1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,119 Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:16,560 Speaker 1: and the Black Effects, and just like that, we're back 3 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:19,279 Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully Reckless 4 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,640 Speaker 1: episode with your girl. Just hilarious. Okay, so look, this 5 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:26,119 Speaker 1: is day number nine for me on set, and like 6 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,880 Speaker 1: I told y'all last week, I'm going to be helping 7 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: y'all and fixing you'all mess and between scenes. So listen, 8 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:34,159 Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing. So if my voice is 9 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 1: horse and I sound like somebody's dad, it's because I've 10 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 1: been screaming to the top of my lungs filming this movie. 11 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,519 Speaker 1: By the way, the movie is called Pretty Stoned and 12 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 1: it drops on four on v H one and TV 13 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:49,800 Speaker 1: and all that other good ship the Viacom channels, you know. Anyway, 14 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 1: So unfortunately we do not have voice notes. So I'm 15 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 1: gonna be reading bad with me, Chad, because God, I've 16 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,240 Speaker 1: been reading scripts and all of that, and I know, 17 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 1: I let me stop trying to shut on y'all. I'm 18 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 1: not trying to shut on y'all. I'm just saying I'm 19 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 1: goddamn tired of reading. Well, just because y'all don't want 20 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,400 Speaker 1: your boyfriends and y'all beloved loved ones and best friends 21 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: and all that ship people that y'all following up with 22 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 1: to hear your voice because they recognize you a little 23 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 1: stinking as voices. I got to read, all is nonpunctuality. 24 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 1: So let's jump straight in. Hi. Just see. My name 25 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,760 Speaker 1: is Kiki. I'm twenty one from Detroit and I need 26 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:28,960 Speaker 1: your help. Well, there goes anonymous. My father was shot 27 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 1: and killed when I was three years old, so I 28 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,200 Speaker 1: grew up without my father and was raised by my mother. 29 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,200 Speaker 1: Growing up, I made bad decisions and men and some 30 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 1: women as well, even though my mother did the best 31 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,480 Speaker 1: she could raising me and my brother. I'm writing you 32 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: this because throughout my life I lost a lot of 33 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,680 Speaker 1: people in my family. A year after my father passed, 34 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 1: I lost Grandpa, my dad's father. When I was all right, 35 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 1: you left out a word, but I guess you're trying 36 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,680 Speaker 1: to say when I was younger, when I was a baby, 37 00:01:56,440 --> 00:02:01,040 Speaker 1: my father's mother passed. My grandfather did reamy years before 38 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,760 Speaker 1: I was born, and she is my bonus granny and 39 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: I love her. By the time I turned seventeen, I 40 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 1: lost my mentor. She was danced and choir director for 41 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,840 Speaker 1: years I never got to say goodbye. By eighteen, I 42 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 1: lost a few of my uncles. By eighteen I lost 43 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 1: one of my uncles, a few months after another uncle. 44 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:24,680 Speaker 1: In I lost my aunt, and most recently in April, 45 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: I lost my granny, my mother's mom with her past, 46 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,680 Speaker 1: and this one was really hard to accept. She passed 47 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: right before her mother's day and right before my twenty 48 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: one birthday. What's really eating at me is that the 49 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: last conversation we had, we argued a little. She had 50 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: always been independent, but just got sick. She was no 51 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:48,640 Speaker 1: longer able to do things on her own, as simple 52 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 1: as just drinking a glass of water or using the bathroom. 53 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,600 Speaker 1: The last thing she said, basically was get out, I 54 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 1: don't care. The next day we placed her in the 55 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 1: hospital because she wanted to go. That day, my mom 56 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,920 Speaker 1: took her in and she was talking, but by the 57 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 1: time I got off work, she was on a ventilator 58 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 1: and basically in a coma. Oh my god. She never 59 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,960 Speaker 1: woke up and passed away two weeks later. I never 60 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,680 Speaker 1: got to say her voice again. My question is how 61 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 1: do I manage all of the loss I have seen 62 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: and been through all my life and still continue on 63 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:25,240 Speaker 1: gaining happiness for myself. PS. My bad girl for calling 64 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 1: you Jesse. I was typing too fast and didn't realize 65 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 1: until it was already sent. I love you, girl. I 66 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: do not mind you calling me Jesse at all. First 67 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: and foremost, you are a very strong young woman. I'm 68 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 1: glad that you sought the courage to even reach out 69 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 1: to me and be as vulnerable as you were to 70 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 1: share as much as you did. Losses are not easy, 71 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:49,160 Speaker 1: especially back to back to back to back losses. People 72 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 1: have different ways of dealing with losses. UM. I noticed 73 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,640 Speaker 1: that you told me about all the people that you lost, 74 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 1: but you never told me just how you managed to 75 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,120 Speaker 1: deal with it or how how you have coped in 76 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 1: the past with it. You said, the hardest loss that 77 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 1: you had to take was your grandmother, and that was 78 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:11,680 Speaker 1: so hard because you guys kind of ended not on 79 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 1: a really bad note, but not really a good note. 80 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:15,920 Speaker 1: You guys argued a little bit. She had told you 81 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:19,360 Speaker 1: to get out. Um, you guys had differences, and Um, 82 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 1: the next day she was placed in the hospital and 83 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,040 Speaker 1: two weeks later died after you not even being able 84 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 1: to hear her voice after the argument because you were 85 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 1: at work and didn't get off until later on that day, 86 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 1: and she was already on the ventilator by then. I'm sorry. 87 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,400 Speaker 1: I'm sorry for all of your losses. However, you're still 88 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 1: twenty one, okay. Nothing can sue the pain, nothing can 89 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 1: bring those those loved ones back. But you, being twenty 90 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,360 Speaker 1: one and still at a very young age and still 91 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 1: having so much life to live. I think that you 92 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:57,000 Speaker 1: should take this as a stepping stone for what has 93 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: prepared you for this cruel world that we live in today. 94 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,520 Speaker 1: We do. We live in a very very cruel world. 95 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 1: We live in a world where you can see somebody 96 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,919 Speaker 1: here today and gone today. You can see somebody this morning, 97 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,599 Speaker 1: they're gone this afternoon. You know, you can see somebody 98 00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,840 Speaker 1: the night before they're gone the next day. You've gone 99 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 1: through a lot of that. I think starting your healing 100 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:20,159 Speaker 1: process looks like therapy. And I don't mean just fix 101 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 1: my mask. I mean like some real, real therapy, not 102 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,320 Speaker 1: so much deeply rooted issues. You already know what they are. 103 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 1: You already know the deal with your parents and your 104 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,359 Speaker 1: grandparents and in all of the branches on your family tree. 105 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 1: I think it's just a matter of you surrounding yourself 106 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:41,279 Speaker 1: with positive energy and going to healing groups. Like Also, 107 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,840 Speaker 1: I just recently gave this same advice to someone else 108 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 1: I was helping on this podcast. I'm having a deja 109 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:50,360 Speaker 1: vu moment very vividly as I spoke on this. There 110 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,720 Speaker 1: are healing groups and support groups at churches, and if 111 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 1: you're non religious, there are different support groups that are 112 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:01,600 Speaker 1: non religious, um that you can act really participate, and 113 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,800 Speaker 1: they have them weekly. Sometimes people need them more than 114 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,960 Speaker 1: once a week. People need them daily until they're able 115 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,760 Speaker 1: to kind of grasp what that healing looks like, that 116 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,680 Speaker 1: self healing looks like, and then you need these groups 117 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:20,919 Speaker 1: less and less. Like I said, surround yourself with positivity, 118 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,080 Speaker 1: things that make you happy. There has to be something 119 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 1: that makes you happy and um, all this turmoil and 120 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,800 Speaker 1: through all of these losses that you've encountered in your 121 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,839 Speaker 1: younger years in life up until now, there has to 122 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:36,520 Speaker 1: be something that you know makes you happy. And you 123 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:39,240 Speaker 1: have to have a happy place to go to. Even 124 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:41,839 Speaker 1: if there's something in particular that doesn't make you happy, 125 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:45,760 Speaker 1: that has to be someplace that brings you good memories, UM, 126 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:49,600 Speaker 1: happiness to look forward to. Something like that. Are you dating? 127 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,919 Speaker 1: Do you have many friends? Are you satisfied with the 128 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:55,200 Speaker 1: job that you have. Do you have a pet? Do 129 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,040 Speaker 1: you have an emotional support dog? Do you You You know 130 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:01,479 Speaker 1: because I have one. When I was going through not 131 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:05,040 Speaker 1: being able to juggle being a full time mom and 132 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:08,640 Speaker 1: a full time entertainer because my son was in school 133 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 1: and and I was on the road a lot, I 134 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 1: got a dog. I used to take my dog, Vain, 135 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 1: who's a French bull dog by the way, and is 136 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,960 Speaker 1: going on three years old. March is his birthday. And 137 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 1: don't play with my dog. He's an aries. I bought him, 138 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 1: and he bought so much joy to my life. He 139 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: actually helped me cope with being alone and away from 140 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 1: my son, my biological son, you know, because I say 141 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 1: my dog is my son as well. They're very good 142 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 1: for emotional support. They're very good for when you do 143 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 1: feel only. They're good for breakups. They're good for losses, 144 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: They're good for filling that void. And um they never 145 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:47,320 Speaker 1: leave you, they never turn turn on you. UM. I 146 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 1: can't speak for every breed of dog, but I know 147 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: that your frenchie will not because mine hasn't. And this 148 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,280 Speaker 1: is not my first frenchie. I've had too, but there 149 00:07:56,320 --> 00:08:02,160 Speaker 1: are multiple outlets that will help you with where you 150 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: are in your life right now and how you feel 151 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,640 Speaker 1: like there there can never be happiness, and how it 152 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:10,880 Speaker 1: seems like it's never ending misery for you. There are 153 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 1: different outlets, So I just I want you to take 154 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,880 Speaker 1: into account that there is help, but I want you 155 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:20,600 Speaker 1: to go lee on an actual couch and actual therapist 156 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 1: couch and and get through this because you definitely can 157 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 1: check back in with me. I want to make sure 158 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: you're fine. I want to make sure you're okay. You know. 159 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,400 Speaker 1: I love to do the check ins. Okay, And by 160 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 1: you being so young, I think you're gonna figure it out. 161 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 1: I really do. I see a lot for you. Tell 162 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,200 Speaker 1: me a lot more or a little bit more about yourself, 163 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,920 Speaker 1: about your social life and are you an introvert like 164 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,679 Speaker 1: I want to learn more about you other than just 165 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,520 Speaker 1: your losses that you've been through, you know, the loss 166 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,000 Speaker 1: of your loved ones. Uh. There there are so many 167 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,080 Speaker 1: other things I bet that you can tell me. There 168 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: is so much more to you. I know it is, 169 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,079 Speaker 1: so check back in and let me know it's a 170 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 1: lot of things you didn't tell me, because I want 171 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:00,600 Speaker 1: to know exactly how I can help you. You gave 172 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,040 Speaker 1: me quite a bit, but it's not enough of you. 173 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:06,319 Speaker 1: You didn't tell me about yourself, gave me a lot 174 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:10,079 Speaker 1: about the family tree. So check back in with me, 175 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,800 Speaker 1: baby girl. If you love me, you'll listen to this 176 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:18,319 Speaker 1: commercial and then we'll be right back and moving on. Okay, 177 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,280 Speaker 1: we have a guy this time. Then he did not 178 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,440 Speaker 1: send a voice note in, so I'll be reading his story. 179 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:27,439 Speaker 1: Here we go. If one was interested, how would one 180 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:31,199 Speaker 1: go about being your friend with benefits only sexual benefits, 181 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,160 Speaker 1: nothing more. Ask me for a friend. Get the fucking 182 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,960 Speaker 1: offer here, ship, I'm trying to help people. You trying 183 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:44,520 Speaker 1: to bust a nut, sir. Look it's going on. Hey, Jays, 184 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 1: I really don't know where to start, but I will say. 185 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 1: I'm a twenty seven year old mother. I have two girls. 186 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,800 Speaker 1: The oldest is ten and the youngest is six. My 187 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,080 Speaker 1: kids no longer live with me. My aunt did an 188 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:58,720 Speaker 1: emergency custody order on me back in while I was 189 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: at work Walmart. But before that, I let her know 190 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,280 Speaker 1: that my last child, dad kept popping up to my 191 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 1: crib at all times of the night, accusing me of 192 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 1: laying up because I never answered the phone when he 193 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:14,240 Speaker 1: was calling. At two thirty am, three o'clock am, so 194 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,960 Speaker 1: he pop up. Growing up, I was taken from my 195 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,400 Speaker 1: mom at three months, from her sisters who had three 196 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,680 Speaker 1: boys of their own. But the aunt I was with 197 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: first she had two boys and one girl. My mom 198 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,840 Speaker 1: had two boys than me. I never really got the 199 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 1: time to be around my mom, so I really don't 200 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 1: know her like that, and she died when I was ten. 201 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,680 Speaker 1: I was literally getting passed from both aunts back and forth. 202 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,800 Speaker 1: The one who has my kids now have kids that 203 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:43,480 Speaker 1: are mentally not there, and one of them has to 204 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 1: be at least thirty six. He works for when Dixie 205 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,440 Speaker 1: and the other got to be at least thirty. He 206 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 1: plays games and works at Walmart. The youngest is in 207 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 1: the military, and he witnessed his older brother doing weird 208 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,920 Speaker 1: ship when I was younger, like catching him sniffing my 209 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:00,760 Speaker 1: panties by the washing machine to peek through the cracks 210 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 1: in the bathroom door when we were in a trailer 211 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 1: at the time. Then when I was with the other 212 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:08,720 Speaker 1: aunt and we came down to visit them, me and 213 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,600 Speaker 1: my girl cousin would get in trouble for laughing too loud, 214 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 1: so our aunt would make us come in the living room. 215 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,839 Speaker 1: We'd fall asleep eventually, but every time we woke up, 216 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:22,679 Speaker 1: her oldest son he'd be in between us. So after 217 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 1: my kids got taken, I moved back and with the 218 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:28,960 Speaker 1: aunt that took me at three months. She'd let anyone 219 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,840 Speaker 1: crash at her spot. I had good days just as 220 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,720 Speaker 1: well as terrible ones. The aunt with my kids would 221 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,840 Speaker 1: come by to visit her sister, so I'd get to 222 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:40,800 Speaker 1: spend five minutes with the kids because she didn't stay long. 223 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 1: And every time the kids see me, they come running 224 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:46,240 Speaker 1: calling me mommy, but my aunt be rolling her eyes. 225 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 1: This the same lady died ten times from a heart 226 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:53,240 Speaker 1: attack in oh six goddamn, and came back to life 227 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 1: acting like a Christian. But she once told me I 228 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,320 Speaker 1: was going to be good for nothing but laying on 229 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,880 Speaker 1: my back, and she said she was going to haunt 230 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 1: me if she was to ever die, which I felt 231 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:07,600 Speaker 1: like she's already dead because I have custody orders saying 232 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:11,160 Speaker 1: to get my kids on Mother's Day all major holidays. 233 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 1: Last time I tried, which was about two weeks ago, 234 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 1: I show up to our house. She had church music playing. 235 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 1: I sat at her table, opened my folder with my 236 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 1: court documents and a calendar to discuss the days. This 237 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,160 Speaker 1: lady just started yelling and telling the girls, tell your mama, 238 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,680 Speaker 1: you don't want to be with her, and they started crying. 239 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,920 Speaker 1: So I kissed my oldest and told her, Mama, finna leave. 240 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 1: I don't got time for your auntie drama. Me and 241 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 1: my girlfriend of three years moved to Florida in June, 242 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:43,200 Speaker 1: of which is an hour away there in Alabama. It's 243 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 1: like this woman didn't expect me to come from my children, 244 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:49,959 Speaker 1: and it's while she's brainwashing them with mother in their 245 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,280 Speaker 1: right mind. Once their little girls living on the couch 246 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,080 Speaker 1: with them when God knows who's walking in and out 247 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:58,000 Speaker 1: all times of the night. It was times my car 248 00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 1: would break down and nobody would help me to get 249 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,960 Speaker 1: work done on it, and not even the ones living 250 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 1: with me at the time because they were too busy 251 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,960 Speaker 1: or too sleepy. Then again I got in some mess 252 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,679 Speaker 1: back in so I asked my aunt what she get 253 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,480 Speaker 1: the kids, because I didn't want neither dad having them 254 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,959 Speaker 1: because a lot was going on. Even though my case 255 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:22,800 Speaker 1: didn't come up until mid I'm in the process of 256 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 1: handling that now with a lawyer because I have court 257 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,600 Speaker 1: next month. So I'm gonna work on the custody case 258 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,679 Speaker 1: right away when I get my chips straight. I've been 259 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,760 Speaker 1: at this hotel job for six months. I put a 260 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,840 Speaker 1: position in stating she's not going by the court's order, 261 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,160 Speaker 1: she's not allowing me to see my children, and I 262 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,160 Speaker 1: feel like to take it a step even further to 263 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,679 Speaker 1: help my fight. I want to bring up her child 264 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,400 Speaker 1: touching me so bad, because honestly, I don't feel comfortable 265 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 1: with my girls living there. What you think about my mess? 266 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:55,160 Speaker 1: This is generational curse that needs to be broken. My 267 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: grandmother called Alzheimer's an oh four and the aunt that 268 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,000 Speaker 1: I was with at first all he's left me with her. 269 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,120 Speaker 1: We had a big household which belonged to my grandmother. 270 00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 1: My aunt just took over, moved my kids four hours away, 271 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,080 Speaker 1: and she never came to see her mom when she 272 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,480 Speaker 1: was sick because she was too busy taking care of 273 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:17,439 Speaker 1: somebody else's mom. I literally had to feed my grandmother med's, 274 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,320 Speaker 1: bathe her, feed her. Most of the time she would 275 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,240 Speaker 1: spit the meds out. One night, a man knocked on 276 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:26,200 Speaker 1: the door saying he see our grandmother walking towards the 277 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 1: cemetery we lived on a dirt road in the middle 278 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 1: of nowhere. It took an hour to get to a store. 279 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,560 Speaker 1: Plus I was barely in school. I had asthma bad, 280 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,840 Speaker 1: so I was either in the hospital or home with 281 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,200 Speaker 1: my grandmother. As soon as my mom died, she was 282 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:43,120 Speaker 1: living with the aunt that has my kids now, her sister. 283 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: I moved in months after that because I kept getting 284 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: in trouble. Me and my younger cousin was fighting too much, 285 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 1: so I said I wanted to leave, and once spring 286 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,160 Speaker 1: break came, I left. I get with the aunt that 287 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 1: has my kids now, and she's never there. She's out 288 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,320 Speaker 1: in the streets coming home, falling on the floor, drunk 289 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 1: as how, and all kinds of stuff. She went Christian 290 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,520 Speaker 1: and really got worse. If you ask me, all she 291 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 1: does is mumble under her breath. It's weird. I could 292 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 1: go on and on. Girl you have She's always saying 293 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,880 Speaker 1: I'm on drugs, and she labels it badly. All I 294 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,280 Speaker 1: do is smoke weed. She calls it dope. But I 295 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,480 Speaker 1: don't smoke dope because I know I'm gonna have to 296 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 1: pee clean for my babies, so whenever the time comes, 297 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 1: I'll be good. Okay, So, honey, child, you were ever reware, 298 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 1: and I still don't even know exactly what your question 299 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:35,360 Speaker 1: is as to how I can help you. So I'm 300 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 1: just going to try to assist you as best as 301 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 1: I know how after reading that long, long story. Hold up, 302 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 1: hold up, I know the ship getting good. But listen 303 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 1: to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If 304 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 1: you love me, you'll listen. So obviously, there are family issues, 305 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,240 Speaker 1: just like my girl in the first story, there are 306 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 1: family issues there, and these seeing a bit worse because 307 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,760 Speaker 1: it's like your family is not even a damn family 308 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 1: like your aunts and and your cousins, and you know 309 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 1: you're being touched, and then you having to deal with 310 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 1: the fact that the very same house that you grew 311 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,080 Speaker 1: up in and you were touched and your kids are 312 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,040 Speaker 1: under the care of those same people. You know. So 313 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,560 Speaker 1: I can only imagine what you're going through, how it's 314 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 1: making you feel as a parent. You feel helpless, you 315 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 1: feel useless, You probably feel like you can't even help 316 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,680 Speaker 1: your children. And the fact that you did mention there 317 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 1: at the end that you know you need your p 318 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: to be clean, your urine to be clean. I'm assuming 319 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,040 Speaker 1: your own probation supervised, that is, and UM, I don't 320 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 1: know what your charges are. I don't care. You just 321 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,560 Speaker 1: need to get your children. You need to get yourself 322 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 1: together so you can get your children, because there's some 323 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,440 Speaker 1: things going on with you as well. I'm not gonna 324 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 1: sit here and blame every single thing on your family. 325 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,280 Speaker 1: I'm not blaming anything on you either, because now what 326 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,280 Speaker 1: what is blaming anyone gonna do for anything right now? 327 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 1: But there are issues that you have as well. There's 328 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,520 Speaker 1: trouble that I can tell that you are in and 329 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 1: out of, not just that one time in there is 330 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:12,159 Speaker 1: a demons you're fighting, there are there seems like a 331 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:15,160 Speaker 1: dark cloud over your head wherever you go. I need 332 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,240 Speaker 1: for you to get yourself together and get your children. 333 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:23,320 Speaker 1: Your aunt seems to love your babies, but don't really 334 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:27,440 Speaker 1: have the best interest for you. Um. I feel like 335 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,639 Speaker 1: she may be bitter and fed up with you. I 336 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: think whatever you have done in the past, uh, maybe 337 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 1: in her eyes, you haven't taken life serious. You could 338 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,679 Speaker 1: have done more as a mother in her eyes. I 339 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 1: feel like so she's kind of bitter towards you. She 340 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:46,240 Speaker 1: kind of maybe feels like you didn't do enough to 341 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:49,439 Speaker 1: get your children, you know, and and a lot of 342 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,640 Speaker 1: people that take on other family members children, they kind 343 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:56,560 Speaker 1: of start resenting whoever the biological parent is because I'm 344 00:17:56,600 --> 00:18:00,439 Speaker 1: over here is taking care of your child, your chill drinking. 345 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:02,560 Speaker 1: In a lot of cases, not just one, it's children, 346 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,600 Speaker 1: multiple children being taken care of by family member, and 347 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,560 Speaker 1: you out here just still on drugs. So you are here, 348 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,120 Speaker 1: just still doing what you're doing. And you're just out 349 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,840 Speaker 1: here in the fucking streets and ship. You're not even 350 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 1: making an effort to better yourself. So you can show 351 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,119 Speaker 1: me that you at least are trying to get on 352 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:21,199 Speaker 1: your fucking feet within a timely fashion. Like you know, 353 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,960 Speaker 1: Tom is fucking ticking, and kids grow up. They don't 354 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,919 Speaker 1: get younger, they only get older. So you know, I 355 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,879 Speaker 1: know a part of your aunt is like, look, I 356 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,840 Speaker 1: raised my children, whether they're good boys or not, good boys, 357 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:36,240 Speaker 1: bad boys, good children, whatever I raised my children. I'm 358 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,000 Speaker 1: doing you a favor, the due diligence of what a 359 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,560 Speaker 1: family should be at all times, because it takes a village. 360 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,320 Speaker 1: And she is head of your village because she has 361 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:47,680 Speaker 1: your children and has had your children for a while. 362 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,440 Speaker 1: Now that's coming from her side. From your side, you 363 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:53,280 Speaker 1: need to get your children because you don't want them 364 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: to go through the same thing you went through. No, 365 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,800 Speaker 1: you weren't brutally raped and all that, but you were 366 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 1: touched and it could have gone that way. Your cousins 367 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,919 Speaker 1: smelling your panties and all that. Ship And they're now older. 368 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,479 Speaker 1: This was when they were younger. Only god knows what 369 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,280 Speaker 1: the hell they are into now if they're still that way. 370 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,399 Speaker 1: Not saying that, but I'm only going off of what 371 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,000 Speaker 1: you told me. One of them in her thirties and 372 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,920 Speaker 1: the other one in late twenties or what what have you. Whatever, 373 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,600 Speaker 1: you need to get your children, get yourself together, get 374 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:24,159 Speaker 1: a job. I'm talking about, go through the courts, do 375 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,480 Speaker 1: it the right way. Don't fight your aunt. Don't try 376 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 1: to reason with her. Don't. She's so angry and still 377 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 1: bitter and still piste off with you right now, you know, 378 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 1: especially how you said the meeting went when you went 379 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 1: to go. You know, when she bought the kids over 380 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,879 Speaker 1: to the house for five minutes and she's telling the 381 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,480 Speaker 1: kids to tell your mother she y'all don't want to 382 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 1: go with her and all that. And you know your 383 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:50,119 Speaker 1: kids are only getting older, they're going to start seeing 384 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:54,679 Speaker 1: this and developing their own rendition of what family is 385 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,479 Speaker 1: in their minds and it cannot be this. So you 386 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,280 Speaker 1: have to do what you have to do. Put on 387 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,439 Speaker 1: your big girl panties, get yourself together, go get your children, 388 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,360 Speaker 1: check back in all right, and if you haven't heard 389 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,240 Speaker 1: it in a while, I don't know you, but I 390 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,880 Speaker 1: love you. And just like that, we're gonna end this episode. 391 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 1: We had too very painfully emotional stories. Oh my God, 392 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,400 Speaker 1: or should I say emotionally painful stories. I'm over here 393 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 1: and between sets about the damn cry Jesus. Both of 394 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:26,040 Speaker 1: these women have gone through traumatic stress, a great deal 395 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,960 Speaker 1: of trauma and their families, and um, I'm praying for 396 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,120 Speaker 1: both of them, and y'all should do the same. Make 397 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 1: sure you tune into co parents and therapy with Rome 398 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,240 Speaker 1: and just that's me a little baby daddy as we're 399 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:40,520 Speaker 1: sitting down with other parents who are trying to create 400 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,560 Speaker 1: healthy environments for their children to grow up in and 401 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 1: to raise them amicably, move forward amicably without trying to 402 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 1: be together, so that lives on YouTube. That it's taken 403 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:53,400 Speaker 1: the place right now of reckless discussions while we work 404 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,800 Speaker 1: on revamping season two, which is still coming, y'all. Less 405 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,440 Speaker 1: in the works. I leave y'all hanging house of jewels coming. 406 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 1: Make sure you tune into Carefully Reckless each and every 407 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,399 Speaker 1: Wednesday on your way to work in the mornings and 408 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 1: the evenings wherever you get your podcast at. And then 409 00:21:06,800 --> 00:22:02,680 Speaker 1: my deepest pam boys, peace, see you next week. M H. 410 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,919 Speaker 1: Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and 411 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,920 Speaker 1: The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, 412 00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:30,560 Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 413 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:31,960 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.