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Speaker 1: Confident is about being able to walk into any room

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Speaker 1: unapologetically yourself and walk out of it not worrying what

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Speaker 1: everyone else thought of you.

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Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose, the place you

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Speaker 2: come to become the happier, healthier, and more healed. I

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Speaker 2: am committed to making a healing world, not one that

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Speaker 2: is finished, complete or perfect, but one where we're all

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Speaker 2: a work in progress. And today to help us do that,

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Speaker 2: to heal from the inside out, to work on some

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Speaker 2: of the biggest challenges that we all struggle with. Whether

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Speaker 2: it's insecurities, whether it's self doubt, whether it's a lack

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Speaker 2: of self trust, whether it's feeling like we're not enough.

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Speaker 2: Maybe you've felt not smart enough, not beautiful enough, not

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Speaker 2: thoughtful enough, not tall enough, whatever it may be, and

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Speaker 2: it all affects a part of our life that we

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Speaker 2: call confidence. And today's guest is none other than my

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Speaker 2: dear friend Roxy Nafusi. Her new book is called Confidence,

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Speaker 2: Eight Steps to Knowing Your Worth. She's the best selling

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Speaker 2: author of manifest She's been on the show before. You

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Speaker 2: loved our episode together, and I'm so excited to welcome

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Speaker 2: back Roxy and the Fusie.

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Speaker 3: Roxy. It's great to have you back.

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Speaker 1: Ah, thank you so much for having me. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't believe I got to sit in this chair once,

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Speaker 1: so to be here twice. What is this life?

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Speaker 2: Honestly? Like, since the moment we met, we hit it off. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and I shared last time, just how many people in

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Speaker 2: my life read Manifest I've gifted it to so many

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Speaker 2: people as well, And anyone that's read it, anyone that

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Speaker 2: connects with your work and knows we know each other,

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Speaker 2: will message me and just say this book was awesome,

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Speaker 2: Like I love her work and to see you continue

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Speaker 2: to rise and soar and now create this book as

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Speaker 2: well again in your signature style of being poignant, effective, relatable, simple,

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Speaker 2: It's so powerful. Thanks and I'm so glad you dedicate

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Speaker 2: time to confidence.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. No, I'm so so honored, Thank you so much.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so let's dive in roxy I want to Confidence

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Speaker 2: is such a big thing. I wanted to ask you

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Speaker 2: how do you defer find the word confidence?

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Speaker 1: So I think there's so many different ways to define confidence.

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Speaker 1: And I think for me, confidence is ultimately about self worth.

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Speaker 1: It's about knowing that you are enough, exactly as you are.

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Speaker 1: And I think what confidence isn't and the way I

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Speaker 1: don't define it is being an extrovert. So a lot

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Speaker 1: of people think that if you are confident, it must

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Speaker 1: mean that you're comfortable being loud or you're charismatic, and

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Speaker 1: you kind of think that that's what it's about. But

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Speaker 1: for me, that's not it at all. You know. I

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Speaker 1: think confidence is grounding, it's quiet, it's stable. And one

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Speaker 1: of my favorite definitions of confidence is that confidence is

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Speaker 1: about being able to walk into any room unapologetically yourself

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Speaker 1: and walk out of it not worrying what everyone else

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Speaker 1: thought of you. And I think when you can get

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Speaker 1: to that place, that's when you know you've reached it.

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Speaker 2: I like that definition. That's such a brilliant way of

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Speaker 2: putting it, because I think we are all over thinking

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Speaker 2: before we walk into a room, whatever I'm going to

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Speaker 2: think of me, and then we walk out, we're all

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Speaker 2: thinking what did they think of me? Absolutely think the

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Speaker 2: whole car journey home, wondering everything you did and whether

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Speaker 2: someone saw you drop your spoon or spill a bit

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Speaker 2: of wine, or drop some food or whatever it may be.

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Speaker 2: You're over analyzing every moment and you're wondering, well do

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Speaker 2: they think I'm smart. Do they think I'm clever? Do

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Speaker 2: they think I'm interesting?

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Speaker 3: I'm boring? One thing you.

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Speaker 2: Said was really interesting to me, and I want to

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Speaker 2: kind of go down that road. Is how do introreeds

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Speaker 2: and extra eds demonstrate confidence differently? Or does it even

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Speaker 2: look different?

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Speaker 1: I think that I suppose. I mean I've never considered

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Speaker 1: that before, but I think they're extroverts. Probably they feel

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Speaker 1: most comfortable when they can be social, when they can,

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Speaker 1: you know, make people feel comfortable in their space, make

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Speaker 1: them feel seen had They're good at conversation, you know,

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Speaker 1: getting a group to get there and you know, and

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Speaker 1: they just feel good in that environment. I think for

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Speaker 1: an introvert, it doesn't mean that it's really about having

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Speaker 1: a Like I said those words before, that quiet grounded confidence.

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Speaker 1: So you don't need to be the loudest in the

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Speaker 1: room because you don't need you're not trying to prove yourself,

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Speaker 1: and that's the really confidence isn't about proving yourself. It's

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Speaker 1: about knowing you're enough and not needing anyone else to

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Speaker 1: kind of validate that for you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, why is it that we it feels so obvious,

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Speaker 2: like is there a healthy pursuit of validation or is

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Speaker 2: validation all bad?

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Speaker 1: I think that some Look, it's impossible to really think

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Speaker 1: that we're not going to want any validation at all, Like,

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Speaker 1: of course we do, and I think that we should

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Speaker 1: need some because we need to be like upstanding members

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Speaker 1: of society and respect other people. And also helps to

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Speaker 1: encourage us to strive to be better, to be better

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Speaker 1: in as people, as individuals, in our careers and our relationships,

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Speaker 1: you know. So it is important to motivate us to

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Speaker 1: be the best that we can be, which is great.

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Speaker 1: But I think the problem is is where validation. Well, look,

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Speaker 1: let's say that let's start with this evolutionary we needed

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Speaker 1: to belong to be part to survive in a tribe, right,

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Speaker 1: and so it was really important for us to be

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Speaker 1: liked by other people or to you know, to be

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Speaker 1: part of something. What's happened in the modern day is

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Speaker 1: we've taken that kind of like evolutionary need to belong,

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Speaker 1: but instead of it being kind of important for our survival,

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Speaker 1: it's now how we determine how enough we are or

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Speaker 1: the measuring stick of which we kind of measure our worth.

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Speaker 1: And so I think that, you know, yes, we do

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Speaker 1: need some validation to keep us growing. But we've just

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Speaker 1: taken it so far that now other people's opinions matter

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Speaker 1: more to us than our own.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think you're so right that that switch

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Speaker 2: has gone from being does my class think, my trainers

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Speaker 2: or my sneakers a call to now everything is broadcast

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Speaker 2: to the whole world, and it's measured. So you got

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Speaker 2: ten likes on a post, and someone got twenty, and

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Speaker 2: someone got twenty million, and someone got twenty thousand, and

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Speaker 2: so you're so right that now that validation has become

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Speaker 2: a matter of net worth as well, and indicative of

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Speaker 2: how much attention you get, whereas before you're in your

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Speaker 2: classroom or even your tribe. Yeah, and you're like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: if I've got twenty people that are generally okay with me,

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Speaker 2: I'm fine.

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Speaker 1: The problem with it as well is it changes our

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Speaker 1: self perception. Let's say that, and I know you love

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Speaker 1: that quote because I love it too, that I am

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Speaker 1: not who I think I am. I'm not who you

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Speaker 1: think I am. I'm who I think you think I am.

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Speaker 1: And I kind of explained it like this. So I

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Speaker 1: was still sat next to someone at dinner once and

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Speaker 1: she would an influencer, and she said, you know, sometimes

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Speaker 1: I'll post something that I really love on Instagram and

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Speaker 1: it doesn't get any likes, and then I think that

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Speaker 1: that post is terrible. So you start with Let's say

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Speaker 1: you have a picture that you love of your family

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Speaker 1: and you think, this is such a beautiful picture. I

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Speaker 1: love it, and then you post it and it doesn't

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Speaker 1: get that measure of like that you are expecting. So

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Speaker 1: it gets ten likes, let's say, and that for you

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Speaker 1: doesn't feel enough. And then instead of you thinking, okay,

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Speaker 1: that just maybe not many people saw it today, maybe

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Speaker 1: it was the algorithm, you actually start to question your

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Speaker 1: own decision. Why did I post that? Was it even

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Speaker 1: a good photo? And so actually, instead of thinking that

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Speaker 1: it's about anything else or there's any other reason for it,

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Speaker 1: you change your own perception of yourself or your own

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Speaker 1: opinion of yourself. And so I think that's where it's

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Speaker 1: really damaging, is that, Yeah, we don't just look for

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Speaker 1: external validation to guide us. We look for it to

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Speaker 1: tell us what we should think about ourselves.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so good, And you made me think about

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Speaker 2: how we all post that caption of felt cute might

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Speaker 2: delete later, And it's like that idea of like I

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Speaker 2: felt I looked cute, so I posted this yes, And

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Speaker 2: now I'm going to see if everyone else felt I

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Speaker 2: like you, and if they don't, I might delete it later.

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Speaker 2: And that's that mindset that you're saying, where it's like,

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Speaker 2: oh no, but I thought I looked really good here, yeah,

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Speaker 2: and I wanted to share that, And now you're so right.

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Speaker 2: Now you're making me feel like I don't look good

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Speaker 2: in a picture I thought I looked good in, which

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Speaker 2: makes me feel even worse. What are some of the

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Speaker 2: other ways where does this show up? I love that

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Speaker 2: example that you just brought it to of posting a

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Speaker 2: picture of your family or this felt cute? Might delete later.

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Speaker 2: What are other things that you hear from people of

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Speaker 2: where we're seeing a lack of confidence show up? What

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Speaker 2: are people worried about? What are people scared about? What

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Speaker 2: are you hearing from people that you work with the

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Speaker 2: meat and when you're traveling, touring, speaking, what are you hearing?

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Speaker 1: Oh gosh? I mean, I think that lack of confidence

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Speaker 1: shows up in every single area of our lives. And

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Speaker 1: I think that you know the Obviously, my first book

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Speaker 1: was Manifest, which was Seven Steps to Living your Best

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Speaker 1: Life and it was that seven step guide and step

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Speaker 1: two is removed fearing doubt. And people would often say

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Speaker 1: to me, roxy the step I struggle with the most

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Speaker 1: when it comes to manifesting, and to manifest we must

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Speaker 1: we can only manifest what we subconsciously believe we are

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Speaker 1: worthy of receiving. So it's all rooted in self worth,

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Speaker 1: which is why confidence is such a great extension to

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Speaker 1: my work. And people would always say, the hardest step

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Speaker 1: is step two, remove fearing doubt, because this insecurity, these

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Speaker 1: low self worth, this feeling of lack of confidence is

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Speaker 1: so embedded into us and into our kind of belief

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Speaker 1: system that really is the hardest thing to work on.

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Speaker 1: It's the hardest thing to undo. And so whether people

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Speaker 1: are looking for love, whether they're trying to grow within

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Speaker 1: their careers, whether they're trying to build on their own

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Speaker 1: you know, they're starting their own business, whatever area of

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Speaker 1: their life, it is usually the reason they're not fulfilling

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Speaker 1: their potential or growing in the way that they want

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Speaker 1: to is because of a lack of confidence. And what

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Speaker 1: I always think is really interesting with confidence is that

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Speaker 1: we always assume if we were sat in a group

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Speaker 1: of people, we would always assume that the person sat

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Speaker 1: next to us was free of it, that they are

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Speaker 1: so confident, we don't see their self doubt, we don't

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Speaker 1: see their insecurity. But actually, when I do my live

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Speaker 1: shows and I say, you know, to an audience of

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Speaker 1: thousands of people, and I'll say who here, I can

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Speaker 1: honestly say they are completely free from self doubt, insecurity,

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Speaker 1: or feelings of low self worth. Not one person will

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Speaker 1: raise their hand, And so you really start to understand

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Speaker 1: that this lack of confidence is a universal experience. It's

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Speaker 1: something that actually binds us all, and I think there's

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Speaker 1: so much vulnerability and connection to be found in kind

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Speaker 1: of sharing it a bit more with each other and

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Speaker 1: being more open about it. And it's also so comforting

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Speaker 1: because we remember that, you know, we are not seeing

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Speaker 1: what other people are going through mentally.

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Speaker 2: Do you feel that there's a difference between men and

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Speaker 2: women and how they experience confidence? Do you know?

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Speaker 1: I think that women have more pressures, and so I

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Speaker 1: think that we can assume that it's much harder for

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Speaker 1: women to feel confident, but I think it's harder for

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Speaker 1: men to express it. And so I also really feel

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Speaker 1: for men because I think as a group of women

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Speaker 1: it's much easier for us to go to each other

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Speaker 1: and say, oh god, I feel so gross today, or

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Speaker 1: oh god, you know, I really sucked up in that

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Speaker 1: meeting or whatever, And I think we give each other

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Speaker 1: more like therapy, whereas I assume, and I'm you know,

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Speaker 1: generalizing here, but men aren't as good as opening up

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Speaker 1: to each other about their insecurities, you know, it is

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Speaker 1: my opinion.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, No, it's a really interesting thing to think about.

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Speaker 2: And I think that's a really like interesting observation because

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't say you're wrong. I think when my male friends,

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Speaker 2: and obviously because of my work and who I am,

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Speaker 2: I guess more men and me do have those types

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Speaker 2: of conversations. But in general, even when I have my

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Speaker 2: male friends being really open about something, it's hard, like

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Speaker 2: it comes with a very like this is a big thing,

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Speaker 2: Whereas I assume, as you're saying that, when you're talking

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Speaker 2: it's just chit chat and it's how you feel. Whereas

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Speaker 2: this is like, hey, I've got something to tell you. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and then it's a moment of this is what I've

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Speaker 2: been struggling with. Yeah, and yeah, it feels a lot heavier,

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Speaker 2: and therefore it feels a lot heavier to that person

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Speaker 2: in sense as well. Your first chapter is called Master

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Speaker 2: your Thoughts. You're right, your mind can be your home

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Speaker 2: or your prison. You get to choose which. Talk to

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Speaker 2: me about how your mind can be a home or

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Speaker 2: a prison.

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Speaker 1: When we really think about what are the barriers to

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Speaker 1: confidence in a critic, I think everyone would agree is

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Speaker 1: the biggest one. And I think that what I've really

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Speaker 1: come to understand is how powerful our thoughts are, and

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Speaker 1: that our thoughts really do shape our reality. And the

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Speaker 1: reason for this is because thoughts become beliefs when they're

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Speaker 1: repeated so many times, and what we believe about ourselves

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Speaker 1: determines our whole experience of the world because it becomes

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Speaker 1: the filter through which you view everything. Every interaction, every experience,

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Speaker 1: everything is filtered through what you believe about yourself and

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Speaker 1: the world and then interpreted. And so for a really

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Speaker 1: clear example of this would be, let's say that you

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Speaker 1: were to hold a belief that you are naturally not

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Speaker 1: good with people. You have a belief that you're boring,

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Speaker 1: perhaps you had a belief that you were bad at

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Speaker 1: making friends. You then go to a dinner party and

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Speaker 1: you meet someone new for the first time, and because

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Speaker 1: you hold this belief, the way that you interpret this

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Speaker 1: person's social caure use whether they you might really focus

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Speaker 1: on the fact that they look over your shoulder, you

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Speaker 1: may notice the fact that they didn't ask you a question,

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Speaker 1: but you really focus on the fact that they just

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Speaker 1: talked about themselves, and then you might really make the

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Speaker 1: fact that they walked away to talk to someone else

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Speaker 1: feel like this really big deal. And as a result

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Speaker 1: of the fact that you're viewing it through this lens

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Speaker 1: of I know, I'm not good with people, or I'm

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Speaker 1: not good at making new friends, what happens is you're

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Speaker 1: focusing on the wrong cues, and then you likely become

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Speaker 1: a bit defensive, and then you create a self fulfilling prophecy.

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Speaker 1: Whereas if somebody had a belief like, oh, I'm really

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Speaker 1: good with people, I'm great, I'm charismatic, people generally tend

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Speaker 1: to like me, you're going to have the exact same interaction.

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Speaker 1: You won't notice any of those cues, you won't misinterpret

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Speaker 1: it maybe a neutral expression as disinterest, and so you're

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Speaker 1: probably going to respond in a more positive way to

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Speaker 1: that person and be more open, and then you'll create

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Speaker 1: a reinforce that belief in yourself. And so this is

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Speaker 1: happening all all the time in our lives, and it's

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Speaker 1: a lot easier for our brains to actually just find

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Speaker 1: evidence to support what we already believe, rather than kind

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Speaker 1: of find conflicting evidence and then have a new way

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Speaker 1: of thinking. And so our minds really are keeping us

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Speaker 1: stuck in these patterns. And I describe it like this

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Speaker 1: in the book. Imagine that you're a comedian on stage

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Speaker 1: and you're on stage and you're giving your set and

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Speaker 1: the audience are booing you, they're like, get off the stage,

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Speaker 1: and essentially they're heckling you. Now, that comedian on stage

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Speaker 1: is never going to be able to give their best performance,

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Speaker 1: right because they're going to feel self conscious, they're going

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Speaker 1: to feel nervous. They're going to be overthinking everything that's

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Speaker 1: coming out of their mouth, and so it's not going

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Speaker 1: to be as relaxed. They might stumble on their words.

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Speaker 1: But if they were to go out and give the

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Speaker 1: same set and the audience was there cheering their like laughing,

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Speaker 1: they are going to be so much more likely to

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Speaker 1: give to deliver their best. Their jokes are going to

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Speaker 1: be funnier, they're going to remember things. You know, it's

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Speaker 1: going to be a fantastic show. Now, in our lives

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Speaker 1: day to day, we are heckling ourselves, and so how

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Speaker 1: do we expect ourselves to be able to put our

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Speaker 1: best foot forward? And so it's really about understanding that

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Speaker 1: our thoughts, which are then forming our beliefs, are having

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Speaker 1: so much influence over not only how we feel, but

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Speaker 1: who we become and you know, our whole lives. And

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Speaker 1: so being able to master your thoughts really is the

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Speaker 1: kind of like first of these a steps to knowing

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Speaker 1: your worth.

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Speaker 2: That heckle is so real and it happens from the

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Speaker 2: moment you wake up, Like you wake up and you

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Speaker 2: look in the mirror and you go, I look so tired.

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Speaker 2: Oh I've put on a bit of way. Oh whatever

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Speaker 2: it is, right, we all have our own version. I've

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Speaker 2: got gray hairs, whatever it is. And then after that

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Speaker 2: you're like, oh god, I'm late for work. And again

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Speaker 2: it's like everything and we do it to ourselves every

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Speaker 2: day all day. Or I shouldn't have spoken up in

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Speaker 2: that meaning, Oh I should have spoken up in that meaning.

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Speaker 2: Oh I said something stupid in that meaning, Oh I

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Speaker 2: should have said more. Oh my, I'm not going to

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Speaker 2: get a promotion. Oh I don't deserve you know, whatever

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Speaker 2: it is. It's just it's crazy how incessant it is. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: And it's like every tiny move it almost feels like

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Speaker 2: you think someone's watching you on the big screen and

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Speaker 2: analyzing you every move. And I wanted to ask you that,

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Speaker 2: what's the difference between self awareness and self criticism?

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Speaker 1: It's the intention behind it. I think that self awareness is,

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Speaker 1: and I mean is about being able to say, let's

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Speaker 1: say you've gone into a meeting and you've given a presentation,

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Speaker 1: and afterwards and during the presentation, maybe you do mess up,

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Speaker 1: maybe you don't say the right thing, maybe it's not

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Speaker 1: your best performance. And afterwards, if you were to come out,

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Speaker 1: self criticism would sound like, oh, you're such an idiot,

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Speaker 1: why did you do that? Typical that you would. You're

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Speaker 1: never going to get it. You've messed up. Self awareness

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Speaker 1: is you know what? That wasn't your best But how

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Speaker 1: can we improve for the next time? You know, there's

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Speaker 1: a kind of there's a different way of approaching it

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Speaker 1: because confidence is also not about ignoring all your flaws.

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Speaker 1: It's not about just saying, oh my god, I'm just perfect.

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Speaker 1: How I am. You know. I have a quote in

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Speaker 1: the book where I say confidence is knowing that you're

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Speaker 1: a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.

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Speaker 1: And so self awareness is important as humans we need

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Speaker 1: to be growing and evolving. But it's how can you

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Speaker 1: actually notice perhaps your flaws, perhaps areas where you could

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Speaker 1: be better and do better, but approach it in a

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Speaker 1: way that feels really compassionate, That feels because you know,

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Speaker 1: in that compassion, you're actually giving yourself the best opportunity.

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Speaker 1: Think about a child, right If you want a child

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Speaker 1: to learn a new skill, you're not going to go

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Speaker 1: and just break them. You know, when I'm teaching Wolf maths,

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Speaker 1: if I'm like, oh, you idiot, how didn't you get that,

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Speaker 1: he's going to be like I forget it, I think

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Speaker 1: he would be traumatized and he'd never he'd hate maths

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Speaker 1: for all the rest of his life. And yet that's

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Speaker 1: how we talk to ourselves all the time. We're just

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Speaker 1: you know, telling ourselves, we're just mean. We're mean to ourselves.

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Speaker 1: And it is so exhausting. And I know that so

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Speaker 1: many people listening are just tired. They're just tired of

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Speaker 1: constantly being in this battle with themselves and you just

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Speaker 1: get to a point and you're like, I just don't

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Speaker 1: want to live like this anymore.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, No, it's so right.

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Speaker 2: And it's interesting because we always say like you should

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Speaker 2: talk to yourself as you talk to a friend, that

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Speaker 2: it's almost like talk to yourself like you talk to

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Speaker 2: a child. Yeah, because from what you just said Wolf

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Speaker 2: like teaching him maths. It's like there's a inner child

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Speaker 2: inside every single one of us that is lacking in confidence,

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Speaker 2: that was criticized and was heckled while they were growing up.

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Speaker 2: It's not even talking to a friend, it's talking to

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Speaker 2: this younger person inside of yourself and your younger self

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Speaker 2: and saying, yeah, it's okay that you're not going to

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Speaker 2: mess right now, like you know you wouldn't you would,

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Speaker 2: that's what you'd say to you. Yeah, And you wouldn't

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Speaker 2: tell them to get his act together or grow up

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Speaker 2: or you should get it by now.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And it's hard. It's really difficult when you are familiar

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Speaker 1: with the inner critic. It is really challenging at first

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Speaker 1: to be able to actually pause on the kind of

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Speaker 1: like spiraling thoughts and speak to yourself kindly. You know,

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Speaker 1: when I if I ask people like, I want you

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Speaker 1: to just repeat inside your head, like I love who

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Speaker 1: I am, I am so thoughtful, I'm such a good friend,

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Speaker 1: I'm so proud of everything I've achieved. A lot of

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Speaker 1: people will not even say it inside their heads, even

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Speaker 1: though no one else can hear them, because they feel cringe.

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Speaker 1: They feel like it's embarrassing, and that's how uncomfortable it

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Speaker 1: is for most people. So I really don't want people

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Speaker 1: to think that. I assume it's really easy to change

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Speaker 1: from having this in a critic to this kind and

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Speaker 1: a cheerleader. But it is absolutely possible, and with practice,

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Speaker 1: it becomes more comfortable and it becomes easier. And so

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Speaker 1: there's a actually there's a journaling prompt i'd love people

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Speaker 1: to try. I used it in my Manifest daily journal,

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Speaker 1: and it's my favorite journal prompt and it's a motivational

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Speaker 1: message from my higher self and every morning, I just

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Speaker 1: would love people to try this. Just write down a

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Speaker 1: kind message to yourself, because what it's going to do

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Speaker 1: is it's going to get you. Help you really get

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Speaker 1: to know that kind of voice and really give it

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Speaker 1: more power, give it a character, give it space in

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Speaker 1: your mind. And so when I started doing this practice myself.

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Speaker 1: I would write something really generic, like you got this right,

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Speaker 1: and then as I started getting more used to it,

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Speaker 1: I would write things. Let's say I was nervous for

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Speaker 1: something that day, I'd write something like today is going

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Speaker 1: to be great. You worked really hard for this, do

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Speaker 1: your best. Or if there was something I was really

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Speaker 1: excited for that day, I'd say, go and enjoy every second.

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Speaker 1: You deserve to be there. You know, this is part

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Speaker 1: of your journey or whatever it was. And so I

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Speaker 1: think that this can be a really powerful prompt for

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Speaker 1: those people who think that I just don't even know

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Speaker 1: where to start with talking to myself, like my and

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Speaker 1: a child or like a friend, this can just help

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Speaker 1: you get to know their voice.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I really like that.

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Speaker 2: And I think that's what we have to understand, is

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Speaker 2: that even that in a critic is not us. It's

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Speaker 2: just a rehearsed, habituated, conditioned voice that you've just practiced.

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Speaker 2: So you've practiced that voice your whole life that says

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Speaker 2: you're a loser, you're not great, you're not enough, you're

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Speaker 2: not good, whatever it is, and if you start practicing

432
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 2: another voice, that will change. Yeah, And that for me

433
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 2: was always massively helpful in recognizing that you could change

434
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 2: pretty much anything and everything if you wanted to, and

435
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:25,240
Speaker 2: if you chose to, because all you were living out

436
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 2: was a habit and you weren't living out your destiny

437
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 2: as it as if and that's what we believe. We

438
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 2: kind of believe like I'm born like this and this

439
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 2: is what I have and this is what I'm living with.

440
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,480
Speaker 2: And really what you're saying is no, if you master

441
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 2: your thoughts, yes, you can change your beliefs, and therefore

442
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 2: you can change your reality.

443
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:42,680
Speaker 1: Yes.

444
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,119
Speaker 2: I love the idea of a motivational message from your

445
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:48,360
Speaker 2: higher self, because that's even beyond being kinder to yourself.

446
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 2: That's really saying, well, let's live your life from this.

447
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 3: Point of view. Yeah, and how that changes everything.

448
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,480
Speaker 2: And it's almost like even if you went one day

449
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,679
Speaker 2: living like that, Like even if you could just do

450
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 2: twenty four hours of talking to yourself and looking at

451
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,879
Speaker 2: your life through your motivational message through your higher self,

452
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 2: I feel, wow, I could accomplish so much.

453
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 3: Yeah if I just lived up there.

454
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 1: Oh god, yeah, so I have this great, great tool. Actually,

455
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,679
Speaker 1: So if we think about our higher self, like, what

456
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 1: really is that higher self? For me. It's your most

457
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 1: empowered self, It's the best you. And if you're struggling

458
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 1: to kind of think about that version, what I would

459
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 1: say is close your eyes and I want you to

460
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 1: really think about you one year from now. And I

461
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 1: want you to allow all your fears and doubts to

462
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: just sit by the side like you don't need them now,

463
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,679
Speaker 1: set them aside for now, and I want you to imagine,

464
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 1: one year from now, who is the best me that

465
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 1: I could be? Who would I love to become? And

466
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 1: really get to know that version of you? How would

467
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 1: they walk into a room, how would they walk out

468
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,680
Speaker 1: of it? How do they feel about themselves? How do

469
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,360
Speaker 1: how do they interact with the people in their lives?

470
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: How do they feel when they're at work? And you

471
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 1: really start to get this really clear idea of who

472
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:05,199
Speaker 1: is the best you and that is your higher self?

473
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:08,200
Speaker 1: And then how do you start to bring that version

474
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 1: of you to life day to day? While you can

475
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,239
Speaker 1: do it in every decision that you make, because from

476
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:13,879
Speaker 1: the minute we wake up to the minute we go

477
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 1: to bed, we make hundreds thousands of decisions, and really

478
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 1: our life is just a culmination of all the decisions

479
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 1: that we make. Right the choices that we make, and

480
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 1: before every decision, before every choice, I want everybody listening

481
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,200
Speaker 1: to just ask themselves one question, what would my higher

482
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 1: self do? And I want you to, like you said,

483
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 1: try one day living like this should I would they

484
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 1: snooze their alarm? What would they eat for breakfast? Do

485
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,600
Speaker 1: they reply to this person? Do they say yes to

486
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,479
Speaker 1: this thing they don't want to do? How do they

487
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 1: go into work? What's their body language like today?

488
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 3: You know?

489
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 1: And I think when you start to realize that actually

490
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 1: your higher self already exists, you just need to bring

491
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,680
Speaker 1: that version of you to life. I think it can

492
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 1: be so empowering.

493
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that advice. It's it's yeah, it's such

494
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 2: a it's simple. Well, we can all do it, and

495
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 2: it is just practicing, it's rehearsing. I think we don't

496
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 2: realize that we're all we've all been acting just with

497
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:12,440
Speaker 2: really negative lines, and we've learned them and rehearsed them

498
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,439
Speaker 2: for so long, and we've got to start acting like

499
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 2: that higher self to access it. And that's what's so interesting.

500
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 2: I love what you said that it's already there, but

501
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 2: in order to access it, you have to act it.

502
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 3: You have to be it.

503
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,119
Speaker 2: You have to live it, you have to practice it,

504
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 2: and then you go, oh wow, I do have that ability. Yeah,

505
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 2: it's what you were saying earlier, that if you went

506
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,639
Speaker 2: in and gave your presentation as if someone who was

507
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 2: really comfortable, all of a sudden, you might actually notice

508
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,720
Speaker 2: you have other skills that you didn't even know you had. Yeah,

509
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,119
Speaker 2: and when you're being scared about oh am I funny

510
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 2: enough or am I clever enough? For that just boils

511
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 2: up everything else inside of you and dissipates. I wanted

512
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,719
Speaker 2: to skip to step three because I want to be able

513
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 2: to read the book. The book's called Confidence, eight steps

514
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 2: knowing your worth and picking my favorite steps, and I

515
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,439
Speaker 2: want you to get the book to read the steps

516
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 2: in between. I love the step stop trying to be

517
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,880
Speaker 2: liked by everybody. My favorite this Yeah, this is my

518
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 2: favorite step too, because it's such an addiction and I

519
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:10,960
Speaker 2: had it for such a long time and it of

520
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,919
Speaker 2: course we all still deal with it, so it's not

521
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 2: like I'm beyond it at all, but I remember it

522
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 2: having such a hold of my life that I couldn't

523
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 2: be authentic. And that's what's so interesting is that we

524
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:28,240
Speaker 2: think that the people that are liked by everyone are authentic.

525
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

526
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:31,159
Speaker 2: Sometimes the people who are liked by everyone are the

527
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,959
Speaker 2: people who tell you that they've just been wearing a

528
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 2: mask and hiding their boundaries and ignoring their feelings about

529
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 2: how they feel around people. And actually the person who

530
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,119
Speaker 2: says no, or the person who says I'm really sorry,

531
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 2: I love you, but I can't make it, or the

532
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,120
Speaker 2: person who says, hey, I wish it could be there

533
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 2: for you, but it's not possible, they're actually being honest

534
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 2: and authentic because they're not bending and molding themselves to

535
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 2: get you to like them. So when you say stop

536
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,880
Speaker 2: trying to be liked by everybody, you said stop trying

537
00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 2: to be like everyone you don't even like everyone.

538
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I love that, Like, I was like, that's

539
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 3: so good.

540
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a quote I found on Instagram. I

541
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 1: don't know who said it. Yeah, stop trying to be

542
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: liked by everyone, you don't even like everyone. It's so good.

543
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 1: It's how the step starts. And look this for me

544
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:20,680
Speaker 1: is I just love this step. It was the most

545
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 1: liberating step in my own journey, and I think will

546
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,439
Speaker 1: also be for most people listening, because again, we talk

547
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 1: about the barriers to confidence. So one is of course

548
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,159
Speaker 1: the inn a critic, right, that loud voice that is

549
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 1: just telling you you're not good enough. That's stopping you

550
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: from putting your best foot forward. But the other is

551
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 1: this constant concern of what will someone else think? And

552
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 1: this is holding us back in so many ways, whether

553
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:49,720
Speaker 1: it's creating people pleasing behavior, it's stopping ourselves, stopping us

554
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 1: putting ourselves out there taking risks because we have fear

555
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 1: of judgment and shame. You know, there's so many things

556
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 1: that it's ruining for us, really, and so I've come

557
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 1: up in the book with these four essential truths and

558
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 1: I really love them, so I'm should we just go through?

559
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 1: So the first essential truth is nobody is really thinking

560
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 1: about us as much as we think they are. So

561
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 1: there's this thing called the spotlight effect where we assume

562
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 1: that people are perceiving our flaws as much as we are,

563
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 1: but they're not. So let's say you have a spot

564
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 1: on your face and you are convinced everybody's staring at

565
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 1: it and they're probably just not. Or maybe you're in

566
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 1: the gym and you do your workout wrong or you

567
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 1: drop your weight and you think, oh my god, everyone

568
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 1: has seen it again. They just don't. People don't perceive

569
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 1: what you perceive. And I think that also, you know,

570
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 1: when we're really honest with ourselves, nobody is tuning in

571
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 1: to the next episode of your life. They just don't care.

572
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 1: They really don't. And be comforted in that. You know,

573
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 1: sometimes I see people on I don't I don't mean

574
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 1: this in like a mean way, but people will say

575
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 1: on Instagram and I'll see them apologizing like, oh, I'm

576
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 1: so sorry, guys, so genuine apology. You know I haven't

577
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,280
Speaker 1: shown up online, and I'm like, you do not need

578
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 1: to apologize. I'm certain no one noticed. And I don't

579
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 1: mean that in a mean way. I mean, and give

580
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 1: yourself a break. If you want to be offline, be offline,

581
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 1: like you don't need to feel bad about it, Like,

582
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 1: do that for yourself. So no one's really thinking about

583
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 1: you as much as as we think they are. The

584
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 1: second is you never really know what people are actually

585
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 1: thinking of you. So I want to give you a

586
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 1: quick story of this where this is when I first

587
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 1: really realized this myself. So you're a public speaker, so

588
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: you know that when you give performances on stage and

589
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:38,160
Speaker 1: people are listening to you. When people are listening and

590
00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 1: they're concentrating, they look like they are intensely bored or

591
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:49,720
Speaker 1: they hate your people's resting expressions are not warm in general.

592
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,080
Speaker 1: And when I first went on stage, it was my

593
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:54,479
Speaker 1: first ever workshop. I didn't know this, and so I

594
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 1: went on stage and I was, you know, really nervous anyway,

595
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 1: because I'd never done it before. I stepping outside my

596
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:04,520
Speaker 1: comfort zone. And I remember this particular woman and she

597
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 1: was wearing this pink track suit and she honestly looked

598
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 1: like I had just insulted her children, like she clearly

599
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 1: couldn't stand me. And you know, we have a negative bias,

600
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 1: and I was focusing my attention on this woman, and

601
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 1: after the interval, I honestly couldn't believe that she'd come back.

602
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 1: And anyway, I managed to get through the rest of

603
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,600
Speaker 1: the show. And that was an assassday. And on the Monday,

604
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 1: I got an email and it said, Hierroxy, I came

605
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 1: to your show. I absolutely loved it, and I was

606
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: wondering if you did one to one coaching. I don't

607
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 1: know if you remember me, but I was wearing the

608
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 1: pink track suit aha, and I was like, ah, yes,

609
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 1: you know, you really never know what somebody is thinking.

610
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 1: And I think that we can take someone's let's say

611
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 1: they're directing an email or they don't reply to a

612
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 1: What I mean, how many people listening have had their

613
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 1: friends not message them back and they're convinced they hate

614
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 1: them or have I done wrong and then only for

615
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 1: them to be like, oh god, sorry I was so busy,

616
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 1: or sorry this happened. You know, we just really never know,

617
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:11,400
Speaker 1: and so let's just stop putting narratives that put ourselves

618
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 1: in this kind of disadvantage.

619
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fascinating to hear that. The first step is

620
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 2: no one's really thinking about you, yeah, and the second

621
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 2: is you.

622
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 3: Have no idea what they are thinking. Yeah. Brilliant, and

623
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 3: it reminded me.

624
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 2: I remember when I was at university, we were learning

625
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 2: a case study about the acrobatics and performance company circ Disilay.

626
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I love it. Yeah.

627
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 3: Yeah.

628
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 2: So for anyone who's seen Circuit's this crazy like jumping

629
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:41,960
Speaker 2: through fire hoops, dancing acrobatics, like spinning around on a

630
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 2: you know, something suspended from the air, like it's unbelievable,

631
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 2: and they would go and travel across the world and

632
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 2: they'd have acrobats from all over the world. Whenever they'd

633
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 2: perform in America, when they'd do a triple flip and

634
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 2: fall through a hoop of fire and land on their feet,

635
00:32:58,720 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 2: the audience.

636
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 3: Would go bel like they would.

637
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 2: Be like cheering and like, you know, just like full on,

638
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 2: just like pandemonium, right, the audience would go crazy. And

639
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 2: then when they'd go to Asia, the audience would just

640
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 2: do a small tap in their hands. And so this

641
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 2: person's just like literally jumped through three hoops of fire,

642
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 2: a triple backflip, like done the most crazy thing, and

643
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 2: they get this small tap. And they found that their

644
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 2: acrobats would get really like you were saying in your

645
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 2: own they would get really self conscious and think they

646
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,400
Speaker 2: did a bad job. So they'd go to circ and

647
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:34,719
Speaker 2: be like I think I did really bad today, Like

648
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 2: I don't think we did a good job today. They'd

649
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 2: get really disheartened. Their performance would lack the next day.

650
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 2: So CIRQ started engaging I don't know if they still

651
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 2: do this, but at the time they started engaging companies

652
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 2: to train them in how different cultures show praise. Wow,

653
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 2: because all cultures show praise differently. So some parts of

654
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 2: Asia they loved it, but the way they showed praise

655
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 2: was more muted, whereas in America the way they shoul

656
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 2: praise was really big and bold. And obviously the UK

657
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 2: would show praise different in Europe would. And so this

658
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 2: idea also of just like this woman in this pink,

659
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:09,880
Speaker 2: pink sweatsuit.

660
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,280
Speaker 1: But it's also exactly what we were saying before about

661
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 1: how encouragement helps you perform better. Yes, so the fact

662
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 1: that they their you know, acrobatics was kind of deteriorating

663
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:23,680
Speaker 1: slightly because they weren't getting the encouragement that they needed.

664
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:28,359
Speaker 1: And I think we naturally need encouragement and that needs

665
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 1: to start with ourselves.

666
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, exactly, and I think we all know that.

667
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,120
Speaker 2: We all know the days also just to show how

668
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 2: external validation also doesn't carry us and what you're saying

669
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 2: about the voice in your head. We all know days

670
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:45,840
Speaker 2: where everyone keeps telling you you're amazing and you don't

671
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,440
Speaker 2: feel it. Ye, it doesn't matter how many people tell

672
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:51,840
Speaker 2: you you look amazing, you feel amazing, you're doing amazing

673
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 2: when you don't feel it, because when you don't feel it,

674
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 2: all of that just doesn't matter. But then when you

675
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,360
Speaker 2: feel it inside, even if someone said, you didn't do amazing,

676
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:03,720
Speaker 2: you can still feel confident in yourself.

677
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 1: So the third truth is you can't please all the

678
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 1: people all the time. My mom used to say that

679
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:12,760
Speaker 1: to me growing up. And when I first started getting

680
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 1: into this work, I remember thinking, you know, I was

681
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:21,640
Speaker 1: a self confessed addict a year ago, and now I'm

682
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:26,520
Speaker 1: trying to speak about self development, like who is gonna

683
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:28,719
Speaker 1: like what are people going to think? They're going to

684
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 1: think I'm a joke, Like, they're not going to take

685
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 1: me seriously, They're going to think I'm too young, They're

686
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:35,959
Speaker 1: going to think this or that. And I remember finding

687
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:39,880
Speaker 1: it really challenging because you know, it was stopping me

688
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: doing what I really wanted to pursue. And then I

689
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:46,359
Speaker 1: thought about the people that inspired me, whether that was

690
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 1: you know, Brene Brown, Tony Robbins, you you know, all

691
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 1: these amazing celebrities I followed, whatever, and I thought, you

692
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 1: know what, of all those people, there are loads of

693
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:04,799
Speaker 1: people who all so share my admiration and you know,

694
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:08,840
Speaker 1: love and you know and all of that, but equally

695
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:13,239
Speaker 1: there are also people that don't. And then I thought, well, wait,

696
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:17,560
Speaker 1: that's true for everyone I know that famous or not famous,

697
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 1: there are people that like them and people that just don't.

698
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 1: They just don't get them. And for me, I suddenly

699
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 1: realize like nobody on Earth is universally liked nobody, And

700
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 1: that was so freeing because I was like, oh, Okay, well,

701
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 1: I don't need to keep trying. I don't need to

702
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:41,240
Speaker 1: be in pursuit of this thing, which is that everybody

703
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 1: will like me. I just want and I hear that

704
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,320
Speaker 1: a lot from people. I just want everyone to like me.

705
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 1: Really yeah, And I think it's something that I hear

706
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 1: people say time and time again. It's like, soon you

707
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 1: realize that that's never going to happen, the better look,

708
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 1: and so really, I think the best thing you can

709
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,799
Speaker 1: do is just be who you like, whilst respecting and

710
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 1: being a kind, you know, human, but know that there's

711
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 1: never going to be an opportunity for you to be

712
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 1: everybody's cup of tea, right, And then that kind of

713
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:13,360
Speaker 1: brings me to the fourth truth, which is it's not personal.

714
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: And the way I think of it is like this,

715
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 1: everything in the universe is energy, and we are all

716
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 1: energy too, and we have all met thousands of people

717
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 1: in our lifetime, and aren't there just a few that

718
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 1: you just clicked with instantly, like you couldn't say why,

719
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 1: you just felt this instant bond, this connection. And probably

720
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 1: most people listening will have someone in their life that

721
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,360
Speaker 1: they can say, I have no idea why we're friends.

722
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:41,880
Speaker 1: I have no idea why we're together. We just click,

723
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 1: but we're so different in every way. And for me,

724
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,839
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, it's energy, and just in the way

725
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:51,160
Speaker 1: that there are people that you absolutely just click with

726
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:53,120
Speaker 1: and you can't say why. There are people that you

727
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 1: just don't energetically, you just don't vibe. And you might

728
00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 1: have a friend that has another friend and you meet

729
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 1: them for the first time and you're like, what were they?

730
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 1: What are they? Start statura as first for right, and

731
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:08,719
Speaker 1: when you see things as energy, you are so much

732
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 1: more able to stop taking it personally. It's not if

733
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 1: you don't get on with someone, it's not about you,

734
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 1: and it's not about then you're just not the right match.

735
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 1: And this is so helpful in all situations in our life,

736
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 1: whether it's at work, because there will be some colleagues

737
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 1: you get on with, some you don't. You just rob

738
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 1: each other the wrong way. But it's also so good

739
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 1: with dating. So for people who are dating who you

740
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:33,800
Speaker 1: know when you go in too dating? I mean, dating

741
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,720
Speaker 1: is so triggering anyway on our confidence and self worth.

742
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:40,240
Speaker 1: But you know, it's so when we go into dates,

743
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,440
Speaker 1: we always go in with this mindset of you know,

744
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 1: I really hope they like me right. And I always

745
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 1: think you should actually be going in and saying, I

746
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:49,720
Speaker 1: really hope I like them right. But if it doesn't

747
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 1: work out, if there isn't a second date, it's so

748
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 1: easy for us to just go what was wrong with me?

749
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:56,880
Speaker 1: And it's said, I just want people to adopt this

750
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:00,840
Speaker 1: mentality of it just wasn't an energetic face, It's just

751
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:04,520
Speaker 1: not personal, And I think it's just so helpful to

752
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 1: adopt that mindset.

753
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:10,320
Speaker 2: What's the difference between people pleasing and making people happy?

754
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 1: Wanting to make people happy and to bring happiness into

755
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 1: people's lives is full of I think it comes from

756
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 1: It can come from a confident place, a place of

757
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 1: I have so much love that I want to share

758
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 1: it with the people around me, So it comes from

759
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 1: a place of worth, whereas people pleasing actually comes from

760
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:40,799
Speaker 1: a place of low self worth. People pleasing is I

761
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:44,760
Speaker 1: have to please others because I'm not worthy of putting myself. First.

762
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,440
Speaker 1: I have to please others because I need them to

763
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:51,439
Speaker 1: like me. I have to please others because I need

764
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 1: to I need to be enough. And so I think, yeah,

765
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 1: I think making people happy can come comes from a

766
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,839
Speaker 1: place of worth, and people pleasing comes from a lack

767
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 1: of self worth.

768
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:03,359
Speaker 3: That's so good.

769
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 2: That's such a great answer, because I think sometimes we think, oh,

770
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,359
Speaker 2: I'm just not going to care what anyone thinks. Yeah,

771
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 2: And I always hear both, right, You hear one end

772
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:11,799
Speaker 2: of the spectrum. It's like, I wish everyone liked me.

773
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 2: The other end is well, I don't care what anyone thinks.

774
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 2: And I'm like, well, neither of those are real or true,

775
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 2: because you can't just not care. If everyone just didn't

776
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 2: care what anyone thought, by the way, there'd be no

777
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:27,799
Speaker 2: need for art or music or philosophy or anything because

778
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 2: we wouldn't care what anyone thought. So no one would

779
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 2: listen to this podcast, and no one would read a

780
00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 2: book ever, no one would watch a movie because we

781
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:37,239
Speaker 2: don't care what anyone thinks. Yeah, and no one would

782
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:39,840
Speaker 2: ever do that for us, so we'd lose so much connection.

783
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 2: So caring is important. But I love what you said

784
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 2: about how when it's really about making people happy, it's

785
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 2: actually about them. And when it's about people pleasing, it's

786
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 2: all about you and it was never about them. You're

787
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 2: doing that so that they think you're a nice person,

788
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 2: whereas when you're just trying to make someone happy, it's

789
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:01,160
Speaker 2: because you're nice who you are or your kind, and

790
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:03,439
Speaker 2: that's who you are, and it says so much more

791
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:05,919
Speaker 2: about who you are and how you want to live.

792
00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:10,000
Speaker 2: And when I think about this idea of being liked

793
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 2: by everybody, there's also a part of us roxy that

794
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:14,800
Speaker 2: doesn't want that friction.

795
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:18,320
Speaker 3: A lot of it's just conflict.

796
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 2: Avoidance, where we want people to like us, not because

797
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,279
Speaker 2: we so need them to like us, but because we

798
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:24,040
Speaker 2: just don't want to.

799
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 3: Have friction with anyone.

800
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:28,879
Speaker 2: And what you said, which I appreciate, is actually it's

801
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 2: about energy, and there's so much if you if everyone

802
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 2: liked you and you liked everyone, they would not be

803
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 2: that special friend, They would not be that loving partner.

804
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,480
Speaker 2: There wouldn't be that memory that you have in a

805
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:43,920
Speaker 2: sibling or someone because if you liked everyone and everyone

806
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 2: liked you, you didn't get that magic.

807
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so true. Love you said it.

808
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 3: The energy you said about energy made me think of it.

809
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:55,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, like there are you said there were certain people

810
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,520
Speaker 2: you just click with you it makes that person so special.

811
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:01,480
Speaker 2: If you ever liked you and you liked everyone, know that

812
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 2: they're just another person.

813
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:05,759
Speaker 1: It's such I love the way you've just phrased it, Like,

814
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:10,279
Speaker 1: because everything you need, you need duality in life, Like

815
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,799
Speaker 1: we need challenges and dark days so we appreciate the

816
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 1: good days. We were talking earlier about habituation, right, how

817
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 1: we become desensitized to things, and if we just got

818
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 1: on with everyone in our life, we would be desensitized

819
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 1: to the feeling of getting on with people. So it's

820
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 1: like you need to have people that you maybe don't

821
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 1: vibe the most with exactly as you say, to really

822
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:34,280
Speaker 1: appreciate the ones you do.

823
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:37,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, to really experience the magic of connection. Oh yeah,

824
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 2: we have something special, Like you would never say that. Yes,

825
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:41,799
Speaker 2: if everyone liked you and you liked everyone.

826
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:43,800
Speaker 3: You can never say we have something special.

827
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:51,719
Speaker 1: Yes. It's like, okay, if you date someone, I was

828
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 1: just thinking an Aquarius specifically, but no, there are some

829
00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 1: people Okay, forget the date thing, but there are some

830
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:02,600
Speaker 1: people people who are just friends with everyone you know

831
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 1: and I know people like this who are such social butterflies,

832
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 1: but they don't have those one or two really special

833
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 1: and deep connections. And I wonder if that's kind of

834
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 1: part of the same thing.

835
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:18,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because they get along with everyone, yes, relationship, Yeah,

836
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 2: and it doesn't it doesn't feel you, It doesn't feel you. Well,

837
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 2: I was going to ask you about that though, for

838
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 2: those of us who just don't want conflict and you

839
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 2: just don't want to get into it, someone like, oh,

840
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:29,759
Speaker 2: why can't we just have peace? And like everyone, how

841
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:34,320
Speaker 2: do you deal with that rejection, that conflict, that feeling

842
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 2: of that person doesn't like me.

843
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:36,799
Speaker 3: What do you do with that?

844
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:40,320
Speaker 2: Because of course there is a feeling of I feel rejected,

845
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 2: I feel outed, they didn't invite me.

846
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:43,759
Speaker 3: What do you do with that?

847
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:47,480
Speaker 1: I think it just comes down to acceptance, like that

848
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 1: kind of idea of radical acceptance, right, because I think that, yes,

849
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:58,080
Speaker 1: rejection is hard, right, and it's challenging, and it tests

850
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:01,799
Speaker 1: the foundation of our confidence, right because it's really you know,

851
00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:06,359
Speaker 1: it's it's a horrible thing to experience and everybody's gone

852
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 1: through it. But I truly believe that you can learn

853
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:13,919
Speaker 1: to deal with rejection in a way that doesn't lead

854
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 1: to this like great discomfort. And I think you can

855
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:20,000
Speaker 1: deal with somebody just not really liking you without it

856
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: becoming something that you constantly overthink or ruminate on. And

857
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:29,200
Speaker 1: that just comes from this mindset of it doesn't make

858
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 1: it about me. I can't really know what really is

859
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:35,880
Speaker 1: going on for them. And there's that I can't remember

860
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 1: what the quote is you might remember about how our perceptions,

861
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 1: what people think of us is not really to do

862
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,920
Speaker 1: with us. It's to do with them. It's their own experiences,

863
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:50,240
Speaker 1: their own wounds, their own you know, all their past things,

864
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 1: and you know, perhaps you remind them of someone in

865
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 1: their life that hurt them in the past. Like there's

866
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 1: just so many different factors to us to it. Like

867
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:01,400
Speaker 1: I said earlier, that thing to do with us, and

868
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 1: so it's just its acceptance. It's also not making it

869
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:09,120
Speaker 1: things can you cannot get on with someone and it

870
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 1: not needs to be an argument, and it not need

871
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:12,880
Speaker 1: to be a big thing, and it not need to

872
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:16,239
Speaker 1: mean anything. And I think sometimes we just try too

873
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 1: hard to attach meaning to everything.

874
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 2: You reminded me of that principle from the Buddha. That's

875
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:40,799
Speaker 2: the second arrow, which is the first arrow, is the

876
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:45,600
Speaker 2: rejection or the conflict that hurts. But the second arrow

877
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:48,320
Speaker 2: is the one you shoot it yourself because you're adding

878
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:51,719
Speaker 2: meaning to that first arrow. So you got rejected, but

879
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 2: your takeaway of the second arrow is because I'm not

880
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:59,239
Speaker 2: good enough, when really the reason was they were projecting

881
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:02,839
Speaker 2: passed on to you. They were projecting a wound onto you.

882
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:05,840
Speaker 2: They were just busy, they were tired, they were exhausted.

883
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 2: There's a million reasons, and like you said, you're never

884
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,319
Speaker 2: going to figure it out. And so you can play

885
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:13,799
Speaker 2: Sherlock Homes and play investigator and try and figure out

886
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:17,200
Speaker 2: the detective version, but you still will never be satisfied

887
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:19,760
Speaker 2: with the answer. And so the Buddha says, don't fire

888
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:22,440
Speaker 2: that second arrow because the first arrow you weren't in

889
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:24,759
Speaker 2: charge of, but the second arrow you were, And that

890
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:28,200
Speaker 2: second arrow is just your story, your meaning, which you're

891
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:31,720
Speaker 2: just making up. Yeah, and we become the best fiction writers, yes,

892
00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:34,720
Speaker 2: when it's writing the nightmare version of why this happened?

893
00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:38,360
Speaker 1: Totally, we're constantly filling in the blanks of stories that

894
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:40,799
Speaker 1: don't exist. I said recently on my by the Way,

895
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,440
Speaker 1: that was such a beautiful story. I mean that I

896
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 1: illustrated it so well, but I was saying, I've did

897
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:48,480
Speaker 1: a Poston Instagram the other day, Like, you know, when

898
00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 1: you're walking behind someone and your mind has created a

899
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:53,479
Speaker 1: picture of what they look like, and when they turn around,

900
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,320
Speaker 1: you're like, oh my god, they look so different to

901
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:57,680
Speaker 1: what I thought. But it's just a really clear reminder

902
00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:01,759
Speaker 1: that our minds are just constantly creating these stories and

903
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:05,440
Speaker 1: these narratives and these images that aren't based on reality.

904
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 1: They are based on so many other things that are

905
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 1: not that stop us from being truly objective and so

906
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:17,240
Speaker 1: really understanding that you cannot trust your stories, your thoughts.

907
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 1: You know, it's I think, really powerful.

908
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:21,760
Speaker 3: I've been asking you these questions, You've been nailing the answers.

909
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:22,759
Speaker 3: I'm asking you more of these.

910
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:26,080
Speaker 1: Honestly, you ask me such different questions. It's so great.

911
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:30,279
Speaker 1: You really push me to think about confidence differently. I really, yeah,

912
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 1: it's really great. Thank you.

913
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:33,319
Speaker 2: No, but you've done the work and that's why we

914
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 2: can go everywhere like it's a time for me because

915
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 2: I want people to read the book and they're going

916
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:40,440
Speaker 2: to find the great eight steps in the book, and

917
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,760
Speaker 2: the advice is so and you've got you know, the affirmations,

918
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:46,880
Speaker 2: you've got journaling prompts, Like you're giving so many practical tips.

919
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:49,759
Speaker 2: But I think this conversation is like really trying to

920
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 2: figure out, like what are we struggling with? And I

921
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 2: want to ask you, what's the How do we stop

922
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:57,880
Speaker 2: thinking that everything's our fault and still take responsibility to

923
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:01,879
Speaker 2: make changes. I think where we get caught is when

924
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:03,399
Speaker 2: someone breaks up with you. You think I was all

925
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:05,360
Speaker 2: my fault. If I did this, they would have stayed.

926
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 2: If I changed, they would still be here. Oh if

927
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:11,399
Speaker 2: I planned that birthday, they'd still be in my life.

928
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 2: And we make it all our fault, which isn't the

929
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:15,880
Speaker 2: case because it's always.

930
00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:16,279
Speaker 3: A two way thing.

931
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:19,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, but sometimes if we don't think anything's our fault,

932
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:21,880
Speaker 2: then we don't take responsibility. So how do you stop

933
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 2: thinking everything's your fault but still take responsibility?

934
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,759
Speaker 1: I think this comes down to, like there's so I

935
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:30,759
Speaker 1: think there's so many things involved in this. I think

936
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 1: one actually doesn't come from anything personal, but it's more

937
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 1: about this trust, being able to have a full trust

938
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 1: in divine timing and a full trust that your life

939
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 1: is unfolding the way that it's opposed to. Because in

940
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:47,919
Speaker 1: that sense, when something like this happens when someone breaks

941
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,760
Speaker 1: up with you, when you lose the job. When whatever

942
00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:54,400
Speaker 1: it is, actually, if you have a deep connection to

943
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:57,520
Speaker 1: a greater power, whatever that is, it might be God.

944
00:48:57,600 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 1: For me, it's just the universe and the energy and

945
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:03,120
Speaker 1: power the universe might be a spiritual realm, whatever it is.

946
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:06,359
Speaker 1: When you have a deep connection to that, you are

947
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 1: able to surrender to things with such greater ease and resilience.

948
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:14,040
Speaker 1: And step four of my manifest book has overcome tests

949
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:17,239
Speaker 1: from the universe, and that really is all about being

950
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:22,160
Speaker 1: able to persist through challenges. And it's done with a

951
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:24,880
Speaker 1: knowing that there is always reward on the other side.

952
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:29,720
Speaker 1: And so with that overall mindset, you are able I think,

953
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,799
Speaker 1: to attach less meaning, like we spoke about before, to

954
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 1: these things that happened to us. But I think that

955
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:41,960
Speaker 1: equally when it comes to being able to how do

956
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:44,319
Speaker 1: we take responsibility for the things that we need to

957
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 1: I think that comes from getting to know ourselves. It

958
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:53,560
Speaker 1: comes from self awareness. I think it comes from a

959
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 1: genuine desire to be the best version of ourselves that

960
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:59,280
Speaker 1: we can be. And I think that it comes from

961
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:02,960
Speaker 1: you know, when we talk about confidence and why confidence

962
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:06,520
Speaker 1: impacts every area of our lives. It's a kind of

963
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:11,400
Speaker 1: I feel like confidence plays into everything. So actually, the

964
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:15,800
Speaker 1: more confident we are, the less that we're going to

965
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 1: blame ourselves for things, and the more willing we're going

966
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:22,319
Speaker 1: to be to be able to actually say, hey, you know,

967
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 1: in a compassionate way, Hey, you know what, let mean

968
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:27,560
Speaker 1: to see, what are the things that I could have

969
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 1: changed here? What can I take responsibility for? And I'm

970
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:32,880
Speaker 1: going to let go of the things that I can't.

971
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:35,760
Speaker 1: How can I be better? But how can I also

972
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 1: accept the situation as it is? And so I think

973
00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:41,520
Speaker 1: there's this like fine balance between it and I think

974
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:45,560
Speaker 1: that God, I just I'm so passionate about talking to people,

975
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:49,520
Speaker 1: whether it's about manifesting, but especially about confidence, because I

976
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:53,880
Speaker 1: just know how many people listening are having those thoughts

977
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 1: that you've just mentioned where they think, I just if

978
00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 1: I had done things differently, and they live in that regret,

979
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:05,399
Speaker 1: in that shame, in that guilt, and I think those

980
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 1: are such overpowering emotions that really infiltrate every part of

981
00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:13,800
Speaker 1: our lives. Kind of they're like silently they're just bringing

982
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:17,120
Speaker 1: us down. And you know, it's and like we said earlier,

983
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:18,160
Speaker 1: you know it's exhausting.

984
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,680
Speaker 2: So yeah, so you've laid out these eight steps really

985
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:25,160
Speaker 2: simply for people to follow, and as I was reading them,

986
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:27,759
Speaker 2: I was thinking, but that's not what we do to

987
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:30,959
Speaker 2: become more confident. So I think a lot of people think,

988
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:34,880
Speaker 2: when I become rich, I'll be confident. But what's interesting

989
00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 2: is you can be rich and insecure. People think, when

990
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:41,440
Speaker 2: I become famous, I'll be confident. But you can be

991
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:47,320
Speaker 2: famous and insecure. People think, when I become a successful entrepreneur,

992
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:51,319
Speaker 2: when I get this promotion, when I get married, when

993
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:54,360
Speaker 2: I get through this, then I'll be confident. But you

994
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:56,880
Speaker 2: can be all of those things and still insecure because

995
00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 2: those things don't take away in security.

996
00:51:59,280 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 3: These things do.

997
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean spoiler alert. My eight steps is not

998
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:04,920
Speaker 1: get married, get rich, get famous.

999
00:52:06,239 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think our brain makes us believe those

1000
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:09,800
Speaker 2: other things.

1001
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:14,480
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, And I think you know, I'm so glad

1002
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:18,879
Speaker 1: you brought this up because you know, the work in manifestation, right,

1003
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,360
Speaker 1: I think, is all about goals. It's about getting to

1004
00:52:21,440 --> 00:52:25,080
Speaker 1: a place. And I actually had to put a disclaimer

1005
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:29,200
Speaker 1: on this because I realized that what people were doing

1006
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:33,560
Speaker 1: is they were expecting that happiness, confidence, joy would be

1007
00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:37,560
Speaker 1: found at the end of this goal, right, so exactly

1008
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 1: as you say, I will be happy when I get

1009
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 1: this promotion, when I have this many followers, when I'm

1010
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:49,000
Speaker 1: in a relationship. And what I started to really realize

1011
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 1: that I needed to share with people is that reaching

1012
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:52,839
Speaker 1: those goals is never going to make you happy. And

1013
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:57,880
Speaker 1: we know this because we know how many successful, famous

1014
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:01,640
Speaker 1: people are deeply unhappy. And what I realized was, Okay,

1015
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:05,919
Speaker 1: how can I try and explain to people that how

1016
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:08,640
Speaker 1: can I get people to have a goal to stay

1017
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:11,560
Speaker 1: motivated because we need something to work towards for our

1018
00:53:11,600 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 1: mental health, we need to be moving forward. How can

1019
00:53:14,200 --> 00:53:16,800
Speaker 1: I get people to find this balance between moving towards

1020
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:19,719
Speaker 1: something but not expecting happiness at the goal. And I

1021
00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 1: realized that it all came down to an emotional attachment.

1022
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:29,840
Speaker 1: People think I will be enough when, I will be valued,

1023
00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:34,040
Speaker 1: when I will be loved when And that's why the

1024
00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 1: work of confidence is so important, because actually, what you

1025
00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:40,759
Speaker 1: realize is you need to feel loved now, you need

1026
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:44,360
Speaker 1: to feel valued now, you need to feel worthy now

1027
00:53:44,719 --> 00:53:47,239
Speaker 1: so that when you get the goal, when you get

1028
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:51,800
Speaker 1: the thing, you can enjoy it, because if you don't,

1029
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:53,239
Speaker 1: you'll still be miserable.

1030
00:53:53,440 --> 00:53:55,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's so well said. Roxy.

1031
00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 2: Did you ever feel you did something that you think

1032
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:02,120
Speaker 2: would make you confiordt, but then didn't make you feel

1033
00:54:02,160 --> 00:54:03,680
Speaker 2: confident in your own journey?

1034
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, many many times. So I have been on

1035
00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 1: a very real and profound journey of my own confidence.

1036
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:24,480
Speaker 1: And I don't even know where to start with it. Really.

1037
00:54:25,080 --> 00:54:30,600
Speaker 1: It's I remember the first time I looked in the

1038
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:33,800
Speaker 1: mirror when I was seven years old, and I remember

1039
00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:40,399
Speaker 1: it so distinctly and looking and just thinking I am

1040
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:50,880
Speaker 1: so ugly, like really ugly, like monstrous. And throughout my

1041
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:54,960
Speaker 1: childhood I really held on to this belief that I

1042
00:54:55,160 --> 00:55:01,160
Speaker 1: was just hideous. And at this time when you're a

1043
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:04,680
Speaker 1: young child and you're kind of learning your place in

1044
00:55:04,719 --> 00:55:07,160
Speaker 1: the world and forming the beliefs about you, know who

1045
00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:10,359
Speaker 1: you are, what I was seeing was that I was

1046
00:55:10,520 --> 00:55:15,680
Speaker 1: rejected by my peers. I was I felt very alone

1047
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:19,200
Speaker 1: all the time, and the people that were popular and

1048
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 1: loved were people that were beautiful, and the girls had

1049
00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:27,560
Speaker 1: blonde hair and blue eyes, and not the girls that

1050
00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:32,759
Speaker 1: looked like me. And I don't even know where to

1051
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:37,239
Speaker 1: begin with this whole journey. I never felt worthy and

1052
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:39,880
Speaker 1: I never felt enough, and I think my self loathing

1053
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:44,600
Speaker 1: was so so extreme, and I learned to cope with

1054
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:49,279
Speaker 1: the extremity of my inner critic and my feelings of

1055
00:55:49,280 --> 00:55:54,840
Speaker 1: low self worth with coping mechanisms like controlling my eating,

1056
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:58,759
Speaker 1: which then turned to alcohol, which then became drugs, and

1057
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:02,880
Speaker 1: I was addict and went to my first NA Narcotics

1058
00:56:02,880 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 1: Anonymous meeting when I was twenty one. I continued through

1059
00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:11,439
Speaker 1: my addiction until I was twenty eight, and a big

1060
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:13,920
Speaker 1: part of what I was so addicted to was this

1061
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:18,920
Speaker 1: false feeling of confidence, something I had never had. But obviously,

1062
00:56:19,360 --> 00:56:22,080
Speaker 1: when i'd come down from that, the self loathing would

1063
00:56:22,680 --> 00:56:26,200
Speaker 1: come to the surface again, and I always felt sort

1064
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:30,440
Speaker 1: of quite disgusted by myself, but I would say it

1065
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:33,720
Speaker 1: was like a bubbling thing because I had the drugs

1066
00:56:33,760 --> 00:56:38,919
Speaker 1: to constantly offset it. But when I felt pregnant when

1067
00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:41,800
Speaker 1: I was twenty eight, I had to stop all the

1068
00:56:41,880 --> 00:56:47,879
Speaker 1: drugs very suddenly, and so I was dealing with kind

1069
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:50,160
Speaker 1: of all the pain that I was running from. And

1070
00:56:50,239 --> 00:56:52,799
Speaker 1: what really came to light in this time, and I

1071
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,440
Speaker 1: didn't know what it was then but I do know now,

1072
00:56:56,160 --> 00:57:00,839
Speaker 1: was a very very severe body dysmorphia disorder. So at

1073
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:05,799
Speaker 1: this time I head through my pregnancy. I gained sort

1074
00:57:05,800 --> 00:57:10,040
Speaker 1: of five stone. I was binge eating. But from almost

1075
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:12,920
Speaker 1: within like a week of finding out I was pregnant

1076
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:17,040
Speaker 1: and giving everything up, I became very, very fixated on

1077
00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:24,720
Speaker 1: how disgusting my face was. And it's really hard to

1078
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:29,360
Speaker 1: describe how loud and how revolted I felt by myself.

1079
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:33,640
Speaker 1: It's a revulsion. Imagine something that you see, maybe you're

1080
00:57:33,760 --> 00:57:36,840
Speaker 1: squeamish when it comes to surgery, and you see something

1081
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:39,080
Speaker 1: come up on Instagram and you just get that feeling

1082
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 1: of disgust. That was how I felt when I looked

1083
00:57:41,680 --> 00:57:46,280
Speaker 1: in the mirror. And I eventually got to a point

1084
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:50,680
Speaker 1: where I stopped leaving the house. I wouldn't see anybody

1085
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:54,200
Speaker 1: because I thought I was too grotesque to be loved

1086
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:56,960
Speaker 1: at Yes, while I was pregnant, and this was like

1087
00:57:57,000 --> 00:58:00,800
Speaker 1: a really dark time of my life anyway, and then

1088
00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:05,400
Speaker 1: after I was pregnant, let's fast forward. The self loathing

1089
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:08,480
Speaker 1: is just there. It's a constant thing, this lack of

1090
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 1: self worth. And then we come into COVID and suddenly

1091
00:58:13,080 --> 00:58:17,560
Speaker 1: you're interacting with people on camera a lot, and this

1092
00:58:17,760 --> 00:58:21,000
Speaker 1: kind of my BDD, which I didn't know what it

1093
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:25,720
Speaker 1: was at the time became uncontrollable, as in every I'm

1094
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:30,240
Speaker 1: at this point working through my career, so I had

1095
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:34,000
Speaker 1: started doing workshops, and then at the beginning of COVID,

1096
00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:38,960
Speaker 1: I started doing webinars. For two years, I did webinars

1097
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:41,840
Speaker 1: every month, and I did them all with my camera off.

1098
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:46,320
Speaker 1: So I don't know if anybody ever knew that that

1099
00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 1: was why. I think. I used to say that it

1100
00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:51,560
Speaker 1: was because, like I thought it would be a better

1101
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:55,800
Speaker 1: experience for listen to listen, which in part is true.

1102
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:58,120
Speaker 1: I feel like when you're listening to a podcast, you concentrate,

1103
00:58:58,600 --> 00:59:00,640
Speaker 1: But really it was because I thought that if I

1104
00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:03,560
Speaker 1: had my camera on, people would be too revolted by

1105
00:59:03,760 --> 00:59:06,919
Speaker 1: my face and that it would discuss them the way

1106
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:13,120
Speaker 1: that it disgusted me. And I never would never ever

1107
00:59:13,320 --> 00:59:15,960
Speaker 1: show my face online unless I had a filter on it.

1108
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:20,080
Speaker 1: And I thought this was normal. I thought I was

1109
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 1: just really self conscious and that I just didn't have

1110
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:27,480
Speaker 1: good self esteem. And I thought, it's just because I

1111
00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:31,440
Speaker 1: need to change my face. I just need to do something,

1112
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:34,880
Speaker 1: and if I just looked different, then I wouldn't feel

1113
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:37,160
Speaker 1: this way. If it was felt kind of almost simple

1114
00:59:37,160 --> 00:59:39,240
Speaker 1: to me. It's like, yeah, I hate myself, but this

1115
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:47,880
Speaker 1: is why. And so in twenty twenty one, I had

1116
00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:51,600
Speaker 1: had chronic sinusitists for years because of the drug use,

1117
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:54,760
Speaker 1: and I had to have an operation on my sinuses

1118
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 1: and I was like, great, this is my opportunity. And

1119
00:59:57,720 --> 01:00:00,920
Speaker 1: actually I'd never considered having a rhinoplacity BEFO before, but

1120
01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:02,160
Speaker 1: as soon as I knew I had to have an

1121
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:04,520
Speaker 1: operation in my nose, I was like, oh, yes, I

1122
01:00:04,520 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 1: can change the shape of my nose and then finally

1123
01:00:07,280 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 1: I won't have this like voice in my head. So

1124
01:00:11,280 --> 01:00:14,120
Speaker 1: I had a rhinoplasty, thinking this is going to be

1125
01:00:14,160 --> 01:00:18,720
Speaker 1: the thing that changes me. And I think a lot

1126
01:00:18,760 --> 01:00:21,360
Speaker 1: of people will relate to this or who have had surgery,

1127
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 1: thinking it's going to change the way you feel about yourself.

1128
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:26,520
Speaker 1: And after the surgery, I realized I felt exactly the

1129
01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:30,280
Speaker 1: same and if not worse. And at this time I

1130
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:33,960
Speaker 1: start going into this work, this line of work. I

1131
01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:37,480
Speaker 1: start showing up because I want to spread my message

1132
01:00:38,840 --> 01:00:41,280
Speaker 1: and I start having to be in front of cameras

1133
01:00:41,720 --> 01:00:50,439
Speaker 1: and it was it's I don't even I'm so sorry

1134
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,640
Speaker 1: because you know, I've never spoken about this properly, and

1135
01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:58,840
Speaker 1: it's like really hard to explain. I was convinced, even

1136
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:02,920
Speaker 1: after I'd had the rhino classity, I was so convinced

1137
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:06,880
Speaker 1: that I was just too disgusting to be looked at,

1138
01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:09,120
Speaker 1: and that everybody that would meet me would just be

1139
01:01:09,160 --> 01:01:13,440
Speaker 1: thinking about how ugly I was. So then twenty twenty two, Manifest,

1140
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:17,080
Speaker 1: my first book, comes out, and I'm obviously so passionate.

1141
01:01:17,160 --> 01:01:20,000
Speaker 1: This is my purpose. My purpose is to use all

1142
01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:21,680
Speaker 1: the pain that I've been through in my life to

1143
01:01:21,760 --> 01:01:25,960
Speaker 1: try and you know, inspire others and hopefully help other people.

1144
01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:29,600
Speaker 1: And so I have this real desire to help and

1145
01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:32,240
Speaker 1: share my message and to talk about it, and that

1146
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:35,160
Speaker 1: means going on you know, get if I take, get

1147
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:38,800
Speaker 1: the opportunity to go on TV, go on podcasts, but

1148
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:42,240
Speaker 1: for and I was so determined that I was not

1149
01:01:42,280 --> 01:01:46,960
Speaker 1: going to let this horrible monster in my mind stop

1150
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 1: me from, you know, doing the things that I wanted

1151
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:54,800
Speaker 1: to do to fulfill my purpose. But it was excruciating.

1152
01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:58,240
Speaker 1: So every single time I would go on camera of

1153
01:01:58,280 --> 01:02:01,480
Speaker 1: any sort, I would have a panic before, then I'd

1154
01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:03,720
Speaker 1: be fine during, and then I'd have a panic attack after.

1155
01:02:03,880 --> 01:02:05,560
Speaker 1: I mean, the first time I sat in this chair,

1156
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:08,280
Speaker 1: just before coming, I had a full blown panic attack.

1157
01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:12,360
Speaker 1: Could it was just and it all came from this,

1158
01:02:12,720 --> 01:02:15,560
Speaker 1: and I feel so much. The reason I've never spoken

1159
01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:18,040
Speaker 1: about this is because there is so much shame around

1160
01:02:18,080 --> 01:02:20,160
Speaker 1: what I'm about to talk about, I think for loads

1161
01:02:20,200 --> 01:02:23,360
Speaker 1: of people who have experienced it. But I had this

1162
01:02:23,600 --> 01:02:27,960
Speaker 1: real obsession of thinking that I was just too disgusting

1163
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:30,320
Speaker 1: to be seen. And it just came out all the time,

1164
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:33,280
Speaker 1: and my team around me could see how real this was.

1165
01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:38,040
Speaker 1: It wasn't just oh, I'm feeling, Oh I don't look

1166
01:02:38,080 --> 01:02:40,000
Speaker 1: so good today, and then you just kind of get

1167
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:41,640
Speaker 1: on with your day. It was more than that. It

1168
01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:49,960
Speaker 1: was this all consuming, ruminating thought of disgust, revulsion, ugly, horrible,

1169
01:02:50,080 --> 01:02:55,160
Speaker 1: nobody should look at me. And eventually somebody said to me,

1170
01:02:55,440 --> 01:03:00,560
Speaker 1: I think you have BDD body dysmorphia disorder. I didn't

1171
01:03:00,600 --> 01:03:02,840
Speaker 1: know what it was, and I thought that if I did,

1172
01:03:02,880 --> 01:03:05,040
Speaker 1: surely that must be about your body. Well it doesn't.

1173
01:03:05,160 --> 01:03:08,040
Speaker 1: Body dysmorphia disorder, and BDD can be about your face.

1174
01:03:08,120 --> 01:03:10,200
Speaker 1: It can be about your body. And what it is

1175
01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:13,200
Speaker 1: is a form of OCD. It's it's an anxiety disorder,

1176
01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:15,000
Speaker 1: which is a form of OCD. So it's like an

1177
01:03:15,040 --> 01:03:20,000
Speaker 1: obsessive compulsion thinking that is kind of comes with a

1178
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:22,840
Speaker 1: checking behavior or some behavior of sorce. So for some

1179
01:03:22,840 --> 01:03:25,800
Speaker 1: people that might be mirror shaking, might be comparing photos,

1180
01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:29,200
Speaker 1: it might be asking for reassurance. And it is no

1181
01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:31,720
Speaker 1: different to somebody having an obsessive thought about you know,

1182
01:03:31,880 --> 01:03:34,400
Speaker 1: have they turned the light switches off? Or something bad

1183
01:03:34,480 --> 01:03:36,200
Speaker 1: is going to happen if I don't do the switches

1184
01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:38,680
Speaker 1: three times. So it's the same pattern of behavior in

1185
01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:40,640
Speaker 1: your mind, but it's to do with the way that

1186
01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:44,880
Speaker 1: you look, so becoming obsessed with a perceived flaw and

1187
01:03:45,040 --> 01:03:51,120
Speaker 1: thinking that it's really noticeable to other people, and it's

1188
01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:54,280
Speaker 1: so incredibly damaging to one's way of life. And something

1189
01:03:54,360 --> 01:03:58,600
Speaker 1: that's really hard with BDD is nobody wants to talk

1190
01:03:58,640 --> 01:04:03,280
Speaker 1: about it because it seems and I have been so

1191
01:04:03,440 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 1: afraid to talk about it, and even now I'm thinking, like,

1192
01:04:08,720 --> 01:04:12,960
Speaker 1: should I be talking about this, because there is it

1193
01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:16,760
Speaker 1: feels like it's just about vanity, and I see why

1194
01:04:16,800 --> 01:04:19,520
Speaker 1: it seems like that, but it's so much more. It

1195
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 1: is this deep belief that you are so unworthy and

1196
01:04:22,640 --> 01:04:26,880
Speaker 1: unlovable because of your appearance, and a lot of people

1197
01:04:26,880 --> 01:04:30,800
Speaker 1: that have BDD will do everything on the outside to

1198
01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:32,800
Speaker 1: fix it in the way that I did. You know,

1199
01:04:33,200 --> 01:04:36,640
Speaker 1: have a rhinoplasty, have botox, have filler, whatever it is.

1200
01:04:37,520 --> 01:04:39,680
Speaker 1: But when you realize that you're left with the same

1201
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:42,760
Speaker 1: thought patterns, you realize that it's not about what's on

1202
01:04:42,800 --> 01:04:46,280
Speaker 1: the outside. You can try and change something, but unless

1203
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:48,800
Speaker 1: you do the work within, nothing is going to help you.

1204
01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:54,040
Speaker 1: And realizing that I had an anxiety disorder was very

1205
01:04:54,040 --> 01:04:58,800
Speaker 1: helpful for me. I realized that it wasn't that I

1206
01:04:58,920 --> 01:05:01,720
Speaker 1: was just I realized then that there was something I

1207
01:05:01,760 --> 01:05:04,240
Speaker 1: could do. I could find methods to help, whether that

1208
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:08,360
Speaker 1: was CBET and actually, and I've never shared this and

1209
01:05:08,440 --> 01:05:13,080
Speaker 1: didn't think I ever would, but I actually went on medication,

1210
01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:18,400
Speaker 1: on anti anxiety medication. It's medication that's used often for

1211
01:05:18,800 --> 01:05:24,880
Speaker 1: lots of different things, depression, OCD and severe anxiety. But

1212
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:30,600
Speaker 1: because I paired that with all this work, it was

1213
01:05:31,040 --> 01:05:36,120
Speaker 1: absolutely life changing for me. And the way I can

1214
01:05:36,160 --> 01:05:39,920
Speaker 1: describe the last the two years when I've kind of

1215
01:05:39,920 --> 01:05:43,840
Speaker 1: like started being on camera to you know, getting to

1216
01:05:43,880 --> 01:05:46,040
Speaker 1: a point where I finally felt more comfortable I could

1217
01:05:46,040 --> 01:05:51,080
Speaker 1: manage it better, is like every time I is like

1218
01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:54,520
Speaker 1: asking somebody with an eating disorder sit down and eat

1219
01:05:54,520 --> 01:05:57,040
Speaker 1: this cake. That is the only way I can describe

1220
01:05:57,040 --> 01:06:01,360
Speaker 1: it to somebody is it's such an overwhelming experience, and

1221
01:06:01,600 --> 01:06:04,040
Speaker 1: you know, it influences every oere of your life, your friendships,

1222
01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:09,840
Speaker 1: you're socializing, your dating life, everything. And now I've found

1223
01:06:10,160 --> 01:06:13,080
Speaker 1: so and I only the only reason I'm sharing this really?

1224
01:06:13,240 --> 01:06:15,840
Speaker 1: Why am I sharing this now? Firstly, I think probably

1225
01:06:15,880 --> 01:06:18,880
Speaker 1: just because it's still a part of my life, and

1226
01:06:18,920 --> 01:06:22,200
Speaker 1: so I think that, like I had a really I

1227
01:06:22,240 --> 01:06:25,800
Speaker 1: still get a lot of flare ups when I'm tired,

1228
01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:29,800
Speaker 1: when I'm stressed, it will come up. So yesterday, for example,

1229
01:06:31,040 --> 01:06:33,720
Speaker 1: I was doing all these amazing things here in La

1230
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:36,960
Speaker 1: but in my head, I was like, I just completely

1231
01:06:36,960 --> 01:06:40,440
Speaker 1: reverted back to my old thought patterns. I'm revolting, I'm disgusting.

1232
01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:42,520
Speaker 1: And it's weird because I never have these thoughts about

1233
01:06:42,520 --> 01:06:44,560
Speaker 1: anyone else. I don't care about how anyone looks. I've

1234
01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:47,760
Speaker 1: never thought if only they looked better. Oh God, I

1235
01:06:47,760 --> 01:06:49,960
Speaker 1: feel really nervous about talking about this. I just don't

1236
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:53,000
Speaker 1: know if it sounds Oh, it's really hard.

1237
01:06:53,200 --> 01:06:53,400
Speaker 3: It is.

1238
01:06:55,600 --> 01:06:59,280
Speaker 2: Please When anyone shares something that they've been struggling with,

1239
01:06:59,440 --> 01:07:04,200
Speaker 2: to me, shows one of the greatest expressions of confidence,

1240
01:07:05,040 --> 01:07:08,160
Speaker 2: because it's so hard to talk about it because you

1241
01:07:08,280 --> 01:07:12,840
Speaker 2: know that people are going to have their opinions, you

1242
01:07:12,920 --> 01:07:16,400
Speaker 2: have your own judgments of it, you're still naturally dealing

1243
01:07:16,440 --> 01:07:18,120
Speaker 2: with it as we all are. So I firstally just

1244
01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:20,880
Speaker 2: want to thank you for being so confident in actually

1245
01:07:20,920 --> 01:07:24,400
Speaker 2: sharing it, because I don't think you could do that

1246
01:07:24,520 --> 01:07:28,200
Speaker 2: if you weren't working on your inner self, because that's

1247
01:07:28,240 --> 01:07:31,840
Speaker 2: the hardest part, really is admitting out loud to yourself

1248
01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:33,240
Speaker 2: that this is what I'm going through and this is

1249
01:07:33,240 --> 01:07:35,680
Speaker 2: where I'm at. So just thank you for your vulnerability

1250
01:07:35,720 --> 01:07:36,480
Speaker 2: and confidence.

1251
01:07:36,640 --> 01:07:38,400
Speaker 1: Thank you. I really appreciate that.

1252
01:07:38,400 --> 01:07:42,880
Speaker 2: Because that's the hardest thing. I remember coaching a leader

1253
01:07:44,200 --> 01:07:46,120
Speaker 2: and they'd been going through a lot of anxiety. This

1254
01:07:46,200 --> 01:07:49,440
Speaker 2: is a CEO of a company with half a million employees,

1255
01:07:50,720 --> 01:07:53,760
Speaker 2: and they were going through so much anxiety and stress

1256
01:07:53,800 --> 01:07:55,920
Speaker 2: in their personal life and everything was falling apart. At

1257
01:07:55,920 --> 01:08:00,640
Speaker 2: the same time, this company's doing exceptionally well. And while

1258
01:08:00,640 --> 01:08:02,360
Speaker 2: they were going through it, at one point when they

1259
01:08:02,360 --> 01:08:04,640
Speaker 2: were better versed and being able to explain it, like

1260
01:08:04,720 --> 01:08:07,360
Speaker 2: I think you explained BDD so well as to someone

1261
01:08:07,400 --> 01:08:10,960
Speaker 2: who doesn't know much about it, I said, I encourage them,

1262
01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:13,439
Speaker 2: I said maybe you should tell your team, your EXAC team,

1263
01:08:13,480 --> 01:08:17,439
Speaker 2: your leaders so that they're aware. And they said to me,

1264
01:08:17,479 --> 01:08:18,800
Speaker 2: they said, how can I tell them? I said, what

1265
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:20,000
Speaker 2: do you mean? They said, well, if I tell them,

1266
01:08:20,040 --> 01:08:23,160
Speaker 2: they're going to think I'm weak. And I said, no,

1267
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:25,240
Speaker 2: I think when you tell them, they're going to realize

1268
01:08:25,240 --> 01:08:28,920
Speaker 2: you're strong, because they're all dealing with similar things and

1269
01:08:28,960 --> 01:08:31,400
Speaker 2: they're scared of telling you because they don't think you

1270
01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:34,000
Speaker 2: know what they're going through. And so I think they're

1271
01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:35,760
Speaker 2: going to be so many people listening right now who

1272
01:08:35,840 --> 01:08:38,040
Speaker 2: go roxy thank you for saying that, because I just

1273
01:08:38,080 --> 01:08:41,559
Speaker 2: assumed you have it perfect and your life's perfect, and

1274
01:08:41,920 --> 01:08:45,280
Speaker 2: you're so confident, and actually you're showing me that what

1275
01:08:45,320 --> 01:08:47,800
Speaker 2: you said earlier, that you can be a masterpiece and

1276
01:08:47,840 --> 01:08:50,240
Speaker 2: a work in progress all at the same time, is

1277
01:08:50,280 --> 01:08:53,040
Speaker 2: actually what we're all dealing with. And as soon as

1278
01:08:53,080 --> 01:08:57,599
Speaker 2: we believe someone is fully confident, that doesn't fully help us,

1279
01:08:57,640 --> 01:08:59,840
Speaker 2: because then we're always measuring ourselves, thinking why am I

1280
01:08:59,880 --> 01:09:03,519
Speaker 2: not there? And when we realize, oh, everyone's healing, there's

1281
01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:05,960
Speaker 2: no one who's healed, then as long as I'm healing,

1282
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:07,879
Speaker 2: I'm on the right part. So I just think, hopefully

1283
01:09:07,920 --> 01:09:10,000
Speaker 2: I think people will listen and feel that way. The

1284
01:09:10,040 --> 01:09:15,920
Speaker 2: second thing I'll say is to me, there's I think

1285
01:09:15,920 --> 01:09:18,800
Speaker 2: we know very little about the human mind and brain,

1286
01:09:18,880 --> 01:09:22,000
Speaker 2: especially when it comes to a lot of these anxiety disorders.

1287
01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:25,519
Speaker 2: I have friends, my wife has friends who have severe

1288
01:09:25,560 --> 01:09:29,160
Speaker 2: cases of OCD, and it's so easy when you hear

1289
01:09:29,160 --> 01:09:31,880
Speaker 2: about the problem to just be like, how does that

1290
01:09:31,920 --> 01:09:34,559
Speaker 2: make any sense? It doesn't make any sense. Just just

1291
01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:37,200
Speaker 2: do it anyway, and we can kind of throw these

1292
01:09:37,240 --> 01:09:41,879
Speaker 2: band aid answers onto severe issues that we actually don't understand.

1293
01:09:41,880 --> 01:09:43,559
Speaker 2: And the more I've done the work I've been doing

1294
01:09:43,600 --> 01:09:46,320
Speaker 2: in coaching and my friends who are therapists that I

1295
01:09:46,400 --> 01:09:49,160
Speaker 2: learn from, and when we're working on clients together and

1296
01:09:49,200 --> 01:09:51,599
Speaker 2: I'm learning about what clients are going through, the more

1297
01:09:51,600 --> 01:09:55,480
Speaker 2: compassion and empathy I've gained for things that I don't understand,

1298
01:09:56,240 --> 01:09:58,160
Speaker 2: because it's so easy to be like, well, my brain

1299
01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:00,560
Speaker 2: doesn't work that way and I can't compute it and

1300
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:03,760
Speaker 2: comprehend it. So that just sounds really ridiculous. But the

1301
01:10:03,800 --> 01:10:06,600
Speaker 2: reality is that when you go through something yourself, you

1302
01:10:06,640 --> 01:10:09,040
Speaker 2: then go oh crap, Like I remember me and my

1303
01:10:09,040 --> 01:10:11,040
Speaker 2: friends didn't believe when you were on your teens you

1304
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:12,400
Speaker 2: didn't believe depression was real.

1305
01:10:12,479 --> 01:10:14,479
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say that I used to think

1306
01:10:14,520 --> 01:10:15,320
Speaker 1: the same thing.

1307
01:10:15,120 --> 01:10:17,479
Speaker 2: When we were young, Like you didn't believe depression was real.

1308
01:10:17,479 --> 01:10:20,280
Speaker 2: And then you go through I've been through depressive episodes

1309
01:10:20,280 --> 01:10:22,679
Speaker 2: in my life. You go through it, and you go God,

1310
01:10:22,720 --> 01:10:25,200
Speaker 2: I didn't even think my brain could go there. And

1311
01:10:25,240 --> 01:10:28,400
Speaker 2: anyone who has a friend who's gone through depression, who's

1312
01:10:28,400 --> 01:10:31,559
Speaker 2: potentially even had suicidal thoughts, like anyone who's had anyone

1313
01:10:31,600 --> 01:10:34,160
Speaker 2: in their life, it's gone that you've seen how quickly

1314
01:10:34,240 --> 01:10:37,479
Speaker 2: someone that you thought was happy, confident, and well became

1315
01:10:37,520 --> 01:10:41,320
Speaker 2: all of the opposite things. And so I regardless of

1316
01:10:41,360 --> 01:10:45,400
Speaker 2: whether we immediately understand what you're saying, I just hope

1317
01:10:45,439 --> 01:10:48,480
Speaker 2: we use it as an opportunity to expand our compassion

1318
01:10:48,520 --> 01:10:51,200
Speaker 2: and empathy for each other, because I think we know

1319
01:10:51,320 --> 01:10:53,760
Speaker 2: so little about the human mind and human brain, yeah,

1320
01:10:53,880 --> 01:10:54,800
Speaker 2: and all of these things.

1321
01:10:54,920 --> 01:10:57,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, and oh, sorry you're gonna say something.

1322
01:10:57,520 --> 01:10:59,880
Speaker 1: No, Yeah, I mean, the mind is just an extreme

1323
01:11:00,240 --> 01:11:04,400
Speaker 1: powerful place, And I think that it's true. I mean

1324
01:11:04,400 --> 01:11:09,320
Speaker 1: that often I say that for somebody. If you find

1325
01:11:09,360 --> 01:11:11,720
Speaker 1: a couple and one person has depression and one has

1326
01:11:11,720 --> 01:11:14,519
Speaker 1: never experienced it, and it's come on, it can be

1327
01:11:14,640 --> 01:11:16,840
Speaker 1: very hard for that person to understand, like you'll just

1328
01:11:16,880 --> 01:11:22,519
Speaker 1: snap out of it. And what I do hope that

1329
01:11:22,640 --> 01:11:24,960
Speaker 1: happens in sharing this It is firstly, I think BDD

1330
01:11:25,080 --> 01:11:28,439
Speaker 1: is undiagnosed, So I hope that perhaps there are people

1331
01:11:28,479 --> 01:11:33,519
Speaker 1: listening that actually do have BDD but didn't know, will

1332
01:11:33,560 --> 01:11:36,240
Speaker 1: feel so much relief to understand that it's not just

1333
01:11:36,360 --> 01:11:41,320
Speaker 1: them being super vain or this or that. If it

1334
01:11:41,360 --> 01:11:45,800
Speaker 1: is impacting your life to a way that is like

1335
01:11:46,120 --> 01:11:49,240
Speaker 1: truly negatively impacting your life, then there is help to

1336
01:11:49,280 --> 01:11:55,360
Speaker 1: be found through different therapies. You know, medication is out there,

1337
01:11:55,479 --> 01:11:58,360
Speaker 1: you know there are things that can help. But I

1338
01:11:58,439 --> 01:12:03,800
Speaker 1: also think, yeah, I mean, the reason that I am

1339
01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:07,880
Speaker 1: so in love with this book is because I am

1340
01:12:07,960 --> 01:12:13,040
Speaker 1: somebody who literally has lived with this what is I

1341
01:12:13,080 --> 01:12:16,880
Speaker 1: now recognize as an anxiety disorder that is rooted in

1342
01:12:16,960 --> 01:12:19,960
Speaker 1: me telling myself how awful I am, and I have

1343
01:12:20,120 --> 01:12:22,759
Speaker 1: had that in a voice since I was seven, telling

1344
01:12:22,800 --> 01:12:25,479
Speaker 1: me I am disgusting, I am unlovable, I am not enough.

1345
01:12:25,520 --> 01:12:27,439
Speaker 1: Whether that I thought that because of the way I

1346
01:12:27,479 --> 01:12:30,000
Speaker 1: look or whatever, at the root of it was I

1347
01:12:30,040 --> 01:12:32,320
Speaker 1: am not enough as I am. That is what I

1348
01:12:32,320 --> 01:12:35,240
Speaker 1: have believed my whole life. I am now sat in

1349
01:12:35,280 --> 01:12:38,800
Speaker 1: this chair, and I truly believe I am enough, like

1350
01:12:39,640 --> 01:12:43,599
Speaker 1: I actually do love who I am. And it's not

1351
01:12:43,640 --> 01:12:45,960
Speaker 1: that I don't feel it. Like I told you, yesterday

1352
01:12:46,080 --> 01:12:47,840
Speaker 1: was a tough day for me, but I knew how

1353
01:12:47,840 --> 01:12:50,400
Speaker 1: to manage it. I knew how to overcome it. But

1354
01:12:50,640 --> 01:12:54,479
Speaker 1: ninety percent of the time I feel amazing, not in

1355
01:12:54,520 --> 01:12:59,120
Speaker 1: the way I look. I just feel amazing as a human.

1356
01:13:00,000 --> 01:13:01,960
Speaker 1: I feel proud of who I am and what I

1357
01:13:01,960 --> 01:13:05,160
Speaker 1: can offer the world. So if I can go through

1358
01:13:05,200 --> 01:13:08,960
Speaker 1: that level of extreme self hate and get to a

1359
01:13:08,960 --> 01:13:11,680
Speaker 1: point where I actually can sit on a podcast and

1360
01:13:11,720 --> 01:13:15,280
Speaker 1: say I like who I am truly, I think anyone can.

1361
01:13:15,720 --> 01:13:18,479
Speaker 1: And these other steps that help me get there, and

1362
01:13:18,520 --> 01:13:23,000
Speaker 1: I love them so much, and I just so I

1363
01:13:23,080 --> 01:13:26,080
Speaker 1: just can't wait for people to feel this level of freedom,

1364
01:13:26,720 --> 01:13:32,000
Speaker 1: because it really is quite an extraordinary experience, and knowing

1365
01:13:32,040 --> 01:13:35,240
Speaker 1: how hard it can be on the other side, oh

1366
01:13:35,280 --> 01:13:38,280
Speaker 1: my god, it's just such a relief to like not

1367
01:13:38,400 --> 01:13:39,599
Speaker 1: hate yourself all the time.

1368
01:13:56,439 --> 01:13:59,040
Speaker 2: I think it's also really from what I see from

1369
01:13:59,080 --> 01:14:01,479
Speaker 2: what you're saying, is because it's been a journey while

1370
01:14:01,479 --> 01:14:05,040
Speaker 2: you're writing, while you're speaking is that you can have

1371
01:14:05,760 --> 01:14:08,840
Speaker 2: these thoughts, you can master them, work on them, and

1372
01:14:08,920 --> 01:14:11,240
Speaker 2: still do things. And I think a lot of us

1373
01:14:11,240 --> 01:14:14,519
Speaker 2: feel like until I figure everything out, I can't do anything.

1374
01:14:14,520 --> 01:14:16,920
Speaker 2: And what I think you're saying and showing is no,

1375
01:14:17,000 --> 01:14:17,920
Speaker 2: I've been feeling all of this.

1376
01:14:18,600 --> 01:14:19,519
Speaker 3: Here are the.

1377
01:14:19,439 --> 01:14:21,439
Speaker 2: Management methods that I've come up with in the steps

1378
01:14:21,439 --> 01:14:22,840
Speaker 2: that actually and we deal with it and then I

1379
01:14:22,840 --> 01:14:25,280
Speaker 2: can still do these things. And partly what you're saying, though,

1380
01:14:25,320 --> 01:14:28,000
Speaker 2: roxy I think is part of you being a public

1381
01:14:28,000 --> 01:14:31,000
Speaker 2: figure too, because and this applies to everyone now, it's

1382
01:14:31,040 --> 01:14:34,120
Speaker 2: not just a public figures, it truly applies to everyone.

1383
01:14:34,160 --> 01:14:37,439
Speaker 3: All of us see our reflection too much, Yes, we

1384
01:14:37,560 --> 01:14:39,799
Speaker 3: really do. We just we.

1385
01:14:39,760 --> 01:14:44,439
Speaker 2: All look at our faces more times every day than

1386
01:14:44,520 --> 01:14:47,120
Speaker 2: we ever would have in the past. When you grew

1387
01:14:47,160 --> 01:14:50,000
Speaker 2: up in that tribal, that village, when would you ever

1388
01:14:50,040 --> 01:14:54,120
Speaker 2: see your reflection? You're looking at straw huts and you know,

1389
01:14:54,320 --> 01:14:58,160
Speaker 2: wooden like spoons, you know, just whatever, like you're never

1390
01:14:58,200 --> 01:15:01,080
Speaker 2: seeing your reflection. And now you're on zoom call and

1391
01:15:01,120 --> 01:15:03,760
Speaker 2: you're staring at your reflection. You're on a FaceTime call

1392
01:15:03,800 --> 01:15:06,479
Speaker 2: and you're looking at your own reflection. You go past

1393
01:15:06,479 --> 01:15:09,160
Speaker 2: the shop window, you look at your reflection. We're on

1394
01:15:09,200 --> 01:15:13,040
Speaker 2: our phones all day. We're so overexposed that I think

1395
01:15:13,240 --> 01:15:18,040
Speaker 2: all of us, if we're honest with ourselves, overanalyze ourselves

1396
01:15:18,720 --> 01:15:21,040
Speaker 2: physically on our face because we see our face more

1397
01:15:21,080 --> 01:15:22,679
Speaker 2: than ever. I just don't think we were ever meant

1398
01:15:22,680 --> 01:15:23,760
Speaker 2: to see our face this much.

1399
01:15:24,080 --> 01:15:24,679
Speaker 1: So true.

1400
01:15:24,920 --> 01:15:29,040
Speaker 2: Someone who has an anxiety disorder that's connected to that,

1401
01:15:30,000 --> 01:15:33,640
Speaker 2: I can only imagine how that's amplified, because it's amplified

1402
01:15:33,720 --> 01:15:36,000
Speaker 2: even for people who don't have that anxiety disorder. And

1403
01:15:36,040 --> 01:15:40,080
Speaker 2: I'm overexposed to my face, and so I think it's

1404
01:15:40,080 --> 01:15:42,679
Speaker 2: also just we're just looking our faces more than we ever.

1405
01:15:42,560 --> 01:15:44,280
Speaker 3: Meant to, and that's hard.

1406
01:15:44,520 --> 01:15:45,200
Speaker 1: It's so true.

1407
01:15:45,280 --> 01:15:46,800
Speaker 2: And I think everyone can relate to that, whether they

1408
01:15:46,840 --> 01:15:49,519
Speaker 2: have an anxiety disorder or not, whether they struggle with

1409
01:15:49,560 --> 01:15:51,280
Speaker 2: something else or not. I think everyone knows that we're

1410
01:15:51,280 --> 01:15:52,599
Speaker 2: all looking at our face all day.

1411
01:15:52,960 --> 01:15:56,160
Speaker 1: It's so true. I never considered that we do look

1412
01:15:56,200 --> 01:15:59,759
Speaker 1: at it way too much. Weighed my copar and he's

1413
01:16:00,120 --> 01:16:01,439
Speaker 1: a house and he's got no mirrors in it, and

1414
01:16:01,439 --> 01:16:04,880
Speaker 1: he's like, I've never felt better. And he doesn't use

1415
01:16:04,880 --> 01:16:07,439
Speaker 1: this story that much either, and he's like it's amazing.

1416
01:16:07,760 --> 01:16:08,479
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.

1417
01:16:08,800 --> 01:16:11,400
Speaker 2: In the monastery in India, they didn't have any mirrors,

1418
01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:14,599
Speaker 2: and that was the first time I had experienced what

1419
01:16:14,680 --> 01:16:18,960
Speaker 2: that felt like. And forgetting how you look physically, which

1420
01:16:18,960 --> 01:16:22,120
Speaker 2: I don't anymore. I'm always on camera, Instagram and my video,

1421
01:16:22,160 --> 01:16:24,240
Speaker 2: so I don't know what that feels like anymore as well.

1422
01:16:24,320 --> 01:16:27,479
Speaker 2: But I remember at that time forgetting how I looked

1423
01:16:28,040 --> 01:16:31,640
Speaker 2: allowed me to go inward in a way that I

1424
01:16:31,640 --> 01:16:35,360
Speaker 2: can never imagine doing because I forgot my physical self,

1425
01:16:36,040 --> 01:16:38,479
Speaker 2: and then you can deal with your mental and emotional self.

1426
01:16:38,479 --> 01:16:41,120
Speaker 2: But if you're always over exposed to your physical self,

1427
01:16:41,760 --> 01:16:44,080
Speaker 2: you actually don't think of yourself as anything more. So

1428
01:16:44,120 --> 01:16:48,559
Speaker 2: when you're saying I'm amazing as a human, that's going

1429
01:16:48,640 --> 01:16:52,599
Speaker 2: beyond your physical self. But because we deal with everyone

1430
01:16:52,720 --> 01:16:54,679
Speaker 2: just by our physical selves, we think this is all.

1431
01:16:54,600 --> 01:16:57,400
Speaker 1: We are exactly. There's a great you know, I used

1432
01:16:57,400 --> 01:16:59,240
Speaker 1: to say to people a lot, and it's something I

1433
01:16:59,280 --> 01:17:02,040
Speaker 1: would tell myself in all the times I would go on,

1434
01:17:02,560 --> 01:17:04,799
Speaker 1: you know, to do an interview and really just be thinking,

1435
01:17:05,160 --> 01:17:07,479
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm the person interviewing where he's just

1436
01:17:07,479 --> 01:17:10,120
Speaker 1: thinking about how disgusting I am, or everyone online is

1437
01:17:10,160 --> 01:17:11,599
Speaker 1: going to just be talking about how ugly I am.

1438
01:17:11,640 --> 01:17:13,400
Speaker 1: And those were thoughts, and then I would come out

1439
01:17:13,400 --> 01:17:17,439
Speaker 1: to one thing. People do not care how you look.

1440
01:17:17,880 --> 01:17:21,240
Speaker 1: They care how you make them feel. And that was

1441
01:17:21,320 --> 01:17:25,519
Speaker 1: what kept me showing up. And I still remind myself

1442
01:17:25,560 --> 01:17:27,680
Speaker 1: of it all the time. And I think that, and

1443
01:17:27,720 --> 01:17:30,280
Speaker 1: it's true, like I think about and I would always

1444
01:17:30,320 --> 01:17:36,080
Speaker 1: think about all the people I love, admire, enjoy being around,

1445
01:17:36,360 --> 01:17:42,519
Speaker 1: enjoy hearing watching. None of them are because, oh they

1446
01:17:42,560 --> 01:17:45,920
Speaker 1: look a certain way. All of it is because they

1447
01:17:45,960 --> 01:17:48,680
Speaker 1: make me feel a certain way. They make me feel inspired,

1448
01:17:48,800 --> 01:17:51,080
Speaker 1: they make me feel empowered, they make feel But this

1449
01:17:51,120 --> 01:17:54,040
Speaker 1: is the thing with anxiety disorders. It makes no sense, right,

1450
01:17:54,080 --> 01:17:56,840
Speaker 1: So I can rationally think that It doesn't mean the

1451
01:17:56,880 --> 01:18:00,720
Speaker 1: thoughts don't come sometimes anyway, But I think this. When

1452
01:18:00,720 --> 01:18:03,160
Speaker 1: you can rationalize it and remind yourself of these things,

1453
01:18:03,160 --> 01:18:05,120
Speaker 1: it can be so powerful for us.

1454
01:18:05,040 --> 01:18:07,320
Speaker 2: To gain a bit more understanding of it. So what

1455
01:18:07,400 --> 01:18:09,519
Speaker 2: happens when someone says, well, Rocks, do you look amazing?

1456
01:18:09,640 --> 01:18:09,720
Speaker 3: Like?

1457
01:18:09,800 --> 01:18:12,200
Speaker 2: I think you look great? Like when someone says that,

1458
01:18:12,400 --> 01:18:14,000
Speaker 2: what does the disorder do internally?

1459
01:18:14,000 --> 01:18:14,120
Speaker 1: Like?

1460
01:18:14,120 --> 01:18:15,920
Speaker 2: How do you feel when you receive that? So on

1461
01:18:15,960 --> 01:18:18,920
Speaker 2: a day that you're not feeling your best physically and

1462
01:18:18,920 --> 01:18:20,760
Speaker 2: your face. As we talked about, it's not your body,

1463
01:18:20,760 --> 01:18:23,200
Speaker 2: it's your face, and someone's like, oh, but you look great,

1464
01:18:23,240 --> 01:18:25,639
Speaker 2: Like what's your thought process? What happens?

1465
01:18:26,080 --> 01:18:28,400
Speaker 1: Well, nothing, because like we said earlier, when you don't

1466
01:18:28,439 --> 01:18:31,000
Speaker 1: think about it about yourself, it's it's for me if

1467
01:18:31,040 --> 01:18:33,639
Speaker 1: I'm having like now, if I'm having a bad Before

1468
01:18:33,680 --> 01:18:35,439
Speaker 1: it was just every day, it was just constant. For now,

1469
01:18:35,520 --> 01:18:38,720
Speaker 1: let's say I'm having a bad b D D dated yesterday, right,

1470
01:18:38,760 --> 01:18:42,160
Speaker 1: that was a bad day. It's a physical anxiety. So

1471
01:18:42,720 --> 01:18:45,680
Speaker 1: you just feel off and then you just have ruminating

1472
01:18:45,720 --> 01:18:49,960
Speaker 1: thoughts and so you might it's just a ruminating in

1473
01:18:50,040 --> 01:18:52,960
Speaker 1: a critic and it's just a feeling of anxiousness. It's

1474
01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:59,200
Speaker 1: really like physical in the body, and it just it's annoying.

1475
01:18:59,479 --> 01:19:02,240
Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh, not again, not today, because you

1476
01:19:02,280 --> 01:19:04,559
Speaker 1: want to enjoy the things. But I've, like I said,

1477
01:19:04,560 --> 01:19:07,400
Speaker 1: I noticed when it happens when I'm stressed, when I'm

1478
01:19:07,400 --> 01:19:09,920
Speaker 1: on hormonal, when I'm tired. But I also know now

1479
01:19:09,920 --> 01:19:11,559
Speaker 1: that it will pass. I woke up this morning and

1480
01:19:11,600 --> 01:19:13,960
Speaker 1: I was free from it, and I was like, Okay,

1481
01:19:14,000 --> 01:19:16,600
Speaker 1: we're back, We're fine. You know it was just I

1482
01:19:16,680 --> 01:19:19,240
Speaker 1: was also jet lag yesterday, so I was probably probably

1483
01:19:19,240 --> 01:19:23,040
Speaker 1: that as well. So you know, it's something that's that

1484
01:19:23,080 --> 01:19:26,599
Speaker 1: you can you can learn to manage. I also think

1485
01:19:26,640 --> 01:19:28,760
Speaker 1: I'll just say one more thing on it that I

1486
01:19:28,800 --> 01:19:31,000
Speaker 1: think it's important is that there are more and more

1487
01:19:31,040 --> 01:19:34,679
Speaker 1: people having surgery now, and I think that a lot

1488
01:19:34,680 --> 01:19:37,280
Speaker 1: of it will be coming from undiagnosed BDD. And so

1489
01:19:37,360 --> 01:19:39,640
Speaker 1: I just think if people can just if they are

1490
01:19:39,720 --> 01:19:42,040
Speaker 1: thinking about surgery and there's so much when we're seeing

1491
01:19:42,080 --> 01:19:45,400
Speaker 1: on social media, you know, just really ask yourself like this,

1492
01:19:46,080 --> 01:19:48,880
Speaker 1: is there something bigger, more healing that needs to be done.

1493
01:19:49,000 --> 01:19:51,320
Speaker 1: I am all for people doing whatever they want to do.

1494
01:19:51,439 --> 01:19:54,000
Speaker 1: I mean I don't regret my rhino plast d I

1495
01:19:54,560 --> 01:19:56,519
Speaker 1: I do do botox, I do do things like that.

1496
01:19:56,560 --> 01:20:01,280
Speaker 1: I like to feel good. But but is it coming

1497
01:20:01,360 --> 01:20:05,840
Speaker 1: from is it coming from a place or can can

1498
01:20:05,880 --> 01:20:09,080
Speaker 1: you make sure that the healing is really happening alongside it?

1499
01:20:09,560 --> 01:20:09,800
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1500
01:20:10,439 --> 01:20:12,360
Speaker 2: I think that's a great notice and that blis to

1501
01:20:12,360 --> 01:20:15,679
Speaker 2: pretty much everything in life. Is like no one's saying

1502
01:20:15,760 --> 01:20:18,040
Speaker 2: you don't want to go and become successful and don't

1503
01:20:18,040 --> 01:20:19,880
Speaker 2: want to have big dreams. It's just making sure you're

1504
01:20:19,880 --> 01:20:22,040
Speaker 2: doing the inner healing at the same time, so that,

1505
01:20:22,120 --> 01:20:23,920
Speaker 2: like you said, when you get there, you can.

1506
01:20:23,840 --> 01:20:25,200
Speaker 3: Actually experience it and feel it.

1507
01:20:25,280 --> 01:20:27,320
Speaker 2: And to be honest, one of the biggest things that

1508
01:20:27,360 --> 01:20:29,240
Speaker 2: all of this reminds me of because of so many

1509
01:20:29,280 --> 01:20:32,080
Speaker 2: of anxiety disorders today and the challenges we have, is

1510
01:20:32,120 --> 01:20:35,000
Speaker 2: that there's this beautiful line from C. S. Lewis that

1511
01:20:35,040 --> 01:20:37,960
Speaker 2: I love, and he said that you don't have a soul,

1512
01:20:38,400 --> 01:20:41,640
Speaker 2: you are the soul and you have a body. And

1513
01:20:41,680 --> 01:20:43,320
Speaker 2: I love that because I think we live in such

1514
01:20:43,320 --> 01:20:47,120
Speaker 2: a physical world where the body is all we are.

1515
01:20:47,920 --> 01:20:49,520
Speaker 3: And the more spiritual.

1516
01:20:49,120 --> 01:20:52,679
Speaker 2: Work I've done and leaned into over the last two decades,

1517
01:20:53,040 --> 01:20:54,920
Speaker 2: the more I've realized that the more I think I'm

1518
01:20:54,960 --> 01:20:57,960
Speaker 2: the body, the less enough I feel. Yeah, But the

1519
01:20:57,960 --> 01:21:01,599
Speaker 2: more I believe that I'm spirit and conscious, soul and energy,

1520
01:21:01,720 --> 01:21:05,120
Speaker 2: the more abundant I feel, because that's what the spirit is.

1521
01:21:05,120 --> 01:21:08,000
Speaker 2: The body is limited. Yes, the body will wither, the

1522
01:21:08,000 --> 01:21:11,800
Speaker 2: body will die, the body will destruct, and the body

1523
01:21:11,840 --> 01:21:12,880
Speaker 2: will get ill.

1524
01:21:13,040 --> 01:21:14,879
Speaker 3: That's what is That's why.

1525
01:21:14,640 --> 01:21:18,160
Speaker 2: The body doesn't feel enough, yeah, because it doesn't have

1526
01:21:18,200 --> 01:21:20,880
Speaker 2: the longevity that the soul does. But there's a part

1527
01:21:20,920 --> 01:21:24,000
Speaker 2: of us inside of us that believes we are eternal

1528
01:21:24,479 --> 01:21:27,879
Speaker 2: and blissful and full of knowledge and have the ability

1529
01:21:27,880 --> 01:21:30,320
Speaker 2: to outlast. It's the reason why we want to live forever,

1530
01:21:30,880 --> 01:21:33,679
Speaker 2: and we're trying to stretch the body to live forever. Yeah,

1531
01:21:33,720 --> 01:21:35,800
Speaker 2: but the body doesn't really have that ability. Maybe we'll

1532
01:21:35,800 --> 01:21:37,519
Speaker 2: get to one hundred and fifty years, but it doesn't

1533
01:21:37,560 --> 01:21:40,559
Speaker 2: have eternality attached to it. It's just not meant to be.

1534
01:21:40,640 --> 01:21:42,880
Speaker 2: So to me, it's always been like again, I'm not

1535
01:21:42,880 --> 01:21:45,040
Speaker 2: saying I work out, I take supplements, I take care

1536
01:21:45,080 --> 01:21:47,120
Speaker 2: of my health, I do all the things. I'm not

1537
01:21:47,200 --> 01:21:49,519
Speaker 2: saying to ignore your body. I'm saying that there is

1538
01:21:49,560 --> 01:21:53,559
Speaker 2: a part of you that has been left alone for

1539
01:21:53,640 --> 01:21:57,920
Speaker 2: too long. Yeah, and reconnecting with that through these eight steps, Yeah,

1540
01:21:58,120 --> 01:22:00,479
Speaker 2: it engages you back into it. And one of my

1541
01:22:00,479 --> 01:22:03,200
Speaker 2: favorite ones that I wanted to talk about was step five,

1542
01:22:03,280 --> 01:22:07,240
Speaker 2: celebrate yourself. And I wanted to kind of get to

1543
01:22:07,280 --> 01:22:10,919
Speaker 2: this one because to me, I think the biggest difficulty,

1544
01:22:10,920 --> 01:22:12,840
Speaker 2: like you and you were saying, when you ask audiences like,

1545
01:22:12,880 --> 01:22:15,280
Speaker 2: hey do you does any is anyone here free of

1546
01:22:15,320 --> 01:22:15,800
Speaker 2: self doubt?

1547
01:22:15,800 --> 01:22:16,880
Speaker 3: And no one puts up their hand.

1548
01:22:17,720 --> 01:22:19,880
Speaker 2: I often ask when I'm in an audience when was

1549
01:22:19,880 --> 01:22:23,400
Speaker 2: the last time you noticed and celebrated something good you did,

1550
01:22:23,920 --> 01:22:24,400
Speaker 2: and no one.

1551
01:22:24,360 --> 01:22:25,240
Speaker 3: Will put their hand up.

1552
01:22:25,479 --> 01:22:28,360
Speaker 2: Interesting because we have such a discomfort think about people

1553
01:22:28,360 --> 01:22:31,400
Speaker 2: dealing with compliments. If someone compliments you, like, most of

1554
01:22:31,479 --> 01:22:33,439
Speaker 2: us don't know what to do with it. Yeah, and

1555
01:22:33,439 --> 01:22:35,840
Speaker 2: we shrink and we just go away and we kind

1556
01:22:35,840 --> 01:22:38,799
Speaker 2: of hide. Obviously, there's some narcissists who love being complimented,

1557
01:22:38,800 --> 01:22:40,599
Speaker 2: you know, like ye kind of like the opposite where

1558
01:22:40,600 --> 01:22:42,559
Speaker 2: it's like their ego gets fulled. But I think most

1559
01:22:42,560 --> 01:22:46,120
Speaker 2: of us just go, oh, thanks, like yeah, cool, like really,

1560
01:22:46,280 --> 01:22:48,639
Speaker 2: like do you feel that way? Like we almost question it.

1561
01:22:49,360 --> 01:22:52,280
Speaker 2: Talk to me about why celebrating yourself is so important.

1562
01:22:52,560 --> 01:22:55,479
Speaker 1: Learning to celebrate who we are and all that we

1563
01:22:55,600 --> 01:22:58,880
Speaker 1: have to offer is such an important step of this

1564
01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:02,120
Speaker 1: confidence journey, and I think that to be able to

1565
01:23:02,160 --> 01:23:04,640
Speaker 1: do it, first, I need to understand why we so

1566
01:23:04,800 --> 01:23:07,880
Speaker 1: many of us struggle with it. One of the reasons

1567
01:23:08,000 --> 01:23:12,120
Speaker 1: is that we've really glorified humidity. So humidity has become

1568
01:23:12,200 --> 01:23:16,440
Speaker 1: this thing that is a very desirable trait that across cultures.

1569
01:23:16,600 --> 01:23:19,479
Speaker 1: Being humble is something that we that we really regard highly,

1570
01:23:20,840 --> 01:23:23,040
Speaker 1: but most of us have just taken it way too

1571
01:23:23,080 --> 01:23:26,479
Speaker 1: far so we become self deprecating. We don't want to

1572
01:23:26,560 --> 01:23:31,040
Speaker 1: accept compliments, We don't want to accept that perhaps it

1573
01:23:31,120 --> 01:23:33,639
Speaker 1: was our hard work that led to this result. In fact,

1574
01:23:33,680 --> 01:23:35,519
Speaker 1: we'll kind of bad it off as a team effort

1575
01:23:35,720 --> 01:23:39,000
Speaker 1: or say that it was just luck. And I know that,

1576
01:23:39,160 --> 01:23:41,400
Speaker 1: you know, for me definitely, and I know lots of

1577
01:23:41,400 --> 01:23:43,840
Speaker 1: people listening will have grown up with the evil eye

1578
01:23:43,880 --> 01:23:47,280
Speaker 1: in their culture, and the evil I really kind of

1579
01:23:47,400 --> 01:23:49,840
Speaker 1: like ham it in this point, so the evil ie

1580
01:23:49,920 --> 01:23:52,280
Speaker 1: really for me. My mum would always say that, you know,

1581
01:23:52,360 --> 01:23:57,639
Speaker 1: don't appear too happy, too successful, too good, be humble always,

1582
01:23:57,640 --> 01:24:01,280
Speaker 1: because if you're not humble, you will negativity, you will

1583
01:24:01,280 --> 01:24:04,120
Speaker 1: attract jealousy, and bad things will happen to you. And

1584
01:24:04,160 --> 01:24:06,479
Speaker 1: it would be to the point where, like, you know,

1585
01:24:06,640 --> 01:24:08,240
Speaker 1: when I got a new house, you'd put like a

1586
01:24:08,240 --> 01:24:11,439
Speaker 1: dirty shoe in the hallway, or she'd say to me,

1587
01:24:11,680 --> 01:24:13,720
Speaker 1: you know, when I had my son Wolff, she'd say,

1588
01:24:13,720 --> 01:24:15,280
Speaker 1: don't let anyone look at him, you know, don't let

1589
01:24:15,320 --> 01:24:17,639
Speaker 1: anyone look at his face. Like it was a genuine

1590
01:24:17,800 --> 01:24:22,920
Speaker 1: like fear of anything good you know of and not

1591
01:24:23,160 --> 01:24:25,840
Speaker 1: having this negative impact on your life. And so subconsciously,

1592
01:24:26,200 --> 01:24:28,559
Speaker 1: I think we can't. We start forming these kind of

1593
01:24:28,600 --> 01:24:33,120
Speaker 1: like beliefs that like, oh God, like if I seem happy,

1594
01:24:33,200 --> 01:24:36,000
Speaker 1: if I seem successful, if I celebrate myself in any way,

1595
01:24:36,640 --> 01:24:38,400
Speaker 1: something bad is going to happen, or people are gonna

1596
01:24:38,400 --> 01:24:41,040
Speaker 1: be jealous, or people just aren't gonna like me, And

1597
01:24:41,120 --> 01:24:44,679
Speaker 1: so we start to really like stop celebrating ourselves because

1598
01:24:44,680 --> 01:24:49,920
Speaker 1: of that. But another big reason is because we have

1599
01:24:50,080 --> 01:24:54,960
Speaker 1: confused confidence with arrogance, and they are not the same thing.

1600
01:24:55,200 --> 01:24:57,920
Speaker 3: Tell me the difference between confidence and arrogance.

1601
01:24:58,080 --> 01:25:04,000
Speaker 1: So arrogant says I am the best, and confidence says

1602
01:25:04,120 --> 01:25:06,040
Speaker 1: I'm working to be the best that I can be.

1603
01:25:07,960 --> 01:25:11,000
Speaker 1: And I think that we all know what it's like

1604
01:25:11,040 --> 01:25:13,880
Speaker 1: to be around somebody who is truly arrogant. You know,

1605
01:25:13,960 --> 01:25:16,840
Speaker 1: they can be demeaning, they undermind you, they make you

1606
01:25:16,880 --> 01:25:20,320
Speaker 1: feel small. It's not nice, and so of course you

1607
01:25:20,360 --> 01:25:22,519
Speaker 1: can understand why we don't want to come across that way.

1608
01:25:23,240 --> 01:25:26,680
Speaker 1: But what people don't understand is that you can be

1609
01:25:26,880 --> 01:25:30,200
Speaker 1: confident in who you are without being arrogant. And in fact,

1610
01:25:30,280 --> 01:25:33,559
Speaker 1: if you're worried about being arrogant, you're not because arrogant

1611
01:25:33,600 --> 01:25:37,519
Speaker 1: people aren't that self aware. And I think that we

1612
01:25:37,720 --> 01:25:44,200
Speaker 1: have like a collective responsibility to encourage each other to

1613
01:25:44,360 --> 01:25:47,080
Speaker 1: step into our most confident selves. And we can do

1614
01:25:47,240 --> 01:25:51,960
Speaker 1: that by giving each other permission to celebrate ourselves. You know,

1615
01:25:52,040 --> 01:25:57,000
Speaker 1: I think that culturally we there is nothing more triggering

1616
01:25:57,040 --> 01:26:01,400
Speaker 1: to people than confidence. A confident can really rub someone

1617
01:26:01,479 --> 01:26:03,840
Speaker 1: up the wrong way, for sure, and we start saying

1618
01:26:03,960 --> 01:26:07,760
Speaker 1: they're so up themselves, they think, who do they think

1619
01:26:07,800 --> 01:26:10,080
Speaker 1: they are? We talk about each other in this way,

1620
01:26:10,120 --> 01:26:13,640
Speaker 1: and so imagine you're hearing this in conversation. Then you're thinking, God,

1621
01:26:13,680 --> 01:26:15,360
Speaker 1: I don't people saying about me, So I better not

1622
01:26:15,400 --> 01:26:18,040
Speaker 1: seem too confident. I might better not accept praise. I

1623
01:26:18,120 --> 01:26:20,400
Speaker 1: better not celebrate or say this good thing that happened

1624
01:26:20,439 --> 01:26:24,080
Speaker 1: to me. I think, you know, we're doing a disservice

1625
01:26:24,120 --> 01:26:26,879
Speaker 1: to each other, and so I really want to encourage

1626
01:26:26,920 --> 01:26:30,679
Speaker 1: people to celebrate themselves. To be able to accept praise,

1627
01:26:30,760 --> 01:26:32,559
Speaker 1: to be able to say thank you and someone compliments you,

1628
01:26:32,600 --> 01:26:35,360
Speaker 1: to be able to like say online, if you know,

1629
01:26:35,439 --> 01:26:37,839
Speaker 1: someden goold happen to your business, or you've got the promotion,

1630
01:26:38,080 --> 01:26:41,800
Speaker 1: or tell your friends, and let's celebrate each other with

1631
01:26:41,960 --> 01:26:45,640
Speaker 1: that and be like yes, because I personally feel so

1632
01:26:45,840 --> 01:26:49,000
Speaker 1: empowered when I see a confident person. I love being

1633
01:26:49,040 --> 01:26:51,000
Speaker 1: around confident people because I feel like it gives me

1634
01:26:51,080 --> 01:26:53,679
Speaker 1: permission to be that way too. And so I think,

1635
01:26:54,520 --> 01:26:57,519
Speaker 1: you know, it's something that is both a solo thing

1636
01:26:57,560 --> 01:26:59,640
Speaker 1: that we need to do ourselves, but also something that

1637
01:26:59,640 --> 01:27:01,080
Speaker 1: collects we can help each other with.

1638
01:27:01,280 --> 01:27:03,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's almost giving each other permission. Like I think

1639
01:27:04,479 --> 01:27:07,720
Speaker 2: we all know the friend that you call when you're

1640
01:27:07,760 --> 01:27:10,519
Speaker 2: having a bad day, But who's the friend that you

1641
01:27:10,520 --> 01:27:11,479
Speaker 2: can call when you're having.

1642
01:27:11,320 --> 01:27:11,920
Speaker 3: A great day?

1643
01:27:12,320 --> 01:27:13,200
Speaker 1: Very different?

1644
01:27:13,320 --> 01:27:16,559
Speaker 2: Yeah, very different and talk about your biggest win. Yes,

1645
01:27:16,680 --> 01:27:21,439
Speaker 2: And a lot of us feel uncomfortable saying to someone, hey,

1646
01:27:21,479 --> 01:27:23,920
Speaker 2: I think I'm going to go chase this new business

1647
01:27:23,920 --> 01:27:25,519
Speaker 2: I want to start because we're scared of friend's going

1648
01:27:25,560 --> 01:27:26,960
Speaker 2: to say why are you doing that?

1649
01:27:27,080 --> 01:27:28,120
Speaker 3: Like what's wrong with you?

1650
01:27:28,160 --> 01:27:30,280
Speaker 2: Like just be happy with what you have, Or your

1651
01:27:30,320 --> 01:27:32,320
Speaker 2: friend says to you like, oh you know what, like

1652
01:27:32,360 --> 01:27:34,040
Speaker 2: I just got promoted work, I want to throw a

1653
01:27:34,040 --> 01:27:35,640
Speaker 2: party and whatever. And then you're scared to say that

1654
01:27:35,680 --> 01:27:37,519
Speaker 2: because you're scared that someone else is going to feel

1655
01:27:37,960 --> 01:27:41,080
Speaker 2: that their inferior, their life's not good. And there is

1656
01:27:41,560 --> 01:27:43,760
Speaker 2: there is that in friendship, Like in friendship, you do care,

1657
01:27:43,840 --> 01:27:45,679
Speaker 2: you don't want to make people feel infory. You don't

1658
01:27:45,680 --> 01:27:48,400
Speaker 2: want to make people feel upset, And at the same time,

1659
01:27:48,439 --> 01:27:51,240
Speaker 2: you've got to hold space for your celebration. And I

1660
01:27:51,280 --> 01:27:56,880
Speaker 2: think if people could acknowledge every day something they got right,

1661
01:27:57,960 --> 01:28:00,200
Speaker 2: that would help with that heckler and that in a

1662
01:28:00,240 --> 01:28:03,360
Speaker 2: critic inside, because you're already doing the opposite anyway. Yes,

1663
01:28:03,439 --> 01:28:05,160
Speaker 2: you're already coming up with a long list of everything

1664
01:28:05,160 --> 01:28:06,560
Speaker 2: you got wrong. I know, when your head hits the

1665
01:28:06,600 --> 01:28:08,880
Speaker 2: pillow every night, you're thinking, I should have done that

1666
01:28:08,920 --> 01:28:11,720
Speaker 2: at work, should have done that with my kid, and

1667
01:28:11,720 --> 01:28:13,880
Speaker 2: I shouldn't have said that to my partner. So you've

1668
01:28:13,880 --> 01:28:15,360
Speaker 2: already got a list of things you're not doing. So

1669
01:28:15,400 --> 01:28:17,120
Speaker 2: you already are self aware. And that's good because you

1670
01:28:17,120 --> 01:28:19,600
Speaker 2: will be arrogant. But there's a need to be like,

1671
01:28:19,680 --> 01:28:22,519
Speaker 2: you know what, I nailed that presentation at work today.

1672
01:28:22,560 --> 01:28:25,360
Speaker 2: You know what, I actually was great in that meeting today.

1673
01:28:25,360 --> 01:28:26,720
Speaker 2: You know I was really happy, how I held my

1674
01:28:26,760 --> 01:28:30,920
Speaker 2: own in that difficult conversation with my friend partner, whatever.

1675
01:28:31,000 --> 01:28:34,040
Speaker 2: Like what would you consider people? What can people do

1676
01:28:34,600 --> 01:28:37,120
Speaker 2: practically every day or week or month. Yeah, talk to

1677
01:28:37,120 --> 01:28:39,800
Speaker 2: me about celebrating yourself as a habit. Yes, because I

1678
01:28:39,840 --> 01:28:43,439
Speaker 2: think we also wait for like the promotion, the wedding and.

1679
01:28:43,760 --> 01:28:45,880
Speaker 1: Okay, so there's two things that I really love that

1680
01:28:45,960 --> 01:28:48,200
Speaker 1: are in this step. So one of them is just

1681
01:28:48,240 --> 01:28:50,960
Speaker 1: about celebrating the small winds. So, like you said, it's

1682
01:28:50,960 --> 01:28:53,320
Speaker 1: like really noticing what are the small things that you

1683
01:28:53,360 --> 01:28:55,000
Speaker 1: did today that you can be proud of yourself for

1684
01:28:55,439 --> 01:28:57,640
Speaker 1: when you're struggling to think. One of the things that

1685
01:28:58,000 --> 01:29:02,080
Speaker 1: I think people can always count on finding somewhere where

1686
01:29:02,080 --> 01:29:04,920
Speaker 1: in your day. Did you react better than you would

1687
01:29:05,000 --> 01:29:06,000
Speaker 1: have five years ago?

1688
01:29:06,320 --> 01:29:07,840
Speaker 3: That's a great question, you know.

1689
01:29:07,800 --> 01:29:10,439
Speaker 1: And I think sometimes I just think that is such

1690
01:29:10,520 --> 01:29:13,000
Speaker 1: a win, Like do you know what, like a year

1691
01:29:13,040 --> 01:29:14,920
Speaker 1: ago that would have really stressed me out. I can

1692
01:29:14,960 --> 01:29:18,040
Speaker 1: sit here now and say two years ago, I would

1693
01:29:18,080 --> 01:29:21,760
Speaker 1: have felt so nervous, And my win today is that

1694
01:29:21,800 --> 01:29:24,120
Speaker 1: I'm here and I'm enjoying it rather than being nervous.

1695
01:29:24,320 --> 01:29:27,320
Speaker 1: So that might be your win, your small win. Another

1696
01:29:27,360 --> 01:29:31,160
Speaker 1: thing that I love is celebrating your everyday qualities. So

1697
01:29:31,320 --> 01:29:34,639
Speaker 1: often when we think about what can we celebrate about ourselves,

1698
01:29:34,640 --> 01:29:36,040
Speaker 1: we think about the things that we would put on

1699
01:29:36,040 --> 01:29:38,360
Speaker 1: a CV. But I want you to not think about

1700
01:29:38,360 --> 01:29:39,880
Speaker 1: those things. I want you to think about what are

1701
01:29:39,880 --> 01:29:43,880
Speaker 1: the things that make you so unique to you and

1702
01:29:44,000 --> 01:29:45,200
Speaker 1: the close people around you?

1703
01:29:45,720 --> 01:29:45,800
Speaker 3: So?

1704
01:29:46,320 --> 01:29:48,680
Speaker 1: Is it that you're able to make light of situations

1705
01:29:48,680 --> 01:29:51,880
Speaker 1: on a hard day. Is it that you are always

1706
01:29:51,960 --> 01:29:57,680
Speaker 1: the one that's arranging, you know, everyone's meet up. Is

1707
01:29:57,720 --> 01:29:59,200
Speaker 1: it that you're the one that gets everyone out of

1708
01:29:59,200 --> 01:30:01,120
Speaker 1: the house on time? Is it that you're the one

1709
01:30:01,120 --> 01:30:03,559
Speaker 1: that always has a handbag filled with things so that

1710
01:30:03,600 --> 01:30:05,439
Speaker 1: when someone needs it, it's there. Are you the one

1711
01:30:05,479 --> 01:30:07,720
Speaker 1: that always brings the snacks? Are you the one that

1712
01:30:08,680 --> 01:30:12,080
Speaker 1: you know always gives really good advice to a friend

1713
01:30:12,080 --> 01:30:15,800
Speaker 1: and offers them a new perspective? What are your everyday qualities?

1714
01:30:15,960 --> 01:30:18,439
Speaker 1: And really, I want you to literally write down a

1715
01:30:18,439 --> 01:30:20,679
Speaker 1: list of them and think of it like your own

1716
01:30:20,720 --> 01:30:25,280
Speaker 1: personal CV, and recognize that all these amazing little things,

1717
01:30:25,320 --> 01:30:29,160
Speaker 1: these nuances, these quirks, these all these things that you

1718
01:30:29,200 --> 01:30:34,280
Speaker 1: have to offer what make you this multifaceted, magnificent, unique,

1719
01:30:34,400 --> 01:30:35,280
Speaker 1: wonderful human.

1720
01:30:35,800 --> 01:30:36,400
Speaker 3: Yeah? I love that.

1721
01:30:36,520 --> 01:30:38,960
Speaker 2: I love that As a practice, It's it's so needed.

1722
01:30:39,200 --> 01:30:42,680
Speaker 2: I feel like if we all noticed, if we all

1723
01:30:42,720 --> 01:30:46,280
Speaker 2: spend time noticing more good within ourselves, we'd notice more

1724
01:30:46,320 --> 01:30:50,040
Speaker 2: good within other people. Yes, and we'd see more good

1725
01:30:50,080 --> 01:30:54,360
Speaker 2: happen in our work life, family home, because we're just

1726
01:30:54,439 --> 01:30:57,160
Speaker 2: training ourselves to see the good the challenges. When we've

1727
01:30:57,160 --> 01:30:59,360
Speaker 2: trained ourselves to only see the bad, we see the

1728
01:30:59,360 --> 01:31:01,559
Speaker 2: bad in ourselves. We see the bad and everyone else.

1729
01:31:02,080 --> 01:31:03,559
Speaker 2: Some of the other days said this quote to me

1730
01:31:03,640 --> 01:31:07,240
Speaker 2: that I loved, and they said, catch people doing things right,

1731
01:31:08,920 --> 01:31:11,400
Speaker 2: catch people doing things right, because we always feel like,

1732
01:31:11,479 --> 01:31:13,760
Speaker 2: oh I got you, I saw you steeling, I saw

1733
01:31:13,800 --> 01:31:16,400
Speaker 2: you dying, I saw you. But we don't catch people

1734
01:31:16,439 --> 01:31:18,800
Speaker 2: doing things right. And he said, when you catch people

1735
01:31:18,800 --> 01:31:20,360
Speaker 2: doing things right, they'll do them again.

1736
01:31:20,560 --> 01:31:21,680
Speaker 1: I love, they'll do them more.

1737
01:31:21,680 --> 01:31:22,280
Speaker 3: And so we've got to.

1738
01:31:22,280 --> 01:31:25,720
Speaker 2: Learn to catch people doing things right because they are.

1739
01:31:25,800 --> 01:31:28,280
Speaker 2: There's we're doing things right all the time. Yeah, our

1740
01:31:28,280 --> 01:31:30,280
Speaker 2: friends are doing things right, our partners are doing things right,

1741
01:31:30,280 --> 01:31:32,400
Speaker 2: our kids are doing things right. But we never catch

1742
01:31:32,439 --> 01:31:34,080
Speaker 2: them doing things on things right. We only catch people

1743
01:31:34,120 --> 01:31:34,760
Speaker 2: doing things wrong.

1744
01:31:34,840 --> 01:31:37,160
Speaker 1: Yeah. You know, it's really funny because there's a I

1745
01:31:37,200 --> 01:31:40,719
Speaker 1: can't remember the phenomenon that it is. I write about

1746
01:31:40,720 --> 01:31:43,280
Speaker 1: it in the book, which is basically that our brains

1747
01:31:43,360 --> 01:31:46,439
Speaker 1: assume that other people think the way that we do. Yes,

1748
01:31:46,479 --> 01:31:48,559
Speaker 1: and so one thing I encourage people to do is

1749
01:31:48,680 --> 01:31:51,559
Speaker 1: really watch when you're judging other people, and try to

1750
01:31:51,760 --> 01:31:55,559
Speaker 1: really change that judgment to compassion, because if we do

1751
01:31:55,640 --> 01:31:58,720
Speaker 1: it less about other people, we will assume people are

1752
01:31:58,720 --> 01:32:01,080
Speaker 1: doing it less about us, and then we'll give ourselves

1753
01:32:01,080 --> 01:32:02,600
Speaker 1: more freedom to be who we want to be.

1754
01:32:02,960 --> 01:32:05,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, so well said everyone in the book is called Confidence.

1755
01:32:06,200 --> 01:32:08,920
Speaker 2: Eight steps to knowing your Worth. We only touched on

1756
01:32:08,960 --> 01:32:10,320
Speaker 2: a couple of steps today, but I want you to

1757
01:32:10,360 --> 01:32:13,800
Speaker 2: read the book. Master your thoughts, act with intention, stop

1758
01:32:13,840 --> 01:32:17,000
Speaker 2: trying to be liked by everybody, break free from comparison,

1759
01:32:17,520 --> 01:32:20,559
Speaker 2: celebrate yourself, do hard things, be of service to others.

1760
01:32:20,640 --> 01:32:21,960
Speaker 3: Shop as your best self.

1761
01:32:22,400 --> 01:32:24,519
Speaker 2: Roxy as I've got to know you over the years,

1762
01:32:24,520 --> 01:32:27,840
Speaker 2: and just I remember when I got that DM from

1763
01:32:27,880 --> 01:32:30,280
Speaker 2: you in twenty twenty two and we connected and you

1764
01:32:30,360 --> 01:32:32,840
Speaker 2: came on to write Manifest, which I know has helped

1765
01:32:32,880 --> 01:32:35,240
Speaker 2: so many you know, millions of people around the world.

1766
01:32:35,720 --> 01:32:38,160
Speaker 2: And then to see you write Confidence. But even just

1767
01:32:38,200 --> 01:32:41,120
Speaker 2: the way you showed up today in your vulnerability and

1768
01:32:41,200 --> 01:32:45,040
Speaker 2: in your confidence, to me, that's a sign that you're

1769
01:32:45,080 --> 01:32:48,720
Speaker 2: someone who's doing the work and doing the hardest of it,

1770
01:32:49,560 --> 01:32:53,000
Speaker 2: and a reminder to everyone who's listening.

1771
01:32:52,840 --> 01:32:53,799
Speaker 3: And watching that.

1772
01:32:55,120 --> 01:32:58,960
Speaker 2: You know you're all on your own journey and the

1773
01:32:59,080 --> 01:33:01,960
Speaker 2: judgment that we are scared of facing from everyone else

1774
01:33:03,800 --> 01:33:08,200
Speaker 2: is really really tough, and because of that, we don't

1775
01:33:08,360 --> 01:33:11,599
Speaker 2: often express who we truly are. And who we truly

1776
01:33:11,640 --> 01:33:16,680
Speaker 2: are is this paradoxical, multifaceted, multi layered person. And when

1777
01:33:16,720 --> 01:33:18,880
Speaker 2: we allow people to be all of themselves and all

1778
01:33:18,920 --> 01:33:23,600
Speaker 2: of their experiences, we allow ourselves to be all of

1779
01:33:23,600 --> 01:33:25,960
Speaker 2: ourselves and all of our experiences rather than thinking we

1780
01:33:26,080 --> 01:33:28,599
Speaker 2: just have to be one thing. And to me, I'm

1781
01:33:28,600 --> 01:33:32,680
Speaker 2: happy that you've shown us the real view of what

1782
01:33:32,720 --> 01:33:37,400
Speaker 2: confidence looks like, which is it's hard, it's messy, it's complicated,

1783
01:33:37,640 --> 01:33:40,639
Speaker 2: it's layered, and at the same time, it's something that

1784
01:33:41,120 --> 01:33:44,120
Speaker 2: we can all have while we experience all those emotions.

1785
01:33:44,160 --> 01:33:47,280
Speaker 2: So thank you, Roxy, thank you so much, and thank you.

1786
01:33:47,640 --> 01:33:50,240
Speaker 2: Really excited for people to read the book and connect

1787
01:33:50,240 --> 01:33:52,439
Speaker 2: with you. If you don't already follow Roxy on social media,

1788
01:33:52,479 --> 01:33:54,640
Speaker 2: please follow her. But Roxy, anything I didn't ask you

1789
01:33:54,680 --> 01:33:56,800
Speaker 2: that you really want to talk about anything that's on

1790
01:33:56,840 --> 01:33:58,040
Speaker 2: your heart or a message that.

1791
01:33:58,760 --> 01:34:02,320
Speaker 1: No, Honestly, I'm just firstly so grateful to you always

1792
01:34:02,320 --> 01:34:05,120
Speaker 1: for just being so kind and genuine and giving me

1793
01:34:05,160 --> 01:34:07,240
Speaker 1: the space to talk about it. And asking me such

1794
01:34:07,280 --> 01:34:13,400
Speaker 1: different questions, and you know, I think it's you've pushed

1795
01:34:13,400 --> 01:34:15,720
Speaker 1: me to practice what I preach in that you know,

1796
01:34:15,920 --> 01:34:18,760
Speaker 1: I was afraid to talk about the badd staff in

1797
01:34:18,800 --> 01:34:24,640
Speaker 1: case I was judged, misunderstood, not liked. And really, what

1798
01:34:24,760 --> 01:34:27,320
Speaker 1: I tell people is, you know, you've got to do

1799
01:34:27,400 --> 01:34:31,519
Speaker 1: what be authentically you. And you've kind of pushed me

1800
01:34:33,080 --> 01:34:35,160
Speaker 1: out my comfort zone today in a good way. Not

1801
01:34:35,360 --> 01:34:37,080
Speaker 1: you didn't, I mean, you didn't force me to do it.

1802
01:34:37,560 --> 01:34:40,559
Speaker 1: You've given me the space to do it. And I'm

1803
01:34:40,600 --> 01:34:43,759
Speaker 1: really grateful for that. And I just hope that anyone,

1804
01:34:44,960 --> 01:34:49,599
Speaker 1: for anyone listening. I absolutely know that everybody listening, when

1805
01:34:49,640 --> 01:34:52,479
Speaker 1: they were born into this world, they were born full

1806
01:34:52,680 --> 01:34:56,720
Speaker 1: of self worth, full of confidence. But somewhere along the

1807
01:34:56,760 --> 01:35:00,000
Speaker 1: way they learned one thing that they were not enough

1808
01:35:00,120 --> 01:35:04,600
Speaker 1: as they were. And I am on a mission to

1809
01:35:06,080 --> 01:35:10,120
Speaker 1: undo that damage so they can come back to that knowing.

1810
01:35:10,880 --> 01:35:14,639
Speaker 1: And the last line of my book is this, true

1811
01:35:14,680 --> 01:35:18,680
Speaker 1: confidence is knowing that your worth was never up for discussion.

1812
01:35:19,560 --> 01:35:24,280
Speaker 1: And I really hope that every single one of you listening, watching,

1813
01:35:24,840 --> 01:35:28,839
Speaker 1: comes to that realization so that you can truly unlock

1814
01:35:28,880 --> 01:35:32,520
Speaker 1: your fullest potential. Life is really good on the other side.

1815
01:35:33,160 --> 01:35:34,960
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you.

1816
01:35:35,760 --> 01:35:38,760
Speaker 2: If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with

1817
01:35:38,840 --> 01:35:42,080
Speaker 2: doctor Daniel Ahman on how to change your life by

1818
01:35:42,160 --> 01:35:43,000
Speaker 2: changing your brain.

1819
01:35:43,439 --> 01:35:48,439
Speaker 3: If we want a healthy mind, it actually starts with

1820
01:35:48,520 --> 01:35:51,720
Speaker 3: a healthy brain. You know, I've had the blessing or

1821
01:35:51,760 --> 01:35:53,160
Speaker 3: the curse to scan

1822
01:35:53,520 --> 01:35:57,880
Speaker 2: Over a thousand convicted felons and over one hundred murderers,

1823
01:35:58,200 --> 01:35:59,920
Speaker 2: and their brains are very damna.