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Speaker 1: Dating questions. What's one brutal truth about dating you wish

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Speaker 1: you knew in your twenties? Ninety eight percent of men's

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Speaker 1: goals are just solely driven by the compass that is

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Speaker 1: their dick, and everything else is a mirage. You're just

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Speaker 1: you're just hallucinating. You are, you're, you're you're seeing like visions.

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Speaker 1: None of it's true. There's a Michael Jackson sound on

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Speaker 1: TikTok that's like, none of it's true. No, none of

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Speaker 1: it's true. So none of it's true. What is the

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Speaker 1: most Oh, also that this guy that you think is

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Speaker 1: so great in your twenties, you will not think is

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Speaker 1: great in your fifties. Sorry, you won't. It is a

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Speaker 1: very rare case. Two percent of those men will you

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Speaker 1: think is great and you're in your fifties, So don't rush.

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Speaker 1: There are men now that I thought were amazing when

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Speaker 1: I was in my twenties, thirties, forties. I wouldn't. I wouldn't.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't stand on the same sidewalk as them now

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Speaker 1: like I thought they were amazing, amazing, the men when

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Speaker 1: I was in my twenties that were like hot shot guys,

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Speaker 1: like the hottest guys I have two in my mind

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Speaker 1: right now. They're names. I would not stand on the

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Speaker 1: same sidewalk as them. I am so much better than

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Speaker 1: them by every standard physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually, societally, like,

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Speaker 1: by everybody else's standards. Like, it's not just me and

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Speaker 1: my delusion. Okay, no, in your twenties, the guy that

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Speaker 1: you think is fucking phenomenal is a loser in his fifties.

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Speaker 1: So just park that now. If you marry them and

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Speaker 1: you drive them to being the winner that you think,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna drive them to be loll maybe, but likely no,

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Speaker 1: because men women that I know have lapped their husbands

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Speaker 1: around that track. Ninety nine percent lapped the men. They've

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Speaker 1: had glow ups, and the men are not it. Do

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Speaker 1: the math they met in their twenties. The most overrated

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Speaker 1: dating advice people still believe is like the rules, don't

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Speaker 1: call back until this much time, don't sleep at them

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Speaker 1: until this much time. These are things that married people say,

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Speaker 1: and they're dino from bedrock. They're fucking dinosaurs. They don't

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Speaker 1: know anything. And the best thing is that people who

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Speaker 1: are married give advice to non married people, and they

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Speaker 1: are dinosaurs, and they don't even know what they're talking about,

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Speaker 1: and they get single, and then they get hit in

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Speaker 1: the face. Then they get punched in the face because

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Speaker 1: they don't know that it's easy to opine about what

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Speaker 1: it would be like many of my friends. No, it's amazing,

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Speaker 1: and you should love that it's a long distance relationship,

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Speaker 1: like I would love that time away from my hesitida

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Speaker 1: da da da da dah. Then they break up. Then

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Speaker 1: they're alone, and they're sucking their thumb crying in the

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Speaker 1: corner like babies, because it's fun to talk about what

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Speaker 1: other people should do in dating. When you're married, you've

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Speaker 1: been on a fucking dusty shelf for thirty years. You

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Speaker 1: don't know anything nothing. Yes, your grandmother can give you

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Speaker 1: some tried and true fifties advice about how to be

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Speaker 1: and don't be a slut, and don't drink too much

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Speaker 1: and all the thing. Yes, yes, yes, some things do

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Speaker 1: last forever. But by and large, your married friends don't

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Speaker 1: know what the fuck they're talking about, and they give

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Speaker 1: you advice. Don't listen. If the ick hits on date three,

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Speaker 1: is it over? It's usually on date two or discussion

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Speaker 1: after date one, or but yeah, yes, yes, the pause.

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Speaker 1: I've paused because he did something that's a little questionable.

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Speaker 1: That's not the ick. The ick is like there's a

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Speaker 1: film on it and you can never get it off.

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Speaker 1: It's the sane from coffee concentrate. I got on my

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Speaker 1: white clean Skin Club brand sweatshirt that I wore for

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Speaker 1: the first time this morning. That's stain and the blue

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Speaker 1: sponge I got on top of it. That's now blue

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Speaker 1: on top of a coffee stain. It's likely not going away.

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Speaker 1: It could get faint, but it's still going to be there.

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Speaker 1: That's the ick, Hottie, stop mistaking chaos for chemistry. Chaos

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Speaker 1: is the driving the jet ski with no brakes. It's like,

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Speaker 1: it seems exciting, there's an attraction. You're going too fast.

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Speaker 1: It's amazing. It's not safe. Chemistry is like it's puzzle pieces.

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Speaker 1: It's like folding in it's melting. It's like feeling good,

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Speaker 1: but like you can't get your breath and you have butterflies,

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Speaker 1: but you can somehow get a hold of yourself. It's

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Speaker 1: not that easy. Because I remember being falling in love

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Speaker 1: and like moving so quickly and feeling so excited and

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Speaker 1: so exhilarating. But also it did kind of start the

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Speaker 1: relationship wrong. It was a relationship that lasted a long time,

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Speaker 1: but it did start the relationship with one person getting

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Speaker 1: sick and having false expectations and promises because in the beginning,

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Speaker 1: everything seems like a good idea. We're never going to

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Speaker 1: be a part and we're going to see each other

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Speaker 1: all the time, we're gonna do this, and we're gonna

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Speaker 1: do that, and then reality sets it in. It's not sustainable.

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Speaker 1: So whatever happens at the beginning in that chaos, even

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Speaker 1: if you do fall in love with the person, it's unrealistic.

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Speaker 1: It sets the wrong standard, and it just starts it

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Speaker 1: off on fumes and you're chasing the drag and the

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Speaker 1: rest of your relationship because you always want to get

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Speaker 1: back to where that was, and it's basically impossible because

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Speaker 1: that was not real. So it's not good to start

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Speaker 1: on chaos. Have I ever liked someone way more after

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Speaker 1: or light instagram stalking? That's a good question. I don't

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Speaker 1: really instagram stock, but there could be like a night,

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Speaker 1: nice car, or like something about business or something like,

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Speaker 1: you know, their kids seem normal and they're attractive and cute,

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Speaker 1: and like, would my daughter like them? Yeah, yes, definitely

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Speaker 1: a slight A light I guess. I don't do stalking

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Speaker 1: and instagram graze. I'm too tired. And a lot of

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Speaker 1: it's private and who cares. And also it's not real.

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Speaker 1: What they present is not real, so you're not getting

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Speaker 1: a real picture but yet to see what the kid

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Speaker 1: looks like or that they have a nice car or

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Speaker 1: house or something. Yeah, if he's not on a leather

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Speaker 1: couch in the background and an Instagram picture, that's good.

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Speaker 1: What's your take on if he wanted to, he would

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Speaker 1: period the end story and film at eleven. It's the

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Speaker 1: Golden rule. It's MS, which is truth and Yiddish, it's gospel,

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Speaker 1: it's facts, it's preach it's truth, it's yes, it's everything.

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Speaker 1: If he wanted to, he motherfucking would. How do you

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Speaker 1: know if you're being too picky or just holding your standards,

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Speaker 1: It doesn't really fucking matter because it's in your body

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Speaker 1: and anything less than that pickiness is going to give

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Speaker 1: you the ickiness. So you are who you are. Yeah, No,

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Speaker 1: you want what you want, you go, we do it

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Speaker 1: or we don't. But I have one friend who said

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Speaker 1: to me, I'm not sure that I'm meant to be alone,

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Speaker 1: and maybe I'm not, you know, maybe I don't have

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Speaker 1: the same standards as you, and I'm like, oh, and

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Speaker 1: maybe it is settling. But they want the life, they want,

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Speaker 1: the friends they want, you know, they don't. They want

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Speaker 1: all the shiny objects, they want, the money, they want,

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Speaker 1: the wrapping they want, they want the frosting. Like that's

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Speaker 1: a choice. I think it's settling, but one persons settling

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Speaker 1: is another person's reality. I don't know. I don't know

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Speaker 1: how to speak like that. I would never settle. I

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Speaker 1: would rather be alone and may end up being alone

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Speaker 1: than settle. And I have tons of opportunities. So whatever

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Speaker 1: this advice is, guys, it must be going right. I

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Speaker 1: don't know why. Very eligible, very successful, very wealthy, very nice,

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Speaker 1: very smart, very good looking men pursue me all the time,

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Speaker 1: and I often think, what the fuck? Why aren't you

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Speaker 1: dating someone thirty five? Like you could get some one

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Speaker 1: whoever you want. I don't know, I don't know, And

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Speaker 1: maybe it's that I'm the least interested party because I

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Speaker 1: genuinely don't give a fuck. The worst dating trend I've

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Speaker 1: seen on TikTok is girls like fawn over getting a

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Speaker 1: rose or a thoughtful little thing from a guy, as

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Speaker 1: if it's like the biggest deal in the world. Like

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Speaker 1: have high standards. I wouldn't even mention those things. They

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Speaker 1: don't even rate. No, have high standards. I've done it before,

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Speaker 1: I'm doing it again. Men, don't send me photos. I

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Speaker 1: don't want photos we just met. I'm not invested in

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Speaker 1: your life. I don't want to see photos that my

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Speaker 1: friends send for the most part, Like if my best

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Speaker 1: friends send me like the graduation picture, like I want

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Speaker 1: to see that it's their kid, they're all grown up.

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Speaker 1: Like my best friends will sparingly, not because I told

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Speaker 1: them to sparingly, but just because they're like they get it.

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Speaker 1: They'll send pick pictures like look at my son and

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Speaker 1: his girlfriend, like in your right now, like illustrating he's

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Speaker 1: grown up. Or look at us all on this trip.

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Speaker 1: My friend send me a video they're at your raffe manner.

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Speaker 1: The kid the family is sitting eating dinner with giraffes,

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Speaker 1: baby drafts, dad dress, and I saw her husband and

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Speaker 1: kids and I was excited to see them. But that

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Speaker 1: doesn't happen every week, do you. I don't want a

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Speaker 1: new person that i'm thinking about dating, that I'm just texting.

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Speaker 1: I don't want pictures. I'm not invested, I don't care,

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Speaker 1: and I'm not sending you pictures. It's just weird. You

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Speaker 1: must say, Ah, so handsome looks like you like I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't know you. I don't want pictures and I

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Speaker 1: don't want rogue facetimes. I really don't. I really don't.

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Speaker 1: I keep talking about it, but like it happens more

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Speaker 1: than you know. It happens more than you I had

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Speaker 1: another person we said we would FaceTime maybe tomorrow. That

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean that it's in all you can eat buffet

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Speaker 1: and all day at any time. You're allowed to just

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Speaker 1: like a lit in a FaceTime call. No, it has

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Speaker 1: to be. It's like a zoom to most people. I

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Speaker 1: don't even zoom. I don't zoom. I will be on

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Speaker 1: maybe two zooms a year maybe, So like you can't

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Speaker 1: just like you just like call facetiming. People get offended

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Speaker 1: by a phone call. If someone showed up at my

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Speaker 1: front door that wasn't from ups bringing me pr I

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Speaker 1: would think it was a hate crime, like whoa, oh, hi,

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Speaker 1: just stopping by. So if you think you can FaceTime

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Speaker 1: me just randomly in the middle of the day. That's

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Speaker 1: a hate crime too, don't think about it. Let's talk

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Speaker 1: about couples that I love that, I love you hear

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Speaker 1: me shade a lot. You don't hear me love enough.

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Speaker 1: I love We know this, You've heard me say this

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Speaker 1: a million times. I love Amal and George love love

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Speaker 1: like no notes Kate and William no notes, new one,

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Speaker 1: new one entering the villa, Gigi Hadid and Bradley Cooper

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Speaker 1: Chef's motherfucking kiss. I don't have reasons, I don't have

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Speaker 1: anything to back this up. I love them. I love them.

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Speaker 1: Let's also discuss who is Tom Brady going to end

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Speaker 1: up with? And I don't think I've told you this

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Speaker 1: because I don't really like love a lot of people

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Speaker 1: that a lot of people love. That makes any sense?

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Speaker 1: Like I did just meet Josh Douamal, who was really

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Speaker 1: really nice. He came up to me and said something

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Speaker 1: and I said, oh, like, what are you doing here

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Speaker 1: because you were can La and it said, Mary, don't get

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Speaker 1: any ideas. He's a nice guy. He said, just trying

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Speaker 1: to do what you're doing. And I was like, wait,

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Speaker 1: does Josh do himel? The one who everybody loves, like

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Speaker 1: know who I am and like what I'm doing. So

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Speaker 1: the answer is yes, glad you asked. Okay, But like,

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Speaker 1: there are people that everyone loves, like do I love

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Speaker 1: Ryan Gosling? Yes, by the way, Ryan Gosling and Eva

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Speaker 1: Mendez No notes, no notes, random ones, Harrison Ford, Calista

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Speaker 1: Flockhart maintaining privacy for all these years, No notes. I

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Speaker 1: love Tom Brady. I think I love Tom Brady. I

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Speaker 1: love him for a few reasons. I love him because

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Speaker 1: he has a sense of humor. I love him because

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Speaker 1: he felt badly about the roast, like and talks to

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Speaker 1: this day about how traumatic it was for him. And

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Speaker 1: I don't like the people made fun of that, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: he was there, he signed up for it and laughed

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Speaker 1: like that's bullshit. Of course he laughed. He was in

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Speaker 1: the moment on a grand stage, and he's the game

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Speaker 1: is moving too quickly, And that's the closest to being

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Speaker 1: on a reality show that I could explain what it

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Speaker 1: feels like because I know that he was there, the

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Speaker 1: game was moving too quickly, and he knew that it

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Speaker 1: had already started, and the toothpaste was out of the

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Speaker 1: tube and it's a roast, so you're supposed to be

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Speaker 1: getting roasted, so you're supposed to be laughing at things

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Speaker 1: that could be very inappropriate. It could be about your

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Speaker 1: dick's size, it could be about anything, and you don't

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Speaker 1: know exactly where the line is. You know what your

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Speaker 1: gut says the line is, and you know that you're

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Speaker 1: feeling uncomfortable in your body, but you're not sure the

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Speaker 1: temperature of the room. When I walked that runway for

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Speaker 1: Sports Illustrated, I didn't know if I was bombing or winning.

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Speaker 1: I did not know. I came back after one walk,

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Speaker 1: first bathing suit and texted someone that works at me

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Speaker 1: and said any notes, and she was like, no notes.

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Speaker 1: I was like, no, no ites, Like I thought she'd like, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: try not to look like a fool or a bird

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Speaker 1: or you know, a giraffe or whatever it is. So

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Speaker 1: Tom Brady was on stage in a roast and they

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Speaker 1: were talking about his divorce and his marriage, and he

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Speaker 1: was feeling uncomfortable. You could see it. But he wasn't

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Speaker 1: gonna start crying or be a spoiled sport. He signed

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Speaker 1: up for it, and they probably say, you're gonna get roasted,

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Speaker 1: but you cannot give us anything. It's off limited. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: but you cannot give us anything off limits. There can

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Speaker 1: be nothing off limits. I would have agreed to it too.

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Speaker 1: I'm team tom Brady. I'm TTB. I think he was uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: I think he does respect and value his ex wife

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Speaker 1: and love his kids. I think it wasn't great for

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Speaker 1: his kids, but I think the kids often align with

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Speaker 1: the mom and probably felt bad for her, and maybe

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Speaker 1: she's currying favor and just a million things happen in

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Speaker 1: divorce that we can't now. But I like Tom Brady.

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Speaker 1: I think he handles himself well. I think like he's

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Speaker 1: very handsome, he's very talented, he's very successful, and like

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Speaker 1: some people think he's pompous, but I think for how

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Speaker 1: successful he is, how handsome he is, how smart he is,

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Speaker 1: he smart like the way he talks and the way

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Speaker 1: he approaches football and its strategy and the leadership, I'm

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Speaker 1: team tom Brady and and I feel, you know, I

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Speaker 1: think that people are saying like he was back paddling.

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Speaker 1: He should have defended his way, Like the game moves

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Speaker 1: pretty quickly. Okay, everyone has a planet, so they get

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Speaker 1: punched in the face, and he got punched in the face,

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Speaker 1: and the roast was actually excellent too, But I'm sure

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Speaker 1: he wouldn't do it again if he had the opportunity.

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Speaker 1: But everybody assigns what they imagine they would do under

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Speaker 1: perfect temperate conditions in someone else's shoes. Your kid falls

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Speaker 1: off the fourth rail the fourth deck on a Disney

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Speaker 1: Cruise ship into the water, and now they're blaming you. Yes,

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Speaker 1: did he put her on the railing for a second? Yeah? Okay?

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Speaker 1: Is should he be caned and burned at the stage?

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Speaker 1: Did he make a mistake? Have people held their kids

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Speaker 1: on the top of their shoulders? Yes? And could the

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Speaker 1: kid have fallen? Have we played airplane with a kid? Yes,

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Speaker 1: it's a boat and it's a very stupid move. It's

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Speaker 1: very stupid and insane, And yes, I get that. But

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Speaker 1: the man jumped off the fourth deck into the water,

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Speaker 1: and they said he managed to figure out where his

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Speaker 1: kid was, which in those waters is nearly a miracle.

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Speaker 1: He must have done it instantly. Can you imagine jumping

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Speaker 1: off a railing on the fourth deck of a boat

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Speaker 1: finding your kid getting rescued. I have the absolute chills.

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Speaker 1: I can't even think about it. I'm sure you heard

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Speaker 1: this story. Man on Disney CRU's child, young child falls

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Speaker 1: off the railing fourth deck into the water. Twenty minutes

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Speaker 1: they're in there waiting for the Disney Cruz rescue. I

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Speaker 1: mean sharks, I mean the water moving. He's treading water.

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Speaker 1: I can't think of the trauma. I can't even think

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Speaker 1: about it. I can't even think about it. It's superhuman.

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Speaker 1: The apside as a