WEBVTT - Breaking Patterns with James Tran!

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thank you

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<v Speaker 1>for joining us. We're so excited to be back. How

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<v Speaker 1>you doing, Susan, I'm doing great.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so excited about today. And I can't believe I'm

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<v Speaker 2>actually going to say this again, because if you haven't

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<v Speaker 2>done it yet, you gotta follow us. How are you

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<v Speaker 2>you're not following, It's so darn easy. Just search for

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<v Speaker 1>We're like a ray of sunshine, right If you hit

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<v Speaker 1>we put out a new podcast and you'll never miss one.

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<v Speaker 1>So make sure you hit the follow button and leave

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<v Speaker 1>us a review while you're there.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, I love that too, and ask some questions. Yes, Kathy, Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>and make sure to check out all of our past

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<v Speaker 2>episodes because we have had some good ones. We've been

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<v Speaker 2>having so much fun. I mean some of those questions.

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<v Speaker 2>How about the ones a little earlier about getting to

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<v Speaker 2>know us, the things we tell I'm telling you that

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to miss that one?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you don't? You want to hear about Susan's Catholic

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<v Speaker 1>school upbringing and how she dodged the boys. It's very interesting.

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<v Speaker 2>And you guys know how to do it by now.

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<v Speaker 2>You just go Bachelorhappy Hour dot com slash Golden Hour

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<v Speaker 2>and we have some great questions and a fabulous guest.

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<v Speaker 1>Today. Oh we do. Today we have a true gem

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<v Speaker 1>from Jen's season on The Bachelor atte her brother James. Hi, Jay,

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<v Speaker 1>Hi James for joining us. Are you okay?

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<v Speaker 2>Are you excited or nervous?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, I'm just going to come straight out with it.

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<v Speaker 1>I used to be a newspaper writer. I'm an interviewer.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just gonna I'm just gonna start asking questions. She

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<v Speaker 1>will ask you all about the answers.

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<v Speaker 2>So you're going to start with that hat.

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<v Speaker 1>I think the first thing is I'm starting with hat.

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<v Speaker 1>So the hat I know came from when Jen Oh

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<v Speaker 1>came Fenry Park. James, you know where I'm from.

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<v Speaker 3>You're from Boston, No.

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<v Speaker 1>I am, And do you know what I want?

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<v Speaker 3>My hat?

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<v Speaker 1>That's right? So I believe that you've got a few

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<v Speaker 1>of those hats, so Bachelor Nation.

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<v Speaker 2>I have a really small head, so get me a

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<v Speaker 2>small one.

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<v Speaker 3>Are you going to say it.

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<v Speaker 4>Yes, I will promise on this recording. I will send

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<v Speaker 4>you a hat.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, you heard it, ladies, and you are definitely here

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<v Speaker 2>since and we're going to get to our questions a minute.

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<v Speaker 1>I just got to fire a few more. How old

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<v Speaker 1>are you, James? Where do you live?

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<v Speaker 2>What do you do?

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<v Speaker 1>We want to know what.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's start in the beginning. I am old.

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<v Speaker 2>What's too old?

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<v Speaker 3>Too old?

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<v Speaker 4>Too old is when you first wake up and you

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<v Speaker 4>feel all you know, things start to creak and you

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<v Speaker 4>feel sore.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe wait to your mind, Oh my gosh, Okay, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not too old.

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<v Speaker 3>I am your age. I am your age.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sixty seven.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm close. If you round up, if you.

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<v Speaker 1>Round up a twenty. Okay, wait a second. Where in

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<v Speaker 1>Boston do you live?

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<v Speaker 3>So on my Assembly Road? It's a little bit north

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<v Speaker 3>of Boston.

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<v Speaker 1>Where I'm trying.

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<v Speaker 4>I didn't hear what you said, Assembly Row, Assembly Road, Somerville, Cambridge.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, Somerville.

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<v Speaker 3>I lived.

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<v Speaker 1>I lived right on the river in Cambridge.

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<v Speaker 3>So we were neighbors.

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<v Speaker 1>We were neighbors. Well you were. You were just a

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<v Speaker 1>twinkle in your parent's eye when I lived there. But yeah, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>and then tell me what you do for a living.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, what's your life like.

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<v Speaker 3>So I've had an interesting career path.

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<v Speaker 4>I've gone through many, many different careers, from an engineer,

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<v Speaker 4>it's a cardiac technician to an EMT.

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<v Speaker 3>So currently I manage the wine and.

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<v Speaker 4>Beverage programs for within a group of restaurants in Boston.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow, I'm coming, never mind, I'll come and get there.

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<v Speaker 1>Get me out for dinner.

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<v Speaker 3>A bottle of wine.

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<v Speaker 1>I love that I've got one right here. I'm toasting

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<v Speaker 1>to you right now.

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<v Speaker 3>All right, I'm getting I don't have a glass.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, just you know what sends for the wine and

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<v Speaker 2>he'll send us hats.

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<v Speaker 1>James, there's one career that you did not mention that

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<v Speaker 1>you excel at and we're going to get into it

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit. Yes you do. You are an incredible

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<v Speaker 1>dating coach for your Yes, hey, we watched you. We

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<v Speaker 1>watched Kudos to you, baby, and we'll get into that.

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<v Speaker 1>We're going to get into that in just a second.

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<v Speaker 1>But I just want you didn't you can add that

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<v Speaker 1>to your resume.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, if we have a good question for you, what

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<v Speaker 2>is something that is a deal breaker for you in

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<v Speaker 2>a relationship?

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<v Speaker 3>Cigarette smoking? Cheers.

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<v Speaker 1>I literally just drank to that. How about for you, Kathy,

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<v Speaker 1>cigarette smoking? I'm with you.

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<v Speaker 2>What's what other deal?

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<v Speaker 1>Break?

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<v Speaker 2>We just talked about this about a date being rude

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<v Speaker 2>to the wait staff.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, that's another thing. Absolutely be staff.

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<v Speaker 1>Bad breath, that's another one. Uh, just rudeness in general,

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<v Speaker 1>being chic. How about a guy that invites you out

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<v Speaker 1>on a date and ask you to go to happy

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<v Speaker 1>hour and then want you to split a drink and

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<v Speaker 1>an appetizer. I've had that, so I always.

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<v Speaker 3>Pay for the first. I will always pay for the first.

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<v Speaker 2>I will pay my way if I know I'm never

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<v Speaker 2>going to.

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<v Speaker 1>See them, saus can you hold this down? I got

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<v Speaker 1>to go book a flight for Boston. I'm gonna go

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<v Speaker 1>beat him.

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<v Speaker 3>There's no there's no happy hour in Boston though, you're.

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<v Speaker 1>Just happy to live in Boston.

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<v Speaker 2>Tell me about go ahead.

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<v Speaker 4>I will always pay for the first date for the

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<v Speaker 4>first drink, but then we'll split the second.

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<v Speaker 3>So that's usually how it goes.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, wait a minute, Wait a minute.

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<v Speaker 4>I think that's fair. I think that's fair. You know,

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<v Speaker 4>I'm just trying to be myself and the way.

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<v Speaker 1>You in a relationship. James, we're going you.

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<v Speaker 3>I am not in single.

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<v Speaker 2>James, that might be why pay for the second class?

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<v Speaker 1>Why you know what? I don't care, you gotta you

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<v Speaker 1>just got to be generous. I don't care what your

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<v Speaker 1>you know what ship you're sailing. You got to be

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<v Speaker 1>generous or.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm generous in a lot of different ways.

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<v Speaker 1>OK, give me your top three?

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<v Speaker 3>Fair enough?

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<v Speaker 5>Three?

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<v Speaker 3>So let's talk about love language. So one of my

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<v Speaker 3>love languages.

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<v Speaker 1>Is what I love the love Susan loves the language

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<v Speaker 1>I love. I love the conversation. I get confused, James,

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<v Speaker 1>because it's whether is it what I want or what

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<v Speaker 1>I want to give to you?

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<v Speaker 2>It's how you received love, how you feel love for.

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<v Speaker 1>Me, It's how I give my love. Language is how

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<v Speaker 1>do you want to You want.

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<v Speaker 2>To give love to your partner the way they receive love.

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<v Speaker 2>So you have this kind of.

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<v Speaker 1>Problem if then the derivative of D square, I can't,

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<v Speaker 1>I caty.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm buying you that cute little book. It's really simple.

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<v Speaker 1>I've had I've had it given to me before. Did

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<v Speaker 1>you read it? I did, but I.

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<v Speaker 2>Just don't because not understanding.

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<v Speaker 1>Because I was an English major, you would think I would, right,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know I can't.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so you're single. So were we?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so we're with.

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<v Speaker 2>Tell me your relationship with your sister growing up?

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<v Speaker 3>It was it was shaky and we weren't always close because.

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<v Speaker 1>You're a big age difference, right for sure?

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<v Speaker 3>For sure? And so we were both how many years?

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<v Speaker 1>How many years are you two?

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<v Speaker 3>We are nine nine years apart?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, how old is she? How old is that?

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<v Speaker 2>We'll figure this out later.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not even forty, you're thirty five. You are a child?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, no, no, you just your nine year You know what,

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<v Speaker 2>when you're fifty five, you're going to rephrase that statement,

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<v Speaker 2>you know.

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<v Speaker 1>Could I have a round of applause? Please for go

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<v Speaker 1>for figuring out how to find out how old he was?

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<v Speaker 2>Wait, so you weren't that close, or sometimes you were,

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes you weren't. She was like your pesty little sister

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<v Speaker 2>or a little bit.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and so we were both like super stubborn, and

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<v Speaker 4>so we always kind of got under each other's skins,

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<v Speaker 4>and then we refused to apologize, and.

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<v Speaker 3>So I remember there were like years where we just

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<v Speaker 3>wouldn't talk to each other at all.

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<v Speaker 1>Wait a minute, you were born in Vietnam.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, I was yeah, how old.

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<v Speaker 1>Were you when you came to the United States?

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<v Speaker 3>Four?

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<v Speaker 1>I was four, so your sister. And of course you

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<v Speaker 1>didn't speak English when you came. Not right away, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>but by the time your sister came along there was

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<v Speaker 1>no language.

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<v Speaker 3>Bearrier, no, no, so she was Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Was she spoiled? Did you think she was a spoiled

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<v Speaker 2>little girl.

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<v Speaker 4>Or honestly she wasn't. She just never She like always

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<v Speaker 4>kind of was brooted down to earth, you know, grew

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<v Speaker 4>up very hard working, so she wasn't spoiled. If anything,

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<v Speaker 4>I was a spoiled first child, right.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, okay, it's just you and your sister, just you

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<v Speaker 1>and Jen Me?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, me and Jen just us.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I'll tell you what for having all those ups

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<v Speaker 2>and downs. You sure showed up for her.

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<v Speaker 1>You sure did.

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<v Speaker 3>I did.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And can I want to ask you, so, when

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<v Speaker 1>I watched the show before I knew I was going

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<v Speaker 1>to get that fabulous happens on your head, I was

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<v Speaker 1>impressed that you didn't give your blessing to Devin, that

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<v Speaker 1>you said you couldn't do it. I want to know

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<v Speaker 1>was it set a feeling you had or was it

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<v Speaker 1>just struck me, especially given how the whole thing ended up.

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<v Speaker 2>Did you prepare for it?

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<v Speaker 1>Did you an did you have a miracle? What's it

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<v Speaker 1>called a crystal ball? I mean, let's tell me, tell

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<v Speaker 1>me about that.

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<v Speaker 4>No, I mean honest, To be honest, I just didn't

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<v Speaker 4>feel either of the guys, and so it just felt

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<v Speaker 4>wrong to give my blessing, especially before talking to the

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<v Speaker 4>other guy and before talking to Jen about Devin, and

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<v Speaker 4>so I felt like it was just too premature to

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<v Speaker 4>ask my blessing.

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<v Speaker 3>So there's no way I was I was going to

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<v Speaker 3>give it. There was no way.

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<v Speaker 1>So what advice did you give her? What advice did

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<v Speaker 1>you give her after you met the two guys? If

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, if you could say.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I mean I I told her what I thought

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<v Speaker 4>about both guys where I felt like, you know, Devin

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<v Speaker 4>didn't really say anything about her, it was all about him,

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<v Speaker 4>and then Marcus just didn't really say anything at all,

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<v Speaker 4>So like all he said was kind of just just

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<v Speaker 4>stuff that.

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<v Speaker 3>Just wasn't relevant to my questions, all.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, Son, So exactly, Yeah.

0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:53.040
<v Speaker 1>Given that clearly you're a guy who gives advice and

0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:56.240
<v Speaker 1>cares about your sister, I wouldn't know what advice you

0:10:56.320 --> 0:11:00.360
<v Speaker 1>would give two family members or friends of people that

0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:04.440
<v Speaker 1>are trying to date like that trouble with toxic relationships

0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:08.719
<v Speaker 1>and really and how do you support people in that situation, because.

0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:11.320
<v Speaker 3>I mean, you need to recognize the patterns.

0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:13.800
<v Speaker 4>You know, if you've always been in toxic relationships and

0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:15.440
<v Speaker 4>you need you need to kind of sit down and

0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:18.640
<v Speaker 4>ask why, you know, what does this guy have the

0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:21.400
<v Speaker 4>same in similar with like this guy? You know, compare

0:11:21.440 --> 0:11:24.200
<v Speaker 4>your exes and be like, why am I falling for

0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:25.560
<v Speaker 4>the same type over and over again?

0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:27.800
<v Speaker 3>Why isn't it working? And that's kind of how you

0:11:27.840 --> 0:11:31.240
<v Speaker 3>get out of that that pattern. So it's all about recognizing.

0:11:32.240 --> 0:11:34.760
<v Speaker 2>So that's what you think would be most important that

0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:37.600
<v Speaker 2>you would tell young women from your point of view

0:11:38.640 --> 0:11:40.600
<v Speaker 2>to look out for when they're dating.

0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:44.000
<v Speaker 4>I mean, it's more it's more about themselves, right, So

0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:47.400
<v Speaker 4>like what I told Jen was, she knows what she deserves, right,

0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:49.280
<v Speaker 4>she knows how she wants to be treated, and she

0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:52.080
<v Speaker 4>knows how she doesn't want to be treated. And so

0:11:52.160 --> 0:11:54.960
<v Speaker 4>as long as you come into a relationship with that,

0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:57.840
<v Speaker 4>then you can easily rule guys out who don't kind

0:11:57.840 --> 0:12:00.600
<v Speaker 4>of put in that effort that you deserve. And it's

0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:03.559
<v Speaker 4>more about recognizing that sign early and kind of cutting.

0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:05.840
<v Speaker 3>It loose where it feel. It feels that most people

0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:08.959
<v Speaker 3>that we speak of, yes, right, but most people.

0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:11.640
<v Speaker 4>Kind of stay in that relationship and try to change

0:12:11.640 --> 0:12:12.040
<v Speaker 4>that person.

0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:16.560
<v Speaker 3>It's going to get aware it never will. It never will, so.

0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:20.800
<v Speaker 1>I know I don't want so from their point of view,

0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:24.520
<v Speaker 1>we've cut Wait, you know what, We've cut so many

0:12:24.559 --> 0:12:28.600
<v Speaker 1>loose it's shredded on the floor at this point. What

0:12:28.679 --> 0:12:32.280
<v Speaker 1>do you think is? Uh, some things you think is

0:12:32.440 --> 0:12:36.160
<v Speaker 1>most important for a young woman to look I would

0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:38.600
<v Speaker 1>ask you to look for when they're dating, but also

0:12:38.600 --> 0:12:39.240
<v Speaker 1>to look out for.

0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:44.839
<v Speaker 3>Definitely communication. I think it's the most important party word.

0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:47.679
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, but it's not just communicating about, you know, what

0:12:47.720 --> 0:12:48.680
<v Speaker 4>you want to eat at the time.

0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:49.720
<v Speaker 3>It's more about.

0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:53.000
<v Speaker 4>Having those difficult conversations because that's how you know if

0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.480
<v Speaker 4>you're on the same page or not moving forward.

0:12:55.720 --> 0:12:58.560
<v Speaker 2>And it's okay to agree to disagree about that.

0:12:58.760 --> 0:13:02.040
<v Speaker 3>Absolutely, yeah, as long as you're both in the no.

0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:06.559
<v Speaker 1>Yes, yes, very good point. Very it's so hard.

0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:09.000
<v Speaker 2>So how do you go about dating? Do you go

0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:11.360
<v Speaker 2>on dating sites? If you don't mind me.

0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:16.400
<v Speaker 4>I am on a few dating sites yes, now, primarily Hinge,

0:13:16.520 --> 0:13:18.760
<v Speaker 4>And it's it's been eventful.

0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:21.800
<v Speaker 1>Can I tell you that's how my son, That's how

0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:25.920
<v Speaker 1>my son Susan officiated their wedding back in March. He

0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:28.360
<v Speaker 1>met his and he met her on hinge.

0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:30.720
<v Speaker 3>Yeah yeah, I mean it's it's the new way to date.

0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:35.280
<v Speaker 1>So it's not really it's the old round. There's there's

0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:38.000
<v Speaker 1>a big push now to get off to I hate

0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:39.720
<v Speaker 1>the word organically, but there you have.

0:13:40.400 --> 0:13:43.920
<v Speaker 2>It's don't you think some guys like the windows shop?

0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:48.360
<v Speaker 2>I mean it's about a look because you're not talking

0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:51.480
<v Speaker 2>to anybody, you're not seeing them physically, so you're window

0:13:51.559 --> 0:13:53.680
<v Speaker 2>shopping and you're scrolling through.

0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:55.200
<v Speaker 1>Who's going to swipe? Which way?

0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:59.280
<v Speaker 3>I mean appeals to me. I love windows shopping. Okay,

0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:02.319
<v Speaker 3>is looking at what they're selling. Can't afford any of it?

0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:04.600
<v Speaker 2>I always buy everything. That's my problem.

0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:05.280
<v Speaker 3>Trust.

0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:08.680
<v Speaker 1>What does Okay, So wait a minute, what advice were

0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:12.520
<v Speaker 1>you given in terms of dating relationships? You know, because

0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:17.439
<v Speaker 1>you're you know, you're you're over thirty advice way back

0:14:17.480 --> 0:14:19.600
<v Speaker 1>when you know, really way back when you know, when

0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:22.400
<v Speaker 1>you were thirty four? What advice do you still hold

0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:25.160
<v Speaker 1>on to? Like, what are those nuggets that you still

0:14:25.240 --> 0:14:28.680
<v Speaker 1>hold in your Arsenal of dating weaponry.

0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.280
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean things that I look for is.

0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:33.520
<v Speaker 1>That's kind of very aggressive.

0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:37.440
<v Speaker 3>Emotional emotional intelligence for sure.

0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:44.680
<v Speaker 2>Emotional availability too, availability, Yeah, definitely, communication and so just

0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:45.560
<v Speaker 2>all the basics.

0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:47.800
<v Speaker 4>And I know it's it's basic sounding, it's very cliche,

0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:50.080
<v Speaker 4>but it's hard to find out there, very hard.

0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:52.200
<v Speaker 2>And can you figure that out on the first date?

0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:53.920
<v Speaker 3>Usually?

0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.360
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, So I'm pretty good at being able to kind

0:14:56.360 --> 0:14:58.680
<v Speaker 4>of read people on the first date and knowing whether

0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:00.360
<v Speaker 4>there's going to be a second day or a date.

0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:03.880
<v Speaker 4>But at the same time, I feel like I jump

0:15:03.920 --> 0:15:05.680
<v Speaker 4>into the first dates very very soon.

0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:08.480
<v Speaker 3>And so when I'm on Hinge, I like, I'll I'll

0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:11.400
<v Speaker 3>answer back and forth probably four or five times.

0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:13.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, let's meet's let's happen to me.

0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:17.440
<v Speaker 2>I can't go back, even if it's just a quick

0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:20.960
<v Speaker 2>cup of coffee. Let's meet if there's some chemistry we

0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:22.800
<v Speaker 2>want to know more than we'll plan a date. I

0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:23.960
<v Speaker 2>don't even call that a date.

0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:26.080
<v Speaker 1>That's what I was going to say. I have gone

0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:28.760
<v Speaker 1>on date. I've talked to guys, you know, four or

0:15:28.800 --> 0:15:30.960
<v Speaker 1>five times and oh, you know this guy, I'll meet

0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:33.560
<v Speaker 1>him for a drink or a cup of coffee or

0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:37.560
<v Speaker 1>split an appetizer. But then when I meet him, he

0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:40.280
<v Speaker 1>is so different than the conversation we had. Do you

0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:41.200
<v Speaker 1>find that as well?

0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:44.920
<v Speaker 4>Usually yeah, but not not too differently. It's you can

0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:47.080
<v Speaker 4>kind of tell by the tone of how they text

0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:48.280
<v Speaker 4>what kind of person they'll be.

0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:51.200
<v Speaker 3>And so I'll go on record here and say that

0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:53.480
<v Speaker 3>I've never had a bad first date.

0:15:53.560 --> 0:15:55.120
<v Speaker 2>I don't think that's nice.

0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:59.600
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, we did pretty well, even if.

0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:04.360
<v Speaker 2>I have happy James, I had one bad first I

0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:06.600
<v Speaker 2>want to ghosted me.

0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:12.400
<v Speaker 1>He didn't show up. I've got I've got a worse

0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:16.200
<v Speaker 1>first date, which I have never told, but I'll tell

0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:18.800
<v Speaker 1>you if you want to hear it. It was a

0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:22.360
<v Speaker 1>guy I met online and he was coming from I

0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:24.640
<v Speaker 1>can't remember. We lived in a different state, but he

0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:27.040
<v Speaker 1>spends a lot of time in Austin for some reason,

0:16:27.080 --> 0:16:32.040
<v Speaker 1>which is where I live, Okay, And we talked three

0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:34.560
<v Speaker 1>or four times because I did exactly what we were

0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:37.760
<v Speaker 1>just saying, and he seems super fun and interesting in

0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:40.360
<v Speaker 1>my kind of guy, and active in sports and all

0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:45.440
<v Speaker 1>of it. And somehow we got on the subject of whiskey.

0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:51.520
<v Speaker 1>I like a good whiskey, and Blanton's is if you're

0:16:51.560 --> 0:16:55.920
<v Speaker 1>listening out there, send me a bottle Blon's. Yeah, I

0:16:56.840 --> 0:17:00.640
<v Speaker 1>love Glen's right. It's a very expensive but really good.

0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:05.240
<v Speaker 1>But so I said to him, I says he wanted

0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:07.080
<v Speaker 1>to come and stay with me on the weekend. I'd

0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:09.760
<v Speaker 1>never met the guy and I and I said, look,

0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:13.760
<v Speaker 1>if you can get me a bottle of Blantons, you

0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:17.119
<v Speaker 1>can come and stay at my house. Thinking that you

0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:20.560
<v Speaker 1>can't get it in Texas, it's impossible. So I thought,

0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:23.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm good. Yet guess what. He shows up with a

0:17:23.760 --> 0:17:28.200
<v Speaker 1>bottle of black I'm not kidding. And I looked at

0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:31.680
<v Speaker 1>that bottle and it was like I was sick, look

0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:34.880
<v Speaker 1>at and so I said, I was speechless. I said

0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:38.399
<v Speaker 1>I was joking. He goes, you can't back out now,

0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:41.400
<v Speaker 1>I said, oh yes, I really can't. Yeah, I said,

0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:44.359
<v Speaker 1>yeah I can, and I am. It was a joke

0:17:44.560 --> 0:17:46.080
<v Speaker 1>where you didn't tell me it was a joke. And

0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:48.000
<v Speaker 1>I spent a lot of money. It's very well.

0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:48.760
<v Speaker 2>I would have bought it.

0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:49.720
<v Speaker 1>I would have paid for it.

0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:51.080
<v Speaker 3>No, no, no, no, I.

0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:55.960
<v Speaker 1>Was so fearful at that point when he he was

0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:58.639
<v Speaker 1>you know, I know you probably think I'm aggressive. I'm

0:17:58.680 --> 0:18:02.680
<v Speaker 1>really not. I just it's just way I was scared

0:18:03.040 --> 0:18:05.119
<v Speaker 1>to death. I was like, oh my god, how do

0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:11.439
<v Speaker 1>your address? No, we met at a restaurant for dinner,

0:18:11.520 --> 0:18:13.520
<v Speaker 1>and he thought he was coming back to my house.

0:18:14.200 --> 0:18:16.720
<v Speaker 1>I said, because I told him to make a hotel reservation.

0:18:17.280 --> 0:18:19.280
<v Speaker 1>And he said, I said, but if you you know,

0:18:19.280 --> 0:18:20.720
<v Speaker 1>if you show up with a bottle of wlimbs, you

0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:23.119
<v Speaker 1>could stay with you. I mean, talk about Kathy running

0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:26.840
<v Speaker 1>her mouth. So anyway, that's my worst dating story.

0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:29.159
<v Speaker 3>So how was that. How was the rest of dinner?

0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:31.919
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, did you sit through dinner?

0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:32.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

0:18:33.040 --> 0:18:36.240
<v Speaker 2>Honestly, honestly, give me the bottle.

0:18:36.240 --> 0:18:39.480
<v Speaker 1>Here's the money. He did give me the bottle of whiskey.

0:18:40.600 --> 0:18:45.399
<v Speaker 1>I never saw him again. It was I've blocked it.

0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:47.600
<v Speaker 1>If we're being honest, I did get the bottle. The

0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:52.400
<v Speaker 1>bottles long gone, but she drank the bottle. You know what,

0:18:52.600 --> 0:18:54.560
<v Speaker 1>don't make a what is it? Don't make a promise.

0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:57.200
<v Speaker 1>Your ass can't catch Like, oh my god, never again,

0:18:57.240 --> 0:18:57.879
<v Speaker 1>will I say?

0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:01.520
<v Speaker 3>You know, that's the question. When you drink plans, do

0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:03.560
<v Speaker 3>you still think of him and that date? Well?

0:19:03.680 --> 0:19:08.560
<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, Why would I ruin good whiskey with

0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:12.240
<v Speaker 1>a bad memory? Okay too, I need to move on.

0:19:12.400 --> 0:19:13.359
<v Speaker 3>I think Yeah, I think.

0:19:13.640 --> 0:19:18.160
<v Speaker 2>Too, so James. We're gonna go through some people's questions

0:19:18.200 --> 0:19:20.919
<v Speaker 2>that they sent into us, and we're all three going

0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:23.439
<v Speaker 2>to share what our advice would be to them.

0:19:23.520 --> 0:19:24.560
<v Speaker 3>Sound good, Okay?

0:19:24.560 --> 0:19:26.920
<v Speaker 1>Cool, So listen because you're going to be given. You're

0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:28.280
<v Speaker 1>gonna be giving your opinions here.

0:19:36.160 --> 0:19:39.359
<v Speaker 2>The first one is from Charlie and she's twenty six

0:19:39.480 --> 0:19:43.960
<v Speaker 2>years old. Hi, Kathy and Susan. I love your podcast

0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:47.040
<v Speaker 2>and I'm really hoping you can help me out. I've

0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:49.960
<v Speaker 2>been single for about a year and a half. I'm

0:19:50.000 --> 0:19:52.639
<v Speaker 2>in no rush to start dating again, but for the

0:19:52.680 --> 0:19:55.680
<v Speaker 2>first time in a really long time, I feel ready.

0:19:56.480 --> 0:19:59.040
<v Speaker 2>I've had a lot of time to reflect on the

0:19:59.040 --> 0:20:02.040
<v Speaker 2>things I want in a relationship, and it's making me

0:20:02.160 --> 0:20:05.639
<v Speaker 2>realize how much better my friends than I deserve.

0:20:06.359 --> 0:20:08.160
<v Speaker 1>We've always joked that we've.

0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:12.040
<v Speaker 2>Been the blind leading the blind, just lover girls, always

0:20:12.119 --> 0:20:15.119
<v Speaker 2>giving men the benefit of the doubt. How do I

0:20:15.200 --> 0:20:19.000
<v Speaker 2>start dating with a balanced mentality and how can I

0:20:19.160 --> 0:20:22.359
<v Speaker 2>help my friends do the same. I don't want to

0:20:22.359 --> 0:20:27.760
<v Speaker 2>be closed off and unfairly accusatory of kind men, but

0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:30.480
<v Speaker 2>I definitely don't want to be back in the same

0:20:30.600 --> 0:20:34.399
<v Speaker 2>cycle I've always been in bending over backwards for the

0:20:34.440 --> 0:20:39.720
<v Speaker 2>bare minimum, then feeling disappointed when I finally had enough heartbreak?

0:20:40.119 --> 0:20:43.800
<v Speaker 2>What are some things I can do or keep in

0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:47.400
<v Speaker 2>mind so I can also share with them With my friends.

0:20:47.960 --> 0:20:51.080
<v Speaker 2>I know we can be such a great support system

0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:55.040
<v Speaker 2>for each other. We just need some guidance. Thanks so much.

0:20:56.400 --> 0:20:57.280
<v Speaker 2>She's twenty six.

0:20:59.320 --> 0:21:01.840
<v Speaker 1>What do you think I.

0:21:01.840 --> 0:21:04.560
<v Speaker 4>Mean, she's she's also a great start. You know, her

0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:07.560
<v Speaker 4>and her friends know that they deserve better, and so

0:21:07.680 --> 0:21:10.600
<v Speaker 4>the first line is always recognizing that and then from

0:21:10.680 --> 0:21:13.760
<v Speaker 4>then on, I think it's easy. You know, it's it's

0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:17.000
<v Speaker 4>kind of you start dating in a relationship, right and

0:21:17.119 --> 0:21:18.439
<v Speaker 4>you kind of have to sit back and be like,

0:21:18.560 --> 0:21:19.840
<v Speaker 4>is he giving me what I deserve?

0:21:20.119 --> 0:21:21.879
<v Speaker 3>And if the answer is yes, you keep going, and

0:21:21.920 --> 0:21:24.439
<v Speaker 3>if the answer is no, you stop.

0:21:25.119 --> 0:21:26.720
<v Speaker 4>And I feel like that's the hard part where most

0:21:26.760 --> 0:21:28.399
<v Speaker 4>people are like, I'm going to give him the benefit

0:21:28.440 --> 0:21:30.080
<v Speaker 4>of the doubt. He's going to change, He's going to

0:21:30.160 --> 0:21:32.919
<v Speaker 4>change for me, and usually it doesn't work out. And

0:21:32.960 --> 0:21:34.639
<v Speaker 4>so when she's on the right path.

0:21:34.640 --> 0:21:36.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, just realizing it.

0:21:36.600 --> 0:21:39.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Well, I think I think when a couple of things.

0:21:39.880 --> 0:21:42.439
<v Speaker 1>I think when someone shows you who are who they

0:21:42.480 --> 0:21:45.320
<v Speaker 1>are the first time, believe them. I would say that.

0:21:45.400 --> 0:21:49.240
<v Speaker 1>But also I think that I can't speak for men

0:21:49.320 --> 0:21:53.400
<v Speaker 1>because I'm not one. But I think that women often

0:21:54.680 --> 0:21:58.960
<v Speaker 1>the fear of I won't find someone, so I have

0:21:59.040 --> 0:22:02.120
<v Speaker 1>to make this one or try to make this one.

0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:04.720
<v Speaker 1>What will work? I'm not sure that I think it's

0:22:04.760 --> 0:22:09.639
<v Speaker 1>as easy. I love your philosophy. You believe you deserve better,

0:22:09.720 --> 0:22:13.800
<v Speaker 1>So go get better, right, go get But I'm not sure.

0:22:14.160 --> 0:22:16.560
<v Speaker 1>I think it's really hard for I don't know about men.

0:22:16.640 --> 0:22:17.480
<v Speaker 1>Is it hard for men?

0:22:18.520 --> 0:22:20.040
<v Speaker 3>It's hard. It's hard for men too.

0:22:20.119 --> 0:22:22.560
<v Speaker 4>I get attached very easily, and I kind of hang

0:22:22.640 --> 0:22:24.400
<v Speaker 4>on and kind of hope that things better.

0:22:24.560 --> 0:22:25.480
<v Speaker 2>That I'm hopeless.

0:22:25.600 --> 0:22:29.399
<v Speaker 3>Jane just yeah, so I'm with you. But you know,

0:22:29.600 --> 0:22:31.560
<v Speaker 3>I'm great at giving advice, not so much taking my

0:22:31.600 --> 0:22:33.359
<v Speaker 3>own advice. But that's the single.

0:22:34.720 --> 0:22:38.520
<v Speaker 1>But that's exactly the point. This girl knows. But it's

0:22:38.560 --> 0:22:43.160
<v Speaker 1>almost like she can't, you know, she said, I'm she's tired,

0:22:43.200 --> 0:22:44.679
<v Speaker 1>she wants she doesn't want to be back in the

0:22:44.680 --> 0:22:47.199
<v Speaker 1>same cycle of bending over for the bare minimum, and

0:22:47.280 --> 0:22:50.320
<v Speaker 1>yet she knows it. But I think that's what we

0:22:50.560 --> 0:22:54.280
<v Speaker 1>all struggle with is.

0:22:52.000 --> 0:22:55.000
<v Speaker 4>But she has a support system now, and so that's

0:22:55.080 --> 0:22:57.080
<v Speaker 4>kind of where you rely on your friends, where your

0:22:57.080 --> 0:22:59.560
<v Speaker 4>friends are like, hey, this guy's doing this right, he's

0:22:59.600 --> 0:23:01.920
<v Speaker 4>not like treating you well, but.

0:23:01.960 --> 0:23:05.199
<v Speaker 1>Her friends aren't getting it. Sounds like from Charlie's her

0:23:05.200 --> 0:23:06.399
<v Speaker 1>friends are in the same boat.

0:23:07.080 --> 0:23:09.800
<v Speaker 2>And she also says, I don't want to be closed off,

0:23:10.400 --> 0:23:13.560
<v Speaker 2>like that's total opposite. You don't close yourself off to

0:23:13.720 --> 0:23:14.760
<v Speaker 2>just be more aware.

0:23:16.160 --> 0:23:18.600
<v Speaker 4>But it's hard though, because after you're getting hurt so often,

0:23:18.760 --> 0:23:21.919
<v Speaker 4>you naturally just close up. Trust your gut, trust your friends,

0:23:22.680 --> 0:23:24.560
<v Speaker 4>and you know, don't settle.

0:23:25.520 --> 0:23:27.760
<v Speaker 2>Kathy would say, but red flag is a red flag,

0:23:27.800 --> 0:23:29.360
<v Speaker 2>and it's not going to turn any.

0:23:29.240 --> 0:23:32.360
<v Speaker 1>Other kind of red flag, white or beige a red flag.

0:23:32.800 --> 0:23:36.080
<v Speaker 1>There's red flags, and there's bleeding red flags, you know what.

0:23:36.160 --> 0:23:41.120
<v Speaker 2>And I believe, definitely, for most of my life exactly

0:23:41.160 --> 0:23:45.080
<v Speaker 2>what this girl has said. I'm a giver. I get excited,

0:23:45.240 --> 0:23:48.760
<v Speaker 2>I fall hard and fast, and then I do everything.

0:23:48.800 --> 0:23:51.639
<v Speaker 2>I jump into their world and do everything they like

0:23:51.720 --> 0:23:54.600
<v Speaker 2>to do, and everything's so fun and this, and then

0:23:55.280 --> 0:23:57.520
<v Speaker 2>three months in you want to do something that you

0:23:57.720 --> 0:24:03.240
<v Speaker 2>like and it's not it's not and then you start realizing, oh, well, yeah, yeah,

0:24:03.280 --> 0:24:03.920
<v Speaker 2>it's not me.

0:24:05.119 --> 0:24:07.199
<v Speaker 3>That close to home it does.

0:24:07.280 --> 0:24:09.720
<v Speaker 1>But you know what, James and Susan, here's the hope

0:24:09.720 --> 0:24:13.320
<v Speaker 1>for all of us that we we see it and

0:24:13.359 --> 0:24:17.000
<v Speaker 1>that maybe this this will be the time that we'll

0:24:17.040 --> 0:24:19.399
<v Speaker 1>make that person. No, but you have to have faith,

0:24:19.520 --> 0:24:20.280
<v Speaker 1>right if.

0:24:20.160 --> 0:24:23.160
<v Speaker 2>Not everybody does like the same exact things as we do.

0:24:23.480 --> 0:24:25.119
<v Speaker 2>So where do you draw that line?

0:24:25.240 --> 0:24:28.439
<v Speaker 1>You know, I'm just saying, maybe this is the time

0:24:28.880 --> 0:24:33.760
<v Speaker 1>where we are aware and cognizant of what's going on

0:24:34.160 --> 0:24:37.760
<v Speaker 1>and we choose to get off the bus before you know,

0:24:37.760 --> 0:24:39.160
<v Speaker 1>we've ridden all the way through the city.

0:24:39.240 --> 0:24:41.440
<v Speaker 3>You know what I'm saying, Yeah, this is the turning point.

0:24:41.640 --> 0:24:45.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, all right, hopefully we're all strong enough to do that.

0:24:45.200 --> 0:24:47.560
<v Speaker 2>And Charlie, I wish you luck, but you do have

0:24:47.560 --> 0:24:51.560
<v Speaker 2>a short system with your friends, take each other's and Charlie's.

0:24:51.560 --> 0:24:52.760
<v Speaker 1>Maybe reach out to James.

0:24:53.440 --> 0:24:54.240
<v Speaker 3>Yeah we do.

0:24:54.640 --> 0:24:57.000
<v Speaker 2>Please, We've got an available young man here.

0:24:57.400 --> 0:25:00.119
<v Speaker 1>Here we are, all right. Next question is from I'm

0:25:00.160 --> 0:25:05.000
<v Speaker 1>an anonymous mom. Hi, ladies, I need your help. I'm

0:25:05.040 --> 0:25:07.960
<v Speaker 1>a mom to three kids, a daughter who is fifteen,

0:25:08.359 --> 0:25:11.320
<v Speaker 1>a son who is twelve, and another daughter who is ten.

0:25:11.680 --> 0:25:13.879
<v Speaker 1>I've been through a lot in my life, beginning in

0:25:13.880 --> 0:25:16.840
<v Speaker 1>my childhood and I've worked very hard on my mental

0:25:16.880 --> 0:25:20.680
<v Speaker 1>health ever since college. I've made sure to heal from

0:25:20.720 --> 0:25:25.920
<v Speaker 1>my trauma, establish healthy coping mechanisms, and do therapy anywhere

0:25:25.960 --> 0:25:30.400
<v Speaker 1>from once a month to twice a week. I'm fifty now.

0:25:31.000 --> 0:25:33.080
<v Speaker 1>I have a great husband who steps up when I

0:25:33.119 --> 0:25:36.159
<v Speaker 1>need time for my mental health. I still struggle with

0:25:36.200 --> 0:25:40.679
<v Speaker 1>some depression, anxiety, and PTSD. For the most part, it's manageable.

0:25:40.800 --> 0:25:43.480
<v Speaker 1>So here's my question, how do I talk to my

0:25:43.600 --> 0:25:46.800
<v Speaker 1>oldest daughter about these things? When I become a mom.

0:25:47.119 --> 0:25:49.720
<v Speaker 1>I promised myself that I wouldn't let my kids see

0:25:49.760 --> 0:25:52.640
<v Speaker 1>me when things get really bad, because I never want

0:25:52.680 --> 0:25:55.120
<v Speaker 1>them to worry about me. But I feel it's important

0:25:55.119 --> 0:25:58.000
<v Speaker 1>that I teach my daughter and my other kids when

0:25:58.040 --> 0:26:01.399
<v Speaker 1>I feel old enough and ready, that it's okay to

0:26:01.520 --> 0:26:04.920
<v Speaker 1>not be one hundred percent okay. Sometimes I don't want

0:26:04.960 --> 0:26:07.600
<v Speaker 1>my kids to work thinking I was perfect and had

0:26:07.640 --> 0:26:10.760
<v Speaker 1>it all together all the time, because that's just not

0:26:10.880 --> 0:26:14.320
<v Speaker 1>how life works. I want to be honest and human

0:26:14.400 --> 0:26:17.119
<v Speaker 1>with my daughter while still being a parent that she

0:26:17.240 --> 0:26:21.080
<v Speaker 1>sees as our sturdy foundation. My husband is so great,

0:26:21.400 --> 0:26:23.760
<v Speaker 1>but he doesn't have the struggles that I do, So

0:26:23.840 --> 0:26:27.000
<v Speaker 1>this conversation is really up to me. He'll be there

0:26:27.040 --> 0:26:29.439
<v Speaker 1>with me to weigh in if things get murky, but

0:26:29.520 --> 0:26:33.480
<v Speaker 1>he trusts me to do this. Thank you, ladies, and James,

0:26:34.240 --> 0:26:38.280
<v Speaker 1>love you and James, and so what do you think, James?

0:26:38.720 --> 0:26:40.600
<v Speaker 4>This one also hits close to home, and so it's

0:26:40.640 --> 0:26:42.760
<v Speaker 4>something that I struggled with growing up, where my dad

0:26:42.840 --> 0:26:45.840
<v Speaker 4>was definitely more the you know, never show emotion, everything

0:26:45.920 --> 0:26:49.560
<v Speaker 4>is always okay, and so that's what I learned growing up.

0:26:49.600 --> 0:26:50.719
<v Speaker 3>So I never showed emotion.

0:26:51.640 --> 0:26:53.440
<v Speaker 4>And so when I was on the show with Jen,

0:26:53.880 --> 0:26:56.439
<v Speaker 4>that was the first time that I'd ever cried in

0:26:56.480 --> 0:27:00.960
<v Speaker 4>front of anybody and actually a dog, my parents, anybody,

0:27:01.440 --> 0:27:03.680
<v Speaker 4>And here I was on TVs crying, and so it's

0:27:03.680 --> 0:27:06.560
<v Speaker 4>something that I've had to work through just showing more

0:27:06.600 --> 0:27:09.760
<v Speaker 4>emotion and just letting people know that I'm not feeling okay.

0:27:10.520 --> 0:27:12.440
<v Speaker 4>And so I think she has the right idea here

0:27:12.560 --> 0:27:15.000
<v Speaker 4>where you know, that's something that her kids need to

0:27:15.160 --> 0:27:17.880
<v Speaker 4>kind of see and learn and that's kind of how

0:27:17.920 --> 0:27:20.480
<v Speaker 4>they become more in touch of their emotions and get

0:27:21.080 --> 0:27:22.879
<v Speaker 4>and kind of develop that side better.

0:27:23.160 --> 0:27:25.760
<v Speaker 3>So I definitely a platter for doing that.

0:27:25.840 --> 0:27:29.639
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely, I wonder how bad this when she needs

0:27:29.720 --> 0:27:32.040
<v Speaker 2>time for her mental health and her husband's steps, and

0:27:32.160 --> 0:27:34.480
<v Speaker 2>so she could have private time less she freak out

0:27:34.720 --> 0:27:38.359
<v Speaker 2>or you know, the PTSD what is it from? But

0:27:39.000 --> 0:27:43.760
<v Speaker 2>maybe you're one of your children has the same issue, right,

0:27:43.880 --> 0:27:47.600
<v Speaker 2>would do you so well to educate them? And you

0:27:47.680 --> 0:27:51.359
<v Speaker 2>know why mommy leaves sometimes because mommy gets depressed or

0:27:51.359 --> 0:27:54.439
<v Speaker 2>mommy gets stressed out. Share it definitely, and that's okay,

0:27:54.520 --> 0:27:55.679
<v Speaker 2>And that's that is okay.

0:27:55.840 --> 0:28:00.000
<v Speaker 1>It is I am. I agree with both of you wholeheartedly. James.

0:28:00.400 --> 0:28:04.240
<v Speaker 1>I literally my mouth dropped open when you said truly,

0:28:04.720 --> 0:28:06.919
<v Speaker 1>when you said that was the first time you'd ever cried,

0:28:07.040 --> 0:28:11.840
<v Speaker 1>because to me, that was such a heartfelt moment on

0:28:11.880 --> 0:28:17.800
<v Speaker 1>the show, and just a little bit we've talked, I

0:28:17.800 --> 0:28:23.359
<v Speaker 1>would have said, oh, he's a very warm, heartfelt share

0:28:23.520 --> 0:28:25.439
<v Speaker 1>is feeling kind of guy. I mean, that's how you

0:28:25.480 --> 0:28:25.960
<v Speaker 1>come off.

0:28:26.280 --> 0:28:28.400
<v Speaker 2>But you know what, a lot of men boys are

0:28:28.520 --> 0:28:32.840
<v Speaker 2>taught that, Kathy, not today so much. Now, it's okay.

0:28:33.160 --> 0:28:36.800
<v Speaker 2>Look at the men on A Jones season the very

0:28:36.880 --> 0:28:39.520
<v Speaker 2>first night when their daughters came up and it happened

0:28:39.560 --> 0:28:42.400
<v Speaker 2>to be filmed on Father's Day and they all cried.

0:28:42.600 --> 0:28:44.040
<v Speaker 1>I thought that was beautiful.

0:28:44.760 --> 0:28:47.920
<v Speaker 2>Whereas our parents or our grandparents when they raised the sun,

0:28:48.480 --> 0:28:51.240
<v Speaker 2>that was you're less of a man. You have to

0:28:51.280 --> 0:28:53.640
<v Speaker 2>be able to be strong and hold it back. I

0:28:53.680 --> 0:28:57.120
<v Speaker 2>don't think that's necessary. It's good to show feeling.

0:28:57.760 --> 0:29:00.239
<v Speaker 4>It is, but we come from different generations, you know,

0:29:00.400 --> 0:29:02.520
<v Speaker 4>Like in my generation back in the day, about sixty

0:29:02.600 --> 0:29:06.920
<v Speaker 4>years ago, we just weren't weren't taught to show emotion.

0:29:07.360 --> 0:29:10.400
<v Speaker 1>Wait, I have questioned James for you, and I don't

0:29:10.400 --> 0:29:12.160
<v Speaker 1>know if we have enough time, but we'll just jump

0:29:12.160 --> 0:29:16.560
<v Speaker 1>into it really quickly. Sure, you obviously have come from

0:29:16.600 --> 0:29:19.280
<v Speaker 1>a different culture, your parents come from a different culture.

0:29:19.520 --> 0:29:23.280
<v Speaker 1>How important is that for you to date? I know

0:29:23.800 --> 0:29:25.960
<v Speaker 1>they talked about it with Jen. Is it important to

0:29:26.000 --> 0:29:29.000
<v Speaker 1>you to date within your culture? Just give me a

0:29:29.040 --> 0:29:31.000
<v Speaker 1>little down and dirty version of what you're thought.

0:29:31.320 --> 0:29:32.640
<v Speaker 3>It has to be within my culture?

0:29:32.720 --> 0:29:34.600
<v Speaker 4>I think I just need to find somebody that is

0:29:34.640 --> 0:29:36.840
<v Speaker 4>accepting of my culture and is willing to learn more

0:29:36.840 --> 0:29:39.000
<v Speaker 4>about it and kind of immerse themselves in it, And

0:29:39.040 --> 0:29:41.080
<v Speaker 4>obviously I would do the same for their culture. Right,

0:29:41.320 --> 0:29:44.200
<v Speaker 4>it's right, So it doesn't have to be within my culture.

0:29:44.240 --> 0:29:50.000
<v Speaker 4>It's more about just learning about each other and culture included.

0:29:50.200 --> 0:29:51.520
<v Speaker 1>So I like that.

0:29:51.520 --> 0:29:54.880
<v Speaker 2>It's like Jewish people with Christian people or Catholic people

0:29:54.960 --> 0:29:59.640
<v Speaker 2>that do Christmas and Hanukkah, you know, right?

0:29:59.720 --> 0:30:03.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I just think you are an incredible guy, are

0:30:03.960 --> 0:30:09.920
<v Speaker 1>you are? You're You're caring and you obviously love your sister, and.

0:30:10.160 --> 0:30:12.400
<v Speaker 2>I just I have to admit that when you were

0:30:12.440 --> 0:30:14.480
<v Speaker 2>first you were a little like I was like, who,

0:30:16.280 --> 0:30:19.040
<v Speaker 2>You're not going to give these guys an easy you.

0:30:18.960 --> 0:30:21.240
<v Speaker 3>Know, I shouldn't, right.

0:30:24.360 --> 0:30:27.600
<v Speaker 1>What I'm sacking. Yeah, but I will say when you

0:30:27.720 --> 0:30:30.560
<v Speaker 1>cried to hear that, that's the first time you've ever cried. Wow,

0:30:31.000 --> 0:30:32.600
<v Speaker 1>So are you in generally close now?

0:30:32.640 --> 0:30:36.040
<v Speaker 4>Then we're getting closer. So we still have things to

0:30:36.080 --> 0:30:38.080
<v Speaker 4>work on, but we're definitely aware of it. And I

0:30:38.080 --> 0:30:40.600
<v Speaker 4>think the show kind of brought us a little closer

0:30:40.680 --> 0:30:43.840
<v Speaker 4>and kind of pushed us towards reconciliation because.

0:30:43.640 --> 0:30:45.760
<v Speaker 3>I know before this we were a little bit rocky.

0:30:46.080 --> 0:30:50.280
<v Speaker 3>So but she is your sister, yes, and I love her,

0:30:50.680 --> 0:30:51.360
<v Speaker 3>you know so.

0:30:51.440 --> 0:30:54.720
<v Speaker 2>Regardless, right, but regards on that relationship and have good

0:30:54.760 --> 0:30:56.720
<v Speaker 2>times and make memories as important.

0:30:56.760 --> 0:30:58.720
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean, she's still a brat ninety percent.

0:30:59.400 --> 0:31:04.880
<v Speaker 1>But Jen, can I just say she has beautiful hair?

0:31:05.640 --> 0:31:07.920
<v Speaker 4>God, people say that she looks beautiful and I just

0:31:07.920 --> 0:31:08.479
<v Speaker 4>don't see it.

0:31:08.560 --> 0:31:11.600
<v Speaker 3>I think she's ugly. She's an ugly dougling. And I

0:31:11.640 --> 0:31:11.840
<v Speaker 3>don't know.

0:31:13.920 --> 0:31:15.320
<v Speaker 2>I liked you for five minutes.

0:31:15.360 --> 0:31:17.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm over. I don't believe you.

0:31:17.760 --> 0:31:19.160
<v Speaker 2>See her dancing right now.

0:31:19.160 --> 0:31:22.200
<v Speaker 1>You're a handsome guy and she is a beautiful girl.

0:31:22.480 --> 0:31:24.320
<v Speaker 1>Just say you're right, Kathain. We can move on.

0:31:25.000 --> 0:31:26.800
<v Speaker 3>You're right, Kathy, okay.

0:31:27.000 --> 0:31:29.240
<v Speaker 2>And you're a hard one, Dave, You're a hard one.

0:31:29.320 --> 0:31:31.120
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. You tell me when you fall in love.

0:31:31.680 --> 0:31:32.800
<v Speaker 3>I like to pick on her.

0:31:34.400 --> 0:31:36.440
<v Speaker 1>And I'm sure she loves it. You know what.

0:31:36.560 --> 0:31:39.800
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much for joining us today. We've enjoyed.

0:31:41.280 --> 0:31:43.200
<v Speaker 2>I hope you did. I hope you don't hate us.

0:31:43.880 --> 0:31:44.920
<v Speaker 3>No, not at all.

0:31:45.120 --> 0:31:47.400
<v Speaker 2>Oh no, James, I cry in front of everybody.

0:31:47.440 --> 0:31:51.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm just saying it's easy for me and James. You're

0:31:51.200 --> 0:31:52.640
<v Speaker 1>not going anywhere because I need to give you my

0:31:52.720 --> 0:31:53.800
<v Speaker 1>address for that hat.

0:31:54.560 --> 0:32:00.680
<v Speaker 5>Absolutely, I remember again, Thank you and loved love getting

0:32:00.800 --> 0:32:04.640
<v Speaker 5>chat with you, and thank everybody for joining us.

0:32:05.000 --> 0:32:08.480
<v Speaker 1>Please guys be sure to follow us on Bachelor Happy Hour.

0:32:08.680 --> 0:32:11.640
<v Speaker 1>Who wants to miss this conversation with James. Let me

0:32:11.680 --> 0:32:15.240
<v Speaker 1>just say we have new episodes coming out every week.

0:32:15.520 --> 0:32:17.760
<v Speaker 1>They might not be as good as this one with James,

0:32:17.800 --> 0:32:19.120
<v Speaker 1>but yeah, they're all pretty good.

0:32:19.320 --> 0:32:21.520
<v Speaker 2>And what would we do without these questions? I mean,

0:32:21.600 --> 0:32:24.800
<v Speaker 2>who would think to ask something like that? You guys do,

0:32:24.960 --> 0:32:27.800
<v Speaker 2>and we love it, so keep them coming. Please just

0:32:27.840 --> 0:32:30.960
<v Speaker 2>go to bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour, hit us

0:32:31.040 --> 0:32:33.480
<v Speaker 2>up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour.

0:32:33.800 --> 0:32:37.719
<v Speaker 1>And please listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on

0:32:37.760 --> 0:32:41.480
<v Speaker 1>the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Till

0:32:41.560 --> 0:32:43.480
<v Speaker 1>Nextill next time, See you later,