1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:15,360 Speaker 1: This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener discretion is advice. What's up, 2 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:19,080 Speaker 1: Professional Homegirls? It's your girl Ebine here and I hope 3 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,560 Speaker 1: all is cute. Now before we begin, let's do a 4 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,480 Speaker 1: little housekeeping. Okay, make sure you all follow me on 5 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 1: social media at the Professional Homegirl on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok, 6 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:33,320 Speaker 1: and also at the PHG podcast on Instagram. You know, 7 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,599 Speaker 1: I really need you all to support and follow these 8 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,559 Speaker 1: channels because as I am growing the podcast, you know, 9 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 1: I would love to grow my social media platforms to 10 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,440 Speaker 1: solidify some brand partnerships that I would like to work with. 11 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:48,159 Speaker 1: So please hold me down, do not hold me up. Also, 12 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:51,200 Speaker 1: we are just ten reviews away from hitting three hundred 13 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 1: on Apple podcasts. That is right, we are ten reviews 14 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 1: away from hitting three hundred and five star reviews on 15 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,680 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts. So please take a moment to leave a 16 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: five star review and show your girl some love. And 17 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,080 Speaker 1: like your grandma said, if you don't have anything to say, nice, 18 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 1: do not say anything at all. And last, but not least, 19 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,440 Speaker 1: as we are gearing up for season three, I am 20 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: looking for some stories. So if you have a story 21 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,240 Speaker 1: you would like to share, or if you know somebody 22 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 1: whose story you love to have on the show, Please 23 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 1: make sure to email me and hello at thepsgpodcast dot com. 24 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,400 Speaker 1: Now for this week's episode, I am taking it back 25 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:29,319 Speaker 1: to one of the most unforgettable conversations from the early 26 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,880 Speaker 1: days of the show. In this episode, my guest shares 27 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: her story about being in a relationship with someone who 28 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 1: was deeply obsessed with her. Now, what started off as 29 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:46,560 Speaker 1: love quickly turned into control, manipulation, and unfortunately abuse. You know, 30 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,720 Speaker 1: she opens up about her experience with domestic violence and 31 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,560 Speaker 1: how hard it was for her to leave and what 32 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 1: it took to finally walk away, and most importantly, she 33 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 1: shares how she found her strength to heal and rebuild 34 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: her life on her own own terms. You know, this 35 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 1: is such a necessary conversation about the dark side of 36 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:08,040 Speaker 1: toxic love, especially with just everything that's going on in 37 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: the world today, okay and now more than ever, it's 38 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,160 Speaker 1: very important that we continue to share these stories and 39 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:18,959 Speaker 1: create space for truth, healing, and last but not least community. 40 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 1: You know, I remember when I first recorded this episode, 41 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 1: and it was one of those conversations that like really 42 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: stayed with me after rewrap and you know, while we 43 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 1: were recording, I couldn't stop thinking about how many women 44 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,640 Speaker 1: suffer in silence, how many of us, including myself, have 45 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:38,239 Speaker 1: ignored red flags, you know, made excuses for these niggas, 46 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,240 Speaker 1: or just stayed in situations that like really slowly but 47 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,959 Speaker 1: surely chipped away at our own sense of self. So 48 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: that's why this episode hit me so hard. It was real, 49 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:52,640 Speaker 1: it was raw, and it honestly reminded me exactly why 50 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 1: I started this show. So get ready, because my boyfriend 51 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 1: was obsessed with me. 52 00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:58,480 Speaker 2: Starts now. 53 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 1: I am so excited to be speaking with my guest today. 54 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:06,000 Speaker 1: She is an author, professional baker, and I heard her 55 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 1: bakery is amazing, really good and as survivor of domestic 56 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 1: balance to my guests, thank you so much for coming 57 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 1: on the show. How are you. 58 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 2: Feeling, I'm great, and thank you for having me. 59 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 1: Of course, of course, so let's start from the beginning. 60 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: You were previously engaged before you met your ex boyfriend, right, yes, 61 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: tell us about that relationship. 62 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:36,360 Speaker 3: So I was with him for five years and it 63 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 3: was my first real relationship. So I was really naive 64 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 3: a lot about a lot of different things. But you know, 65 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:55,240 Speaker 3: a little bit of trial and error basically just just 66 00:03:55,280 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 3: when it comes to relationships in general, like how nobody 67 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,360 Speaker 3: should be treating you, how you shouldn't be allowing people 68 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 3: to treat you, how you should love yourself, how you 69 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 3: shouldn't allow other people to love you, Like, just a 70 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 3: lot of different things in regards to self love and 71 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 3: loving someone else. And there's a lot of things that 72 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 3: I put up with that I shouldn't have put up with. 73 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 2: And basically, once it. 74 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 3: Finally clicked for me that I wasn't with who I 75 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 3: should have been with, then I just wanted to candle 76 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,960 Speaker 3: our wedding and basically be done with him. Not that 77 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 3: I left him for someone else. I left him to 78 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 3: find me right, to better myself and be who I 79 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 3: needed to be because I lost so much of myself 80 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 3: trying to be so much for him, right. 81 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:58,200 Speaker 1: And I don't know, I feel like when I was 82 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 1: watching your interview, was he also abusive? 83 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 2: No? No, he never puts his hands on me or 84 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:09,479 Speaker 2: anything like that. It was more more verbal abuse. 85 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 3: It wasn't It wasn't physical abuse, but it was verbal abuse, right, Okay, 86 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:18,720 Speaker 3: and emotional. So in the midst of you growing your 87 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 3: bacon business, because at this time y'all had split up 88 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:23,719 Speaker 3: and yeah, who was starting over? 89 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: You met your ex boyfriend? 90 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 2: Yes? 91 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:28,120 Speaker 1: How did y'all meet? 92 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 3: So I had already been baking for a few years. 93 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 3: I started baking at eighteen, so I was already baking 94 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 3: before I had met him. The way that I ended 95 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 3: up meeting my ex that was actually abusive was when 96 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:52,800 Speaker 3: I left my ex fiance when I canceled my when 97 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:58,040 Speaker 3: I canceled our wedding. Obviously, he wasn't very happy about that, so. 98 00:05:59,320 --> 00:05:59,839 Speaker 1: I know he was. 99 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:07,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, he wasn't very happy about that. So I 100 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 3: ended up moving out and I told him that he 101 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:13,279 Speaker 3: could keep the apartment and I was just gonna start over. 102 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 2: Well, I ended up. 103 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:18,159 Speaker 3: Coming back to the apartment because he told me that 104 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,279 Speaker 3: he couldn't afford it and I could just go ahead 105 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 3: and have it. So when I came back, just knowing 106 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 3: him over the years, I knew something was going to 107 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 3: be off. I knew something was wrong. I figured he 108 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 3: had like left the water on or let the lights 109 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 3: on or something like that, just something petty to just 110 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:34,520 Speaker 3: get back at me. 111 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:38,279 Speaker 2: So when I got. 112 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,720 Speaker 3: Back to the house, I realized that he had taken everything, 113 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 3: the bed, the TV, the couch, you know, everything like that. 114 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,280 Speaker 3: So you know, originally we were supposed to split that 115 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,200 Speaker 3: stuff up, but you know, whatever, he just took everything. 116 00:06:53,240 --> 00:07:00,720 Speaker 3: So yeah, so I just had to start over on everything. 117 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:07,280 Speaker 3: And I was in a very bad financial stance at 118 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 3: the time, and I had a friend that I. 119 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 2: Had been friends with for a little while, and. 120 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 3: He basically said that he wanted to move in as 121 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,080 Speaker 3: a roommate to kind of help me get back on 122 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:25,880 Speaker 3: my feet right. And when he ended up moving in, 123 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 3: we ended up, like soon being in a relationship. It 124 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 3: wasn't necessarily planned, but it just happened. And like before, 125 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,840 Speaker 3: this was really the first person that I've ever really 126 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:43,960 Speaker 3: opened up. 127 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: To also comfortable opening up to. 128 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:51,280 Speaker 3: Him because he was actually somebody that wanted to get 129 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:56,200 Speaker 3: to know me. Before when I would try to open 130 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:59,520 Speaker 3: up to my ex fiance, he wasn't interested. 131 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. 132 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,600 Speaker 3: It's basically like I was complaining about life by trying 133 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 3: trying to vent and it was also like how I 134 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 3: felt didn't matter, So I just didn't talk to him 135 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 3: about anything and I just kept everything aside. So this 136 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 3: was someone that you know, came into my life and 137 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 3: he wanted to know those things about me, you know, 138 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 3: he wanted to know a lot of different things about 139 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:33,080 Speaker 3: me that I never even thought about expressing. 140 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 2: So we started to get very close and the connection was. 141 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:44,960 Speaker 3: Crazy, and you know, we we fell in love really 142 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:52,160 Speaker 3: fast and together it was not it was not long, 143 00:08:52,360 --> 00:09:00,080 Speaker 3: not long at all. Honestly, everything happened so fast. I 144 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:04,080 Speaker 3: can't I want to say that we were probably only 145 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:10,920 Speaker 3: together for maybe a few weeks to a month before 146 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 3: before things started to kind of get crazy. Like everything 147 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:31,040 Speaker 3: was good at first, but then I started to notice 148 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:34,040 Speaker 3: that he was jealous. And I was used to jealousy, 149 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:37,200 Speaker 3: but not in the way that he was jealous, and 150 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 3: it made me uncomfortable. So I tried to talk to 151 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:42,440 Speaker 3: one of my friends about it, and they were like, no, 152 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,880 Speaker 3: you know, you just you've just gotten out of a relationship. 153 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 3: You know, you're probably just, you know, nervous that he's 154 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 3: going to turn out the same way that he was. 155 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 3: You know, give him a chance and give him the 156 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 3: opportunity to show you that he's not like that. And 157 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,200 Speaker 3: I was like, Okay, you know that's valid, so let 158 00:09:57,240 --> 00:10:03,959 Speaker 3: me give him a try. So but looking back at that, now, 159 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:09,559 Speaker 3: why do you think you didn't trust your gut feeling? Well, obviously, 160 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 3: now you know, I know to trust my gut feeling. 161 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,440 Speaker 3: But at the same time, like, back then, you have 162 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 3: to think, this is only my second boyfriend. And I 163 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:24,439 Speaker 3: also I felt I was in a vulnerable place right 164 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:32,439 Speaker 3: and that was the perfect opportunity to find me. And 165 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:37,440 Speaker 3: I was vulnerable. I needed financial stability, I needed emotional connection, 166 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 3: and I needed love. Yes, so he basically took that 167 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 3: opportunity and he ran with it. You know, I know 168 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:51,440 Speaker 3: now to listen to my instincts, but back then I 169 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,240 Speaker 3: just thought that I was tripping because when I would 170 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,199 Speaker 3: talk to my friend about it, she would make it 171 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,320 Speaker 3: seem like I was tripping. So I was like, Okay, well, 172 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:04,160 Speaker 3: you know, maybe it's me. So I was like, no, 173 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:09,440 Speaker 3: you know, there's something's off, but I couldn't exactly put 174 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 3: my finger on it. And I was like, well, maybe 175 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:14,120 Speaker 3: I need to get him around some people, because it's 176 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:16,559 Speaker 3: one thing for me to feel some a certain type 177 00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:18,959 Speaker 3: of way and tell somebody about it, but maybe if 178 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:23,400 Speaker 3: they see it, they can tell me and confirm my feelings. 179 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:28,959 Speaker 2: So I didn't tell my family what was going on. 180 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,200 Speaker 3: I just told them that I wanted them to meet somebody, 181 00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:35,320 Speaker 3: and I wanted them to, you know, kind of see 182 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 3: how they. 183 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:36,760 Speaker 2: Felt about them. 184 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:37,439 Speaker 1: Right. 185 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:42,679 Speaker 3: So my cousin had came into town and he was 186 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,240 Speaker 3: a police officer, so I was like, okay, you know, 187 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,240 Speaker 3: this is the perfect opportunity for you know, me to 188 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 3: bring him around some people. He came in and it 189 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:56,720 Speaker 3: was him, my uncle, my mom, and my sister, and 190 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 3: at first everything was fine. We were sitting there having 191 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 3: a conversation. And why my boyfriend decided to take some 192 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:06,600 Speaker 3: drinks before we did this, I don't know, but he did. 193 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 2: Yeah. 194 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:13,120 Speaker 3: And also before I get to this point too, I 195 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 3: want to say that I think that he was schizophrenic 196 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 3: because a lot of times, whenever we would have some 197 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 3: type of argument or something would be wrong. 198 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 2: It wasn't real, like it wasn't. 199 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 3: Happening, but it was very real to him, and you 200 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,720 Speaker 3: couldn't tell him anything like it was very real to him. 201 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:38,160 Speaker 1: So Y bakeup a scenario and yeah, I don't believe 202 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,120 Speaker 1: that it happened you over here, Like what the hell 203 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: are you talking about, nigga? 204 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 3: Yes, So, like at first everything was fine, and then 205 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,040 Speaker 3: my uncle comes in and he hasn't seen me in 206 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:52,640 Speaker 3: a while, so he's looking at the tattoos on my 207 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:54,680 Speaker 3: arm and stuff, and he was like, okay, you know 208 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,920 Speaker 3: I see you cuz you know I miss you, blah 209 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 3: blah blah whatever. We sitting there talking and I kind 210 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 3: of keep looking over at my boyfriend and he's side 211 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:03,480 Speaker 3: eye at me, and. 212 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,360 Speaker 2: I'm like, okay whatever. 213 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 1: So then but wait, did anybody else see how he 214 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,839 Speaker 1: was looking at you? 215 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 3: Nobody said anything, so I don't know if they felt 216 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,720 Speaker 3: some type of way or not, because, like I said before, 217 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,840 Speaker 3: my uncle, I mean, I'm sorry my cousin had walked in. 218 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:22,439 Speaker 2: Nothing was wrong. 219 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 3: We were sitting there talking about going to church, like 220 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 3: we weren't having no type of issues or nothing. But 221 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,760 Speaker 3: as soon as he saw my uncle, as soon as 222 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 3: he saw my cousin, he had an attitude. But you know, 223 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 3: black people, we come in all different shades and everything 224 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 3: like that. My cousin, he's light skinned, he has freckles 225 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 3: and you know, green eyes and stuff like that, so 226 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,360 Speaker 3: he didn't believe that he. 227 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:47,080 Speaker 2: Was my cousin. 228 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 3: Even though you're in a room with my mom, my uncle, 229 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:59,440 Speaker 3: and my sister, he didn't believe it. So my cousin 230 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:04,560 Speaker 3: he walks into the kitchen and my boyfriend he was like, hey, 231 00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:06,840 Speaker 3: you know, why don't you go in there, and you know, 232 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 3: spend some time with your cousin. You know you haven't 233 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,600 Speaker 3: seen him in a while, you know, go talk to him. 234 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,080 Speaker 3: I was like, okay, cool, So I'll go in there 235 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,400 Speaker 3: and I give him another hug. And as I give 236 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,800 Speaker 3: him a hug, I look over his shoulder and my 237 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,160 Speaker 3: boyfriend's glaring at me, and I'm like, why is he 238 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 3: looking at me like this? So at that point I 239 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:28,160 Speaker 3: didn't need to know anybody else's opinion. I didn't want 240 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,280 Speaker 3: I didn't want anything to do with him anymore, because 241 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 3: there's no reason that you need to be giving me 242 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 3: these type of weird ass vibes like this, right, So 243 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:39,520 Speaker 3: we prayed over the food. 244 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,400 Speaker 2: We didn't even eat. After we prayed over. 245 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 3: The food, we just left because I lost my appetite 246 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 3: and everything, like we need to go because I was 247 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 3: gonna break up with him as soon as we got 248 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:48,440 Speaker 3: in the car. 249 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:56,160 Speaker 2: So we we. 250 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 3: Start walking out to the car and he's like storming off. 251 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,560 Speaker 2: I'm like, what the hell is his problem? 252 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:07,480 Speaker 3: So then he gets out to the car and he 253 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:13,400 Speaker 3: was like, bitch, you got some balls, yeah, And I 254 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 3: was like what And he was like, you don't let 255 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 3: that nigga grab your ass. 256 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,120 Speaker 2: Right in front of me. I was like, what are 257 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 2: you talking about? Thank you? Thank you, that's what I'm saying. 258 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. This is not real. 259 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:27,680 Speaker 3: This isn't something that literally happened. Like I literally just 260 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 3: gave my blood cousin they hug. That wasn't something that 261 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:34,640 Speaker 3: literally happened. So I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah, 262 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,760 Speaker 3: like what you talking about? He was like, take me 263 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 3: back to the house, let me grab my stuff. I 264 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 3: don't never want to fucking see you again. I was like, okay, 265 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,720 Speaker 3: I don't ever want to see you again either. What 266 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 3: are you talking about? So I start driving back to 267 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:50,160 Speaker 3: the house and he lights a cigarette and he puts 268 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:54,160 Speaker 3: a cigarette out on me, and then he spits on me. 269 00:15:55,600 --> 00:16:01,720 Speaker 3: Driving on the interstate, and he starts swerving the steering wheel, 270 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:05,320 Speaker 3: so I'm like barely missing cars. We get back to 271 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,560 Speaker 3: the house and he starts packing his stuff and I 272 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,480 Speaker 3: start trying to help him pack his stuff because you 273 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:15,200 Speaker 3: need to go, like so he gets mad that I'm 274 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 3: helping him pack his stuff, Like I don't know what 275 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:18,400 Speaker 3: he was expecting, Like, I'm. 276 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 2: Gonna with you to stay. But he was like, did 277 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:23,760 Speaker 2: you call the police? 278 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 3: I said no, I didn't call the police, Like I 279 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:26,920 Speaker 3: just want you to go, like you need to get 280 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,560 Speaker 3: the fuck out, and. 281 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,280 Speaker 2: He was like, he was like, no, I know you 282 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:33,040 Speaker 2: called the police. 283 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 3: And he had like this big it was like a 284 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 3: sword and I had like some little intricate designs. 285 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 2: On the bottom of it. Wait a sword, yeah, like 286 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 2: a long sword. Yeah. 287 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 3: And he like chased me into the spare bedroom and 288 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 3: at first he held the sword to my stomach and 289 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 3: he said, if the police come in here, I'm killing you, 290 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,520 Speaker 3: and then I'm killing me and he held it to 291 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,159 Speaker 3: my throat and then I ended up running and getting 292 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,679 Speaker 3: away from him, and he caught me. He hit me 293 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:12,119 Speaker 3: on my eye. He hit me on my nose. And 294 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:16,440 Speaker 3: the crazy thing about this part is like when he 295 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,880 Speaker 3: hit me in my nose, my nose started bleeding and 296 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:23,360 Speaker 3: it was like it was like he didn't do it. 297 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,639 Speaker 3: So he went and he grabbed some tissue and he 298 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,639 Speaker 3: starts like dotting the blood from my nose, and I 299 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,240 Speaker 3: like pushed him away from me, and so then he 300 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 3: hits me again. 301 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,000 Speaker 1: So this nigga was. 302 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:42,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, So then he wants to go get he found 303 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,400 Speaker 3: a lock, and he wants to go try to find 304 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,120 Speaker 3: a sock so he could put it in the side 305 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,119 Speaker 3: of it so he could beat me with it, so 306 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:54,280 Speaker 3: that I ran. I had ran out the house, and 307 00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:56,720 Speaker 3: he ended up grabbing me, pulling me back into the house, 308 00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:00,119 Speaker 3: and he raped me. When he raped me, I have 309 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,359 Speaker 3: blacked out, Like I don't even remember anything until the 310 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:03,960 Speaker 3: next morning. 311 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:08,679 Speaker 1: Wait, nobody hurt was no, Like your neighbors didn't hear 312 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 1: nothing going on, Like, because I'm pretty sure. 313 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:14,880 Speaker 2: You were not loud exactly exactly nobody. 314 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 3: Okay, So all of this when it comes to abuse, 315 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:27,600 Speaker 3: all of this happened within a month's time. So the 316 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:31,840 Speaker 3: thing is, I would scream so loud in the bathroom 317 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 3: and I would get it worse because I was screaming 318 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,359 Speaker 3: so loud in the bathroom because I was trying to 319 00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:37,240 Speaker 3: get my neighbors to hear me. 320 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,400 Speaker 2: But nobody ever came. Nobody ever came. 321 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 3: Like they would get mad and they would like throw 322 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 3: stuff at my car. 323 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, and I would I would. 324 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:49,520 Speaker 3: Come out and have to clean up clean up my 325 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,320 Speaker 3: car because I would have like mud on it, like 326 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 3: nobody nobody ever came for me. 327 00:18:54,200 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 2: Nobody. So then the next morning I woke up and. 328 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,879 Speaker 3: I tried to call the police, and he was like, 329 00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:15,200 Speaker 3: he told me that if he goes to jail, he's 330 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,960 Speaker 3: not going to be in there long. And when he 331 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 3: gets out, he knows my schedule, he knows where I live, 332 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,040 Speaker 3: he knows where I work, he knows everywhere I go. 333 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,680 Speaker 3: And he said, I'm gonna kill you, and I'm gonna 334 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:33,760 Speaker 3: rape your sister, and I'm going to torture your uncle. 335 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,080 Speaker 1: When I heard you said that in another interview that 336 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: you did, I feel like that was one of the 337 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,960 Speaker 1: reasons why you stay longer, because you want to. 338 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,199 Speaker 3: Get family exactly, because at that point, it was basically like, 339 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,679 Speaker 3: not only did I get myself in a situation, I 340 00:19:56,680 --> 00:20:01,359 Speaker 3: got them in a situation, right And you know, they 341 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:07,040 Speaker 3: kind of got upset with me because I stayed, But 342 00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:09,600 Speaker 3: I didn't stay out of love. I stayed out of fear, 343 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 3: you know, and act. Yeah, And it's it's not that 344 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 3: they couldn't handle themselves. Is the fact that they shouldn't 345 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:21,520 Speaker 3: have to They shouldn't have to watch after me all 346 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 3: the time because I made a bad mistake. They shouldn't 347 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,359 Speaker 3: have to be looking over their shoulder and be scared 348 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:29,479 Speaker 3: because it's something that I got them involved in. 349 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:31,359 Speaker 2: So basically, I had. 350 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,479 Speaker 3: I felt like I needed to get out of that 351 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,159 Speaker 3: situation myself because I got myself in it. 352 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:43,640 Speaker 2: So and that's what I thought to do. 353 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:48,199 Speaker 3: And you know, the thing about him saying that he 354 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,520 Speaker 3: was gonna be out of jail quick, that was real, 355 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,720 Speaker 3: that was something that actually happened. 356 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,200 Speaker 1: So before. 357 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,880 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, he's now. 358 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 3: I didn't know about this until after I finally got 359 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,000 Speaker 3: a chance to call the police, which is like later. 360 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:13,760 Speaker 2: On down the line the I have. 361 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:20,159 Speaker 3: I have repression, So there's like certain points in areas 362 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,960 Speaker 3: that I don't necessarily remember because it's something that's too 363 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,000 Speaker 3: traumatizing for me. 364 00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:26,680 Speaker 2: I literally don't remember. 365 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:30,240 Speaker 3: It out so yeah, my mind will just get rid 366 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,440 Speaker 3: of it. So that's that's part part of the reason 367 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,600 Speaker 3: why I write, because it helps me put the pieces 368 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:36,439 Speaker 3: of my life together. 369 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,399 Speaker 2: You know, That's why I said. 370 00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 1: No, I was gonna say that's very common with people 371 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:46,359 Speaker 1: who experienced trauma, that because your mind is trying to 372 00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:47,439 Speaker 1: pretty much like protect you. 373 00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:52,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, So that's why I don't necessarily know how long 374 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 3: it was before all of this happened. I just know 375 00:21:56,600 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 3: it wasn't long, and I know one he was abusive. 376 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,439 Speaker 3: I was only with him for like a few weeks 377 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:08,600 Speaker 3: to a month while he was still abusing me, and 378 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,760 Speaker 3: I just stayed with him until I felt like I 379 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 3: wasn't afraid of him anymore, because if I was going 380 00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:16,200 Speaker 3: to get away from him, I didn't want to spend 381 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,000 Speaker 3: the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. I 382 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,560 Speaker 3: didn't want to spend the rest of my life worried about, well, 383 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,200 Speaker 3: all is he going to find me? You know, I 384 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:25,920 Speaker 3: don't want to be scared for the rest of my life. 385 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,040 Speaker 3: So I had to stop being afraid of him because 386 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,840 Speaker 3: he's already taken so much of me. I can't I 387 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,440 Speaker 3: can't allow him to have that part of me too. 388 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:38,280 Speaker 3: So the day I finally realized that I would, I 389 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,560 Speaker 3: stopped being afraid of him. 390 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,399 Speaker 2: We were at his grandma's house. Mind you, you're. 391 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:48,240 Speaker 1: Going to slow up, slow up? So wait, did anybody 392 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,840 Speaker 1: notice anything different about you during this time? Because I'm 393 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,320 Speaker 1: pretty you had the bruises to show forward. 394 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,440 Speaker 2: No. So, okay, here's the thing. 395 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:04,119 Speaker 3: If I had well, when I had bruises, nobody was 396 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:07,000 Speaker 3: allowed to see me, and if I was traumatized, nobody 397 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,000 Speaker 3: was allowed to see me, so he would keep. 398 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:09,520 Speaker 2: Me from work. 399 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 3: Another thing is he had two jobs when he moved 400 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 3: in to help me pay for you know, everything that 401 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:17,680 Speaker 3: was going on when he started abusing me. 402 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,919 Speaker 2: He quit both of his jobs to stock me full times. 403 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:22,720 Speaker 2: Another thing is. 404 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,960 Speaker 1: So when he wasn't work, he quit both jobs. Yes, ma'am, 405 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:32,119 Speaker 1: And you was at the house, Yes, that is crazy. Yes, 406 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:36,040 Speaker 1: so he knew where I was where all times. Everything, 407 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:37,000 Speaker 1: At all times. 408 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,080 Speaker 3: I had to answer every text, every phone call, every everything, 409 00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:45,760 Speaker 3: because I was on a schedule, you know what I mean, 410 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:53,360 Speaker 3: Like I was hit, like I belonged to him. I 411 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,680 Speaker 3: even like even when it came to work, I used 412 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,320 Speaker 3: to have to go home on my lunch breaks to 413 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,600 Speaker 3: spend it, to spend it with him, to make sure 414 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:06,440 Speaker 3: that I wasn't around anybody else. If I was abused 415 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:09,119 Speaker 3: the day before, I wasn't allowed to go to work 416 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 3: the next day because nobody could see that I was traumatized. 417 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,720 Speaker 3: Nobody could see that I had bruises or anything like that. 418 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 3: So you know how I said he had hit me 419 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:23,040 Speaker 3: in my eye. My eye was swollen shut. When my 420 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:26,080 Speaker 3: eye was swollen shut, what he did was he pried 421 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:31,080 Speaker 3: it open repeatedly until it would finally stay open, until 422 00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:35,040 Speaker 3: it was bloodshot red, and he sent me to work 423 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,359 Speaker 3: to tell them that I had pink eye, so they 424 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,560 Speaker 3: sent me back home so I could be with him, 425 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,280 Speaker 3: and had me call my mom and tell her that 426 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,919 Speaker 3: I have pink eye. My mom even showed up to 427 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:50,520 Speaker 3: my house to give me medicine for peinky. So it 428 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:57,920 Speaker 3: was it was crazy what happened. I met her outside 429 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:02,880 Speaker 3: and like I couldn't even see her long. I had 430 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,840 Speaker 3: a dog at the time, and he let my dog loose, 431 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:08,240 Speaker 3: so I had to run and go chase my dog, 432 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:14,040 Speaker 3: so I couldn't spend any time talking to my mom. Yeah, 433 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:18,240 Speaker 3: and I always thought that with my dog, if anything 434 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:23,120 Speaker 3: was to ever happen, he would protect me, because when 435 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,359 Speaker 3: I was with my ex fiance, like if we would argue, 436 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 3: my dog he would lick the tears off my face 437 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:35,320 Speaker 3: and bark at him. But when I was in my 438 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,119 Speaker 3: abusive relationship, he didn't do anything. He sat on the 439 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,360 Speaker 3: couch and he was like trembling. 440 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:41,600 Speaker 1: But he was scared too. 441 00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:47,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, so it was crazy. Nobody nobody ever saw me. 442 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:54,960 Speaker 3: I dropped a lot of weight, and like you could 443 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:58,440 Speaker 3: definitely tell there was something wrong with me, but nobody 444 00:25:58,480 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 3: knew what it was. 445 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,720 Speaker 1: They shared the story about your niece she didn't recognize you. 446 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:05,280 Speaker 2: Yes, okay. 447 00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 3: So there was two times where he finally let me 448 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:13,520 Speaker 3: see my friends and family. One of the times I 449 00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:18,640 Speaker 3: went to go see my friends and we were at 450 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:22,080 Speaker 3: my friend's house and we're, you know, having fun or whatever. 451 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 3: He calls me and my friend takes my phone and 452 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,960 Speaker 3: she was like, sorry, just can't answer the phone right now, 453 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:32,199 Speaker 3: and he goes off on her. I don't know what 454 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,800 Speaker 3: he said to her, but I know he went off 455 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,480 Speaker 3: on her by the look on her face. And she 456 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,440 Speaker 3: handed me, handed me the phone, and he was like, bitch, 457 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:40,560 Speaker 3: you need to get home. 458 00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:41,639 Speaker 2: Now, blah blah blah whatever. 459 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:47,960 Speaker 3: And so then, like my friends, they were saying, you know, 460 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,080 Speaker 3: you need to get away from him, that that's that's 461 00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:51,720 Speaker 3: not safe. He can't be talking to you like that. 462 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,199 Speaker 3: I was wrong with him, blah blah blah. And I 463 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:59,439 Speaker 3: didn't want to get them involved. I was scared to 464 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,160 Speaker 3: get them in because I had already got my family involved. 465 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:04,760 Speaker 3: So I knew that I couldn't be with him. I 466 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,240 Speaker 3: knew that I wasn't safe, but I also knew that 467 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,679 Speaker 3: they weren't safe if they tried to save me. So 468 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:13,480 Speaker 3: I said whatever I could say to keep them away 469 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:15,680 Speaker 3: from me. I needed to Basically, I needed them to 470 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,959 Speaker 3: be mad at me enough to have them leave me alone. 471 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,840 Speaker 3: So I was just like, oh, you know, his dick's 472 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 3: too good, right. 473 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:22,960 Speaker 2: And. 474 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,320 Speaker 3: They obviously were pissed off and they were like no, 475 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,680 Speaker 3: like that's not enough for you to stay with him, 476 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,280 Speaker 3: Like that's not okay, that's not that's not something that 477 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,080 Speaker 3: you are you should be putting up with. And I 478 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:38,520 Speaker 3: was like, I know, but I couldn't. I couldn't say that. 479 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,159 Speaker 3: I was just like, you know, it is, it is 480 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:41,960 Speaker 3: what it is. I love him, I need to stay 481 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,320 Speaker 3: with him. And so they were pissed and I left. 482 00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:51,120 Speaker 3: The time that I saw my family, I had walked 483 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:53,680 Speaker 3: in the house and I had walked in my sister's 484 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:58,159 Speaker 3: house and I always would see my nieces, and you know, 485 00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,520 Speaker 3: we had a good relationship. When I walked in the house, 486 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:04,720 Speaker 3: one of them I had hugged them, and then the 487 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,240 Speaker 3: other one I hugged and she kind of pulled away 488 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:10,760 Speaker 3: from me a little bit, and I thought, she said 489 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:14,760 Speaker 3: how are you? And I said I'm good, baby, how 490 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:19,520 Speaker 3: are you? She said, no, who are you? And I 491 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:23,439 Speaker 3: said I'm Auntie. She said, oh, hi, Auntie, and she 492 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:27,480 Speaker 3: just went to go play, and just the fact that 493 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:33,119 Speaker 3: she did not recognize me was just that still gives me, honestly, Like, 494 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:37,639 Speaker 3: I don't I never thought. I felt like I was 495 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,040 Speaker 3: trying to protect everybody, and I never thought that they 496 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:44,120 Speaker 3: could still see that I wasn't me, you know what 497 00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:49,120 Speaker 3: I mean, especially especially with it being kids, Like that 498 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,440 Speaker 3: was hard for me, that that was that's not my kids, 499 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,280 Speaker 3: but that's my kids, you know, that's my baby's And 500 00:28:55,720 --> 00:29:01,000 Speaker 3: that was hard for me. But I wasn't able to 501 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:05,720 Speaker 3: stay there long either. He ended up calling me, and 502 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:07,960 Speaker 3: like I went upstairs to answer the phone because I 503 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 3: didn't want them to hear the conversation, and I ended 504 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:17,320 Speaker 3: up leaving. And my sister and my family they knew 505 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 3: something was up, Like they didn't know what was wrong, 506 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:21,840 Speaker 3: but they knew that something was wrong, like why you 507 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,600 Speaker 3: answered the phone upstairs? Like why haven't we seen you? 508 00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:26,880 Speaker 3: Why are you losing so much weight? Like they knew 509 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:28,880 Speaker 3: something was wrong, but they didn't know what was wrong. 510 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:35,480 Speaker 1: So I'm assuming that I'm assuming that your family liked him. 511 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:40,000 Speaker 3: No no, no, no, they didn't like him. They definitely 512 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 3: didn't like him, but they didn't know why I was 513 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,840 Speaker 3: with him. They didn't like him, they didn't trust him, 514 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,440 Speaker 3: Like after that night that they that we were together 515 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:55,720 Speaker 3: when we left, after like after I was finally able 516 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,680 Speaker 3: to really talk to them, they told me that, you know, 517 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:00,800 Speaker 3: they was pretty much ready to fight him, Like they 518 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,160 Speaker 3: didn't they didn't like him, the energy that he was bringing. 519 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:06,160 Speaker 3: They knew something was wrong, but they didn't know it 520 00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 3: was to that extent, because. 521 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 2: You it's it was. 522 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:18,160 Speaker 3: Literally like two different people talking to him, like it 523 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 3: was like Jacklin Hide, like he just he had like 524 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:26,680 Speaker 3: a completely different persona to him, and like they didn't 525 00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,960 Speaker 3: like him, but they didn't know that it was like that. 526 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,800 Speaker 2: M So. 527 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:39,880 Speaker 3: I ended up leaving and you know, going back home, 528 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:46,120 Speaker 3: and that was act. But the day I realized that 529 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,960 Speaker 3: I finally stopped being afraid of him, we were at 530 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:51,240 Speaker 3: his grandma's house. And now the thing with his family 531 00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:54,280 Speaker 3: is his family and his friends, they didn't know that 532 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:57,440 Speaker 3: he was a beast towards me because the stuff that 533 00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:01,120 Speaker 3: he would do, like before hand, he would try to 534 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:05,400 Speaker 3: hide it, but after a while he couldn't hide it anymore, so. 535 00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,040 Speaker 1: He would do it in front of his family and friends. Yes, 536 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,360 Speaker 1: So that says a lot right there. 537 00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:14,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think I think that his family was 538 00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:22,480 Speaker 3: afraid of him because basically, any time he would get outraged, 539 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,520 Speaker 3: they would just kick us out, like they wouldn't. They 540 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:28,320 Speaker 3: wouldn't try to help the situation, like nothing was done, 541 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,120 Speaker 3: like they they would just kick us out and that 542 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:32,840 Speaker 3: would just be that, like they didn't. They don't want 543 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 3: to see it. They didn't want to be a part 544 00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:39,160 Speaker 3: of it. So we were at his grandma's house and 545 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,840 Speaker 3: at this point I wasn't supposed to make eye contact 546 00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:45,080 Speaker 3: with people. He told me that the eyes of the 547 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:48,480 Speaker 3: window to the soul, so nobody should be making direct 548 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:50,320 Speaker 3: eye contact with me except for him. 549 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:56,280 Speaker 4: So yeah, so at this point you just stay in 550 00:31:56,280 --> 00:32:01,040 Speaker 4: the house. Yeah, but he wanted to party every night, 551 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:03,720 Speaker 4: so we would go out with his friends and his 552 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:05,640 Speaker 4: family and he would want to party. 553 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:08,320 Speaker 3: So but he didn't want me to make eye contact 554 00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:14,000 Speaker 3: with anybody. So his cousin had came in, and when 555 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,640 Speaker 3: his cousin, when his cousin came in, he said hi 556 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:18,600 Speaker 3: to the both of us, and when he said hi 557 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,880 Speaker 3: to me, he got mad because he thought that we 558 00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:24,880 Speaker 3: looked at each other. And at this point he had 559 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:28,160 Speaker 3: taken my gun because I had a gun. But like 560 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,120 Speaker 3: after he started abusing me, he obviously took it from 561 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:36,200 Speaker 3: me and at that point it was his. So so 562 00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:39,840 Speaker 3: he had my gun in his pocket or whatever, and 563 00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:43,000 Speaker 3: he's going off and he was like, oh, you fucking her, 564 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:45,160 Speaker 3: and y'all I knew you was a hoe and all 565 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:48,120 Speaker 3: this other stuff like just going off. I'm like, bro, like, 566 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:49,800 Speaker 3: what the fuck are you even talking about? Like all 567 00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:52,000 Speaker 3: he did was say hi, like what is your problem? 568 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:58,440 Speaker 3: And so his grandma was like, uhh, y'all not gonna 569 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,240 Speaker 3: be doing all that up in here, and she ended 570 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,240 Speaker 3: up kicking us out. So when he when when she 571 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,880 Speaker 3: kicks us out, he was talking about shooting his tires 572 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:08,720 Speaker 3: out and he was like he ain't never gonna be 573 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,440 Speaker 3: able to see you again. I can't believe you'd be 574 00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:13,160 Speaker 3: coming out here and seeing him and all this shit 575 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 3: y'all got going. I'm like, bro, like that's not happening, 576 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:16,320 Speaker 3: Like that's not real. 577 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:22,480 Speaker 2: Like no, So we ended up getting into the car. 578 00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:24,520 Speaker 2: We got in a car and. 579 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:30,120 Speaker 3: At this point he points the gun at me and 580 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 3: I'm driving on the interstate and he was like, I 581 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:40,840 Speaker 3: should kill you. And at this point, like I felt 582 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,320 Speaker 3: like there wasn't anything else that he could do. To me, 583 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:48,200 Speaker 3: like you've literally done anything that you could possibly do 584 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:51,920 Speaker 3: to me, and this isn't no way for me to live. 585 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 3: So if you're gonna do it, like stop talking about it, 586 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:56,960 Speaker 3: just fucking do it. So I said pull it and 587 00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:59,240 Speaker 3: he said what he said, you think I won't? 588 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,560 Speaker 2: I said pull it. So he put the gun in 589 00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:04,680 Speaker 2: my head and he said I should kill you. 590 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:08,880 Speaker 3: And I just started screaming and I started driving faster, 591 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:09,680 Speaker 3: and I said. 592 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,719 Speaker 2: Pull it, pull it, pull it, and I just went 593 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:20,200 Speaker 2: crazy and wow, I put the gun down. Yeah, just here. 594 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,400 Speaker 1: And that part also make me just like my heart 595 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,239 Speaker 1: breaks for you because at that point you were just 596 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,360 Speaker 1: you get you, you was you was done? 597 00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:29,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, I was done. 598 00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,560 Speaker 3: And at this point and if you would have shot me, 599 00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:33,720 Speaker 3: we both would have been dead. I'm on to Intersey 600 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,399 Speaker 3: Drive and like what are you talking about? Like we're 601 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:38,359 Speaker 3: both about to die? Like I can't, I can't do 602 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,760 Speaker 3: this anymore. And I just had got to the point 603 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:46,720 Speaker 3: where it was just like this, this, this is not living. 604 00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:48,600 Speaker 3: Like what am I holding on to life for? If 605 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,839 Speaker 3: this is what life is, I'm not doing it. So 606 00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:58,359 Speaker 3: he at that point I scared him, and he put 607 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,759 Speaker 3: the gun down and he was quiet the rest of 608 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:08,279 Speaker 3: the car ride, and like he was cool the rest 609 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:11,200 Speaker 3: of the night. But that was when I realized that 610 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:14,040 Speaker 3: I wasn't scared. I wasn't scared of him anymore. So 611 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:17,120 Speaker 3: basically it was a matter of how am I going 612 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 3: to get away from him? So when I planned on 613 00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,120 Speaker 3: getting away from him, the only way that I could 614 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,239 Speaker 3: think to do it was to get to work to 615 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:29,480 Speaker 3: be able to call the police. So usually, like I said, 616 00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,000 Speaker 3: if we fought the night before, I could not go 617 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,279 Speaker 3: to work because nobody can see that I'm traumatized. 618 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:36,360 Speaker 2: Nobody can see that I have bruises, none of that stuff. 619 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:40,880 Speaker 3: So I needed to get through a day without fighting 620 00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,840 Speaker 3: with him, And it was an everyday thing like I 621 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,960 Speaker 3: couldn't even I couldn't even use the restroom by myself. 622 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,959 Speaker 3: I had to have the door open while I'm using 623 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,520 Speaker 3: the restroom because he needed to see and make sure 624 00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:56,040 Speaker 3: that I'm not I'm not on the phone trying to 625 00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,839 Speaker 3: call the police, I'm not trying to text another man. 626 00:35:59,400 --> 00:35:59,759 Speaker 2: I'm not. 627 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,839 Speaker 3: I'm not trying to do something to try to fight 628 00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:08,080 Speaker 3: him with or whatever. So anything that I was doing, 629 00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:10,520 Speaker 3: he had to know what I was doing. Even phone calls, 630 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:12,880 Speaker 3: phone calls had to be answered on speakerphone so he 631 00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,040 Speaker 3: can hear what we're talking about. He went through all 632 00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,120 Speaker 3: my text messages to know what I'm talking about everything. 633 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:28,560 Speaker 3: So anyways, I needed to I needed to be able 634 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,040 Speaker 3: to get to work, to be able to call the police. 635 00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:31,920 Speaker 3: And the reason why I never called the police before 636 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:35,160 Speaker 3: is because that whole time, I was still afraid of him, 637 00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:38,240 Speaker 3: and I thought that if I put him in jail, 638 00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,320 Speaker 3: he would have came back after me. But at that point, 639 00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:42,480 Speaker 3: since I wasn't afraid of him anymore, it was just 640 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:44,200 Speaker 3: like fucking he come back after me. 641 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:48,080 Speaker 2: He gonna have to. He know that we're gonna be fighting. 642 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:54,120 Speaker 3: So the next day, I think it was the weekend, 643 00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,040 Speaker 3: I want to say it was like a Sunday or something. 644 00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:02,560 Speaker 3: I don't know, but we had went to one of 645 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:07,560 Speaker 3: his friends' parties and we get to the party. I 646 00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:11,360 Speaker 3: didn't even want to do anything at the party because 647 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:14,279 Speaker 3: I already know how he operates. So I went into 648 00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:16,680 Speaker 3: a room by myself and I found in the Rubik's 649 00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:18,840 Speaker 3: Cube in there, and I started playing with the Rubi's Cube. 650 00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:24,759 Speaker 3: I just need something to occupy my time with and 651 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:27,239 Speaker 3: and and just be busy, like I need to do 652 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:41,719 Speaker 3: something that's not going to have me fighting. We were 653 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:45,640 Speaker 3: at the party and people keep walking past and they 654 00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:47,799 Speaker 3: were like, uh, you know, why don't you come join 655 00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:49,680 Speaker 3: the party, blah blah blah, you know why you're hear 656 00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:50,439 Speaker 3: by your cell phone? 657 00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:52,359 Speaker 2: Was like, no, I'm good. You know, y'all go out there, 658 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:53,479 Speaker 2: y'all have fun. I'm good. 659 00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:59,080 Speaker 3: And so then he comes in there and he was like, 660 00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:01,200 Speaker 3: why you went here being weird? Sitting here playing on 661 00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:04,960 Speaker 3: the Ruber's Cube And he was like, you're in here 662 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,600 Speaker 3: trying to be all sexy and shit because I have 663 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:09,120 Speaker 3: my legs crossed. He's like, you in here trying to 664 00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:11,160 Speaker 3: be all sexy and shit, you know, trying to attract 665 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:11,759 Speaker 3: all these men. 666 00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:13,359 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god. 667 00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:16,399 Speaker 3: So then he was like, he was like, I want 668 00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:17,920 Speaker 3: you to come out here and enjoy the party. I 669 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:19,640 Speaker 3: was like, no, I don't want to enjoy the party, 670 00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:21,279 Speaker 3: Like I don't want to fight with you tonight, Like 671 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,399 Speaker 3: I'm just trying to have a cool night. He was like, no, 672 00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:24,960 Speaker 3: you know, we're not gonna fight. 673 00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:26,160 Speaker 2: We okay. 674 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:28,400 Speaker 3: He was like, We're not gonna fight tonight. I just 675 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:32,520 Speaker 3: want I just want us to, you know, go enjoy 676 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,480 Speaker 3: the party. I was like, okay, So we go out 677 00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:37,680 Speaker 3: to the party. Soon as we go out there, they 678 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:44,839 Speaker 3: had a bartender. Now we're at somebody's house. So says, 679 00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:45,839 Speaker 3: we're asked somebody's house. 680 00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:47,920 Speaker 2: I don't know what type of drink this man makes. 681 00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:48,520 Speaker 2: I don't know. 682 00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:53,640 Speaker 3: So he asked me what type of drink I wanted 683 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:57,080 Speaker 3: and I said, I don't know. Surprise me. So here 684 00:38:57,120 --> 00:39:00,879 Speaker 3: goes my boyfriend. He gets mad again and he was like, oh, 685 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:04,560 Speaker 3: you know him, Joe. He gets mad and he starts 686 00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:07,759 Speaker 3: punching me in front of the whole party. So everybody 687 00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:11,520 Speaker 3: starts grabbing him off of me, and they're trying to 688 00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:14,719 Speaker 3: like push us away from each other. I have one 689 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,480 Speaker 3: of his friends walking past me and they like whispered 690 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:21,360 Speaker 3: in my ear. Get out while you still can. The 691 00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,279 Speaker 3: girls they tried to talk to me and they were like, 692 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:26,200 Speaker 3: are you living with him? And I was like yeah, 693 00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:27,919 Speaker 3: and they were like, how are you going to get away? 694 00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,560 Speaker 3: I was like I don't know, and I was like 695 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,799 Speaker 3: I'm trying to figure it out, and they were like, 696 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,000 Speaker 3: oh my god. And I was like, I know, I'm trying. 697 00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:37,640 Speaker 3: I don't know what to do, but I'm trying to 698 00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:40,160 Speaker 3: figure it out. I was like, I was like, it's. 699 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:45,160 Speaker 2: Been like this, And so then we ended up getting. 700 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,640 Speaker 3: Kicked out of the party because the whole time at 701 00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:51,719 Speaker 3: that point, they had to keep pulling him off of me, 702 00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,800 Speaker 3: because anytime I would get away, he would just come 703 00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,759 Speaker 3: and attack me again. So they just kicked us out 704 00:39:56,800 --> 00:40:01,200 Speaker 3: of the party. So we ended up leaving and we 705 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:03,440 Speaker 3: ended up going back home. When we went back home, 706 00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:07,239 Speaker 3: he shut all the lights off in the house, and 707 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:11,760 Speaker 3: he got a lighter and some hairspray and he made 708 00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,760 Speaker 3: a blow torch and he chased me around the house 709 00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:19,719 Speaker 3: in the dark with the blow torch, and then he 710 00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:20,480 Speaker 3: turned the lights on. 711 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:21,560 Speaker 2: He told me I had. 712 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,880 Speaker 3: Beautiful flesh, and he went and got some seasoning salt 713 00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:27,440 Speaker 3: and ketch up and he poured it on me, and 714 00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:32,080 Speaker 3: he started biting at me, not like biting actually into 715 00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:34,680 Speaker 3: like break skin. It was basically just to like torment 716 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:38,040 Speaker 3: me and traumatize me. And he just like bit at 717 00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:42,040 Speaker 3: me for like the rest of the night. And at 718 00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:46,239 Speaker 3: this point, my phone's dead. 719 00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:47,960 Speaker 2: I don't know where my phone is. 720 00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:53,440 Speaker 3: And I needed my alarm to go off to be 721 00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:56,720 Speaker 3: able to get to work. I knew that since we fought, 722 00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,520 Speaker 3: I wasn't gonna be able to get to work, to 723 00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:03,319 Speaker 3: be able to call the police, and it was just 724 00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:05,319 Speaker 3: it was a big mess. So I didn't know how 725 00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:07,719 Speaker 3: I was gonna do what I needed to do. So 726 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,160 Speaker 3: I prayed and I was like, you know, if you 727 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,560 Speaker 3: can get me out of this situation, I will make 728 00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,200 Speaker 3: sure that I'm never in the situation again, Like I 729 00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:17,640 Speaker 3: will do whatever I need to do to fix me 730 00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:20,960 Speaker 3: and to fix my situation by myself, Like, just please 731 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,600 Speaker 3: get me out of this situation. I can't I can't 732 00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:27,200 Speaker 3: do this by myself anymore. And usually my alarm would 733 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:30,720 Speaker 3: go off at seven point thirty, I said, seven twenty seven, 734 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:33,800 Speaker 3: a little blackbird came and staying next to my window, 735 00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:34,759 Speaker 3: and I woke up. 736 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:36,120 Speaker 2: What is Sally? 737 00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:40,080 Speaker 1: What do you think that blackbird symbolized? And during that moment. 738 00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:42,600 Speaker 2: So I had looked it up and it was like. 739 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,239 Speaker 3: My representation of it was like it said it was 740 00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:53,800 Speaker 3: a messenger bird, And you know, I felt like that 741 00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:57,359 Speaker 3: that was God telling me, like you this is what 742 00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,759 Speaker 3: you prayed for, Like, like show me what you're gonna do. 743 00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:04,480 Speaker 3: We usually usually he he was always up before me 744 00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:07,319 Speaker 3: because he needed to make sure that I'm not doing 745 00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:10,000 Speaker 3: something I'm not supposed to be doing, so he would 746 00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:12,760 Speaker 3: always be up before me. This time, he was still 747 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,719 Speaker 3: drunk and he couldn't move out of the bed, and 748 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:21,480 Speaker 3: I was able to get dressed and be able to 749 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:26,320 Speaker 3: leave and go to work. And when I got to work, 750 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:31,319 Speaker 3: I had talked to my manager, and my manager she 751 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:34,080 Speaker 3: didn't exactly know what was going on, but she knows 752 00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:39,160 Speaker 3: that I've been off and she knows I wasn't myself, 753 00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:41,799 Speaker 3: so I had. 754 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:45,839 Speaker 2: I had told her what was going on, and I 755 00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:46,520 Speaker 2: told her I. 756 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:49,200 Speaker 3: Needed to call the police because if if there was 757 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:51,640 Speaker 3: ever a time where he did come back, I needed 758 00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:53,560 Speaker 3: her to know that he was not supposed to be there. 759 00:42:54,680 --> 00:43:00,000 Speaker 2: So I I called the police. 760 00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:05,760 Speaker 3: When I talked to the police, I didn't know if 761 00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:07,760 Speaker 3: I was gonna be able to put him in jail 762 00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:12,480 Speaker 3: because nobody had ever saw me being abused, so I 763 00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:13,920 Speaker 3: didn't have any bruises on me. 764 00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:15,000 Speaker 2: I didn't know. 765 00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:18,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, I had no evidence, so I was like, I 766 00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:20,200 Speaker 3: don't know how I'm gonna put him in jail. 767 00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:25,880 Speaker 2: But I found out that he had he had a 768 00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:26,600 Speaker 2: worn out. 769 00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:32,080 Speaker 3: For child support, so I called them and I was like, hey, 770 00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:34,200 Speaker 3: it's a man in my house. He has a worn 771 00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:36,719 Speaker 3: out for child support. Can you please come get him? 772 00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:42,759 Speaker 3: And so they pulled up, and you know, I went 773 00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:44,320 Speaker 3: to go talk talk to him in his car, and 774 00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:46,400 Speaker 3: I was like, listen, I said, I know that I 775 00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:48,560 Speaker 3: called y all about the warrant, but this man has 776 00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:51,799 Speaker 3: been beating on me and I don't know what to do. 777 00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:56,840 Speaker 2: I need him out of my house and I'm not safe. 778 00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:02,560 Speaker 3: And he looked up his record. And when he looked 779 00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:05,960 Speaker 3: up his record, he was like, I'm not going in 780 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:08,400 Speaker 3: there by myself. He said, he has a warrant, he 781 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:11,680 Speaker 3: has a history of violence. I'm not going in there 782 00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:13,919 Speaker 3: by myself. So he called for backup. When he called 783 00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:15,839 Speaker 3: for backup, he said, I don't even want you to 784 00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:19,520 Speaker 3: be here when we take him to jail. So they 785 00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:22,600 Speaker 3: had me give them my key, and I went to 786 00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:26,000 Speaker 3: McDonald's and then after they arrested him, they came back 787 00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,879 Speaker 3: and gave me back my key, and you know, went 788 00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:32,440 Speaker 3: ahead and took him to jail. Now, later on I 789 00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:37,760 Speaker 3: ended up looking up his record before. 790 00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:39,279 Speaker 2: Me, he had. 791 00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:50,400 Speaker 3: He had a charge for what was it domestic violence 792 00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:59,680 Speaker 3: and it was confinement of a minor and the mother. 793 00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:07,360 Speaker 3: And then after me there's also been two other counts. 794 00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:11,000 Speaker 3: Why this man is still out on the streets, I 795 00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:11,440 Speaker 3: don't know. 796 00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:12,959 Speaker 1: So he's out of jail now. 797 00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:17,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, he wasn't even in there long for me. They 798 00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:19,480 Speaker 3: told me that he was supposed to be in jail 799 00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:24,000 Speaker 3: for at least thirty days for the child support. He 800 00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:29,200 Speaker 3: got bailed out in three days. In there for three days. 801 00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:32,719 Speaker 3: And when they bailed him out, it was on my birthday. 802 00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,319 Speaker 3: You know, Usually you'll wake up, you'll have like a 803 00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:38,800 Speaker 3: lot of messages like on Facebook and Instagram and stuff 804 00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:42,319 Speaker 3: like that for like happy birthdays. So I woke up 805 00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:44,399 Speaker 3: to a whole bunch of messages and I'm thinking that's 806 00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:49,360 Speaker 3: what it was. No, I had eighty seven miss text 807 00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:52,440 Speaker 3: messages and like thirty seven missed phone calls. Every single 808 00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:55,759 Speaker 3: one of them was from him, And he was like 809 00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:58,320 Speaker 3: at first, just started off all nights and he was like, baby, 810 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,080 Speaker 3: I'm out of jail and I'm on my way. I 811 00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:01,520 Speaker 3: can't wait to see you when I love you and 812 00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:04,200 Speaker 3: I miss you. I got out for your birthday, like 813 00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:13,560 Speaker 3: oh stuff, and yeah, and then like I had talked 814 00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:15,879 Speaker 3: to I had talked to my family and I let 815 00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,600 Speaker 3: them know what had been going on. Because if they 816 00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:20,880 Speaker 3: saw him around, they needed to know that he was 817 00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:27,040 Speaker 3: not supposed to be there. So somebody, somebody has sent 818 00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:30,680 Speaker 3: him a message saying, you know, you need to leave 819 00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:31,160 Speaker 3: you the loan. 820 00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,760 Speaker 2: You know you you come around blah blah blah. 821 00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:38,239 Speaker 3: And so he sends me the message and he was like, oh, 822 00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:41,799 Speaker 3: you got a new nigga already. I knew you was 823 00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:46,600 Speaker 3: fucking around. Like just escalated from there. Yeah, and he 824 00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:48,560 Speaker 3: was like, well, I'm He was like, I'm coming back. 825 00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,279 Speaker 3: I'm gonna beat your ass. I'm gonna do this, and 826 00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:53,279 Speaker 3: I'm gonna do that, blah blah blah whatever. So I'm like, 827 00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:54,200 Speaker 3: what the fuck. 828 00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:55,240 Speaker 2: So then. 829 00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:01,160 Speaker 3: Trying to reach out to you recently, No no, no, no, no, 830 00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:01,759 Speaker 3: hell no, no. 831 00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:04,160 Speaker 2: He hasn't. 832 00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:07,480 Speaker 3: It was it was literally only that day and he 833 00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:11,680 Speaker 3: was trying to get his stuff. I took all his 834 00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:17,200 Speaker 3: stuff to his grandma's house, and his grandma was saying that, 835 00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:20,160 Speaker 3: you know, they never really had him at any family 836 00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:23,920 Speaker 3: functions because he would always like be outraged and he 837 00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:28,960 Speaker 3: would basically ruin the party because everybody will be having 838 00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:31,720 Speaker 3: a good time, but he would just blow up because 839 00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:34,400 Speaker 3: of whatever, and he would ruin parties and stuff. 840 00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:34,680 Speaker 2: Like that. 841 00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:38,319 Speaker 3: So you know he has a history of this. You know, 842 00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:40,880 Speaker 3: this is this is somebody he's always been. Like I said, 843 00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:43,759 Speaker 3: I don't know why this man is still out. I 844 00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:46,760 Speaker 3: don't know why he's able to just roam this earth 845 00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:51,719 Speaker 3: like he's not destroying people and things and everything, Like 846 00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:58,799 Speaker 3: I don't I don't get it. So so anyways, I 847 00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:03,600 Speaker 3: ended up giving his grandma all his stuff, and I 848 00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:05,920 Speaker 3: ended up going back home and he was talking about 849 00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:07,600 Speaker 3: he was gonna kill himself and all this stuff, and 850 00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:08,600 Speaker 3: I was just like, I don't care. 851 00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:12,800 Speaker 2: And so then. 852 00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:18,400 Speaker 3: He finally stopped messaging me because I think he just 853 00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:21,040 Speaker 3: realized I was a different person at that point, and 854 00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:23,080 Speaker 3: I think he could realize that I wasn't afraid of 855 00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:26,360 Speaker 3: him anymore, and I think it genuinely bothered him. And 856 00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:28,400 Speaker 3: I also think that he just didn't want to go 857 00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:36,319 Speaker 3: back to jail, so so he he never reached out 858 00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:39,719 Speaker 3: to me after that. The only other time that I 859 00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:42,640 Speaker 3: saw him is I was actually decorating, or not decorating. 860 00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:45,760 Speaker 3: I was delivering a cake order and he was at 861 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,920 Speaker 3: the party and it was like he knew that I 862 00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:50,799 Speaker 3: was going to be there because he was sitting in 863 00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:53,640 Speaker 3: the dark on some stairs, and like, I could see 864 00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:54,560 Speaker 3: the lining of his body. 865 00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:55,800 Speaker 2: I know that man anywhere. 866 00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:59,040 Speaker 3: I could see the lining of his body, and he 867 00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,560 Speaker 3: was just sitting there staring at me, and I just left. 868 00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:04,719 Speaker 3: And that was the only time that had seen him. 869 00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:07,560 Speaker 3: After that, He's never messaged me or anything after that. 870 00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:12,200 Speaker 3: But I also had him blocked, like after after I 871 00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:14,640 Speaker 3: put him in jail, I blocked him and his messages 872 00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:15,319 Speaker 3: and stuff like that. 873 00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:21,160 Speaker 1: So yeah, so what is your relationship like with yourself 874 00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:23,440 Speaker 1: now and what role did healing play in it? 875 00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:29,279 Speaker 2: So it took a lot of healing and. 876 00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:33,960 Speaker 3: Forgiving myself, forgiving myself for putting myself in a situation, 877 00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:40,520 Speaker 3: forgiving myself, for for not loving myself more for not 878 00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:44,560 Speaker 3: for allowing myself to be in a certain situation. So 879 00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:46,560 Speaker 3: I had to do a lot of self reflection. But 880 00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:51,360 Speaker 3: I also had to do I had to work on 881 00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:54,080 Speaker 3: my trust. I had to learn how to trust other people, 882 00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:55,640 Speaker 3: had to learn to trust my instincts. 883 00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:56,640 Speaker 2: I had to learn. 884 00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:02,320 Speaker 3: To defend myself. I had to learn a lot of 885 00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:04,720 Speaker 3: different things. I had to learn to love myself. Loving 886 00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:07,480 Speaker 3: myself was hard for a long time, Like I couldn't 887 00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:10,200 Speaker 3: even look at myself in the mirror, because there's so 888 00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:16,080 Speaker 3: much shame that comes with being in a domestic violence situation, 889 00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:20,960 Speaker 3: because even though they're the monster that has done all 890 00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:24,440 Speaker 3: these things, everybody's mad at you and they're like, well, 891 00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:26,160 Speaker 3: why would you do this? You know all these all 892 00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:29,160 Speaker 3: these good men out here, all these good men out here, 893 00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:30,920 Speaker 3: and you know, you decided you wanted to be with 894 00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:34,359 Speaker 3: this one. And if like, there's there's no sign up 895 00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:40,279 Speaker 3: sheet for abuse, Like if I knew that that was 896 00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:43,080 Speaker 3: the outcome of him moving in, if I knew that 897 00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:45,440 Speaker 3: was an outcome of me loving him, I would have 898 00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:48,400 Speaker 3: never been with him in the first place, right, And 899 00:50:49,239 --> 00:50:53,479 Speaker 3: I felt like I would have been safe. I want 900 00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:55,719 Speaker 3: to stayed longer, you know what I mean. So it 901 00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:57,919 Speaker 3: was it was a lot of different things that people 902 00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,719 Speaker 3: didn't understand. So then I had to learn to be 903 00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:03,360 Speaker 3: okay with people not understanding. I had to learn to 904 00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:05,879 Speaker 3: be okay with people not wanting to hear my side 905 00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:10,400 Speaker 3: of the story. I had to be okay with people 906 00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:14,000 Speaker 3: looking down on me because I was abused. I had 907 00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:18,600 Speaker 3: to be okay with a lot of different things just 908 00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:22,720 Speaker 3: to be able to heal and to love myself and 909 00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:25,000 Speaker 3: to be able to move forward in life, but I 910 00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:27,399 Speaker 3: did it, and I do love myself and I do 911 00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:28,440 Speaker 3: care about myself. 912 00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:30,919 Speaker 2: I care about my well my well being, and. 913 00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:34,799 Speaker 3: I'm very proud of myself, you know what I mean, 914 00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:38,480 Speaker 3: Like I don't I'm definitely not a perfect person, but 915 00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:45,480 Speaker 3: I'm definitely an amazing person. And I think that you know, 916 00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:49,400 Speaker 3: the fact that there's a lot of different times that 917 00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:52,800 Speaker 3: I could have died and I'm still here. There's a 918 00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:54,839 Speaker 3: lot of different times where I could have hurt other 919 00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:57,080 Speaker 3: people because of what I was going through. 920 00:51:56,920 --> 00:52:00,279 Speaker 2: And no one else got hurt, you know, So. 921 00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:06,240 Speaker 3: A lot of I feel like a lot of times 922 00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:11,480 Speaker 3: when we go through traumatic experiences, people get mad at God, 923 00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:15,080 Speaker 3: like you know, why is this happening? And you know, 924 00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:18,360 Speaker 3: I didn't deserve this and everything like that, and absolutely 925 00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:22,839 Speaker 3: like I don't deserve this. But however, the fact that 926 00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:25,280 Speaker 3: I am still here and I don't have a scratch 927 00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:28,279 Speaker 3: on me, the fact that I am still here and 928 00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,960 Speaker 3: I'm able to love again, I'm able to trust again, 929 00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:34,799 Speaker 3: I'm able to heal, I'm able to love, the fact 930 00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:38,600 Speaker 3: that I'm still able to grow and prosper, and you know, 931 00:52:38,680 --> 00:52:41,680 Speaker 3: do these amazing things in the world. Was God's grace 932 00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:46,799 Speaker 3: for me, So I can't. I can't sit and be 933 00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:50,640 Speaker 3: mad at God for certain decisions that I've made and 934 00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:53,040 Speaker 3: certain decisions that other people have made. 935 00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:55,000 Speaker 2: And I also can't. 936 00:52:56,800 --> 00:53:01,879 Speaker 3: Put so much on myself either, because so many people, 937 00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:04,120 Speaker 3: like when I would tell my story, they would be like, 938 00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:05,920 Speaker 3: you know, well, why did you do this? 939 00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:08,040 Speaker 2: Well, why'd you go pick him up? Why'd you do this? Well, 940 00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:08,759 Speaker 2: why'd you do that? 941 00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:14,040 Speaker 3: Like at the time, it was something that I felt 942 00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:17,200 Speaker 3: was necessary. At the time, I felt like it was 943 00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:20,279 Speaker 3: something I was I was doing the right thing. 944 00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:20,880 Speaker 2: You know. 945 00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:23,560 Speaker 3: There's a lot of things that I know now through 946 00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:27,160 Speaker 3: healing and loving myself and a lot of you know, experiences, 947 00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:31,000 Speaker 3: but I didn't know those things at that time. So 948 00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:35,399 Speaker 3: I can't be mad at me for who I used 949 00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:38,799 Speaker 3: to be. I can't be mad at me for who 950 00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:42,000 Speaker 3: somebody else was to me. That was these are these 951 00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:45,040 Speaker 3: men's decisions for treating me the way that they treated me. 952 00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:50,960 Speaker 3: I understand that, you know, I should have left beforehand. 953 00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:55,400 Speaker 3: But life is a learning experience. So I can't put 954 00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:57,560 Speaker 3: so much on myself and be like, well, why did 955 00:53:57,600 --> 00:53:58,759 Speaker 3: I do this? And why did I do that? And 956 00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:02,560 Speaker 3: I did that for so long and I hated myself 957 00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:06,719 Speaker 3: for it because I was like, you know, why does 958 00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:09,640 Speaker 3: the why do these things keep happening to me? But 959 00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:13,840 Speaker 3: I had to look at things in a different manner 960 00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:17,839 Speaker 3: for me to be able to make it through and 961 00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:22,279 Speaker 3: be okay with my process, be okay with myself, and 962 00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:25,160 Speaker 3: be okay with the things that I've been through, because 963 00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:27,600 Speaker 3: if it wasn't for a lot of different things that 964 00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:31,680 Speaker 3: has happened to me, I wouldn't be who I am today. 965 00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:34,120 Speaker 3: And I love who I am. I love who it 966 00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:37,640 Speaker 3: has created me to be. So if that's what it 967 00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:41,879 Speaker 3: took to create this version of me, I don't like it, 968 00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:44,399 Speaker 3: but I love me, so I'm okay with. 969 00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:47,800 Speaker 1: It, right right? Come on? Now, that was a word 970 00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:58,640 Speaker 1: right there, child last Montalies that you would have done differently? 971 00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:00,719 Speaker 1: And if so, what was it or what is it? 972 00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:09,920 Speaker 2: I wish that I would have. 973 00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:15,600 Speaker 3: Loved myself before trying to love somebody else. I feel 974 00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:18,480 Speaker 3: like it would have saved me from a lot of 975 00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:24,520 Speaker 3: heartache because since I didn't love myself, I kept looking 976 00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:29,960 Speaker 3: for love through them, and because they weren't properly loving me, 977 00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,360 Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, well, maybe if I do this, and 978 00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:34,799 Speaker 3: maybe if I do that, maybe if I try this. 979 00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:38,400 Speaker 3: Maybe if I try that, you know, maybe they'll love me. 980 00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:45,400 Speaker 3: And I still didn't feel that love because the love 981 00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:48,120 Speaker 3: that I really needed I was supposed to give to myself. 982 00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:52,480 Speaker 3: So I wish I would have loved me first before 983 00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:53,960 Speaker 3: trying to love somebody else. 984 00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:57,200 Speaker 1: Right, That's all I'm talking about it. Oh, this was 985 00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:58,400 Speaker 1: an amazing conversation. 986 00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:00,000 Speaker 2: I interviews. 987 00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:04,080 Speaker 1: They didn't allow you to like tell this this story. 988 00:56:04,640 --> 00:56:06,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, like I. 989 00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:07,640 Speaker 1: Feel like you was able to tell your story, but 990 00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:12,360 Speaker 1: it was very chopped up. Sorry, it was yeah right sorry. 991 00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:15,399 Speaker 1: People coming on to the show and just being transparent 992 00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:17,799 Speaker 1: and sharing your story, and I know for a fact 993 00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:23,359 Speaker 1: that it would definitely inspired everyone and encourage them to like, 994 00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:26,479 Speaker 1: you know right back. 995 00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:31,239 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I want to thank you for allowing me 996 00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:34,200 Speaker 3: to be on the show. You know, it was even 997 00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:39,480 Speaker 3: even when it comes to, you know, people not understanding 998 00:56:39,520 --> 00:56:43,799 Speaker 3: what it's like to be in an abusive relationship. You 999 00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:48,000 Speaker 3: know a lot of people have a lot of different assumptions, 1000 00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,560 Speaker 3: and I was one of those people before too. You know, 1001 00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:53,000 Speaker 3: I used to always be like, well, you know, why 1002 00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:55,719 Speaker 3: would you put up with that? You know you deserve better. 1003 00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:58,240 Speaker 3: That's not something that you know you should be doing. 1004 00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:04,640 Speaker 3: And it took me going through that to be able 1005 00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:07,279 Speaker 3: to humble myself and be like, oh my god, I 1006 00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:12,399 Speaker 3: can't believe that this is a thing. Like it's not 1007 00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:16,280 Speaker 3: just a physical hold, it is a complete mental hold. 1008 00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:21,720 Speaker 2: It is an emotional hold, and it's you have to completely. 1009 00:57:22,960 --> 00:57:33,560 Speaker 3: Just unfuck your mind to understand life again. So it's 1010 00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:35,960 Speaker 3: it's a lot better. It makes me feel better to 1011 00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:38,320 Speaker 3: be able to tell my story because I would rather 1012 00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:40,960 Speaker 3: somebody hear my story and learn from it than for 1013 00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:43,720 Speaker 3: them to go through what I've been through to have 1014 00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:45,840 Speaker 3: to learn from it that way. I don't want that 1015 00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:48,320 Speaker 3: for anybody. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. So I 1016 00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:51,800 Speaker 3: would rather them hear my story and have an understanding 1017 00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:54,560 Speaker 3: of it. In that way, maybe they can help somebody else. 1018 00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:58,960 Speaker 1: Right. Well, if y'all have any questions come as the concerns, 1019 00:57:58,960 --> 00:58:00,840 Speaker 1: please make sure the email me a hello at the 1020 00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:04,280 Speaker 1: pagpodcast dot com. It was a pleasure to have you 1021 00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:14,760 Speaker 1: on the show and one the next time. Everyone later bye. 1022 00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:19,880 Speaker 1: The Professional Homegirl podcast is a production of the Black 1023 00:58:19,920 --> 00:58:23,920 Speaker 1: Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the 1024 00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:27,120 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 1025 00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:30,200 Speaker 1: favorite shows, don't forget to subscribe and rate the show, 1026 00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:32,960 Speaker 1: and you can connect with me on social media at 1027 00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:34,280 Speaker 1: the PG podcast