Speaker 1: Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thank you
Speaker 1: for joining us. We're so excited to be back. How
Speaker 1: you doing, Susan, I'm doing great.
Speaker 2: I'm so excited about today. And I can't believe I'm
Speaker 2: actually going to say this again, because if you haven't
Speaker 2: done it yet, you gotta follow us. How are you
Speaker 2: going to know what we're saying, what we're doing if
Speaker 2: you're not following, It's so darn easy. Just search for
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Speaker 1: We're like a ray of sunshine, right If you hit
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Speaker 1: we put out a new podcast and you'll never miss one.
Speaker 1: So make sure you hit the follow button and leave
Speaker 1: us a review while you're there.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love that too, and ask some questions. Yes, Kathy, Yes,
Speaker 2: and make sure to check out all of our past
Speaker 2: episodes because we have had some good ones. We've been
Speaker 2: having so much fun. I mean some of those questions.
Speaker 2: How about the ones a little earlier about getting to
Speaker 2: know us, the things we tell I'm telling you that
Speaker 2: don't want to miss that one?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't? You want to hear about Susan's Catholic
Speaker 1: school upbringing and how she dodged the boys. It's very interesting.
Speaker 2: And you guys know how to do it by now.
Speaker 2: You just go Bachelorhappy Hour dot com slash Golden Hour
Speaker 2: and we have some great questions and a fabulous guest.
Speaker 1: Today. Oh we do. Today we have a true gem
Speaker 1: from Jen's season on The Bachelor atte her brother James. Hi, Jay,
Speaker 1: Hi James for joining us. Are you okay?
Speaker 2: Are you excited or nervous?
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm just going to come straight out with it.
Speaker 1: I used to be a newspaper writer. I'm an interviewer.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna I'm just gonna start asking questions. She
Speaker 1: will ask you all about the answers.
Speaker 2: So you're going to start with that hat.
Speaker 1: I think the first thing is I'm starting with hat.
Speaker 1: So the hat I know came from when Jen Oh
Speaker 1: came Fenry Park. James, you know where I'm from.
Speaker 3: You're from Boston, No.
Speaker 1: I am, And do you know what I want?
Speaker 3: My hat?
Speaker 1: That's right? So I believe that you've got a few
Speaker 1: of those hats, so Bachelor Nation.
Speaker 2: I have a really small head, so get me a
Speaker 2: small one.
Speaker 3: Are you going to say it.
Speaker 4: Yes, I will promise on this recording. I will send
Speaker 4: you a hat.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 2: Okay, you heard it, ladies, and you are definitely here
Speaker 2: since and we're going to get to our questions a minute.
Speaker 1: I just got to fire a few more. How old
Speaker 1: are you, James? Where do you live?
Speaker 2: What do you do?
Speaker 1: We want to know what.
Speaker 3: Let's start in the beginning. I am old.
Speaker 2: What's too old?
Speaker 3: Too old?
Speaker 4: Too old is when you first wake up and you
Speaker 4: feel all you know, things start to creak and you
Speaker 4: feel sore.
Speaker 2: Maybe wait to your mind, Oh my gosh, Okay, I'm
Speaker 2: not too old.
Speaker 3: I am your age. I am your age.
Speaker 2: I'm sixty seven.
Speaker 3: I'm close. If you round up, if you.
Speaker 1: Round up a twenty. Okay, wait a second. Where in
Speaker 1: Boston do you live?
Speaker 3: So on my Assembly Road? It's a little bit north
Speaker 3: of Boston.
Speaker 1: Where I'm trying.
Speaker 4: I didn't hear what you said, Assembly Row, Assembly Road, Somerville, Cambridge.
Speaker 1: Oh, Somerville.
Speaker 3: I lived.
Speaker 1: I lived right on the river in Cambridge.
Speaker 3: So we were neighbors.
Speaker 1: We were neighbors. Well you were. You were just a
Speaker 1: twinkle in your parent's eye when I lived there. But yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: and then tell me what you do for a living.
Speaker 1: You know, what's your life like.
Speaker 3: So I've had an interesting career path.
Speaker 4: I've gone through many, many different careers, from an engineer,
Speaker 4: it's a cardiac technician to an EMT.
Speaker 3: So currently I manage the wine and.
Speaker 4: Beverage programs for within a group of restaurants in Boston.
Speaker 1: Wow, I'm coming, never mind, I'll come and get there.
Speaker 1: Get me out for dinner.
Speaker 3: A bottle of wine.
Speaker 1: I love that I've got one right here. I'm toasting
Speaker 1: to you right now.
Speaker 3: All right, I'm getting I don't have a glass.
Speaker 2: Well, just you know what sends for the wine and
Speaker 2: he'll send us hats.
Speaker 1: James, there's one career that you did not mention that
Speaker 1: you excel at and we're going to get into it
Speaker 1: a little bit. Yes you do. You are an incredible
Speaker 1: dating coach for your Yes, hey, we watched you. We
Speaker 1: watched Kudos to you, baby, and we'll get into that.
Speaker 1: We're going to get into that in just a second.
Speaker 1: But I just want you didn't you can add that
Speaker 1: to your resume.
Speaker 2: Okay, if we have a good question for you, what
Speaker 2: is something that is a deal breaker for you in
Speaker 2: a relationship?
Speaker 3: Cigarette smoking? Cheers.
Speaker 1: I literally just drank to that. How about for you, Kathy,
Speaker 1: cigarette smoking? I'm with you.
Speaker 2: What's what other deal?
Speaker 1: Break?
Speaker 2: We just talked about this about a date being rude
Speaker 2: to the wait staff.
Speaker 3: You know, that's another thing. Absolutely be staff.
Speaker 1: Bad breath, that's another one. Uh, just rudeness in general,
Speaker 1: being chic. How about a guy that invites you out
Speaker 1: on a date and ask you to go to happy
Speaker 1: hour and then want you to split a drink and
Speaker 1: an appetizer. I've had that, so I always.
Speaker 3: Pay for the first. I will always pay for the first.
Speaker 2: I will pay my way if I know I'm never
Speaker 2: going to.
Speaker 1: See them, saus can you hold this down? I got
Speaker 1: to go book a flight for Boston. I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: beat him.
Speaker 3: There's no there's no happy hour in Boston though, you're.
Speaker 1: Just happy to live in Boston.
Speaker 2: Tell me about go ahead.
Speaker 4: I will always pay for the first date for the
Speaker 4: first drink, but then we'll split the second.
Speaker 3: So that's usually how it goes.
Speaker 1: Okay, wait a minute, Wait a minute.
Speaker 4: I think that's fair. I think that's fair. You know,
Speaker 4: I'm just trying to be myself and the way.
Speaker 1: You in a relationship. James, we're going you.
Speaker 3: I am not in single.
Speaker 2: James, that might be why pay for the second class?
Speaker 1: Why you know what? I don't care, you gotta you
Speaker 1: just got to be generous. I don't care what your
Speaker 1: you know what ship you're sailing. You got to be
Speaker 1: generous or.
Speaker 3: I'm generous in a lot of different ways.
Speaker 1: OK, give me your top three?
Speaker 3: Fair enough?
Speaker 5: Three?
Speaker 3: So let's talk about love language. So one of my
Speaker 3: love languages.
Speaker 1: Is what I love the love Susan loves the language
Speaker 1: I love. I love the conversation. I get confused, James,
Speaker 1: because it's whether is it what I want or what
Speaker 1: I want to give to you?
Speaker 2: It's how you received love, how you feel love for.
Speaker 1: Me, It's how I give my love. Language is how
Speaker 1: do you want to You want.
Speaker 2: To give love to your partner the way they receive love.
Speaker 2: So you have this kind of.
Speaker 1: Problem if then the derivative of D square, I can't,
Speaker 1: I caty.
Speaker 2: I'm buying you that cute little book. It's really simple.
Speaker 1: I've had I've had it given to me before. Did
Speaker 1: you read it? I did, but I.
Speaker 2: Just don't because not understanding.
Speaker 1: Because I was an English major, you would think I would, right,
Speaker 1: I don't know I can't.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you're single. So were we?
Speaker 1: Okay, so we're with.
Speaker 2: Tell me your relationship with your sister growing up?
Speaker 3: It was it was shaky and we weren't always close because.
Speaker 1: You're a big age difference, right for sure?
Speaker 3: For sure? And so we were both how many years?
Speaker 1: How many years are you two?
Speaker 3: We are nine nine years apart?
Speaker 1: Okay, how old is she? How old is that?
Speaker 2: We'll figure this out later.
Speaker 1: It's not even forty, you're thirty five. You are a child?
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, no, you just your nine year You know what,
Speaker 2: when you're fifty five, you're going to rephrase that statement,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: Could I have a round of applause? Please for go
Speaker 1: for figuring out how to find out how old he was?
Speaker 2: Wait, so you weren't that close, or sometimes you were,
Speaker 2: sometimes you weren't. She was like your pesty little sister
Speaker 2: or a little bit.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and so we were both like super stubborn, and
Speaker 4: so we always kind of got under each other's skins,
Speaker 4: and then we refused to apologize, and.
Speaker 3: So I remember there were like years where we just
Speaker 3: wouldn't talk to each other at all.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, you were born in Vietnam.
Speaker 3: Right, I was yeah, how old.
Speaker 1: Were you when you came to the United States?
Speaker 3: Four?
Speaker 1: I was four, so your sister. And of course you
Speaker 1: didn't speak English when you came. Not right away, okay,
Speaker 1: but by the time your sister came along there was
Speaker 1: no language.
Speaker 3: Bearrier, no, no, so she was Yeah.
Speaker 2: Was she spoiled? Did you think she was a spoiled
Speaker 2: little girl.
Speaker 4: Or honestly she wasn't. She just never She like always
Speaker 4: kind of was brooted down to earth, you know, grew
Speaker 4: up very hard working, so she wasn't spoiled. If anything,
Speaker 4: I was a spoiled first child, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, it's just you and your sister, just you
Speaker 1: and Jen Me?
Speaker 3: Yeah, me and Jen just us.
Speaker 2: Well, I'll tell you what for having all those ups
Speaker 2: and downs. You sure showed up for her.
Speaker 1: You sure did.
Speaker 3: I did.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And can I want to ask you, so, when
Speaker 1: I watched the show before I knew I was going
Speaker 1: to get that fabulous happens on your head, I was
Speaker 1: impressed that you didn't give your blessing to Devin, that
Speaker 1: you said you couldn't do it. I want to know
Speaker 1: was it set a feeling you had or was it
Speaker 1: just struck me, especially given how the whole thing ended up.
Speaker 2: Did you prepare for it?
Speaker 1: Did you an did you have a miracle? What's it
Speaker 1: called a crystal ball? I mean, let's tell me, tell
Speaker 1: me about that.
Speaker 4: No, I mean honest, To be honest, I just didn't
Speaker 4: feel either of the guys, and so it just felt
Speaker 4: wrong to give my blessing, especially before talking to the
Speaker 4: other guy and before talking to Jen about Devin, and
Speaker 4: so I felt like it was just too premature to
Speaker 4: ask my blessing.
Speaker 3: So there's no way I was I was going to
Speaker 3: give it. There was no way.
Speaker 1: So what advice did you give her? What advice did
Speaker 1: you give her after you met the two guys? If
Speaker 1: I mean, if you could say.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I I told her what I thought
Speaker 4: about both guys where I felt like, you know, Devin
Speaker 4: didn't really say anything about her, it was all about him,
Speaker 4: and then Marcus just didn't really say anything at all,
Speaker 4: So like all he said was kind of just just
Speaker 4: stuff that.
Speaker 3: Just wasn't relevant to my questions, all.
Speaker 2: Right, Son, So exactly, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Given that clearly you're a guy who gives advice and
Speaker 1: cares about your sister, I wouldn't know what advice you
Speaker 1: would give two family members or friends of people that
Speaker 1: are trying to date like that trouble with toxic relationships
Speaker 1: and really and how do you support people in that situation, because.
Speaker 3: I mean, you need to recognize the patterns.
Speaker 4: You know, if you've always been in toxic relationships and
Speaker 4: you need you need to kind of sit down and
Speaker 4: ask why, you know, what does this guy have the
Speaker 4: same in similar with like this guy? You know, compare
Speaker 4: your exes and be like, why am I falling for
Speaker 4: the same type over and over again?
Speaker 3: Why isn't it working? And that's kind of how you
Speaker 3: get out of that that pattern. So it's all about recognizing.
Speaker 2: So that's what you think would be most important that
Speaker 2: you would tell young women from your point of view
Speaker 2: to look out for when they're dating.
Speaker 4: I mean, it's more it's more about themselves, right, So
Speaker 4: like what I told Jen was, she knows what she deserves, right,
Speaker 4: she knows how she wants to be treated, and she
Speaker 4: knows how she doesn't want to be treated. And so
Speaker 4: as long as you come into a relationship with that,
Speaker 4: then you can easily rule guys out who don't kind
Speaker 4: of put in that effort that you deserve. And it's
Speaker 4: more about recognizing that sign early and kind of cutting.
Speaker 3: It loose where it feel. It feels that most people
Speaker 3: that we speak of, yes, right, but most people.
Speaker 4: Kind of stay in that relationship and try to change
Speaker 4: that person.
Speaker 3: It's going to get aware it never will. It never will, so.
Speaker 1: I know I don't want so from their point of view,
Speaker 1: we've cut Wait, you know what, We've cut so many
Speaker 1: loose it's shredded on the floor at this point. What
Speaker 1: do you think is? Uh, some things you think is
Speaker 1: most important for a young woman to look I would
Speaker 1: ask you to look for when they're dating, but also
Speaker 1: to look out for.
Speaker 3: Definitely communication. I think it's the most important party word.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's not just communicating about, you know, what
Speaker 4: you want to eat at the time.
Speaker 3: It's more about.
Speaker 4: Having those difficult conversations because that's how you know if
Speaker 4: you're on the same page or not moving forward.
Speaker 2: And it's okay to agree to disagree about that.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, yeah, as long as you're both in the no.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, very good point. Very it's so hard.
Speaker 2: So how do you go about dating? Do you go
Speaker 2: on dating sites? If you don't mind me.
Speaker 4: I am on a few dating sites yes, now, primarily Hinge,
Speaker 4: And it's it's been eventful.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you that's how my son, That's how
Speaker 1: my son Susan officiated their wedding back in March. He
Speaker 1: met his and he met her on hinge.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I mean it's it's the new way to date.
Speaker 1: So it's not really it's the old round. There's there's
Speaker 1: a big push now to get off to I hate
Speaker 1: the word organically, but there you have.
Speaker 2: It's don't you think some guys like the windows shop?
Speaker 2: I mean it's about a look because you're not talking
Speaker 2: to anybody, you're not seeing them physically, so you're window
Speaker 2: shopping and you're scrolling through.
Speaker 1: Who's going to swipe? Which way?
Speaker 3: I mean appeals to me. I love windows shopping. Okay,
Speaker 3: is looking at what they're selling. Can't afford any of it?
Speaker 2: I always buy everything. That's my problem.
Speaker 3: Trust.
Speaker 1: What does Okay, So wait a minute, what advice were
Speaker 1: you given in terms of dating relationships? You know, because
Speaker 1: you're you know, you're you're over thirty advice way back
Speaker 1: when you know, really way back when you know, when
Speaker 1: you were thirty four? What advice do you still hold
Speaker 1: on to? Like, what are those nuggets that you still
Speaker 1: hold in your Arsenal of dating weaponry.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean things that I look for is.
Speaker 1: That's kind of very aggressive.
Speaker 3: Emotional emotional intelligence for sure.
Speaker 2: Emotional availability too, availability, Yeah, definitely, communication and so just
Speaker 2: all the basics.
Speaker 4: And I know it's it's basic sounding, it's very cliche,
Speaker 4: but it's hard to find out there, very hard.
Speaker 2: And can you figure that out on the first date?
Speaker 3: Usually?
Speaker 4: Yeah, So I'm pretty good at being able to kind
Speaker 4: of read people on the first date and knowing whether
Speaker 4: there's going to be a second day or a date.
Speaker 4: But at the same time, I feel like I jump
Speaker 4: into the first dates very very soon.
Speaker 3: And so when I'm on Hinge, I like, I'll I'll
Speaker 3: answer back and forth probably four or five times.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's meet's let's happen to me.
Speaker 2: I can't go back, even if it's just a quick
Speaker 2: cup of coffee. Let's meet if there's some chemistry we
Speaker 2: want to know more than we'll plan a date. I
Speaker 2: don't even call that a date.
Speaker 1: That's what I was going to say. I have gone
Speaker 1: on date. I've talked to guys, you know, four or
Speaker 1: five times and oh, you know this guy, I'll meet
Speaker 1: him for a drink or a cup of coffee or
Speaker 1: split an appetizer. But then when I meet him, he
Speaker 1: is so different than the conversation we had. Do you
Speaker 1: find that as well?
Speaker 4: Usually yeah, but not not too differently. It's you can
Speaker 4: kind of tell by the tone of how they text
Speaker 4: what kind of person they'll be.
Speaker 3: And so I'll go on record here and say that
Speaker 3: I've never had a bad first date.
Speaker 2: I don't think that's nice.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we did pretty well, even if.
Speaker 2: I have happy James, I had one bad first I
Speaker 2: want to ghosted me.
Speaker 1: He didn't show up. I've got I've got a worse
Speaker 1: first date, which I have never told, but I'll tell
Speaker 1: you if you want to hear it. It was a
Speaker 1: guy I met online and he was coming from I
Speaker 1: can't remember. We lived in a different state, but he
Speaker 1: spends a lot of time in Austin for some reason,
Speaker 1: which is where I live, Okay, And we talked three
Speaker 1: or four times because I did exactly what we were
Speaker 1: just saying, and he seems super fun and interesting in
Speaker 1: my kind of guy, and active in sports and all
Speaker 1: of it. And somehow we got on the subject of whiskey.
Speaker 1: I like a good whiskey, and Blanton's is if you're
Speaker 1: listening out there, send me a bottle Blon's. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: love Glen's right. It's a very expensive but really good.
Speaker 1: But so I said to him, I says he wanted
Speaker 1: to come and stay with me on the weekend. I'd
Speaker 1: never met the guy and I and I said, look,
Speaker 1: if you can get me a bottle of Blantons, you
Speaker 1: can come and stay at my house. Thinking that you
Speaker 1: can't get it in Texas, it's impossible. So I thought,
Speaker 1: I'm good. Yet guess what. He shows up with a
Speaker 1: bottle of black I'm not kidding. And I looked at
Speaker 1: that bottle and it was like I was sick, look
Speaker 1: at and so I said, I was speechless. I said
Speaker 1: I was joking. He goes, you can't back out now,
Speaker 1: I said, oh yes, I really can't. Yeah, I said,
Speaker 1: yeah I can, and I am. It was a joke
Speaker 1: where you didn't tell me it was a joke. And
Speaker 1: I spent a lot of money. It's very well.
Speaker 2: I would have bought it.
Speaker 1: I would have paid for it.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, I.
Speaker 1: Was so fearful at that point when he he was
Speaker 1: you know, I know you probably think I'm aggressive. I'm
Speaker 1: really not. I just it's just way I was scared
Speaker 1: to death. I was like, oh my god, how do
Speaker 1: your address? No, we met at a restaurant for dinner,
Speaker 1: and he thought he was coming back to my house.
Speaker 1: I said, because I told him to make a hotel reservation.
Speaker 1: And he said, I said, but if you you know,
Speaker 1: if you show up with a bottle of wlimbs, you
Speaker 1: could stay with you. I mean, talk about Kathy running
Speaker 1: her mouth. So anyway, that's my worst dating story.
Speaker 3: So how was that. How was the rest of dinner?
Speaker 2: Yeah, did you sit through dinner?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Honestly, honestly, give me the bottle.
Speaker 1: Here's the money. He did give me the bottle of whiskey.
Speaker 1: I never saw him again. It was I've blocked it.
Speaker 1: If we're being honest, I did get the bottle. The
Speaker 1: bottles long gone, but she drank the bottle. You know what,
Speaker 1: don't make a what is it? Don't make a promise.
Speaker 1: Your ass can't catch Like, oh my god, never again,
Speaker 1: will I say?
Speaker 3: You know, that's the question. When you drink plans, do
Speaker 3: you still think of him and that date? Well?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, Why would I ruin good whiskey with
Speaker 1: a bad memory? Okay too, I need to move on.
Speaker 3: I think Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2: Too, so James. We're gonna go through some people's questions
Speaker 2: that they sent into us, and we're all three going
Speaker 2: to share what our advice would be to them.
Speaker 3: Sound good, Okay?
Speaker 1: Cool, So listen because you're going to be given. You're
Speaker 1: gonna be giving your opinions here.
Speaker 2: The first one is from Charlie and she's twenty six
Speaker 2: years old. Hi, Kathy and Susan. I love your podcast
Speaker 2: and I'm really hoping you can help me out. I've
Speaker 2: been single for about a year and a half. I'm
Speaker 2: in no rush to start dating again, but for the
Speaker 2: first time in a really long time, I feel ready.
Speaker 2: I've had a lot of time to reflect on the
Speaker 2: things I want in a relationship, and it's making me
Speaker 2: realize how much better my friends than I deserve.
Speaker 1: We've always joked that we've.
Speaker 2: Been the blind leading the blind, just lover girls, always
Speaker 2: giving men the benefit of the doubt. How do I
Speaker 2: start dating with a balanced mentality and how can I
Speaker 2: help my friends do the same. I don't want to
Speaker 2: be closed off and unfairly accusatory of kind men, but
Speaker 2: I definitely don't want to be back in the same
Speaker 2: cycle I've always been in bending over backwards for the
Speaker 2: bare minimum, then feeling disappointed when I finally had enough heartbreak?
Speaker 2: What are some things I can do or keep in
Speaker 2: mind so I can also share with them With my friends.
Speaker 2: I know we can be such a great support system
Speaker 2: for each other. We just need some guidance. Thanks so much.
Speaker 2: She's twenty six.
Speaker 1: What do you think I.
Speaker 4: Mean, she's she's also a great start. You know, her
Speaker 4: and her friends know that they deserve better, and so
Speaker 4: the first line is always recognizing that and then from
Speaker 4: then on, I think it's easy. You know, it's it's
Speaker 4: kind of you start dating in a relationship, right and
Speaker 4: you kind of have to sit back and be like,
Speaker 4: is he giving me what I deserve?
Speaker 3: And if the answer is yes, you keep going, and
Speaker 3: if the answer is no, you stop.
Speaker 4: And I feel like that's the hard part where most
Speaker 4: people are like, I'm going to give him the benefit
Speaker 4: of the doubt. He's going to change, He's going to
Speaker 4: change for me, and usually it doesn't work out. And
Speaker 4: so when she's on the right path.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just realizing it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, I think I think when a couple of things.
Speaker 1: I think when someone shows you who are who they
Speaker 1: are the first time, believe them. I would say that.
Speaker 1: But also I think that I can't speak for men
Speaker 1: because I'm not one. But I think that women often
Speaker 1: the fear of I won't find someone, so I have
Speaker 1: to make this one or try to make this one.
Speaker 1: What will work? I'm not sure that I think it's
Speaker 1: as easy. I love your philosophy. You believe you deserve better,
Speaker 1: So go get better, right, go get But I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: I think it's really hard for I don't know about men.
Speaker 1: Is it hard for men?
Speaker 3: It's hard. It's hard for men too.
Speaker 4: I get attached very easily, and I kind of hang
Speaker 4: on and kind of hope that things better.
Speaker 2: That I'm hopeless.
Speaker 3: Jane just yeah, so I'm with you. But you know,
Speaker 3: I'm great at giving advice, not so much taking my
Speaker 3: own advice. But that's the single.
Speaker 1: But that's exactly the point. This girl knows. But it's
Speaker 1: almost like she can't, you know, she said, I'm she's tired,
Speaker 1: she wants she doesn't want to be back in the
Speaker 1: same cycle of bending over for the bare minimum, and
Speaker 1: yet she knows it. But I think that's what we
Speaker 1: all struggle with is.
Speaker 4: But she has a support system now, and so that's
Speaker 4: kind of where you rely on your friends, where your
Speaker 4: friends are like, hey, this guy's doing this right, he's
Speaker 4: not like treating you well, but.
Speaker 1: Her friends aren't getting it. Sounds like from Charlie's her
Speaker 1: friends are in the same boat.
Speaker 2: And she also says, I don't want to be closed off,
Speaker 2: like that's total opposite. You don't close yourself off to
Speaker 2: just be more aware.
Speaker 4: But it's hard though, because after you're getting hurt so often,
Speaker 4: you naturally just close up. Trust your gut, trust your friends,
Speaker 4: and you know, don't settle.
Speaker 2: Kathy would say, but red flag is a red flag,
Speaker 2: and it's not going to turn any.
Speaker 1: Other kind of red flag, white or beige a red flag.
Speaker 1: There's red flags, and there's bleeding red flags, you know what.
Speaker 2: And I believe, definitely, for most of my life exactly
Speaker 2: what this girl has said. I'm a giver. I get excited,
Speaker 2: I fall hard and fast, and then I do everything.
Speaker 2: I jump into their world and do everything they like
Speaker 2: to do, and everything's so fun and this, and then
Speaker 2: three months in you want to do something that you
Speaker 2: like and it's not it's not and then you start realizing, oh, well, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's not me.
Speaker 3: That close to home it does.
Speaker 1: But you know what, James and Susan, here's the hope
Speaker 1: for all of us that we we see it and
Speaker 1: that maybe this this will be the time that we'll
Speaker 1: make that person. No, but you have to have faith,
Speaker 1: right if.
Speaker 2: Not everybody does like the same exact things as we do.
Speaker 2: So where do you draw that line?
Speaker 1: You know, I'm just saying, maybe this is the time
Speaker 1: where we are aware and cognizant of what's going on
Speaker 1: and we choose to get off the bus before you know,
Speaker 1: we've ridden all the way through the city.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, Yeah, this is the turning point.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, hopefully we're all strong enough to do that.
Speaker 2: And Charlie, I wish you luck, but you do have
Speaker 2: a short system with your friends, take each other's and Charlie's.
Speaker 1: Maybe reach out to James.
Speaker 3: Yeah we do.
Speaker 2: Please, We've got an available young man here.
Speaker 1: Here we are, all right. Next question is from I'm
Speaker 1: an anonymous mom. Hi, ladies, I need your help. I'm
Speaker 1: a mom to three kids, a daughter who is fifteen,
Speaker 1: a son who is twelve, and another daughter who is ten.
Speaker 1: I've been through a lot in my life, beginning in
Speaker 1: my childhood and I've worked very hard on my mental
Speaker 1: health ever since college. I've made sure to heal from
Speaker 1: my trauma, establish healthy coping mechanisms, and do therapy anywhere
Speaker 1: from once a month to twice a week. I'm fifty now.
Speaker 1: I have a great husband who steps up when I
Speaker 1: need time for my mental health. I still struggle with
Speaker 1: some depression, anxiety, and PTSD. For the most part, it's manageable.
Speaker 1: So here's my question, how do I talk to my
Speaker 1: oldest daughter about these things? When I become a mom.
Speaker 1: I promised myself that I wouldn't let my kids see
Speaker 1: me when things get really bad, because I never want
Speaker 1: them to worry about me. But I feel it's important
Speaker 1: that I teach my daughter and my other kids when
Speaker 1: I feel old enough and ready, that it's okay to
Speaker 1: not be one hundred percent okay. Sometimes I don't want
Speaker 1: my kids to work thinking I was perfect and had
Speaker 1: it all together all the time, because that's just not
Speaker 1: how life works. I want to be honest and human
Speaker 1: with my daughter while still being a parent that she
Speaker 1: sees as our sturdy foundation. My husband is so great,
Speaker 1: but he doesn't have the struggles that I do, So
Speaker 1: this conversation is really up to me. He'll be there
Speaker 1: with me to weigh in if things get murky, but
Speaker 1: he trusts me to do this. Thank you, ladies, and James,
Speaker 1: love you and James, and so what do you think, James?
Speaker 4: This one also hits close to home, and so it's
Speaker 4: something that I struggled with growing up, where my dad
Speaker 4: was definitely more the you know, never show emotion, everything
Speaker 4: is always okay, and so that's what I learned growing up.
Speaker 3: So I never showed emotion.
Speaker 4: And so when I was on the show with Jen,
Speaker 4: that was the first time that I'd ever cried in
Speaker 4: front of anybody and actually a dog, my parents, anybody,
Speaker 4: And here I was on TVs crying, and so it's
Speaker 4: something that I've had to work through just showing more
Speaker 4: emotion and just letting people know that I'm not feeling okay.
Speaker 4: And so I think she has the right idea here
Speaker 4: where you know, that's something that her kids need to
Speaker 4: kind of see and learn and that's kind of how
Speaker 4: they become more in touch of their emotions and get
Speaker 4: and kind of develop that side better.
Speaker 3: So I definitely a platter for doing that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, I wonder how bad this when she needs
Speaker 2: time for her mental health and her husband's steps, and
Speaker 2: so she could have private time less she freak out
Speaker 2: or you know, the PTSD what is it from? But
Speaker 2: maybe you're one of your children has the same issue, right,
Speaker 2: would do you so well to educate them? And you
Speaker 2: know why mommy leaves sometimes because mommy gets depressed or
Speaker 2: mommy gets stressed out. Share it definitely, and that's okay,
Speaker 2: And that's that is okay.
Speaker 1: It is I am. I agree with both of you wholeheartedly. James.
Speaker 1: I literally my mouth dropped open when you said truly,
Speaker 1: when you said that was the first time you'd ever cried,
Speaker 1: because to me, that was such a heartfelt moment on
Speaker 1: the show, and just a little bit we've talked, I
Speaker 1: would have said, oh, he's a very warm, heartfelt share
Speaker 1: is feeling kind of guy. I mean, that's how you
Speaker 1: come off.
Speaker 2: But you know what, a lot of men boys are
Speaker 2: taught that, Kathy, not today so much. Now, it's okay.
Speaker 2: Look at the men on A Jones season the very
Speaker 2: first night when their daughters came up and it happened
Speaker 2: to be filmed on Father's Day and they all cried.
Speaker 1: I thought that was beautiful.
Speaker 2: Whereas our parents or our grandparents when they raised the sun,
Speaker 2: that was you're less of a man. You have to
Speaker 2: be able to be strong and hold it back. I
Speaker 2: don't think that's necessary. It's good to show feeling.
Speaker 4: It is, but we come from different generations, you know,
Speaker 4: Like in my generation back in the day, about sixty
Speaker 4: years ago, we just weren't weren't taught to show emotion.
Speaker 1: Wait, I have questioned James for you, and I don't
Speaker 1: know if we have enough time, but we'll just jump
Speaker 1: into it really quickly. Sure, you obviously have come from
Speaker 1: a different culture, your parents come from a different culture.
Speaker 1: How important is that for you to date? I know
Speaker 1: they talked about it with Jen. Is it important to
Speaker 1: you to date within your culture? Just give me a
Speaker 1: little down and dirty version of what you're thought.
Speaker 3: It has to be within my culture?
Speaker 4: I think I just need to find somebody that is
Speaker 4: accepting of my culture and is willing to learn more
Speaker 4: about it and kind of immerse themselves in it, And
Speaker 4: obviously I would do the same for their culture. Right,
Speaker 4: it's right, So it doesn't have to be within my culture.
Speaker 4: It's more about just learning about each other and culture included.
Speaker 1: So I like that.
Speaker 2: It's like Jewish people with Christian people or Catholic people
Speaker 2: that do Christmas and Hanukkah, you know, right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just think you are an incredible guy, are
Speaker 1: you are? You're You're caring and you obviously love your sister, and.
Speaker 2: I just I have to admit that when you were
Speaker 2: first you were a little like I was like, who,
Speaker 2: You're not going to give these guys an easy you.
Speaker 3: Know, I shouldn't, right.
Speaker 1: What I'm sacking. Yeah, but I will say when you
Speaker 1: cried to hear that, that's the first time you've ever cried. Wow,
Speaker 1: So are you in generally close now?
Speaker 4: Then we're getting closer. So we still have things to
Speaker 4: work on, but we're definitely aware of it. And I
Speaker 4: think the show kind of brought us a little closer
Speaker 4: and kind of pushed us towards reconciliation because.
Speaker 3: I know before this we were a little bit rocky.
Speaker 3: So but she is your sister, yes, and I love her,
Speaker 3: you know so.
Speaker 2: Regardless, right, but regards on that relationship and have good
Speaker 2: times and make memories as important.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, she's still a brat ninety percent.
Speaker 1: But Jen, can I just say she has beautiful hair?
Speaker 4: God, people say that she looks beautiful and I just
Speaker 4: don't see it.
Speaker 3: I think she's ugly. She's an ugly dougling. And I
Speaker 3: don't know.
Speaker 2: I liked you for five minutes.
Speaker 1: I'm over. I don't believe you.
Speaker 2: See her dancing right now.
Speaker 1: You're a handsome guy and she is a beautiful girl.
Speaker 1: Just say you're right, Kathain. We can move on.
Speaker 3: You're right, Kathy, okay.
Speaker 2: And you're a hard one, Dave, You're a hard one.
Speaker 2: I don't know. You tell me when you fall in love.
Speaker 3: I like to pick on her.
Speaker 1: And I'm sure she loves it. You know what.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for joining us today. We've enjoyed.
Speaker 2: I hope you did. I hope you don't hate us.
Speaker 3: No, not at all.
Speaker 2: Oh no, James, I cry in front of everybody.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying it's easy for me and James. You're
Speaker 1: not going anywhere because I need to give you my
Speaker 1: address for that hat.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, I remember again, Thank you and loved love getting
Speaker 5: chat with you, and thank everybody for joining us.
Speaker 1: Please guys be sure to follow us on Bachelor Happy Hour.
Speaker 1: Who wants to miss this conversation with James. Let me
Speaker 1: just say we have new episodes coming out every week.
Speaker 1: They might not be as good as this one with James,
Speaker 1: but yeah, they're all pretty good.
Speaker 2: And what would we do without these questions? I mean,
Speaker 2: who would think to ask something like that? You guys do,
Speaker 2: and we love it, so keep them coming. Please just
Speaker 2: go to bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour, hit us
Speaker 2: up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour.
Speaker 1: And please listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Till
Speaker 1: Nextill next time, See you later,