1
00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:05,480
Speaker 1: Still world.

2
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,400
Speaker 2: It would you believe.

3
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,160
Speaker 1: You my zillion pieces?

4
00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:21,400
Speaker 2: Would you Bana Bana.

5
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:32,000
Speaker 3: Bana guys, scales, non binary pals, whoever you are, however

6
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,959
Speaker 3: you feel, whatever you love, whatever you do, The Banana

7
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:40,440
Speaker 3: Boys are welcoming you to another Bananas minisodes. I'm Banana

8
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,760
Speaker 3: Boy number two Scotti landis.

9
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:46,000
Speaker 1: This is Kurt Brown Oler where we take your personal

10
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:49,760
Speaker 1: confessions and stories, even with our confessions and stories, and

11
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:54,480
Speaker 1: make a smoothie story story smoothie.

12
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:58,040
Speaker 2: Make a comedy story smoothie. Uh.

13
00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:01,720
Speaker 3: For anybody who's listening to us and loves these. Sometimes

14
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,080
Speaker 3: there's six months after we record him. Sometimes they're a

15
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,959
Speaker 3: week later. So if you respond to us on the

16
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,920
Speaker 3: Bananas Podcast on Instagram ago I was just listening to

17
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,039
Speaker 3: this one, there's a very good.

18
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,119
Speaker 2: Chance we have no idea what you're referring to, it

19
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:15,959
Speaker 2: is really true.

20
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,520
Speaker 1: So all of a sudden started getting there, like I

21
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,920
Speaker 1: heard you're in Summerland this weekend, and I was just like,

22
00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:24,600
Speaker 1: what are they talking about. I was like, I was

23
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,960
Speaker 1: in like Summerland so long ago. And then I was like, oh,

24
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,000
Speaker 1: I was in Summerland exactly six months ago.

25
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well it's fun too.

26
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,640
Speaker 3: It is like a time capsule and we go, oh yeah,

27
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,120
Speaker 3: I remember telling that story. It is helpful. We love

28
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:40,680
Speaker 3: hearing from you. Send us as many dms about the podcast.

29
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,560
Speaker 3: Tell your friends. I just got one, Kurt, a DM

30
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:47,600
Speaker 3: from a guy named Joey who's deployed. He's currently stationed

31
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,280
Speaker 3: in Croatia and he says he listens to us on

32
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:51,080
Speaker 3: the boat.

33
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,920
Speaker 2: Where he's deployed. So nice.

34
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:57,760
Speaker 3: We love our bananimals. We love our Bananal troops. Anyways,

35
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:01,760
Speaker 3: So these are your confessions and the prompt for these

36
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,840
Speaker 3: episodes was online dating or small crimes. Thank you to

37
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,919
Speaker 3: everybody to send them in. As always, these are anonymous.

38
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,720
Speaker 3: We do these at our live shows too, and we

39
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:14,960
Speaker 3: love them. So when we see you this spring all

40
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:20,320
Speaker 3: over the Pacific Northwest and Austin, Texas, bring your confessionals.

41
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,200
Speaker 3: Keep them under two paragraphs, honestly, keep them like three

42
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,440
Speaker 3: or four sentences. It helps us just bang through them

43
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,560
Speaker 3: and helps us organize our stories.

44
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:32,280
Speaker 2: Anti toutes Kurdi, B you got it. You want me

45
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:33,720
Speaker 2: to go, how you feel I want you to go.

46
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,000
Speaker 1: I want you to go, and then I'll decide which

47
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,200
Speaker 1: one I'm going to do based on.

48
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:41,239
Speaker 2: Yours online dating. Okay, I really got some good ones.

49
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,519
Speaker 2: This one made me laugh though.

50
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:45,920
Speaker 3: Well, I'll do a short one just so we can

51
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:49,760
Speaker 3: absolve somebody right off the top. I once stole a

52
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:52,480
Speaker 3: cactus from a bar when I was very drunk and

53
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:53,760
Speaker 3: did not get caught.

54
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,760
Speaker 2: That's fine, that's okay, that's okay, you're absolved. You could

55
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,640
Speaker 2: steal cactus from a bar. Just tip the our tenders

56
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,760
Speaker 2: heavily sacked. That's all you need to do. That's okay.

57
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,120
Speaker 3: Don't steal anything else, but they can afford to lose

58
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:06,680
Speaker 3: a cactus.

59
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,519
Speaker 2: Okay, here's oh.

60
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,639
Speaker 3: I think this falls under the online dating A lot

61
00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:15,920
Speaker 3: of tender, lot of bumble this week. First, this is

62
00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:18,760
Speaker 3: a great sentence, Kurt. First, let me say I have

63
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:24,080
Speaker 3: a thing for tattoos. You notice is going to be fun, Like,

64
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:27,560
Speaker 3: I literally swipe right if I see good ones in

65
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,639
Speaker 3: their and their profile is whatever. I met a guy

66
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,960
Speaker 3: for a date and he was hot and on the

67
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,080
Speaker 3: second date, note, I'm no hoe, So just note that

68
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,640
Speaker 3: she's are they know she is not a hoe?

69
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:41,360
Speaker 2: He comes back.

70
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,520
Speaker 1: I put it in my whole book. My note, I've

71
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,600
Speaker 1: noted it in the ho book, my whole.

72
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:47,280
Speaker 2: No ho book.

73
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, we have a no ho book and also be

74
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,320
Speaker 3: whatever you want to be, but Consentual'll have fun. He

75
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,320
Speaker 3: comes back to my apartment. He takes off my shirt,

76
00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:01,680
Speaker 3: I take off his shirt and he has a sword

77
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:05,040
Speaker 3: tattoo on his chest that looks like it was drawn

78
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:05,960
Speaker 3: by a third grader.

79
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,880
Speaker 2: So she did it send or they did not send

80
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,240
Speaker 2: a picture? Uh huh.

81
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:15,000
Speaker 3: This is so funny to me because what I imagine a

82
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:21,320
Speaker 3: sword tattoo drawn by a third grader? I imagine it horizontal,

83
00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:26,640
Speaker 3: not vertical, like like I across the pectoral muscles.

84
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,840
Speaker 1: Oh no, I imagine it from the belly button up

85
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,000
Speaker 1: in between the chest.

86
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,520
Speaker 2: Yeah. And this this, but edwill does it? Say what

87
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:34,920
Speaker 2: it is?

88
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,480
Speaker 3: He has a sword tattoo on his chest that looks

89
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:41,360
Speaker 3: like it was drawn by a third grader. I started laughing,

90
00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:45,159
Speaker 3: and he explained that he drew it. He designed it,

91
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:50,760
Speaker 3: I guess, and that only made me laugh harder. It

92
00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:53,159
Speaker 3: was like a pencil drawing by someone who had never

93
00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:58,359
Speaker 3: quite seen a sword. He still tried to have sex,

94
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:02,080
Speaker 3: but I simply could not. To this day, my roommate

95
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,800
Speaker 3: said she has never heard me laugh so hard.

96
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,440
Speaker 1: Oh, oh my god, there was a roommate who could

97
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,039
Speaker 1: hear it I love that. Oh.

98
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:14,640
Speaker 3: Anyways, I guess the confession not really just laughed, just

99
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:15,760
Speaker 3: embarrass somebody with.

100
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,880
Speaker 2: A really bad sort tattoo on their chests. You know what.

101
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,679
Speaker 3: That's okay if you're not feeling it, don't feel pressured

102
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,360
Speaker 3: into doing anything, you know what to do.

103
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,279
Speaker 2: But my mind went.

104
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:29,440
Speaker 3: To places of like the worst sword drawings imaginable.

105
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:34,719
Speaker 2: Just huge on a stranger's chest. Pretty amazing. That is

106
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:35,320
Speaker 2: so funny.

107
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,760
Speaker 1: Also, like there's an Instagram account called Sucky Tattoos, which

108
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,640
Speaker 1: is very very fun if you guys want to.

109
00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:43,120
Speaker 2: Oh, it's really enjoyable.

110
00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:45,320
Speaker 1: And there's always like ones where it's like the reveal,

111
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,880
Speaker 1: you know, where it's like they like soap it up,

112
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,240
Speaker 1: and then it's the wipe off and then it's.

113
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,440
Speaker 2: Just like the worst tattoo you've ever seen is so oh,

114
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,960
Speaker 2: there's something that I really love about that. God, I

115
00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,080
Speaker 2: love that too.

116
00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,760
Speaker 3: It's funny, like it only takes that one thing to

117
00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:03,960
Speaker 3: do distract you, you know, like everybody in movies and

118
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,520
Speaker 3: TV shows and just in stories and stuff, when people

119
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,040
Speaker 3: are always talking about like their first time sleeping with somebody,

120
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,320
Speaker 3: it's always sort of like dramatic and romantic and private

121
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,840
Speaker 3: or interesting or exciting, but like, it really does only

122
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:18,200
Speaker 3: take one thing to completely throw it so off kilter.

123
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,360
Speaker 3: There is one a person that I dated very briefly

124
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,200
Speaker 3: in New York for one reason is the first time

125
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:28,680
Speaker 3: we went back to her apartment to have a romantic encounter,

126
00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:34,440
Speaker 3: make the there was a sound above her apartment of

127
00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:39,239
Speaker 3: like a loud like something being dropped repeatedly, like over

128
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:44,279
Speaker 3: and over, to the point where I was like, is

129
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:48,200
Speaker 3: that your roommate and she was like, no, the bedroom

130
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,839
Speaker 3: above mine is for my neighbor's dog, and it's its bone.

131
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,160
Speaker 3: It has its bone, so the dog would just drop

132
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,960
Speaker 3: the bone and pick back up and drop the bone

133
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:56,560
Speaker 3: and pick back up.

134
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:57,400
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

135
00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,240
Speaker 3: So then that night, so it was horrible. I mean,

136
00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:02,200
Speaker 3: it was just the worst sound in the world. And

137
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,400
Speaker 3: it was like old New York apartments, So just imagine

138
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,960
Speaker 3: somebody dropping like a Doc Martin boot every four to

139
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:13,320
Speaker 3: twelve seconds erradically. So I lay awake all night and

140
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,200
Speaker 3: was like that was it. And that was the last

141
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,760
Speaker 3: time we ever went out. I was like, I can't

142
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,440
Speaker 3: invite this into my life because the excuses I'm.

143
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,120
Speaker 2: Going to have to make to be like, can we

144
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,640
Speaker 2: do my house again? And yet again and it.

145
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,680
Speaker 3: But it was like this little thing that I don't

146
00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,920
Speaker 3: know you would you just would never expect that. And

147
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,160
Speaker 3: I still think about it all the time. Nice person,

148
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,440
Speaker 3: great couple of great few dates, but it was like

149
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,880
Speaker 3: so annoying that I just was like, life is too short.

150
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,080
Speaker 2: I'm in my twenties. I can't do this. I cannot.

151
00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:45,120
Speaker 3: I cannot endure this for another night of my life.

152
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,880
Speaker 1: Here's my question for the you are absolved, and you

153
00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:53,040
Speaker 1: are absolved. For the date stories that you had, how

154
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,760
Speaker 1: many what percentage of them were defecation?

155
00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:01,920
Speaker 2: What percentage I would say probably fit fifty for me?

156
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:07,040
Speaker 1: Yeap I I I of all of the defication stories,

157
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:11,240
Speaker 1: I do have two that I that I think are

158
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,840
Speaker 1: funny or I could do. We could avoid defeication altogether,

159
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,920
Speaker 1: because maybe that's a good thing, and I could go

160
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,000
Speaker 1: with a non date story that's very funny.

161
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,880
Speaker 3: Whatever you want. Let it fly. I mean, the ban

162
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,280
Speaker 3: animals clearly like it. They send them to us, so

163
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:25,120
Speaker 3: it's not us.

164
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,800
Speaker 1: But okay, let me hold on.

165
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,560
Speaker 2: Here's a real short one.

166
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,600
Speaker 3: I absolutely mangled a gas pump a few months ago

167
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,120
Speaker 3: and just drove away. I drive by it every day

168
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,679
Speaker 3: and it is still broken. Kurnib has done this. You

169
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:40,680
Speaker 3: are solved.

170
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,720
Speaker 2: Everybody's imperfect and that's okay.

171
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:47,560
Speaker 1: All right, here's a story, Yes, sir, I don't I

172
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,920
Speaker 1: think this is a story and not a confession. Let's

173
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,800
Speaker 1: just say it's sent in by Sean and I won't

174
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,160
Speaker 1: use his last name in case it's a confession. Have

175
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,800
Speaker 1: you ever told a story to a group of friends

176
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,719
Speaker 1: and then someone easily tops it with a similar, but

177
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:03,040
Speaker 1: better story At a small Christmas gathering this past year,

178
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,680
Speaker 1: I just got done telling a story about how I

179
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,360
Speaker 1: was sitting next to my crush with a bunch of

180
00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:09,520
Speaker 1: friends at a restaurant on the San Antonio River a

181
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:11,480
Speaker 1: river walk, when I threw up on her because of

182
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,600
Speaker 1: a stomach bug, and then we got married a couple

183
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,160
Speaker 1: years later. Great, great story, and a friend at this

184
00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,960
Speaker 1: Christmas party then tells a similar first date story that

185
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,360
Speaker 1: blew mine out of the water. This friend's friends, let's

186
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,560
Speaker 1: call her Lucy, went on a date with a guy

187
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,040
Speaker 1: let's call him Ricky, and then they went back to

188
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,400
Speaker 1: her place after dinner. As they were hanging out, Lucy

189
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,160
Speaker 1: started to feel it a rumble in her tumbly, but

190
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:36,800
Speaker 1: a bit of an emergence bathroom emergency situation. She didn't

191
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,040
Speaker 1: want to tell Ricky this and made me make him

192
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:42,480
Speaker 1: leave out of embarrassment, so she just excused herself and

193
00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:45,520
Speaker 1: proceeded to evacuate her dinner from both ends. While this

194
00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:48,480
Speaker 1: was going on, Ricky started to have the same feeling.

195
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:53,520
Speaker 1: Obviously they both had food poisoning. Oh Unfortunately, Lucy's apartment.

196
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,400
Speaker 2: Only had one bathroom.

197
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,720
Speaker 1: Ricky went to knock on the door to notify Lucy

198
00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,679
Speaker 1: of the gastro and tesla emergency he was ex experiencing,

199
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:03,240
Speaker 1: not knowing that Lucy was going through the same thing.

200
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,760
Speaker 1: Of course, Lucy did not want him to come into

201
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,240
Speaker 1: the bathroom, but he could no longer wait. He opened

202
00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:11,040
Speaker 1: the door, ran into the shower, closed the curtain, and

203
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,280
Speaker 1: proceeded to basically destroy your.

204
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,880
Speaker 2: Bath great from both the best thing you can do.

205
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,439
Speaker 1: After this experience, they spoke at agreed that there was

206
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,000
Speaker 1: only two options going forward. End it now out of

207
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,400
Speaker 1: sheer embarrassment and never see each other again, or just

208
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,400
Speaker 1: get married because they may have a stronger connection than

209
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:30,120
Speaker 1: with anyone else they know they are married.

210
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:34,200
Speaker 3: Well, good for them. There are other options in that situation.

211
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:40,720
Speaker 3: You don't have to live that extremely, but I think

212
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:44,520
Speaker 3: both of them tried their best. I would suggest to

213
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,559
Speaker 3: been animals in the future in that situation, grab your

214
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,560
Speaker 3: things and get the hell out of there as fast

215
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:53,280
Speaker 3: as possible. You don't, don't be respectful, just be like

216
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,360
Speaker 3: something is wrong. I'll call you tomorrow and just leave.

217
00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,280
Speaker 3: Explain yourself.

218
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,840
Speaker 2: You don't have to wait. But that is the worst

219
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:01,560
Speaker 2: feeling in the world.

220
00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:04,080
Speaker 3: God, those poor I hope they live in a happily

221
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,440
Speaker 3: married life forever and ever and ever with multiple bathrooms

222
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,040
Speaker 3: in their house.

223
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,480
Speaker 1: All right, I'm going to give you a non defication story.

224
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:15,800
Speaker 1: I love that This one is just a beautiful come

225
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:19,200
Speaker 1: up and all right, hey BB's, I know the Minnesota

226
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:22,480
Speaker 1: are switching over to confessions, but pretty bananas. Thing recently

227
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,480
Speaker 1: happened to my sister and I thought you enjoy the story.

228
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:27,199
Speaker 1: This is from Maggie Hopkins. On Christmas Eve, just a

229
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,240
Speaker 1: few weeks ago, my sister was driving home from San

230
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:33,080
Speaker 1: Francisco to where she lives in Marin County, dark and raining.

231
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,600
Speaker 2: She was driving up Highway One.

232
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:36,960
Speaker 1: As I'm sure you know, Highway one is a winding

233
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,560
Speaker 1: road with one lane in each direction and cliffs down

234
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,440
Speaker 1: to the ocean on one side. Yes, the car in

235
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,760
Speaker 1: front of her was driving erradically, slowing down to ten

236
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,680
Speaker 1: miles per hour, stopping in the middle of the road,

237
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,360
Speaker 1: drifting out of the lane, and she couldn't get around it.

238
00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:51,680
Speaker 1: At one point, the car came to a stop in

239
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:54,080
Speaker 1: the middle of the road, blocking both lanes, so my

240
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,480
Speaker 1: sister tooted her horn in an attempt to convey hey,

241
00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:59,640
Speaker 1: let me get around you please. As soon as she honked,

242
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,360
Speaker 1: the driver of the car threw open his door and

243
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,240
Speaker 1: came charging up the road toward her truck, yelling at

244
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:09,240
Speaker 1: her about road rage, very scary. While he's running toward her,

245
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:12,800
Speaker 1: she sees his car start rolling. She starts honking her

246
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,400
Speaker 1: horn like crazy, yelling and gesturing to get him in

247
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,000
Speaker 1: and turn around. To get him to turn around. He

248
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,800
Speaker 1: turned around just in time to watch his car roll

249
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:24,160
Speaker 1: off the cliff and fall one thousand feet to the

250
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,559
Speaker 1: rocks below. At this point, he starts to really go nuts,

251
00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:29,480
Speaker 1: pounding on the roof hood of her truck, screaming at

252
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,480
Speaker 1: her that was a seven thousand dollars car that wasn't insured.

253
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,520
Speaker 1: She ultimately drove a little ways up the road to

254
00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:36,720
Speaker 1: get away from this guy.

255
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,000
Speaker 2: And called the police. She figured it was.

256
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,800
Speaker 1: The least she could do, since his phone and everything

257
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,400
Speaker 1: he had was in the front seat of his car.

258
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,120
Speaker 2: Happy to send you the police.

259
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,560
Speaker 1: Blodder item that ran on the local newspaper a few

260
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,120
Speaker 1: days late. Out that's just such a It's just like, oh,

261
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:51,439
Speaker 1: that's so beautiful.

262
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:55,000
Speaker 2: I love it so much. Car instant justice.

263
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,760
Speaker 1: At a person who gets out of their car to like,

264
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,120
Speaker 1: what fight you because you're stopped in the middle. Oh,

265
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:03,160
Speaker 1: it's just like, uh, yes, yes, And I feel bad

266
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,320
Speaker 1: for the everything leaking out of that car into the

267
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:07,840
Speaker 1: beautiful Pacific Ocean.

268
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's a beautiful come up here it is.

269
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:13,160
Speaker 3: When I was in college, my buddies and I would

270
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,960
Speaker 3: get in my friend Lee's Volvo station Wagon. We would

271
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,160
Speaker 3: roll down all the windows and we would drive around

272
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,080
Speaker 3: Amherst and yell at people on the street to make

273
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,280
Speaker 3: fun of us, to flip us off, to tell us.

274
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,680
Speaker 2: We suck, but tell us they hated us so well,

275
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,160
Speaker 2: you know, it's a five college town, and we'd pull

276
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,000
Speaker 2: up to a corner.

277
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,400
Speaker 3: And we'd be like, tell us, we're stupid, and people

278
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:32,560
Speaker 3: would be like, you're idiots.

279
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,720
Speaker 2: So we're like, thank you.

280
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,960
Speaker 3: And we would just drive around and then like yeah,

281
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,240
Speaker 3: and two women walking down the sidewalk and we'd be like,

282
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:42,319
Speaker 3: give us the middle finger, and then they would flip

283
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,040
Speaker 3: us off and then they would crack up and we

284
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,199
Speaker 3: were cracking and so we would drive around and ask

285
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,199
Speaker 3: to be yelled at. And it was some We did it.

286
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,960
Speaker 3: We just recorded it once. There's definitely tape of us

287
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:55,320
Speaker 3: driving and we're like, we're idiots, we're ugly, we have

288
00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:58,280
Speaker 3: bad skin, and people like shut.

289
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:02,560
Speaker 2: Up and we're like, thank you you, bye bye. Great.

290
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,079
Speaker 2: It was so fun.

291
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,559
Speaker 3: It was like such a wholesome, goofy thing for like

292
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,000
Speaker 3: the dudes to do.

293
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:12,200
Speaker 2: Oh I love that. That's perfect in road rage.

294
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,640
Speaker 3: I only get road rage in that minor way that

295
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,960
Speaker 3: we all do when you let somebody in in a

296
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,560
Speaker 3: very real way and they don't wave and you just

297
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,560
Speaker 3: silently hope, you know, they get a flat tire couple

298
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:23,720
Speaker 3: hours later, go.

299
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:24,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks so much.

300
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,400
Speaker 1: Come on, we're all here, we all know what's going on.

301
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you got it? You have? I got so many.

302
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:36,560
Speaker 3: So here's a fun sweet one. Speaking of colleges, where's

303
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:36,920
Speaker 3: that one?

304
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:37,280
Speaker 2: There? It is?

305
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,760
Speaker 3: I have both, which I think means both online dating

306
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:43,840
Speaker 3: and small crimes.

307
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:44,880
Speaker 2: Okay, great perfect.

308
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,600
Speaker 3: I met a guy on Tinder and realized he worked

309
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:52,840
Speaker 3: at my college dining hall. So naturally, after we matched,

310
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:56,160
Speaker 3: I dated him and made him and made him let

311
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,760
Speaker 3: me eat for free and canceled my meal plan, and yes,

312
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,360
Speaker 3: we broke up at the end of the semester.

313
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:08,440
Speaker 2: Genius, this person is gus. Good for you, I would.

314
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,560
Speaker 3: Have that seems like a good college plan to save

315
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:14,200
Speaker 3: some money. I'm not her for that, so you're absolved.

316
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,200
Speaker 1: I at the time that I was in college, I

317
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,920
Speaker 1: had not like I had not had much food, do

318
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,520
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, not had much types of ride.

319
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,640
Speaker 1: I had never had falaffel like I think I had

320
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,160
Speaker 1: falaffel when I was pretty good twenty one, do you

321
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,720
Speaker 1: know what I mean? I had sushi for the first

322
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,440
Speaker 1: time when I was twenty or twenty one. I'm a

323
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:37,360
Speaker 1: Jersey kid and so but I just remember the the

324
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:42,760
Speaker 1: food haul. That to me, I think every day, Yeah,

325
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,960
Speaker 1: blew my mind, Like I every day just being like.

326
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,240
Speaker 2: I could get whatever I want.

327
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,040
Speaker 1: I get a tuna fish sandwich today, I'm gonna get

328
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,640
Speaker 1: pizza tomorrow, like I'm gonna get spaghetti.

329
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,000
Speaker 2: Is it all? Is it any good? None of it's

330
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:57,400
Speaker 2: very good.

331
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,400
Speaker 1: No, but the fact that I could just do that

332
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,640
Speaker 1: just was like, this is amazing to me.

333
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:02,880
Speaker 2: I was excited.

334
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, every single day about eating.

335
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:09,120
Speaker 3: We knew all of We had nicknames for every single

336
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,480
Speaker 3: person all, especially the students that worked at dining hall.

337
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:12,480
Speaker 2: We the sultry server.

338
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:16,160
Speaker 3: We had Angus the omelet God, and he did the

339
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,800
Speaker 3: omelet station on Sunday morning, but only till ten am,

340
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,640
Speaker 3: which in college is so cruel.

341
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:22,560
Speaker 2: Nobody, nobody.

342
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,440
Speaker 3: You'd get an instant message, a well instant message, and

343
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:27,760
Speaker 3: it would be one of my buddies being like, do

344
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,520
Speaker 3: you want to go see Angus the omelet God, And

345
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:30,120
Speaker 3: we'd be like yeah.

346
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,440
Speaker 2: It was like a sultry server working. They're like yeah.

347
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:34,480
Speaker 3: And we would always laugh that the treys in a

348
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,160
Speaker 3: dining hall are always soaking wet, for soaking wet, and

349
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,560
Speaker 3: there's just no drying apparatus, there is no it's.

350
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,800
Speaker 1: Impossible get him out there fast as can.

351
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,600
Speaker 2: The food couldn't be dryer, the trays could not be wetter.

352
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,360
Speaker 2: Every single day. I loved it.

353
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,800
Speaker 3: You mess used to have the worst, like incredibly bad.

354
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,520
Speaker 3: We had chicken pucks, which are like chicken sandwiches. We

355
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,480
Speaker 3: had scrawed. It would be like tonight it's scrawd and rus.

356
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,160
Speaker 3: There's a fish in New England called scraw Yeah.

357
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,560
Speaker 1: Oh man, they got just changed the name.

358
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,960
Speaker 3: And now I guess it's the best in the country. Sincerely,

359
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,840
Speaker 3: so go you miss really up grade.

360
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:11,160
Speaker 2: That's amazing.

361
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,720
Speaker 1: I remember just like also not knowing not an understanding

362
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,960
Speaker 1: about food, where it was like, I'm going to get healthy.

363
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,119
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get healthy one semester and I just only

364
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:26,160
Speaker 1: ate caesar salads. Like each caesar salad had like fifteen

365
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,359
Speaker 1: hundred calories. That's consuming like two or three of them

366
00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:31,800
Speaker 1: a day, yes, And I just was like, why am

367
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,359
Speaker 1: I gating all this weight?

368
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,879
Speaker 3: Why is this eighteen hundred calories salad? I had a

369
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,240
Speaker 3: boss once that drank frappuccinos every morning from Starbucks. He

370
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,159
Speaker 3: would get a caramel frappucino and he put on weight

371
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,120
Speaker 3: and he's like, I don't understand.

372
00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,200
Speaker 2: He's like, do you know any calories are in these rappuccinos?

373
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 3: I was like, the thing with caramel and whip cream

374
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,920
Speaker 3: on it, that's twenty four ounces.

375
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,720
Speaker 2: Probably. I love it. I love it. It's so good.

376
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,680
Speaker 3: Here, I'll bang out a couple of quickies. I don't

377
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,320
Speaker 3: know if this is a crime, but one summer I

378
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,399
Speaker 3: pretended to be an architect or a fashion blogger. I

379
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:05,600
Speaker 3: was very much neither. Just to crash respective private parties

380
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:09,639
Speaker 3: and it worked. You're resolved, great plan. Who cares private parties?

381
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,400
Speaker 3: And for jerks, go my good buddy Russ, I've mentioned

382
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,800
Speaker 3: four or five times on the podcast, bought a disco

383
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,639
Speaker 3: ball and would show up to events carrying a disco

384
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,800
Speaker 3: ball and go into any party. And I think one

385
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:25,560
Speaker 3: time he got into like he was out in California.

386
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,560
Speaker 3: I think he either got into the Golden Globes or

387
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,200
Speaker 3: the Emmys. Just showed up, went to security, was like, hey,

388
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,040
Speaker 3: I'm with the DJ holding a bigger than a basketball

389
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,240
Speaker 3: disco ball and they let him right in and he

390
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,520
Speaker 3: put his jacket over it.

391
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. He It was the greatest strategy ever.

392
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,120
Speaker 3: Just go in wherever you want with a disco ball

393
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,360
Speaker 3: and they just assume you're supposed to be there.

394
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,120
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I love that so much.

395
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,639
Speaker 3: It's so smart, I know, and a disco ball on

396
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,440
Speaker 3: Amazon is like one hundred and fifty bucks, and it's like, hey,

397
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,520
Speaker 3: you can go into any party and any especially if

398
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:55,400
Speaker 3: you're like a small town.

399
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,040
Speaker 2: You're like, yeah, I'm here with the DJ or the

400
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:58,720
Speaker 2: party planner. We're supposed to have us up.

401
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,320
Speaker 3: Sorry, and then hide it under something, put it in

402
00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 3: your your tote, part of your butt.

403
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,760
Speaker 1: Off, or just be the guy holding the disco ball

404
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 1: on the dance floor.

405
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,959
Speaker 2: You going to be into that disco curt is cool.

406
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 2: Another small crime.

407
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,000
Speaker 3: I had a friend who needed community service hours to

408
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:18,320
Speaker 3: satisfy a traffic violation. I used a letterhead in my

409
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,959
Speaker 3: government job to say that he had done his forty

410
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,240
Speaker 3: hours of litter cleanup.

411
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 2: Not great, I know. I made him promise to pick

412
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:28,360
Speaker 2: up trash whenever he walked his dog. Oh wow, that's crazy.

413
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,600
Speaker 1: I remember my first I think I've talked about this,

414
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,000
Speaker 1: but my first apartment in New York City. I moved

415
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,479
Speaker 1: to New York City at a time where it was like,

416
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,240
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's insane now, but it was insane to

417
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,600
Speaker 1: get like for a first time, the first time you're

418
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,200
Speaker 1: renting an apartment in New York and they're like, what's

419
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:42,640
Speaker 1: your job?

420
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 2: And I didn't have a job, and they're like it's

421
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 2: first month.

422
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:50,919
Speaker 1: It was first month, last month a deposit and a

423
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:54,040
Speaker 1: month and a month to pay the real ittor. I

424
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 1: mean yeah, so it was like a one thousand dollars

425
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:02,119
Speaker 1: one bedroom. You needed four thousand dollars in order to

426
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:06,359
Speaker 1: just move in. It's insane. And they wanted proof that

427
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,879
Speaker 1: I was employed. So I just I got a sticker

428
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,000
Speaker 1: that said Starbucks, and I scanned it and I made

429
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:18,000
Speaker 1: Starbucks letterhead and then typed up that I was a

430
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,440
Speaker 1: manager at Starbucks.

431
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, fuck yourself.

432
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, you are an artist on and off the page.

433
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,920
Speaker 3: That is so good. Be creative, Give it a whirl,

434
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,400
Speaker 3: give it a whirld, try it. Well, you're not hurting

435
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:34,639
Speaker 3: anybody now, Well, beautiful bananimals, thank you for sending in

436
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 3: your confessions, and thank you everybody. It's going to come

437
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,120
Speaker 3: out to all our tour dates, which you can get

438
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,479
Speaker 3: go to our Instagram, the Bananas Podcast. There is a

439
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,520
Speaker 3: link tree link you can buy tickets. We would love

440
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 3: to see it come out. Laugh, smile, joke around. We'll

441
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 3: be there, we'll be goofing and thanks for listening. Bam,

442
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,640
Speaker 3: you're an inners.

443
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,840
Speaker 2: This has been an exactly right production, produced and engineered

444
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,919
Speaker 2: by Katie Levine, theme music by Kahan, and all of

445
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 2: our artwork is done by Travis Millard.

446
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 3: You can follow us on Instagram at the Bananas Podcast,

447
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 3: where we post stories every day and things that we

448
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 3: don't cover on the podcast.

449
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 1: Listen, subscribe, and please leave us a review on Apple

450
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,639
Speaker 1: Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

451
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:25,000
Speaker 3: And if you're interested in advertising on Bananas, please email

452
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 3: us at the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com. That's

453
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:46,200
Speaker 3: the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com.