Speaker 1: Hey, guys, So we are going on the wind Down Tour.
Speaker 1: Michael and I are so excited. We can't wait to
Speaker 1: get out there and just talk about life and love
Speaker 1: and laugh, maybe have a few good cries in there.
Speaker 2: You never know with wine Down, and we're gonna bring
Speaker 2: you know, people from from the seats, from the audience
Speaker 2: up on stage. We're gonna come out with some microphones.
Speaker 2: We're gonna get you all involved. It's very interactive, a
Speaker 2: ton of fun and honestly, some nights we don't even
Speaker 2: know what's about to go down.
Speaker 1: Well, that's the coolest thing about the wind Down Tour
Speaker 1: is that you know, you guys can ask us questions
Speaker 1: and you really kind of guide, you guide the night
Speaker 1: for us. And so we are going to San Antonio,
Speaker 1: We're going to Austin, We're going to Dallas, We're going
Speaker 1: to Houston and then Los Angeles and Sacramento. So you
Speaker 1: guys get your tickets. Go to janakramer dot com slash
Speaker 1: tour to get your wind Down tickets. So excited to
Speaker 1: see you guys.
Speaker 2: Come on out, y'all.
Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and Michael Coffin and I'm
Speaker 1: her radio podcast Gang's all here.
Speaker 2: Just another Monday.
Speaker 3: I mean.
Speaker 2: You here we go.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I back at it. No, because we've
Speaker 1: got Easton and Mark too.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 1: How does it feel like to have like the whole gang?
Speaker 1: Because last time it was just you and me isolated,
Speaker 1: isolated in our emotions.
Speaker 2: Uh huh. No one wanted a part of that.
Speaker 1: Everyone's like, nah, you're good.
Speaker 2: You guys got it.
Speaker 5: Even if we've been here last week we hung out
Speaker 5: of that one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, come on, somebody throwss the lifeline.
Speaker 2: Hell no. But I mean it's good just to hear
Speaker 2: y'all's voices and to be back with everybody and just
Speaker 2: get back into our zone.
Speaker 1: Mike, you've kind of learned what you said that you
Speaker 1: caught yourself the other day with the kids where it's
Speaker 1: Joelie is just kind of like doing things I think
Speaker 1: to just get a reaction. Even Jason right now too.
Speaker 1: But it's what does she do in you were like,
Speaker 1: you caught yourself to not be like critical.
Speaker 2: Yeah, last night I was upstairs with the kids and
Speaker 2: we were playing like before bathtime and everything in the playroom,
Speaker 2: and I had Jason my lap and Jolie was playing
Speaker 2: with this little toy like ukulele and stepped on this
Speaker 2: like a platform plush thing that we have for Jase
Speaker 2: to crawl on, and she stepped on the edge of it,
Speaker 2: so it flipped up. She fell forward, and like you know,
Speaker 2: usually when kids do that, it's not so much that
Speaker 2: they got hurt, but it more scares them and they
Speaker 2: still cry. So she got scared. She kind of hurt
Speaker 2: her hand a little bit and started crying. And my immediate,
Speaker 2: like the first thought that came to mind of what
Speaker 2: I wanted to say was why would you do that?
Speaker 2: Like I literally wanted to say that to our four
Speaker 2: year old daughter, and I had to I had to
Speaker 2: catch myself and be like, no, it's not what I
Speaker 2: want to say, and I calmed down. I was like, okay, hey, Joeli,
Speaker 2: are you okay? I'm sorry that happened. Hey, you know
Speaker 2: that happened because you stepped in the edge. So if
Speaker 2: you want to do that again, just try to step
Speaker 2: more in the middle then it won't fall on you.
Speaker 2: But it was just that was my natural reaction to
Speaker 2: think the other way.
Speaker 1: But I was like, wow, what a cool teaching moment,
Speaker 1: because I think I remember my mom and we've brought
Speaker 1: this up a few times too. She yelled at me
Speaker 1: and said something like why would you do that? I
Speaker 1: was like, well, mom, I don't know. Why won't you
Speaker 1: like why don't you teach me? Show me how to
Speaker 1: do it right? And it's like I've remembered that so
Speaker 1: much now as a parent because I'm like, it's so
Speaker 1: easy to Joulie, why would Jase? Why would why would
Speaker 1: you do that? Like can't you see that it's gonna
Speaker 1: fall or that you're gonna hurt yourself for this or
Speaker 1: that or other where it's like, hey, don't do this
Speaker 1: because this can happen. Like I think, I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's the we expect them to.
Speaker 2: Know that, and I think too a lot of us
Speaker 2: receive that. I think every kid has received that at
Speaker 2: some point in time from their parents of why would
Speaker 2: you do that? Use your head? You know how many
Speaker 2: times have kids heard that, like why would you use
Speaker 2: your head? Just use your head?
Speaker 1: Okay, you're getting triggered right now, but I mean that
Speaker 1: really was something for you though, Yeah, where it's.
Speaker 2: Like, you know, it was just I would feel stupid
Speaker 2: and then like shamed and feel like, oh, yeah, why
Speaker 2: would I do that? I don't know right, you know,
Speaker 2: but it's at least you said you don't.
Speaker 1: I think just like being conscious of it, Like there's
Speaker 1: gonna be times we're gonna be like what are you thinking?
Speaker 1: But then it's like kind of been like ah, sorry.
Speaker 2: You know, and more so now than when they're like sixteen,
Speaker 2: and it's like what are you thinking?
Speaker 1: Yeah, but isn't that one like you really want your
Speaker 1: parents to be not your friend. I get the not
Speaker 1: having your friend, but also not doing kind of what
Speaker 1: happened with I'm like trying to like with the you
Speaker 1: know where it's like they you yes, they might have
Speaker 1: really screwed up, but they've come to you and they
Speaker 1: told you the truth. So instead of saying what were
Speaker 1: you thinking, it's like, hey, thanks for coming to me.
Speaker 1: Or if so they got caught. Let's say one of
Speaker 1: the kids got caught with like, I would be very
Speaker 1: upset with the whole vaping stuff. I'd be so upset
Speaker 1: if I caught one of the kids vaping, especially with
Speaker 1: all the I mean, who knows what's going to be
Speaker 1: vaping at their age, but like let's just say right now,
Speaker 1: if they're older and they were vaping, and I would
Speaker 1: be like my first thought would be like, what are
Speaker 1: you thinking? Like you could die and they don't know, Like, honestly,
Speaker 1: rather you have a cigarette of.
Speaker 2: All of you know, And that's our that's our feelings
Speaker 2: behind it, that's our reaction, right, But.
Speaker 1: I would rather be like, Okay, why did you want
Speaker 1: to do this? Is? Are there kids that wanted?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 1: Did you feel cool doing it? Instead of saying why would.
Speaker 2: You do this? No, for sure, I'm just saying it's
Speaker 2: gonna I honestly think when the kids are older, it'll
Speaker 2: be more difficult to have that pause like I had
Speaker 2: last night.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't you have wanted that from your father?
Speaker 2: Oh? I thought I would want it. Every every kid
Speaker 2: would want that from their parents and I and I'm
Speaker 2: practicing it now. Is going to be beneficial for the
Speaker 2: when the kids are older, because that's really when they're
Speaker 2: going to be developing these skills to learn from and
Speaker 2: bring into their you know, young adulthood.
Speaker 1: What did our couples therapists say the other night where
Speaker 1: their cortex something in the brain shuts off at at
Speaker 1: like ten and then doesn't come back online till twenty three,
Speaker 1: So from like ten to twenty three, there's acting like crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, but that's that's basically what they said. They're
Speaker 1: like you just there is no reasoning really right, because
Speaker 1: they're not really acting from there. It was that they're
Speaker 1: something some part of the brain.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't remember exactly. I don't want
Speaker 2: to say it.
Speaker 5: And how you how your kids, how you react to
Speaker 5: your kids hurting themselves is an interesting conversation because I
Speaker 5: don't know the right answer because I think moms tend
Speaker 5: to rush to their child's aid, like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 5: your poor thing. Are you're okay, where dads tend to
Speaker 5: be more You're fine, get up, shake it off. And
Speaker 5: I don't know what the right answer is because I
Speaker 5: feel like both can have both can backfire. When you
Speaker 5: rush in, oh my gosh, you okay, suddenly they know
Speaker 5: that all they have to do is kind of scrape
Speaker 5: my knee and I can get this kind of love
Speaker 5: and attention, and or they'll even think it's a bigger
Speaker 5: deal than it is, especially when the young If your
Speaker 5: parent has a big reaction, you're like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 5: I'm really hurt. What But the other element of it,
Speaker 5: get up, shake it off. I feel like there was
Speaker 5: a message there like you just scraped your knee, you're fine,
Speaker 5: get up and keep moving. And I tend to be
Speaker 5: more of the get up and keep moving kind of
Speaker 5: a guy. But I'm not sure that's the right way
Speaker 5: to go.
Speaker 1: Devil's Advocate does that then, maybe not teach them how
Speaker 1: to have empathy?
Speaker 2: Possibly, Well, it's a way to suppress your emotions. It's
Speaker 2: a way to like kind of train you to suppress
Speaker 2: certain emotions.
Speaker 1: And but I totally would do the same, like come on,
Speaker 1: you got to hear fine.
Speaker 2: You're fine, up and not to I mean, I have
Speaker 2: very few wins I feel like in life sometimes, So
Speaker 2: to go off of my win last night with the kids,
Speaker 2: I will say, with the topic that we're talking about,
Speaker 2: I think it was kind of the best of both
Speaker 2: worlds because Okay, I didn't say, Julie, you're fine, like stop,
Speaker 2: you're fine, get up, you're good. And I also didn't
Speaker 2: rush over to her. I sat where I was and
Speaker 2: I talked to her kindly and softly and said, what
Speaker 2: you know, what happened? Do you come here? And she
Speaker 2: came to me, and I hugged her and kissed her
Speaker 2: and then explained it to her. So it was. I
Speaker 2: liked it. I would like to think that it's that
Speaker 2: was kind of a way to meet in the middle
Speaker 2: where she didn't get this overbearing reaction of oh my god,
Speaker 2: but she also didn't get, you know, the dismiss the
Speaker 2: dismissed feelings.
Speaker 1: What if we call it pause parenting, paused parenting, paused
Speaker 1: parenting where you take a pause.
Speaker 2: Easier said than done. And then I know, like there's
Speaker 2: gonna be some days where when Jason's older, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: be like, dude, stop being a.
Speaker 1: Dick, but stop because that's not that's not what you
Speaker 1: would have wanted from your dad.
Speaker 2: No, but I'm saying when it's an important moment, no,
Speaker 2: But there's gonna be times where.
Speaker 1: He might do something brushing her teeth an important moment.
Speaker 2: Okay. What I received is a lot more than hey
Speaker 2: and playfully stop being a dick.
Speaker 1: Okay. I'm just trying to play devils with you here
Speaker 1: because I just want you to be cautious, because you
Speaker 1: you don't want the same pattern repeating no.
Speaker 2: For sure, trust me, I'll be very conscientious of that.
Speaker 2: Speaking on the topic of the children, though I don't
Speaker 2: look at comments really often, but with being back on
Speaker 2: the podcast. I'm looking at comments just on the podcast app.
Speaker 1: Oh don't look.
Speaker 2: No, it's the worst, the worst. I think if either
Speaker 2: one of us look at it will end up fighting
Speaker 2: each other. But I did, I did. I did see
Speaker 2: a few, and I've seen these before that I can't
Speaker 2: not address and I have to defend you me. Yes,
Speaker 2: because a few people commented about how you talk about
Speaker 2: Jolie and like shaming you and how you are and
Speaker 2: playing playing favoritism and all this bullshit, and it got
Speaker 2: me irate. I was like, only if y'all could see
Speaker 2: how is to our kids on a daily basis, y'all
Speaker 2: wouldn't have to say no. Seriously, it gets me roughed
Speaker 2: up because that's unbelievable. They don't see what behind what
Speaker 2: goes on behind closed doors. And this is our podcast.
Speaker 2: We can speak our opinions, we can vent, we can
Speaker 2: talk about our kids annoying us and being little head
Speaker 2: sometimes because they are. Anyone who has kids understands that
Speaker 2: you want to be able to call them that sometimes
Speaker 2: because they are. And yeah, right now, Jace, it's hard
Speaker 2: for him to do any wrong because he's one years
Speaker 2: old and he's the most adorable little boy in the
Speaker 2: world and Jolia is four going on fourteen and she
Speaker 2: acts like it, So I mean, it's inevitable we're gonna
Speaker 2: feel that way at times. But this just because we
Speaker 2: vent or Gina vents about that or talks about it
Speaker 2: and jokes about it, doesn't mean that she plays favoritism.
Speaker 2: Doesn't mean that she speaks that way to Jolie. She's
Speaker 2: the best mom I know and would do anything for
Speaker 2: both kids and loves them equally. So it just pissed hery.
Speaker 2: It pissed me off when I started seeing that stuff
Speaker 2: because I was like, that's one area that no one
Speaker 2: has a right to comment about because they don't know.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, So thanks, babe, I appreciate that. My soapbox, Ma, well, no,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. You know, people are just gonna That's
Speaker 1: why I said something there on my Instagram because someone
Speaker 1: was basically called me. You know. So when we've had
Speaker 1: the conversation our last podcast, everyone there was a like
Speaker 1: ninety percent was super positive. And then I made the
Speaker 1: mistake of reading comments on a on a other website
Speaker 1: and those were all obviously terrible, but one of the
Speaker 1: girls on my Instagram left like a really like nasty DM,
Speaker 1: and was just like, you know, you're basically an idiot
Speaker 1: for staying and like that's not showing your kid's strength.
Speaker 1: And because of your daughter and how you treat her
Speaker 1: like a baby, she's going to be like basically messed
Speaker 1: up until she's fourteen or and jas won't talk until
Speaker 1: he's fourteen, and then kind of like mocking Jolly's speech delay,
Speaker 1: I know. And I was like, look, you can go
Speaker 1: after me and my love life all day long. I
Speaker 1: don't care. I've got thick skin, but you talk about
Speaker 1: my kids and making fun of Jolie and making fun
Speaker 1: of how like I'm a parent, or criticizing how I parent,
Speaker 1: or that Jase isn't gonna talk till he's fourteen because
Speaker 1: you know I treat him like a baby. Like it,
Speaker 1: I was just like f you. Basically I ended up
Speaker 1: putting it on my story, but then I took it
Speaker 1: down because I was like, you know what, I don't
Speaker 1: want to put the negative out there because I know
Speaker 1: there's enough positive. But I did say something where I
Speaker 1: was like, I I just don't want to say people
Speaker 1: that well, I just don't understand people who can say
Speaker 1: mean things about other people's kids, Like I can sometimes
Speaker 1: like that. You know, there's the kid at the playground
Speaker 1: and I'm like, hey, I'm gonna don't hurt my kids
Speaker 1: or be nice.
Speaker 2: And oh, yeah, you have no problem going up to
Speaker 2: a little kid, and.
Speaker 1: Well, I know, but I would never like be mean
Speaker 1: or something.
Speaker 2: Oh you've been mean, You've always been respectful.
Speaker 1: But so I just don't get people that say mean
Speaker 1: comments online. It's just really bothered me.
Speaker 5: I get that that's rough, that is really rough, and
Speaker 5: it's scary that that's you know, well you should read
Speaker 5: those and blah blah blah. And people just love being
Speaker 5: anonymous on the internet. But it's scary that people have
Speaker 5: that in them, that they have those thoughts.
Speaker 6: Right, And I get.
Speaker 1: And I had my friend Brandon, who's so sweet, Brandon Leslie,
Speaker 1: they're a married friend of ours, and you know, he
Speaker 1: sent me message he's like, look, he's like, when you're
Speaker 1: in this world, He's like, you're not going to have
Speaker 1: one hundred percent approval, right, you just aren't. And that
Speaker 1: somewhat kills me because I want people to like me,
Speaker 1: but them at the same time, what I want, what
Speaker 1: I want, honestly is I want people to disagree with me,
Speaker 1: but still respect me. That's what I want. I disagree
Speaker 1: with a lot of my friends. I disagree with a
Speaker 1: lot of you know, I disagree with my friend's political background,
Speaker 1: but I still love her. I'm not going to be disrespectful.
Speaker 1: That's all I usually ask is you can disagree with me,
Speaker 1: but don't be disrespectful and that.
Speaker 2: But that's just the whole theme of society where that's
Speaker 2: why politics, religion, all those things are such you know,
Speaker 2: hot time topics or you know, hot buttons for people
Speaker 2: at over the holidays or at big gatherings or family
Speaker 2: reunions or whatever, because people just tend to get disrespectful
Speaker 2: and heeded about their opinions or going against someone else's
Speaker 2: opinions when it comes to those kind of things. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so it's just, I mean, it's just the way it is.
Speaker 2: We have our guests here. I'm super excited. We'll introduce
Speaker 2: them in a minute, but first let's take a break.
Speaker 1: Okay, I am real excited.
Speaker 2: Who isn't.
Speaker 1: Do you want to do the intro?
Speaker 2: Janea's nervous of saying the name incorrectly.
Speaker 1: I just want to I don't want to mess up
Speaker 1: Alexa's name because she's beautiful and she deserves the biggest
Speaker 1: entrance ever.
Speaker 2: So everyone, welcome to our studio. Mister Matt Fraser and
Speaker 2: Alexa Pepagotis, Yes, thank you.
Speaker 3: I got it.
Speaker 4: He almost got it.
Speaker 2: What I messed up? Matt Peas, I said, go didn't? I?
Speaker 4: You put the goat in it?
Speaker 6: Very difficult.
Speaker 1: So on e meet the Frasers Monday, ten ninth Central.
Speaker 1: How much fun are you guys having doing this together?
Speaker 4: Oh my god, it has been a blast, literally a blast.
Speaker 6: I know it's not often. I mean, you guys know,
Speaker 6: it's not often that you get to work with the
Speaker 6: person you're in love with and with, so to do
Speaker 6: it all the time. Plus our families is like a
Speaker 6: dream come true.
Speaker 3: Well that's that's the hard part work with the film. Well,
Speaker 3: I mean our family tends. Some people think us is hard.
Speaker 4: Yeah, by dead people. I'm not. I'm haunted by the living.
Speaker 4: I'm haunted by my family members.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, Who is it? What inspired you guys to
Speaker 2: kind of combine and do this show together?
Speaker 4: So, you know, to be honest with you, I don't
Speaker 4: even know. One day, great question.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that I got to recall one day
Speaker 3: from MGM YEP in Los Angeles, and they learned about
Speaker 3: our relationship with one another, and they learned about, you know,
Speaker 3: my life as a psychic medium, and they were like,
Speaker 3: you know, this would be an incredible TV show to
Speaker 3: you know, see all parts of it, just not you
Speaker 3: as a medium, but also you with your girlfriend, and
Speaker 3: you were with your families, and you know how you
Speaker 3: interact with one another. So next thing, you know, meet
Speaker 3: the Phrasius was born.
Speaker 6: Well, it's very different. I don't think there's a psychic
Speaker 6: pageant Italian like show.
Speaker 2: I mean, you got a lot of places to go here.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just a producer's dream I can imagine.
Speaker 1: Well no, that's what I love about it though, too,
Speaker 1: because it's not just I mean, it's not just about
Speaker 1: about you. It's it's about the family, it's about the relationship,
Speaker 1: it's about it, it's all of that. So you're able
Speaker 1: to not just see the readings, but to see everything
Speaker 1: that goes on in y'all's life as well. So I
Speaker 1: think that's a cool new approach. Well, how did they
Speaker 1: how did they find you? What were you doing to
Speaker 1: kind of put that out in the universe? Were you
Speaker 1: telling the dead people to talk to E like, were
Speaker 1: you well, I going to remember.
Speaker 3: That before before the TV show, you know, I was
Speaker 3: out touring, so I had sold out events across the country.
Speaker 3: I had a two year waiting list for private readings
Speaker 3: before the TV show came about, so, you know, and
Speaker 3: Alexa was Miss Rhode Island teen, USA twenty seventeen.
Speaker 1: Yeah she was, Yes, she was, Yes, she was.
Speaker 4: So you know, I was doing my thing, she was
Speaker 4: doing her things.
Speaker 3: So, you know, I never really feel like, you know,
Speaker 3: I've gotten many calls over the years of different production
Speaker 3: companies wanting to do a TV show with me. And
Speaker 3: in the beginning, you know, I've gotten calls like to
Speaker 3: do shows like about finding you know, missing and murdered children,
Speaker 3: and that just wasn't that to me was like too sad.
Speaker 3: They wanted me to you know, to go into haunted
Speaker 3: houses and you know talk to you know, spirits and
Speaker 3: haunted houses, and I didn't want to do that. I
Speaker 3: wanted to do something that was going to help people,
Speaker 3: you know, showcase what I did on a daily basis,
Speaker 3: but also have my family involved as well. So when
Speaker 3: I got a call and they said, listen, we just
Speaker 3: we don't want to we don't want to script anything.
Speaker 3: We just want to, you know, have you be you
Speaker 3: and do a show just about you and your life.
Speaker 3: I was in, I was signed up, and I was
Speaker 3: ready to go.
Speaker 2: That's awesome. So before we talk more about the show,
Speaker 2: what's y'all story? Like, how did you guys meet? How
Speaker 2: long y'all been together and all that fun the stuff.
Speaker 4: Well, this a real story, that's a fake story.
Speaker 6: Yes, so I'll just give you that.
Speaker 4: I have the real one, honey, now, honey, yes, I do.
Speaker 3: Okay, she'll tell you that. All right, Fine, go ahead, Okay,
Speaker 3: I'll just have my turn. So that's okay.
Speaker 6: Well, well, according to you, you were scrolling on Instagram
Speaker 6: one night at eleven pm, true with the cats land bed,
Speaker 6: and I guess I posted a picture or selfie of
Speaker 6: some sort and you were like, ooh, ooh.
Speaker 4: I didn't know what I was. How do you know
Speaker 4: what I was was? Are you a psychic?
Speaker 6: I'm just guessing.
Speaker 4: Oh, okay, you're like ooh.
Speaker 6: And then you followed me, even though you don't think
Speaker 6: you did. I don't know how you messed that up.
Speaker 6: The lives start to come in and you followed me.
Speaker 2: The screens are sensitive Okay, Matt just accidentally hit it. It
Speaker 2: wasn't purposeful. I got your back, man, I got in
Speaker 2: right that.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 6: It's one of those things. Don't like it, don't like
Speaker 6: it to scroll, don't exactly, but you liked it, and you,
Speaker 6: you know, messaged me and basically you said, congratulations on
Speaker 6: you know, your title and what you're doing, doing great things.
Speaker 4: Wait, wait, it gets better, it gets better. Tell the line.
Speaker 4: Tell the line.
Speaker 6: Oh yes, he loves this line. I didn't know I was.
Speaker 4: Being shut up? Are you kidding me right now? You're
Speaker 4: laughing at my life.
Speaker 6: I just didn't know I was being followed by an
Speaker 6: Instagram star. Let me buy you a cup of coffee?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and that's it.
Speaker 2: Signal delivered.
Speaker 4: It was like that. That call to action was on point,
Speaker 4: like it got you to that coffee shop.
Speaker 6: So I was. I did, but I was a half
Speaker 6: hour late. And now let me.
Speaker 3: Tell my side, because I says, I'm trying my hardest
Speaker 3: to contain myself and I really can't, like I want
Speaker 3: to just bust with this my You know what.
Speaker 6: My favorite part is when you talk about when I
Speaker 6: walked into the coffee shop. Let's do that.
Speaker 4: No, because you don't want to bet that back. Okay.
Speaker 3: So here's the thing, Jana, Okay, here's what here's here's
Speaker 3: what happened. Okay, So she says, she says to me,
Speaker 3: I never followed you. You know you followed me. Blah
Speaker 3: blah blah blah blah blah blah. She was definitely a
Speaker 3: follower beforehand.
Speaker 6: That's number one to know who you were.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, that is the biggest lie.
Speaker 2: This is literally like episode one of Me the Frasiers,
Speaker 2: and I love it.
Speaker 3: Okay, listen, this is this is what happened. I'm like
Speaker 3: so upset right now. I'm getting all hot and bob
Speaker 3: and my nipple, my nipples a sweat. And it's because
Speaker 3: here's what happened. So she how could you not know
Speaker 3: somebody who's verified, who has a blue check mark on
Speaker 3: the instruct.
Speaker 1: Pause, pause, pause, I'm going to defend my girl just
Speaker 1: for a second. Michael and I met on Twitter. He
Speaker 1: had a blue check mark. I had no idea who
Speaker 1: he was. He followed me a lie.
Speaker 4: I can't accept it, Mike, I can't.
Speaker 1: Accept So I had no I didn't know who he was. Yes,
Speaker 1: he had a blue check mark, which is why I
Speaker 1: then looked at the message because I'm like, okay, right,
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna now look, but I didn't know he was.
Speaker 1: I saw that he was all.
Speaker 2: About a blue check mark. Because of that, I have
Speaker 2: my wife. If I didn't have that, this would not
Speaker 2: be happening.
Speaker 1: So I'm just saying, I'm with my girl here that
Speaker 1: she maybe didn't know who you were.
Speaker 6: Yes, because you know what, I'm young, so he's a
Speaker 6: psychic medium. I'm young.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 6: I feel like your age demography is a little bit older,
Speaker 6: only because those people are old, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 6: but you know, like they've lost people, they've lost, you know,
Speaker 6: so I'm a little bit younger. I think you didn't
Speaker 6: lose anybody.
Speaker 3: You didn't read the headline that said world's renowned psychic medium.
Speaker 3: You didn't you tell me you didn't see that.
Speaker 6: I did not know what psychic was. And you know
Speaker 6: that because I asked you really dumb questions at the
Speaker 6: coffee shop.
Speaker 4: Oh, you just pretending to be dumb.
Speaker 6: No, this is I don't pretend I'm.
Speaker 3: Getting out of this conversation. Is that if you have
Speaker 3: a blue check mark, basically that is like that, that
Speaker 3: is like real life. That is like that is like
Speaker 3: the we need like one on that, like for plenty
Speaker 3: of fish, Like we need like a blue check mark
Speaker 3: on plenty of fish.
Speaker 1: That's why they have that's they have the ray of
Speaker 1: dating app now because everyone's basically a blue check mark
Speaker 1: and RAYA or Raya or whatever.
Speaker 4: That yaa, that's amazing.
Speaker 1: It's like a dating app for celebrities and people that
Speaker 1: pretty much only have a blue check mark.
Speaker 4: Oh God, bless Yeah, how long is this?
Speaker 6: We need that?
Speaker 2: But how long ago is this? How long has this
Speaker 2: been going on?
Speaker 6: Three and a half years?
Speaker 1: Where's the ring?
Speaker 6: Oh? Thank you?
Speaker 5: Question?
Speaker 4: Why am I only show right?
Speaker 2: I want to see?
Speaker 4: I feel a bus running over God?
Speaker 6: Okay, it's not only me mark, because Jerry Springer real quick,
Speaker 6: well answer the question. You were just asked the question
Speaker 6: that you didn't answer.
Speaker 4: So I bought her a promise ring that she's got on.
Speaker 1: A promise ring? Are we in high school?
Speaker 4: You know? When did this become the roast of me?
Speaker 4: When did this become the most of me?
Speaker 1: Like we're not talking Cubic Zirconian baby like promise ring.
Speaker 4: We all got those back in the day. I feel
Speaker 4: like I got one, like I feel like.
Speaker 3: When you're back in school and like the kids make
Speaker 3: fun of you and then like they they like, that's
Speaker 3: probably never happened to Mike because you know he's you know,
Speaker 3: he was very athletic.
Speaker 4: I wasn't.
Speaker 3: But you know when they when they when they when
Speaker 3: they form like the circle around you and it's not
Speaker 3: like the answering you. Yeah, yeah, that's me right now
Speaker 3: over the Okay, Oh, I'm so happy because maybe it
Speaker 3: takes that.
Speaker 1: Wait, well can I can?
Speaker 5: I can?
Speaker 1: I ask? Like, so what is it? Because you know,
Speaker 1: obviously our our podcast we talk about relationships and kind
Speaker 1: of our struggles. What's what's the biggest struggle in y'alls reallylationship?
Speaker 1: And maybe you know why you know, what are not?
Speaker 1: What are you waiting for? Because a lot of like
Speaker 1: my girlfriend just is about to get married after six
Speaker 1: years of waiting for the ring, but it's you know,
Speaker 1: is there something in your marriage that are you scared?
Speaker 1: Are you nervous? Or what is it like? And also
Speaker 1: what's the biggest kind of riff?
Speaker 4: Yes, I can, I can tell you that.
Speaker 3: So the thing is is that Alexim and I have
Speaker 3: an age different, so we're seven years apart, which.
Speaker 6: I I'm twenty one, he's twenty eight, which I love.
Speaker 4: Also six years a pot.
Speaker 3: Sorry I failed math, but anyway, six year has a pot.
Speaker 3: I But you know, the thing is is that she
Speaker 3: also I don't want her to have to look back
Speaker 3: and say like I regret it anything like. I want
Speaker 3: her to also have, you know, the freedom of being
Speaker 3: able to do the Miss Rhode Island USA pageant.
Speaker 4: I want her to be right, you can't.
Speaker 6: Be married, you can't be engaged, like you can't do
Speaker 6: any of that because.
Speaker 4: I don't want to.
Speaker 3: I don't want to take away her dreams and her goals,
Speaker 3: you know, I want her to have that. I want
Speaker 3: her to be able to have it all because you know,
Speaker 3: I'm older, I'm not going anywhere.
Speaker 4: I love her.
Speaker 3: But at the same time, I want her to be
Speaker 3: able to have that to do the competition this year.
Speaker 3: I want her to be able to, you know, end
Speaker 3: that chapter of her life and then be able to
Speaker 3: move forward with you know, getting engaged and whatnot the
Speaker 3: way it should be, because I don't think that you
Speaker 3: should have to choose. I don't think that you should
Speaker 3: have to say, well, you know what, I'm going to
Speaker 3: get engaged by I can't do this goal or I
Speaker 3: can't do this dream.
Speaker 4: You know, I want her to be able to have
Speaker 4: it all.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you've been very respectful of that. And he does
Speaker 6: tell me sung too.
Speaker 1: But I hate when people that are young they're like,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean that, you know, I can't get married.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, no, not at all. It's just but
Speaker 1: you are still so young, so it's you know, there
Speaker 1: is no true rush right now. It's not like you're
Speaker 1: in your thirties and your ovaries are you know, no.
Speaker 6: Write that biological clock. And my mom reminds me of that.
Speaker 1: Like when I met Mike, I was like I was
Speaker 1: thirty and I was like, you don't get it. Like
Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, we can wait like five years. I
Speaker 1: was like, you basically just put a death sentence on
Speaker 1: my ovarreas she's like, a are getting married?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got it. I love it.
Speaker 6: No, but it's true. And we are a little bit different.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 6: We don't drink, we don't club, we don't go out,
Speaker 6: we don't you know, do stuff like that. And I
Speaker 6: like want to be a mother so badly. I want
Speaker 6: to be a wife so badly, and I always have
Speaker 6: have wanted that you know at a young age. I've
Speaker 6: always been a little bit more mature for my age.
Speaker 6: You know, all my friends were kind of smoking, drinking,
Speaker 6: you know, out and about. I was like at home
Speaker 6: doing homework, like washing the dishes or like whatever. And
Speaker 6: I still love that now. So I do think it's
Speaker 6: the age. But you tell me all the time. Listen,
Speaker 6: if you were I don't know, twenty two, twenty three, whatever,
Speaker 6: and when we first met, you would have like had
Speaker 6: a ring on my face. We knew as soon as
Speaker 6: we saw each other.
Speaker 1: But I love that you're respecting to you know, her
Speaker 1: journey and the things that you know that she wants to.
Speaker 1: So I think that's amazing and makes a good partner
Speaker 1: out of you. But I know some We've had a
Speaker 1: few mediums and psychics on the show, and my husband
Speaker 1: here is probably one of the biggest skeptics out there
Speaker 1: because he's what is it?
Speaker 4: Why do we get thrown on the bus over here?
Speaker 4: It's always it's always.
Speaker 2: Us, amen against the world. Right now, I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. I think this is why because I've
Speaker 1: had experience with mediums and psychics where I really truly
Speaker 1: believed it and I felt it, but I don't think
Speaker 1: he's had that experience before. I don't feel like he's
Speaker 1: had that. Ah wow, this is really.
Speaker 3: Oh wait a minute, Wait a minute, because I have
Speaker 3: a soul coming through that passed the tragedy with you, Mike.
Speaker 3: When I'm connecting and did you lose something in the
Speaker 3: car accident or the car crash here in the physical.
Speaker 2: I can neither confirm nor deny.
Speaker 1: Yes you can, Michael.
Speaker 4: He's stepping forward.
Speaker 3: He was a brother here in the physical world when
Speaker 3: I'm connecting with him. Say that again, he was like
Speaker 3: a brother here in the physical world when I'm connecting
Speaker 3: with him, because he's telling me, like, I wasn't supposed
Speaker 3: to die like this. And he tells me when I'm
Speaker 3: speaking to him that there was also bad decisions that
Speaker 3: were made before he got in the vehicle that day,
Speaker 3: because he's acknowledging that. So that was a friend of yours.
Speaker 3: So no, that he's stepping forward because when I'm connecting
Speaker 3: with him, he says to me, you know, can you
Speaker 3: just let him know that I'm okay. And it's funny
Speaker 3: because when I'm speaking to him on the other side,
Speaker 3: like he thinks this is so cool that he can
Speaker 3: speak to a medium right now when I'm connecting with him.
Speaker 3: But he was a party animal here in the physical world.
Speaker 3: When I'm connecting with him, like, he shows me that
Speaker 3: he was like always out and about. He actually got
Speaker 3: in trouble with the police. He's telling me where was
Speaker 3: the police issues with him?
Speaker 2: I didn't know about those if he had any.
Speaker 3: Oh, that's both because when I'm connecting with him, he's
Speaker 3: showing me like that there was always issues with his car,
Speaker 3: Like I feel like that he either got a duy
Speaker 3: or like there was issues like that, because he's acknowledging
Speaker 3: that to me. And it was so unfortunate about the
Speaker 3: way that he passed because he says to me when
Speaker 3: I'm connecting with him, like, I don't he talks about
Speaker 3: not supposed to be driving, So I don't know if
Speaker 3: they took turns driving or if somebody else like took
Speaker 3: the wheel. But he's acknowledging that to me when I'm
Speaker 3: speaking to him.
Speaker 1: Right now, say the story, Michael, come on, how could
Speaker 1: you not like, hello.
Speaker 4: That's you.
Speaker 1: And sand that give the guy with the credit.
Speaker 4: That's I'm on. I don't care because me the credit
Speaker 4: or not listen, I hear and see them.
Speaker 3: You know, they're they're always around me no matter where
Speaker 3: I go, and he's just with you. And it's so
Speaker 3: crazy because you know, this is what I mean when
Speaker 3: I do this, Like I don't have to ask any
Speaker 3: questions because I already know because he's here chirping in
Speaker 3: my ear when I'm connecting. You know, I'm always hearing them,
Speaker 3: I'm always sensing them, and you know, when I'm connecting
Speaker 3: with him, he's also telling me about all the things
Speaker 3: that we've done a memory of him, because he even
Speaker 3: tells me there were shirts that were made or shirts
Speaker 3: that we've done a memory of him here in the
Speaker 3: physical world when I'm connecting with him, and he just
Speaker 3: wants to thank everybody for that. So no, it's his
Speaker 3: way of just bringing that up. And he also says
Speaker 3: to me, because you talk about he's it's so funny.
Speaker 3: He telling me about like a brotherhood tattoo. So was
Speaker 3: everyone was supposed to get a tattoo a memory of him, not.
Speaker 2: That I know of, maybe maybe some other some other
Speaker 2: friends of his, but I wasn't included in that. But
Speaker 2: uh no, I mean this as much as I as
Speaker 2: reluctant as in situations like this, I will say, you know,
Speaker 2: I had a friend that I grew up with who
Speaker 2: was like a brother to me, that died in a
Speaker 2: car accident a month before his eighteenth birthday. He was
Speaker 2: in the passenger seat and the kid who was driving lived.
Speaker 2: My buddy did not. And uh, I used to go
Speaker 2: to his grave every time I was home from college break.
Speaker 2: Anytime I was back home, I'd always go see him.
Speaker 2: For years, I did that until I moved.
Speaker 3: Every Well, he says that everybody did because wh I'm
Speaker 3: connected with him. You're telling me this, and he's showing
Speaker 3: me beer bottles at his grave. People used to go
Speaker 3: and drink with him at his grave or like leave
Speaker 3: beer bottles at the grave.
Speaker 2: Some of the other people he was close with as
Speaker 2: we got older were I could definitely see them being
Speaker 2: the ones that did that for sure. Yeah, so cute.
Speaker 2: That's damn okay. I'll give you that. I'll give you that.
Speaker 2: And people, our listeners have heard me shut down most
Speaker 2: other people we've had on the show with the gift
Speaker 2: like yours. So I appreciate that.
Speaker 3: Though, Listen, I get shut down every day no matter
Speaker 3: where I go. I deal with the hardest skeptics. I mean,
Speaker 3: I didn't get a TV show by being wrong. Let
Speaker 3: me tell you, I have to you know, that's why
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't ask. I'm different than other mediums there.
Speaker 3: You know, there are people out there that don't have
Speaker 3: the gift of that don't have the ability. But I
Speaker 3: don't have to ask questions because they just tell me,
Speaker 3: so I'll know different details, are things like that that
Speaker 3: happened with their passing. When I was connecting with your friend,
Speaker 3: you know, there was even a question over who was
Speaker 3: driving that night and if he should have drove, and
Speaker 3: he was telling me all of these different things the
Speaker 3: moment I was connecting with him. But also, you know,
Speaker 3: he's stepping forward not because of the fact that he's
Speaker 3: with me, it's because he's with you to let you
Speaker 3: know that he's appreciating the ways that you still think
Speaker 3: about him, the ways that you went to with his grave,
Speaker 3: you know, the things that you did with him here
Speaker 3: in the physical world, and you know he's bringing that through.
Speaker 4: Wow. Oh and did you also, wait a minute, did
Speaker 4: you also just lose a dog?
Speaker 2: No, well, Jane, did.
Speaker 3: There's a dog that's coming through to me and your
Speaker 3: grandmother's here, Janna, So your grandmother?
Speaker 4: So your grandmother departed?
Speaker 1: No, mine, I've both grandma's right.
Speaker 3: Then, this is this a woman that's stepping forward. It's
Speaker 3: like a grandmother student that's stepping forward.
Speaker 1: I have a great grandma.
Speaker 3: Were you close with her though, Yeah, it had to
Speaker 3: be somebody that you were close to.
Speaker 1: She we were close for I mean yeah, we were close.
Speaker 1: She passed like when I was like thirteen, No, ten, twelve,
Speaker 1: hold on.
Speaker 4: Wait a minute, I want to make sure. I want
Speaker 4: to make sure there there's.
Speaker 1: A lot of people in the room.
Speaker 4: Wait a minute. I felt Wait a minute, hold on.
Speaker 4: I don't know if I felt.
Speaker 3: No, it's definitely with you because I saw I saw
Speaker 3: this dog that's here with That's what this woman. I'm
Speaker 3: just wondering if it was a grandmother or if it
Speaker 3: was an aunt to you?
Speaker 1: Oh, wrong side a dog? Hm hm, oh your aunt
Speaker 1: and the dog is still there.
Speaker 2: If a dog's so alive, well, I mean.
Speaker 1: You know, I can mess up.
Speaker 4: No, I only talked to dead people. It's definitely.
Speaker 2: Jane gets a little bit of the string, its just
Speaker 2: starts pulling it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, she was just excited.
Speaker 6: I'm the same way. I'm the same I'm like, ah, yes, okay.
Speaker 2: So I was going to ask you, Alexa, when you
Speaker 2: guys first met, were you already a believer in this
Speaker 2: kind of gift or were you skeptical at all?
Speaker 6: I was a believer. I am into all of that stuff.
Speaker 3: Well, tell about that first date, Tell them what happened,
Speaker 3: because I have to, like, Mike needs to know this.
Speaker 4: Means anybody needs to know. It's Mike needs to know this.
Speaker 4: It's so important.
Speaker 6: So fortunately I've only lost my grammy knock on wood.
Speaker 6: You know, we don't want any of that. So but
Speaker 6: I was very close to her, and she passed when
Speaker 6: I was younger, and in my family we have like
Speaker 6: this little pouch of like her prayer beads and little
Speaker 6: crosses and things, and whenever someone in our family needs it,
Speaker 6: we take it. So we kind of pass it around.
Speaker 6: And at the time that I met Matt, it was
Speaker 6: actually in my wallet and I kept it hidden away,
Speaker 6: like you know, in my way, in my purse. And
Speaker 6: I actually put my purse like totally on the other table.
Speaker 6: So we sat down, and of course, now I know,
Speaker 6: like how annoying listened to you, But I was like
Speaker 6: who do you see behind me? And I wasn't expecting anything.
Speaker 6: And he was like, oh, he's like you have your
Speaker 6: grammy that passed. She's literally right here with you. And
Speaker 6: I was like what and he's like yeah, he's like
Speaker 6: where's her preabes? Like what don't you guys like have
Speaker 6: something that you all pass around and blah blah blah.
Speaker 6: And I was like, oh my god, and I have anxiety.
Speaker 6: So I started like seeing black the cold sweats from
Speaker 6: like my head to my toes.
Speaker 4: Like jar, oh god, okay, so she had to untant.
Speaker 6: I like went and I'm like holy like he's so
Speaker 6: on point. Oh my god, Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you ran out. I did it, ran out,
Speaker 3: And I didn't think she was gonna run back in.
Speaker 3: I was like, I was like an Ash's I had
Speaker 3: my head in the sand. I didn't know what the
Speaker 3: hell to do.
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 6: So I was like, oh my god, like I'm literally
Speaker 6: going to pass out in front of my date right now.
Speaker 3: But the good news this is that see I I
Speaker 3: used to be the I used to be the e
Speaker 3: m T see. So if she would have if she
Speaker 3: would have she would have passed out, I would have.
Speaker 6: Revived her if she died, were to talk to her, yeah,
Speaker 6: I said, every day.
Speaker 4: But it's true. I would have you know, if you
Speaker 4: was a cute thing.
Speaker 5: It's a cute thing.
Speaker 4: It's not a cute thing. It's the truth.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you passed out, I'd revive if you died,
Speaker 3: I would talk to you because I'm a medium and
Speaker 3: I can do that.
Speaker 6: I was shocked on that day three and a half
Speaker 6: years ago, and still to this day.
Speaker 1: You shocked me.
Speaker 6: Every single day. You floor me. I cry over the readings.
Speaker 6: I get chills over the readings. His new book came out,
Speaker 6: and read the book, I'm like crying.
Speaker 3: The book When Heaven Calls Life Lessons from America's top
Speaker 3: psychic medium.
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, well everyone Amazon right now When Heaven Calls.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you can pre order on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
Speaker 1: When was the first experience that you had like that
Speaker 1: you knew that you had this gift?
Speaker 3: So it's so crazy because my grandmother was a medium
Speaker 3: who passed it on to my mom and then in
Speaker 3: turn passed it on to maybe. You gotta remember that
Speaker 3: back in the day, you know, nobody talked about this.
Speaker 3: My grandmother didn't do this professionally. My mom didn't do
Speaker 3: this professionally. It was something that was kept close to home,
Speaker 3: just for close friends and family members. And it was
Speaker 3: so secret that not even my grandmother told my grandfather
Speaker 3: that she could do that, shed even tell her own husband,
Speaker 3: so you know, it was kept a very secret, you know,
Speaker 3: just for close friends and family. And then when I
Speaker 3: was growing up, I too was seeing and hearing the departed.
Speaker 3: It started with me seeing my grandmother that had passed
Speaker 3: the psychic one. She passed when I was three, and
Speaker 3: when she first died, I was still seeing and experiencing her.
Speaker 3: I never realized that she actually died. But then after that,
Speaker 3: other souls came in trying to talk to me. And
Speaker 3: it was so crazy because you know, growing up and
Speaker 3: seeing and hearing the departed, it wasn't comforting to me.
Speaker 4: I was scared.
Speaker 3: I was literally like living that movie the sixth Sense,
Speaker 3: Like I remember like pulling the covers over my head,
Speaker 3: pulling you know, the pillows up to my ears. I
Speaker 3: didn't want to hear, see or experience them. And that
Speaker 3: so I spent most of my life running from this.
Speaker 3: And I never wanted to be a psychic. I never
Speaker 3: wanted to be a medium. And that's what people don't
Speaker 3: understand is that, you know, I started my career as
Speaker 3: an EMT. I had a wonderful career working at the
Speaker 3: World Trade Center and boss, and you know, I was
Speaker 3: going to be I wanted to be a paramedic and
Speaker 3: then physician's assistant. And then I went to see a
Speaker 3: medium for the first time, and it changed my life
Speaker 3: because you know, I wanted to at that moment. I
Speaker 3: wanted to see what it was that I kept running
Speaker 3: away from, and seeing a medium for the first time
Speaker 3: showed me it wasn't something that I had to be
Speaker 3: afraid of. It was something that could help use and
Speaker 3: teach others that there's so much more to life than
Speaker 3: what's here in the physical world.
Speaker 4: So I started to be open about this.
Speaker 3: I started to you know, read for close friends and
Speaker 3: family members like my grandmother did back in the day.
Speaker 4: And then I don't know what happened.
Speaker 3: All of a sudden, word traveled quickly about the one
Speaker 3: who could speak to the dead, And here I am
Speaker 3: with you.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 1: Are you able to turn it off? Though?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 4: Never, No, you say that like it's a bad thing.
Speaker 6: It's not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing.
Speaker 6: But I feel bad for you.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I feel bad for myself because there's no customer
Speaker 3: service hours.
Speaker 4: I have no customer service hours in heaven. Like they
Speaker 4: just call up any time.
Speaker 6: Yeah they do.
Speaker 2: All right, So let me hear one thing before we
Speaker 2: let you guys go. Well, it's like your elevator pitch
Speaker 2: to get people to watch the show. And what can
Speaker 2: they get? What can they expect an elevator pitch?
Speaker 6: Oh my oh, what's an elevator?
Speaker 2: Basically eleven second? If you had eleven seconds to pitch
Speaker 2: somebody your company and your brand or your business or
Speaker 2: your show, what would you say?
Speaker 3: All right, So I'm a psychic medium, might have a
Speaker 3: pageant queen girlfriend Alexa, Papa Jonas. We have two loud,
Speaker 3: crazy Italian families. We live in Cranston, Rhode Island without
Speaker 3: three Bengal cats. And if you think the dead is scary,
Speaker 3: just meet my family.
Speaker 1: I love it. Everybody watch Ninth Central on e Love
Speaker 1: you guys so much, Thank you so much for coming
Speaker 1: on the show. We really appreciate it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you again. Check out Meet the Frasers every
Speaker 2: Monday ONNY. I mean, if there shows anything like the interview,
Speaker 2: it's going to be entertaining.
Speaker 1: She's so sweet. I really like her, She's cute.
Speaker 2: I didn't really she was twenty one, definitely, I saw
Speaker 2: in the rundown that she was.
Speaker 1: I was like, I did not see that.
Speaker 2: She did not ask or present herself as a twenty
Speaker 2: one Nothing against twenty one year olds, but us being
Speaker 2: significantly older than that. Yeah, it's it was very surprising.
Speaker 1: Agreed she Yeah, she just really holds herself.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that kind of shocked me.
Speaker 5: So Mike, does this change your opinion at all?
Speaker 1: I'm dude, come on, you at has to that one.
Speaker 1: No one's brought that up.
Speaker 2: No, they have, and that's something that nobody would know.
Speaker 2: So I give him credit where credits due. You know,
Speaker 2: something still felt fish like fishing when he's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: fishing for like the alcohol piece or you know, partying.
Speaker 2: But the biggest things for me was, yeah he was,
Speaker 2: but I'm saying that he made some bad decisions that
Speaker 2: they like, I felt like he was trying to figure
Speaker 2: out if it or like he had a dui. He
Speaker 2: never had a dui as far as I knew, But
Speaker 2: so something seemed like fishing. But still there were enough
Speaker 2: things where that really interest me, especially when it came
Speaker 2: down to you know, he wasn't sure if he should
Speaker 2: be driving or not driving, the fact that he was
Speaker 2: the passenger. So there are some things that definitely uh.
Speaker 1: Like how would he know that? That's such a random
Speaker 1: and it's not like a gram or Grandpa passing. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's that was a friend of yours that died in
Speaker 1: a car accident. That's to this day, you've talked to
Speaker 1: me about it, no one else. Well, you know that
Speaker 1: at least on the podcast, that it's affected you and
Speaker 1: you still think of him. You can't even listen to
Speaker 1: a song.
Speaker 2: That's true. There's a song I still cannot listen to
Speaker 2: to this day because that was like our jam.
Speaker 1: But he knows that you're thinking of That's so sweet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that's that is pretty cool. I will
Speaker 2: say that.
Speaker 5: Wait, you did talk about this in the podcast once
Speaker 5: I talked about ever Last.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I talked about the song, so yeah I
Speaker 2: have talked about yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I have talked
Speaker 2: about him. See, so maybe he did his research.
Speaker 5: Mark, come on, I always feel like there's a logical
Speaker 5: explanation for these things. Although Easton at a very very
Speaker 5: odd situation with the Long Island Medium where she knew
Speaker 5: something that I had no idea about Easton and nobody
Speaker 5: else know about Easton.
Speaker 1: What.
Speaker 7: Yeah, you know, we had Teresa Caputa of the Long
Speaker 7: Island Medium on with Ryan Seacrest one morning and I
Speaker 7: was like filling in as an engineer, you know, at
Speaker 7: this other studio, and so there's no way of her
Speaker 7: knowing that I was going to be there, but she
Speaker 7: she was like, oh, someone in this room had a
Speaker 7: like a lost a friend to a drowning accident, and
Speaker 7: and I I had lost one of my close friends
Speaker 7: like a year earlier, and it I was I'm totally
Speaker 7: a skeptic. And so by the time I came out
Speaker 7: of that, because she got a couple of things wrong,
Speaker 7: but mostly it was pretty accurate, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 7: she either it's either the real deal or she has
Speaker 7: the best researchers on the face of the planet. And
Speaker 7: that's impressive too, you know, because like.
Speaker 2: Either way, it's impressive, you know, like like either they.
Speaker 7: Have like CIA levels of like researchers and and their
Speaker 7: talents are being grossly misused.
Speaker 1: I'm going to go with that it's real and that
Speaker 1: because I don't want to believe that someone's that Connie,
Speaker 1: you know, to like to do that, especially when people
Speaker 1: can really get some healing and some validation and some
Speaker 1: love from it. Now, you know, obviously they're going to say,
Speaker 1: like you said, they're going to say a few things wrong.
Speaker 1: But I think it's the the fact that he did
Speaker 1: get that so right too. Sure there may be pieces
Speaker 1: that may be wrong, and.
Speaker 2: Maybe that's that's the expectation I have because I'm such
Speaker 2: a skeptic. It's like, I need you to tell me
Speaker 2: their name. If they're talking to you, they can tell
Speaker 2: you their name, exactly where they were, how it happened.
Speaker 2: Like that's where that's where my skeptical brain.
Speaker 1: Goes that they're just as spirits.
Speaker 2: All right, Well, they're still talking to them.
Speaker 1: That is a good point. Actually, shoot, that actually is
Speaker 1: a really good point.
Speaker 5: If they could say a car accident, right, they can
Speaker 5: say all that stuff, They could say their name.
Speaker 1: Maybe when they say that they're talking to them, it's
Speaker 1: more of like images and a feeling.
Speaker 2: Subjective. Anyways, I enjoyed their interview, I enjoyed their company.
Speaker 1: Yeah they're fun. I'll watch it. Remind me of he
Speaker 1: reminds me of Todd crisly, very just like out there
Speaker 1: and fuel very unfiltered character.
Speaker 5: So I have a word with my grandfather. If any
Speaker 5: medium ever can tell me the word that I have
Speaker 5: with my grandfather.
Speaker 2: Then I'll buy it blueberry pancakes.
Speaker 5: It's not the word.
Speaker 1: Ah wait, next time we have someone on we have
Speaker 1: to ask them. That would have been so good. Mark.
Speaker 5: Well, but that's the thing is, I don't even like,
Speaker 5: I don't even like queuing them up for that. I
Speaker 5: feel like, if it's legit, they'll just have it and
Speaker 5: they'll have the word.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're I mean, if you can just say that,
Speaker 2: there's no way they're gonna be able to guess the word.
Speaker 1: How many words are in the dictionary?
Speaker 4: That's true, that's true, but that'd be kind of crazy.
Speaker 2: I'm going to start guessing.
Speaker 1: I know, we're just going to start sounding like.
Speaker 2: Depending on how many years we have on this podcast
Speaker 2: in the future, every day is a new word. Our thing.
Speaker 5: Me and my grandpa. This was our thing, and there's
Speaker 5: no no And I know he would say it because
Speaker 5: he almost when he was laying on his deathbed and
Speaker 5: like in convulsions, he kind of referenced this word so
Speaker 5: I know, what's the first word he would say if
Speaker 5: you were speaking to me, Oh, my heart?
Speaker 1: When did you lose him?
Speaker 5: I was about twenty and he's my only grandparent that
Speaker 5: I was really close with. I had a hard time
Speaker 5: with that one. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Is it a single word?
Speaker 5: Oh my, it's a single word. It is one word. No, so.
Speaker 1: Heart.
Speaker 2: Oh that's so sweet though, those are the words a
Speaker 2: woman would think.
Speaker 1: Hey, what would you think of lego? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, something like that.
Speaker 6: My lego?
Speaker 2: Who would you think of something? Not what you're saying?
Speaker 2: Probably Mark.
Speaker 1: Do we have any emails?
Speaker 5: Selene needs some help? So these are that's the kind
Speaker 5: of serious, which makes sense after last week's episode that
Speaker 5: the emails are kind of serious. This week, she said,
Speaker 5: I've been with my husband for over three years now.
Speaker 5: He's a recovering drug addict. I found out about his
Speaker 5: addiction when I was newly pregnant with our son about
Speaker 5: two years ago. He's relapsed a few times, and every
Speaker 5: time it's completely apologetic and remorseful. Every time I say
Speaker 5: I'm done that I'll not put up with his addiction
Speaker 5: around our son. And he doesn't think that he needs
Speaker 5: rehab and that it's something he will stop because he
Speaker 5: wants our family together. So we've agreed for me to
Speaker 5: do random drug tests when I'm feeling insecure about his sobriety.
Speaker 5: He's been clean for almost six months now, but I
Speaker 5: don't want to continue to live in constant fear. Every
Speaker 5: time I ask him to take a drug test and
Speaker 5: it comes back clean, I feel horrible for not trusting him.
Speaker 5: I live every day with constant anxiety of finding out
Speaker 5: he's been using. Listening to your podcasts every week, hearing
Speaker 5: how both of you are working through it gives me
Speaker 5: the faith that we, too can be happy and work
Speaker 5: this out. I love your podcast and love to hear
Speaker 5: how much love you have for each other. Such an inspiration.
Speaker 2: Janna just gives me a little snap and okay, you're up.
Speaker 2: First of all, Selene, thank you for sharing. You know,
Speaker 2: our our hearts and empathy go out towards you and
Speaker 2: your family and what you're dealing with. What I would
Speaker 2: have to say, I can understand. Jane can speak more
Speaker 2: on this, but I can understand how you how you
Speaker 2: would feel, or how she would feel like horrible after
Speaker 2: the drug test comes back clean and she feels bad
Speaker 2: for not trusting him. Having said that if he's willing
Speaker 2: to do that. You know, Jane, again, we'll speak on this.
Speaker 2: That's a tangible thing where if he's not grunting and growing,
Speaker 2: it's like, oh, you got it. You know, I feel
Speaker 2: like a kid. I feel like I'm being controlled all
Speaker 2: the things that I would say in the past about
Speaker 2: You know, what Janna needed is if he's willing to
Speaker 2: do that, then use it and try to maybe talk
Speaker 2: about it with him, tell him your fears around it,
Speaker 2: but maybe find a way just to do some therapy
Speaker 2: work around it, to discuss it with him, just a
Speaker 2: way to look at it differently than you know, living
Speaker 2: with that fear and anxiety. But again I can empathize
Speaker 2: with every time you're waiting to get that test back,
Speaker 2: you're probably terrified, absolutely terrified, praying that it's not going
Speaker 2: to be positive. So I think again, if he has
Speaker 2: a positive attitude about it, I think that's great because
Speaker 2: that's something tangible that he can give you, which is
Speaker 2: something that is difficult for me to give. Janna. I'm assuming,
Speaker 2: because she says she feels horrible for not trusting him
Speaker 2: when it comes back clean, I'm assuming that his attitude
Speaker 2: towards it is probably pretty decent, So that's the biggest thing.
Speaker 2: Guess we're assuming his attitude is positive because she doesn't
Speaker 2: allude to it not being that way. So I'm hoping
Speaker 2: that's the case. And if that's the case, that's why
Speaker 2: I'm saying use it as a tool. If it's not
Speaker 2: the case, then that's something else to discuss, because I
Speaker 2: can understand even more so, while you'd have so much
Speaker 2: for your anxiety, if he's given a shit about it.
Speaker 1: It's just so tricky. And even when you had said
Speaker 1: that one thing, like you wish you had tangibility. I
Speaker 1: think that sometimes where even I can get sometimes a
Speaker 1: little envious of because that would be something that she
Speaker 1: can hold on to at least knowing that he's not.
Speaker 1: And there's no I can't drug test you or ethan
Speaker 1: lie detective test you. But that's not even accurate because.
Speaker 2: It's not as black and white as drugs and alcohol.
Speaker 2: So's there's too much gray area.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and with a drug test, it's you know, here's
Speaker 1: the thing that at the end of the day, and this
Speaker 1: is where I can have empathy for her. It's we
Speaker 1: don't want to have to do that, Like I don't
Speaker 1: want to have to do some of the boundaries that
Speaker 1: we do, because it's it's exhausting for us to have
Speaker 1: to sit there, and it's like, we just want to
Speaker 1: trust you, like why why do we have to do this?
Speaker 1: Because why can't you just be honest or stay in
Speaker 1: your program? And so I think it, at least from
Speaker 1: my experience, it's just it just gets so frustrating because
Speaker 1: you're like, we don't want to have to do it.
Speaker 1: And I love that you guys are willing to, you know,
Speaker 1: let us do these things, but it just gets so exhausting,
Speaker 1: and that disgusting anxiety that comes up when she waits
Speaker 1: for it or when we check balances and stuff on
Speaker 1: a boundary list, it's just it's that waiting for the
Speaker 1: next shoe to drop and that you know that that's
Speaker 1: just like such an ugly, yucky place to live in,
Speaker 1: but at the same time you need it for safety.
Speaker 1: So it's like, I don't. I wish I had the
Speaker 1: right answer, you know, for for even her too, because
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know what I've maybe the balance
Speaker 1: of doing it like not obviously not every week or
Speaker 1: not every day, like maybe just do it where it's
Speaker 1: not I don't even the That's the thing, I don't
Speaker 1: even know, because no matter what, you're still going to
Speaker 1: have the anxiety. But hopefully, over time, when he starts
Speaker 1: proving to you that he's being honest and that he's
Speaker 1: staying in recovery, that that anxiety won't be there because
Speaker 1: you'll be expecting it to be negative because of how
Speaker 1: great he's acting and how much he's been able to
Speaker 1: change and grow and live in recovery. Yeah, so I
Speaker 1: think hopefully you just just think about it where it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: in a year from now, I'm probably not going to
Speaker 1: be this heightened because he's gonna will have shown negative
Speaker 1: this entire time, and I can I can really start
Speaker 1: to trust him and build put the building blocks on
Speaker 1: there and put some stuff in the relationship bank.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's my thoughts.
Speaker 5: This one is uh, it's titled Mike's Confidence, but it's
Speaker 5: really more for Janet from Andrea. She says about last week,
Speaker 5: I needed this episode. When I heard Mike say you
Speaker 5: can't truly love someone until you love yourself has struck
Speaker 5: a chord with me. My husband and I have been
Speaker 5: going through drug addiction issues that include ongoing lying justifications
Speaker 5: et cetera. We got to the happiest place in our
Speaker 5: marriage ever, and then two weeks later he relapsed. My
Speaker 5: question is, Jianna, how does it make you feel to
Speaker 5: see Mike love himself and be proud of himself. It
Speaker 5: sounds terrible, but I have moments where I'm mad that
Speaker 5: my husband has so much confidence in himself and pride
Speaker 5: because I'm just not there yet. I don't feel that
Speaker 5: way yet because of hurts, because of the relapse, because
Speaker 5: of the doubt. How do you handle Mike talking about
Speaker 5: all the good he's being and well he's doing it,
Speaker 5: all these things. I don't want to keep my husband down.
Speaker 5: I want to be a cheerleader, but how can I
Speaker 5: truly do that with so many reservations? I love you, guys,
Speaker 5: Thank you for being so vulnerable. It helps more than
Speaker 5: I can put into words.
Speaker 1: Was she in my therapy session of like let ago?
Speaker 2: What a great great topic?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I know it's such a great topic because I remember,
Speaker 1: you know, when everything kind of happened with the boundary
Speaker 1: slips a month or so ago. You know, You're like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna get healthy, and
Speaker 1: and I'm like, wow, cool, like, you're doing all these
Speaker 1: steps to be healthy, and I'm just kind of sitting here,
Speaker 1: still angry and still and it's just we want to
Speaker 1: be happy for you. At the same time, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you just crapped all over my side of the street,
Speaker 1: and now I got to pick up your crap on
Speaker 1: my side of the street, and I got to pick
Speaker 1: up my stuff. So it's just like we just got
Speaker 1: we get dumped on twice, and we've got extra crap
Speaker 1: to clear out. And you know, I remember talking to
Speaker 1: my therapists Amy being like I want to be happy
Speaker 1: for him, but I'm like I'm also looking at him
Speaker 1: being like, oh, you're so healed, and just being real,
Speaker 1: just nasty because I was hurt and I was like,
Speaker 1: how do you get to be happy when you keep
Speaker 1: hurting me and people? You know, we talked about comments earlier,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, you know why I've been disrespectful
Speaker 1: because you've given me no reason to trust you. You
Speaker 1: keep breaking it. How can I like, you know? And
Speaker 1: so it's like I go in that tailsp but I'm like,
Speaker 1: but you get to be cool and healthy. And that's
Speaker 1: when my therapist finally sat me down and she's like
Speaker 1: you have to stop focusing on him and his recovery
Speaker 1: and what he has to do for himself, like in
Speaker 1: what y'all's relationships. She's like, this is a this is
Speaker 1: your therapy session. We need to talk about you and
Speaker 1: how you are going to get healthy and what you
Speaker 1: need to do to be healthier and better and happier
Speaker 1: and lighter and more free. But it is hard to
Speaker 1: sometimes see, especially when you guys kind of puff out
Speaker 1: your chest and you're like this great new shining version,
Speaker 1: like shiny version, and I'm like, oh, buddy, like we've
Speaker 1: seen that version twenty times and try to like come
Speaker 1: out of different shells, you know, where it just becomes
Speaker 1: we get we get sickest seeing the new shiny version
Speaker 1: that you keep saying is going to be there, and
Speaker 1: then it's never there, so then we don't respect that version,
Speaker 1: and then we start to become bitter, and it's just
Speaker 1: becomes that cycle. But that's where it's like my therapist too,
Speaker 1: is like over time, just continue to watch and see
Speaker 1: if they can consistently stay that person, but then also
Speaker 1: ask them to help you, like lean in, you know,
Speaker 1: what is something that they learned that you can help
Speaker 1: them lean into their recovery and your recovery as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, no, for sure, I have a few things.
Speaker 2: First of all, I can totally understand, like how that
Speaker 2: would be frustrating, infuriating at times and painful to see that.
Speaker 2: I think for our particular situation. The difference and you
Speaker 2: can attest this or not. The way I feel about
Speaker 2: it now is I think I've actually talked less about
Speaker 2: the changes I'm making than I have in the past. Sure,
Speaker 2: we're in the past, I like, which.
Speaker 1: Is maybe why I believe it more because I'm seeing
Speaker 1: it as opposed to you saying what I'm what you're doing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're not telling that what you're doing, you're doing.
Speaker 2: It right, I'm not. Yeah. And anytime I reference something
Speaker 2: like you know i've been talking about that book, I'm
Speaker 2: reading a lot just because.
Speaker 1: Mentioned the book, because I know you've really liked that
Speaker 1: a lot.
Speaker 2: I will, I'll get to that, but it's it's not
Speaker 2: out of it's out of something that we're talking about,
Speaker 2: right to give an example. So I really feel like
Speaker 2: that's been a big difference for both of us. Right
Speaker 2: now is I feel myself just doing things and not
Speaker 2: looking to you to validate you to validate it or
Speaker 2: to acknowledge it. I'm not looking to you to be like, oh, wow,
Speaker 2: you really have been waking up at six and six
Speaker 2: in the morning every day doing your work. You really
Speaker 2: have been going to warment, you know.
Speaker 1: And you're doing it for you, not for me, not
Speaker 1: for me to like pat you on the back, good job.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. I haven't even needed that because
Speaker 2: I'm actually not doing it for you, which is a
Speaker 2: first for me. And so I get why in the
Speaker 2: past a lot of times you would when you're in
Speaker 2: a bad place and I'll be saying things, well, it'd be.
Speaker 1: The thirtieth it'd be the thirtieth book that you would
Speaker 1: have ordered from Amazon that you don't actually open up.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, what is that book gonna do? What
Speaker 1: about the twenty nine books that you say?
Speaker 2: It's like, there's stack of books on my nightstand and
Speaker 2: be like, honey, see all these books that I bought,
Speaker 2: like but haven't read anyways, But now, but yeah, my
Speaker 2: point is again now it's it's different than before because
Speaker 2: I think both of us can acknowledge that. Having said that,
Speaker 2: part of the thing too is it might come across
Speaker 2: as us talking about it more because you or Andrea
Speaker 2: might be asking questions of for your safety, of what
Speaker 2: are you doing different? What do you you know what
Speaker 2: I mean where especially early on, not now you're not
Speaker 2: doing that, but for the first month, it was you're
Speaker 2: trying to grab onto something, You're trying to get something tangible,
Speaker 2: so you're asking a lot of questions. We're having a
Speaker 2: lot more discussions and talks about what it's going to
Speaker 2: look like.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, because that's and that's something where I think
Speaker 1: men women we get in that struggle where if you've
Speaker 1: been hurt countless times, it's like, what do you have
Speaker 1: to hold on to when you've taken I won't do
Speaker 1: this again, I won't do this or this, and it's
Speaker 1: like what Okay, You're just like frantically searching for what
Speaker 1: to hold on to to see if you're actually going
Speaker 1: to do it or not, and that this it's just time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, ultimately it is. There's nothing you can say.
Speaker 1: But that's what we're thinking. We want you to say something,
Speaker 1: but there's literally nothing you can say.
Speaker 2: It's hard because you keep asking, you know, and we're
Speaker 2: saying the same thing over and over again. You're asking
Speaker 2: the same thing over and over again, like we're going
Speaker 2: to give you a different response, waiting to hear that
Speaker 2: magical word.
Speaker 1: But we want that so badly to give us hope.
Speaker 2: It's a crazy hope. Has just been speaking of crazy cycle.
Speaker 2: So Yanna mentioned this book that I'm reading, No this
Speaker 2: crazy cycle. There's this book I'm reading right now called
Speaker 2: Love and Respect by this author, Emerson Edgers. I think
Speaker 2: you said you say his last name. It's again. I'm
Speaker 2: not a big reader. I'm becoming one because I'm doing
Speaker 2: it more. The first ten pages of this book, I
Speaker 2: was just like already shaking my head giving some of
Speaker 2: those like church like mm, like you know, some of
Speaker 2: those like hand in the air, Like That's how I
Speaker 2: felt because it was just like telling our story of
Speaker 2: just like our interaction between husband and wife, and he
Speaker 2: talks about this crazy cycle, that that relationships, that marriages
Speaker 2: get on and everything. The ultimate underlying point of the
Speaker 2: book is love and respect. It's when it comes down
Speaker 2: to it. What he's preaching is that women ultimately just
Speaker 2: want to feel loved at the end of the day.
Speaker 2: That is their most important thing. That is what they need.
Speaker 2: They need that attention, they need love, they need to
Speaker 2: feel chosen. They need that stuff. And for men, our
Speaker 2: biggest thing across the board, more so than not, is
Speaker 2: actually we have the need to feel respected. And I
Speaker 2: never really thought about it before, but I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: that is it. You know. When he has some polls
Speaker 2: in there, he referenced the Bible a lot, and it's
Speaker 2: just fascinating. I think one of them he asked a
Speaker 2: group of I don't know, a thousand men or something,
Speaker 2: would you rather be in a marriage that your wife
Speaker 2: loves you and doesn't respect you, or that respects you
Speaker 2: and doesn't love you. And it's like eighty one percent
Speaker 2: of men said they'd rather be in a loveless marriage
Speaker 2: as long as their wife respected them. And that means
Speaker 2: more to men in this guy's theory than love does.
Speaker 2: And there's obviously outsiders who will disagree and it doesn't
Speaker 2: impact him as much as love. But again, that's what
Speaker 2: he preaches, and it's about unconditionally respecting your husband and
Speaker 2: unconditionally loving your wife. And he uses the analogy of
Speaker 2: kind of like what came first to the chicken or
Speaker 2: the egg, So the wife wants to be like, well,
Speaker 2: I'll love you if you or i'll respect you if you,
Speaker 2: you know, freaking love me. And the husband's like, well,
Speaker 2: I'll love you if you respect me. And that's what
Speaker 2: he calls the crazy cycle, because you're just waiting for
Speaker 2: the other person to do it, and so it's unconditionally thinking,
Speaker 2: in this moment, how can I love my wife in
Speaker 2: this moment? How can I respect my husband. It's an
Speaker 2: unbelievable book. I highly recommend it, even for all you
Speaker 2: non readers like me out there, go get it.
Speaker 6: I love it.
Speaker 5: I don't know how to answer that.
Speaker 2: What you just said, Mark, I love because he kind
Speaker 2: of references references that, and he says, men, that is
Speaker 2: what we say if they ask. If someone asks us,
Speaker 2: does your wife love you, we're like, yeah, of course
Speaker 2: she does. And then he'll also ask, but does your
Speaker 2: wife respect you? And to your exact point, you're like,
Speaker 2: I don't know if she necessarily does. And to your
Speaker 2: personal opinion, do you really care? To women? He has
Speaker 2: the same question, you know, does your husband respect you? Yeah,
Speaker 2: of course he respects me. But does your husband love you?
Speaker 2: I know, I don't really think he loves me, and
Speaker 2: so so you even saying that was kind of sparks
Speaker 2: my This guy's kind of belief behind it is because
Speaker 2: we just feel, Yeah, of course our wife loves us,
Speaker 2: they're married to us. That's enough for us. Again, I'm
Speaker 2: speaking in general terms, not everyone, but from his theory,
Speaker 2: that's enough for men to have enough love. This woman
Speaker 2: is willing to spend the rest of her life with me,
Speaker 2: that's love, all right.
Speaker 1: We'll stay tuned for next weekend.
Speaker 5: O h.