Speaker 1: Hey, guys, it's your girl man to be and I'm
Speaker 1: super excited to be throwing an event next month. It
Speaker 1: is a girl's night out and we're doing it up
Speaker 1: at Painting Poor. That's right, Painting Port and Harlem. We're
Speaker 1: gonna paint maybe some dicks and we're gonna pull it up,
Speaker 1: pull it up because it's open bar. Super excited to
Speaker 1: see all of you guys there. It'll be a night
Speaker 1: of fun, jokes, laughter, and of course sex. We're gonna
Speaker 1: talk about sex. We're gonna talk about dating, We're gonna
Speaker 1: talk about relationships. And I'm super excited to also announce
Speaker 1: that I'll be joined alongside author of the M and
Speaker 1: Man Is for Money Passport Petty. So if you guys
Speaker 1: have ever wanted to ask us, maybe how to get
Speaker 1: a sugar daddy, how to join in on threesome, any
Speaker 1: type of questions that you think you may have had,
Speaker 1: We're gonna do it over some drinks and a bomb venue,
Speaker 1: listening to some dope ass music and again painting maybe
Speaker 1: some dicks. So if you guys are interested, please go
Speaker 1: ahead and follow my Instagram at full Core Pumps and
Speaker 1: also follow at painting Port NYC to keep up on
Speaker 1: when we will be posting tickets. I hope to see
Speaker 1: you guys there. Hey everybody, I wanted to let you
Speaker 1: guys know, this is Wheezy and I'm going to be
Speaker 1: doing Gotham Podcast Studios first annual seminar. It's gonna be
Speaker 1: coming up on September fifteen from two to five. If
Speaker 1: you guys have ever thought about doing a podcast, or
Speaker 1: you have a podcast and you need some tips on
Speaker 1: how to jump your ship off, I'm going to be
Speaker 1: discussing the horrible decisions journey, some of the pitfalls and
Speaker 1: the highs we've experienced as we are growing our show.
Speaker 1: I'm also gonna be doing some Q and A, so
Speaker 1: if you have questions, uh, come by. Make sure to
Speaker 1: get your ticket. They're gonna have something very in depth
Speaker 1: where they personalize like workshops and like a book just
Speaker 1: for your pod. Uh. Follow me on. I g to
Speaker 1: see when tickets go on sale at Wheezy w TF
Speaker 1: Enjoy the show? Yes, And I also want to go
Speaker 1: ahead and before we start, if we could go ahead
Speaker 1: and give a super huge shout out to all of
Speaker 1: our patrons. We want to thank you guys so much
Speaker 1: for our support. If you do not know, or if
Speaker 1: say you've listened to all of our episodes and you
Speaker 1: want more, we dropped to bonus episodes per month on
Speaker 1: our Patreon account. Um, so go ahead support the show
Speaker 1: become patrons. You could find that at patreon dot com
Speaker 1: backslash Horrible Decisions. We also post a lot of the
Speaker 1: stuff on our Instagram, so go ahead and keep up
Speaker 1: with us as well on our instagram at Horrible Underscore Decisions.
Speaker 1: Now let's get on with the show. Hey, guys, we're
Speaker 1: back yet again, and we got some wonderful guests in
Speaker 1: the show. Welcome to Horrible Decisions. Guys. This is your girl,
Speaker 1: Mandy Be. I'm wheezy, and we have our resident gay studio.
Speaker 1: You know, we've been having some other gays and I
Speaker 1: was like, low key kind of feeling a little bad,
Speaker 1: like I cheated. Thank you. I'm glad that you feel
Speaker 1: that way, but I you know, I hold nothing to that.
Speaker 1: I am the resident gay. You know that, and I
Speaker 1: know that. So we are square happy to be back.
Speaker 1: Hey Sante, Yeah, yeah, before y'all, you know you you
Speaker 1: had a roast. Want to go have another guy? Hold on,
Speaker 1: we got another bit, you know, we do have another
Speaker 1: female in the building and we've had her on the
Speaker 1: show before, and it's so funny because y'all just refer
Speaker 1: to her as the Unicorn episode seventeen, but we got
Speaker 1: dubbed in the motherfucking building from Denver, all the way
Speaker 1: from motherfucking Denver. Hello, Calas, I'm that bitch if I'm back,
Speaker 1: so dub your original episode was number seventeen, and you
Speaker 1: helped a bunch of couples understanding Unicorn how to have
Speaker 1: threesomes people are asking about. It's so weird because people
Speaker 1: are just every week someone's like, how do I get
Speaker 1: a reesome? How about to do this? I'm like episode seventeen.
Speaker 1: They go back up, But can you kind of tell people,
Speaker 1: um what your new projects you have going on? And
Speaker 1: oh my god, I knew he was going to do
Speaker 1: and you have to he didn't have your old podcast.
Speaker 1: You have a podcast too. I do have a podcast
Speaker 1: with my son um j J. He goes by j
Speaker 1: J and um girl, I don't forgot the name my
Speaker 1: son podcast. Sorry. I was fast on the blunt before
Speaker 1: the episode. So I need you all to know that
Speaker 1: if you're watching YouTube, if there's a fog, it's not
Speaker 1: your dream it's not the it's not the camera, y'all.
Speaker 1: We kind of smoked out the goddamn room before the
Speaker 1: which I forgot my name. I almost said, and this
Speaker 1: is in DV three. Did nothing. I don't know nothing.
Speaker 1: Shout out to Wax. So you have Younger have a
Speaker 1: podcast names young Ash, and we're coming back. We're actually
Speaker 1: going to see Beyonce in Houston and we're gonna jump
Speaker 1: our new season off after that happened. Yes, every Monday
Speaker 1: we come out. We're on sound cloud. Okay, but what
Speaker 1: else you got going on? Go ahead and let him
Speaker 1: know putting out a project call whole season. Yes, whole season. Um,
Speaker 1: it's about the summertime, using that time to be your
Speaker 1: best hole that you could possibly be. And it's not
Speaker 1: about these niggas. It's about you and just being whatever
Speaker 1: home means to you. You do that ship and you
Speaker 1: love it and you that. What about all the other
Speaker 1: three seasons? I mean, bitches, be hybernation, I'd be like conservative,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, most season, cuffing season. What
Speaker 1: are the seasons we got? You? Like, Dob wasn't like
Speaker 1: I think when we were in Seattle. We went to
Speaker 1: Seattle a few weekends. I had a terrible time. That's
Speaker 1: not even talking about it. But when we were there,
Speaker 1: Dob was telling me like, I haven't had dick like
Speaker 1: and what was it? A year? Girl year? And people love.
Speaker 1: This is what cracks me up. Nigga's love to call
Speaker 1: you ho and a slut. This that no dicks was
Speaker 1: up in there for a year. I haven't seen it.
Speaker 1: I was barely I was barely massurveyd. I was barely
Speaker 1: watching for it was bad. It's crazy like someone. It
Speaker 1: wasn't like. It wasn't like I didn't want to, but
Speaker 1: I was busy and got you to do a whole
Speaker 1: like I'm never too busy to play with me. Neither
Speaker 1: I do that at work. We got a lot of
Speaker 1: break I'm not proud of it. I'm working on so
Speaker 1: a season of New Dicks. I want to tell you
Speaker 1: guys a story really quick. I will make it fast.
Speaker 1: But so, if you have ever heard episode one, pisode one,
Speaker 1: it is called the Missing Condom And here we go.
Speaker 1: So I went to the Hamptons with this white boy
Speaker 1: and I decided he's older, he's in his Let me
Speaker 1: not say if she had sex with the elder y'all
Speaker 1: know she wanted one. Let me just show you him
Speaker 1: first before he had sat and Pepper. How old I think?
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna pure wait, okay, but how old was
Speaker 1: the dick? You? Really? It doesn't matter. I want you guys,
Speaker 1: and maybe you're tired, so look going all night it was,
Speaker 1: you know, so you just want all of YouTube to
Speaker 1: tie pictures bro put the and very you know, a
Speaker 1: nice looking man season day. So anyway, I want to
Speaker 1: talk a little bit about I wasn't gonna say this
Speaker 1: on our show. I was gonna wait till I go
Speaker 1: on Van show because I thought he knows the name
Speaker 1: of my podcast, and I'm worried he's gonna listen. But
Speaker 1: I'm like whatever, maybe he won't. So we have sex
Speaker 1: for the first that time, and he was eating my
Speaker 1: pussy is so good that I thought if the head,
Speaker 1: if he's that good ahead, he can't be that good
Speaker 1: in bit right, Like how could you be that good?
Speaker 1: Something's wrong with your dick? Like that's how good he
Speaker 1: went down on me. So I start returning the for
Speaker 1: a favor, and I just want to say I am
Speaker 1: married out of my blowjob skills. It's just something that
Speaker 1: I'm good at you know, God damn bless me with
Speaker 1: much but good. So I'm sucking his dick and he's
Speaker 1: not getting hard, and I thought maybe because he's old,
Speaker 1: and he's like, you know, if you do something for me,
Speaker 1: I will really get off. Now. When I heard that,
Speaker 1: I said, okay, he wants me to eat his ass,
Speaker 1: which not a post. So then he said I really
Speaker 1: like my nipples touched. And I was like what, and
Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, like right here. I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: so I'm sucking his dick. I've put my hands up
Speaker 1: and then he could gets so hard I thought I
Speaker 1: was gonna break a tooth. So I'm now right like
Speaker 1: touching his nipples. So I'm trying to put my hand
Speaker 1: back on the dick because I like doing my ship.
Speaker 1: This niggle pulled me right back up to the nipples
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh wow, with nipples, no broad
Speaker 1: listen to this. I like, so I agrest weird weight
Speaker 1: sensitive like and then he's like, light her lighter, let
Speaker 1: her lighter to hold on. Then he puts the con
Speaker 1: in one and I bent over because I'm gonna get sucked,
Speaker 1: and he's like, oh um, can you turn back guys
Speaker 1: don't like back shot. Yes, yes, how you don't know never,
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know anything. Sold on. So I
Speaker 1: turned around from the back and then he's like, that'll
Speaker 1: go on your back. I'm like, no, no no, I want
Speaker 1: to like this. He's like, well, it's just not really
Speaker 1: because I can't really have this stimulated if I'm doing that.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, Nick, you can't suck me from the
Speaker 1: back because you can't be nipples. So hold on, now
Speaker 1: he's sucking me from the front. Okay, I'm sitting here
Speaker 1: going counterclockwise the other way, left, right, left, trying to
Speaker 1: suck its throw this pussy bag. I was exhausted. Okay,
Speaker 1: so that was the first time he had sex. Takes
Speaker 1: me out to day. This is Wednesday night, and let
Speaker 1: me just tell you what happens. We're fucking everything's going fine.
Speaker 1: I'm doing my left right switch thing. I can't even
Speaker 1: put my hand on my clip because he fucking pulls
Speaker 1: it off just to touch his nipples. He's ridiculous. So
Speaker 1: he pulls out comes on my stomach and I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is weird because we were using a condom, So
Speaker 1: where is it? Ballad to your pussy? I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: ball into your pussy? Can I make that the horribleness
Speaker 1: into your pussy? Everybody on the count of three and
Speaker 1: one end two and in balance you're a pussy. So wait,
Speaker 1: I need to ask how many days did it say
Speaker 1: and your pussy? If you had to wait to come back?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, a hold on, hold on, hold on, wait,
Speaker 1: because did you beat by two days? By two days? No?
Speaker 1: I didn't, I did. I didn't. So first of all,
Speaker 1: I didn't know that the first time I paid a
Speaker 1: condom out, I didn't know it was in my pussy.
Speaker 1: First time that one condom that our first episodes couple
Speaker 1: of times. So I said, hey, listen, can you do
Speaker 1: me a favorit and help me get it out? He's like,
Speaker 1: of course, absolutely, very classic guy, right the last time
Speaker 1: you were here? Oh and I was not the help. Yeah.
Speaker 1: We gotta come back from the doctor by the way,
Speaker 1: which is the same doctor we've all been too. She's like,
Speaker 1: she comes back home. I'm like, what happened. She's like,
Speaker 1: it wasn't in there. Oh wait, you thought it probably
Speaker 1: fell out in the back. See none, So dub fucked
Speaker 1: in my laundry room. So we go back to the
Speaker 1: same thing last day. That's a New York day. So
Speaker 1: dumb in my Laundryroommber, why did I go back down
Speaker 1: the stairs in the laund room to go make sure?
Speaker 1: She was like, Bro, I think it's either the car
Speaker 1: or it's here. We were using. So I go down
Speaker 1: the stairs in my building. I find her underwear. That yes,
Speaker 1: I find her underwear on the way down on my
Speaker 1: fucking stairs. So I'm like, okay, well here's investigation piece one.
Speaker 1: So I go down to laundry room. I'm looking, I
Speaker 1: was that's my bit. I'm looking around for the condom.
Speaker 1: So I run up stairs. I'm like, nah, bro, it's
Speaker 1: in there. So she's like gets up sitting there in
Speaker 1: the bathroom, talk about I can't get it. I have
Speaker 1: my friend, damn my pussy for for a condom before
Speaker 1: I mean, you gotta just take your hand up the
Speaker 1: pussy and field because my hands aren't hold on. Let
Speaker 1: me tell you what happened? Do they't work it? So
Speaker 1: what are we going? What are we gonna call him?
Speaker 1: We're gonna call him Hampton's. So Hampton's goes in his
Speaker 1: kitchen and his large upper east side apartment. I just
Speaker 1: want to say goes to grab his glasses and then goes, Okay,
Speaker 1: here we go. Rereads my legs trying to get up
Speaker 1: in there. I can't get nothing. So I'm like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm getting anxiety on this. Let me just
Speaker 1: I'll just go to the doctor tomorrow. So I'm at
Speaker 1: work and my little work bood comes out to me.
Speaker 1: He's like, nigga, what's up? I was calling you last night.
Speaker 1: I was like, don't talk to me him. I'm so stress,
Speaker 1: especially what if you that my problem was I want
Speaker 1: to dick again. So I was like, I gotta get
Speaker 1: the condom out before. So the problem is. So I'm
Speaker 1: sitting at work and like, I'm very how used to
Speaker 1: have a pelvic floor problem because I was always clenching,
Speaker 1: So now I'm trying to bear it down. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to squat. I'm taking match ships trying to push it out.
Speaker 1: So I'll go to the doctor. Right. Here's the first
Speaker 1: thing that happens. I go to the Walking Guy. No,
Speaker 1: by the way, if you live in New York and
Speaker 1: in a place to go, it's on fifty five and seventh.
Speaker 1: Walking Guy know very affordable and they take you right away.
Speaker 1: So all of our condoms out of our pussies. So
Speaker 1: the girl, the girl at the counter the receptionists, is like, hey,
Speaker 1: what's the reason for your visit? And I was like,
Speaker 1: oh um, and I'm mouthing and she's like what I
Speaker 1: was like? And she's like, okay, um, are you wheezy?
Speaker 1: The funny part about this is Alex and I were
Speaker 1: texting and Alex is like, youre going to this cheapass spot.
Speaker 1: Watch somebody know you. So I'm laughing with the girl.
Speaker 1: I'm like, bro, are you freaking kidding me? Like I'm
Speaker 1: already here for the most embarrassing ship. And she's like,
Speaker 1: don't worry. She listens to the show. She's like, we're
Speaker 1: hip a compliant. I'm like, bitch, you not the doctor mean,
Speaker 1: we're hip and compliant. You got my social and my
Speaker 1: real name asked all time. So whatever, I'm in the
Speaker 1: waiting room, I'm assuming to use my fake celebrity. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get to skip the line because there's five people
Speaker 1: in front of me. So then I'm seeing two people go.
Speaker 1: I woke up to her. I'm like, bro, like do
Speaker 1: they have something talking to listen because I need to
Speaker 1: go first. So we get the doctor and I remember
Speaker 1: who I am if you're listening to this show. And
Speaker 1: then you asked when to come up to me at
Speaker 1: a time and need that you need to help a
Speaker 1: g hello, how you want to live show ticket? Help?
Speaker 1: So I get to the doctor and she's I'm looking
Speaker 1: at her and I remember her specifically. She was very beautiful, middy.
Speaker 1: So she's like, do I remember you? And I thought
Speaker 1: maybe it was my tattoo. Was like, yeah, I was
Speaker 1: here last time. And it's kind of funny because um,
Speaker 1: I have a podcast my friend, and I said to her,
Speaker 1: you know, um, I know a place we can get
Speaker 1: a content out of you. And here we are. And
Speaker 1: she's like, oh wow, how long ago is that? I
Speaker 1: said a year ago. She's like, I totally remember. I'm
Speaker 1: like it's the name of our first episode. She's like, well,
Speaker 1: now you have your turn. The bitch puts me on
Speaker 1: my back and I'm so nervous. I'm laying down. She's like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you see it. She's like, it's just very
Speaker 1: far away. She goes out of the room, comes back
Speaker 1: with a long pair of tweezers and she's like, count
Speaker 1: to ten. I'm like, nig I was freaking out. So
Speaker 1: she takes it out, throws it in a trash can,
Speaker 1: and I said, excuse me, Um, can I see it.
Speaker 1: I just need to make sure a condom came out
Speaker 1: of me, like I need to see it. I mean
Speaker 1: to make sure there wasn't ripped. I need to make
Speaker 1: sure there aren't pieces stuck in me. And she's like,
Speaker 1: what a smart girl, And you know what, can I
Speaker 1: just say, don't be ashamed because I do regular paths
Speaker 1: and just pull random tampons and condoms out. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So anyway, there's part two of missing condom Jesus. But
Speaker 1: I mean, and you've had a disappearing condom. I've had
Speaker 1: a missing condom. I think you know at least we
Speaker 1: have we got condoms, say sex guysdom so condoms. Oh,
Speaker 1: there we go. So normally we do icebreakers, but since
Speaker 1: both of you'll have already been on the show, we're
Speaker 1: gonna go ahead and have our vanilla ship conversation. UM.
Speaker 1: So the vanilla ship that we kind of want to
Speaker 1: discuss UM, and I'm super glad that we have you
Speaker 1: here to discuss this UM is the child support motherfucker ship. So,
Speaker 1: if you guys are on Twitter, if you guys are
Speaker 1: active within black Twitter. Um, it's been a discussion because
Speaker 1: good old Blake Griffin, who is black some parts black,
Speaker 1: I think anyway black, um, black and black as Griffin
Speaker 1: is paying two hundred and fifty eight thousand dollars a
Speaker 1: month in child support based on his growth income for
Speaker 1: two children. Yes to his white baby mama, not say
Speaker 1: any man, I just want to take xy. I think
Speaker 1: that's his ex wife. UM, so it's nine of his income.
Speaker 1: Someone did the math, and so basically he's only paying
Speaker 1: nine percent. Someone did the math. Someone did the math.
Speaker 1: I think he's he makes like two points something million
Speaker 1: a month because he signed like I don't know, twelve
Speaker 1: million a year, million dollars over five years, over five years. UM,
Speaker 1: so he's only giving three million dollars a year on
Speaker 1: like thirty something million. So let's not act like it's
Speaker 1: too much. I mean it's not. But but a lot
Speaker 1: of people's complaint is especially from men that I've been reading,
Speaker 1: is that it don't take that much to raise a kid,
Speaker 1: and so well, it takes two d and twenty three
Speaker 1: thousand dollars for this lifespan of a child from zero
Speaker 1: take So why I do want to say, though I
Speaker 1: don't want to have the conversation about them coins that
Speaker 1: we don't see in our accounts, but I do want
Speaker 1: to bring this down to a conversation about child support
Speaker 1: with y'all regular niggas. I don't know why y'all think
Speaker 1: we want to have babies for your regular as money,
Speaker 1: but it's very important because I want to talk to
Speaker 1: our audience, UM, the women who listened to our show,
Speaker 1: who got regular as broke as baby daddies, um, and
Speaker 1: also even just the men who listened to the show
Speaker 1: who may be on child support, who's not making And
Speaker 1: by the way, me and Mandy were going back and
Speaker 1: forth with who to discuss this with because we're having
Speaker 1: Rory in a later episode, and she's like, we need
Speaker 1: ad to talk about this. I'm like, well, what about
Speaker 1: the single moms? And it's like such a hard name
Speaker 1: begging forth this suit because told me what you paid,
Speaker 1: what you get paid in child's report, which is what
Speaker 1: I was like, this makes sense, and not only that,
Speaker 1: I've experience child support growing up, so I want to
Speaker 1: I guess if you could tell our listeners your thoughts
Speaker 1: on child So how much child support do you get
Speaker 1: a month from your baby, Dad, I'm awarded forty like
Speaker 1: around forty five forty seven dollars a month, and I
Speaker 1: have not seen that money for a year. Your son,
Speaker 1: he's turning twelve in December. He's turning so now I
Speaker 1: want to say this, So on the national like the
Speaker 1: National Bureau or something I looked up on average men
Speaker 1: are paying of their annual income a child support is
Speaker 1: the average. I'm waking that much. He's not making enough
Speaker 1: to pay. So I don't know what he does. I
Speaker 1: don't talk to him, but forty five dollars is what
Speaker 1: you got awarded. And he has another child who's also
Speaker 1: on child report and she gets much more. Really, so
Speaker 1: why do you get less? I don't know. There's something
Speaker 1: with us. I think it's the Massachusetts state law where
Speaker 1: the older the the younger kids get more than your
Speaker 1: oldest older kids. Your kids. I mean, in your opinion,
Speaker 1: has your son been more of an expense as a
Speaker 1: baby or as a teenager or a pretio. It's all expensive.
Speaker 1: You think that you think the money is gonna like
Speaker 1: shift from him, like growing up, but it just becomes
Speaker 1: another bill for something else. I had to pay karate.
Speaker 1: It was like how dollars a month on hundred sixty
Speaker 1: dollars a karate alone. That was one out of five activities,
Speaker 1: playing all that ship out of parking. You got him
Speaker 1: in a special black karate. Yes, I do black owned business.
Speaker 1: I just I just feel like there's so many um
Speaker 1: things that are said on social media, specifically from men
Speaker 1: acting like women either have babies to get child support
Speaker 1: or that, or that the mothers used the child support
Speaker 1: for them and not the children. They'd be like, why
Speaker 1: is it not going to the kid? I really don't
Speaker 1: think that a lot of men taking into consideration that, Okay,
Speaker 1: there's expenses involved with children, but as a woman, your
Speaker 1: whole life is now changed, Like how would you go
Speaker 1: about the jobs you can accept, the hours you can work?
Speaker 1: All of these things are put into that. I don't
Speaker 1: think the men look at it like that, like you
Speaker 1: gotta baby, so what I gotta I gotta argument this
Speaker 1: with my coworker because he was like, what the funk?
Speaker 1: This is ridiculous, like blah blah blah, like I don't care,
Speaker 1: the kids don't cost that much. I said, well, you
Speaker 1: know what costs that much my time. I gotta get
Speaker 1: a job. I can't have a social life, like are
Speaker 1: you kidding me? Babysitters just even trying to daycare after school,
Speaker 1: and you take that nick on the weekends, and that's
Speaker 1: a super high bill. I already know, like I'm so
Speaker 1: used to being broke. I just came into a little cash,
Speaker 1: a decent salary, and I still got planning alone, so
Speaker 1: my net worth is in the negatives. But I just
Speaker 1: became like very self sufficient where I don't need my
Speaker 1: mom help, I don't need my friend help, Like I'm good,
Speaker 1: but I'm so used to being broke that with anything.
Speaker 1: But my son I asked for scholarships, like automatically, of
Speaker 1: course the thing he wants to do. First question out
Speaker 1: of my mouth. If I'm signing him up for something,
Speaker 1: it's a scholarship because it costs that much. You need
Speaker 1: to discount somewhere, and then it's past financials. I think
Speaker 1: a lot of men and maybe some women as well,
Speaker 1: think of it on the financial level. But sometimes I'm thinking, like,
Speaker 1: did you ever think about whenever a woman does receive
Speaker 1: that child support, By the time she get that money,
Speaker 1: all her kids ship is gonna be meant anyway, So
Speaker 1: it's coming out of your pocket regardless no one is
Speaker 1: waiting for your child support. No one's like because you
Speaker 1: didn't pay your child support, and these little ass coins
Speaker 1: at a lot of us, right, they're like, it's chump change.
Speaker 1: How did you feel when you saw the blade Griffin thing?
Speaker 1: And how do you feel about it? With how much
Speaker 1: she's getting do you think? I think it's fine, you know,
Speaker 1: if he can afford it. And what's crazy to me
Speaker 1: is an I kind of wanted to share my situation
Speaker 1: with child support. Is my dad growing up? He stops
Speaker 1: talking to us for well over a year because my
Speaker 1: mom wanted more. UM. She was getting eighty dollars a
Speaker 1: week for two kids from my daddy, and so when
Speaker 1: she finally finished school to receive her lp N, she
Speaker 1: was then making too much money to be on Section
Speaker 1: eight and food stamps anymore. So because she couldn't be
Speaker 1: on second and food stamps anymore, her job was still
Speaker 1: as an lp N, I think was like ten dollars
Speaker 1: and twelve dollars, you're making too much to get government assistance.
Speaker 1: So she took my dad back to court um to
Speaker 1: race child support. She ended up getting one fifty a week,
Speaker 1: which is still only six d a month for two
Speaker 1: kids and just even through that experience, like that's why
Speaker 1: we had to go through It was so crazy because
Speaker 1: he felt like he did so much by giving this
Speaker 1: little bit of money. And it's crazy because not having
Speaker 1: that relationship with like it was hell. He made all
Speaker 1: of us do DNA tests because he wanted to make
Speaker 1: sure he wasn't paying for a kid that wasn't his mind.
Speaker 1: You yeah, he raised like me and my like that's
Speaker 1: our daddy like biologically, so it just brought in so
Speaker 1: much because he thought his money wasn't And it's crazy
Speaker 1: because it's affected me now as an adult where I
Speaker 1: see men as a t m S unfortunately. And I've
Speaker 1: talked about this with some of the guys. I mean,
Speaker 1: like you can't tell me no, like my dad, you
Speaker 1: know my dad, Daddy gave us, Daddy gave that, and
Speaker 1: it's just like I don't know, it's it's kind of
Speaker 1: it sucks because now as an adult, seeing how much
Speaker 1: toiletries are, I tell my mama all the time, I
Speaker 1: don't know how the fun she did it. I didn't
Speaker 1: know what that was that toiletries is expensive to for
Speaker 1: her to have to do it for for four women
Speaker 1: hurt and there's three of us, so Tampon's conditioner good.
Speaker 1: I grew up in a single parent household as well.
Speaker 1: Like my mom, she took care of us and did everything,
Speaker 1: did everything, And I feel like child support was something
Speaker 1: that kind of came up. But one thing that never
Speaker 1: comes up with child support that sucks. Like we always
Speaker 1: talk about the money. We never talked about the time.
Speaker 1: Like we always talk about like, oh, here they go
Speaker 1: asking for all this money, but we never said, well,
Speaker 1: you know, what's the dad saying, like are they around?
Speaker 1: Like are they gonna spend time? Or like what's that
Speaker 1: game playing like? Because at the very least, if we
Speaker 1: say Blake Griffin hangs out with his children X amount
Speaker 1: of times, and then we could be like, oh, well
Speaker 1: maybe that's successive since he does take his kids around.
Speaker 1: But why why should we say that successive. He's a
Speaker 1: he's a dad. He had these kids because he could
Speaker 1: afford to, and he could afford to pay the shop support.
Speaker 1: And I I don't think there's anything wrong with him paying
Speaker 1: it as long as he continues to take care of
Speaker 1: his kids as well. And people love arguing about someone
Speaker 1: else's money, that's all. I don't know. I'd be doing
Speaker 1: the same ship too. I'm so you're telling me that, Nigga.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy you said that, because I used to
Speaker 1: be like really angry about the amount I got, and
Speaker 1: then it was so sporadic. He will go years without
Speaker 1: paying and I get like a lump some and then
Speaker 1: like it go years again. I used to be really
Speaker 1: angry about it, but then I let it go when
Speaker 1: I realized to your point that the most important thing
Speaker 1: is my son's connection with his dad. At the end
Speaker 1: of the day, I'm gonna take care of everything my
Speaker 1: son needs. He's good and so, but what I can't
Speaker 1: do for him is give him his dad's love. Only
Speaker 1: his dad can give that to him. So like, for example,
Speaker 1: this summer, he's gonna send a good chunk of child
Speaker 1: with his chunk of time with his dad. And I
Speaker 1: could be an ass and I could bring up I
Speaker 1: never bring up the child support. I never bring out
Speaker 1: how long he had never paid me. The only conversation
Speaker 1: I want to have is when you're gonna see him,
Speaker 1: is he good? Do you like? When you're gonna pick
Speaker 1: him up, We're gonna drop him off and spend time
Speaker 1: with So that is one thing I can't let me
Speaker 1: ask both of y'all then, because I'm trying to think, yes,
Speaker 1: time is very important. So do you feel like, um,
Speaker 1: a man should pay less in child support if he
Speaker 1: is garnering that time with his children. All right, I
Speaker 1: don't thought he should, but but he does have at
Speaker 1: least a case to make to say that he can
Speaker 1: take care of his child to a certain degree. He
Speaker 1: just has to pay child support because of whatever the
Speaker 1: circumstances is with him his baby mama. Okay, okay, I
Speaker 1: can do that, yeah, in his court order. And I
Speaker 1: want to give just a quick stat to our listeners
Speaker 1: because I was speaking to my mom about this last
Speaker 1: night with what happened, um and so say you have
Speaker 1: joint custody with your baby mother or your baby daddy,
Speaker 1: and say both of you guys pay for the child.
Speaker 1: I do want to let you know that as a woman,
Speaker 1: if this is not court ordered or on paper, that
Speaker 1: you give her X amount of dollars, stay off the books.
Speaker 1: She can o to court and say that you have
Speaker 1: not given her a dime and you can be retroacted
Speaker 1: to pay two years back. The only go two years back,
Speaker 1: but you'll owe two years worth of child support. And
Speaker 1: then be court ordered to pay going forward, don't pay
Speaker 1: and she goes to court and tell so, say so,
Speaker 1: say you and your baby daddy have an arrangement not
Speaker 1: on on the books. Say he's giving you a hundred
Speaker 1: dollars a week, but him, he's just giving it to
Speaker 1: you Like here you go, this is just from the
Speaker 1: kindness of my heart. And you decide one day, you
Speaker 1: know what, you was late two weeks in a row
Speaker 1: and ain't give me my money, I'm gonna go put
Speaker 1: you on child support. You could go to the court
Speaker 1: and say he ain't never give me nothing, and he'll
Speaker 1: be required to pay you two years worth of child support.
Speaker 1: A lot of women will do that. You'd be supplied.
Speaker 1: And unfortunately that's why I just want to let it
Speaker 1: be known, like this is something that maybe needs to
Speaker 1: be written on paper. If this is a situation or
Speaker 1: arrangement you have currently, I think you should definitely keep
Speaker 1: keep track of that. This nigga to this where he
Speaker 1: had never taken me that as the court, that sord
Speaker 1: of thing is like using like niggers have to act
Speaker 1: right on social media, keep right on the time, have
Speaker 1: your fucking side, bitch girlfriend, whoever you want to take
Speaker 1: care of your kids. And so, as y'all know, every
Speaker 1: week we do a kick of the week, and I'm
Speaker 1: excited about this one. Go ahead, You're gonna do a
Speaker 1: jingle for us because you'll be doing les. Wait what
Speaker 1: was thatright? What was saying? I was the jingle? Did
Speaker 1: we damn the condom stuck in her pussy? How we
Speaker 1: forgot the jago already? I don't know what did they
Speaker 1: pull down? Damn? We highest? Okay? So what is it?
Speaker 1: So the kick of the week this week, guys, is
Speaker 1: a mor aphilia? Um? Yes? So? A more aphilia usually
Speaker 1: manifests itself by an inhibition of sight, with either one
Speaker 1: or both partners using a blindfold or having sex in
Speaker 1: total darkness. This might be caused by reasons such as
Speaker 1: religious guilt about nudity and sex, low self esteem, or
Speaker 1: feelings of inadequacy. Yes, what are're just like being blindfold
Speaker 1: a little bit? So there is this, and so I
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about that because have you ever been
Speaker 1: blindfolded before? And because this is a king, I mean
Speaker 1: I could see maybe some people being insecure in the bedroom.
Speaker 1: Or you're gonna do it tonight. You're gonna get blindfolded tonight.
Speaker 1: You've never been blind hold and it's a big difference.
Speaker 1: It seems like such a basic thing, but when you
Speaker 1: lose one of your senses, holy shit, I've had my
Speaker 1: because like something is gone, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like you can't see anything, so now you're completely focused
Speaker 1: on the way you feel pillows on your face. It's
Speaker 1: a blindness. So sometimes normally like a part of losing
Speaker 1: your breath, like losing your hair, like I've just over
Speaker 1: you've covered your face with a pillow, I feel like
Speaker 1: having all kind of go to scream or something. By
Speaker 1: the way, something I thought about when watching the reading
Speaker 1: this is I was watching handmaids Tale, Oh my God,
Speaker 1: and do you remember when he so like some religions
Speaker 1: through a hole in the sheet because of the guilt
Speaker 1: about nudity and sex. And so this kind of made
Speaker 1: me think about that. It's crazy because I feel like
Speaker 1: I've I've experienced some type of trauma now, like I
Speaker 1: don't ever want to be blindfolded. I got blindfolded for
Speaker 1: the first time one we talked about this with the
Speaker 1: stealthing of condoms. A guy snuck off the condom while
Speaker 1: I was blindfolded, and I didn't realize right grow well
Speaker 1: was gonna get into that, and I guess so before
Speaker 1: we start, do you want to give a disclaimer for
Speaker 1: our listeners, because I know we've been talking about how
Speaker 1: we are we you seguated to the guy, damn it,
Speaker 1: that's ever we wanted to let you guys know. We
Speaker 1: wanted to start off on a light note. But as
Speaker 1: much as uh Dub has been a really good friend
Speaker 1: to the show and had such a raunchy episode with
Speaker 1: the Unicorn ship, she just she actually told me that
Speaker 1: when she came to New York to visit that she
Speaker 1: wanted to do this. Uh. Mandy and I have both
Speaker 1: heard some stories about sexual trauma from her past, and
Speaker 1: it's been a long time that Mandy and I have
Speaker 1: wanted to do an episode like this, but we felt
Speaker 1: like it wasn't appropriate because one, I think we talked
Speaker 1: sometimes two lax to just be like, we're going to
Speaker 1: just talk about this ourselves. We want to have someone
Speaker 1: that has experienced it, has cope through it, and that
Speaker 1: has worked through each stage of her feelings. And so
Speaker 1: if this is triggering for you anyway, we apologize, But
Speaker 1: we just wanted to give a disclaimer that we will
Speaker 1: be talking about grape and sexual trauma and sexual trauma.
Speaker 1: So that's a disclaim. Yeah, I don't know if that's
Speaker 1: like you kind of read that like Morgan Freeman a
Speaker 1: little bit serious because good disclaimer, guys. Um. So yeah,
Speaker 1: if you guys didn't know by Wheezy's wonderful, you know lecture.
Speaker 1: There you see about my voice, I'm throwing on work.
Speaker 1: I just want you guys to know. But we are
Speaker 1: going get into, um, a little bit of a serious conversation. Um.
Speaker 1: As you guys know, I'm not going to shout out
Speaker 1: the podcast because I don't like it, ask no more.
Speaker 1: But I've spoken on a sexual um you know, a
Speaker 1: kind of um. Oh god, I don't know. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: well I spoke me and we have both kind of
Speaker 1: shared that we've both experienced sexual trauma. Um. But have
Speaker 1: you seen the pyramid? Mandy? What what pyramid? There's a pyramid? Um, right,
Speaker 1: so brilliant idiots I think posted it once on YouTube.
Speaker 1: But there is a pyramid of the hierarchy of sexual assault. Yes,
Speaker 1: and so the one that you experience is like right
Speaker 1: the bottom. No, No No, it's not at the bottom. That's
Speaker 1: a no, dude. You didn't experience at the bottom, someone
Speaker 1: pulled their fucking dick out on you the ship. At
Speaker 1: the bottom is like being spoken to in a dirty way, okay,
Speaker 1: like the cat calling. Yes, okay, it goes up and
Speaker 1: up and up, And what's your experience. I'm not diminishing
Speaker 1: it hadn't mean to do that. I'm saying that's still
Speaker 1: pretty bad, like being gender to tell you, being exposed
Speaker 1: is a big deal, right, because like we'd really we
Speaker 1: don't realize that the things that happened to us day
Speaker 1: to day are as bad as they are. And I'm
Speaker 1: gonna pull it up so we can go through it together.
Speaker 1: But what Dub experience is at the top. And I
Speaker 1: want to say, I've heard a lot of rape shame,
Speaker 1: I mean, victim blaming about rape culture, especially from women,
Speaker 1: which is why you know, I didn't want to have
Speaker 1: you know who on the show, Yeah, because I want
Speaker 1: I don't like when women say, oh, well, that's not
Speaker 1: really a big deal what happened to you? So in
Speaker 1: everyone else's mind, rape in the way that Dub experienced
Speaker 1: it is quote unquote the real way for y'all. And
Speaker 1: so I really want to hate I hate that they
Speaker 1: do that it's discussed like a real like you really yeah,
Speaker 1: you really got raped, it's happening, Yeah, the same thing.
Speaker 1: So I want to start there and then kind of
Speaker 1: work down to the work experience and how they all
Speaker 1: are under the same umbrella. So yeah, I guess if
Speaker 1: you could share a bit of your story, introduces how
Speaker 1: old you were, and we're gonna let you talk. So say,
Speaker 1: like Morgan Freeman, bitch right now. Okay, Now I'm just
Speaker 1: like Donna happened to ship? Okay, Okay, go ahead, hello.
Speaker 1: Um So, yeah, so I was fourteen. I started off
Speaker 1: a little um. I hate to use this word where
Speaker 1: having this conversation, but fast um. And I think I
Speaker 1: got attention from boys when I was like thirteen. I locked.
Speaker 1: I've actually never even I told you this. So I
Speaker 1: lost my virginity to a three year old and I
Speaker 1: was fourteen to a one year old thirty okay, So
Speaker 1: it started, it was it was, it was completely consensual,
Speaker 1: but I just started off really fast. So I was
Speaker 1: dating this guy who was actually twenty two and you
Speaker 1: were out. I was fourteen. I told him I was sixteen.
Speaker 1: A lot of girls he told me he was nineteen. Okay,
Speaker 1: So qu was doing the block. I was kind of
Speaker 1: dating him, so I can dig a little bit. That's
Speaker 1: what David was for me. Sorry, um. But then one
Speaker 1: day I invited him over and we were hooking up,
Speaker 1: and then he went downstairs and invited his friends in
Speaker 1: my house and I was getting raped by six guys,
Speaker 1: including him. So I ran away and then I went
Speaker 1: into this really deep depression for about a year. So
Speaker 1: for like fourteen and fifteen young age to happening, I
Speaker 1: was running away constantly, like going all over place, Like
Speaker 1: I would go to church and I would leave because
Speaker 1: my mom would let me to go, like Sunday school.
Speaker 1: That's how I left. And I was like, so I
Speaker 1: didn't use drugs. I actually wasn't even smoking weed, but
Speaker 1: my drug was sex. So I was fucking everybody, older guys,
Speaker 1: younger guys. My guy's mom not really got my age.
Speaker 1: They were at least nineteen all the guys. Let me
Speaker 1: ask you a question, because diving in you experienced him
Speaker 1: and his friends. Do you mind sharing the number? It
Speaker 1: was six, so six guys total. And the triggering thing
Speaker 1: because a lot of women would maybe assume that you
Speaker 1: would go through his face where you hated men. So
Speaker 1: for you telling me went through a phase where you
Speaker 1: were constantly fucking after that. To me, that's the opposite.
Speaker 1: I feel like we think like it was my one
Speaker 1: of my first sexual experiences was someone way too old
Speaker 1: for me. And then my like maybe third sexual experience
Speaker 1: was you know, third if you don't count sucking dick.
Speaker 1: It was like my third sexual experience was rape. So
Speaker 1: like I did not know a loving, romantic, intimate like
Speaker 1: relationship at that time. I only knew fucking. I only
Speaker 1: knew and to me, the word no didn't matter. So
Speaker 1: like I would hang out with guys and if I
Speaker 1: knew it was getting sexual, I knew in my mind
Speaker 1: like if I'm gonna say no, they're gonna do it anyway.
Speaker 1: So when you when you were going through that um
Speaker 1: when the men were coming upstairs, how was the conversation?
Speaker 1: Did you ever say stop? Yes? But it didn't matter?
Speaker 1: Then end? Like and then what did it for me?
Speaker 1: So at first I was like stop and it was
Speaker 1: like a very forceful, like violent situation in terms of
Speaker 1: me pushing back. But then when they sodomized me, I
Speaker 1: just they sodomized you with what means just the anal
Speaker 1: I don't know soomize. Yeah, I don't know why sodomized
Speaker 1: to me makes me think they used tools like or
Speaker 1: it's just antally it is antal penetration, antal rape, sodomized.
Speaker 1: I think it's anal penaltration. I think it's just in sodomy.
Speaker 1: It's just the act of anal But that's why you can, like,
Speaker 1: I think in Georgia it's still legal or some crazy
Speaker 1: ship like that, sodoman But just what was your relationship
Speaker 1: with your family when this was going on? Yeah? Great questions.
Speaker 1: So my mom and I was a relationship tanked. I
Speaker 1: became very angry and just so she was kind of
Speaker 1: talking ship. Were you keeping this private? Can we start there?
Speaker 1: So she walked into it? What wait, your mom walked
Speaker 1: into That's how it stopped. And then I, I don't
Speaker 1: remember why, they ran out of the house. She's like
Speaker 1: chasing down the street and then I get my clothes
Speaker 1: on and I did and I run away for like
Speaker 1: two days? Were you Yeah? So that came back? Did
Speaker 1: a right? Where did you go? Um? Where did I go?
Speaker 1: Was somewhere in Boston? Two days? Was just I was
Speaker 1: just like Roman streets. I was homeless. Actually those are
Speaker 1: my only two days in my life I've been homeless,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I have to go home. Were
Speaker 1: you scared? Yeah, I thought she's gonna want my ask
Speaker 1: because I know she thought it was Oh she didn't,
Speaker 1: So in your mind you thought that she could have
Speaker 1: WoT niggas and I'm naked. I didn't want her thinking
Speaker 1: that that you asked, right, So I thought she was
Speaker 1: gonna be pissed, and she was pissed, but she believed
Speaker 1: me right away. She never questioned that I was raped.
Speaker 1: So when when this happened, and now your mom knows,
Speaker 1: you know what is? I get the aftermath of it.
Speaker 1: But did you go ahead and go through with a
Speaker 1: rape kids or press charges? So can you talk through
Speaker 1: what awful? It's just cold. Actually don't really like hospitals
Speaker 1: because of that, because it's just cold and they're just
Speaker 1: swabbing you and aunt they like, you know, they look
Speaker 1: at your vagina and you and they like see if
Speaker 1: there's like cuts and bruises and take pictures. It's like
Speaker 1: a police they take pictures. Oh I didn't know that me.
Speaker 1: So when you called the police, who called the police?
Speaker 1: Your mom did? Okay? And what kind of questions is
Speaker 1: that how I hate the cops because of this because
Speaker 1: so they were like, oh so you like pretty much
Speaker 1: they made me feel like I wanted it, which is
Speaker 1: exactly what I did. And I just didn't feel protected
Speaker 1: because these were guys in the neighborhood. That was the
Speaker 1: worst part, Like I know these niggas, why I didn't
Speaker 1: really know them. Well, I knew the guy that I
Speaker 1: was quote unquote dating, right, so he was like in
Speaker 1: the neighborhood, roman free and I'm like and then I
Speaker 1: had all the d n A on me, so like
Speaker 1: there was no question about it, and I was like
Speaker 1: bruised and like all this stuff. But they still were
Speaker 1: just like, well, why, why, how this happened? How did
Speaker 1: it happen? Why did you? And just made me feel
Speaker 1: like where's your mom sitting with you while they asked
Speaker 1: your questions? What's your mom getting? Like? I don't even
Speaker 1: remember her reaction, but it was it was very tense
Speaker 1: and I just shut down. Like when I knew this
Speaker 1: was going I was like, Okay, I'm just not gonn pressure,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not gonna go through this like you think
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go court and y'all gonna be having me
Speaker 1: like at a jury or whatever. Then you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, in your mind, it's also six against one.
Speaker 1: All six of them could say you wanted it or
Speaker 1: asked were you also worried about what would happen when
Speaker 1: you went to court and like what if they didn't
Speaker 1: get convicted? These people that fucking rape you, And now
Speaker 1: you're sitting here and you gotta see all these motherfucker's
Speaker 1: in the neighborhood family like my my little my little brother,
Speaker 1: and my sisters and my mom. My mom's a teacher
Speaker 1: in the neighborhood. Like I was just like, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna go through this, like if if the police don't
Speaker 1: believe me, and y'all got and you could see me.
Speaker 1: It's like a few days after and I'm clearly like, amaized,
Speaker 1: y'all is a question me my family. I never asked
Speaker 1: you this, And all the time I've known you, But
Speaker 1: the next time that you saw one of them, what
Speaker 1: was that, Like, yes, you know the PTSD, that ship
Speaker 1: is real. There were certain sense that like if I
Speaker 1: smelled it, I was immediately triggered. There's actually certain parts
Speaker 1: of Boston. This is like later in my story, but
Speaker 1: there's actually certain parts of Boston that I won't even
Speaker 1: go to because I'm just like instantly triggered. It's weird,
Speaker 1: like if I see them. Obviously it was a trigger,
Speaker 1: but like it was something it could be much more
Speaker 1: subtle than that. I've ever apologized to you. The guy
Speaker 1: I was dating did did you? Did you? Did you
Speaker 1: accept that apology? It didn't matter at that point the jam,
Speaker 1: which was done, you know, it didn't really matter. Did
Speaker 1: you ever ask why? I didn't? It wasn't necessary for
Speaker 1: my healing at that point, right. It was nice to hear,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't necessary. Had you asked why? Only guy
Speaker 1: asked why? I think I said in that episode one
Speaker 1: and I asked why to the guy that I got
Speaker 1: right by, and he told me he liked watching me
Speaker 1: cry and it was so disgusting to hear. And I
Speaker 1: remember it was like on aim. He told me that,
Speaker 1: And I was shaking after that ship because I was like,
Speaker 1: how can you even admit the ship? Now this happened
Speaker 1: to you a second time? Can you describe how old
Speaker 1: you were the second time? So when I went into
Speaker 1: my deep depression, I was walking alive. I met another
Speaker 1: group of guys that I would consensually have sex with
Speaker 1: them often as as a group. As a group, they
Speaker 1: would technically run trains on me. Okay, how many guys?
Speaker 1: Six of them and I would hang out with them too,
Speaker 1: and I would run away if I ran away. I
Speaker 1: was with them for a very long time, for about
Speaker 1: a year, so then how old? How old were you?
Speaker 1: So the next year, oh wow, my whole fifteen, Like
Speaker 1: I tanked in school. I was run away. The cops
Speaker 1: were like, we're gonna lock you up if you keep
Speaker 1: running away. So that's when I was like, Okay, well
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna go to jail, so let me get
Speaker 1: my ship together. So I slowly s got my ship together.
Speaker 1: My mom. I had like six therapists in a two
Speaker 1: year frame. I my mom switched me out of a
Speaker 1: school that really helped. So I was going to like
Speaker 1: the So I'm from Cambridge and like in Massachusetts, and
Speaker 1: there's one high school in Cambridge. Everyone was like, she's
Speaker 1: a hope, right, murd what happened? And I was like,
Speaker 1: so I was tainted as a whole, and it was
Speaker 1: just really tough. And my mom worked at the school,
Speaker 1: so it was just a lot. So my mom switched
Speaker 1: me out of the school. To a school that was
Speaker 1: like everyone in the school had a therapist in house.
Speaker 1: It was for kids who like really going through some ship.
Speaker 1: Let me in that school. Amazing school saved my life.
Speaker 1: So by this time, I'm hitting six team and I'm
Speaker 1: really starting to get my ship together. I'm like, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: I can't be working with these niggas no more. I
Speaker 1: got like and I'm like doing well in school. Actually
Speaker 1: graduated year early from school because I was going to
Speaker 1: mentioned my best gun of the Master's you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, you know, graduating when I was sixteen, But
Speaker 1: like it was really hard, and I did it because
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't be in Boston. I felt
Speaker 1: like Boston was gonna kill me at this point. So
Speaker 1: I cut it off with the guys that I'm regularly
Speaker 1: having sex with and I'm like, no, So for a
Speaker 1: while I don't see them. But then one day one
Speaker 1: of them that I'm like, the one I'm most close with,
Speaker 1: hit me up. I was like, you want to hang out?
Speaker 1: And I was like all right, So they all come
Speaker 1: over and we all chilling, and then it just, I
Speaker 1: swear to God, it just turns and it breaks my
Speaker 1: heart because I actually really funk with them. All my
Speaker 1: other sexual experiences have been completely one thousand percent consensual.
Speaker 1: But the one time I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm really not trying to be doing that ship with
Speaker 1: y'all know more, they just took it in their own
Speaker 1: hands and they raped me. Now, a lot of people
Speaker 1: claim that you can't get raped by like someone you
Speaker 1: know or someone you're letting your home. Wives can't get
Speaker 1: raped by their husbands. You totally can know, well, the
Speaker 1: wife's not getting raped by their husbands things. But there's
Speaker 1: like stats show that most of most rapes actually occur
Speaker 1: from people that no, no no, sorry not but you know,
Speaker 1: but people you've had sex with. A lot of people
Speaker 1: say that, like how can you say that you got raped? Yes,
Speaker 1: can be considered rape. Sorry. People have used that again,
Speaker 1: like in defense when they have been accused of rape,
Speaker 1: like well I sued her before and that was the
Speaker 1: So that was my challenge with the second rate, because
Speaker 1: I was like, these things supposed to be my friends,
Speaker 1: and actually most of them ended up apologizing in time.
Speaker 1: I still don't know. So what was your second step
Speaker 1: for this time? You said you did another rape kit?
Speaker 1: So did another rape kit? I went to the hospital
Speaker 1: right away. Again, my mom was super supportive and she
Speaker 1: never questioned me. So shout out to her that's um
Speaker 1: got a rape kit. But I did not go to
Speaker 1: the police because I was like, I'm not doing that
Speaker 1: ship and I was so close to getting out of Boston.
Speaker 1: What made you have to go to the hospital. You
Speaker 1: have to if you're raped, you have to go. You
Speaker 1: just have to get a DNA. The thing is, they
Speaker 1: keep the DNA the rape kits for like six years
Speaker 1: or something, So you ever changed your mine if you
Speaker 1: want to pressure, if you want to press charges, okay.
Speaker 1: So that's why I go, And that's why I tell everyone,
Speaker 1: if you're ever rape, just get the rape kit and
Speaker 1: have that ship sitting there because anytime you do want
Speaker 1: to go for it, and you should, because I regret
Speaker 1: not going for it. You regret not going forward to
Speaker 1: the police in like present charges in a second time,
Speaker 1: so I want to go in. This hierarchy really quit
Speaker 1: more strengthen me. That I didn't realize at the time,
Speaker 1: But now looking back, I'm like, I probably could have
Speaker 1: pulled that shirt off. The nigger should have paid. All
Speaker 1: of them are walking around now living their life, and
Speaker 1: I know that should eat them up. And I know
Speaker 1: they did that again. I'm sure that's what That's what
Speaker 1: I was gonna go to, Like if they did it
Speaker 1: with you and we're so comfortable and then just gave
Speaker 1: you a sorry, like that's something that probably they've done
Speaker 1: another time screen if you google rape culture pyramid. So
Speaker 1: the reason I was so proud of you just a
Speaker 1: few weeks ago when we were in Seattle together, because
Speaker 1: you had a situation that happened at work and I
Speaker 1: I want to show you guys this pyramid. Will post
Speaker 1: it on Horrible to sit Jan's. But the reason it's
Speaker 1: so important is because you didn't press any charges on
Speaker 1: the men that did something so fucking brutal and disgusting
Speaker 1: to you, but you did take matters into your own
Speaker 1: hands to what some people feel like is not a
Speaker 1: big deal. So here's the pyramid. So um at the
Speaker 1: top of the pyramid, there's it's like three different colors.
Speaker 1: There's rape, drugging, molestation, and UM for Mandy, which is funny,
Speaker 1: you just brought that up. Stealthing, covert condom removal. It
Speaker 1: is always and that's that's what happened to me. Um.
Speaker 1: Oh wow. But and it's crazy because so well when
Speaker 1: the thing happened to me on the train, So I
Speaker 1: don't think I've mentioned too much of it on this episode. Actually,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe I have brought it up. So I was
Speaker 1: on the train coming home from work, um, and it
Speaker 1: was an express train, and y'all know how these motherfucking
Speaker 1: trains in New York get packed. And I go to
Speaker 1: step off of the train. Mind you, I had I
Speaker 1: had felt a guy bumping into me the whole way,
Speaker 1: but we were still packed. There was nowhere to move,
Speaker 1: so I was trying to put my purse behind me,
Speaker 1: but there was just no room. And so the whole
Speaker 1: time and I'm like, I feel this niggas dick is
Speaker 1: getting hard, but I thought it was through his pain.
Speaker 1: So I go to step out of the train and
Speaker 1: this this nigga's whole dick is exposed. He had been
Speaker 1: rubbing his dick on me the whole time I was
Speaker 1: on the train. It was an older black guy on
Speaker 1: top of that, so I like just felt super violated.
Speaker 1: But that was in my mind, in my life, that
Speaker 1: was the first time I had experienced, like, you know,
Speaker 1: that type of rape. I guess would say to me
Speaker 1: that was considered rape. So when we talk about the
Speaker 1: condom removal from the guy who blindfolded me, I didn't
Speaker 1: even consider that rape. I felt violated, but I wouldn't
Speaker 1: keep So, by the way, you all want to look
Speaker 1: it up, it's type in rape culture pyramid. It says
Speaker 1: eleventh principle of consent, so it goes by normalization, degradation,
Speaker 1: and an assault at the top. So that was sexual
Speaker 1: assault you experienced, Mandy, So both are at the tops.
Speaker 1: In the middle you have coortion, revenge, porn, groping, and
Speaker 1: safe word violations. Towards the bottom, non consensual photos of
Speaker 1: video stalking, victim blaming, flashing, or exposing unsolicited dick picks.
Speaker 1: Oh ship, that's want to touch cat calls. You'll be
Speaker 1: raping on INSTAGRAMA sending me all of them goddamn dicks.
Speaker 1: But I don't want to see. Boys will be boys,
Speaker 1: rape jokes, and locker rooms. So our president is right
Speaker 1: towards our president the bottom. I'm not saying the one
Speaker 1: with the locker room talk. People love to say, um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, So every like right when you said you
Speaker 1: were like, oh, that's not that big of you, I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm pretty sure that's Like, yeah, I didn't
Speaker 1: even realize that that's crazy is when you look at
Speaker 1: this pyramid, like everybody experiences this or even even like
Speaker 1: like even women victim blaming and ship like that do
Speaker 1: this bullshit like everybody's in this pyramid. And I feel
Speaker 1: like this is a time where everybody needs to become
Speaker 1: better educated and really see if this is a people thing,
Speaker 1: because men should not just take advantage of any situation ever.
Speaker 1: And I feel like it's mostly men because women do
Speaker 1: have that ship too, but men, it's more often than not,
Speaker 1: will take advantage, whether it's saying some ship or jumping
Speaker 1: some ship off and even just trying to apologize just
Speaker 1: to get away with it. But how you brought that up?
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you the female friends in your life,
Speaker 1: your aunt's, your female cousins, at any point do you
Speaker 1: feel like they did look at you like, well, you
Speaker 1: did something wrong? Because as women, I feel like and
Speaker 1: that's why again we haven't had a certain guest on
Speaker 1: the show because we don't really like the victim blaming
Speaker 1: that even women put on other women. So what was
Speaker 1: the response from other women in your life? That's a
Speaker 1: great question. So my mom at first was like a
Speaker 1: little shady and she was saying a little slick ship
Speaker 1: like you a little bit about and I was it
Speaker 1: was it was at a bad time in my eyes.
Speaker 1: I was like, bitch, fuck you. I'm like, I'm not
Speaker 1: taking that ship for me. And her use to bumpets.
Speaker 1: But then that totally changed. She don't do that no more.
Speaker 1: Um I used to. In high school, like when all
Speaker 1: that stuff was going on, I had some female friends
Speaker 1: and they were just awful. They were spreading rumors about
Speaker 1: me and all this stuff. So I ended up cutting
Speaker 1: them off. And I made a rule to myself, like
Speaker 1: if I'm really gonna heal and like become the woman
Speaker 1: that I've always wanted to become, which is this woman
Speaker 1: sitting right here, I had to have good people in
Speaker 1: my life, male or female, and I'm not taking no ships.
Speaker 1: So like, actually, when I hit or went to the
Speaker 1: high school that had therapy in it, I had some
Speaker 1: really good female friends. This girl named a Tia. Actually
Speaker 1: she was super dope, but she always supported me and
Speaker 1: always believe me and never questioned me. And then when
Speaker 1: I went to Family, which is my first college, I
Speaker 1: had amazing female friends, some of which you know with
Speaker 1: Shylotte and stuff like I've had years after they all
Speaker 1: know what happened to me, and they never questioned me,
Speaker 1: and I just I just won't take no ship like
Speaker 1: if if I'm sure there there has been girls that
Speaker 1: have to question me, but then I don't remember their names.
Speaker 1: I'm not having them around I can't have in my space.
Speaker 1: And it was really important for me to get to
Speaker 1: a place where I wasn't thinking about it every day
Speaker 1: and then eventually not wearing that abuse because I used
Speaker 1: to just wear it like you could just look at
Speaker 1: me and just like I would talk about it like
Speaker 1: That's why it's still good easy for me to talk
Speaker 1: about it now because I've talked about it for years.
Speaker 1: I used to tell everybody because that was how I healed.
Speaker 1: But I wanted to still get to a place where
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about this no more. And
Speaker 1: the only way I was gonna do that if I
Speaker 1: had good people around me to support me. What is
Speaker 1: the coping stage after? Like after so I don't know.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like I coped pretty well, and then
Speaker 1: other times I feel like I probably could have did
Speaker 1: it better. Who knows, But I left Boston that was
Speaker 1: that was really stage one. Of like full on healing. Now,
Speaker 1: my my past did follow me like I have very
Speaker 1: bad habits and not very bad, but pretty bad habits
Speaker 1: in Florida, and I'll still fucking ain't ship niggas, and
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But I also started to
Speaker 1: own it. So the reason I made it will be
Speaker 1: like I'm like, I do what the funk I want
Speaker 1: to do, and I'm you know, i'll funk who I
Speaker 1: want to find, I'm with who I want to win.
Speaker 1: Is because I took what happened to me and just
Speaker 1: like started to own my story. And I never shied
Speaker 1: away from my story if anyone asked me or if
Speaker 1: I'm talking about it, it's always been the same story.
Speaker 1: And I was just like, I own my ship. I
Speaker 1: also really appreciate you for part of healing admitting that
Speaker 1: you had slept for these men before. I feel like
Speaker 1: that's a but I don't really talk about that story.
Speaker 1: Well I know, and I feel like that's a big
Speaker 1: deal because people sometimes think that like women are expecting
Speaker 1: a pity party, you know what I'm saying for for
Speaker 1: for stories like this, people think that that's what women want.
Speaker 1: So to sit there and say like, hey, I did
Speaker 1: sleep with these men before they were in my home
Speaker 1: because they let them in. But what happened to me
Speaker 1: is still wrong. Is a big deal, I agree, because
Speaker 1: what happened to is fucking brutal. Like not every time
Speaker 1: is there this situation where someone's like sleeping in the
Speaker 1: house and someone breaks in and rapes them, Like, what
Speaker 1: happened to you is still fucking wrong. There's another thing
Speaker 1: that I want to bring up to a lot of
Speaker 1: people feel like promiscuity is deeply rooted with sexual trauma
Speaker 1: and this is just one story out of many and
Speaker 1: it's not connected. Um, you know, I interviewed someone that
Speaker 1: barely has had one orgasm in her life, been raped,
Speaker 1: and has total issues with having sex, really has sex.
Speaker 1: Like everybody is differently, everyone does right way to react,
Speaker 1: And it's not even the way you were open with
Speaker 1: constantly talking about it. You said that that was part
Speaker 1: of your healing process. There's so many women. There's there's
Speaker 1: a lot of women though that feel that shame and
Speaker 1: don't speak on it, And so a lot of them
Speaker 1: hold it in and harbor those feelings and emotions and
Speaker 1: don't really talk about talking out, whether it's with friends,
Speaker 1: the therapist, their parents. It's something that they keep inside,
Speaker 1: which a lot of times I think, and you talk
Speaker 1: a lot on mental health um on on the friend zone,
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of it just has to
Speaker 1: do with when you harbor those things mentally. It sucks
Speaker 1: you up way more than just releasing. It eats at you.
Speaker 1: It really does. I encourage anyone going through anything. You
Speaker 1: don't have to be sexual trying to be anything. You
Speaker 1: could be mad at somebody, right, magic friend, you gotta
Speaker 1: talk about that ship, Yeah, you have to. You have
Speaker 1: to so somebody to talk about. Be somebody that can
Speaker 1: listen to judgment. So if you have questions asked, you're
Speaker 1: gonna say, oh, make sure you listen. Like I feel
Speaker 1: like we've tossed the judgment now real quick before we listen.
Speaker 1: Um we brought this up. We brought up the pyramid
Speaker 1: because I wanted to talk about something that was towards
Speaker 1: the bottom stage. But you took a very big action on.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I have time for HOMEO, but
Speaker 1: let's see how long this goes. Can you talk about
Speaker 1: the work scenario that happen so just for I want
Speaker 1: to give I like to give context. So we stopped
Speaker 1: when I was at FAM. If we fast forward, I
Speaker 1: had a kid, I'm grown, and I've actually not had
Speaker 1: any well, looking at this pyramid, I had plenty of that,
Speaker 1: but like but like assault, I haven't been assaulted or
Speaker 1: tried or anything like that for years. So I can
Speaker 1: say that get to work and I have a quote
Speaker 1: unquote work husband. UM just meaning that I was close
Speaker 1: with someone and if I had a bad day, I
Speaker 1: would go to him. We go to lunch together, you know,
Speaker 1: stuff like that. Just really cool and I really like
Speaker 1: I enjoyed. We enjoyed each other's friendship. Chah. I am
Speaker 1: sleep one day because I've in party all summer because
Speaker 1: my son was like camp, so need a break. So
Speaker 1: I'm sleep and it's like eight o'clock. He's blown. He
Speaker 1: called me, called me twice, and no one from where
Speaker 1: ever calls me, not even him after four because don't
Speaker 1: call me. Um, So I don't, and he leaves a voicemail.
Speaker 1: So this is this is key because you come into
Speaker 1: play for this. But I don't look man, I don't
Speaker 1: listen to the voicemail right away. Um he texted him.
Speaker 1: He calls me, He's like, what are you doing when
Speaker 1: you get up with drinking on the party or whatever.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm tired, I need to get some air whatever.
Speaker 1: So I go get some air. I'm in Chipo A
Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, maybe I can't go out. So
Speaker 1: he ends up calling me back because I sent him
Speaker 1: like thinking emoji's and I'm calling me back and it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, we're trying to figure it out. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't think it's gonna happen. He's like,
Speaker 1: I don't think you understand what I'm trying to do.
Speaker 1: And I can't. I can't like say it how he
Speaker 1: said it. But he was like, I'm trying to fuck you.
Speaker 1: And I remember being on the phone like this is
Speaker 1: really just say that, Like what the fund is he?
Speaker 1: So I reply back first dame, I was like, I
Speaker 1: will never fuck you. And then he's like I'm happy
Speaker 1: you said that and I'll talk to you later. So
Speaker 1: we hang up all night. I feel disgusting, but I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, I just sleep it off. You're fine. Right
Speaker 1: right next morning, he texts me, I'm sorry l O
Speaker 1: L and I'm like, no, l O, like you tried
Speaker 1: the funk out of me. We had a friendship, and
Speaker 1: you took that ship left. I said, you selfishly took
Speaker 1: it left. He's like, well, I hope you forgive me
Speaker 1: and I apologize, blah blah. I was like, I'll forgive you.
Speaker 1: I was like, but next time, I won't be quiet.
Speaker 1: I like that you brought that up, because I don't
Speaker 1: think a lot of guys realized by them saying I
Speaker 1: want to fuck you how it makes a woman feel,
Speaker 1: especially not being in that space with that person. And
Speaker 1: you know what, the fourteen year old girl came back up.
Speaker 1: What she hasn't come up in years, But that's what
Speaker 1: it was, that fourteen year old girl who has been
Speaker 1: used and used herself over and we're just purely fucking
Speaker 1: nothing else, just like an object that all came back.
Speaker 1: And I was like, how fucking dare you? Because this
Speaker 1: whole time, unbeknownst to him, I have been working to
Speaker 1: become a woman who has her past. But his like
Speaker 1: sword right, and like you can't look at me now
Speaker 1: and know anything that's gone on with me, right, And
Speaker 1: I like, how fucking dare you? Say? Anyway, So about
Speaker 1: ten days go by, I don't see him because either
Speaker 1: he's traveling or I'm traveling, but when I'm in the office,
Speaker 1: I like start hating going to the office. Now I
Speaker 1: love my job and I love everyone at my job,
Speaker 1: and everyone my job loved me, and I start showing
Speaker 1: up at work and slowly like isolating myself. I'm cranky,
Speaker 1: I'm tired, like something's off. So I finally tell you
Speaker 1: when we're in Seattle, and then you listen to the voicemail.
Speaker 1: So let me say, she tells me what happens, and
Speaker 1: she's like, girl, I haven't told you what happened at work.
Speaker 1: Tells me a story, shows me the text. She's like,
Speaker 1: he left me a voicemail that I haven't listened to.
Speaker 1: I was like, the funk out of here. We need
Speaker 1: to hear this. And I felt guilty now because I
Speaker 1: didn't know what it was gonna sound like. But let
Speaker 1: me just tell you. It was one of the creepiest
Speaker 1: sounding voicemails. Like my skin was crawling. He's on there
Speaker 1: and he's like, hey, you know, He's like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: try to do my best. My skin was calling. I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm out right now. You know, I'm thinking about you.
Speaker 1: I want to I want to get fucked up. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to do something wild with you right now, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to do something really crazy with you. Are you
Speaker 1: down for that? Like do you want that? Like? I
Speaker 1: mean the ship it was it was so bad. I'm
Speaker 1: holding it on speaker phone thinking we were going to laugh,
Speaker 1: and I'm looking at her face and how tight, like
Speaker 1: I'm looking at her body language. And I realized what
Speaker 1: I was doing, and she's like, she's she could really talk.
Speaker 1: I don't even I can't work do it. I can't
Speaker 1: do it. So let me ask you, did you have
Speaker 1: you taken that to HR? Yeah, let me tell you
Speaker 1: what happen. Yeah, let's go. So that was Sunday. Monday,
Speaker 1: I talked to my mom and I ended up like
Speaker 1: really just losing it, and she was like, you have
Speaker 1: to tell somebody, and I said, okay, And I knew
Speaker 1: he was on vacation that week, so I was like,
Speaker 1: if there's any time to say it's do it now
Speaker 1: because he's not in the office and you could just
Speaker 1: do it. So the company is run by three people
Speaker 1: and one of them is a woman. So I invited
Speaker 1: her to lunch because she knew something was off, and
Speaker 1: she she actually invited me On Monday and then Tuesday,
Speaker 1: I was like, actually, I wanna take you up on
Speaker 1: next we went out to lunch. It's funny because we
Speaker 1: were just walking up a hill and she was like,
Speaker 1: what's going on with you? And I was like, let's
Speaker 1: let's sit down. She was like and she's like hyper
Speaker 1: and she's like, tell me down. I'm like, so we
Speaker 1: sit out. I tell her. I tell her and I
Speaker 1: just start bawling and just like it just all and
Speaker 1: her reply was like he's out here, he's done, he's fired. Done.
Speaker 1: She was pissed. She was like, I am so disgusting.
Speaker 1: She was like you and I was like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry because I still had that four to your girls,
Speaker 1: me thinking about everybody else but herself, like what would
Speaker 1: this dude to this person? And I was thinking actually
Speaker 1: about him and like, okay, well if he gets fired,
Speaker 1: and then like and I don't even know if I
Speaker 1: wanted him fired, but I knew that I had to
Speaker 1: tell somebody what was going on with me at work
Speaker 1: because I was going into work and not being myself
Speaker 1: and so and she was just like that's not acceptable.
Speaker 1: You should be angry. She's like, you should be like
Speaker 1: trying to fight him right now, Like what, like you
Speaker 1: should be She's like, stop sucking crying, like you should
Speaker 1: be pissed. And she was so supportive. She's like he's done.
Speaker 1: She she was like, you'll never see him again. Let
Speaker 1: me tell you what's crazy about that? Told someone I
Speaker 1: don't want to make it obvious, but told somebody about this,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, hey, just happing my friend blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: And he was like, damn, did that dude have kids? Though?
Speaker 1: Like did he have a family? See it? Go ahead,
Speaker 1: I know what you all I'm gonna say, is that
Speaker 1: ship you? It is worth you losing your job for
Speaker 1: because you don't realize you're literally the human asking someone.
Speaker 1: You're making someone question like the root of themselves for
Speaker 1: the rest of their life. Like you're fundamentally fucking somebody up.
Speaker 1: So if you want to even chance that bullshit by
Speaker 1: saying I want to fuck you, like, then you'll ask you.
Speaker 1: But even I would kind of even question where your
Speaker 1: friend or your coworker, whoever his mindset or her mindset
Speaker 1: is to say that, because it's like, so you're putting
Speaker 1: this person's life over the sanity of my friend. I
Speaker 1: was shocked spirit and I was like. I was like,
Speaker 1: I know my friend and I know this person, like
Speaker 1: trust me when I tell you. I was like, if
Speaker 1: I feel like I can't do my job because you
Speaker 1: wanted to be a piece of ship, then you gotta
Speaker 1: gotta I gotta kid too. Hello, But they should have
Speaker 1: been like their kids if they had them before trying
Speaker 1: to like hold on crazy enough days later, what happens
Speaker 1: to me? So I got this new job right now,
Speaker 1: I was working in a very relaxed company. Whatever. Now
Speaker 1: I'm man a more like up there in the ranks,
Speaker 1: tech firm like you know, covered up suit like. I
Speaker 1: have bought a whole new worddrobe to make sure I'm appropriate.
Speaker 1: I used to have my tattoos out of work. Whatever.
Speaker 1: HR sends out a thing about dress code. There's a
Speaker 1: guy in the office that always dressed us like shit.
Speaker 1: Apparently someone he says to somebody, Oh wow, I think
Speaker 1: it's about me, he said, I think it's about the
Speaker 1: new girl because of her breasts. Now, when I tell
Speaker 1: y'all you could get for day, I am constantly covered up.
Speaker 1: I was almost in tears because I'm so conscious about
Speaker 1: the things I wear. I don't even not wear a
Speaker 1: long sleep my tattoos. You shouldn't even have to worry
Speaker 1: about that. So I go to this older woman in
Speaker 1: the office. I never really talked to her. I think
Speaker 1: i'd say she's in her late sixties. I'm like, listen,
Speaker 1: I need to ask you a serious question. I just
Speaker 1: want to be honest with me. Do I dress appropriate enough?
Speaker 1: And she's like, are you kidding me? Yes, of course
Speaker 1: you do. And she's like, where is this coming from?
Speaker 1: Start breaking down and told her what happened. She was disgusted.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't want to say anything. I'm too
Speaker 1: new for this. People gonna be sensitive around me. I
Speaker 1: want to do my fucking job. I'm not trying to
Speaker 1: get fired. I was so fucked up about it. Bro.
Speaker 1: I went to my boss. I said, I just want
Speaker 1: to let you know that I'm going to be having
Speaker 1: a conversation with someone and I need to know what
Speaker 1: to do to protect myself to make sure I don't
Speaker 1: get fired in case I go off. And he's like, what,
Speaker 1: we let me do it, but blah blah, I don't
Speaker 1: know what happened. He talks to the director and he's like,
Speaker 1: a handle, do you know this is gonna be looking
Speaker 1: at me, the one I was talking about my breast.
Speaker 1: I don't even know his name. I've never spoke to him.
Speaker 1: Nothing like I'm a piece of fucking ship now, I mean,
Speaker 1: and like it's my fault. It's what he said. And
Speaker 1: it's crazy because I feel like as women, we've all
Speaker 1: we've all experienced this even in the workplace. So I
Speaker 1: haven't yet experienced it in UM Corporate America. But you know,
Speaker 1: for the seven years prior to getting my degree, I
Speaker 1: bartended and worked in the clubs. And I worked at
Speaker 1: a certain club up here in New York, and it's
Speaker 1: very small and everyone knows who's work there, so I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna say the name of it. But when I
Speaker 1: worked there UM, I was very uncomfortable with the manager. UM.
Speaker 1: A lot of the bartenders and a lot of girls
Speaker 1: were fucking the staff to get more days on the schedule.
Speaker 1: And it started to be to where we had to
Speaker 1: be at the club at a certain time, and I
Speaker 1: would normally come early and do my makeup and stuff.
Speaker 1: But when I was alone in the club, he would
Speaker 1: invite me to his office and he would try to
Speaker 1: rub or stuff got my tits, and he's he propositioned
Speaker 1: me for sex multiple times. When you're in the clubs,
Speaker 1: this happens a lot. And it got to the point
Speaker 1: where I started going to work on purposely late because
Speaker 1: I knew other girls would be there, so maybe he
Speaker 1: wouldn't ask me to go into the office with him alone.
Speaker 1: And then it just got to the point where I
Speaker 1: was just like, I stopped even caring if I was
Speaker 1: on the schedule or not. And because I wasn't making
Speaker 1: those advances with him, I know other girls were. And
Speaker 1: so to even be in a space where it's like
Speaker 1: my my money, me making money, and me being on
Speaker 1: the schedule is determined upon if I let you play
Speaker 1: with me or not. And I think a lot of
Speaker 1: men in your saying it was him saying it, but
Speaker 1: I think a lot of men even use their power
Speaker 1: in the workspace to make you feel uncomfortable. And so
Speaker 1: I've experienced that working in the clubs, and I hate it.
Speaker 1: It's even the power and the fact that he can
Speaker 1: still come to work and look at you like you're
Speaker 1: a piece of ship. When he when he did something
Speaker 1: like I'm so confused, like it would be okay if
Speaker 1: he would have come up to you and be like
Speaker 1: and sincerely, be like, look, I'm sorry about the coming
Speaker 1: a man about your breast him but he looking at
Speaker 1: you here this bit like, oh my god, I know,
Speaker 1: like I can't believe this new bit. And let me
Speaker 1: tell you something. So we had this thing. We had
Speaker 1: some corporate board meeting and um, I got an award
Speaker 1: for you know, reaching quota blah blah blah. And the
Speaker 1: next word was him and I was like the back
Speaker 1: to up. Everybody knew how the problem with it, and
Speaker 1: lips turned up. I looked like the black beach at
Speaker 1: the office. I don't give a funk because now you
Speaker 1: want to put you want to make me feel like that.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm gonna do any of thing please. I was
Speaker 1: so fucking awkward. I was in the office and it
Speaker 1: was hot, right the a c went on on the
Speaker 1: left side of office, and he was near the lunch room.
Speaker 1: Somebody's like, oh, I'm burning up. I said, well, God forbid,
Speaker 1: I take off this sweater, right. I mean, well, but
Speaker 1: before we wrap up with this conversation, because we all
Speaker 1: have experienced this in different ways, UM, I guess I
Speaker 1: want to leave off by all of us, maybe giving
Speaker 1: a little note of advice or a tip if someone
Speaker 1: is currently experiencing this, whether it's at the workplace, or
Speaker 1: whether they don't know how to heal with their sexual
Speaker 1: trauma and they haven't spoken it. What would be a
Speaker 1: bit of advice that you would give to any of
Speaker 1: the listeners who have experienced anything that we talked about today.
Speaker 1: Great question, Um, definitely talk about it. Get that ship
Speaker 1: off of your chest. I used many different forms. It
Speaker 1: wasn't just talking um to like friends. I had therapists.
Speaker 1: I journaled a ton, I got books, okay, um, and
Speaker 1: I used music as well to like kind of free myself. UM,
Speaker 1: a lot of ease music. Because you talked about that,
Speaker 1: So just get it off your chest. It will eat
Speaker 1: you up and it's not fair. But also I just
Speaker 1: want to say that you can go through the words.
Speaker 1: I went through hell and I'm fine. Right, that's the
Speaker 1: best advice, Like, you'll be fine. It's just gonna take
Speaker 1: a second by second, and then a minute by minute,
Speaker 1: and an hour by hour and then a year by year.
Speaker 1: You gave me that advice one day when I was
Speaker 1: going through my depression. She was like, look, you're gonna
Speaker 1: take it minute by a minute right now. She's like,
Speaker 1: but then it's gonna be an hour and then it's
Speaker 1: gonna be a day. And that is so true that
Speaker 1: I like that. What about you say, do you have
Speaker 1: any advice? I just want to have a call to
Speaker 1: action for all the men out there, or I mean,
Speaker 1: it's different for same sex, so like I could give
Speaker 1: out that advice, but I don't really feel like they're
Speaker 1: listening to y'all show so far. So far the straight
Speaker 1: men out there. Make sure that you are in it's
Speaker 1: sex is consensual between two people. Make sure the person
Speaker 1: you're having sex with is into it. By taking something
Speaker 1: from somebody that's not gonna make it any more pleasurable,
Speaker 1: it's actually gonna make your ship for the rest of
Speaker 1: your life. So that karma is real. And I think
Speaker 1: that we all need to help each other more and
Speaker 1: stop being so judgmental, because I hate seeing this trend
Speaker 1: of rape culture, like oh well, what did she have on?
Speaker 1: And all that all the times follow up questions should
Speaker 1: not be follow ups at all, and it sucks that
Speaker 1: it's so normal for all that should Like, it's normal
Speaker 1: for this man to be able to come back to work,
Speaker 1: like not to say he needed to lose his job,
Speaker 1: but he shouldn't even be able to look at you
Speaker 1: and get away with looking at you like that after job.
Speaker 1: Either we're talking about my birst, I don't. I don't,
Speaker 1: I mean, but the fact that me and y'all know
Speaker 1: how vocal I am. I even so it said to
Speaker 1: this woman, you know what, I'm too new here. I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to make people feel sensitive. I don't want
Speaker 1: for them. I just want to do my job real good.
Speaker 1: And I feel like I shouldn't do this. Who has
Speaker 1: a podcast? If I was gonna say that was gonna
Speaker 1: be my advice is And it's something that you brought
Speaker 1: up to. I think we as women need to focus
Speaker 1: on ourselves and not give a funk how this is
Speaker 1: going to affect the next person. I think that it's
Speaker 1: important that you look for self self worth and how
Speaker 1: you feel and how it's going to affect the long run.
Speaker 1: Instead of worried about if he loses his job, or
Speaker 1: what his friends are gonna think, or what anyone's gonna
Speaker 1: think about that person, you need to focus on yourself.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you what. For me, it was more
Speaker 1: so like I know for a fact in that office
Speaker 1: that I don't want a few women won, my age,
Speaker 1: my ethnicity, all of it, and all I could think
Speaker 1: is if I do this, they're not gonna hire another girl.
Speaker 1: That scared me because as a feminist, I'm worried about
Speaker 1: every fucking move bym make in the office because I
Speaker 1: know for a fact if I'm good. I had someone
Speaker 1: tell me to my face, my boss my last job,
Speaker 1: you know, I've never hired a girl before you, And
Speaker 1: he was like, honestly, and he was like, you are
Speaker 1: the reason that we have this new girl on the team.
Speaker 1: You are the only one who gave me faith in women,
Speaker 1: Like well, the equality will come from saying something because
Speaker 1: like but on the other end, because but now, because
Speaker 1: now you normalize in the pattern, nobody like, I see
Speaker 1: what you're saying. But because I thought I internalized that
Speaker 1: is if I'm doing good at my job, that's some
Speaker 1: trash for him to even say this is when as
Speaker 1: a woman, as a woman, he's saying it. But what
Speaker 1: if someone was like, I ain't never hired black people before,
Speaker 1: but now I'm gonna hire you to hire blood. Listen
Speaker 1: to when he said that to me, I really believed
Speaker 1: that is what affected me from not talking about what
Speaker 1: happened at work. I thought about what he said to me,
Speaker 1: and I said, you know what that one person said
Speaker 1: that to my face? What does that mean if I
Speaker 1: tell about what this dude didn't work, we don't speak
Speaker 1: up as well. You're letting You're literally allowing the doors
Speaker 1: to be open for somebody, for other women, And to me,
Speaker 1: that was worth more and being worried about the potential hiring.
Speaker 1: There's got to be someone else in this office, you know.
Speaker 1: The moment I said something that work, I was freed
Speaker 1: everything Like I was stressed out my buy her, I
Speaker 1: was franky in the moment I told her, and she
Speaker 1: and he was fired, which that was her decision. I
Speaker 1: was free. It's about to your point, it's about freeing yourself. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: you know, not fancation I want to do. We're we're
Speaker 1: gonna have it. So we're not gonna have time for
Speaker 1: homemail this episode. But I'm really glad that we were
Speaker 1: able to. I know, Wail, but I'm gonna give you
Speaker 1: a pass. You know, we definitely need you here. We
Speaker 1: appreciate you even being able to speak up for the
Speaker 1: men's you know, and telling them that they need to
Speaker 1: check themselves. But I appreciate you. Before we head out again,
Speaker 1: I want to thank you guys all for um, you know,
Speaker 1: supporting the show and becoming patrons. UM. It's really helping
Speaker 1: us bring a lot to you guys, being this studio
Speaker 1: more having this camera for you guys on YouTube. You
Speaker 1: guys need to thank these patrons. UM. And again, if
Speaker 1: you guys want more episodes, if you've maybe listened to
Speaker 1: all of the episodes and you're like, we need more
Speaker 1: of you hos, we do drop to bonus episodes a
Speaker 1: month now on top of the live shows. UM, we
Speaker 1: include those. Yeah. If you for those of y'all who
Speaker 1: asked for merch, um, if you are a certain tier, UM,
Speaker 1: we are sending out horrible decisions T shirts. UM, and
Speaker 1: let me tell you, Nick is greedy. You've got thongs? Ya,
Speaker 1: you got coffee cups like y'all gotta call then down. Also,
Speaker 1: before we go out, I want to give a huge
Speaker 1: shout out to my homegirl, UM, the Samantha West dot Com. Um.
Speaker 1: She is a new mother, UM, and so she's blogging
Speaker 1: about motherhood, she's blogging about travel, she's blogging about creating
Speaker 1: her own business. And then she also now has these
Speaker 1: bomb mass clothes that fit all sizes, y'all see, I'm
Speaker 1: thick and bitch. I gotta meet him and if it's
Speaker 1: real nice um, But no she she definitely talks about
Speaker 1: being a new mother and there's um just nice as
Speaker 1: clothes for y'all to check out. I'm gonna put the
Speaker 1: link in the bio of this show or description. I
Speaker 1: always call it a bio, but it's um the Samantha
Speaker 1: West dot Com again. Please check it out, check out
Speaker 1: her blog and thank you guys so much. I guess
Speaker 1: before we go off, where can our listeners catch you? Guys?
Speaker 1: Tell them where they can follow y'all. I want Twitter
Speaker 1: dubs underscore the I might change it back the Lady W.
Speaker 1: I like Lady W. I've been telling Lady W. Know
Speaker 1: do you go back to Lady W? And of course
Speaker 1: y'all know we got our resident gay in the building
Speaker 1: one more time. Go ahead and let them know where
Speaker 1: to find you and you y'all got some shows that
Speaker 1: ship coming up to right now. No, they all gone,
Speaker 1: so yes, you can find me on all social media
Speaker 1: at Hassan that's h E, y A, S S A
Speaker 1: and t E and I will be going on the
Speaker 1: road with the friends on on the road. So if
Speaker 1: you catch you know they have a tour dates to day.
Speaker 1: You know I was going to read off my dates'
Speaker 1: doing for you. I'm not going to write please the no,
Speaker 1: no, no no want Morgan Freeman voice, go ahead, and you
Speaker 1: would like to see a sante, Hey Frand and look
Speaker 1: at Dustin, look at doesn't find and hey Frank, hey
Speaker 1: s I wanted to saw Dustin's dick so bad at
Speaker 1: your show already. I wish you would leave me out
Speaker 1: of the friends your friends, all right? Uh to see
Speaker 1: the friend Zone Live their fall tour August eighteenth in
Speaker 1: New York City, September twenty two, Toronto, Ontario. Is that Canada? Yes?
Speaker 1: Why is it Toronto? O? N But they don't. I
Speaker 1: mean I thought this was passport pussy, but maybe not. No,
Speaker 1: I thought geography with your October five and Charlotte, North Carolina.
Speaker 1: October in Seattle, Washington, don't go back there and December
Speaker 1: fourteenth in Washington, d C. For all of you Chocolate
Speaker 1: City left. Please check the tickets out at the friend
Speaker 1: Zone Live dot com dot com. V I p sold
Speaker 1: down in some of the city's but catch me along
Speaker 1: with a look at Dustin and at hay friend. Hey,
Speaker 1: and that is all I have to say today. Next
Speaker 1: week I will be talking about how ship with these horses.
Speaker 1: Yeah all right, And um guys, this has been yet
Speaker 1: another episode of horrible decisions.