WEBVTT - Fighting for Family 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.119 Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:16.560 and the Black Effects, and just like that, we're back 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:19.279 on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully Reckless 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:21.640 episode with your girl. Just hilarious. Okay, so look, this 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:26.119 is day number nine for me on set, and like 0:00:26.200 --> 0:00:28.880 I told y'all last week, I'm going to be helping 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:32.400 y'all and fixing you'all mess and between scenes. So listen, 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:34.159 this is what I'm doing. So if my voice is 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:36.960 horse and I sound like somebody's dad, it's because I've 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:40.280 been screaming to the top of my lungs filming this movie. 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:42.519 By the way, the movie is called Pretty Stoned and 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:46.360 it drops on four on v H one and TV 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:49.800 and all that other good ship the Viacom channels, you know. Anyway, 0:00:50.479 --> 0:00:54.440 So unfortunately we do not have voice notes. So I'm 0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:57.760 gonna be reading bad with me, Chad, because God, I've 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:00.240 been reading scripts and all of that, and I know, 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:02.120 I let me stop trying to shut on y'all. I'm 0:01:02.120 --> 0:01:03.880 not trying to shut on y'all. I'm just saying I'm 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:07.360 goddamn tired of reading. Well, just because y'all don't want 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:10.400 your boyfriends and y'all beloved loved ones and best friends 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:12.640 and all that ship people that y'all following up with 0:01:12.880 --> 0:01:15.000 to hear your voice because they recognize you a little 0:01:15.040 --> 0:01:19.280 stinking as voices. I got to read, all is nonpunctuality. 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:22.959 So let's jump straight in. Hi. Just see. My name 0:01:23.000 --> 0:01:25.760 is Kiki. I'm twenty one from Detroit and I need 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:28.960 your help. Well, there goes anonymous. My father was shot 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:30.800 and killed when I was three years old, so I 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:33.200 grew up without my father and was raised by my mother. 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:36.200 Growing up, I made bad decisions and men and some 0:01:36.240 --> 0:01:38.840 women as well, even though my mother did the best 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:41.480 she could raising me and my brother. I'm writing you 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:43.720 this because throughout my life I lost a lot of 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:46.680 people in my family. A year after my father passed, 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:51.480 I lost Grandpa, my dad's father. When I was all right, 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:52.960 you left out a word, but I guess you're trying 0:01:53.000 --> 0:01:55.680 to say when I was younger, when I was a baby, 0:01:56.440 --> 0:02:01.040 my father's mother passed. My grandfather did reamy years before 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:03.760 I was born, and she is my bonus granny and 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:06.360 I love her. By the time I turned seventeen, I 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:10.080 lost my mentor. She was danced and choir director for 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:12.840 years I never got to say goodbye. By eighteen, I 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:16.320 lost a few of my uncles. By eighteen I lost 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:19.440 one of my uncles, a few months after another uncle. 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:24.680 In I lost my aunt, and most recently in April, 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:30.000 I lost my granny, my mother's mom with her past, 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:32.680 and this one was really hard to accept. She passed 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:35.280 right before her mother's day and right before my twenty 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:38.760 one birthday. What's really eating at me is that the 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:42.200 last conversation we had, we argued a little. She had 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:45.880 always been independent, but just got sick. She was no 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:48.640 longer able to do things on her own, as simple 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:53.200 as just drinking a glass of water or using the bathroom. 0:02:53.240 --> 0:02:55.600 The last thing she said, basically was get out, I 0:02:55.639 --> 0:02:58.160 don't care. The next day we placed her in the 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:02.000 hospital because she wanted to go. That day, my mom 0:03:02.040 --> 0:03:03.920 took her in and she was talking, but by the 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:06.480 time I got off work, she was on a ventilator 0:03:06.840 --> 0:03:10.040 and basically in a coma. Oh my god. She never 0:03:10.080 --> 0:03:12.960 woke up and passed away two weeks later. I never 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:15.680 got to say her voice again. My question is how 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:18.680 do I manage all of the loss I have seen 0:03:18.760 --> 0:03:21.440 and been through all my life and still continue on 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:25.240 gaining happiness for myself. PS. My bad girl for calling 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:28.320 you Jesse. I was typing too fast and didn't realize 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:31.880 until it was already sent. I love you, girl. I 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:35.400 do not mind you calling me Jesse at all. First 0:03:35.440 --> 0:03:37.760 and foremost, you are a very strong young woman. I'm 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:40.680 glad that you sought the courage to even reach out 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:42.560 to me and be as vulnerable as you were to 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:45.800 share as much as you did. Losses are not easy, 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:49.160 especially back to back to back to back losses. People 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:52.760 have different ways of dealing with losses. UM. I noticed 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:54.640 that you told me about all the people that you lost, 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:58.080 but you never told me just how you managed to 0:03:58.120 --> 0:04:00.120 deal with it or how how you have coped in 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:03.600 the past with it. You said, the hardest loss that 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:07.160 you had to take was your grandmother, and that was 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:11.680 so hard because you guys kind of ended not on 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:13.760 a really bad note, but not really a good note. 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:15.920 You guys argued a little bit. She had told you 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:19.360 to get out. Um, you guys had differences, and Um, 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:22.400 the next day she was placed in the hospital and 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:26.040 two weeks later died after you not even being able 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:28.760 to hear her voice after the argument because you were 0:04:28.839 --> 0:04:32.080 at work and didn't get off until later on that day, 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:36.240 and she was already on the ventilator by then. I'm sorry. 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:39.400 I'm sorry for all of your losses. However, you're still 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:44.000 twenty one, okay. Nothing can sue the pain, nothing can 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:47.480 bring those those loved ones back. But you, being twenty 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:50.360 one and still at a very young age and still 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:53.960 having so much life to live. I think that you 0:04:54.000 --> 0:04:57.000 should take this as a stepping stone for what has 0:04:57.080 --> 0:05:00.440 prepared you for this cruel world that we live in today. 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:02.520 We do. We live in a very very cruel world. 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:04.400 We live in a world where you can see somebody 0:05:04.880 --> 0:05:07.919 here today and gone today. You can see somebody this morning, 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:10.599 they're gone this afternoon. You know, you can see somebody 0:05:10.640 --> 0:05:12.840 the night before they're gone the next day. You've gone 0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:16.360 through a lot of that. I think starting your healing 0:05:16.400 --> 0:05:20.159 process looks like therapy. And I don't mean just fix 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:23.960 my mask. I mean like some real, real therapy, not 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:27.320 so much deeply rooted issues. You already know what they are. 0:05:27.440 --> 0:05:30.120 You already know the deal with your parents and your 0:05:30.160 --> 0:05:33.359 grandparents and in all of the branches on your family tree. 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:36.320 I think it's just a matter of you surrounding yourself 0:05:36.360 --> 0:05:41.279 with positive energy and going to healing groups. Like Also, 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:44.840 I just recently gave this same advice to someone else 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:47.400 I was helping on this podcast. I'm having a deja 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:50.360 vu moment very vividly as I spoke on this. There 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:53.720 are healing groups and support groups at churches, and if 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:57.520 you're non religious, there are different support groups that are 0:05:57.560 --> 0:06:01.600 non religious, um that you can act really participate, and 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:05.800 they have them weekly. Sometimes people need them more than 0:06:06.320 --> 0:06:09.960 once a week. People need them daily until they're able 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:13.760 to kind of grasp what that healing looks like, that 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:16.680 self healing looks like, and then you need these groups 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:20.919 less and less. Like I said, surround yourself with positivity, 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.080 things that make you happy. There has to be something 0:06:23.120 --> 0:06:26.320 that makes you happy and um, all this turmoil and 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:29.800 through all of these losses that you've encountered in your 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:32.839 younger years in life up until now, there has to 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:36.520 be something that you know makes you happy. And you 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:39.240 have to have a happy place to go to. Even 0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:41.839 if there's something in particular that doesn't make you happy, 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:45.760 that has to be someplace that brings you good memories, UM, 0:06:45.920 --> 0:06:49.600 happiness to look forward to. Something like that. Are you dating? 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:52.919 Do you have many friends? Are you satisfied with the 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:55.200 job that you have. Do you have a pet? Do 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:58.040 you have an emotional support dog? Do you You You know 0:06:58.160 --> 0:07:01.479 because I have one. When I was going through not 0:07:01.600 --> 0:07:05.040 being able to juggle being a full time mom and 0:07:05.080 --> 0:07:08.640 a full time entertainer because my son was in school 0:07:08.800 --> 0:07:11.840 and and I was on the road a lot, I 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:14.160 got a dog. I used to take my dog, Vain, 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:16.840 who's a French bull dog by the way, and is 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:19.960 going on three years old. March is his birthday. And 0:07:20.160 --> 0:07:24.040 don't play with my dog. He's an aries. I bought him, 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:26.000 and he bought so much joy to my life. He 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:30.320 actually helped me cope with being alone and away from 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:34.320 my son, my biological son, you know, because I say 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:36.680 my dog is my son as well. They're very good 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:39.080 for emotional support. They're very good for when you do 0:07:39.120 --> 0:07:41.400 feel only. They're good for breakups. They're good for losses, 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:44.640 They're good for filling that void. And um they never 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:47.320 leave you, they never turn turn on you. UM. I 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:50.120 can't speak for every breed of dog, but I know 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:53.840 that your frenchie will not because mine hasn't. And this 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:56.280 is not my first frenchie. I've had too, but there 0:07:56.320 --> 0:08:02.160 are multiple outlets that will help you with where you 0:08:02.200 --> 0:08:04.000 are in your life right now and how you feel 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:06.640 like there there can never be happiness, and how it 0:08:06.680 --> 0:08:10.880 seems like it's never ending misery for you. There are 0:08:10.920 --> 0:08:12.920 different outlets, So I just I want you to take 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:16.880 into account that there is help, but I want you 0:08:16.920 --> 0:08:20.600 to go lee on an actual couch and actual therapist 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:23.560 couch and and get through this because you definitely can 0:08:24.160 --> 0:08:25.600 check back in with me. I want to make sure 0:08:25.640 --> 0:08:28.040 you're fine. I want to make sure you're okay. You know. 0:08:28.080 --> 0:08:30.400 I love to do the check ins. Okay, And by 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:33.040 you being so young, I think you're gonna figure it out. 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.360 I really do. I see a lot for you. Tell 0:08:35.400 --> 0:08:38.200 me a lot more or a little bit more about yourself, 0:08:38.200 --> 0:08:40.920 about your social life and are you an introvert like 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:43.679 I want to learn more about you other than just 0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:46.520 your losses that you've been through, you know, the loss 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:50.000 of your loved ones. Uh. There there are so many 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:52.080 other things I bet that you can tell me. There 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:54.160 is so much more to you. I know it is, 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:56.079 so check back in and let me know it's a 0:08:56.120 --> 0:08:57.920 lot of things you didn't tell me, because I want 0:08:57.920 --> 0:09:00.600 to know exactly how I can help you. You gave 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:03.040 me quite a bit, but it's not enough of you. 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:06.319 You didn't tell me about yourself, gave me a lot 0:09:06.320 --> 0:09:10.079 about the family tree. So check back in with me, 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:12.800 baby girl. If you love me, you'll listen to this 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:18.319 commercial and then we'll be right back and moving on. Okay, 0:09:18.320 --> 0:09:20.280 we have a guy this time. Then he did not 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:23.440 send a voice note in, so I'll be reading his story. 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:27.439 Here we go. If one was interested, how would one 0:09:27.480 --> 0:09:31.199 go about being your friend with benefits only sexual benefits, 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:34.160 nothing more. Ask me for a friend. Get the fucking 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:37.960 offer here, ship, I'm trying to help people. You trying 0:09:38.000 --> 0:09:44.520 to bust a nut, sir. Look it's going on. Hey, Jays, 0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:46.600 I really don't know where to start, but I will say. 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:49.280 I'm a twenty seven year old mother. I have two girls. 0:09:49.760 --> 0:09:52.800 The oldest is ten and the youngest is six. My 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:55.080 kids no longer live with me. My aunt did an 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:58.720 emergency custody order on me back in while I was 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:02.480 at work Walmart. But before that, I let her know 0:10:02.720 --> 0:10:05.280 that my last child, dad kept popping up to my 0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:07.640 crib at all times of the night, accusing me of 0:10:07.720 --> 0:10:10.400 laying up because I never answered the phone when he 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:14.240 was calling. At two thirty am, three o'clock am, so 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:16.960 he pop up. Growing up, I was taken from my 0:10:17.000 --> 0:10:19.400 mom at three months, from her sisters who had three 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:21.680 boys of their own. But the aunt I was with 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:25.400 first she had two boys and one girl. My mom 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:27.840 had two boys than me. I never really got the 0:10:27.880 --> 0:10:30.240 time to be around my mom, so I really don't 0:10:30.280 --> 0:10:33.040 know her like that, and she died when I was ten. 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:37.680 I was literally getting passed from both aunts back and forth. 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:40.800 The one who has my kids now have kids that 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:43.480 are mentally not there, and one of them has to 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:46.120 be at least thirty six. He works for when Dixie 0:10:46.360 --> 0:10:48.440 and the other got to be at least thirty. He 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:51.640 plays games and works at Walmart. The youngest is in 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:54.480 the military, and he witnessed his older brother doing weird 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:56.920 ship when I was younger, like catching him sniffing my 0:10:57.000 --> 0:11:00.760 panties by the washing machine to peek through the cracks 0:11:00.800 --> 0:11:03.000 in the bathroom door when we were in a trailer 0:11:03.080 --> 0:11:05.760 at the time. Then when I was with the other 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:08.720 aunt and we came down to visit them, me and 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:11.600 my girl cousin would get in trouble for laughing too loud, 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:14.360 so our aunt would make us come in the living room. 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:17.839 We'd fall asleep eventually, but every time we woke up, 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:22.679 her oldest son he'd be in between us. So after 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:25.280 my kids got taken, I moved back and with the 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:28.960 aunt that took me at three months. She'd let anyone 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:31.840 crash at her spot. I had good days just as 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:34.720 well as terrible ones. The aunt with my kids would 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:36.840 come by to visit her sister, so I'd get to 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:40.800 spend five minutes with the kids because she didn't stay long. 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:43.160 And every time the kids see me, they come running 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:46.240 calling me mommy, but my aunt be rolling her eyes. 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:49.640 This the same lady died ten times from a heart 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:53.240 attack in oh six goddamn, and came back to life 0:11:53.320 --> 0:11:56.360 acting like a Christian. But she once told me I 0:11:56.400 --> 0:11:58.320 was going to be good for nothing but laying on 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:00.880 my back, and she said she was going to haunt 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:03.800 me if she was to ever die, which I felt 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:07.600 like she's already dead because I have custody orders saying 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:11.160 to get my kids on Mother's Day all major holidays. 0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:14.040 Last time I tried, which was about two weeks ago, 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:17.520 I show up to our house. She had church music playing. 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:20.400 I sat at her table, opened my folder with my 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:24.040 court documents and a calendar to discuss the days. This 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:27.160 lady just started yelling and telling the girls, tell your mama, 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:29.680 you don't want to be with her, and they started crying. 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.920 So I kissed my oldest and told her, Mama, finna leave. 0:12:33.040 --> 0:12:35.640 I don't got time for your auntie drama. Me and 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:38.120 my girlfriend of three years moved to Florida in June, 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:43.200 of which is an hour away there in Alabama. It's 0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:45.760 like this woman didn't expect me to come from my children, 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:49.959 and it's while she's brainwashing them with mother in their 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:52.280 right mind. Once their little girls living on the couch 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:55.080 with them when God knows who's walking in and out 0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:58.000 all times of the night. It was times my car 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:00.480 would break down and nobody would help me to get 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:02.960 work done on it, and not even the ones living 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:05.920 with me at the time because they were too busy 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:08.960 or too sleepy. Then again I got in some mess 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:12.679 back in so I asked my aunt what she get 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:15.480 the kids, because I didn't want neither dad having them 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:17.959 because a lot was going on. Even though my case 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:22.800 didn't come up until mid I'm in the process of 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:25.920 handling that now with a lawyer because I have court 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:28.600 next month. So I'm gonna work on the custody case 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:31.679 right away when I get my chips straight. I've been 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:34.760 at this hotel job for six months. I put a 0:13:34.760 --> 0:13:37.840 position in stating she's not going by the court's order, 0:13:37.920 --> 0:13:40.160 she's not allowing me to see my children, and I 0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:42.160 feel like to take it a step even further to 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:44.679 help my fight. I want to bring up her child 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:48.400 touching me so bad, because honestly, I don't feel comfortable 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:51.640 with my girls living there. What you think about my mess? 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:55.160 This is generational curse that needs to be broken. My 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:57.880 grandmother called Alzheimer's an oh four and the aunt that 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:01.000 I was with at first all he's left me with her. 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:04.120 We had a big household which belonged to my grandmother. 0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:08.480 My aunt just took over, moved my kids four hours away, 0:14:08.880 --> 0:14:11.080 and she never came to see her mom when she 0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:13.480 was sick because she was too busy taking care of 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:17.439 somebody else's mom. I literally had to feed my grandmother med's, 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:20.320 bathe her, feed her. Most of the time she would 0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:23.240 spit the meds out. One night, a man knocked on 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:26.200 the door saying he see our grandmother walking towards the 0:14:26.280 --> 0:14:28.760 cemetery we lived on a dirt road in the middle 0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:31.600 of nowhere. It took an hour to get to a store. 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:35.560 Plus I was barely in school. I had asthma bad, 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:37.840 so I was either in the hospital or home with 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:40.200 my grandmother. As soon as my mom died, she was 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:43.120 living with the aunt that has my kids now, her sister. 0:14:43.520 --> 0:14:46.120 I moved in months after that because I kept getting 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:49.040 in trouble. Me and my younger cousin was fighting too much, 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:51.840 so I said I wanted to leave, and once spring 0:14:52.080 --> 0:14:55.160 break came, I left. I get with the aunt that 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:58.000 has my kids now, and she's never there. She's out 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:00.320 in the streets coming home, falling on the floor, drunk 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:03.480 as how, and all kinds of stuff. She went Christian 0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:05.520 and really got worse. If you ask me, all she 0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:08.320 does is mumble under her breath. It's weird. I could 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:12.360 go on and on. Girl you have She's always saying 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:14.880 I'm on drugs, and she labels it badly. All I 0:15:14.920 --> 0:15:17.280 do is smoke weed. She calls it dope. But I 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:19.480 don't smoke dope because I know I'm gonna have to 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:23.280 pee clean for my babies, so whenever the time comes, 0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:28.560 I'll be good. Okay, So, honey, child, you were ever reware, 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:31.840 and I still don't even know exactly what your question 0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:35.360 is as to how I can help you. So I'm 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:37.520 just going to try to assist you as best as 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:42.960 I know how after reading that long, long story. Hold up, 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:44.880 hold up, I know the ship getting good. But listen 0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:46.920 to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:51.520 you love me, you'll listen. So obviously, there are family issues, 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:54.240 just like my girl in the first story, there are 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:58.920 family issues there, and these seeing a bit worse because 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:02.760 it's like your family is not even a damn family 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:06.160 like your aunts and and your cousins, and you know 0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:09.960 you're being touched, and then you having to deal with 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:13.240 the fact that the very same house that you grew 0:16:13.280 --> 0:16:16.080 up in and you were touched and your kids are 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:19.040 under the care of those same people. You know. So 0:16:19.120 --> 0:16:21.560 I can only imagine what you're going through, how it's 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:24.760 making you feel as a parent. You feel helpless, you 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:28.000 feel useless, You probably feel like you can't even help 0:16:28.040 --> 0:16:30.680 your children. And the fact that you did mention there 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:32.920 at the end that you know you need your p 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:36.000 to be clean, your urine to be clean. I'm assuming 0:16:36.040 --> 0:16:39.040 your own probation supervised, that is, and UM, I don't 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:41.920 know what your charges are. I don't care. You just 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:43.560 need to get your children. You need to get yourself 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:46.000 together so you can get your children, because there's some 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:48.440 things going on with you as well. I'm not gonna 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:53.000 sit here and blame every single thing on your family. 0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:56.280 I'm not blaming anything on you either, because now what 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:59.280 what is blaming anyone gonna do for anything right now? 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:01.640 But there are issues that you have as well. There's 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:04.520 trouble that I can tell that you are in and 0:17:04.560 --> 0:17:08.240 out of, not just that one time in there is 0:17:08.280 --> 0:17:12.159 a demons you're fighting, there are there seems like a 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:15.160 dark cloud over your head wherever you go. I need 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:18.240 for you to get yourself together and get your children. 0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:23.320 Your aunt seems to love your babies, but don't really 0:17:23.440 --> 0:17:27.440 have the best interest for you. Um. I feel like 0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:29.639 she may be bitter and fed up with you. I 0:17:29.680 --> 0:17:33.280 think whatever you have done in the past, uh, maybe 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:38.280 in her eyes, you haven't taken life serious. You could 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:40.679 have done more as a mother in her eyes. I 0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:42.800 feel like so she's kind of bitter towards you. She 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:46.240 kind of maybe feels like you didn't do enough to 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:49.439 get your children, you know, and and a lot of 0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:52.640 people that take on other family members children, they kind 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:56.560 of start resenting whoever the biological parent is because I'm 0:17:56.600 --> 0:18:00.439 over here is taking care of your child, your chill drinking. 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:02.560 In a lot of cases, not just one, it's children, 0:18:02.640 --> 0:18:05.600 multiple children being taken care of by family member, and 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:07.560 you out here just still on drugs. So you are here, 0:18:07.600 --> 0:18:09.120 just still doing what you're doing. And you're just out 0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:11.840 here in the fucking streets and ship. You're not even 0:18:11.880 --> 0:18:15.560 making an effort to better yourself. So you can show 0:18:15.640 --> 0:18:18.119 me that you at least are trying to get on 0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:21.199 your fucking feet within a timely fashion. Like you know, 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:23.960 Tom is fucking ticking, and kids grow up. They don't 0:18:24.000 --> 0:18:27.919 get younger, they only get older. So you know, I 0:18:28.000 --> 0:18:29.879 know a part of your aunt is like, look, I 0:18:29.960 --> 0:18:32.840 raised my children, whether they're good boys or not, good boys, 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:36.240 bad boys, good children, whatever I raised my children. I'm 0:18:36.280 --> 0:18:39.000 doing you a favor, the due diligence of what a 0:18:39.040 --> 0:18:42.560 family should be at all times, because it takes a village. 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:45.320 And she is head of your village because she has 0:18:45.359 --> 0:18:47.680 your children and has had your children for a while. 0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:51.440 Now that's coming from her side. From your side, you 0:18:51.480 --> 0:18:53.280 need to get your children because you don't want them 0:18:53.280 --> 0:18:55.480 to go through the same thing you went through. No, 0:18:55.600 --> 0:18:57.800 you weren't brutally raped and all that, but you were 0:18:57.840 --> 0:19:00.840 touched and it could have gone that way. Your cousins 0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:03.919 smelling your panties and all that. Ship And they're now older. 0:19:03.960 --> 0:19:06.479 This was when they were younger. Only god knows what 0:19:06.520 --> 0:19:09.280 the hell they are into now if they're still that way. 0:19:09.640 --> 0:19:11.399 Not saying that, but I'm only going off of what 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:14.000 you told me. One of them in her thirties and 0:19:14.040 --> 0:19:16.920 the other one in late twenties or what what have you. Whatever, 0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:20.600 you need to get your children, get yourself together, get 0:19:20.640 --> 0:19:24.159 a job. I'm talking about, go through the courts, do 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:27.480 it the right way. Don't fight your aunt. Don't try 0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:30.560 to reason with her. Don't. She's so angry and still 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:34.040 bitter and still piste off with you right now, you know, 0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:36.560 especially how you said the meeting went when you went 0:19:36.640 --> 0:19:39.560 to go. You know, when she bought the kids over 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:41.879 to the house for five minutes and she's telling the 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:44.480 kids to tell your mother she y'all don't want to 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:47.000 go with her and all that. And you know your 0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:50.119 kids are only getting older, they're going to start seeing 0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:54.679 this and developing their own rendition of what family is 0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:58.479 in their minds and it cannot be this. So you 0:19:58.520 --> 0:20:00.280 have to do what you have to do. Put on 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:03.439 your big girl panties, get yourself together, go get your children, 0:20:03.720 --> 0:20:06.360 check back in all right, and if you haven't heard 0:20:06.400 --> 0:20:08.240 it in a while, I don't know you, but I 0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:10.880 love you. And just like that, we're gonna end this episode. 0:20:10.920 --> 0:20:14.840 We had too very painfully emotional stories. Oh my God, 0:20:15.560 --> 0:20:18.400 or should I say emotionally painful stories. I'm over here 0:20:18.840 --> 0:20:21.720 and between sets about the damn cry Jesus. Both of 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:26.040 these women have gone through traumatic stress, a great deal 0:20:26.080 --> 0:20:29.960 of trauma and their families, and um, I'm praying for 0:20:30.000 --> 0:20:32.120 both of them, and y'all should do the same. Make 0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:34.960 sure you tune into co parents and therapy with Rome 0:20:35.040 --> 0:20:37.240 and just that's me a little baby daddy as we're 0:20:37.280 --> 0:20:40.520 sitting down with other parents who are trying to create 0:20:40.640 --> 0:20:43.560 healthy environments for their children to grow up in and 0:20:43.600 --> 0:20:47.080