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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, it's your girl man to be and I'm

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Speaker 1: super excited to be throwing an event next month. It

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Speaker 1: is a girl's night out and we're doing it up

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Speaker 1: at Painting Poor. That's right, Painting Port and Harlem. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna paint maybe some dicks and we're gonna pull it up,

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Speaker 1: pull it up because it's open bar. Super excited to

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Speaker 1: see all of you guys there. It'll be a night

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Speaker 1: of fun, jokes, laughter, and of course sex. We're gonna

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Speaker 1: talk about sex. We're gonna talk about dating, We're gonna

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Speaker 1: talk about relationships. And I'm super excited to also announce

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Speaker 1: that I'll be joined alongside author of the M and

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Speaker 1: Man Is for Money Passport Petty. So if you guys

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Speaker 1: have ever wanted to ask us, maybe how to get

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Speaker 1: a sugar daddy, how to join in on threesome, any

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Speaker 1: type of questions that you think you may have had,

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Speaker 1: We're gonna do it over some drinks and a bomb venue,

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Speaker 1: listening to some dope ass music and again painting maybe

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Speaker 1: some dicks. So if you guys are interested, please go

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Speaker 1: ahead and follow my Instagram at full Core Pumps and

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Speaker 1: also follow at painting Port NYC to keep up on

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Speaker 1: when we will be posting tickets. I hope to see

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Speaker 1: you guys there. Hey everybody, I wanted to let you

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Speaker 1: guys know, this is Wheezy and I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: doing Gotham Podcast Studios first annual seminar. It's gonna be

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Speaker 1: coming up on September fifteen from two to five. If

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Speaker 1: you guys have ever thought about doing a podcast, or

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Speaker 1: you have a podcast and you need some tips on

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Speaker 1: how to jump your ship off, I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: discussing the horrible decisions journey, some of the pitfalls and

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Speaker 1: the highs we've experienced as we are growing our show.

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Speaker 1: I'm also gonna be doing some Q and A, so

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Speaker 1: if you have questions, uh, come by. Make sure to

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Speaker 1: get your ticket. They're gonna have something very in depth

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Speaker 1: where they personalize like workshops and like a book just

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Speaker 1: for your pod. Uh. Follow me on. I g to

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Speaker 1: see when tickets go on sale at Wheezy w TF

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Speaker 1: Enjoy the show? Yes, And I also want to go

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Speaker 1: ahead and before we start, if we could go ahead

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Speaker 1: and give a super huge shout out to all of

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Speaker 1: our patrons. We want to thank you guys so much

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Speaker 1: for our support. If you do not know, or if

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Speaker 1: say you've listened to all of our episodes and you

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Speaker 1: want more, we dropped to bonus episodes per month on

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Speaker 1: our Patreon account. Um, so go ahead support the show

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Speaker 1: become patrons. You could find that at patreon dot com

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Speaker 1: backslash Horrible Decisions. We also post a lot of the

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Speaker 1: stuff on our Instagram, so go ahead and keep up

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Speaker 1: with us as well on our instagram at Horrible Underscore Decisions.

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Speaker 1: Now let's get on with the show. Hey, guys, we're

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Speaker 1: back yet again, and we got some wonderful guests in

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Speaker 1: the show. Welcome to Horrible Decisions. Guys. This is your girl,

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Speaker 1: Mandy Be. I'm wheezy, and we have our resident gay studio.

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Speaker 1: You know, we've been having some other gays and I

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Speaker 1: was like, low key kind of feeling a little bad,

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Speaker 1: like I cheated. Thank you. I'm glad that you feel

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Speaker 1: that way, but I you know, I hold nothing to that.

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Speaker 1: I am the resident gay. You know that, and I

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Speaker 1: know that. So we are square happy to be back.

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Speaker 1: Hey Sante, Yeah, yeah, before y'all, you know you you

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Speaker 1: had a roast. Want to go have another guy? Hold on,

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Speaker 1: we got another bit, you know, we do have another

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Speaker 1: female in the building and we've had her on the

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Speaker 1: show before, and it's so funny because y'all just refer

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Speaker 1: to her as the Unicorn episode seventeen, but we got

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Speaker 1: dubbed in the motherfucking building from Denver, all the way

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Speaker 1: from motherfucking Denver. Hello, Calas, I'm that bitch if I'm back,

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Speaker 1: so dub your original episode was number seventeen, and you

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Speaker 1: helped a bunch of couples understanding Unicorn how to have

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Speaker 1: threesomes people are asking about. It's so weird because people

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Speaker 1: are just every week someone's like, how do I get

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Speaker 1: a reesome? How about to do this? I'm like episode seventeen.

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Speaker 1: They go back up, But can you kind of tell people,

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Speaker 1: um what your new projects you have going on? And

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I knew he was going to do

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Speaker 1: and you have to he didn't have your old podcast.

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Speaker 1: You have a podcast too. I do have a podcast

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Speaker 1: with my son um j J. He goes by j

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Speaker 1: J and um girl, I don't forgot the name my

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Speaker 1: son podcast. Sorry. I was fast on the blunt before

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Speaker 1: the episode. So I need you all to know that

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Speaker 1: if you're watching YouTube, if there's a fog, it's not

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Speaker 1: your dream it's not the it's not the camera, y'all.

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Speaker 1: We kind of smoked out the goddamn room before the

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Speaker 1: which I forgot my name. I almost said, and this

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Speaker 1: is in DV three. Did nothing. I don't know nothing.

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Speaker 1: Shout out to Wax. So you have Younger have a

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Speaker 1: podcast names young Ash, and we're coming back. We're actually

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Speaker 1: going to see Beyonce in Houston and we're gonna jump

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Speaker 1: our new season off after that happened. Yes, every Monday

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Speaker 1: we come out. We're on sound cloud. Okay, but what

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Speaker 1: else you got going on? Go ahead and let him

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Speaker 1: know putting out a project call whole season. Yes, whole season. Um,

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Speaker 1: it's about the summertime, using that time to be your

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Speaker 1: best hole that you could possibly be. And it's not

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Speaker 1: about these niggas. It's about you and just being whatever

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Speaker 1: home means to you. You do that ship and you

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Speaker 1: love it and you that. What about all the other

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Speaker 1: three seasons? I mean, bitches, be hybernation, I'd be like conservative,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, most season, cuffing season. What

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Speaker 1: are the seasons we got? You? Like, Dob wasn't like

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Speaker 1: I think when we were in Seattle. We went to

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Speaker 1: Seattle a few weekends. I had a terrible time. That's

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Speaker 1: not even talking about it. But when we were there,

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Speaker 1: Dob was telling me like, I haven't had dick like

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Speaker 1: and what was it? A year? Girl year? And people love.

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Speaker 1: This is what cracks me up. Nigga's love to call

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Speaker 1: you ho and a slut. This that no dicks was

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Speaker 1: up in there for a year. I haven't seen it.

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Speaker 1: I was barely I was barely massurveyd. I was barely

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Speaker 1: watching for it was bad. It's crazy like someone. It

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Speaker 1: wasn't like. It wasn't like I didn't want to, but

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Speaker 1: I was busy and got you to do a whole

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Speaker 1: like I'm never too busy to play with me. Neither

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Speaker 1: I do that at work. We got a lot of

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Speaker 1: break I'm not proud of it. I'm working on so

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Speaker 1: a season of New Dicks. I want to tell you

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Speaker 1: guys a story really quick. I will make it fast.

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Speaker 1: But so, if you have ever heard episode one, pisode one,

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Speaker 1: it is called the Missing Condom And here we go.

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Speaker 1: So I went to the Hamptons with this white boy

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Speaker 1: and I decided he's older, he's in his Let me

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Speaker 1: not say if she had sex with the elder y'all

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Speaker 1: know she wanted one. Let me just show you him

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Speaker 1: first before he had sat and Pepper. How old I think?

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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna pure wait, okay, but how old was

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Speaker 1: the dick? You? Really? It doesn't matter. I want you guys,

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Speaker 1: and maybe you're tired, so look going all night it was,

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Speaker 1: you know, so you just want all of YouTube to

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Speaker 1: tie pictures bro put the and very you know, a

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Speaker 1: nice looking man season day. So anyway, I want to

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Speaker 1: talk a little bit about I wasn't gonna say this

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Speaker 1: on our show. I was gonna wait till I go

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Speaker 1: on Van show because I thought he knows the name

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Speaker 1: of my podcast, and I'm worried he's gonna listen. But

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Speaker 1: I'm like whatever, maybe he won't. So we have sex

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Speaker 1: for the first that time, and he was eating my

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Speaker 1: pussy is so good that I thought if the head,

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Speaker 1: if he's that good ahead, he can't be that good

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Speaker 1: in bit right, Like how could you be that good?

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Speaker 1: Something's wrong with your dick? Like that's how good he

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Speaker 1: went down on me. So I start returning the for

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Speaker 1: a favor, and I just want to say I am

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Speaker 1: married out of my blowjob skills. It's just something that

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Speaker 1: I'm good at you know, God damn bless me with

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Speaker 1: much but good. So I'm sucking his dick and he's

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Speaker 1: not getting hard, and I thought maybe because he's old,

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Speaker 1: and he's like, you know, if you do something for me,

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Speaker 1: I will really get off. Now. When I heard that,

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Speaker 1: I said, okay, he wants me to eat his ass,

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Speaker 1: which not a post. So then he said I really

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Speaker 1: like my nipples touched. And I was like what, and

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Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, like right here. I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: so I'm sucking his dick. I've put my hands up

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Speaker 1: and then he could gets so hard I thought I

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Speaker 1: was gonna break a tooth. So I'm now right like

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Speaker 1: touching his nipples. So I'm trying to put my hand

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Speaker 1: back on the dick because I like doing my ship.

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Speaker 1: This niggle pulled me right back up to the nipples

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh wow, with nipples, no broad

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Speaker 1: listen to this. I like, so I agrest weird weight

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Speaker 1: sensitive like and then he's like, light her lighter, let

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Speaker 1: her lighter to hold on. Then he puts the con

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Speaker 1: in one and I bent over because I'm gonna get sucked,

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Speaker 1: and he's like, oh um, can you turn back guys

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Speaker 1: don't like back shot. Yes, yes, how you don't know never,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know anything. Sold on. So I

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Speaker 1: turned around from the back and then he's like, that'll

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Speaker 1: go on your back. I'm like, no, no no, I want

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Speaker 1: to like this. He's like, well, it's just not really

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Speaker 1: because I can't really have this stimulated if I'm doing that.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, Nick, you can't suck me from the

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Speaker 1: back because you can't be nipples. So hold on, now

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Speaker 1: he's sucking me from the front. Okay, I'm sitting here

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Speaker 1: going counterclockwise the other way, left, right, left, trying to

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Speaker 1: suck its throw this pussy bag. I was exhausted. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so that was the first time he had sex. Takes

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Speaker 1: me out to day. This is Wednesday night, and let

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Speaker 1: me just tell you what happens. We're fucking everything's going fine.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing my left right switch thing. I can't even

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Speaker 1: put my hand on my clip because he fucking pulls

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Speaker 1: it off just to touch his nipples. He's ridiculous. So

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Speaker 1: he pulls out comes on my stomach and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: this is weird because we were using a condom, So

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Speaker 1: where is it? Ballad to your pussy? I was like, hey,

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Speaker 1: ball into your pussy? Can I make that the horribleness

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Speaker 1: into your pussy? Everybody on the count of three and

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Speaker 1: one end two and in balance you're a pussy. So wait,

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Speaker 1: I need to ask how many days did it say

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Speaker 1: and your pussy? If you had to wait to come back?

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, a hold on, hold on, hold on, wait,

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Speaker 1: because did you beat by two days? By two days? No?

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Speaker 1: I didn't, I did. I didn't. So first of all,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that the first time I paid a

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Speaker 1: condom out, I didn't know it was in my pussy.

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Speaker 1: First time that one condom that our first episodes couple

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Speaker 1: of times. So I said, hey, listen, can you do

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Speaker 1: me a favorit and help me get it out? He's like,

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Speaker 1: of course, absolutely, very classic guy, right the last time

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Speaker 1: you were here? Oh and I was not the help. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: We gotta come back from the doctor by the way,

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Speaker 1: which is the same doctor we've all been too. She's like,

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Speaker 1: she comes back home. I'm like, what happened. She's like,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't in there. Oh wait, you thought it probably

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Speaker 1: fell out in the back. See none, So dub fucked

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Speaker 1: in my laundry room. So we go back to the

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Speaker 1: same thing last day. That's a New York day. So

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Speaker 1: dumb in my Laundryroommber, why did I go back down

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Speaker 1: the stairs in the laund room to go make sure?

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Speaker 1: She was like, Bro, I think it's either the car

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Speaker 1: or it's here. We were using. So I go down

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Speaker 1: the stairs in my building. I find her underwear. That yes,

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Speaker 1: I find her underwear on the way down on my

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Speaker 1: fucking stairs. So I'm like, okay, well here's investigation piece one.

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Speaker 1: So I go down to laundry room. I'm looking, I

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Speaker 1: was that's my bit. I'm looking around for the condom.

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Speaker 1: So I run up stairs. I'm like, nah, bro, it's

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Speaker 1: in there. So she's like gets up sitting there in

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Speaker 1: the bathroom, talk about I can't get it. I have

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Speaker 1: my friend, damn my pussy for for a condom before

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Speaker 1: I mean, you gotta just take your hand up the

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Speaker 1: pussy and field because my hands aren't hold on. Let

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Speaker 1: me tell you what happened? Do they't work it? So

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Speaker 1: what are we going? What are we gonna call him?

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Speaker 1: We're gonna call him Hampton's. So Hampton's goes in his

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Speaker 1: kitchen and his large upper east side apartment. I just

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Speaker 1: want to say goes to grab his glasses and then goes, Okay,

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Speaker 1: here we go. Rereads my legs trying to get up

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Speaker 1: in there. I can't get nothing. So I'm like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, I'm getting anxiety on this. Let me just

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Speaker 1: I'll just go to the doctor tomorrow. So I'm at

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Speaker 1: work and my little work bood comes out to me.

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Speaker 1: He's like, nigga, what's up? I was calling you last night.

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Speaker 1: I was like, don't talk to me him. I'm so stress,

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Speaker 1: especially what if you that my problem was I want

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Speaker 1: to dick again. So I was like, I gotta get

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Speaker 1: the condom out before. So the problem is. So I'm

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Speaker 1: sitting at work and like, I'm very how used to

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Speaker 1: have a pelvic floor problem because I was always clenching,

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Speaker 1: So now I'm trying to bear it down. I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to squat. I'm taking match ships trying to push it out.

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Speaker 1: So I'll go to the doctor. Right. Here's the first

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Speaker 1: thing that happens. I go to the Walking Guy. No,

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Speaker 1: by the way, if you live in New York and

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Speaker 1: in a place to go, it's on fifty five and seventh.

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Speaker 1: Walking Guy know very affordable and they take you right away.

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Speaker 1: So all of our condoms out of our pussies. So

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Speaker 1: the girl, the girl at the counter the receptionists, is like, hey,

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Speaker 1: what's the reason for your visit? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh um, and I'm mouthing and she's like what I

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Speaker 1: was like? And she's like, okay, um, are you wheezy?

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Speaker 1: The funny part about this is Alex and I were

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Speaker 1: texting and Alex is like, youre going to this cheapass spot.

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Speaker 1: Watch somebody know you. So I'm laughing with the girl.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, bro, are you freaking kidding me? Like I'm

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Speaker 1: already here for the most embarrassing ship. And she's like,

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Speaker 1: don't worry. She listens to the show. She's like, we're

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Speaker 1: hip a compliant. I'm like, bitch, you not the doctor mean,

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Speaker 1: we're hip and compliant. You got my social and my

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Speaker 1: real name asked all time. So whatever, I'm in the

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Speaker 1: waiting room, I'm assuming to use my fake celebrity. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna get to skip the line because there's five people

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Speaker 1: in front of me. So then I'm seeing two people go.

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Speaker 1: I woke up to her. I'm like, bro, like do

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Speaker 1: they have something talking to listen because I need to

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Speaker 1: go first. So we get the doctor and I remember

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Speaker 1: who I am if you're listening to this show. And

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Speaker 1: then you asked when to come up to me at

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Speaker 1: a time and need that you need to help a

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Speaker 1: g hello, how you want to live show ticket? Help?

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Speaker 1: So I get to the doctor and she's I'm looking

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Speaker 1: at her and I remember her specifically. She was very beautiful, middy.

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Speaker 1: So she's like, do I remember you? And I thought

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Speaker 1: maybe it was my tattoo. Was like, yeah, I was

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Speaker 1: here last time. And it's kind of funny because um,

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Speaker 1: I have a podcast my friend, and I said to her,

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Speaker 1: you know, um, I know a place we can get

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Speaker 1: a content out of you. And here we are. And

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Speaker 1: she's like, oh wow, how long ago is that? I

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Speaker 1: said a year ago. She's like, I totally remember. I'm

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Speaker 1: like it's the name of our first episode. She's like, well,

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Speaker 1: now you have your turn. The bitch puts me on

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Speaker 1: my back and I'm so nervous. I'm laying down. She's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you see it. She's like, it's just very

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Speaker 1: far away. She goes out of the room, comes back

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Speaker 1: with a long pair of tweezers and she's like, count

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Speaker 1: to ten. I'm like, nig I was freaking out. So

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Speaker 1: she takes it out, throws it in a trash can,

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Speaker 1: and I said, excuse me, Um, can I see it.

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Speaker 1: I just need to make sure a condom came out

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Speaker 1: of me, like I need to see it. I mean

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Speaker 1: to make sure there wasn't ripped. I need to make

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Speaker 1: sure there aren't pieces stuck in me. And she's like,

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Speaker 1: what a smart girl, And you know what, can I

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Speaker 1: just say, don't be ashamed because I do regular paths

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Speaker 1: and just pull random tampons and condoms out. Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: So anyway, there's part two of missing condom Jesus. But

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Speaker 1: I mean, and you've had a disappearing condom. I've had

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Speaker 1: a missing condom. I think you know at least we

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Speaker 1: have we got condoms, say sex guysdom so condoms. Oh,

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Speaker 1: there we go. So normally we do icebreakers, but since

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Speaker 1: both of you'll have already been on the show, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna go ahead and have our vanilla ship conversation. UM.

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Speaker 1: So the vanilla ship that we kind of want to

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Speaker 1: discuss UM, and I'm super glad that we have you

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Speaker 1: here to discuss this UM is the child support motherfucker ship. So,

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Speaker 1: if you guys are on Twitter, if you guys are

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Speaker 1: active within black Twitter. Um, it's been a discussion because

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Speaker 1: good old Blake Griffin, who is black some parts black,

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Speaker 1: I think anyway black, um, black and black as Griffin

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Speaker 1: is paying two hundred and fifty eight thousand dollars a

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Speaker 1: month in child support based on his growth income for

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Speaker 1: two children. Yes to his white baby mama, not say

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Speaker 1: any man, I just want to take xy. I think

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Speaker 1: that's his ex wife. UM, so it's nine of his income.

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Speaker 1: Someone did the math, and so basically he's only paying

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Speaker 1: nine percent. Someone did the math. Someone did the math.

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Speaker 1: I think he's he makes like two points something million

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Speaker 1: a month because he signed like I don't know, twelve

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Speaker 1: million a year, million dollars over five years, over five years. UM,

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Speaker 1: so he's only giving three million dollars a year on

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Speaker 1: like thirty something million. So let's not act like it's

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Speaker 1: too much. I mean it's not. But but a lot

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Speaker 1: of people's complaint is especially from men that I've been reading,

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Speaker 1: is that it don't take that much to raise a kid,

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Speaker 1: and so well, it takes two d and twenty three

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Speaker 1: thousand dollars for this lifespan of a child from zero

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Speaker 1: take So why I do want to say, though I

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Speaker 1: don't want to have the conversation about them coins that

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Speaker 1: we don't see in our accounts, but I do want

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Speaker 1: to bring this down to a conversation about child support

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Speaker 1: with y'all regular niggas. I don't know why y'all think

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Speaker 1: we want to have babies for your regular as money,

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Speaker 1: but it's very important because I want to talk to

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Speaker 1: our audience, UM, the women who listened to our show,

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Speaker 1: who got regular as broke as baby daddies, um, and

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Speaker 1: also even just the men who listened to the show

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Speaker 1: who may be on child support, who's not making And

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Speaker 1: by the way, me and Mandy were going back and

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Speaker 1: forth with who to discuss this with because we're having

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Speaker 1: Rory in a later episode, and she's like, we need

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Speaker 1: ad to talk about this. I'm like, well, what about

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Speaker 1: the single moms? And it's like such a hard name

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Speaker 1: begging forth this suit because told me what you paid,

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Speaker 1: what you get paid in child's report, which is what

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Speaker 1: I was like, this makes sense, and not only that,

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Speaker 1: I've experience child support growing up, so I want to

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Speaker 1: I guess if you could tell our listeners your thoughts

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Speaker 1: on child So how much child support do you get

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Speaker 1: a month from your baby, Dad, I'm awarded forty like

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Speaker 1: around forty five forty seven dollars a month, and I

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Speaker 1: have not seen that money for a year. Your son,

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Speaker 1: he's turning twelve in December. He's turning so now I

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Speaker 1: want to say this, So on the national like the

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Speaker 1: National Bureau or something I looked up on average men

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Speaker 1: are paying of their annual income a child support is

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Speaker 1: the average. I'm waking that much. He's not making enough

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Speaker 1: to pay. So I don't know what he does. I

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Speaker 1: don't talk to him, but forty five dollars is what

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Speaker 1: you got awarded. And he has another child who's also

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Speaker 1: on child report and she gets much more. Really, so

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Speaker 1: why do you get less? I don't know. There's something

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Speaker 1: with us. I think it's the Massachusetts state law where

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Speaker 1: the older the the younger kids get more than your

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Speaker 1: oldest older kids. Your kids. I mean, in your opinion,

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Speaker 1: has your son been more of an expense as a

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Speaker 1: baby or as a teenager or a pretio. It's all expensive.

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Speaker 1: You think that you think the money is gonna like

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Speaker 1: shift from him, like growing up, but it just becomes

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Speaker 1: another bill for something else. I had to pay karate.

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Speaker 1: It was like how dollars a month on hundred sixty

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Speaker 1: dollars a karate alone. That was one out of five activities,

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Speaker 1: playing all that ship out of parking. You got him

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Speaker 1: in a special black karate. Yes, I do black owned business.

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Speaker 1: I just I just feel like there's so many um

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Speaker 1: things that are said on social media, specifically from men

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Speaker 1: acting like women either have babies to get child support

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Speaker 1: or that, or that the mothers used the child support

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Speaker 1: for them and not the children. They'd be like, why

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Speaker 1: is it not going to the kid? I really don't

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Speaker 1: think that a lot of men taking into consideration that, Okay,

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Speaker 1: there's expenses involved with children, but as a woman, your

382
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:04,199
Speaker 1: whole life is now changed, Like how would you go

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Speaker 1: about the jobs you can accept, the hours you can work?

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Speaker 1: All of these things are put into that. I don't

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Speaker 1: think the men look at it like that, like you

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Speaker 1: gotta baby, so what I gotta I gotta argument this

387
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,320
Speaker 1: with my coworker because he was like, what the funk?

388
00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:19,880
Speaker 1: This is ridiculous, like blah blah blah, like I don't care,

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00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,440
Speaker 1: the kids don't cost that much. I said, well, you

390
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,320
Speaker 1: know what costs that much my time. I gotta get

391
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Speaker 1: a job. I can't have a social life, like are

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Speaker 1: you kidding me? Babysitters just even trying to daycare after school,

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Speaker 1: and you take that nick on the weekends, and that's

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Speaker 1: a super high bill. I already know, like I'm so

395
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 1: used to being broke. I just came into a little cash,

396
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,280
Speaker 1: a decent salary, and I still got planning alone, so

397
00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:47,320
Speaker 1: my net worth is in the negatives. But I just

398
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,119
Speaker 1: became like very self sufficient where I don't need my

399
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Speaker 1: mom help, I don't need my friend help, Like I'm good,

400
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,280
Speaker 1: but I'm so used to being broke that with anything.

401
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,520
Speaker 1: But my son I asked for scholarships, like automatically, of

402
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,720
Speaker 1: course the thing he wants to do. First question out

403
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,200
Speaker 1: of my mouth. If I'm signing him up for something,

404
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,480
Speaker 1: it's a scholarship because it costs that much. You need

405
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:09,120
Speaker 1: to discount somewhere, and then it's past financials. I think

406
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,640
Speaker 1: a lot of men and maybe some women as well,

407
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:15,200
Speaker 1: think of it on the financial level. But sometimes I'm thinking, like,

408
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Speaker 1: did you ever think about whenever a woman does receive

409
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Speaker 1: that child support, By the time she get that money,

410
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,960
Speaker 1: all her kids ship is gonna be meant anyway, So

411
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,239
Speaker 1: it's coming out of your pocket regardless no one is

412
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,679
Speaker 1: waiting for your child support. No one's like because you

413
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,040
Speaker 1: didn't pay your child support, and these little ass coins

414
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Speaker 1: at a lot of us, right, they're like, it's chump change.

415
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Speaker 1: How did you feel when you saw the blade Griffin thing?

416
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Speaker 1: And how do you feel about it? With how much

417
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:44,119
Speaker 1: she's getting do you think? I think it's fine, you know,

418
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Speaker 1: if he can afford it. And what's crazy to me

419
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Speaker 1: is an I kind of wanted to share my situation

420
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Speaker 1: with child support. Is my dad growing up? He stops

421
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,399
Speaker 1: talking to us for well over a year because my

422
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,159
Speaker 1: mom wanted more. UM. She was getting eighty dollars a

423
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:02,240
Speaker 1: week for two kids from my daddy, and so when

424
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,399
Speaker 1: she finally finished school to receive her lp N, she

425
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,480
Speaker 1: was then making too much money to be on Section

426
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,520
Speaker 1: eight and food stamps anymore. So because she couldn't be

427
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,720
Speaker 1: on second and food stamps anymore, her job was still

428
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,399
Speaker 1: as an lp N, I think was like ten dollars

429
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 1: and twelve dollars, you're making too much to get government assistance.

430
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 1: So she took my dad back to court um to

431
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 1: race child support. She ended up getting one fifty a week,

432
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,399
Speaker 1: which is still only six d a month for two

433
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,560
Speaker 1: kids and just even through that experience, like that's why

434
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 1: we had to go through It was so crazy because

435
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 1: he felt like he did so much by giving this

436
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,879
Speaker 1: little bit of money. And it's crazy because not having

437
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 1: that relationship with like it was hell. He made all

438
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 1: of us do DNA tests because he wanted to make

439
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,879
Speaker 1: sure he wasn't paying for a kid that wasn't his mind.

440
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 1: You yeah, he raised like me and my like that's

441
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,000
Speaker 1: our daddy like biologically, so it just brought in so

442
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,639
Speaker 1: much because he thought his money wasn't And it's crazy

443
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,720
Speaker 1: because it's affected me now as an adult where I

444
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 1: see men as a t m S unfortunately. And I've

445
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,439
Speaker 1: talked about this with some of the guys. I mean,

446
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 1: like you can't tell me no, like my dad, you

447
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,639
Speaker 1: know my dad, Daddy gave us, Daddy gave that, and

448
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,320
Speaker 1: it's just like I don't know, it's it's kind of

449
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 1: it sucks because now as an adult, seeing how much

450
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 1: toiletries are, I tell my mama all the time, I

451
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 1: don't know how the fun she did it. I didn't

452
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:17,720
Speaker 1: know what that was that toiletries is expensive to for

453
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 1: her to have to do it for for four women

454
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 1: hurt and there's three of us, so Tampon's conditioner good.

455
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 1: I grew up in a single parent household as well.

456
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 1: Like my mom, she took care of us and did everything,

457
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 1: did everything, And I feel like child support was something

458
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 1: that kind of came up. But one thing that never

459
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 1: comes up with child support that sucks. Like we always

460
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,360
Speaker 1: talk about the money. We never talked about the time.

461
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,520
Speaker 1: Like we always talk about like, oh, here they go

462
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 1: asking for all this money, but we never said, well,

463
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,399
Speaker 1: you know, what's the dad saying, like are they around?

464
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,119
Speaker 1: Like are they gonna spend time? Or like what's that

465
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 1: game playing like? Because at the very least, if we

466
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: say Blake Griffin hangs out with his children X amount

467
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 1: of times, and then we could be like, oh, well

468
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,680
Speaker 1: maybe that's successive since he does take his kids around.

469
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 1: But why why should we say that successive. He's a

470
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,200
Speaker 1: he's a dad. He had these kids because he could

471
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 1: afford to, and he could afford to pay the shop support.

472
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 1: And I I don't think there's anything wrong with him paying

473
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,679
Speaker 1: it as long as he continues to take care of

474
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 1: his kids as well. And people love arguing about someone

475
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 1: else's money, that's all. I don't know. I'd be doing

476
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 1: the same ship too. I'm so you're telling me that, Nigga.

477
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 1: I'm so happy you said that, because I used to

478
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 1: be like really angry about the amount I got, and

479
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 1: then it was so sporadic. He will go years without

480
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 1: paying and I get like a lump some and then

481
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 1: like it go years again. I used to be really

482
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 1: angry about it, but then I let it go when

483
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:34,360
Speaker 1: I realized to your point that the most important thing

484
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,679
Speaker 1: is my son's connection with his dad. At the end

485
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,479
Speaker 1: of the day, I'm gonna take care of everything my

486
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 1: son needs. He's good and so, but what I can't

487
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,200
Speaker 1: do for him is give him his dad's love. Only

488
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:47,719
Speaker 1: his dad can give that to him. So like, for example,

489
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 1: this summer, he's gonna send a good chunk of child

490
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,440
Speaker 1: with his chunk of time with his dad. And I

491
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 1: could be an ass and I could bring up I

492
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 1: never bring up the child support. I never bring out

493
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,480
Speaker 1: how long he had never paid me. The only conversation

494
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 1: I want to have is when you're gonna see him,

495
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 1: is he good? Do you like? When you're gonna pick

496
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,520
Speaker 1: him up, We're gonna drop him off and spend time

497
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:06,439
Speaker 1: with So that is one thing I can't let me

498
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 1: ask both of y'all then, because I'm trying to think, yes,

499
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,119
Speaker 1: time is very important. So do you feel like, um,

500
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 1: a man should pay less in child support if he

501
00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 1: is garnering that time with his children. All right, I

502
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 1: don't thought he should, but but he does have at

503
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 1: least a case to make to say that he can

504
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,199
Speaker 1: take care of his child to a certain degree. He

505
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 1: just has to pay child support because of whatever the

506
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,359
Speaker 1: circumstances is with him his baby mama. Okay, okay, I

507
00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 1: can do that, yeah, in his court order. And I

508
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 1: want to give just a quick stat to our listeners

509
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 1: because I was speaking to my mom about this last

510
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,399
Speaker 1: night with what happened, um and so say you have

511
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:47,080
Speaker 1: joint custody with your baby mother or your baby daddy,

512
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 1: and say both of you guys pay for the child.

513
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: I do want to let you know that as a woman,

514
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,200
Speaker 1: if this is not court ordered or on paper, that

515
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 1: you give her X amount of dollars, stay off the books.

516
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,159
Speaker 1: She can o to court and say that you have

517
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 1: not given her a dime and you can be retroacted

518
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 1: to pay two years back. The only go two years back,

519
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 1: but you'll owe two years worth of child support. And

520
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,400
Speaker 1: then be court ordered to pay going forward, don't pay

521
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:13,959
Speaker 1: and she goes to court and tell so, say so,

522
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,640
Speaker 1: say you and your baby daddy have an arrangement not

523
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,399
Speaker 1: on on the books. Say he's giving you a hundred

524
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 1: dollars a week, but him, he's just giving it to

525
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,200
Speaker 1: you Like here you go, this is just from the

526
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 1: kindness of my heart. And you decide one day, you

527
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,120
Speaker 1: know what, you was late two weeks in a row

528
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,679
Speaker 1: and ain't give me my money, I'm gonna go put

529
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 1: you on child support. You could go to the court

530
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:36,880
Speaker 1: and say he ain't never give me nothing, and he'll

531
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,159
Speaker 1: be required to pay you two years worth of child support.

532
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,000
Speaker 1: A lot of women will do that. You'd be supplied.

533
00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 1: And unfortunately that's why I just want to let it

534
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 1: be known, like this is something that maybe needs to

535
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,359
Speaker 1: be written on paper. If this is a situation or

536
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 1: arrangement you have currently, I think you should definitely keep

537
00:25:52,200 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 1: keep track of that. This nigga to this where he

538
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:07,360
Speaker 1: had never taken me that as the court, that sord

539
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: of thing is like using like niggers have to act

540
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:14,720
Speaker 1: right on social media, keep right on the time, have

541
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,880
Speaker 1: your fucking side, bitch girlfriend, whoever you want to take

542
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 1: care of your kids. And so, as y'all know, every

543
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 1: week we do a kick of the week, and I'm

544
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,320
Speaker 1: excited about this one. Go ahead, You're gonna do a

545
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,639
Speaker 1: jingle for us because you'll be doing les. Wait what

546
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:28,959
Speaker 1: was thatright? What was saying? I was the jingle? Did

547
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:33,440
Speaker 1: we damn the condom stuck in her pussy? How we

548
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:39,800
Speaker 1: forgot the jago already? I don't know what did they

549
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 1: pull down? Damn? We highest? Okay? So what is it?

550
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 1: So the kick of the week this week, guys, is

551
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:57,359
Speaker 1: a mor aphilia? Um? Yes? So? A more aphilia usually

552
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 1: manifests itself by an inhibition of sight, with either one

553
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 1: or both partners using a blindfold or having sex in

554
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 1: total darkness. This might be caused by reasons such as

555
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 1: religious guilt about nudity and sex, low self esteem, or

556
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 1: feelings of inadequacy. Yes, what are're just like being blindfold

557
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 1: a little bit? So there is this, and so I

558
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about that because have you ever been

559
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:23,640
Speaker 1: blindfolded before? And because this is a king, I mean

560
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 1: I could see maybe some people being insecure in the bedroom.

561
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 1: Or you're gonna do it tonight. You're gonna get blindfolded tonight.

562
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 1: You've never been blind hold and it's a big difference.

563
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 1: It seems like such a basic thing, but when you

564
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 1: lose one of your senses, holy shit, I've had my

565
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 1: because like something is gone, you know what I'm saying,

566
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,879
Speaker 1: Like you can't see anything, so now you're completely focused

567
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 1: on the way you feel pillows on your face. It's

568
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 1: a blindness. So sometimes normally like a part of losing

569
00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:00,160
Speaker 1: your breath, like losing your hair, like I've just over

570
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 1: you've covered your face with a pillow, I feel like

571
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 1: having all kind of go to scream or something. By

572
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 1: the way, something I thought about when watching the reading

573
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,680
Speaker 1: this is I was watching handmaids Tale, Oh my God,

574
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 1: and do you remember when he so like some religions

575
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,879
Speaker 1: through a hole in the sheet because of the guilt

576
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,200
Speaker 1: about nudity and sex. And so this kind of made

577
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 1: me think about that. It's crazy because I feel like

578
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,200
Speaker 1: I've I've experienced some type of trauma now, like I

579
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 1: don't ever want to be blindfolded. I got blindfolded for

580
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 1: the first time one we talked about this with the

581
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:33,160
Speaker 1: stealthing of condoms. A guy snuck off the condom while

582
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 1: I was blindfolded, and I didn't realize right grow well

583
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: was gonna get into that, and I guess so before

584
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 1: we start, do you want to give a disclaimer for

585
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 1: our listeners, because I know we've been talking about how

586
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 1: we are we you seguated to the guy, damn it,

587
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 1: that's ever we wanted to let you guys know. We

588
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 1: wanted to start off on a light note. But as

589
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 1: much as uh Dub has been a really good friend

590
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 1: to the show and had such a raunchy episode with

591
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 1: the Unicorn ship, she just she actually told me that

592
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 1: when she came to New York to visit that she

593
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 1: wanted to do this. Uh. Mandy and I have both

594
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:12,880
Speaker 1: heard some stories about sexual trauma from her past, and

595
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 1: it's been a long time that Mandy and I have

596
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 1: wanted to do an episode like this, but we felt

597
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 1: like it wasn't appropriate because one, I think we talked

598
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 1: sometimes two lax to just be like, we're going to

599
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 1: just talk about this ourselves. We want to have someone

600
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 1: that has experienced it, has cope through it, and that

601
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 1: has worked through each stage of her feelings. And so

602
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 1: if this is triggering for you anyway, we apologize, But

603
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 1: we just wanted to give a disclaimer that we will

604
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 1: be talking about grape and sexual trauma and sexual trauma.

605
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 1: So that's a disclaim. Yeah, I don't know if that's

606
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 1: like you kind of read that like Morgan Freeman a

607
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 1: little bit serious because good disclaimer, guys. Um. So yeah,

608
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 1: if you guys didn't know by Wheezy's wonderful, you know lecture.

609
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,480
Speaker 1: There you see about my voice, I'm throwing on work.

610
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: I just want you guys to know. But we are

611
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 1: going get into, um, a little bit of a serious conversation. Um.

612
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 1: As you guys know, I'm not going to shout out

613
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 1: the podcast because I don't like it, ask no more.

614
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 1: But I've spoken on a sexual um you know, a

615
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 1: kind of um. Oh god, I don't know. Yeah, I mean,

616
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 1: well I spoke me and we have both kind of

617
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 1: shared that we've both experienced sexual trauma. Um. But have

618
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:26,040
Speaker 1: you seen the pyramid? Mandy? What what pyramid? There's a pyramid? Um, right,

619
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:29,240
Speaker 1: so brilliant idiots I think posted it once on YouTube.

620
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 1: But there is a pyramid of the hierarchy of sexual assault. Yes,

621
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 1: and so the one that you experience is like right

622
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 1: the bottom. No, No No, it's not at the bottom. That's

623
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 1: a no, dude. You didn't experience at the bottom, someone

624
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 1: pulled their fucking dick out on you the ship. At

625
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: the bottom is like being spoken to in a dirty way, okay,

626
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 1: like the cat calling. Yes, okay, it goes up and

627
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:48,960
Speaker 1: up and up, And what's your experience. I'm not diminishing

628
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 1: it hadn't mean to do that. I'm saying that's still

629
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:54,480
Speaker 1: pretty bad, like being gender to tell you, being exposed

630
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,200
Speaker 1: is a big deal, right, because like we'd really we

631
00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:59,240
Speaker 1: don't realize that the things that happened to us day

632
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,239
Speaker 1: to day are as bad as they are. And I'm

633
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 1: gonna pull it up so we can go through it together.

634
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 1: But what Dub experience is at the top. And I

635
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 1: want to say, I've heard a lot of rape shame,

636
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 1: I mean, victim blaming about rape culture, especially from women,

637
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 1: which is why you know, I didn't want to have

638
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 1: you know who on the show, Yeah, because I want

639
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 1: I don't like when women say, oh, well, that's not

640
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 1: really a big deal what happened to you? So in

641
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 1: everyone else's mind, rape in the way that Dub experienced

642
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 1: it is quote unquote the real way for y'all. And

643
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 1: so I really want to hate I hate that they

644
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 1: do that it's discussed like a real like you really yeah,

645
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 1: you really got raped, it's happening, Yeah, the same thing.

646
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 1: So I want to start there and then kind of

647
00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 1: work down to the work experience and how they all

648
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 1: are under the same umbrella. So yeah, I guess if

649
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 1: you could share a bit of your story, introduces how

650
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 1: old you were, and we're gonna let you talk. So say,

651
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 1: like Morgan Freeman, bitch right now. Okay, Now I'm just

652
00:31:51,280 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 1: like Donna happened to ship? Okay, Okay, go ahead, hello.

653
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 1: Um So, yeah, so I was fourteen. I started off

654
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 1: a little um. I hate to use this word where

655
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 1: having this conversation, but fast um. And I think I

656
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 1: got attention from boys when I was like thirteen. I locked.

657
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 1: I've actually never even I told you this. So I

658
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: lost my virginity to a three year old and I

659
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 1: was fourteen to a one year old thirty okay, So

660
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,160
Speaker 1: it started, it was it was, it was completely consensual,

661
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: but I just started off really fast. So I was

662
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 1: dating this guy who was actually twenty two and you

663
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 1: were out. I was fourteen. I told him I was sixteen.

664
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 1: A lot of girls he told me he was nineteen. Okay,

665
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 1: So qu was doing the block. I was kind of

666
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 1: dating him, so I can dig a little bit. That's

667
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 1: what David was for me. Sorry, um. But then one

668
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 1: day I invited him over and we were hooking up,

669
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,960
Speaker 1: and then he went downstairs and invited his friends in

670
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 1: my house and I was getting raped by six guys,

671
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 1: including him. So I ran away and then I went

672
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 1: into this really deep depression for about a year. So

673
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 1: for like fourteen and fifteen young age to happening, I

674
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 1: was running away constantly, like going all over place, Like

675
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 1: I would go to church and I would leave because

676
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 1: my mom would let me to go, like Sunday school.

677
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 1: That's how I left. And I was like, so I

678
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 1: didn't use drugs. I actually wasn't even smoking weed, but

679
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 1: my drug was sex. So I was fucking everybody, older guys,

680
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 1: younger guys. My guy's mom not really got my age.

681
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 1: They were at least nineteen all the guys. Let me

682
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 1: ask you a question, because diving in you experienced him

683
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 1: and his friends. Do you mind sharing the number? It

684
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 1: was six, so six guys total. And the triggering thing

685
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,440
Speaker 1: because a lot of women would maybe assume that you

686
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 1: would go through his face where you hated men. So

687
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:01,480
Speaker 1: for you telling me went through a phase where you

688
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 1: were constantly fucking after that. To me, that's the opposite.

689
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 1: I feel like we think like it was my one

690
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 1: of my first sexual experiences was someone way too old

691
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 1: for me. And then my like maybe third sexual experience

692
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 1: was you know, third if you don't count sucking dick.

693
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: It was like my third sexual experience was rape. So

694
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:30,799
Speaker 1: like I did not know a loving, romantic, intimate like

695
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 1: relationship at that time. I only knew fucking. I only

696
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:37,359
Speaker 1: knew and to me, the word no didn't matter. So

697
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 1: like I would hang out with guys and if I

698
00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: knew it was getting sexual, I knew in my mind

699
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 1: like if I'm gonna say no, they're gonna do it anyway.

700
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 1: So when you when you were going through that um

701
00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:51,839
Speaker 1: when the men were coming upstairs, how was the conversation?

702
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:57,439
Speaker 1: Did you ever say stop? Yes? But it didn't matter?

703
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 1: Then end? Like and then what did it for me?

704
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,759
Speaker 1: So at first I was like stop and it was

705
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:06,239
Speaker 1: like a very forceful, like violent situation in terms of

706
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 1: me pushing back. But then when they sodomized me, I

707
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:15,760
Speaker 1: just they sodomized you with what means just the anal

708
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 1: I don't know soomize. Yeah, I don't know why sodomized

709
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 1: to me makes me think they used tools like or

710
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 1: it's just antally it is antal penetration, antal rape, sodomized.

711
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 1: I think it's anal penaltration. I think it's just in sodomy.

712
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:32,719
Speaker 1: It's just the act of anal But that's why you can, like,

713
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 1: I think in Georgia it's still legal or some crazy

714
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:39,880
Speaker 1: ship like that, sodoman But just what was your relationship

715
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 1: with your family when this was going on? Yeah? Great questions.

716
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 1: So my mom and I was a relationship tanked. I

717
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 1: became very angry and just so she was kind of

718
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 1: talking ship. Were you keeping this private? Can we start there?

719
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:58,320
Speaker 1: So she walked into it? What wait, your mom walked

720
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 1: into That's how it stopped. And then I, I don't

721
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:06,360
Speaker 1: remember why, they ran out of the house. She's like

722
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 1: chasing down the street and then I get my clothes

723
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:11,319
Speaker 1: on and I did and I run away for like

724
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,920
Speaker 1: two days? Were you Yeah? So that came back? Did

725
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 1: a right? Where did you go? Um? Where did I go?

726
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:21,239
Speaker 1: Was somewhere in Boston? Two days? Was just I was

727
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 1: just like Roman streets. I was homeless. Actually those are

728
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 1: my only two days in my life I've been homeless,

729
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 1: and I was like, I have to go home. Were

730
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 1: you scared? Yeah, I thought she's gonna want my ask

731
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:37,200
Speaker 1: because I know she thought it was Oh she didn't,

732
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 1: So in your mind you thought that she could have

733
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:42,280
Speaker 1: WoT niggas and I'm naked. I didn't want her thinking

734
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 1: that that you asked, right, So I thought she was

735
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:47,880
Speaker 1: gonna be pissed, and she was pissed, but she believed

736
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 1: me right away. She never questioned that I was raped.

737
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:54,960
Speaker 1: So when when this happened, and now your mom knows,

738
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,360
Speaker 1: you know what is? I get the aftermath of it.

739
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 1: But did you go ahead and go through with a

740
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,560
Speaker 1: rape kids or press charges? So can you talk through

741
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 1: what awful? It's just cold. Actually don't really like hospitals

742
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 1: because of that, because it's just cold and they're just

743
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:17,120
Speaker 1: swabbing you and aunt they like, you know, they look

744
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 1: at your vagina and you and they like see if

745
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,480
Speaker 1: there's like cuts and bruises and take pictures. It's like

746
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:27,120
Speaker 1: a police they take pictures. Oh I didn't know that me.

747
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 1: So when you called the police, who called the police?

748
00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:32,360
Speaker 1: Your mom did? Okay? And what kind of questions is

749
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 1: that how I hate the cops because of this because

750
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 1: so they were like, oh so you like pretty much

751
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 1: they made me feel like I wanted it, which is

752
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:42,920
Speaker 1: exactly what I did. And I just didn't feel protected

753
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,400
Speaker 1: because these were guys in the neighborhood. That was the

754
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 1: worst part, Like I know these niggas, why I didn't

755
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 1: really know them. Well, I knew the guy that I

756
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:54,600
Speaker 1: was quote unquote dating, right, so he was like in

757
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:57,759
Speaker 1: the neighborhood, roman free and I'm like and then I

758
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 1: had all the d n A on me, so like

759
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:03,160
Speaker 1: there was no question about it, and I was like

760
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 1: bruised and like all this stuff. But they still were

761
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 1: just like, well, why, why, how this happened? How did

762
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 1: it happen? Why did you? And just made me feel

763
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,319
Speaker 1: like where's your mom sitting with you while they asked

764
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:18,479
Speaker 1: your questions? What's your mom getting? Like? I don't even

765
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 1: remember her reaction, but it was it was very tense

766
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 1: and I just shut down. Like when I knew this

767
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:24,840
Speaker 1: was going I was like, Okay, I'm just not gonn pressure,

768
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 1: Like I'm not gonna go through this like you think

769
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go court and y'all gonna be having me

770
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,840
Speaker 1: like at a jury or whatever. Then you know what

771
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 1: I'm saying, in your mind, it's also six against one.

772
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 1: All six of them could say you wanted it or

773
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:39,000
Speaker 1: asked were you also worried about what would happen when

774
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:42,879
Speaker 1: you went to court and like what if they didn't

775
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:45,359
Speaker 1: get convicted? These people that fucking rape you, And now

776
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:47,120
Speaker 1: you're sitting here and you gotta see all these motherfucker's

777
00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 1: in the neighborhood family like my my little my little brother,

778
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,800
Speaker 1: and my sisters and my mom. My mom's a teacher

779
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,200
Speaker 1: in the neighborhood. Like I was just like, I'm not

780
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,839
Speaker 1: gonna go through this, like if if the police don't

781
00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 1: believe me, and y'all got and you could see me.

782
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 1: It's like a few days after and I'm clearly like, amaized,

783
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 1: y'all is a question me my family. I never asked

784
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:11,399
Speaker 1: you this, And all the time I've known you, But

785
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,400
Speaker 1: the next time that you saw one of them, what

786
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:17,760
Speaker 1: was that, Like, yes, you know the PTSD, that ship

787
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 1: is real. There were certain sense that like if I

788
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 1: smelled it, I was immediately triggered. There's actually certain parts

789
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:26,279
Speaker 1: of Boston. This is like later in my story, but

790
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,839
Speaker 1: there's actually certain parts of Boston that I won't even

791
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 1: go to because I'm just like instantly triggered. It's weird,

792
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: like if I see them. Obviously it was a trigger,

793
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: but like it was something it could be much more

794
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:39,879
Speaker 1: subtle than that. I've ever apologized to you. The guy

795
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 1: I was dating did did you? Did you? Did you

796
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 1: accept that apology? It didn't matter at that point the jam,

797
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:50,400
Speaker 1: which was done, you know, it didn't really matter. Did

798
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,200
Speaker 1: you ever ask why? I didn't? It wasn't necessary for

799
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 1: my healing at that point, right. It was nice to hear,

800
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 1: but it wasn't necessary. Had you asked why? Only guy

801
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 1: asked why? I think I said in that episode one

802
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 1: and I asked why to the guy that I got

803
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 1: right by, and he told me he liked watching me

804
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 1: cry and it was so disgusting to hear. And I

805
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 1: remember it was like on aim. He told me that,

806
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 1: And I was shaking after that ship because I was like,

807
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:21,440
Speaker 1: how can you even admit the ship? Now this happened

808
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 1: to you a second time? Can you describe how old

809
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,759
Speaker 1: you were the second time? So when I went into

810
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 1: my deep depression, I was walking alive. I met another

811
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 1: group of guys that I would consensually have sex with

812
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:36,839
Speaker 1: them often as as a group. As a group, they

813
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,480
Speaker 1: would technically run trains on me. Okay, how many guys?

814
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 1: Six of them and I would hang out with them too,

815
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 1: and I would run away if I ran away. I

816
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:46,479
Speaker 1: was with them for a very long time, for about

817
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:50,279
Speaker 1: a year, so then how old? How old were you?

818
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:56,279
Speaker 1: So the next year, oh wow, my whole fifteen, Like

819
00:40:56,400 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 1: I tanked in school. I was run away. The cops

820
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,879
Speaker 1: were like, we're gonna lock you up if you keep

821
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,359
Speaker 1: running away. So that's when I was like, Okay, well

822
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna go to jail, so let me get

823
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:08,840
Speaker 1: my ship together. So I slowly s got my ship together.

824
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 1: My mom. I had like six therapists in a two

825
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: year frame. I my mom switched me out of a

826
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:18,279
Speaker 1: school that really helped. So I was going to like

827
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 1: the So I'm from Cambridge and like in Massachusetts, and

828
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:25,279
Speaker 1: there's one high school in Cambridge. Everyone was like, she's

829
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 1: a hope, right, murd what happened? And I was like,

830
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 1: so I was tainted as a whole, and it was

831
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 1: just really tough. And my mom worked at the school,

832
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 1: so it was just a lot. So my mom switched

833
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 1: me out of the school. To a school that was

834
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,520
Speaker 1: like everyone in the school had a therapist in house.

835
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:43,319
Speaker 1: It was for kids who like really going through some ship.

836
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:46,400
Speaker 1: Let me in that school. Amazing school saved my life.

837
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 1: So by this time, I'm hitting six team and I'm

838
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 1: really starting to get my ship together. I'm like, Okay, well,

839
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:54,600
Speaker 1: I can't be working with these niggas no more. I

840
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 1: got like and I'm like doing well in school. Actually

841
00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 1: graduated year early from school because I was going to

842
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:01,360
Speaker 1: mentioned my best gun of the Master's you know what

843
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 1: I'm saying, you know, graduating when I was sixteen, But

844
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,759
Speaker 1: like it was really hard, and I did it because

845
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't be in Boston. I felt

846
00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 1: like Boston was gonna kill me at this point. So

847
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:15,400
Speaker 1: I cut it off with the guys that I'm regularly

848
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:17,319
Speaker 1: having sex with and I'm like, no, So for a

849
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 1: while I don't see them. But then one day one

850
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 1: of them that I'm like, the one I'm most close with,

851
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:24,759
Speaker 1: hit me up. I was like, you want to hang out?

852
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 1: And I was like all right, So they all come

853
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:31,160
Speaker 1: over and we all chilling, and then it just, I

854
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:33,120
Speaker 1: swear to God, it just turns and it breaks my

855
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 1: heart because I actually really funk with them. All my

856
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 1: other sexual experiences have been completely one thousand percent consensual.

857
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:41,520
Speaker 1: But the one time I was like, you know what,

858
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:43,200
Speaker 1: I'm really not trying to be doing that ship with

859
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:45,359
Speaker 1: y'all know more, they just took it in their own

860
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,680
Speaker 1: hands and they raped me. Now, a lot of people

861
00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:51,440
Speaker 1: claim that you can't get raped by like someone you

862
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 1: know or someone you're letting your home. Wives can't get

863
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:57,040
Speaker 1: raped by their husbands. You totally can know, well, the

864
00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 1: wife's not getting raped by their husbands things. But there's

865
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:02,760
Speaker 1: like stats show that most of most rapes actually occur

866
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 1: from people that no, no no, sorry not but you know,

867
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:06,800
Speaker 1: but people you've had sex with. A lot of people

868
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 1: say that, like how can you say that you got raped? Yes,

869
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,120
Speaker 1: can be considered rape. Sorry. People have used that again,

870
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 1: like in defense when they have been accused of rape,

871
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:20,279
Speaker 1: like well I sued her before and that was the

872
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 1: So that was my challenge with the second rate, because

873
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 1: I was like, these things supposed to be my friends,

874
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 1: and actually most of them ended up apologizing in time.

875
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 1: I still don't know. So what was your second step

876
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 1: for this time? You said you did another rape kit?

877
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:36,960
Speaker 1: So did another rape kit? I went to the hospital

878
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:39,840
Speaker 1: right away. Again, my mom was super supportive and she

879
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:43,399
Speaker 1: never questioned me. So shout out to her that's um

880
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:45,520
Speaker 1: got a rape kit. But I did not go to

881
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:47,000
Speaker 1: the police because I was like, I'm not doing that

882
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 1: ship and I was so close to getting out of Boston.

883
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 1: What made you have to go to the hospital. You

884
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 1: have to if you're raped, you have to go. You

885
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 1: just have to get a DNA. The thing is, they

886
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,279
Speaker 1: keep the DNA the rape kits for like six years

887
00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:00,400
Speaker 1: or something, So you ever changed your mine if you

888
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,840
Speaker 1: want to pressure, if you want to press charges, okay.

889
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: So that's why I go, And that's why I tell everyone,

890
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:07,759
Speaker 1: if you're ever rape, just get the rape kit and

891
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 1: have that ship sitting there because anytime you do want

892
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 1: to go for it, and you should, because I regret

893
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:16,680
Speaker 1: not going for it. You regret not going forward to

894
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:19,000
Speaker 1: the police in like present charges in a second time,

895
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 1: so I want to go in. This hierarchy really quit

896
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:23,920
Speaker 1: more strengthen me. That I didn't realize at the time,

897
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:25,520
Speaker 1: But now looking back, I'm like, I probably could have

898
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:29,319
Speaker 1: pulled that shirt off. The nigger should have paid. All

899
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 1: of them are walking around now living their life, and

900
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 1: I know that should eat them up. And I know

901
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 1: they did that again. I'm sure that's what That's what

902
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:38,520
Speaker 1: I was gonna go to, Like if they did it

903
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 1: with you and we're so comfortable and then just gave

904
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:43,439
Speaker 1: you a sorry, like that's something that probably they've done

905
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 1: another time screen if you google rape culture pyramid. So

906
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 1: the reason I was so proud of you just a

907
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,760
Speaker 1: few weeks ago when we were in Seattle together, because

908
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: you had a situation that happened at work and I

909
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 1: I want to show you guys this pyramid. Will post

910
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 1: it on Horrible to sit Jan's. But the reason it's

911
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 1: so important is because you didn't press any charges on

912
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:07,400
Speaker 1: the men that did something so fucking brutal and disgusting

913
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 1: to you, but you did take matters into your own

914
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:11,840
Speaker 1: hands to what some people feel like is not a

915
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,799
Speaker 1: big deal. So here's the pyramid. So um at the

916
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 1: top of the pyramid, there's it's like three different colors.

917
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:21,720
Speaker 1: There's rape, drugging, molestation, and UM for Mandy, which is funny,

918
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 1: you just brought that up. Stealthing, covert condom removal. It

919
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:29,399
Speaker 1: is always and that's that's what happened to me. Um.

920
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:32,839
Speaker 1: Oh wow. But and it's crazy because so well when

921
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:34,920
Speaker 1: the thing happened to me on the train, So I

922
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,360
Speaker 1: don't think I've mentioned too much of it on this episode. Actually,

923
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,239
Speaker 1: maybe maybe I have brought it up. So I was

924
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 1: on the train coming home from work, um, and it

925
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:43,480
Speaker 1: was an express train, and y'all know how these motherfucking

926
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:45,600
Speaker 1: trains in New York get packed. And I go to

927
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 1: step off of the train. Mind you, I had I

928
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 1: had felt a guy bumping into me the whole way,

929
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:52,279
Speaker 1: but we were still packed. There was nowhere to move,

930
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 1: so I was trying to put my purse behind me,

931
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:56,359
Speaker 1: but there was just no room. And so the whole

932
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 1: time and I'm like, I feel this niggas dick is

933
00:45:58,239 --> 00:45:59,960
Speaker 1: getting hard, but I thought it was through his pain.

934
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 1: So I go to step out of the train and

935
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:05,799
Speaker 1: this this nigga's whole dick is exposed. He had been

936
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 1: rubbing his dick on me the whole time I was

937
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 1: on the train. It was an older black guy on

938
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 1: top of that, so I like just felt super violated.

939
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 1: But that was in my mind, in my life, that

940
00:46:16,719 --> 00:46:19,960
Speaker 1: was the first time I had experienced, like, you know,

941
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,960
Speaker 1: that type of rape. I guess would say to me

942
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 1: that was considered rape. So when we talk about the

943
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 1: condom removal from the guy who blindfolded me, I didn't

944
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:32,760
Speaker 1: even consider that rape. I felt violated, but I wouldn't

945
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 1: keep So, by the way, you all want to look

946
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 1: it up, it's type in rape culture pyramid. It says

947
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:43,239
Speaker 1: eleventh principle of consent, so it goes by normalization, degradation,

948
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 1: and an assault at the top. So that was sexual

949
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:47,439
Speaker 1: assault you experienced, Mandy, So both are at the tops.

950
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 1: In the middle you have coortion, revenge, porn, groping, and

951
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 1: safe word violations. Towards the bottom, non consensual photos of

952
00:46:56,040 --> 00:47:00,400
Speaker 1: video stalking, victim blaming, flashing, or exposing unsolicited dick picks.

953
00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:04,080
Speaker 1: Oh ship, that's want to touch cat calls. You'll be

954
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:07,240
Speaker 1: raping on INSTAGRAMA sending me all of them goddamn dicks.

955
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:09,360
Speaker 1: But I don't want to see. Boys will be boys,

956
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:12,879
Speaker 1: rape jokes, and locker rooms. So our president is right

957
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 1: towards our president the bottom. I'm not saying the one

958
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:23,320
Speaker 1: with the locker room talk. People love to say, um,

959
00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:25,840
Speaker 1: but yeah, So every like right when you said you

960
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 1: were like, oh, that's not that big of you, I

961
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:29,360
Speaker 1: was like, I'm pretty sure that's Like, yeah, I didn't

962
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:31,319
Speaker 1: even realize that that's crazy is when you look at

963
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 1: this pyramid, like everybody experiences this or even even like

964
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:39,320
Speaker 1: like even women victim blaming and ship like that do

965
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:42,439
Speaker 1: this bullshit like everybody's in this pyramid. And I feel

966
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:44,680
Speaker 1: like this is a time where everybody needs to become

967
00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 1: better educated and really see if this is a people thing,

968
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:51,839
Speaker 1: because men should not just take advantage of any situation ever.

969
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:54,040
Speaker 1: And I feel like it's mostly men because women do

970
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: have that ship too, but men, it's more often than not,

971
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:59,480
Speaker 1: will take advantage, whether it's saying some ship or jumping

972
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 1: some ship off and even just trying to apologize just

973
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 1: to get away with it. But how you brought that up?

974
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:06,680
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you the female friends in your life,

975
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 1: your aunt's, your female cousins, at any point do you

976
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 1: feel like they did look at you like, well, you

977
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 1: did something wrong? Because as women, I feel like and

978
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:17,880
Speaker 1: that's why again we haven't had a certain guest on

979
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 1: the show because we don't really like the victim blaming

980
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 1: that even women put on other women. So what was

981
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:25,880
Speaker 1: the response from other women in your life? That's a

982
00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:28,880
Speaker 1: great question. So my mom at first was like a

983
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:30,879
Speaker 1: little shady and she was saying a little slick ship

984
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,080
Speaker 1: like you a little bit about and I was it

985
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:35,799
Speaker 1: was it was at a bad time in my eyes.

986
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 1: I was like, bitch, fuck you. I'm like, I'm not

987
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:39,280
Speaker 1: taking that ship for me. And her use to bumpets.

988
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,439
Speaker 1: But then that totally changed. She don't do that no more.

989
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 1: Um I used to. In high school, like when all

990
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:47,200
Speaker 1: that stuff was going on, I had some female friends

991
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,480
Speaker 1: and they were just awful. They were spreading rumors about

992
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,320
Speaker 1: me and all this stuff. So I ended up cutting

993
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 1: them off. And I made a rule to myself, like

994
00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 1: if I'm really gonna heal and like become the woman

995
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:58,439
Speaker 1: that I've always wanted to become, which is this woman

996
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 1: sitting right here, I had to have good people in

997
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 1: my life, male or female, and I'm not taking no ships.

998
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:08,399
Speaker 1: So like, actually, when I hit or went to the

999
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 1: high school that had therapy in it, I had some

1000
00:49:11,719 --> 00:49:14,200
Speaker 1: really good female friends. This girl named a Tia. Actually

1001
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 1: she was super dope, but she always supported me and

1002
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,400
Speaker 1: always believe me and never questioned me. And then when

1003
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,960
Speaker 1: I went to Family, which is my first college, I

1004
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 1: had amazing female friends, some of which you know with

1005
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:27,279
Speaker 1: Shylotte and stuff like I've had years after they all

1006
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:29,360
Speaker 1: know what happened to me, and they never questioned me,

1007
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:31,400
Speaker 1: and I just I just won't take no ship like

1008
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,319
Speaker 1: if if I'm sure there there has been girls that

1009
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,320
Speaker 1: have to question me, but then I don't remember their names.

1010
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:38,840
Speaker 1: I'm not having them around I can't have in my space.

1011
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 1: And it was really important for me to get to

1012
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 1: a place where I wasn't thinking about it every day

1013
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 1: and then eventually not wearing that abuse because I used

1014
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 1: to just wear it like you could just look at

1015
00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:51,880
Speaker 1: me and just like I would talk about it like

1016
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 1: That's why it's still good easy for me to talk

1017
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 1: about it now because I've talked about it for years.

1018
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 1: I used to tell everybody because that was how I healed.

1019
00:49:58,280 --> 00:49:59,919
Speaker 1: But I wanted to still get to a place where

1020
00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about this no more. And

1021
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:03,239
Speaker 1: the only way I was gonna do that if I

1022
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 1: had good people around me to support me. What is

1023
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:13,000
Speaker 1: the coping stage after? Like after so I don't know.

1024
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like I coped pretty well, and then

1025
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 1: other times I feel like I probably could have did

1026
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:22,480
Speaker 1: it better. Who knows, But I left Boston that was

1027
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 1: that was really stage one. Of like full on healing. Now,

1028
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 1: my my past did follow me like I have very

1029
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:33,200
Speaker 1: bad habits and not very bad, but pretty bad habits

1030
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 1: in Florida, and I'll still fucking ain't ship niggas, and

1031
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:41,080
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But I also started to

1032
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:42,799
Speaker 1: own it. So the reason I made it will be

1033
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:44,799
Speaker 1: like I'm like, I do what the funk I want

1034
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 1: to do, and I'm you know, i'll funk who I

1035
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 1: want to find, I'm with who I want to win.

1036
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 1: Is because I took what happened to me and just

1037
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:55,240
Speaker 1: like started to own my story. And I never shied

1038
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,560
Speaker 1: away from my story if anyone asked me or if

1039
00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:00,759
Speaker 1: I'm talking about it, it's always been the same story.

1040
00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:03,319
Speaker 1: And I was just like, I own my ship. I

1041
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:06,759
Speaker 1: also really appreciate you for part of healing admitting that

1042
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:09,400
Speaker 1: you had slept for these men before. I feel like

1043
00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:11,680
Speaker 1: that's a but I don't really talk about that story.

1044
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:13,799
Speaker 1: Well I know, and I feel like that's a big

1045
00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 1: deal because people sometimes think that like women are expecting

1046
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:23,160
Speaker 1: a pity party, you know what I'm saying for for

1047
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,680
Speaker 1: for stories like this, people think that that's what women want.

1048
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 1: So to sit there and say like, hey, I did

1049
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:29,319
Speaker 1: sleep with these men before they were in my home

1050
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:31,120
Speaker 1: because they let them in. But what happened to me

1051
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 1: is still wrong. Is a big deal, I agree, because

1052
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: what happened to is fucking brutal. Like not every time

1053
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 1: is there this situation where someone's like sleeping in the

1054
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,480
Speaker 1: house and someone breaks in and rapes them, Like, what

1055
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 1: happened to you is still fucking wrong. There's another thing

1056
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,759
Speaker 1: that I want to bring up to a lot of

1057
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:50,760
Speaker 1: people feel like promiscuity is deeply rooted with sexual trauma

1058
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 1: and this is just one story out of many and

1059
00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 1: it's not connected. Um, you know, I interviewed someone that

1060
00:51:57,680 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 1: barely has had one orgasm in her life, been raped,

1061
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:02,920
Speaker 1: and has total issues with having sex, really has sex.

1062
00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 1: Like everybody is differently, everyone does right way to react,

1063
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:09,799
Speaker 1: And it's not even the way you were open with

1064
00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 1: constantly talking about it. You said that that was part

1065
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:15,919
Speaker 1: of your healing process. There's so many women. There's there's

1066
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:19,000
Speaker 1: a lot of women though that feel that shame and

1067
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:20,799
Speaker 1: don't speak on it, And so a lot of them

1068
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:23,440
Speaker 1: hold it in and harbor those feelings and emotions and

1069
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:26,440
Speaker 1: don't really talk about talking out, whether it's with friends,

1070
00:52:26,440 --> 00:52:29,240
Speaker 1: the therapist, their parents. It's something that they keep inside,

1071
00:52:29,239 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 1: which a lot of times I think, and you talk

1072
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,839
Speaker 1: a lot on mental health um on on the friend zone,

1073
00:52:34,840 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of it just has to

1074
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:40,520
Speaker 1: do with when you harbor those things mentally. It sucks

1075
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 1: you up way more than just releasing. It eats at you.

1076
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:45,480
Speaker 1: It really does. I encourage anyone going through anything. You

1077
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:47,800
Speaker 1: don't have to be sexual trying to be anything. You

1078
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 1: could be mad at somebody, right, magic friend, you gotta

1079
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:53,360
Speaker 1: talk about that ship, Yeah, you have to. You have

1080
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 1: to so somebody to talk about. Be somebody that can

1081
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:59,319
Speaker 1: listen to judgment. So if you have questions asked, you're

1082
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:01,759
Speaker 1: gonna say, oh, make sure you listen. Like I feel

1083
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:03,879
Speaker 1: like we've tossed the judgment now real quick before we listen.

1084
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:06,640
Speaker 1: Um we brought this up. We brought up the pyramid

1085
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:08,800
Speaker 1: because I wanted to talk about something that was towards

1086
00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:11,880
Speaker 1: the bottom stage. But you took a very big action on.

1087
00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 1: I don't know if I have time for HOMEO, but

1088
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:15,160
Speaker 1: let's see how long this goes. Can you talk about

1089
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:21,480
Speaker 1: the work scenario that happen so just for I want

1090
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:23,880
Speaker 1: to give I like to give context. So we stopped

1091
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:26,680
Speaker 1: when I was at FAM. If we fast forward, I

1092
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 1: had a kid, I'm grown, and I've actually not had

1093
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:31,920
Speaker 1: any well, looking at this pyramid, I had plenty of that,

1094
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:35,960
Speaker 1: but like but like assault, I haven't been assaulted or

1095
00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 1: tried or anything like that for years. So I can

1096
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:43,839
Speaker 1: say that get to work and I have a quote

1097
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:47,600
Speaker 1: unquote work husband. UM just meaning that I was close

1098
00:53:47,640 --> 00:53:49,960
Speaker 1: with someone and if I had a bad day, I

1099
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:52,319
Speaker 1: would go to him. We go to lunch together, you know,

1100
00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:54,880
Speaker 1: stuff like that. Just really cool and I really like

1101
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:58,759
Speaker 1: I enjoyed. We enjoyed each other's friendship. Chah. I am

1102
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:02,560
Speaker 1: sleep one day because I've in party all summer because

1103
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:06,160
Speaker 1: my son was like camp, so need a break. So

1104
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:08,279
Speaker 1: I'm sleep and it's like eight o'clock. He's blown. He

1105
00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 1: called me, called me twice, and no one from where

1106
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:15,080
Speaker 1: ever calls me, not even him after four because don't

1107
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:20,520
Speaker 1: call me. Um, So I don't, and he leaves a voicemail.

1108
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:22,399
Speaker 1: So this is this is key because you come into

1109
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:25,839
Speaker 1: play for this. But I don't look man, I don't

1110
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:29,239
Speaker 1: listen to the voicemail right away. Um he texted him.

1111
00:54:29,239 --> 00:54:30,520
Speaker 1: He calls me, He's like, what are you doing when

1112
00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:31,839
Speaker 1: you get up with drinking on the party or whatever.

1113
00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:35,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm tired, I need to get some air whatever.

1114
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:37,239
Speaker 1: So I go get some air. I'm in Chipo A

1115
00:54:37,800 --> 00:54:40,279
Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, maybe I can't go out. So

1116
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:42,319
Speaker 1: he ends up calling me back because I sent him

1117
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 1: like thinking emoji's and I'm calling me back and it's like,

1118
00:54:46,239 --> 00:54:47,759
Speaker 1: you know, we're trying to figure it out. I'm like,

1119
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:49,200
Speaker 1: you know, I don't think it's gonna happen. He's like,

1120
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:50,759
Speaker 1: I don't think you understand what I'm trying to do.

1121
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:53,920
Speaker 1: And I can't. I can't like say it how he

1122
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 1: said it. But he was like, I'm trying to fuck you.

1123
00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:59,799
Speaker 1: And I remember being on the phone like this is

1124
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 1: really just say that, Like what the fund is he?

1125
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:04,960
Speaker 1: So I reply back first dame, I was like, I

1126
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:07,680
Speaker 1: will never fuck you. And then he's like I'm happy

1127
00:55:07,719 --> 00:55:10,160
Speaker 1: you said that and I'll talk to you later. So

1128
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:12,719
Speaker 1: we hang up all night. I feel disgusting, but I'm like,

1129
00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 1: you know, I just sleep it off. You're fine. Right

1130
00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 1: right next morning, he texts me, I'm sorry l O

1131
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:22,360
Speaker 1: L and I'm like, no, l O, like you tried

1132
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:25,400
Speaker 1: the funk out of me. We had a friendship, and

1133
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:27,480
Speaker 1: you took that ship left. I said, you selfishly took

1134
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:29,839
Speaker 1: it left. He's like, well, I hope you forgive me

1135
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:32,799
Speaker 1: and I apologize, blah blah. I was like, I'll forgive you.

1136
00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:34,560
Speaker 1: I was like, but next time, I won't be quiet.

1137
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:36,560
Speaker 1: I like that you brought that up, because I don't

1138
00:55:36,600 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 1: think a lot of guys realized by them saying I

1139
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:43,920
Speaker 1: want to fuck you how it makes a woman feel,

1140
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:47,840
Speaker 1: especially not being in that space with that person. And

1141
00:55:47,920 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 1: you know what, the fourteen year old girl came back up.

1142
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:53,080
Speaker 1: What she hasn't come up in years, But that's what

1143
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 1: it was, that fourteen year old girl who has been

1144
00:55:56,760 --> 00:56:01,640
Speaker 1: used and used herself over and we're just purely fucking

1145
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:05,520
Speaker 1: nothing else, just like an object that all came back.

1146
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:09,200
Speaker 1: And I was like, how fucking dare you? Because this

1147
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:12,960
Speaker 1: whole time, unbeknownst to him, I have been working to

1148
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:17,360
Speaker 1: become a woman who has her past. But his like

1149
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:20,919
Speaker 1: sword right, and like you can't look at me now

1150
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 1: and know anything that's gone on with me, right, And

1151
00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:28,760
Speaker 1: I like, how fucking dare you? Say? Anyway, So about

1152
00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:31,200
Speaker 1: ten days go by, I don't see him because either

1153
00:56:31,239 --> 00:56:33,880
Speaker 1: he's traveling or I'm traveling, but when I'm in the office,

1154
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,080
Speaker 1: I like start hating going to the office. Now I

1155
00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:38,839
Speaker 1: love my job and I love everyone at my job,

1156
00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:41,000
Speaker 1: and everyone my job loved me, and I start showing

1157
00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:44,719
Speaker 1: up at work and slowly like isolating myself. I'm cranky,

1158
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:48,880
Speaker 1: I'm tired, like something's off. So I finally tell you

1159
00:56:49,160 --> 00:56:51,640
Speaker 1: when we're in Seattle, and then you listen to the voicemail.

1160
00:56:51,680 --> 00:56:53,839
Speaker 1: So let me say, she tells me what happens, and

1161
00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:55,759
Speaker 1: she's like, girl, I haven't told you what happened at work.

1162
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:57,920
Speaker 1: Tells me a story, shows me the text. She's like,

1163
00:56:57,960 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 1: he left me a voicemail that I haven't listened to.

1164
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:00,840
Speaker 1: I was like, the funk out of here. We need

1165
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:05,560
Speaker 1: to hear this. And I felt guilty now because I

1166
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:07,279
Speaker 1: didn't know what it was gonna sound like. But let

1167
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:10,080
Speaker 1: me just tell you. It was one of the creepiest

1168
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:14,120
Speaker 1: sounding voicemails. Like my skin was crawling. He's on there

1169
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:21,520
Speaker 1: and he's like, hey, you know, He's like, I'm gonna

1170
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:25,480
Speaker 1: try to do my best. My skin was calling. I'm

1171
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:28,439
Speaker 1: just I'm out right now. You know, I'm thinking about you.

1172
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 1: I want to I want to get fucked up. I'm

1173
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:31,880
Speaker 1: trying to do something wild with you right now, I'm

1174
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:34,280
Speaker 1: trying to do something really crazy with you. Are you

1175
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:36,720
Speaker 1: down for that? Like do you want that? Like? I

1176
00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:40,960
Speaker 1: mean the ship it was it was so bad. I'm

1177
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:43,080
Speaker 1: holding it on speaker phone thinking we were going to laugh,

1178
00:57:43,840 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 1: and I'm looking at her face and how tight, like

1179
00:57:46,480 --> 00:57:49,920
Speaker 1: I'm looking at her body language. And I realized what

1180
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:52,640
Speaker 1: I was doing, and she's like, she's she could really talk.

1181
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:55,560
Speaker 1: I don't even I can't work do it. I can't

1182
00:57:55,600 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 1: do it. So let me ask you, did you have

1183
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:59,360
Speaker 1: you taken that to HR? Yeah, let me tell you

1184
00:57:59,360 --> 00:58:02,040
Speaker 1: what happen. Yeah, let's go. So that was Sunday. Monday,

1185
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:03,760
Speaker 1: I talked to my mom and I ended up like

1186
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:06,320
Speaker 1: really just losing it, and she was like, you have

1187
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:09,320
Speaker 1: to tell somebody, and I said, okay, And I knew

1188
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:11,200
Speaker 1: he was on vacation that week, so I was like,

1189
00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:13,160
Speaker 1: if there's any time to say it's do it now

1190
00:58:13,200 --> 00:58:15,080
Speaker 1: because he's not in the office and you could just

1191
00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 1: do it. So the company is run by three people

1192
00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:21,080
Speaker 1: and one of them is a woman. So I invited

1193
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:22,840
Speaker 1: her to lunch because she knew something was off, and

1194
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:25,760
Speaker 1: she she actually invited me On Monday and then Tuesday,

1195
00:58:25,760 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 1: I was like, actually, I wanna take you up on

1196
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 1: next we went out to lunch. It's funny because we

1197
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:30,960
Speaker 1: were just walking up a hill and she was like,

1198
00:58:31,280 --> 00:58:32,640
Speaker 1: what's going on with you? And I was like, let's

1199
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:34,400
Speaker 1: let's sit down. She was like and she's like hyper

1200
00:58:34,440 --> 00:58:39,400
Speaker 1: and she's like, tell me down. I'm like, so we

1201
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:41,000
Speaker 1: sit out. I tell her. I tell her and I

1202
00:58:41,040 --> 00:58:46,160
Speaker 1: just start bawling and just like it just all and

1203
00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 1: her reply was like he's out here, he's done, he's fired. Done.

1204
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:54,080
Speaker 1: She was pissed. She was like, I am so disgusting.

1205
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:56,280
Speaker 1: She was like you and I was like, I'm sorry,

1206
00:58:56,320 --> 00:58:59,800
Speaker 1: I'm sorry because I still had that four to your girls,

1207
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:03,240
Speaker 1: me thinking about everybody else but herself, like what would

1208
00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:05,360
Speaker 1: this dude to this person? And I was thinking actually

1209
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:07,240
Speaker 1: about him and like, okay, well if he gets fired,

1210
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:09,200
Speaker 1: and then like and I don't even know if I

1211
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 1: wanted him fired, but I knew that I had to

1212
00:59:10,960 --> 00:59:12,919
Speaker 1: tell somebody what was going on with me at work

1213
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 1: because I was going into work and not being myself

1214
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:20,200
Speaker 1: and so and she was just like that's not acceptable.

1215
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:22,640
Speaker 1: You should be angry. She's like, you should be like

1216
00:59:22,760 --> 00:59:24,560
Speaker 1: trying to fight him right now, Like what, like you

1217
00:59:24,560 --> 00:59:27,200
Speaker 1: should be She's like, stop sucking crying, like you should

1218
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:30,280
Speaker 1: be pissed. And she was so supportive. She's like he's done.

1219
00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:32,760
Speaker 1: She she was like, you'll never see him again. Let

1220
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:36,320
Speaker 1: me tell you what's crazy about that? Told someone I

1221
00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:39,040
Speaker 1: don't want to make it obvious, but told somebody about this,

1222
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,400
Speaker 1: and I'm like, hey, just happing my friend blah blah blah.

1223
00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:44,880
Speaker 1: And he was like, damn, did that dude have kids? Though?

1224
00:59:45,160 --> 00:59:49,800
Speaker 1: Like did he have a family? See it? Go ahead,

1225
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 1: I know what you all I'm gonna say, is that

1226
00:59:55,200 --> 00:59:57,480
Speaker 1: ship you? It is worth you losing your job for

1227
00:59:57,560 --> 01:00:00,520
Speaker 1: because you don't realize you're literally the human asking someone.

1228
01:00:00,560 --> 01:00:03,880
Speaker 1: You're making someone question like the root of themselves for

1229
01:00:03,880 --> 01:00:06,760
Speaker 1: the rest of their life. Like you're fundamentally fucking somebody up.

1230
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:09,400
Speaker 1: So if you want to even chance that bullshit by

1231
01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 1: saying I want to fuck you, like, then you'll ask you.

1232
01:00:14,440 --> 01:00:17,880
Speaker 1: But even I would kind of even question where your

1233
01:00:18,120 --> 01:00:21,560
Speaker 1: friend or your coworker, whoever his mindset or her mindset

1234
01:00:21,600 --> 01:00:24,160
Speaker 1: is to say that, because it's like, so you're putting

1235
01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:28,720
Speaker 1: this person's life over the sanity of my friend. I

1236
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:31,400
Speaker 1: was shocked spirit and I was like. I was like,

1237
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:33,440
Speaker 1: I know my friend and I know this person, like

1238
01:00:33,480 --> 01:00:35,280
Speaker 1: trust me when I tell you. I was like, if

1239
01:00:35,320 --> 01:00:37,720
Speaker 1: I feel like I can't do my job because you

1240
01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 1: wanted to be a piece of ship, then you gotta

1241
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:43,320
Speaker 1: gotta I gotta kid too. Hello, But they should have

1242
01:00:43,320 --> 01:00:45,640
Speaker 1: been like their kids if they had them before trying

1243
01:00:45,640 --> 01:00:49,760
Speaker 1: to like hold on crazy enough days later, what happens

1244
01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:51,480
Speaker 1: to me? So I got this new job right now,

1245
01:00:51,520 --> 01:00:54,000
Speaker 1: I was working in a very relaxed company. Whatever. Now

1246
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:56,200
Speaker 1: I'm man a more like up there in the ranks,

1247
01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:58,600
Speaker 1: tech firm like you know, covered up suit like. I

1248
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:00,680
Speaker 1: have bought a whole new worddrobe to make sure I'm appropriate.

1249
01:01:00,720 --> 01:01:02,200
Speaker 1: I used to have my tattoos out of work. Whatever.

1250
01:01:03,120 --> 01:01:04,920
Speaker 1: HR sends out a thing about dress code. There's a

1251
01:01:04,920 --> 01:01:06,520
Speaker 1: guy in the office that always dressed us like shit.

1252
01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:09,640
Speaker 1: Apparently someone he says to somebody, Oh wow, I think

1253
01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:11,480
Speaker 1: it's about me, he said, I think it's about the

1254
01:01:11,480 --> 01:01:14,600
Speaker 1: new girl because of her breasts. Now, when I tell

1255
01:01:14,640 --> 01:01:18,000
Speaker 1: y'all you could get for day, I am constantly covered up.

1256
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:21,240
Speaker 1: I was almost in tears because I'm so conscious about

1257
01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:22,720
Speaker 1: the things I wear. I don't even not wear a

1258
01:01:22,760 --> 01:01:25,400
Speaker 1: long sleep my tattoos. You shouldn't even have to worry

1259
01:01:25,400 --> 01:01:27,080
Speaker 1: about that. So I go to this older woman in

1260
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:29,080
Speaker 1: the office. I never really talked to her. I think

1261
01:01:29,080 --> 01:01:30,880
Speaker 1: i'd say she's in her late sixties. I'm like, listen,

1262
01:01:30,880 --> 01:01:32,320
Speaker 1: I need to ask you a serious question. I just

1263
01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:35,200
Speaker 1: want to be honest with me. Do I dress appropriate enough?

1264
01:01:35,320 --> 01:01:36,960
Speaker 1: And she's like, are you kidding me? Yes, of course

1265
01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:38,960
Speaker 1: you do. And she's like, where is this coming from?

1266
01:01:39,080 --> 01:01:42,200
Speaker 1: Start breaking down and told her what happened. She was disgusted.

1267
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:43,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't want to say anything. I'm too

1268
01:01:43,520 --> 01:01:45,240
Speaker 1: new for this. People gonna be sensitive around me. I

1269
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:46,800
Speaker 1: want to do my fucking job. I'm not trying to

1270
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:50,120
Speaker 1: get fired. I was so fucked up about it. Bro.

1271
01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:52,080
Speaker 1: I went to my boss. I said, I just want

1272
01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:54,200
Speaker 1: to let you know that I'm going to be having

1273
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:56,280
Speaker 1: a conversation with someone and I need to know what

1274
01:01:56,360 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 1: to do to protect myself to make sure I don't

1275
01:01:58,600 --> 01:02:02,240
Speaker 1: get fired in case I go off. And he's like, what,

1276
01:02:02,480 --> 01:02:04,320
Speaker 1: we let me do it, but blah blah, I don't

1277
01:02:04,360 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 1: know what happened. He talks to the director and he's like,

1278
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:07,880
Speaker 1: a handle, do you know this is gonna be looking

1279
01:02:07,880 --> 01:02:09,120
Speaker 1: at me, the one I was talking about my breast.

1280
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:10,800
Speaker 1: I don't even know his name. I've never spoke to him.

1281
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:13,760
Speaker 1: Nothing like I'm a piece of fucking ship now, I mean,

1282
01:02:13,800 --> 01:02:15,680
Speaker 1: and like it's my fault. It's what he said. And

1283
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:18,480
Speaker 1: it's crazy because I feel like as women, we've all

1284
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 1: we've all experienced this even in the workplace. So I

1285
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:25,240
Speaker 1: haven't yet experienced it in UM Corporate America. But you know,

1286
01:02:25,480 --> 01:02:28,320
Speaker 1: for the seven years prior to getting my degree, I

1287
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:31,360
Speaker 1: bartended and worked in the clubs. And I worked at

1288
01:02:31,360 --> 01:02:33,160
Speaker 1: a certain club up here in New York, and it's

1289
01:02:33,240 --> 01:02:34,840
Speaker 1: very small and everyone knows who's work there, so I'm

1290
01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:37,000
Speaker 1: not gonna say the name of it. But when I

1291
01:02:37,040 --> 01:02:41,400
Speaker 1: worked there UM, I was very uncomfortable with the manager. UM.

1292
01:02:41,440 --> 01:02:43,160
Speaker 1: A lot of the bartenders and a lot of girls

1293
01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:47,040
Speaker 1: were fucking the staff to get more days on the schedule.

1294
01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:49,080
Speaker 1: And it started to be to where we had to

1295
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:50,960
Speaker 1: be at the club at a certain time, and I

1296
01:02:50,960 --> 01:02:53,400
Speaker 1: would normally come early and do my makeup and stuff.

1297
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:56,240
Speaker 1: But when I was alone in the club, he would

1298
01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:58,880
Speaker 1: invite me to his office and he would try to

1299
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:02,280
Speaker 1: rub or stuff got my tits, and he's he propositioned

1300
01:03:02,280 --> 01:03:04,280
Speaker 1: me for sex multiple times. When you're in the clubs,

1301
01:03:04,320 --> 01:03:07,280
Speaker 1: this happens a lot. And it got to the point

1302
01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:11,160
Speaker 1: where I started going to work on purposely late because

1303
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:12,720
Speaker 1: I knew other girls would be there, so maybe he

1304
01:03:12,760 --> 01:03:15,080
Speaker 1: wouldn't ask me to go into the office with him alone.

1305
01:03:15,480 --> 01:03:17,040
Speaker 1: And then it just got to the point where I

1306
01:03:17,080 --> 01:03:19,200
Speaker 1: was just like, I stopped even caring if I was

1307
01:03:19,240 --> 01:03:21,600
Speaker 1: on the schedule or not. And because I wasn't making

1308
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:24,680
Speaker 1: those advances with him, I know other girls were. And

1309
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:26,640
Speaker 1: so to even be in a space where it's like

1310
01:03:27,480 --> 01:03:29,680
Speaker 1: my my money, me making money, and me being on

1311
01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:33,000
Speaker 1: the schedule is determined upon if I let you play

1312
01:03:33,040 --> 01:03:34,760
Speaker 1: with me or not. And I think a lot of

1313
01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:37,840
Speaker 1: men in your saying it was him saying it, but

1314
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:39,920
Speaker 1: I think a lot of men even use their power

1315
01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:42,960
Speaker 1: in the workspace to make you feel uncomfortable. And so

1316
01:03:43,000 --> 01:03:45,560
Speaker 1: I've experienced that working in the clubs, and I hate it.

1317
01:03:45,640 --> 01:03:47,240
Speaker 1: It's even the power and the fact that he can

1318
01:03:47,280 --> 01:03:49,080
Speaker 1: still come to work and look at you like you're

1319
01:03:49,080 --> 01:03:51,720
Speaker 1: a piece of ship. When he when he did something

1320
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:54,200
Speaker 1: like I'm so confused, like it would be okay if

1321
01:03:54,200 --> 01:03:55,360
Speaker 1: he would have come up to you and be like

1322
01:03:55,520 --> 01:03:57,919
Speaker 1: and sincerely, be like, look, I'm sorry about the coming

1323
01:03:57,920 --> 01:04:00,680
Speaker 1: a man about your breast him but he looking at

1324
01:04:00,680 --> 01:04:03,479
Speaker 1: you here this bit like, oh my god, I know,

1325
01:04:03,560 --> 01:04:04,960
Speaker 1: like I can't believe this new bit. And let me

1326
01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:06,360
Speaker 1: tell you something. So we had this thing. We had

1327
01:04:06,360 --> 01:04:09,480
Speaker 1: some corporate board meeting and um, I got an award

1328
01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:12,240
Speaker 1: for you know, reaching quota blah blah blah. And the

1329
01:04:12,320 --> 01:04:15,560
Speaker 1: next word was him and I was like the back

1330
01:04:15,640 --> 01:04:17,320
Speaker 1: to up. Everybody knew how the problem with it, and

1331
01:04:18,200 --> 01:04:21,040
Speaker 1: lips turned up. I looked like the black beach at

1332
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:22,960
Speaker 1: the office. I don't give a funk because now you

1333
01:04:22,960 --> 01:04:24,560
Speaker 1: want to put you want to make me feel like that.

1334
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:27,520
Speaker 1: Oh I'm gonna do any of thing please. I was

1335
01:04:27,560 --> 01:04:29,560
Speaker 1: so fucking awkward. I was in the office and it

1336
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:31,040
Speaker 1: was hot, right the a c went on on the

1337
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:33,560
Speaker 1: left side of office, and he was near the lunch room.

1338
01:04:33,880 --> 01:04:35,960
Speaker 1: Somebody's like, oh, I'm burning up. I said, well, God forbid,

1339
01:04:36,200 --> 01:04:39,720
Speaker 1: I take off this sweater, right. I mean, well, but

1340
01:04:39,840 --> 01:04:42,720
Speaker 1: before we wrap up with this conversation, because we all

1341
01:04:42,840 --> 01:04:46,000
Speaker 1: have experienced this in different ways, UM, I guess I

1342
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:48,080
Speaker 1: want to leave off by all of us, maybe giving

1343
01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 1: a little note of advice or a tip if someone

1344
01:04:51,960 --> 01:04:54,880
Speaker 1: is currently experiencing this, whether it's at the workplace, or

1345
01:04:54,920 --> 01:04:56,920
Speaker 1: whether they don't know how to heal with their sexual

1346
01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:59,440
Speaker 1: trauma and they haven't spoken it. What would be a

1347
01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:00,920
Speaker 1: bit of advice that you would give to any of

1348
01:05:00,960 --> 01:05:03,920
Speaker 1: the listeners who have experienced anything that we talked about today.

1349
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:07,240
Speaker 1: Great question, Um, definitely talk about it. Get that ship

1350
01:05:07,280 --> 01:05:10,040
Speaker 1: off of your chest. I used many different forms. It

1351
01:05:10,120 --> 01:05:13,959
Speaker 1: wasn't just talking um to like friends. I had therapists.

1352
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:17,640
Speaker 1: I journaled a ton, I got books, okay, um, and

1353
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:22,000
Speaker 1: I used music as well to like kind of free myself. UM,

1354
01:05:22,040 --> 01:05:24,000
Speaker 1: a lot of ease music. Because you talked about that,

1355
01:05:24,120 --> 01:05:26,400
Speaker 1: So just get it off your chest. It will eat

1356
01:05:26,480 --> 01:05:30,560
Speaker 1: you up and it's not fair. But also I just

1357
01:05:30,640 --> 01:05:33,040
Speaker 1: want to say that you can go through the words.

1358
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:38,880
Speaker 1: I went through hell and I'm fine. Right, that's the

1359
01:05:38,920 --> 01:05:41,560
Speaker 1: best advice, Like, you'll be fine. It's just gonna take

1360
01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:44,160
Speaker 1: a second by second, and then a minute by minute,

1361
01:05:44,280 --> 01:05:46,440
Speaker 1: and an hour by hour and then a year by year.

1362
01:05:46,520 --> 01:05:47,920
Speaker 1: You gave me that advice one day when I was

1363
01:05:47,960 --> 01:05:50,560
Speaker 1: going through my depression. She was like, look, you're gonna

1364
01:05:50,560 --> 01:05:52,840
Speaker 1: take it minute by a minute right now. She's like,

1365
01:05:52,880 --> 01:05:54,480
Speaker 1: but then it's gonna be an hour and then it's

1366
01:05:54,480 --> 01:05:58,040
Speaker 1: gonna be a day. And that is so true that

1367
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:00,680
Speaker 1: I like that. What about you say, do you have

1368
01:06:00,720 --> 01:06:03,240
Speaker 1: any advice? I just want to have a call to

1369
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:06,160
Speaker 1: action for all the men out there, or I mean,

1370
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:08,520
Speaker 1: it's different for same sex, so like I could give

1371
01:06:08,520 --> 01:06:10,160
Speaker 1: out that advice, but I don't really feel like they're

1372
01:06:10,200 --> 01:06:14,000
Speaker 1: listening to y'all show so far. So far the straight

1373
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:16,040
Speaker 1: men out there. Make sure that you are in it's

1374
01:06:16,040 --> 01:06:19,040
Speaker 1: sex is consensual between two people. Make sure the person

1375
01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:21,960
Speaker 1: you're having sex with is into it. By taking something

1376
01:06:21,960 --> 01:06:23,880
Speaker 1: from somebody that's not gonna make it any more pleasurable,

1377
01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:25,680
Speaker 1: it's actually gonna make your ship for the rest of

1378
01:06:25,680 --> 01:06:28,360
Speaker 1: your life. So that karma is real. And I think

1379
01:06:28,360 --> 01:06:30,240
Speaker 1: that we all need to help each other more and

1380
01:06:30,280 --> 01:06:32,959
Speaker 1: stop being so judgmental, because I hate seeing this trend

1381
01:06:33,040 --> 01:06:35,720
Speaker 1: of rape culture, like oh well, what did she have on?

1382
01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:38,840
Speaker 1: And all that all the times follow up questions should

1383
01:06:38,840 --> 01:06:41,480
Speaker 1: not be follow ups at all, and it sucks that

1384
01:06:41,520 --> 01:06:44,760
Speaker 1: it's so normal for all that should Like, it's normal

1385
01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:46,360
Speaker 1: for this man to be able to come back to work,

1386
01:06:46,640 --> 01:06:48,240
Speaker 1: like not to say he needed to lose his job,

1387
01:06:48,400 --> 01:06:49,800
Speaker 1: but he shouldn't even be able to look at you

1388
01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:53,760
Speaker 1: and get away with looking at you like that after job.

1389
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:56,400
Speaker 1: Either we're talking about my birst, I don't. I don't,

1390
01:06:56,520 --> 01:06:59,280
Speaker 1: I mean, but the fact that me and y'all know

1391
01:06:59,320 --> 01:07:01,800
Speaker 1: how vocal I am. I even so it said to

1392
01:07:01,840 --> 01:07:04,880
Speaker 1: this woman, you know what, I'm too new here. I'm

1393
01:07:04,880 --> 01:07:06,520
Speaker 1: not trying to make people feel sensitive. I don't want

1394
01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:08,320
Speaker 1: for them. I just want to do my job real good.

1395
01:07:08,600 --> 01:07:11,680
Speaker 1: And I feel like I shouldn't do this. Who has

1396
01:07:11,720 --> 01:07:14,800
Speaker 1: a podcast? If I was gonna say that was gonna

1397
01:07:14,840 --> 01:07:17,600
Speaker 1: be my advice is And it's something that you brought

1398
01:07:17,680 --> 01:07:20,400
Speaker 1: up to. I think we as women need to focus

1399
01:07:20,440 --> 01:07:22,240
Speaker 1: on ourselves and not give a funk how this is

1400
01:07:22,280 --> 01:07:24,480
Speaker 1: going to affect the next person. I think that it's

1401
01:07:24,520 --> 01:07:29,160
Speaker 1: important that you look for self self worth and how

1402
01:07:29,240 --> 01:07:31,240
Speaker 1: you feel and how it's going to affect the long run.

1403
01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:33,920
Speaker 1: Instead of worried about if he loses his job, or

1404
01:07:33,960 --> 01:07:36,919
Speaker 1: what his friends are gonna think, or what anyone's gonna

1405
01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:39,720
Speaker 1: think about that person, you need to focus on yourself.

1406
01:07:39,720 --> 01:07:41,880
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you what. For me, it was more

1407
01:07:41,960 --> 01:07:44,320
Speaker 1: so like I know for a fact in that office

1408
01:07:44,360 --> 01:07:46,640
Speaker 1: that I don't want a few women won, my age,

1409
01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:49,240
Speaker 1: my ethnicity, all of it, and all I could think

1410
01:07:49,360 --> 01:07:51,280
Speaker 1: is if I do this, they're not gonna hire another girl.

1411
01:07:52,080 --> 01:07:55,080
Speaker 1: That scared me because as a feminist, I'm worried about

1412
01:07:55,120 --> 01:07:57,480
Speaker 1: every fucking move bym make in the office because I

1413
01:07:57,560 --> 01:07:59,720
Speaker 1: know for a fact if I'm good. I had someone

1414
01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:02,720
Speaker 1: tell me to my face, my boss my last job,

1415
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:04,600
Speaker 1: you know, I've never hired a girl before you, And

1416
01:08:04,640 --> 01:08:06,600
Speaker 1: he was like, honestly, and he was like, you are

1417
01:08:06,640 --> 01:08:08,680
Speaker 1: the reason that we have this new girl on the team.

1418
01:08:08,840 --> 01:08:10,720
Speaker 1: You are the only one who gave me faith in women,

1419
01:08:11,400 --> 01:08:15,600
Speaker 1: Like well, the equality will come from saying something because

1420
01:08:16,320 --> 01:08:20,439
Speaker 1: like but on the other end, because but now, because

1421
01:08:20,439 --> 01:08:22,800
Speaker 1: now you normalize in the pattern, nobody like, I see

1422
01:08:22,840 --> 01:08:26,920
Speaker 1: what you're saying. But because I thought I internalized that

1423
01:08:27,080 --> 01:08:28,960
Speaker 1: is if I'm doing good at my job, that's some

1424
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:31,240
Speaker 1: trash for him to even say this is when as

1425
01:08:31,280 --> 01:08:32,840
Speaker 1: a woman, as a woman, he's saying it. But what

1426
01:08:32,880 --> 01:08:35,559
Speaker 1: if someone was like, I ain't never hired black people before,

1427
01:08:35,640 --> 01:08:37,679
Speaker 1: but now I'm gonna hire you to hire blood. Listen

1428
01:08:37,640 --> 01:08:40,400
Speaker 1: to when he said that to me, I really believed

1429
01:08:40,560 --> 01:08:42,640
Speaker 1: that is what affected me from not talking about what

1430
01:08:42,680 --> 01:08:44,680
Speaker 1: happened at work. I thought about what he said to me,

1431
01:08:44,720 --> 01:08:47,280
Speaker 1: and I said, you know what that one person said

1432
01:08:47,280 --> 01:08:49,320
Speaker 1: that to my face? What does that mean if I

1433
01:08:49,600 --> 01:08:52,200
Speaker 1: tell about what this dude didn't work, we don't speak

1434
01:08:52,240 --> 01:08:54,880
Speaker 1: up as well. You're letting You're literally allowing the doors

1435
01:08:54,880 --> 01:08:57,640
Speaker 1: to be open for somebody, for other women, And to me,

1436
01:08:57,880 --> 01:09:02,679
Speaker 1: that was worth more and being worried about the potential hiring.

1437
01:09:02,880 --> 01:09:05,519
Speaker 1: There's got to be someone else in this office, you know.

1438
01:09:05,600 --> 01:09:07,719
Speaker 1: The moment I said something that work, I was freed

1439
01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:11,200
Speaker 1: everything Like I was stressed out my buy her, I

1440
01:09:11,280 --> 01:09:13,200
Speaker 1: was franky in the moment I told her, and she

1441
01:09:13,479 --> 01:09:16,280
Speaker 1: and he was fired, which that was her decision. I

1442
01:09:16,320 --> 01:09:20,360
Speaker 1: was free. It's about to your point, it's about freeing yourself. Yeah, absolutely,

1443
01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:26,720
Speaker 1: you know, not fancation I want to do. We're we're

1444
01:09:26,720 --> 01:09:28,840
Speaker 1: gonna have it. So we're not gonna have time for

1445
01:09:28,920 --> 01:09:30,920
Speaker 1: homemail this episode. But I'm really glad that we were

1446
01:09:30,960 --> 01:09:38,040
Speaker 1: able to. I know, Wail, but I'm gonna give you

1447
01:09:38,040 --> 01:09:44,800
Speaker 1: a pass. You know, we definitely need you here. We

1448
01:09:44,800 --> 01:09:46,720
Speaker 1: appreciate you even being able to speak up for the

1449
01:09:46,720 --> 01:09:48,840
Speaker 1: men's you know, and telling them that they need to

1450
01:09:48,880 --> 01:09:52,200
Speaker 1: check themselves. But I appreciate you. Before we head out again,

1451
01:09:52,240 --> 01:09:54,960
Speaker 1: I want to thank you guys all for um, you know,

1452
01:09:55,040 --> 01:09:57,960
Speaker 1: supporting the show and becoming patrons. UM. It's really helping

1453
01:09:58,080 --> 01:10:00,320
Speaker 1: us bring a lot to you guys, being this studio

1454
01:10:00,360 --> 01:10:03,360
Speaker 1: more having this camera for you guys on YouTube. You

1455
01:10:03,400 --> 01:10:06,080
Speaker 1: guys need to thank these patrons. UM. And again, if

1456
01:10:06,120 --> 01:10:08,400
Speaker 1: you guys want more episodes, if you've maybe listened to

1457
01:10:08,400 --> 01:10:10,400
Speaker 1: all of the episodes and you're like, we need more

1458
01:10:10,439 --> 01:10:13,640
Speaker 1: of you hos, we do drop to bonus episodes a

1459
01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:16,600
Speaker 1: month now on top of the live shows. UM, we

1460
01:10:16,680 --> 01:10:19,120
Speaker 1: include those. Yeah. If you for those of y'all who

1461
01:10:19,120 --> 01:10:22,400
Speaker 1: asked for merch, um, if you are a certain tier, UM,

1462
01:10:22,439 --> 01:10:26,080
Speaker 1: we are sending out horrible decisions T shirts. UM, and

1463
01:10:26,120 --> 01:10:28,240
Speaker 1: let me tell you, Nick is greedy. You've got thongs? Ya,

1464
01:10:29,720 --> 01:10:32,679
Speaker 1: you got coffee cups like y'all gotta call then down. Also,

1465
01:10:32,680 --> 01:10:34,000
Speaker 1: before we go out, I want to give a huge

1466
01:10:34,000 --> 01:10:38,000
Speaker 1: shout out to my homegirl, UM, the Samantha West dot Com. Um.

1467
01:10:38,160 --> 01:10:41,320
Speaker 1: She is a new mother, UM, and so she's blogging

1468
01:10:41,320 --> 01:10:45,040
Speaker 1: about motherhood, she's blogging about travel, she's blogging about creating

1469
01:10:45,040 --> 01:10:47,240
Speaker 1: her own business. And then she also now has these

1470
01:10:47,280 --> 01:10:50,200
Speaker 1: bomb mass clothes that fit all sizes, y'all see, I'm

1471
01:10:50,200 --> 01:10:51,720
Speaker 1: thick and bitch. I gotta meet him and if it's

1472
01:10:51,720 --> 01:10:55,240
Speaker 1: real nice um, But no she she definitely talks about

1473
01:10:55,280 --> 01:10:57,519
Speaker 1: being a new mother and there's um just nice as

1474
01:10:57,520 --> 01:10:59,240
Speaker 1: clothes for y'all to check out. I'm gonna put the

1475
01:10:59,280 --> 01:11:01,920
Speaker 1: link in the bio of this show or description. I

1476
01:11:01,960 --> 01:11:04,400
Speaker 1: always call it a bio, but it's um the Samantha

1477
01:11:04,439 --> 01:11:06,479
Speaker 1: West dot Com again. Please check it out, check out

1478
01:11:06,479 --> 01:11:09,080
Speaker 1: her blog and thank you guys so much. I guess

1479
01:11:09,120 --> 01:11:11,599
Speaker 1: before we go off, where can our listeners catch you? Guys?

1480
01:11:11,680 --> 01:11:14,240
Speaker 1: Tell them where they can follow y'all. I want Twitter

1481
01:11:14,360 --> 01:11:17,000
Speaker 1: dubs underscore the I might change it back the Lady W.

1482
01:11:17,200 --> 01:11:19,599
Speaker 1: I like Lady W. I've been telling Lady W. Know

1483
01:11:20,320 --> 01:11:23,160
Speaker 1: do you go back to Lady W? And of course

1484
01:11:23,200 --> 01:11:24,920
Speaker 1: y'all know we got our resident gay in the building

1485
01:11:25,120 --> 01:11:27,160
Speaker 1: one more time. Go ahead and let them know where

1486
01:11:27,160 --> 01:11:29,040
Speaker 1: to find you and you y'all got some shows that

1487
01:11:29,040 --> 01:11:30,800
Speaker 1: ship coming up to right now. No, they all gone,

1488
01:11:31,400 --> 01:11:34,040
Speaker 1: so yes, you can find me on all social media

1489
01:11:34,120 --> 01:11:36,560
Speaker 1: at Hassan that's h E, y A, S S A

1490
01:11:36,640 --> 01:11:38,760
Speaker 1: and t E and I will be going on the

1491
01:11:38,840 --> 01:11:41,360
Speaker 1: road with the friends on on the road. So if

1492
01:11:41,360 --> 01:11:44,200
Speaker 1: you catch you know they have a tour dates to day.

1493
01:11:45,320 --> 01:11:50,040
Speaker 1: You know I was going to read off my dates'

1494
01:11:50,400 --> 01:11:57,760
Speaker 1: doing for you. I'm not going to write please the no,

1495
01:11:57,760 --> 01:12:02,320
Speaker 1: no, no no want Morgan Freeman voice, go ahead, and you

1496
01:12:02,360 --> 01:12:05,400
Speaker 1: would like to see a sante, Hey Frand and look

1497
01:12:05,400 --> 01:12:09,000
Speaker 1: at Dustin, look at doesn't find and hey Frank, hey

1498
01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:11,000
Speaker 1: s I wanted to saw Dustin's dick so bad at

1499
01:12:11,040 --> 01:12:13,080
Speaker 1: your show already. I wish you would leave me out

1500
01:12:13,080 --> 01:12:18,920
Speaker 1: of the friends your friends, all right? Uh to see

1501
01:12:18,960 --> 01:12:21,560
Speaker 1: the friend Zone Live their fall tour August eighteenth in

1502
01:12:21,720 --> 01:12:27,439
Speaker 1: New York City, September twenty two, Toronto, Ontario. Is that Canada? Yes?

1503
01:12:28,240 --> 01:12:32,600
Speaker 1: Why is it Toronto? O? N But they don't. I

1504
01:12:32,680 --> 01:12:39,040
Speaker 1: mean I thought this was passport pussy, but maybe not. No,

1505
01:12:39,400 --> 01:12:43,880
Speaker 1: I thought geography with your October five and Charlotte, North Carolina.

1506
01:12:43,960 --> 01:12:47,879
Speaker 1: October in Seattle, Washington, don't go back there and December

1507
01:12:47,960 --> 01:12:50,679
Speaker 1: fourteenth in Washington, d C. For all of you Chocolate

1508
01:12:50,760 --> 01:12:53,599
Speaker 1: City left. Please check the tickets out at the friend

1509
01:12:53,720 --> 01:12:56,840
Speaker 1: Zone Live dot com dot com. V I p sold

1510
01:12:56,840 --> 01:12:59,400
Speaker 1: down in some of the city's but catch me along

1511
01:12:59,439 --> 01:13:02,080
Speaker 1: with a look at Dustin and at hay friend. Hey,

1512
01:13:02,479 --> 01:13:04,040
Speaker 1: and that is all I have to say today. Next

1513
01:13:04,120 --> 01:13:06,080
Speaker 1: week I will be talking about how ship with these horses.

1514
01:13:06,200 --> 01:13:09,040
Speaker 1: Yeah all right, And um guys, this has been yet

1515
01:13:09,120 --> 01:13:11,360
Speaker 1: another episode of horrible decisions.