WEBVTT - Bonus: Listener Stories, Episode 1

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<v Speaker 1>Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>Danny Shapiro, and this is family Secrets, the secrets that

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<v Speaker 1>are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others,

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<v Speaker 1>and the secrets we keep from ourselves. As I tore

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<v Speaker 1>the nation from my book Inheritance, I've heard from so

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<v Speaker 1>many about your own family secrets and realize that what

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<v Speaker 1>we are creating for each other on this podcast is

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<v Speaker 1>a community, a community for those who are looking for

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<v Speaker 1>a safe and supportive space to unburden themselves. To that end,

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<v Speaker 1>we've created a number for listeners to call in to

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<v Speaker 1>record stories to share here in this space. This week,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd like to share a few of those stories from

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<v Speaker 1>our community. Thanks for listening. I just wanted to share

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<v Speaker 1>a little glimpse of my family's secret um. Growing up,

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<v Speaker 1>we always knew my mom had been married before, but

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<v Speaker 1>it wasn't until I turned eighteen that she had revealed

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<v Speaker 1>to me that she had a son that she had

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<v Speaker 1>given up for adoption. My mom had always felt like

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<v Speaker 1>she had lost a child before she had my brother

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<v Speaker 1>and I, and that giving him up for adoption was

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<v Speaker 1>kind of God's way of punishing her for for her choices,

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<v Speaker 1>and so We tried to find out information about him

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<v Speaker 1>as much as we could, but my mom just couldn't

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think go down that route. And so about

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<v Speaker 1>twenty years later, I finally got a Facebook request from

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<v Speaker 1>some gal trying to find my mom, and through some

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<v Speaker 1>Facebook stalking, found out that that was kind of her service,

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<v Speaker 1>was helping adopted kids and families find each other. And

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<v Speaker 1>lo and behold, we found the son that she had

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<v Speaker 1>given up for adoption and started contacting him. Found out

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of information about my mom that for about

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<v Speaker 1>the first eight months of his life, with lots of

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<v Speaker 1>adoption records and caseworker visits and that kind of stuff

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<v Speaker 1>that really painted a new picture of who my mom was.

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<v Speaker 1>I started looking into my ancestry and decided to take

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<v Speaker 1>an ancestry d n A test just to find out

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<v Speaker 1>more information that I could pass on to him. And

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<v Speaker 1>of course, low and Behold, Gal was on kind of

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<v Speaker 1>the people that are closely related to you, so I

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<v Speaker 1>think it was like a first cousin or closer and

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<v Speaker 1>I was thinking, oh, now my dad has a son,

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<v Speaker 1>or or my dad has a daughter, or maybe my

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<v Speaker 1>aunt or something like that, And so I called my

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<v Speaker 1>mom to find out that no, when she was eighteen,

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<v Speaker 1>she had gotten pregnant and she had put another child

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<v Speaker 1>up for adoption, and that I think hurt me more

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<v Speaker 1>than all the other secrets I had found out up

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<v Speaker 1>until that time, just because you know, she told me

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<v Speaker 1>about her son, but not about this father. That I

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<v Speaker 1>had a sister too out there, and UM, it's yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's been an interesting experience. My story is not really

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<v Speaker 1>my story, it's my dad's story. Um. He was born

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<v Speaker 1>in the UK. He was born in a mother maybe

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<v Speaker 1>his home, which was like an unwite mother's home, and

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<v Speaker 1>he had said and somehow ended up being raised by

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<v Speaker 1>his grandmother. My story short, his grandmother died when he

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<v Speaker 1>was thirteen and he was kind of left his own devices,

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<v Speaker 1>and he has two or three gage memories of his

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<v Speaker 1>mother coming in and out of his life, um, grandomly

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<v Speaker 1>touching his life before the age of eight. And then

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<v Speaker 1>other than that, she's kind of soft the face of

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<v Speaker 1>the earth. And as I've grown out older, I had

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<v Speaker 1>my own kids, I got really interested in finding her,

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<v Speaker 1>and with the advent about the Internet, we were doing

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<v Speaker 1>lots lots of searching, and you know, we found records

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<v Speaker 1>of her from an early age but just what she

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<v Speaker 1>reached the age of twenty one, she kind of just

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<v Speaker 1>say fell off the face of the earth. And so

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<v Speaker 1>I hired on a home professional searcher, one of those

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<v Speaker 1>TV searchers. I caused many thousands of dollars a couple

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<v Speaker 1>of months ago, and she found her. But she married

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<v Speaker 1>in London, and she married in London in the seventies,

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<v Speaker 1>and she married using a birthday that was ten years

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<v Speaker 1>before her real birthday. Then she married this guy um

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<v Speaker 1>who was from Ireland, and then she died in two

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<v Speaker 1>thousand four living in London, which is really tragic because

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<v Speaker 1>we lived in London until I was two or three,

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<v Speaker 1>and we weren't that far away. So I guess it's

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<v Speaker 1>a still developing story because there are people out there

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<v Speaker 1>that now about her and they know why she loved.

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<v Speaker 1>Often it's and my dad's uncle is still alive and

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<v Speaker 1>he won't share a lot of the details, and it

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<v Speaker 1>is still developing because I really want to find her

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<v Speaker 1>husband and asked him if he knows anything about her,

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<v Speaker 1>But I can't find him because he's kind of flawen

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<v Speaker 1>off the face of heres and I am not willing

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<v Speaker 1>to send the dass to find him. Um, somebody who

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not really related to. But but anyway, that's my story.

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<v Speaker 1>There's a lot more, but it's just I thought that's

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<v Speaker 1>the fun of the reason why I've feel interested in

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<v Speaker 1>the podcast, because I have my own story. Um, that's

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<v Speaker 1>kind of developing. I have quite the mixed bag of

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<v Speaker 1>family secrets where instead of the my father being someone

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<v Speaker 1>who went had children with a lot of different people,

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<v Speaker 1>it was my mother. I didn't was not raised by

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<v Speaker 1>my mother. She gave me to my grandparents, my maternal grandparents,

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<v Speaker 1>and when I was around ten, she married and I

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<v Speaker 1>had a little sister. So fast forward about another ten

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<v Speaker 1>fifteen years and my sister sends me a picture of

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<v Speaker 1>a little baby and everything's written in Spanish, but she

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<v Speaker 1>thinks she sees our mother's name somewhere in there, and

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<v Speaker 1>I she sends it to me and we find out

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<v Speaker 1>that it's a picture of what appears to be a

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<v Speaker 1>baby that my mother had given up for adoption when

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<v Speaker 1>she lived in Mexico for a little bit. Right after

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<v Speaker 1>I was born she moved there. I asked my mother

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<v Speaker 1>and he was told it was none of my business.

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<v Speaker 1>But we did figure out that it was our brother. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>things were rather quiet for a long time. Yearest passed

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<v Speaker 1>six years ago. I got a phone call from a

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<v Speaker 1>gentleman who said, I think I'm your brother, and we

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<v Speaker 1>compared notes and we were talking, and then you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I thohen he was the two years younger than me,

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<v Speaker 1>and well and behold, he's six years older than me.

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<v Speaker 1>He was actually my mother his first child. But long

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<v Speaker 1>story short, it's now uh my brother who was six

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<v Speaker 1>years older be than our sister who's ten years younger

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<v Speaker 1>than not than me. But all of us have UH

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<v Speaker 1>fathers from different countries. No one was from America. We

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<v Speaker 1>won't find the Mexican one because I think that was

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<v Speaker 1>so well hidden with adoption. But we also are wondering

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<v Speaker 1>who we're going to find anything else out about other

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<v Speaker 1>children that might have popped up along the way. Our

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<v Speaker 1>mother passed away three years ago and was tight lipped

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<v Speaker 1>to the end, denying everything. My mother had a big, loud,

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<v Speaker 1>Jewish family, and my dad had a family that was

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<v Speaker 1>darker and a little more confusing. My aunts were married

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<v Speaker 1>to very strict Roman Catholic men, and I don't know,

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<v Speaker 1>there was always something a little off. My dad was

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<v Speaker 1>Jewish too, and then I think I was eleven or

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<v Speaker 1>twelve when we started saying, well, where's your parents, because

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<v Speaker 1>we didn't know our grandparents on that side at all.

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<v Speaker 1>And it took a while, probably a year, from my

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<v Speaker 1>father to finally tell us that my grandfather had gone

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<v Speaker 1>out to get a pack of cigarettes. My grandmother was

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<v Speaker 1>home with her seven children and he never came back.

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<v Speaker 1>And I don't know if she suffered from mental illness

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<v Speaker 1>before that, but she sort of became catatonic and took

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<v Speaker 1>to her bed. And the way that it all came

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<v Speaker 1>out in public was that my father was found roaming

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<v Speaker 1>in the street in his dirty diaper, and the butcher

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<v Speaker 1>recognized him and took him home, and all the kids

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<v Speaker 1>got taken away to the Jewish orphanage, which was a

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<v Speaker 1>wonderful place, actually, so my father said. But this secret

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<v Speaker 1>of my grandmother being mentally ill was was just like

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<v Speaker 1>the thing we never talked about. She lived for another

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<v Speaker 1>thirty five forty years in an institution, but she didn't

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<v Speaker 1>know who anybody was, and I never met her, and

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<v Speaker 1>my sister never met her. So we understand your family secrets.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you. If you'd like to share your story, call

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<v Speaker 1>one eight eight eight secret zero and record your story.

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<v Speaker 1>We won't be able to run all the stories, but

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<v Speaker 1>we do want to shine a light on as many

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<v Speaker 1>as we can. The number again is one eight eight

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<v Speaker 1>eight Secret and then the numeral zero. Just a brief

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<v Speaker 1>housekeeping note for those of you in and around New

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<v Speaker 1>York City. On June three, I'm gonna be with the

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<v Speaker 1>awesome Nora mcinnerney, host to the podcast Terrible. Thanks for

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<v Speaker 1>asking who will be joining me for a live Family

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<v Speaker 1>Secrets event at Rizzoli Books which is and Broadway. Will

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<v Speaker 1>be there at six pm on June three, and we

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<v Speaker 1>would love to see m For more podcasts for my

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<v Speaker 1>Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast,

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<v Speaker 1>or wherever you listen to your favorite shows