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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thank you

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Speaker 1: for joining us. We're so excited to be back. How

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Speaker 1: you doing, Susan, I'm doing great.

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Speaker 2: I'm so excited about today. And I can't believe I'm

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Speaker 2: actually going to say this again, because if you haven't

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Speaker 2: done it yet, you gotta follow us. How are you

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Speaker 2: going to know what we're saying, what we're doing if

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Speaker 2: you're not following, It's so darn easy. Just search for

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Speaker 2: a Bachelor Happy Hour in your podcast app, hit the

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Speaker 2: follow button, and then we'll be there.

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Speaker 1: We're like a ray of sunshine, right If you hit

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Speaker 1: the follow button, you're going to be notified every time

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Speaker 1: we put out a new podcast and you'll never miss one.

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Speaker 1: So make sure you hit the follow button and leave

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Speaker 1: us a review while you're there.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I love that too, and ask some questions. Yes, Kathy, Yes,

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Speaker 2: and make sure to check out all of our past

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Speaker 2: episodes because we have had some good ones. We've been

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Speaker 2: having so much fun. I mean some of those questions.

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Speaker 2: How about the ones a little earlier about getting to

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Speaker 2: know us, the things we tell I'm telling you that

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Speaker 2: don't want to miss that one?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't? You want to hear about Susan's Catholic

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Speaker 1: school upbringing and how she dodged the boys. It's very interesting.

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Speaker 2: And you guys know how to do it by now.

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Speaker 2: You just go Bachelorhappy Hour dot com slash Golden Hour

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Speaker 2: and we have some great questions and a fabulous guest.

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Speaker 1: Today. Oh we do. Today we have a true gem

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Speaker 1: from Jen's season on The Bachelor atte her brother James. Hi, Jay,

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Speaker 1: Hi James for joining us. Are you okay?

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Speaker 2: Are you excited or nervous?

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm just going to come straight out with it.

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Speaker 1: I used to be a newspaper writer. I'm an interviewer.

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna I'm just gonna start asking questions. She

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Speaker 1: will ask you all about the answers.

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Speaker 2: So you're going to start with that hat.

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Speaker 1: I think the first thing is I'm starting with hat.

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Speaker 1: So the hat I know came from when Jen Oh

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Speaker 1: came Fenry Park. James, you know where I'm from.

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Speaker 3: You're from Boston, No.

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Speaker 1: I am, And do you know what I want?

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Speaker 3: My hat?

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Speaker 1: That's right? So I believe that you've got a few

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Speaker 1: of those hats, so Bachelor Nation.

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Speaker 2: I have a really small head, so get me a

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Speaker 2: small one.

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Speaker 3: Are you going to say it.

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Speaker 4: Yes, I will promise on this recording. I will send

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Speaker 4: you a hat.

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Speaker 3: Yes.

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Speaker 2: Okay, you heard it, ladies, and you are definitely here

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Speaker 2: since and we're going to get to our questions a minute.

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Speaker 1: I just got to fire a few more. How old

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Speaker 1: are you, James? Where do you live?

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Speaker 2: What do you do?

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Speaker 1: We want to know what.

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Speaker 3: Let's start in the beginning. I am old.

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Speaker 2: What's too old?

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Speaker 3: Too old?

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Speaker 4: Too old is when you first wake up and you

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Speaker 4: feel all you know, things start to creak and you

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Speaker 4: feel sore.

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Speaker 2: Maybe wait to your mind, Oh my gosh, Okay, I'm

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Speaker 2: not too old.

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Speaker 3: I am your age. I am your age.

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Speaker 2: I'm sixty seven.

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Speaker 3: I'm close. If you round up, if you.

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Speaker 1: Round up a twenty. Okay, wait a second. Where in

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Speaker 1: Boston do you live?

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Speaker 3: So on my Assembly Road? It's a little bit north

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Speaker 3: of Boston.

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Speaker 1: Where I'm trying.

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Speaker 4: I didn't hear what you said, Assembly Row, Assembly Road, Somerville, Cambridge.

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Speaker 1: Oh, Somerville.

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Speaker 3: I lived.

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Speaker 1: I lived right on the river in Cambridge.

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Speaker 3: So we were neighbors.

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Speaker 1: We were neighbors. Well you were. You were just a

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Speaker 1: twinkle in your parent's eye when I lived there. But yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: and then tell me what you do for a living.

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Speaker 1: You know, what's your life like.

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Speaker 3: So I've had an interesting career path.

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Speaker 4: I've gone through many, many different careers, from an engineer,

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Speaker 4: it's a cardiac technician to an EMT.

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Speaker 3: So currently I manage the wine and.

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Speaker 4: Beverage programs for within a group of restaurants in Boston.

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Speaker 1: Wow, I'm coming, never mind, I'll come and get there.

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Speaker 1: Get me out for dinner.

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Speaker 3: A bottle of wine.

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Speaker 1: I love that I've got one right here. I'm toasting

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Speaker 1: to you right now.

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Speaker 3: All right, I'm getting I don't have a glass.

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Speaker 2: Well, just you know what sends for the wine and

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Speaker 2: he'll send us hats.

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Speaker 1: James, there's one career that you did not mention that

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Speaker 1: you excel at and we're going to get into it

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Speaker 1: a little bit. Yes you do. You are an incredible

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Speaker 1: dating coach for your Yes, hey, we watched you. We

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Speaker 1: watched Kudos to you, baby, and we'll get into that.

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Speaker 1: We're going to get into that in just a second.

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Speaker 1: But I just want you didn't you can add that

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Speaker 1: to your resume.

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Speaker 2: Okay, if we have a good question for you, what

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Speaker 2: is something that is a deal breaker for you in

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Speaker 2: a relationship?

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Speaker 3: Cigarette smoking? Cheers.

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Speaker 1: I literally just drank to that. How about for you, Kathy,

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Speaker 1: cigarette smoking? I'm with you.

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Speaker 2: What's what other deal?

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Speaker 1: Break?

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Speaker 2: We just talked about this about a date being rude

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Speaker 2: to the wait staff.

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Speaker 3: You know, that's another thing. Absolutely be staff.

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Speaker 1: Bad breath, that's another one. Uh, just rudeness in general,

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Speaker 1: being chic. How about a guy that invites you out

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Speaker 1: on a date and ask you to go to happy

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Speaker 1: hour and then want you to split a drink and

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Speaker 1: an appetizer. I've had that, so I always.

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Speaker 3: Pay for the first. I will always pay for the first.

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Speaker 2: I will pay my way if I know I'm never

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Speaker 2: going to.

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Speaker 1: See them, saus can you hold this down? I got

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Speaker 1: to go book a flight for Boston. I'm gonna go

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Speaker 1: beat him.

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Speaker 3: There's no there's no happy hour in Boston though, you're.

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Speaker 1: Just happy to live in Boston.

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Speaker 2: Tell me about go ahead.

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Speaker 4: I will always pay for the first date for the

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Speaker 4: first drink, but then we'll split the second.

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Speaker 3: So that's usually how it goes.

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Speaker 1: Okay, wait a minute, Wait a minute.

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Speaker 4: I think that's fair. I think that's fair. You know,

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Speaker 4: I'm just trying to be myself and the way.

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Speaker 1: You in a relationship. James, we're going you.

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Speaker 3: I am not in single.

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Speaker 2: James, that might be why pay for the second class?

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Speaker 1: Why you know what? I don't care, you gotta you

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Speaker 1: just got to be generous. I don't care what your

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Speaker 1: you know what ship you're sailing. You got to be

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Speaker 1: generous or.

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Speaker 3: I'm generous in a lot of different ways.

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Speaker 1: OK, give me your top three?

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Speaker 3: Fair enough?

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Speaker 5: Three?

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Speaker 3: So let's talk about love language. So one of my

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Speaker 3: love languages.

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Speaker 1: Is what I love the love Susan loves the language

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Speaker 1: I love. I love the conversation. I get confused, James,

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Speaker 1: because it's whether is it what I want or what

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Speaker 1: I want to give to you?

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Speaker 2: It's how you received love, how you feel love for.

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Speaker 1: Me, It's how I give my love. Language is how

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Speaker 1: do you want to You want.

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Speaker 2: To give love to your partner the way they receive love.

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Speaker 2: So you have this kind of.

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Speaker 1: Problem if then the derivative of D square, I can't,

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Speaker 1: I caty.

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Speaker 2: I'm buying you that cute little book. It's really simple.

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Speaker 1: I've had I've had it given to me before. Did

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Speaker 1: you read it? I did, but I.

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Speaker 2: Just don't because not understanding.

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Speaker 1: Because I was an English major, you would think I would, right,

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Speaker 1: I don't know I can't.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so you're single. So were we?

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Speaker 1: Okay, so we're with.

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Speaker 2: Tell me your relationship with your sister growing up?

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Speaker 3: It was it was shaky and we weren't always close because.

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Speaker 1: You're a big age difference, right for sure?

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Speaker 3: For sure? And so we were both how many years?

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Speaker 1: How many years are you two?

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Speaker 3: We are nine nine years apart?

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Speaker 1: Okay, how old is she? How old is that?

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Speaker 2: We'll figure this out later.

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Speaker 1: It's not even forty, you're thirty five. You are a child?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, no, you just your nine year You know what,

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Speaker 2: when you're fifty five, you're going to rephrase that statement,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 1: Could I have a round of applause? Please for go

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Speaker 1: for figuring out how to find out how old he was?

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Speaker 2: Wait, so you weren't that close, or sometimes you were,

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Speaker 2: sometimes you weren't. She was like your pesty little sister

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Speaker 2: or a little bit.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and so we were both like super stubborn, and

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Speaker 4: so we always kind of got under each other's skins,

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Speaker 4: and then we refused to apologize, and.

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Speaker 3: So I remember there were like years where we just

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Speaker 3: wouldn't talk to each other at all.

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Speaker 1: Wait a minute, you were born in Vietnam.

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Speaker 3: Right, I was yeah, how old.

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Speaker 1: Were you when you came to the United States?

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Speaker 3: Four?

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Speaker 1: I was four, so your sister. And of course you

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Speaker 1: didn't speak English when you came. Not right away, okay,

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Speaker 1: but by the time your sister came along there was

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Speaker 1: no language.

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Speaker 3: Bearrier, no, no, so she was Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Was she spoiled? Did you think she was a spoiled

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Speaker 2: little girl.

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Speaker 4: Or honestly she wasn't. She just never She like always

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Speaker 4: kind of was brooted down to earth, you know, grew

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Speaker 4: up very hard working, so she wasn't spoiled. If anything,

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Speaker 4: I was a spoiled first child, right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, it's just you and your sister, just you

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Speaker 1: and Jen Me?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, me and Jen just us.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'll tell you what for having all those ups

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Speaker 2: and downs. You sure showed up for her.

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Speaker 1: You sure did.

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Speaker 3: I did.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And can I want to ask you, so, when

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Speaker 1: I watched the show before I knew I was going

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Speaker 1: to get that fabulous happens on your head, I was

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Speaker 1: impressed that you didn't give your blessing to Devin, that

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Speaker 1: you said you couldn't do it. I want to know

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Speaker 1: was it set a feeling you had or was it

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Speaker 1: just struck me, especially given how the whole thing ended up.

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Speaker 2: Did you prepare for it?

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Speaker 1: Did you an did you have a miracle? What's it

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Speaker 1: called a crystal ball? I mean, let's tell me, tell

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Speaker 1: me about that.

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Speaker 4: No, I mean honest, To be honest, I just didn't

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Speaker 4: feel either of the guys, and so it just felt

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Speaker 4: wrong to give my blessing, especially before talking to the

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Speaker 4: other guy and before talking to Jen about Devin, and

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Speaker 4: so I felt like it was just too premature to

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Speaker 4: ask my blessing.

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Speaker 3: So there's no way I was I was going to

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Speaker 3: give it. There was no way.

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Speaker 1: So what advice did you give her? What advice did

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Speaker 1: you give her after you met the two guys? If

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Speaker 1: I mean, if you could say.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I I told her what I thought

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Speaker 4: about both guys where I felt like, you know, Devin

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Speaker 4: didn't really say anything about her, it was all about him,

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Speaker 4: and then Marcus just didn't really say anything at all,

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Speaker 4: So like all he said was kind of just just

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Speaker 4: stuff that.

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Speaker 3: Just wasn't relevant to my questions, all.

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Speaker 2: Right, Son, So exactly, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Given that clearly you're a guy who gives advice and

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Speaker 1: cares about your sister, I wouldn't know what advice you

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Speaker 1: would give two family members or friends of people that

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Speaker 1: are trying to date like that trouble with toxic relationships

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Speaker 1: and really and how do you support people in that situation, because.

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Speaker 3: I mean, you need to recognize the patterns.

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Speaker 4: You know, if you've always been in toxic relationships and

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Speaker 4: you need you need to kind of sit down and

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Speaker 4: ask why, you know, what does this guy have the

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Speaker 4: same in similar with like this guy? You know, compare

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Speaker 4: your exes and be like, why am I falling for

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Speaker 4: the same type over and over again?

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Speaker 3: Why isn't it working? And that's kind of how you

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Speaker 3: get out of that that pattern. So it's all about recognizing.

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Speaker 2: So that's what you think would be most important that

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Speaker 2: you would tell young women from your point of view

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Speaker 2: to look out for when they're dating.

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Speaker 4: I mean, it's more it's more about themselves, right, So

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Speaker 4: like what I told Jen was, she knows what she deserves, right,

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Speaker 4: she knows how she wants to be treated, and she

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Speaker 4: knows how she doesn't want to be treated. And so

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Speaker 4: as long as you come into a relationship with that,

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Speaker 4: then you can easily rule guys out who don't kind

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Speaker 4: of put in that effort that you deserve. And it's

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Speaker 4: more about recognizing that sign early and kind of cutting.

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Speaker 3: It loose where it feel. It feels that most people

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Speaker 3: that we speak of, yes, right, but most people.

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Speaker 4: Kind of stay in that relationship and try to change

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Speaker 4: that person.

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Speaker 3: It's going to get aware it never will. It never will, so.

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Speaker 1: I know I don't want so from their point of view,

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Speaker 1: we've cut Wait, you know what, We've cut so many

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Speaker 1: loose it's shredded on the floor at this point. What

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Speaker 1: do you think is? Uh, some things you think is

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Speaker 1: most important for a young woman to look I would

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Speaker 1: ask you to look for when they're dating, but also

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Speaker 1: to look out for.

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Speaker 3: Definitely communication. I think it's the most important party word.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's not just communicating about, you know, what

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Speaker 4: you want to eat at the time.

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Speaker 3: It's more about.

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Speaker 4: Having those difficult conversations because that's how you know if

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Speaker 4: you're on the same page or not moving forward.

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Speaker 2: And it's okay to agree to disagree about that.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, yeah, as long as you're both in the no.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, very good point. Very it's so hard.

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Speaker 2: So how do you go about dating? Do you go

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Speaker 2: on dating sites? If you don't mind me.

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Speaker 4: I am on a few dating sites yes, now, primarily Hinge,

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Speaker 4: And it's it's been eventful.

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Speaker 1: Can I tell you that's how my son, That's how

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Speaker 1: my son Susan officiated their wedding back in March. He

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Speaker 1: met his and he met her on hinge.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I mean it's it's the new way to date.

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Speaker 1: So it's not really it's the old round. There's there's

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Speaker 1: a big push now to get off to I hate

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Speaker 1: the word organically, but there you have.

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Speaker 2: It's don't you think some guys like the windows shop?

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Speaker 2: I mean it's about a look because you're not talking

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Speaker 2: to anybody, you're not seeing them physically, so you're window

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Speaker 2: shopping and you're scrolling through.

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Speaker 1: Who's going to swipe? Which way?

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Speaker 3: I mean appeals to me. I love windows shopping. Okay,

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Speaker 3: is looking at what they're selling. Can't afford any of it?

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Speaker 2: I always buy everything. That's my problem.

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Speaker 3: Trust.

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Speaker 1: What does Okay, So wait a minute, what advice were

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Speaker 1: you given in terms of dating relationships? You know, because

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Speaker 1: you're you know, you're you're over thirty advice way back

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Speaker 1: when you know, really way back when you know, when

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Speaker 1: you were thirty four? What advice do you still hold

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Speaker 1: on to? Like, what are those nuggets that you still

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Speaker 1: hold in your Arsenal of dating weaponry.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean things that I look for is.

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Speaker 1: That's kind of very aggressive.

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Speaker 3: Emotional emotional intelligence for sure.

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Speaker 2: Emotional availability too, availability, Yeah, definitely, communication and so just

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Speaker 2: all the basics.

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Speaker 4: And I know it's it's basic sounding, it's very cliche,

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Speaker 4: but it's hard to find out there, very hard.

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Speaker 2: And can you figure that out on the first date?

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Speaker 3: Usually?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So I'm pretty good at being able to kind

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Speaker 4: of read people on the first date and knowing whether

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Speaker 4: there's going to be a second day or a date.

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Speaker 4: But at the same time, I feel like I jump

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Speaker 4: into the first dates very very soon.

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Speaker 3: And so when I'm on Hinge, I like, I'll I'll

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Speaker 3: answer back and forth probably four or five times.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, let's meet's let's happen to me.

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Speaker 2: I can't go back, even if it's just a quick

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Speaker 2: cup of coffee. Let's meet if there's some chemistry we

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Speaker 2: want to know more than we'll plan a date. I

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Speaker 2: don't even call that a date.

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Speaker 1: That's what I was going to say. I have gone

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Speaker 1: on date. I've talked to guys, you know, four or

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Speaker 1: five times and oh, you know this guy, I'll meet

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Speaker 1: him for a drink or a cup of coffee or

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Speaker 1: split an appetizer. But then when I meet him, he

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Speaker 1: is so different than the conversation we had. Do you

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Speaker 1: find that as well?

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Speaker 4: Usually yeah, but not not too differently. It's you can

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Speaker 4: kind of tell by the tone of how they text

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Speaker 4: what kind of person they'll be.

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Speaker 3: And so I'll go on record here and say that

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Speaker 3: I've never had a bad first date.

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Speaker 2: I don't think that's nice.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we did pretty well, even if.

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Speaker 2: I have happy James, I had one bad first I

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Speaker 2: want to ghosted me.

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Speaker 1: He didn't show up. I've got I've got a worse

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Speaker 1: first date, which I have never told, but I'll tell

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Speaker 1: you if you want to hear it. It was a

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Speaker 1: guy I met online and he was coming from I

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Speaker 1: can't remember. We lived in a different state, but he

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Speaker 1: spends a lot of time in Austin for some reason,

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Speaker 1: which is where I live, Okay, And we talked three

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Speaker 1: or four times because I did exactly what we were

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Speaker 1: just saying, and he seems super fun and interesting in

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Speaker 1: my kind of guy, and active in sports and all

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Speaker 1: of it. And somehow we got on the subject of whiskey.

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Speaker 1: I like a good whiskey, and Blanton's is if you're

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Speaker 1: listening out there, send me a bottle Blon's. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: love Glen's right. It's a very expensive but really good.

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Speaker 1: But so I said to him, I says he wanted

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Speaker 1: to come and stay with me on the weekend. I'd

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Speaker 1: never met the guy and I and I said, look,

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Speaker 1: if you can get me a bottle of Blantons, you

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Speaker 1: can come and stay at my house. Thinking that you

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Speaker 1: can't get it in Texas, it's impossible. So I thought,

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Speaker 1: I'm good. Yet guess what. He shows up with a

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Speaker 1: bottle of black I'm not kidding. And I looked at

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Speaker 1: that bottle and it was like I was sick, look

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Speaker 1: at and so I said, I was speechless. I said

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Speaker 1: I was joking. He goes, you can't back out now,

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Speaker 1: I said, oh yes, I really can't. Yeah, I said,

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Speaker 1: yeah I can, and I am. It was a joke

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Speaker 1: where you didn't tell me it was a joke. And

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Speaker 1: I spent a lot of money. It's very well.

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Speaker 2: I would have bought it.

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Speaker 1: I would have paid for it.

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Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, I.

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Speaker 1: Was so fearful at that point when he he was

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Speaker 1: you know, I know you probably think I'm aggressive. I'm

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Speaker 1: really not. I just it's just way I was scared

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Speaker 1: to death. I was like, oh my god, how do

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Speaker 1: your address? No, we met at a restaurant for dinner,

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Speaker 1: and he thought he was coming back to my house.

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Speaker 1: I said, because I told him to make a hotel reservation.

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Speaker 1: And he said, I said, but if you you know,

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Speaker 1: if you show up with a bottle of wlimbs, you

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Speaker 1: could stay with you. I mean, talk about Kathy running

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Speaker 1: her mouth. So anyway, that's my worst dating story.

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Speaker 3: So how was that. How was the rest of dinner?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, did you sit through dinner?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Honestly, honestly, give me the bottle.

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Speaker 1: Here's the money. He did give me the bottle of whiskey.

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Speaker 1: I never saw him again. It was I've blocked it.

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Speaker 1: If we're being honest, I did get the bottle. The

400
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Speaker 1: bottles long gone, but she drank the bottle. You know what,

401
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 1: don't make a what is it? Don't make a promise.

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Speaker 1: Your ass can't catch Like, oh my god, never again,

403
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Speaker 1: will I say?

404
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,520
Speaker 3: You know, that's the question. When you drink plans, do

405
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Speaker 3: you still think of him and that date? Well?

406
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Speaker 1: No, no, no, Why would I ruin good whiskey with

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Speaker 1: a bad memory? Okay too, I need to move on.

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Speaker 3: I think Yeah, I think.

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Speaker 2: Too, so James. We're gonna go through some people's questions

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Speaker 2: that they sent into us, and we're all three going

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Speaker 2: to share what our advice would be to them.

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Speaker 3: Sound good, Okay?

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Speaker 1: Cool, So listen because you're going to be given. You're

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Speaker 1: gonna be giving your opinions here.

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Speaker 2: The first one is from Charlie and she's twenty six

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Speaker 2: years old. Hi, Kathy and Susan. I love your podcast

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Speaker 2: and I'm really hoping you can help me out. I've

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Speaker 2: been single for about a year and a half. I'm

419
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Speaker 2: in no rush to start dating again, but for the

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Speaker 2: first time in a really long time, I feel ready.

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Speaker 2: I've had a lot of time to reflect on the

422
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Speaker 2: things I want in a relationship, and it's making me

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Speaker 2: realize how much better my friends than I deserve.

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Speaker 1: We've always joked that we've.

425
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Speaker 2: Been the blind leading the blind, just lover girls, always

426
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Speaker 2: giving men the benefit of the doubt. How do I

427
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Speaker 2: start dating with a balanced mentality and how can I

428
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Speaker 2: help my friends do the same. I don't want to

429
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Speaker 2: be closed off and unfairly accusatory of kind men, but

430
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Speaker 2: I definitely don't want to be back in the same

431
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:34,399
Speaker 2: cycle I've always been in bending over backwards for the

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Speaker 2: bare minimum, then feeling disappointed when I finally had enough heartbreak?

433
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Speaker 2: What are some things I can do or keep in

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Speaker 2: mind so I can also share with them With my friends.

435
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Speaker 2: I know we can be such a great support system

436
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Speaker 2: for each other. We just need some guidance. Thanks so much.

437
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Speaker 2: She's twenty six.

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Speaker 1: What do you think I.

439
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,560
Speaker 4: Mean, she's she's also a great start. You know, her

440
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 4: and her friends know that they deserve better, and so

441
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 4: the first line is always recognizing that and then from

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Speaker 4: then on, I think it's easy. You know, it's it's

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Speaker 4: kind of you start dating in a relationship, right and

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Speaker 4: you kind of have to sit back and be like,

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Speaker 4: is he giving me what I deserve?

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Speaker 3: And if the answer is yes, you keep going, and

447
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,439
Speaker 3: if the answer is no, you stop.

448
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:26,720
Speaker 4: And I feel like that's the hard part where most

449
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,399
Speaker 4: people are like, I'm going to give him the benefit

450
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,080
Speaker 4: of the doubt. He's going to change, He's going to

451
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,919
Speaker 4: change for me, and usually it doesn't work out. And

452
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,639
Speaker 4: so when she's on the right path.

453
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, just realizing it.

454
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, I think I think when a couple of things.

455
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,439
Speaker 1: I think when someone shows you who are who they

456
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,320
Speaker 1: are the first time, believe them. I would say that.

457
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:49,240
Speaker 1: But also I think that I can't speak for men

458
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:53,400
Speaker 1: because I'm not one. But I think that women often

459
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:58,960
Speaker 1: the fear of I won't find someone, so I have

460
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,120
Speaker 1: to make this one or try to make this one.

461
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 1: What will work? I'm not sure that I think it's

462
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:09,639
Speaker 1: as easy. I love your philosophy. You believe you deserve better,

463
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:13,800
Speaker 1: So go get better, right, go get But I'm not sure.

464
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 1: I think it's really hard for I don't know about men.

465
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 1: Is it hard for men?

466
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 3: It's hard. It's hard for men too.

467
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,560
Speaker 4: I get attached very easily, and I kind of hang

468
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,400
Speaker 4: on and kind of hope that things better.

469
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 2: That I'm hopeless.

470
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:29,399
Speaker 3: Jane just yeah, so I'm with you. But you know,

471
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 3: I'm great at giving advice, not so much taking my

472
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 3: own advice. But that's the single.

473
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:38,520
Speaker 1: But that's exactly the point. This girl knows. But it's

474
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 1: almost like she can't, you know, she said, I'm she's tired,

475
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 1: she wants she doesn't want to be back in the

476
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:47,199
Speaker 1: same cycle of bending over for the bare minimum, and

477
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 1: yet she knows it. But I think that's what we

478
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 1: all struggle with is.

479
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 4: But she has a support system now, and so that's

480
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 4: kind of where you rely on your friends, where your

481
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 4: friends are like, hey, this guy's doing this right, he's

482
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,920
Speaker 4: not like treating you well, but.

483
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:05,199
Speaker 1: Her friends aren't getting it. Sounds like from Charlie's her

484
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:06,399
Speaker 1: friends are in the same boat.

485
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 2: And she also says, I don't want to be closed off,

486
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,560
Speaker 2: like that's total opposite. You don't close yourself off to

487
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 2: just be more aware.

488
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 4: But it's hard though, because after you're getting hurt so often,

489
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,919
Speaker 4: you naturally just close up. Trust your gut, trust your friends,

490
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 4: and you know, don't settle.

491
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 2: Kathy would say, but red flag is a red flag,

492
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,360
Speaker 2: and it's not going to turn any.

493
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:32,360
Speaker 1: Other kind of red flag, white or beige a red flag.

494
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 1: There's red flags, and there's bleeding red flags, you know what.

495
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:41,120
Speaker 2: And I believe, definitely, for most of my life exactly

496
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:45,080
Speaker 2: what this girl has said. I'm a giver. I get excited,

497
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 2: I fall hard and fast, and then I do everything.

498
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,639
Speaker 2: I jump into their world and do everything they like

499
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 2: to do, and everything's so fun and this, and then

500
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 2: three months in you want to do something that you

501
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 2: like and it's not it's not and then you start realizing, oh, well, yeah, yeah,

502
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:03,920
Speaker 2: it's not me.

503
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,199
Speaker 3: That close to home it does.

504
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,720
Speaker 1: But you know what, James and Susan, here's the hope

505
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 1: for all of us that we we see it and

506
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 1: that maybe this this will be the time that we'll

507
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 1: make that person. No, but you have to have faith,

508
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 1: right if.

509
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,160
Speaker 2: Not everybody does like the same exact things as we do.

510
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,119
Speaker 2: So where do you draw that line?

511
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:28,439
Speaker 1: You know, I'm just saying, maybe this is the time

512
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 1: where we are aware and cognizant of what's going on

513
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 1: and we choose to get off the bus before you know,

514
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,160
Speaker 1: we've ridden all the way through the city.

515
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,440
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, Yeah, this is the turning point.

516
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, hopefully we're all strong enough to do that.

517
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 2: And Charlie, I wish you luck, but you do have

518
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 2: a short system with your friends, take each other's and Charlie's.

519
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:52,760
Speaker 1: Maybe reach out to James.

520
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:54,240
Speaker 3: Yeah we do.

521
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 2: Please, We've got an available young man here.

522
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,119
Speaker 1: Here we are, all right. Next question is from I'm

523
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 1: an anonymous mom. Hi, ladies, I need your help. I'm

524
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,960
Speaker 1: a mom to three kids, a daughter who is fifteen,

525
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 1: a son who is twelve, and another daughter who is ten.

526
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:13,879
Speaker 1: I've been through a lot in my life, beginning in

527
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 1: my childhood and I've worked very hard on my mental

528
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 1: health ever since college. I've made sure to heal from

529
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 1: my trauma, establish healthy coping mechanisms, and do therapy anywhere

530
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:30,400
Speaker 1: from once a month to twice a week. I'm fifty now.

531
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 1: I have a great husband who steps up when I

532
00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:36,159
Speaker 1: need time for my mental health. I still struggle with

533
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 1: some depression, anxiety, and PTSD. For the most part, it's manageable.

534
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 1: So here's my question, how do I talk to my

535
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 1: oldest daughter about these things? When I become a mom.

536
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:49,720
Speaker 1: I promised myself that I wouldn't let my kids see

537
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,640
Speaker 1: me when things get really bad, because I never want

538
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,120
Speaker 1: them to worry about me. But I feel it's important

539
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,000
Speaker 1: that I teach my daughter and my other kids when

540
00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 1: I feel old enough and ready, that it's okay to

541
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 1: not be one hundred percent okay. Sometimes I don't want

542
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,600
Speaker 1: my kids to work thinking I was perfect and had

543
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,760
Speaker 1: it all together all the time, because that's just not

544
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 1: how life works. I want to be honest and human

545
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,119
Speaker 1: with my daughter while still being a parent that she

546
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 1: sees as our sturdy foundation. My husband is so great,

547
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 1: but he doesn't have the struggles that I do, So

548
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 1: this conversation is really up to me. He'll be there

549
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,439
Speaker 1: with me to weigh in if things get murky, but

550
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 1: he trusts me to do this. Thank you, ladies, and James,

551
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 1: love you and James, and so what do you think, James?

552
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 4: This one also hits close to home, and so it's

553
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 4: something that I struggled with growing up, where my dad

554
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 4: was definitely more the you know, never show emotion, everything

555
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 4: is always okay, and so that's what I learned growing up.

556
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:50,719
Speaker 3: So I never showed emotion.

557
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 4: And so when I was on the show with Jen,

558
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,439
Speaker 4: that was the first time that I'd ever cried in

559
00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 4: front of anybody and actually a dog, my parents, anybody,

560
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,680
Speaker 4: And here I was on TVs crying, and so it's

561
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 4: something that I've had to work through just showing more

562
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:09,760
Speaker 4: emotion and just letting people know that I'm not feeling okay.

563
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,440
Speaker 4: And so I think she has the right idea here

564
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 4: where you know, that's something that her kids need to

565
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,880
Speaker 4: kind of see and learn and that's kind of how

566
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 4: they become more in touch of their emotions and get

567
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 4: and kind of develop that side better.

568
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 3: So I definitely a platter for doing that.

569
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:29,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, I wonder how bad this when she needs

570
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 2: time for her mental health and her husband's steps, and

571
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 2: so she could have private time less she freak out

572
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 2: or you know, the PTSD what is it from? But

573
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 2: maybe you're one of your children has the same issue, right,

574
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 2: would do you so well to educate them? And you

575
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:51,359
Speaker 2: know why mommy leaves sometimes because mommy gets depressed or

576
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:54,439
Speaker 2: mommy gets stressed out. Share it definitely, and that's okay,

577
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:55,679
Speaker 2: And that's that is okay.

578
00:27:55,840 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 1: It is I am. I agree with both of you wholeheartedly. James.

579
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: I literally my mouth dropped open when you said truly,

580
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:06,919
Speaker 1: when you said that was the first time you'd ever cried,

581
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 1: because to me, that was such a heartfelt moment on

582
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 1: the show, and just a little bit we've talked, I

583
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:23,359
Speaker 1: would have said, oh, he's a very warm, heartfelt share

584
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,439
Speaker 1: is feeling kind of guy. I mean, that's how you

585
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:25,960
Speaker 1: come off.

586
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,400
Speaker 2: But you know what, a lot of men boys are

587
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 2: taught that, Kathy, not today so much. Now, it's okay.

588
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,800
Speaker 2: Look at the men on A Jones season the very

589
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 2: first night when their daughters came up and it happened

590
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 2: to be filmed on Father's Day and they all cried.

591
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 1: I thought that was beautiful.

592
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 2: Whereas our parents or our grandparents when they raised the sun,

593
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:51,240
Speaker 2: that was you're less of a man. You have to

594
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,640
Speaker 2: be able to be strong and hold it back. I

595
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 2: don't think that's necessary. It's good to show feeling.

596
00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:00,239
Speaker 4: It is, but we come from different generations, you know,

597
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 4: Like in my generation back in the day, about sixty

598
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 4: years ago, we just weren't weren't taught to show emotion.

599
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 1: Wait, I have questioned James for you, and I don't

600
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 1: know if we have enough time, but we'll just jump

601
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 1: into it really quickly. Sure, you obviously have come from

602
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: a different culture, your parents come from a different culture.

603
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:23,280
Speaker 1: How important is that for you to date? I know

604
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 1: they talked about it with Jen. Is it important to

605
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 1: you to date within your culture? Just give me a

606
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: little down and dirty version of what you're thought.

607
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 3: It has to be within my culture?

608
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 4: I think I just need to find somebody that is

609
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 4: accepting of my culture and is willing to learn more

610
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 4: about it and kind of immerse themselves in it, And

611
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 4: obviously I would do the same for their culture. Right,

612
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 4: it's right, So it doesn't have to be within my culture.

613
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 4: It's more about just learning about each other and culture included.

614
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 1: So I like that.

615
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 2: It's like Jewish people with Christian people or Catholic people

616
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 2: that do Christmas and Hanukkah, you know, right?

617
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just think you are an incredible guy, are

618
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: you are? You're You're caring and you obviously love your sister, and.

619
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 2: I just I have to admit that when you were

620
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 2: first you were a little like I was like, who,

621
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 2: You're not going to give these guys an easy you.

622
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 3: Know, I shouldn't, right.

623
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,600
Speaker 1: What I'm sacking. Yeah, but I will say when you

624
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 1: cried to hear that, that's the first time you've ever cried. Wow,

625
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 1: So are you in generally close now?

626
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 4: Then we're getting closer. So we still have things to

627
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 4: work on, but we're definitely aware of it. And I

628
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 4: think the show kind of brought us a little closer

629
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 4: and kind of pushed us towards reconciliation because.

630
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 3: I know before this we were a little bit rocky.

631
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 3: So but she is your sister, yes, and I love her,

632
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 3: you know so.

633
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 2: Regardless, right, but regards on that relationship and have good

634
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:56,720
Speaker 2: times and make memories as important.

635
00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, she's still a brat ninety percent.

636
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:04,880
Speaker 1: But Jen, can I just say she has beautiful hair?

637
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 4: God, people say that she looks beautiful and I just

638
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:08,479
Speaker 4: don't see it.

639
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 3: I think she's ugly. She's an ugly dougling. And I

640
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 3: don't know.

641
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:15,320
Speaker 2: I liked you for five minutes.

642
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 1: I'm over. I don't believe you.

643
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 2: See her dancing right now.

644
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 1: You're a handsome guy and she is a beautiful girl.

645
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 1: Just say you're right, Kathain. We can move on.

646
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 3: You're right, Kathy, okay.

647
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 2: And you're a hard one, Dave, You're a hard one.

648
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 2: I don't know. You tell me when you fall in love.

649
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 3: I like to pick on her.

650
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 1: And I'm sure she loves it. You know what.

651
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:39,800
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for joining us today. We've enjoyed.

652
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 2: I hope you did. I hope you don't hate us.

653
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 3: No, not at all.

654
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 2: Oh no, James, I cry in front of everybody.

655
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 1: I'm just saying it's easy for me and James. You're

656
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 1: not going anywhere because I need to give you my

657
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: address for that hat.

658
00:31:54,560 --> 00:32:00,680
Speaker 5: Absolutely, I remember again, Thank you and loved love getting

659
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 5: chat with you, and thank everybody for joining us.

660
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 1: Please guys be sure to follow us on Bachelor Happy Hour.

661
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 1: Who wants to miss this conversation with James. Let me

662
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 1: just say we have new episodes coming out every week.

663
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,760
Speaker 1: They might not be as good as this one with James,

664
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 1: but yeah, they're all pretty good.

665
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 2: And what would we do without these questions? I mean,

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00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 2: who would think to ask something like that? You guys do,

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00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 2: and we love it, so keep them coming. Please just

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00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 2: go to bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour, hit us

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00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 2: up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour.

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00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:37,719
Speaker 1: And please listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on

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00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Till

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00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,480
Speaker 1: Nextill next time, See you later,