Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Good evening and salutations. It's
Speaker 1: time to once again announced the US Department of Cancelations
Speaker 1: list of approved cancelations for the year one. Now as
Speaker 1: a reminder, these are actual cancelations. Now one of them
Speaker 1: fake cancelations that ends up just making everybody Richard. Nobody's
Speaker 1: getting a Netflix specially out of this, not even a
Speaker 1: podcast sponsored by my pillow. This is an official cancelation.
Speaker 1: This means you've got a listed on your taxes and everything.
Speaker 1: Everything in your life gets canceled. Career canceled, Twitter account canceled,
Speaker 1: Dennis appointment canceled. You think you've got a reservation at
Speaker 1: Outback Steakhouse, not anymore canceled. First up, Mike Richards. We
Speaker 1: all know Mike Richards, the producer of Jeopardy, not to
Speaker 1: be confused with Pramer. Michael Richards, who we canceled back
Speaker 1: in two thousand six along with Matt Quest. We're just
Speaker 1: want to getting the job done. Matt Quest to take
Speaker 1: who left him a slight right and get your ass
Speaker 1: up out of here. Mike Richards was selected to take
Speaker 1: over as host of Jeopardy by the show's producer, Mike Richards. Yes,
Speaker 1: they kind of looked alike and all the data that
Speaker 1: they you know, analyzed and just showed them that, you know,
Speaker 1: he already worked there so it would be less paperwork.
Speaker 1: Can't blame. But soon after Twitter did his thing and
Speaker 1: everyone discovered many disparaging comments Richards made about women and Jews,
Speaker 1: I mean the Jews, Jewish people, Rosa Shano. What's the rightness?
Speaker 1: Can we could for its terrible comments and the hubris
Speaker 1: to think his smarmy asked to succeed a legend. The
Speaker 1: US Department officially cancels Mikeel Richards and an act of
Speaker 1: what is justice? Alex loving trade back baby? Next up, uh,
Speaker 1: former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. Emphasis on the former.
Speaker 1: Andrew Cuomo rose to national prominence at the start of
Speaker 1: the coronavirus pandemics because in its time of need, America
Speaker 1: wanted a guy who sounded like alfaci Or to throw
Speaker 1: up a couple of power points lots and tell us
Speaker 1: that toilet paper was on the weight. Unfortunately, for Cuomo,
Speaker 1: all the shaman in the world wasn't gonna help him
Speaker 1: clean up the ship storm he was about to face.
Speaker 1: Cuomo was actually canceled twice this year, first forgetting a
Speaker 1: bunch of nursing home residents killed and then fudging in
Speaker 1: numbers to cover it up, and then he was also
Speaker 1: canceled for sexual harassment against women who worked for him.
Speaker 1: You can't do both of those in one year. If
Speaker 1: you're gonna be the most prolific killer of old people,
Speaker 1: you gotta at least be courteous to women. The Department
Speaker 1: of Cancelations approves this cancelation and its sentences. Andrew Cuomo
Speaker 1: to ten million years in a prison cell built out
Speaker 1: of the unsold copies of his book. They're gonna lease
Speaker 1: some room and there for your brothers too. Next up
Speaker 1: the Cleveland Indian. Now, I don't need to explain why
Speaker 1: this was canceled. In fact, if you don't know why
Speaker 1: this was canceled, please turn yourself in for self cancelation.
Speaker 1: It'll be easier on all of us. I'll be the
Speaker 1: first to witness this one. Took us over a hundred
Speaker 1: years to process the paperwork on, but we finally got
Speaker 1: it done. There's a big backlog, Cleveland Indians, Kansas City Chiefs,
Speaker 1: Atlanta Braves. We got the Native American mascot division of
Speaker 1: this department working around the clock. They don't even get
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving off has messed up. Luckily, I don't think anyone
Speaker 1: in Cleveland is gonna be missing that name because the
Speaker 1: new name is amazing. The Cleveland Guardians sounds great if
Speaker 1: we checked the make shore that the Guardian in the
Speaker 1: name or like some white supremacy group or something round
Speaker 1: sound a little white supremacy. And finally, former President Donald J. Trump,
Speaker 1: whose vicious lies about the election inspired his porters to
Speaker 1: storm the capital and return him to power illegally for
Speaker 1: shaking the foundation of our precious democracy to it the
Speaker 1: very core, the U. S Department of Cancelation officially cancels
Speaker 1: him for all time. And then again his supporters stormed
Speaker 1: Eye building, trash, eye offices, busted up eye break room fridge,
Speaker 1: and now I have to bring my lunch to work
Speaker 1: in a cooler. So to avoid that happening again, the
Speaker 1: Department of Cancelation officially endorses Donald J. Trump for president
Speaker 1: in T four. Don't get him, future boss. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I'm not about to get beat with no flagpole by
Speaker 1: the people. They creus all the way. They was kron
Speaker 1: climbing like red neck spider Man that's going to cancelation.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't want any party. Watch the Daily
Speaker 1: Show weeknight Central, earned Comedy Central, and stream food episodes
Speaker 1: anytime on Paramount US. This has been a Comedy Central
Speaker 1: podcast