WEBVTT - Hug it Out 0:00:03.800 --> 0:00:06.680 Welcome to Stuff to Blow your Mind from how Stuff 0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:13.600 Works dot com. Hey, you're welcome to stuff to Blow 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:16.360 your mind. My name is Robert Lamb and I'm Julie Douglas. Julie, 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:18.800 are you a hugger? Do you hug? Are you one 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:21.079 of these? Are you a head machine? Are you the 0:00:21.120 --> 0:00:22.760 type of person who walks into the room and it's 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:25.119 hugs all around, or are you then have a person 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:27.320 when a huger walks into the room, you retreat to 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:30.880 the corner. I'm really more of a groper. I'm kidding, 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:34.440 I'm I'm not a gropper. Um. I'm definitely someone who 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:38.840 if it looks like someone wants to hug or initiating 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:42.080 a hug, then I'm all for the hug. But I 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:45.880 usually kind of check out someone's body language because there's 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:48.199 nothing worse than going in for a hug and you 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:51.080 get the awkward you knowess of the I don't know, 0:00:51.120 --> 0:00:54.640 you get an elbow in your face or something along 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:57.040 those lines. What about you, Well, I am I am 0:00:57.080 --> 0:00:59.800 an awkward hugger. I've sort of have to come. I've come. 0:00:59.840 --> 0:01:01.360 I improved over the years, but I have to come 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:03.360 to realize that I am an awkward person when it 0:01:03.400 --> 0:01:06.080 comes to the social dynamics of hugging. So in what 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:08.160 way are you, Well, I grew uh, I kind of 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:11.000 grew up in a well, I mean my my my 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:14.440 household was not like a super huggy kind of environment, 0:01:14.840 --> 0:01:18.080 and my mom has and still has this, uh, this 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:20.959 hug variant that's uh that we referred to as the 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:23.440 side hug, where instead of it being like a full 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:25.440 on front hug, it's like she'll come up and kind 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:27.280 of like put an arm around like she's posing for 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:31.320 a photo with you. And I ended up inheriting this, uh, 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:34.760 this side hug, and I'll still catch myself doing it 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:36.640 or or I've I've kind of evolved where I have 0:01:36.760 --> 0:01:40.000 like a a hybrid that is half side hug, half 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:43.880 front hug. Um all awkwardness though, um, especially if I'm 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:47.040 around somebody's really into hugging. Um, well, I'm trying to 0:01:47.040 --> 0:01:50.080 figure out what is worse, Like a side hug, you know, 0:01:50.400 --> 0:01:55.080 or someone who's just like sort of merry glands crushing you. Well, 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:58.240 we'll see see that that also that that dives down 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:01.200 to another issue here with hugging. It won't because I mean, 0:02:01.240 --> 0:02:03.440 like even as when I was younger. Like a hug, 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:08.120 especially you're hugging a lady, it's I mean, yeah, well 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:11.040 they have they have bosoms, right, and then and you're 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:13.799 gonna have to hug into those and like that's kind 0:02:13.800 --> 0:02:17.160 of weird. H It's true, it's going to be so. 0:02:17.400 --> 0:02:19.480 So there's that. And then here's another thing that is 0:02:19.560 --> 0:02:23.520 that has actually come up recently. Um, I was we 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:26.679 had some some friends over right and they'd come over 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:29.120 for dinner and we we had a little wine, and 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:31.280 then it was it was time for everybody to say 0:02:31.320 --> 0:02:33.800 there goodbyes. So we went to hug goodbye, and I 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:37.360 went to hug my my friend kipt goodbye. And there's 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:39.840 that weird like there's this weird moment of like, all right, 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:41.480 I'm gonna hug this person. I was going for a 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:43.560 front hug, come on, like you know, because I'm trying 0:02:43.560 --> 0:02:46.320 to put yeah, I'm trying to put my side hug 0:02:46.639 --> 0:02:50.480 experiences behind me. And then there's this last minute confusion 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:53.600 that was probably intensified a little bye by the wine 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:57.160 in my system. Um, and which way our head's gonna go, 0:02:57.400 --> 0:02:59.239 because you know, a head has to go this way, 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:02.280 another head has ago this way, and uh, and then 0:03:02.280 --> 0:03:06.799 the hug is fully locked. Um, but I I kind 0:03:06.800 --> 0:03:08.560 of like went to go one direction and then I 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:11.040 I panicked and went the other direction. And then afterward, 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:13.079 I'm like, oh, my goodness, she probably thinks I made 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.120 a pass at her. She thinks I went in, probably 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:17.639 think thinks I went in for a kiss on on 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:20.480 what was already a pretty awkward hug. And so I 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:22.919 was like, I was paranoid about it for days. I'm like, oh, 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:26.440 she probably thinks I'm horrible. Um, you males in in 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:31.320 your hugging anxiety, hugging each other or hugging ladies, and 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:34.680 they're there. Well, I'm glad you brought it up, because 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:37.360 the the male hug, the male on male hug um 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:42.000 is another very interesting topic of discussion, and I've I've 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:46.760 seen it. I've seen it referred to in various uh uh, 0:03:46.840 --> 0:03:50.760 there's various terminology for the sort of masculine hug. After 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:53.720 It's been called a pound shake, a one armed hug, 0:03:53.760 --> 0:03:57.600 a dude hug, a homie hug, a shug, a hetero hug, 0:03:57.640 --> 0:03:59.920 a bro grab, a bro hug, a thug hug, a 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.160 man hug, a hip hop hug. So why do you 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:04.240 even have to determine that, you know in the first place. 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:06.920 That's kind of cracks me out. Well, um, I mean 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:09.440 a lot of it. I mean it's with with hugging 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:12.360 in general, but especially with male hugging, Like it's gonna 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:16.159 vary depending on culture. Um. I just think it's funny. 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:18.160 It's like women don't run around going X to the 0:04:18.200 --> 0:04:21.560 fourth hug. Yeah, I mean, like, well, if you go 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:23.839 back in time and like man and man kisses is 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:25.640 like that not that big of a deal. Say, you 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:29.320 know Roman times, uh, early Christian Church. Then it goes 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:31.640 away in the Victorian era. You go you go to 0:04:31.680 --> 0:04:34.159 places in countries like France, you go to uh, you 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:37.320 got to Russia, and there's more of a tradition of 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:39.960 of men, you know, given a peck on the cheek. 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:42.000 It's you know, it's not it's a sign of affection 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:43.880 and it does. It's not that's there's not a sexual 0:04:43.880 --> 0:04:47.640 connotation to it. Well and certainly in Europe it is. Um. 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:49.760 It is much more intimate to give someone a hug 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:51.640 than a kiss on the cheek on the cheek, right, 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:53.520 And maybe some of that is because you're getting into 0:04:53.520 --> 0:04:56.120 someone's space. Um, but that's what we're talking about today, 0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:58.800 we're talking about hugs, how important they are, and we're 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:01.560 going to talk about the actual science behind hugs. But 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:04.240 I have more on male hugs to talk about. Uh. 0:05:04.920 --> 0:05:06.760 I mean the traditional male hug for those I haven't 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:09.200 seen it. You you sort of bring in the other 0:05:09.200 --> 0:05:11.960 person in arms wrapped around, kind of like you're you're 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:14.240 going in for like a pro wrestling bear hug. And 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:16.320 in fact, some people like if one person is one 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:18.440 male is bigger than the other, sometimes they will or 0:05:18.560 --> 0:05:21.160 or or as smaller but has a bigger uh you know, 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:23.360 ego about them, they'll actually go for the pick up, 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:26.080 they'll do the they'll do the bear hug lift because 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:29.040 nothing is more more masculine. Uh and and says, this 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:31.920 is not a lovey dovey hug. Let's say nothing that 0:05:32.560 --> 0:05:37.880 any sort of a possible souplex. Yeah, um, but but yeah, 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:40.080 you go in generally only the shoulders will be touching, 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:42.400 uh or, that will be the main point of contact. 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:44.800 And then you might even throw in and then when 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:47.440 you squeeze, you'll throw in kind of a kind of 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:49.279 a kind of a move because again it's kind of 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:53.039 like we're we're just men, you know, wrestling man, we 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:55.359 should if only we could butt heads, but we have 0:05:55.440 --> 0:05:58.200 to do this stupid hug. And then of course the 0:05:58.600 --> 0:06:01.560 back either slap on the back or pounds to the 0:06:01.600 --> 0:06:05.040 bat because the pound like a fist is even more masculine. 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:06.680 Then slap to the back, and you do generally do 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:09.520 like three of those, um and and you may or 0:06:09.560 --> 0:06:13.719 may not, like I say, throw in an attempted bear hug. 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:19.440 Besides heteronorms, there's actually a reason why you guys may 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:22.200 have this weird awkwardness in embracing each other. And we'll 0:06:22.200 --> 0:06:24.440 talk about that in a little bit. You might actually 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:28.360 be hardwired not to be so much full on body huggers. 0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:32.520 But have you got any other male on male hugging stories. 0:06:32.920 --> 0:06:34.560 Just I should point out that the bear hug is 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:37.360 a pro pro wrestling move where one individual comes into 0:06:37.400 --> 0:06:39.560 the front and wraps their arms around the person like 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:42.640 a big hug and squeezes them. And then there's also 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:44.600 a rear bear hug or a reverse bear hug where 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:47.400 the person comes up behind them and and squeezes them, 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:49.880 and and it's supposed to be like a method of 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:53.160 torture in the like in a pro wrestling kind of environment. 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:55.839 But it is it essentially? It is essentially a hug. 0:06:56.360 --> 0:06:58.440 So you and I don't hug, but I'm gonna say this, 0:06:58.520 --> 0:06:59.960 like you did you give me a little punch in 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:02.640 the shoulder once. Well, that's that's my version of a hug. Um. 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:07.040 But for non huggers. But if you ever do, like 0:07:07.520 --> 0:07:09.920 I feel like giving me a hug, please don't break 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:14.840 my phones or you know, toss me through the air. Well, 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:17.480 that's another thing. I have got myself giving the bro hug, 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:20.760 slap or pound, like even when I'm like hugging a 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:23.840 female occasionally, you know, it's like in a moment of panic, 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:26.080 I'll have that in for for no reason. Yeah, I'm 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:28.560 just I'm I'm I'm very scared that you're gonna pull 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:32.840 a wrestling move on Someone's gonna be a hospital visit. Um, 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:36.480 here's an interesting stat The average hug last three seconds. 0:07:36.960 --> 0:07:39.280 And this has been called the timing of the human spirit. 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:42.600 Just really yeah, nice and poetic, but there is an 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:45.280 ideal length of a hug, and it's actually twenty seconds. 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:48.400 Really is that? How long is the character in Dirty 0:07:48.480 --> 0:07:49.840 Rock that said it's not a hug if it doesn't 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:53.040 last Oh, okay, that this is the uh he is 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:58.160 the like the CEO of Cable Town, which has bought NBC, right, 0:07:58.480 --> 0:08:01.120 and he's all about the hugs and family values and 0:08:01.200 --> 0:08:06.040 he wants um Walwin's character Jack Geegy to just start hugging. 0:08:06.240 --> 0:08:09.040 And Jack can't because he's not hardwired. He's a shark. 0:08:09.320 --> 0:08:12.720 He doesn't know how to do that. He says, ten seconds. Okay, 0:08:12.720 --> 0:08:14.840 so he was that. He's actually has a pretty uh 0:08:15.280 --> 0:08:20.000 um conservative hug there. Yeah, really he should be doubling that. 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:24.960 But he's hugging all day long, so he may for 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:27.160 forgetting um this sort of that you would want to 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:29.760 get out of a hug and what is that? But 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:34.800 why might we start hugging oxytocin? Yeah, so twenty seconds 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:39.320 hugging someone makes oxytocin start flowing from your body. And 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:41.839 we produce oxytosin every day and our blood and our 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:46.120 brain um in various amounts. And it's not just hugging, dancing, 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:50.760 having sex orgasms, U, petting your dogs and the babies. 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:53.760 It's like a huge row in the in the mother 0:08:54.240 --> 0:08:56.760 child relationship. Yeah, most people think about it in terms 0:08:56.760 --> 0:08:59.839 of breastfeeding or giving birth. Even two helps with the 0:09:00.120 --> 0:09:04.280 'aring contractions. So oxytesin is known as the bonding hormone, 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:07.120 and it allows you to establish a deep connection with 0:09:07.120 --> 0:09:10.720 other people. I've also seen it called the moral molecule. 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:14.199 The moral molecules not only in mammals, which also occasionally 0:09:14.200 --> 0:09:16.839 tear each other limb from limbs, so right, right, so 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:18.720 that we don't tear each other from limb to limb 0:09:18.760 --> 0:09:21.520 all the time. This, this wonderful moral molecule is in 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:25.920 us waiting to spring upon others and and hug, hug 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:30.160 it out. Really, I've also just real quick for not 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:33.160 not hugging people. Have a friend Liz, and I remember 0:09:33.160 --> 0:09:34.400 her saying, and she may have picked I don't know 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:35.720 if she picked this up somewhere else or if this 0:09:35.760 --> 0:09:38.040 is wisdom that emerge from within lives. But she said, 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:40.920 the day a hug is just a strangle that you 0:09:40.960 --> 0:09:45.120 haven't finished yet. So well, you know what, there are 0:09:45.160 --> 0:09:48.840 some people who use hugs therapeutically. So if you have 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:52.120 someone who is really really upset, uh, you know, they 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:56.959 actually seemed as though they are beyond um consoling if 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:00.240 you if you were to hug them and restrict aim 0:10:00.240 --> 0:10:03.160 them and like full body hug for twenty seconds or 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:06.400 more that person actually will calm down. That is how 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:11.280 effective this oxytocin releases via a hug. Oh man, See, 0:10:11.280 --> 0:10:13.480 now this totally turns the bear hug in protestling on 0:10:13.520 --> 0:10:16.679 its head, Like what if? What if it's effectiveness in 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:19.719 this fictional fighting environment we're not based on I will 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:21.760 squeeze you until you cannot take it anymore, when you 0:10:21.800 --> 0:10:23.600 pass out. But what if it was I will squeeze 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:28.200 you until into loving submission, until until loving submission, until 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:30.560 you realize that we're fighting over nothing and that we're 0:10:30.600 --> 0:10:33.440 really brothers. Okay, I mean, why don't world leaders do 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:37.320 this right exactly? Mandatory thirty second hugs between all heads 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:40.520 of state. Well, and there are actually hug workshops, and 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:43.160 we'll talk about that in a little while, um, and 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:46.560 why they're fascinating and also sort of uh terrible at 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:49.120 the same time. But let's talk a little bit more 0:10:49.160 --> 0:10:51.600 about the oxytocin because it's so interesting in the way 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:55.480 that it operates in our morality, our ability to trust others. 0:10:55.800 --> 0:10:58.080 So the big question in understanding anything we do is, 0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:01.080 of course, from an evolutionary standpoint, how does it fit in? 0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:04.040 How does it make sense? Why would nature select for 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:09.280 hugging well neuroeconomic guru Paul Zach who actually calls himself 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:12.600 the love doctor. He has a lot of people call 0:11:12.679 --> 0:11:16.120 themselves a love doctor. It doesn't mean they actually have credentials, No, 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:18.680 it's true, but he actually studies this right, so I 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:21.320 think that you know, out of everybody, he could probably 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:25.720 call himself a love doctor and and really means um. 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:29.000 He has a great talk on ted dot com called trust, morality, 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:32.000 and oxytocin, and he says that this is the hormone 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:33.680 that allows us to feel a sense of trust, and 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:37.960 from an evolutionary science perspective, it's necessary for the propagation 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:41.360 of a species. Okay, and you know there's some people 0:11:41.400 --> 0:11:44.920 who have more oxytocin than others, and actually those people 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:49.559 they have found in studies appear more trustworthy. Isn't this 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:53.760 fascinating The people who produce lesser marked No, No, people 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:57.760 who produce more oxetosin just on a regular basis. Um. 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:00.240 You know, if we're in a party, let's a and 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:03.680 you meet someone, you're gonna know within twenty seconds whether 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:06.800 or not this person is feeling trustworthy to you or 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:10.000 probably does feel trustworthy to you, because they're usually pretty 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:14.280 social and uh, they're a little bit more engaged with you, right, 0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:16.800 and you have to feel like, oh, I could trust 0:12:16.880 --> 0:12:19.559 this person, right, they seem they seem like a good egg. Right. 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:22.840 I'm sure everybody has come away of meeting someone and saying, oh, 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:24.520 you know, that person is like really down on earth 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:26.439 or so on and so forth. That could be their 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:30.240 oxytocin talking. Zach and his researchers conducted a series of 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:34.680 studies involving test subjects watching a film about a boy 0:12:34.760 --> 0:12:36.640 who has a brain tumor okay, And the reason why 0:12:36.679 --> 0:12:38.400 they did that is they wanted to juice up the 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:43.480 empathy response okay um, which is obviously related to oxytocin. 0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:46.360 And then he had subjects play an ultimatum game. The 0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:49.040 general idea is that a first person is given a 0:12:49.080 --> 0:12:51.560 certain amount of money and told to send some portion 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:54.320 of it to a second person, and they're separated by 0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:57.880 computers and nobody knows the identity of one another. The 0:12:57.920 --> 0:13:00.960 second person must then decide whether to accept or reject 0:13:01.040 --> 0:13:04.880 the first person's offer. So, for example, let's imagine that 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:08.959 player one proposes divide ten dollars by offering three dollars 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:12.400 to player too. If player who accepts the three bucks, 0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:14.920 they both get to keep their share of the money. 0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:19.480 If she rejects the offer, neither gets anything. And Zack's 0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:23.080 general findings were that the more money test subjects received, 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:27.080 the higher their oxytocin levels, and the higher their oxytocin levels, 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:29.959 the more they reciprocated. So what you're seeing is an 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.800 economy of trust right here. And that's why it's really 0:13:32.840 --> 0:13:36.080 interesting to him as a neuroeconomist to see how this 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:39.520 is operating, um just at a dollar and cents level. Now, 0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:44.320 they're also what five of the population who barely produce 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:49.080 any of this oxytocin at all. Yeah, they're not trusting anyone. 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:51.560 They're not gonna get anything out of that hug. Well, 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:56.400 Zach Paul Zack sort of have to clingly refer to 0:13:56.440 --> 0:14:00.080 them as the sociopaths and the psychopath when in that 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.400 case so that they may be they may actually response 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:04.400 seemed to respond well to the hug. They might have 0:14:04.440 --> 0:14:06.440 to have figured it out, figured out how to fake 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:08.520 it right, right right, But they're probably not gonna be 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:11.360 full of a lot of empathy. Um, they're not maybe 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:16.320 going to be so much into trusting one another or um, 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:20.120 really invested in trusting at all, and they're not really 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:22.880 probably going to be concerned with your welfare. So but 0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:26.680 this is the small amount of the population, right five um, 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:33.440 And there's another factor here that dilutes oxytocin's production testosterone. 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:37.560 Oh okay, yeah yeah, which maybe why men have such 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:42.560 a hard time sharing, right or hugging. Um. But this 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:44.960 is the good news for for all you x wires. 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:47.800 I mean, you can you can hug all day long 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:51.560 and produce much more oxytocin, so sort of vanquish the 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:54.040 effects of your testosterone, which by the way, is ten 0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:56.800 times higher in men than women. It also makes me 0:14:57.200 --> 0:15:00.280 makes me think of like sporting events where which general 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:02.600 like another weird thing about like like men and their 0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:05.400 their their their physical distance from each other. You know, 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:07.520 you'll see a sports and situation where it's like if 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:11.000 if you just scored a goal, uh, then like hugging 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.240 is totally okay. Like pretty much anything short of like 0:15:14.400 --> 0:15:16.440 just making out on the field, it's all right because 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:20.080 it's just like like, scored a goal, come in here 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:21.480 for a hug, you know kind of thing. It's it's 0:15:21.480 --> 0:15:23.920 like totally seen that sort of leg humping thing too. Going, 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:27.040 So I wonder if that itt us like the testosterone 0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:30.800 is so high that I don't know. Well, there's also 0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:33.520 a bonding moment. It's a bonding moment and and U 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:37.200 it's a social context that allows Yeah, it's like weird contact. 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:39.000 It's kind of like the it's like it's like the 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:41.320 slap on the bat. So it's like this is a 0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:44.440 very masculine thing we're doing. Um. And but and if 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:46.920 you just scored a goal on a professional sports team, 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:49.160 it's like, that's that's the that's all the slap on 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:51.800 the back you need. That's like, yeah, you know, I 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:54.240 think that's important to just to note that, yeah, there's 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:55.800 a lot of science behind this in the way that 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:57.960 we behave, but there's also a social contract that we 0:15:58.040 --> 0:15:59.960 all have signed on some level, so some of the 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:03.320 is dictating our behavior. Um. But you know, in talking 0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:06.200 about gender, it is interesting to note that women actually 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:09.360 benefit a lot more from hugs than men do. And 0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:12.240 this is from a University of North Carolina study. Researchers 0:16:12.240 --> 0:16:15.160 found that women recorded greater reductions in blood pressure than 0:16:15.240 --> 0:16:18.440 men after hugs with their patients their partners. They both 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:21.760 had blood pressure reductions, but women much more so, and 0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:26.760 they had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which again, 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:29.680 this is another great benefit of hugging. Not only do 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:32.960 you have oxytocin flowing, but oxytocin is going to inhibit cortisol, 0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:35.440 and cortisol is something that can make us crazy, right, 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:37.800 get really stressed out, we can't sleep well, so on 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:41.280 and so forth. And this they think is really helpful 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:45.360 in um promoting good cardiac health and women. I feel 0:16:45.360 --> 0:16:47.120 like a like a lot of this also eliminates like 0:16:47.160 --> 0:16:49.520 if if you're in a situation where a hug is 0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:52.320 going to happen, like it's good to remind yourself. But 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:55.440 even though, um like, even though you might not be 0:16:55.520 --> 0:16:57.320 getting much out of this hug, and this hug might 0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:59.480 be an awkward situation for you, it's like this other 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:01.720 person is going to get like an oxytocin rush, Like, 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:05.720 do not deny them. There, they're they're a drug there, right, Yeah. Yeah, 0:17:05.720 --> 0:17:07.760 And actually there's there's a point that we'll talk about 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:10.560 that about whether or not you're hard wired, um to 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:13.119 to be a hugger. Um. But we'll talk about that. 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:15.800 We'll talk about chimps, and we will talk about co work. 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:23.800 Shots bright after this break. All right, we're back. So hugging, 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:28.080 um humane hug by the way, Oh you're welcome. Yeah, 0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:29.879 I mean it was a split second, but still it 0:17:29.920 --> 0:17:32.080 was a hug. Yeah. And there were two microphones between us, 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:37.120 but you know it still counts. Yeah. Do other animals hug? Yes? Yeah? Great? 0:17:37.119 --> 0:17:40.800 Eight chimpanzees, um, actually hug. There is a researcher by 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:44.639 the name of Felippo o Really of Liverpool, John John 0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:47.600 Moores University in the UK, and he and his colleagues 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:51.480 observe two adult chimps in nearby Chester Zoo for twenty 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:54.439 one months and what they what he found is that 0:17:54.520 --> 0:17:57.960 following a fight between two individual chimps, the chimp on 0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:00.400 the receiving end of the aggression tends to been more 0:18:00.400 --> 0:18:04.479 time scratching and grooming itself. And these are activities that 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:06.760 indicate a lot of stress, right, they're trying to work 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:10.679 it out. Um, the self attention this, you know, grooming 0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:14.000 of themselves drops by nearly half if another chimp offers 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:17.080 a hand. How we do that and embrace or other 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:21.280 friendly contact within a minute after the conflict. Okay, yeah, 0:18:21.480 --> 0:18:24.160 Well I've you know, I've seen pictures of chimps hugging. 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:26.240 But I always thought either they were doing it, a 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:28.800 they were just doing it for the calendars, or be 0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:33.560 it was the moment before the teeth sank it, you know, yeah, 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:38.560 all right, right, just trying to trick your opponent there. Um, yeah, 0:18:38.600 --> 0:18:41.200 I mean it's there's also a famous video of two 0:18:41.280 --> 0:18:44.879 chimps emerging from cages like after thirty years and and 0:18:45.000 --> 0:18:47.800 seeing sun light for the first time, and it's really 0:18:47.840 --> 0:18:52.040 it's actually a very moving video hugging each other and celebrating. 0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:54.480 So we know that they're very social animals. We know 0:18:54.520 --> 0:18:56.959 that we share done a percent of their DNA, so 0:18:57.000 --> 0:18:59.159 it's not a huge surprise that they would do this 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:02.160 as well. So is it is it hardwired into us 0:19:02.440 --> 0:19:03.800 the need to hug or is it just I mean, 0:19:03.800 --> 0:19:06.119 how much how much of it is ultimately in our 0:19:06.160 --> 0:19:07.800 genes and how much of it is it it's just, Oh, 0:19:07.880 --> 0:19:10.240 I was born into a society or a family where 0:19:10.240 --> 0:19:12.920 I'm in a situation where hugging is the norm. Well 0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:16.760 that that's interesting because the chimp study they definitely said 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:20.720 that it helps to support the hypothesis that um constellation 0:19:20.880 --> 0:19:25.399 embracing reduces stress, which we know really rereaks havoc our 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:28.359 immune systems. Right, So there's this idea that it could 0:19:28.359 --> 0:19:32.119 help to bolster our health. Um. And you know, to 0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:34.919 what extent is it hardwired? In the past we'd say, well, 0:19:34.920 --> 0:19:37.080 that's that's hard to say, you know, it's it's probably 0:19:37.080 --> 0:19:40.240 just all behavioral and nothing else. Um. But empathy in 0:19:40.240 --> 0:19:43.679 the form of oxytocin receptors appears to be hardwired genetically. 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:48.840 So you could be doubly endowed with oxytocin receptor genes UM, 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:52.000 and your social behavior would move a lot more towards 0:19:52.040 --> 0:19:55.879 empathy and positive emotions, which we could make you a hugger. Right. 0:19:56.600 --> 0:19:59.080 Shelly Taylor, she's the u c L. U c L, 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:04.080 a psychologist identified the tend and befriend response, says that 0:20:04.119 --> 0:20:08.560 the gene produces the oxytucin receptor is responsible for influencing 0:20:08.600 --> 0:20:12.439 self esteem, optimism, in a sense of mastery and at 0:20:12.440 --> 0:20:16.600 a particular location. The receptor gene has two versions, an 0:20:16.640 --> 0:20:20.199 A variant and a G variant, And if you have 0:20:20.359 --> 0:20:23.360 a variant, you have an increased sensitivity to stress. By 0:20:23.359 --> 0:20:26.639 the way, you have poor social skills and worse mental 0:20:26.640 --> 0:20:29.719 health outcomes. But if you have that g that obviously 0:20:29.760 --> 0:20:32.520 helps to negate some of that um. That G receptor 0:20:32.760 --> 0:20:36.080 is actually gonna help in terms of your self esteem 0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:40.400 and mastery. Some people have two G variants, and that 0:20:40.560 --> 0:20:43.879 is what makes them doubly oxytocin friendly. So they are 0:20:43.920 --> 0:20:46.399 super huggers. They are they are hug junkies, they are 0:20:46.800 --> 0:20:49.119