WEBVTT - Live, Laugh, Lose 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.720 This episode contains mentions of disordered eating, mental illness, and suicide. 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:07.960 Please take caution while listening and check the show notes 0:00:08.000 --> 0:00:15.880 for resources. It's June twenty second, twenty eleven, camper arrival 0:00:15.920 --> 0:00:20.360 day at Camp Shane. It's also my twenty first birthday. 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:24.240 But there's no alcohol and there's definitely no cake. And 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:26.599 for the next nine weeks, I'm in charge of a 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:29.640 cabin of a dozen or so thirteen year old girls. 0:00:30.840 --> 0:00:33.320 It's my first time as a counselor at a summer camp, 0:00:33.479 --> 0:00:37.120 and I'm giving each and every camper an enthusiastic welcome 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:39.920 to what will be, if I have anything to say 0:00:39.920 --> 0:00:46.000 about it, the best summer of their lives. Some campers 0:00:46.000 --> 0:00:49.319 are excited, they know that good times and freedom from 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:53.000 their families await, but some of the girls are apprehensive 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:56.680 and uncomfortable, resistant to being left behind by their parents. 0:00:57.520 --> 0:01:02.640 One camper is actively and inconsolably crying. Her mother leaves 0:01:02.680 --> 0:01:04.960 and I sit on the bed next to her, trying 0:01:05.000 --> 0:01:07.920 to offer comfort. I tell her what I've been repeating 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:11.320 all day long. Trust me, this is going to be 0:01:11.360 --> 0:01:16.319 an amazing sum mer. I explain all the crazy activities 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:19.200 we have planned, all the wacky counselors and the old 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:22.720 camp traditions. I figure she's just a little scared to 0:01:22.760 --> 0:01:26.200 be in a new place. But eventually she takes a 0:01:26.240 --> 0:01:31.039 breath and says something that stops me cold. You don't 0:01:31.120 --> 0:01:36.600 understand this is not my first time here. She knew 0:01:36.640 --> 0:01:40.559 something about Camp Shane I didn't, something I would soon 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:47.960 see for myself. This is Camp Shane. I'm Kelsey Snelling. 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:52.080 This episode we're zooming in on my summer at Camp Shane, 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:57.600 the experience that set this whole podcast in motion. Today 0:01:57.760 --> 0:02:02.600 we're talking about twenty eleven, a summer filled with disordered eating, 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:09.160 mental health issues, and a giant pit of jello. By 0:02:09.200 --> 0:02:11.880 the time I got there, Camp Shane's heyday was in 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:16.040 the rear view mirror. Fewer campers were signing up. This 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:20.080 was in part because the cultural tides were turning. Traditional 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:23.440 diet culture was starting to be overshadowed by wellness culture. 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:28.240 Super skinny was deprioritized in favor of fitness and strength, 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:32.560 or at least that's how it was sold. Wellness culture 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:37.560 is just diet culture with a minimally disparate ideal. Plus 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:40.240 the aftershocks of the two thousand and eight recession meant 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:42.880 families didn't have as much money to send their kids 0:02:42.919 --> 0:02:48.200 to summer camp anymore. Shane was reaching a tipping point. 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:52.079 David was seeking bodies to fill the camp, and according 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:55.840 to multiple sources, tensions were high between David and his 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:59.920 right hand man, the hands on camp director, Simon Greenwood. 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:02.680 I tried to talk to Merryl about it when I 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:06.839 interviewed her last spring. What was Simon and David's relationship like? 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:10.240 I would like to not go there? 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:16.679 Yikes. In the spring of twenty eleven, I didn't yet 0:03:16.760 --> 0:03:20.280 know about any of camp's shortcomings. I was a junior 0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:23.240 in college and I hadn't even heard of Camp Shane. 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:25.920 I'd seen the movie Heavyweights, but I didn't realize fat 0:03:25.919 --> 0:03:30.240 camps were a real thing that actually existed until one 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:32.880 day when my older sister called me on the phone 0:03:33.080 --> 0:03:33.520 and said... 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:37.520 I found the coolest job ever and we need to apply. 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:42.560 So I said, okay, what is it? And she sent 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:44.520 me the link to the Camp Shane website. 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:49.160 I had finished college, I wasn't quite ready to get 0:03:49.160 --> 0:03:52.080 started on a career yet, but I had this laundry 0:03:52.120 --> 0:03:54.680 list of jobs that, for one reason or another, I 0:03:54.760 --> 0:03:57.320 had always wanted to try and at the top of 0:03:57.360 --> 0:03:58.960 that list was being a camp counselor. 0:04:00.200 --> 0:04:02.920 That's my sister, Robin, but you'll never hear me call 0:04:02.960 --> 0:04:05.400 her that. To me, She's just Bobby. 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:10.600 So I did an internet search and one of the 0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:13.800 very first results that came back was this camp that 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:16.640 wasn't too far from where I lived. It was in 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:19.479 a beautiful part of the country. It had tons of 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:23.719 celebrity endorsements, and it just looked like a really fun 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:27.000 place to spend a summer based on all of the 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:29.080 activities that they had on their website. 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:32.839 At this point, Bobby and I were drinking the Camp Shane 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:37.080 kool aid or maybe crystal light in this case. The 0:04:37.120 --> 0:04:39.839 way the website sold it, camp seemed like a fun, 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:43.520 positive environment. We looked forward to the chance to teach 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:47.559 kids about fitness and how to love themselves, and maybe 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:52.599 we'd lose a little weight ourselves. Sign us up. So 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:55.799 we applied and both got jobs, her as a general 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:58.520 counselor for the young adult women and me as the 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:01.520 arts and crafts teacher. I'd also be in a bunk 0:05:01.560 --> 0:05:05.159 with thirteen year old girls. We were stoked. 0:05:05.720 --> 0:05:09.719 I really was going in with a very optimistic view 0:05:10.120 --> 0:05:12.960 that This would be a place where kids that were 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:15.600 struggling with their weight really could get some guidance on 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:20.839 how to develop better habits, how to be healthier, develop 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:22.800 their body image, that sort of thing. 0:05:24.080 --> 0:05:29.680 There was one downside. The pay sucked. Base salary five 0:05:29.760 --> 0:05:34.760 hundred and fifty dollars, completion of contract, stipend two hundred 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:39.679 and seventy five dollars, travel stipend two hundred and seventy 0:05:39.680 --> 0:05:44.279 five dollars, for a total of one thousand, one hundred 0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:49.159 dollars spanning about eleven weeks of work and about ninety 0:05:49.200 --> 0:05:52.200 hours of work a week. That amounted to basically a 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:56.119 dollar an hour. But I didn't care. I was young. 0:05:56.680 --> 0:06:01.840 Any amount of money was exciting to me. Employees had 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:04.960 staggered start days, and as the arts and crafts teacher, 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:07.920 I had some setup to do. So I arrived at 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:11.679 Camp Shane a few days before my sister, and right away 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:16.440 I realized the food was less than optimal. All of 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:19.200 the work Simon had put into elevating the cuisine at 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:22.600 camp didn't seem to matter much when the portions were 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:23.360 so minimal. 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:29.400 I remember you called us to let us know how 0:06:29.480 --> 0:06:32.480 camp was going, and this was of course, before all 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:35.360 of the counselors and campers had arrived, in the early 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:39.679 days of just getting things set up, and you said 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:44.360 something about we had breakfast and it was one silver 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:49.120 dollar pancake and five blueberries. And I remember talking to 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:52.120 Mom and saying this, she has to be exaggerating. There's 0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:55.839 no way they would be feeding adults this for breakfast. 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:59.600 And then I got to camp myself and realized that 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:03.000 was not an exaggeration. It was quite accurate. 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:06.320 Thank you. I get accused of exaggerating. 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:07.120 Well, not this time. 0:07:08.600 --> 0:07:12.400 Another thing that needs no exaggeration. The camp was in 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:16.760 complete disrepair. My first three or four days were spent 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:21.080 just cleaning with my new colleagues, rearranging mattresses, dusting and 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:24.760 cleaning windows, and sweeping the floors, which had huge gaps 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:27.440 between the wooden planks. In some areas you could see 0:07:27.480 --> 0:07:30.160 down to the ground below, and when you looked up, 0:07:30.720 --> 0:07:35.960 the roof leaked too. As the Arts and Crafts teacher, 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:39.240 I also had my own classroom of sorts to prep. 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:43.240 It was in my favorite building on campus, tucked into 0:07:43.280 --> 0:07:46.040 the woods, away from the busiest parts of camp, with 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:50.080 a big balcony looking onto the lush greenery below, but 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:54.520 inside it was gross. There were unclaimed art projects that 0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:58.520 had grown moldy from years in storage, Bottles of glue 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:02.520 had completely hardened, and empty tubs of what was once 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:06.520 glitter were filled with dead bugs. I threw everything into 0:08:06.560 --> 0:08:10.360 trash bags and started from scratch, which included repainting the 0:08:10.360 --> 0:08:14.600 walls and sanding the splintering floors. One day during this 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:17.800 orientation week, a few counselors and I went down to 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:20.760 explore the campground's creek, which was a bit of a 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:23.720 walk from the main part of camp. A dip into 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:28.720 the cool crystal water surrounded by towering pine trees sounds idyllic, right? 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:34.280 Well in this case, no. The creek was filled with trash. 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:38.160 There were old car parts scattered around, and at one 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:41.959 point I felt something bump my leg. When I looked down, 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:45.719 I saw a bloated dead beaver circus staring up at me. 0:08:47.520 --> 0:08:52.720 I still think about its eyes. Now here's the thing 0:08:53.440 --> 0:08:57.520 I'm all about, that rustic life. Okay, I camp, I backpack, 0:08:57.600 --> 0:09:01.160 I'll sleep on the floor. I don't care. By twenty eleven, 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:05.360 families were spending nearly ten thousand dollars to send their 0:09:05.440 --> 0:09:08.720 children to camp and at that price point, I was 0:09:08.800 --> 0:09:13.280 pretty shocked at the state of things. Now. I refer 0:09:13.360 --> 0:09:18.080 to this time as orientation week quite loosely, because really... 0:09:18.400 --> 0:09:21.160 Training was just kind of like cleaning up the camp 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:24.160 and getting to know each other, and we really weren't 0:09:24.160 --> 0:09:29.360 given any sort of formal training. Like I think I 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:30.800 knew what to do if there was a fire in 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:33.960 the cabin, but I feel like that's that's probably where 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:37.360 it stops. Now looking back, I'm like, none of us 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:40.439 were trained or qualified or really knew what we were doing, 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:42.920 but like some of us really were there for the 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:43.600 right reasons. 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:47.520 That's another Camp Shane counselor from my twenty eleven summer. 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:51.000 She requested to be anonymous, so we'll call her Casey. 0:09:52.080 --> 0:09:54.520 Casey was hired to be a group leader at Camp Shane, 0:09:55.040 --> 0:09:58.680 meaning in addition to counselor responsibilities, she would also be 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:02.440 managing other counselors in her cabin's age group. When she 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:05.640 arrived at camp, she was amped up and ready to 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:08.360 bond with the girls in her bunk she had the 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:13.800 sixteen year olds. When the kids eventually arrived at Camp Shane, 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:16.800 they were told to strip down to a swimsuit in 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:20.920 front of everyone to be photographed. This would be the 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:25.600 before picture, which would showcase their inevitable big transformation over 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:26.120 the summer. 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:28.400 And my campers were so anxious. 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:33.000 Understandable. Can you imagine showing up to a completely new 0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:36.160 place where you know no one, and then you're asked 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:38.439 to take off your clothes and show off your body, 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:42.160 which is perhaps your biggest source of shame and insecurity. 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:46.640 And I went ahead and took my T shirt off 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:49.800 and I had like a sports bra and shorts on. 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:52.240 I was like, come on, guys, we can do this, 0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:53.960 like we'll do it with you, And so all my 0:10:54.040 --> 0:11:00.360 counselors all removed their outer T shirt and from that 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:04.000 point on we were known as like the naked bunk 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:08.920 because we were always like, you know, fuck what anyone cares. Like, okay, 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:11.000 we have fat on our stomachs. 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:13.360 She even came up with a special name for her 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:15.479 girls to help boost their confidence. 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:18.960 We called ourselves the Honey Badgers because like I would 0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:22.640 encourage them to like work out in the sports bra 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:26.400 and just not care what anyone fucking thinks about them. 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:30.960 Honey Badgers named after that viral video that was everywhere 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:32.160 in twenty eleven. 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:35.439 The honey badger has been referred to by the Guinness 0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:37.960 Book of World Records as the most fearless animal in 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:40.440 all of the Animal Kingdom. It really doesn't give a shit. 0:11:41.440 --> 0:11:43.880 In addition to these photos, at the start of the summer, 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:48.280 there were the infamous weekly weigh-ins that tracked kids progress. 0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:52.480 The weigh-ins had been around since the camp's inception, and 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:55.440 kids were desperate for their number to go down each week. 0:11:56.440 --> 0:12:01.000 Sometimes they'd completely starve themselves the day before, they'd refuse 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:03.679 to drink water, they'd cram in a couple of extra 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:06.320 sit ups, and they'd even make trips to the nurse, 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:09.880 claiming to be constipated so that they'd be given laxatives 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:15.360 or prune juice. Now, laxatives are a huge red flag 0:12:15.520 --> 0:12:19.200 of disordered eating. You'd think a nurse at a weight 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:22.880 loss camp would recognize that and not pass out laxatives 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:27.560 willy nilly, But it happened, and Casey remembers the toll 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:29.440 these weigh-ins took on her campers. 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:35.400 My girls would not want to eat Saturday night, they 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:38.120 wouldn't want to drink water so that they would weigh 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:43.000 more with water weight. It was a giant obsession with 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:44.880 the number on the scale, and so there was always 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:48.360 a lot of anxiety walking over to weigh-ins, and there 0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:52.240 was tears, and there was high fives, and there was 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:55.400 just a mix of disappointment and pride depending on the 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:58.439 kid what they saw when they got in. 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:02.760 Casey had her own struggles with weight, which had inspired 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:05.080 her to apply for a job at Camp Shane in the 0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:09.000 first place. As she tells it, she started gaining noticeable 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:11.120 amounts of weight when she was around twelve. 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:15.320 I grew up in a house which was a pretty 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:18.720 conservative house, I would say, and I hid a big 0:13:18.760 --> 0:13:23.800 secret for a while to my family, which was that 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:28.960 I struggled with my sexuality. I started gaining weight right 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:31.880 around the time I realized that I was gay, or 0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:33.800 maybe after. I mean I think I knew when I 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:38.680 was younger, but I'd say around the age of twelve thirteen, 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:41.479 it got pretty out of control. 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:46.280 Struggling emotionally, Casey turned to binge eating. 0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:50.560 Just reading other people's testimonies. As an adult, I'm like, man, 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:53.160 that's like a thing where you actually eat your feelings. 0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:58.240 Throughout high school and college, Casey continued these habits and 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:02.400 continued to gain weight. It didn't stop until one day 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:05.560 she had a difficult conversation with a close friend. 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:09.000 I kind of had a hard conversation with a friend 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:11.559 of mine in college who was like, why don't you 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:13.200 ever go to the beach with us, Why don't you 0:14:13.240 --> 0:14:17.200 ever go on cruises with us when we go for 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:20.320 spring break? You're really missing out. And I would always 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:23.480 come up with these horrible excuses like, well, I have 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:25.960 a really big thing I have to study for, or 0:14:26.640 --> 0:14:28.360 I just want to go hang out with my family, 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:31.720 or oh, I have other plans, And I really didn't. 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:33.480 I just didn't want to be in a bathing suit 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:39.720 or in shorts or anything showing any body part. So 0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:43.280 at about twenty one, I just decided enough is enough, 0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:46.680 threw away all the food in my apartment, and I 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:50.040 went to the grocery store and just like started from scratch. 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:54.840 Now it's important to say that big changes like this 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:58.440 don't always lead to big weight loss. In fact, they 0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:03.080 usually don't, But for Casey, changing her eating habits and 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:08.160 exercising more did lead to significant weight loss. By age 0:15:08.200 --> 0:15:12.760 twenty four, she was in a completely transformed body. A colleague 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:15.680 then suggested she apply for a summer job at Camp Shane, 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:18.120 and Casey thought it was a great idea. 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:22.280 I wanted to inspire people, as cheesy as that sounds, 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:30.280 and use my transformation as like an inspiration to pass 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:33.280 it on. And that's really why I was there. I 0:15:33.400 --> 0:15:37.080 wasn't I definitely wasn't there to find a hookup. I 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:39.440 wasn't there for the money, because god knows they didn't 0:15:39.840 --> 0:15:42.920 really pay. But I thought making friends would be fun, 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:47.840 and I thought being a good model for these kids 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:51.760 was a great idea since I never had one. 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:55.120 I also had struggled with eating and body image throughout 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:58.680 my life. Casey, Bobby, and I were all at Camp 0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:02.080 Shane for similar reasons. We thought this was going to 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:06.280 be a body positive, progressive environment, teaching kids to love 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:11.040 their bodies and enjoy active lifestyles. But Camp Shane being 0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:21.000 Camp Shane, that's not how things panned out. Camp Shane 0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:25.320 wasn't what my sister and I had hoped it would be. First, 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:29.160 the meal plan. We've talked about the food plenty already, 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:32.200 but as Casey pointed out to me, there didn't seem 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:36.360 to be a specific strategy around the small portions. It 0:16:36.440 --> 0:16:39.120 wasn't low carb, it wasn't about filling up on greens. 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:42.400 It was random food in a calorie deficit. 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:47.400 Their motto was live, laugh, lose, But I wasn't really sure, 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:52.040 you know what they if they agreed or aligned with 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:58.520 a certain nutrition philosophy or weight loss management philosophy. It 0:16:58.560 --> 0:17:03.080 was just no one really knew like how to lose 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:05.760 weight health in a healthy way and keep it off, 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:09.920 and so people just did their best with their own knowledge. 0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:15.199 The Camp Shane no-strategy-strategy didn't sit well with Casey. 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:18.119 I didn't feel like the kids were learning how to 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:21.639 maintain any sort of weight loss, which led me to 0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:24.760 start having thoughts like, oh, they want kids to gain 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:28.040 weight back so that they come back next summer. It 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:29.360 makes sense, it's a business. 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:34.080 Throughout the years, the camp advertised on its website a 0:17:34.119 --> 0:17:38.080 professional chef on staff, as well as licensed nutritionists to 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:41.480 put Shaners on the path toward a better lifestyle. But 0:17:41.600 --> 0:17:45.359 Casey noticed that the people teaching nutrition classes didn't seem 0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:49.200 qualified to make sure her girls were getting the education 0:17:49.359 --> 0:17:52.720 they had signed up for. Casey took matters into her 0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:53.440 own hands. 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:57.240 The girls would come in and be like, I'd be like, 0:17:57.240 --> 0:17:59.000 what'd you do a nutrition class and they're like, we 0:17:59.080 --> 0:18:02.760 learned how to bake chicken with certain seasonings. And I'm like, okay, 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:06.679 that's good, but why is the chicken healthy? And they're like, oh, 0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:09.600 I didn't tell us. So I used to sit down 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:12.840 with my campers like a couple times a week, and 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:16.680 they would bring their notebooks and I would share what 0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:21.159 limited knowledge I had. I tried to introduce them to 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:26.119 like nutrition one oh one, like from a scientific sort 0:18:26.160 --> 0:18:28.440 of thing, but also how you could incorporate it into 0:18:28.480 --> 0:18:32.240 like a regular life, Like instead of going for fruit loops, 0:18:32.280 --> 0:18:35.560 you could eat hard boiled egg or whatever in the 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:39.400 morning yogurt or Greek yogurt because it's very low in 0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:44.719 sugar and high protein. And they were just furiously taking notes, 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:46.560 and I'm like, this is what you should be doing 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:50.080 a nutrition class, but I did it on my time off. 0:18:51.000 --> 0:18:55.159 Casey wasn't a licensed nutritionist or dietitian, and some of 0:18:55.200 --> 0:18:58.720 her tips were still steeped in a diet culture mindset. 0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:01.520 She was just using her own experience to try to 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:05.040 fill in some gaps in the camp's programming. She also 0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:07.960 got special permission to cook her girl's dinner one night 0:19:08.359 --> 0:19:10.080 so they could get a taste of a meal that 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:13.240 was healthy, nutritious, and didn't leave them starving. 0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:16.320 Afterwards, I was allowed to go to the grocery store 0:19:16.359 --> 0:19:19.560 with a couple of my counselors and we did like, 0:19:20.280 --> 0:19:24.320 you know, baked Greek chicken. We did like a side 0:19:24.400 --> 0:19:30.640 of roasted vegetables and Greek yogurt for dessert, sweetened with 0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:33.119 like stevia or something like that. It was it was 0:19:33.200 --> 0:19:36.040 really good. It was a really healthy, very protein packed 0:19:36.520 --> 0:19:39.440 and that was probably the most special night I ever 0:19:39.480 --> 0:19:43.840 had with my girls. I think these kids needed a 0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:54.359 safe space to divulge their sort of emotional issues surrounding food. 0:19:54.800 --> 0:20:00.920 I feel like they needed education. I feel like they needed 0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:06.719 a lot of love, a lot of forgiveness. 0:20:07.720 --> 0:20:11.200 Outside of her ad hoc nutrition lessons, kids at camp 0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:14.600 that summer were subject to a whole host of problematic 0:20:14.640 --> 0:20:20.000 approaches to food. Camp Shane prided itself on unique and 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:24.359 immersive activities throughout the summer, many of course attributed to 0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:28.320 Simon and his head's staff. There was a Vegas casino night, 0:20:29.000 --> 0:20:33.440 a carnival, and something called Fear Factor Day inspired by 0:20:33.440 --> 0:20:37.920 the NBC game show. For the most part, these were 0:20:37.960 --> 0:20:42.959 creative and memorable experiences for the kids, but sometimes they 0:20:43.000 --> 0:20:45.960 turned out to be memorable in all the wrong ways 0:20:46.400 --> 0:20:51.965 and only reinforced negative relationships with food Like the jello 0:20:51.965 --> 0:20:58.240 pit a truly unsettling site to behold. A few counselors 0:20:58.280 --> 0:21:00.679 were asked to dig a four foot deep pit in 0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:04.520 the ground, then fill it halfway with red jello. This 0:21:04.720 --> 0:21:07.000 was for an activity where kids could jump in two 0:21:07.040 --> 0:21:11.200 at a time and compete in a wrestling match. Many 0:21:11.200 --> 0:21:14.679 of the campers were shirtless, sweaty, and covered in mud, 0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:17.679 but that didn't stop them from attempting to sneak a 0:21:17.680 --> 0:21:21.200 little taste of the dessert, in which they literally swam. 0:21:21.560 --> 0:21:24.240 As you can imagine, this posed a threat to that 0:21:24.320 --> 0:21:27.840 week's weigh-in, so staff started mixing soap in with the 0:21:27.920 --> 0:21:32.160 jello to discourage any snacking. This deterred only about half 0:21:32.200 --> 0:21:37.800 of the attempts. Then there was the Apache Relay, the 0:21:37.960 --> 0:21:41.119 last part of the famed Color War, which we talked 0:21:41.119 --> 0:21:45.520 about last episode. This race was the culmination of summer 0:21:45.840 --> 0:21:50.840 and every single person on campus was involved. Essentially, everyone 0:21:50.960 --> 0:21:54.240 was assigned a different leg of the competition. You might 0:21:54.280 --> 0:21:57.159 be tasked with a dizzy bat run or rolling an 0:21:57.200 --> 0:22:00.960 orange across a field using only your nose. My sister 0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:03.760 Bobby was assigned the second to last stretch of the 0:22:03.760 --> 0:22:05.680 relay race for her team. 0:22:06.400 --> 0:22:09.920 And so the baton has passed to us. We're running 0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:12.800 the end of the course and we turn the corner 0:22:13.359 --> 0:22:17.439 and the end of our leg of the race is 0:22:17.560 --> 0:22:24.400 two picnic tables. One is full of blueberry pie, the 0:22:24.440 --> 0:22:29.080 other is full of watermelon. I'm talking of full watermelon, 0:22:29.160 --> 0:22:36.600 not slices of watermelon. And I had to watch my 0:22:36.720 --> 0:22:41.080 female co counselor eat an entire blueberry pie as fast 0:22:41.080 --> 0:22:46.119 as she could, and one of my male co counselors 0:22:46.160 --> 0:22:50.400 eat an entire watermelon in front of all of the campers. 0:22:51.640 --> 0:22:55.119 This is pretty messed up, right, Like someone decided at 0:22:55.160 --> 0:22:57.760 a weight loss camp they were going to have counselors 0:22:58.560 --> 0:23:02.520 down as much food as they can while all the 0:23:02.600 --> 0:23:06.720 kids are watching and cheering. After my co counselor ate 0:23:06.800 --> 0:23:11.560 the blueberry pie and I did watch her make herself 0:23:11.600 --> 0:23:16.560 throw up, we had to swim together on a raft 0:23:16.680 --> 0:23:17.639 across the pool. 0:23:19.640 --> 0:23:23.520 Bobby wasn't the only one who witnessed puking. The counselors 0:23:23.560 --> 0:23:26.760 couldn't help but throw up publicly in trash cans in 0:23:26.800 --> 0:23:30.960 front of the crowd. I have photo evidence. But beyond 0:23:31.080 --> 0:23:36.600 being gross, these events were reinforcing dangerous ideas about food. 0:23:37.400 --> 0:23:43.159 We've already established that Camps Shane's diet was hmm problematic 0:23:43.359 --> 0:23:46.920 to say the least. There were the minuscule portions, the 0:23:47.000 --> 0:23:50.040 ever present weigh-ins, the pig out room, and now the 0:23:50.080 --> 0:23:53.600 pie eating contests and giant pits of jello. All of 0:23:53.640 --> 0:23:57.640 these things set up a damaging cycle of restriction and excess. 0:23:58.040 --> 0:24:01.119 It encouraged campers to covet for bit foods and then 0:24:01.160 --> 0:24:15.639 feel guilty afterwards for eating them. All of this, combined 0:24:16.200 --> 0:24:20.520 the lack of nutritional education, the restrictive diet, the emphasis 0:24:20.560 --> 0:24:23.560 on food without taking into account the mental toll it 0:24:23.640 --> 0:24:30.000 takes on kids, it's dangerous. Bobby started witnessing disordered eating 0:24:30.080 --> 0:24:31.000 from her campers. 0:24:32.240 --> 0:24:36.280 One of them had a total breakdown because she, in quotes, 0:24:36.400 --> 0:24:40.159 slipped up and ate a single potato chip and she 0:24:40.240 --> 0:24:43.240 wanted to go talk to the counselor about it. So 0:24:43.320 --> 0:24:47.040 there were there were a number of little things like 0:24:47.080 --> 0:24:52.560 that that were happening all around me that, you know, 0:24:52.600 --> 0:24:55.520 I started to realize this is not just a group 0:24:55.640 --> 0:24:57.879 of people who are looking to lose a little bit 0:24:57.920 --> 0:25:01.400 of weight, like there are some deep seated things here 0:25:01.800 --> 0:25:06.080 that this camp is not not only is it not 0:25:06.680 --> 0:25:14.080 able to address, but is doing things that may actually 0:25:14.080 --> 0:25:18.199 be detrimental by pushing the weight loss and pushing the 0:25:18.200 --> 0:25:23.560 restricted eating and really spending no time on the deeper issues. 0:25:24.600 --> 0:25:29.399 And again, Bobby was not a trained psychological professional. She 0:25:29.520 --> 0:25:32.520 didn't know how to handle this kind of distress kids 0:25:32.520 --> 0:25:35.880 were experiencing, so she brought it to Simon. 0:25:37.000 --> 0:25:41.560 I was having a conversation with a couple of other 0:25:42.240 --> 0:25:45.639 counselors and staff members. I was saying how distressing it 0:25:45.800 --> 0:25:51.320 was to learn about the trauma and the eating disorders 0:25:51.480 --> 0:25:54.159