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Speaker 1: Hi everybody. Oh my god, it's it's me Chelsea and Catherine. Hello, Hi,

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Speaker 1: how are you? I'm really great, but not as good

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Speaker 1: as you. I can see a beautiful snowfall behind you.

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Speaker 1: It's lovely there, I know it is pretty lovely. I'm coming.

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Speaker 1: I'm coming to my audience from I would like to

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Speaker 1: say live, but that doesn't really make any sense. Live

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Speaker 1: to tape from Whistler, which is where I've hunkered down

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Speaker 1: for the winter. And yes, I'm so oh god, it

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Speaker 1: is just heaven and I'm not going to pretend it's not.

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Speaker 1: I am skiing every single day, well not every single

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Speaker 1: day because Joe Quois with me, so we have to

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Speaker 1: take a couple of days off here and there for

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Speaker 1: his learning curve, you know what I mean. He had

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Speaker 1: an injury, a slight. He had a big wipe out

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Speaker 1: on one of the first couple of days, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, and he started filming it. I was like,

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Speaker 1: put your camera away. The last thing I need is

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Speaker 1: for people to think that I dragged you up to

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Speaker 1: Whistler and broke something on you. So just shut it down.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna be fine in about twenty four hours, And

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Speaker 1: sure enough, he was, oh, my gosh, and he just

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Speaker 1: took a tumble. Is he okay? I mean it seems

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Speaker 1: like it's okay. Well, he does wipe out a lot

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Speaker 1: because he's learning. And he thought that he had been

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Speaker 1: skiing before, because he skied in I don't know, Vegas,

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Speaker 1: Mount Charleston or something. I told him that was probably

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Speaker 1: an indoor ski rank at the Circus Circus because no

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Speaker 1: one's ever heard of that. But he thought he could hang.

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Speaker 1: And I guess he didn't really understand the extreme scare

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Speaker 1: that I am. Yeah. I mean looking at your socials,

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Speaker 1: it's like it's very rocky. These are not bunny hills

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Speaker 1: like this. It's pretty intense. Yeah, it's pretty fun though.

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Speaker 1: I mean it's just so beautiful here, like it is

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Speaker 1: the views and the mountain is so big. It's just

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Speaker 1: my family was here for a week and then they left,

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Speaker 1: and then so I and then my sister was here

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Speaker 1: lingering for a little bit, and then she left. And

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Speaker 1: now Joe and I are just like in domesticated bliss

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Speaker 1: in my little ski shelling. It's just heaven. And I

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Speaker 1: mean have some that I put in the time and

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Speaker 1: effort to become a really good skier that I had

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Speaker 1: the luxury to do that because it's so nice to

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Speaker 1: get out there and be able to like to be

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Speaker 1: capable at something. You know, I don't have a lot

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Speaker 1: of hobbies. Yeah, have you skied all your life? Or

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Speaker 1: is it sort of a newer thing for you. I've

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Speaker 1: skied since I was a little girl, but not seriously

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Speaker 1: like you know, the last seven eight years. I think

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Speaker 1: since I've been coming to Whistler, I've been pretty serious

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Speaker 1: about it. But I talked about this in my stand

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Speaker 1: up a lot, like I don't have a ton of bobbies.

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Speaker 1: I don't like to cook or clean or you know,

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Speaker 1: I like to read, I like to smoke weed, and

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Speaker 1: I like to ski, So I have to do all

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Speaker 1: three of those things. Really well, yeah, okay, really this?

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Speaker 1: Are you like a speed reader or do you just

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Speaker 1: happen to read quickly because you would like tear through books? Well,

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Speaker 1: if I have an assignment, I take it seriously. You

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Speaker 1: know how professional I am? Coft? Yes, I do, actually, yes,

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Speaker 1: I do so if I haven't reading assignment, if we

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Speaker 1: have a guest coming on the show, I mean, there's

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Speaker 1: nothing more annoying than being interviewed by someone who has

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Speaker 1: not been familiarized with your work. Yes, well, luckily today

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Speaker 1: our guest does not have a book out, so you

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Speaker 1: know we'll be all right. But I'm excited about our

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Speaker 1: guests today. I love us. So, speaking of skiing, one

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Speaker 1: of our listeners had a ski Well, a lot of

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Speaker 1: listeners have ski questions for you, but this is one

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Speaker 1: that I thought would be really fun to answer on

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Speaker 1: the air, She says. Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty eight

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Speaker 1: year old teacher living in Vermont and I learned to

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Speaker 1: ski two years ago. I took ski lessons with eight friends,

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Speaker 1: four couples that are fellow New England transplants, and the

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Speaker 1: only single skier of the crew, which has never been

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Speaker 1: a problem until now, as life changes have caused some

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Speaker 1: to back out of season passes or opting out many weekends.

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Speaker 1: I love skiing, but I'm still learning, so I don't

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Speaker 1: love the idea of skiing alone. When I want to

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Speaker 1: challenge myself. When I want to ski, I definitely go.

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Speaker 1: I don't change my plans when I'm the only one

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Speaker 1: going because solo runs are amazing. However, it's starting to

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Speaker 1: feel lonely. How would you suggest branching out or meeting

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Speaker 1: other people to ski with. Thanks for your help and

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Speaker 1: best of luck the ski season. Colleen, Well, I just

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Speaker 1: join a ski group. I mean, wherever you live, go

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Speaker 1: and join an adult single ski group. They have those everywhere.

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Speaker 1: Actually a friend of mine that's how she met her husband,

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Speaker 1: like twenty years ago. But yeah, they have ski groups everywhere.

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Speaker 1: So that's a great thing to do because then you're

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Speaker 1: never alone. And by the way, you shouldn't be skiing

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Speaker 1: alone if you want to challenge yourself, Like I don't

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Speaker 1: even go on the trees if I'm alone, because I

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Speaker 1: know better. Yeah. Well, maybe we'll find Colleen a group

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Speaker 1: and a husband or get Yeah, first comes the ski

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Speaker 1: group and then comes the husband. Yeah. Yeah, excellent. Well

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Speaker 1: that was easy. Yeah, it's a problem solved. Oh. Also,

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Speaker 1: I want to mention to everyone that we are rescheduling

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Speaker 1: my Vancouver dates. Those were canceled along with Calgary because

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Speaker 1: of COVID, and we are rescheduling them and so stay

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Speaker 1: tuned for that because they will be rescheduled sooner than later.

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Speaker 1: We're at March or April, so I will announce those

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Speaker 1: as soon as they become available. Also, we're adding a

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Speaker 1: second show at the Wiltern in Los Angeles and We've

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Speaker 1: added second shows in Portland's in Seattle. Portland, Oregon is

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Speaker 1: coming up the first weekend of February, so I'm doing Eugene, Oregon,

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Speaker 1: two shows in Portland, and then two shows in Seattle.

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Speaker 1: And we added a show in Winnipeg, and we added

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Speaker 1: a show in Toronto. So yeah, check Chelsea Handler dot

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Speaker 1: com and yeah, we added a ton of second shows.

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Speaker 1: So that's really exciting and I'm looking forward to seeing everybody.

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Speaker 1: It'll be a month since I've been on stage, so

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Speaker 1: I cannot wait to get back on stage. Awesome. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So our special guest today is an actress. She's a philanthropist,

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Speaker 1: she's a producer. She is starring in the new Netflix

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Speaker 1: show The Woman in the House, which is a satirical thriller.

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Speaker 1: She has a baby brand with Dax which is called

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Speaker 1: Hello Bellow, and they just opened up their first facility

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Speaker 1: in the United States. Everybody, and they make with their

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Speaker 1: products with organic materials and they provide diapers to so

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Speaker 1: many people in need, to so many people who have

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Speaker 1: children and need help with diapers. And she just came

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Speaker 1: up with a new hand cream for her CBD line,

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Speaker 1: which is called Happy Dance. They have a new hand

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Speaker 1: cream available and one percent of the proceeds from Happy

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Speaker 1: Dance go to women who are coming out of prison

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Speaker 1: and helping them reacclimate into real life again. Hi, Kristen Bell.

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Speaker 1: I love Kristen Bell. Don't we all love Kristen. I

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Speaker 1: love that review. As you know, I'm codependent and I

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Speaker 1: like when people like me, but also I adore you.

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Speaker 1: So the fact that I have your stamp of approval,

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Speaker 1: it just makes my heart sing. Well, both of our

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Speaker 1: hearts are swelling, and my Pikachu quite frankly, this is Katherine,

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Speaker 1: my producer, Katherine, Meet Kristen. Hi. You guys probably haven't

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Speaker 1: met before, so this is a nice initiation. Kristen, I'm

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Speaker 1: so excited to talk to you because I love you.

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Speaker 1: I just love the way you carry yourself, and you

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Speaker 1: know what, to me, you always come across as somebody

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Speaker 1: just who as their ship together. Do you think that's

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Speaker 1: a true accurate assessment of yourself. Not in the slightest, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: Not in the slightest. I mean I think I try

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Speaker 1: what you're reading. I think is my desperation to have

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Speaker 1: my ship together. And also I'm like, not the world's

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Speaker 1: best actress, but I'm a decent one, so I appear

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Speaker 1: as such. But I will say, maybe what you're reading

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Speaker 1: is that I am very committed to not to become

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Speaker 1: a parenting book for a second, but like a growth mindset,

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Speaker 1: I am constantly striving for new information, better data. I'm

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Speaker 1: in a learning curve at all times. So I read

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Speaker 1: a lot, I talked to a lot of people, and

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Speaker 1: I feel like I just I don't want to stay

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Speaker 1: stagnant with any of my opinions or viewpoints. So perhaps

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Speaker 1: that makes it feel like I have my ship together.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, I guess maybe that's one

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Speaker 1: of the things I'm attracted to you about, because I too,

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Speaker 1: am always looking to have my opinions changed. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be stuck or set. Because I've been around

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Speaker 1: a lot of people who are so strong minded and

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Speaker 1: so strong willed that they're in transigent. Their opinions never move,

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Speaker 1: and they think that they know the right way with

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Speaker 1: regard to parenting, or with regard to the industry, or

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Speaker 1: with how to handle tumultuous times and friendships or confrontations.

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Speaker 1: And I always find that kind of mindset when you're

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Speaker 1: so stuck to be really limiting and actually not that intelligent,

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Speaker 1: because anyone who's really smart knows that your opinions and

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Speaker 1: viewpoints change. Yeah, and I think it's also the least

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Speaker 1: attractive quality is to be stuck in your views, to

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Speaker 1: not have the ability to have an open mind, to me,

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Speaker 1: is the least attractive quality someone could have. So let

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Speaker 1: me ask you a question, because you know, you guys

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Speaker 1: are always public. You and Dax are always public about

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Speaker 1: your ups and downs in your relationships, your honesty, your therapy,

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Speaker 1: all of our bs right exactly, And I would imagine

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Speaker 1: being married to Dax is a fucking handful. I would

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Speaker 1: definitely think that that is a big That is a

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Speaker 1: big personality to juggle, especially when you have children. So

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Speaker 1: what are some of the things Why don't I ask

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Speaker 1: you this? What is? What do you think some of

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Speaker 1: your strengths are in your relationships, in your relationship specifically

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Speaker 1: with Dax, and then as a parent, what you've learned

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Speaker 1: about yourself and what has impressed you about yourself in

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Speaker 1: the parenting mode. Okay, well, with Dax specifically, one of

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Speaker 1: the reasons that we work and again, this is a

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Speaker 1: compatibility issue that I think is sort of a fundamental

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Speaker 1: part of each of our personalities, which is certainly after

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Speaker 1: the attraction level. Why we synked up and kept going

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Speaker 1: is he has well, he's addicted to everything, but one

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Speaker 1: of the things he stays addicted to is a growth mindset.

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Speaker 1: He is constantly learning and morphing and adapting, and even

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Speaker 1: though he is a really strong personality, you can change

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Speaker 1: his mind. He is open to other points of view.

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Speaker 1: I am a very flexible person by nature, though slightly

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Speaker 1: strong willed. So we work really you well together and

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Speaker 1: that we're both striving to learn more and going like, well,

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Speaker 1: but what is the best decision for the group. And

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Speaker 1: it's sort of like utilitarian outlook on our family. And

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Speaker 1: usually he will throw the first ball and say, I

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Speaker 1: want to try this, whether it's I want to try

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Speaker 1: having dinner five nights a week together with the kids.

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Speaker 1: See if that changes are dynamic, Like I'll go great,

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Speaker 1: We'll try it. Then we get the data. If it

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Speaker 1: doesn't work, then I throw a ball. And so we

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Speaker 1: kind of do that in every area of our lives.

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Speaker 1: And I will say, like, he's a huge personality and

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Speaker 1: he can be a lot, but like at home, he's

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Speaker 1: often not. He saves those shades for the outside world.

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Speaker 1: Like I'll tell you this, Like he has a temper

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Speaker 1: for sure, and it has never shown itself inside the

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Speaker 1: walls of this house ever, not to me, not to

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Speaker 1: the children. He is like very measured and patient when

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Speaker 1: there's any sort of dissent or argument. Now on the street,

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Speaker 1: if someone j walks in front of his car, like,

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Speaker 1: sh it's gonna hit the fan, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Or like your if he sees something out in the

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Speaker 1: world where he sees someone getting bully or he feels

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Speaker 1: he's been slighted, he may have a temper, but it's

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Speaker 1: never at home. So he's quite a committed family man

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Speaker 1: under all of those sort of gruff hill billy layers.

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Speaker 1: And I just like him a lot. I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: add that I fucking like him as a parent. I

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Speaker 1: think the thing that has shocked me the most and

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Speaker 1: sort of made me grow the most is after all

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Speaker 1: of this information I took in from like the pediatricians

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Speaker 1: and other moms and and parenting books because I am

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Speaker 1: a person that likes advice. I love getting advice because

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Speaker 1: I have enough self esteem to go, oh, but I

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Speaker 1: don't have to take it like no one's watching me

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Speaker 1: apply it. I want to know how you made your

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Speaker 1: marriage work. I want to know how you did better auditions.

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Speaker 1: I want to know how you parented your kids and

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Speaker 1: got them to sleep better, like, and then I can

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Speaker 1: choose what to you us. So beyond all of that

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Speaker 1: taking in all the data, when I really try to,

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Speaker 1: in like a Buddhist place, almost look at my kids

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Speaker 1: as like little autonomous human beings that are experiencing life

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Speaker 1: for the first time. It really screws my head on

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Speaker 1: straight when I have to deal with them, because like

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Speaker 1: the pace of life can make you treat them poorly,

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Speaker 1: and then you're laying in bed going like funk, I

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Speaker 1: shouldn't have yelled at them, or I shouldn't have rushed everyone.

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Speaker 1: I made one of them cry. But then you've got

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Speaker 1: to realize, I'm a six year old. She's never been

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Speaker 1: six before, so first time she's ever been six years old.

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Speaker 1: It's really hard to be six, you know. I think

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Speaker 1: that framework of like this is the first time they're

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Speaker 1: experiencing earth not only helps me deal with them, but

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Speaker 1: helps me cut myself a lot more slack because then

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Speaker 1: I put that framework on me. Right. So going back

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Speaker 1: to what you were saying, like, okay, you say you're

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Speaker 1: going to try something like having dinner five nights a

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Speaker 1: week and seeing where that leads to have you guys

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Speaker 1: done that stuff? Like how do how does that work

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Speaker 1: out in your family dynamic and how does it change

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Speaker 1: the family dynamic? We've put it on the books, chilse,

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Speaker 1: but we've never gotten there. We've never what is your

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Speaker 1: natural habit? Like depending on who's working and whatever, whose

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Speaker 1: home has dinner with the kids? Is that how it works.

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Speaker 1: What's weird is that neither of us actually have schedules

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Speaker 1: that often that take us away around dinner time. Even

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Speaker 1: we could start work at four in the morning, but

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Speaker 1: we're both usually home by six or seven. And he's

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Speaker 1: home so often now because he works out of the attict.

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Speaker 1: But we attempt to connect in the evening. But it's

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Speaker 1: more of a free for all type circus here. It's

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Speaker 1: like you eat when you're hungry. We mostly just snacked

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Speaker 1: during dinner. Maybe you know three times a month we'll

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Speaker 1: sit down for dinner. But in my head people have said, oh,

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Speaker 1: connecting it a family dinner, like that's when you hear

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Speaker 1: about their day and all these different things. It doesn't work.

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Speaker 1: For us. And at some point, you know, when we

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Speaker 1: tried it and we got three days in and then

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Speaker 1: everybody wanted to get up and run around with the

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Speaker 1: dogs are outside. We were like, why stress ourselves out

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Speaker 1: to fit inside someone else's box or idea of what

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Speaker 1: will connect us. Let's go based on our own instincts.

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Speaker 1: So the things that connect us as a family, I know,

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Speaker 1: actually laying in bed with the kids at night, when

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Speaker 1: we're talking them in we do which I believe is

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Speaker 1: like a Jewish tradition talking about your rosebud and thorn

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Speaker 1: of the day. Do you know this one? Yeah, you're

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Speaker 1: high and low. Yeah, your best part about your day

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Speaker 1: is your rose. Your thorn is if you're little, it's

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Speaker 1: your bad part. If you're above six years old, it

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Speaker 1: should be what could you have improved upon your thorn?

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Speaker 1: Like where did you have bad behavior that you wouldn't

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Speaker 1: emulate the next day? And then your bud is what

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Speaker 1: you're looking forward to. And somehow that always leads to

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Speaker 1: much more in depth connection in our family. And the

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Speaker 1: second thing is we always tell our children the why.

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Speaker 1: We always give them more of an explanation as opposed

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Speaker 1: to because I said so, Like, for instance, when they

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Speaker 1: were coming home from like preschool four years old, when

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Speaker 1: they were able to talk but didn't really want to

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Speaker 1: talk to us about a ton of things. You say

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Speaker 1: to your kid, how was your day, and they say

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Speaker 1: fine and walk away and act grab the girls. One

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Speaker 1: day and he goes, hey, I just want you to

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Speaker 1: know when I say how was your day, I'm not

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Speaker 1: necessarily looking for details. What I'm looking for is to

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Speaker 1: connect with you, because I haven't seen you for the

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Speaker 1: last nine hours and I want to just look at

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Speaker 1: your face and hear your voice and whatever details you

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Speaker 1: want to tell me, even if it's a make belief

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Speaker 1: story about your day. The reason I ask you how

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Speaker 1: was your day? Is because I really want to connect

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Speaker 1: and plug back into you. And they got it. They

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Speaker 1: were like, oh, so now I'm not under this pressure

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Speaker 1: to tell my parents about my day, which we all

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Speaker 1: know is annoying. But now I realize why my dad

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Speaker 1: is doing it, and now they do tell us about

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Speaker 1: their day. And where did he learn that in therapy?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I think he makes a lot of

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Speaker 1: this stuff up. Yeah, he's very very weirdly in touch

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Speaker 1: with himself. I mean not weirdly. It's a great quality

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Speaker 1: and a man you know, I mean you you've talked

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Speaker 1: about this how he's so alpha, but at the same

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Speaker 1: time he's so sensitive and man having that in quality.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm with someone now who's like that, and

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Speaker 1: it's really endearing. It just makes you realize, like, oh god,

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Speaker 1: I wish all men could be a little bit softer

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Speaker 1: and a little bit more sensitive because it's so much

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Speaker 1: fucking hotter than the alternative. Oh my god, it's crazy

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Speaker 1: because he is all of the things. At a ten,

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Speaker 1: he's like the most he could be the most aggro

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Speaker 1: at a tend, but he's also the most sensitive at ten,

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Speaker 1: and he's the most patient a the ten. It's like,

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Speaker 1: I just got a man who is a lot. And

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Speaker 1: the good thing is I like a lot. I'm a

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Speaker 1: big personality. I gravitate towards a lot. So that's why

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Speaker 1: it works. One of the other great tips he gave me.

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Speaker 1: He gives me all these tips. He loves giving me advice.

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Speaker 1: He but now sometimes in our in our pod, like

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Speaker 1: in our friend group now, because so many people do

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Speaker 1: a lot of advice, we have to ask each other,

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Speaker 1: are you coachable? Because somebody's be like I'm not I'm

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Speaker 1: not coachable right now. Um. But one of the other

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Speaker 1: things he said around the time, like our kids were

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Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe one in three, he said. And

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Speaker 1: I think he was drawing upon his childhood here. He said,

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Speaker 1: you know, I feel like kids witnessed arguments a lot,

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Speaker 1: and they very rarely ever witness the makeup portion the

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Speaker 1: conflict resolution. So he said, even when we come home,

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Speaker 1: if we ever have tension or an argument, because you know,

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Speaker 1: they can feel it, they're they're way smarter than you

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Speaker 1: give them credit for. Even if we solve it once

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Speaker 1: we go to bed, let's make sure that the next

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Speaker 1: day we identify it and play the role of apology

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Speaker 1: or like, hey, you know what, Daddy, I was really

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Speaker 1: grumpy when I came home from work. I'm sorry I

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Speaker 1: snapped at you. He'll go, oh, that's okay, mommy, etcetera, etcetera.

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Speaker 1: Just so the kids can have an idea of conflict resolution,

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Speaker 1: because something that I never realized is like, yeah, that

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Speaker 1: happens all the time. Kids see arguments everywhere, but making

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Speaker 1: up and resolution is usually done in private. So how

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Speaker 1: on earth are we supposed to give these kids the

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Speaker 1: conflict resolution skills if we never show it to them well.

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Speaker 1: And also a lot of people make up in private

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Speaker 1: because it's sexually related, Like makeup is sex, whereas you

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Speaker 1: know that is a that's a very cyclical thing that

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Speaker 1: a lot of couples get into where they fight and

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Speaker 1: then their makeup is sex, and it's almost like you

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Speaker 1: set up the fight in order to have the makeup sex.

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Speaker 1: So and that's completely dysfunctional too on its own, merit.

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Speaker 1: That's why we always have sex in front of them.

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Speaker 1: That's what I was going to suggest. I mean, that

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Speaker 1: just seems like the right thing to do, and it's

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Speaker 1: more family style. Anyway. What about your upbringing? I know

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Speaker 1: you've talked a little bit about it, but did you

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Speaker 1: feel do you feel like you took a lot from

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Speaker 1: what your parents modeled for you or what you learned

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Speaker 1: in your household because you had older siblings, right? I did.

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Speaker 1: I had two older sisters, right, and so you were

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Speaker 1: the youngest of three. Yeah, So what's weird is like

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Speaker 1: I want to have a great answer for you on this,

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Speaker 1: my memory is such that it doesn't exist, Like I

375
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Speaker 1: try to struggle with. I hear people saying, oh, when

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Speaker 1: I was six years old, I went on the spike

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Speaker 1: gride with my brother and we you know, caught a

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Speaker 1: snake or whatever their memory is about their childhood. I

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Speaker 1: literally don't have that, Like I struggle so often. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: when I look at pictures, I can remember details, but

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Speaker 1: I'm more of like a synthesizer, Like I remember feelings

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Speaker 1: about people, but I don't have specific memories. But I

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Speaker 1: do think what I digested from my dad was definitely

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Speaker 1: hard work and subtlety. But that's kind of a shocker

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Speaker 1: coming out of my mouth. But my dad is a

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Speaker 1: very hard worker. But when he comes home, he's sort

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00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,399
Speaker 1: of just you feel like he's a wallflower, but he's not.

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00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,160
Speaker 1: He's very present, but he's like quiet and very sort

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Speaker 1: of official unless he's had chardonnay and then he gets giggly.

390
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,919
Speaker 1: But with the girls, he was always just sort of

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Speaker 1: like this stability. I guess that is what I mean,

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Speaker 1: like subtle stability. And he was very committed to his

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Speaker 1: job and he ran it like a family. He's a

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Speaker 1: news director. And from my mom, I think she's she's

395
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:42,159
Speaker 1: very zany and she was always committed to paying it

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Speaker 1: forward and helping people. And I think I got this.

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Speaker 1: I do think I synthesized this melting pot of those things,

398
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Speaker 1: because I would say the things I value the most

399
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,399
Speaker 1: are like being good to people, helping and being a

400
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,399
Speaker 1: hard worker and attempting to be as consistent and stable

401
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,119
Speaker 1: as I can. And do you think that being a

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Speaker 1: hard worker the sire to be a hard worker? Because

403
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,960
Speaker 1: I've been thinking about this a lot. You know how

404
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 1: how hard women especially want to show up, you know,

405
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,520
Speaker 1: especially in this industry on a set. You want to

406
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,280
Speaker 1: be the one that's not going to complain, that's going

407
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,960
Speaker 1: to be there the longest, going to be the best

408
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,879
Speaker 1: team player. It's not very frequently that that behavior gets rewarded.

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Speaker 1: Don't you feel like women we do that. We have

410
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Speaker 1: that in our genes where we think we have to

411
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:26,360
Speaker 1: overperform to earn our place at the table. And that

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00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,359
Speaker 1: is from a long, long time. And I know a

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Speaker 1: lot of female actresses who feel the same way. They

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00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,400
Speaker 1: feel like, oh, we've got to be the girl that's

415
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,280
Speaker 1: not going to complain, that's gonna be there the latest

416
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,760
Speaker 1: and be ready and willing to work the double or

417
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,199
Speaker 1: come in earlier, you know, pick up the slack for

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Speaker 1: someone else. Yeah, it's interesting because I was with you

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Speaker 1: until you said, staying there late, and that's not something

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Speaker 1: I roll with at all. I am like, look, at

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Speaker 1: the minute I get to work, I want to leave.

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00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 1: And it's not because I don't like work. It's because

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Speaker 1: I am allergic to two things on this planet, penicillin

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00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 1: and inefficiency, and I just do not tolerate inefficiency. Well,

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Speaker 1: it is a one time I will get ridable. It

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Speaker 1: is the one time I will get frustrated with people. Sincerely,

427
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:08,920
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think that my outlook is for me

428
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:12,239
Speaker 1: to be working the hardest or being the best. I

429
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:16,920
Speaker 1: think my job is to help other people around me

430
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 1: work their hardest and be their best. And sometimes that

431
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,320
Speaker 1: means that I'm on morale, that I've memorized my lines

432
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:27,600
Speaker 1: the night before, and rather than like pretending to sit

433
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 1: with the director and plan the shop, which he doesn't

434
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,400
Speaker 1: need me to do, I'm going around to the grips

435
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,000
Speaker 1: and asking them like how their family was last night,

436
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,439
Speaker 1: and like are you gonna be able to make it

437
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 1: home for dinner? And getting people excited about living a

438
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:43,959
Speaker 1: human life, because I find that people are not valuing

439
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 1: being people anymore, like some culture's value being the work

440
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 1: and others value existing. And I think we valued being

441
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,200
Speaker 1: the work for so long, and I'm a little bit

442
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 1: over that phase. Like I do work hard and I

443
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,440
Speaker 1: come prepared. That's not to say I don't come prepared,

444
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 1: but my goal is to help the people around me

445
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,399
Speaker 1: work better and harder and more efficiently so that we

446
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,760
Speaker 1: can all get back to being ourselves at the end

447
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,480
Speaker 1: of the day and have a little bit of quality

448
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 1: of life. I like that, that's right. I mean, we

449
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:14,639
Speaker 1: live in a society that's all about work, and it's like,

450
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,160
Speaker 1: I'm you know, I had that moment about ten years

451
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,840
Speaker 1: ago where I'm like, I do not want to work

452
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 1: like this for the rest of my life. I just can't.

453
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:22,680
Speaker 1: I don't want to. I want to have a high

454
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,000
Speaker 1: quality life. I want to be able to travel and

455
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 1: impact and inspire, you know, and have people live their

456
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 1: lives vicariously through me. And it's like, why can't we

457
00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 1: all just live our lives vicariously through ourselves, you know,

458
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,160
Speaker 1: not everybody has the freedom of the independence, the lack

459
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,200
Speaker 1: of children in my in my situation, let me ask

460
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 1: you about do you care what people think about you? Yeah?

461
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 1: Like too much? Really? Yeah? And I work on it

462
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 1: every single day. But I have a visceral stomach reaction

463
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,959
Speaker 1: when I feel like someone is not pleased with me.

464
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,919
Speaker 1: And I think that that comes maybe from childhood fights

465
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 1: with my mom, probably of when I felt like I

466
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 1: was disappointing someone. It somehow in my childhood, which wasn't

467
00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 1: particularly traumatic, became the worst feeling that I could have.

468
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 1: So I did spend a lot of my life ignoring

469
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:23,400
Speaker 1: my own instincts because that was an easier path than

470
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: thinking or feeling that someone was disappointed in me or

471
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 1: didn't like me, wasn't like approving of me. And it's

472
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 1: been like a struggle because I think weirdly the pandemic

473
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 1: has helped me with this because there were so many

474
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,640
Speaker 1: closed doors and I had to you had to sort

475
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,959
Speaker 1: of sit with yourself and you had to look at

476
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 1: the person in the mirror and go, what do you think?

477
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:48,120
Speaker 1: Because actually you're the only person that matters. Like, if

478
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:51,880
Speaker 1: you feel that your actions are responsible on your side

479
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,560
Speaker 1: of the street is clean, that really is all that

480
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,679
Speaker 1: should matter. And I say that out loud to myself

481
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,919
Speaker 1: all the time because I haven't fully digested it. But

482
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 1: I'm at tem Ding and Dax has all these amazing

483
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 1: things from a like you should you should only compare

484
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 1: yourself to the person you were yesterday, you know, when

485
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,120
Speaker 1: you're feeling way less than like I didn't accomplish enough

486
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,399
Speaker 1: for someone wasn't pleased with me. Well, it was I

487
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 1: better than I was yesterday. But looking at myself in

488
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 1: the mirror and really going are you happy with yourself?

489
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,639
Speaker 1: For some reason has always been really difficult for me.

490
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 1: And do you find yourself to have a generally happy disposition? Well, Chelsea,

491
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 1: it depends on if I'm taking my medication. Yeah, no, seriously,

492
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:34,960
Speaker 1: I mean I've been on an antidepressant forever and nine

493
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 1: twenty and it was because well, first of all, my

494
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,640
Speaker 1: mom had explained to me why she was on one

495
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 1: at a very young age. She was a nurse, so

496
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,679
Speaker 1: she also like and she's a really cookie, so she

497
00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:49,160
Speaker 1: when she became a cardiologist nurse, she would bring home

498
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 1: open heart surgery like VHSS and we'd sit and eat

499
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,880
Speaker 1: spaghetti and watch an open heart surgery. Or one time

500
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 1: she bribed the guy at the morgue and brought in

501
00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,239
Speaker 1: three human hearts to my tenth grade science class. Like,

502
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 1: she's weird and I love it. But she told me

503
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,399
Speaker 1: very early on, as she is very open medically was

504
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,440
Speaker 1: She was like, hey, so I this is the reason

505
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,439
Speaker 1: I take this antidepressant because my serotonin levels aren't what

506
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 1: they should be. And if you ever start to feel

507
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,160
Speaker 1: this way, and she gave me this list of symptoms,

508
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 1: just know there's a variety of things you can do,

509
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,360
Speaker 1: Like we could exercise more, go to therapy. You could

510
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,640
Speaker 1: talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Maybe there's a medication

511
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 1: that's right for you. Maybe not, like it's not everybody

512
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 1: gets treated with the medication, certainly. And then when I

513
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 1: went to college on my second year of college, I

514
00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 1: just started to feel the best way to describe it

515
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,919
Speaker 1: as I felt really heavy and also simultaneously like I

516
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 1: was floating, like I didn't have anything grounding me, and

517
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 1: like I just was not myself, Like I was inside

518
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 1: this big dark fog and this cage and I couldn't

519
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 1: get out, and my reactions weren't within my control. I

520
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,919
Speaker 1: was like irritable and stuff. And I talked to my

521
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 1: mom about it, and you know, my journey was trying

522
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 1: a bunch of things and then figuring out that maybe

523
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 1: this medication was right and it has been a godsend.

524
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,600
Speaker 1: And one thing my mom said that that helped me

525
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,960
Speaker 1: forever reduced the stigma, and I'm practically gonna get a

526
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,639
Speaker 1: tattooed on my body so that people can see it.

527
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 1: Is if you're ever feeling like you are less than

528
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 1: or ashamed to take a medication for your brain health,

529
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 1: would you ask yourself this, Would you ever deny a

530
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:25,360
Speaker 1: diabetic their insulin. Would you ever say no, no, no, no, no,

531
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,119
Speaker 1: don't don't take that insulin. Just process your sugar better.

532
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,760
Speaker 1: You should be able to do that, like it's the

533
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,479
Speaker 1: same thing, and that this is not This is not

534
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:36,199
Speaker 1: to get into the argument at all that things are overprescribed,

535
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:39,680
Speaker 1: which they are. And then I needed this certain pill

536
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,240
Speaker 1: to help me balance my serotonin and it has helped

537
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:45,360
Speaker 1: me so much because there are sometimes when like I'll

538
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: go on a trip for five days and forget my

539
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:51,919
Speaker 1: medication or something and I just feel like shit, I

540
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,359
Speaker 1: just feel like I'm caged inside my body and I

541
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 1: can't control my reactions and things are happening to me

542
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 1: as opposed to I'm experuire oriensing them. Yeah. Yeah, I

543
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 1: think everybody needs to have the self confidence to understand

544
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 1: that it's up to you to decide what's best for you.

545
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 1: Not to listen to other people decide diagnosing you, even

546
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,719
Speaker 1: though actually we both consider ourselves to be medical professionals.

547
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,120
Speaker 1: I know that you do as well. I consider myself

548
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 1: to be a pharmacological into it. I think I just

549
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,159
Speaker 1: know instinctively what people need and when they need it.

550
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,159
Speaker 1: Although I mean I have to make the declaration that

551
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 1: we are not medical professionals. We don't have degrees, but

552
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:31,680
Speaker 1: we both fancy ourselves to be excelling in the medical profession.

553
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,159
Speaker 1: What I like is that we're talking about it like

554
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 1: there's there's a couple different types of people. There's no

555
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 1: at alls. Then there's the people who don't talk about

556
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,400
Speaker 1: it at all and everything is shameful, and then there's

557
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,679
Speaker 1: the people like us, which I think our category is

558
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 1: like no, we talk about it and some things helps

559
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 1: some people. And I try to be because I for

560
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 1: some reason fell into the forefront of this issue of

561
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 1: talking about mental health and awareness. I try to be

562
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,639
Speaker 1: really responsible in saying like I never say what medication

563
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 1: I'm on for a very specific reason, because I don't

564
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 1: want any young girl saying that's the one Kristen Bell takes.

565
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:04,919
Speaker 1: I want to take it, because that may not be

566
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 1: right for her body. There's a there's a bunch of

567
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 1: different ones for a reason. Also, sometimes it's just you

568
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,119
Speaker 1: need more exercise. Like people we've gotten we used to

569
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:16,440
Speaker 1: like build our huts and stuff, you know, and we

570
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 1: we don't get enough physical activity even just walking during

571
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: the day as these modernized, technologically dependent human beings. And

572
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 1: so sometimes if you're feeling down in the dumps, it's

573
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:27,639
Speaker 1: that you just need to get up and move your

574
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:28,959
Speaker 1: butt a little bit. And I'm not saying you need

575
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:30,639
Speaker 1: to be a certain size, but like you need to

576
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:32,439
Speaker 1: take a couple of ups around the block in the

577
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:34,680
Speaker 1: morning and at night, and maybe that does the trick.

578
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 1: Like endorphins are a real thing. And then there's also

579
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 1: just talking to someone like talk therapy. And I read

580
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 1: this amazing book. Have you read The Body Keeps the Score?

581
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: The way he talks about treating PTSD patients, particularly vets,

582
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 1: and and mandating that they also participate in a in

583
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 1: a voluntary physical activity with a group as part of

584
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 1: their recovery. So he'll do talk therapy, but they have

585
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 1: to either join a drum circle, join a choir, join

586
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:07,840
Speaker 1: a yoga class, join a you know, tai chi in

587
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 1: the park, whatever anything that's voluntarily interacting physically with another

588
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 1: human being no words, is like really regulating for the brain.

589
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: That's one thing I've been really into these days is

590
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,640
Speaker 1: just like kicking a ball with my kids when they're

591
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 1: frustrated they're having a tantrum. Sometimes I let's just go

592
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: play kickball and you can tell me all about it,

593
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 1: and then they'll calm down, like almost instantly. And sometimes

594
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 1: I have to trick them because they're in tantrum mode

595
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 1: and we're folding laundry together, whatever, and they're furious at me,

596
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I'm the worst mom ever.

597
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 1: And I'll just pass them a hangar and in the

598
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,959
Speaker 1: midst of their tantrum, they'll pass it back, and then

599
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 1: I'll pass it to him again and they're still crying.

600
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: And after passing this hangar back and forth, they have

601
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 1: somehow regulated because our bodies are communicating. Wow. I love that.

602
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 1: It's so interesting and it feels like voodoo, and it

603
00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: might be, but it works. It's like a spell. You

604
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 1: can cat on them. Great, great, I love it. I

605
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 1: love it. Kristen, Well, that's a great jumping off point, Katherine.

606
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 1: Should we take some calls? Yes, let's definitely get to

607
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 1: some callers, but first let's take a quick ad break.

608
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 1: So we're gonna give advice to people who call in

609
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 1: for our our expertise. Kristen, we always have guest doctors

610
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 1: on your our guest Doctor today. I love it, and

611
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know how you did this, but

612
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 1: so much of what you both just talked about we

613
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 1: are going to cover today. So this first question feels

614
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,600
Speaker 1: a little silly at first, blush, but it really is

615
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 1: important to be able to talk to your partner about

616
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 1: sensitive issues. Our first question comes from a j. The

617
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 1: subject line is great sex, but terrible breath. Dear Chelsea,

618
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 1: My husband and I have been together for eight years,

619
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 1: and our sex life just gets better and better the

620
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 1: longer we're together. We both love spontaneous sex and try

621
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 1: to do it as often as possible. But with that spontaneity,

622
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 1: there's a drawback. I'll go to make out with them

623
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 1: and his breath smells like catshit. It's really gross and

624
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,680
Speaker 1: turns me off. I just have to hold my breath

625
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:09,040
Speaker 1: until we change positions. I've tried addressing it with him

626
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 1: in the past, that he gets so sensitive about it.

627
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: How do I address this with him without him getting

628
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 1: so upset. A Oh my god, that's so so annoying. Okay, wait,

629
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 1: I had this issue once I was hooking up with

630
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: I had a boyfriend that lived in Spain, and we

631
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 1: would meet each other and in random countries in Europe.

632
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: It was very high It sounds as high end as

633
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 1: it was. It was very high salutint international love story.

634
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:39,920
Speaker 1: It was exactly what I was excited about becoming an

635
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:43,640
Speaker 1: adult for, so I could have different men in different ports. Anyway,

636
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 1: I this guy was really sexy and really hot, but

637
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:51,080
Speaker 1: he had very strong morning breath. It wasn't at night

638
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,239
Speaker 1: it wasn't so bad, but in the morning it was,

639
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 1: and it almost felt like it was coming from his stomach,

640
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 1: because a lot of people's breath isn't really about what

641
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 1: they've been eating. It's more what's going on with their gut. Right,

642
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 1: So I kind of met up with him for as

643
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 1: long as I could, and then I just felt like

644
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,240
Speaker 1: I would want someone to be honest with me. And

645
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 1: I know men can be very sensitive to these issues,

646
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 1: so I understand I want to take that into account,

647
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 1: but I want to share my story with you. I

648
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,720
Speaker 1: did send him an email and I explained it to

649
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 1: him in a very gentle way. Oh. This was after

650
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 1: he sent me a book called Perfume, and I thought,

651
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 1: how ironic that this man is sending me a book

652
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 1: about sense when I can't stand the smell of him

653
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 1: in the morning. But I did tell him. I said, listen,

654
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:31,840
Speaker 1: I just want to be really honest with you, because

655
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 1: I would want somebody to be honest with me. But

656
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 1: you know, you have really a really strong scent in

657
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,480
Speaker 1: the morning, and I don't know if it's coming, if

658
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 1: you should test for Candida, or if you have something

659
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: internally going on, but you know it's unpleasant and it's

660
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 1: just a really strong odor. So I just want to

661
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 1: let you know that. And you know, he was a

662
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,480
Speaker 1: little embarrassed at first, but then he did get it

663
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 1: looked into, and it turns out he did have Candida,

664
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 1: so I am a doctor. But he was appreciative and

665
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,480
Speaker 1: we're still friends and we talk. Hopefully he's not listening

666
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 1: to this podcat ask because he'll be embarrassed. But I

667
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,280
Speaker 1: won't mention his name. There are so many Spanish lovers

668
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:05,760
Speaker 1: I have, so it would be hard to narrow it

669
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 1: down anyway. But his sensitivity, like you can't ignore a

670
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 1: problem because someone sensitive, you just have to be as

671
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:16,720
Speaker 1: compassionate as as you can be when telling him about

672
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 1: the fact that his breath is really strong. And I

673
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 1: also think strong is a good word to use instead

674
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 1: of bad. Yeah, And I also think so One time,

675
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 1: my old roommate Katie, took this class called Understanding Men

676
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,760
Speaker 1: Celebrating Women, and it was like one of the things

677
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 1: she learned from it was like a self help class

678
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 1: to you know, get along. I mean, this is also

679
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 1: my friend Katie is so amazing because she also she

680
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 1: was having a lot of early sex and wasn't dating

681
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 1: long term, and she was like, I have to hang

682
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 1: out with a guy for twenty four hours before I

683
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: can have sex with him. And I was like, Katie,

684
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 1: that kind of sounds like your old pattern. She was like, no,

685
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 1: twenty four hours. So if the first date is three hours,

686
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 1: then I market like, we've spent three hours together. And

687
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 1: I was like, that's kind of a baller way to

688
00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: figure out how to get a little bit more long

689
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 1: term and not just you know, spread on the right.

690
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 1: She had a little little chart, but in this class,

691
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,279
Speaker 1: it was like one thing they taught the women right

692
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 1: away was like, you gotta know when to talk to

693
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 1: the guy because guys are like not always online to

694
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:19,800
Speaker 1: talk about things with words and emotions there. They spend

695
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:22,320
Speaker 1: most of the day offline, most of them, let's be honest,

696
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 1: and so like what I use this with Dex all

697
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 1: the time too, Like I'm sort of like predator to prey,

698
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,440
Speaker 1: monitoring when I can talk to him about who which

699
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:33,520
Speaker 1: family members will be coming in for Christmas, or when

700
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 1: I can set him down to ask him about, you know,

701
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 1: the kids joining in after school program that he'll have

702
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 1: to drive them to, like all these little things. I

703
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,839
Speaker 1: think finding a time when you both are in a

704
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 1: really really good mood and then saying I have something

705
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 1: really vulnerable to say, and you start there. So you

706
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 1: start by unzipping your chest. And then I think the

707
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:56,800
Speaker 1: wordage is really important, like you're saying, Chelsea, like the

708
00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: word strong, saying I don't know that this is your problem,

709
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 1: but I do know that it's ours. I might just

710
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 1: have a really sensitive nose. Because here's the thing. Pheromones

711
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 1: are like a very real thing. Remember, Like they've like

712
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 1: got a bunch of guys sweaty in a bunch of

713
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:14,879
Speaker 1: T shirts and had women smell them and some were

714
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:17,399
Speaker 1: revolted by some and really turned on by others, Like,

715
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:19,919
Speaker 1: it might not be that his breath is so bad

716
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 1: so much that her nose is really sensitive to that

717
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,719
Speaker 1: type of breath at that time. So you have to

718
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:28,799
Speaker 1: you have to take responsibility for like, I'm really sensitive

719
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 1: to this. Is there anything we could do? Because I

720
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,759
Speaker 1: am so attracted to you. I want to make the

721
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:35,839
Speaker 1: most of my experience with you. If you come at

722
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,879
Speaker 1: it from that angle, it might be easier to get

723
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 1: him to like keep some you know, dentine in his

724
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 1: pocket or whatever. Or if all else fails and you're

725
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 1: having spontaneous sex and you get a whiff of the breath,

726
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 1: turn it around, give him a button. Don't go in

727
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 1: bill frontal, you know what I mean. Just sit on

728
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 1: his face with your assholes what christens saying? Maybe breath

729
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 1: will get better. There's plenty of ways to have sex.

730
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 1: I've Dax and I've only tried one and we only

731
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 1: ever will. But I've heard there's a lot of different

732
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:12,240
Speaker 1: ways that sex. So if you feel like, oh, yeah, morning,

733
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 1: like you're saying, if you can isolate the time morning

734
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:16,839
Speaker 1: is when it is, then just turn around and give

735
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,200
Speaker 1: him your rump. Yeah, you could do that, but also,

736
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 1: you know the tongue scrapers, these are all avenues like

737
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 1: some something. It's sometimes it's such a simple fix when

738
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 1: people have bad breath. And yeah, it's just about I

739
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 1: think everything she said about creating the right vibe for

740
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 1: the conversation knowing went to have the conversation, because that

741
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,680
Speaker 1: is actually somebody who's evolved. When you know you have

742
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 1: to have a difficult conversation and you just don't do

743
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 1: it when you want to. You do it when it's

744
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:44,400
Speaker 1: going to be right for the person you're approaching during sex.

745
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:48,319
Speaker 1: Is not the moment, that's not the time. Yeah, I'm

746
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 1: a very sensitive I have a very sensitive nose too,

747
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 1: so I understand that because anything, if a smell is

748
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 1: too strong, it totally turns me off and I can

749
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 1: get really grossed out really easily. So I hear what

750
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,840
Speaker 1: you're saying, but I would definitely say it's worth bringing

751
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 1: up and in all the ways that we just suggested.

752
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:07,359
Speaker 1: And there's no reason his breath should smell like cat

753
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,960
Speaker 1: sh it. That doesn't sound right. So either it's a

754
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,879
Speaker 1: diet thing, or it's a tongue scraping thing, or it's

755
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,360
Speaker 1: just a hygienic thing. But I'm sure that you're gonna

756
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,359
Speaker 1: find a solution together and also remind him just how

757
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:20,799
Speaker 1: hot the sex it has been and how much you're

758
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 1: loving having sex with him. Now. I mean, that's really

759
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 1: the bottom line of what all men care about hearing,

760
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 1: you know, is how great they are in bed. So

761
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,920
Speaker 1: underline that a couple of times you and I are

762
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 1: making a great doctor to like if I'm considering maybe

763
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 1: we should start a practice, because you're being practical and

764
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:41,000
Speaker 1: you're like gastro intestinal doctor, tongue scraper, and I'm like

765
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:45,399
Speaker 1: time of day emotional temperature taking, you know, I think

766
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 1: you suggest no, just from behind, not special. I'm actually

767
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 1: suggesting anal look. Whether it's a t M or whether

768
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:57,959
Speaker 1: it's uh, I don't care what it is. But there's

769
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,839
Speaker 1: plenty of but stuff that you can do. You and

770
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 1: you can even get into the V you know, round

771
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:05,279
Speaker 1: the back through the button. There's a whole bunch of

772
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:07,480
Speaker 1: stuff that you can do. But I'm saying, like you're

773
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 1: you're being so practical and I'm being emotional. This is

774
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: a really good practice we've we've put together here. I

775
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 1: hope we get more clients. I think we do we

776
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 1: keep us posted about what happens with your husband's breath? Okay,

777
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,239
Speaker 1: let us know how you addressed it and what the

778
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:22,600
Speaker 1: end result was when there is one? Thank you for

779
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 1: calling or writing? Actually, yeah, well, our next question comes

780
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 1: from Kristen. She lives in l A and she's an

781
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:34,160
Speaker 1: actor and writer. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in the

782
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 1: entertainment field and industry where there is increasing necessity to

783
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:42,640
Speaker 1: be everything for yourself actor, director, manager, editor, producer, you

784
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:46,520
Speaker 1: name it. You cannot just be one thing. I'm very capable,

785
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 1: and I know I'm talented, but God, being my own

786
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 1: pr person is exhausting and goes against so many of

787
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 1: my instincts. Do you have any advice on advocating for

788
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 1: yourself in your field, really any field, while maintaining a

789
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 1: sense of your own integrity and authenticity. Kristen, and she's

790
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:05,359
Speaker 1: with us here on the phone as well. Okay, great,

791
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:11,760
Speaker 1: let's see her. Hi Kristen, Oh, Hi, hi, Hi, Hi,

792
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:14,279
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. It nice to meet you too.

793
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:16,879
Speaker 1: You spell it with an ian, so do I? Yeah.

794
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 1: I think there's like a vital personality difference between Ian

795
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:23,840
Speaker 1: and I am. That's how I feel about Chelsea's with

796
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:27,480
Speaker 1: a y at the end. Okay, so Christen, tell us

797
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 1: what's going on. So you're feeling overwhelmed with I'm a

798
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,719
Speaker 1: person that likes wearing a lot of hats because I

799
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 1: do enjoy control. But I think there's a certain element

800
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 1: of wanting to move yourself forward, but like hits the

801
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 1: point where you have to involve other people and you

802
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:46,759
Speaker 1: have to like promote yourself. And I get that that's

803
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:50,040
Speaker 1: the thing you have to do, but it's hard, I think,

804
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 1: to find the balance of like putting yourself out there

805
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:57,239
Speaker 1: and like making connections, etcetera, etcetera, while still feeling like

806
00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:03,919
Speaker 1: a genuine human being. Right Weirdly, I would say I'm

807
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:06,799
Speaker 1: a big fan of teams, Like I have hired a

808
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:08,839
Speaker 1: bunch of my friends. We have like four or five

809
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,280
Speaker 1: people that you know, have are part of the whole

810
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 1: Bell Shepherd Empire. Whatever it is we do over here,

811
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,399
Speaker 1: God only knows, but most of them have been long

812
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,240
Speaker 1: term friends because I'm a person that likes to start

813
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 1: with trust, and I know that that can be tricky

814
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,839
Speaker 1: for some people, like don't hire your friends, but for me,

815
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,840
Speaker 1: I need to know can I call you from midnight

816
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 1: from a jail cell and will you bail me out? Like?

817
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,240
Speaker 1: Is there like there is there an ultimate trust factor?

818
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 1: Will you watch my kids for twenty minutes if I

819
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,799
Speaker 1: need to run somewhere? Like that kind of a thing

820
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 1: more than just a business relationship, but I do. I

821
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 1: will say, once I finally installed a team that did

822
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 1: different things like having a publicist and having this, I

823
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:48,120
Speaker 1: actually felt it was easier to be an authentic person

824
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 1: because then I wasn't responsible for all of it. But

825
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:55,160
Speaker 1: it was incredibly hard for me to delegate in the beginning.

826
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 1: So I would say, make sure you're looking in the

827
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 1: mirror and asking yourself, is this my hesitancy to delegate?

828
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,759
Speaker 1: Because I do like the control, because I identify with

829
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,880
Speaker 1: what you said in a major way. I wanted to

830
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 1: be able to control it, and I like to micromanage,

831
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:11,840
Speaker 1: and I like to know every little piece of the puzzle.

832
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,840
Speaker 1: But the moment I found a trustworthy person that I

833
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,000
Speaker 1: handed that off to, like you're going to be the

834
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 1: one to tell everyone that I'm awesome, I don't want

835
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 1: to say it to anybody. I just want to walk

836
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:22,960
Speaker 1: in the room and be awesome. I don't want to

837
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 1: have to tell everybody. You notice I was awesome. Right.

838
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:28,400
Speaker 1: Once you pass that off to someone, it's shockingly gets

839
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 1: easier and it's hard like the first month, but then

840
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 1: you breathe a lot easier. Um, knowing that you can

841
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:36,760
Speaker 1: rely on members of your team to do a specific task,

842
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:39,239
Speaker 1: like one it's the publicist, or one is responsible for

843
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 1: editing your stuff or whatever it is. Okay, yeah, Christian,

844
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 1: are you in a position where you can do that,

845
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 1: where you have people that can help you or um?

846
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:50,319
Speaker 1: But not quite. I mean I have like friends that

847
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,279
Speaker 1: have some of those skills, and I'm not quite at

848
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 1: a point where I, like, I can't hire anybody, right

849
00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 1: Because what I was gonna say, it's the kind of

850
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 1: calm flickt of having to be self promotional all the

851
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:06,360
Speaker 1: time and also feeling disingenuous about it sometimes, you know

852
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 1: where it feels like you're selling yourself or self you know,

853
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 1: promoting yourself so much. It is just a nature of

854
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 1: this business that you kind of have to just get

855
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,520
Speaker 1: on board with. So, you know, the more you resist anything,

856
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 1: it becomes a bigger and bigger hill to climb over

857
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 1: instead of just accepting that this is part of the business,

858
00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:26,960
Speaker 1: especially in these days, you know, it's a multimedia, multi

859
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 1: platform promotional thing, like you have to kind of get

860
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,399
Speaker 1: on board with that because there are people that are

861
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,399
Speaker 1: willing to do that, and they're going to be doing

862
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:37,480
Speaker 1: it harder and better and stronger. So it is just

863
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 1: one of those things that comes with the nature of

864
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 1: being in this industry. You know, you kind of have

865
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:43,319
Speaker 1: to wear a lot of hats a lot of the

866
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,840
Speaker 1: time until you're in a position where you can delegate

867
00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:48,279
Speaker 1: to more and more people. But the way to get

868
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:51,840
Speaker 1: to that position is by really just you know, putting

869
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 1: your best foot forward and having Sometimes when you have

870
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:56,759
Speaker 1: a bad attitude about something, you know what I mean,

871
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 1: it creates such a barrier between you and the very

872
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 1: thing that you have to do. That's how I felt

873
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:03,360
Speaker 1: about Instagram in the beginning. I was like, I can't

874
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 1: possibly be doing this, you know what I mean, posting

875
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: pictures like personal? How much more personal could I get?

876
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 1: There was no secrets to be in with so, you know,

877
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:14,880
Speaker 1: But then I just now I love it because I

878
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:16,840
Speaker 1: have fun with it and I have embraced it in

879
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 1: a way where I just understand that it's part of

880
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:21,880
Speaker 1: the business, and yes, it's a younger, newer part of

881
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,800
Speaker 1: the business. But there's no point in me not jumping

882
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,120
Speaker 1: on board and just having the right attitude about it.

883
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:29,480
Speaker 1: So I think all of those little things that are

884
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 1: kind of seemed so cumbersome or seem overwhelming, if you

885
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 1: could really just work your way around it and to

886
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:38,520
Speaker 1: really just look, even if it's with like affirmations in

887
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 1: the morning, or if it's with you telling yourself like,

888
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 1: this is part of the process, and it's it's a

889
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:46,480
Speaker 1: way to get to the next stage, so that you

890
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:49,680
Speaker 1: do have an opportunity to be in a position like

891
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 1: Kristen or me where you have people taking care of

892
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:54,200
Speaker 1: all the things that you don't necessarily want to be

893
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 1: using all of your main time to focus on. And also,

894
00:43:57,600 --> 00:43:59,719
Speaker 1: i'd say, first of all, the fact that you are

895
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:04,480
Speaker 1: either and hesitant about or you have reservations about feeling inauthentic,

896
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:06,919
Speaker 1: it speaks to the fact that you're probably a very

897
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 1: good hang, you know what I mean. Like people that

898
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:13,279
Speaker 1: like love being self promotional and have no qualms about it,

899
00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:17,040
Speaker 1: those are bad hangs, you know. But you you seem

900
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:21,000
Speaker 1: like a very awesome person, and just don't forget to

901
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 1: frame what you're doing all of it, whether it's auditioning

902
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 1: or directing or editing or whatever it is a writing

903
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 1: don't forget to frame it with the love and confidence

904
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:34,319
Speaker 1: that you started out with, Like you don't have to

905
00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:36,440
Speaker 1: think of it like a business at all times. And

906
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 1: that's oddly what reads to people, like that effervescence of like, oh, yeah,

907
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 1: you're doing it because you love it. So if you

908
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 1: go to a party and somebody's talking about let's say

909
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:46,600
Speaker 1: you wrote and start in a web series, someone's talking

910
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:49,839
Speaker 1: about their's, you bring yours up, not because you're trying

911
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:52,239
Speaker 1: to be self promotional, but because you have skin in

912
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 1: this game, because you loved what you created and you

913
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 1: want to share it with people, and you're proud of it,

914
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,560
Speaker 1: and it was passionate for you. And I will say,

915
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 1: share ring on that level with that framework, to me

916
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 1: always reads differently, Like I can tell when someone's sharing

917
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 1: something because they love it and they're passionate about it,

918
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:09,839
Speaker 1: even if they're sort of using the same words as

919
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 1: someone who's trying to be self promotional, like if you

920
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:14,720
Speaker 1: really love it, which you seem like you do because

921
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 1: you're you're thinking, you're very thoughtful about it, Like remember

922
00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 1: how passionate and confident you are to have gotten to

923
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 1: even this stage where you're you're hustling to do it,

924
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,440
Speaker 1: and leading with that kind of framework might make it

925
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 1: feel a little bit more fun, like what Chelsea was saying,

926
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 1: going from Instagram feeling like a headache to like, oh no,

927
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:35,960
Speaker 1: I have fun with it well, and something that a

928
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 1: friend of mine did, this might be helpful to sort

929
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:41,239
Speaker 1: of distance herself from um, the fact that you have

930
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 1: to say this stuff about yourself. A friend of mine

931
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 1: when he was building his business, and this was just

932
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 1: like a regular a regular business, not entertainment industry thing,

933
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 1: but he set himself up a Gmail. It was like

934
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 1: a made up person, Shannon Jones at gmail dot com,

935
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 1: and he would get either himself he would write emails,

936
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:02,360
Speaker 1: or he would get like an online assistant, like someone

937
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:05,239
Speaker 1: who's very low cost through Elans or another one of

938
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 1: those online companies, and he would just have that same email.

939
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:11,120
Speaker 1: Someone could send stuff through that same email, so if

940
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 1: you had to switch assistance, they could still be sending

941
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,880
Speaker 1: from that same email address. And it helped him to

942
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 1: sort of like put himself out there in a way

943
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:21,360
Speaker 1: that was not him touting his own wares, but like

944
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:23,360
Speaker 1: seemed like he had a team when he couldn't afford

945
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:25,279
Speaker 1: to have a team, so maybe that can help give

946
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 1: you a little distance from that. Well wow, that was great.

947
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:33,319
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you've got some good advice today, Kristen, Yes,

948
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:36,719
Speaker 1: I do. Thank you. Oh good, well good, Yeah, I

949
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 1: think you're going to be just fine. Okay, great, I'll

950
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 1: report back, yeah, report back to us. Okay, you can

951
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 1: take a little bit of what we all said. We

952
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 1: all gave you good stuff. So yeah, thank you. All right,

953
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. Thanks Kristen. Girls helping girls doesn't

954
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:58,239
Speaker 1: Isn't that just heartwarming? I know it's if I had

955
00:46:58,239 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 1: come into the business now and had to hustle in

956
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,879
Speaker 1: this environment. I don't know, it's too many, so many

957
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:06,000
Speaker 1: balls in the air, but you just have to take

958
00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 1: one ball at a time and just be like, Okay,

959
00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:10,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this, this and this, because otherwise everything

960
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:14,720
Speaker 1: is overwhelming. And staying in your lane. That's another thing. God,

961
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:17,240
Speaker 1: I hate giving him so much credit, but that Dax

962
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:19,440
Speaker 1: taught me is like, you know, ten years ago, when

963
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 1: I would just be like, man, Michelle Williams got it again,

964
00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:26,000
Speaker 1: I'm never gonna get that part. He he just looks

965
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:28,600
Speaker 1: at me and he goes stay in your lane, Like

966
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:32,240
Speaker 1: stop trying to be this like indie actress just because

967
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 1: you think that that's cool at the moment. Like you

968
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 1: have a weird quirky vibe. Be in movies that have

969
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:39,640
Speaker 1: a weird quirky vibe. If they're commercial, they're commercial. If

970
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:41,200
Speaker 1: they win, they win. If they don't, they don't. But

971
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 1: like I think that applies a lot to now when

972
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,759
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, right when you master Instagram, all

973
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:49,360
Speaker 1: of a sudden, TikTok comes out. What the funk is TikTok?

974
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:51,719
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know how to do that.

975
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:53,400
Speaker 1: So it's like you have to do you have to

976
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:54,719
Speaker 1: be good with writing because you have to be on

977
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 1: Twitter and promoting yourself and they have to do Instagram,

978
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:58,879
Speaker 1: and then you have to also audition, and like she's saying,

979
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:00,320
Speaker 1: you have to be able to write your own stuff,

980
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 1: and it's just like too many hats. So pick two

981
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:05,480
Speaker 1: that you love or three that you love and just

982
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:08,760
Speaker 1: stay in those lanes. Yeah, that's good advice for anybody

983
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,359
Speaker 1: who's comparing themselves to other people anyway, because that's such

984
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 1: a feudal game and it comes up all the time

985
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:15,719
Speaker 1: on this podcast, and it's you know and and in

986
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 1: this industry, and it's hard not to compare yourself to

987
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:21,200
Speaker 1: other people. But like, as long as you are you're

988
00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 1: you're missing your mark. You know, as long as you're

989
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 1: looking around, you are missing where you're standing. And the

990
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 1: only person that you should ever compare yourself to is

991
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:35,239
Speaker 1: the person you were yesterday is dax Is dad. While

992
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 1: our next question comes from Abigail, she says, Dear Chelsea,

993
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 1: about two years ago, my sister told me I needed

994
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 1: to read Chelsea's book Life Will Be the Death of Me,

995
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:48,399
Speaker 1: because Chelsea reminded her a little bit too much of me.

996
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:51,400
Speaker 1: I'm a black and white thinker, stubborn, I think I'm

997
00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:54,000
Speaker 1: right all the time, and I hate being coddled. As

998
00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:57,040
Speaker 1: you can imagine, this makes it incredibly difficult to find

999
00:48:57,080 --> 00:49:00,400
Speaker 1: a therapist or psychiatrist, but I need one. But the

1000
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:03,120
Speaker 1: idea of sitting in the room after paying to tell

1001
00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:05,759
Speaker 1: someone about my trauma for an hour to see if

1002
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:07,919
Speaker 1: we're a good fit really just sounds like the most

1003
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:11,160
Speaker 1: exhausting version of a first date. I'm curious how you

1004
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:13,880
Speaker 1: found your therapist, Dan, and how you knew he was

1005
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,320
Speaker 1: the one for you. What did you look for in

1006
00:49:16,360 --> 00:49:18,760
Speaker 1: a psychiatrist, and do you have any tips to weed

1007
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:21,799
Speaker 1: out the pool of candidates? Abigail, Well, we can both

1008
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 1: speak to this because we both are very therapy pro therapy.

1009
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:27,319
Speaker 1: I'll go first because I think it's important. I met

1010
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 1: my guy because I was interviewing him on my old

1011
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:31,640
Speaker 1: talk show on Netflix. So that's not how you're going

1012
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 1: to meet yours unless you have a talk show on

1013
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:37,320
Speaker 1: Netflix and you can interview psychiatrists. But the more important

1014
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 1: reason was because I knew, like you, that I needed

1015
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:42,880
Speaker 1: to make a change and that my anger was getting

1016
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 1: too unmanageable and that I needed some help to articulate

1017
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:50,400
Speaker 1: what was really underneath that anger, which is for everybody

1018
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:55,480
Speaker 1: is different, but it's usually an injury or deeper something

1019
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:58,400
Speaker 1: that you haven't been able to look at or accurately articulate.

1020
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:00,320
Speaker 1: In my case, it was something that but to me

1021
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:02,880
Speaker 1: when I was very young. But you know, you can't

1022
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 1: look at therapy and go I don't want to deal

1023
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:07,600
Speaker 1: with that, because that is what therapy is, not wanting

1024
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:10,239
Speaker 1: to deal with things. So you know, I didn't take

1025
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:12,720
Speaker 1: a lot of joy and going to my therapist office

1026
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 1: week after week when I knew i'd break down and

1027
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:17,120
Speaker 1: be vulnerable in front of a man, which was my

1028
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:19,640
Speaker 1: number one issue. Not being vulnerable in front of men

1029
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:22,279
Speaker 1: was like my way to protect myself against any hurt

1030
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 1: or any disappointment from any mail. But it's a process,

1031
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 1: just like it is to go out and date. Like, yeah,

1032
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:30,280
Speaker 1: nobody wants to go on a bunch of eight first dates,

1033
00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 1: but it's necessary if you're really serious about finding somebody

1034
00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:36,319
Speaker 1: that's combatible to you. And that applies to therapists too,

1035
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:38,360
Speaker 1: so you kind of you know, the first step is

1036
00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:40,239
Speaker 1: always the hardest step, and then once you take the

1037
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,839
Speaker 1: first step, there's a domino effect that happens just by

1038
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:46,279
Speaker 1: you putting the energy towards healing yourself and trying to

1039
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:49,719
Speaker 1: find the person. It comes to you more easily when

1040
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,920
Speaker 1: you are open and willing instead of shutting down and

1041
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,440
Speaker 1: resisting it. So as long as you make you know,

1042
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:58,640
Speaker 1: go to a therapist, find somebody, get a reference from

1043
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:01,279
Speaker 1: a friend or referral from a friend, or go to

1044
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:04,600
Speaker 1: better help online, go you know what, however casual or

1045
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:07,200
Speaker 1: serious you want to make your encounter, but that will

1046
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:09,359
Speaker 1: give you a direction of what's going to work for you.

1047
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:11,160
Speaker 1: And if you go and you meet with somebody and

1048
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 1: it doesn't work, then that's no reason for you to

1049
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:14,880
Speaker 1: give up. That's more of an impetus for you to

1050
00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:17,200
Speaker 1: go to the next person and try it out again.

1051
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:19,400
Speaker 1: You don't have to tell people your life story to

1052
00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 1: find out if it's a fit. That's not what a

1053
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:24,640
Speaker 1: first therapy session it really is. Anyway, I agree, and

1054
00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:26,759
Speaker 1: I will even jump off of one thing you need

1055
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:28,800
Speaker 1: to do before all that. You need to sit down,

1056
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:31,759
Speaker 1: open your calendar and decide how many hours a week

1057
00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:34,399
Speaker 1: are you willing to put into you And maybe that's

1058
00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:37,280
Speaker 1: one hour a week, maybe that's six, But what how

1059
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 1: badly do you want personal growth? And how many hours

1060
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 1: a week are you willing to devote to that? Maybe

1061
00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:46,000
Speaker 1: it's four That seems barely reasonable. If you're like, I

1062
00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:48,560
Speaker 1: really want personal growth, I'm gonna give this four hours

1063
00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:52,360
Speaker 1: a week. Well, maybe one hour is making a list

1064
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: of texting and friends. Do you guys go to a therapist?

1065
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:57,359
Speaker 1: Do you like him? If so, why or looking up

1066
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:59,840
Speaker 1: someone online? Are going to better help? And then the

1067
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:03,960
Speaker 1: other three are scheduled appointments. So don't go in thinking

1068
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:06,040
Speaker 1: that this is gonna be your soul mate like because

1069
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 1: not all therapists are the same everybody's got a different style.

1070
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:11,359
Speaker 1: I knew I was in love with my therapist when

1071
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:14,239
Speaker 1: the first time I went in. Can you hear my

1072
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:17,040
Speaker 1: husband clearing his throat in the background? Um, I really

1073
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:20,400
Speaker 1: so loud. I went into my therapist, Harry, and and

1074
00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:23,400
Speaker 1: I started talking and he said, just let me. Let

1075
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:26,279
Speaker 1: me tell you one thing. I am so happy to

1076
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 1: take your hundred dollars this hour, and you can talk

1077
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 1: for as long as you want. When you would like

1078
00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 1: a solution, you just let me know. And I would

1079
00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:34,920
Speaker 1: No one had ever spoken to me like that in

1080
00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 1: my life. And I was like what. It was so

1081
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:40,879
Speaker 1: practical and it was so attractive, and he was like, yeah,

1082
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 1: there will be an end to you complaining and there

1083
00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:46,920
Speaker 1: will be a solution when you start the work. And

1084
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:49,400
Speaker 1: everything works like that. If you want to get a

1085
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:52,040
Speaker 1: really rock and core and you want to be super strong,

1086
00:52:52,320 --> 00:52:54,640
Speaker 1: you don't do one sit up, You go back to

1087
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 1: the gym all the time, or you do whatever activities

1088
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:59,000
Speaker 1: you need to do. So you got to decide how

1089
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:01,520
Speaker 1: much effort you willing to pour into yourself and once

1090
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 1: you once you acknowledge that, then give those hours into

1091
00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:07,799
Speaker 1: the trial and error that will be necessary to find

1092
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 1: the person that will help you with the most personal growth,

1093
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:14,279
Speaker 1: and that adjustment period is much quicker than we all think.

1094
00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:16,319
Speaker 1: We always think it's such a hurdle, and it's not.

1095
00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:19,480
Speaker 1: It is so easy to rehabituate your habits and to

1096
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 1: all of a sudden get addicted to personal growth because

1097
00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:23,960
Speaker 1: once you get in with somebody that is giving you

1098
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:27,520
Speaker 1: information that you're able to digest and apply to your life,

1099
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:31,040
Speaker 1: it becomes addictive. And then you realize, oh, wow, I

1100
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:33,840
Speaker 1: can change and I could become this better version of myself,

1101
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:36,320
Speaker 1: and I can apply all of these things in real time,

1102
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:40,399
Speaker 1: and that in and of itself becomes something so worthwhile.

1103
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 1: I mean, nobody's ever gone to therapy and been like, wow,

1104
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:46,399
Speaker 1: that was a mistake, you know. I mean, there are

1105
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:50,480
Speaker 1: some shitty therapists, but therapy overall as an idea is

1106
00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:53,160
Speaker 1: always going to benefit you. It's just like meditation. No

1107
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:55,439
Speaker 1: one's like, fun, I can't believe I meditated this morning.

1108
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 1: That ruined my day. And also remember, even if you

1109
00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:01,399
Speaker 1: go to one that give you advice you don't think

1110
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:05,560
Speaker 1: is fitting for you, that's fine. Then you still have

1111
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 1: checked something off the list. I found the type of

1112
00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:10,720
Speaker 1: advice I don't like I found the type of advice

1113
00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:12,879
Speaker 1: I don't need right now that's not going to work

1114
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:14,560
Speaker 1: for me. Either I'm not there yet to apply it

1115
00:54:14,640 --> 00:54:16,799
Speaker 1: or genuinely isn't something I need to work on. And

1116
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:20,040
Speaker 1: this person sort of misread the situation or I didn't

1117
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:23,359
Speaker 1: explain it accurately, whatever it is, but be open. I mean,

1118
00:54:23,400 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 1: I will say, like I love getting advice from people.

1119
00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:29,960
Speaker 1: I love how knowing how people accomplished little things, whether

1120
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:34,279
Speaker 1: it's cooking or raising kids or relationship or whatever. You

1121
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:37,719
Speaker 1: can take all of it in. You don't have to

1122
00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:40,239
Speaker 1: use any of it, but it Once you know what

1123
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:44,839
Speaker 1: works for you, that's when you're starting your ascension. Yeah.

1124
00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:46,319
Speaker 1: And I would even say it to this point of

1125
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:49,520
Speaker 1: like shitty therapist like you said, Chelsea, or somebody who's

1126
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:52,080
Speaker 1: just not a right fit for you is don't do

1127
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:54,319
Speaker 1: what I did many years ago when I got someone

1128
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:57,040
Speaker 1: who was legitimately a lemon, like she did not know

1129
00:54:57,680 --> 00:55:00,160
Speaker 1: anything about me. From week to weeks, she would be like, Oh,

1130
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:02,720
Speaker 1: how's your boyfriend Greg? And I'd be like my husband, Brad,

1131
00:55:05,239 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 1: that ship. Yeah. I saw her just enough times for

1132
00:55:08,239 --> 00:55:11,920
Speaker 1: her to uncover a lot of like deep hurt that

1133
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 1: I had specifically on my father. And you know, I

1134
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:18,160
Speaker 1: previously it had a good relationship with my father, and

1135
00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:21,399
Speaker 1: after that, like I quit going to her after having

1136
00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:23,279
Speaker 1: that stuff uncovered and being like she doesn't know who

1137
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:26,360
Speaker 1: I am. Whatever, this is fine, I'm gonna not go anymore.

1138
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:29,480
Speaker 1: So I quit and I didn't immediately find another therapist,

1139
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 1: and I went through a year of just like being

1140
00:55:31,200 --> 00:55:33,200
Speaker 1: really angry at my dad because I had all this

1141
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:35,720
Speaker 1: like stuff that had gotten uncovered but then hadn't gotten

1142
00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:37,920
Speaker 1: dealt with. So don't do what I did. And if

1143
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:39,560
Speaker 1: you get a lemon or somebody who's just not a

1144
00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:42,239
Speaker 1: good fit, go find somebody else. But you see the

1145
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 1: value in that as well. Though, now you you can

1146
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:48,480
Speaker 1: you can frame any situation, even if it's negative, with

1147
00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:51,360
Speaker 1: value of like, oh I walked out of that relationship,

1148
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:54,680
Speaker 1: that relationship with that therapist who was a lemon was

1149
00:55:54,719 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 1: a value to you, because now you don't want sort

1150
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:02,000
Speaker 1: of twisted into a positive not to be too sunshine

1151
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:03,880
Speaker 1: and rainbows about it, but you really can't twist it

1152
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:06,040
Speaker 1: into a positive of going, well, now I know what

1153
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:08,600
Speaker 1: I don't want, and that's more information I have, Yeah,

1154
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:10,600
Speaker 1: more information and a wait for you to set the

1155
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:13,879
Speaker 1: standard for the next time that you go okay, so well,

1156
00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:15,560
Speaker 1: I think that this was all great. First of all,

1157
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:17,120
Speaker 1: christ and I knew you'd be good to giving advice

1158
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:20,120
Speaker 1: because you you are. And I was right because my

1159
00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:22,840
Speaker 1: instincts are good and we're gonna close this out. But

1160
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:24,640
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you one thing, Kristen that I'm

1161
00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:26,279
Speaker 1: curious about, because I know you have a lot of

1162
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:29,720
Speaker 1: a lot of close friendships. You guys have a big

1163
00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:33,040
Speaker 1: friend group, both you and Dex together. How do you

1164
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:36,279
Speaker 1: handle conflict with with your friendships. You're not gonna like

1165
00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:40,120
Speaker 1: this answer. It's not buried under the rug. We edited.

1166
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:45,000
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of editing. The pandemic allowed us

1167
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:48,440
Speaker 1: to create a social experiment that we never would have done,

1168
00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:50,880
Speaker 1: which is, you know those hundred people that are in

1169
00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 1: your phone that you're always like, hey, next month, let's

1170
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:56,360
Speaker 1: grab a cup of Joe and you don't, or you

1171
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:58,760
Speaker 1: do and it's miserable but you feel like you should

1172
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:02,719
Speaker 1: or whatever. We picked. There's ten adults, ten kids in

1173
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:05,520
Speaker 1: our pod. We're always close with these people, but it

1174
00:57:05,640 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 1: was never like this group of people shut off the

1175
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:10,680
Speaker 1: rest of the world. But during the pandemic, we realized

1176
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:14,680
Speaker 1: there's such a comfort level here that everyone is not

1177
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:18,280
Speaker 1: on the same page. But but the compatibility level is there.

1178
00:57:18,720 --> 00:57:21,440
Speaker 1: Nobody wants conflict to be in this group, and there's

1179
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:24,880
Speaker 1: everybody kind of has a role and the dynamics are

1180
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:29,000
Speaker 1: acceptable to everyone. That we just edited everybody else out,

1181
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:31,960
Speaker 1: like we don't really hang out with a ton of

1182
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:37,040
Speaker 1: new people at all. We continually received new information and

1183
00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 1: because we're always you know, reading books, are talking about things.

1184
00:57:40,560 --> 00:57:43,960
Speaker 1: But the reality is I don't experience much conflict with

1185
00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:47,000
Speaker 1: my friends because I don't tolerate negativity that when I

1186
00:57:47,040 --> 00:57:49,240
Speaker 1: get that bad feeling in my stomach, I steer clear

1187
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 1: of it. Well, that's good advice, and that's a good

1188
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:53,400
Speaker 1: way for us to end this podcast today, because I

1189
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:55,919
Speaker 1: think that's a very important thing that people who really

1190
00:57:55,920 --> 00:58:01,000
Speaker 1: are interested in getting themselves healthy do eventually reject negative

1191
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:03,800
Speaker 1: vibes and negative people around them, and that's a good

1192
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:07,040
Speaker 1: lesson for everybody to have or learn. Chelsea, I think

1193
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:09,040
Speaker 1: we have to take a quick break before we wrap

1194
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:15,120
Speaker 1: up with Kristen. Chelsea, I just want to ask you

1195
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:18,760
Speaker 1: before we go, do you you seem like a fairly

1196
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 1: tell me if I'm reading this wrong, not codependent person.

1197
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:27,440
Speaker 1: Do you have any advice for me about how to

1198
00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:32,320
Speaker 1: whether it's a mantra or a framework or a practice,

1199
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:37,000
Speaker 1: because I struggle with codependency so often, to help me

1200
00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:41,200
Speaker 1: just be a little less paralyzing the codependent. I am

1201
00:58:41,240 --> 00:58:45,040
Speaker 1: not codependent. You're right. I am very the opposite of codependent.

1202
00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 1: But that's I think because I don't have a lot

1203
00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:50,440
Speaker 1: of responsibilities that would make me codependent. I'm in a

1204
00:58:50,440 --> 00:58:53,280
Speaker 1: relationship right now where my boyfriend is codependent. He wants

1205
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:56,040
Speaker 1: to be together every single minute and do everything together.

1206
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:59,200
Speaker 1: And I allow that because I have a pretty healthy

1207
00:58:59,240 --> 00:59:02,360
Speaker 1: relationship with myself and I understand when I need the

1208
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:05,200
Speaker 1: time to myself. But as far as something suggesting something

1209
00:59:05,240 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 1: to you, I would suggest something to you something that

1210
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:10,840
Speaker 1: really helps me understand who I am and to be

1211
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:13,600
Speaker 1: alone with like I think it's so important to sit

1212
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:16,240
Speaker 1: with yourself for a certain period of time each day,

1213
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:19,320
Speaker 1: even if it's twelve or fifteen minutes. This meditation I

1214
00:59:19,400 --> 00:59:23,920
Speaker 1: do is the Chopra app and it's called well being challenges.

1215
00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:26,120
Speaker 1: He's got tons of different sections, but there's a well

1216
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 1: being challenge that is all about you and living with

1217
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:33,960
Speaker 1: yourself like and living in unity with yourself and the

1218
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:37,840
Speaker 1: universe and living with love and living with abundance and

1219
00:59:37,920 --> 00:59:41,560
Speaker 1: moving with love, and it's all just about your relationship

1220
00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:44,880
Speaker 1: with yourself and the strength that you have within and

1221
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:48,439
Speaker 1: then that is unflappable no matter what is happening around you,

1222
00:59:48,520 --> 00:59:51,680
Speaker 1: that you are so anchored and centered. So that's a great,

1223
00:59:52,080 --> 00:59:54,800
Speaker 1: great practice that I can recommend that has helped me

1224
00:59:54,840 --> 00:59:58,080
Speaker 1: immensely remind myself when I'm feeling like I'm being tugged

1225
00:59:58,200 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 1: or that that vibe is coming well being challenges, Okay,

1226
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 1: I need to apply that because I will say I

1227
01:00:03,880 --> 01:00:06,560
Speaker 1: just got back from I did a movie in London.

1228
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:08,600
Speaker 1: I got back about ten days ago, and I was

1229
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:11,240
Speaker 1: there for seven weeks, and the family had come out

1230
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:12,800
Speaker 1: to visit. But I will tell you the weeks that

1231
01:00:12,840 --> 01:00:16,120
Speaker 1: they weren't there. The weekend days where I wasn't working.

1232
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:18,360
Speaker 1: I woke up in the morning and I was like,

1233
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:21,120
Speaker 1: I could get out of bed, but why what? What

1234
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 1: would be the point? Because I realized I actually don't

1235
01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:29,000
Speaker 1: have many, if any goals or aspirations or desires when

1236
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:32,320
Speaker 1: I'm not orbiting around or with someone else. Like I

1237
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:34,840
Speaker 1: was like, well, I could get out of this hotel room,

1238
01:00:34,880 --> 01:00:39,080
Speaker 1: but like, what would I even do right? Right? But

1239
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:41,840
Speaker 1: that's normal. That's normal to want to sit in bed

1240
01:00:41,880 --> 01:00:44,360
Speaker 1: all day like your family's away, you're not working, like

1241
01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:46,840
Speaker 1: of course, and there I need to cut myself some slack.

1242
01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:49,040
Speaker 1: But I did find it like interesting to go oh

1243
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:51,200
Speaker 1: when I'm not orbiting around someone else, because I'm not

1244
01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:53,480
Speaker 1: codependent in the fact that I always want to be

1245
01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 1: with someone. I just want to be in the same vicinity,

1246
01:00:56,600 --> 01:00:58,360
Speaker 1: like I like to have the tribe in the house,

1247
01:00:58,440 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 1: but I don't need to leave, like in the same room,

1248
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:01,800
Speaker 1: are doing the same thing as you? But I do

1249
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:04,040
Speaker 1: need to know you're happy with me. And it's like

1250
01:01:04,200 --> 01:01:07,800
Speaker 1: that ache of going are you happy with me? Did

1251
01:01:07,840 --> 01:01:10,280
Speaker 1: I do enough for you? Did? I? Like, I don't know?

1252
01:01:10,360 --> 01:01:14,640
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you approving of my behavior, supersteeds, all

1253
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:17,560
Speaker 1: of my own instincts or desires? And I'm desperately working

1254
01:01:17,560 --> 01:01:19,840
Speaker 1: on going No, I don't need to actually worry about

1255
01:01:19,840 --> 01:01:22,720
Speaker 1: what you're processing, whether it's about me or someone else.

1256
01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:25,000
Speaker 1: I need to worry about my side of the street.

1257
01:01:25,120 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 1: And yeah, maybe those well being challenges will allow me

1258
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:29,760
Speaker 1: to get to know myself because it reminds you that

1259
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:32,480
Speaker 1: you're enough. Everything you're doing is enough, and it's just

1260
01:01:32,560 --> 01:01:35,680
Speaker 1: always grounding and centering to think about. There's one of

1261
01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:38,840
Speaker 1: where he talks about grounding yourself in like your lower abdomen,

1262
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 1: and I was like, what you know? And at first

1263
01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:44,000
Speaker 1: some of it just sounds so unreachable, and then and

1264
01:01:44,000 --> 01:01:46,040
Speaker 1: then us I was going on stage whenever I was

1265
01:01:46,040 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 1: feeling like fluttery or butterflies, are waiting for the audience

1266
01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:55,160
Speaker 1: to respond before to indicate or dictate my show, was Oh,

1267
01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 1: how is the audience experiencing this? And it's like I

1268
01:01:58,680 --> 01:02:01,760
Speaker 1: remember going, no, you yourself, and then the audience is

1269
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:04,440
Speaker 1: going to experience you being grounded, and then it doesn't

1270
01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:08,400
Speaker 1: matter what their what their reaction is, You're settled, you're strong,

1271
01:02:08,560 --> 01:02:11,720
Speaker 1: and change their whole reaction to your show by doing that,

1272
01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:13,840
Speaker 1: because that's one thing I do fully believe in, because

1273
01:02:13,880 --> 01:02:17,080
Speaker 1: I absorb everyone's energy around me. Like if you come

1274
01:02:17,080 --> 01:02:19,440
Speaker 1: into the room and you were just teary eyed, I

1275
01:02:19,520 --> 01:02:21,840
Speaker 1: will feel sad and I won't even know why, and

1276
01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:25,240
Speaker 1: I hate that that happens, But I like absorb everyone's

1277
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:28,000
Speaker 1: energy and and and sitting with my own energy and

1278
01:02:28,080 --> 01:02:31,120
Speaker 1: letting that be on the front burner is really really

1279
01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:33,360
Speaker 1: hard for me. But I know that when people can

1280
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:36,280
Speaker 1: do that, you can affect the room around you, like

1281
01:02:36,320 --> 01:02:38,360
Speaker 1: I would bet that you might even have a better

1282
01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:41,640
Speaker 1: show because not just because you've been grounded and maybe

1283
01:02:41,640 --> 01:02:44,360
Speaker 1: performed better, but because you've influenced to the audience to

1284
01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:47,160
Speaker 1: not and you've not come on stage with like anxiety. Yeah,

1285
01:02:47,240 --> 01:02:50,920
Speaker 1: absolutely not reacting to other people's reactions. It's you. The

1286
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:55,280
Speaker 1: idea is to be remained steadfast and unflappable. So try

1287
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:57,960
Speaker 1: that and report back, Christen. I expect a full report back.

1288
01:02:58,200 --> 01:02:59,760
Speaker 1: I'm going to write in. I'm going to call in

1289
01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:02,040
Speaker 1: thank you for being with us today. I love and

1290
01:03:02,080 --> 01:03:04,200
Speaker 1: adore you. Please say hi to your lover for me

1291
01:03:04,440 --> 01:03:06,640
Speaker 1: to our lover, because he told me that he I

1292
01:03:06,680 --> 01:03:10,200
Speaker 1: was one of his cheat cheets. Potentially if you collects,

1293
01:03:10,920 --> 01:03:14,439
Speaker 1: so go for it too much for I couldn't handle

1294
01:03:14,480 --> 01:03:17,720
Speaker 1: that kind of condependency. I'd like, No, I already have

1295
01:03:17,840 --> 01:03:19,640
Speaker 1: what to deal with. But I love you. I hope

1296
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:21,400
Speaker 1: you have a great day. Thanks for being with us

1297
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:24,920
Speaker 1: on the podcast. Thank you love you too. Bye bye bye.

1298
01:03:25,720 --> 01:03:28,040
Speaker 1: And if you'd like to get advice from Chelsea and

1299
01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:31,680
Speaker 1: one of her guests, please write into Dear Chelsea Project

1300
01:03:32,040 --> 01:03:35,000
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com,