WHOA like you?

00:12:28
Speaker 4: Because I was so uh claustrophobic with it because I was just I got the job maybe a week or two before COVID even hit. So I was just in my apartment writing a movie for like a year before I left over for England, right, and so like it just I had it just felt like any other job where it just felt like you were writing like a weird short film like it felt.

00:12:47
Speaker 3: Like you were doing a very odd specscript.

00:12:51
Speaker 4: Uh, but now and like and now that I'm back, it feels very strange not to have like a five am call and like, I don't know, it's it's but it's it's been nice.

00:13:01
Speaker 3: So you went to England and then were you immediately on set of this movie? There was like.

00:13:06
Speaker 4: Three months of like pre production, so like you're at the studio, you're in the lot.

00:13:10
Speaker 3: You know, you're designing costs.

00:13:12
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, you're in I'm working. That is actually I think I sent you photos. This is part of the healing process, me reaching out, kind of a Samantha Carrie thing.

00:13:22
Speaker 3: If you've seen it, just like that. I've seen the eighth episode and no more. Oh can I just say the texting.

00:13:28
Speaker 4: My favorite thing in that show is the close ups, like the coverage of Sarah Jessica Parker texting Samantha.

00:13:34
Speaker 3: You can tell she doesn't want to do these scenes.

00:13:37
Speaker 4: It's like her text reacting like they got maybe one take from her.

00:13:41
Speaker 3: You can tell, I'll give you one.

00:13:43
Speaker 4: And like the insert shot of Carrie's hand, No way in hell that's her hand.

00:13:47
Speaker 3: It's clearly a man's hand.

00:13:50
Speaker 4: I am on Team Kim cattral like, I'm so glad she pulled that.

00:13:53
Speaker 3: That's a smart movie. Oh there was too much Miranda this season. There's too much. The balance was off, too much Charlotte anyway. But I will say to the listener that Jeff is the heterosexual on this pod this episode. But look, I've I've failed my gay duties as far as sex and the city.

00:14:12
Speaker 4: Say, I've been looped in by a few people. And yeah, I did end up watching basically all of it, and it is wild.

00:14:21
Speaker 3: Anyways.

00:14:21
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was there for like three months doing pre production. So it's like anything from like costume people to I mean, honestly just up to the minute script stuff. You get to meet the actor, you get it to their points of views on stuff. You get practical things you have like big goggles to do three D like VR scouts. Really, yeah, how does that work? Well there's this, I mean not to get all technical in the movies, but but well this is entertainment tonight. Of course I'm Mary Hart. Oh what a psychosexual thrill to be interviewed. And Mary Heart's like compound a state. It's I don't if you watch The Mandalorian or any of that stuff. There's this new technology called the volume, which is like basically like a living green screen. Basically like you can actually put up the backgrounds and the cool visual effects that you want in real time right, much better for the actors, and then they'll they'll do digital stuff later to make it look better.

00:15:17
Speaker 3: But it is pretty cool.

00:15:19
Speaker 4: It reminds me of like an old David Lean like Matte painting or something in the background, or like any of that stuff.

00:15:26
Speaker 3: And is that it's like also animated in the movie. It like it.

00:15:30
Speaker 4: I had one of those things where I felt like a French person watching that train movie, you know, like it was.

00:15:37
Speaker 3: That train was real, but.

00:15:38
Speaker 4: There was like a complicated running sequence where like, uh, the Wasp, the very small she flies right, She's like going through the forest and the camera's moving with her and it tracks on the screen.

00:15:50
Speaker 3: So it just looks like a legitimate shot from the movie. And it's very jarring to have like this.

00:15:55
Speaker 4: Gigantic screening like a camera nauseating. Yeah, it kind of was, especially in goggles. I don't recommend throwing an oculus on your head and jumping into an all cg environment.

00:16:06
Speaker 3: I truly think that that would probably make me throw up.

00:16:08
Speaker 4: The metaverse people are just gonna be throwing up the first like five months, every business meeting, every it's Mark Zuckerberg just found in a pool of his vomit on the goggles strapped to his head. But like they it was at Pinewood Studios, which is where they shoot all the James Bond movies, and like there's really cool stuff there.

00:16:29
Speaker 3: Like oh, there's a classic car. But then they really there's too much James Bond memorability. Yeah, some of those movies. I don't think we need.

00:16:36
Speaker 4: Memorabile, Like they have like dioramas of the Ice Palace from Die Another Day, Right, like all the late period Piers Bros. And there's like a Moonraker costs so beautiful.

00:16:47
Speaker 3: Was there any one other memorabilia was happening? There was James Bond.

00:16:51
Speaker 4: Mainly James Bond, and a lot of photos like there's just like a Tom Cruise and like his long hair, adult braces two thousand and two had a very good headshot.

00:17:01
Speaker 3: Was there a photo of him Embrace's.

00:17:03
Speaker 4: No, no, no, like the deserting Knie if you know that Tom Cruise Harisy, Like oh that's when he had calobe cruz Brace's phase.

00:17:11
Speaker 3: We need to get a timeline on his braces. How long were was he embraced? He definitely did it at the opening of the.

00:17:17
Speaker 4: Oscars after nine to eleven, which is one of my if you haven't seen the clip you introduced me to this, I said this to you about once a year, if not more.

00:17:27
Speaker 3: It is he was honor Lisa is saying that he was embracest for a two full year. Incredible fact checking. Wow, think that's amazing. That's a bad orthodontist.

00:17:37
Speaker 4: But like it's it's right after nine to eleven, it's the Oscars after nine to eleven. This is like February two thousand and two, Billy crystals nowhere to be seen.

00:17:45
Speaker 3: He may have been involved in nine to eleven.

00:17:47
Speaker 4: Yeah, So it's a very somber opening outwalks Tom Cruise big speech and this is Tom. I think Cameron Crowe wrote the monologue like it's a very watch it for your off, but it's a long build up, long build up. But then you start to see if you watch closest, like wait, something's wrong with Tom's teeth?

00:18:06
Speaker 3: Like what is this? Is he wearing adult braces at the Oscars? Like opening. Is that your phone?

00:18:16
Speaker 4: Turn it off, turn it off, Jeff. Jeff's phone is going on. I want the record to show. So I thought that was you. I thought that was your soundboard that you were like gassing me another way.

00:18:31
Speaker 3: To use my burp sounds. Okay, well leave it in, leave it in. I'm looking at on a Lisa. I'm saying leave it in. Damn. Jeff's phone went off anyway, But it's one of as many girlfriends calling talking about sex and the city. That is, you do have to slowly learn the things. It's you pick it up along the way.

00:18:53
Speaker 4: But no, just Tom Cruise Adult Braces opening like bringing America back after nine to eleven. The confidence and it's like the most pregnant pause, the most self satisfied, smug exhale where he's like, I don't know, like.

00:19:09
Speaker 3: An actor friend was asking me, does this matter? Does what we do matter? Lawn pause?

00:19:17
Speaker 4: Well, dare I say it more than ever? And the place lights up. He's talking about the movie. He's talking about the movies and the place like just erupts for Tom Cruise and he's smiling at the Braces.

00:19:31
Speaker 3: It's like, god, damn, he did pull it off. It's an oddly it's such a weird feeling to watch that video because it is mildly affecting but also so unbelievably stupid. I do love award show like pageantry. It's so good. Is he he should be hosting this year?

00:19:52
Speaker 4: Oh well, we would even got I mean, I assume that's a whole block of the show is Oscar host Oscar theories?

00:19:58
Speaker 3: That's true, Yeah, but this is Will. I'll just get into entirely my love of award shows, and we'll get into the years picks and I don't know, I don't have a rhyming word for pick. That would be you know, the non picks. That's why this is not an enter non pix and non picks.

00:20:18
Speaker 4: Okay, well, Jeff, that's why Leonard Malton put you in the ground.

00:20:21
Speaker 3: You made the pivot to radio. My hope was for you to come on this podcast and for me to kind of soft turn it into you know, an award show picks podcast. And you've failed. I've failed now and Eve embarrassed me. So I guess we should probably talk about something else. This core table literally on the table, Jeff, as I said a couple of years ago, you know, we've known each other for years, a long time, years and years. We've worked together, we've played together, we've done it all, and you're familiar with this podcast. You we're going to be an early guest. As I said before. Of course from the beginning, it's called I said no Gifts. And so you know, we've trusted each other, We've obviously we've talked about how we've not trusted each other or I felt like we were back on kind of a maybe not completely repaired, the healing stage of our relationship and its hands are shaking?

00:21:20
Speaker 1: Is that what.

00:21:23
Speaker 3: You know? This is a hard thing for me to come back around to. I mean, at such a sensitive stage in our relationship. You agreed to be on this podcast I said no Gifts a few weeks ago, and I was really excited to kind of just clear the air, kind of just cut to the chase and get back to what we were before. Yeah, Bridger, I want to make this right, like what I mean, Yeah, that's why I was not supposed to look you. You showed up to my house today. This is the first time you've been at my house since the argument, since the argument we'll call it an argument. Sure, you show up. You kind of under into my backyard and you're holding a box and it says on it to Bridger.

00:22:07
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, kind of a we'll say it's a blue shoe box.

00:22:11
Speaker 3: Yeah, what brand are we talking?

00:22:13
Speaker 2: Is this?

00:22:13
Speaker 4: I think that's an a six shoebox. Look, Bridger, obviously there's been a horrible mistake. Tell me who's asked I need to fire you. Ann Alise was insistent, I got a lot of misinformation coming out here, like you're looking at It's a false flag, is what I think?

00:22:27
Speaker 3: A false flag has been planted. That's fine. Okay, well I guess while you're here. You know, podcasts are about clearing the air, they're about getting into old beefs new beefs. And again, I just wanted this to be a space for guys to be guys. And so I'm just going to ask you, is this a gift for me?

00:22:47
Speaker 4: You know, the old Jeff would have lied, he would or you would have tried to save your feelings.

00:22:52
Speaker 3: You this is an honest jet. Yes, it is a gift for you. Okay, Well, it's nice to hear you making a step forward per personality wise. So okay, so you've admitted the truth, and that's fine. You know, I'm I do feel like I'm in a place right now that I can accept this information without a complete freak out. Yeah, I just want to clear the air with you. Man. Look like you are one of my dearest friends.

00:23:19
Speaker 4: You deserve a guy, can't just what That's what being a guy's all about is getting your little buddy a gift when he doesn't expect it. Okay, Okay, that's that's a guy move. Do you have that soundboard you of guy move?

00:23:29
Speaker 3: Ready to go? Guy move? I'm going to rewind the tape a little bit here, and you're already nagging me, little buddy.

00:23:36
Speaker 2: Wow.

00:23:36
Speaker 3: So I'm feeling I'm feeling insulted. I'm feeling diminished. Sure, you're seven feet tall, I'm three foot six. I get it, Jeff. You know it's nice to hear you admit some to be honest for a minute, but then to immediately attack my stature as a little gross. This will be released publicly, of so people will be able to make They're gonna be able to listen to both sides here and take away what they want. You want me to open the gift here on the.

00:24:07
Speaker 4: Podcast Honestly yes, because I think I think this isn't I can heal us. I think this moves forward. It's something that I think you specifically have been kind of hinting at.

00:24:15
Speaker 3: For a long time. Okay, so yeah, I mean, go for it. I wouldn't be surprised if I opened this to like a poisonous snake, you know, kill Bill's style, just snatching me in the face and you watch me die. But if it's rather heavy, this is a very bricks or something.

00:24:39
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm gonna okay, well, yeah, keep going. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna open the box. Here it's the shoe box. As I said, now we've got the uh this is exhat. There are two items in this box. I just caught a glimpse of this.

00:24:57
Speaker 3: I've missed. I've missed things.

00:24:59
Speaker 4: I thought I would double up and give you the two things you want the most.

00:25:02
Speaker 3: So, first of all, this is the first time I've seen a box of this product since about nineteen ninety four. It's Caprice Son Strawberry Kiwi their classic flavor. Absolutely, I don't know. I think they may have had a tropical flavor or oh yeah, but no, it was always Kiwi straw that's the one.

00:25:17
Speaker 1: That's the way.

00:25:19
Speaker 3: Okay, we've got there is another box in here, another item in here. But let's get in. Should we get into the Caprice on the force?

00:25:25
Speaker 4: Yes?

00:25:25
Speaker 3: Okay, this is extremely heavy.

00:25:28
Speaker 4: It's it's gotten heavier over the years.

00:25:31
Speaker 3: I mean it's thirty percent less sugar at this point. Number one lead, the.

00:25:36
Speaker 4: Number one kid's favorite juice drink. Look, I just thought, you know, we're both busy professionals. Sometimes in Hollywood you lose sight of the joy, you lose of that childhood joy. And I thought, well, what's something that can bring Bridger specifically back to childhood, something to make him become the child again?

00:25:54
Speaker 3: And I thought, well, delicious not he doesn't take care.

00:25:56
Speaker 4: Of himself, for God's sake. When's the last time someone handed Bridger a nice little treat, a sugary juice? Absolutely, Jeff, when was the last time you had a Caprice son.

00:26:06
Speaker 3: A while ago?

00:26:07
Speaker 4: And to be honest, I almost took these out and had one before I get.

00:26:11
Speaker 3: I think I think we should take them out now. I think because first.

00:26:15
Speaker 4: Of all, I want an impenetrable Yeah, I want to see if they're still doing that extremely difficult Yeah, it looks like it's still I cannot believe this is still packaging. It looks like thank you a Onalis was holding the mic while I was opening the box. It's still in this bizarre space age.

00:26:36
Speaker 3: It's like a ration. Right, Yeah, this is something that you you know, you're desperate in Korea. It's nineteen fifty the Korean War is waging. Is that time period of my getting believe fifty to fifty three. And then you've got this thing that's almost impossible to get into, but you're so thirsty that you'll do anything. And then it's got this violent motion. We're both going to get in here.

00:26:59
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:26:59
Speaker 4: It gives you the killing an instinct as a child at the moment when you could turn back and you don't.

00:27:04
Speaker 3: This straw could have gone into it. One of my there's eyes before you take a sip. Just you know, you're eight years old, boy, what would you like to do in life?

00:27:14
Speaker 4: Maybe do comedy, maybe have a hit global podcast.

00:27:18
Speaker 3: It's a did you get right into it? Got rat? Okay, I'm putting my dis to miss a step. Sometimes I would get desperate enough to like cut it open with a knife, a little mouse.

00:27:29
Speaker 4: Okay, this is my first sip of a Caprice On just feel the soccer field, probably in twenty years.

00:27:35
Speaker 3: Feel that grass allergy like actually probably more than twenty years, twenty five times there we go. It tastes exactly the same. They've done nothing to change the formula other than saying I think they did get in trouble at some point.

00:27:51
Speaker 4: For having too much sugar, because there was the period poisoned all those kids.

00:27:54
Speaker 3: When they poise it, there was kind of that national panic when kids dropping down everywhere, elementary schools full of just children poisoned by Caprice's son. I guess legally we should say that's probably not true. You know, I don't need Caprice Sons lawyers. Well, they've done it before, and they'll do it again. I just got out of a lawsuit with Caprice Son. I can't do it again. So where were you were you drinking Caprice Sons, Like on the soccer field, you were team sports, So I mean, it.

00:28:24
Speaker 4: Was it was that, but it was also you know what, I didn't even think about this, like it was something I had with my one friend. I'm from a town of two hundred people in the very middle of nowhere in California. I had one friend who like had a stalked refrigerator like his his mom, I thinks, shopped a lot and got a lot of like snacks and all those things, and they had like an extra refrigerator with like pepsi in the garage.

00:28:46
Speaker 3: Like one of those families fancy you had a lot.

00:28:48
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, And he had a he always had caprice son, and we were just like I remember specifically, like Spider Man two on the PlayStation two came out, Oh sure, and that was that was just a wild ride. But when I was in like pretty like the darker not the darker, but like you know, the tense parts of making this movie and stuff or deadlines or things are going off the rails or whatever. Like I did have this little trick where I'm like, you know what, like think back to like you're playing Spider Man two, you got a caprice son, like try to hit that like almost like elemental brain sugar chemistry of like you know what, it's not that big of a deal, Like you'll figure out the line for Michelle feif for like.

00:29:27
Speaker 3: He's big and small and maybe he does.

00:29:29
Speaker 4: Something over year like it's great, like it it actually was like this grounding mechanism for me.

00:29:34
Speaker 3: I didn't put that together. Oh I think that's a wonderful thing that I almost never do, which is, uh, take any more.

00:29:43
Speaker 4: How much gratitude anymore? How much gratitude are you practicing? These absolutely? How much gratitude you can even? Oh she's she's shaking her head. Yeah, that's not good.

00:29:51
Speaker 3: Some of us aren't as grateful as Jeff Lovenes. So you now you've come on to kind of make us all feel like.

00:29:57
Speaker 4: I'm doing something pivot like a sex criminal who then becomes about like radical acceptance or something like his meditation journey.

00:30:04
Speaker 3: Or No, this is actually a question I'm interested in. Would your parents pack you lunch for school or would you have a school lunch? I was a little bit of both.

00:30:14
Speaker 4: Sometimes there would be yeah, like a little sandwich was talking about. Mostly I think there was school lunch, and I worked in the snack bar to get out of sitting anywhere, right like he was always in the library or the snack bar, volunteering. Looking back, it's maybe the saddest detail. I did not eat lunch with anyone.

00:30:37
Speaker 3: Friends with all of the teachers.

00:30:39
Speaker 4: Yeah, now, can we just say a minute, like the simp can we appreciate the high school librarian who like knows you're a loser and is kind and is like kind to you. That is someone who needs like a metal or a statue, like the fact of like it's it's too sad to say out loud, why don't you go with your friends? Like she knows, and it's just like.

00:31:02
Speaker 3: Oh, how are you today? Like a very like that's the only lifeline you've got, right, that's kind of they're kind of a benevolent god in that situation. They're kind of hovering over and looking down at and I'm sure her life isn't going too great either. Librarian addicted to drugs, doing everything everything they can to just get back on track, and they can't. So now they're befriending children exactly.

00:31:26
Speaker 4: But this is this is my way of saying, bridget take a minute to just like become the child again, okay. And for me, it's also like the carpet of Barnes and Noble. I would interest I would sit on My mom is working at Walmart, which a little bit further away, so there's a there's a Barnes and Noble, and I would just sit there and read like comics and all that stuff all day, like hours after scho and that was a good way to like also ground me.

00:31:49
Speaker 3: And we're like, you know what, like.

00:31:50
Speaker 4: This is something Yeah, like feel the feel the Barnes and Noble carpet on your hands.

00:31:55
Speaker 3: It's like that's your field of wheat. I'm trying to think because you're learning home from war, I'm trying to remember the Barnes and Noble carpet, but I can't. I remember more the tile of the magazines.

00:32:10
Speaker 4: You know there it exists not to create a memory in your mind, like it's the absence of a carpet.

00:32:16
Speaker 3: Barnes and Noble, they're still in business. A few weeks ago, which location at the Grove? The Grove, Okay, I.

00:32:23
Speaker 4: Want to see a film with Grove the nearby. I didn't go there specifically, and I had a little bit of time to kill, so I jumped into a Barnes and Noble.

00:32:31
Speaker 3: And that's a three level. It's a three level. Yes, it doesn't need to be.

00:32:34
Speaker 4: There's a lot of the they very generous, like puzzle layouts, a lot of hard media.

00:32:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I feel like that first floor is almost completely in essential CDs right selling CDs and magazine CDs and then a couple. I guess they have the tables for the hot reds or the seasonal reads, and then probably use that to clear out when they're having a book signing. I think so. Yeah, you know, when Jenny McCarthy's there.

00:33:04
Speaker 4: They throw all that still be treaked in the trash. Yeah.

00:33:09
Speaker 3: I was a a pretty frequent Barnes and Noble customer, or at least browser, never really buying the book.

00:33:15
Speaker 4: It's like the only corporation I have like sympathy. I don't know, I have an odd like connection to it. It feels like you're going to watch the Titanic go down, right, and you actually went on an earlier voyage that a Titanic got you across safely, so you're.

00:33:29
Speaker 3: Like sad, that's well. I mean every giant corporation from basically nineteen ninety eight to two thousand and five now feels unbelievably quaint.

00:33:39
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's grandmother, right, We're going to fall in the shower one day.

00:33:45
Speaker 3: Yes. Yeah. The other question I was going to ask you just culturally, I'm curious. I don't even know if this is I guess it's more regional. Would you call, we would call school lunch hot lunch, and lunch you brought to school cold lunch. Have you ever heard heard of I.

00:34:01
Speaker 4: Don't think i've it rings a bell, but I can't say with any I think hot lunch was the usual thing.

00:34:08
Speaker 3: I remember heard cold lunch, cold lunch, lunch, home lunch or lunch from home. I don't know, I can't quite un Yeah, I'm interested in that regionally. I need somebody to do a whole map, one of those maps you see on buzz feet that says if you grew up in around top porn searches and.

00:34:27
Speaker 4: Also hot lunch, cold lunch, leave Minnesota alone.

00:34:35
Speaker 3: Okay, so we've talked to Capri Son, I do want to I guess we should get into what's happening next in this box of course. Yeah, do you have anything left to say about Caprice?

00:34:44
Speaker 1: And I'm.

00:34:47
Speaker 3: I just want you to enjoyed. It's a beautiful, hot day. It's a I could be out, you know, kicking the ball around. Absolutely.

00:34:53
Speaker 4: I just want anytime you get a little caught up in the in the success the gold microphone gets a little heavy, I want you to remember twelve year old Bridger.

00:35:03
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm willing to tuck it down a.

00:35:06
Speaker 4: Sweet sweet are said, and then throw it directly into the ocean.

00:35:10
Speaker 3: That's where it. I do wonder what this is. I mean, it can't be good in any way for the environment. They have not they have not updated recyclable at all. It doesn't even indicate where you should throw this away. It's kind of like an odd hybrid between aluminium and plastic, which makes try to get rid of it. And I let's say the paper, yeah, the pouch. The box is very explicit here. It says, sure, recycle the box the pouch. The pouch has a giant cross through it. It's like, do not recycle? It says sure? Does it really? No, it doesn't. I would love if it says take directly to the forest and just bury. But yeah, so there they have some some steps they probably should take. I mean the fact that this company is still ex and also I guess it's part of the Kraft Heins Foods company. So Craft Heines, you're on watch ketchup family is making the pre sun Teresa Hines Kerry, I'm reaching out. I'm saying, get this package recyclable. It's the least you could do. Okay, let's get into the box here. I got a hint of what's happening about it, of course I caught a glimpse. It's so I did see Da Vinci Code, and now I'm saying that this is in fact the audio book. Yeah, this is like a I think it's.

00:36:32
Speaker 4: Fourteen compact disc audio book of the Da Vinci Code I saw in a bookstore.

00:36:37
Speaker 3: I just thought of you.

00:36:39
Speaker 4: It it's an adventure to throw, right, and I know you like to ask questions. I know you know you're a freak for Ron Howard, so like it all.

00:36:49
Speaker 3: Kind of made sense.

00:36:50
Speaker 4: Also, the box to me, like someone ripped this out of someone's hands and taped it.

00:36:55
Speaker 3: Looks like a true I mean, what could this have possibly gone through? I don't know.

00:37:00
Speaker 4: That's a thrill, right, there's exclusive interviews with the screenwriter Da Vinci Code. Uh, there's bonus feet. Dan Brown goes on and talks about symbols.

00:37:09
Speaker 3: You know, I just thought, I want to give you a story.

00:37:13
Speaker 4: You're a writer as well, and I thought, you know, if you're like me, you're a little drained right now, you've emptied the tank and when's the last time you just played?

00:37:22
Speaker 3: When the last time, you just let a master you.

00:37:25
Speaker 4: All you have to do is hit play and let the master. He's a clockmaker.

00:37:31
Speaker 3: If nothing else, Dan Brown is a clockmaker. He's a master of suspense. He you know, every detail is carefully planned, laid out in such a way that you will be thrilled. And also, uh, you're going to learn some things about the Catholic Church that may or may not have been completely fabricated. I mean the condition of this what I'm up picturing is that you know, a Catholic priest wanted to hear it. I didn't want his fellow priests to know, so he's been keeping it under his pillow. Eventually it was discovered. There a fight and struggle. There are signs of struggle. What is the head priest called a monastery?

00:38:15
Speaker 4: We're talking about monks, the arch the archbishop.

00:38:18
Speaker 3: I know this is where my ignorance of the Catholic Church. Pastor and youth pastor. Of the two, they're like sith lords.

00:38:26
Speaker 4: They can only be two of them at any Protestant church.

00:38:29
Speaker 3: Yeah, neither of us is steeped in the Catholic tradition. Friar oh, I have no idea. The only friar. I can imagine is a specifically the animated who's like a mole or something friar. But yeah, this definitely was. Somebody thought that they were going to get the full story while still posing as a member high ranking member of the Catholic Church. It was discovered this could have been Pride from the Pope's hands himself. Yeah. Yeah, like the Pope.

00:39:05
Speaker 4: With fourteen compacted discs just enthralled hess a little disc mon.

00:39:12
Speaker 3: He's quiet, like secretly listening to it at night, and then an army of nuns just pours in, rips it from his hands. Have you ever read the da Vinci Code?

00:39:21
Speaker 4: I never have, no, so I would love to have that after you. Okay, I can tell you hate it, you know, just say it on the table. You hate it? You hate my gifts?

00:39:31
Speaker 3: You've never I mean I would ask for a receipt after the episode usually, but I'm happy to have it now because these are both going back to the store. There is no receipt.

00:39:41
Speaker 4: You just tell me what to sign on the fucking check Bridger, Okay, you just want money for it.

00:39:48
Speaker 3: I mean I assume. Okay, So the da Vinci Code was it says right here also, clearly you should have taken off the sticker. It was five dollars.

00:39:59
Speaker 4: Ninety five value, okay, sixty seven.

00:40:03
Speaker 3: I would have appreciated if you had paid MSRP on this, but you obviously wanted to buy us. You don't care about me. You go to the grocery store, you get the Capri's Sun. Who knows how many coupons you used to get this? I mean it's obviously like a bulk box. Who probably bought it at Costco. I'm gonna guess, I don't know, somewhere between forty and eight eighty dollars. Back to the da Vinci Code. I did read the da Vinci Code when it first came out. It was you know, I was swept the before you dropping. What is it about? Well, every chapter is a page, So that's the first thing you need to know about the DaVinci Code. So it's it's that is every there's long, nine hundred chapters long, and forty pages in forty pages. No, it's I think every author that is one little lesson that they could all take from Dan Brown. Regardless of how it affects the reading experience. You should break your book down into two page max chapters because the sense of accomplishment makes you feel incredible. It's like I'm powering through this thing. I've read fifty pages and it's only been twenty I mean, I've read fifty chapters. Give me the baby, I love like I love.

00:41:16
Speaker 4: After you've maybe made it through a modest chapter and then the next chapter is like a page, and then you got actually three pages.

00:41:24
Speaker 3: On the read, it feels amazing. Seventy pages today a chapter that's you know, fifty pages. That's a tough hill to cline.

00:41:32
Speaker 4: And I like it, Yeah, especially when they like no paragraph breaks like the Virginia Wolf style all the way down.

00:41:38
Speaker 3: It's tough. I don't like a challenge. I think that's what it comes down to. But Dan Brown is kind of a friend to the reader in making these chapters that are not only extremely short, they're you know, probably third grade reading level. So again, Dan Brown, you're doing an incredible chop. You've well, here's the thing, I'm hearing a lot of judgment.

00:41:59
Speaker 4: You've read the book, you've never listened to the book, you've never heard it brought to life. I'm sure they probably got Tom Hanks. Do you have a quick you know, oh, and there's a track at least where he's in. You're listening to the DaVinci Code.

00:42:11
Speaker 3: Probably sings the theme song or something, and it's read by Paul Michael, who's performed on Party. Macbeth heard of it, and the Wizard of Oz heard of it. He's also appeared on television in Alias, as well as several British sitcoms. So he's no fool. And it looks like there's an official website that is not Da Vinci Code dot com. It's so dark the Conofman dot com. What what I assume? And you know I read Da Vinci Code. I don't know it's it's been eighteen years or something. I don't remember, but I have to believe that that's something that happens in the book. I'm sure somebody says so dark The con of Man then runs off into the shadows. I was told I can't remember who I you know. I saw the first Divinci Code movie for whatever reason, did not enjoy myself. But somebody told me the second or third movie. He involves the Pope jumping out of a helicopter. Have you heard of this?

00:43:08
Speaker 4: No?

00:43:08
Speaker 3: I amn't. What does he do? I don't know. I don't know where he's headed. I don't know what's happening. And now, just even bringing that up, I feel like I need to watch it.

00:43:15
Speaker 4: It's not like a discuss. It's not like Tom Cruise with a mask is the Pope. It's got a cold open fer mission impossible. It's the actual voice of Christ on Earth.

00:43:27
Speaker 3: The Pope rips his mask off and jumps out of a helicopter. I don't know. I mean, and that's the thing about Dan Brown is anything can happen.

00:43:35
Speaker 4: That's his promise. It's a threat. Anything can happen in this book. Have you read a have you ever?

00:43:45
Speaker 3: I mean, you're an excellent reader and with excellent taste, and you're always reading good things. But have you read any trash? I should? I don't know.

00:43:54
Speaker 4: Even as like a kid, our teen I read when I was a raised very very Christian. I read The Left Behind for teens, oh, which is like teens in the Rapture.

00:44:06
Speaker 3: Okay, that was pretty bad. I read like twelve of the books. Oh they're addictive. I imagine.

00:44:13
Speaker 4: Did you read a lot of like Christian themed stuff when you were a kid. No, it was always like I like Breakaway teen magazine. Do you ever have that, like just a magazine begging you not.

00:44:23
Speaker 3: To have sex?

00:44:23
Speaker 4: Basically the most like the worst magazine sales strategy.

00:44:30
Speaker 3: No, Like within Mormon culture, it's very despite it being a Christian religion, it's not really in the Christian pop culture space.

00:44:39
Speaker 1: That's a lot of it.

00:44:39
Speaker 3: They haven't really commercialized it. Well, they have in ways. They have something called like the Living Scriptures, which is like poorly animated versions of like Bible and short stories that they sell at the mall.

00:44:51
Speaker 4: I was, you know, honestly that I'm glad I listened to the James Austin Johnson episode. I was going to get you a delightful Christian book on the shelf there they go.

00:44:59
Speaker 3: Well, I mean that just speaks to how many of us have been touched by the world of strange Christianity books and just trying to keep teen wild teens.

00:45:11
Speaker 4: Teens are yeah, yeah, out of the bedroom. I have as many people have in sex at thirty two, eighteen or thirty two? Is that?

00:45:23
Speaker 3: But yeah, I think we've I think it's probably time to play a game of course, you know, let's play a gift master. Okay, I need a number between one and ten for two. Two. Oh, I like a nice tight two. So I have to do some light calculating on my computer. You have the microphone. You can promote recommencing. Do whatever you want. I'll be right back, man, Okay, yeah, what are some things I like?

00:45:47
Speaker 4: Read a book second hand time an oral history of the Soviet Union. Very good, very informative, all stations of life, fascinating period. I think Patricia Lockwood's no one is talking about this novel very good, very good modern novel. Uh ant Man and the Wasp. Quantum Mania probably gonna come out in like a year and a half. Maybe I'll be dead if so, on my memory. Make sure they have like they make sure they memorialize me, like three times through the movie.

00:46:17
Speaker 3: I mean, like Bridger's got a show.

00:46:19
Speaker 4: I guess he's talking about that, and it's very you know in the after party, very good show. I'm just trying to eat less salt failing. Sweet potatoes are really good, but you need so many sweet potato now that it hits that salty crunch though that pizza, it's hard. I just feel like when I picture you in your apartment eating a sweet potato, I feel like you're like kind of you know, like putting coal into the stove.

00:46:45
Speaker 3: I don't know why I live the way.

00:46:47
Speaker 4: My apartment is fully slanted, like things roll down it. You're constantly climbing up hill in your own parking space, scrapes my car. I don't have enough trash. Bit.

00:47:02
Speaker 3: I just live in philth I live in You've got to treat yourself a little better. I mean, when I'm treating myself better than someone, I know that they're not treating themselves very well. Something is wrong. Something's deeply wrong. Jeff. This this game is gift Master. I'm gonna name three gifts, three potential items you can give away, experiences, whatever, you know. We know how the world of gifting works. And then I'm gonna name three famous people's celebrities, and you're gonna tell me which gift you'll give which person and why. Okay, does that make any sense at all?

00:47:34
Speaker 4: Yay?

00:47:34
Speaker 3: I got it, I got Okay. I'm a student of the show, end of life. Okay. The gifts you'll be giving today are first up, we have just a nice gift that anyone would appreciate, A baby grand piano, baby classy. Uh, you know that mirror surface black. It's gorgeous. It fits in any home. It's the baby Okay, next up, you've got this is Uh, it's a gift and I think it someone could appreciate it. Oh, yes, question do I ask questions?

00:48:03
Speaker 4: After you go through all three you can ask this game is all over the baby grand piano. Just to clarify when they say a baby like isn't actual like an adult can use it?

00:48:11
Speaker 3: Or was just like muppet size like something that like kind of like Schroeder. Yeah, blind check piano, So correct me if I'm wrong. But a baby grand piano is kind of the Quinn sized bed of pianos where it's like this is Yeah, I believe a grand piano is apparently enormous. I don't know that I've ever encountered one. Maybe at the symphony. Well do they have a piano with the symphony. Again, I'm such an ignorant. Think they do.

00:48:38
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's got to be there at least they need it right in case there's an emergency.

00:48:44
Speaker 3: Baby grand I think it's more of that piano. But for the home. Okay, So it's the smart piano. It's the smarts It tracks your blood pressure. How many steps you took during the listening, just had a horrible idea. The smart piano, it'll start your oven for you. No, baby, grand piano is just a slightly smaller version of the grand what you're describing this muppet baby's style thing. I think that that's probably called a toy piano. Okay, yeah, of course. Okay. Then next, this gift is more towels than they need. So it's you know, initially probably nice. They're getting some towels, but then there are only so many towels a person can own. I'm currently in this situation right now.

00:49:26
Speaker 4: You have towels, like eight towels. That's too many, and I think that's the one area of your life where you have kind of an abument. Accidentally, Amazon basics, too many towels over and none of them are good.

00:49:38
Speaker 3: I'm stuck with them. What you're describing as a roll of paper towels, yeah, basically okay, so more towels than they need. And finally, this is a little less conventional, more of an experience and something from the heart. Your hand in marriage, so this person will be marrying you, okay, and these they want to but that's up to you, you know, This could be kind of a Victorian era style thing where two unwilling parties end up in a marriage. Yes, of course, secret and keep that in mind while you think about these people. Number one is extremely famous. You know, he's in lots of commercials. He's guest hosting Shark Tank. Kevin Hart. Uh huh. Okay. Number two we love her despite her friendship with Mel Gibson Jody Foster. Oh okay, she's tried to kind of pull Mel into the spotlight over and over. We don't know why. But she's been great. She's you know, she's inspired assassination attempts, She's done it all. I mean, she is truly a triple threat. And finally, this is a group of people Bell and Sebastian. So that's I don't know how many people are the Scottish band Bell and Sebastian. I think there are probably five to six people in this band. Oh yeah, yeah, are they still around?

00:50:51
Speaker 4: They're still around, They're still kicking it right, Okay, Jeff is sweating. He's just freaking out, I would offer. I mean, I feel Kevin Hart's got to have enough towels. He has he has, he does the workout apps as well, right, it's very fit.

00:51:14
Speaker 3: Is he a musician? I wouldn't be surprised, Like.

00:51:20
Speaker 4: I feel he needs to do something that he you know what, much like the Caprice son.

00:51:26
Speaker 3: You know, he's very talented man.

00:51:27
Speaker 4: He's a hard working guys and a lot of stuff seems like maybe he's stuck on the train of success. Okay, sure, maybe he needs something to just take a step back, have a Caprice son. Remember why you got into all of this, Right, he slowed down a little bit. Maybe you don't have to do all the Nike run training apps or the you know, like the commercials where you're in like a bucket of.

00:51:44
Speaker 3: Ice or something. We get it.

00:51:46
Speaker 4: Like you're a funny guy, you work hard. Like I would maybe give him the.

00:51:50
Speaker 3: Baby grand Oh interesting fashion.

00:51:53
Speaker 4: They play piano, they know they probably have a piano lying around. Yeah, okay, so Kevin Hart's getting a baby grand piano. This is you know, like there's a word if Okay, look this was the seventies. Jodie Foster, very brave, you know, very pioneering, incredible actress, had some secrets in her life. Has I do anything that she deals with hard?

00:52:14
Speaker 3: Probably grown up? I would be.

00:52:18
Speaker 4: Willing in the eighties or something to like offer her my hand. I would be like her shield, basically.

00:52:24
Speaker 3: Like I would.

00:52:25
Speaker 4: I would be her husband in like the eighties that everyone knows, like, oh, yeah, you would be her beard.

00:52:29
Speaker 3: I would be her beard. You'd be joy, I mean, you would treat me well. I would go I would.

00:52:35
Speaker 4: Go to the Oh, you'd be best of friends, the Premiers. I'd meet Anthony Hopkins. I would go to Silence with the Lambs premieres. And then of course, I mean, screaming fights every night, furious screaming fights. She would make flight plan about me, like she would the beaver. What I would tell her that was bad for her and she would freak out. He's been a dear friend. She's very loyal. She's had some blind spots with Mel. Loyal to a fault. I would call Mel Gibson out with my own tape, and so I think I would offer, I mean, and then we divorced. We'd separate. Years later, we'd see each other at a party and it would actually be this warm like how are you There's so much of one like me too, like and we sit and now we're dear friends, but in like you know, seventy nine. For about ninety three or so, I was sort of like there for her when she.

00:53:31
Speaker 3: Needed me some real ups and down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could really picture Jody at a party doing kind of a very clip hey.

00:53:37
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh oh yeah, it's almost physical abuse.

00:53:43
Speaker 3: She's that good. Yeah, Jody, I think that's great. So you've got one thing left then, I mean there's a lot in Bellot.

00:53:51
Speaker 4: I assume they all live in the same house together, like they're a beautiful Scottish manner.

00:53:56
Speaker 3: I think given more towels than they need.

00:53:57
Speaker 4: I mean, like, how many towels are we talking about. I mean they're sweaty, sweaty Scottish rock star. They're going through a towel every ten minutes. I think, like a guitar at a concert. There's I never got that, so many guitars coming in.

00:54:13
Speaker 3: Oh the guitars. When you get to that point when you just have people sending off stage holding a tuned guitar. And here's the thing.

00:54:18
Speaker 4: I know, I was talking big and saying, no, I have too many towels, you know, trying to kind of connect to the material. You know, it's a it's a safety thing. I never thought I used to. I used to be like a two towel guy. Right, and suddenly, much like with you know, sex the city or whatever, I've learned from outside perspectives like, yeah, I shouldn't do this, I should not live like an animal.

00:54:41
Speaker 3: I mean speaking of and just like that. A rumor I heard was that Sarah Jessica Parker brought all of her own pillows to set. Don't know if I can't confirm that that is a rumor. I have to say.

00:54:53
Speaker 4: There's a lot of pillow acting this year. Yeah, there's a lot of grief. There's a lot of like lounging in you know, the husband death stuff. So yeah, a lot of pillows, a lot of faces on pillows.

00:55:04
Speaker 3: Okay, you did an excellent job, h thank you. I mean, too many towels for Belle and Sebastian is probably looking like four hundred towels now. This is the final segment of the podcast. This is called I Said No Emails. The listener writes into I Said no gifts at gmail dot com. They have a question, it's usually a problem I have to deal with it. I ask humbly for the guests to help me absolutely, if you're willing to do a little service, project for the next few minutes or so. I think we would all appreciate it absolutely. No, Okay, let me read this. It says dear bridger and most honorable slash disobedient guests. So they're getting into some adjectives there that little tricks. Yeah, but but but but but by let's see, I need some help coming up with a group gift idea for a dear friend's upcoming graduation. My friend Meil Mail forty went back to school at a later age in life and quickly be the glue to an amazing friend group. The rest of us are in our mid twenties. After undergrad Mel moved to Colorado for work, and it's rare that we see each other as the rest of us scattered throughout California. I'm getting a feeling the group has kind of trying to get away from out. About ten of us will be making Okay, we'll be making the trek to Denver come mid May for Mel's graduation and he will be receiving his master's degree in finance. We all want to collectively get a gift for him that will show him how much he means to us and how proud we are of him, any assistance would be greatly appreciated. He okay, and he is a fan of good Tequila, the Dodgers, the forty nine ers, and is also a pretty solid DJ. I'm sorry for the length, but not really, as they are all important details. Okay, then don't apologize. Thank you. Adrina. Adrina and her mid twenties, her kind of gen Z friends have become friends with this late age millennial who I'm suspicious of immediately.

00:57:02
Speaker 4: Yeah, and also, when's the last time you had a friend group of ten people that went anywhere like they're going halfway across the country.

00:57:10
Speaker 3: My feeling is they all worked at Starbucks together and he was the manager.

00:57:13
Speaker 4: Okay, that's the only time to ten people. He's not there to be your friend. That's that's a compromising position right there. It's a power imbalance, a.

00:57:22
Speaker 3: Huge I mean, we've got an age different not an age gap discourse to be any right, there's power balance. He could have offered assistant manager to any of these people, and he didn't. I before fleeing to Colorado and the rest of them scattering.

00:57:36
Speaker 4: The finance capital of America, Colorado, Colorful, Colorado.

00:57:41
Speaker 3: So what do we get?

00:57:43
Speaker 4: You know?

00:57:44
Speaker 3: I mean, first of all, I'm going to say an age appropriate friend. Mel could use a single person in his life who is in his forties. Absolutely. Yeah. The fact that he's hanging out with all this TikTok house. Now I'm now actually saying they were probably in a Beverly Hills. They travel together. Yeah, they're always shirtless. He was demanding, you know, you got to up the production of these videos.

00:58:07
Speaker 4: We've got twelve videos a day, complicated prank videos.

00:58:14
Speaker 3: And then obviously kind of folded. They didn't get the traction on social media that they needed. It's so hard. It's very hard to break through at this point. There's so much noise in that space that when you're a Mel with your ten twenty three year olds, it's you're kind of a it's an uphill bes does he I feel like Mel's almost pain for them.

00:58:36
Speaker 4: He's like trafficking there, like no one travels in a group of ten.

00:58:40
Speaker 3: He's I feel he's offered to.

00:58:43
Speaker 4: Like, oh, come out, come out to Denver, and they're walking into a trap.

00:58:48
Speaker 3: Suddenly they get his address. It's another manship.

00:58:51
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, you are like I forget her name, but she is walking into a trap and you're leading your friends this is a new Donner party. You're gonna be eating each other to get out of this guy's clutches.

00:59:02
Speaker 3: A daughter party within the within a TikTok house. All they have is like diet mountain dew and salt saltenes.

00:59:11
Speaker 4: They're in too good of shape, like they have no body fat to survive.

00:59:14
Speaker 3: Them cut, so they just he needs them cutting beautifully, and they're spending all the money on teeth bleach.

00:59:21
Speaker 4: I mean, I feel the gift is just showing up with ten of your buddies, show what you've been through, cheered out. I mean, what do you get a forty year old man? Oh, besides another chance, besides a heavy hand on the shoulders height, I'm sorry, this is it.

00:59:39
Speaker 3: I think that that's the perfect gift. Another mouse, Yeah, another chance. They've all ten flights have been purchased. They don't know what they're going into. Here we have someone who was obviously a DJ at some point is still trying to be despite going back to college.

00:59:54
Speaker 4: Always said that forty year olds make the best DJs. They really forty year olds in Colorado.

01:00:00
Speaker 3: Well, now I'm thinking he's using these hip twenty somethings as kind of a music suggestion. He's a leech. Yeah, he's like, he's emailing, hey, have you heard any good songs recently? Because he can't keep up with whatever's happening, and so then they send them the suggestions. He uses that money to pay to play his sets at various clubs around.

01:00:18
Speaker 4: Look, he's getting a master's in finance. This is a man who's basically addicted to online gambling. This is a man who's in deep debt. Any gift you give him, he's gonna turn it to I mean, he's going to ask for more and to give you a sob story when you get there.

01:00:33
Speaker 3: I think, just be prepared. And I mean, now that we're just saying it, I think, Adrina, the gift here is cancel those flights, just let mail. You've got to let this person off the hook, or let him let you off the hook, more like it, because he is this is a pattern of behavior that will not stop until you stop it. You and your friends have been manipulated, You've been used. You're still paying the debt on that mansion.

01:01:00
Speaker 1: Send him a.

01:01:01
Speaker 4: Text that says congrats, and so it has that sort of effect.

01:01:05
Speaker 3: It has like that confetti. You got the animated effect. But he's forty. It's gonna be like he saw that French movie with the train. He does not understand it.

01:01:12
Speaker 4: He's gonna be squealing like an ape who saw a space shuttle.

01:01:18
Speaker 3: And that's that's the gift. I love it, Adrina. Consider your problem solved. I don't want to hear about it again. I don't want to emailed you. Forty times she's called. I've gotten at least two physical letters from her. And the fact that you're trying to kind of draw me into this mail thing. I cannot be the bridge between you and mail anymore. Take care of your own problems, Jeff, this is the end of the podcast. I'm I've got, you know, for my soccer team now, eight pouches that I can two kids are probably gonna miss out on a drink. You're gonna have a dehydrated nine year old couple of those and their parents can deal with that. But or maybe I'll just drink all these drinks at home and try to, as we said, get back into child Absolutely, we visit those innocent days. As I've said, I have been trying to get back into the closet and so this might be a step towards that, getting back into that period when I was you know, deep abject, and then I have the Da Vinci code to keep me company, kind of like the priest or pope who was listening to this very audio set the way.

01:02:30
Speaker 4: You said, like, I didn't know that, Like you know, chapters were a page long. That must be so annoying as an audio broke like every like every thirty seconds you hear a twelve.

01:02:42
Speaker 3: I had a hard reset. Oh, I'm so excited about all of this, and thank you for being here.

01:02:50
Speaker 4: Oh Bridget, you are the funniest person that I know. And God, it's a delight to be on here and to see the journey you've been on. It's only going to be up from here taking rush Limba's throne.

01:03:04
Speaker 3: Listener, this is the end of the podcast as usual. I'm kind of releasing you back into the wild, throwing the fishback into the lake. Whatever analogy suits you best. I want you to take care of yourself for the next week. I can't always be there for you, and we'll talk again soon. Oh my love, I said. No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced and engineered by our dear friend Anna Lise Nelson and the theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram at I said no gifts, that's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. You have to see the gifts. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you found me. And why not leave a review while you're there. It's really the least you could do, considering everything I do for you. And if you're interested in advertising on the show, go to mideral dot com slash ads.

01:04:13
Speaker 1: And I invited you here.

01:04:17
Speaker 2: Thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guess to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guess, your presences presents enough, and I already had too much stuff.

01:04:39
Speaker 1: So how do you dan to surbey mean