Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hey, is this Leah?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: What's going on?
Speaker 3: Well? I am currently having a problem because I think
Speaker 3: I have a problem with like talking people online. Okay,
Speaker 3: I like made a fake account like two years ago,
Speaker 3: and it's like still an obsession of mine.
Speaker 1: Hmm, what made you want to make this fake account?
Speaker 1: And what do you do with it?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: So a long time ago, my dad has this girlfriend
Speaker 3: that actually left him because he's fluck with She fleuck
Speaker 3: with my boyfriend, and so I made an account so
Speaker 3: I could like look at her profile and like see
Speaker 3: what she like was saying about us, and she accepted
Speaker 3: my friend requests on like the stake account. So I
Speaker 3: just like continued it and now I have like a
Speaker 3: bunch of people on there.
Speaker 1: Okay, So how long ago was it that you made
Speaker 1: this account to look at your father's whatever's person's thing.
Speaker 3: It was probably like late twenty eighteen, early twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1: All right, so is a little bit ago, and what
Speaker 1: do you use the account for now?
Speaker 3: I currently log on daily sometimes more, and I just
Speaker 3: like look at any posts she posts, and like any
Speaker 3: of my friends, like my enemies. There's my friends on
Speaker 3: that account, I guess, but like I look at whatever
Speaker 3: they got going on. Like a lot of them post
Speaker 3: like all their drama on there, so I can kind
Speaker 3: of like get the inside details.
Speaker 1: Is your dad still engaged with this woman or are
Speaker 1: they done?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: No, they split up after she slept with my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: Okay, and why what what what is causing you to
Speaker 1: still be interested in her life?
Speaker 2: I have absolutely no idea, Okay, but.
Speaker 3: I think it's just the curiosity of it all. And
Speaker 3: like she has like circles kind of close to my
Speaker 3: circles of like friend groups, so I kind of just like,
Speaker 3: you know, keep your friends close, your closer.
Speaker 1: Your father's ex girlfriend has has a lot of mutual
Speaker 1: friends with you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well she was actually my friend.
Speaker 3: First, but like she didn't know my dad was my god.
Speaker 1: Okay, uh, who what give me an example of another
Speaker 1: person that you follow on here and what your relationship
Speaker 1: to them is?
Speaker 3: Oh wow, I wasn't expecting that question. Well, I have
Speaker 3: like my ex boyfriends girlfriends on there, or like my
Speaker 3: ex boyfriends groommates, or like people that are like close
Speaker 3: to the people that like have caused issues in my past.
Speaker 1: Okay, and you you log on every day and you're
Speaker 1: looking at updates and photos and whatnot from Uh, your
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend's new girlfriend, her friends, his friends, your dad's
Speaker 1: ex girlfriends, all these people you're you're logging in every
Speaker 1: day and looking at updates from them?
Speaker 2: Yeah, pretty much?
Speaker 1: And how do do you do you get strong emotional
Speaker 1: reactions from these updates?
Speaker 2: Sometimes?
Speaker 3: Like when I see her doing the same things that
Speaker 3: she did to me when we were friends to other people, like,
Speaker 3: it gets me really mad because people don't see what
Speaker 3: I see in her, because she like showed her true colors,
Speaker 3: so like to me, I want other people to see
Speaker 3: her like that. But I'm not trying to like attack
Speaker 3: her or like put her information on Facebook or nothing
Speaker 3: like that. Like I don't want to look like the
Speaker 3: antagonists or anything. But I am curious, like how long
Speaker 3: she's going to get away with like.
Speaker 2: Doing the same thing to all these other people.
Speaker 1: And your ex boyfriend? When did you break up with them?
Speaker 2: Twenty nineteen?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, b'go them three years ago?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Do you still talk to them?
Speaker 3: He constantly is trying different ways to like get a
Speaker 3: hold of me, But we actually split up because he
Speaker 3: was physically abusive, so and she was one of the
Speaker 3: girls that helped me pack my stuff and get away
Speaker 3: from him, and then like she went ahead and just
Speaker 3: like moved in after moving me out.
Speaker 1: And do you think about your ex boyfriend a lot?
Speaker 3: I mean I have a lot of nightmares about him.
Speaker 3: I have like diagnosed PTSD because of like a lot
Speaker 3: of the ship. Oh, I don't know if I can
Speaker 3: say that. Sorry, like he put me through Yeah, sorry.
Speaker 1: No, no, it's okay, okay. And have you ever made
Speaker 1: an attempt to have you ever considered deleting this Facebook account?
Speaker 3: I want to, but a part of me like can't
Speaker 3: let go of it, Like a part of me wants
Speaker 3: to just like move on and like forget all of
Speaker 3: that happened to me, because like my life has moved on,
Speaker 3: but like my my emotions are still so stuck and
Speaker 3: like that hurts, Like I got betrayal from like both sides.
Speaker 1: What do you think is in between you and letting
Speaker 1: go of this stuff? If you had to really really
Speaker 1: put it under a microscope.
Speaker 3: I think it's hard to move on because they're constantly around, Like,
Speaker 3: for example, so and so might work with one of
Speaker 3: my family members, or this person I see every time
Speaker 3: I go to the store because they work there, or
Speaker 3: like I because I live in a very like small area,
Speaker 3: like maybe twenty five mile writing, so like we're constantly
Speaker 3: bumping into each other and so like I kind of
Speaker 3: like to know where they're at, where their minds that.
Speaker 3: But what I do want to let go of it,
Speaker 3: but I'm afraid at the moment I do, like something's
Speaker 3: going to get hurt.
Speaker 4: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: So you're running into just you know, as you're about
Speaker 1: town living in a small town, you're running into your
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend's friends, You're running into people from uh you
Speaker 1: know that that time in your life, and that's making
Speaker 1: it harder to let go. Yeah, all right, uh so
Speaker 1: so let's let's get into now. Welcome back to this
Speaker 1: Facebook account. But what is your life like now?
Speaker 3: Well, I'm married, I'm trying to have a baby. I
Speaker 3: have a lot of fertility issues, so we're it's kind
Speaker 3: of like the.
Speaker 2: Only option we have right now.
Speaker 1: So you're married, Yes, does your husband know about the account?
Speaker 3: He does, but he doesn't know like the details of it,
Speaker 3: Like he doesn't know the name of it, or he's
Speaker 3: not friends with it or anything, but he does know
Speaker 3: it exists. But my whole family kind of plays off
Speaker 3: as a joke.
Speaker 1: But they not, just like you know whether or not
Speaker 1: it exists. But does does he know the nature of it?
Speaker 1: Does he know why you use it?
Speaker 3: Yes, he knows that. I like look at people that
Speaker 3: I've had issues with in the past, and I like
Speaker 3: friend them and look at their stuff.
Speaker 1: How does he feel about that?
Speaker 3: Like I said, everybody kind of like plays off as
Speaker 3: a joke. Nobody thinks it's like an issue, I guess,
Speaker 3: But me, everybody else is like, oh, that's like what
Speaker 3: girls do, like their little FBI agents, you know, YadA YadA.
Speaker 1: Interesting And do they know that you've been doing it
Speaker 1: for three years?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, but nobody else seems to nobody else it's
Speaker 1: a serious issue. Everyone just kind of thinks it's like
Speaker 1: a funny thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, everybody just kind of thinks it's like it's funny
Speaker 3: that nobody's notice as a fake account. Yet, like I've
Speaker 3: taken it this far and nobody like has picked up like,
Speaker 3: oh this person doesn't even exist.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, I'm interesting. Okay, But we know that it's
Speaker 1: an issue. We know that you want to move on.
Speaker 1: I don't know if we if I've asked you this yet,
Speaker 1: but do you do you have a desire to move
Speaker 1: on from from all of this.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, I I want to delete it or deactivate it,
Speaker 3: proferbly delete it.
Speaker 2: But I have like.
Speaker 3: Nobody to really like hold me accountable to it. Like
Speaker 3: there's nobody that's like, hey, you should believe you should
Speaker 3: believe it, like you should stop at it.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm mm hmm. I mean here's the here's the
Speaker 1: great thing about this is that, uh, once you you can,
Speaker 1: once you delete it, you can delete it forever. I
Speaker 1: know that Facebook. Facebook does this fucking annoying thing that
Speaker 1: they do on purpose where you can deactivate it, which
Speaker 1: doesn't really do anything. This logs you out, but you
Speaker 1: need to go in there and you need to de
Speaker 1: elete it irreversibly. And you know, I feel like, and
Speaker 1: this is how I felt when I've you know, had
Speaker 1: had these these sort of whatever things with social media,
Speaker 1: where like, you know, if you ever find yourself in
Speaker 1: some sort of emotional motivative state where you're like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm gonna do it, I'm going to delete it,
Speaker 1: take advantage of that and just fucking delete it right
Speaker 1: in there, because because then when you are in that
Speaker 1: addict d phase where you're like, no, I got a check,
Speaker 1: you will not even be able to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I definitely agree with that.
Speaker 3: I feel like I feel like talking about it is
Speaker 3: the first stuff I've really taken where somebody's like acknowledged
Speaker 3: that it's an issue because I've brought it up with
Speaker 3: like my gods before where I'm like, like, this is
Speaker 3: kind of crazy, like I probably shouldn't be doing this.
Speaker 3: But it all started when people were like giving information
Speaker 3: on my Facebook out to these people that I don't like.
Speaker 3: So I felt like, if they're in dating my privacy,
Speaker 3: I should be able to invade theirs. But now that
Speaker 3: I look at it, like.
Speaker 2: It's it's just social media, Like.
Speaker 3: It's not a reflection of their real life or my
Speaker 3: real life. It's just what we're what we're putting out
Speaker 3: for people to see. So is not getting any information
Speaker 3: inside So.
Speaker 1: Honestly, outside side of just like the nuts and vaults
Speaker 1: of there's a Facebook account that needs to be deleted,
Speaker 1: the larger issue is one of moving on from these people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: which you know symbolically could be represented by deleting this
Speaker 1: Facebook account, But even after you delete it, it's about
Speaker 1: how can you move on and you have that you
Speaker 1: have a whole life, you know, I mean the one.
Speaker 1: The real way to move on from this previous time
Speaker 1: in your life is to dive deep into the time
Speaker 1: of your life that you're in right now. You are married.
Speaker 1: How long did you say? How long did you say
Speaker 1: you were married for?
Speaker 3: It's been a little over like six seven months?
Speaker 1: Okay, six or seven months? Are you happily married? You
Speaker 1: enjoy your relationship?
Speaker 3: Yes, I've never felt so comfortable with somebody or so
Speaker 3: loved by someone, like we really do have great communication,
Speaker 3: like a wonderful partnership. Like I'm incredibly grateful for him,
Speaker 3: especially for coming into my life when he did and
Speaker 3: how he did. So Yeah, he's great.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, So you're happily married. What do you
Speaker 1: what are you doing? You sort of professionally on your
Speaker 1: own outside of your relationships.
Speaker 2: I'm I'm a full fum student.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Okay, So you you have a life. Yeah, so, Lee,
Speaker 1: you're happily married, You're enjoying your life? What? Uh uh?
Speaker 1: Why do you think it is hard for you, if
Speaker 1: you have a thing going on for yourself to let
Speaker 1: let everything in your past go?
Speaker 3: I think Okay, So going back to like the ex boyfriend.
Speaker 3: Why look at his stuff is because like he has
Speaker 3: a very large history of violence. So for me, I
Speaker 3: feel like keeping tabs on like where he's at or
Speaker 3: who he's with kind of gears me towards like, Okay,
Speaker 3: stay away from these people this area, like and you can,
Speaker 3: you'll be safe. But for my dad's ex girlfriend, I
Speaker 3: really feel like there's not really a motive behind looking
Speaker 3: at her stuff anymore, Like it doesn't there's not really
Speaker 3: a reason to look at her stuff anymore besides just
Speaker 3: like the odds that I would run into her. But
Speaker 3: the ex boyfriend, I definitely do it because like it
Speaker 3: just makes me feel so much safer for knowing what
Speaker 3: he's doing where he's at, because it took me so
Speaker 3: long to get away from him that it just feels
Speaker 3: like so much more comfortable knowing that he's like on
Speaker 3: this side of town or staying around these people.
Speaker 1: This is really difficult because you know, look, on one hand,
Speaker 1: I really get you know, I get it, I get
Speaker 1: while you're operating out of the sphere because you really
Speaker 1: don't want to run into him. But I also I
Speaker 1: just I hate hearing that you're living your your that
Speaker 1: this fear is like policing your whole life and causing
Speaker 1: you to, you know, be on this Facebook account that
Speaker 1: you really shouldn't be on. Yeah, and I'm trying to
Speaker 1: think of solutions for you. I mean there's a few.
Speaker 1: I mean, look, if this guy really has done some
Speaker 1: terrible shit to you, I'm sure you have the grounds
Speaker 1: to get a to get a legitimate restraining order against him. Well,
Speaker 1: I think that's actually I think that's a better idea.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: I was eighteen and he was thirty five. He was
Speaker 3: straight out of like he just came out of prison
Speaker 3: and he was like getting back on his feet, and
Speaker 3: so we started dating. I have no idea what was
Speaker 3: going through my mind. Besides, I thought an older dudes
Speaker 3: would bring me like more stability, I guess. But one like,
Speaker 3: it started getting like physically aggressive between me and him,
Speaker 3: and one day, like I called my dad to come
Speaker 3: pick me up and I never hung up the phone. Well,
Speaker 3: my dad heard him hit me, so my dad came.
Speaker 2: They got into a fight.
Speaker 3: Like three months or three weeks later, my dad went
Speaker 3: back there and fought them again, and my ex boyfriend
Speaker 3: ended up having to go to get meta fled into
Speaker 3: the hospital. And so because of that like I I mean,
Speaker 3: I've tried to get a restraining order will their order
Speaker 3: of protections in my county. But I tried to get
Speaker 3: like an order of protection, but because my dad had
Speaker 3: instigated a problem with him, like, they didn't want to
Speaker 3: get involved too much with it. So they just kind
Speaker 3: of told him stay away from her. You stay away
Speaker 3: from him, because like it's already on police records and everything.
Speaker 3: So if anything like really happens between us, I guess
Speaker 3: those targets would be brought back up, but they'd be
Speaker 3: brought up on my dad. So him, like him instigating
Speaker 3: things with me could potentially get my dad in legal trouble.
Speaker 3: But like he's always like literally up until I got married,
Speaker 3: he was always like around and trying to like cause problems.
Speaker 3: And so that's kind of when I started the Facebook
Speaker 3: was as soon as I left him. Sorry, that was
Speaker 3: a lot.
Speaker 1: Sorry, No, no, don't be sorry. I mean this is
Speaker 1: a mess, dude.
Speaker 3: Story kind of help?
Speaker 1: I know it does?
Speaker 2: Story helped terify it?
Speaker 1: Does? It does? It does? Because I think, you know,
Speaker 1: I kind of go from you know, now that you
Speaker 1: give me this backstory, I I kind of go from
Speaker 1: you know, she needs to move on to Now, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is coming from a point where this is not
Speaker 1: uh you know, an ex that you're not over. This
Speaker 1: is your uh you know, policing, uh you know, his whereabouts,
Speaker 1: out of out of out of your own you know,
Speaker 1: fear for your safety.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was my girlfriend at the time
Speaker 3: when all that happened. And then she went and like
Speaker 3: helped me move out and then moved all of her
Speaker 3: stuff in like as like all of this like legal
Speaker 3: stuff and this like all started erupting. She just like
Speaker 3: up and left my dad and moved in.
Speaker 2: With my abusive boyfriend.
Speaker 3: So that's kind of like really why I started the account,
Speaker 3: And I want to I want to like delete it,
Speaker 3: I really do, but I'm so afraid that like the
Speaker 3: moment I do, something's gonna pop off, even though it's
Speaker 3: been for years.
Speaker 1: Leah, let me. Can I ask you this too, Leo?
Speaker 1: What what is? What the fuck is stopping you from?
Speaker 1: And I know it's I know there are a lot
Speaker 1: of situations where the answer to this question can get complicated,
Speaker 1: and and I respect that, but I gotta what the
Speaker 1: fuck is stopping you from leaving this shitty little town?
Speaker 1: What the fuck is stopping you from getting out of here,
Speaker 1: And I I hate, I hate, I hate the idea
Speaker 1: that this guy you know, I get it, you have
Speaker 1: your friends here, you have your family here. I'm sure
Speaker 1: there's a lot of reasons. I'm gonna let you speak
Speaker 1: in a second, but there's a lot of reasons why.
Speaker 1: And I hate the idea that you know, you almost
Speaker 1: are you know this this guy is like, you know,
Speaker 1: has the power to make you leave. I hate that idea.
Speaker 1: But what is stopping you from leaving? Man? I hate
Speaker 1: this place.
Speaker 3: We actually plan on leaving in next April or mark wonderful.
Speaker 3: So we have like a little savings account that we started.
Speaker 3: It's just it does us because like me and my
Speaker 3: husband met here, so of course he has his family.
Speaker 3: I have mine, but my family kind of we are
Speaker 3: a different group of dysfunctions, so like we kind of
Speaker 3: are all spread out. We don't really talk to We
Speaker 3: talk to each other, but not like we used to.
Speaker 3: So it's just like for me, we do want to
Speaker 3: get out of here. We do plan on it because
Speaker 3: it's a very toxic conservative like backwards town, like everything's
Speaker 3: kind of corrupt.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm so glad to hear that you're leaving, Leah.
Speaker 1: I think I think you should delete the Facebook account.
Speaker 1: I think that you should just focus on getting the
Speaker 1: fuck out of there and if you get if you
Speaker 1: just if you get anything out of this phone call.
Speaker 1: Your brain is like wrapped up in all of the
Speaker 1: everything that that happens to you in this smallest town,
Speaker 1: and I'm just telling you, if you fucking get anything
Speaker 1: out of this, I want it to be that. Like
Speaker 1: you're so young, don't let your view of the world
Speaker 1: and view of relationships be defined by what happened in
Speaker 1: this fucking place. Just as soon as you can, yeah,
Speaker 1: fucking leave it behind and go to a new place
Speaker 1: and move on from this stuff and form a new life,
Speaker 1: because you just can't. Your your life is too valuable
Speaker 1: to be poisoned by a bunch of bullshit going on
Speaker 1: with these fucking people that don't matter anymore. And you
Speaker 1: should just you should just leave and find a new
Speaker 1: course for your life and delete that fucking Facebook account.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 3: I'm actually sorry, I'm crying. I don't know if you
Speaker 3: get that response, office, but right now good, I'm actually
Speaker 3: beleeting it. Right now I'm guiding to my password to
Speaker 3: delete it.
Speaker 1: Fuck are you really you're deleting it right now? Yeah? Good?
Speaker 2: Please delete it.
Speaker 1: It's about time, please delete it. Yeah. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: when you give me that backstory, it gives me a
Speaker 1: different perspective onto why you held onto it for so long.
Speaker 1: I hope that you have a real therapist, by the way,
Speaker 1: that you can, because I'm not I don't know how
Speaker 1: to fucking actually help people deal with their trauma and whatnot.
Speaker 1: I hope you have a real therapist. They can help
Speaker 1: you deal with the trauma of all these things.
Speaker 2: We're kind of.
Speaker 3: Hopefully we'll make it more up to eighteen soon, but
Speaker 3: good good. Also, I want to apologize for the way
Speaker 3: I hop on the call because I sot talking to
Speaker 3: one of your que guys again, which they are so
Speaker 3: nice by the way.
Speaker 1: Of course, no, you know, probably just for anything.
Speaker 3: I actually didn't know I was on the air.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I I hope you really internalize that. I
Speaker 1: hope you really make an effort to move on. I
Speaker 1: hope you never fucking think about these people ever. Again.
Speaker 1: They're not worth it. Your your life is too short
Speaker 1: and valuable for you to spend any of your headspace
Speaker 1: in just all this fucking bullshit. And I'm very excited
Speaker 1: for you that you were leaving soon.
Speaker 3: Yes, thank you, of course.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else that you want to say to
Speaker 1: me or the people of the computer, or that we
Speaker 1: didn't get to or final thoughts or just anything like that.
Speaker 3: I just want to say that I had a lot
Speaker 3: of adrenaline during the first like five minutes to the call,
Speaker 3: so it was kind of messy, but I if I
Speaker 3: got the whole situation out, so it kind of makes sense.
Speaker 1: Thank you very much for sharing, and seriously, good luck
Speaker 1: to you as you you move forward on this.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. You've been a really great help.
Speaker 1: Awesome thank you for calling Lea.
Speaker 3: Of course, thank you.
Speaker 1: That was super interesting. That evolved in a sense because
Speaker 1: you start off it's again it started off with like
Speaker 1: why is it started for me? It started off very easy.
Speaker 1: It started off like, dude, just delete the Facebook account?
Speaker 1: Why are you still obsessed over this guy? And then
Speaker 1: it evolves into oh, she's doing this because she's like scared, uh,
Speaker 1: And that is the fear element of it is a
Speaker 1: different thing than just like some you know, nonsensical obsession
Speaker 1: over the past, and when it revealed itself to be
Speaker 1: a you know, a thing of fear is when it
Speaker 1: got complicated for me. And I am so glad that
Speaker 1: she is moving a very difficult thing. I kind of
Speaker 1: mentioned this. I don't like that, you know, other people
Speaker 1: are giving her you know, are are sort of forcing
Speaker 1: her out of the situation. But at some point you
Speaker 1: just concede to that. I'm glad she's conceding to that
Speaker 1: and not fighting about it to make her life worse.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm happy for her that she's moving out
Speaker 1: and finding a new life, because i mean, shit, all
Speaker 1: this stuff was going on when she was eighteen. I'm
Speaker 1: sure that she's had relationships with you know whoever the
Speaker 1: fuck this friend, I don't know. She painted a whole
Speaker 1: picture of a bunch of characters that I'm sure I've
Speaker 1: been around for a while, and I'm sure have been
Speaker 1: around for a little bit too long. And yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: happy for her that she's she's moving on and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, finding a new path for herself in this
Speaker 1: short life. And I appreciate her calling in and being
Speaker 1: vulnerable with us. And I'm a gecko guy on the computer,
Speaker 1: and that is all I have to think about that. Hello, Hello, Hey,
Speaker 1: is this Riley? Yeah?
Speaker 5: Is this Gekasur rags.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how's it going.
Speaker 5: It's going, Okay, it's going, It's pretty good. I'm vacation
Speaker 5: right now.
Speaker 1: Oh, you're on a family vacation. Where Where at.
Speaker 5: Montana?
Speaker 1: Who goes on vacation to Montana?
Speaker 5: People from Wyoming.
Speaker 1: When I think of Montana and I think of Wyoming,
Speaker 1: I truly think about I imagine the same place.
Speaker 5: I mean, yeah, do you want me to draw you
Speaker 5: a map with my words?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 5: Okay? So Wyoming is like just south and it's sandwiched
Speaker 5: between Colorado and Montana. Right, So all of Wyoming is
Speaker 5: like flat, except for some parts that have mountains, but
Speaker 5: it's terribly windy, and all the mountains are kind of
Speaker 5: like flame, and it makes it so nobody wants to
Speaker 5: live there. If you go to Montana, it's slightly less
Speaker 5: windy and there's cooler mountains. Plus there's rivers in Montana.
Speaker 5: So but they're basically the same place.
Speaker 1: Riley. It's says here that you have a secret YouTube
Speaker 1: channel in which you quote do weird shit, and you
Speaker 1: are afraid of somebody finding it because you fear the
Speaker 1: reaction of your friends and family. Tell me, tell me
Speaker 1: more about this YouTube channel. What exactly do you mean
Speaker 1: by weird shit?
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I mean it's not all weird shit someone,
Speaker 5: It's like mostly normal. But like most recently, I've been
Speaker 5: working on a video about a snake that I found
Speaker 5: that was dead and I had a funeral for it.
Speaker 5: It's actually kind of a sad story. There's like this
Speaker 5: little baby rattlesnake outside the door of the warehouse that
Speaker 5: I work in. I was there late at night because
Speaker 5: I lived in like a campground and like a trailer
Speaker 5: and I don't have a shower, so I was there
Speaker 5: late showering and he was so cute, so I took
Speaker 5: a video of him, and the next day I found
Speaker 5: him dead in the gutter. So I had a dramatic
Speaker 5: episode and decided to have a funeral for it. And
Speaker 5: I just think that's not really a normal thing to do.
Speaker 1: I think that's a that's nice that you, you know,
Speaker 1: formed this brief yet passionate connection, And uh, I can
Speaker 1: I can see why you had a need to mourn it.
Speaker 1: Why do you believe that your friends and family would
Speaker 1: respond negatively to this snake funeral video?
Speaker 5: So I don't think my immediate family would be like
Speaker 5: weirded out by it because they already know I'm weird.
Speaker 5: But like my extended family on.
Speaker 2: My dad's side, they.
Speaker 5: They're a little like judgmental, and I get I get
Speaker 5: some of that just for like the weird stuff I
Speaker 5: do anyways, like they an example would be like they'd
Speaker 5: be appalled that all summer I've been living in a
Speaker 5: camper trailer in like a campground. They just think that's
Speaker 5: that's not the way to live.
Speaker 1: And so really, what right? Well, really, why Riley? Why
Speaker 1: do you care what your extended f family thinks about you,
Speaker 1: what you do with your you know time? Why does
Speaker 1: it matter if they think that something you do is weird?
Speaker 5: So I don't think it doesn't really matter to me
Speaker 5: a whole lot, But I'm just worried I'm gonna get
Speaker 5: like weird comments at family reunions, being like, oh I
Speaker 5: saw you on YouTube, like playing with a dead snake.
Speaker 5: That's fucking weird. Why are you like this? Because always
Speaker 5: I already get like some of that.
Speaker 1: Relly, Listen, you can't you can't live your life or
Speaker 1: not live your life based on what your extended family
Speaker 1: might say to you at the occasional family reunion. It's
Speaker 1: a terrible way to live.
Speaker 5: So, Okay, there's another part to this story.
Speaker 1: What is it?
Speaker 5: It is a terrible way to live. It's more like
Speaker 5: so that's part of the reason why I haven't told
Speaker 5: people it because I'm not necessarily worried about people finding
Speaker 5: out about it. I'm trying to decide if I should
Speaker 5: like tell people about it and like advertise that I'm
Speaker 5: doing this and be like, look at the things I've made,
Speaker 5: or if it should just be like a privately creative thing.
Speaker 5: I'm worried that if I like tell all my friends
Speaker 5: and family about it, and like I put it online
Speaker 5: and I kind of brand myself with it, that like
Speaker 5: I may have to take on some responsibility of being
Speaker 5: like an influencer, and I'm not sure if I want
Speaker 5: to be in the spotlight like that, even if it's
Speaker 5: only like with five thousand people or like less.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's explore that you make these videos, You make
Speaker 1: them at this at this very moment. You make them
Speaker 1: for an audience of virtually no one. Correct yes, myself, okay,
Speaker 1: you make them for yourself out of your own enjoyments.
Speaker 1: You are debating whether or not to take it further
Speaker 1: and attempt to actually have people watch these things that
Speaker 1: you do. You're like a I don't want to use
Speaker 1: the word vlogger, but you do miscellaneous non you do miscellaneous,
Speaker 1: somewhat deviant things such as hold funerals for snakes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you enjoy doing those things. You enjoy documenting them just
Speaker 1: for yourself, and you're wondering whether or not you should
Speaker 1: show them to other people. Okay, so when you are
Speaker 1: thinking about the pros as to why you might want
Speaker 1: an audience of people to watch you hold snake funerals,
Speaker 1: what would those pros be?
Speaker 5: So I think about the financial incentive for sure, if
Speaker 5: it ever came to that, I wouldn't I don't think
Speaker 5: I would like leave my career path to be like run.
Speaker 4: Off to be YouTuber.
Speaker 5: But if it ever got like big enough to make
Speaker 5: a little bit of money, that would be nice. Not
Speaker 5: gonna lie, I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's the kind.
Speaker 5: Of lifestyle I want to live. M Yeah. Especially the
Speaker 5: kind of lifestyle I want to live is a little
Speaker 5: more remote and like the harder, be harder to pull
Speaker 5: down like a sable job. So there's a lot of
Speaker 5: freedom within that if I were able to make money
Speaker 5: from it one day?
Speaker 1: Uh you know, right? I think that's a I I
Speaker 1: think that's a legitimate that's a legitimate reason to to
Speaker 1: want to do that. I think that there is a
Speaker 1: lot of I think there's a lot to be gained
Speaker 1: on trying to build a business based on the things
Speaker 1: that you're passionate about. And I think that that is
Speaker 1: uh completely within reason for you to do, if that's
Speaker 1: what you want to do.
Speaker 5: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Uh So tell me more about the cons then.
Speaker 5: Well, I would be kind of putting myself out there.
Speaker 5: And like, I think that there's a certain there's a
Speaker 5: certain desirability to privacy, and that's something that I really
Speaker 5: tend to value just general, Like I don't I want
Speaker 5: people like kind of around me. I like, I like
Speaker 5: my stuff to be very private, and I know that
Speaker 5: about myself. So I'm worried that eventually, if people were
Speaker 5: to watch this, I would feel like I'm losing some
Speaker 5: of that and like that would bother me eventually, But
Speaker 5: I'm not sure because I've never been in that scenario.
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you advice that I think I'm
Speaker 1: one of the only few people that can I can
Speaker 1: give this. You should wear a costume of some kind.
Speaker 1: I'm serious I'm serious.
Speaker 5: You know that's not a bad idea.
Speaker 1: I should wear costumes because I go out in public
Speaker 1: and nobody has ever, ever, ever with no costume. It's
Speaker 1: happened maybe two or three times where somebody has said
Speaker 1: to me, hey, you're the guy from TikTok. When I
Speaker 1: wear the costume, I get it a lot. But if
Speaker 1: I'm not wearing the costume, I have my complete another privacy.
Speaker 1: So if you're afraid of that, but you still want
Speaker 1: to try to build a brand their business on being
Speaker 1: yourself and doing the things that you enjoy, which I
Speaker 1: think is a worthwhile thing to pursue. I really do.
Speaker 1: I don't think you know, people might have their opinions
Speaker 1: of whatever, but I think it's a worthwhile thing to do.
Speaker 1: If you want to do it and you're concerned about
Speaker 1: your privacy, wear a costume, maybe a snake, and then
Speaker 1: do your vlogs or whatever it is you do.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was gonna ask you what kind of costume
Speaker 5: should I wear?
Speaker 1: I can't tell you that. You have to decide that
Speaker 1: on your own. That gecko came to me, okay, and
Speaker 1: your animal will come to you as well.
Speaker 5: Did it did it come to you in a dream
Speaker 5: or like a vision or did it just like hit you.
Speaker 1: At you?
Speaker 5: Oh that makes sense, Riley.
Speaker 1: I mean this is before we go. Do you out
Speaker 1: of the tell me? Tell me your flat out of
Speaker 1: out of what I have told you over the course
Speaker 1: of this conversation. What are your thoughts.
Speaker 5: I'm thinking that I don't know if the costume I
Speaker 5: do would work for me. I think it's a good idea,
Speaker 5: but some of the contents I also make is like
Speaker 5: nature based, where I like hike because I'm like a
Speaker 5: like a park ranger kind of, and so I make
Speaker 5: a lot of like outdoor content, and I don't know
Speaker 5: if it would be all that practical for me to
Speaker 5: walk around at work and like when I'm outside hiking
Speaker 5: in like a tiger costume or something.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 5: But I'm kind of leaning towards putting it out there
Speaker 5: just to kind of see what happens with it.
Speaker 1: Okay, I think you know what I I don't like.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I like doing it, and I think that
Speaker 5: as long as I like doing it, that if people watch,
Speaker 5: it's okay. But I'm not sure, Like I'm scared of
Speaker 5: what can happen in the future. But I'm do not
Speaker 5: think about that.
Speaker 1: I think. Yeah, two final things with that is, uh,
Speaker 1: you know you're afraid, you're you're telling me that you're
Speaker 1: afraid of like what your extended family will think of
Speaker 1: you doing these snake funerals. And you know, Riley, your
Speaker 1: life is going to be a lot better if you
Speaker 1: choose to just fucking live freely and not give a
Speaker 1: fuck about what people think of you. And if you
Speaker 1: want to maintain your privacy. This is the second thing.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of ways for you to do that.
Speaker 1: I mean, so there are some extremely famous and successful
Speaker 1: Internet people who have never shown their faces before. You
Speaker 1: could just make videos where you are hiking through the
Speaker 1: woods and just talking and the camera is facing the
Speaker 1: the trail. I mean, you could give your snake funeral
Speaker 1: video without showing your face. So there's a lot of
Speaker 1: different ways to do it if you want to do it.
Speaker 1: But uh, try try and get over fixating on what
Speaker 1: your extended family or anyone else on the internet might
Speaker 1: think of you and what you do.
Speaker 5: You know, Gek, that's a really good point. I didn't
Speaker 5: really consider just not putting my face in it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't have to. You can make a really
Speaker 1: good videos without putting your face in there. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I mean there's that's the thing if you scroll through,
Speaker 1: if you I dude, I could talk about TikTok and
Speaker 1: the Internet creator economy shit forever because like, if you
Speaker 1: scroll through TikTok or YouTube, you will find many, many,
Speaker 1: many creative people who have found uh different ways to
Speaker 1: express themselves that are not the standard. Hey, how's it going, guys?
Speaker 1: Welcome back to my whatever fucking thing?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 1: So take that into consideration. Uh, is there anything else
Speaker 1: want to say to the people in the computer before
Speaker 1: we go? Riley?
Speaker 5: You know what, I'm feeling spontaneous and aspired inspired right now?
Speaker 1: Good?
Speaker 5: And I think I should just do it. Can I
Speaker 5: plug myself.
Speaker 1: If you would like too? Sure?
Speaker 5: Okay, Uh, it's Riley does Alaska.
Speaker 1: You live in Alaska?
Speaker 5: I lived in Alaska. I don't live in Alaska anymore.
Speaker 1: I want to live in Riley does Alaska. Okay. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna check out your videos because I'm trying to go
Speaker 1: to Alaska soon and maybe they'll have some insight for him.
Speaker 5: Okay, I'll be your tour guide.
Speaker 1: Where where in Alaska? Yeah you don't have to tell
Speaker 1: me out hit, but where in Alaska. Should I go?
Speaker 1: If I want to be a get go there and
Speaker 1: do stuff.
Speaker 5: Any grades are cool. There's a lot of people there.
Speaker 5: But if you want to like see real Alaskan people,
Speaker 5: go to Fairbanks because they're they're gruff and tumble up
Speaker 5: in Fairbanks and ghosted on the University of Alaska Fairbanks campus.
Speaker 1: Man. I didn't know they had college in Alaska. I
Speaker 1: thought it was just like bears. Thank you for calling Riley.
Speaker 5: Thanks guys, five, Let's.
Speaker 1: Talk to Kimbo. How are you, Kimbo?
Speaker 6: Oh, there's a Yeah, I'm good.
Speaker 4: I'm good.
Speaker 6: I actually I have COVID right now, but I'm doing good.
Speaker 1: What's going on with you?
Speaker 6: So the past year I have been recovering from a
Speaker 6: traumatic brain injury that I sustained at work, and I'm
Speaker 6: started in grad school estimated the month with accommodations and yeah,
Speaker 6: a lot going on with that.
Speaker 1: Well, Can I can I mention what you told the
Speaker 1: call screener?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it says here that you are a future sex therapist.
Speaker 1: I assume that's what you're going to grad school for.
Speaker 6: What I'm going to school for.
Speaker 1: And you are having trouble finding love?
Speaker 6: Yeah, that sounds really cheaty to hear it repeated back
Speaker 6: to me. But it's true.
Speaker 1: Okay, are you? Are you in your head? Like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna start projecting onto you and you tell me if
Speaker 1: it's accurate in your head?
Speaker 6: Are you?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: How am I supposed to help couples with sex therapy
Speaker 1: if if I myself cannot find love.
Speaker 6: I've definitely had that creeping fear. But I don't know.
Speaker 6: I like I've reflected on my situation, Like, first of all,
Speaker 6: when you have a traumatic brain injury, you should not
Speaker 6: date people. That's a that's not good. But I now
Speaker 6: that I've been cleared to start approaching life again by
Speaker 6: my neurologist, I'm like, oh man, I don't really have
Speaker 6: an excuse anymore, and I have to actually like start
Speaker 6: dating again, and I don't really enjoy dating.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, if I could back up for like a
Speaker 1: second here, If I go back up for a second,
Speaker 1: you laugh, because you know what I'm gonna say. Why
Speaker 1: you're why is this so immediately presenting itself as like
Speaker 1: a chore that you have to do? Why do you
Speaker 1: why do you? Why are you saying it like that
Speaker 1: you that you have to now go out and date people?
Speaker 6: Well, well, no, I guess it's not. I guess I
Speaker 6: was talking about it like it's a chore. It's more like, well,
Speaker 6: like like there are people I'm interested in. I think
Speaker 6: it's because. Okay, So I'm I'm semisexual, which means I
Speaker 6: can't really use dating apps or things like that because
Speaker 6: I need an emotional connection before I can even find
Speaker 6: a person attractive. So so just I feel like everything,
Speaker 6: like I feel like most of dating right now is
Speaker 6: dating apps and then i'm I'm trying. I also I
Speaker 6: want I want my my partner to be Jewish, and
Speaker 6: that just really narrows the dating pool. And yeah, I
Speaker 6: just I do feel like my intersection, my intersecting identities
Speaker 6: dating difficult. But it also means that I really understand myself.
Speaker 1: I was going to say, no, I was going to say,
Speaker 1: you're on the hunt for an n j M. Nice,
Speaker 1: a nice Jewish man. Sorry, continue, I want to hear
Speaker 1: the rest of your of your thoughts about this this
Speaker 1: area of your life.
Speaker 6: So okay, So I'm I'm feminine, presenting, non binary, I'm Jewish, demisexual,
Speaker 6: I'm pan sexual. I'm kinky, but I'm not kinky until
Speaker 6: once we start having sex. So I go from basically
Speaker 6: like very very like asexual to being very sexual, and which,
Speaker 6: like anyone anyone listening to this who has dated a
Speaker 6: demisexual can understand why that would be confusing or frustrating.
Speaker 1: And you know, it's a shame that you don't like
Speaker 1: the dating ass because you just wrote yourself a very
Speaker 1: descriptive dating profile bio.
Speaker 6: Thank you, thank well. I really know myself, but I've
Speaker 6: also been told that I'm extremely intimidating for all those reasons.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. So I've got a couple questions for you.
Speaker 1: One is, uh, why why are you looking for a partner.
Speaker 6: I'm a very romantic person and I love infusing romance
Speaker 6: into my own life, my my friendships, my relationship with
Speaker 6: the universe. But I would like to be able to
Speaker 6: channel that into a person or people romantically. That would
Speaker 6: be really nice. And I just I've been i haven't
Speaker 6: been in a relationship that's been longer than six months
Speaker 6: in almost six years, So I just feel like I've
Speaker 6: had a lot of time to get to know myself
Speaker 6: and I really want to share myself with others romantically.
Speaker 1: That was a very poetic and introspective answer, which is
Speaker 1: that's a good sign.
Speaker 6: That's that's better than I am a very poetic, introspective person.
Speaker 1: That's a lot better than just saying I'm afraid to
Speaker 1: be alone. So that's a good place to start. Okay,
Speaker 1: Now I want.
Speaker 6: To actually enjoy my own company a little too much.
Speaker 1: Sure, Sure, No, I understand that. I understand that I want. Okay,
Speaker 1: so let's go back to at the very beginning of this,
Speaker 1: you were like looking at dating as a chore and
Speaker 1: you were like, oh, I have to date again, and
Speaker 1: you were saying it in this very negative way, and
Speaker 1: then us, now you gave us this whole I am
Speaker 1: a romantic person. I want to share a part of myself,
Speaker 1: which is like the complete opposite of the way that
Speaker 1: you were describing your romantic vision at the beginning of this. Right, Okay,
Speaker 1: So would you say that what you just said now
Speaker 1: is more reflective of the truth.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 6: I think part of the problem is that I am
Speaker 6: clearly picky, Like I know, I've been single long enough
Speaker 6: to know exactly what I want, so it's not as
Speaker 6: if I don't have opportunities. I think I'm also oblivious
Speaker 6: when people are into me, which is another layer to this.
Speaker 6: So I think the way I was talking about dating
Speaker 6: before is reflective of my apprehension around miscommunications that can occur.
Speaker 1: Mm hm uh. I think being picky is a good
Speaker 1: thing in most aspects of life. I think, I think
Speaker 1: I don't know at most and a lot of aspects
Speaker 1: of life, being picky is a good thing. And I
Speaker 1: think you know with your romantic partner. Yeah, if you
Speaker 1: fucking should be picky. You're trying to find a person
Speaker 1: to be with for the rest of your life, you
Speaker 1: should be extremely picky about that if that's what you
Speaker 1: are looking for. But I do want to try. I
Speaker 1: want to try to change your mind on one thing.
Speaker 6: Oh, let's hear it.
Speaker 1: I think I think that if you are really in
Speaker 1: I mean, I hate dating apps. I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: like them at all. But I feel like if you're
Speaker 1: trying to put yourself out there for the maximum opportunity
Speaker 1: to meet the kind of person that you want to meet,
Speaker 1: I think you should be less afraid of them.
Speaker 6: I'm not afraid of the app. I'm actually more I'm
Speaker 6: not trying to dismiss what you're saying. I appreciate your
Speaker 6: approach to this.
Speaker 1: No, I'm down.
Speaker 6: No, No. Repexually dismissing you. I feel that the apps
Speaker 6: are a misrepresentation of opportunity, we think, because we're seeing
Speaker 6: hundreds of people a day scroll past us. Especially if
Speaker 6: you're like myself and you select everyone as far as
Speaker 6: who has shown to you, those aren't truly opportunities. There's
Speaker 6: you know, there's probably only a few people on that
Speaker 6: app that you can truly connect with. And I have
Speaker 6: found in my experience of dating apps that people grossly
Speaker 6: misrepresent themselves, and I show up extremely authentically. I feel
Speaker 6: that people wear a mask when they're dating, which we
Speaker 6: all do to a degree, because we want to represent
Speaker 6: the best parts of ourselves, right, We want make a
Speaker 6: good impression. But I accept the bad parts of myself
Speaker 6: that I don't particularly like, and my friends embrace that
Speaker 6: about me, and I embrace that about my friends, And
Speaker 6: I think to love someone fully, you have to accept
Speaker 6: the negative parts of them.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 6: However, when when someone who is in denial about the
Speaker 6: parts of themselves that they dislike and someone shows up
Speaker 6: in their life and says, oh, no, I see that
Speaker 6: in you, and I love that part of you even
Speaker 6: though I don't like it, that is terrifying. That's extremely
Speaker 6: uncomfortable for people, so well can actually so that kind
Speaker 6: of accepts I think everything.
Speaker 1: I think everything you're saying. I think everything you're saying
Speaker 1: is great. You know. I think that you sound like
Speaker 1: you're comfortable being authentically yourself. You sound like you're not
Speaker 1: afraid of being authentically yourself, which is really important as
Speaker 1: you're going out into the dating world. But what you
Speaker 1: just said to me has nothing to do with dating
Speaker 1: apps because the I think what people get wrong about
Speaker 1: these apps is that all these profiles, they are representations
Speaker 1: of real people, so like it can seem artificial and whatnot.
Speaker 1: But once you are connected with another shop, yes, once
Speaker 1: you're connected with another person over this app, it's almost
Speaker 1: as if you met at at the freaking coffee shop
Speaker 1: that you meet them at in person. Is the app
Speaker 1: is no longer a relevant part of the interaction. So
Speaker 1: I understand what you're saying, but I don't think it's
Speaker 1: relevant to to dating apps.
Speaker 6: You might be right about that, I think, I think
Speaker 6: what so the element in like revealing your true self
Speaker 6: that I was referencing that that seemed kind of like
Speaker 6: it wasn't answering your question. The element that's missing it
Speaker 6: is time and teasing and I really I really need
Speaker 6: a lot of time, like with transitions, so and being demisexual,
Speaker 6: it's when you're demisexual, it's really like you're asexual until
Speaker 6: you're not until you have an emotional connection with the person.
Speaker 1: But Kimbo, you live in the world where you can
Speaker 1: go on the computer. You okay Cupid, and you can,
Speaker 1: I mean, take advantage, for God's sake, take advantage. You
Speaker 1: can go Kimbo.
Speaker 2: You can.
Speaker 1: Little people, you can hit little you can hit a
Speaker 1: little checkbox that says you can hit the there's a
Speaker 1: checkbox that says filter out by Jewish someone.
Speaker 6: Who's willing to flirt with people.
Speaker 1: I just all I'm saying, saying you sorry.
Speaker 6: I come from New Jersey. It says we don't know.
Speaker 1: How to okay, it's okay. I'm saying to you is
Speaker 1: that if this is important to you, you should try.
Speaker 1: You should put in you know, you put in the
Speaker 1: effort where you can. That's all I'm saying. And I
Speaker 1: feel like you're dismissing the dating apps if that's what
Speaker 1: you want to you know, I feel like dismissing the
Speaker 1: dating apps is a mistake. That's all I'm saying is
Speaker 1: I think it's a mistake because you live in a
Speaker 1: world where never before could you go on a website
Speaker 1: and go show me Jewish demisexual guys at this age
Speaker 1: that live in this location, and the computer goes, yes,
Speaker 1: here you go take advantage of that. That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 6: I mean, but.
Speaker 1: There's Jay Swipe, there's Jay Date, there's coffee meat. What
Speaker 1: is the bagel locks thing? There's some bagel meets locks,
Speaker 1: whatever the fuck it is. Anyway, Kimbo, before we go,
Speaker 1: do you have any final thoughts about anything that we
Speaker 1: have talked about over the course of this phone call,
Speaker 1: or anything you want to say to the people of.
Speaker 6: The computer, I'll say two things. One, I will reconsider
Speaker 6: dating apps. I appreciate you putting that back on my radar.
Speaker 2: And then to.
Speaker 6: Everyone else, I'll say, surround yourself with really good people
Speaker 6: and just love one another. And don't let a kind
Speaker 6: word flip your mind. Like, if there's something kind or
Speaker 6: loving you want to say to a person, don't be
Speaker 6: embarrassed to say you should just say it.
Speaker 1: Thank you for calling Kimba. That a great night, And
Speaker 1: by the way, if it makes you feel any better
Speaker 1: about the whole sex therapist trying to find love thing.
Speaker 1: I reluctantly. I reluctantly give relationship advice to people all
Speaker 1: the time. I've never been in a serious relationship. I
Speaker 1: have no business giving the advice, but I do it
Speaker 1: anyway because this is the Internet and you can do
Speaker 1: whatever you want on here, including be a gecko. Hello.
Speaker 4: Hello, how are you? I'm doing pretty good?
Speaker 1: Huh by yourself, I am doing pretty good as well.
Speaker 1: What are you up to at this very moment in time?
Speaker 4: I'm in bed. I have to go to sleep soon.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you sound really tired. Do also sound like you're
Speaker 1: very far away from the phone.
Speaker 4: I'm pretty pretty close next to my ear.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I have to wake up at five for work.
Speaker 1: What do you do?
Speaker 4: I'm a welder?
Speaker 1: Okay, what kind of stuff do you wild?
Speaker 4: Pretty much like marine type, stainless steel, aluminum, carb and steel.
Speaker 4: You know, it's usually the fun stuff.
Speaker 1: I will make this phone call quick so that you
Speaker 1: can get to bed. How can I get you today?
Speaker 4: I was talking to your amazing person, Tim, and pretty
Speaker 4: much I wanted to call you because, like this has
Speaker 4: been a recent epiphany for me. I recently quit porn
Speaker 4: while trying to it's still pretty hard because I feel
Speaker 4: like I'm addicted to it and it's not. And I understand,
Speaker 4: like it was always like a negative thing about it,
Speaker 4: but I you know, recently that I just got a girlfriend,
Speaker 4: it's just been more apparent that, yeah, I should stop
Speaker 4: doing this.
Speaker 1: What sorts of things have you been noticing that are
Speaker 1: keying you into the idea that you have an addiction.
Speaker 4: It's more of like like I like watching peel be porn.
Speaker 4: I like pretending that am I allowed to like curse.
Speaker 1: Or have to. You can say whatever you want. You
Speaker 1: can graphically describe the pornography that you are watching, as
Speaker 1: long as it's not illegal. You want no, no.
Speaker 4: No, no, it's it's all. It's all you know, regular stuff,
Speaker 4: but it's basically pov I. You know, I pretend that
Speaker 4: the penis is my penis, and you know, whatever porn
Speaker 4: star that I come across, I'm like, I imagine myself being there.
Speaker 4: I like I like when they show the penetration because
Speaker 4: I feel like, oh snap, I could feel this, like
Speaker 4: this is something that I want to feel, and yeah
Speaker 4: it's not. It's definitely not healthy. So I'm just I
Speaker 4: took a step back. You know, my favorite porn stars.
Speaker 4: You know, Geena Valentina, you know the big name one Lanea, Gray, Blake, Blossom,
Speaker 4: all of them, all of them gorgeous, gorgeous bodies, And yeah,
Speaker 4: it's not a it's not healthy. So I like pull
Speaker 4: the step back, especially because I recently got a girlfriend.
Speaker 4: She's gorgeous, and you know, I don't want to be
Speaker 4: thinking about all of those women and all of their
Speaker 4: bodies while I'm with my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I think that that is a great reason to stop.
Speaker 1: It seems like you've identified it as an issue and
Speaker 1: you're working to correct it. Yes, so is your issue
Speaker 1: that no continue? Please?
Speaker 4: You are the second person I ever told that I
Speaker 4: had this type of problem. I've like it's been like
Speaker 4: it's been a consistent thing, like since I was like fourteen,
Speaker 4: I'm twenty eight.
Speaker 1: Who is the first?
Speaker 4: My brother?
Speaker 1: Okay, what'd your brother say?
Speaker 4: He understood? He didn't understand the full extent of it
Speaker 4: until I recently explain it to him and he was like, wow,
Speaker 4: uh yeah. I mean he's like pretty much encouraging me
Speaker 4: to keep it up. He's like, don't completely go cold turkey.
Speaker 4: He's like, you know, you know you could do it,
Speaker 4: like at least once a week, and I'm like, I can't.
Speaker 4: I physically can't because then I just go crazy.
Speaker 1: So you're attempting to do this just cold turkey. You
Speaker 1: are going to quit porn forever?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean eventually when I have a grasp of
Speaker 4: it and I could actually go like instead of like like,
Speaker 4: let's just say tonight, like if I do it, then tomorrow,
Speaker 4: if I do it again, then the next day that
Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, then the habit is continuing. So I
Speaker 4: then that's when I'm like, I'll pull back. But if
Speaker 4: I could do it, well.
Speaker 1: When is the last time that you did it that
Speaker 1: you watched porn?
Speaker 4: Uh? Yesterday?
Speaker 1: Okay? And before that, what was your what was your
Speaker 1: longest streak without watching porn?
Speaker 4: A month?
Speaker 1: A month? Okay, so you did a month. How was
Speaker 1: that month for you?
Speaker 4: I was pretty good, like working out and I felt better,
Speaker 4: you know, sleep was better, you know, being wanting to
Speaker 4: meddle with my girlfriend. I never had a performance problem
Speaker 4: with my girlfriend. It was always a fear because of
Speaker 4: the amount of porn I watch and like to have
Speaker 4: a performance issue, but it was never an issue. And
Speaker 4: then after I realized it was not an issue, and
Speaker 4: you know obviously, like I continue, you know, just the
Speaker 4: sex got better and all that stuff. I was more
Speaker 4: sensitive down there, and yeah it was. Again, this is
Speaker 4: a statful of pluses.
Speaker 1: Okay, in the midst of your addiction, when it's at
Speaker 1: its worst, how many times a day are we are
Speaker 1: we hopping on the hub?
Speaker 4: Like eight? Nine?
Speaker 1: Okay? Okay? Is it nine? We're jerking off to completion
Speaker 1: nine times?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: Good? You know I'm gonna be on. I'm gonna tell
Speaker 1: you something. Going from jerking off to completion nine times
Speaker 1: and a day? Was it nine times in a day?
Speaker 1: Every day?
Speaker 4: No, it's usually like once a day, but like on
Speaker 4: the weekends when I have nothing better to do, I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm really going at it.
Speaker 1: Kay. To go from well, once a day is not
Speaker 1: that bad. But I mean everybody has sort of their
Speaker 1: own metric as to what is that bad that they
Speaker 1: decide for themselves. But regardless, to go from that to
Speaker 1: a full month, it's pretty great. So this is something
Speaker 1: you have achieved already. Now tell me what caused that
Speaker 1: month to end? When did you have your relapse?
Speaker 4: My girlfriend caught COVID, so I haven't seen her in
Speaker 4: like two weeks.
Speaker 1: Okay. And so because you were not able to be
Speaker 1: intimate with your girlfriends, you went back to jerking off. Yes,
Speaker 1: now were you jerking off? Was this no jerking off
Speaker 1: or just no porn?
Speaker 4: Uh cold turkey, no jerking off, no porn?
Speaker 1: Okay? And so in the past two weeks, how often
Speaker 1: have you been jerking off?
Speaker 4: Probably like in total, like five.
Speaker 1: Times a day or five times in total in the week?
Speaker 4: Five yeah, five times in totals in two weeks.
Speaker 1: Christian, you sound like, I mean, everybody decides for themselves
Speaker 1: what they're you know, what is considered an addiction. But
Speaker 1: you sound like you got this under control, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, is having an intimate relationship with your girl,
Speaker 1: a consistent intimate relationship with your girlfriend an important part
Speaker 1: of you being able to not masterb it?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 4: You know I really care about this this girl. I
Speaker 4: love her, and you know I don't want to just
Speaker 4: be a reliant on porn and my fantasies. Is you
Speaker 4: know also like in the back of my mind, you know,
Speaker 4: just being able to like fantasize that I'm fucking all
Speaker 4: these different women, and you know it just as feels
Speaker 4: like mentally it's not fair for her and it doesn't
Speaker 4: feel good for me, Like, and I never understood when
Speaker 4: people like said they feel bad after watching porn until
Speaker 4: you know, I like presently got a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: So where do you feel like you are at with
Speaker 1: this addiction today? Because you seem like you're in a
Speaker 1: good place at least to me, But I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm asking.
Speaker 4: I feel I feel definitely like I have the control
Speaker 4: of it. I'm I'm really into habits, Like habits are
Speaker 4: usually my go to, Like I go to the gym
Speaker 4: six times a week, you know, a meal prep. So
Speaker 4: once I get a habit down, I'm pretty consistent with it.
Speaker 4: And so if I can make it, If I can
Speaker 4: make this a habit, then I feel like I could
Speaker 4: just get like a firm grasp on it.
Speaker 1: No pun intended, no pun intended. Well, Christian, I own
Speaker 1: I don't really have any anything for you because it
Speaker 1: sounds like you're doing but I mean, you're doing fucking
Speaker 1: better than me on this, So I'm not gonna sit
Speaker 1: here and try and give you any fucking advice on
Speaker 1: how to stop watching porn when I watch porn way
Speaker 1: more than you do at this point, Yeah, do you
Speaker 1: have advice?
Speaker 4: For me.
Speaker 1: Fuck it? Tell me how do I stop jack off
Speaker 1: ten times a day?
Speaker 4: I have no idea. I mean I feel like if
Speaker 4: you what I what I perceived to be is if
Speaker 4: you think it's a problem, then it's probably a problem.
Speaker 4: And also the fact that you know you're not alone.
Speaker 4: You know, that's like a big thing that's like reoccurring
Speaker 4: to me, like with issues, like you kind of feel
Speaker 4: like you're all alone with your issues and then you're here,
Speaker 4: especially on like like I've been listening to your podcast
Speaker 4: forever and I've decided to call because this is the
Speaker 4: reason of the end of mine. Sure, And I said,
Speaker 4: I decided to call because this is a recent event,
Speaker 4: even though I've been listening to you forever, like a
Speaker 4: recent epiphany, but like hearing all the different people that
Speaker 4: you have on and like how I could relate to
Speaker 4: them and some of their issues. I'm like, wow, you
Speaker 4: know it's a small world.
Speaker 1: Well you've inspired me, Christian. Well that's the thing is
Speaker 1: that I'm I'm I feel like I'm a functioning pornography consumer.
Speaker 1: I'm able to It is not a I don't don't
Speaker 1: It hasn't like I have other vices that have definitely
Speaker 1: gotten in the way of my of my life, but
Speaker 1: porn has never been one of them. I've never been like, Oh,
Speaker 1: my life would be so much better if I stopped
Speaker 1: watching porn. I have other things that my life would
Speaker 1: be better if I stopped doing, but porn. Porn's never
Speaker 1: been seemed to be one of them. But we're here
Speaker 1: to talk about me. I'm glad to hear from you,
Speaker 1: Christian that you are combating this addiction, especially I mean,
Speaker 1: a month without it. I think you'll be able to
Speaker 1: continue your cold Turkey streak even once once your girlfriend
Speaker 1: uh returns from her sickness, and I think you will
Speaker 1: have a happy and fulfilling life. Christian. Is there anything
Speaker 1: else you want to say to the people the computer
Speaker 1: before we go?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 4: No, the only thing like hearing about the flags. I
Speaker 4: kinda started getting into it.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, what flags are we looking at?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 5: For?
Speaker 4: I first, UH started looking at my home state, Florida,
Speaker 4: and then my whole country, Mexico, and Uh, I like,
Speaker 4: I like Spain's flag. It's pretty cool as well.
Speaker 1: Hold on, I'm gonna look at Florida. Hold on, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna look at Florida real quick. What's on the Florida flag.
Speaker 4: Florida is boring. It's just like a like a white
Speaker 4: flag that's.
Speaker 1: Like an X X Okay, and then what's on this thing? Oh,
Speaker 1: it's like a X. And then a lady holding sushi
Speaker 1: and some boats. Okay, I mean that's fine. That's like
Speaker 1: a Mexico real quick, I I know what the Mexico. Wait,
Speaker 1: the Mexico flag is just there's not like a symbol
Speaker 1: on it, is there? Yeah, it's as uh oh oh wait,
Speaker 1: oh wait. The Mexican flag is bad ass. Look at
Speaker 1: this guy. This is an eagles fucking poeing the snake's
Speaker 1: he's eating a snake and standing on a cactus like
Speaker 1: the little cactus shreds are going into the eagles. This
Speaker 1: is badass. I've never really looked at the Mexican flag
Speaker 1: like this.
Speaker 6: Damn.
Speaker 1: Well, thanks for shouting. I'm definitely gonna jack off to
Speaker 1: this later.
Speaker 4: All right, thank you, of course, have a good question
Speaker 4: to hear you too. Bye.
Speaker 1: Thanks man, sweet sweet man doing better than me goes
Speaker 1: on the line taking your phone calls.
Speaker 3: Every night.
Speaker 1: A beacon goes to his he's teaching you cloud in
Speaker 1: the MIDI your life. He's not really an expert
Speaker 4: H