Speaker 1: Forever.
Speaker 2: Hi. Wow, wow, wow, wow, we're here. We're here.
Speaker 3: Hey, Sidney girl.
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, we're right, we're back. We're back from a trip,
Speaker 2: and I am refreshed. The reset has the reset has happened,
Speaker 2: and I'm I'm positive about where I am right now.
Speaker 3: You're on the couch. Yes, you're positive about that? Yes, okay,
Speaker 3: I love that your present, babe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. I'm here.
Speaker 3: Sydney. You said you you feel refreshed after that vacation,
Speaker 3: after that work trip that you took. Well, you you
Speaker 3: did sleep for a couple of hours.
Speaker 2: Friends, Oh, every day, every day, every day, that's that's
Speaker 2: my drinking sleeping. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Every day I would wake up and I'd be like,
Speaker 3: I wonder if Sydney's gonna come out with us today,
Speaker 3: or we would go out for like I don't know,
Speaker 3: and or and then Sidney would get right back in
Speaker 3: the bed, and it was like, where did Sidney?
Speaker 2: Oh, there she is. I can't believe you guys didn't
Speaker 2: even get pictures or videos of me passed out because
Speaker 2: we was outside. Yeah, that's right, we were outside. For
Speaker 2: many of the people who don't know, we just came
Speaker 2: back from a world when New Orleans trip for our
Speaker 2: good sister Amina. It was her birthday and birthday birthday.
Speaker 3: It was a nice little trip. I had a good time.
Speaker 3: You know. I was doing all that I could to
Speaker 3: put myself out there for y'all, you know, for the pod,
Speaker 3: for the story. And I can tell I left my
Speaker 3: voice down there.
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 3: I had a voiceover audition today and they were like,
Speaker 3: we don't want any gravelly voices. And I said, well,
Speaker 3: guess I'm not gonna do this like this shit because
Speaker 3: I sound like a car engine. So shout out to
Speaker 3: that visa gig that I will not be booking.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I think that's racist and homophobic. What's
Speaker 2: wrong with gravelly voices?
Speaker 3: I mean, I think when you watch a visa commercial,
Speaker 3: it's usually like, hi, so if you want your car
Speaker 3: yang like this. It's not you guys are like buying
Speaker 3: things like.
Speaker 2: Actually, that makes me want to buy more. I was like,
Speaker 2: who is that woman? No? Who is that man? No, sir, no, no,
Speaker 2: who is that beautiful human being? Okay, we don't. We
Speaker 2: don't go by gender constructs, Thank you, Sidney. Who is that?
Speaker 3: They them that commercial? It's like, Wow, Tony Braxton's doing
Speaker 3: really bad. No, yeah, so that they They were calling
Speaker 3: me before we were recording this episode. They were like, hey,
Speaker 3: are you still gonna sement for Fisa, And I'm like,
Speaker 3: I don't want to waste anybody's time. I mean, the
Speaker 3: damn the voices, the voice is gone.
Speaker 2: Sis. Yeah, and I'm trying to think. I'm like, I mean,
Speaker 2: we had fun, but like we weren't. We weren't screaming
Speaker 2: like that. We were screaming on that swamp tour. Oh
Speaker 2: that's right, we did a swamp tour, guys. Can you
Speaker 2: believe it? We were live, laughing and loving.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were like every time the Real Housewives take
Speaker 3: a trip, they always do a group activity. Let's be
Speaker 3: Real Housewives in New Orleans and go, you know, look
Speaker 3: at some alligators in a dirty, dirty swamp.
Speaker 2: It was just I would have hated. Not only did
Speaker 2: the alligators look dusty and dirty and nasty, so did
Speaker 2: the water. And I would have just hated to fall
Speaker 2: into the water.
Speaker 3: Since if you fall in that swamp, you don't have
Speaker 3: to worry about how dirty the water is. You will
Speaker 3: get eaten by those alligators. So also, like Sidney, if
Speaker 3: your wig fell in the water, would you reach.
Speaker 2: In and get it. That's a million dollar question right
Speaker 2: this week? The good wig? The now, okay, all right,
Speaker 2: how many days do I have left of the trip?
Speaker 2: Because if it's in the beginning of the trip, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna have to get the wig. If it's at the end,
Speaker 2: then I'm just gonna go to the airport. Uh, you know,
Speaker 2: straight straight boxed and stocking cap and all.
Speaker 3: You know, m it's the beginning, it's the it's the
Speaker 3: middle of the trip. It's the middle of the trip.
Speaker 3: You you got the same amount of days on either side.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a tough one. I'm not gonna lie. I
Speaker 2: don't know. I can't say. I can't confirm or deny
Speaker 2: what I would have done. I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 3: We have a video of like how fast alligator's mouths shut,
Speaker 3: Like in a millisecond. The guy threw a marshmallow into
Speaker 3: this alligator's mouth. So all the gators in New Orleans
Speaker 3: have in Louisiana have diabetes in case you guys didn't know,
Speaker 3: but uh, but.
Speaker 2: They got They have great dental, great dental because the
Speaker 2: teeth are all they're doing better than me.
Speaker 3: I mean, Sidney, I believe that you'll get that tooth
Speaker 3: that you've been praying for.
Speaker 2: Oh my God, can we do a prayer circle? I
Speaker 2: just want that fucking toothback. Well, first I want my
Speaker 2: teeth straight I have to get my teeth straightened, and
Speaker 2: then I can put in the implant. So you know,
Speaker 2: we're thinking about ten g's ten.
Speaker 3: Thousand dollars for a tooth. Teeth costs more than titties.
Speaker 2: No, no, but I like I'm gonna I think I
Speaker 2: have to get a visiline and then I have to
Speaker 2: get the tooth implant and the tooth implant. I don't know.
Speaker 2: It's gonna run me a couple thouls. It's gonna be
Speaker 2: like four thousand dollars. Yeah, teeth are expensive, four thousand.
Speaker 2: I feel like a crown is like thirty five hundred dollars. Okay, Well,
Speaker 2: you know, I think this missing tooth is my character now,
Speaker 2: so it's a personality trait. Marie, Marie, we haven't done
Speaker 2: this in a long fucking time. What were you an
Speaker 2: expert in this week? Bitch?
Speaker 3: Oh wow, friend, I think this week I was an
Speaker 3: expert at putting myself out there, truly putting myself at
Speaker 3: risk for a good time and a good story. And
Speaker 3: I mean I can't really get into the details of
Speaker 3: the story right now because we talked about it on
Speaker 3: the Patreon. Yes, you're gonna have to if you want
Speaker 3: to hear about it, babes, you gotta go to the pittrion.
Speaker 2: Just know that the thing that I put myself at
Speaker 2: risk for involves.
Speaker 3: Eating booty like groceries. Yes, yes, that's all i'mota say.
Speaker 3: That's all IMA say to you.
Speaker 2: I think, I think, I think right now, I think
Speaker 2: right now, if you all are listening to the pod,
Speaker 2: you should click right off and go right to the
Speaker 2: Patreon and sign up right.
Speaker 4: For Look look at wait you were you were the
Speaker 4: one doing it?
Speaker 2: Andrew. We can't answer, We can't. We can't answer anything.
Speaker 3: You think my voice is right because I was eating booty.
Speaker 2: Well, we can't.
Speaker 3: We can't confirm or den Do you think I eat
Speaker 3: vacation straight man?
Speaker 2: Ass? Hold on? Okay, wait, so okay, wait, what was
Speaker 2: what was the Andrew you have? Yeah, you have to
Speaker 2: get on the patreon, bab You have to pay for
Speaker 2: the page. To pay for the patreon. Yea, love it.
Speaker 3: That's that's what happened, or that's what was going to happen.
Speaker 4: And yeah, you know, you posted a picture of like
Speaker 4: this guy like flirting with you at a bar.
Speaker 2: But then there is sir, yes it is am.
Speaker 4: I following Am I going into that, Yeah you are Andrew.
Speaker 2: If anybody wants to know Marie's business, they got to
Speaker 2: go to the Patreon And.
Speaker 4: That's I was speaking to Marie's lawyer.
Speaker 3: Yes you well, that's what That's what Siddy was doing
Speaker 3: in New Orleans. Okay, she went to Tulane School of Law.
Speaker 2: There you go, I do anything for my client. And
Speaker 2: that is that sustained.
Speaker 4: Can I ask one question and then you can choose
Speaker 4: to not answer it or you kind of answer it.
Speaker 2: Carry carry on.
Speaker 4: Okay, So like that, you posted a picture of someone
Speaker 4: flirting with you at a bar, and I feel this.
Speaker 4: I looked in the comments and people recognize this person.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's that guy. That's the guy.
Speaker 4: Okay, all right, that's the well I mean.
Speaker 2: And and because I said his name on Patreon and
Speaker 2: when I posted the photo.
Speaker 3: People were like, oh is that him? And my heart
Speaker 3: stopped for a second because I was like, do these
Speaker 3: people know him?
Speaker 2: And then but they don't. I forgot that I had
Speaker 2: said his whole government on the Patreon.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we love someone's gonna recognize him, that actually knows him,
Speaker 3: and he's gonna find it.
Speaker 2: And I hope and that's I hope he doesn't. I
Speaker 2: hope that. You know what. Never mind, if you need
Speaker 2: to know what happened, go to the Patreon. That's it.
Speaker 2: That's the last time I'm promoting this thing. Right now.
Speaker 3: I feel like you're saying that, but we're only eight
Speaker 3: minutes and you're gonna say it again.
Speaker 2: So this is how you sell. This is how you sell. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: all right, Sidney or you are an expert in this week,
Speaker 2: uh expert in.
Speaker 1: Hmm.
Speaker 2: See, I asked you that, but I didn't know what
Speaker 2: exactly I was going to do. But I did say yes,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to say to you know what company,
Speaker 2: but they want to give me an air conditioner. So
Speaker 2: I am saying yes to more influencer gifts. I believe it.
Speaker 2: I believe it's my duty to take on these air
Speaker 2: It did. It is a gorgeous air conditioner and they're
Speaker 2: going to come and set it up. And the key
Speaker 2: key is that last year for sid can Cook, I
Speaker 2: raised money to buy an AC and now I'm taking
Speaker 2: that out.
Speaker 3: Okay, well I'll take the old one because I don't
Speaker 3: have one.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Also, why did you make it seem like you said
Speaker 3: yes to something no one else would have said?
Speaker 2: Yes, I have an AC Now listen, listen, this is
Speaker 2: a suspense. I'm an artist.
Speaker 3: How many BTUs the way more?
Speaker 2: Way more? When I told them how many BTUs I had,
Speaker 2: they were like, for the that apartment. I said, yes, yes,
Speaker 2: for that apartment. Don't do that. Don't do that? Is
Speaker 2: it a studio that? Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: How many real? Yeah?
Speaker 3: BTU slender and.
Speaker 2: Ship Yeah, well bt us can tell you how broke
Speaker 2: you are, so if you go by the bt U s,
Speaker 2: people can really tell your t well.
Speaker 3: Sometimes people get bt us based on what's on sales.
Speaker 2: It was definitely I'm doing what was in my budget.
Speaker 2: I don't care about the about the room size, It's like, okay,
Speaker 2: does that make sense for me? I'm just go sitting
Speaker 2: from the a C. I don't need the whole room colde.
Speaker 2: I just need where I'm at. You're like, so, now
Speaker 2: you're a C is a fan? Got it? That's what
Speaker 2: That's what it is?
Speaker 4: Many?
Speaker 3: How many bt us is? The is the CID can
Speaker 3: cook AC.
Speaker 2: I think like five thousand, which is nothing. It's a fan.
Speaker 2: It's a fan, dude. I'm paying Yeah, I'm paying more
Speaker 2: in my Connad bill for the A C than I
Speaker 2: would if I had three fans. It's done. Oh all right,
Speaker 2: Well I'll think about it. Maybe yeah, in my bathroom
Speaker 2: or something. Okay. Well, on a higher note, on a
Speaker 2: higher note, we have a guest today.
Speaker 3: Weekly.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. We needed well, we needed to take
Speaker 2: a break. You know, people, people actually love the solos,
Speaker 2: so don't do that. They do love the soul. They'd
Speaker 2: dodoor the solos.
Speaker 4: You're saying that as you're introducing again.
Speaker 2: But you know what, because I guess, but people like
Speaker 2: when it's just well, you know what, I'm so proud
Speaker 2: of the guests that we have. It's gonna blow our
Speaker 2: solos out the water, do you hear me? Yes?
Speaker 3: This guest was one of our first live show or
Speaker 3: what I think the first live show guest we ever booked.
Speaker 3: Very funny, freaking, fantastic, unrecognizable.
Speaker 2: Right now, yes we can't. We don't know what they
Speaker 2: are right now.
Speaker 1: But would not have.
Speaker 3: Would not have stopped to speak to this person on
Speaker 3: the streets of New York. I'd be like, I don't
Speaker 3: have any change, but we heart we heart them, and
Speaker 3: you heart them and you know them. It's the fabulous,
Speaker 3: it's the famous, it's the super ms Cracker, our drag expert.
Speaker 1: Yes, he love she's a woman. How are you guys
Speaker 1: doing today? I'm so glad to be on the Squadcast again.
Speaker 3: I like everything that's happening over there. What's this setup
Speaker 3: you have? Like this pink curtain behind you? You're on
Speaker 3: a pink couch. Are you at Mariah Carey's house?
Speaker 1: I am a backstage at Victoria's Secret, helping the girls
Speaker 1: get ready. No, I'm this is my little studio. Because
Speaker 1: you know, there haven't been any live shows. I had
Speaker 1: to make a fancy background for when I do important
Speaker 1: things like host bingo. So yeah, I have don't do that.
Speaker 2: Don't do that bingo. Don't do that, miss Cracker. Some
Speaker 2: of our closest friends have done bingos, Andrew, that's true. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: it is very It's a cultural.
Speaker 1: It's a it's an old gay thing, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like people people that use people that used
Speaker 1: Adam for Adam are also into bango. Do you know
Speaker 1: what I mean like that's the the old fashioned gays,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: Is Adam for Adam gay my space?
Speaker 1: Adam for Adam is definitely gay my Space. It's like
Speaker 1: basically like Grinder before there were mobile platforms, it was
Speaker 1: like a desktop thing in the early aughts. And uh,
Speaker 1: if you ever are gay and you have forgotten what
Speaker 1: Adam for Adam is, all you need to hear is
Speaker 1: and you're like your entire old gay body stands up
Speaker 1: because that was the sound it made when you got
Speaker 1: a message. And it's like Pavlov's bell, Like all gays
Speaker 1: start drooling when they hear that noise, that little alert.
Speaker 1: It like trained us.
Speaker 3: So yeah, now, what's the craziest message you ever received
Speaker 3: on Adam for Adam? Because I feel like men talk
Speaker 3: to each other. I just think men are they talk,
Speaker 3: they date differently, they talk to each other differently. Like
Speaker 3: I feel like, oh my god, eating around the bush.
Speaker 1: Oh I got one that was like I'm behind you.
Speaker 1: That was the creepiest one that I got. And I
Speaker 1: was like at work and I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: like looking around. I was like I think they were
Speaker 1: like on the street and they saw somebody like like
Speaker 1: kind of similar to me or something like that. But
Speaker 1: I'm behind you is definitely like the most bone chilling one.
Speaker 1: But I've definitely gotten a lot more bone chilling things
Speaker 1: from fans as a drag queen that I have on gay.
Speaker 2: Platforms, like like yeah, like get into it right now.
Speaker 1: Like one time I was at a meet and greet
Speaker 1: with fans and this girl like pushed a stuffed envelope
Speaker 1: into my hands. It was like one of those packs
Speaker 1: that has like rabbit fur or whatever in between the
Speaker 1: you know those things, you like open them up and
Speaker 1: fuzz gets everywhere. So I like open this thing in
Speaker 1: the dressing room and all of these tiny plastic babies
Speaker 1: come out. Like I'm talking about probably four or five
Speaker 1: hundred tiny little plastic babies about the size of a thumbnail,
Speaker 1: and each one had been pierced through with like a
Speaker 1: hot wire. So it came with the note that was like,
Speaker 1: just so you know, babies can be fashion. You can
Speaker 1: string these up and make them into necklaces and bracelets
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah. And I was like in that moment,
Speaker 1: I was like, I will never forget this. I will
Speaker 1: never forget getting four to five hundred hot wire pierced
Speaker 1: babies in an envelope.
Speaker 2: That person, that person has a dead body in their
Speaker 2: freaking gosh for sure, at least that person has a
Speaker 2: crawl space.
Speaker 1: Yea, yeah, that's a person with a crawls bath. That's
Speaker 1: a person with an antique.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, So what did you do with all the
Speaker 3: tiny babies?
Speaker 1: I kept them because I was afraid to throw away
Speaker 1: the babies because it felt like it would curse me,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? So I kept him
Speaker 1: for a long time. I think there's somewhere here in
Speaker 1: my studio still, so somewhere there's four to five hundred babies.
Speaker 1: I feel like you can.
Speaker 2: You can throw the pop star, Miss Cracker. You could
Speaker 2: throw them away your body, your choice. Okay, babies away.
Speaker 3: People literally all over the country.
Speaker 2: This country.
Speaker 3: People throw babies away every day, every day, every day.
Speaker 1: And what I usually do, I'll just I'll just swallow them.
Speaker 3: You know, they got little holes in them, so they'll
Speaker 3: they'll go down the asha gets smoother, they're aerodynamic. Yeah,
Speaker 3: So what you're saying is when people give you gifts,
Speaker 3: you're just gonna hoard them until you because you're gonna
Speaker 3: get more stuff the like the more time passes.
Speaker 1: So I have a I have a doormat with my
Speaker 1: face on it, which is an interesting gift, just like
Speaker 1: it's like could go both ways, Like what the message
Speaker 1: is there? I have all kinds of cracker memorabilia.
Speaker 3: So yeah, okay, but now, so you are our drag
Speaker 3: expert for obvious reasons. You know, you're you're the most
Speaker 3: famous drag queen that I know. Is there a more
Speaker 3: famous Well I mean maybe ru Paul, but yeah, is
Speaker 3: there a more famous drag queen?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm the one that you have on speed dial.
Speaker 3: And that's what matters, you know, right, Well, you're the
Speaker 3: one that when I put up a stupid Instagram video,
Speaker 3: you're like, what is this? But it's all it's always
Speaker 3: the looks like it's You're always you always bring it
Speaker 3: together and it always makes it.
Speaker 2: Whenever I see your page, I'm like, do I need
Speaker 2: to do drag? I need to do more? Right? Right?
Speaker 3: I feel like the outfits the week changes. Talk to
Speaker 3: us a little bit about like how you come up
Speaker 3: with that outfits? Is it? People make them for you
Speaker 3: and then they like they have to do like a
Speaker 3: runaway show, and you're like Miranda Priestley, like yes, I
Speaker 3: like it or no, I hate it?
Speaker 2: Do you collaborate on the looks?
Speaker 1: I wish it were that way, that that would be
Speaker 1: closer to shopping and I love that. But by the way,
Speaker 1: I get a lot of outfit and wig switch inspiration
Speaker 1: from you two because you know, you guys are serving
Speaker 1: looks on the on the gram, and you taught me
Speaker 1: that it's okay to go up on stage looking fabulous
Speaker 1: for your comedy crowd, you know, because I was used
Speaker 1: to think, like I need to dress down in order
Speaker 1: to do comedy, but you showed me that, No, give
Speaker 1: them the cocktail waitress fantasy.
Speaker 3: What is dressing so hard? What is dressing down in drag?
Speaker 3: Because you perform in looks. So you're saying you were
Speaker 3: wearing like Ivy Park on stage?
Speaker 1: What exactly like I n C from J C Penny,
Speaker 1: you know, like just the yeah, it's all we have
Speaker 1: the same model, you know, it's all inside hashtag tucked away.
Speaker 1: So but when I when I see something like on
Speaker 1: the street, like for example, one of my big outfit
Speaker 1: inspirations came from when I found this giant round frame
Speaker 1: on the street, like and it was an all gold
Speaker 1: frame and I was like, oh my God, that looks
Speaker 1: like a halo. I'm going to design a Virgin Mary
Speaker 1: outfit based on that. Halo is inspiration. So I like
Speaker 1: kicked the mirror, kicked the mirror out of it and
Speaker 1: like made it into a halo and just went on
Speaker 1: from there. So I get inspiration from just seeing stuff
Speaker 1: a lot of the time in the trash, and then
Speaker 1: I go to my designers. Yeah, I go to my
Speaker 1: designers and I'm like, this is what I envision and yeah,
Speaker 1: Like in All Stars, when I wore that egg down
Speaker 1: the runway, I just had this vision of when I
Speaker 1: was young in Seattle. There's one of our big mascots
Speaker 1: is this clam with leg and I was like, I
Speaker 1: want to do that, but make it fashion. I was
Speaker 1: going to be a Faberge egg with legs. And I
Speaker 1: just told my designer, like, we have to make this
Speaker 1: happen somehow, and they have to figure out how to
Speaker 1: make it work.
Speaker 2: First of all, Faberge egg wealth.
Speaker 3: Second, my designer, Sidney, we got to get to the
Speaker 3: level where we can say, well, I gave that to
Speaker 3: my designer, and you know, now I have this Florida
Speaker 3: Natural's Orange Juice Week.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Like I feel like I mean,
Speaker 2: I mean no, I mean, Marie, I feel like it's
Speaker 2: coming in my body, in my soul, in my uterus.
Speaker 2: I feel that it's coming, and I'm not worried. And
Speaker 2: especially since Miss Cracker is on the call, Miss Crackers
Speaker 2: here to let us know that we're we'll be a
Speaker 2: part of that one day at least assistant. We can
Speaker 2: have an assistant.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'm for sure.
Speaker 1: Absolutely you might have a court ordered one.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Thank you for your support at
Speaker 2: this trying time right now, So you're not You're not in.
Speaker 3: The work room slaving over a hot sewing machine.
Speaker 1: I mean I do that sometimes still, especially because now
Speaker 1: I'm what broke from the pandemic. I will, I will
Speaker 1: make a thing or two, but my skills aren't up there.
Speaker 1: Like I can make you a fierce speedo, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like I can, I can whip that
Speaker 1: out and stone her to death. But I can't make
Speaker 1: myself a giant egg costume, you know. So like I
Speaker 1: have to depend on my designers for certain things I
Speaker 1: don't have the skills for. Like, but there there's one
Speaker 1: thing I am an expert in. It is believing in
Speaker 1: myself like, I do you know what I mean? Because
Speaker 1: I like when I first learned to make a leotard,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm a seamstress. Do you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? I'm like, I'm a seamstress. And I did
Speaker 1: five minutes of comedy on TV for All Stars five,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm a comedian. Now I'm now
Speaker 1: bring me the hour set. I'm ready. Yes, that comes
Speaker 1: to me. That's from being a cisgendered white male. I think,
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, just like every time you do something,
Speaker 1: you're like, I can do it. I'm a plumber. Now
Speaker 1: I screw screwed the fox back.
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know if it's just the cist
Speaker 3: gender white male. I feel like my dad would get
Speaker 3: a bill for something and be like, oh, well, now
Speaker 3: I'm a plumber.
Speaker 2: I will fix all the pipes. It's also a.
Speaker 3: Cheap Caribbean man. I think if you believe in it,
Speaker 3: you can achieve it.
Speaker 2: Well, that that's my whole thing with drag queens. It's like,
Speaker 2: not only do you have the confidence of a man,
Speaker 2: but you also have the like that extra layer of
Speaker 2: confidence of being a woman or a dressing sexy woman,
Speaker 2: addressing up as a woman like an over exaggerated woman
Speaker 2: in the like the drama and it's it's put on
Speaker 2: times ten. And I think if I had not only
Speaker 2: the confidence of a Cis straight man, but the confidence
Speaker 2: of a drag queen, I could pull off way more things.
Speaker 2: I'm always like, ah, I don't know, but a drag
Speaker 2: queen is like, no, we are putting on mixing, matching,
Speaker 2: We're putting more hair, more lashes, more and more, more
Speaker 2: and more. And I'm always like, this is I'm doing
Speaker 2: too much? But it's like no, no, no, this never
Speaker 2: too much. It's always you're not doing enough.
Speaker 1: Do more, that's right, and that's what the like. My
Speaker 1: hope for me is that when we're doing this, something
Speaker 1: good is happening. Like I'm hoping that drag queens help
Speaker 1: break down the idea of what a woman should behave, like,
Speaker 1: or feel about herself so that when women of any
Speaker 1: kind women plus see drag queens performing of any kind,
Speaker 1: they feel like what they're allowed to do is expanded
Speaker 1: and not shrunk, Like a woman should watch a drag
Speaker 1: show and come away being like Wow, as a woman,
Speaker 1: you know it's okay to have to dress like this
Speaker 1: and have confidence and all of this. I can do
Speaker 1: anything I want with my femininity because I think that
Speaker 1: a lot of people are concerned that women will look
Speaker 1: at drag queens and feel like women are being made
Speaker 1: fun of. And I think that kind of drag is
Speaker 1: a not for me, you know what I mean. I
Speaker 1: think that it should be. It should make women feel
Speaker 1: like expanded, you.
Speaker 2: Know, empowered, empowered and empowered for sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And that's why it's like sometimes titles suck because we
Speaker 2: put that, we put that on them. It's like drag queen,
Speaker 2: Like maybe maybe if you think about it like drag,
Speaker 2: like are you dragging queens? Maybe? I don't know's it's
Speaker 2: hard to understand what exactly is it. We know that
Speaker 2: you're dressing up and you're putting on a performance, but
Speaker 2: it's more than that. It's like almost like a lifestyle
Speaker 2: choice too.
Speaker 1: That's true.
Speaker 3: I think that I like, I enjoy the theatrics of it,
Speaker 3: the drama of it. It's so extra and over the top.
Speaker 3: And the things that you like lip sync to are
Speaker 3: things that because like I feel like drag Queen's put
Speaker 3: their like audio together, right, you like chop and screw
Speaker 3: it yourselves or you decide I'm going to cut it here.
Speaker 3: You guys were doing reels and tiktoks before they were
Speaker 3: a thing, Like that's.
Speaker 1: What drag was.
Speaker 3: I feel like, you're doing the dancing, you were saying
Speaker 3: the the things. But anytime I go to a drag show,
Speaker 3: I feel bad that I can't do a flip in
Speaker 3: heels anything.
Speaker 2: I feel bad that I can't do any of it.
Speaker 2: I like, not only are you singing dancing, You're you're
Speaker 2: putting on your doing jokes. You're you're putting money in
Speaker 2: your bra yeah, and you're tucking your dick. I mean,
Speaker 2: I mean, you're tucking your whole dick at all while
Speaker 2: you're doing It's a lot. It's a lot.
Speaker 1: I always thought if I if I if I wrote
Speaker 1: a book, it would be called I Can't Peetel Tomorrow, because.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's just like Caitlyn and I did. Caitlyn and my
Speaker 1: co pilot in life, we did this experiment where like
Speaker 1: she waited outside the bathroom and I stood in the
Speaker 1: bathtub like tucked, and I was like, let's find what
Speaker 1: happens if I like peed myself while I'm tugged. You
Speaker 1: know what I mean? And I'm just just like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, like I just my back was wet, and that.
Speaker 3: Said your back of hope. So when you took it,
Speaker 3: took all the way off, it was all the way around.
Speaker 2: Oh wait wait wait, wait, hold on wait.
Speaker 3: You peed on yourself took.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was just like, let's see what happens if
Speaker 1: it did happen, what would happen, Just so I could
Speaker 1: get it out of my mind, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: because I'm always afraid of peeing myself on stage because
Speaker 1: I'm thirty seven years old, my little bit.
Speaker 2: All that time, you look thirty seven, you look fucking fantastic.
Speaker 2: This is a Jewish thirty seven. Yeah, never see it.
Speaker 2: Never seen it in my never seen it in my
Speaker 2: entire life, marvelous, miss Masel. How old has that been, so,
Speaker 2: miss Nasl?
Speaker 3: Thirty seven?
Speaker 2: Yeah? How old is she? They said she was what
Speaker 2: twenty five? Lies?
Speaker 3: That's a Hollywood age, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a cool thing to exact demono, absolutely, girl,
Speaker 2: forty pushing forty stop.
Speaker 1: It And I'm still dewey as a decimal. You know.
Speaker 2: Wait, miss Cracker, do you drink? You don't drink?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: I quit drinking for like seven years. But then in
Speaker 1: La pandemic, I did have a couple of bottles of wine.
Speaker 2: How did that go?
Speaker 1: Terrible? I feel like I aged like six years just
Speaker 1: because of drinking the pandemic. So I have stopped again again,
Speaker 1: and yeah, I'm like, I'm like, let's get back together.
Speaker 1: We're trying to get that pre pandemic body back together.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm trying to look like a skeleton again,
Speaker 1: which is gay for goals.
Speaker 2: You know, content gaunt, you want to be cutting gaunt,
Speaker 2: got it exactly, skill.
Speaker 1: I think everybody is beautiful, you know. But what I
Speaker 1: want for myself is I want people to ask if
Speaker 1: I'm okay.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 3: That's so your vision board is Kate Moss.
Speaker 1: That's exactly just a little Callista Flockhart moment.
Speaker 2: Okay, Mary Kay Mary Kay, Nashley.
Speaker 3: I got.
Speaker 2: Yeah. You know, like the chic chic and erexia, you know, chic,
Speaker 2: she's sheep god horrible. Body positivity, body positivity.
Speaker 1: Body positivity girl. The body is here.
Speaker 2: So what were we saying?
Speaker 1: We're saying something about something.
Speaker 3: Listen, we don't have that. We'll we'll we'll come back
Speaker 3: to that. Let's hold these wigs that you be putting
Speaker 3: on because they're so big. But there'll be like eight
Speaker 3: weeks in one wig. So talk to us about how that?
Speaker 3: How do I get mine to sit up like that?
Speaker 2: Yeah? And how much is it? Because it seems like
Speaker 2: you have a really good wig budget over there right right?
Speaker 1: Well here's the secret. I'm still Jewish. So I do
Speaker 1: get a boggin on my wigs. I get my wigs
Speaker 1: im wigs for twenty five dollars each. They're each twenty
Speaker 1: five dollars. But I just beat them into looking beautiful?
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: I wow?
Speaker 1: Like how so I always say this that like a
Speaker 1: wig is like a person. You know, when you go
Speaker 1: through struggles in your life that adds to your beauty
Speaker 1: and your complexity.
Speaker 2: Come on, storyline, let's go, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And so when a wig arrives in the bag, she's
Speaker 1: not beautiful yet, she's not ready. You need to put
Speaker 1: her through suffering. So you just take a comb and
Speaker 1: you like rag every piece of hair up until it's
Speaker 1: all a big cloud of mess, and then you just
Speaker 1: smooth over the very top layer with a comb so
Speaker 1: that it looks like it's all organized. And that is
Speaker 1: a wig that is how a wig works, and that's
Speaker 1: how we are, Like we're all messed up inside and
Speaker 1: then we have this nice smooth surface and we present
Speaker 1: that to the world. You know what I mean, We're
Speaker 1: like everything fine, and that's what a wig is.
Speaker 2: But but wait, how do you that? That's my thing?
Speaker 2: It's like, how do you maintain that? Does that week
Speaker 2: stay that way? Or is it?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: Op? Like how long can you keep one of these
Speaker 2: beat it wigs?
Speaker 1: So what I do is I first of all, I
Speaker 1: use heavy hair spray, and then I use as basically
Speaker 1: like an airborne yeah, gorilla glue, like basically airborne cement,
Speaker 1: and you can wear them for like two to three shows,
Speaker 1: but then they do come apart, so you got to
Speaker 1: start all over again. But they can last for a
Speaker 1: little bit. You wash the lace, you take care of them,
Speaker 1: and then the style dies and you just comb it
Speaker 1: out and stiff over.
Speaker 4: So wash.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I love. I love making wigs.
Speaker 2: How do you come by them? First of all?
Speaker 3: You love making wigs? Have never made a wig for
Speaker 3: anybody on there?
Speaker 2: Yeah? What's up with that? Shocking?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 3: I love that?
Speaker 1: I'm ready. Oh if I could put you in an
Speaker 1: official miss wig, I would love that for both of you,
Speaker 1: especially if I gave you you two like matching wigs
Speaker 1: to go up on stage with that would be one
Speaker 1: curl to the right and then one that has a
Speaker 1: curl to the left. Just just everything.
Speaker 3: That's what we want, Sidney and I. You know, we're
Speaker 3: outside again and we're back to starting to do shows,
Speaker 3: and sometimes people book us together because they're like, who
Speaker 3: are those two hot black girls the ones that are mean? Yes,
Speaker 3: then they're hilariously, Oh my god, that's what we want
Speaker 3: the next time that Sydney and I get on stage together.
Speaker 3: I want to have an official miss wig. I want,
Speaker 3: you know, I want to look like Judy Jetson or something.
Speaker 3: I wanted to be stuck an asymmetrical That's.
Speaker 1: What I want. Yeah right, oh black Jetson's I think
Speaker 1: is your vibe both of you just retro futurism. Yes, such,
Speaker 1: I love it. Yeah, So I would love to do that. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I love to do that.
Speaker 3: So can people who don't really have any money do
Speaker 3: drag because it sounds like you gotta have a lot
Speaker 3: of like spare change lying around to buy things and
Speaker 3: build things.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm hmm.
Speaker 1: You can absolutely do drag with no money because I
Speaker 1: did it for years and I'm doing it again. It's
Speaker 1: just like all you need is one nice way. You
Speaker 1: can style her in a bunch of different ways. You
Speaker 1: can use dime store makeup and make it look good
Speaker 1: if you know what you're doing. And if you head
Speaker 1: on down to Rainbow, you can get yourself a little
Speaker 1: twenty five dollars like cocktail dress and you're ready. You're ready,
Speaker 1: get those get those Rainbow pumps.
Speaker 3: You know Sydney Sidney used to be a spokesperson for
Speaker 3: Rainbow back in the day.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it never looked like put together, like y'all
Speaker 2: shit like you you look like couture designer. Like I
Speaker 2: could never see you, know how. Sometimes you could see
Speaker 2: people like on the train and you're like, oh, that's Rainbow,
Speaker 2: like I have that, I have that piece. I've never
Speaker 2: seen your stuff and was like, oh, yeah, that's le Ramo.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I always thought there should be a musical called
Speaker 1: for color girls who considered Conway when Rainbow wasn't enough,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, yeah, but yeah, I
Speaker 1: think that you just you just add a little something
Speaker 1: to it. You add a little your stone here, your
Speaker 1: stone it there, and you know you get away with it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but like if you want to do I always think
Speaker 1: you were saying that drag is doing too much, and
Speaker 1: I think I completely agree. I think that no matter
Speaker 1: how much money you have or how much money you
Speaker 1: make doing drag, you should be broke because you should
Speaker 1: spend it all on making it the most fabulous drag
Speaker 1: you possibly can and just blowing the roof off the thing.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, yeah, I was watching Drag Race UK and
Speaker 3: one of the queen's showed up in an H and
Speaker 3: M dress. Yes, she pulled up in the H and
Speaker 3: M and RuPaul was like, I don't want to see that.
Speaker 2: On my runway. You wait, I was a little fuck
Speaker 2: that thing. Huh.
Speaker 3: She showed up in H M like they were like
Speaker 3: what what you got?
Speaker 1: What you wear it?
Speaker 2: But wait, hold on, hold on what like what?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: It was just straight off the rack, like manress, No,
Speaker 2: what happened? What was she going through? Because sometimes you
Speaker 2: just can't pull it together? Sis, So I just want
Speaker 2: to know what was there? Death in the family. Girl,
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: But I didn't even know they had H and M
Speaker 3: in Europe.
Speaker 2: I was shocked. Well, I think that's where h and
Speaker 2: M originated baby.
Speaker 1: I don't know what she was going through? Was the
Speaker 1: clearance rack?
Speaker 2: No, no way, has has that ever happened? Cracker? Has
Speaker 2: that ever happened that you like was going through it
Speaker 2: and you just feel like you couldn't you couldn't put
Speaker 2: it together like you usually do.
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: Do you have a specific situation?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, I have this black turtleneck dress that I
Speaker 1: wear when I'm done. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: It's just it's just it's a very long turtle neck
Speaker 1: and it's shiny, and I made it myself out of
Speaker 1: four way stretch Spandex. And when I am when I
Speaker 1: am done for the week, I'm like, this is what's
Speaker 1: going on. I just slip around zippra up and they
Speaker 1: get what they get and they don't get upset that day,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? That's that's my sign. We
Speaker 1: call it my drag t shirt because it's like it's it,
Speaker 1: it's her dress shirt. Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2: Could you do you think you could ever like coach
Speaker 2: us into doing drag? I actually think I actually think
Speaker 2: there Marie. I think Marie could do it. Like when
Speaker 2: it comes to the wigs, the extra eyeliner I like
Speaker 2: the clothes. The choice of clothes is so fun and
Speaker 2: it has tons of personality. I will show up in
Speaker 2: like jean shorts and a regular tank.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Sidney's sitting with the jewels and diamonds and studs
Speaker 3: all over her face.
Speaker 2: So yes, I'll do the I'll do the Ryan Stones
Speaker 2: on the baby hairs, I'll do that.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I think you are one. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: your one te is away from being drag queens. Like
Speaker 1: I think if you if you had a big Caitlin's
Speaker 1: nodding her head, like, if you had a a big
Speaker 1: fluffy wig, and we win all dream Girls on you,
Speaker 1: then I think that you would be You could be
Speaker 1: drag queens and you would kill too.
Speaker 2: All.
Speaker 1: All you have to do is like extend that cat
Speaker 1: I wing a little bit farther, sablam drag, and I
Speaker 1: think you would kill the the drag scene. As as
Speaker 1: what do we call them now? It's female queens.
Speaker 2: Mmmm hmmm.
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, every time I do my cat eye,
Speaker 3: I do try to make queens a little bit longer.
Speaker 2: Cis queensis queens. Yea queens, cis queens. I like that.
Speaker 2: I'll take it, sist queen. But I think somebody, I
Speaker 2: think somebody would white call me a sis queen and
Speaker 2: I'll be like, no, thank you. I'm all sad. A
Speaker 2: white woman will try to call me a sis queen
Speaker 2: and I'll say no, it's canceled, like cis C I
Speaker 2: S not s I S. Okay. I'm just making sure
Speaker 2: you know you know I'm confused. Yeah already, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 2: that's not PC at all.
Speaker 3: I don't know you, bitch, Okay, without saying names if
Speaker 3: you don't want to names, if you want to be
Speaker 3: messy and keep our pot interesting. What's the worst drag queen?
Speaker 3: Like the worst type or the worst you've seen, or
Speaker 3: like the thing that made you go like what tell us?
Speaker 1: Tell us, miss Oh, what's the worst kind of drag queen?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: It's such a tough question because there's so many to
Speaker 1: choose from.
Speaker 2: Okay, but just get specific, specifically tell us like if
Speaker 2: you were a judge on like a drag queen show,
Speaker 2: if you were Rue Paul, what kind of drag that
Speaker 2: you're just like, no, we don't need to see this right,
Speaker 2: absolutely not.
Speaker 3: Get out of my house, Yeah, get out of my
Speaker 3: Caucasian pation house.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think if you're not making fun
Speaker 1: of beauty, and you're not making fun fashion, and you're
Speaker 1: not making fun of pop, like, it's just not for me.
Speaker 1: If you're not making fun of the way the world is,
Speaker 1: I just if you're serious about it, that's what I
Speaker 1: can't I can't get into you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I need people that are mocking everything, because that's what
Speaker 1: I do. So I you could be as beautiful as
Speaker 1: you want to, you could be as fierce of a
Speaker 1: dancer as you want to, but if you don't have
Speaker 1: your tongue in your cheek at least a little bit,
Speaker 1: I'm less I'm less likely to be into it. Because
Speaker 1: we already have models, and we already have fierce dancers,
Speaker 1: and we already have pop divas. We don't need any
Speaker 1: more of that. We need people to make fun of it,
Speaker 1: you know. So that's that's just my thing. There are exceptions,
Speaker 1: like Naomi Smalls. She is very serious about her drag.
Speaker 1: She's one hundred percent of model, but she kills it
Speaker 1: so hard that she breaks out that mold. For me,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, I'm like, okay, all right,
Speaker 1: you got me. I'm into it, you know, Yeah? Yeah, God,
Speaker 1: but yeah, there's a lot of like if I if
Speaker 1: I see a girl being serious on the stage, I'm like, ah,
Speaker 1: all right, okay, you know what I mean, Like I
Speaker 1: want that comedy.
Speaker 2: That's the that's the clip right there. What you just
Speaker 2: said like not making fun and just like taking it
Speaker 2: too serious. And I think that's how it is with
Speaker 2: comedy in general, just like you know the comedians that
Speaker 2: you feel like, Okay, are you preaching? Is this like
Speaker 2: a ted talk? Like what's really good? Are you having fun?
Speaker 2: Like what's what's there? Are the jokes? Beach?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I'm down. I'm down for a little
Speaker 1: Nanette every once in a while, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Nanette.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I tried to watch that recently and I was like, hmmm,
Speaker 2: it wasn't for you. Bib was not for me. It's
Speaker 2: not for you.
Speaker 3: I said, this is winning comedy Awards interesting because I'm
Speaker 3: doing comedy wrong.
Speaker 2: Yes, now, now this is gonna be a this is
Speaker 2: gonna be an extra question. This is gonna be one
Speaker 2: of those questions that you're like, Okay, this might be
Speaker 2: too much, but like how much can you make as
Speaker 2: a drag queen? Like a range you know, like what's
Speaker 2: the lowest amount and then what's like the highest amount.
Speaker 3: I think the lowest is drink tickets. You get a
Speaker 3: twenty dollars drink or a bar tab, right, that.
Speaker 1: Is exactly correct. You could get exposure, that's what you
Speaker 1: could get.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the low you could get.
Speaker 3: His exposure loosure that raggedy beach.
Speaker 2: They have to stop with the exposure thing. I mean
Speaker 2: maybe when you're just starting, but just to think about
Speaker 2: how much it costs to be in this field, Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's not gonna be enough, honey. Like, just the lowest
Speaker 2: you'll spend is like one hundred dollars on your look, right,
Speaker 2: but in the time.
Speaker 3: The time you got to put into it, you're also
Speaker 3: you're you're spending time.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, oh my god. Yeah, So like at least
Speaker 1: pay for my uber to get there. That's what I want,
Speaker 1: you know. But uh so that's the lowest you can get,
Speaker 1: is like exposure, and then the highest you can get
Speaker 1: I think is well, I mean, like, uh, are we
Speaker 1: counting RuPaul, Like are we counting Trixie Mattel who gets
Speaker 1: like who has millions of dollars and recently bottom hotel.
Speaker 2: Excuse me and the bar and come again and the
Speaker 2: house tricksy and a house for his self and a
Speaker 2: house for her mother.
Speaker 1: You're lying, sucking house for herself?
Speaker 2: She buying the houses in Detroit? Are the homes in Detroit?
Speaker 1: They got wheels and handmade custom houses in Burbank, California.
Speaker 1: Just like that's that's money And I'm not like it
Speaker 1: like exposing her business or anything. She very proudly gives
Speaker 1: tours of all these things, and it is like, this
Speaker 1: is what I have. Like do you ever lay up
Speaker 1: wondering why you're not rich and famous? I don't because
Speaker 1: I am.
Speaker 4: You know, so.
Speaker 2: How much do it? Because is it is tricksy?
Speaker 3: As an example, the bulk of their money coming from
Speaker 3: the work that they're booking, because they do a lot
Speaker 3: of like hosting and like panel things and things like that.
Speaker 3: Or is the money coming from drag Like is she
Speaker 3: saying that I need I don't know, my fee to
Speaker 3: do this show is one hundred thousand dollars or something
Speaker 3: like that or whatever.
Speaker 1: I mean high fees. She has a makeup line, she
Speaker 1: has successful YouTube series, she has you know, successful wow series.
Speaker 1: It's like I think that she's just like at this point,
Speaker 1: like trying to keep the money from coming in at
Speaker 1: all parts of the house.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And I have I'm famous for like raking in bazillions
Speaker 1: of dollars and just blowing it all immediately. That is
Speaker 1: what do we know?
Speaker 2: What are we spending the money on?
Speaker 4: Baby?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Tell us give it us, give us the.
Speaker 1: Remember those designers I mentioned, I just like I I'm
Speaker 1: just the middleman for like that money. I'm like, people
Speaker 1: pay me, I give it right to my designers and like.
Speaker 2: Make this blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: But why don't they just learning Why.
Speaker 2: Don't they just give it to you for free? Or
Speaker 2: like why? I like, you know, that's the question.
Speaker 1: I told them exposure, but for some reason they weren't interested.
Speaker 2: What's the most expensive look of yours? Yeah, because we
Speaker 2: can scroll right through the instagram right now, tell us everything.
Speaker 1: The most expensive look that I own, I think is
Speaker 1: seven thousand dollars. Oh and it is the finale dress
Speaker 1: that I wore for season ten of RuPaul's Drag Race.
Speaker 1: And it was like this morning Victorian morning gown.
Speaker 2: Can you send us a picture so we can post
Speaker 2: on the on the unofficial expert page.
Speaker 1: Absolutely and it was like I wanted to do like
Speaker 1: this BDSM Victorian morning gown, so it's like a morning gown,
Speaker 1: but it was made all of like leather and yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay, you're sniffing like Nicki Minaj on the on Insulife
Speaker 2: everything everything. Okay, babe, you got sinuses?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I said, where'd that money go? Okay, so here
Speaker 1: we go. I'm sending it to you right now, all right.
Speaker 1: And it was just like so much money and I
Speaker 1: The one that gagged me the most though, was this
Speaker 1: leotard that I got that.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, mss cracker crack hair. Oh I want
Speaker 2: to wear this to a funeral. Let's go.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, seven thousand dollars?
Speaker 2: Is it real? Leather?
Speaker 3: Is that why?
Speaker 1: That's rare? I girl, it was, She's all real. And
Speaker 1: then this one, my finale gown for All Stars five,
Speaker 1: was roughly the same. I love that I'm putting my
Speaker 1: financial business out there.
Speaker 3: No we know, no, no, yeah, because because I think
Speaker 3: people don't understand how much money goes into to, you know, doing.
Speaker 2: Doing drag, Like yeah, so I feel you guys.
Speaker 3: I got a small business loan. Did you get a PPP?
Speaker 2: You definitely should have got a ppp.
Speaker 1: Oh absolutely. I saw the word forgivable and I was like,
Speaker 1: I hope all is forgiven because here it goes, you know,
Speaker 1: just like.
Speaker 2: What's your LLC Cracker Inc.
Speaker 1: Cracker Miss Cracker Incorporated. Yeah, Miss Cracker LLC.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. I love that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't have I don't have seven thousand dollars to
Speaker 2: spend on an outfit, and not.
Speaker 3: For an off it to wear one time that one
Speaker 3: time a million people are going to see because that
Speaker 3: means I can't wear it.
Speaker 2: Again ever again.
Speaker 4: Oh wow.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it just sits in the house. And like
Speaker 1: what it turns out is I don't have seven thousand
Speaker 1: dollars to spend on an outfit either, So I'm just
Speaker 1: like I for All Stars, I spend all that money.
Speaker 1: You can imagine. There was like what what like fourteen
Speaker 1: different runways and uh, they all costs so much. And
Speaker 1: then I was like, it's okay, I'll pay with I'll
Speaker 1: pay for all that with tour. And then there was
Speaker 1: no tour because of the pandemic, and now she is
Speaker 1: spread my darling, Well.
Speaker 3: Now you don't have any money to buy food, so
Speaker 3: you're gonna be a skeleton. This pink outfit is amazing.
Speaker 2: I mean, mss, do we need to start a GoFundMe
Speaker 2: or like doing a little Venmo setup like what's the's
Speaker 2: what's really good? Cause you know, ass not receive, not
Speaker 2: asknot whatever. How do the people support you, babe? Like
Speaker 2: are you doing zooms? Like where are you gonna get
Speaker 2: back out there? Like where can the people go to
Speaker 2: give you all their coins?
Speaker 1: People can give me their coins by buying tickets to
Speaker 1: my American tour okay called She's a Woman. If you
Speaker 1: are listening in the Europe and the UK's and such as,
Speaker 1: can support me by going to my club kids tour,
Speaker 1: Miss Cracker's Comedy fun House and such as. But I
Speaker 1: took us to my shows and come to see me
Speaker 1: when things open up again. That's what I really need.
Speaker 1: And listen to my podcast She's a Woman podcast, which
Speaker 1: both of you ladies have been on.
Speaker 3: Okay, here's my question. All these things that you're saying
Speaker 3: are nice? Are there men paying for things? Is there
Speaker 3: a sugar daddy?
Speaker 4: Is there?
Speaker 2: Is there a lover?
Speaker 3: Is there like a super fan that you banged that
Speaker 3: sends you money? Talk to us about the love life
Speaker 3: of what gets crack a wit.
Speaker 2: What's happening over there? Friend?
Speaker 1: First of all, I'll say, no, one's paying for me.
Speaker 1: All the text messages that I get show up green.
Speaker 1: So no, No, she's an independent business woman. Yeah she's
Speaker 1: she's an independent woman. Everything has to I need to
Speaker 1: get a sugar daddy. I have thought about it many
Speaker 1: a time, like just you know, you'll see a guy
Speaker 1: at a bar who's tipping in hundreds and you're like,
Speaker 1: what would that life path be? Like you you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Or like, this is my friend, he's
Speaker 1: a doctor. I'm like, doctor mom would be so happy.
Speaker 3: But that is not that, miss cracker. So when you
Speaker 3: see somebody slipping und you see somebody tipping hundred dollars
Speaker 3: at the bar, how do you place yourself strategic strategically
Speaker 3: so they can see you or like touch your booty,
Speaker 3: like how are you just watching? Or you approach it?
Speaker 1: Well, I get ahead of the game. At the beginning
Speaker 1: of the show, I say, if you give me over
Speaker 1: twenty dollars in tips, I will sit on your lap,
Speaker 1: that's all. And then then you know, well that's.
Speaker 2: That's too low. That's that's too low. With seven thousand
Speaker 2: dollars outfit. That's too low, honey, we need Benjamin's all
Speaker 2: about the Benjamin.
Speaker 3: The bidding at one thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: Agreed, agreed, agreed.
Speaker 3: I just feel the ahead of my mom's purse, Like
Speaker 3: because I gave it to you doesn't mean I haven't.
Speaker 2: My mom doesn't have a pocket purse. She puts everything
Speaker 2: in her tits. Your mom has big boobs, large boobs.
Speaker 2: Your mom has big boobs, very big boobs. Oh wow,
Speaker 2: I don't know how I missed it.
Speaker 3: Ramona's titties. Well, that's the name of Sydney's memoirs, that
Speaker 3: Sydney's one woman's show. Okay, so there are no men, like, okay,
Speaker 3: so you perform people, You're sitting on people's laps, people
Speaker 3: are into you. What's what's the what's the going home
Speaker 3: after a show situation? Or do you have to go
Speaker 3: home alone because.
Speaker 2: You got to take everything off? You're not going home
Speaker 2: with people after.
Speaker 1: I know, I walk home and drag and for a while.
Speaker 1: That's like how I got all of my attention. Like
Speaker 1: I would just walk home and like nine times out
Speaker 1: of ten someone would follow me back to the apartment.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, it is so disgusting that I'm going
Speaker 1: to sleep with this person, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And then but since I met Caitlin, she's gotten me
Speaker 1: on much better behavior. And now I respect myself and
Speaker 1: love my drag. And this cracker is a professional, you.
Speaker 3: Know, always always yes, allegedly.
Speaker 2: It's so hard. It's so hard to be professional. You're
Speaker 2: not alone.
Speaker 1: The last time someone asked me, like made a like
Speaker 1: proposition at me while I was on my way home,
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I have lipstick on. And that's
Speaker 1: the attitude that you have to have, like, no, we
Speaker 1: are not messing up this face for that body.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean that I love that we're
Speaker 2: not messing up this face for that body. That's merch.
Speaker 2: That's merch.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2: Put that on the pod. I need somebody to mix
Speaker 2: that up real quick, and so we'll have it on
Speaker 2: a te public and by next week, what's the.
Speaker 3: Worst show that you ever had? Like, did you fall?
Speaker 3: Did you did you forget where you were? Did your
Speaker 3: dress rip? What's the moment where you were like I
Speaker 3: gotta go back to school and get my master's degree.
Speaker 2: What happened?
Speaker 1: I remember it? It's like it comes up in my
Speaker 1: mind anytimes someone asked this immediately. So when I was
Speaker 1: first like getting big in New York City, I got
Speaker 1: hired to do a show at a place called Therapy,
Speaker 1: and oh.
Speaker 2: I remember, didn't we do that show?
Speaker 1: We did that show that show. So the very first show,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna go all out. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: wear this huge, like four foot long ponytail and these
Speaker 1: brand new shoes. And I got there and I realized
Speaker 1: I didn't have my music for the first number, so
Speaker 1: I just told the DJ the name of the song,
Speaker 1: and I was like, just play that through YouTube. It'll
Speaker 1: be fine. So I'm backstage. They're like, ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: please walk with the stage, miss Cracker, and I can't
Speaker 1: figure out how to get my shoes on, so I
Speaker 1: have to go on stage with one shoe unbuckled, and
Speaker 1: while I'm introducing the show, I'm like buckling it. I'm like,
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming out tonight.
Speaker 1: We appreciate it so much. Like the microphone on my shoulder.
Speaker 1: I finished buckling my shoe, I say, hit that first number,
Speaker 1: and I realize that I told them the right artist
Speaker 1: put the wrong song. So this song comes on that
Speaker 1: I don't know, and I start dancing and my four
Speaker 1: foot long ponytail comes all the way off.
Speaker 2: No, ma'am, No, that's now.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 3: What was the mushroom cut doing underneath? When you when
Speaker 3: the wig came out, what was the hair doing underneath? Oh?
Speaker 1: She had this like bald cap on with just like
Speaker 1: with like a ring of duct tape. I was looking
Speaker 1: like a fucking robot. And I just, uh, it looks
Speaker 1: like someone shrunk my head because I'm all padded out
Speaker 1: down here and I have this tiny little pinhead. And
Speaker 1: it was so bad that this drag queen, this hateful
Speaker 1: drag queen Boots de la Feris like she walked right
Speaker 1: up to the stage, smiled and gave me a goddamn
Speaker 1: dollar as I was standing there bald as the day
Speaker 1: I was born, just and I finished that show somehow,
Speaker 1: and I was fired on the spot after No. So
Speaker 1: it wasn't until like a year later that they brought
Speaker 1: me back. And that was the show that you guys
Speaker 1: were in. But that show, in the first three minutes,
Speaker 1: it went so wrong that I I will never forget
Speaker 1: that that night, Oh God, just bald and unbuckled.
Speaker 3: Did you pick the wig up and down and wave it.
Speaker 1: Oh you gotta, because the worst thing is when the
Speaker 1: audience is uncomfortable or they think you don't know something.
Speaker 1: So as long as you show them that you know
Speaker 1: what's going on, you're okay.
Speaker 3: You know what that moment reminds me of I feel
Speaker 3: I see you reliving it in your brain. That scene
Speaker 3: in Sex in the City with Carrie Bradshaw. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: put me on the tallest shoes. I love heels. I
Speaker 3: wear heels, and she is like roadkill on the runway,
Speaker 3: And like, I think Heidi Clume on the runway. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I think Hei Clume gives her a dollar.
Speaker 2: I don't know that's over her. Yeah, it's it's triggering
Speaker 2: for me just hearing that didn't happen to me, but
Speaker 2: somehow it feels like it happened to me. Yeah. Oh lord, yikes.
Speaker 3: Is there anything that you feel like we people listening
Speaker 3: need to know about drag or need to know about you,
Speaker 3: or need to know about rue, whatever it is.
Speaker 2: This is a safe space.
Speaker 1: What I want everyone to know about drag is that
Speaker 1: you can do it. Anybody can. It's like being an
Speaker 1: uber driver. You know everyone can. Not everyone should you know.
Speaker 1: It's like, uh, because I in my history I have
Speaker 1: put like straight male fathers in drag and let them
Speaker 1: live their lives. Like, uh, there's this dude that I
Speaker 1: know from the Bronx. He's a black guy, he's a father,
Speaker 1: he's he's like a manager at Macy's. And one day
Speaker 1: he was just like, listen, I want to give it
Speaker 1: a whirl. And he I had a money exchange. Paint
Speaker 1: him and we put him in some hips and he
Speaker 1: lived his entire life for one night. And so it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter who you are. You could be a sis woman,
Speaker 1: sis straight woman. You could be a straight male. You
Speaker 1: could be gay, you can be a trans man, you
Speaker 1: can be it doesn't matter. Yeah, just give it, Just
Speaker 1: give it a try, because you may be nervous, but
Speaker 1: if you get someone to paint you down and turn
Speaker 1: you to the mirror and you see yourself in the mirror,
Speaker 1: you might be just like, this is the night tonight,
Speaker 1: the night you know, give it a whack. I'm not
Speaker 1: one of those girls that yeah, right, I love that
Speaker 1: you have girls that's like, yeah, oh for sure. I
Speaker 1: was like, y'all look similar.
Speaker 2: You both look like dad's you look like Dad's I
Speaker 2: think that's the highest highest compliment, highest compliment. You both
Speaker 2: look like dad.
Speaker 3: That's a compliment for me, babe. Which one is the
Speaker 3: dad because that's the person who I'm talk to tonight.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's that's I'm actually looking for my father.
Speaker 4: So this.
Speaker 2: This hits home for me.
Speaker 3: A mess anyway, Miss Elizabeth Cracker, this was fantastic. I
Speaker 3: think that we got to wrap it up because other
Speaker 3: people have other things that they're booked on and they
Speaker 3: gotta go yes, yes, yes, but oh but don't forget that.
Speaker 3: I I made sure that I got here early so
Speaker 3: that we can have enough of solid time, solid solid
Speaker 3: what a gorgeous time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, solid time for it for ads? Enough time for ads? Yeah? Interesting? Yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean, honey, we it's a full on hour and
Speaker 2: you know, I'm so sorry. Yeah, well we'll come back.
Speaker 2: We'll come back for ads. How about that? That sounds
Speaker 2: actually like coming back for ads. Let's do that.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much for having me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, tell people one more time where they can find
Speaker 3: you or where they can stalk you, where they can
Speaker 3: you know, bring you weird bags of babies for you
Speaker 3: to wear.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or just better you know, if you're gonna give
Speaker 2: you know, miss Crackers some gifts, let's make it make account.
Speaker 2: Maybe like a gift card to get some some wigs,
Speaker 2: a gift card to get some clothes, or just like
Speaker 2: a gift card for money, just just anything, you know,
Speaker 2: just yeah, visa gift card always works. They take that everyone.
Speaker 1: I mean, you find me on m I Z Underscore
Speaker 1: Cracker on Instagram and Venmo okay.
Speaker 2: Okay, venom fan.
Speaker 1: My Oh and wait on Patreon Oh yes, okay you
Speaker 1: if you, if you, if one person joins today, you
Speaker 1: will double my patrons on.
Speaker 2: Patre What wait? What can they find on your Patreon though?
Speaker 2: Because that's they really want to know, because we we
Speaker 2: spilled too much TA on ours and it's it's gotten
Speaker 2: some of us in trouble. But like, what are you
Speaker 2: doing for the for the community?
Speaker 1: I answer fan advice questions in videos in like three
Speaker 1: three to six minute videos, and I show you backstage
Speaker 1: and behind the scenes on almost everything I do. Plus
Speaker 1: little uh something I called a garment gab where I
Speaker 1: talked to you about how I designed and created every
Speaker 1: outfit in my collection. And it's constantly creating new stuff.
Speaker 2: So okay, I love this for us that that feels
Speaker 2: very professional.
Speaker 3: Yours is not professional, not at all, not at all.
Speaker 1: I'm about to go see who you were hitting on
Speaker 1: and who is hitting on you. I'm about to sign
Speaker 1: up for your Patreon.
Speaker 3: No, just go to the honestly, just go to my Instagram.
Speaker 3: You'll see his face, his face, and then you'll see
Speaker 3: my face.
Speaker 2: That raggedy ass home.
Speaker 3: Anyway, I think we gotta wrap here, but I'm so
Speaker 3: glad that you were able to come on this podcast
Speaker 3: with us and be our first guest in seventeen years.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it was it was the reset that
Speaker 2: we needed. And I mean people have big shoes or
Speaker 2: small shoes. To Phil, Cracker was a size seven. Yeah. Oh,
Speaker 2: you fucking little foot bitch. I hate you. I'm damn
Speaker 2: nar I'm damn near at ten. I'm the size of
Speaker 2: a boat. What's wrong with you? Ay? I'm so jelly.
Speaker 2: Wait show me your feet? Can you do that before
Speaker 2: we sign off? Cutie pie, Oh you must always get
Speaker 2: the shoes you got. You always get the shoes. They
Speaker 2: always have your fucking size. Okay, Well, good for you.
Speaker 3: That's why the store. All right, Cracker, you and your
Speaker 3: tiny feet. Anyway, thank you, guys, we love you, we
Speaker 3: like you as a friend.
Speaker 2: Bye bye.
Speaker 1: This has been a Forever Dog production. The Unofficial Expert
Speaker 1: is executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey.
Speaker 1: Senior producer Tracy Soren, Produced by Andrew MacGuire. Cover art
Speaker 1: by Sandy Hoenig. To listen to this podcast ad free,
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