WEBVTT - This will be the greatest challenge of your life 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.080 Whatever the answer is, and whatever you figure out, it's 0:00:03.080 --> 0:00:06.560 not easy. It's going to be a huge mountain for 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:08.879 you to climb. And my heart goes out to you. 0:00:08.920 --> 0:00:12.240 I'm so sorry that you are You're going to have 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:21.160 to tackle maybe the greatest challenge of your life. Maybe 0:00:26.920 --> 0:00:29.840 what's up? Guys? Welcome to the podcast is episode one 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:33.320 oh four. Got one of my favorite buddies, favorite guests. 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:37.920 Thanks for having me back, Bernie Calcot. Yep, we're here everyone. 0:00:38.000 --> 0:00:40.760 Every time you're on the podcast, people say more Bernie, 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:45.440 and in fact they make the questions specific to Bernie. Yeah, 0:00:45.479 --> 0:00:48.400 so many times. And that's what this podcast is. We 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:53.080 answer your questions. If you have anything, email Grangersmith podcast 0:00:53.159 --> 0:00:55.240 at gmail dot com. We'll put it in the queue. 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:58.160 We'll get to it, and it could be about any subject. 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:01.960 I feel the weight of your questions. I realized that 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:06.360 this podcast has become something where you want to bounce 0:01:06.360 --> 0:01:08.200 an idea off of us, and we're going to talk 0:01:08.240 --> 0:01:12.080 through it with no notes, no preparation, and we're gonna 0:01:12.160 --> 0:01:15.040 speak to you as though we're just three friends hanging 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:18.800 out trying to give some advice in real time, walking 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:21.000 through it slowly in long form, which is why I 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:24.399 love podcast. Thank you for all the different platforms you're 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:28.320 listening on, whether it's Spotify or Apple Music or YouTube 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:32.800 or whatever your favorite podcast style platform is. Thank you. 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:35.000 You guys have made this one of the top podcasts 0:01:35.280 --> 0:01:39.200 in all the music genre and love you for that. 0:01:39.360 --> 0:01:43.360 And we're so grateful for this platform. And Bernie, you've 0:01:43.360 --> 0:01:48.120 been coming for probably over a year now as a guest. Yeah, 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:50.160 which is awesome. I thought for sure I was gonna 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:52.840 bomb this thing the first time I came. I was like, well, 0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:56.320 Granger's not gonna do the podcast anymore. They're gonna cancel 0:01:56.320 --> 0:01:58.760 it after I was on. But or you guys were 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:01.240 going to cancel me. But you've been so gracious and 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:06.400 like Grangers, just give me a bunch of feedback from 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:09.520 you know, meet and greets and whatnot. And so I'll 0:02:09.560 --> 0:02:12.120 keep coming as long as you keep in bite me man, absolutely. 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:16.520 And can I say real quick, your brother Parker on 0:02:16.600 --> 0:02:21.799 this podcast. He's late twenties, is that right? My goodness? 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:29.880 He is like his perspective, his responses, his wisdom. I 0:02:29.919 --> 0:02:31.840 don't want to say for being that age, because for 0:02:31.919 --> 0:02:35.040 any age, but to be in the late twenties and 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:38.960 have the perspective that he has is really awesome to 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:42.840 listen to. The shout out to Parker listening, buddy, We'll 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:47.560 get We'll get Parker back on here soon too. Guys, 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:49.640 if you have anything, like I said, I'm gonna repeat 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:52.920 it that. The email is Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:55.200 I want to blind. I want to jump into this. 0:02:55.240 --> 0:02:59.160 The seventh first one is about being blind, which is 0:02:59.200 --> 0:03:00.959 an interesting I think it's the first time you've dealt 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:03.720 with something like this, but the subject line is the 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:08.680 first time. Yeah. The subject line says blind relationship slash 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:14.079 Bernie is my fave. Oh stop it. They love you, Bernie, 0:03:14.200 --> 0:03:17.799 they love you. The question is short and it says this. 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:21.040 My name is Alison. I'm twenty four years old. Back 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:25.280 in November twenty twenty, I became blind unexpectedly. My boyfriend 0:03:25.360 --> 0:03:28.480 of five years says that going blind doesn't change how 0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:31.320 he feels about me, But how do I curb the 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:34.600 nagging feeling that I'm going to hold him back from 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:38.760 doing things that two sided people would enjoy? Thank you? 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:45.760 I love the podcast. Definitely never heard that one before. Yeah, 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:48.960 so that's a new Yeah. So November twenty twenty now 0:03:49.120 --> 0:03:52.440 so that means that I'm guessing three and a half 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:56.800 four years they had a relationship where she could see, 0:03:57.240 --> 0:04:01.280 and then she became blind pretty recently. And it's an 0:04:01.400 --> 0:04:05.360 understandable nagging feeling that she has. It's I want to 0:04:05.840 --> 0:04:09.400 I want to validate her her feeling that if you 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:12.520 lose one of your five senses, you're going to feel 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:18.360 lesser of a of a partner in a relationship, absolutely, 0:04:18.440 --> 0:04:21.560 and that you're going to hold that other person back 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:26.159 from experiencing their life to the fullest. Yeah. I think 0:04:26.200 --> 0:04:28.520 you could probably could probably say the same thing about 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:31.440 if you lost your legs or you lost your hearing. 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:37.000 I think anytime you anytime you have something that drastically 0:04:37.120 --> 0:04:40.000 changes the way you perceive the world, you're going to 0:04:40.000 --> 0:04:45.200 feel vulnerable. How do we start with Alison. Yeah, so 0:04:45.279 --> 0:04:48.240 it's a burden that she has to carry, but she's 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:54.920 also now her husband is now carrying with her. So 0:04:55.160 --> 0:04:57.720 seek wise counsel. I think comes to comes to mind 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:02.120 in terms of seeking other relationships that are similar. We're 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:06.120 either maybe someone's in a wheelchair and the other person's not, 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:10.400 and those kind of relationships that are strong and well 0:05:10.480 --> 0:05:16.600 grounded would be a good resource for Allison. Absolutely. Yeah, 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:20.919 there's probably a community of people that have already found 0:05:20.960 --> 0:05:26.120 each other and could be a support system for her 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:29.000 and her husband that they just didn't know until they 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:32.400 kind of entered into this. Yeah. Yeah, I think that 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:36.440 you're going to learn a lot about this boyfriend. Oh, 0:05:36.520 --> 0:05:39.919 it's a boyfriend. It's a boyfriend. Oh okay, for some reason, 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:41.280 I thought it was a husband. I said a husband 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:43.560 a couple times. Okay, that probably changes it a little bit. 0:05:43.600 --> 0:05:49.240 That definitely changes it. That changes my answer, I think 0:05:49.279 --> 0:05:54.440 a bit. But it doesn't seem like there's any resistance 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:57.760 from him. Hey, props to the dude he's telling her. 0:05:58.080 --> 0:05:59.960 It does not change the way he feels. And it's 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:02.680 been it's been well over a year, it's been almost 0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:06.600 two years, supposed to this guy. Well, if he is 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:10.159 listening to this podcast, and bro, you love this girl 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:13.520 enough to stay with her even after she's became blind, 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:18.400 you need to marry her already, right, Yeah. Absolutely, But 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:20.839 let's look at the benefits for this dude. He doesn't 0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:23.039 have to comb his hair anymore, that's right. He doesn't 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:25.600 have to worry about what he wears as much anymore. 0:06:25.680 --> 0:06:30.919 Oh yeah, that's kind of nice. Yeah. I mean, yeah, 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:33.320 I'm just thinking about how you know, my clothes are 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:34.960 kind of laid out. It's like okay, yeah, I'm I 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:37.320 aware of that. Okay, God, no, go back in and 0:06:37.400 --> 0:06:40.760 change like okay. Help that happens a lot. Help me 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:44.800 out someone that has an impairment like this. Help me 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:47.960 out with this, because I've heard. It's my understanding that 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:54.159 when you lose since like sight, that other senses are enhanced. 0:06:54.240 --> 0:06:56.080 Have you heard that? Yeah, yeah, I've heard that that 0:06:56.120 --> 0:06:58.760 you you're the human body starts to compensate, and so 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:02.200 you get better hearing, or maybe your smell gets better, 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:05.400 or maybe your sense of touch obviously would get better 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:09.080 because you're going to start feeling more throughout your surroundings, 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:13.400 and so you are your body's going to compensate. I'm 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:15.360 speaking a little bit out of terms here because I 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:19.000 can't relate to this, but I can relate to you 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:21.600 being vulnerable in the situation, and I want to commend 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:26.560 you on emailing us and feeling this vulnerability, and I 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:30.600 would I would encourage you to kind of lean into 0:07:30.600 --> 0:07:34.480 that vulnerability with your boyfriend so that he knows that 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:40.239 you're not just blindly confident about you're the same person, 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:42.760 because you're not the same person anymore, and that's not 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:47.200 a bad thing, but you are different. And I think 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:52.120 we all go through seasons or times chapters in our 0:07:52.120 --> 0:07:54.720 life where things change, Like I have impairment that have 0:07:54.760 --> 0:07:58.600 happened to me. You do, everyone does. Where something happens 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:00.880 in your life and from that that moment on your 0:08:00.920 --> 0:08:05.800 a different You're a different version of yourself, and that's 0:08:05.840 --> 0:08:10.560 what's happened to you. I would I would, I would 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:14.400 lean into that vulnerability, and aside from your relationship with 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:19.679 your boyfriend, I would really lean into God's word because 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:24.560 in the Gospels, the four Gospels that we have of 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:30.360 Jesus's life on Earth, blindness comes up a lot. Jesus 0:08:30.400 --> 0:08:34.520 talks about blindness a lot, and it's never in a 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:40.000 negative light. Ever, sometimes it's in a positive light, like 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:43.440 I'm going to open your eyes to the Kingdom of 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:46.080 Heaven in a new way that you could never see 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:48.760 with your earthly eyes. My eyes are going to go 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:51.920 out one day, yours are two. I might die at 0:08:51.920 --> 0:08:54.640 the same moment or not, but regardless, all of our 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:57.240 eyes are going to go out at some point. You 0:08:57.480 --> 0:09:01.320 might Allison have been given a gift with this blindness 0:09:01.880 --> 0:09:05.960 that is probably hard to recognize right now, but this 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:07.680 might be a gift that you're going to be able 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:11.600 to lean into how you perceive the world in a 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:17.080 completely different way, and that could benefit somebody. So I 0:09:17.120 --> 0:09:19.960 want you to recognize that you are an asset to 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:22.880 this boyfriend, or if you don't stay with this guy, 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:25.960 you're an asset to someone else in the future. You 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:30.280 are bringing a lot to the table as a person, Alison, 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:34.160 and I want you to recognize that, yeah, and also 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:38.920 recognize that I'm not sure. I feel like we've said before, 0:09:38.960 --> 0:09:41.440 like a lot of these podcast questions can kind of 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:46.559 like be answered with like this handful of different responses. 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:51.960 I feel like this one has a couple of a 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:54.160 couple of them in there, But one of them that 0:09:54.200 --> 0:10:01.640 we haven't mentioned is community for her, specifically for her. 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:05.440 Can you imagine the counseling and the support and the 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:10.439 you know, community that you would need if one day 0:10:10.760 --> 0:10:14.360 you could see and then another day you couldn't. Just 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:19.120 apart from the day to day help me, you know, 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:24.960 get accustomed to this, just having someone to talk to, 0:10:25.080 --> 0:10:27.480 whether it's a community of friends or an actual counselor 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:31.440 Because I feel like that is a very traumatic event. 0:10:32.200 --> 0:10:36.320 And so I think, you know, just practically, you know, 0:10:36.400 --> 0:10:39.440 seek out some counsel and community to like help you 0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:42.360 process I used to see and now I don't. What 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:44.679 does that mean for my life? What does that mean 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:47.359 for my identity? What does that mean for my relationship? 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:50.840 And just process that with other people. I mean the 0:10:50.840 --> 0:10:53.280 same way that you are in some way with us, 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:57.920 and that we're encouraging everybody to do, like find your tribe, 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:01.560 find your community, and wrestle through these things with each other, 0:11:01.640 --> 0:11:05.160 support each other through them. So I think that's something 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:08.480 practical that she can do. Absolutely that's the best advice 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:11.040 I know to be able to give you, Alison. I 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:13.800 want to finish with this last thought for you. There 0:11:13.880 --> 0:11:17.080 might be a feeling with this boyfriend at any moment, 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:21.800 if he starts to turn and not be the guy 0:11:21.880 --> 0:11:25.840 that you need or deserve, there might be a feeling 0:11:25.880 --> 0:11:29.760 in you that wants to hold on to him because 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:33.120 he's the last relationship that you'll have that you will 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:36.160 know what they look like. Like. So strange thought, but 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:40.800 possible that you could this guy could become a jerk. 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:45.040 And you justify that by saying, well, I got to 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:47.640 stay with him, because if I move on, I won't 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:49.480 know what the next guy even looks like, and that's 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:53.319 a big disadvantage. So I want to rebuke that and 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:56.920 just say, let's go with character and integrity and these 0:11:57.280 --> 0:12:01.400 core values honesty that you could get from a boyfriend 0:12:01.520 --> 0:12:03.839 or relationship that has nothing to do with what they 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:07.800 look like, and lean into that comfort that no matter 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:11.640 what happens you, you're gonna be Okay, You're gonna this 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:13.480 is gonna be, this is gonna be really good for you. 0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:17.440 Thank you for emailing. This is a it's a serious question, 0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:20.440 and thank you for opening up for for us on 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:25.440 this podcast with this and sharing it. Oh this is interesting, 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:29.199 no particular order. The next one that just popped up says, 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:35.880 help angry husband. Let's do it first, first parentheses. Have 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:40.080 you ever been an angry husband? Man? I mean a 0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:43.960 different direction, but I'm gonna I'm not going to claim 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.240 that I'm perfect in anyway. The first thing that says 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:50.800 is anonymous, Please, okay, you got my back one. I'm 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:54.880 not going to mess this up. You've gotten better, man, 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:57.920 You've gotten a lot better call him anonymous, refer to 0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:01.400 him as anonymous. Okay, it says, did they sign their 0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:03.520 name at the bottom of there's no name at the bottom, 0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:06.120 and I'm pretty sure that she doesn't say her name anytime, 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:08.760 and they've learned. Hey, Granger, I listened to all your 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:12.160 podcasts and almost always agree with your advice. I think 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:16.200 that's a compliment. You could say it this way, I 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:19.000 almost always agree with your advice, instead of I almost 0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:22.400 always agree with your advice. I'll say it the former way. 0:13:22.800 --> 0:13:24.600 So here's the problem. My husband and I have been 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:27.400 married for seven years. He was my first boyfriend, my 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:30.520 first everything. I love him. I can't imagine my life 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:35.160 without him. But dot dot dot he has problems with 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:37.920 anger and bad language. I've often tried to talk to 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:40.559 him about these issues, but he either brushes it off 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:42.800 or gets angry at me for bringing it up. Sometimes 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:45.280 he'll admit that he has a problem and vows to change, 0:13:45.320 --> 0:13:48.000 but the next day it's forgotten he goes back to 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:52.480 his bad habits. He professes to be a Christian parentheses 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:58.000 when he's not angry, faithfully attends church and reads the Bible. 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:00.560 But then he'll get upset over this all his things 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:03.200 and cuss and yell at me. I'm just so tired 0:14:03.240 --> 0:14:06.760 of this behavior, and I'm starting to regret marrying him 0:14:07.600 --> 0:14:09.440 when I think of what I'll probably have to go 0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:14.439 through over the next, say, forty to fifty years. God 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:18.800 has blessed us with ex excuse me, God has not 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:21.560 blessed us with a family. And I feel somewhat guilty 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:23.840 for saying this, but a part of me is glad 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:25.920 that we won't have kids that will be subjected to this. 0:14:26.200 --> 0:14:28.880 He often apologizes to me, but I'm having a hard 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:32.240 time believing him when he says he's sorry. I know 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:36.160 I can't change him, and only Jesus in his heart 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:38.480 can do that. But do you have any advice on 0:14:38.520 --> 0:14:45.200 how I could react or how to cope with this? 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:49.800 This is one of these issues where without her with us, 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:54.680 we don't know the extent of this anger. We don't 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:57.200 know the extent of when she says he yells and 0:14:57.240 --> 0:15:02.960 cusses at me like that's abuse, And so I want 0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:06.560 to preface before we say anything that I don't know. 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:11.760 I don't know the extent of what you mean by 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:15.360 yelling and cussing at you, like, is it just an 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:18.120 angry man with a good heart and he falls off 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:20.600 the handle and he needs some kind of anger management 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:25.800 or is this guy abusing you verbally in a way 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:30.800 that is damaging to your soul? Right, So I want 0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:32.680 to say that I don't know, Guys, I don't know. 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:38.200 Maybe you can address like the lowest form of that 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:41.680 and then the greatest form of that. I'm guessing it's 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:45.720 probably somewhere in between. But maybe so she can you know, 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:48.120 she's not here with us, but you can say like, Okay, hey, 0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:51.160 if it's kind of here, maybe this would be the advice. 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:54.600 But if it's here, this would be the advice. Yeah. 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:56.520 I got a feeling that a lot of people listening 0:15:56.560 --> 0:16:02.280 are dealing with something like this fallen, broken world, and 0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:04.520 there's a lot of anger. There's a lot of anxiety 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:07.600 right now. There always has been, but we could speak 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:09.760 to it right now with the state of the world, 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:14.720 the everything that's happening in the world around us creates 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:19.600 anger and that gets misguided and sometimes redirects to the 0:16:19.720 --> 0:16:23.560 spouse because that's the person that's there and takes the brunt, 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:27.000 that takes the heat. And it's a terrible, terrible thing. 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:31.640 But I'm trying to explain why I understand how this 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:33.880 could happen and how a lot of people are probably 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:40.320 in this kind of situation. We should probably address. There's 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:42.520 a little bit multi layered. We should probably address that 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:45.560 he professes to be a Christian parentheses when he's not angry. 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:50.560 I don't really understand that. Yeah, as you were reading it, 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:54.520 I almost didn't want to get into addressing him because 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:56.240 I would just kind of fair enough. I would just 0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:59.160 kind of get I would go off on a tangent 0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:01.720 because we don't know enough. We don't know enough, and 0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:06.639 I would be making accusations and assumptions that based on 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:14.520 his behavior, would bring me to some conclusions that are 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:19.600 just really hard to make. But the it doesn't sound 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:24.680 like the fruits of the spirit are evident in his life. 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:27.399 I mean, yeah, she said that he does come back 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:31.240 and say sorry, But maybe we can get to that 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:36.200 in addressing her. But so her question is how can 0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:42.639 I react or cope with this? And I hope you know, Anonymous, 0:17:42.720 --> 0:17:46.560 this is not Whatever the answer is, and whatever you 0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:50.040 figure out, it's not easy. It's going to be a 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:53.280 huge mountain for you to climb. And my heart goes 0:17:53.280 --> 0:17:56.320 out to you. I'm so sorry that you are. You're 0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:59.680 going to have to tackle maybe the greatest challenge of 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:03.120 your life. Maybe if you're out there and you've been 0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:07.120 in an abusive relationship of some way, maybe comment your 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:11.479 experience with this person. Maybe there's some like experienceial wisdom 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:14.679 out there amongst the nation that Anonymous. I hope you 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:17.119 read all the comments, and maybe you can not just 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:20.720 from me and Griz, but you can get some inspiration 0:18:20.880 --> 0:18:24.160 or some guidance from everybody else too, who's actually been 0:18:24.200 --> 0:18:28.240 in the thick of it. Seven years married, first boyfriend, 0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:32.080 so it means a lot of years before that first everything. 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:36.160 Love him, can't imagine life without him. That's great. That's 0:18:36.200 --> 0:18:42.919 a good setup for coping. That's a good setup for 0:18:43.119 --> 0:18:46.280 it's a good reason for you to do what the 0:18:46.280 --> 0:18:49.119 Bible says and honor him. That the Bible says to 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:54.159 honor your wives, husbands, honor your wives. And so we 0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:57.800 can't speak to him, but I could speak to you, Anonymous, 0:18:57.800 --> 0:19:03.479 and just say honoring him back might not change his anger, 0:19:04.240 --> 0:19:07.280 but will it will put your soul at rest in 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:11.440 a lot of other ways if you are if you're 0:19:11.520 --> 0:19:15.159 engaging in his anger, anger can become almost like like 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:18.760 an addiction. When someone is under the influence of a 0:19:18.840 --> 0:19:22.320 substance when they become under the influence of their anger, 0:19:22.520 --> 0:19:25.399 it's almost like they're a different person. And so to 0:19:25.520 --> 0:19:30.240 engage with that different person, the person that's under the influence, 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:33.720 you're never going to win. You're never going to come 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:40.280 out and say the right things unless you confidently not 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:45.440 not a not a way that you could get hurt 0:19:45.480 --> 0:19:50.080 in any way. But if you could confidently honor him 0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:56.919 instead of engaging with this, this this animal side of him, No, 0:19:57.080 --> 0:20:04.199 I think that's good. I think too, like communication, you know, 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:06.800 if we're talking about the different silos that these things 0:20:06.800 --> 0:20:11.359 can fall in, Like maybe when he's not when you 0:20:11.400 --> 0:20:14.960 guys are just on a date night, or you feel 0:20:15.000 --> 0:20:18.439 like this is a really good moment that we're having, 0:20:18.920 --> 0:20:24.920 maybe just ask him about work and about maybe his friends, 0:20:24.960 --> 0:20:28.040 and like try to find out. I guarantee you this 0:20:28.160 --> 0:20:32.160 anger is coming out of pressure and anxiety and stress. 0:20:33.040 --> 0:20:36.280 So if maybe you can start to like understand what 0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:44.760 is stressing him, what is making him impatient. Maybe you're 0:20:44.800 --> 0:20:48.639 doing something that's part of it, maybe like without knowing, 0:20:48.760 --> 0:20:52.200 and you can you know, recognize, or maybe it has 0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:53.960 nothing to do with that, Maybe it's something at work, 0:20:54.000 --> 0:20:57.919 but you understanding and telling him, hey, babe, you know, 0:20:58.520 --> 0:21:02.000 why don't you not worry about that promotion? Like I don't. 0:21:02.400 --> 0:21:04.119 We can we can keep the stuff we have, we 0:21:04.160 --> 0:21:07.760 can actually move, We don't need money to be happy. 0:21:08.359 --> 0:21:11.360 Take the pressure that I know men can feel sometimes 0:21:11.359 --> 0:21:16.199 about providing and reputation and all this. Maybe you just 0:21:16.320 --> 0:21:19.720 help alleviate that. I know that my wife has done 0:21:19.720 --> 0:21:24.160 such a good job of recognizing when things at work 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:27.680 or different areas of life are kind of like there's 0:21:27.760 --> 0:21:32.439 pressure of just helping to re not to like contribute 0:21:32.440 --> 0:21:36.760 to that, but to help relieve some of that, and say, hey, hey, 0:21:36.880 --> 0:21:38.719 let me let me take care of the kids. Why 0:21:38.760 --> 0:21:40.639 don't you go on a bike ride, or why don't you, 0:21:40.640 --> 0:21:43.640 you know, go do something, because yeah, I could definitely 0:21:43.800 --> 0:21:48.240 sense you need some space and and man, just I 0:21:48.240 --> 0:21:50.760 don't even need the bike ride. I don't even need 0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:55.919 to get away. Just her recognizing, yes, I don't know 0:21:56.000 --> 0:21:59.800 why I'm so overloaded, and her telling me, hey, why 0:22:00.000 --> 0:22:02.119 don't you take some of those things off your plate. 0:22:03.520 --> 0:22:05.280 I'm going to be happy with you no matter what. 0:22:05.960 --> 0:22:12.240 Maybe that helps his overall level of patience and everything 0:22:12.320 --> 0:22:16.560 grow because he's not he's not stretched past his margin 0:22:16.800 --> 0:22:19.359 in life. He has some margins, so it's like something 0:22:19.400 --> 0:22:22.359 happens and he's not flipping, you know, flying off the 0:22:22.400 --> 0:22:25.800 handle right away. Yeah. Right, I think you're so right, man. 0:22:25.840 --> 0:22:28.800 I love that. I love that answer. And there's there's 0:22:28.800 --> 0:22:31.359 the right way to say that, Bernie, And there's probably 0:22:31.400 --> 0:22:34.119 a wrong way to say that. The right way would 0:22:34.520 --> 0:22:38.560 to be like you said and just go I love 0:22:38.600 --> 0:22:44.200 you and I want to be able to contribute to 0:22:45.080 --> 0:22:47.480 some of this stuff that you're you're going with, you're 0:22:47.520 --> 0:22:50.399 going through. How could I help? How could I be 0:22:50.480 --> 0:22:54.000 a better wife to you? Instead of the wrong way 0:22:54.040 --> 0:22:57.040 would be you're angry all the time. Yeah, what's the 0:22:57.080 --> 0:23:00.680 matter with you? What is the matter? Something at work? 0:23:01.359 --> 0:23:04.359 Is there? Something I'm doing? Is there? What's going is 0:23:04.400 --> 0:23:06.439 that your your dad's bothering him? Just we should just 0:23:06.440 --> 0:23:08.600 tell me because you're just anger all the time and 0:23:08.640 --> 0:23:11.680 I can't handle his anger. And here's what you never say. 0:23:12.280 --> 0:23:13.560 And I'll be honest with you. I don't know if 0:23:13.560 --> 0:23:15.200 I could do this for thirty or forty fifty more 0:23:15.280 --> 0:23:17.240 years with you. I just don't know if I could 0:23:17.240 --> 0:23:21.000 do that. And this is not the man that I'm married. Ooh, 0:23:21.000 --> 0:23:23.640 that's a good one. Doun't say that don't say that 0:23:24.200 --> 0:23:27.320 you're just like throwing gasoline on the fire. There's ways 0:23:27.359 --> 0:23:29.080 that you could do this in ways that you can't. 0:23:29.200 --> 0:23:32.480 And just as Bernie spoke about Leslie's wife, there's there's 0:23:32.480 --> 0:23:35.360 things that Amber does for me that and she could. 0:23:35.440 --> 0:23:38.080 You've known this guy for over seven years. You could 0:23:38.080 --> 0:23:41.639 read him. Humans are great at reading each other. So 0:23:41.720 --> 0:23:44.120 Amber will read me. And I don't know if she's 0:23:44.320 --> 0:23:46.560 actively doing this or not. Maybe she'll tell me after 0:23:46.600 --> 0:23:50.240 she hears this podcast, but she'll she'll read that something's 0:23:50.280 --> 0:23:53.400 going on on the road, or that we've been we've 0:23:53.400 --> 0:23:58.119 been going through a tough run of maybe it's county fairs, 0:23:58.119 --> 0:24:01.720 and there's bickering in the crew that we've been through 0:24:01.760 --> 0:24:04.800 some production guys that have yelled at my crew, and 0:24:04.840 --> 0:24:07.359 I'm putting out those fires and I haven't gotten much 0:24:07.359 --> 0:24:09.720 sleep because I got in an early flight. And when 0:24:09.720 --> 0:24:12.880 I come home, Amber will say something like this, she'll say, 0:24:13.600 --> 0:24:17.000 thank you so much for working so hard for this family, 0:24:17.359 --> 0:24:19.920 providing for us. And she'll say that in front of 0:24:19.960 --> 0:24:24.800 the kids, and she'll she'll say out loud to the kids, guys, 0:24:24.800 --> 0:24:29.000 aren't you so lucky that your dad works so hard 0:24:29.160 --> 0:24:31.320 to provide for us and to bring to put food 0:24:31.359 --> 0:24:34.720 on the table, and that just like it takes all 0:24:34.840 --> 0:24:38.560 this this anxiety that I've had at work or with 0:24:38.640 --> 0:24:41.560 friends or whatever's going on, it takes it away and 0:24:41.680 --> 0:24:45.359 reminds me that, oh, yeah, this is what's worth it. This, 0:24:45.359 --> 0:24:48.280