1 00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's important in listening to this podcast that you 2 00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:18,960 Speaker 1: know I am the most literal person you've ever merrit 3 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,759 Speaker 1: in your life. I don't exaggerate, I don't embellish. I 4 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,320 Speaker 1: hate when I hear someone tells a story and then 5 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:24,919 Speaker 1: I hear it or I was there, and then I 6 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 1: even tell a story and a meal and it's like, no, 7 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:30,320 Speaker 1: that didn't happen, like and then they just leave off. 8 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:33,320 Speaker 1: They add one thing or two things, unless it's like 9 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:35,479 Speaker 1: you're saying something exaggeraly, like I mean that was like 10 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:39,239 Speaker 1: me flying off a rollercoaster going two hundred and seventy five, 11 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 1: because you're like illustrating that it's so exaggerated that you're 12 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:45,640 Speaker 1: making an exaggerated point. But I don't do embellishments. I 13 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,159 Speaker 1: am completely literal, So when I say something to you, 14 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:51,400 Speaker 1: you will know it's literal unless it's completely exaggerated and 15 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: very obvious. But I just like that. And it's so 16 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 1: funny because Paul be like, I know missliteral because I'm 17 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 1: like I need, I need to know exactly what's being said, 18 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 1: and I'm just I'm being on literal from everything from 19 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 1: precisely what does it come with? How are we doing it, 20 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,959 Speaker 1: what's going on? What am I getting? The way I 21 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,559 Speaker 1: describe it? I just I like people to be literal 22 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,959 Speaker 1: back to me too, so literal. It becomes a problem 23 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: in negotiations with real estate because I'll be selling something 24 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: and my real estate broker will say, well, no, I 25 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: mean we're gonna tell them that because we know they're 26 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 1: gonna come back and it's this, and I'm like, no, 27 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:24,760 Speaker 1: just like it doesn't matter. I'm only willing to accept 28 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:26,440 Speaker 1: this amount of money whether we do it today or 29 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,840 Speaker 1: three years from tuesday. We could do the dance and 30 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,720 Speaker 1: do all the hand jobs and for a playing between, 31 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 1: it doesn't make any sense. I'm still going to take 32 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 1: the same amount of money I was in that way, 33 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,880 Speaker 1: people like to do a whole dance of negotiating. I 34 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,440 Speaker 1: don't like to dance. I like to just be like, 35 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:39,959 Speaker 1: this is what it is, this is what it's not. 36 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,479 Speaker 1: The wevy pad is there, you be there, you don't 37 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 1: be there. So about a month ago, I taped an 38 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 1: episode with listener questions and I couldn't get to all 39 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 1: of them. And it seems is very popular whenever I 40 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: do an appearance, the Q and A is always the 41 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 1: best part. So I feel like it's a good way 42 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 1: for me to get a sense of you and you 43 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:15,800 Speaker 1: to get a sense of me. Mike and Los Angeles. 44 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,640 Speaker 1: I've been working with a friend doing some writing for 45 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 1: her blog. I'm a writer, and I've been giving her 46 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:24,280 Speaker 1: like off of my usual rate. I've been taking on 47 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 1: more and more work from her, and I'm missing out 48 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,000 Speaker 1: of the jobs because of all the time I spend 49 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,280 Speaker 1: helping her out. I want to ask her for more money, 50 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 1: but I feel awkward doing it because she's my friend. 51 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:36,360 Speaker 1: What would I do? Uh? You know, I have friends 52 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 1: that are interior designers that uh. I have said straight 53 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 1: up in the beginning, I do a flat rate. I'm 54 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,200 Speaker 1: not a commission type of person, meaning I don't like 55 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,240 Speaker 1: people commissioning furniture and I like to just know what 56 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 1: things are right up at the beginning. Um, but I 57 00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: have a lot of friends that do. I am trying 58 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:01,040 Speaker 1: to think I'm five friends that I have to pay 59 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:04,959 Speaker 1: them for their services. I think that's the first problem 60 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 1: that that's really awkward. The only service that I could 61 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:11,320 Speaker 1: ever think about would be, like, let's say, like if 62 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: you have a friend who's a dermatologist, and sometimes they 63 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,079 Speaker 1: become your friends through the service, like meaning you meet 64 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 1: them and then you become friends. And it's weird. But 65 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,440 Speaker 1: I know somebody I was just an askment I know 66 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 1: about who wins a restaurant. I've known him for twenty years. 67 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 1: He charges me every time I go. He owns the 68 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:27,079 Speaker 1: star Books and I paid for my Starbucks. Like he's 69 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 1: making money, He's doing what he's doing. He probably has 70 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,760 Speaker 1: his own personal rule, So maybe I think what I 71 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: would probably do Mike is I would probably say and 72 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 1: make this a policy. Say I'm really building this business 73 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: and I'm trying to grow, and um, time is effectively money, 74 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 1: So the time that I spend doing one thing means 75 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:51,880 Speaker 1: it's time I can't do another. So I've incorporated a 76 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 1: friends and family rate. Just make it like it's not 77 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: personal to this person, just in general, this is the 78 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,840 Speaker 1: friends and family rates. So going forward, the rate's going 79 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: to be this for my friends and my family. And 80 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,440 Speaker 1: then keep that consistent because that just draws a line. 81 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 1: But gray areas and murkiness they don't really work. So 82 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:11,880 Speaker 1: I would create a friends and family rate and set boundaries. 83 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 1: You don't have to have a whole long conversation. You 84 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,040 Speaker 1: have to speak up for yourself and not apologize for 85 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,680 Speaker 1: something that's basic. So that's what it is. No one 86 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 1: has to say to me, I charge you because I'm 87 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: a doctor and you came to see me, or because 88 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:27,039 Speaker 1: I'm doing design work. Uh for me, I could also 89 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,640 Speaker 1: say to somebody, oh, I could promote you on social 90 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 1: and then if it's something that values them and they 91 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:34,560 Speaker 1: want that. But you also don't want to get in 92 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 1: that stickness either because you don't want more reasons to 93 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,480 Speaker 1: have discrepancies of people. Everything is. It's just like a divorce. 94 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:45,280 Speaker 1: Everything is great in the beginning, but when it goes sideways, 95 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: everything sounds different, and these mistakes you make in the 96 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:53,480 Speaker 1: beginning become you know, bigger later. So so set the 97 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 1: tone for everything you do in your business, in your life. 98 00:04:55,960 --> 00:05:00,320 Speaker 1: In the beginning of every relationship, business wise, personal, I'm 99 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 1: constantly checking back into my relationship and Paul and are 100 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:06,039 Speaker 1: saying the things that we want, but then the things 101 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,920 Speaker 1: that we need that our deal that you're just their 102 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 1: deal breakers for each person who's who they actually are. 103 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,279 Speaker 1: So you're a business person, you're working for a living. 104 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 1: This is your rate and it's the same for every 105 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:26,480 Speaker 1: friend and family. Anonymous, how do you ask for a raise. 106 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,240 Speaker 1: You ask for a raise if you are sure that 107 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:33,040 Speaker 1: you deserve it and you're really not just seeing the 108 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 1: world through rose colored glasses, if you have value, if 109 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,719 Speaker 1: the timing is correct, if you didn't just get a raise, 110 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:44,600 Speaker 1: if you didn't just start, if your patient, if it's 111 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 1: not when a company is losing a lot of money 112 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 1: because of a pandemic or things just changed, or it's 113 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: sort of like a parent. A parent walks in, you know, 114 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: if they're an aggravated day from work. You wait for 115 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 1: the temperature to go down. You don't attack them, which 116 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,039 Speaker 1: is what all kids want to do. They attack the 117 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:00,480 Speaker 1: parents the second they walk into like ask for something 118 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,320 Speaker 1: that they want or need or something that's bothering them, 119 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,480 Speaker 1: and then it gets the worst result. So it's the 120 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,560 Speaker 1: same thing. Asking for a raise should be like a 121 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 1: child asking for something that they want from a parent. 122 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 1: It's about the the who, where, when, and why. The 123 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:16,520 Speaker 1: timing is super important about how to ask. Usually my 124 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 1: daughter will get things that she wants if she's just 125 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:22,360 Speaker 1: being very good with she always is. If she's being 126 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 1: very good and not asking, but she bombarded me at 127 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,920 Speaker 1: the wrong time, that's a good way to not get 128 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 1: what you want from Sarah in New York. First of all, 129 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:33,599 Speaker 1: I love your show, Bethany. Okay, here's my question. You've 130 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 1: said that you used to watch the credits of TV 131 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,320 Speaker 1: shows to figure out who the producers are and then 132 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,039 Speaker 1: reach out to them. When you would do that, what 133 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,880 Speaker 1: would you say. I want to start networking and doing 134 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,920 Speaker 1: some cold outreach myself, but I have no idea where 135 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,599 Speaker 1: to begin or what to say. So I used to 136 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 1: watch the Food Network because I wanted to be on 137 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 1: the Food Network. Incidentally, the head of the Food Network 138 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,320 Speaker 1: later told me I was never going to make it 139 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 1: on TV and that these production companies should stop calling 140 00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,920 Speaker 1: him because he's not putting me on Food Network. And 141 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 1: later Food Network wanted me to be on Food Network. Okay, 142 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: I always tell that story. I'll keep telling it till 143 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:08,599 Speaker 1: I'm in the box. So, um, I used to watch 144 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 1: shows because I wanted to be on the Food Network, 145 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,400 Speaker 1: and so I would look at the producers, just names 146 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 1: of the producers, and I write them all down and 147 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: I would email them. And I don't know how I 148 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 1: would find out their email. Usually it's a like, you know, 149 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:23,119 Speaker 1: Joe at health magazine dot com or blah blah, blah 150 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 1: at Rock Shrimp Productions, which is Bobby Flay's production company, 151 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 1: which is one of the places that I actually got 152 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 1: called in to be there. So it's like fishing. You 153 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 1: need to have some bait on the line. You have 154 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: an email. You're not emailing Jeff Bezos. You're emailing a 155 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,840 Speaker 1: person who has a job and a family and read 156 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 1: their emails. I am a famous person and or a 157 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 1: well known person want to lose their thing to say. 158 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: But I see my I see emails that come in. 159 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 1: I don't have five that I'm am madonna. I don't 160 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 1: have like envelopes coming in every minute of the day, 161 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,600 Speaker 1: like I see what comes in. So imagine a person 162 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 1: that's less well known, they definitely see what comes in. So, um, 163 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:02,200 Speaker 1: you have bait on your hook and you say, Hi, 164 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:06,920 Speaker 1: either I know this person through that person, or I 165 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 1: I've done this thing that was very successful, or what 166 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 1: I probably did. I probably said I have a wee 167 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:17,040 Speaker 1: secondary free bakes goods company, Bethany bakes um, and I 168 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 1: probably had sent them the baked goods already or I 169 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 1: did it after I sent the email, so it's sort 170 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 1: of connected together. Um, I probably sent something. You could 171 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,680 Speaker 1: send something else that pertains to you. Um, it could 172 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:29,200 Speaker 1: be just a regular gift that has nothing to do 173 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 1: with what you're doing. It could be something to stand 174 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: out and get to your point immediately. When I called 175 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:39,400 Speaker 1: email Jeffrey Katzenberg about a business opportunity, I said, I 176 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 1: might be investing in a business that you're a partner in. 177 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: I would love to speak to you. Now. Granted he 178 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 1: knows who I am, which I've later found out, but 179 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 1: still he gets a million emails. He responded because I 180 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 1: intrigued him by saying I'm investing. I might be investing 181 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,199 Speaker 1: in a business that you're invested in. So I didn't 182 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 1: give the whole story in the email because I wanted 183 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: him to have a reason to be intreagued. So you 184 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,240 Speaker 1: have to find out whatever your reason to intrigue the 185 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 1: person is, whatever the bait is to put on the hook. 186 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,560 Speaker 1: Only you can know that. But keep it short and 187 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:12,679 Speaker 1: sweet and compelling. Tell a story. Make it compelling. I 188 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,720 Speaker 1: always say to my team, we have to be telling 189 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: a story. What's the narrative? What are you doing? From 190 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,000 Speaker 1: Meredith in Portland, my boyfriend has gained weight during COVID 191 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:25,439 Speaker 1: as we all have right, he's feeling self conscious. I'm 192 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 1: not sure how to help him. I feel like I 193 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: always say the wrong thing. I tell him that it 194 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:30,840 Speaker 1: doesn't look like he's gained weight, but I don't feel 195 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:32,320 Speaker 1: like that's the right thing to say, because he has 196 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:33,920 Speaker 1: gained weight, and I don't want him to feel like 197 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 1: I'm just bullshitting him. How can I help him be 198 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 1: confident and get healthy? I would say, well, um, I 199 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:45,319 Speaker 1: would see people on shows this is actually true. People 200 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,120 Speaker 1: think that Tony Soprano is very attractive. People see these 201 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,200 Speaker 1: like sort of big gangster types, or like the big 202 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: burly type of the guy that eats. I would say, 203 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 1: if you're trying to get him to lose there's two 204 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 1: ways to go about this. If you if you're trying 205 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 1: to get him to feel good about himself, say I like, 206 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 1: like you're what you're manly, like you're like a big 207 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,040 Speaker 1: strong man, and I love a man who eats, and 208 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,560 Speaker 1: I find that attractive. Because I do find that attractive, 209 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 1: I'm not interested. I'd rather have someone who's fifty pounds 210 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,080 Speaker 1: overweight than a guy that's working out in the morning 211 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,439 Speaker 1: and like eating egg white almlets. That is a turn 212 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,200 Speaker 1: off to me. So you can say that, But you 213 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:18,000 Speaker 1: can also look at people on television that have similar 214 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 1: body types and say that you find that attractive like 215 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,120 Speaker 1: you find you know, don't be looking at other men 216 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 1: but say that. But if you want to motivate him, 217 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,640 Speaker 1: say is that about how you look? Because I love 218 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:29,080 Speaker 1: the way you look and do what I just said. 219 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 1: You know about all those messages, But if it's about 220 00:10:32,679 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 1: how you feel, then just take one step at a time. 221 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 1: But often someone feeling bad about themselves makes them go 222 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 1: deeper into the spiral and into the hole, and so 223 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 1: we are really people are emotional about eating. So I 224 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,199 Speaker 1: would approach it, and that's where people with children to 225 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,560 Speaker 1: people approach it the wrong way. So many parents tell 226 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:53,960 Speaker 1: their children you have to start, you know, eating healthy, 227 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 1: which the kids know it means I think you're overweight. 228 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 1: And it's a very delicate thing to be talking about 229 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:03,120 Speaker 1: food and message with kids, UM and partners. So I 230 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,600 Speaker 1: would figure out the desired goal UM and then find 231 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,000 Speaker 1: out how to get there. But I think I would 232 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,560 Speaker 1: definitely complement body types like it make him feel good, 233 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 1: and then approach it in another way to get him 234 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:18,200 Speaker 1: motivated to get healthier. Unless it's not bothering you and 235 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 1: then it's all good. But don't you Yeah, you were 236 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,240 Speaker 1: right about what you were saying. That was wrong if 237 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 1: you did. We've been together and I didn't notice it, 238 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 1: But I mean, I I think you look great. I'm 239 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,400 Speaker 1: attracted to you, you know, actions to be loud of 240 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,840 Speaker 1: the words roll up on him a lot more from Maureen. 241 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 1: What ended up happening with Ezra Blount's family? Were you 242 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,080 Speaker 1: able to give him the money? Are you still in 243 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,680 Speaker 1: touch with his dad? How do I say this in 244 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 1: a delicate way. We gave the money to the mother, 245 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:47,559 Speaker 1: who is his single parent. His father was with him 246 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:52,280 Speaker 1: on that evening. The mother raises him and has raised 247 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:57,720 Speaker 1: him his whole life and is doing it alone and 248 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:01,240 Speaker 1: doesn't want any press or didn't want anything. We gave 249 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: her the money. She she she you know, I had like, 250 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 1: like not almost pushed it on her, but they were 251 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,520 Speaker 1: certainly not grabbing. And the father set up the page. 252 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 1: The mother did not set up the page. So whatever 253 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 1: that means to you, I'm just telling you that we 254 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:15,360 Speaker 1: gave the mother the money, which is where the money 255 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:19,040 Speaker 1: should go, because the mother is the child's primary parents. 256 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,160 Speaker 1: And that was for those who don't know, that was 257 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,920 Speaker 1: Ezra Blount is the ten year old who died in 258 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:27,440 Speaker 1: Astra World, which is a travesty and um a ten 259 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,800 Speaker 1: billion dollar lawsuit from Nicole. What was it like writing 260 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,079 Speaker 1: your book? What was the hardest part? I have now 261 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,920 Speaker 1: written ten books. I forgot some of the books I wrote. 262 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,079 Speaker 1: The hardest part is the way that you feel when 263 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 1: you have to clean out a part of your house. 264 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,800 Speaker 1: It's overwhelming you. It could be someone passes away and 265 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,160 Speaker 1: you're going through their stuff. It could be a garage, 266 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:51,679 Speaker 1: a basement, it could be moving. That feeling, that anxiety 267 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:57,000 Speaker 1: just of like, that's the way that it feels that 268 00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:00,960 Speaker 1: writing a book can feel if you're not sorted. So 269 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 1: a table contents were designed for a very good reason. 270 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 1: It's like the architectural blueprint, and you don't have to 271 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,800 Speaker 1: stick to it when you're starting. It just gives it 272 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 1: some sort of a structure and you can then go 273 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,679 Speaker 1: deeper down into like three parts of a book. So 274 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: then you can start thinking of things and the same 275 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,559 Speaker 1: way that you're in your garage just looking at one thing, 276 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,680 Speaker 1: that tire, that that that box of photos, and just 277 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 1: start putting things in different parts of the room. It 278 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,199 Speaker 1: may not end up there, just like a book, start 279 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: putting things in different areas, and then you can sort 280 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:35,320 Speaker 1: in a more calm and methodical way. So I'm a 281 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:38,920 Speaker 1: very I'm a very organized writer, and and where things needs. 282 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,880 Speaker 1: This needs to go there, that should go there, let's 283 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:45,160 Speaker 1: put this here. Um and ideas pour out of you 284 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,440 Speaker 1: and it's sort of like you just have to figure 285 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,440 Speaker 1: out where how to organize them. And I write in 286 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,640 Speaker 1: a very prescriptive way, so it's like the top ten 287 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 1: rules of getting what you want was the place of yes, 288 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,600 Speaker 1: and then you can disort things to put them in 289 00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: the different rules. So if you're writing fixed and that's different, 290 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:04,319 Speaker 1: that's more flowy, but it's still abides by the same rules. 291 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,200 Speaker 1: This is this is what, this is the this is 292 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,440 Speaker 1: the when I was young, this is when I was older, 293 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 1: this is before COVID, this is post COVID. Like, just 294 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,360 Speaker 1: be organized about it. That's all I can really say 295 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 1: is it has to be sorted, and then if it's organized, 296 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:28,200 Speaker 1: the creativity and the good writing can flow from. Linda 297 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 1: in Miami, How do you deal with grief? My husband 298 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 1: died this year and I'm having a really hard time 299 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 1: dealing with my grief. Grief is like a storm and 300 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,080 Speaker 1: when people have these terrible catastrophes, these storms that they're 301 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,920 Speaker 1: going that they are hit with you. You are hit 302 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,520 Speaker 1: with it. You have to deal with it. You have 303 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 1: to deal with the aftermath. When it was happening, you 304 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 1: had to deal with the fear, and and you had 305 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:52,160 Speaker 1: to deal with the actual the fear and the destruction 306 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 1: and just the actual storm. So you have to go through. 307 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 1: There's only one way through a storm is through it. 308 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: And then you know, it's like Hurricane Sandy. People are 309 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,560 Speaker 1: then people are rebuilding. In the beginning, you know, there's 310 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 1: a lot of attention about it. Then the news goes away, 311 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 1: and then people have to actually deal with what happened 312 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,840 Speaker 1: and deal with loss and put things back together and 313 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,480 Speaker 1: put the pieces back together. Um they say they talk 314 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:18,120 Speaker 1: about the stages of grief. Um there they seem pretty 315 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 1: true to me. It feels like golf. You're on a 316 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:23,920 Speaker 1: certain hole, and if you think of it that way, 317 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 1: you're like, Okay, I think I'm on the first hole, 318 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 1: and then you keep going you'll start to feel it 319 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,840 Speaker 1: just gets better. It's just not something you end up 320 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 1: thinking about every day to the point where you might 321 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 1: actually make it a point with yourself just laying down, 322 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,440 Speaker 1: be like, Okay, now I'm going to think about this 323 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,320 Speaker 1: person because you want to think about them, and it 324 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,160 Speaker 1: will feel weird when you don't think about them, and 325 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,640 Speaker 1: it does just dissipate. It just it just goes away, 326 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:48,400 Speaker 1: and then it becomes nice memories and different memories pop through. 327 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 1: So that was my experience. Only had one really bad experience, 328 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,840 Speaker 1: and it was intense and brutal, and it brings up 329 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 1: so much. But if you make it positive because of 330 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 1: the things that it brings up for you and find 331 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 1: the meaning that can be helpful from glory. My best 332 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 1: friend and I are starting a business together. What should 333 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,760 Speaker 1: we do now so our relationship doesn't get messy later on? 334 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 1: Put it all in writing, have it all agreed upon, 335 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,200 Speaker 1: and pray for the best, and think about it like 336 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: a personal relationship, like a love relationship. If it's important 337 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 1: to you, it's important to me. What's the prenup look like, 338 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 1: what's what's what are the terms? What do you want? 339 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: What do I want? Not just when everything's positive, everyone 340 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 1: thinking this is great, it's gonna great, I'm gonna do this, 341 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,120 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do that. No one talks about when the 342 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:36,240 Speaker 1: ships the fen talk about it when we get divorced. 343 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,680 Speaker 1: Who's getting what, who's staying where? What would you want? 344 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,040 Speaker 1: What would you not want? You don't want to be 345 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,440 Speaker 1: partnered with someone that you wouldn't want to be divorced from. 346 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,960 Speaker 1: So make sure that this person you've seen them, if 347 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,360 Speaker 1: that's your friend. Do they get mean? Did they fight? 348 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,000 Speaker 1: Low blow? Do they do low blows? Do they go 349 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,320 Speaker 1: do they go dirty? Like you know who this person is, 350 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:56,880 Speaker 1: So be careful when going in knowing what's gonna happen. 351 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 1: God forbid it doesn't work out. So iron it all 352 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:04,240 Speaker 1: out and beginning X like a relationship, expectations, your flaws, 353 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: your wants, your needs, don't pick every battle, all that stuff. 354 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 1: When is it appropriate to approach a celebrity if you're 355 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 1: a fan. Not while eating, not while in a transaction 356 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,600 Speaker 1: of purchasing something, or standing with your daughter too. You know, 357 00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:26,120 Speaker 1: while a person's emotion, your in motion too, there's feet. 358 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 1: Never have to touch the ground, your in motion too. 359 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:31,199 Speaker 1: I think you're amazing, and then they might because you're 360 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: not annoyed. I never do you know how it's not 361 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 1: I never do this, Never say I never do this, 362 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:43,120 Speaker 1: never never squeal and say oh because then other people 363 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,439 Speaker 1: see you and like they've ruined the private moment between 364 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:50,480 Speaker 1: them and possibly you. Now you're heightened. Um, never get 365 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 1: worked up, keep your cool, get in, get out, they'l 366 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,639 Speaker 1: invite for more. So if there's a person who's like, 367 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,680 Speaker 1: you know what, I think you're amazing, I'm like, okay, 368 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,639 Speaker 1: did you want to get a picture? I visit versus 369 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 1: I can never regize, oh my god, you. I don't 370 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:03,919 Speaker 1: say anything. I don't want to do. I don't want 371 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,119 Speaker 1: to do I don't want to be that person. I'm 372 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,480 Speaker 1: not that person. Don't do that. I never do this. 373 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 1: I don't want to say anything. I don't want people. 374 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,680 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna tell anybody. I'm not gonna make a 375 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:12,960 Speaker 1: big deal out of it. But like they're doing that, 376 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,479 Speaker 1: and then other people are looking the best ways get in, 377 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,200 Speaker 1: get out fast. Then the person will want to engage 378 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: more with you, and if they don't, they're probably a dick. 379 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,760 Speaker 1: But if someone says to me I think you're amazing, 380 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,520 Speaker 1: I say, great, you want to get a picture, or 381 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,440 Speaker 1: if it's really fast, I'll just say thank you so much. 382 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 1: But that's the best way from aunt. What wents a 383 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:35,160 Speaker 1: wrong with this season of Real Housewives of New York. People. 384 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,200 Speaker 1: Whenever I say to people, but I don't watch the Housewives, 385 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,400 Speaker 1: they get all right, like that's gonna be some big 386 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:45,399 Speaker 1: lie and don't watch. Not because it's not riveting television, 387 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 1: and not because I'm better than it. I watch. I 388 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: watched like narc Ghosts, and I watch I watched Dope, Sick, 389 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,240 Speaker 1: two things about Drugs, Interesting Handmaids, Tylee. I like, I 390 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,520 Speaker 1: watch mysteries. I like The Sinner, I like I just 391 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:03,840 Speaker 1: like to I don't like junk food television. It goes 392 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,240 Speaker 1: too fast. You can be on your phone and you 393 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:09,280 Speaker 1: can be distracted, like something like True Detective. Uh, you're 394 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,359 Speaker 1: you're you're engaged because you need to pay attention or 395 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:15,480 Speaker 1: you're gonna miss something. So I like finding something really meaty. 396 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 1: So that's just a separate conversation, having nothing to do 397 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,000 Speaker 1: with Aunt's question. While went wrong with the season of 398 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:24,080 Speaker 1: Real house I was of New York, it's probably with 399 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:29,000 Speaker 1: many of the seasons of the Housewives different um cities, 400 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,280 Speaker 1: is that it's it's become a different show. It's a 401 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:37,160 Speaker 1: bit stale in the sense that it's hard to generate newness. 402 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:42,120 Speaker 1: I was the first photo shoot on those shows because 403 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,840 Speaker 1: I had a cover with Social Life magazine. Um, not 404 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,160 Speaker 1: because I was on the show. I don't believe. Maybe, 405 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 1: And it was like the first photo shoot that was 406 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,640 Speaker 1: being shot because that was unique. And then it was like, oh, 407 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 1: we're doing a photo shoot. And then it's weird because 408 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 1: people are doing photo shoots, but they're doing photo shoots 409 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,119 Speaker 1: because they're on that show. So it's like a new 410 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,160 Speaker 1: housewife who's not known and she's doing a photos shoot, 411 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,800 Speaker 1: but she got the photo shoot because she's on that show. 412 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,679 Speaker 1: So it's sort of fake for the audience. And then 413 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 1: there are a lot of fake businesses that are manufactured 414 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,240 Speaker 1: because in order to be on a house if you 415 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,160 Speaker 1: have to have stuff going on. So some people keep 416 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 1: stuff going on even if it's not successful because they 417 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:19,159 Speaker 1: need to have a quote unquote story. When I was 418 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 1: on the show, we never thought about a story. Storyline 419 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,480 Speaker 1: was never said. It wasn't even a concept. There was 420 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,720 Speaker 1: no storyline, there was no we didn't even know about ratings, 421 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,080 Speaker 1: there was no social media. When I was on we 422 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,960 Speaker 1: did we didn't. We did our own glam. So now 423 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:34,720 Speaker 1: everybody's got a glam squad every day, which they got 424 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,080 Speaker 1: because they're on the show, not because they always had 425 00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:39,680 Speaker 1: a glam squad. So the glam squad is because they're 426 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 1: on the show, So that in and of itself makes 427 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 1: it not real. In Beverly Hill's case, it's at least 428 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,960 Speaker 1: entertaining because they were in such costume and it's so 429 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,960 Speaker 1: elaborate that it's something to look at and it's expected now, 430 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,800 Speaker 1: but that wasn't the case when they first started either. So, 431 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,159 Speaker 1: and they have those big houses and everything, and places 432 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,160 Speaker 1: in New York City look like dumps, even if they're 433 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,000 Speaker 1: the same price as some of the houses in um 434 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 1: in Beverly. Also, the girls who are on The Girls 435 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,760 Speaker 1: don't they don't their houses aren't interesting to watch that 436 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 1: they don't have real estate porn, they don't have you know, 437 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:10,560 Speaker 1: the houses aren't that interesting to watch. The relationships are 438 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:14,480 Speaker 1: forged and forced and contrived and not from any sort 439 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:18,800 Speaker 1: of honest place. Uh. They are casting based on what 440 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:20,840 Speaker 1: society wants them to do and not based on who 441 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,560 Speaker 1: these people are really associating with, and so it just 442 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:29,440 Speaker 1: becomes the manufactured show with manufactured conversations, and the audience 443 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,760 Speaker 1: is so savvy and so smart, but it's hard to 444 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,920 Speaker 1: create freshness and newness and authenticity, so something new has 445 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:40,480 Speaker 1: to happen. Overall, the word housewives is like an antiquated 446 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:44,920 Speaker 1: fifties concept. So we're in a situation where everybody's woke 447 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:50,280 Speaker 1: and people are politically correct and you know, women equal 448 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:54,639 Speaker 1: pay for women. We're watching shows called housewives, you know, 449 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:58,000 Speaker 1: so Frank, you know with nobody is a housewife. But 450 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,359 Speaker 1: and I know, it's just a phrase that's been coined, 451 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:04,520 Speaker 1: and I get that because that's very important to recognize. 452 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:08,720 Speaker 1: I'm just saying it's a fifties concept, so it's not 453 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,359 Speaker 1: that easy for them to keep things fresh. And they're 454 00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:13,680 Speaker 1: doing a very good job of attempting me, that's for sure. 455 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,359 Speaker 1: But I did not see, so I just read what 456 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:22,040 Speaker 1: they say. Keep submitting questions. I love them. I hope 457 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:26,359 Speaker 1: the answers are helpful at least fun Watch alpha more questions, 458 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:30,320 Speaker 1: post more questions. I love answering them. Thank you so much,