WEBVTT - Ep76: Child Support and Sexual Trauma Feat Dub & Assante

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, guys, it's your girl man to be and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>super excited to be throwing an event next month. It

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<v Speaker 1>is a girl's night out and we're doing it up

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<v Speaker 1>at Painting Poor. That's right, Painting Port and Harlem. We're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna paint maybe some dicks and we're gonna pull it up,

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<v Speaker 1>pull it up because it's open bar. Super excited to

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<v Speaker 1>see all of you guys there. It'll be a night

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<v Speaker 1>of fun, jokes, laughter, and of course sex. We're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>talk about sex. We're gonna talk about dating, We're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>talk about relationships. And I'm super excited to also announce

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<v Speaker 1>that I'll be joined alongside author of the M and

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<v Speaker 1>Man Is for Money Passport Petty. So if you guys

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<v Speaker 1>have ever wanted to ask us, maybe how to get

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<v Speaker 1>a sugar daddy, how to join in on threesome, any

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<v Speaker 1>type of questions that you think you may have had,

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<v Speaker 1>We're gonna do it over some drinks and a bomb venue,

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<v Speaker 1>listening to some dope ass music and again painting maybe

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<v Speaker 1>some dicks. So if you guys are interested, please go

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<v Speaker 1>ahead and follow my Instagram at full Core Pumps and

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<v Speaker 1>also follow at painting Port NYC to keep up on

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<v Speaker 1>when we will be posting tickets. I hope to see

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<v Speaker 1>you guys there. Hey everybody, I wanted to let you

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<v Speaker 1>guys know, this is Wheezy and I'm going to be

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<v Speaker 1>doing Gotham Podcast Studios first annual seminar. It's gonna be

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<v Speaker 1>coming up on September fifteen from two to five. If

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<v Speaker 1>you guys have ever thought about doing a podcast, or

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<v Speaker 1>you have a podcast and you need some tips on

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<v Speaker 1>how to jump your ship off, I'm going to be

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<v Speaker 1>discussing the horrible decisions journey, some of the pitfalls and

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<v Speaker 1>the highs we've experienced as we are growing our show.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm also gonna be doing some Q and A, so

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<v Speaker 1>if you have questions, uh, come by. Make sure to

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<v Speaker 1>get your ticket. They're gonna have something very in depth

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<v Speaker 1>where they personalize like workshops and like a book just

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<v Speaker 1>for your pod. Uh. Follow me on. I g to

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<v Speaker 1>see when tickets go on sale at Wheezy w TF

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<v Speaker 1>Enjoy the show? Yes, And I also want to go

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<v Speaker 1>ahead and before we start, if we could go ahead

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<v Speaker 1>and give a super huge shout out to all of

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<v Speaker 1>our patrons. We want to thank you guys so much

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<v Speaker 1>for our support. If you do not know, or if

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<v Speaker 1>say you've listened to all of our episodes and you

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<v Speaker 1>want more, we dropped to bonus episodes per month on

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<v Speaker 1>our Patreon account. Um, so go ahead support the show

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<v Speaker 1>become patrons. You could find that at patreon dot com

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<v Speaker 1>backslash Horrible Decisions. We also post a lot of the

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<v Speaker 1>stuff on our Instagram, so go ahead and keep up

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<v Speaker 1>with us as well on our instagram at Horrible Underscore Decisions.

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<v Speaker 1>Now let's get on with the show. Hey, guys, we're

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<v Speaker 1>back yet again, and we got some wonderful guests in

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<v Speaker 1>the show. Welcome to Horrible Decisions. Guys. This is your girl,

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<v Speaker 1>Mandy Be. I'm wheezy, and we have our resident gay studio.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, we've been having some other gays and I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, low key kind of feeling a little bad,

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<v Speaker 1>like I cheated. Thank you. I'm glad that you feel

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<v Speaker 1>that way, but I you know, I hold nothing to that.

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<v Speaker 1>I am the resident gay. You know that, and I

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<v Speaker 1>know that. So we are square happy to be back.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey Sante, Yeah, yeah, before y'all, you know you you

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<v Speaker 1>had a roast. Want to go have another guy? Hold on,

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<v Speaker 1>we got another bit, you know, we do have another

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<v Speaker 1>female in the building and we've had her on the

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<v Speaker 1>show before, and it's so funny because y'all just refer

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<v Speaker 1>to her as the Unicorn episode seventeen, but we got

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<v Speaker 1>dubbed in the motherfucking building from Denver, all the way

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<v Speaker 1>from motherfucking Denver. Hello, Calas, I'm that bitch if I'm back,

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<v Speaker 1>so dub your original episode was number seventeen, and you

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<v Speaker 1>helped a bunch of couples understanding Unicorn how to have

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<v Speaker 1>threesomes people are asking about. It's so weird because people

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<v Speaker 1>are just every week someone's like, how do I get

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<v Speaker 1>a reesome? How about to do this? I'm like episode seventeen.

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<v Speaker 1>They go back up, But can you kind of tell people,

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<v Speaker 1>um what your new projects you have going on? And

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<v Speaker 1>oh my god, I knew he was going to do

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<v Speaker 1>and you have to he didn't have your old podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>You have a podcast too. I do have a podcast

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<v Speaker 1>with my son um j J. He goes by j

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<v Speaker 1>J and um girl, I don't forgot the name my

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<v Speaker 1>son podcast. Sorry. I was fast on the blunt before

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<v Speaker 1>the episode. So I need you all to know that

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<v Speaker 1>if you're watching YouTube, if there's a fog, it's not

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<v Speaker 1>your dream it's not the it's not the camera, y'all.

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<v Speaker 1>We kind of smoked out the goddamn room before the

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<v Speaker 1>which I forgot my name. I almost said, and this

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<v Speaker 1>is in DV three. Did nothing. I don't know nothing.

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<v Speaker 1>Shout out to Wax. So you have Younger have a

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<v Speaker 1>podcast names young Ash, and we're coming back. We're actually

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<v Speaker 1>going to see Beyonce in Houston and we're gonna jump

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<v Speaker 1>our new season off after that happened. Yes, every Monday

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<v Speaker 1>we come out. We're on sound cloud. Okay, but what

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<v Speaker 1>else you got going on? Go ahead and let him

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<v Speaker 1>know putting out a project call whole season. Yes, whole season. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>it's about the summertime, using that time to be your

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<v Speaker 1>best hole that you could possibly be. And it's not

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<v Speaker 1>about these niggas. It's about you and just being whatever

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<v Speaker 1>home means to you. You do that ship and you

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<v Speaker 1>love it and you that. What about all the other

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<v Speaker 1>three seasons? I mean, bitches, be hybernation, I'd be like conservative,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what I'm saying, most season, cuffing season. What

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<v Speaker 1>are the seasons we got? You? Like, Dob wasn't like

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<v Speaker 1>I think when we were in Seattle. We went to

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<v Speaker 1>Seattle a few weekends. I had a terrible time. That's

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<v Speaker 1>not even talking about it. But when we were there,

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<v Speaker 1>Dob was telling me like, I haven't had dick like

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<v Speaker 1>and what was it? A year? Girl year? And people love.

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<v Speaker 1>This is what cracks me up. Nigga's love to call

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<v Speaker 1>you ho and a slut. This that no dicks was

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<v Speaker 1>up in there for a year. I haven't seen it.

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<v Speaker 1>I was barely I was barely massurveyd. I was barely

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<v Speaker 1>watching for it was bad. It's crazy like someone. It

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't like. It wasn't like I didn't want to, but

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<v Speaker 1>I was busy and got you to do a whole

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<v Speaker 1>like I'm never too busy to play with me. Neither

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<v Speaker 1>I do that at work. We got a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>break I'm not proud of it. I'm working on so

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<v Speaker 1>a season of New Dicks. I want to tell you

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<v Speaker 1>guys a story really quick. I will make it fast.

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<v Speaker 1>But so, if you have ever heard episode one, pisode one,

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<v Speaker 1>it is called the Missing Condom And here we go.

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<v Speaker 1>So I went to the Hamptons with this white boy

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<v Speaker 1>and I decided he's older, he's in his Let me

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<v Speaker 1>not say if she had sex with the elder y'all

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<v Speaker 1>know she wanted one. Let me just show you him

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<v Speaker 1>first before he had sat and Pepper. How old I think?

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm gonna pure wait, okay, but how old was

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<v Speaker 1>the dick? You? Really? It doesn't matter. I want you guys,

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<v Speaker 1>and maybe you're tired, so look going all night it was,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, so you just want all of YouTube to

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<v Speaker 1>tie pictures bro put the and very you know, a

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<v Speaker 1>nice looking man season day. So anyway, I want to

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<v Speaker 1>talk a little bit about I wasn't gonna say this

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<v Speaker 1>on our show. I was gonna wait till I go

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<v Speaker 1>on Van show because I thought he knows the name

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<v Speaker 1>of my podcast, and I'm worried he's gonna listen. But

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like whatever, maybe he won't. So we have sex

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<v Speaker 1>for the first that time, and he was eating my

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<v Speaker 1>pussy is so good that I thought if the head,

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<v Speaker 1>if he's that good ahead, he can't be that good

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<v Speaker 1>in bit right, Like how could you be that good?

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<v Speaker 1>Something's wrong with your dick? Like that's how good he

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<v Speaker 1>went down on me. So I start returning the for

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<v Speaker 1>a favor, and I just want to say I am

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<v Speaker 1>married out of my blowjob skills. It's just something that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm good at you know, God damn bless me with

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<v Speaker 1>much but good. So I'm sucking his dick and he's

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<v Speaker 1>not getting hard, and I thought maybe because he's old,

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<v Speaker 1>and he's like, you know, if you do something for me,

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<v Speaker 1>I will really get off. Now. When I heard that,

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<v Speaker 1>I said, okay, he wants me to eat his ass,

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<v Speaker 1>which not a post. So then he said I really

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<v Speaker 1>like my nipples touched. And I was like what, and

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<v Speaker 1>he's like, yeah, like right here. I was like, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so I'm sucking his dick. I've put my hands up

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<v Speaker 1>and then he could gets so hard I thought I

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<v Speaker 1>was gonna break a tooth. So I'm now right like

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<v Speaker 1>touching his nipples. So I'm trying to put my hand

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<v Speaker 1>back on the dick because I like doing my ship.

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<v Speaker 1>This niggle pulled me right back up to the nipples

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<v Speaker 1>and I was like, oh wow, with nipples, no broad

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<v Speaker 1>listen to this. I like, so I agrest weird weight

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<v Speaker 1>sensitive like and then he's like, light her lighter, let

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<v Speaker 1>her lighter to hold on. Then he puts the con

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<v Speaker 1>in one and I bent over because I'm gonna get sucked,

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<v Speaker 1>and he's like, oh um, can you turn back guys

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<v Speaker 1>don't like back shot. Yes, yes, how you don't know never,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I don't know anything. Sold on. So I

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<v Speaker 1>turned around from the back and then he's like, that'll

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<v Speaker 1>go on your back. I'm like, no, no no, I want

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<v Speaker 1>to like this. He's like, well, it's just not really

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<v Speaker 1>because I can't really have this stimulated if I'm doing that.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm like, Nick, you can't suck me from the

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<v Speaker 1>back because you can't be nipples. So hold on, now

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<v Speaker 1>he's sucking me from the front. Okay, I'm sitting here

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<v Speaker 1>going counterclockwise the other way, left, right, left, trying to

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<v Speaker 1>suck its throw this pussy bag. I was exhausted. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so that was the first time he had sex. Takes

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<v Speaker 1>me out to day. This is Wednesday night, and let

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<v Speaker 1>me just tell you what happens. We're fucking everything's going fine.

0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:06.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm doing my left right switch thing. I can't even

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<v Speaker 1>put my hand on my clip because he fucking pulls

0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:11.840
<v Speaker 1>it off just to touch his nipples. He's ridiculous. So

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<v Speaker 1>he pulls out comes on my stomach and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>this is weird because we were using a condom, So

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<v Speaker 1>where is it? Ballad to your pussy? I was like, hey,

0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:29.520
<v Speaker 1>ball into your pussy? Can I make that the horribleness

0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:33.720
<v Speaker 1>into your pussy? Everybody on the count of three and

0:09:33.800 --> 0:09:37.680
<v Speaker 1>one end two and in balance you're a pussy. So wait,

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<v Speaker 1>I need to ask how many days did it say

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<v Speaker 1>and your pussy? If you had to wait to come back?

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, a hold on, hold on, hold on, wait,

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<v Speaker 1>because did you beat by two days? By two days? No?

0:09:46.600 --> 0:09:48.520
<v Speaker 1>I didn't, I did. I didn't. So first of all,

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't know that the first time I paid a

0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:52.760
<v Speaker 1>condom out, I didn't know it was in my pussy.

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<v Speaker 1>First time that one condom that our first episodes couple

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<v Speaker 1>of times. So I said, hey, listen, can you do

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<v Speaker 1>me a favorit and help me get it out? He's like,

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<v Speaker 1>of course, absolutely, very classic guy, right the last time

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<v Speaker 1>you were here? Oh and I was not the help. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>We gotta come back from the doctor by the way,

0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:14.400
<v Speaker 1>which is the same doctor we've all been too. She's like,

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<v Speaker 1>she comes back home. I'm like, what happened. She's like,

0:10:16.320 --> 0:10:22.880
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't in there. Oh wait, you thought it probably

0:10:22.920 --> 0:10:25.720
<v Speaker 1>fell out in the back. See none, So dub fucked

0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:28.480
<v Speaker 1>in my laundry room. So we go back to the

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<v Speaker 1>same thing last day. That's a New York day. So

0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:34.520
<v Speaker 1>dumb in my Laundryroommber, why did I go back down

0:10:34.520 --> 0:10:36.440
<v Speaker 1>the stairs in the laund room to go make sure?

0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:38.480
<v Speaker 1>She was like, Bro, I think it's either the car

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<v Speaker 1>or it's here. We were using. So I go down

0:10:41.360 --> 0:10:47.240
<v Speaker 1>the stairs in my building. I find her underwear. That yes,

0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:50.839
<v Speaker 1>I find her underwear on the way down on my

0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:54.480
<v Speaker 1>fucking stairs. So I'm like, okay, well here's investigation piece one.

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<v Speaker 1>So I go down to laundry room. I'm looking, I

0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:01.839
<v Speaker 1>was that's my bit. I'm looking around for the condom.

0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:04.040
<v Speaker 1>So I run up stairs. I'm like, nah, bro, it's

0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:08.240
<v Speaker 1>in there. So she's like gets up sitting there in

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<v Speaker 1>the bathroom, talk about I can't get it. I have

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<v Speaker 1>my friend, damn my pussy for for a condom before

0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:19.599
<v Speaker 1>I mean, you gotta just take your hand up the

0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:22.679
<v Speaker 1>pussy and field because my hands aren't hold on. Let

0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:24.760
<v Speaker 1>me tell you what happened? Do they't work it? So

0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:26.480
<v Speaker 1>what are we going? What are we gonna call him?

0:11:26.920 --> 0:11:29.520
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna call him Hampton's. So Hampton's goes in his

0:11:29.600 --> 0:11:31.600
<v Speaker 1>kitchen and his large upper east side apartment. I just

0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:34.199
<v Speaker 1>want to say goes to grab his glasses and then goes, Okay,

0:11:34.200 --> 0:11:37.160
<v Speaker 1>here we go. Rereads my legs trying to get up

0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:38.360
<v Speaker 1>in there. I can't get nothing. So I'm like, you

0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:40.679
<v Speaker 1>know what, I'm getting anxiety on this. Let me just

0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:42.840
<v Speaker 1>I'll just go to the doctor tomorrow. So I'm at

0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:44.480
<v Speaker 1>work and my little work bood comes out to me.

0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:46.520
<v Speaker 1>He's like, nigga, what's up? I was calling you last night.

0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:55.200
<v Speaker 1>I was like, don't talk to me him. I'm so stress,

0:11:56.920 --> 0:11:59.280
<v Speaker 1>especially what if you that my problem was I want

0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:00.760
<v Speaker 1>to dick again. So I was like, I gotta get

0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:04.800
<v Speaker 1>the condom out before. So the problem is. So I'm

0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:07.640
<v Speaker 1>sitting at work and like, I'm very how used to

0:12:07.640 --> 0:12:09.800
<v Speaker 1>have a pelvic floor problem because I was always clenching,

0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:11.559
<v Speaker 1>So now I'm trying to bear it down. I'm trying

0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:14.680
<v Speaker 1>to squat. I'm taking match ships trying to push it out.

0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:16.840
<v Speaker 1>So I'll go to the doctor. Right. Here's the first

0:12:16.880 --> 0:12:19.040
<v Speaker 1>thing that happens. I go to the Walking Guy. No,

0:12:19.120 --> 0:12:20.079
<v Speaker 1>by the way, if you live in New York and

0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:22.240
<v Speaker 1>in a place to go, it's on fifty five and seventh.

0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:25.280
<v Speaker 1>Walking Guy know very affordable and they take you right away.

0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:27.400
<v Speaker 1>So all of our condoms out of our pussies. So

0:12:27.440 --> 0:12:30.600
<v Speaker 1>the girl, the girl at the counter the receptionists, is like, hey,

0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:32.400
<v Speaker 1>what's the reason for your visit? And I was like,

0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:37.760
<v Speaker 1>oh um, and I'm mouthing and she's like what I

0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:43.520
<v Speaker 1>was like? And she's like, okay, um, are you wheezy?

0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:46.600
<v Speaker 1>The funny part about this is Alex and I were

0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:49.080
<v Speaker 1>texting and Alex is like, youre going to this cheapass spot.

0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:51.520
<v Speaker 1>Watch somebody know you. So I'm laughing with the girl.

0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:53.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, bro, are you freaking kidding me? Like I'm

0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:54.760
<v Speaker 1>already here for the most embarrassing ship. And she's like,

0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:56.600
<v Speaker 1>don't worry. She listens to the show. She's like, we're

0:12:56.640 --> 0:13:00.199
<v Speaker 1>hip a compliant. I'm like, bitch, you not the doctor mean,

0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:02.839
<v Speaker 1>we're hip and compliant. You got my social and my

0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:06.040
<v Speaker 1>real name asked all time. So whatever, I'm in the

0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:08.280
<v Speaker 1>waiting room, I'm assuming to use my fake celebrity. I'm

0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:10.200
<v Speaker 1>gonna get to skip the line because there's five people

0:13:10.200 --> 0:13:12.440
<v Speaker 1>in front of me. So then I'm seeing two people go.

0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:14.520
<v Speaker 1>I woke up to her. I'm like, bro, like do

0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:16.640
<v Speaker 1>they have something talking to listen because I need to

0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:21.920
<v Speaker 1>go first. So we get the doctor and I remember

0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:27.880
<v Speaker 1>who I am if you're listening to this show. And

0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:29.679
<v Speaker 1>then you asked when to come up to me at

0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:31.679
<v Speaker 1>a time and need that you need to help a

0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:35.360
<v Speaker 1>g hello, how you want to live show ticket? Help?

0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:37.840
<v Speaker 1>So I get to the doctor and she's I'm looking

0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:41.360
<v Speaker 1>at her and I remember her specifically. She was very beautiful, middy.

0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:44.080
<v Speaker 1>So she's like, do I remember you? And I thought

0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:45.600
<v Speaker 1>maybe it was my tattoo. Was like, yeah, I was

0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:48.280
<v Speaker 1>here last time. And it's kind of funny because um,

0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:50.720
<v Speaker 1>I have a podcast my friend, and I said to her,

0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:52.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, um, I know a place we can get

0:13:52.400 --> 0:13:53.600
<v Speaker 1>a content out of you. And here we are. And

0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:55.959
<v Speaker 1>she's like, oh wow, how long ago is that? I

0:13:56.000 --> 0:13:58.040
<v Speaker 1>said a year ago. She's like, I totally remember. I'm

0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:00.120
<v Speaker 1>like it's the name of our first episode. She's like, well,

0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:02.840
<v Speaker 1>now you have your turn. The bitch puts me on

0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:05.679
<v Speaker 1>my back and I'm so nervous. I'm laying down. She's like,

0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:07.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, you see it. She's like, it's just very

0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:10.480
<v Speaker 1>far away. She goes out of the room, comes back

0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:13.920
<v Speaker 1>with a long pair of tweezers and she's like, count

0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:18.600
<v Speaker 1>to ten. I'm like, nig I was freaking out. So

0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:20.520
<v Speaker 1>she takes it out, throws it in a trash can,

0:14:20.600 --> 0:14:22.840
<v Speaker 1>and I said, excuse me, Um, can I see it.

0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:25.120
<v Speaker 1>I just need to make sure a condom came out

0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:26.640
<v Speaker 1>of me, like I need to see it. I mean

0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:28.040
<v Speaker 1>to make sure there wasn't ripped. I need to make

0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:30.080
<v Speaker 1>sure there aren't pieces stuck in me. And she's like,

0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:31.760
<v Speaker 1>what a smart girl, And you know what, can I

0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:34.440
<v Speaker 1>just say, don't be ashamed because I do regular paths

0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:38.080
<v Speaker 1>and just pull random tampons and condoms out. Oh my god.

0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:42.040
<v Speaker 1>So anyway, there's part two of missing condom Jesus. But

0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:44.600
<v Speaker 1>I mean, and you've had a disappearing condom. I've had

0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:46.480
<v Speaker 1>a missing condom. I think you know at least we

0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:54.280
<v Speaker 1>have we got condoms, say sex guysdom so condoms. Oh,

0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:57.960
<v Speaker 1>there we go. So normally we do icebreakers, but since

0:14:58.000 --> 0:14:59.400
<v Speaker 1>both of you'll have already been on the show, we're

0:14:59.440 --> 0:15:03.240
<v Speaker 1>gonna go ahead and have our vanilla ship conversation. UM.

0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:05.000
<v Speaker 1>So the vanilla ship that we kind of want to

0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:07.800
<v Speaker 1>discuss UM, and I'm super glad that we have you

0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:12.360
<v Speaker 1>here to discuss this UM is the child support motherfucker ship. So,

0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:14.480
<v Speaker 1>if you guys are on Twitter, if you guys are

0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:18.280
<v Speaker 1>active within black Twitter. Um, it's been a discussion because

0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:22.000
<v Speaker 1>good old Blake Griffin, who is black some parts black,

0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:25.560
<v Speaker 1>I think anyway black, um, black and black as Griffin

0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:30.120
<v Speaker 1>is paying two hundred and fifty eight thousand dollars a

0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:33.360
<v Speaker 1>month in child support based on his growth income for

0:15:33.880 --> 0:15:36.400
<v Speaker 1>two children. Yes to his white baby mama, not say

0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:38.040
<v Speaker 1>any man, I just want to take xy. I think

0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:43.760
<v Speaker 1>that's his ex wife. UM, so it's nine of his income.

0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:45.920
<v Speaker 1>Someone did the math, and so basically he's only paying

0:15:45.960 --> 0:15:48.120
<v Speaker 1>nine percent. Someone did the math. Someone did the math.

0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:50.920
<v Speaker 1>I think he's he makes like two points something million

0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:53.320
<v Speaker 1>a month because he signed like I don't know, twelve

0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:57.360
<v Speaker 1>million a year, million dollars over five years, over five years. UM,

0:15:57.480 --> 0:15:59.520
<v Speaker 1>so he's only giving three million dollars a year on

0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:02.320
<v Speaker 1>like thirty something million. So let's not act like it's

0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:05.400
<v Speaker 1>too much. I mean it's not. But but a lot

0:16:05.440 --> 0:16:09.320
<v Speaker 1>of people's complaint is especially from men that I've been reading,

0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:11.880
<v Speaker 1>is that it don't take that much to raise a kid,

0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:14.680
<v Speaker 1>and so well, it takes two d and twenty three

0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:18.280
<v Speaker 1>thousand dollars for this lifespan of a child from zero

0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:21.680
<v Speaker 1>take So why I do want to say, though I

0:16:21.680 --> 0:16:24.040
<v Speaker 1>don't want to have the conversation about them coins that

0:16:24.080 --> 0:16:26.280
<v Speaker 1>we don't see in our accounts, but I do want

0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:29.720
<v Speaker 1>to bring this down to a conversation about child support

0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.000
<v Speaker 1>with y'all regular niggas. I don't know why y'all think

0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:35.480
<v Speaker 1>we want to have babies for your regular as money,

0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:37.600
<v Speaker 1>but it's very important because I want to talk to

0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:40.440
<v Speaker 1>our audience, UM, the women who listened to our show,

0:16:40.480 --> 0:16:43.160
<v Speaker 1>who got regular as broke as baby daddies, um, and

0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:45.120
<v Speaker 1>also even just the men who listened to the show

0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:47.440
<v Speaker 1>who may be on child support, who's not making And

0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:49.080
<v Speaker 1>by the way, me and Mandy were going back and

0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:51.080
<v Speaker 1>forth with who to discuss this with because we're having

0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:52.800
<v Speaker 1>Rory in a later episode, and she's like, we need

0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:54.520
<v Speaker 1>ad to talk about this. I'm like, well, what about

0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:56.600
<v Speaker 1>the single moms? And it's like such a hard name

0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:58.960
<v Speaker 1>begging forth this suit because told me what you paid,

0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:00.960
<v Speaker 1>what you get paid in child's report, which is what

0:17:01.880 --> 0:17:04.000
<v Speaker 1>I was like, this makes sense, and not only that,

0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:06.800
<v Speaker 1>I've experience child support growing up, so I want to

0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:10.040
<v Speaker 1>I guess if you could tell our listeners your thoughts

0:17:10.040 --> 0:17:12.480
<v Speaker 1>on child So how much child support do you get

0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:15.639
<v Speaker 1>a month from your baby, Dad, I'm awarded forty like

0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:19.159
<v Speaker 1>around forty five forty seven dollars a month, and I

0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:22.680
<v Speaker 1>have not seen that money for a year. Your son,

0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:27.480
<v Speaker 1>he's turning twelve in December. He's turning so now I

0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:29.520
<v Speaker 1>want to say this, So on the national like the

0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:32.920
<v Speaker 1>National Bureau or something I looked up on average men

0:17:32.960 --> 0:17:38.600
<v Speaker 1>are paying of their annual income a child support is

0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:43.320
<v Speaker 1>the average. I'm waking that much. He's not making enough

0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:46.080
<v Speaker 1>to pay. So I don't know what he does. I

0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:48.639
<v Speaker 1>don't talk to him, but forty five dollars is what

0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:51.520
<v Speaker 1>you got awarded. And he has another child who's also

0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:55.919
<v Speaker 1>on child report and she gets much more. Really, so

0:17:55.920 --> 0:17:57.639
<v Speaker 1>why do you get less? I don't know. There's something

0:17:57.800 --> 0:18:00.600
<v Speaker 1>with us. I think it's the Massachusetts state law where

0:18:00.920 --> 0:18:04.760
<v Speaker 1>the older the the younger kids get more than your

0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:07.919
<v Speaker 1>oldest older kids. Your kids. I mean, in your opinion,

0:18:08.200 --> 0:18:09.680
<v Speaker 1>has your son been more of an expense as a

0:18:09.720 --> 0:18:12.480
<v Speaker 1>baby or as a teenager or a pretio. It's all expensive.

0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.000
<v Speaker 1>You think that you think the money is gonna like

0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:18.679
<v Speaker 1>shift from him, like growing up, but it just becomes

0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:21.640
<v Speaker 1>another bill for something else. I had to pay karate.

0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:24.880
<v Speaker 1>It was like how dollars a month on hundred sixty

0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:28.280
<v Speaker 1>dollars a karate alone. That was one out of five activities,

0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:31.280
<v Speaker 1>playing all that ship out of parking. You got him

0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:36.280
<v Speaker 1>in a special black karate. Yes, I do black owned business.

0:18:37.920 --> 0:18:40.879
<v Speaker 1>I just I just feel like there's so many um

0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:43.760
<v Speaker 1>things that are said on social media, specifically from men

0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:47.840
<v Speaker 1>acting like women either have babies to get child support

0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:50.520
<v Speaker 1>or that, or that the mothers used the child support

0:18:50.520 --> 0:18:52.040
<v Speaker 1>for them and not the children. They'd be like, why

0:18:52.080 --> 0:18:53.920
<v Speaker 1>is it not going to the kid? I really don't

0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:57.360
<v Speaker 1>think that a lot of men taking into consideration that, Okay,

0:18:57.400 --> 0:19:01.120
<v Speaker 1>there's expenses involved with children, but as a woman, your

0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:04.199
<v Speaker 1>whole life is now changed, Like how would you go

0:19:04.280 --> 0:19:07.320
<v Speaker 1>about the jobs you can accept, the hours you can work?

0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:09.880
<v Speaker 1>All of these things are put into that. I don't

0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:11.639
<v Speaker 1>think the men look at it like that, like you

0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:14.520
<v Speaker 1>gotta baby, so what I gotta I gotta argument this

0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:17.320
<v Speaker 1>with my coworker because he was like, what the funk?

0:19:17.359 --> 0:19:19.880
<v Speaker 1>This is ridiculous, like blah blah blah, like I don't care,

0:19:20.000 --> 0:19:21.440
<v Speaker 1>the kids don't cost that much. I said, well, you

0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:23.320
<v Speaker 1>know what costs that much my time. I gotta get

0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:25.560
<v Speaker 1>a job. I can't have a social life, like are

0:19:25.600 --> 0:19:30.959
<v Speaker 1>you kidding me? Babysitters just even trying to daycare after school,

0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:34.160
<v Speaker 1>and you take that nick on the weekends, and that's

0:19:34.200 --> 0:19:37.160
<v Speaker 1>a super high bill. I already know, like I'm so

0:19:37.320 --> 0:19:40.240
<v Speaker 1>used to being broke. I just came into a little cash,

0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:43.280
<v Speaker 1>a decent salary, and I still got planning alone, so

0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:47.320
<v Speaker 1>my net worth is in the negatives. But I just

0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:50.119
<v Speaker 1>became like very self sufficient where I don't need my

0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:53.000
<v Speaker 1>mom help, I don't need my friend help, Like I'm good,

0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:55.280
<v Speaker 1>but I'm so used to being broke that with anything.

0:19:55.320 --> 0:19:58.520
<v Speaker 1>But my son I asked for scholarships, like automatically, of

0:19:58.600 --> 0:20:00.720
<v Speaker 1>course the thing he wants to do. First question out

0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:02.200
<v Speaker 1>of my mouth. If I'm signing him up for something,

0:20:02.200 --> 0:20:05.480
<v Speaker 1>it's a scholarship because it costs that much. You need

0:20:05.480 --> 0:20:09.120
<v Speaker 1>to discount somewhere, and then it's past financials. I think

0:20:09.160 --> 0:20:11.640
<v Speaker 1>a lot of men and maybe some women as well,

0:20:11.880 --> 0:20:15.200
<v Speaker 1>think of it on the financial level. But sometimes I'm thinking, like,

0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:18.280
<v Speaker 1>did you ever think about whenever a woman does receive

0:20:18.320 --> 0:20:20.240
<v Speaker 1>that child support, By the time she get that money,

0:20:20.920 --> 0:20:23.960
<v Speaker 1>all her kids ship is gonna be meant anyway, So

0:20:24.000 --> 0:20:26.239
<v Speaker 1>it's coming out of your pocket regardless no one is

0:20:26.320 --> 0:20:29.679
<v Speaker 1>waiting for your child support. No one's like because you

0:20:29.680 --> 0:20:32.040
<v Speaker 1>didn't pay your child support, and these little ass coins

0:20:32.040 --> 0:20:34.480
<v Speaker 1>at a lot of us, right, they're like, it's chump change.

0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:36.600
<v Speaker 1>How did you feel when you saw the blade Griffin thing?

0:20:37.280 --> 0:20:39.400
<v Speaker 1>And how do you feel about it? With how much

0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:44.119
<v Speaker 1>she's getting do you think? I think it's fine, you know,

0:20:44.200 --> 0:20:46.119
<v Speaker 1>if he can afford it. And what's crazy to me

0:20:46.200 --> 0:20:48.600
<v Speaker 1>is an I kind of wanted to share my situation

0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:52.280
<v Speaker 1>with child support. Is my dad growing up? He stops

0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:55.399
<v Speaker 1>talking to us for well over a year because my

0:20:55.400 --> 0:20:58.159
<v Speaker 1>mom wanted more. UM. She was getting eighty dollars a

0:20:58.200 --> 0:21:02.240
<v Speaker 1>week for two kids from my daddy, and so when

0:21:02.280 --> 0:21:05.399
<v Speaker 1>she finally finished school to receive her lp N, she

0:21:05.560 --> 0:21:07.480
<v Speaker 1>was then making too much money to be on Section

0:21:07.520 --> 0:21:10.520
<v Speaker 1>eight and food stamps anymore. So because she couldn't be

0:21:10.560 --> 0:21:12.720
<v Speaker 1>on second and food stamps anymore, her job was still

0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:14.399
<v Speaker 1>as an lp N, I think was like ten dollars

0:21:14.400 --> 0:21:19.119
<v Speaker 1>and twelve dollars, you're making too much to get government assistance.

0:21:19.200 --> 0:21:22.000
<v Speaker 1>So she took my dad back to court um to

0:21:22.160 --> 0:21:25.760
<v Speaker 1>race child support. She ended up getting one fifty a week,

0:21:25.800 --> 0:21:27.399
<v Speaker 1>which is still only six d a month for two

0:21:27.480 --> 0:21:30.560
<v Speaker 1>kids and just even through that experience, like that's why

0:21:30.600 --> 0:21:33.040
<v Speaker 1>we had to go through It was so crazy because

0:21:33.240 --> 0:21:35.560
<v Speaker 1>he felt like he did so much by giving this

0:21:35.640 --> 0:21:38.879
<v Speaker 1>little bit of money. And it's crazy because not having

0:21:38.880 --> 0:21:40.760
<v Speaker 1>that relationship with like it was hell. He made all

0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:42.520
<v Speaker 1>of us do DNA tests because he wanted to make

0:21:42.560 --> 0:21:44.879
<v Speaker 1>sure he wasn't paying for a kid that wasn't his mind.

0:21:44.920 --> 0:21:48.240
<v Speaker 1>You yeah, he raised like me and my like that's

0:21:48.240 --> 0:21:51.000
<v Speaker 1>our daddy like biologically, so it just brought in so

0:21:51.080 --> 0:21:53.639
<v Speaker 1>much because he thought his money wasn't And it's crazy

0:21:53.680 --> 0:21:55.720
<v Speaker 1>because it's affected me now as an adult where I

0:21:55.760 --> 0:21:57.840
<v Speaker 1>see men as a t m S unfortunately. And I've

0:21:57.840 --> 0:21:59.439
<v Speaker 1>talked about this with some of the guys. I mean,

0:21:59.480 --> 0:22:01.320
<v Speaker 1>like you can't tell me no, like my dad, you

0:22:01.320 --> 0:22:03.639
<v Speaker 1>know my dad, Daddy gave us, Daddy gave that, and

0:22:03.680 --> 0:22:06.320
<v Speaker 1>it's just like I don't know, it's it's kind of

0:22:06.920 --> 0:22:09.119
<v Speaker 1>it sucks because now as an adult, seeing how much

0:22:09.160 --> 0:22:11.000
<v Speaker 1>toiletries are, I tell my mama all the time, I

0:22:11.040 --> 0:22:12.600
<v Speaker 1>don't know how the fun she did it. I didn't

0:22:12.600 --> 0:22:17.720
<v Speaker 1>know what that was that toiletries is expensive to for

0:22:17.800 --> 0:22:19.840
<v Speaker 1>her to have to do it for for four women

0:22:19.920 --> 0:22:26.040
<v Speaker 1>hurt and there's three of us, so Tampon's conditioner good.

0:22:26.640 --> 0:22:28.520
<v Speaker 1>I grew up in a single parent household as well.

0:22:28.600 --> 0:22:30.560
<v Speaker 1>Like my mom, she took care of us and did everything,

0:22:30.560 --> 0:22:32.520
<v Speaker 1>did everything, And I feel like child support was something

0:22:32.560 --> 0:22:34.240
<v Speaker 1>that kind of came up. But one thing that never

0:22:34.280 --> 0:22:36.320
<v Speaker 1>comes up with child support that sucks. Like we always

0:22:36.320 --> 0:22:38.360
<v Speaker 1>talk about the money. We never talked about the time.

0:22:39.640 --> 0:22:41.520
<v Speaker 1>Like we always talk about like, oh, here they go

0:22:41.560 --> 0:22:43.560
<v Speaker 1>asking for all this money, but we never said, well,

0:22:43.600 --> 0:22:45.399
<v Speaker 1>you know, what's the dad saying, like are they around?

0:22:45.440 --> 0:22:47.119
<v Speaker 1>Like are they gonna spend time? Or like what's that

0:22:47.160 --> 0:22:49.080
<v Speaker 1>game playing like? Because at the very least, if we

0:22:49.119 --> 0:22:51.560
<v Speaker 1>say Blake Griffin hangs out with his children X amount

0:22:51.600 --> 0:22:52.960
<v Speaker 1>of times, and then we could be like, oh, well

0:22:52.960 --> 0:22:55.680
<v Speaker 1>maybe that's successive since he does take his kids around.

0:22:56.040 --> 0:22:58.480
<v Speaker 1>But why why should we say that successive. He's a

0:22:58.920 --> 0:23:02.200
<v Speaker 1>he's a dad. He had these kids because he could

0:23:02.240 --> 0:23:04.520
<v Speaker 1>afford to, and he could afford to pay the shop support.

0:23:04.520 --> 0:23:05.840
<v Speaker 1>And I I don't think there's anything wrong with him paying

0:23:05.840 --> 0:23:07.679
<v Speaker 1>it as long as he continues to take care of

0:23:07.720 --> 0:23:10.520
<v Speaker 1>his kids as well. And people love arguing about someone

0:23:10.560 --> 0:23:14.119
<v Speaker 1>else's money, that's all. I don't know. I'd be doing

0:23:14.119 --> 0:23:15.800
<v Speaker 1>the same ship too. I'm so you're telling me that, Nigga.

0:23:17.560 --> 0:23:20.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm so happy you said that, because I used to

0:23:20.280 --> 0:23:22.840
<v Speaker 1>be like really angry about the amount I got, and

0:23:22.880 --> 0:23:25.560
<v Speaker 1>then it was so sporadic. He will go years without

0:23:25.560 --> 0:23:27.480
<v Speaker 1>paying and I get like a lump some and then

0:23:27.520 --> 0:23:29.240
<v Speaker 1>like it go years again. I used to be really

0:23:29.280 --> 0:23:30.920
<v Speaker 1>angry about it, but then I let it go when

0:23:30.920 --> 0:23:34.360
<v Speaker 1>I realized to your point that the most important thing

0:23:34.480 --> 0:23:36.679
<v Speaker 1>is my son's connection with his dad. At the end

0:23:36.680 --> 0:23:38.479
<v Speaker 1>of the day, I'm gonna take care of everything my

0:23:38.520 --> 0:23:42.480
<v Speaker 1>son needs. He's good and so, but what I can't

0:23:42.640 --> 0:23:45.200
<v Speaker 1>do for him is give him his dad's love. Only

0:23:45.240 --> 0:23:47.719
<v Speaker 1>his dad can give that to him. So like, for example,

0:23:47.760 --> 0:23:49.600
<v Speaker 1>this summer, he's gonna send a good chunk of child

0:23:49.640 --> 0:23:51.440
<v Speaker 1>with his chunk of time with his dad. And I

0:23:51.480 --> 0:23:53.040
<v Speaker 1>could be an ass and I could bring up I

0:23:53.160 --> 0:23:54.760
<v Speaker 1>never bring up the child support. I never bring out

0:23:54.760 --> 0:23:57.480
<v Speaker 1>how long he had never paid me. The only conversation

0:23:57.480 --> 0:24:00.000
<v Speaker 1>I want to have is when you're gonna see him,

0:24:00.160 --> 0:24:02.280
<v Speaker 1>is he good? Do you like? When you're gonna pick

0:24:02.320 --> 0:24:04.520
<v Speaker 1>him up, We're gonna drop him off and spend time

0:24:04.560 --> 0:24:06.439
<v Speaker 1>with So that is one thing I can't let me

0:24:06.480 --> 0:24:09.800
<v Speaker 1>ask both of y'all then, because I'm trying to think, yes,

0:24:09.960 --> 0:24:13.119
<v Speaker 1>time is very important. So do you feel like, um,

0:24:13.160 --> 0:24:16.080
<v Speaker 1>a man should pay less in child support if he

0:24:16.359 --> 0:24:19.600
<v Speaker 1>is garnering that time with his children. All right, I

0:24:19.600 --> 0:24:21.600
<v Speaker 1>don't thought he should, but but he does have at

0:24:21.680 --> 0:24:23.840
<v Speaker 1>least a case to make to say that he can

0:24:23.880 --> 0:24:26.199
<v Speaker 1>take care of his child to a certain degree. He

0:24:26.240 --> 0:24:28.800
<v Speaker 1>just has to pay child support because of whatever the

0:24:28.840 --> 0:24:32.359
<v Speaker 1>circumstances is with him his baby mama. Okay, okay, I

0:24:32.359 --> 0:24:34.800
<v Speaker 1>can do that, yeah, in his court order. And I

0:24:34.880 --> 0:24:38.800
<v Speaker 1>want to give just a quick stat to our listeners

0:24:38.840 --> 0:24:40.600
<v Speaker 1>because I was speaking to my mom about this last

0:24:40.680 --> 0:24:43.399
<v Speaker 1>night with what happened, um and so say you have

0:24:43.560 --> 0:24:47.080
<v Speaker 1>joint custody with your baby mother or your baby daddy,

0:24:47.400 --> 0:24:49.919
<v Speaker 1>and say both of you guys pay for the child.

0:24:50.400 --> 0:24:53.000
<v Speaker 1>I do want to let you know that as a woman,

0:24:53.760 --> 0:24:56.200
<v Speaker 1>if this is not court ordered or on paper, that

0:24:56.240 --> 0:24:59.200
<v Speaker 1>you give her X amount of dollars, stay off the books.

0:24:59.520 --> 0:25:01.159
<v Speaker 1>She can o to court and say that you have

0:25:01.240 --> 0:25:03.960
<v Speaker 1>not given her a dime and you can be retroacted

0:25:04.000 --> 0:25:06.560
<v Speaker 1>to pay two years back. The only go two years back,

0:25:06.760 --> 0:25:08.840
<v Speaker 1>but you'll owe two years worth of child support. And

0:25:08.840 --> 0:25:11.400
<v Speaker 1>then be court ordered to pay going forward, don't pay

0:25:11.560 --> 0:25:13.959
<v Speaker 1>and she goes to court and tell so, say so,

0:25:14.040 --> 0:25:16.640
<v Speaker 1>say you and your baby daddy have an arrangement not

0:25:16.760 --> 0:25:19.399
<v Speaker 1>on on the books. Say he's giving you a hundred

0:25:19.400 --> 0:25:21.960
<v Speaker 1>dollars a week, but him, he's just giving it to

0:25:22.040 --> 0:25:24.200
<v Speaker 1>you Like here you go, this is just from the

0:25:24.280 --> 0:25:26.800
<v Speaker 1>kindness of my heart. And you decide one day, you

0:25:26.800 --> 0:25:29.120
<v Speaker 1>know what, you was late two weeks in a row

0:25:29.160 --> 0:25:30.679
<v Speaker 1>and ain't give me my money, I'm gonna go put

0:25:30.720 --> 0:25:32.840
<v Speaker 1>you on child support. You could go to the court

0:25:33.359 --> 0:25:36.880
<v Speaker 1>and say he ain't never give me nothing, and he'll

0:25:36.920 --> 0:25:39.159
<v Speaker 1>be required to pay you two years worth of child support.

0:25:39.560 --> 0:25:42.000
<v Speaker 1>A lot of women will do that. You'd be supplied.

0:25:42.119 --> 0:25:44.119
<v Speaker 1>And unfortunately that's why I just want to let it

0:25:44.160 --> 0:25:46.560
<v Speaker 1>be known, like this is something that maybe needs to

0:25:46.600 --> 0:25:48.359
<v Speaker 1>be written on paper. If this is a situation or

0:25:48.440 --> 0:25:51.800
<v Speaker 1>arrangement you have currently, I think you should definitely keep

0:25:52.200 --> 0:26:02.760
<v Speaker 1>keep track of that. This nigga to this where he

0:26:02.800 --> 0:26:07.360
<v Speaker 1>had never taken me that as the court, that sord

0:26:07.359 --> 0:26:10.280
<v Speaker 1>of thing is like using like niggers have to act

0:26:10.480 --> 0:26:14.720
<v Speaker 1>right on social media, keep right on the time, have

0:26:14.800 --> 0:26:16.880
<v Speaker 1>your fucking side, bitch girlfriend, whoever you want to take

0:26:16.880 --> 0:26:20.000
<v Speaker 1>care of your kids. And so, as y'all know, every

0:26:20.040 --> 0:26:21.760
<v Speaker 1>week we do a kick of the week, and I'm

0:26:21.760 --> 0:26:24.320
<v Speaker 1>excited about this one. Go ahead, You're gonna do a

0:26:24.400 --> 0:26:26.639
<v Speaker 1>jingle for us because you'll be doing les. Wait what

0:26:26.760 --> 0:26:28.959
<v Speaker 1>was thatright? What was saying? I was the jingle? Did

0:26:29.000 --> 0:26:33.440
<v Speaker 1>we damn the condom stuck in her pussy? How we

0:26:33.480 --> 0:26:39.800
<v Speaker 1>forgot the jago already? I don't know what did they

0:26:39.800 --> 0:26:46.560
<v Speaker 1>pull down? Damn? We highest? Okay? So what is it?

0:26:49.480 --> 0:26:51.560
<v Speaker 1>So the kick of the week this week, guys, is

0:26:51.640 --> 0:26:57.359
<v Speaker 1>a mor aphilia? Um? Yes? So? A more aphilia usually

0:26:57.400 --> 0:27:01.040
<v Speaker 1>manifests itself by an inhibition of sight, with either one

0:27:01.119 --> 0:27:03.600
<v Speaker 1>or both partners using a blindfold or having sex in

0:27:03.600 --> 0:27:06.960
<v Speaker 1>total darkness. This might be caused by reasons such as

0:27:07.119 --> 0:27:10.639
<v Speaker 1>religious guilt about nudity and sex, low self esteem, or

0:27:10.680 --> 0:27:14.600
<v Speaker 1>feelings of inadequacy. Yes, what are're just like being blindfold

0:27:14.640 --> 0:27:16.800
<v Speaker 1>a little bit? So there is this, and so I

0:27:16.840 --> 0:27:19.720
<v Speaker 1>wanted to talk about that because have you ever been

0:27:19.720 --> 0:27:23.640
<v Speaker 1>blindfolded before? And because this is a king, I mean

0:27:23.640 --> 0:27:26.240
<v Speaker 1>I could see maybe some people being insecure in the bedroom.

0:27:26.520 --> 0:27:29.200
<v Speaker 1>Or you're gonna do it tonight. You're gonna get blindfolded tonight.

0:27:30.240 --> 0:27:34.000
<v Speaker 1>You've never been blind hold and it's a big difference.

0:27:34.240 --> 0:27:36.879
<v Speaker 1>It seems like such a basic thing, but when you

0:27:36.920 --> 0:27:40.480
<v Speaker 1>lose one of your senses, holy shit, I've had my

0:27:42.080 --> 0:27:44.040
<v Speaker 1>because like something is gone, you know what I'm saying,

0:27:44.040 --> 0:27:46.879
<v Speaker 1>Like you can't see anything, so now you're completely focused

0:27:46.920 --> 0:27:51.560
<v Speaker 1>on the way you feel pillows on your face. It's

0:27:51.560 --> 0:27:56.000
<v Speaker 1>a blindness. So sometimes normally like a part of losing

0:27:56.000 --> 0:28:00.160
<v Speaker 1>your breath, like losing your hair, like I've just over

0:28:00.400 --> 0:28:02.800
<v Speaker 1>you've covered your face with a pillow, I feel like

0:28:02.840 --> 0:28:05.520
<v Speaker 1>having all kind of go to scream or something. By

0:28:05.560 --> 0:28:07.600
<v Speaker 1>the way, something I thought about when watching the reading

0:28:07.640 --> 0:28:10.680
<v Speaker 1>this is I was watching handmaids Tale, Oh my God,

0:28:10.920 --> 0:28:13.320
<v Speaker 1>and do you remember when he so like some religions

0:28:13.920 --> 0:28:16.879
<v Speaker 1>through a hole in the sheet because of the guilt

0:28:16.960 --> 0:28:19.200
<v Speaker 1>about nudity and sex. And so this kind of made

0:28:19.200 --> 0:28:21.520
<v Speaker 1>me think about that. It's crazy because I feel like

0:28:21.680 --> 0:28:24.200
<v Speaker 1>I've I've experienced some type of trauma now, like I

0:28:24.280 --> 0:28:26.960
<v Speaker 1>don't ever want to be blindfolded. I got blindfolded for

0:28:27.000 --> 0:28:28.800
<v Speaker 1>the first time one we talked about this with the

0:28:28.800 --> 0:28:33.160
<v Speaker 1>stealthing of condoms. A guy snuck off the condom while

0:28:33.320 --> 0:28:38.360
<v Speaker 1>I was blindfolded, and I didn't realize right grow well

0:28:38.400 --> 0:28:40.920
<v Speaker 1>was gonna get into that, and I guess so before

0:28:41.000 --> 0:28:42.640
<v Speaker 1>we start, do you want to give a disclaimer for

0:28:42.640 --> 0:28:44.560
<v Speaker 1>our listeners, because I know we've been talking about how

0:28:44.720 --> 0:28:49.000
<v Speaker 1>we are we you seguated to the guy, damn it,

0:28:49.320 --> 0:28:53.800
<v Speaker 1>that's ever we wanted to let you guys know. We

0:28:53.840 --> 0:28:56.000
<v Speaker 1>wanted to start off on a light note. But as

0:28:56.080 --> 0:28:59.960
<v Speaker 1>much as uh Dub has been a really good friend

0:29:00.040 --> 0:29:02.880
<v Speaker 1>to the show and had such a raunchy episode with

0:29:02.920 --> 0:29:06.360
<v Speaker 1>the Unicorn ship, she just she actually told me that

0:29:06.400 --> 0:29:07.960
<v Speaker 1>when she came to New York to visit that she

0:29:08.000 --> 0:29:10.520
<v Speaker 1>wanted to do this. Uh. Mandy and I have both

0:29:10.520 --> 0:29:12.880
<v Speaker 1>heard some stories about sexual trauma from her past, and

0:29:12.920 --> 0:29:14.760
<v Speaker 1>it's been a long time that Mandy and I have

0:29:14.800 --> 0:29:16.600
<v Speaker 1>wanted to do an episode like this, but we felt

0:29:16.600 --> 0:29:19.720
<v Speaker 1>like it wasn't appropriate because one, I think we talked

0:29:19.720 --> 0:29:21.960
<v Speaker 1>sometimes two lax to just be like, we're going to

0:29:22.080 --> 0:29:24.160
<v Speaker 1>just talk about this ourselves. We want to have someone

0:29:24.200 --> 0:29:27.040
<v Speaker 1>that has experienced it, has cope through it, and that

0:29:27.120 --> 0:29:29.520
<v Speaker 1>has worked through each stage of her feelings. And so

0:29:29.720 --> 0:29:32.960
<v Speaker 1>if this is triggering for you anyway, we apologize, But

0:29:33.000 --> 0:29:34.640
<v Speaker 1>we just wanted to give a disclaimer that we will

0:29:34.680 --> 0:29:39.360
<v Speaker 1>be talking about grape and sexual trauma and sexual trauma.

0:29:39.440 --> 0:29:42.240
<v Speaker 1>So that's a disclaim. Yeah, I don't know if that's

0:29:42.280 --> 0:29:44.400
<v Speaker 1>like you kind of read that like Morgan Freeman a

0:29:44.440 --> 0:29:50.800
<v Speaker 1>little bit serious because good disclaimer, guys. Um. So yeah,

0:29:50.880 --> 0:29:54.440
<v Speaker 1>if you guys didn't know by Wheezy's wonderful, you know lecture.

0:29:54.480 --> 0:29:56.480
<v Speaker 1>There you see about my voice, I'm throwing on work.

0:29:56.600 --> 0:29:59.760
<v Speaker 1>I just want you guys to know. But we are

0:29:59.800 --> 0:30:03.120
<v Speaker 1>going get into, um, a little bit of a serious conversation. Um.

0:30:03.320 --> 0:30:04.680
<v Speaker 1>As you guys know, I'm not going to shout out

0:30:04.680 --> 0:30:06.200
<v Speaker 1>the podcast because I don't like it, ask no more.

0:30:06.240 --> 0:30:10.000
<v Speaker 1>But I've spoken on a sexual um you know, a

0:30:10.120 --> 0:30:14.520
<v Speaker 1>kind of um. Oh god, I don't know. Yeah, I mean,

0:30:14.880 --> 0:30:17.400
<v Speaker 1>well I spoke me and we have both kind of

0:30:18.200 --> 0:30:21.360
<v Speaker 1>shared that we've both experienced sexual trauma. Um. But have

0:30:21.440 --> 0:30:26.040
<v Speaker 1>you seen the pyramid? Mandy? What what pyramid? There's a pyramid? Um, right,

0:30:26.440 --> 0:30:29.240
<v Speaker 1>so brilliant idiots I think posted it once on YouTube.

0:30:29.280 --> 0:30:32.920
<v Speaker 1>But there is a pyramid of the hierarchy of sexual assault. Yes,

0:30:33.600 --> 0:30:35.800
<v Speaker 1>and so the one that you experience is like right

0:30:36.440 --> 0:30:37.880
<v Speaker 1>the bottom. No, No No, it's not at the bottom. That's

0:30:37.920 --> 0:30:40.720
<v Speaker 1>a no, dude. You didn't experience at the bottom, someone

0:30:40.760 --> 0:30:42.760
<v Speaker 1>pulled their fucking dick out on you the ship. At

0:30:42.800 --> 0:30:45.200
<v Speaker 1>the bottom is like being spoken to in a dirty way, okay,

0:30:45.240 --> 0:30:47.240
<v Speaker 1>like the cat calling. Yes, okay, it goes up and

0:30:47.280 --> 0:30:48.960
<v Speaker 1>up and up, And what's your experience. I'm not diminishing

0:30:48.960 --> 0:30:51.280
<v Speaker 1>it hadn't mean to do that. I'm saying that's still

0:30:51.360 --> 0:30:54.480
<v Speaker 1>pretty bad, like being gender to tell you, being exposed

0:30:54.560 --> 0:30:57.200
<v Speaker 1>is a big deal, right, because like we'd really we

0:30:57.240 --> 0:30:59.240
<v Speaker 1>don't realize that the things that happened to us day

0:30:59.240 --> 0:31:01.239
<v Speaker 1>to day are as bad as they are. And I'm

0:31:01.240 --> 0:31:02.920
<v Speaker 1>gonna pull it up so we can go through it together.

0:31:02.960 --> 0:31:05.600
<v Speaker 1>But what Dub experience is at the top. And I

0:31:05.600 --> 0:31:07.560
<v Speaker 1>want to say, I've heard a lot of rape shame,

0:31:07.720 --> 0:31:11.040
<v Speaker 1>I mean, victim blaming about rape culture, especially from women,

0:31:11.800 --> 0:31:13.280
<v Speaker 1>which is why you know, I didn't want to have

0:31:13.320 --> 0:31:15.640
<v Speaker 1>you know who on the show, Yeah, because I want

0:31:16.040 --> 0:31:18.160
<v Speaker 1>I don't like when women say, oh, well, that's not

0:31:18.200 --> 0:31:20.320
<v Speaker 1>really a big deal what happened to you? So in

0:31:20.360 --> 0:31:23.960
<v Speaker 1>everyone else's mind, rape in the way that Dub experienced

0:31:24.000 --> 0:31:26.640
<v Speaker 1>it is quote unquote the real way for y'all. And

0:31:26.640 --> 0:31:28.160
<v Speaker 1>so I really want to hate I hate that they

0:31:28.200 --> 0:31:32.240
<v Speaker 1>do that it's discussed like a real like you really yeah,

0:31:32.280 --> 0:31:36.520
<v Speaker 1>you really got raped, it's happening, Yeah, the same thing.

0:31:36.560 --> 0:31:38.240
<v Speaker 1>So I want to start there and then kind of

0:31:38.240 --> 0:31:40.600
<v Speaker 1>work down to the work experience and how they all

0:31:40.640 --> 0:31:43.200
<v Speaker 1>are under the same umbrella. So yeah, I guess if

0:31:43.200 --> 0:31:46.080
<v Speaker 1>you could share a bit of your story, introduces how

0:31:46.120 --> 0:31:48.920
<v Speaker 1>old you were, and we're gonna let you talk. So say,

0:31:49.080 --> 0:31:51.240
<v Speaker 1>like Morgan Freeman, bitch right now. Okay, Now I'm just

0:31:51.280 --> 0:32:01.960
<v Speaker 1>like Donna happened to ship? Okay, Okay, go ahead, hello.

0:32:03.360 --> 0:32:08.720
<v Speaker 1>Um So, yeah, so I was fourteen. I started off

0:32:08.760 --> 0:32:10.800
<v Speaker 1>a little um. I hate to use this word where

0:32:10.800 --> 0:32:15.360
<v Speaker 1>having this conversation, but fast um. And I think I

0:32:15.400 --> 0:32:18.920
<v Speaker 1>got attention from boys when I was like thirteen. I locked.

0:32:18.960 --> 0:32:21.040
<v Speaker 1>I've actually never even I told you this. So I

0:32:21.080 --> 0:32:24.840
<v Speaker 1>lost my virginity to a three year old and I

0:32:24.880 --> 0:32:28.360
<v Speaker 1>was fourteen to a one year old thirty okay, So

0:32:28.360 --> 0:32:31.160
<v Speaker 1>it started, it was it was, it was completely consensual,

0:32:31.880 --> 0:32:35.000
<v Speaker 1>but I just started off really fast. So I was

0:32:35.080 --> 0:32:39.720
<v Speaker 1>dating this guy who was actually twenty two and you

0:32:39.760 --> 0:32:42.760
<v Speaker 1>were out. I was fourteen. I told him I was sixteen.

0:32:43.680 --> 0:32:52.320
<v Speaker 1>A lot of girls he told me he was nineteen. Okay,

0:32:52.360 --> 0:32:54.360
<v Speaker 1>So qu was doing the block. I was kind of

0:32:54.440 --> 0:32:56.040
<v Speaker 1>dating him, so I can dig a little bit. That's

0:32:56.040 --> 0:32:59.560
<v Speaker 1>what David was for me. Sorry, um. But then one

0:32:59.640 --> 0:33:02.400
<v Speaker 1>day I invited him over and we were hooking up,

0:33:02.440 --> 0:33:04.960
<v Speaker 1>and then he went downstairs and invited his friends in

0:33:05.040 --> 0:33:08.360
<v Speaker 1>my house and I was getting raped by six guys,

0:33:08.480 --> 0:33:12.400
<v Speaker 1>including him. So I ran away and then I went

0:33:12.440 --> 0:33:14.920
<v Speaker 1>into this really deep depression for about a year. So

0:33:14.960 --> 0:33:19.440
<v Speaker 1>for like fourteen and fifteen young age to happening, I

0:33:19.480 --> 0:33:22.720
<v Speaker 1>was running away constantly, like going all over place, Like

0:33:22.720 --> 0:33:24.280
<v Speaker 1>I would go to church and I would leave because

0:33:24.280 --> 0:33:26.280
<v Speaker 1>my mom would let me to go, like Sunday school.

0:33:26.880 --> 0:33:29.880
<v Speaker 1>That's how I left. And I was like, so I

0:33:29.920 --> 0:33:32.520
<v Speaker 1>didn't use drugs. I actually wasn't even smoking weed, but

0:33:32.600 --> 0:33:36.480
<v Speaker 1>my drug was sex. So I was fucking everybody, older guys,

0:33:36.800 --> 0:33:39.280
<v Speaker 1>younger guys. My guy's mom not really got my age.

0:33:39.280 --> 0:33:41.720
<v Speaker 1>They were at least nineteen all the guys. Let me

0:33:41.760 --> 0:33:46.040
<v Speaker 1>ask you a question, because diving in you experienced him

0:33:46.080 --> 0:33:49.400
<v Speaker 1>and his friends. Do you mind sharing the number? It

0:33:49.480 --> 0:33:54.160
<v Speaker 1>was six, so six guys total. And the triggering thing

0:33:54.360 --> 0:33:56.440
<v Speaker 1>because a lot of women would maybe assume that you

0:33:56.440 --> 0:33:59.080
<v Speaker 1>would go through his face where you hated men. So

0:33:59.200 --> 0:34:01.480
<v Speaker 1>for you telling me went through a phase where you

0:34:01.520 --> 0:34:04.640
<v Speaker 1>were constantly fucking after that. To me, that's the opposite.

0:34:04.680 --> 0:34:10.000
<v Speaker 1>I feel like we think like it was my one

0:34:10.040 --> 0:34:13.000
<v Speaker 1>of my first sexual experiences was someone way too old

0:34:13.040 --> 0:34:16.680
<v Speaker 1>for me. And then my like maybe third sexual experience

0:34:16.920 --> 0:34:19.160
<v Speaker 1>was you know, third if you don't count sucking dick.

0:34:19.239 --> 0:34:23.600
<v Speaker 1>It was like my third sexual experience was rape. So

0:34:23.719 --> 0:34:30.799
<v Speaker 1>like I did not know a loving, romantic, intimate like

0:34:31.000 --> 0:34:34.040
<v Speaker 1>relationship at that time. I only knew fucking. I only

0:34:34.120 --> 0:34:37.359
<v Speaker 1>knew and to me, the word no didn't matter. So

0:34:37.400 --> 0:34:39.120
<v Speaker 1>like I would hang out with guys and if I

0:34:39.239 --> 0:34:41.560
<v Speaker 1>knew it was getting sexual, I knew in my mind

0:34:41.640 --> 0:34:44.040
<v Speaker 1>like if I'm gonna say no, they're gonna do it anyway.

0:34:44.239 --> 0:34:48.600
<v Speaker 1>So when you when you were going through that um

0:34:48.719 --> 0:34:51.839
<v Speaker 1>when the men were coming upstairs, how was the conversation?

0:34:52.040 --> 0:34:57.439
<v Speaker 1>Did you ever say stop? Yes? But it didn't matter?

0:34:58.320 --> 0:35:00.560
<v Speaker 1>Then end? Like and then what did it for me?

0:35:00.640 --> 0:35:02.759
<v Speaker 1>So at first I was like stop and it was

0:35:02.800 --> 0:35:06.239
<v Speaker 1>like a very forceful, like violent situation in terms of

0:35:06.280 --> 0:35:10.279
<v Speaker 1>me pushing back. But then when they sodomized me, I

0:35:10.560 --> 0:35:15.760
<v Speaker 1>just they sodomized you with what means just the anal

0:35:16.480 --> 0:35:20.480
<v Speaker 1>I don't know soomize. Yeah, I don't know why sodomized

0:35:20.480 --> 0:35:22.680
<v Speaker 1>to me makes me think they used tools like or

0:35:24.320 --> 0:35:28.520
<v Speaker 1>it's just antally it is antal penetration, antal rape, sodomized.

0:35:28.600 --> 0:35:30.640
<v Speaker 1>I think it's anal penaltration. I think it's just in sodomy.

0:35:30.719 --> 0:35:32.719
<v Speaker 1>It's just the act of anal But that's why you can, like,

0:35:32.760 --> 0:35:34.880
<v Speaker 1>I think in Georgia it's still legal or some crazy

0:35:34.880 --> 0:35:39.880
<v Speaker 1>ship like that, sodoman But just what was your relationship

0:35:40.080 --> 0:35:42.840
<v Speaker 1>with your family when this was going on? Yeah? Great questions.

0:35:43.000 --> 0:35:47.160
<v Speaker 1>So my mom and I was a relationship tanked. I

0:35:47.200 --> 0:35:51.239
<v Speaker 1>became very angry and just so she was kind of

0:35:51.280 --> 0:35:53.759
<v Speaker 1>talking ship. Were you keeping this private? Can we start there?

0:35:54.320 --> 0:35:58.320
<v Speaker 1>So she walked into it? What wait, your mom walked

0:35:58.360 --> 0:36:02.560
<v Speaker 1>into That's how it stopped. And then I, I don't

0:36:02.560 --> 0:36:06.360
<v Speaker 1>remember why, they ran out of the house. She's like

0:36:06.440 --> 0:36:09.480
<v Speaker 1>chasing down the street and then I get my clothes

0:36:09.520 --> 0:36:11.319
<v Speaker 1>on and I did and I run away for like

0:36:11.360 --> 0:36:14.920
<v Speaker 1>two days? Were you Yeah? So that came back? Did

0:36:14.920 --> 0:36:18.480
<v Speaker 1>a right? Where did you go? Um? Where did I go?

0:36:18.880 --> 0:36:21.239
<v Speaker 1>Was somewhere in Boston? Two days? Was just I was

0:36:21.280 --> 0:36:24.040
<v Speaker 1>just like Roman streets. I was homeless. Actually those are

0:36:24.040 --> 0:36:29.040
<v Speaker 1>my only two days in my life I've been homeless,

0:36:29.400 --> 0:36:31.200
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, I have to go home. Were

0:36:31.200 --> 0:36:34.120
<v Speaker 1>you scared? Yeah, I thought she's gonna want my ask

0:36:34.160 --> 0:36:37.200
<v Speaker 1>because I know she thought it was Oh she didn't,

0:36:37.760 --> 0:36:39.440
<v Speaker 1>So in your mind you thought that she could have

0:36:39.480 --> 0:36:42.280
<v Speaker 1>WoT niggas and I'm naked. I didn't want her thinking

0:36:42.360 --> 0:36:45.520
<v Speaker 1>that that you asked, right, So I thought she was

0:36:45.520 --> 0:36:47.880
<v Speaker 1>gonna be pissed, and she was pissed, but she believed

0:36:47.880 --> 0:36:51.560
<v Speaker 1>me right away. She never questioned that I was raped.

0:36:51.680 --> 0:36:54.960
<v Speaker 1>So when when this happened, and now your mom knows,

0:36:55.280 --> 0:36:58.360
<v Speaker 1>you know what is? I get the aftermath of it.

0:36:58.480 --> 0:37:00.680
<v Speaker 1>But did you go ahead and go through with a

0:37:00.760 --> 0:37:03.560
<v Speaker 1>rape kids or press charges? So can you talk through

0:37:03.640 --> 0:37:07.920
<v Speaker 1>what awful? It's just cold. Actually don't really like hospitals

0:37:07.920 --> 0:37:10.160
<v Speaker 1>because of that, because it's just cold and they're just

0:37:10.239 --> 0:37:17.120
<v Speaker 1>swabbing you and aunt they like, you know, they look

0:37:17.160 --> 0:37:19.799
<v Speaker 1>at your vagina and you and they like see if

0:37:19.800 --> 0:37:22.480
<v Speaker 1>there's like cuts and bruises and take pictures. It's like

0:37:22.520 --> 0:37:27.120
<v Speaker 1>a police they take pictures. Oh I didn't know that me.

0:37:27.400 --> 0:37:29.200
<v Speaker 1>So when you called the police, who called the police?

0:37:29.239 --> 0:37:32.360
<v Speaker 1>Your mom did? Okay? And what kind of questions is

0:37:32.400 --> 0:37:35.000
<v Speaker 1>that how I hate the cops because of this because

0:37:35.040 --> 0:37:37.680
<v Speaker 1>so they were like, oh so you like pretty much

0:37:37.680 --> 0:37:39.520
<v Speaker 1>they made me feel like I wanted it, which is

0:37:39.560 --> 0:37:42.920
<v Speaker 1>exactly what I did. And I just didn't feel protected

0:37:44.280 --> 0:37:46.400
<v Speaker 1>because these were guys in the neighborhood. That was the

0:37:46.400 --> 0:37:48.680
<v Speaker 1>worst part, Like I know these niggas, why I didn't

0:37:48.680 --> 0:37:50.719
<v Speaker 1>really know them. Well, I knew the guy that I

0:37:50.800 --> 0:37:54.600
<v Speaker 1>was quote unquote dating, right, so he was like in

0:37:54.640 --> 0:37:57.759
<v Speaker 1>the neighborhood, roman free and I'm like and then I

0:37:57.800 --> 0:38:00.640
<v Speaker 1>had all the d n A on me, so like

0:38:01.239 --> 0:38:03.160
<v Speaker 1>there was no question about it, and I was like

0:38:03.280 --> 0:38:06.480
<v Speaker 1>bruised and like all this stuff. But they still were

0:38:06.560 --> 0:38:08.960
<v Speaker 1>just like, well, why, why, how this happened? How did

0:38:09.000 --> 0:38:11.640
<v Speaker 1>it happen? Why did you? And just made me feel

0:38:11.680 --> 0:38:14.319
<v Speaker 1>like where's your mom sitting with you while they asked

0:38:14.320 --> 0:38:18.479
<v Speaker 1>your questions? What's your mom getting? Like? I don't even

0:38:18.480 --> 0:38:20.920
<v Speaker 1>remember her reaction, but it was it was very tense

0:38:21.080 --> 0:38:23.000
<v Speaker 1>and I just shut down. Like when I knew this

0:38:23.040 --> 0:38:24.840
<v Speaker 1>was going I was like, Okay, I'm just not gonn pressure,

0:38:24.920 --> 0:38:26.000
<v Speaker 1>Like I'm not gonna go through this like you think

0:38:26.000 --> 0:38:28.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna go court and y'all gonna be having me

0:38:28.640 --> 0:38:30.840
<v Speaker 1>like at a jury or whatever. Then you know what

0:38:30.840 --> 0:38:33.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying, in your mind, it's also six against one.

0:38:33.360 --> 0:38:35.200
<v Speaker 1>All six of them could say you wanted it or

0:38:35.200 --> 0:38:39.000
<v Speaker 1>asked were you also worried about what would happen when

0:38:39.000 --> 0:38:42.879
<v Speaker 1>you went to court and like what if they didn't

0:38:42.920 --> 0:38:45.359
<v Speaker 1>get convicted? These people that fucking rape you, And now

0:38:45.360 --> 0:38:47.120
<v Speaker 1>you're sitting here and you gotta see all these motherfucker's

0:38:47.120 --> 0:38:50.120
<v Speaker 1>in the neighborhood family like my my little my little brother,

0:38:50.160 --> 0:38:52.800
<v Speaker 1>and my sisters and my mom. My mom's a teacher

0:38:52.880 --> 0:38:55.200
<v Speaker 1>in the neighborhood. Like I was just like, I'm not

0:38:55.280 --> 0:38:57.839
<v Speaker 1>gonna go through this, like if if the police don't

0:38:57.840 --> 0:38:59.640
<v Speaker 1>believe me, and y'all got and you could see me.

0:38:59.680 --> 0:39:04.080
<v Speaker 1>It's like a few days after and I'm clearly like, amaized,

0:39:04.719 --> 0:39:08.960
<v Speaker 1>y'all is a question me my family. I never asked

0:39:08.960 --> 0:39:11.399
<v Speaker 1>you this, And all the time I've known you, But

0:39:11.800 --> 0:39:13.400
<v Speaker 1>the next time that you saw one of them, what

0:39:13.520 --> 0:39:17.760
<v Speaker 1>was that, Like, yes, you know the PTSD, that ship

0:39:17.800 --> 0:39:21.600
<v Speaker 1>is real. There were certain sense that like if I

0:39:21.600 --> 0:39:24.480
<v Speaker 1>smelled it, I was immediately triggered. There's actually certain parts

0:39:24.480 --> 0:39:26.279
<v Speaker 1>of Boston. This is like later in my story, but

0:39:26.280 --> 0:39:28.839
<v Speaker 1>there's actually certain parts of Boston that I won't even

0:39:28.840 --> 0:39:32.480
<v Speaker 1>go to because I'm just like instantly triggered. It's weird,

0:39:32.560 --> 0:39:34.640
<v Speaker 1>like if I see them. Obviously it was a trigger,

0:39:34.680 --> 0:39:36.520
<v Speaker 1>but like it was something it could be much more

0:39:36.520 --> 0:39:39.879
<v Speaker 1>subtle than that. I've ever apologized to you. The guy

0:39:39.880 --> 0:39:42.960
<v Speaker 1>I was dating did did you? Did you? Did you

0:39:43.000 --> 0:39:47.120
<v Speaker 1>accept that apology? It didn't matter at that point the jam,

0:39:47.160 --> 0:39:50.400
<v Speaker 1>which was done, you know, it didn't really matter. Did

0:39:50.440 --> 0:39:53.200
<v Speaker 1>you ever ask why? I didn't? It wasn't necessary for

0:39:53.320 --> 0:39:56.120
<v Speaker 1>my healing at that point, right. It was nice to hear,

0:39:56.200 --> 0:39:59.759
<v Speaker 1>but it wasn't necessary. Had you asked why? Only guy

0:39:59.800 --> 0:40:02.440
<v Speaker 1>asked why? I think I said in that episode one

0:40:03.000 --> 0:40:05.920
<v Speaker 1>and I asked why to the guy that I got

0:40:06.000 --> 0:40:08.560
<v Speaker 1>right by, and he told me he liked watching me

0:40:08.600 --> 0:40:12.880
<v Speaker 1>cry and it was so disgusting to hear. And I

0:40:12.920 --> 0:40:14.839
<v Speaker 1>remember it was like on aim. He told me that,

0:40:15.120 --> 0:40:17.600
<v Speaker 1>And I was shaking after that ship because I was like,

0:40:18.280 --> 0:40:21.440
<v Speaker 1>how can you even admit the ship? Now this happened

0:40:21.440 --> 0:40:24.040
<v Speaker 1>to you a second time? Can you describe how old

0:40:24.080 --> 0:40:26.759
<v Speaker 1>you were the second time? So when I went into

0:40:26.840 --> 0:40:29.080
<v Speaker 1>my deep depression, I was walking alive. I met another

0:40:29.120 --> 0:40:32.239
<v Speaker 1>group of guys that I would consensually have sex with

0:40:32.280 --> 0:40:36.839
<v Speaker 1>them often as as a group. As a group, they

0:40:36.840 --> 0:40:39.480
<v Speaker 1>would technically run trains on me. Okay, how many guys?

0:40:39.600 --> 0:40:42.600
<v Speaker 1>Six of them and I would hang out with them too,

0:40:42.680 --> 0:40:44.279
<v Speaker 1>and I would run away if I ran away. I

0:40:44.280 --> 0:40:46.479
<v Speaker 1>was with them for a very long time, for about

0:40:46.480 --> 0:40:50.279
<v Speaker 1>a year, so then how old? How old were you?

0:40:50.280 --> 0:40:56.279
<v Speaker 1>So the next year, oh wow, my whole fifteen, Like

0:40:56.400 --> 0:41:00.000
<v Speaker 1>I tanked in school. I was run away. The cops

0:41:00.000 --> 0:41:01.879
<v Speaker 1>were like, we're gonna lock you up if you keep

0:41:01.960 --> 0:41:04.359
<v Speaker 1>running away. So that's when I was like, Okay, well

0:41:04.360 --> 0:41:06.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm not gonna go to jail, so let me get

0:41:06.640 --> 0:41:08.840
<v Speaker 1>my ship together. So I slowly s got my ship together.

0:41:08.960 --> 0:41:11.560
<v Speaker 1>My mom. I had like six therapists in a two

0:41:11.640 --> 0:41:15.680
<v Speaker 1>year frame. I my mom switched me out of a

0:41:15.760 --> 0:41:18.279
<v Speaker 1>school that really helped. So I was going to like

0:41:18.360 --> 0:41:22.000
<v Speaker 1>the So I'm from Cambridge and like in Massachusetts, and

0:41:22.000 --> 0:41:25.279
<v Speaker 1>there's one high school in Cambridge. Everyone was like, she's

0:41:25.320 --> 0:41:29.840
<v Speaker 1>a hope, right, murd what happened? And I was like,

0:41:29.960 --> 0:41:31.319
<v Speaker 1>so I was tainted as a whole, and it was

0:41:31.360 --> 0:41:33.200
<v Speaker 1>just really tough. And my mom worked at the school,

0:41:33.200 --> 0:41:36.120
<v Speaker 1>so it was just a lot. So my mom switched

0:41:36.160 --> 0:41:38.080
<v Speaker 1>me out of the school. To a school that was

0:41:38.120 --> 0:41:40.520
<v Speaker 1>like everyone in the school had a therapist in house.

0:41:41.120 --> 0:41:43.319
<v Speaker 1>It was for kids who like really going through some ship.

0:41:43.680 --> 0:41:46.400
<v Speaker 1>Let me in that school. Amazing school saved my life.

0:41:47.080 --> 0:41:51.000
<v Speaker 1>So by this time, I'm hitting six team and I'm

0:41:51.040 --> 0:41:53.000
<v Speaker 1>really starting to get my ship together. I'm like, Okay, well,

0:41:53.040 --> 0:41:54.600
<v Speaker 1>I can't be working with these niggas no more. I

0:41:54.640 --> 0:41:57.400
<v Speaker 1>got like and I'm like doing well in school. Actually

0:41:57.400 --> 0:41:59.920
<v Speaker 1>graduated year early from school because I was going to

0:42:00.000 --> 0:42:01.360
<v Speaker 1>mentioned my best gun of the Master's you know what

0:42:01.400 --> 0:42:04.279
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying, you know, graduating when I was sixteen, But

0:42:04.400 --> 0:42:06.759
<v Speaker 1>like it was really hard, and I did it because

0:42:06.760 --> 0:42:08.200
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I can't be in Boston. I felt

0:42:08.200 --> 0:42:10.880
<v Speaker 1>like Boston was gonna kill me at this point. So

0:42:12.960 --> 0:42:15.400
<v Speaker 1>I cut it off with the guys that I'm regularly

0:42:15.400 --> 0:42:17.319
<v Speaker 1>having sex with and I'm like, no, So for a

0:42:17.320 --> 0:42:20.040
<v Speaker 1>while I don't see them. But then one day one

0:42:20.080 --> 0:42:22.480
<v Speaker 1>of them that I'm like, the one I'm most close with,

0:42:22.640 --> 0:42:24.759
<v Speaker 1>hit me up. I was like, you want to hang out?

0:42:24.760 --> 0:42:27.279
<v Speaker 1>And I was like all right, So they all come

0:42:27.320 --> 0:42:31.160
<v Speaker 1>over and we all chilling, and then it just, I

0:42:31.200 --> 0:42:33.120
<v Speaker 1>swear to God, it just turns and it breaks my

0:42:33.160 --> 0:42:35.520
<v Speaker 1>heart because I actually really funk with them. All my

0:42:35.600 --> 0:42:39.279
<v Speaker 1>other sexual experiences have been completely one thousand percent consensual.

0:42:39.880 --> 0:42:41.520
<v Speaker 1>But the one time I was like, you know what,

0:42:41.600 --> 0:42:43.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm really not trying to be doing that ship with

0:42:43.239 --> 0:42:45.359
<v Speaker 1>y'all know more, they just took it in their own

0:42:45.360 --> 0:42:48.680
<v Speaker 1>hands and they raped me. Now, a lot of people

0:42:48.760 --> 0:42:51.440
<v Speaker 1>claim that you can't get raped by like someone you

0:42:51.520 --> 0:42:54.200
<v Speaker 1>know or someone you're letting your home. Wives can't get

0:42:54.280 --> 0:42:57.040
<v Speaker 1>raped by their husbands. You totally can know, well, the

0:42:57.080 --> 0:42:59.400
<v Speaker 1>wife's not getting raped by their husbands things. But there's

0:42:59.600 --> 0:43:02.760
<v Speaker 1>like stats show that most of most rapes actually occur

0:43:03.160 --> 0:43:05.000
<v Speaker 1>from people that no, no no, sorry not but you know,

0:43:05.040 --> 0:43:06.800
<v Speaker 1>but people you've had sex with. A lot of people

0:43:07.320 --> 0:43:10.960
<v Speaker 1>say that, like how can you say that you got raped? Yes,

0:43:11.400 --> 0:43:14.120
<v Speaker 1>can be considered rape. Sorry. People have used that again,

0:43:14.200 --> 0:43:17.160
<v Speaker 1>like in defense when they have been accused of rape,

0:43:17.200 --> 0:43:20.279
<v Speaker 1>like well I sued her before and that was the

0:43:20.560 --> 0:43:23.120
<v Speaker 1>So that was my challenge with the second rate, because

0:43:23.120 --> 0:43:25.960
<v Speaker 1>I was like, these things supposed to be my friends,

0:43:26.000 --> 0:43:29.520
<v Speaker 1>and actually most of them ended up apologizing in time.

0:43:30.480 --> 0:43:33.200
<v Speaker 1>I still don't know. So what was your second step

0:43:33.280 --> 0:43:34.880
<v Speaker 1>for this time? You said you did another rape kit?

0:43:34.960 --> 0:43:36.960
<v Speaker 1>So did another rape kit? I went to the hospital

0:43:37.040 --> 0:43:39.840
<v Speaker 1>right away. Again, my mom was super supportive and she

0:43:40.040 --> 0:43:43.399
<v Speaker 1>never questioned me. So shout out to her that's um

0:43:43.600 --> 0:43:45.520
<v Speaker 1>got a rape kit. But I did not go to

0:43:45.480 --> 0:43:47.000
<v Speaker 1>the police because I was like, I'm not doing that

0:43:47.000 --> 0:43:49.160
<v Speaker 1>ship and I was so close to getting out of Boston.

0:43:49.320 --> 0:43:51.759
<v Speaker 1>What made you have to go to the hospital. You

0:43:51.840 --> 0:43:53.960
<v Speaker 1>have to if you're raped, you have to go. You

0:43:54.000 --> 0:43:55.640
<v Speaker 1>just have to get a DNA. The thing is, they

0:43:55.760 --> 0:43:58.279
<v Speaker 1>keep the DNA the rape kits for like six years

0:43:58.360 --> 0:44:00.400
<v Speaker 1>or something, So you ever changed your mine if you

0:44:00.440 --> 0:44:02.840
<v Speaker 1>want to pressure, if you want to press charges, okay.

0:44:02.920 --> 0:44:05.600
<v Speaker 1>So that's why I go, And that's why I tell everyone,

0:44:05.760 --> 0:44:07.759
<v Speaker 1>if you're ever rape, just get the rape kit and

0:44:07.840 --> 0:44:10.200
<v Speaker 1>have that ship sitting there because anytime you do want

0:44:10.200 --> 0:44:13.040
<v Speaker 1>to go for it, and you should, because I regret

0:44:13.080 --> 0:44:16.680
<v Speaker 1>not going for it. You regret not going forward to

0:44:16.719 --> 0:44:19.000
<v Speaker 1>the police in like present charges in a second time,

0:44:19.800 --> 0:44:22.080
<v Speaker 1>so I want to go in. This hierarchy really quit

0:44:22.200 --> 0:44:23.920
<v Speaker 1>more strengthen me. That I didn't realize at the time,

0:44:23.920 --> 0:44:25.520
<v Speaker 1>But now looking back, I'm like, I probably could have

0:44:25.560 --> 0:44:29.319
<v Speaker 1>pulled that shirt off. The nigger should have paid. All

0:44:29.360 --> 0:44:33.000
<v Speaker 1>of them are walking around now living their life, and

0:44:33.040 --> 0:44:34.719
<v Speaker 1>I know that should eat them up. And I know

0:44:34.800 --> 0:44:37.000
<v Speaker 1>they did that again. I'm sure that's what That's what

0:44:37.080 --> 0:44:38.520
<v Speaker 1>I was gonna go to, Like if they did it

0:44:38.560 --> 0:44:40.480
<v Speaker 1>with you and we're so comfortable and then just gave

0:44:40.480 --> 0:44:43.439
<v Speaker 1>you a sorry, like that's something that probably they've done

0:44:43.880 --> 0:44:47.839
<v Speaker 1>another time screen if you google rape culture pyramid. So

0:44:48.360 --> 0:44:50.480
<v Speaker 1>the reason I was so proud of you just a

0:44:50.480 --> 0:44:53.760
<v Speaker 1>few weeks ago when we were in Seattle together, because

0:44:53.760 --> 0:44:56.640
<v Speaker 1>you had a situation that happened at work and I

0:44:56.640 --> 0:44:59.279
<v Speaker 1>I want to show you guys this pyramid. Will post

0:44:59.280 --> 0:45:01.520
<v Speaker 1>it on Horrible to sit Jan's. But the reason it's

0:45:01.560 --> 0:45:05.200
<v Speaker 1>so important is because you didn't press any charges on

0:45:05.239 --> 0:45:07.400
<v Speaker 1>the men that did something so fucking brutal and disgusting

0:45:07.400 --> 0:45:09.600
<v Speaker 1>to you, but you did take matters into your own

0:45:09.640 --> 0:45:11.840
<v Speaker 1>hands to what some people feel like is not a

0:45:11.880 --> 0:45:14.799
<v Speaker 1>big deal. So here's the pyramid. So um at the

0:45:14.840 --> 0:45:17.040
<v Speaker 1>top of the pyramid, there's it's like three different colors.

0:45:17.080 --> 0:45:21.720
<v Speaker 1>There's rape, drugging, molestation, and UM for Mandy, which is funny,

0:45:21.760 --> 0:45:24.680
<v Speaker 1>you just brought that up. Stealthing, covert condom removal. It

0:45:24.760 --> 0:45:29.399
<v Speaker 1>is always and that's that's what happened to me. Um.

0:45:29.560 --> 0:45:32.839
<v Speaker 1>Oh wow. But and it's crazy because so well when

0:45:32.880 --> 0:45:34.920
<v Speaker 1>the thing happened to me on the train, So I

0:45:34.920 --> 0:45:37.360
<v Speaker 1>don't think I've mentioned too much of it on this episode. Actually,

0:45:37.360 --> 0:45:39.239
<v Speaker 1>maybe maybe I have brought it up. So I was

0:45:39.280 --> 0:45:41.520
<v Speaker 1>on the train coming home from work, um, and it

0:45:41.600 --> 0:45:43.480
<v Speaker 1>was an express train, and y'all know how these motherfucking

0:45:43.520 --> 0:45:45.600
<v Speaker 1>trains in New York get packed. And I go to

0:45:45.680 --> 0:45:48.560
<v Speaker 1>step off of the train. Mind you, I had I

0:45:48.560 --> 0:45:50.680
<v Speaker 1>had felt a guy bumping into me the whole way,

0:45:50.680 --> 0:45:52.279
<v Speaker 1>but we were still packed. There was nowhere to move,

0:45:52.600 --> 0:45:54.400
<v Speaker 1>so I was trying to put my purse behind me,

0:45:54.440 --> 0:45:56.359
<v Speaker 1>but there was just no room. And so the whole

0:45:56.400 --> 0:45:58.200
<v Speaker 1>time and I'm like, I feel this niggas dick is

0:45:58.239 --> 0:45:59.960
<v Speaker 1>getting hard, but I thought it was through his pain.

0:46:00.560 --> 0:46:02.920
<v Speaker 1>So I go to step out of the train and

0:46:02.960 --> 0:46:05.799
<v Speaker 1>this this nigga's whole dick is exposed. He had been

0:46:05.880 --> 0:46:07.759
<v Speaker 1>rubbing his dick on me the whole time I was

0:46:07.800 --> 0:46:10.759
<v Speaker 1>on the train. It was an older black guy on

0:46:10.840 --> 0:46:13.440
<v Speaker 1>top of that, so I like just felt super violated.

0:46:13.480 --> 0:46:16.600
<v Speaker 1>But that was in my mind, in my life, that

0:46:16.719 --> 0:46:19.960
<v Speaker 1>was the first time I had experienced, like, you know,

0:46:20.280 --> 0:46:22.960
<v Speaker 1>that type of rape. I guess would say to me

0:46:23.000 --> 0:46:25.600
<v Speaker 1>that was considered rape. So when we talk about the

0:46:25.640 --> 0:46:28.480
<v Speaker 1>condom removal from the guy who blindfolded me, I didn't

0:46:28.480 --> 0:46:32.760
<v Speaker 1>even consider that rape. I felt violated, but I wouldn't

0:46:33.680 --> 0:46:36.040
<v Speaker 1>keep So, by the way, you all want to look

0:46:36.040 --> 0:46:38.640
<v Speaker 1>it up, it's type in rape culture pyramid. It says

0:46:38.680 --> 0:46:43.239
<v Speaker 1>eleventh principle of consent, so it goes by normalization, degradation,

0:46:43.280 --> 0:46:45.480
<v Speaker 1>and an assault at the top. So that was sexual

0:46:45.520 --> 0:46:47.439
<v Speaker 1>assault you experienced, Mandy, So both are at the tops.

0:46:47.480 --> 0:46:51.440
<v Speaker 1>In the middle you have coortion, revenge, porn, groping, and

0:46:51.560 --> 0:46:55.960
<v Speaker 1>safe word violations. Towards the bottom, non consensual photos of

0:46:56.040 --> 0:47:00.400
<v Speaker 1>video stalking, victim blaming, flashing, or exposing unsolicited dick picks.

0:47:00.840 --> 0:47:04.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh ship, that's want to touch cat calls. You'll be

0:47:04.160 --> 0:47:07.240
<v Speaker 1>raping on INSTAGRAMA sending me all of them goddamn dicks.

0:47:07.360 --> 0:47:09.360
<v Speaker 1>But I don't want to see. Boys will be boys,

0:47:09.480 --> 0:47:12.879
<v Speaker 1>rape jokes, and locker rooms. So our president is right

0:47:12.960 --> 0:47:20.359
<v Speaker 1>towards our president the bottom. I'm not saying the one

0:47:20.360 --> 0:47:23.320
<v Speaker 1>with the locker room talk. People love to say, um,

0:47:23.360 --> 0:47:25.840
<v Speaker 1>but yeah, So every like right when you said you

0:47:25.840 --> 0:47:27.160
<v Speaker 1>were like, oh, that's not that big of you, I

0:47:27.200 --> 0:47:29.360
<v Speaker 1>was like, I'm pretty sure that's Like, yeah, I didn't

0:47:29.360 --> 0:47:31.319
<v Speaker 1>even realize that that's crazy is when you look at

0:47:31.320 --> 0:47:36.200
<v Speaker 1>this pyramid, like everybody experiences this or even even like

0:47:36.200 --> 0:47:39.320
<v Speaker 1>like even women victim blaming and ship like that do

0:47:39.480 --> 0:47:42.439
<v Speaker 1>this bullshit like everybody's in this pyramid. And I feel

0:47:42.480 --> 0:47:44.680
<v Speaker 1>like this is a time where everybody needs to become

0:47:44.719 --> 0:47:46.960
<v Speaker 1>better educated and really see if this is a people thing,

0:47:47.400 --> 0:47:51.839
<v Speaker 1>because men should not just take advantage of any situation ever.

0:47:52.360 --> 0:47:54.040
<v Speaker 1>And I feel like it's mostly men because women do

0:47:54.320 --> 0:47:56.640
<v Speaker 1>have that ship too, but men, it's more often than not,

0:47:56.760 --> 0:47:59.480
<v Speaker 1>will take advantage, whether it's saying some ship or jumping

0:47:59.520 --> 0:48:01.560
<v Speaker 1>some ship off and even just trying to apologize just

0:48:01.560 --> 0:48:03.640
<v Speaker 1>to get away with it. But how you brought that up?

0:48:03.680 --> 0:48:06.680
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to ask you the female friends in your life,

0:48:06.760 --> 0:48:10.680
<v Speaker 1>your aunt's, your female cousins, at any point do you

0:48:10.800 --> 0:48:13.120
<v Speaker 1>feel like they did look at you like, well, you

0:48:13.160 --> 0:48:15.920
<v Speaker 1>did something wrong? Because as women, I feel like and

0:48:15.960 --> 0:48:17.880
<v Speaker 1>that's why again we haven't had a certain guest on

0:48:17.880 --> 0:48:21.040
<v Speaker 1>the show because we don't really like the victim blaming

0:48:21.040 --> 0:48:23.680
<v Speaker 1>that even women put on other women. So what was

0:48:23.719 --> 0:48:25.880
<v Speaker 1>the response from other women in your life? That's a

0:48:25.920 --> 0:48:28.880
<v Speaker 1>great question. So my mom at first was like a

0:48:28.960 --> 0:48:30.879
<v Speaker 1>little shady and she was saying a little slick ship

0:48:31.040 --> 0:48:33.080
<v Speaker 1>like you a little bit about and I was it

0:48:33.160 --> 0:48:35.799
<v Speaker 1>was it was at a bad time in my eyes.

0:48:35.840 --> 0:48:37.520
<v Speaker 1>I was like, bitch, fuck you. I'm like, I'm not

0:48:37.520 --> 0:48:39.280
<v Speaker 1>taking that ship for me. And her use to bumpets.

0:48:39.320 --> 0:48:41.439
<v Speaker 1>But then that totally changed. She don't do that no more.

0:48:42.120 --> 0:48:44.680
<v Speaker 1>Um I used to. In high school, like when all

0:48:44.719 --> 0:48:47.200
<v Speaker 1>that stuff was going on, I had some female friends

0:48:47.200 --> 0:48:49.480
<v Speaker 1>and they were just awful. They were spreading rumors about

0:48:49.560 --> 0:48:51.320
<v Speaker 1>me and all this stuff. So I ended up cutting

0:48:51.320 --> 0:48:53.360
<v Speaker 1>them off. And I made a rule to myself, like

0:48:53.360 --> 0:48:56.040
<v Speaker 1>if I'm really gonna heal and like become the woman

0:48:56.080 --> 0:48:58.439
<v Speaker 1>that I've always wanted to become, which is this woman

0:48:58.560 --> 0:49:00.840
<v Speaker 1>sitting right here, I had to have good people in

0:49:00.840 --> 0:49:03.520
<v Speaker 1>my life, male or female, and I'm not taking no ships.

0:49:03.600 --> 0:49:08.399
<v Speaker 1>So like, actually, when I hit or went to the

0:49:08.520 --> 0:49:11.640
<v Speaker 1>high school that had therapy in it, I had some

0:49:11.719 --> 0:49:14.200
<v Speaker 1>really good female friends. This girl named a Tia. Actually

0:49:14.320 --> 0:49:17.080
<v Speaker 1>she was super dope, but she always supported me and

0:49:17.120 --> 0:49:19.400
<v Speaker 1>always believe me and never questioned me. And then when

0:49:19.440 --> 0:49:21.960
<v Speaker 1>I went to Family, which is my first college, I

0:49:22.040 --> 0:49:24.719
<v Speaker 1>had amazing female friends, some of which you know with

0:49:24.920 --> 0:49:27.279
<v Speaker 1>Shylotte and stuff like I've had years after they all

0:49:27.320 --> 0:49:29.360
<v Speaker 1>know what happened to me, and they never questioned me,

0:49:29.360 --> 0:49:31.400
<v Speaker 1>and I just I just won't take no ship like

0:49:31.440 --> 0:49:34.319
<v Speaker 1>if if I'm sure there there has been girls that

0:49:34.400 --> 0:49:36.320
<v Speaker 1>have to question me, but then I don't remember their names.

0:49:36.840 --> 0:49:38.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm not having them around I can't have in my space.

0:49:38.880 --> 0:49:40.640
<v Speaker 1>And it was really important for me to get to

0:49:40.680 --> 0:49:43.680
<v Speaker 1>a place where I wasn't thinking about it every day

0:49:44.040 --> 0:49:48.200
<v Speaker 1>and then eventually not wearing that abuse because I used

0:49:48.200 --> 0:49:50.200
<v Speaker 1>to just wear it like you could just look at

0:49:50.239 --> 0:49:51.880
<v Speaker 1>me and just like I would talk about it like

0:49:51.920 --> 0:49:53.319
<v Speaker 1>That's why it's still good easy for me to talk

0:49:53.320 --> 0:49:55.160
<v Speaker 1>about it now because I've talked about it for years.

0:49:55.440 --> 0:49:57.680
<v Speaker 1>I used to tell everybody because that was how I healed.

0:49:58.280 --> 0:49:59.919
<v Speaker 1>But I wanted to still get to a place where

0:49:59.920 --> 0:50:02.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to talk about this no more. And

0:50:02.040 --> 0:50:03.239
<v Speaker 1>the only way I was gonna do that if I

0:50:03.280 --> 0:50:05.600
<v Speaker 1>had good people around me to support me. What is

0:50:05.600 --> 0:50:13.000
<v Speaker 1>the coping stage after? Like after so I don't know.

0:50:13.200 --> 0:50:15.680
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes I feel like I coped pretty well, and then

0:50:15.719 --> 0:50:17.040
<v Speaker 1>other times I feel like I probably could have did

0:50:17.080 --> 0:50:22.480
<v Speaker 1>it better. Who knows, But I left Boston that was

0:50:23.239 --> 0:50:28.000
<v Speaker 1>that was really stage one. Of like full on healing. Now,

0:50:28.200 --> 0:50:30.680
<v Speaker 1>my my past did follow me like I have very

0:50:30.680 --> 0:50:33.200
<v Speaker 1>bad habits and not very bad, but pretty bad habits

0:50:33.200 --> 0:50:36.600
<v Speaker 1>in Florida, and I'll still fucking ain't ship niggas, and

0:50:36.640 --> 0:50:41.080
<v Speaker 1>you know what I'm saying. But I also started to

0:50:41.120 --> 0:50:42.799
<v Speaker 1>own it. So the reason I made it will be

0:50:42.840 --> 0:50:44.799
<v Speaker 1>like I'm like, I do what the funk I want

0:50:44.800 --> 0:50:46.680
<v Speaker 1>to do, and I'm you know, i'll funk who I

0:50:46.719 --> 0:50:48.080
<v Speaker 1>want to find, I'm with who I want to win.

0:50:48.480 --> 0:50:51.520
<v Speaker 1>Is because I took what happened to me and just

0:50:51.560 --> 0:50:55.240
<v Speaker 1>like started to own my story. And I never shied

0:50:55.280 --> 0:50:57.560
<v Speaker 1>away from my story if anyone asked me or if

0:50:57.600 --> 0:51:00.759
<v Speaker 1>I'm talking about it, it's always been the same story.

0:51:01.239 --> 0:51:03.319
<v Speaker 1>And I was just like, I own my ship. I

0:51:03.360 --> 0:51:06.759
<v Speaker 1>also really appreciate you for part of healing admitting that

0:51:06.840 --> 0:51:09.400
<v Speaker 1>you had slept for these men before. I feel like

0:51:09.520 --> 0:51:11.680
<v Speaker 1>that's a but I don't really talk about that story.

0:51:11.920 --> 0:51:13.799
<v Speaker 1>Well I know, and I feel like that's a big

0:51:13.840 --> 0:51:20.040
<v Speaker 1>deal because people sometimes think that like women are expecting

0:51:20.480 --> 0:51:23.160
<v Speaker 1>a pity party, you know what I'm saying for for

0:51:23.160 --> 0:51:25.680
<v Speaker 1>for stories like this, people think that that's what women want.

0:51:25.920 --> 0:51:27.640
<v Speaker 1>So to sit there and say like, hey, I did

0:51:27.640 --> 0:51:29.319
<v Speaker 1>sleep with these men before they were in my home

0:51:29.360 --> 0:51:31.120
<v Speaker 1>because they let them in. But what happened to me

0:51:31.160 --> 0:51:34.000
<v Speaker 1>is still wrong. Is a big deal, I agree, because

0:51:34.120 --> 0:51:37.480
<v Speaker 1>what happened to is fucking brutal. Like not every time

0:51:37.600 --> 0:51:39.600
<v Speaker 1>is there this situation where someone's like sleeping in the

0:51:39.600 --> 0:51:41.480
<v Speaker 1>house and someone breaks in and rapes them, Like, what

0:51:41.560 --> 0:51:44.120
<v Speaker 1>happened to you is still fucking wrong. There's another thing

0:51:44.120 --> 0:51:46.759
<v Speaker 1>that I want to bring up to a lot of

0:51:46.760 --> 0:51:50.760
<v Speaker 1>people feel like promiscuity is deeply rooted with sexual trauma

0:51:51.520 --> 0:51:53.560
<v Speaker 1>and this is just one story out of many and

0:51:53.560 --> 0:51:57.160
<v Speaker 1>it's not connected. Um, you know, I interviewed someone that

0:51:57.680 --> 0:52:00.359
<v Speaker 1>barely has had one orgasm in her life, been raped,

0:52:00.400 --> 0:52:02.920
<v Speaker 1>and has total issues with having sex, really has sex.

0:52:03.520 --> 0:52:07.640
<v Speaker 1>Like everybody is differently, everyone does right way to react,

0:52:07.680 --> 0:52:09.799
<v Speaker 1>And it's not even the way you were open with

0:52:10.080 --> 0:52:12.640
<v Speaker 1>constantly talking about it. You said that that was part

0:52:12.640 --> 0:52:15.919
<v Speaker 1>of your healing process. There's so many women. There's there's

0:52:15.960 --> 0:52:19.000
<v Speaker 1>a lot of women though that feel that shame and

0:52:19.040 --> 0:52:20.799
<v Speaker 1>don't speak on it, And so a lot of them

0:52:20.840 --> 0:52:23.440
<v Speaker 1>hold it in and harbor those feelings and emotions and

0:52:23.520 --> 0:52:26.440
<v Speaker 1>don't really talk about talking out, whether it's with friends,

0:52:26.440 --> 0:52:29.240
<v Speaker 1>the therapist, their parents. It's something that they keep inside,

0:52:29.239 --> 0:52:31.640
<v Speaker 1>which a lot of times I think, and you talk

0:52:31.800 --> 0:52:34.839
<v Speaker 1>a lot on mental health um on on the friend zone,

0:52:34.840 --> 0:52:36.480
<v Speaker 1>and I think a lot of it just has to

0:52:36.480 --> 0:52:40.520
<v Speaker 1>do with when you harbor those things mentally. It sucks

0:52:40.520 --> 0:52:42.640
<v Speaker 1>you up way more than just releasing. It eats at you.

0:52:43.280 --> 0:52:45.480
<v Speaker 1>It really does. I encourage anyone going through anything. You

0:52:45.520 --> 0:52:47.800
<v Speaker 1>don't have to be sexual trying to be anything. You

0:52:47.880 --> 0:52:50.160
<v Speaker 1>could be mad at somebody, right, magic friend, you gotta

0:52:50.200 --> 0:52:53.360
<v Speaker 1>talk about that ship, Yeah, you have to. You have

0:52:53.440 --> 0:52:56.200
<v Speaker 1>to so somebody to talk about. Be somebody that can

0:52:56.280 --> 0:52:59.319
<v Speaker 1>listen to judgment. So if you have questions asked, you're

0:52:59.320 --> 0:53:01.759
<v Speaker 1>gonna say, oh, make sure you listen. Like I feel

0:53:01.760 --> 0:53:03.879
<v Speaker 1>like we've tossed the judgment now real quick before we listen.

0:53:04.560 --> 0:53:06.640
<v Speaker 1>Um we brought this up. We brought up the pyramid

0:53:06.680 --> 0:53:08.800
<v Speaker 1>because I wanted to talk about something that was towards

0:53:08.800 --> 0:53:11.880
<v Speaker 1>the bottom stage. But you took a very big action on.

0:53:11.880 --> 0:53:13.040
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if I have time for HOMEO, but

0:53:13.080 --> 0:53:15.160
<v Speaker 1>let's see how long this goes. Can you talk about

0:53:15.239 --> 0:53:21.480
<v Speaker 1>the work scenario that happen so just for I want

0:53:21.520 --> 0:53:23.880
<v Speaker 1>to give I like to give context. So we stopped

0:53:23.920 --> 0:53:26.680
<v Speaker 1>when I was at FAM. If we fast forward, I

0:53:26.719 --> 0:53:29.600
<v Speaker 1>had a kid, I'm grown, and I've actually not had

0:53:29.640 --> 0:53:31.920
<v Speaker 1>any well, looking at this pyramid, I had plenty of that,

0:53:32.040 --> 0:53:35.960
<v Speaker 1>but like but like assault, I haven't been assaulted or

0:53:36.600 --> 0:53:40.000
<v Speaker 1>tried or anything like that for years. So I can

0:53:40.000 --> 0:53:43.839
<v Speaker 1>say that get to work and I have a quote

0:53:43.920 --> 0:53:47.600
<v Speaker 1>unquote work husband. UM just meaning that I was close

0:53:47.640 --> 0:53:49.960
<v Speaker 1>with someone and if I had a bad day, I

0:53:50.000 --> 0:53:52.319
<v Speaker 1>would go to him. We go to lunch together, you know,

0:53:52.440 --> 0:53:54.880
<v Speaker 1>stuff like that. Just really cool and I really like

0:53:54.920 --> 0:53:58.759
<v Speaker 1>I enjoyed. We enjoyed each other's friendship. Chah. I am

0:53:59.280 --> 0:54:02.560
<v Speaker 1>sleep one day because I've in party all summer because

0:54:02.600 --> 0:54:06.160
<v Speaker 1>my son was like camp, so need a break. So

0:54:06.200 --> 0:54:08.279
<v Speaker 1>I'm sleep and it's like eight o'clock. He's blown. He

0:54:08.360 --> 0:54:12.239
<v Speaker 1>called me, called me twice, and no one from where

0:54:12.280 --> 0:54:15.080
<v Speaker 1>ever calls me, not even him after four because don't

0:54:15.360 --> 0:54:20.520
<v Speaker 1>call me. Um, So I don't, and he leaves a voicemail.

0:54:20.560 --> 0:54:22.399
<v Speaker 1>So this is this is key because you come into

0:54:22.480 --> 0:54:25.839
<v Speaker 1>play for this. But I don't look man, I don't

0:54:25.840 --> 0:54:29.239
<v Speaker 1>listen to the voicemail right away. Um he texted him.

0:54:29.239 --> 0:54:30.520
<v Speaker 1>He calls me, He's like, what are you doing when

0:54:30.520 --> 0:54:31.839
<v Speaker 1>you get up with drinking on the party or whatever.

0:54:31.880 --> 0:54:35.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I'm tired, I need to get some air whatever.

0:54:35.200 --> 0:54:37.239
<v Speaker 1>So I go get some air. I'm in Chipo A

0:54:37.800 --> 0:54:40.279
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, okay, maybe I can't go out. So

0:54:40.480 --> 0:54:42.319
<v Speaker 1>he ends up calling me back because I sent him

0:54:42.320 --> 0:54:46.120
<v Speaker 1>like thinking emoji's and I'm calling me back and it's like,

0:54:46.239 --> 0:54:47.759
<v Speaker 1>you know, we're trying to figure it out. I'm like,

0:54:47.760 --> 0:54:49.200
<v Speaker 1>you know, I don't think it's gonna happen. He's like,

0:54:49.200 --> 0:54:50.759
<v Speaker 1>I don't think you understand what I'm trying to do.

0:54:51.440 --> 0:54:53.920
<v Speaker 1>And I can't. I can't like say it how he

0:54:53.960 --> 0:54:56.160
<v Speaker 1>said it. But he was like, I'm trying to fuck you.

0:54:57.040 --> 0:54:59.799
<v Speaker 1>And I remember being on the phone like this is

0:55:00.160 --> 0:55:02.920
<v Speaker 1>really just say that, Like what the fund is he?

0:55:02.960 --> 0:55:04.960
<v Speaker 1>So I reply back first dame, I was like, I

0:55:05.000 --> 0:55:07.680
<v Speaker 1>will never fuck you. And then he's like I'm happy

0:55:07.719 --> 0:55:10.160
<v Speaker 1>you said that and I'll talk to you later. So

0:55:10.160 --> 0:55:12.719
<v Speaker 1>we hang up all night. I feel disgusting, but I'm like,

0:55:12.760 --> 0:55:15.520
<v Speaker 1>you know, I just sleep it off. You're fine. Right

0:55:15.640 --> 0:55:18.960
<v Speaker 1>right next morning, he texts me, I'm sorry l O

0:55:19.160 --> 0:55:22.360
<v Speaker 1>L and I'm like, no, l O, like you tried

0:55:22.400 --> 0:55:25.400
<v Speaker 1>the funk out of me. We had a friendship, and

0:55:25.440 --> 0:55:27.480
<v Speaker 1>you took that ship left. I said, you selfishly took

0:55:27.480 --> 0:55:29.839
<v Speaker 1>it left. He's like, well, I hope you forgive me

0:55:30.360 --> 0:55:32.799
<v Speaker 1>and I apologize, blah blah. I was like, I'll forgive you.

0:55:32.840 --> 0:55:34.560
<v Speaker 1>I was like, but next time, I won't be quiet.

0:55:34.680 --> 0:55:36.560
<v Speaker 1>I like that you brought that up, because I don't

0:55:36.600 --> 0:55:40.480
<v Speaker 1>think a lot of guys realized by them saying I

0:55:40.560 --> 0:55:43.920
<v Speaker 1>want to fuck you how it makes a woman feel,

0:55:44.800 --> 0:55:47.840
<v Speaker 1>especially not being in that space with that person. And

0:55:47.920 --> 0:55:50.200
<v Speaker 1>you know what, the fourteen year old girl came back up.

0:55:50.320 --> 0:55:53.080
<v Speaker 1>What she hasn't come up in years, But that's what

0:55:53.200 --> 0:55:56.600
<v Speaker 1>it was, that fourteen year old girl who has been

0:55:56.760 --> 0:56:01.640
<v Speaker 1>used and used herself over and we're just purely fucking

0:56:02.080 --> 0:56:05.520
<v Speaker 1>nothing else, just like an object that all came back.

0:56:05.760 --> 0:56:09.200
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, how fucking dare you? Because this

0:56:09.280 --> 0:56:12.960
<v Speaker 1>whole time, unbeknownst to him, I have been working to

0:56:13.000 --> 0:56:17.360
<v Speaker 1>become a woman who has her past. But his like

0:56:18.080 --> 0:56:20.919
<v Speaker 1>sword right, and like you can't look at me now

0:56:21.000 --> 0:56:23.520
<v Speaker 1>and know anything that's gone on with me, right, And

0:56:23.560 --> 0:56:28.760
<v Speaker 1>I like, how fucking dare you? Say? Anyway, So about

0:56:28.800 --> 0:56:31.200
<v Speaker 1>ten days go by, I don't see him because either

0:56:31.239 --> 0:56:33.880
<v Speaker 1>he's traveling or I'm traveling, but when I'm in the office,

0:56:34.000 --> 0:56:36.080
<v Speaker 1>I like start hating going to the office. Now I

0:56:36.120 --> 0:56:38.839
<v Speaker 1>love my job and I love everyone at my job,

0:56:38.880 --> 0:56:41.000
<v Speaker 1>and everyone my job loved me, and I start showing

0:56:41.080 --> 0:56:44.719
<v Speaker 1>up at work and slowly like isolating myself. I'm cranky,

0:56:45.200 --> 0:56:48.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm tired, like something's off. So I finally tell you

0:56:49.160 --> 0:56:51.640
<v Speaker 1>when we're in Seattle, and then you listen to the voicemail.

0:56:51.680 --> 0:56:53.839
<v Speaker 1>So let me say, she tells me what happens, and

0:56:53.920 --> 0:56:55.759
<v Speaker 1>she's like, girl, I haven't told you what happened at work.

0:56:55.800 --> 0:56:57.920
<v Speaker 1>Tells me a story, shows me the text. She's like,

0:56:57.960 --> 0:56:59.640
<v Speaker 1>he left me a voicemail that I haven't listened to.

0:56:59.640 --> 0:57:00.840
<v Speaker 1>I was like, the funk out of here. We need

0:57:00.880 --> 0:57:05.560
<v Speaker 1>to hear this. And I felt guilty now because I

0:57:05.600 --> 0:57:07.279
<v Speaker 1>didn't know what it was gonna sound like. But let

0:57:07.320 --> 0:57:10.080
<v Speaker 1>me just tell you. It was one of the creepiest

0:57:10.800 --> 0:57:14.120
<v Speaker 1>sounding voicemails. Like my skin was crawling. He's on there

0:57:14.160 --> 0:57:21.520
<v Speaker 1>and he's like, hey, you know, He's like, I'm gonna

0:57:21.520 --> 0:57:25.480
<v Speaker 1>try to do my best. My skin was calling. I'm

0:57:25.480 --> 0:57:28.439
<v Speaker 1>just I'm out right now. You know, I'm thinking about you.

0:57:28.760 --> 0:57:30.080
<v Speaker 1>I want to I want to get fucked up. I'm

0:57:30.120 --> 0:57:31.880
<v Speaker 1>trying to do something wild with you right now, I'm

0:57:31.880 --> 0:57:34.280
<v Speaker 1>trying to do something really crazy with you. Are you

0:57:34.320 --> 0:57:36.720
<v Speaker 1>down for that? Like do you want that? Like? I

0:57:36.760 --> 0:57:40.960
<v Speaker 1>mean the ship it was it was so bad. I'm

0:57:40.960 --> 0:57:43.080
<v Speaker 1>holding it on speaker phone thinking we were going to laugh,

0:57:43.840 --> 0:57:46.480
<v Speaker 1>and I'm looking at her face and how tight, like

0:57:46.480 --> 0:57:49.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm looking at her body language. And I realized what

0:57:49.960 --> 0:57:52.640
<v Speaker 1>I was doing, and she's like, she's she could really talk.

0:57:52.720 --> 0:57:55.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't even I can't work do it. I can't

0:57:55.600 --> 0:57:57.040
<v Speaker 1>do it. So let me ask you, did you have

0:57:57.120 --> 0:57:59.360
<v Speaker 1>you taken that to HR? Yeah, let me tell you

0:57:59.360 --> 0:58:02.040
<v Speaker 1>what happen. Yeah, let's go. So that was Sunday. Monday,

0:58:02.080 --> 0:58:03.760
<v Speaker 1>I talked to my mom and I ended up like

0:58:04.000 --> 0:58:06.320
<v Speaker 1>really just losing it, and she was like, you have

0:58:06.400 --> 0:58:09.320
<v Speaker 1>to tell somebody, and I said, okay, And I knew

0:58:09.400 --> 0:58:11.200
<v Speaker 1>he was on vacation that week, so I was like,

0:58:11.280 --> 0:58:13.160
<v Speaker 1>if there's any time to say it's do it now

0:58:13.200 --> 0:58:15.080
<v Speaker 1>because he's not in the office and you could just

0:58:15.280 --> 0:58:18.480
<v Speaker 1>do it. So the company is run by three people

0:58:18.560 --> 0:58:21.080
<v Speaker 1>and one of them is a woman. So I invited

0:58:21.080 --> 0:58:22.840
<v Speaker 1>her to lunch because she knew something was off, and

0:58:22.880 --> 0:58:25.760
<v Speaker 1>she she actually invited me On Monday and then Tuesday,

0:58:25.760 --> 0:58:27.000
<v Speaker 1>I was like, actually, I wanna take you up on

0:58:27.040 --> 0:58:29.480
<v Speaker 1>next we went out to lunch. It's funny because we

0:58:29.480 --> 0:58:30.960
<v Speaker 1>were just walking up a hill and she was like,

0:58:31.280 --> 0:58:32.640
<v Speaker 1>what's going on with you? And I was like, let's

0:58:32.680 --> 0:58:34.400
<v Speaker 1>let's sit down. She was like and she's like hyper

0:58:34.440 --> 0:58:39.400
<v Speaker 1>and she's like, tell me down. I'm like, so we

0:58:39.480 --> 0:58:41.000
<v Speaker 1>sit out. I tell her. I tell her and I

0:58:41.040 --> 0:58:46.160
<v Speaker 1>just start bawling and just like it just all and

0:58:46.440 --> 0:58:49.600
<v Speaker 1>her reply was like he's out here, he's done, he's fired. Done.

0:58:50.360 --> 0:58:54.080
<v Speaker 1>She was pissed. She was like, I am so disgusting.

0:58:54.320 --> 0:58:56.280
<v Speaker 1>She was like you and I was like, I'm sorry,

0:58:56.320 --> 0:58:59.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry because I still had that four to your girls,

0:59:00.200 --> 0:59:03.240
<v Speaker 1>me thinking about everybody else but herself, like what would

0:59:03.240 --> 0:59:05.360
<v Speaker 1>this dude to this person? And I was thinking actually

0:59:05.360 --> 0:59:07.240
<v Speaker 1>about him and like, okay, well if he gets fired,

0:59:07.280 --> 0:59:09.200
<v Speaker 1>and then like and I don't even know if I

0:59:09.240 --> 0:59:10.960
<v Speaker 1>wanted him fired, but I knew that I had to

0:59:10.960 --> 0:59:12.919
<v Speaker 1>tell somebody what was going on with me at work

0:59:13.600 --> 0:59:16.080
<v Speaker 1>because I was going into work and not being myself

0:59:17.280 --> 0:59:20.200
<v Speaker 1>and so and she was just like that's not acceptable.

0:59:20.560 --> 0:59:22.640
<v Speaker 1>You should be angry. She's like, you should be like

0:59:22.760 --> 0:59:24.560
<v Speaker 1>trying to fight him right now, Like what, like you

0:59:24.560 --> 0:59:27.200
<v Speaker 1>should be She's like, stop sucking crying, like you should

0:59:27.200 --> 0:59:30.280
<v Speaker 1>be pissed. And she was so supportive. She's like he's done.

0:59:30.720 --> 0:59:32.760
<v Speaker 1>She she was like, you'll never see him again. Let

0:59:32.800 --> 0:59:36.320
<v Speaker 1>me tell you what's crazy about that? Told someone I

0:59:36.320 --> 0:59:39.040
<v Speaker 1>don't want to make it obvious, but told somebody about this,

0:59:39.240 --> 0:59:41.400
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, hey, just happing my friend blah blah blah.

0:59:41.880 --> 0:59:44.880
<v Speaker 1>And he was like, damn, did that dude have kids? Though?

0:59:45.160 --> 0:59:49.800
<v Speaker 1>Like did he have a family? See it? Go ahead,

0:59:49.840 --> 0:59:55.120
<v Speaker 1>I know what you all I'm gonna say, is that

0:59:55.200 --> 0:59:57.480
<v Speaker 1>ship you? It is worth you losing your job for

0:59:57.560 --> 1:00:00.520
<v Speaker 1>because you don't realize you're literally the human asking someone.

1:00:00.560 --> 1:00:03.880
<v Speaker 1>You're making someone question like the root of themselves for

1:00:03.880 --> 1:00:06.760
<v Speaker 1>the rest of their life. Like you're fundamentally fucking somebody up.

1:00:07.000 --> 1:00:09.400
<v Speaker 1>So if you want to even chance that bullshit by

1:00:09.400 --> 1:00:13.600
<v Speaker 1>saying I want to fuck you, like, then you'll ask you.

1:00:14.440 --> 1:00:17.880
<v Speaker 1>But even I would kind of even question where your

1:00:18.120 --> 1:00:21.560
<v Speaker 1>friend or your coworker, whoever his mindset or her mindset

1:00:21.600 --> 1:00:24.160
<v Speaker 1>is to say that, because it's like, so you're putting

1:00:25.160 --> 1:00:28.720
<v Speaker 1>this person's life over the sanity of my friend. I

1:00:28.800 --> 1:00:31.400
<v Speaker 1>was shocked spirit and I was like. I was like,

1:00:31.600 --> 1:00:33.440
<v Speaker 1>I know my friend and I know this person, like

1:00:33.480 --> 1:00:35.280
<v Speaker 1>trust me when I tell you. I was like, if

1:00:35.320 --> 1:00:37.720
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I can't do my job because you

1:00:37.760 --> 1:00:39.320
<v Speaker 1>wanted to be a piece of ship, then you gotta

1:00:39.360 --> 1:00:43.320
<v Speaker 1>gotta I gotta kid too. Hello, But they should have

1:00:43.320 --> 1:00:45.640
<v Speaker 1>been like their kids if they had them before trying

1:00:45.640 --> 1:00:49.760
<v Speaker 1>to like hold on crazy enough days later, what happens

1:00:49.760 --> 1:00:51.480
<v Speaker 1>to me? So I got this new job right now,

1:00:51.520 --> 1:00:54.000
<v Speaker 1>I was working in a very relaxed company. Whatever. Now

1:00:54.000 --> 1:00:56.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm man a more like up there in the ranks,

1:00:56.200 --> 1:00:58.600
<v Speaker 1>tech firm like you know, covered up suit like. I

1:00:58.600 --> 1:01:00.680
<v Speaker 1>have bought a whole new worddrobe to make sure I'm appropriate.

1:01:00.720 --> 1:01:02.200
<v Speaker 1>I used to have my tattoos out of work. Whatever.

1:01:03.120 --> 1:01:04.920
<v Speaker 1>HR sends out a thing about dress code. There's a

1:01:04.920 --> 1:01:06.520
<v Speaker 1>guy in the office that always dressed us like shit.

1:01:07.120 --> 1:01:09.640
<v Speaker 1>Apparently someone he says to somebody, Oh wow, I think

1:01:09.680 --> 1:01:11.480
<v Speaker 1>it's about me, he said, I think it's about the

1:01:11.480 --> 1:01:14.600
<v Speaker 1>new girl because of her breasts. Now, when I tell

1:01:14.640 --> 1:01:18.000
<v Speaker 1>y'all you could get for day, I am constantly covered up.

1:01:18.200 --> 1:01:21.240
<v Speaker 1>I was almost in tears because I'm so conscious about

1:01:21.240 --> 1:01:22.720
<v Speaker 1>the things I wear. I don't even not wear a

1:01:22.760 --> 1:01:25.400
<v Speaker 1>long sleep my tattoos. You shouldn't even have to worry

1:01:25.400 --> 1:01:27.080
<v Speaker 1>about that. So I go to this older woman in

1:01:27.120 --> 1:01:29.080
<v Speaker 1>the office. I never really talked to her. I think

1:01:29.080 --> 1:01:30.880
<v Speaker 1>i'd say she's in her late sixties. I'm like, listen,

1:01:30.880 --> 1:01:32.320
<v Speaker 1>I need to ask you a serious question. I just

1:01:32.360 --> 1:01:35.200
<v Speaker 1>want to be honest with me. Do I dress appropriate enough?

1:01:35.320 --> 1:01:36.960
<v Speaker 1>And she's like, are you kidding me? Yes, of course

1:01:36.960 --> 1:01:38.960
<v Speaker 1>you do. And she's like, where is this coming from?

1:01:39.080 --> 1:01:42.200
<v Speaker 1>Start breaking down and told her what happened. She was disgusted.

1:01:42.200 --> 1:01:43.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I don't want to say anything. I'm too

1:01:43.520 --> 1:01:45.240
<v Speaker 1>new for this. People gonna be sensitive around me. I

1:01:45.320 --> 1:01:46.800
<v Speaker 1>want to do my fucking job. I'm not trying to

1:01:46.840 --> 1:01:50.120
<v Speaker 1>get fired. I was so fucked up about it. Bro.

1:01:50.160 --> 1:01:52.080
<v Speaker 1>I went to my boss. I said, I just want

1:01:52.120 --> 1:01:54.200
<v Speaker 1>to let you know that I'm going to be having

1:01:54.240 --> 1:01:56.280
<v Speaker 1>a conversation with someone and I need to know what

1:01:56.360 --> 1:01:58.600
<v Speaker 1>to do to protect myself to make sure I don't

1:01:58.600 --> 1:02:02.240
<v Speaker 1>get fired in case I go off. And he's like, what,

1:02:02.480 --> 1:02:04.320
<v Speaker 1>we let me do it, but blah blah, I don't

1:02:04.360 --> 1:02:06.000
<v Speaker 1>know what happened. He talks to the director and he's like,

1:02:06.000 --> 1:02:07.880
<v Speaker 1>a handle, do you know this is gonna be looking

1:02:07.880 --> 1:02:09.120
<v Speaker 1>at me, the one I was talking about my breast.

1:02:09.200 --> 1:02:10.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't even know his name. I've never spoke to him.

1:02:10.800 --> 1:02:13.760
<v Speaker 1>Nothing like I'm a piece of fucking ship now, I mean,

1:02:13.800 --> 1:02:15.680
<v Speaker 1>and like it's my fault. It's what he said. And

1:02:15.760 --> 1:02:18.480
<v Speaker 1>it's crazy because I feel like as women, we've all

1:02:18.640 --> 1:02:21.520
<v Speaker 1>we've all experienced this even in the workplace. So I

1:02:21.560 --> 1:02:25.240
<v Speaker 1>haven't yet experienced it in UM Corporate America. But you know,

1:02:25.480 --> 1:02:28.320
<v Speaker 1>for the seven years prior to getting my degree, I

1:02:28.400 --> 1:02:31.360
<v Speaker 1>bartended and worked in the clubs. And I worked at

1:02:31.360 --> 1:02:33.160
<v Speaker 1>a certain club up here in New York, and it's

1:02:33.240 --> 1:02:34.840
<v Speaker 1>very small and everyone knows who's work there, so I'm

1:02:34.840 --> 1:02:37.000
<v Speaker 1>not gonna say the name of it. But when I

1:02:37.040 --> 1:02:41.400
<v Speaker 1>worked there UM, I was very uncomfortable with the manager. UM.

1:02:41.440 --> 1:02:43.160
<v Speaker 1>A lot of the bartenders and a lot of girls

1:02:43.360 --> 1:02:47.040
<v Speaker 1>were fucking the staff to get more days on the schedule.

1:02:47.520 --> 1:02:49.080
<v Speaker 1>And it started to be to where we had to

1:02:49.080 --> 1:02:50.960
<v Speaker 1>be at the club at a certain time, and I

1:02:50.960 --> 1:02:53.400
<v Speaker 1>would normally come early and do my makeup and stuff.

1:02:53.520 --> 1:02:56.240
<v Speaker 1>But when I was alone in the club, he would

1:02:56.320 --> 1:02:58.880
<v Speaker 1>invite me to his office and he would try to

1:02:59.400 --> 1:03:02.280
<v Speaker 1>rub or stuff got my tits, and he's he propositioned

1:03:02.280 --> 1:03:04.280
<v Speaker 1>me for sex multiple times. When you're in the clubs,

1:03:04.320 --> 1:03:07.280
<v Speaker 1>this happens a lot. And it got to the point

1:03:07.280 --> 1:03:11.160
<v Speaker 1>where I started going to work on purposely late because

1:03:11.200 --> 1:03:12.720
<v Speaker 1>I knew other girls would be there, so maybe he

1:03:12.760 --> 1:03:15.080
<v Speaker 1>wouldn't ask me to go into the office with him alone.

1:03:15.480 --> 1:03:17.040
<v Speaker 1>And then it just got to the point where I

1:03:17.080 --> 1:03:19.200
<v Speaker 1>was just like, I stopped even caring if I was

1:03:19.240 --> 1:03:21.600
<v Speaker 1>on the schedule or not. And because I wasn't making

1:03:21.600 --> 1:03:24.680
<v Speaker 1>those advances with him, I know other girls were. And

1:03:24.800 --> 1:03:26.640
<v Speaker 1>so to even be in a space where it's like

1:03:27.480 --> 1:03:29.680
<v Speaker 1>my my money, me making money, and me being on

1:03:29.680 --> 1:03:33.000
<v Speaker 1>the schedule is determined upon if I let you play

1:03:33.040 --> 1:03:34.760
<v Speaker 1>with me or not. And I think a lot of

1:03:34.800 --> 1:03:37.840
<v Speaker 1>men in your saying it was him saying it, but

1:03:37.880 --> 1:03:39.920
<v Speaker 1>I think a lot of men even use their power

1:03:40.160 --> 1:03:42.960
<v Speaker 1>in the workspace to make you feel uncomfortable. And so

1:03:43.000 --> 1:03:45.560
<v Speaker 1>I've experienced that working in the clubs, and I hate it.

1:03:45.640 --> 1:03:47.240
<v Speaker 1>It's even the power and the fact that he can

1:03:47.280 --> 1:03:49.080
<v Speaker 1>still come to work and look at you like you're

1:03:49.080 --> 1:03:51.720
<v Speaker 1>a piece of ship. When he when he did something

1:03:52.000 --> 1:03:54.200
<v Speaker 1>like I'm so confused, like it would be okay if

1:03:54.200 --> 1:03:55.360
<v Speaker 1>he would have come up to you and be like

1:03:55.520 --> 1:03:57.919
<v Speaker 1>and sincerely, be like, look, I'm sorry about the coming

1:03:57.920 --> 1:04:00.680
<v Speaker 1>a man about your breast him but he looking at

1:04:00.680 --> 1:04:03.479
<v Speaker 1>you here this bit like, oh my god, I know,

1:04:03.560 --> 1:04:04.960
<v Speaker 1>like I can't believe this new bit. And let me

1:04:05.000 --> 1:04:06.360
<v Speaker 1>tell you something. So we had this thing. We had

1:04:06.360 --> 1:04:09.480
<v Speaker 1>some corporate board meeting and um, I got an award

1:04:09.840 --> 1:04:12.240
<v Speaker 1>for you know, reaching quota blah blah blah. And the

1:04:12.320 --> 1:04:15.560
<v Speaker 1>next word was him and I was like the back

1:04:15.640 --> 1:04:17.320
<v Speaker 1>to up. Everybody knew how the problem with it, and

1:04:18.200 --> 1:04:21.040
<v Speaker 1>lips turned up. I looked like the black beach at

1:04:21.040 --> 1:04:22.960
<v Speaker 1>the office. I don't give a funk because now you

1:04:22.960 --> 1:04:24.560
<v Speaker 1>want to put you want to make me feel like that.

1:04:24.640 --> 1:04:27.520
<v Speaker 1>Oh I'm gonna do any of thing please. I was

1:04:27.560 --> 1:04:29.560
<v Speaker 1>so fucking awkward. I was in the office and it

1:04:29.640 --> 1:04:31.040
<v Speaker 1>was hot, right the a c went on on the

1:04:31.120 --> 1:04:33.560
<v Speaker 1>left side of office, and he was near the lunch room.

1:04:33.880 --> 1:04:35.960
<v Speaker 1>Somebody's like, oh, I'm burning up. I said, well, God forbid,

1:04:36.200 --> 1:04:39.720
<v Speaker 1>I take off this sweater, right. I mean, well, but

1:04:39.840 --> 1:04:42.720
<v Speaker 1>before we wrap up with this conversation, because we all

1:04:42.840 --> 1:04:46.000
<v Speaker 1>have experienced this in different ways, UM, I guess I

1:04:46.000 --> 1:04:48.080
<v Speaker 1>want to leave off by all of us, maybe giving

1:04:48.960 --> 1:04:51.880
<v Speaker 1>a little note of advice or a tip if someone

1:04:51.960 --> 1:04:54.880
<v Speaker 1>is currently experiencing this, whether it's at the workplace, or

1:04:54.920 --> 1:04:56.920
<v Speaker 1>whether they don't know how to heal with their sexual

1:04:56.960 --> 1:04:59.440
<v Speaker 1>trauma and they haven't spoken it. What would be a

1:04:59.480 --> 1:05:00.920
<v Speaker 1>bit of advice that you would give to any of

1:05:00.960 --> 1:05:03.920
<v Speaker 1>the listeners who have experienced anything that we talked about today.

1:05:04.320 --> 1:05:07.240
<v Speaker 1>Great question, Um, definitely talk about it. Get that ship

1:05:07.280 --> 1:05:10.040
<v Speaker 1>off of your chest. I used many different forms. It

1:05:10.120 --> 1:05:13.959
<v Speaker 1>wasn't just talking um to like friends. I had therapists.

1:05:14.000 --> 1:05:17.640
<v Speaker 1>I journaled a ton, I got books, okay, um, and

1:05:17.920 --> 1:05:22.000
<v Speaker 1>I used music as well to like kind of free myself. UM,

1:05:22.040 --> 1:05:24.000
<v Speaker 1>a lot of ease music. Because you talked about that,

1:05:24.120 --> 1:05:26.400
<v Speaker 1>So just get it off your chest. It will eat

1:05:26.480 --> 1:05:30.560
<v Speaker 1>you up and it's not fair. But also I just

1:05:30.640 --> 1:05:33.040
<v Speaker 1>want to say that you can go through the words.

1:05:33.160 --> 1:05:38.880
<v Speaker 1>I went through hell and I'm fine. Right, that's the

1:05:38.920 --> 1:05:41.560
<v Speaker 1>best advice, Like, you'll be fine. It's just gonna take

1:05:41.600 --> 1:05:44.160
<v Speaker 1>a second by second, and then a minute by minute,

1:05:44.280 --> 1:05:46.440
<v Speaker 1>and an hour by hour and then a year by year.

1:05:46.520 --> 1:05:47.920
<v Speaker 1>You gave me that advice one day when I was

1:05:47.960 --> 1:05:50.560
<v Speaker 1>going through my depression. She was like, look, you're gonna

1:05:50.560 --> 1:05:52.840
<v Speaker 1>take it minute by a minute right now. She's like,

1:05:52.880 --> 1:05:54.480
<v Speaker 1>but then it's gonna be an hour and then it's

1:05:54.480 --> 1:05:58.040
<v Speaker 1>gonna be a day. And that is so true that

1:05:59.000 --> 1:06:00.680
<v Speaker 1>I like that. What about you say, do you have

1:06:00.720 --> 1:06:03.240
<v Speaker 1>any advice? I just want to have a call to

1:06:03.280 --> 1:06:06.160
<v Speaker 1>action for all the men out there, or I mean,

1:06:06.280 --> 1:06:08.520
<v Speaker 1>it's different for same sex, so like I could give

1:06:08.520 --> 1:06:10.160
<v Speaker 1>out that advice, but I don't really feel like they're

1:06:10.200 --> 1:06:14.000
<v Speaker 1>listening to y'all show so far. So far the straight

1:06:14.040 --> 1:06:16.040
<v Speaker 1>men out there. Make sure that you are in it's

1:06:16.040 --> 1:06:19.040
<v Speaker 1>sex is consensual between two people. Make sure the person

1:06:19.040 --> 1:06:21.960
<v Speaker 1>you're having sex with is into it. By taking something

1:06:21.960 --> 1:06:23.880
<v Speaker 1>from somebody that's not gonna make it any more pleasurable,

1:06:23.880 --> 1:06:25.680
<v Speaker 1>it's actually gonna make your ship for the rest of

1:06:25.680 --> 1:06:28.360
<v Speaker 1>your life. So that karma is real. And I think

1:06:28.360 --> 1:06:30.240
<v Speaker 1>that we all need to help each other more and

1:06:30.280 --> 1:06:32.959
<v Speaker 1>stop being so judgmental, because I hate seeing this trend

1:06:33.040 --> 1:06:35.720
<v Speaker 1>of rape culture, like oh well, what did she have on?

1:06:35.920 --> 1:06:38.840
<v Speaker 1>And all that all the times follow up questions should

1:06:38.840 --> 1:06:41.480
<v Speaker 1>not be follow ups at all, and it sucks that

1:06:41.520 --> 1:06:44.760
<v Speaker 1>it's so normal for all that should Like, it's normal

1:06:44.760 --> 1:06:46.360
<v Speaker 1>for this man to be able to come back to work,

1:06:46.640 --> 1:06:48.240
<v Speaker 1>like not to say he needed to lose his job,

1:06:48.400 --> 1:06:49.800
<v Speaker 1>but he shouldn't even be able to look at you

1:06:49.840 --> 1:06:53.760
<v Speaker 1>and get away with looking at you like that after job.

1:06:54.000 --> 1:06:56.400
<v Speaker 1>Either we're talking about my birst, I don't. I don't,

1:06:56.520 --> 1:06:59.280
<v Speaker 1>I mean, but the fact that me and y'all know

1:06:59.320 --> 1:07:01.800
<v Speaker 1>how vocal I am. I even so it said to

1:07:01.840 --> 1:07:04.880
<v Speaker 1>this woman, you know what, I'm too new here. I'm

1:07:04.880 --> 1:07:06.520
<v Speaker 1>not trying to make people feel sensitive. I don't want

1:07:06.560 --> 1:07:08.320
<v Speaker 1>for them. I just want to do my job real good.

1:07:08.600 --> 1:07:11.680
<v Speaker 1>And I feel like I shouldn't do this. Who has

1:07:11.720 --> 1:07:14.800
<v Speaker 1>a podcast? If I was gonna say that was gonna

1:07:14.840 --> 1:07:17.600
<v Speaker 1>be my advice is And it's something that you brought

1:07:17.680 --> 1:07:20.400
<v Speaker 1>up to. I think we as women need to focus

1:07:20.440 --> 1:07:22.240
<v Speaker 1>on ourselves and not give a funk how this is

1:07:22.280 --> 1:07:24.480
<v Speaker 1>going to affect the next person. I think that it's

1:07:24.520 --> 1:07:29.160
<v Speaker 1>important that you look for self self worth and how

1:07:29.240 --> 1:07:31.240
<v Speaker 1>you feel and how it's going to affect the long run.

1:07:31.320 --> 1:07:33.920
<v Speaker 1>Instead of worried about if he loses his job, or

1:07:33.960 --> 1:07:36.919
<v Speaker 1>what his friends are gonna think, or what anyone's gonna

1:07:36.920 --> 1:07:39.720
<v Speaker 1>think about that person, you need to focus on yourself.

1:07:39.720 --> 1:07:41.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna tell you what. For me, it was more

1:07:41.960 --> 1:07:44.320
<v Speaker 1>so like I know for a fact in that office

1:07:44.360 --> 1:07:46.640
<v Speaker 1>that I don't want a few women won, my age,

1:07:47.080 --> 1:07:49.240
<v Speaker 1>my ethnicity, all of it, and all I could think

1:07:49.360 --> 1:07:51.280
<v Speaker 1>is if I do this, they're not gonna hire another girl.

1:07:52.080 --> 1:07:55.080
<v Speaker 1>That scared me because as a feminist, I'm worried about

1:07:55.120 --> 1:07:57.480
<v Speaker 1>every fucking move bym make in the office because I

1:07:57.560 --> 1:07:59.720
<v Speaker 1>know for a fact if I'm good. I had someone

1:07:59.720 --> 1:08:02.720
<v Speaker 1>tell me to my face, my boss my last job,

1:08:02.920 --> 1:08:04.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, I've never hired a girl before you, And

1:08:04.640 --> 1:08:06.600
<v Speaker 1>he was like, honestly, and he was like, you are

1:08:06.640 --> 1:08:08.680
<v Speaker 1>the reason that we have this new girl on the team.

1:08:08.840 --> 1:08:10.720
<v Speaker 1>You are the only one who gave me faith in women,

1:08:11.400 --> 1:08:15.600
<v Speaker 1>Like well, the equality will come from saying something because

1:08:16.320 --> 1:08:20.439
<v Speaker 1>like but on the other end, because but now, because

1:08:20.439 --> 1:08:22.800
<v Speaker 1>now you normalize in the pattern, nobody like, I see

1:08:22.840 --> 1:08:26.920
<v Speaker 1>what you're saying. But because I thought I internalized that

1:08:27.080 --> 1:08:28.960
<v Speaker 1>is if I'm doing good at my job, that's some

1:08:29.000 --> 1:08:31.240
<v Speaker 1>trash for him to even say this is when as

1:08:31.280 --> 1:08:32.840
<v Speaker 1>a woman, as a woman, he's saying it. But what

1:08:32.880 --> 1:08:35.559
<v Speaker 1>if someone was like, I ain't never hired black people before,

1:08:35.640 --> 1:08:37.679
<v Speaker 1>but now I'm gonna hire you to hire blood. Listen

1:08:37.640 --> 1:08:40.400
<v Speaker 1>to when he said that to me, I really believed

1:08:40.560 --> 1:08:42.640
<v Speaker 1>that is what affected me from not talking about what

1:08:42.680 --> 1:08:44.680
<v Speaker 1>happened at work. I thought about what he said to me,

1:08:44.720 --> 1:08:47.280
<v Speaker 1>and I said, you know what that one person said

1:08:47.280 --> 1:08:49.320
<v Speaker 1>that to my face? What does that mean if I

1:08:49.600 --> 1:08:52.200
<v Speaker 1>tell about what this dude didn't work, we don't speak

1:08:52.240 --> 1:08:54.880
<v Speaker 1>up as well. You're letting You're literally allowing the doors

1:08:54.880 --> 1:08:57.640
<v Speaker 1>to be open for somebody, for other women, And to me,

1:08:57.880 --> 1:09:02.679
<v Speaker 1>that was worth more and being worried about the potential hiring.

1:09:02.880 --> 1:09:05.519
<v Speaker 1>There's got to be someone else in this office, you know.

1:09:05.600 --> 1:09:07.719
<v Speaker 1>The moment I said something that work, I was freed

1:09:08.360 --> 1:09:11.200
<v Speaker 1>everything Like I was stressed out my buy her, I

1:09:11.280 --> 1:09:13.200
<v Speaker 1>was franky in the moment I told her, and she

1:09:13.479 --> 1:09:16.280
<v Speaker 1>and he was fired, which that was her decision. I

1:09:16.320 --> 1:09:20.360
<v Speaker 1>was free. It's about to your point, it's about freeing yourself. Yeah, absolutely,

1:09:21.760 --> 1:09:26.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, not fancation I want to do. We're we're

1:09:26.720 --> 1:09:28.840
<v Speaker 1>gonna have it. So we're not gonna have time for

1:09:28.920 --> 1:09:30.920
<v Speaker 1>homemail this episode. But I'm really glad that we were

1:09:30.960 --> 1:09:38.040
<v Speaker 1>able to. I know, Wail, but I'm gonna give you

1:09:38.040 --> 1:09:44.800
<v Speaker 1>a pass. You know, we definitely need you here. We

1:09:44.800 --> 1:09:46.720
<v Speaker 1>appreciate you even being able to speak up for the

1:09:46.720 --> 1:09:48.840
<v Speaker 1>men's you know, and telling them that they need to

1:09:48.880 --> 1:09:52.200
<v Speaker 1>check themselves. But I appreciate you. Before we head out again,

1:09:52.240 --> 1:09:54.960
<v Speaker 1>I want to thank you guys all for um, you know,

1:09:55.040 --> 1:09:57.960
<v Speaker 1>supporting the show and becoming patrons. UM. It's really helping

1:09:58.080 --> 1:10:00.320
<v Speaker 1>us bring a lot to you guys, being this studio

1:10:00.360 --> 1:10:03.360
<v Speaker 1>more having this camera for you guys on YouTube. You

1:10:03.400 --> 1:10:06.080
<v Speaker 1>guys need to thank these patrons. UM. And again, if

1:10:06.120 --> 1:10:08.400
<v Speaker 1>you guys want more episodes, if you've maybe listened to

1:10:08.400 --> 1:10:10.400
<v Speaker 1>all of the episodes and you're like, we need more

1:10:10.439 --> 1:10:13.640
<v Speaker 1>of you hos, we do drop to bonus episodes a

1:10:13.680 --> 1:10:16.600
<v Speaker 1>month now on top of the live shows. UM, we

1:10:16.680 --> 1:10:19.120
<v Speaker 1>include those. Yeah. If you for those of y'all who

1:10:19.120 --> 1:10:22.400
<v Speaker 1>asked for merch, um, if you are a certain tier, UM,

1:10:22.439 --> 1:10:26.080
<v Speaker 1>we are sending out horrible decisions T shirts. UM, and

1:10:26.120 --> 1:10:28.240
<v Speaker 1>let me tell you, Nick is greedy. You've got thongs? Ya,

1:10:29.720 --> 1:10:32.679
<v Speaker 1>you got coffee cups like y'all gotta call then down. Also,

1:10:32.680 --> 1:10:34.000
<v Speaker 1>before we go out, I want to give a huge

1:10:34.000 --> 1:10:38.000
<v Speaker 1>shout out to my homegirl, UM, the Samantha West dot Com. Um.

1:10:38.160 --> 1:10:41.320
<v Speaker 1>She is a new mother, UM, and so she's blogging

1:10:41.320 --> 1:10:45.040
<v Speaker 1>about motherhood, she's blogging about travel, she's blogging about creating

1:10:45.040 --> 1:10:47.240
<v Speaker 1>her own business. And then she also now has these

1:10:47.280 --> 1:10:50.200
<v Speaker 1>bomb mass clothes that fit all sizes, y'all see, I'm

1:10:50.200 --> 1:10:51.720
<v Speaker 1>thick and bitch. I gotta meet him and if it's

1:10:51.720 --> 1:10:55.240
<v Speaker 1>real nice um, But no she she definitely talks about

1:10:55.280 --> 1:10:57.519
<v Speaker 1>being a new mother and there's um just nice as

1:10:57.520 --> 1:10:59.240
<v Speaker 1>clothes for y'all to check out. I'm gonna put the

1:10:59.280 --> 1:11:01.920
<v Speaker 1>link in the bio of this show or description. I

1:11:01.960 --> 1:11:04.400
<v Speaker 1>always call it a bio, but it's um the Samantha

1:11:04.439 --> 1:11:06.479
<v Speaker 1>West dot Com again. Please check it out, check out

1:11:06.479 --> 1:11:09.080
<v Speaker 1>her blog and thank you guys so much. I guess

1:11:09.120 --> 1:11:11.599
<v Speaker 1>before we go off, where can our listeners catch you? Guys?

1:11:11.680 --> 1:11:14.240
<v Speaker 1>Tell them where they can follow y'all. I want Twitter

1:11:14.360 --> 1:11:17.000
<v Speaker 1>dubs underscore the I might change it back the Lady W.

1:11:17.200 --> 1:11:19.599
<v Speaker 1>I like Lady W. I've been telling Lady W. Know

1:11:20.320 --> 1:11:23.160
<v Speaker 1>do you go back to Lady W? And of course

1:11:23.200 --> 1:11:24.920
<v Speaker 1>y'all know we got our resident gay in the building

1:11:25.120 --> 1:11:27.160
<v Speaker 1>one more time. Go ahead and let them know where

1:11:27.160 --> 1:11:29.040
<v Speaker 1>to find you and you y'all got some shows that

1:11:29.040 --> 1:11:30.800
<v Speaker 1>ship coming up to right now. No, they all gone,

1:11:31.400 --> 1:11:34.040
<v Speaker 1>so yes, you can find me on all social media

1:11:34.120 --> 1:11:36.560
<v Speaker 1>at Hassan that's h E, y A, S S A

1:11:36.640 --> 1:11:38.760
<v Speaker 1>and t E and I will be going on the

1:11:38.840 --> 1:11:41.360
<v Speaker 1>road with the friends on on the road. So if

1:11:41.360 --> 1:11:44.200
<v Speaker 1>you catch you know they have a tour dates to day.

1:11:45.320 --> 1:11:50.040
<v Speaker 1>You know I was going to read off my dates'

1:11:50.400 --> 1:11:57.760
<v Speaker 1>doing for you. I'm not going to write please the no,

1:11:57.760 --> 1:12:02.320
<v Speaker 1>no, no no want Morgan Freeman voice, go ahead, and you

1:12:02.360 --> 1:12:05.400
<v Speaker 1>would like to see a sante, Hey Frand and look

1:12:05.400 --> 1:12:09.000
<v Speaker 1>at Dustin, look at doesn't find and hey Frank, hey

1:12:09.040 --> 1:12:11.000
<v Speaker 1>s I wanted to saw Dustin's dick so bad at

1:12:11.040 --> 1:12:13.080
<v Speaker 1>your show already. I wish you would leave me out

1:12:13.080 --> 1:12:18.920
<v Speaker 1>of the friends your friends, all right? Uh to see

1:12:18.960 --> 1:12:21.560
<v Speaker 1>the friend Zone Live their fall tour August eighteenth in

1:12:21.720 --> 1:12:27.439
<v Speaker 1>New York City, September twenty two, Toronto, Ontario. Is that Canada? Yes?

1:12:28.240 --> 1:12:32.600
<v Speaker 1>Why is it Toronto? O? N But they don't. I

1:12:32.680 --> 1:12:39.040
<v Speaker 1>mean I thought this was passport pussy, but maybe not. No,

1:12:39.400 --> 1:12:43.880
<v Speaker 1>I thought geography with your October five and Charlotte, North Carolina.

1:12:43.960 --> 1:12:47.879
<v Speaker 1>October in Seattle, Washington, don't go back there and December

1:12:47.960 --> 1:12:50.679
<v Speaker 1>fourteenth in Washington, d C. For all of you Chocolate

1:12:50.760 --> 1:12:53.599
<v Speaker 1>City left. Please check the tickets out at the friend

1:12:53.720 --> 1:12:56.840
<v Speaker 1>Zone Live dot com dot com. V I p sold

1:12:56.840 --> 1:12:59.400
<v Speaker 1>down in some of the city's but catch me along

1:12:59.439 --> 1:13:02.080
<v Speaker 1>with a look at Dustin and at hay friend. Hey,

1:13:02.479 --> 1:13:04.040
<v Speaker 1>and that is all I have to say today. Next

1:13:04.120 --> 1:13:06.080
<v Speaker 1>week I will be talking about how ship with these horses.

1:13:06.200 --> 1:13:09.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah all right, And um guys, this has been yet

1:13:09.120 --> 1:13:11.360
<v Speaker 1>another episode of horrible decisions.