1
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,400
Speaker 1: So there's something I thought of recently. I don't know

2
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,360
Speaker 1: where I was talking about this to someone. I don't

3
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:20,920
Speaker 1: know if it was in therapy or there was somewhere

4
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,840
Speaker 1: that I was talking about this. But there's a dynamic

5
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:27,280
Speaker 1: that isn't discussed that much that goes on in divorce.

6
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:27,560
Speaker 2: Now.

7
00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:30,720
Speaker 1: We had a podcast called Divorce. It exploded. It was

8
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:34,040
Speaker 1: millions of Yews crazy. It just was a little bit

9
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,920
Speaker 1: flying too close to the sun for me having gone

10
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,559
Speaker 1: through an excruciating time and then talking about it, and

11
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:41,279
Speaker 1: then my mother passed away and I was going through

12
00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:43,320
Speaker 1: a breakup. It was just like a lot to.

13
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:45,400
Speaker 2: Unload.

14
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:49,040
Speaker 1: But there are concepts of divorce that I think should

15
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:52,880
Speaker 1: be discussed because it was such a topic that people

16
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:59,360
Speaker 1: were devouring. And one topic is if there's a contentious

17
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:05,000
Speaker 1: divorce or break up, and let's say one person jilted

18
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:08,360
Speaker 1: the other, or the other person hasn't gotten over one person,

19
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:11,520
Speaker 1: or they've been hurt either during their relationship or during

20
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:17,040
Speaker 1: the divorce, and there's a child involved the parent. This

21
00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,840
Speaker 1: happened with me. Oh I was doing an interview the

22
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:24,320
Speaker 1: other day for this podcast, and someone asked me about

23
00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:26,480
Speaker 1: my relationship with my real father and there was a

24
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:32,840
Speaker 1: resentment towards me that was completely unwarranted and irrational because

25
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:36,600
Speaker 1: it started at a time when I was like five

26
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:41,080
Speaker 1: years old, I was living with my real father. Because

27
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,120
Speaker 1: the story goes, and I always say the story goes

28
00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:47,319
Speaker 1: because people tell their kids things. And I said to

29
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:49,080
Speaker 1: this guy that I grew up in a house of liars,

30
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,280
Speaker 1: So don't I never know what exactly is true and

31
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:55,480
Speaker 1: what's not true, but what the story went that my mother,

32
00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,240
Speaker 1: And not until you're an age where you're going through

33
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,200
Speaker 1: real life things like divorce, et cetera, do you start

34
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,880
Speaker 1: to understand the messages that were being sent to you

35
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:07,720
Speaker 1: as a kid. So the story went that, and it

36
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:13,680
Speaker 1: tracks that my mother and father broke up and that

37
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:18,000
Speaker 1: she wanted to be in New York. He moved to California.

38
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:20,640
Speaker 1: I was with him in California because he said he

39
00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:24,440
Speaker 1: wouldn't support me or pay for me unless I was

40
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,680
Speaker 1: living with him. Now, I don't know what money she

41
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,480
Speaker 1: did or didn't have to pay for divorce lawyers. I

42
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:31,040
Speaker 1: don't know what the system was like back then. It

43
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,360
Speaker 1: certainly wasn't like it is now. And I do know

44
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:37,200
Speaker 1: that for years, I don't think he really paid child support.

45
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:37,840
Speaker 2: I do know that.

46
00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:41,600
Speaker 1: So I was living with him and I missed her.

47
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,239
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be there with him. It was

48
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:50,200
Speaker 1: a very wild sort of drugs and the seventies and

49
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:54,079
Speaker 1: young women and just like a racetrack lifestyle. And her

50
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:58,160
Speaker 1: lifestyle was horrendous too, But I wanted. A kid wants

51
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,040
Speaker 1: to be with their mother often for whatever reason. I

52
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:03,119
Speaker 1: I missed her and wanted to be with her, and

53
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,000
Speaker 1: I did go back to her, I think at like five.

54
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:09,560
Speaker 1: So I then didn't really have anything to do with him,

55
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:12,200
Speaker 1: and saw him once when I was thirteen, and he

56
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:16,239
Speaker 1: the resentment of me had already started, like he's sort

57
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,560
Speaker 1: of I remember him saying he was throwing his hands

58
00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:20,960
Speaker 1: up with the situation. There was a time where he

59
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,960
Speaker 1: reached out when I was thirteen, wanted to see each other,

60
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,800
Speaker 1: and then I was supposed to go visit him.

61
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:27,920
Speaker 2: Actually no, this was seven. When I was seven, I

62
00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:29,160
Speaker 2: was supposed to go visit him.

63
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:33,120
Speaker 1: And because he was so successful and he didn't, I

64
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:36,800
Speaker 1: had I had a high fever. My mother wouldn't let

65
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:39,440
Speaker 1: me get on the plane because he didn't get me

66
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:40,920
Speaker 1: a first class ticket. It was almost like she was

67
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,120
Speaker 1: looking for an excuse so she wouldn't let me get

68
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,080
Speaker 1: on the plane. And he then later said he was

69
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,240
Speaker 1: washing his hands with the whole situation, which I remember,

70
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:52,440
Speaker 1: and it meant to me with me and for years,

71
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,920
Speaker 1: even when I reconnected with him later in college, when

72
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,760
Speaker 1: he tried to sort of pursue me once I needed

73
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:00,839
Speaker 1: him or wanted for him to be my father, try

74
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,400
Speaker 1: to like in stuff like she a pet father at

75
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,320
Speaker 1: water and like I'm gonna have a father At eighteen

76
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,760
Speaker 1: or twenty or whatever old I was, he was kind

77
00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:09,400
Speaker 1: of resentful of me, and I used to try to

78
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:13,200
Speaker 1: get something from him, and like he would withhold emotions

79
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,000
Speaker 1: and like be sort of manipulative with me until till

80
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,360
Speaker 1: he died. He was just he just he didn't care

81
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,599
Speaker 1: for me, and he would he just was mean to me,

82
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:26,680
Speaker 1: to be honest, And it really always felt like I

83
00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:29,520
Speaker 1: was my mother to him, even though I'm not like

84
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,000
Speaker 1: my mother in many ways, but I think I was

85
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:35,680
Speaker 1: my mother to him, and I think many in many divorces,

86
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:39,520
Speaker 1: and it's not discussed enough, a parent resents the child

87
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,479
Speaker 1: because they remind them of the ex Let's say that,

88
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,400
Speaker 1: like you get divorced from a woman and she and

89
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,320
Speaker 1: the daughter are very very close, and.

90
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,560
Speaker 2: You know, you.

91
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:55,680
Speaker 1: Can't stand the mother. If the mother and the daughter

92
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,360
Speaker 1: do a lot of things together and the daughter really

93
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,360
Speaker 1: looks up to and loves the mother, and let's say,

94
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,240
Speaker 1: you in subtle ways, you know, try to allude to

95
00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:05,200
Speaker 1: the mother not being great or said bad things to

96
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:10,240
Speaker 1: the kid about the mother, but it didn't work. You know,

97
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,359
Speaker 1: there's like some resentment that lies there. And I just

98
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,120
Speaker 1: think it's a dynamic that needs to be watched. And

99
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,800
Speaker 1: I also think it's a dynamic that's extremely toxic and

100
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:21,400
Speaker 1: that should be mitigated or eliminated.

101
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:23,640
Speaker 2: At all costs.

102
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,640
Speaker 1: And I just think the kids are put in the

103
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,920
Speaker 1: middle in ways that aren't always discussed. So I think

104
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:34,360
Speaker 1: there's just a dynamic where parents resent the child or

105
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,919
Speaker 1: a son, like a mother with the son if the

106
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,640
Speaker 1: son is really into sports and wants to do everything

107
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:39,800
Speaker 1: the father wants to do, and the mother feels left

108
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,679
Speaker 1: out and she can't stand the father and she starts

109
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,440
Speaker 1: to see that her son is reminding her or acting

110
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:47,000
Speaker 1: more like the father. That's going to be challenging. So

111
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,680
Speaker 1: and it doesn't mean that someone can't remind you of

112
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,679
Speaker 1: someone that you hate and still be a good person.

113
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,440
Speaker 1: It just means that it probably would be triggering. You

114
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,680
Speaker 1: know you just even if someone looks like someone that

115
00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,359
Speaker 1: would be hard. What if you can't stand someone they

116
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,320
Speaker 1: cheated on you, whatever they did, they fucked you over,

117
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,680
Speaker 1: and then your kid looks exactly like them. I just

118
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,560
Speaker 1: don't hear anyone talk about that enough, so I thought

119
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:24,320
Speaker 1: of it during this interview. So, if you're dating and

120
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,600
Speaker 1: you're going through a breakup, okay, if you're going through

121
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:27,360
Speaker 1: any sort of breakup.

122
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,120
Speaker 2: A lot of people are asking me about breakups. It's

123
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:29,599
Speaker 2: a new year.

124
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,080
Speaker 1: People stayed with people through the holidays, which is a

125
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,480
Speaker 1: big thing. You don't want to deal with it around Thanksgiving,

126
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,080
Speaker 1: but then oh it's Christmas. Then you don't want to

127
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,360
Speaker 1: be alone on New Year's Eve. Now it's fucking New Year.

128
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,119
Speaker 1: The world's been coming to an end. January is forty

129
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:44,919
Speaker 1: two months long. It's insane. It's like January ninety ninth.

130
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,400
Speaker 1: And now people are like, wait, I am still in

131
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,679
Speaker 1: the same relationship and I'm going through a breakup.

132
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:50,039
Speaker 2: Okay.

133
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,640
Speaker 1: People talk all the time about dating. I talk about it.

134
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:57,160
Speaker 1: We don't talk about breaking up and juice fast. For example,

135
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,760
Speaker 1: getting into a juice fast, you should ease into a

136
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,440
Speaker 1: gew fast. Then you go hard and when you come

137
00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,800
Speaker 1: off of it, you're not supposed to just drink a

138
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,240
Speaker 1: martini and have a cheeseburger, otherwise you end up in

139
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,680
Speaker 1: the hospital. So you have to have a mode, a

140
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:13,360
Speaker 1: modus operandi for breaking up. One thing is if you

141
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:17,080
Speaker 1: ultimately really know that you're not going to be with

142
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:20,240
Speaker 1: this person, which is impossible because you could intellectually know

143
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,600
Speaker 1: you're not going to be with someone but emotionally miss

144
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:26,080
Speaker 1: them and want the fix. So what you ultimately really

145
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:29,360
Speaker 1: have to do is detox from them. And there are

146
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,840
Speaker 1: many different ways. Some people get off the drug going

147
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,680
Speaker 1: cold turkey, some people need to take a little hit

148
00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,880
Speaker 1: or do the methadone clinic. Okay, so you have to

149
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,800
Speaker 1: be honest with yourself. But in neither of those situations

150
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,480
Speaker 1: is it ever good to go back and binge on

151
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,960
Speaker 1: the drug and take the drug. So we can go

152
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:47,560
Speaker 1: through a whole thing about this, because we're always talking

153
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:51,320
Speaker 1: about dating. But what I would say is there's a

154
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,440
Speaker 1: discipline to it, just in the way that there's a

155
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,440
Speaker 1: discipline to being healthy. So if a relationship wasn't working

156
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:59,760
Speaker 1: for you, whether somebody breaks up with you or you

157
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:03,000
Speaker 1: break up with them, and you can break up with

158
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,120
Speaker 1: someone and also have a goal in mind. You can

159
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:06,720
Speaker 1: break up with someone you can know they're not right

160
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,680
Speaker 1: with you for you, but you need to get off

161
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,560
Speaker 1: the sauce somehow, and you're not ready to fully go

162
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:14,000
Speaker 1: cold turkey, so you can somehow maintain some connection. Let's

163
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,720
Speaker 1: say they reach out to You can smile, you can

164
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,320
Speaker 1: put a thumbs up, you can put a heart on it.

165
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,720
Speaker 1: You're kind of like taking the smallest hit. It's like

166
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,920
Speaker 1: micro dosing the person. But you're not giving them anything.

167
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,640
Speaker 1: You're not moving it forward. You're not telling them you

168
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,440
Speaker 1: love them, you're not calling them, you're not telling them

169
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,080
Speaker 1: you miss them.

170
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,840
Speaker 2: You're just sort of in their ether.

171
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,880
Speaker 1: And that gives you time to get off the sauce

172
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,920
Speaker 1: and get like most of it out of your system.

173
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,880
Speaker 1: So then a, either you can get to the point

174
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,400
Speaker 1: where they're fully out of your system. B. Because they're

175
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,000
Speaker 1: fully out of your system, they're freaking out that you're

176
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:43,920
Speaker 1: not missing them and that you're able to do this

177
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:48,480
Speaker 1: because invariably they probably think you can't handle it without them,

178
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,839
Speaker 1: and they're running the same game that you are. They

179
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,400
Speaker 1: may be out having sex to medicate, they could be

180
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,679
Speaker 1: partying to medicate. They could be crying, they could be

181
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,400
Speaker 1: doing the same thing. They could be playing a game.

182
00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:03,160
Speaker 1: You don't fucking know. But you have to detox, and

183
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,760
Speaker 1: you can have two things going on at the same

184
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,640
Speaker 1: time where by way of you detoxing from the person,

185
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:13,240
Speaker 1: they are also freaking out because they can't believe you

186
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:14,200
Speaker 1: don't need the drug.

187
00:09:14,559 --> 00:09:15,240
Speaker 2: And if you go.

188
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,640
Speaker 1: Take a hit off the pipe, they then know you

189
00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:19,720
Speaker 1: need the drug. They've got you hooked, they know you're

190
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,760
Speaker 1: going to come back for more. They've got a little

191
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,680
Speaker 1: dim bag waiting for you. So just know that that

192
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:29,240
Speaker 1: you could be a strategist by also going you know,

193
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:33,240
Speaker 1: not not breaking the diet, not going on the sauce,

194
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:37,079
Speaker 1: but also you're being an emotional strategist where you're helping

195
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,560
Speaker 1: yourself because you're getting off of it. Other people would

196
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,040
Speaker 1: just believe in in cold turkey, some people would believe

197
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,440
Speaker 1: go if the other person. If you love someone, you

198
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,080
Speaker 1: set them free, if it was meant to be, they'll

199
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,319
Speaker 1: come back to you and like it doesn't matter. You

200
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:49,959
Speaker 1: don't have to overthink everything and you don't have to

201
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,520
Speaker 1: be like, wait, well I didn't call them, so maybe

202
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,160
Speaker 1: they don't know I love them, or they don't know

203
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,040
Speaker 1: I miss them. You know, if someone wants to be

204
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,080
Speaker 1: with you, they're going to fucking show you. If someone

205
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:01,360
Speaker 1: shows you who they are or what they want or

206
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:05,160
Speaker 1: what they don't want or how they feel, bah leave them.

207
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:05,880
Speaker 2: Okay.

208
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:10,200
Speaker 1: The other thing is when you're in this phase, they

209
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,640
Speaker 1: don't get to like have you for like pen pal

210
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,199
Speaker 1: talks like, they don't get to be like, oh hey

211
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,000
Speaker 1: did you go? Oh thought of you and send a

212
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,280
Speaker 1: picture then you send something back, because that's a hit.

213
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,600
Speaker 1: That's taking a small hit. You can get by. They

214
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,120
Speaker 1: can get by too. They will never need to know

215
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,920
Speaker 1: or feel what it's like to be without you. And

216
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,840
Speaker 1: so that's again something that helps you emotionally, but it's

217
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:34,240
Speaker 1: also a strategy meaning what you're gonna it's the cow

218
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,800
Speaker 1: and the milk, Like you're gonna give them the banter,

219
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,760
Speaker 1: which equals what a lot of a relationship is. A

220
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,160
Speaker 1: lot of times people miss each other because of the companionship,

221
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,400
Speaker 1: because of the best friendship. It's the cigarette you took

222
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,559
Speaker 1: a hit off of all day. It's like a tick.

223
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,480
Speaker 1: You just talk to this person, you called them, you

224
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,120
Speaker 1: sent them pictures. They would just like you picked up

225
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,199
Speaker 1: the phone to call them, You send them emojis, you

226
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,440
Speaker 1: send them videos, you inside jokes, like, that's a lot,

227
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,680
Speaker 1: day and day out. It's not like you're just missing

228
00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,679
Speaker 1: like the sex. Maybe on a Saturday night when you're wasted,

229
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,840
Speaker 1: you're missing the sex because you're horny or something, or

230
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,400
Speaker 1: you're lonely and you're hitting Sunday scaries. That happens, but

231
00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,800
Speaker 1: day and day out, it's kind of the habit. So

232
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:11,120
Speaker 1: if you give them a hit off the pipe, they're

233
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,640
Speaker 1: getting the cat, you know why, by the cow they

234
00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:16,160
Speaker 1: have to feel like, and why would you give them

235
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,560
Speaker 1: just some of you. It's a rose. It has petals

236
00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:21,120
Speaker 1: and thorns. They're gonna have to take the thorns with

237
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,000
Speaker 1: the petals because giving them the little hits all day

238
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,079
Speaker 1: long and the cuteness about you and you're being a friend,

239
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:29,200
Speaker 1: that's the petals without the thorns. They're taking an a

240
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,320
Speaker 1: la carte menu. They're walking in and going I want

241
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,400
Speaker 1: this and that, but I don't want the rest, and

242
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:35,880
Speaker 1: you're just sitting there giving it to them. It's almost

243
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,079
Speaker 1: like an emotional booty call. It really actually is like

244
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:42,000
Speaker 1: an emotional booty call. They text you and want you

245
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,800
Speaker 1: just to say something back is the equivalent of like,

246
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,160
Speaker 1: hey want to hook up later. I want to meet

247
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,400
Speaker 1: up later. You get weak, you just want the hit,

248
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,080
Speaker 1: you want to see them, you want to get laid.

249
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,440
Speaker 1: You'll go, You'll feel lower the next day. So the

250
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,120
Speaker 1: same thing happens emotionally. You want to take a little hit.

251
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:58,720
Speaker 1: It makes you feel worse after. It makes you feel

252
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:02,760
Speaker 1: worse after you have a scratch you on it, itch

253
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,480
Speaker 1: you fucking ride it through like a sugar craving, like

254
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,720
Speaker 1: a like like someone who needs to go to a meeting.

255
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,360
Speaker 1: You talk to a therapist, you talk to a friend,

256
00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:11,400
Speaker 1: you take a nap, you watch a movie, you organize

257
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,240
Speaker 1: your closet, you go do something, you cook something, you

258
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,480
Speaker 1: hug your kid, you watch, you do whatever the fuck

259
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,200
Speaker 1: it it is you need to do instead of sitting there.

260
00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:22,320
Speaker 1: You know, and sometimes sitting there is okay. Like let's

261
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,960
Speaker 1: say you're laying down and you're going to bed, or

262
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:28,320
Speaker 1: you're meditating to avoid thinking about something means you're not

263
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:31,120
Speaker 1: massaging it and working it through. If you have a calm,

264
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,800
Speaker 1: clear mind, you can work through and really logically be

265
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,840
Speaker 1: like is this what I ultimately want? Or am I

266
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,280
Speaker 1: wanting this? Because it's like a gamification of the system,

267
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,200
Speaker 1: because it's just like I miss something. Is this how

268
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,760
Speaker 1: I want to live? Is what it was? How I

269
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,760
Speaker 1: want to feel when we were together, when we were apart,

270
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,160
Speaker 1: Like what is it all entail? What was I in?

271
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,240
Speaker 1: And do I want to do that again? And do

272
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,160
Speaker 1: I want to do that again for the right reasons?

273
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,080
Speaker 1: And if I take a hit and I go back

274
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,880
Speaker 1: in now I'm gonna have to go through detox all

275
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,360
Speaker 1: over again. So you better make sure that the other

276
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,679
Speaker 1: person is giving you exactly what you want to go

277
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:08,199
Speaker 1: back otherwise it's the definition of insanity. Why would you

278
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:09,760
Speaker 1: go back to the same thing that you felt bad

279
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:13,199
Speaker 1: in because you're scared, because you're scared of being alone?

280
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,079
Speaker 1: Absolutely not. You got through the bad peer. You got

281
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,680
Speaker 1: to go all the way through because otherwise you go

282
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:22,240
Speaker 1: right back, right back, and you'll have the shakes and

283
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:24,720
Speaker 1: the sweats, and you got to go through detoks all

284
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:28,960
Speaker 1: over again. Because while people will evolve, some people don't change.

285
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,280
Speaker 1: And the only people that change are people that drastically

286
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,920
Speaker 1: want to change that come and say like I am

287
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,400
Speaker 1: scared straight, I fucked up. I love you. I can't

288
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:41,679
Speaker 1: imagine life without you. How can I change. What can

289
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,719
Speaker 1: we do If someone isn't there, they're not worth your time,

290
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,680
Speaker 1: because then you're gonna be dragging them. You're gonna be

291
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:52,040
Speaker 1: pulling them. It's like pulling a sled. So I just

292
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:55,560
Speaker 1: think that I talked about my divorce a lot. I've

293
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,440
Speaker 1: talked about dating a lot. We can talk about breaking up.

294
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,720
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be so drastic into just getting

295
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,480
Speaker 1: together and falling in love or getting a vicious, brutal divorce.

296
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,920
Speaker 1: We can talk in the middle about what it's like

297
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,959
Speaker 1: to just go through a breakup and it's really, really

298
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:12,360
Speaker 1: fucking hard, and fear gets in the way of truth.

299
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:17,040
Speaker 1: Fear is literally like when people our shit, I'll be alone.

300
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,520
Speaker 1: I'm no one's ever gonna treat me that way. I'm

301
00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:22,360
Speaker 1: never gonna find somebody again, et cetera. So that's what

302
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:28,040
Speaker 1: I have to say about that. So we're adding breakups

303
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:50,640
Speaker 1: into the talk about makeups and dating