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Speaker 1: Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

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Speaker 1: I'm an og Okay story Time podcast hosts. I don't care.

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Speaker 2: I'm making sure that you stay here for the next

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Speaker 2: two minutes.

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Speaker 1: All right, I'll be detained for the two more minutes

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Speaker 1: before we get into this episode. Yeah, we got some

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Speaker 1: ads coming up. Just stick around.

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Speaker 3: Stick around.

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Speaker 4: I'm getting coffee with my married professor.

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Speaker 2: Now I feel weird.

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Speaker 1: Just get coffee.

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Speaker 4: And it's back to School Week on Okay Storytime Podcast,

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Speaker 4: where we're cracking open the wildest campus tales from college

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Speaker 4: sweethearts to evil professors that'll make you question is my

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Speaker 4: student loan worth it. If you're new here and looking

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Speaker 4: for the story my boyfriend's professor is way too friendly

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Speaker 4: and now I'm seriously suspicious. Just click the link in

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Speaker 4: the show's notes and description, or search back to School Week,

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Speaker 4: Okay Storytime wherever you get your podcasts. Let's dive into

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Speaker 4: this one. This is my twenty six female third course

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Speaker 4: with my professor Forty's mail. I had him last semester

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Speaker 4: and have two classes with him this semester. I've always

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Speaker 4: had good relationships with my professors, but have never met

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Speaker 4: them outside of class. Or office hours. I'm not sure

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Speaker 4: how to proceed, and I'm struggling to determine if there's

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Speaker 4: actually anything inappropriate going on or if I'm being paranoid

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Speaker 4: about someone who means well. By the way this comes from,

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Speaker 4: but I like coffee, and if you want to smit

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Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash okay story

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Speaker 4: time separate it. I'll start at the beginning of an innocent,

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Speaker 4: no possibly questionable situation. This is my third course with

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Speaker 4: this proth. He's really well liked because he's funny, down

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Speaker 4: to earth and amiable. Classes are engaging and casual, with

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Speaker 4: lots of open discussion, and I really enjoy being part

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Speaker 4: of it. I'm getting married and I'm currently planning my wedding.

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Speaker 4: I've been looking for a band to play and recently

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Speaker 4: asked him for a recommendation after I heard him discussing

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Speaker 4: music with another student. He told me he knew a

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Speaker 4: great band and could give me the details. I emailed

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Speaker 4: him about it later, and he told me about the band,

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Speaker 4: asking for my numbers so we could forward the singer's

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Speaker 4: text to me. He said a screenshot of their conversation

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Speaker 4: and said that he hoped it would work out. I

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Speaker 4: thanked him and he said something along the lines of

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Speaker 4: you're welcome, see you Monday. Done and done, no weird vibes.

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Speaker 4: It was the first time I've ever texted a professor,

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Speaker 4: but nothing felt off. I will interject here and mention

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Speaker 4: that this professor is decent looking, nothing to write home about,

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Speaker 4: but he definitely stands out among the usual gray hairs,

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Speaker 4: a silver fox, if you will. I've noticed at least

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Speaker 4: one classmate acting flirty with him, but he did not

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Speaker 4: reciprocate it, and I thought it was comical. I didn't

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Speaker 4: feel attracted him at all until I had a weird

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Speaker 4: dream about him, and since then this whole situation has

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Speaker 4: been really dumb. A few weeks later, one of our

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Speaker 4: class discussions trailed into break and another student and I

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Speaker 4: were talking with him. The other student wandered away at

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Speaker 4: some point, and I continued talking with the prof for

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Speaker 4: a few minutes. I've had some really rough patches in

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Speaker 4: my life, and I shared a little bit with him.

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Speaker 4: It wasn't in emotion conversation, and it was really related

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Speaker 4: to the class I'm a very open person and don't

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Speaker 4: hide the struggles I've been through. I'm open because I

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Speaker 4: hope to get rid of some of the stigma around

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Speaker 4: some of my experiences, and I am proud of where

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Speaker 4: I am today. I hope that in sharing my story,

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Speaker 4: it can encourage healthy and open dialogue in others. I

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Speaker 4: have a lot of friends who have had similar experiences,

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Speaker 4: and it's easy for me to forget that most people

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Speaker 4: don't share those things casually. My prof was interested in

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Speaker 4: my experiences and responded with nodding, saying cool, Wow, that's crazy.

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Speaker 4: I went on break class resumed the usual. Around eleven

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Speaker 4: pm that night, I was watching TV with my fiance

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Speaker 4: and I got a text message eleven pm a night.

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Speaker 4: My stomach flipped when I saw it was from my

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Speaker 4: When I saw it was from my prof. Because it

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Speaker 4: was late and I had no idea why you would

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Speaker 4: contact me. He said, thanks for sharing part of your story.

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Speaker 4: Didn't mean to pry would like to hear me?

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Speaker 1: Or maybe he's Graaton Pepper. You know I'm gonna be

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna give this guy the benefit without a doubt.

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Speaker 1: He's graden papers. It's like he came across your paper.

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Speaker 1: Oh there's her name. I remember something. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: text it to her. Boom The Sinned later feature on

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Speaker 1: phones has not been invented yet. In this story, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know how many times I thought about people and

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Speaker 1: I put the sin later at a reasonable time, so

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Speaker 1: it doesn't seem weird. I've done it twenty times. I

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Speaker 1: did it, did the code of last time.

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Speaker 4: I'm a small okay storytime that I'll tell after this

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Speaker 4: because I when we get to a update, I was

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Speaker 4: confused because he wasn't prying at all. Maybe a few

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Speaker 4: clarifying questions, but I completely initiated.

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Speaker 2: Sharing what I did.

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Speaker 4: This isn't the first time that someone has been interested

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Speaker 4: in my story, and I have no problem sharing it.

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Speaker 4: But I wasn't really sure what he meant by would

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Speaker 4: like to hear more like when where I responded, no worries,

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Speaker 4: you weren't prying and left it at that. Our classes

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Speaker 4: in the evening, So this was only a few hours

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Speaker 4: after we talked, but it still seemed like a comment

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Speaker 4: that would have been better to say in person or

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Speaker 4: in a text.

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Speaker 1: During the day.

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Speaker 4: That night, I had a dream that I cheated on

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Speaker 4: my fiance with them. Since I've started wedding planning more seriously,

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Speaker 4: a lot of my dreams are about wedding disasters. Random

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Speaker 4: X is trying to win me back my fiance cheating

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Speaker 4: on me and vice versa. I don't give these dreams

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Speaker 4: any weight because it's just my brain processing all the

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Speaker 4: excitement and stress and change. I've never cheated and have

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Speaker 4: no desire to, but the impending commitment is definitely in

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Speaker 4: my subconscious I've been with my fiance for almost six

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Speaker 4: years now, and we have a house and a dog.

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Speaker 4: A marriage certificate isn't really going to change much in

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Speaker 4: our daily lives besides the extra layer of commitment and security.

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Speaker 4: After having the weird dream, I started feeling like I

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Speaker 4: had a little crush on my prof Nothing crazy, just

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Speaker 4: some fluttery feelings that faded after a week or so.

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Speaker 4: My interactions with my prof were the same as always

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Speaker 4: and limited to class participation.

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Speaker 1: I know exactly what this professor looks like.

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Speaker 2: I can also see him.

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Speaker 1: I could see it. It's describe It's Harrison ford Hmm.

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Speaker 1: He's about forty mm hmmm, hmmm.

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Speaker 4: Honestly, we could go a little bit onder. It was

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Speaker 4: Harrison Fordette like maybe fifty.

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Speaker 1: That longs in a museum.

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Speaker 4: About a month has passed since he texted me. My

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Speaker 4: feelings have passed away and I'd all but forgotten about

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Speaker 4: my profs would like to hear more text. I guess

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Speaker 4: that my prof didn't forget, because earlier this week he

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Speaker 4: brought it up at the end of class in passing

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Speaker 4: just really thinking about it, he casually reiterated his text,

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Speaker 4: saying something along the lines of, Hey, I want to

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Speaker 4: hear more. I was surprised and kind of put on

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Speaker 4: the spot because I wasn't even sure how to facilitate

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Speaker 4: having that conversation. I remember that we have some sort

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Speaker 4: of bring your professor to lunch program at our school,

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Speaker 4: and I mentioned that, saying I would look into it.

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Speaker 4: As I was leaving, a classmate told me that the

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Speaker 4: program is only for groups of students. Oh well, I

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Speaker 4: guess I'll think of something else or not. I figured

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Speaker 4: that it was one of those kind of empty meet

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Speaker 4: up requests that neither party really puts the effort into

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Speaker 4: and they just put her out. I bumped into my

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Speaker 4: proft the fall and he said, don't forget. I asked

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Speaker 4: him to clarify because we have a paper due soon,

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Speaker 4: but he again reiterated that he wants to hear more. See,

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Speaker 4: this is not about your career. This it's not about

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Speaker 4: stuff from class. It's about your personal life, and he

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Speaker 4: insists on hearing more. I feel like it's weird now, hmm.

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Speaker 4: I would being comfortable in this situation.

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Speaker 1: I agree to I think one side of it. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's get rid of all these kind of feelings we

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Speaker 1: have about the professor, the dreams that we've had. If

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Speaker 1: a professor just texted you three times wanted to get

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Speaker 1: to know more about a story, is that weird?

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Speaker 4: I think. I think the amount of times he's done it,

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Speaker 4: it is starting.

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Speaker 1: To get a little weird. Okay, okay.

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Speaker 4: I explained the professor's lunch thing him and that it

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Speaker 4: wouldn't work for some reason. I felt that I had

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Speaker 4: to make a suggestion because my last one didn't work,

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Speaker 4: and said that we could grab coffee on campus or something.

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Speaker 4: We discussed schedules to see when it would work. He

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Speaker 4: asked me whereabouts I live and mentioned that he's in

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Speaker 4: the area sometime and that he could basically come to me.

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Speaker 4: That's I guess the most troublesome part for me. I

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Speaker 4: didn't feel strange initially, but the amount of effort, though

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Speaker 4: somewhat minimal, to plan this and the idea of him

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Speaker 4: meeting me somewhere more convenient seemed weird. He hasn't said

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Speaker 4: or done anything that is outwardly inappropriate or flirty, but

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Speaker 4: I'm always cautious about people's intentions. Like I mentioned earlier,

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Speaker 4: I don't think my left story, I don't think my

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Speaker 4: life story is very interesting, but most well adjusted people

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Speaker 4: are surprised and curious about it, so there are reasonable

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Speaker 4: grounds for him to want to know more. I respect

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Speaker 4: him and really love his classes. I was hoping to

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Speaker 4: ask him to be my departmental advisor or get a

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Speaker 4: letter of wreck from him, but I'm now unsure. I

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Speaker 4: wouldn't mind getting coffee with him, but don't feel certain

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Speaker 4: about his intentions. My point is, oh, he is feeling

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Speaker 4: his feelings, is feeling uncomfortable. Trust your gut. If you

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Speaker 4: don't want to go, If you feel uncomfortable having coffee

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Speaker 4: with this guy, don't have coffee with him.

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Speaker 1: And I think there's another layer to all of this

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Speaker 1: m M getting married. I would take a step back

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Speaker 1: and not even worry about the professor professor, do with

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Speaker 1: the professor's stuff, take a step and be like, am

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Speaker 1: I really sure about this marriage? And do I want

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Speaker 1: to go with it? Because there's been a lot of

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Speaker 1: stuff kind of I think what I'm saying.

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Speaker 4: Getting ready for a marriage is getting you.

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Speaker 1: Know, I agree, But if you're stressed about a wedding

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Speaker 1: and getting these kind of dreams journaling about not saying

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Speaker 1: canceled wedding, I'm not saying that at all. Yeah, get

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Speaker 1: it a little bit more that well I'm trying to say.

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Speaker 2: But we got some comments.

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Speaker 4: Comment one. Honestly, if you are remotely attractive, he's likely

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Speaker 4: interested in something. The fact that you are getting married

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Speaker 4: isn't relative. He's put in quite the effort to keep

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Speaker 4: bringing it up and to offer to come to you.

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Speaker 4: You know what your God is telling you, trust it.

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Speaker 4: LP says, thanks for being blunt. This is where a

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Speaker 4: decent portion of my concerns lie. I think if I

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Speaker 4: was a bad student, I would be way more concerned,

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Speaker 4: But I would also be way less concerned if I

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Speaker 4: was ugly Comment to So some things to note. A.

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Speaker 4: He knows you're getting since you discussed it, So it's

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Speaker 4: highly unlikely he's trying to make this anything romantic. B.

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Speaker 4: You were the one who suggested getting coffee. Well, it

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Speaker 4: seems like he's both genuinely interested in hearing more about

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Speaker 4: your life than past and in getting to know you

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Speaker 4: as a student. I've had coffee and otherwise interacted with

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Speaker 4: my advisor and other close professors off campus. You have

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Speaker 4: to remember that he is also a person who's trying

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Speaker 4: to be friendly and someone who's trying to do his

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Speaker 4: job by engaging with his students. If you're worried about

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Speaker 4: things being weird, why not just suggest coffee on campus

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Speaker 4: after class instead?

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Speaker 1: Sometimes dude, Ope, I didn't know your professor was on

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Speaker 1: Reddit too.

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Speaker 2: I don't.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't fully agree with that comment because I

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Speaker 4: think I've been in a lot of situations where I've

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Speaker 4: had little warning bells saying like, ah, this interaction with

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Speaker 4: this guy is making me a little uncomfortable, and so

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Speaker 4: I immediate, like even when nothing has necessarily happened, I

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Speaker 4: pull back very quickly. And I think that's sometimes important

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Speaker 4: because you want to protect yourself.

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Speaker 1: So I think just your gut trust it.

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Speaker 4: Opie says, thanks for the advice. Coffee on campus seems

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Speaker 4: like the safest bet. When you've gotten coffee with advisors

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Speaker 4: and professors, did you pay separately? I generally will buy

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Speaker 4: coffee for the person I'm meeting with but I am

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Speaker 4: not sure if it would be seen as polite gesture

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Speaker 4: or inappropriate in the situation. Reply they've usually offered to

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Speaker 4: pay since a it was normally their suggestion and be

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Speaker 4: there older and have a job, whereas I'm a student

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Speaker 4: on a budget. If they don't, I just pay separately.

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Speaker 4: Don't offer to pay for him, that could be weird.

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Speaker 4: And comment three, what exactly did you share with him?

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Speaker 4: Opie says, I don't want to get into the details

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Speaker 4: because it's not relevant and could make this post identifiable.

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Speaker 4: It wasn't related to anything spicy or abuse, more mental

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Speaker 4: health related, and folks, that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 3: My friend hooked up with the girl I liked and

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Speaker 3: I can't accept it.

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Speaker 2: Don't You don't need to.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna live in a dream.

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Speaker 3: So last year, my freshman year of college, I lived

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Speaker 3: in a sweet style dorm. It's a regular dorm building,

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Speaker 3: but with a living room, four bathrooms, and four individual rooms.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes two people share a room, so the max was

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Speaker 3: five people in the suite. One of my randomly assigned

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Speaker 3: sueet mates was Andy. We hit it off right away,

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Speaker 3: and over time we became close and eventually formed a

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Speaker 3: decent sized friend group with others in our grade. By

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Speaker 3: the way, this comes from user lazy Huckleberry five nine eight,

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Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to the r slash okay street time subreddit. Together we

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Speaker 3: took trips, went to concerts, and hit every party. By

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Speaker 3: the end of freshman year, the group had really solidified,

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Speaker 3: especially since we were all working towards similar goals. We

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Speaker 3: constantly uplifted each other and kept each other on track academically.

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Speaker 3: For me, it was the first time I truly felt

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Speaker 3: like I had a group that made me a better person.

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Speaker 3: During freshman year, I had a pretty big crush on

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Speaker 3: a girl I'll call Leila. She wasn't really in the

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Speaker 3: core friend group, but I knew a lot of people

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Speaker 3: in it, sort of on the outskirts. We spent a

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Speaker 3: lot of freshman year together, hanging out and grabbing food

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Speaker 3: blah blah blah. During this time, Andy helped me a

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Speaker 3: lot and gave me advice because I wasn't really experienced.

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Speaker 1: When it came to day.

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Speaker 3: Toward the end of freshman year, I finally made a

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Speaker 3: move and feelings weren't really reciprocated, which made things awkward

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Speaker 3: between us, but eventually moved past it due to some rumors.

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Speaker 3: I thought maybe there was still something there, but after

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Speaker 3: a conversation with her at the start of sophomore year,

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Speaker 3: we both agreed that just being friends was best. Andy,

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Speaker 3: being my best friend, knew all about this, and as

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Speaker 3: it was happening I kept him updated and asked for

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Speaker 3: advice constantly. Before winter break of sophomore year, our friend

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Speaker 3: group planned a surprise cake and ice cream celebration for

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Speaker 3: two people whose birthdays were during the break. Since none

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Speaker 3: of us would be on campus then this was our

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Speaker 3: only chance to celebrate. I thought we should invite Layla

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Speaker 3: since she was close to these two as well. I

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Speaker 3: didn't think much of it, but I had forgotten her

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Speaker 3: birthday was also over the break. We met up with

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Speaker 3: her first and then went to our friend's room to

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Speaker 3: sing Happy Birthday. Layla felt hurt because no one acknowledged

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Speaker 3: her birthday during the celebration. The blame ended up mostly

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Speaker 3: on me since I was the one who invited her,

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Speaker 3: but honestly, everyone else knew when her birthday was and

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Speaker 3: no one said anything. After this, things got awkward again

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Speaker 3: between us. She said she was really hurt and wanted

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Speaker 3: some distance, which I understood. Man, girlfriend can fusion and

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Speaker 3: birthday parties. What a classic combo. Second semester, I barely

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Speaker 3: saw Layla and that was fine, but I even talked

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Speaker 3: to Andy about how weird things were feeling between us.

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Speaker 3: I didn't like the tension. I was uncomfortable whenever she

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Speaker 3: was around, which was often since she hung out with

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Speaker 3: our group a lot. Around that time, Andy was having

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Speaker 3: issues with his roommate. He was sharing a double room,

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Speaker 3: so I offered my single room to his roommate and

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Speaker 3: moved in with Andy since we're best friends. One night,

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Speaker 3: I was coming back late from spring break around midnight

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Speaker 3: or one am, and I noticed Andy wasn't in our room.

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Speaker 3: I checked his location and saw he was in the

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Speaker 3: dorm building connected to ours, in someone's room. I figured

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Speaker 3: he was just doing a classic college hook up and

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Speaker 3: went to bed. The next morning, he told me he

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Speaker 3: fell asleep in Layla's room after helping her move back

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Speaker 3: in and talking, I felt like something was off. If

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Speaker 3: he was tired, why not just come back to our room,

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Speaker 3: which was only a two minute walk. I shared this

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Speaker 3: with two friends from our group, Alice and Heather, just

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Speaker 3: to fent and get perspective. They thought it was strange

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Speaker 3: and agreed I should talk to Andy about it. A

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Speaker 3: few days later, coincidentally, Andy brought up the Layla situation too.

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Speaker 3: He admitted they had been flirting for weeks and he

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Speaker 3: went over to see if something more was there. They

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Speaker 3: ended up poking up. He said they didn't have spicy sleep,

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Speaker 3: but did other things, which I had to pry out

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Speaker 3: of him. I asked if anything happened. He said, I

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Speaker 3: don't think that would be productive for the conversation. I

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Speaker 3: had to keep asking him until he finally told me.

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Speaker 3: But brother, I think he was right. I don't think

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Speaker 3: that's productive for the conversation. That's just like, you'll have

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Speaker 3: hurt me, hurt me more, hurt me more. And he's like, brother, dude,

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Speaker 3: I'm trying not to hurt.

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Speaker 2: You exactly exactly.

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Speaker 1: He's like, no, no, hurt me, hurt me, hurt please.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, you don't need to know all of the details.

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Speaker 5: You just need to know that it happened.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: At the end of our talk, I told him he

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Speaker 3: betrayed my trust and should have talked to me before

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Speaker 3: anything happened. I didn't really care that it happened, but

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Speaker 3: I just wish he would have said something, because this

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Speaker 3: just makes things more uncomfortable for me. You know, it's

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00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,920
Speaker 3: obviously not my place to know their business, but if

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Speaker 3: he was gonna tell me anyway, I feel like he

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Speaker 3: should have said something before. During this talk, he also

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Speaker 3: mentioned that when he was talking to Leila, he brought

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Speaker 3: up how it might make things weird for me and

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Speaker 3: how he needed to talk to me before they took

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Speaker 3: things further, but he still hooked up with her anyway.

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Speaker 3: In the following weeks, I started distancing myself from Andy.

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Speaker 3: I also told another friend, Xander, since he Andy and

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Speaker 3: I had been planning to get an apartment next year.

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Speaker 3: I didn't want Xander stuck scrambling for housing last minute.

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Speaker 3: I also knew I didn't want to share a space

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Speaker 3: with Andy after this, and I didn't want Zander to

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Speaker 3: have to choose between us for housing. Eventually, I told

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Speaker 3: the rest of the group. The only reason I told

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Speaker 3: them was because I knew that the whole dynamic of

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Speaker 3: the group would shift. Since I didn't want to spend

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Speaker 3: time around Andy, and since we pretty much formed the group,

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Speaker 3: I knew that there would be a lot of effects

364
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,480
Speaker 3: from this, and I didn't want my friends to think

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Speaker 3: I was just distancing myself for no reason.

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Speaker 1: This is a classic young guy like mistake.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm putting the friendships over over himself.

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Speaker 3: I feel like it's it's more of just like the

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Speaker 3: way he's going about it, Like he's like, I didn't

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Speaker 3: want things to be weird. Yes, so I immediately made

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Speaker 3: a weird situation for the entire group to deal with, right, Right.

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Speaker 5: It's like you kind of just have to power through

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Speaker 5: the weird and hopefully other people understand because it's not

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Speaker 5: like your fault, right, Like.

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Speaker 3: I think, honestly, you're taking it maybe understand it's a

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Speaker 3: personal thing, but like, it doesn't really sound like you

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Speaker 3: two ever really dated in the first place. Yeah, it's

378
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Speaker 3: not like y'all were in love with each other and

379
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Speaker 3: had had a bed breakup and then your buddy who

380
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:06,160
Speaker 3: you've been venting to about it then went in hook.

381
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Speaker 3: Like that's like a all right, see you never you're

382
00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:11,600
Speaker 3: no longer my friend Andy. Yeah, but this is more

383
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Speaker 3: like a hey, you had a crush on this girl.

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Speaker 3: It didn't work. I started feeling some things with this

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Speaker 3: girl and it might kind of work.

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Speaker 1: I should have told you before.

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00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wanted to establish some boundaries, just to make

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Speaker 3: everything easier for everybody.

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Speaker 1: You know.

390
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Speaker 3: Some friends Alice, Heather, and Xander were immediately done with Andy,

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Speaker 3: feeling like if he could do that to his best friend,

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Speaker 3: what would he do to them. On the other side, Jasmine, Emily,

393
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Speaker 3: and Casey thought what Andy did was wrong, but they

394
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Speaker 3: were closer to Laila and Andy, so they felt telling

395
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Speaker 3: everyone was unnecessary and that I was spreading their business,

396
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Speaker 3: although Emily and Casey also said another point that they

397
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Speaker 3: wish I would have told him earlier, so I don't know. Apparently,

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00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,840
Speaker 3: to them, when I talked about what happened, they thought

399
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,280
Speaker 3: I was mostly speculating and just gossiping. But most of

400
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,600
Speaker 3: what I said was literally straight from Andy's mouth to me.

401
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,399
Speaker 3: I feel like, if you don't want people to know

402
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,840
Speaker 3: about your messed up behavior, then don't do messed up things.

403
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Speaker 1: Okay. See now we're starting to get to the real

404
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:58,080
Speaker 1: meat of it.

405
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Speaker 3: Huh, yeah, you do.

406
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Speaker 1: You feel hurt? Your feelings are hurt.

407
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Speaker 3: So you're saying I want everyone to know that Andy's

408
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Speaker 3: a bad guy.

409
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, but this is We're being honest.

410
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Speaker 1: This is really only two people's business. Yea, technically three.

411
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,840
Speaker 3: It's you and Andy and Laila. Eventually, Xander confronted Andy,

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Speaker 3: and Andy tried to shift the blame, making it seem

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Speaker 3: like it wasn't his fault. I respect Xander for standing

414
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Speaker 3: by me and basically telling Andy he was in the

415
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,399
Speaker 3: wrong and should back off. This was weeks after the

416
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Speaker 3: initial conversation, and by then Andy still hadn't apologized. I

417
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,080
Speaker 3: told him I was getting my own apartment next year,

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Speaker 3: which after that just solidified the fact that he knew

419
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,159
Speaker 3: I was hurt. It was kind of hard too, in

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Speaker 3: these following weeks because we both were kind of known

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Speaker 3: as a duo, so a lot of people would ask

422
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,119
Speaker 3: me about him or talk to me about him, and

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Speaker 3: I was just speechless.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: We had one last conversation where he finally apologized, and

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Speaker 3: I basically told him that I can't trust him, and

427
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Speaker 3: if he was okay putting me in a worse situation

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00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:50,800
Speaker 3: for some girl, then I don't know if being friends

429
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Speaker 3: was the best choice. Here is the cherry on top.

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Speaker 3: I'd experienced similar situations with the friend of mine in

431
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Speaker 3: high school, and I had shared all of that with Andy,

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Speaker 3: so while he was going behind my bad, he knew

433
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Speaker 3: I had been hurt.

434
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Speaker 1: Like this before.

435
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Speaker 3: Now our friend group is split. I'm no longer friends

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Speaker 3: with Andy, and I'm pretty sure Layla hates me for

437
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 3: spreading her business, and I'm not as close with Jasmine, Emily,

438
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,040
Speaker 3: or Casey anymore. Do you think I overreacted comments you're

439
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,800
Speaker 3: overreacting by your own words. You were okay with Layla

440
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,040
Speaker 3: asking for space. You only cared when you found out

441
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,080
Speaker 3: Andy liked and hooked up with her. It would be

442
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 3: different if you and Layla had any kind of romantic relationship,

443
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 3: but it didn't. I guess your jealousy of Andy is

444
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,280
Speaker 3: more important than your friendship with him. Edit. Laila was

445
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:28,760
Speaker 3: upset because the brand new friends she just met didn't

446
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 3: make a big deal out of her birthday. She sounds

447
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 3: like a lot of drama. You may have gotten the

448
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,160
Speaker 3: better deal out of this situation, to be honest. Comment

449
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,199
Speaker 3: two says, no bro code, no close knit friendship. Andy

450
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:40,840
Speaker 3: broke the rules, not your fault at all. Reply. I disagree.

451
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,480
Speaker 3: Bro code never applied to Dibbs. No dude, Ope, he

452
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:47,640
Speaker 3: told Andy about his feels. It's not about Dibbs, it's

453
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,800
Speaker 3: that he needed to go. Hey, I value my friendship

454
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,719
Speaker 3: with you more than any potential hookup with this girl exactly.

455
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,680
Speaker 3: So I'm gonna ask you if it's okay with you first.

456
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,960
Speaker 5: Right, because even if it like was a Dibbs kind

457
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,960
Speaker 5: of thing, which is our already like has weird implications

458
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 5: in it. But like, even if it was like a

459
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 5: DIBs thing, like, oh no, I can't do that because

460
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,520
Speaker 5: my bro said that he could. If he's your real bro,

461
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,680
Speaker 5: he would understand why. That's part of the code, right,

462
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,479
Speaker 5: which is exactly what you said exactly.

463
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,080
Speaker 2: It's about caring for your bros. It's about love, man.

464
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, it's my bro means more to me, yeah

465
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,200
Speaker 3: than this girl exactly.

466
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,600
Speaker 2: But clearly maybe this wasn't so much the case.

467
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:23,560
Speaker 1: I don't think so.

468
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,520
Speaker 3: But everyone he in the story is young, and so

469
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,479
Speaker 3: I've been by our downstairs brains.

470
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,600
Speaker 1: Yeah probably you know.

471
00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:31,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, But again, now that you've made it the whole

472
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,919
Speaker 3: group's problem, like, there's probably no coming.

473
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,000
Speaker 1: Back from this and it is going to be like

474
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,359
Speaker 1: a permanent weird vibes.

475
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, this comment is completely wrong, but I'm going to

476
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,280
Speaker 3: read it just for the record.

477
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 1: I disagree.

478
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,639
Speaker 3: Bro code never applied to Dibbs op he called DIBs

479
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 3: on a mutual friend who denied him outright, you can't

480
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:47,040
Speaker 3: call DIBs on people.

481
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:49,280
Speaker 1: BRO code is an ex's thing, not a DIBs thing.

482
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:50,520
Speaker 1: Andy liked her too.

483
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,360
Speaker 3: Just because Ope liked her and got denied to year

484
00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 3: earlier doesn't mean she's off limits. That's kind of ridiculous, honestly, which,

485
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,320
Speaker 3: as we now know, according to the code, that is

486
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,920
Speaker 3: totally not true. She's about being a good friend, dude.

487
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 2: Exactly.

488
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 3: This ah, this guy's like, I'm actually according to article three,

489
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,120
Speaker 3: sub section two of the bro Code, it's like, that's

490
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 3: not what the bro coade is.

491
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,000
Speaker 1: Bro Code is just like, does that feel like I

492
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,480
Speaker 1: did a bad thing? Yes?

493
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,119
Speaker 2: Right, anyway exactly.

494
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,920
Speaker 3: Comment number three is, ugh, you sound like a high

495
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,919
Speaker 3: school child. It's time to grow up. And that is

496
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:19,720
Speaker 3: the end of that story.

497
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 2: Wow, that's the end.

498
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, but if we really fully disagree with.

499
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:27,000
Speaker 2: That last comment, my friend removed me as her maid.

500
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 5: Of honor after everything I did for.

501
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,560
Speaker 1: Her, all of it.

502
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,720
Speaker 5: Nearly a year ago, my best friend asked me to

503
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,919
Speaker 5: be her maid of honor. I was so excited and

504
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 5: I said yes and took the task very seriously. By

505
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,280
Speaker 5: the way, this comes from a sweet fun at seventeen nine,

506
00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:41,960
Speaker 5: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

507
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 5: to the r slash Okay story Tom.

508
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 1: It's all broded.

509
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,879
Speaker 5: So I've gone dress shopping with her for her dress,

510
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,399
Speaker 5: when shopping with her for bridesmaid dresses as well, I

511
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,760
Speaker 5: spent hours addressing the save of the dates with her,

512
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 5: kept in contact with her bridesmaids about ordering their dresses

513
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,640
Speaker 5: and planning jewelry and shoes and.

514
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:57,639
Speaker 2: The color that she wants.

515
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,159
Speaker 5: I made sure someone could organize her bridle shot or

516
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 5: because I was out of state for work for three months,

517
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 5: making sure that they understood her wishes for the party.

518
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 5: I also personally took the time to look through her

519
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 5: decor inspo and saved items on Amazon on an Amazon

520
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:13,840
Speaker 5: list for her to go through so she could look

521
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,480
Speaker 5: at affordable options that she wanted to purchase, which she

522
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,840
Speaker 5: was very happy about. I also want to note I

523
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 5: have already planned her bachelorette party and just needed to

524
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,440
Speaker 5: call and finish the booking process.

525
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:26,200
Speaker 2: Completely as we are a little more than a month out.

526
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,320
Speaker 5: It's being hosted in a town and a very chill night,

527
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 5: as she requested. I traveled for work and I turned

528
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,280
Speaker 5: down multiple jobs so that I would be close for

529
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:36,680
Speaker 5: her wedding and events if she were to need my

530
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 5: help planning these last few months. WHOA, you're rejecting job

531
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 5: offers because of this.

532
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 1: Way too much.

533
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 2: That's too much, man.

534
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,879
Speaker 5: This has resulted in me being out of work for

535
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,959
Speaker 5: the last three months because she was upset that I

536
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 5: was going to be out of the state. There have

537
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 5: been no jobs close enough to home that made sense,

538
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 5: as I'd have to drive back home multiple times during

539
00:22:56,760 --> 00:23:01,120
Speaker 5: my assignment. But I finally found a job. I literally

540
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 5: rearranged my career just to be close by to help her.

541
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,160
Speaker 5: It was a shock to me to receive a very

542
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 5: lengthy text this week telling me that she was going

543
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,920
Speaker 5: to have someone else take over as made of honor

544
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 5: and she was demoting me to bridesmaids. Because I told

545
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:18,359
Speaker 5: her I may not be able to attend the bridal

546
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,600
Speaker 5: shower due to work. I could only submit a request

547
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 5: for the weekend of her wedding off I would attend rehearsal,

548
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 5: but maybe not rehearsal dinner because I was under the

549
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,399
Speaker 5: impression that I had to pay for dinner myself and

550
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 5: it was at a very expensive restaurant. And because I

551
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 5: cannot currently afford to get my nails done the day

552
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 5: before the wedding, and I told her I likely won't

553
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 5: be attending that event either. Finances are tight with a

554
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,199
Speaker 5: new house, a personal wedding planning, and a baby on

555
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,880
Speaker 5: the way. She also feels like having communicated with her enough,

556
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,240
Speaker 5: even though I check in at least once a month

557
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 5: asking if she needs me. I always end these convos

558
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,679
Speaker 5: with telling her and that she should reach out if

559
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 5: something comes up. Also, apparently my texts don't come off

560
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,800
Speaker 5: as being excited for her, which makes her mad. I

561
00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 5: guess she feels like I don't want to be involved

562
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 5: in because of these few things. That's her stripping me

563
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 5: of the position after I've done all this work. This

564
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 5: text also came right after I asked if we could

565
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 5: have a backup learn how to bustle her dress in

566
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,359
Speaker 5: case my pregnant belly doesn't allow me to bend and

567
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,400
Speaker 5: squatt very well to do it on the wedding day.

568
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 2: Apparently it saddened her that I even asked.

569
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 5: She said she needs someone who will be there for

570
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,879
Speaker 5: all events physically to support her. I feel pretty bummed

571
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,880
Speaker 5: and disrespected right now, as if nothing I did mattered.

572
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 5: I'm considering stepping down completely after this? Would I be

573
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,960
Speaker 5: the a hole doing so? And we do have some

574
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 5: comments here, but the verdict from the comments are not

575
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:36,440
Speaker 5: the a hole.

576
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 2: But let's hear some of those comments.

577
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 5: Tutcraft Verk says, Wow, massive, not the a hole. You've

578
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:43,919
Speaker 5: gone out of your way for this person who you

579
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,280
Speaker 5: thought was your best friend and she pissed all over

580
00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 5: you when you couldn't put one hundred percent of your

581
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 5: own life completely on hold to wait on her hand

582
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,200
Speaker 5: and foot. You are not the A hole and I

583
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,320
Speaker 5: would seriously reconsider whether this is even a friendship. If

584
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:58,480
Speaker 5: it were me, I wouldn't go to the wedding at all.

585
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,639
Speaker 5: Lurker the Pip says, oh, why should you even attend

586
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 5: the wedding?

587
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:02,560
Speaker 2: At this point?

588
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:05,679
Speaker 5: She is basically crapping on all of your contributions and effort.

589
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 5: Would it not be best to cut your losses and

590
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 5: dump the wedding and friend?

591
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 2: And we do have an update.

592
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:14,679
Speaker 5: I sent a text last night that outlined essentially everything

593
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,640
Speaker 5: I've done listed here in this post, and I expressed

594
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,000
Speaker 5: how hurt and disrespected I felt. I told her what

595
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 5: I felt, I made it on her is and that

596
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:25,880
Speaker 5: I felt this wasn't it that it's all basically transactional

597
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 5: and based on what more I could offer her. I

598
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 5: also included the fact that she hasn't personally communicated with

599
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 5: me much either lately about the wedding or my personal life.

600
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 5: I politely let her know that i'd be stepping down.

601
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,400
Speaker 5: Sent over eight hours ago with no response as of yet,

602
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 5: there are some relevant comments. Oh, he says, I want

603
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,639
Speaker 5: to cry from all of these responses. Thank you all

604
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 5: so much. I feel validated in my thoughts and my decision.

605
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 5: I thought I was maybe being too hormonal and making

606
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:54,439
Speaker 5: a rash choice, but this threat helped solidify everything for me.

607
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 5: There's beans says, before you do anything, I strongly recommend

608
00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 5: that you carefully consider whether or not you want to

609
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 5: work this friendship. If you step down, you are very

610
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 5: likely going to end your friendship. Alternatively, you could try

611
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:07,680
Speaker 5: to have an open and honest conversation with her about

612
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 5: how you feel and what you've done, and go from there.

613
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 5: A lot of the time these things are mere misunderstandings

614
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 5: that can be resolved with clear communication.

615
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 2: OPI says, that is very true.

616
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,200
Speaker 5: I do want to note that I did try to

617
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:22,240
Speaker 5: have a conversation about this prior, where she still ended.

618
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,520
Speaker 2: The conversation saying that she would be talking to the

619
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 2: replacement made of honor.

620
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 5: I also sent yet another message regarding finances and the

621
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 5: events slash why I had said no to attending because

622
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 5: when I said probably not in the group messages, she

623
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 5: didn't care enough to ask me personally why, just enough

624
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 5: to get mad about it. She didn't respond to the

625
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 5: one about finances in over twenty four hours.

626
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,920
Speaker 2: We do have an update from a month later. WHOA, Yeah,

627
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,959
Speaker 2: I mean do we think this friendship is lasting?

628
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:50,120
Speaker 1: Sounds like it shouldn't because it sounds toxic.

629
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:54,400
Speaker 5: Dude, I guess yeah, Like if she's trying to talk

630
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 5: about her feelings that it's not even being like responded to,

631
00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 5: then yes, Like what is the point?

632
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,640
Speaker 3: There's no, you're not being seen at all, like as

633
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 3: a human friends talk about your feelings, Like can you imagine,

634
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,159
Speaker 3: like you like you have a wedding. Can you tell

635
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 3: your friend who's like, oh, I have this job opportunity,

636
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 3: Like you can't do that?

637
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,120
Speaker 2: You what you can't You're gonna be so far away

638
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 2: from me.

639
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 3: And like at my parties and they're like yeah, but

640
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 3: i'd really I mean this job would be great, and

641
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 3: you're like, I'm sorry, do you hate Do you hate me?

642
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,119
Speaker 1: Yeah?

643
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 5: And maybe they do just have a different view of

644
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 5: what a maid of honor is, because that's another thing

645
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 5: that she said, like in this text, like this is

646
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 5: how I see a maid of honor. I don't think

647
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 5: that you're treating me that way. It's not transactional, but

648
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 5: maybe the bride thinks it is. But you have an

649
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,200
Speaker 5: update from one month later. I sent a long text

650
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 5: to my friend two days after my original post.

651
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 2: The text was.

652
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,119
Speaker 5: Outlining everything that I've done for her and why I

653
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 5: felt disrespected in her decision to demote me from maid

654
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 5: of honor so close to the wedding date. I also

655
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 5: was sure to tell her that I have lost a

656
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 5: lot financially in trying to be a good friend and

657
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 5: stay close for her wedding and events like she had woned.

658
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:58,680
Speaker 5: I ended the message telling her that I still want

659
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 5: her to enjoy her day and I don't want it

660
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 5: too full of any drama or bitterness, so I felt

661
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,199
Speaker 5: it best that I stepped down from it all. It

662
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:08,680
Speaker 5: took two full days for her to respond. We went

663
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 5: back and forth quite a bit, with her telling me

664
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,919
Speaker 5: the additional reasons for demoting me were because I hadn't

665
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 5: been texting her enough and asking her about her personal

666
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 5: life slash, I wasn't excited enough in my messages about

667
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 5: the wedding, et cetera.

668
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,200
Speaker 3: Dude, hire me, give me a salary, like you want

669
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 3: me to be your personal wedding cheerleader and put my

670
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:28,639
Speaker 3: entire life on old for that.

671
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's really interesting, because I could understand not choosing

672
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,640
Speaker 5: someone in the first place for maid of honor because

673
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 5: maybe they're just not that close to me. They don't

674
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 5: ask about me that much, and they're not that excited

675
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 5: for me when I get married, like when I get engaged. Yeah,

676
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 5: but if you're choosing someone to be your maid of

677
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 5: honor and then they aren't as excited as you thought,

678
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 5: it's like, wasn't there a good friendship there to begin with.

679
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 2: Essentially, she felt I was more concerned with my.

680
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 5: Own life currently with pregnancy and finding a job, than

681
00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 5: I was with her wedding.

682
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 2: And oh my goodness, that is crazy.

683
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,400
Speaker 1: Oh no, I can't even Actually I'm giving you. I'm

684
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 1: giving you a raise right now. Actually, yeah, you're gonna

685
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: be raised.

686
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 2: You're actually not gonna be my.

687
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:11,840
Speaker 1: Maid of honor.

688
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 2: You'renna be the groom.

689
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 3: Technically, you guys are really the boss of all of us.

690
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 3: You're promoted to the CEO.

691
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, and there is a little bit more to

692
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:19,480
Speaker 5: the story.

693
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 1: But ouch Man, Yeah, I.

694
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 2: Felt I was more concerned in my own life.

695
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:27,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's question is Shane, I would really like it's

696
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:29,200
Speaker 3: time to step back from this ship.

697
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 2: A wedding is just a big party.

698
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 5: I know, it's really big. Is really cool moment for everyone.

699
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 5: It's a cool moment in your life and other people

700
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 5: are there to support you. It's not a cool moment

701
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 5: in their life. I mean maybe a little bit hopefully

702
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 5: they're excited about it, but not in the.

703
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 3: Way that is certainly not. It's crazy. It like destroy

704
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 3: your whole life for my wedding, thank you.

705
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 2: Yeah.

706
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 5: It's like they're not going to look back when Opie

707
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 5: has her child. She's not going to look back at

708
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 5: her pregnancy and be like, wow, remember that time that

709
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 5: my friend got married. That was the best part of

710
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 5: being pre the fact that I'm growing a child.

711
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 3: Do just you get to say the reason you turned

712
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 3: out so great is because when I was pregnant with you,

713
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,480
Speaker 3: I was the maid of honor at my friend's wedding,

714
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 3: and all of her energy must have seeped into my womb.

715
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,760
Speaker 2: Exactly. There's a little bit more to the story, let's

716
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 2: wrap this up.

717
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 5: There were a lot of pity me messages from her,

718
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 5: and after reiterating that I no longer wanted to be

719
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 5: in the wedding at all, I stopped replying.

720
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 2: I haven't heard from her in over three weeks.

721
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 5: I've returned my bridesmaid dress, and I feel so at

722
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 5: peace with my decision.

723
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 2: Yes, I don't think I'll be attending the wedding at all.

724
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 5: Yes, thank you for all the well wishes for my

725
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 5: pregnancy and baby as well.

726
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 2: We found out last week it's a boy. Congratulations.

727
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 5: I also started my new draft this week, so time

728
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 5: to get my finances back on track, and tried to

729
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,280
Speaker 5: fix the mess that has been created in the area

730
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 5: before the baby is here. And that is the end

731
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 5: of that story.

732
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 2: Wow.

733
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, good for you, Pee finally prioritizing yourself, because holy crap, man, truly,

734
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 5: that's crazy.

735
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 1: You're like, and I'm at peace with this decision.

736
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:01,840
Speaker 3: I am mad, and you like in the Nirvana pose,

737
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 3: like birds are landing on your hands and your shoulders and.

738
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 5: Us music playing completely at adas with your decision. That

739
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,000
Speaker 5: is the end of that story. We do have another

740
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 5: one coming right up.

741
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 1: Hey's John Og host.

742
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 3: We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick

743
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 3: free minute break of ads from our sponsors. My boyfriend

744
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 3: uninvited me from his birthday because his friend didn't want

745
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 3: me there.

746
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, Josh showed you to really, you know, mess up

747
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 1: the vibe. Eh. So, me, eighteen female and my boyfriend

748
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:30,520
Speaker 1: eighteen male.

749
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 3: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, so small and young

750
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 3: have been together just over a year. It's been a

751
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 3: little rocky over the last couple of months. He often

752
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 3: says things about my friends which aren't very nice. He

753
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 3: tried to give me ultimatums on my guy friends that

754
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 3: I've known since I was five, and the final straw

755
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 3: was him uninviting me to his eighteenth birthday because his

756
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 3: friend didn't want me there. By the way, the story

757
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 3: comes from a Reddit user, and if you want to

758
00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash ocase

759
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 3: story time it. He does have a habit of twisting

760
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 3: the truth and has come out with loads of random lies,

761
00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 3: So I don't know if they ever even said that

762
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,959
Speaker 3: he doesn't like me being involved with his friends. It

763
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:14,560
Speaker 3: doesn't seem to like mine too much. Okay, we already

764
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:16,480
Speaker 3: all know the solution here, but we're gonna keep reading

765
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 3: the story as if we don't. Okay, the only reason

766
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 3: I can think they don't like me is one of

767
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 3: his female friends was dumped by her ex, and she

768
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 3: was really on him for comfort, like a lot. At first,

769
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 3: I get it she was upset, but I'd walk around

770
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 3: the corridor at sixth form and she'd be hanging onto

771
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 3: him and around his neck, crying all the time. So

772
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 3: I asked him to please respect boundaries, as it felt

773
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 3: disrespectful towards me. He didn't like this, so he told

774
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 3: me he was picking her side and that his friends

775
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 3: said I was controlling and it wasn't fun when I

776
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 3: was around.

777
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 1: So he uninvited me. So you break up with him, right,

778
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 1: and we move on with the rest of our lives.

779
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 3: This was kind of the final straw, so I said, okay,

780
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 3: have your birthday as you want it, and said maybe

781
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,000
Speaker 3: we shouldn't be together anymore if I'm not respected or

782
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 3: wanted around. I was really hurt, but I walked away

783
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 3: from it all and soon unfriended him on social media

784
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 3: when I saw him talking about his newfound freedom and

785
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 3: just posting really cryptic.

786
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 1: Mean things that seemed to be aimed towards me. Well,

787
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 1: I'm glad you're out of there, Opie.

788
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 3: My own eighteenth birthday was a few weeks after, so

789
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,480
Speaker 3: i'd been planning my own birthday with the help of

790
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 3: one of my friends who'd been trying to cheer me up.

791
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 3: She informed me that he'd been posting really sad, emotional

792
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 3: stuff on Facebook about how heartbroken he was. About a

793
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 3: week later after I unfriended him, he's also apparently planned

794
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 3: another night out with his friends to be on the

795
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 3: same night as my birthday night out in the same city,

796
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 3: and I feel a bit like he's trying to now

797
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 3: gate crash my birthday fund.

798
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 1: Okay, he'd be right. I'm gonna be doing some analysis here.

799
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,760
Speaker 1: When do we hang out? What are we doing when

800
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 1: we hang out? Does he even like me when we're

801
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 1: not hanging out? Why does he not want me to

802
00:33:55,960 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: hang out around special days? Once you answer all those questions,

803
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: I think you should come to the consistence that you're

804
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 1: eighteen and that this is just the start of your

805
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,240
Speaker 1: life and you can find other people one hundred percent.

806
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 3: I'm not sure if he feels bad about how he

807
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 3: acted or if I overreacted for leaving him because I

808
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,960
Speaker 3: wasn't invited to his birthday. I just don't understand the

809
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 3: sudden oneint eighty on his attitude and wondering if I

810
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 3: should have just accepted his wishes even if it did hurt.

811
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 3: There's some relevant comments, But Girly Pop, I'm gonna let

812
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:29,359
Speaker 3: you know right now. You don't know what you've got

813
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 3: until it's gone. Once you left, he said, Oh my god,

814
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,320
Speaker 3: Oh I gotta get my curly back, my curly pop.

815
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 1: And me's my girlfriend. Please don't take him back. You're eighteen.

816
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:43,760
Speaker 3: Everything you've written about him was like the most op.

817
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 3: He uninvited you from his birthday.

818
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:47,840
Speaker 1: That's not your boyfriend.

819
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, tell him to go date's friend that says you

820
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:51,479
Speaker 3: can't come.

821
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:51,919
Speaker 1: Yeah.

822
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 3: Relevant comments come under one. You're young, with your whole

823
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:57,879
Speaker 3: life ahead of you. Don't waste your youth on someone

824
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,440
Speaker 3: who can't be honest with you or who doesn't respect

825
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 3: you and your boundaries. I'm glad you're realizing this now

826
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 3: when you're eighteen. I took much longer. OHP says you

827
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 3: don't think I was overreacting, then, No, He's very bad

828
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 3: at apologizing, and I don't know if this is just

829
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,439
Speaker 3: him trying to apologize, or if he genuinely just wants

830
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 3: to snoop on my birthday event. In what universe is

831
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:22,839
Speaker 3: this him trying to apologize? What to kids?

832
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 1: These days? Kids? These days? It's so toxic. Come under

833
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:29,840
Speaker 1: number two. It's his birthday party.

834
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:31,640
Speaker 3: If he really wanted you there, he would have told

835
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:34,040
Speaker 3: his friend to back off. Do you think he's lying

836
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,000
Speaker 3: about them saying that? That means that you don't even

837
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,840
Speaker 3: have the trust with him that you should. You could

838
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:41,360
Speaker 3: reach out to his friends too. The fact he doesn't

839
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 3: want you around his friends is weird. You're all so

840
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 3: young and you have a long time to find someone

841
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 3: who actually cares. If you don't feel like this is

842
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 3: worth breaking up, after talk to him and see how

843
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:56,440
Speaker 3: he acts, you're not overreacting. He's acting weird. Op says.

844
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,680
Speaker 3: It does feel like some weird power play, But I

845
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 3: don't know, because I'm new to this and being my

846
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 3: first serious relationship, I guess, but it almost feels like

847
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 3: because I haven't gone groveling and crying to him, he's

848
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:11,399
Speaker 3: turning the tables, which you don't have to accept. You're young,

849
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,080
Speaker 3: this is your first serious relationship. You don't have to

850
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 3: accept that. Yeah, he did initially try and contact me

851
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:19,759
Speaker 3: and said how lovely he was and how much he

852
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 3: missed me. I replied with so, and he had the

853
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 3: audacity to say I was acting cold and how.

854
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 1: Hurtful it was. Maybe I dodged a bull it.

855
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 3: Yes, you did keep dodging them though, Come Andrew three,

856
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,480
Speaker 3: It's fine to act cold towards an AX who hurt

857
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 3: you during the breakup. Don't let his attempts to guilt you,

858
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 3: and the societal pressure girls go through growing up to

859
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,759
Speaker 3: play nice and not make a fuss cause you to

860
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 3: feel bad for him. That was actually a bar I

861
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,760
Speaker 3: haven't even thought about that, but that is so true.

862
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,239
Speaker 3: Girls are brought up, I guess, to just be the

863
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:53,320
Speaker 3: problem solvers. Play nice, Do not attempt let his attempts

864
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 3: to guilt you, and the societal pressure girls go through

865
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 3: growing up to play nice and not make a fuss

866
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 3: cause you to feel bad for him. He did this

867
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 3: to himself. These are the consequences of his actions. To

868
00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 3: give in and take him back, you'll be proving that

869
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 3: he can get away with treating you like crap.

870
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 1: Hope He says, yeah. I didn't really want to have.

871
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 3: Any hard confrontation because I didn't want to give his

872
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 3: friends that opinion on me. But then my mother reminded me,

873
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:20,239
Speaker 3: why do I care? They aren't my friends anyway, and

874
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 3: she's right. Comment four says, not overreacting. And I dated

875
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 3: someone who made those micro lies about nothing of consequence.

876
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:30,240
Speaker 3: It's a disease and makes it so you cannot trust

877
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 3: anything they say. You made the right decision for your

878
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:37,360
Speaker 3: own mental health. Honestly, yes, it's about the most mundane

879
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 3: crap too, Like he lies constantly about everything, Like I'm

880
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:43,640
Speaker 3: a big fan of a game series and he lied

881
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 3: and told me that there was a new.

882
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 1: One and I checked there wasn't. He's just a little craphead.

883
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 3: When I called him out on these weird lies, he

884
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 3: would get extremely defensive and said I must just have

885
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:57,319
Speaker 3: not heard him properly. Comment five says not overreacting, and

886
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 3: most likely he hooked up with that friend. He did

887
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 3: the immature boy thing, which is to push you away

888
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:04,840
Speaker 3: until you take action, and now he will gwetz it.

889
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 3: Don't take that as him caring for you. It's a

890
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,680
Speaker 3: I want my cake kind of thing. Let the loser go.

891
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,880
Speaker 3: He is a little submissive witch to his friends. He

892
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 3: wants someone who has some more autonomy and makes their

893
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 3: own path. Also, take this as a gift. You're at

894
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 3: a good age to be unattached and make selfish choices

895
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:25,440
Speaker 3: that will build a future you want. Don't let a

896
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 3: dude be the author of your story. And if he

897
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,799
Speaker 3: crashes your birthday, treat him like a pathetic loser. I'm

898
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:34,839
Speaker 3: so serious practice being a mean witch. He's gonna call

899
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:36,879
Speaker 3: you on anyways. No matter how this thing shakes out,

900
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 3: might as well get your zingers in and have a

901
00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 3: fun story about that loser X that you Mike dropped

902
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 3: on your birthday, boosted up by all your friends. Hope,

903
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,239
Speaker 3: he says, I have my suspicions that he did like

904
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,880
Speaker 3: her or the attention. There is one person in his

905
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 3: class that asked if I was okay after the news

906
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 3: went around and said, this girl is apparently known for

907
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 3: doing this stuff. I mean, I'm a little insecure, but

908
00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,759
Speaker 3: she must be mad insecure.

909
00:38:59,280 --> 00:38:59,879
Speaker 1: To have done that.

910
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:04,320
Speaker 3: She can have him and is unwashed. But a this

911
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:05,160
Speaker 3: is an update.

912
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, so my now ex yes, let's go.

913
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 3: Yes, Yes, did in fact have his night out to

914
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 3: coincide with mine in the same city in the places

915
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:21,759
Speaker 3: he knows I'd circle. I'm quite Gothic, so I went

916
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:24,240
Speaker 3: to those kinds of bars pretty much.

917
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:25,280
Speaker 1: As I suspected he would.

918
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 3: First off, as my friends and I were walking through

919
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 3: the city to our next place, him and his friends

920
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:30,759
Speaker 3: come out of a.

921
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:32,239
Speaker 1: Place a little further ahead of us.

922
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:35,720
Speaker 3: He clocked us immediately and kept sort of dragging back

923
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 3: and turning around and looking at us as we were

924
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 3: walking the same direction. Honestly, it was pretty awkward. We

925
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:44,080
Speaker 3: just kind of tried to ignore him at first, but

926
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:46,360
Speaker 3: then his friends turned around to see what he was

927
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:49,040
Speaker 3: doing and notice us too. Some came over and were

928
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 3: really nice, considering how much they were supposedly disliking me.

929
00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 1: In his words, they.

930
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:57,319
Speaker 3: Were smiling and saying hello, asking what we were doing

931
00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 3: out and why didn't I come to his birthday that

932
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 3: they didn't rea we realize it was mine today. He

933
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 3: on the other hand, said nothing. He just stood there,

934
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 3: shifting on his feet. His group ended up inviting us along,

935
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 3: and I was a bit hesitant, but turns out they

936
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:13,040
Speaker 3: were going to the same place we were anyway, all

937
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 3: with a shocker. So he keeps trying to talk to

938
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 3: me and I just brush him off with he haes

939
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 3: or no answers or whatever. And he starts crying, asking

940
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 3: why being so gold and everything's saying and the same crap.

941
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,920
Speaker 1: Like oh so you really do hate me.

942
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:30,839
Speaker 3: And I'm like, dude, I'm not interested in this. It's

943
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 3: my birthday night out.

944
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 1: Just leave me alone. I'm gonna need some space. Easy, easy, easy,

945
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 1: easy spin on him. No, don't do that, that's the salt.

946
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 3: Eventually, his friends ended up moving on to a different

947
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,840
Speaker 3: place and wished us good night, and he starts literally

948
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 3: screaming to them about how I'm being.

949
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,200
Speaker 1: So heartless blah blah blah blah.

950
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 3: Blah and won't talk to him, and how I dumped

951
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 3: him and how I was likely cheating on him since

952
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 3: my long term friend was there was very understanding, and

953
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 3: I apologize profusely to him, who was effing embarrassing in

954
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 3: the middle of the street like people were looking in

955
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 3: everything whilst he was having this absolute meltdown about how

956
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 3: I'm a cold hearted witch. It's crazy, like the compulsive lie.

957
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:16,160
Speaker 3: He can't stop even about he's just a bit, he's

958
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:18,719
Speaker 3: lying to everybody. His whole life is a lie.

959
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 1: Sounds like you planned this to embarrass you on your

960
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 1: birthday night with your gals, and it's backfiring.

961
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 3: Some of his friends ended up just walking off, while

962
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 3: some tried to console him, whilst one of my friends

963
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:33,360
Speaker 3: reminded him he didn't want me at his birthday in

964
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 3: the first place. Meanwhile, I'm just enjoying a cocktail with

965
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 3: my friends watching this all unfold like a drama series.

966
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 3: My friends found the whole thing entertaining, so did inform

967
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:46,240
Speaker 3: me of any weird, funny crap. He put on social

968
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 3: media The next morning and I had a couple of

969
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 3: friend requests from some of his friends and messages saying

970
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:55,640
Speaker 3: they had a blast. His friends are now your friends.

971
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 3: Mission accomplished.

972
00:41:57,239 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 1: Here we go.

973
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 3: We have a little bit more before we finish up

974
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:05,360
Speaker 3: the story here. Do you have any like closing thought?

975
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 3: Mister strange man, who is not Riley, just eighteen man.

976
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:15,800
Speaker 1: He's gonna be a weird eggs you had in your life.

977
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 1: That's all that there will be and should be agreed.

978
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 3: Eighteen is the perfect time to have this happen, because

979
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 3: now it won't happen to you when you're twenty eight,

980
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 3: we're thirty eight, because you remember, Oh, I was eighteen

981
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 3: when I had that compulsive liar gaslight boyfriend.

982
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 1: All I had to do was stand up to him.

983
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:39,440
Speaker 3: Phenomenal, pootenomenal, let's finish this bad boy off. Of course

984
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:41,319
Speaker 3: I had a lot of texts from his number two

985
00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 3: and miss calls, but I didn't even bother reading them.

986
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:48,239
Speaker 3: I'm too busy enjoying being free from this crap, and

987
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 3: maybe enjoying how cathartic the whole thing is. Peace at it,

988
00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 3: just with some more information. I'm from the very north

989
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 3: of the UK. The legal drinking age here is eighteen.

990
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:01,320
Speaker 3: Please stop assuming the world revolved around americanized ways.

991
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:03,799
Speaker 1: It's not the point of the post. I love that.

992
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 3: Wow, I feel like it was. It was very obvious

993
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 3: that these people were like in the UK. I was

994
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 3: thinking France, somewhere Espana relevant comments Number one could call

995
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 3: leaving that one behind. He's a whole Twitter. Never believe

996
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:22,399
Speaker 3: for a single second his remorse is for you. It's

997
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 3: only for his own loss. Hope he says, thanks. I

998
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 3: know immediately that his charade was only for his own benefit,

999
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 3: either to gun your sympathy or manipulate even more.

1000
00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 1: It was like watching a toddler throw a tantrum.

1001
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 3: Yeah gotta be I know that's embarrassing, but it's most

1002
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 3: embarrassing for that guy. Yeah. Comment or two said I'd

1003
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:42,320
Speaker 3: block him if I were you. Nothing to be gained

1004
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:46,400
Speaker 3: from messaging you. I agree, Happy birthday and glad he

1005
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 3: saved the further hassle and drama he would have caused

1006
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 3: by showing his true colors. Hope, he says, I do

1007
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,280
Speaker 3: have him unfriended, So it all just goes into a request.

1008
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:57,400
Speaker 3: I just leave it there, and I'm still slightly stung

1009
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:00,239
Speaker 3: and for a reminder for this crap, I do not

1010
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:01,279
Speaker 3: want to tolerate again.

1011
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:04,760
Speaker 1: There we go, and that is the end of that story. Jikes, dude,

1012
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:09,920
Speaker 1: My fiance wanted to postpone our wedding after we already

1013
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:14,120
Speaker 1: spent ten thousand dollars ten bands. We've been in a

1014
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,840
Speaker 1: relationship for four and a half years. At one of

1015
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 1: our early dates where we talked about what we wanted

1016
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:21,880
Speaker 1: in life, I told him about how I wanted to

1017
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,799
Speaker 1: get married and have kids. One day he said he

1018
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:27,279
Speaker 1: did too. We were on the same page about this

1019
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 1: and everything else. I see you. By the way, this

1020
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 1: comes from practicing Pony eighty eight and if you want

1021
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 1: us make your own stories, go to the r size.

1022
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:38,279
Speaker 1: Okay story, So I'm saybredit. So somewhere in the one

1023
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:40,279
Speaker 1: and a half to two years, he out of the

1024
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:43,880
Speaker 1: blue told me that he doesn't believe in marriage and

1025
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:46,800
Speaker 1: tried to get me to change my opinion. I've stayed

1026
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 1: consistent throughout, and we've had cereveral tough conversations about how

1027
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:53,799
Speaker 1: if he doesn't want to ever get married, then I

1028
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 1: need to go date other people. Ultimately, I stayed because

1029
00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:00,160
Speaker 1: he genuinely expressed his love for me and said that

1030
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 1: he would marry me because it's important to me. Nope, wrong,

1031
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 1: wrong reasoning.

1032
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:09,120
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, that's yeah, that's one of those fundamental like

1033
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 3: do you want kids, Well no, but I'll have them

1034
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:12,319
Speaker 3: for you.

1035
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 1: Wrong. You just need to find someone who wants kids. Oh,

1036
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,440
Speaker 1: I see, I see. Like I thought it was the fact,

1037
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 1: like I don't like Aerosmith, but since it's important to you,

1038
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:21,800
Speaker 1: I'll go to the Aerosmith concert.

1039
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:24,920
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, yeah, sure, if it's about an Aerosmith concert,

1040
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 3: that's different than getting married or having a kid.

1041
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:30,800
Speaker 1: Oh, Niky okay, you know. He didn't want to lose

1042
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:34,920
Speaker 1: me or the relationship, and consistently has told me that

1043
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:37,879
Speaker 1: it's beyond anything that he's ever had and never thought

1044
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:41,200
Speaker 1: he would ever have. Even today, he says I'm the

1045
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 1: only person he ever wanted to marry, and he still

1046
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:47,319
Speaker 1: does this past September. I went away on a trip

1047
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 1: for two weeks. In October, he proposed to me out

1048
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:53,640
Speaker 1: of the blue. I was completely blown away and shocked

1049
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 1: because I didn't think we'd ever fully resolve the conversation

1050
00:45:57,440 --> 00:46:01,359
Speaker 1: in marriage. I did not provoke sashnag or ultimatum him

1051
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 1: into proposing. He came to his own conclusion about wanting

1052
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:08,360
Speaker 1: to marry me. I had literally no idea that this

1053
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:11,840
Speaker 1: was going to happen, and he planned out the proposal

1054
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:15,600
Speaker 1: to include both of our friends. The story of the

1055
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:19,440
Speaker 1: ring blew me away even more. He spent months designing

1056
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:22,480
Speaker 1: my ring, making sure that it matched my jewelry aesthetic

1057
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 1: and was just right. He had the jewelery or redo

1058
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:28,759
Speaker 1: a few things to get it perfect. He involved his

1059
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:32,360
Speaker 1: family and artsy friends in the process. Created a digital

1060
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: mockup of the ring, created the band from his grandmother's

1061
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:39,440
Speaker 1: wedding bands, It's truly a unique and special ring. The

1062
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:43,360
Speaker 1: level of care and detail and effort touched me deeply.

1063
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 1: I was so stunned and felt so special that he

1064
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:50,720
Speaker 1: did all of this out of love for me. Wow.

1065
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 1: Usually somebody going looks on Etsy and just buys one

1066
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 1: from there. I'm so torn because I was.

1067
00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 3: I can definitely understand having your fears be suaged by

1068
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 3: all of this behavior. Like this guy's acting like he

1069
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:04,800
Speaker 3: really really really does.

1070
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 1: Want to marry you. Yeah, oh, we know where it's going. Yeah,

1071
00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:11,759
Speaker 1: but dude, this feels like a train that has a

1072
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:16,040
Speaker 1: lot of cars behind it and it's going really fast. Exactly. Yeah.

1073
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:20,520
Speaker 3: Once once you get that momentum, dude, that's hard to

1074
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 3: stop it.

1075
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 1: Immediately people started asking us when the wedding is, and

1076
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 1: with the holidays coming up and preparing us to move

1077
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 1: in together, it was overwhelming. So we agreed to put

1078
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:33,960
Speaker 1: off planning the wedding until January. It gave us some

1079
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 1: time to enjoy being engaged and enjoy each other without

1080
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 1: the pressure of wedding planning. My fiance and I were

1081
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 1: so in love and happy and had in sync during

1082
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 1: all this. In January, I came across a venue that

1083
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:49,279
Speaker 1: seemed perfect. We checked it out and both agreed we

1084
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 1: didn't have to look any further. We discussed it together

1085
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 1: and decided on October. That's when the new problem started. Wait,

1086
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:00,200
Speaker 1: so they found the venue. We discussed it together and

1087
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 1: decided on October. So they're getting married in October. But

1088
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:06,440
Speaker 1: that's when the new issue started. Since then, my fiance

1089
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:09,520
Speaker 1: has been extremely hot and cold with me.

1090
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:13,040
Speaker 3: Oh I wonder why, very yes and no, very in

1091
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:15,720
Speaker 3: and out, up and down, up and down.

1092
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:19,160
Speaker 1: There were weeks. There were weeks when we were together

1093
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:23,440
Speaker 1: excitedly picked out caterers and DJs and rode up the

1094
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 1: guest list, followed by him being angry at me and

1095
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:30,319
Speaker 1: very critical. When I tried to understand why. He attributed

1096
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:33,719
Speaker 1: it to the wedding planning. He was overwhelming both of us,

1097
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,799
Speaker 1: and we were doing ourselves no favors by trying to

1098
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 1: plan a wedding and under a year. It all so

1099
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 1: surfaced that he was genuinely hurt that I had not

1100
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 1: moved into his house yet. I had been moving in

1101
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,399
Speaker 1: for over a year now. I spent at least four

1102
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:51,160
Speaker 1: nights there per week, but still have my own apartment

1103
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:54,120
Speaker 1: about fifteen minutes away from his house. My move stalled

1104
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 1: primarily because he loves his house, a fixer upper that

1105
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:01,040
Speaker 1: has been more fixer than up for the majority of

1106
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:03,839
Speaker 1: time that I've known him, even though I don't love

1107
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:06,920
Speaker 1: the neighborhood. I rent my apartment and agree to move

1108
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 1: in if he'd add closets, an oven yes there was

1109
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:12,879
Speaker 1: no oven, a dishwasher, washer, and dryer, and get rid

1110
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:19,080
Speaker 1: of his creepy roommate. Yeah that sounds like basic uh necessities. Yeah.

1111
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:21,440
Speaker 1: He found me on this stuff for a long time

1112
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:26,360
Speaker 1: and was incredibly inflexible. I think his guy friend agreeing

1113
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 1: with me opened his eyes. I wasn't going to compromise

1114
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:32,000
Speaker 1: on my whole needs since my fiance is well off

1115
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:34,600
Speaker 1: and had chosen to live like a college kid in

1116
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 1: a free house. Standing my ground worked and the house

1117
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 1: is now in a place where I can comfortably move in.

1118
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 1: I know my lack of moving hurt him, and he

1119
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 1: felt stupid for telling people I was about to move

1120
00:49:46,239 --> 00:49:49,360
Speaker 1: in with him, and then it never happened and he

1121
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 1: had to field questions of why. He also did this

1122
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 1: to himself a bit by jumping the pew pew and

1123
00:49:56,560 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 1: telling people I've apologized profusely for her hurting him. Until recently,

1124
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:05,399
Speaker 1: I didn't understand how deeply it affected him. He now

1125
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 1: understands that, acknowledges the role he played in my not

1126
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:12,239
Speaker 1: moving and has apologized. Fast forward to last Friday. I'd

1127
00:50:12,239 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 1: put in a new grueling work project that had me

1128
00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:18,359
Speaker 1: working over sixty hours per week. My fiance has been

1129
00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:20,800
Speaker 1: hot and cold for me for months now, and after

1130
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 1: a long week, he tells me that he wants to

1131
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 1: postpone the wedding. I go ballistic because this means canceling

1132
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:31,840
Speaker 1: the wedding since we've had several non refundable deposits totaling

1133
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:35,200
Speaker 1: over ten thousand dollars. He had told all of our

1134
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:38,480
Speaker 1: friends and family to save the day. The wedding is

1135
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:41,319
Speaker 1: ninety percent planned, and my dad has been planning an

1136
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:44,240
Speaker 1: elaborate party for us this summer. The thought of telling

1137
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:47,480
Speaker 1: everyone is humiliating and the huge amount of money that

1138
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 1: will be lost. I told my fiance that he's paying

1139
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 1: for all the money and we won't get it back.

1140
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 1: He's been splitting costs fifty to fifty. He got me

1141
00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 1: a check for over ten thousand dollars the total on

1142
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:00,800
Speaker 1: the spot and didn't care about any of my feelings

1143
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:03,880
Speaker 1: about canceling, so it's not a money issue. He just

1144
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 1: really wants to turn it like, push it back. Yeah,

1145
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 1: I think it. Here's his reasoning. Are you ready?

1146
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:11,680
Speaker 3: Yes?

1147
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:15,680
Speaker 1: His reason for wanting to postpone is that he wanted

1148
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:19,800
Speaker 1: us to live together longer than October wedding would allow.

1149
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:23,840
Speaker 1: While I get this, it's completely disregards the fact that

1150
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:25,959
Speaker 1: I was trying to move in earlier in the year,

1151
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:29,080
Speaker 1: but his behavior had to put me put the brakes on.

1152
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:32,279
Speaker 1: I seriously didn't expect this problem to last so long.

1153
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 1: We had lows in our relationship that have had bumps

1154
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 1: in the road, not the new reality in my anger

1155
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:42,400
Speaker 1: and hurt. I've been doing a lot for our relationship lately,

1156
00:51:42,719 --> 00:51:45,560
Speaker 1: trying to cheer him up and put my emotions aside.

1157
00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 1: I told him that he either marries me in October

1158
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:51,600
Speaker 1: or we're done. I think you should just you can't

1159
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 1: keep kidding yourself. Op. Is this a wild ultimatum?

1160
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:57,880
Speaker 3: Yes, because it's not gonna change anything. It's just gonna

1161
00:51:57,880 --> 00:51:59,000
Speaker 3: push it down the line.

1162
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:01,960
Speaker 1: I don't want to post to some hypothetical date that

1163
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:04,880
Speaker 1: will never happen. But then he strung along for a

1164
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:08,200
Speaker 1: few years. He ensured me that he wouldn't be the case,

1165
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:12,520
Speaker 1: but then tonight, well, actually I may be right about it.

1166
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:16,279
Speaker 1: He then said he fell backed into a corner and

1167
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 1: just says anything to get out of it. He then

1168
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:22,319
Speaker 1: starts telling me about this pattern of brokenness that has

1169
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 1: followed him around his whole life. What CHALL knew about before,

1170
00:52:25,719 --> 00:52:27,880
Speaker 1: and we had discussed him many times is hot and

1171
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:30,279
Speaker 1: cold behavior, which he is now claims it's been our

1172
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:33,959
Speaker 1: entire relationship. I just didn't see it. His greedy, selfishness,

1173
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:36,920
Speaker 1: how he never wants to get married, is history of

1174
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:40,879
Speaker 1: savantaging relationships, et cetera. I asked him to flat out

1175
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:43,520
Speaker 1: if he wants to break up with me, and he

1176
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 1: said no repeatedly, just couldn't stop hurting me, and it

1177
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: created the cycle of hurting me feeling ashamed and said

1178
00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:54,480
Speaker 1: and in the cycle, he's gone to yet another extreme.

1179
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:57,920
Speaker 1: He said he's never wanted to marry anyone aside from me,

1180
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:01,120
Speaker 1: But he also was scared of his hot and cold

1181
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:04,000
Speaker 1: and stringing me along. Has anyone else been in a

1182
00:53:04,040 --> 00:53:07,280
Speaker 1: similar situation? And what did you do? I can't sleep,

1183
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 1: can't eat, I'm beyond hurt, and I don't want to

1184
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:12,799
Speaker 1: be with anyone else. I've mentioned all the bad here,

1185
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,279
Speaker 1: but there's been a lot of good, more so in

1186
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 1: our relationship. I'm so upset.

1187
00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:19,480
Speaker 3: We have one comment I can tell you because I

1188
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:20,920
Speaker 3: am this guy in a lot of ways.

1189
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 1: Oh wow, And like the version of.

1190
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:25,920
Speaker 3: Me that was that guy would not be able to

1191
00:53:26,040 --> 00:53:28,920
Speaker 3: change while still in a relationship with you, is just

1192
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 3: going to the cycle will repeat, and then you'll both

1193
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 3: feel terrible and then you'll try again and nothing will

1194
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 3: fundamentally change because it kind of can't while you're still

1195
00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:40,280
Speaker 3: in it, or at least I couldn't.

1196
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:45,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, So listen, Well, let's read it. In marriage, it's

1197
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:48,279
Speaker 1: a lot more than a wedding. Do not fall into

1198
00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:51,160
Speaker 1: the trap so many make of focusing on getting married

1199
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 1: rather than focusing on establishing the foundation of a healthy

1200
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:57,840
Speaker 1: relationship that could be sustained after a wedding. Why the

1201
00:53:57,880 --> 00:53:59,520
Speaker 1: world would you want to go ahead with the wedding?

1202
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:01,839
Speaker 1: And of all the issues that have come to light,

1203
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:06,040
Speaker 1: how is getting married going to address them? Regarding living together?

1204
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:09,200
Speaker 1: I absolutely agree with you, fiance. The issue needs to

1205
00:54:09,239 --> 00:54:12,840
Speaker 1: be resolved before the wedding. It hasn't happened for two years.

1206
00:54:13,239 --> 00:54:15,759
Speaker 1: The issues you have with the apartment are not going

1207
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:18,600
Speaker 1: to maturally go away. You both need to ensure that

1208
00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:21,560
Speaker 1: you are, in particular, are one hundred percent comfortable with

1209
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:24,920
Speaker 1: the living situation. And yet some folks do live together

1210
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:27,719
Speaker 1: before marriage, but the majority don't. There are aspects of

1211
00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:30,200
Speaker 1: your partner and aspects of yourself that neither of you

1212
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:33,399
Speaker 1: would have the opportunity to explore without having had lived

1213
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 1: together for a significant time at least one plus years.

1214
00:54:36,600 --> 00:54:39,680
Speaker 1: So many more issues that cause conflict and relationships will

1215
00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:42,840
Speaker 1: only show up when you live together. He then started

1216
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 1: telling me about his pattern of brokenness. That comment, This

1217
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,200
Speaker 1: man is giving you a critical information here, and you

1218
00:54:49,280 --> 00:54:52,600
Speaker 1: were just brushing his very serious concerns aside. Would you

1219
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:55,840
Speaker 1: prefer he shared these concerns after the wedding. Yes, he

1220
00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:58,680
Speaker 1: should have brought this up way earlier, but that is

1221
00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 1: a moot point. Now he's bringing it up. Now, what

1222
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:03,759
Speaker 1: are you going to do about it? Your relationship is

1223
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 1: desperately crying out for some pre marital counseling postpone the wedding.

1224
00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:11,439
Speaker 1: I agree, counseling before a wedding, or therapy. I've talked

1225
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:13,919
Speaker 1: to Angie about going to therapy, like about two years

1226
00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:17,080
Speaker 1: in to our relationship. Well probably will like because it's

1227
00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:20,520
Speaker 1: getting serious and we just start having serious conversations about hey,

1228
00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 1: what would this look like, how would we want to

1229
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 1: do it? And not like that we have any problems,

1230
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:28,239
Speaker 1: but it's like taking the car to the get maintenance done.

1231
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 1: You know.

1232
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:33,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I would never like downtalk therapy. I

1233
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:37,280
Speaker 3: feel like you guys can It's not necessarily always needed though.

1234
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:40,160
Speaker 1: It's not that we have a lot of problems, it's

1235
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:43,680
Speaker 1: are we communicating with conmunity getting well? It's like going

1236
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:45,160
Speaker 1: to a coach. I don't know.

1237
00:55:45,239 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 5: I guess I'll let people think therapy like immediately he's like, oh,

1238
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:50,280
Speaker 5: there's something negative happening.

1239
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:53,920
Speaker 1: No, it's just like my parents went to therapy whenever

1240
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:56,840
Speaker 1: they were at rock bottom. They surprisingly got through it

1241
00:55:56,880 --> 00:56:00,000
Speaker 1: and they're good now. But now they do do therapy.

1242
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:02,680
Speaker 1: There's nothing really going on, but it's like main's it's

1243
00:56:02,719 --> 00:56:07,439
Speaker 1: like we're just working out the kinks and it's nice. No, hey,

1244
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:09,160
Speaker 1: it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories. But

1245
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:10,880
Speaker 1: here's three minutes bads from our sponsors.

1246
00:56:11,400 --> 00:56:15,960
Speaker 3: My fiance said I was the best suitor while cheating

1247
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:17,200
Speaker 3: with three other guys.

1248
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:18,880
Speaker 4: Well that's how she knew you were the best.

1249
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:20,759
Speaker 1: Background.

1250
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:24,359
Speaker 3: Jane and I, former high school sweethearts of one point

1251
00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:26,960
Speaker 3: five years, broke up after our first year of university

1252
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 3: when I kissed another girl at a party. I am

1253
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:31,880
Speaker 3: remorseful to this day for what I did, and I

1254
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:35,080
Speaker 3: told her the truth the next day and ended things

1255
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:38,040
Speaker 3: as she deserved better and I needed to work on myself.

1256
00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:39,440
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes.

1257
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:41,600
Speaker 3: From a deleted user, and if you want to submit

1258
00:56:41,600 --> 00:56:43,719
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story times.

1259
00:56:43,719 --> 00:56:45,680
Speaker 1: I'll run it and submit them there, damn it.

1260
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:49,120
Speaker 3: So after a brief rerea connection at a club six

1261
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:51,880
Speaker 3: or so months later, we saw each other frequently and

1262
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:53,640
Speaker 3: decided to work on the relationship.

1263
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:54,960
Speaker 1: Tragedy struck.

1264
00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:57,320
Speaker 3: While we were working on things, I got a random

1265
00:56:57,320 --> 00:56:59,120
Speaker 3: call from the hospital to pay a visit to my mother.

1266
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:01,399
Speaker 3: I went there with Jane, and the doctor and care

1267
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:05,120
Speaker 3: worker informed me that my mother had unrecoverable internal brain

1268
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:08,080
Speaker 3: bleeding and there was no choice but to disconnect her

1269
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 3: from life support.

1270
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh that's a horrible moment.

1271
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:13,560
Speaker 2: Yeah wow.

1272
00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:17,080
Speaker 3: I was devastated, and a month later, my grandfather, who

1273
00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:21,640
Speaker 3: was my father figure, passed away as well. Jane became

1274
00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:26,640
Speaker 3: my support during these dark times and we resumed our relationship. However,

1275
00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:29,440
Speaker 3: my struggles with drinking due to depression and NonStop work

1276
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:32,200
Speaker 3: led to another breakup a few months later, as she

1277
00:57:32,240 --> 00:57:34,479
Speaker 3: couldn't witness my life go in the direction it was going.

1278
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:36,720
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't think after that much loss you

1279
00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:38,600
Speaker 3: were really ready to step into a relationship.

1280
00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:41,560
Speaker 4: No, but like, it is rough for someone to be

1281
00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:44,080
Speaker 4: like you just dot a lot of stuff go bad.

1282
00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make it worse.

1283
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, being like, I'll get with you now. Actually I

1284
00:57:48,240 --> 00:57:49,400
Speaker 3: didn't know what I was signing up for.

1285
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:53,720
Speaker 1: I'm out. You've called drama. It's called character development. I

1286
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:56,680
Speaker 1: think that was actually called buyer's remorse. And you're gonna

1287
00:57:56,720 --> 00:57:57,320
Speaker 1: think me later.

1288
00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:02,040
Speaker 3: Despite the breakup, Jane Bane remained a supportive friend throughout

1289
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:05,360
Speaker 3: our early twenties twenty to twenty four. Stop it, You're

1290
00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 3: not the arbiter of early twenties. I'm twenty nine in

1291
00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 3: my early twenties. I asked Jane to get back together

1292
00:58:12,520 --> 00:58:15,120
Speaker 3: when we were twenty four, but she declined as she

1293
00:58:15,160 --> 00:58:17,280
Speaker 3: had grown out of who she used to be and

1294
00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:20,200
Speaker 3: wanted different things in life. She then moved away to

1295
00:58:20,320 --> 00:58:23,320
Speaker 3: another province and I never spoke to her after that.

1296
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:27,960
Speaker 3: After a one point five yearish hiatus, she moved back

1297
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:28,760
Speaker 3: to my province.

1298
00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:30,120
Speaker 1: In December of twenty twenty one.

1299
00:58:30,560 --> 00:58:33,440
Speaker 3: I randomly got a message from her asking to get dinner,

1300
00:58:33,800 --> 00:58:34,760
Speaker 3: and I accepted.

1301
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:36,200
Speaker 1: I dropped the drinking.

1302
00:58:36,240 --> 00:58:38,280
Speaker 3: I had gotten my health together and got a mid

1303
00:58:38,360 --> 00:58:41,840
Speaker 3: six figure salary job while she was away from my life.

1304
00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:44,000
Speaker 3: She was shocked at how much I changed, and we

1305
00:58:44,080 --> 00:58:46,720
Speaker 3: hit things off very well. After the dinner, we saw

1306
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 3: each other almost every day for two weeks before she

1307
00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:52,200
Speaker 3: asked me to get back together. She gave me time

1308
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:55,480
Speaker 3: to think and I eventually accepted. Things have been perfect

1309
00:58:55,560 --> 00:58:57,880
Speaker 3: these last two years. We got a place together, we

1310
00:58:57,920 --> 00:59:01,120
Speaker 3: talked about having kids. I propose to her six months ago.

1311
00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:05,280
Speaker 3: Our relationship has been perfect all caps.

1312
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:06,800
Speaker 2: I don't think so.

1313
00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 1: I feel like there's a big, big butt coming, butt coming,

1314
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:12,720
Speaker 1: a big old pork butt.

1315
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:14,240
Speaker 2: Oh boy, oh boy.

1316
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:19,000
Speaker 3: Our relationship has been perfect. I get along with her

1317
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:22,640
Speaker 3: parents and siblings. We communicate, we respect our boundaries, and

1318
00:59:22,680 --> 00:59:23,640
Speaker 3: I truly love her.

1319
00:59:24,120 --> 00:59:26,600
Speaker 1: Fast forward to now and she's on a two week

1320
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:27,280
Speaker 1: work trip.

1321
00:59:27,640 --> 00:59:30,520
Speaker 3: We have an open phone email blah blah blah policy,

1322
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:34,919
Speaker 3: and yesterday I discovered unsettling information from the first two

1323
00:59:34,960 --> 00:59:38,560
Speaker 3: months of our renewed relationship through an old work phone

1324
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:41,280
Speaker 3: of Jane's I went through starting in December of twenty

1325
00:59:41,320 --> 00:59:44,280
Speaker 3: twenty one. It has had every eye message in text

1326
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:47,440
Speaker 3: saved since this time because of her iCloud login.

1327
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:49,160
Speaker 1: Here's what I discovered.

1328
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:51,960
Speaker 3: She told her friends I was the best out of

1329
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:56,000
Speaker 3: multiple suitors because of my career and physique. In December

1330
00:59:56,000 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 3: twenty twenty one, a week after getting back together with me. Ugh,

1331
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:02,080
Speaker 3: and how do we feel about that?

1332
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 1: Sovia not good? Right?

1333
01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:06,840
Speaker 3: And we feel bad? We feel very not good bad.

1334
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:08,479
Speaker 3: Why is that that we feel bad?

1335
01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:09,959
Speaker 2: Because she cheating?

1336
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:19,840
Speaker 3: Yes, she's she's it's a false pretense. Ah, she slept

1337
01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:23,120
Speaker 3: with three different dudes while dating me. When she went

1338
01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:25,200
Speaker 3: out with her old friend in the first four to

1339
01:00:25,280 --> 01:00:28,919
Speaker 3: five weeks of our relationship. We both got STI test

1340
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,120
Speaker 3: in March or twenty twenty two, which was her idea

1341
01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:35,960
Speaker 3: she has this is how long.

1342
01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 1: Have you had this open policy?

1343
01:00:37,640 --> 01:00:38,520
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1344
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:40,520
Speaker 1: Why'd you go through the workflone? Were you suspicious?

1345
01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 3: Like?

1346
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:44,320
Speaker 1: Has this been eating away at you? Like I'm just anyway.

1347
01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:47,800
Speaker 3: She had a sugar Daddy account for months that she

1348
01:00:47,880 --> 01:00:51,480
Speaker 3: deactivated four weeks into our relationship, and one while we

1349
01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:56,120
Speaker 3: were in university for our first year, during the first

1350
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:59,240
Speaker 3: time we were together and was still talking to multiple

1351
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:01,520
Speaker 3: people on it. She asked her friends if she should

1352
01:01:01,560 --> 01:01:04,200
Speaker 3: message her other ex in January of twenty twenty two.

1353
01:01:04,040 --> 01:01:05,720
Speaker 2: Where are these friends or too?

1354
01:01:05,960 --> 01:01:08,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, she's getting her advice from I don't know. Is

1355
01:01:08,520 --> 01:01:10,000
Speaker 4: it like one of the eight magic eight ball?

1356
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:10,920
Speaker 1: It's chat GPT.

1357
01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:12,960
Speaker 2: She's like, should I get back with my AX and

1358
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:14,640
Speaker 2: the eight balls? Like maybe, I don't.

1359
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:18,439
Speaker 1: Know, eh, maybe come back later. It remains to be seen. Yeah,

1360
01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:20,360
Speaker 1: answers unclear.

1361
01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:24,000
Speaker 3: In late January twenty twenty two, according to all the messages,

1362
01:01:24,080 --> 01:01:27,080
Speaker 3: she recognized her terrible decisions, cut off her bad friends,

1363
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:29,920
Speaker 3: the ones that she partied with or supported the infidelity,

1364
01:01:30,200 --> 01:01:33,160
Speaker 3: and committed to therapy for infidelity and trauma. This is

1365
01:01:33,280 --> 01:01:36,760
Speaker 3: all new information to me knowing her now, this doesn't

1366
01:01:36,760 --> 01:01:38,920
Speaker 3: even seem like stuff she would do. I did a

1367
01:01:38,960 --> 01:01:42,160
Speaker 3: deep dive on the data on socials and everything. I

1368
01:01:42,160 --> 01:01:45,040
Speaker 3: have a COMPSI background, and all of it seems true.

1369
01:01:45,120 --> 01:01:47,480
Speaker 3: All the guys and old friends have been blocked and

1370
01:01:47,520 --> 01:01:51,080
Speaker 3: are still blocked on all her socials, all accounts deactivated.

1371
01:01:51,440 --> 01:01:54,240
Speaker 3: I can see the dates of everything. Is there way

1372
01:01:54,280 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 3: back from this, Sofia.

1373
01:01:55,880 --> 01:02:00,280
Speaker 4: No, I mean honestly, okay, I think that Op is

1374
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:03,960
Speaker 4: coming to us like she's changed. I do think he

1375
01:02:04,040 --> 01:02:07,280
Speaker 4: needs to realize, though, that she has lied to him

1376
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:10,240
Speaker 4: this whole time. Yeah, maybe she's changed, but she never

1377
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:13,400
Speaker 4: told him the truth. She's still cheated on him and didn't.

1378
01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:16,680
Speaker 3: Tell him she really has changed and is still going

1379
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:19,560
Speaker 3: to therapy. But I am in shock right now. We

1380
01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:22,200
Speaker 3: are supposed to get married next year in June. I'm

1381
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:26,120
Speaker 3: facing disbelief and confusion, especially because she's been saying amazing

1382
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:31,120
Speaker 3: things about me and expressing her love to her friend's family, coworkers, etc.

1383
01:02:32,040 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 3: In the messages since January of twenty twenty two. She

1384
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:38,680
Speaker 3: seems to have completely left that life behind. I have

1385
01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:41,840
Speaker 3: twelve years of history with her, and I've seen that

1386
01:02:41,920 --> 01:02:44,760
Speaker 3: she's changed. But lying like that to me for a

1387
01:02:44,840 --> 01:02:47,720
Speaker 3: month or two makes me feel like a sucker. I

1388
01:02:47,880 --> 01:02:50,720
Speaker 3: was considered an option and ended up being the best

1389
01:02:50,760 --> 01:02:52,920
Speaker 3: one while she got to test the others.

1390
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:56,120
Speaker 1: Is this relationship salvagable? We have some comments?

1391
01:02:56,640 --> 01:02:58,800
Speaker 3: Let's go ahead and read him, because yeah, we literally

1392
01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:01,760
Speaker 3: ask that exact same question and played it out already,

1393
01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:05,880
Speaker 3: so come in Number one. She cheated and knowingly exposed

1394
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:08,200
Speaker 3: you to the risk of STIs. She lied to you

1395
01:03:08,240 --> 01:03:10,880
Speaker 3: for the last couple of years. She only gave up

1396
01:03:10,920 --> 01:03:13,240
Speaker 3: the other guys for now because you make more money

1397
01:03:13,280 --> 01:03:15,600
Speaker 3: than they do and she didn't want to risk losing

1398
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:16,680
Speaker 3: that by getting caught.

1399
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:18,720
Speaker 1: I mean, you could.

1400
01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:21,640
Speaker 3: Certainly jump to that conclusion because you've had not talked

1401
01:03:21,640 --> 01:03:22,000
Speaker 3: about it.

1402
01:03:22,120 --> 01:03:24,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I don't necessarily know.

1403
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:26,160
Speaker 4: I think that's in the world where she feels really

1404
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:31,240
Speaker 4: badly and does genuinely believe in their relationship. However, doesn't

1405
01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:34,320
Speaker 4: excuse anything she did, right, she can regret what she

1406
01:03:34,320 --> 01:03:34,760
Speaker 4: still did.

1407
01:03:34,840 --> 01:03:37,040
Speaker 1: She still did it. Yeah, she still did the thing,

1408
01:03:37,120 --> 01:03:38,280
Speaker 1: and she stills and told them so.

1409
01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:40,960
Speaker 3: She was ready to jump into a relationship as soon

1410
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:42,760
Speaker 3: as she found out that you now have money.

1411
01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:44,640
Speaker 1: I don't even know if that's true.

1412
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:46,880
Speaker 3: Then told her friends that she liked you more than

1413
01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:50,000
Speaker 3: the other multiple people she was seeing at the same

1414
01:03:50,080 --> 01:03:53,000
Speaker 3: time because of your money. She will absolutely cheat on

1415
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:55,080
Speaker 3: you again when she thinks she won't get caught and

1416
01:03:55,200 --> 01:03:57,320
Speaker 3: isn't risking the dough, which would.

1417
01:03:57,320 --> 01:03:58,880
Speaker 1: Be after marriage.

1418
01:03:59,120 --> 01:04:02,160
Speaker 3: She doesn't genuinely love you and never will if you

1419
01:04:02,200 --> 01:04:05,920
Speaker 3: stay with her. This commentary clearly went through something.

1420
01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:07,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I did not.

1421
01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:10,680
Speaker 1: I don't see the story.

1422
01:04:11,160 --> 01:04:13,240
Speaker 3: I'm gonna just go to the next comment because I

1423
01:04:13,240 --> 01:04:16,920
Speaker 3: don't agree with that guy. Yeah, comment to did she

1424
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:18,120
Speaker 3: ask to see your teeth?

1425
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:20,160
Speaker 1: Did she run her hand down your flank?

1426
01:04:21,880 --> 01:04:25,160
Speaker 2: He's surprised, surprised party this one.

1427
01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:29,280
Speaker 1: He's gonna be fast, he's gonna run. We're gonna put

1428
01:04:29,360 --> 01:04:32,320
Speaker 1: him into Kentucky Derby. Oh yeah, he's gonna win his

1429
01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:34,640
Speaker 1: whole lot of money. They're gonna be rich.

1430
01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:39,320
Speaker 3: So congratulations, you got bought at the stud auction. I'm

1431
01:04:39,360 --> 01:04:43,880
Speaker 3: being sarcastic. She has not changed going through therapy. Is

1432
01:04:43,920 --> 01:04:46,960
Speaker 3: she actually going through therapy? Did she actually repent or

1433
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:50,840
Speaker 3: is she just selling everyone a bill of goods? Okay, again,

1434
01:04:50,920 --> 01:04:53,560
Speaker 3: I don't agree with that. That person knows absolutely nothing

1435
01:04:53,560 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 3: about it, if they changed or not. I think op

1436
01:04:55,720 --> 01:04:57,000
Speaker 3: clearly said that they did change.

1437
01:04:57,120 --> 01:04:58,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, he noticed a change.

1438
01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:01,520
Speaker 4: But again, like it's like, I just don't agree with

1439
01:05:01,560 --> 01:05:04,120
Speaker 4: those comments in the way that they're saying it. But

1440
01:05:04,240 --> 01:05:06,920
Speaker 4: I also agree that you know, this might not be

1441
01:05:07,040 --> 01:05:08,800
Speaker 4: a relationship that can be fixed.

1442
01:05:08,840 --> 01:05:10,760
Speaker 3: We have an update right now. Oh, I didn't even

1443
01:05:10,800 --> 01:05:13,360
Speaker 3: think about this. Some people mentioned she broke up with

1444
01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:17,440
Speaker 3: me over a kiss the first time we dated.

1445
01:05:17,600 --> 01:05:20,360
Speaker 2: It's a good point. I forgot about that. That's a

1446
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:21,200
Speaker 2: good freaking point.

1447
01:05:21,280 --> 01:05:22,880
Speaker 1: Wow. Yikes.

1448
01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:25,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I don't think it's salvageble. Actually, and I

1449
01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:26,200
Speaker 3: forgot about that.

1450
01:05:26,360 --> 01:05:29,000
Speaker 1: I did. I forgot about that. Oh, I don't think

1451
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:29,760
Speaker 1: I can get through that.

1452
01:05:30,520 --> 01:05:31,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, that's rough.

1453
01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:34,720
Speaker 3: When I told her, she wanted to work things out,

1454
01:05:35,080 --> 01:05:37,200
Speaker 3: and now I'm realizing it's because she was on.

1455
01:05:37,120 --> 01:05:38,200
Speaker 1: The Sugar Daddy app.

1456
01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:41,040
Speaker 3: But I declined because I wasn't the right person for

1457
01:05:41,080 --> 01:05:43,480
Speaker 3: her given I cheated and needed to work on things.

1458
01:05:43,600 --> 01:05:46,280
Speaker 3: According to the text I've seen, she only went out

1459
01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:49,200
Speaker 3: to dinners in coffee, even said she had a feeling

1460
01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:51,360
Speaker 3: a guy wanted more than friendship to her friends, so.

1461
01:05:51,360 --> 01:05:52,200
Speaker 1: She blocked a guy.

1462
01:05:52,280 --> 01:05:55,720
Speaker 3: We were exclusive December twenty twenty one when she asked

1463
01:05:55,760 --> 01:05:58,160
Speaker 3: me to get back together. I'm not going to do

1464
01:05:58,200 --> 01:06:00,440
Speaker 3: anything while she's away or bring it up. I'm gonna

1465
01:06:00,440 --> 01:06:02,520
Speaker 3: sit on it until she gets back and most likely

1466
01:06:02,560 --> 01:06:05,560
Speaker 3: bring it up to her. I'm definitely postponing the engagement.

1467
01:06:05,880 --> 01:06:08,640
Speaker 3: I don't know how to move forward or if I

1468
01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:11,120
Speaker 3: want to continue the relationship at this point and we

1469
01:06:11,160 --> 01:06:14,920
Speaker 3: have a final update. I face timed her and she

1470
01:06:15,080 --> 01:06:17,720
Speaker 3: kept on pressing me about my tone and body language,

1471
01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:21,160
Speaker 3: and I cracked. I told her everything I discovered. She

1472
01:06:21,280 --> 01:06:24,000
Speaker 3: broke down in tears. She's wanting to end her work

1473
01:06:24,040 --> 01:06:27,360
Speaker 3: trip early to come back tomorrow, a five ish hour flight.

1474
01:06:27,720 --> 01:06:30,920
Speaker 3: I insisted that she doesn't because I need more time

1475
01:06:30,960 --> 01:06:34,720
Speaker 3: to think. In reality, I've made my decision. I'm packing

1476
01:06:34,840 --> 01:06:39,240
Speaker 3: all of her things and ending the engagement and relationship overall.

1477
01:06:39,520 --> 01:06:41,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, which I think is the right call.

1478
01:06:41,640 --> 01:06:42,280
Speaker 2: I agree.

1479
01:06:42,480 --> 01:06:44,160
Speaker 4: I think I think if there was a world or

1480
01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:45,480
Speaker 4: maybe they could have fixed it.

1481
01:06:45,760 --> 01:06:47,160
Speaker 2: But it's not this one man.

1482
01:06:47,160 --> 01:06:47,800
Speaker 1: It's even worse.

1483
01:06:47,840 --> 01:06:50,000
Speaker 3: When you were you were such a man of principle

1484
01:06:50,120 --> 01:06:52,840
Speaker 3: that you cheated, you said you deserve better.

1485
01:06:53,080 --> 01:06:55,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, and she has literally.

1486
01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:59,080
Speaker 3: None of those principles clearly, So it is the best call.

1487
01:06:59,280 --> 01:07:01,480
Speaker 4: It just sucks because, like she says, she went to therapy.

1488
01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:03,840
Speaker 4: She says she's changed, and maybe she's changed enough to

1489
01:07:03,840 --> 01:07:07,160
Speaker 4: not cheat on you actively. But a therapist hasn't encouraged

1490
01:07:07,200 --> 01:07:08,360
Speaker 4: her to tell you the truth.

1491
01:07:08,840 --> 01:07:10,760
Speaker 1: I mean maybe maybe they have.

1492
01:07:11,080 --> 01:07:13,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then she does not, because in which case

1493
01:07:13,320 --> 01:07:14,040
Speaker 4: she hasn't learned.

1494
01:07:13,840 --> 01:07:17,440
Speaker 3: Any consequences are scary. Consequences are scary. I want to

1495
01:07:17,760 --> 01:07:21,760
Speaker 3: personally thank all of you for your advice. Having your

1496
01:07:21,760 --> 01:07:24,600
Speaker 3: perspective on the situation really opened up my eyes. I

1497
01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:27,040
Speaker 3: am not a suitor, I am not a bank, I

1498
01:07:27,080 --> 01:07:30,280
Speaker 3: am not an option. Regardless of our history. I deserve

1499
01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:32,480
Speaker 3: to be loved by someone that genuinely loves me for

1500
01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:35,000
Speaker 3: who I am and not for what I have. We

1501
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:37,000
Speaker 3: have a little bit of the story left. Do you

1502
01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:39,680
Speaker 3: have any closing thoughts or statements. I think I think

1503
01:07:39,720 --> 01:07:41,040
Speaker 3: we're very straightforward on it.

1504
01:07:41,120 --> 01:07:42,800
Speaker 4: I think this was the right decision. I think she

1505
01:07:42,920 --> 01:07:45,959
Speaker 4: cheated on you. You thought about it, you realized I can't

1506
01:07:45,960 --> 01:07:48,400
Speaker 4: forgive her for this, and you broke up. She did

1507
01:07:48,400 --> 01:07:49,280
Speaker 4: it before the marriage.

1508
01:07:49,520 --> 01:07:55,320
Speaker 3: A true Michelin Star recipe for a better, more peaceful

1509
01:07:55,320 --> 01:07:56,720
Speaker 3: life for you, Greed.

1510
01:07:57,480 --> 01:07:58,320
Speaker 1: I won't lie.

1511
01:07:58,680 --> 01:08:01,440
Speaker 3: I am heartbroken, but I I know I saved myself

1512
01:08:01,440 --> 01:08:03,800
Speaker 3: a life of pain. Thanks to all of you for

1513
01:08:03,880 --> 01:08:06,080
Speaker 3: those that have taken the path of forgiveness and God

1514
01:08:06,080 --> 01:08:08,640
Speaker 3: betrayed again in the long term, I want to especially

1515
01:08:08,720 --> 01:08:11,440
Speaker 3: thank you. You didn't deserve what you went through. You

1516
01:08:11,480 --> 01:08:13,840
Speaker 3: are all wonderful and amazing people, and I hope you

1517
01:08:13,880 --> 01:08:17,560
Speaker 3: get everything you want in life. Your perspective and rationale

1518
01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:21,280
Speaker 3: saved me. I am forever grateful to you. Thank you

1519
01:08:21,320 --> 01:08:24,200
Speaker 3: again for opening up my eyes and putting everything in

1520
01:08:24,240 --> 01:08:31,360
Speaker 3: the past and moving forward. Good job upward, Excelsior. That

1521
01:08:31,520 --> 01:08:32,599
Speaker 3: is the end of that story.