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Speaker 1: Cadine only does listen to letters because she wild nosy. Duh,

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Speaker 1: you've been saying that for what nine seasons? You're not

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Speaker 1: even gonna argue. I'm not gonna argue that one is

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Speaker 1: the truth. Dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos without boys

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Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one

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Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We

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Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's

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Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk

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Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead

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Speaker 1: adds is the term that we say every day. So

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Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,

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Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about

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Speaker 1: to take phillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead

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Speaker 1: Ass starts right now. Typically we don't really do a

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Speaker 1: story time for listen to letters, but I feel like

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Speaker 1: this story is extremely valuable before we listen to people's stories. Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's about our sons. We have four, you know, Jackson

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Speaker 1: Kira cast Kota right, And I've learned a lot about

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Speaker 1: human behavior and people over the last eleven years. As

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Speaker 1: we've had more children, you start to realize that no

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Speaker 1: matter how you raise all of your kids, certain children

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Speaker 1: will respond to certain things differently. And what is teaching

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Speaker 1: me is to have empathy for everyone else in the world,

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Speaker 1: because it don't matter how someone grew up. They may

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Speaker 1: respond to something a certain way, and you don't have

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Speaker 1: the right to tell them how to respond. For example,

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Speaker 1: you follow us on social media, you know that recently

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Speaker 1: our dog died, right, Kingston Kingston was fifteen years old.

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Speaker 1: Kingston was officially the first son that we had. I

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Speaker 1: bought Kingston four k in two thousand and seven when

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Speaker 1: we were living in Michigan by ourselves. Long story short

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Speaker 1: with um. That was the same year that Sean Taylor

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Speaker 1: was murdered at a breaking at a home invasion, and

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Speaker 1: he was playing in the NFL at the time. People

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Speaker 1: from his you know, inside of his people thought that

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Speaker 1: he was well and away game broke into the house.

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Speaker 1: He happened to be there because he was on injured

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Speaker 1: reserve for the rest of the year. Someone fired a

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Speaker 1: gun and he was shot in the artery. I believe

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Speaker 1: or he was stabbed in the artery in his leg

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Speaker 1: and he ended up dying arrest in p Shawan, Taylor.

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Speaker 1: But at that time I was living at in Michigan

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Speaker 1: with Kadeem and we were living in fair Land across

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Speaker 1: from the mall, and people knew that we lived there,

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Speaker 1: and it made me kind of wonder, like, how, you know,

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Speaker 1: how would I defend myself if someone thought I wasn't

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Speaker 1: home and came and did it a home invasion? So

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Speaker 1: I ended up buying a gun. Kadin wasn't big on guns,

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Speaker 1: and she was just like, I don't want to live

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Speaker 1: in a house with a gun. So I bought Kingston

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Speaker 1: at the time at the time, now things have changed,

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Speaker 1: not not if she has kids, she's a completely different person.

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Speaker 1: When I bought Kingston, at first he was a ten

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Speaker 1: pound ship too. Then I bought Achilles. Achilles a hundred

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Speaker 1: forty pound mastiffs, so if anybody broke into the house,

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Speaker 1: they were the odd couple. So if anybody broke into

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Speaker 1: the house, they would have to deal with Achilles. Of

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Speaker 1: course he's a huge mastiff. But that's just the b story.

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Speaker 1: The A story is Kingston passed away, so all of

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Speaker 1: our children, no Kingston, but they all grew up loving

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Speaker 1: King's birthday. October one, UM, and he just turned fifteen, UM.

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Speaker 1: And he died a couple of days after he turned fifteen.

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Speaker 1: So he died in New York. We lived in Atlanta.

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Speaker 1: He was staying with Candee's brother, Tristan. Shout out to Tristan,

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Speaker 1: and he took care of great care of Kingston. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, think, I gotta tell the boys. So

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Speaker 1: now we go to tell the boys, and I do that, right.

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Speaker 1: We had to keep my dad from telling the boys

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Speaker 1: because my dad is like the Green Reaper. He likes

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Speaker 1: to just tell bad news. He just doesn't with the

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Speaker 1: most like straightforward way, like he doesn't cushion it. He's

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Speaker 1: just like, oh yet the dog died. That's actually a

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Speaker 1: good little in thing to put there for what happens

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Speaker 1: after this, right, because your father's thing is with not

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Speaker 1: even with just dogs, when people die. Right when his

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Speaker 1: mom passed, he said, you know people day, you know

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Speaker 1: they live, they have a day. These things happening happen.

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Speaker 1: You want to have a drink. He invite his friends

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Speaker 1: over their line. You go to work the next day,

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Speaker 1: Like that's just how father is very practical, and we

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Speaker 1: say I used to say all the time, like you

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Speaker 1: don't have a heart. How can you just you just

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Speaker 1: don't have a heart? How were you raised? Right? Cut too.

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Speaker 1: We gotta tell the boys, and what I'm gonna say

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Speaker 1: right now happened verbatim, no exaggeration. You know, I'll be

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Speaker 1: putting a hunt it on ten, but this is no exaggeration.

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Speaker 1: And everything that happened I predicted to Codeine that it

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Speaker 1: was going to happen this way. Cayro and Jackson came

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Speaker 1: downstairs first, and I said, let me tell these two

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Speaker 1: because these two are the most emotional, right, So I said,

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Speaker 1: Jackson is gonna ugly crying because Jackson is a very

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Speaker 1: empathetic person. And then Cairo was going to see Jackson

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Speaker 1: ugly cry and start crying because he's like, oh, if

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Speaker 1: Jackson's crying, it must be important. And then cast is

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Speaker 1: just gonna ask me if he can watch the thundaments

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Speaker 1: like Cash is just not gonna care. Right, So they

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Speaker 1: come downstairs, Jackson and Cairo, and I say, guys, I

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Speaker 1: have something to tell you, and they're like, what happened?

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Speaker 1: I said, Kingston passed away right, Cairo breaks out Jackson

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Speaker 1: tried to be tough, right, he's looking at me shaking

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Speaker 1: his head. I said, bro, your dog died. If there's

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Speaker 1: any reason in the world to cry as a man

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Speaker 1: as if your dog die, all right, so go ahead

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Speaker 1: and cried. So he so the two of them crying.

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Speaker 1: Right here comes cast drove it downstairs, comes downstairs, stands up.

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Speaker 1: What happened? Cairo goes, Kingston passed away? Cat goes, No,

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Speaker 1: he didn't. Kingston died because Kingston is old. And when

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Speaker 1: you owe, you did dead. So Kingston died. Daddy, can

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Speaker 1: we watch the thundaments? Just like that? He literally did

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Speaker 1: it just like that, And the parents and me first

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Speaker 1: looking at him like your little sociopath, like you have

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Speaker 1: no feelings. You don't see that your brothers are going

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Speaker 1: through something right now. But then I had to check

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Speaker 1: myself and I had to realize, like I need to

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Speaker 1: understand that everything doesn't affect everybody the same way. So

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Speaker 1: let me not judge him and make him feel guilty

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Speaker 1: for not feeling the same way, and just accept the

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Speaker 1: fact that he is more practical when it comes to death,

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Speaker 1: all right. And also and also made me realize that

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Speaker 1: I need to hide all the sharp objects around cash

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Speaker 1: because he has no feelings. Right, We have feelings, y'all, Okay,

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Speaker 1: don't have a little easier than others. I have no

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Speaker 1: feelings alone. And I say all that to say this.

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Speaker 1: We're about to read these listener letters, right, So when

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Speaker 1: y'all listen to these listener letters, have empathy for these people,

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Speaker 1: all right, don't judge them because everybody goes through things

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Speaker 1: and handle things differently. Just because someone's gonna stay in

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Speaker 1: a relationship with somebody for five thousand years that they

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Speaker 1: know they shouldn't be in, and right in and ask

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Speaker 1: us if we think they should stay in that relationship,

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Speaker 1: don't judge them. Okay, have empathy. Right. We're gonna make

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Speaker 1: a joke or two, but it's coming from a very

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Speaker 1: very good place. Absolutely, absolutely, So we're gonna take a

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Speaker 1: quick break, absolutely, and then we have some special guests

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Speaker 1: when we come and dive into these listen letters. All right, y'all.

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Speaker 1: So we're gonna dive right in to my favorite portion

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Speaker 1: of the show because I'm nosey as hell and i'd

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Speaker 1: be wanting to know your business and you'll be writing

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Speaker 1: in so I'm well within my right to read out

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Speaker 1: these listener letters that we have today. Um, we dedicate

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Speaker 1: usually one episode per season to just really diving into

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Speaker 1: you guys, writing in and seeing what you need help with.

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Speaker 1: You know what you need our two cents on and

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Speaker 1: we thought it would actually be fun to bring in

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Speaker 1: two special guests on the show for us today to

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Speaker 1: just get their two cents. So we got two cents,

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Speaker 1: We got two cents, and we got how what's the

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Speaker 1: math on net six cents? How come we only got

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Speaker 1: two cents where they get two cents each? Two cents?

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Speaker 1: That's you gotta split our two cents because we're married,

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Speaker 1: no money because we're the guests. Extra sense. Yeah, there

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Speaker 1: we go. All right, So that's about six cents we

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Speaker 1: have today, y'all. Okay, not like the movie though. UM.

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Speaker 1: Here to help us get Reasonably shady with these inness

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Speaker 1: the letters are two of the stars of the Real

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Speaker 1: Housewives of Potomac and hosts of the podcast Reasonably Shady,

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Speaker 1: Giselle Bryant and Robin Dixon. Welcome, ladies, Thank you. It's

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Speaker 1: such a pleasure to be here with you all. You

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Speaker 1: all are beautiful and amazing, So thank brav It's beautiful

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Speaker 1: and just so beautiful that we're sharing. I hear a

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Speaker 1: makeup artist Robin and Giselle Nellie. Yes, I know. Once

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Speaker 1: I saw she started working with you ladies, I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, the canvas though, these canvases are beautiful.

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Speaker 1: It can buy. I wouldn't know, head right, canvases sounds awesome.

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Speaker 1: So we're so sweet and had a good time for

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Speaker 1: this weekend. I love that. I know you guys have

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Speaker 1: been super busy. Bravocn is out the way. Um, you're

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Speaker 1: just making a bunch of appearances. How did that go? Insane?

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Speaker 1: I have never been as I feel like my voice

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Speaker 1: is hoarse, like I've never been so tired in my life.

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Speaker 1: But it was. But but it was like so exhilarating.

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Speaker 1: I told like I told my husband. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I felt like Michael Jackson, like walking

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Speaker 1: through the mention because the fans would just like they

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Speaker 1: would see you and they start running after you and

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Speaker 1: screaming and you know, trying to get a selfie. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, this is insane. You know,

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Speaker 1: we're used to people wanting to take a picture of us,

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Speaker 1: but when you put thirty of them in one building,

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Speaker 1: it's off the hook. But it was. It was awesome.

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Speaker 1: And then to see all the other Bravo talent and

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Speaker 1: you know, you don't know them, but you know them

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Speaker 1: because because you're all are on the same network. It

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Speaker 1: was really cool. It's always it's always nice to know

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Speaker 1: that people are watching, you know, because we do the

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Speaker 1: show and we just carry on, but people are watching,

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Speaker 1: they're invested, they love it, they love all of our craziness.

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Speaker 1: So it was just nice to be up close and

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Speaker 1: personal with people that know every scene from season one,

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Speaker 1: they can recide it back to us. That's a great

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Speaker 1: it's a great feeling. So that's a question. What made

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Speaker 1: you guys decide to get into the podcast? Lane, Oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, that was all Robin. So we were in

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Speaker 1: the COVID in the pandemic or the ers, and we

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Speaker 1: really didn't have anything to do, and Robin was like,

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Speaker 1: let's get on Instagram live and just so we did

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Speaker 1: that a couple of times and people would comment and say,

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Speaker 1: you know, you guys should have a podcast. And Robin

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Speaker 1: called me and was like, girl, we need to have

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Speaker 1: a podcast. And I was like, okay, Now, Robin and

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Speaker 1: I have never listened to our podcast, and so we

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Speaker 1: didn't even Yeah, we didn't even know what we're getting

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Speaker 1: ourselves into, but we were like, let's do it, and um,

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Speaker 1: it's been great. Yeah, and it's it's been really cool

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Speaker 1: because on our podcast, like we don't talk about the show.

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Speaker 1: We would love to talk about the show, especially while

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Speaker 1: it's airing, but we really don't talk about the show.

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Speaker 1: So the listeners are really able to get to learn

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Speaker 1: us even better. Um because on the show, you you know,

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Speaker 1: you only see but so much of our lives and

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Speaker 1: our personalities and all that. So um on the podcast,

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Speaker 1: I mean, they they you know, right in and they're

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Speaker 1: just like, oh my gosh, y'all are so funny. I

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Speaker 1: feel like, y'all are my girlfriends. You know, people look

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Speaker 1: at me crazy because I'm walking down the street cracking up.

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Speaker 1: And so it's been you know, rewarding for us to

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Speaker 1: hear from people because they love you know, it's like

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Speaker 1: they're connecting with us on a on a deeper level

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Speaker 1: and not a show level. Absolutely. Who came up with

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Speaker 1: the name reasonably shady? Who came up with that name?

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Speaker 1: Because Robin? That was because I didn't know how got shady.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that I'm lying. I'm within reason, Okay,

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Speaker 1: within reason, Yeah, And I'm so I'm technically I'm generally

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Speaker 1: the reasonable one. Like I'm always trying to find the

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Speaker 1: good in something, or I don't jump to conclusion. I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to wait till I see all sides of a

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Speaker 1: story to really, you know, give my give my opinion.

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Speaker 1: So I'm the reasonable one. That is the shady one.

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Speaker 1: She is instantly, doesn't matter what it is. She's junk shady.

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Speaker 1: I love that. It's a perfect age. Yeah, but but

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Speaker 1: I still have shady in me. But I'm I have

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Speaker 1: reasonable shade. She's just shady. Love that I love. That

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Speaker 1: sounds like the perfect marriage because over here we have

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Speaker 1: our fair share shade shade. Earlier, talking about my air

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Speaker 1: pods was dusty because I don't want to to use

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Speaker 1: my interpods. They were dusty. They had a bunch of air.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes your wife just be your biggest d You know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying as I closed my air podcast, like,

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Speaker 1: don't look at mine either. Alright, y'all, let's jump into

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Speaker 1: these listeners. Letters. So I always tell people when y'all

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Speaker 1: write in, first of all, don't send me two sentences

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Speaker 1: and expect me to make up the rest of the story.

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Speaker 1: So then now they took that ship to heart and

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Speaker 1: they'd be writing these long dissertations, so be prepared. At

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Speaker 1: least we'll hopefully have enough context to be able to

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Speaker 1: give them what they need. Okay, you want to read

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Speaker 1: the first one. I read the first one. Alright, go

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Speaker 1: for it. Here we go. Good evening. I'm in the Navy.

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Speaker 1: This year. I've decided that I'm done. I will not

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Speaker 1: re enlist and keep doing something I don't love. I've

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Speaker 1: been in it for ten years and my current contract

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Speaker 1: ends in two I have things I don't I have

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Speaker 1: things I want, I want done before the day comes,

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Speaker 1: and I have plans for whatever gets done after. I've

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Speaker 1: had a few girlfriends during my time in the Navy,

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Speaker 1: but no relationship over a couple of months, and all

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Speaker 1: of them approached me first. I'm excited to start the

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Speaker 1: rest of my life, and I would like to have

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Speaker 1: a good woman to do it with. But I am

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Speaker 1: hilariously inexperience and approaching women. My question is where do

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Speaker 1: I begin to start when it comes to building that

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Speaker 1: confidence to break the ice and asking her out on

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Speaker 1: a date when I see a woman worth it? Uh

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Speaker 1: So this is a good question because he's able. He

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Speaker 1: was able to get a woman's experience, three women's experience,

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Speaker 1: and then a man's experience. So I'll let you ladies

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Speaker 1: go first. How could he work on building his confidence?

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Speaker 1: I love to see a picture due because you know

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Speaker 1: it starts right. You know, we could say it, bro,

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Speaker 1: you need to like hair, you need to wear better clothes. Um.

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Speaker 1: But if it's just like, you know, a conversation. I

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Speaker 1: always find that a joke always wins. So if he

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Speaker 1: could come to her with like something that's funny and

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Speaker 1: she laughs, Yeah, I was. That was my first thought

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Speaker 1: as well. But I mean it has to be a

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Speaker 1: good joke, right, But I mean I'm wondering. So he's

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Speaker 1: us he's saying the women come to him all the time.

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Speaker 1: It's like he's saying the women women come to him him. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let me let me just tell the dudes out here

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Speaker 1: you know that that are scared or shot to approach women. Listen,

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Speaker 1: you just gotta understand you're going to get shot down.

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Speaker 1: You might get shot down ten times and then that

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Speaker 1: twelfth time. You know, the eleventh time, you're you're going

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Speaker 1: to win. Because I've shot down a many of guys

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Speaker 1: and they just take the punches and they keep on

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Speaker 1: moving and they go on to the next and you

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Speaker 1: see him, you know, he might be in a party.

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Speaker 1: You see them work in a party. They get shot

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Speaker 1: down again, you can see them. And then finally somebody

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Speaker 1: I hate. Yeah, I hate to break it to them,

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Speaker 1: You're you gotta just go for it because you will

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Speaker 1: get rejected. You're gonna get shut down. People are not

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Speaker 1: gonna have time, they don't want to talk whatever. But

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Speaker 1: you're going to find that person that will connect with you.

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Speaker 1: So you just gotta try. Yeah, I would have to

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Speaker 1: say the biggest thing is understanding that people's quote unquote

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Speaker 1: rejection doesn't have anything to do with you. You know,

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Speaker 1: most of the time, people have their own things they're

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Speaker 1: going on, and they project whatever they're going on in

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Speaker 1: that day on people. So if someone says, no, I'm

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Speaker 1: not interested, that doesn't mean that you're not a good person.

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Speaker 1: You may one not be that person's preference or to

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Speaker 1: that person could be having a bad day or three.

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Speaker 1: Like you said, that person could not be having time

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Speaker 1: for me. What I tell my young men that I

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Speaker 1: mentor what I'm telling my sons is you gotta just

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Speaker 1: focus on being the best version of you and be

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Speaker 1: confident when you woke up to a woman. It don't

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Speaker 1: matter if you got on suspenders, if you got on

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Speaker 1: the tuch seed though, if you got on a naval outfit.

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Speaker 1: If you woke up confident with your shoulders back and

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Speaker 1: your head high and you got a nice joke, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, She's gonna violitely be laughing, Kiki.

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Speaker 1: But if you walk in all like small, like you're

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Speaker 1: you're not sure, that's the quickest way to turn the

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Speaker 1: woman off if you don't seem sure. Yeah, usually insecurity

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Speaker 1: insecurities can speak really loudly when you're just approach to someone.

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Speaker 1: So a lot of times, like when you said, I

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Speaker 1: want to see what he looks like, I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: of course, because it's like the approach, the energy that

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Speaker 1: he brings before he even opens his mouth. A lot

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Speaker 1: of times that has something to say about it, right, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: You know what I think would be helpful is if

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Speaker 1: guys just get straight to the point. I hate that

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Speaker 1: little stupid small talk when they're trying to like pretend

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Speaker 1: like they're not trying to talk to you, but trying

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Speaker 1: to see if you're going to like give him an opportunity.

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Speaker 1: Just get straight to the point and be like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, I spotted you. I think you're beautiful. Um,

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Speaker 1: is there an opportunity for us to get to know

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Speaker 1: one another, Like, just get straight to the point before

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Speaker 1: I like stupid. Uh I want to say, I like

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Speaker 1: stupid small talk, because yeah, I'm telling you, one thing

336
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,639
Speaker 1: you should do is go get stuff as a man

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Speaker 1: and start approaching women and just being like, hey, I

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Speaker 1: think you're attractive. Can we go on a date? They're

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00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:08,200
Speaker 1: gonna be like, uh, that was that I would get

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Speaker 1: all their numbers. Listen, my brother, My brother and I

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00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:14,680
Speaker 1: look exactly the same, and women think he is so handsome,

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Speaker 1: so I would get all their numbers. I bet you.

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Speaker 1: I bet you. You You don't approach him, like that's the

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Speaker 1: really I don't, And you know, and maybe it's because,

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Speaker 1: like I've always been in a relationship and I'm like, dude,

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00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,720
Speaker 1: you're really wasting your time talking to me, like get

347
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,280
Speaker 1: to the point. So maybe it's because like I'm not

348
00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:36,919
Speaker 1: even like I'm really not trying to talk to you.

349
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Speaker 1: And if you're sitting here doing all this little stupid

350
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Speaker 1: small talk when you're just trying to get my number,

351
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,360
Speaker 1: like just beat it, you know what I mean. That's

352
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Speaker 1: my perspective. And I haven't been in a relationship for

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Speaker 1: a hundred years, like robbing, And so when I approached,

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00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,080
Speaker 1: I like all into the small talk because I got

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00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,080
Speaker 1: I like small talk because I feel like small talk

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Speaker 1: and tell you a lot about a person. Absolutely can

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Speaker 1: tell you whether they're they're witty, whether they're smart, whether

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00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:09,440
Speaker 1: you know you can have a long term conversation with them. Um,

359
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,760
Speaker 1: so I'm here for the small talk game. So that's

360
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Speaker 1: gonna be my tip for guys. Get your small talk

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Speaker 1: on a point, get that thing on point. Listen. I

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Speaker 1: ain't even gonna lie. Small talk does for us. It's

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Speaker 1: the same thing when we're evaluating a woman, right, It

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00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 1: starts with looks. Of course you attracted you you approach

365
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,120
Speaker 1: someone you're attracted to. But when you start the small talk,

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Speaker 1: if she can't hold the conversation either, A lot of

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Speaker 1: men are kind of like she's pretty, but and'll let

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Speaker 1: you know which category she falls in, right, because if

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Speaker 1: she's the pretty girl who can't have small talk, who

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00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,000
Speaker 1: doesn't seem intelligent, then you might get a date and

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Speaker 1: whatever after the date. But then if you find, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you get smash and that's it. But if you wom

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Speaker 1: it's like, wow, she really intrigued me mentally. It's like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, let me go on another date. Let

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Speaker 1: me see if this is the type of woman that

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Speaker 1: I could spend the rest of my life with. So

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Speaker 1: small talk is important, but they in no small talks

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Speaker 1: dating smash that one. Well, good luck to this young man.

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00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,760
Speaker 1: I love when guys right into because I feel like, listen,

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00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,240
Speaker 1: letters are always usually like heavily women writing in. But

381
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,440
Speaker 1: when the guy's writing and I'm like, okay, they're they're

382
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,560
Speaker 1: they're taking a stab at trying to be a better,

383
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Speaker 1: better gentleman. Right, So let's dive into the second one.

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Speaker 1: Oh lord, child, this one long, this sense just like

385
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Speaker 1: a story. All right, Hey, getting into vow. My husband

386
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,800
Speaker 1: and I have been together since two thousand thirteen, so

387
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 1: that's nine years married in two thousand, eighteen four years.

388
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,359
Speaker 1: My husband is currently a stay at home dad, and

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Speaker 1: I provide financially. I grew up in a household environment

390
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,159
Speaker 1: where the women did a lot of the work and

391
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Speaker 1: always put everyone first and didn't ask much for themselves.

392
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Speaker 1: As long as their husband and children were happy, They

393
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,960
Speaker 1: were happy. I've been accustomed to this, and I feel

394
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,960
Speaker 1: like this is how I'm supposed to be as a woman.

395
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,920
Speaker 1: I don't ask for help. If I need something high

396
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:58,280
Speaker 1: I'm only five ft, I just get something to knock

397
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 1: it down, or a step school one, because I'm usually

398
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,159
Speaker 1: faster at doing that. And too, I don't want to

399
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Speaker 1: inconvenience my husband to have him stop what he's doing

400
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 1: or make him get up when he's relaxing right now.

401
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 1: We're also on a budget, so I'll let my husband

402
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,200
Speaker 1: and child get their wants and needs, and I don't

403
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:19,120
Speaker 1: ask for much. My husband says it makes him feel

404
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:21,640
Speaker 1: like I don't need him because I do everything myself.

405
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,840
Speaker 1: I don't ask him to help or allow him to

406
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,440
Speaker 1: buy me things. The things he wants to buy me

407
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,439
Speaker 1: are usually more his style and more pricedier than I

408
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,760
Speaker 1: would spend because I don't see the worth in it.

409
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 1: For example, a fifty is nail polished bottle. I'm perfectly

410
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 1: fine buying a five to tend five to ten different

411
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,680
Speaker 1: colors of a cheaper brand because they're gonna chip off anyway.

412
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Speaker 1: He says, since he's not providing financially, he feels inadequate

413
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Speaker 1: and me asking him for help or allowing him to

414
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 1: buy me things would make him feel like he's at

415
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 1: least contributing to my happiness. But she's still buying stuff

416
00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 1: on her home money though. I don't get that right

417
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:57,680
Speaker 1: because he's to say, at home dad, he's not working.

418
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Speaker 1: How do I break out of the habit and mentality

419
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Speaker 1: of I got this or I don't want to inconvenience him,

420
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Speaker 1: so I don't ask. I've always been independent and if

421
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,920
Speaker 1: I do something, I'll figure it out. If I can't

422
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,440
Speaker 1: do something, I'll figure it out. How do I allow

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Speaker 1: him to do these things without losing my own independence?

424
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,960
Speaker 1: Another part of me doing things on my own is

425
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 1: my childhood environment. The women did everything to take care

426
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 1: of their men, and they didn't have to lift a finger.

427
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 1: I want my husband to feel needed and wanted, but

428
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,439
Speaker 1: also want to keep my independence and self worth in

429
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 1: knowing I don't need anyone to take care of me.

430
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 1: Thank you for your advice and your inspiring podcasts and family.

431
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:41,400
Speaker 1: M hmmm, lady, look at your one thing. I'm gonna

432
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,439
Speaker 1: talking about yourself. You're gonna know what her answer. Just

433
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 1: end our body language. Now, this this is really good. Though,

434
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:53,119
Speaker 1: This is really good because I think that, you know,

435
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,159
Speaker 1: society has shifted a little bit and that there are

436
00:22:56,200 --> 00:23:00,159
Speaker 1: more women making more money than men, right, and we

437
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,640
Speaker 1: do feel as women a sense of independence and a

438
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:07,959
Speaker 1: sense of strength from that. Um. But that is not

439
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,200
Speaker 1: good for a relationship. I think. I think a man

440
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:15,720
Speaker 1: feels them emasculated. I think that let him go on

441
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 1: about that fifty dollar mail polished, which I've never seen before.

442
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,680
Speaker 1: By the way, I'm very intrigued by saying I haven't

443
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 1: even said that same, but like, let's right, let let

444
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:28,480
Speaker 1: him buy that and be happy and excited that he's

445
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 1: doing that for you, even though you feel like it's

446
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 1: a waste of money. Um, But you got to give

447
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:38,200
Speaker 1: the man something that he feels like he's in charge,

448
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:42,399
Speaker 1: that he is contributing, that he is doing something to

449
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 1: make him his lady feel, um, a sense of security,

450
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:50,119
Speaker 1: and that he is making her happy. Like you know,

451
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 1: I am the biggest independent woman on earth. And I've

452
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 1: learned later in life that I gotta like make up

453
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 1: shipped to like allow to God to feel like helping

454
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,400
Speaker 1: me out, even I fee himself. But I gotta give

455
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 1: it to him anyway so that they feel like they're contributing. Um.

456
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: So I get where she's coming from, but like, let

457
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:15,639
Speaker 1: him be a man, just let him do it. I mean,

458
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,960
Speaker 1: first of all the fact that he's but the fact

459
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,440
Speaker 1: he's to stay at home dad, I think like that's

460
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 1: a major contribution. So I think you should probably maybe

461
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 1: um acknowledge that a lot with him, you know, just

462
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,919
Speaker 1: like reinforce that, tell him, you know how important he

463
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 1: is to to her the family, and and she can't

464
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 1: do what she does without him being a stay at

465
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 1: home dad. Like, so she's got to like pump his

466
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 1: his ego up in that sense. Um, I get what

467
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:43,879
Speaker 1: she I get where she's coming from. Where she's like,

468
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 1: I just do it myself because I'm the I'm that

469
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,240
Speaker 1: type of person. I'm like, if I want something, I'm

470
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 1: do it. I don't I don't need, you know, anyone

471
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 1: to do things for me because I'm gonna figure out

472
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:58,000
Speaker 1: how to do it. Um, But I do think, um, yeah,

473
00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,679
Speaker 1: she just needs a let she needs to let him

474
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 1: lead and he can. She needs to let him if

475
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,600
Speaker 1: he wants to treat our nice, let him treat our nice.

476
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 1: But mostly like she just needs to just pump his

477
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,359
Speaker 1: head up and just tell him how important he is

478
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 1: to um just the daily, you know, being able to

479
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 1: do what she does. She can't do what she does

480
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 1: without him taking care of their kids. So what I

481
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 1: wonder though, is is she genuinely happy in herself being

482
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 1: this for their family, Because it doesn't read that she's

483
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 1: just like, this makes me so happy to be of

484
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 1: service to my husband in this capacity and do all

485
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,879
Speaker 1: of this for my family. She's saying it more like

486
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 1: she's been conditioned to do this because this was the

487
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 1: norm that she grew up in. So it doesn't read

488
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 1: and here at all that the reason why I'm doing

489
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,439
Speaker 1: this is because it just is so fulfilling for me,

490
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,720
Speaker 1: and it makes me so happy to do it. It's

491
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 1: giving more just like that's just what I've seen growing up. Well,

492
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,479
Speaker 1: this is this is what I believe. I feel like

493
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 1: even in this generation, Like Gesell said, earlier, society has changed. Right,

494
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 1: socio economically, things are way different. The women she why

495
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: growing up probably weren't out earning their husbands. So those

496
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 1: women might have been stayed at home moms or might

497
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,959
Speaker 1: have worked part time, so their contribution was to do

498
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 1: everything for their husband that their husband was out working

499
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 1: a nine to five or twelve hour days. But when

500
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 1: your husband is home with the kids and then you

501
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,919
Speaker 1: come home and tell him I'm gonna take her everything.

502
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 1: So she's been out working a nine to five and

503
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,639
Speaker 1: then she has to come home. That's a difference a

504
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 1: different socio economic system that women are existing and in

505
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 1: today's time, for example, you can't ask a woman to be,

506
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 1: for example, an old school type of woman if you

507
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:37,159
Speaker 1: don't provide old school values right and old school values

508
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,440
Speaker 1: are provided that a man goes out and work in

509
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 1: a man, a woman stays at home if she wants to.

510
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 1: Like for example, in our household, I earn more than

511
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:48,120
Speaker 1: enough money for both me and my wife to not work,

512
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:50,160
Speaker 1: but my wife wants to work. So when she works,

513
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:51,679
Speaker 1: she works. She wants to make her own money. She

514
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 1: makes her own money. But since I provided her with

515
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 1: the opportunity some of the traditional things that I want

516
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,160
Speaker 1: in a wife, that when I come home, she doesn't

517
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,439
Speaker 1: have a problem doing it because she feels a freedom

518
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 1: and comfort. Asking a woman to do both both be

519
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 1: an earner and be a homemaker when she gets home

520
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 1: to me is just unfair. And I think for him,

521
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,720
Speaker 1: that feeling of inadequacy comes from naturally feeling like, wait

522
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:16,400
Speaker 1: a minute, what am I doing here? I'm gonna stay

523
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,439
Speaker 1: at home dad. Plus when my wife comes home, she

524
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,679
Speaker 1: doesn't need me either. She does everything like and and

525
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 1: she really can't talk him out of feeling that way.

526
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:26,399
Speaker 1: He would have to get his ass up and do

527
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 1: something like. I feel like all people just need their

528
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:33,120
Speaker 1: own purpose that man or woman like, everybody needs their

529
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 1: own purpose. And it's not on your partner to make

530
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:39,160
Speaker 1: to tell you like, hey, you're everything I need. Now

531
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,040
Speaker 1: you gotta figure out who you are on your own,

532
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:43,440
Speaker 1: or she always gonna feel inadequate. So I just think

533
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 1: he needs to work on his self esteem a little bit,

534
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,360
Speaker 1: and she needs to be this this was from her

535
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: or from him, This is from yeah, So she needs

536
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,680
Speaker 1: to tell him go get a job, get a job

537
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: the kids. Look, you know, you know I'm not mad

538
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,400
Speaker 1: at that. I'm not mad at that. If you want

539
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,960
Speaker 1: to buy me mes nail polish, right, go get a

540
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 1: job so you can buy me nail polishy with your money.

541
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,400
Speaker 1: If I'm working my ass off and then I come

542
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:11,880
Speaker 1: home to take care of you, and then you said

543
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: you want to make me feel better about getting money

544
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 1: from me to buy me stuff real quick Yeah, that's

545
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:20,480
Speaker 1: what's the pen like, you know what I'm saying. It

546
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 1: didn't Yeah, it didn't sound like she was complaining though

547
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: that I'm wondering, she's just right. He's complaining, complaining if

548
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: she's right, If she's right, and then she is complaining

549
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 1: like if she's right, and then she is complaining. But

550
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for the resentment to start to build. At

551
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 1: some point, there's going to be some resentment building for sure.

552
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 1: But Robin did have a point. No, No, I was

553
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 1: just gonna say, if I'm working, i come home, I'm resentful.

554
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 1: You have to get up and be doing about something.

555
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 1: Make that helf busy. Yes, I'll feel you that. I

556
00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: feel you in that Kadena and I have gone through

557
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,680
Speaker 1: do that thing where it's just it's just whoever's out

558
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:04,720
Speaker 1: for the day, and when they come home and that

559
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 1: person is just home, you just be looking at them.

560
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 1: Why you just descread it though, to stay at home parent,

561
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: because we know what it's like to sit at home

562
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:16,920
Speaker 1: and be with kids home all day. Like it looks

563
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:18,880
Speaker 1: as if I'm home and I'm coming I'm crazy, I'm

564
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 1: sleeping all day, But no, I'm running after kids and

565
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 1: doing household ship. You know what I'm saying that she

566
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 1: did she say did she said? She said my husband

567
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 1: and child. I let my husband and child. One was

568
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:43,480
Speaker 1: my argument. I want her to never write in again. Okay, ridiculous.

569
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 1: Robin had a point though. Robin's point was, it doesn't

570
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 1: sound like she's complaining, right, it doesn't sound like she's

571
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 1: like she doesn't have a problem with herself, but her

572
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: husband is the one with the problem. So let's just

573
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 1: think about this, right, just think about it. Psychologically, she's

574
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,120
Speaker 1: the one that goes to She's the one that feels

575
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:02,920
Speaker 1: like she has to give them everything they want, and

576
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 1: now she feels like she has to fix her husband.

577
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:08,719
Speaker 1: There is something there. She's not complaining, but there is

578
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 1: something if she feels she sees all the things that

579
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 1: are wrong, and she's asking us to tell her, you

580
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:16,719
Speaker 1: know how we can fix this. But now, so your

581
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 1: husband stays at home and he wants the money to

582
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 1: buy you gifts, and now he has a problem with

583
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 1: he feels inadequate. That there's something wrong there. Now there's

584
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 1: something she's not complaining, but she's pointing it out. Yeah,

585
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:33,160
Speaker 1: she's complaining. He's leaving something out. But it's definitely It's

586
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 1: definitely deep, and I think as the longer goes on,

587
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 1: it's going to be frustrating for both of them. It's better,

588
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 1: it's better for her to let go let him do

589
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 1: some things around the house. But also it's something to

590
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 1: get a job. Yes, yeah, it's just I want to

591
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 1: see my man providing and feeling that sense of security

592
00:30:51,040 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 1: and comfort and just on, okay, man, did the check clear?

593
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 1: That's what I want to you know, I do that.

594
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 1: I do that sometimes just to like to like get

595
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 1: her all excited. I go up, I go outside and

596
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:08,720
Speaker 1: I opened up like the hood of the car, and

597
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 1: I just rubbed my hands on everything so it would

598
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 1: get dirty. And then I just come back in the

599
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 1: house like you just had to fix the carburetor. Meanwhile,

600
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 1: we have an electric we haven't electric cars, so there's

601
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 1: nothing under there. I like a husband that can look

602
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 1: at that wiping my hands on that for us. Okay,

603
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 1: number three this is this is a novel here all right.

604
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 1: Hello Codeine and Devout. First and foremost, I wanted to

605
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: say that I love you guys so much and we

606
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 1: love you too. Thank you. You two are really amazing

607
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:45,560
Speaker 1: in your podcast has really helped me live a better

608
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 1: life for myself, and it's giving me different aspects for

609
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 1: how to raise my child. So thanks for that. I

610
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 1: thank you. You're so welcome, my monkey. To start off

611
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 1: this story. Whenever, whenever someone puts off the start off

612
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:57,720
Speaker 1: this story, you know this is about to be wild.

613
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,120
Speaker 1: To start off the story. I really need help with

614
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,320
Speaker 1: my relationship. I don't know what to do, and there's

615
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 1: so much to say, but I'm gonna try to give it.

616
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 1: Give you the shortest version. Okay, she's already two paragraphs

617
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 1: and we know nothing. My husband and I have been

618
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 1: together for five years, married for four short time. I know, right,

619
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 1: but I think we have come to the end of

620
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 1: our role in our relationship. The damage has been done.

621
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 1: We have been to three counselors and still can't get

622
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 1: it right. I think it's him, he thinks it's me,

623
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,520
Speaker 1: someone on, and so forth. She's very, very articulate and

624
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 1: extremely colorful with his writing. The disrespect between these past

625
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 1: few arguments leaves current convos short and sometimes just unresolved.

626
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 1: We barely have sex maybe once or twice a month.

627
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 1: I'm just not in the mood anymore. I feel like

628
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 1: I've been hurt so many times. And I don't feel

629
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 1: like I can be vulnerable with him anymore. It seems

630
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,959
Speaker 1: like I'm living with my enemy. I've tried everything, guys,

631
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 1: but I'm the only one who seems to be putting

632
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: any actual effort to try to make changes, and I

633
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 1: get nothing from him. He huffs and puffs every time

634
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: I try to talk, and we'll say whatever he wants

635
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:05,000
Speaker 1: to hurt me and lashes out from time to time.

636
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 1: On top of that, no conversation ever gets finished because

637
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 1: if he doesn't like what I said, he gets up

638
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 1: and walks away. Damn, it doesn't matter if she's still going, wow,

639
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 1: I already got it. What's happening here? Uh? It doesn't matter.

640
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:19,560
Speaker 1: If I come to him with some respect, watch my

641
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 1: tone or lower my voice, I get the same results.

642
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 1: He was really interested in counseling and told me that

643
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 1: he didn't believe in it, which makes me feel like

644
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 1: the three counselors were a waste of time. Nor was

645
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 1: he really an active participate in our sessions either. The

646
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,080
Speaker 1: situation has been going on for almost two years. They've

647
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 1: only been married for four years. We never go out

648
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,520
Speaker 1: as a couple of our family stopped like yo yo,

649
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:44,240
Speaker 1: let me tell you something about Gazelle. Gazelle laugh, she's

650
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: going full hard, She's gonna Okay, I'm sorry. I feel

651
00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 1: resentment because how he treated me in the beginning, as

652
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 1: beginning has all changed. He used to be the sweetest guy.

653
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 1: I'm talking demand of my dreams. I thought I wouldn't

654
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 1: ever want to be with anyone else in the world.

655
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 1: This is until I moved in with him and realized

656
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 1: who he truly was. But now I feel like he

657
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 1: knows that he's got me, and he thinks I probably

658
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:17,360
Speaker 1: won't go anywhere, But I'm starting to think otherwise. We

659
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: have a baby together, he's almost two, and I don't

660
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 1: want to separate our household and raise myself alone. I

661
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 1: can't even afford it if I wanted to. I'm twenty six.

662
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 1: I'm twenty six and he's thirty one, and I've been okay, oh,

663
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:32,719
Speaker 1: I have an okay paying job. But you know, when

664
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 1: you're from New York or you're from New York and

665
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,400
Speaker 1: oh man, that's tough. And she said that Jersey Rent

666
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:42,759
Speaker 1: be busted. That is, by the way, But back to

667
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:51,040
Speaker 1: the story. We're going back to the story. Oh wow, okay, um,

668
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 1: what's her question? I really have strong thoughts about being

669
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,400
Speaker 1: with someone else. I know there's someone out there that

670
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 1: would treat me better and not degrade or continuously disrespect me.

671
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 1: Our last convo was the final straw. I have had

672
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 1: brain fog from COVID, intends to stutter and can't think

673
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 1: of words the same conversations, and he made sure that

674
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 1: he laughed at me, that's fucked up, made fun of

675
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 1: the fact that I fight this nick let me not

676
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:19,200
Speaker 1: even going there, made fun of the fact that I

677
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 1: couldn't speak, and told me that this is my sister.

678
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: He get hands put on him, I should get my

679
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:25,919
Speaker 1: ship together and then come to him. I was hurt.

680
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:28,480
Speaker 1: Guy's honestly hurt. I know the damage has been done

681
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:31,640
Speaker 1: on both sides. I am far from perfect. Okay, I'm

682
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 1: not gonna read it. She still has a lot good.

683
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,320
Speaker 1: She wants to know should I leave, should I stay?

684
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 1: What should I do? I really wish I could stay,

685
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 1: she said, would I'd be wrong for telling him that

686
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:42,399
Speaker 1: I think an open marriage would be the best thing

687
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:44,839
Speaker 1: for us at this point or for me? Or should

688
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 1: I follow divorce and deal with the consequences and call

689
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 1: it a day. Oh my gosh. Okay, I know that's

690
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: a lot, Like what do you do when you truly

691
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 1: feel like there's nothing left? Well? In open marriage? And

692
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 1: as she was reading, I was like, could just leave

693
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 1: and then pop in, Oh we have a two year old?

694
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,840
Speaker 1: Oh we lived together. I can't afford the rent is

695
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:09,600
Speaker 1: expensive And that's where that's her problem. It's like she's

696
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 1: I think if you didn't have the child, if you didn't,

697
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 1: if you weren't able to live on your own, then

698
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 1: you would have been gone. So you yeah, and and

699
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 1: what you what she's dealing with right now? Like it's

700
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 1: only going to get worse. Clearly, you've been at three counselors.

701
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 1: It's only going to get worse. You have a child.

702
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,240
Speaker 1: Your child doesn't need to be raised in an environment

703
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 1: like that. So I'm sorry she's gonna have to in

704
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 1: my opinion, following hard times, Yeah, she gotta like it's

705
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 1: it sucks. I don't you know. We don't want to

706
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 1: promote divorce and all that. We want to keep our

707
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: families together. But this is not going to get any better.

708
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 1: She's gonna be miserable, it's gonna get worse. We don't

709
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:52,240
Speaker 1: want it to get to a point where it's extremely

710
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:54,920
Speaker 1: toxic and you have a child, So do what you

711
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 1: can do and figure out how to help to get

712
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 1: out of there and file for divorce. This what I mean.

713
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,279
Speaker 1: She can say if she wants to, but she can stay.

714
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,280
Speaker 1: But he left a long time ago. Okay, mentally and emotionally,

715
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 1: that brother been gone, So it's over. Get your baby

716
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:15,880
Speaker 1: and bounce. It's a ratter, and figure out how to

717
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 1: financially make it, make it work. I mean, I'm sure

718
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 1: you've got a mama, a grandmama, us and somebody you

719
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 1: can stay with until you can get yourself financially on

720
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:29,080
Speaker 1: your feet. Um. I mean, this is a no brainer, girl, Bounce, Yeah,

721
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 1: I would. I would have to say, you know, the

722
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: first thing is realizing that they've only been married for

723
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:35,920
Speaker 1: four years. A lot of times people just look at

724
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 1: time and be like that so long, I've invested so much.

725
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 1: And then she has to get rid of that shame

726
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 1: of getting divorced. Right, there's nothing wrong with getting a divorce.

727
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:45,719
Speaker 1: Most people stay in a marriage because they're like, I

728
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:48,360
Speaker 1: don't want to be shamed by saying I got a divorce.

729
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:52,280
Speaker 1: But they think it's feeling. But to be honest, feeling

730
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,480
Speaker 1: is staying in a relationship where you're underappreciated and being abused.

731
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 1: Like these small things right here start off as that

732
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 1: type of abuse till that type of abuse isn't enough,

733
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 1: and then it gets to be more. When someone openly

734
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,400
Speaker 1: wants to make fun of you or degrade you or

735
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,280
Speaker 1: make you feel like you're less than that's how abuse starts.

736
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 1: And then with that no longer works because at some

737
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:13,920
Speaker 1: point she's gonna get used to that and ignore it.

738
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 1: That's when the abuse goes to another level. And I've

739
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 1: seen it so many times and so many of the

740
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,400
Speaker 1: men and women, and I've I've talked to that. It

741
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 1: always starts somewhere and you can see it coming and

742
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 1: you say, oh, they'll change if I do more. And

743
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 1: the more you do, the worst they get. I know.

744
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,040
Speaker 1: The old school approach is like, you know, wait till

745
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 1: you're married to move in. But that's why I'm a

746
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,799
Speaker 1: proponent for living with somebody before you get married and

747
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:38,480
Speaker 1: you make that final final decisions. Because she said everything

748
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,239
Speaker 1: was fine her dreams till they moved in, and then

749
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 1: what happens. You're representative that you've representing to this woman

750
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 1: the entire time can no longer sustain a living situation.

751
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying now, the real persons don't

752
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 1: come to pass, and it's just like ship. If I

753
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:53,799
Speaker 1: had known that living with him was gonna be like

754
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:55,480
Speaker 1: this and this is how life was going to be,

755
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 1: I might not even married his ass to begin with.

756
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 1: I also got to say this though, baby, And let's

757
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 1: not forget they only dated for a year before they

758
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:06,719
Speaker 1: got married too, so they barely know each other when

759
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:10,800
Speaker 1: they got married. But I'm doing a math. She got pregnant,

760
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 1: they got married. The baby is about babies about two years. Yeah,

761
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 1: they got married, Well, they've been married for four years.

762
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 1: For four years, Okay, fine, my math was wrong. My

763
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:26,680
Speaker 1: math was wrong. But if you think about it, it's

764
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 1: like they were dating for a year, got married, got pregnant, right,

765
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 1: You really didn't know this person. And babies change relationships

766
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:37,919
Speaker 1: even people. For example, K and I were together for

767
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 1: eight years before we had Jackson, and having Jackson completely

768
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:44,160
Speaker 1: changed the dynamic of our relationship. And this was a

769
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,239
Speaker 1: woman that I had known for eight years. Imagine you

770
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:49,239
Speaker 1: don't know somebody and they get pregnant and then you

771
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 1: move in. It's like you've taken all the varials that

772
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 1: are possible all those variables and put them in one situation.

773
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:59,799
Speaker 1: It's almost a recipe for disaster. So, and she got married.

774
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:02,719
Speaker 1: You know, she said she's twenty six, So she got

775
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:05,959
Speaker 1: married when she was twenty two. So you really didn't notice. Yeah,

776
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 1: you really didn't notice yourself. You can't know. He's right,

777
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 1: you did, she didn't know. She didn't know him. You

778
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 1: were way too young to be getting married at two

779
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 1: years old. I'm like, and and I want to give

780
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:25,120
Speaker 1: her some um encouragement and optimis optimistic, you know, just guidance,

781
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 1: Like life evolved, it changes. You grow so much and

782
00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 1: so yes you're twenty two, but you have so much

783
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 1: growing to do, so don't feel like you're stuck. Like,

784
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,840
Speaker 1: just look at this experience. Um, you know if it

785
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 1: if it ends, and it doesn't end, well just look

786
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 1: at it as a learning lesson. It's something to just

787
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:48,200
Speaker 1: add to your life story, you know. So, Um, but

788
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 1: if you stay imagine if you stay in this relationship

789
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: for ten more years and you stuck and you're you know,

790
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:59,840
Speaker 1: it's toxic. You can't grow, you can't. So yeah, just

791
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,200
Speaker 1: it's kind to move on. And you don't like her

792
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 1: any more anyway. So it's open. He don't, like, there's

793
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 1: no way any any man that would openly just laugh

794
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 1: at their significant other, who's who's obviously going through something

795
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 1: like brain fog from COVID and stuttering. Like I like

796
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,480
Speaker 1: to laugh at everybody, right, I love to laugh, But

797
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 1: I would never laugh at my wife and she's going

798
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 1: through something that firstly trying to hurt her feelings. He

799
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:24,279
Speaker 1: might just be the one pushing her out, because you do.

800
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 1: Sometimes the person that wants a divorce sometimes doesn't want

801
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:29,240
Speaker 1: to be the one to initiate it. So it's almost

802
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 1: as if he seems like he's pushing all these buttons

803
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 1: for her to pull the trigger. Just pug. He's thirty one,

804
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:42,080
Speaker 1: which means he got married when he was twenty five. Yeah, yeah,

805
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:45,759
Speaker 1: like he was one. You got a lot of life,

806
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 1: a whole lot of life, mama. Do what's best for

807
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,960
Speaker 1: you and your baby. Go find your piece, being a

808
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,319
Speaker 1: healthy relationship. And you're right if you're twenty six, there's

809
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:55,359
Speaker 1: plenty of men out there who would be like, hey,

810
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 1: what's up, mama. They're going to start small talk with you,

811
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,839
Speaker 1: except if you run into robbing. Robin ain't on small

812
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:02,480
Speaker 1: Robin gonna walk right up to you and be like,

813
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:04,920
Speaker 1: what's up with you need your kids? Why are you

814
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 1: both here to the bar? Why are you both here

815
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 1: in the bar? You're the kid. See, I'm ready to

816
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,800
Speaker 1: throw this next Lets this next letter out because it

817
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 1: starts with hello uncle Devala auntie KK. First of all,

818
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:19,440
Speaker 1: I ain't y'all what I'm not your aunt. You can

819
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:21,800
Speaker 1: call me sis, but I'll be making me feel some

820
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 1: kind of way like y'all trying to put me in

821
00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:25,760
Speaker 1: a certain age bracket. Let me slain something to you. Okay,

822
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:30,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest. We're going to the next You'll

823
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 1: can't do that to people, ma'aw. I mean, I like

824
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 1: the term of endearman. But let's say listen, del and

825
00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 1: sis thek There we go, There we go. You could

826
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:43,319
Speaker 1: be old. I'm not gonna be old. Are you on TikTok? Ladies?

827
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:47,279
Speaker 1: Are y'all on TikTok? Yeah? You're not on TikTok. You

828
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 1: know why I'm not on TikTok. I tried to get

829
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 1: on TikTok. My head starting hurt. It was too much

830
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 1: stuff going on over there. Yeah, the kids that was

831
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:57,160
Speaker 1: on there was between fifteen and twenty two. And all

832
00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:59,799
Speaker 1: of those kids could be my kids. So when they

833
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 1: have to TikTok, you gotta jump in and jump out.

834
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 1: It's not for your it's not for age. You're right

835
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 1: to stay on it longer than fifteen seconds an assumption

836
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,040
Speaker 1: for me. Yeah, that's time spend. I guess, I mean,

837
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:16,760
Speaker 1: I guess we're approaching. If you're on the Instagram Facebook group,

838
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 1: they're gonna call you auntie that we're Instagram Facebook. You

839
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:24,040
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So you you are uncle owning

840
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:30,040
Speaker 1: you as auntie? Then alright, alright, niece all r. Let

841
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 1: me see what my niece gotta say today. Y'all. I

842
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:34,759
Speaker 1: think it's a girl. Are we talking to? I just

843
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:36,840
Speaker 1: want to start by saying thank you for every episode

844
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 1: you've ever created. This is music to my ears, my

845
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 1: everyday ears. My fiance and I have been together since

846
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:46,240
Speaker 1: high school, which will be nine years on November six,

847
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 1: for two years all right now. We've recently bought a

848
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:52,799
Speaker 1: new house and we have one kid together, one on

849
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:55,360
Speaker 1: the way. He's literally my best friend and I couldn't

850
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:58,120
Speaker 1: see our lives without each other in it. Don't get

851
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 1: me wrong. We've gone through some bad time where we

852
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 1: just didn't know if we could make it, but we did.

853
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 1: We're planning to get married next year, but when we

854
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,719
Speaker 1: got pregnant, we really couldn't afford a wedding, which was

855
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,960
Speaker 1: what we both wanted. I know you talked about if

856
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,240
Speaker 1: you guys can get married again, you would do it differently.

857
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:17,439
Speaker 1: What's some advice that you we should take? Just to say,

858
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:21,800
Speaker 1: I do I hope to get a chance. Oh sorry, child,

859
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:23,479
Speaker 1: I hope you get a chance to read my letter.

860
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 1: And I can't wait to see you live again in Philly.

861
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 1: So what's some advice that we should take into consideration?

862
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:32,279
Speaker 1: I guess before they say I do. So. So my

863
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 1: first wedding was in two thousand five and we had

864
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 1: four people there and it was the time of my life.

865
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,280
Speaker 1: It was amazing. We had so much fun, so many memories.

866
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 1: It was great. But I would never do it again.

867
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:51,800
Speaker 1: So you know, now, intimate weddings to me are very nice. Um.

868
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 1: I had an intimate wedding. Um, but like three receptions

869
00:44:57,239 --> 00:45:02,880
Speaker 1: and then were was just stupid. But um, can you

870
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 1: know you gotta explain that. Don't don't bloss over that

871
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:07,760
Speaker 1: why we had three receptions? I got to know quirement

872
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 1: to Okay, So I got married to this guy's a

873
00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:16,880
Speaker 1: pastor of a church, so he wanted a reception for

874
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:21,360
Speaker 1: the church. So that was Lottie Dottie and everybody that

875
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:25,239
Speaker 1: was probably like five people. Yeah, okay, So I just

876
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:29,240
Speaker 1: felt like I felt like, because I had the intimate

877
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 1: wedding um, the ceremony, I didn't mind doing all the

878
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 1: other receptions because I had like that personal intimate moment,

879
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:41,040
Speaker 1: which was important to me because I think a lot

880
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 1: of times when people think about weddings, they're thinking about

881
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 1: everyone else, like we're having to a peace. When Valin

882
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 1: I got married, we were the first on either side,

883
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:51,799
Speaker 1: you know, first like niece and nephew, first grandchild, like

884
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 1: we were the first to get married. So all the

885
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 1: excitement was around us getting married. So we had a

886
00:45:57,120 --> 00:46:01,439
Speaker 1: smooth people at our wedding, and the day was never

887
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:04,360
Speaker 1: do that again and never in life. I was like,

888
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:06,680
Speaker 1: I don't even know, I don't even know care to know,

889
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,799
Speaker 1: like half of the people that was there, maybe just

890
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 1: a percentage of them that I still talked to, I

891
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 1: would never do that again. And at that point for

892
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:16,800
Speaker 1: us too, it was like people said, you know, Devot

893
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:18,880
Speaker 1: gave me pretty much an option. He said, do you

894
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:21,960
Speaker 1: want a house or do you want a wedding? And

895
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:26,600
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I want both. Say that though

896
00:46:26,719 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 1: she said, she said, you know, I really want to

897
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:32,800
Speaker 1: winning as you're a girl. You put the pillow cans

898
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,040
Speaker 1: in your head and you talking about being a bride.

899
00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: And that's when I dreamed of my own time and

900
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 1: my whole line. I didn't quite said like she said.

901
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:43,239
Speaker 1: She wanted this wedding so bad. And this is the

902
00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:46,400
Speaker 1: funny part. We had already owned the property in Michigan.

903
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,279
Speaker 1: When I was playing ball, we bought a house, so

904
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 1: in her defense, we already owned two properties. So but

905
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:54,919
Speaker 1: we were living in an apartment in We were living

906
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 1: an apartment in Brooklyn because I had got cut, so

907
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 1: we were living in an apartment in Brooklyn. And I

908
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 1: said to her, we buy a brownstone in Brooklyn, or

909
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:03,879
Speaker 1: we would have to live in this apartment for five

910
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 1: years while I rebuild so that we can do something

911
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:09,319
Speaker 1: else with the resources. And she said, I don't mind

912
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,840
Speaker 1: staying in this apartment. It's really really nice. I like

913
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 1: it here, ladies, ladies. The minute we came back from

914
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 1: the honeymoon, she sat on the edge of the bed

915
00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 1: right and I was just like, what's what's the matter?

916
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 1: Tears come down her eyes. I don't want to stay

917
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:34,640
Speaker 1: in this apartment. I was like, really, our wedding course

918
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:42,879
Speaker 1: the worst investment, the worst investment I have ever made

919
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 1: in my life. But I will say this, I will

920
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:48,920
Speaker 1: say this, we had the time of our life and

921
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 1: we ended up getting the wedding we wanted and we

922
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 1: have the house we wanted. So we got both. It

923
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:57,840
Speaker 1: just didn't happen on the time she wanted it to

924
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:01,400
Speaker 1: happen or I wanted to happen. And in between the

925
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 1: time from getting the wedding in the house, it was very,

926
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:07,279
Speaker 1: very difficult, Like financially we were we were trying to

927
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:09,360
Speaker 1: make ends meet, Like it was just a poor investment.

928
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:12,040
Speaker 1: We were in mid twenties, like we just had no

929
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:13,799
Speaker 1: clue about what we were doing, and we thought we

930
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:16,359
Speaker 1: knew everything. So my advice to them would be think

931
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:19,000
Speaker 1: about the marriage, not the wedding. If you focus on

932
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:21,920
Speaker 1: the marriage, you'll make a decision that will last more

933
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,280
Speaker 1: long term. Sinse Yeah, because going into it, it seems

934
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 1: like they have a pretty solid, healthy situation going on here.

935
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 1: It's just a dilemma over this whole wedding thing. Yeah,

936
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,760
Speaker 1: I agree, and I've I've seen beautiful images of small,

937
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 1: intimate weddings that looked like they're full of love. You

938
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 1: make sure you have the people that you really really

939
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:42,799
Speaker 1: really love and wanted to be there, and you know

940
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:45,759
Speaker 1: they were able to keep keep it out of really

941
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 1: small budget. And so I think, you know, a lot

942
00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 1: of people get caught up in the whole like, oh,

943
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 1: I want this big wedding to please other people, like

944
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 1: you said, and you gotta realize like, no, this, you

945
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 1: gotta be smart and big long term and realize that

946
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 1: you know, you don't have to please other people, but

947
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 1: you can also have a beautiful wedding that you had

948
00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:07,040
Speaker 1: to create memories, long lasting memories, and you'll be happy

949
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:09,840
Speaker 1: with So yeah, so true. People in search of the

950
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:13,560
Speaker 1: Instagram mob moments. Yeah, if you have money to waste,

951
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 1: you have money to waste, money to barn, then fall out,

952
00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:21,719
Speaker 1: have your big wedding with people that you're not gonna

953
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 1: talk to ever beginning life. Fall out. But if if

954
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,640
Speaker 1: that's not how you're living, which is obviously these people

955
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 1: that wrote, then you really have to be mindful about

956
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 1: what matters, and what matters is you and him, that's it.

957
00:49:35,480 --> 00:49:38,320
Speaker 1: And the and the babies. M that's that's what matters.

958
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:41,920
Speaker 1: So make it makes sense as it relates to people

959
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 1: that love you for a lot. Yeah, I've seen some

960
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:47,600
Speaker 1: really cute when it's like Devo's best friend and his wife.

961
00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 1: Now they up and went to Italy, just the two

962
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 1: of them, and she had a beautiful gown. He was

963
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 1: in like a tailor custom tux. They had an efficiant,

964
00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:00,840
Speaker 1: they had a photographer, a videographer out on the Amalfi

965
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 1: coast and the flowers. That's I'm speaking it and I'm

966
00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:15,960
Speaker 1: gonna say this too, right, I'm gonna put to rest

967
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,879
Speaker 1: the stigma that when it comes to weddings that it's

968
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:20,919
Speaker 1: only women who want to have a big wedding. Because

969
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:22,839
Speaker 1: remember what he talked about what people wanted to do,

970
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 1: things real big. I'm people, I'm people. The minute Case

971
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:28,280
Speaker 1: said to me she wanted to have a big wedding,

972
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, so because your ego as

973
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:32,560
Speaker 1: a man is fine. All my boys playing ball, what

974
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:35,120
Speaker 1: they have for their wives. They had how many courses?

975
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 1: We want fourteen courses, we want fourteen courses. And it

976
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:40,759
Speaker 1: was just like Mr Ellis, you show I see the positive, baby,

977
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:42,680
Speaker 1: whatever you want you can get. So here, I am

978
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:44,880
Speaker 1: trying to be big ball and not having the money

979
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:48,800
Speaker 1: because my ego wouldn't allow me to say that. I couldn't.

980
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:50,680
Speaker 1: You know, I had to downsize my wedding. So it's

981
00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:53,960
Speaker 1: not only women fellas. We fall into that too, And

982
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,480
Speaker 1: I was definitely victim of trying to keep up with

983
00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:59,160
Speaker 1: the Joneses at that moment, and I regretted it afterwards.

984
00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 1: Were really invested to I was just like, what's the

985
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:03,360
Speaker 1: what's the wedding color is going to because my favorite

986
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:05,080
Speaker 1: color is red? It should be red. And I was like,

987
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:08,200
Speaker 1: I was like, why we care? Like you're really invested

988
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:10,239
Speaker 1: that much of this wedding and he's like, well, if

989
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:12,600
Speaker 1: I'm paying for that ship, you gotta be red. I

990
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:16,160
Speaker 1: was like, okay, so harm whispering to the wedding planner

991
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,080
Speaker 1: the red doesn't go with my yellow. What are we

992
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:21,480
Speaker 1: going to make this work? I was? I was a

993
00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:24,719
Speaker 1: little bit of a diva. Red drawers, my guy, get

994
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:30,400
Speaker 1: you some red drawing a day? Well, ship, speaking of

995
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:32,160
Speaker 1: calling it a day, it looks like we're gonna have

996
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:33,960
Speaker 1: to wrap with you guys soon. I think we're coming

997
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:38,560
Speaker 1: to up. I know, Triple just gave me the the

998
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:40,960
Speaker 1: group chat. We got to get to the end of

999
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 1: this um. But I would love to have y'all back.

1000
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:45,960
Speaker 1: I think we were doing We were just on the

1001
00:51:45,960 --> 00:51:47,839
Speaker 1: tip of the iceberg of getting good with some other

1002
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:54,960
Speaker 1: stuff here too. So yeah, scratching the surface and we

1003
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:59,120
Speaker 1: love to crush over event let us know for sure.

1004
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:01,719
Speaker 1: But if y'all come to reasonly shadey, I'll have to understand,

1005
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 1: it's nothing but shade. I love. I like shady. Actually,

1006
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:09,000
Speaker 1: I think it's fun. I guess for the sake of

1007
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:11,640
Speaker 1: our our people who normally listening, we had to code

1008
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:13,360
Speaker 1: it with love. But we do agree we like in

1009
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 1: the moments of shade. So if we have somewhere we

1010
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 1: can unleash the shade, I'm I'm with it. Our whole

1011
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:22,160
Speaker 1: podcasts came built of shading. We shaded each other like

1012
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:24,759
Speaker 1: we we told each other about each other for the

1013
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:29,279
Speaker 1: first four seasons and we didn't ingesting and love, but

1014
00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:31,799
Speaker 1: we definitely was shading each other. This is definitely like that,

1015
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:33,839
Speaker 1: this podcast. I don't know how it's been for you guys,

1016
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:35,760
Speaker 1: but it's definitely been like therapy for us. We usually

1017
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:38,279
Speaker 1: have discoveries every episode, like I didn't even know you

1018
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:40,640
Speaker 1: thought that, or like who are you again? Like this

1019
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:45,280
Speaker 1: person you know about things some delustional every day every day.

1020
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:47,719
Speaker 1: But we love y'all so much, Thank you so much.

1021
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 1: Let everybody know where we can find your podcast, where

1022
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:52,359
Speaker 1: they can find you your show, what you have going on?

1023
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:56,520
Speaker 1: Go ahead and drop that plug. Yes recently Shady podcast.

1024
00:52:56,680 --> 00:53:00,680
Speaker 1: We download episodes or upload episodes every Monday. But we

1025
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:04,480
Speaker 1: were on any anywhere you can catch your your podcast, Apple, Spotify,

1026
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:07,799
Speaker 1: all that good stuff, um, Instagram at recently show your

1027
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 1: podcast what else and catch us on And we're also yeah,

1028
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:16,880
Speaker 1: we're also on Patreon so um recently on Patreon, so

1029
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 1: both check that out. And yes, every Sunday, eight o'clock

1030
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:26,440
Speaker 1: on Bravo TV, The Real Housewives, The Potomac whichever, whichever.

1031
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:30,359
Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna lie. I'm not even gonna lie.

1032
00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:33,319
Speaker 1: I don't have time to watch TV right, but after

1033
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:35,799
Speaker 1: meeting you guys like this, it does make me want

1034
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:37,759
Speaker 1: to watch you on TV because I want to see

1035
00:53:37,960 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I got a chance to actually see y'all.

1036
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:42,160
Speaker 1: So y'all are both really sweet, and I know the

1037
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:44,080
Speaker 1: Housewives they always be going at each other. I don't

1038
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:47,080
Speaker 1: want to see what does l say to fuck somebody down,

1039
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:49,320
Speaker 1: because I don't know Robin. Robin is going to be

1040
00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:51,839
Speaker 1: the one. Like listen, guy, she didn't mean it like that.

1041
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:54,279
Speaker 1: That's not exactly how she meant that. She might have

1042
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:57,279
Speaker 1: said your breath stink, but she didn't mean it like that.

1043
00:53:57,560 --> 00:53:59,879
Speaker 1: And she didn't mean your baby was ugly. She didn't

1044
00:53:59,880 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 1: mean it. She said it. Lord, check it out. You

1045
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 1: should definitely watch. We're very entertaining and you're gonna learn

1046
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:14,919
Speaker 1: a lot about both of us. But okay, that just out. Yeah,

1047
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:19,640
Speaker 1: the Shady was not least. We have a I am

1048
00:54:19,719 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 1: that's for not least. We have a live show, a

1049
00:54:21,840 --> 00:54:25,879
Speaker 1: reasently should Shady Love show in New York November twenty six.

1050
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,920
Speaker 1: So it's that Thanksgiving weekend. So after you eat that

1051
00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:31,560
Speaker 1: turky on Thursday, then on Saturday at City Winery, we

1052
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:33,759
Speaker 1: are going to have our Lives show. So you're all

1053
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:36,279
Speaker 1: in town, come check us out. Beautiful. That would be

1054
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:38,919
Speaker 1: so dope. Absolutely, I can't wait to sit with y'all

1055
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:41,440
Speaker 1: again and chat some more. But we're gonna let you

1056
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:48,919
Speaker 1: go for now. Thank you all for joining us. Thank

1057
00:54:48,960 --> 00:55:04,480
Speaker 1: you you guys. Sorry, thank you to each and every

1058
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:06,440
Speaker 1: one of you who have written into our listener letters,

1059
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:08,359
Speaker 1: and you know, even if you haven't been selected yet,

1060
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:10,560
Speaker 1: keep writing, keep sending, because I'm sure at some point

1061
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,000
Speaker 1: we will definitely get to your letter. And if you

1062
00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:14,880
Speaker 1: want to be featured as a listener letter and you

1063
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:17,879
Speaker 1: have not written in yet, email us at dead as

1064
00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:20,680
Speaker 1: Advice at gmail dot com. That's right, that's D E

1065
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:22,960
Speaker 1: A D A S S A D V I C

1066
00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 1: E at gmail dot com. All right, I'm on a

1067
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:31,040
Speaker 1: truth time after getting the Giselle and Robbin's perspective on

1068
00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:33,200
Speaker 1: these listener letters. I hope you guys found some of

1069
00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:36,399
Speaker 1: the advice helpful this time around. I guess my moment

1070
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:39,239
Speaker 1: of truth is that you know, no one can really

1071
00:55:39,239 --> 00:55:42,600
Speaker 1: tell y'all what to do in these situations. I mean,

1072
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:45,040
Speaker 1: it's fun for us to listen and to maybe offer

1073
00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:48,440
Speaker 1: a different perspective, but ultimately, you have to live in

1074
00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:51,080
Speaker 1: that body of yours. You have to live in those situations.

1075
00:55:51,120 --> 00:55:52,920
Speaker 1: You have to live in that life. You have to

1076
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:54,920
Speaker 1: put your head on that pillow at night and and

1077
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:58,799
Speaker 1: be we hope content at the very least with the

1078
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 1: life that you're living. So that being said, I guess

1079
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:04,400
Speaker 1: you can take our stuff with a grain of salt,

1080
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:08,600
Speaker 1: or you can take it with the hole enchilada. Hopefully

1081
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:12,440
Speaker 1: you're doing what makes you happy first and foremost facts.

1082
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:16,160
Speaker 1: And I'm just gonna say you right, And I want

1083
00:56:16,160 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 1: to add this, being reasonably shady or dead ass can

1084
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:23,960
Speaker 1: be extremely healthy because once you take the sugar off

1085
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:26,160
Speaker 1: the coating and you've got to deal with the hard truth,

1086
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:29,759
Speaker 1: sometimes that's the best medicine, right to take the sugar off.

1087
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:32,160
Speaker 1: That's cute. Take the sugar off the dry ass cupcake

1088
00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:34,560
Speaker 1: because the cupcakes be dry sometimes? Are you gonna remix

1089
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:36,239
Speaker 1: my saying? I just said it off the flip? It

1090
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:38,400
Speaker 1: was a mic drop. Why you had to remix my joints?

1091
00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:39,880
Speaker 1: Cute though, But I just made me think of like

1092
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:41,759
Speaker 1: the times when you've had like the icing on the

1093
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:44,200
Speaker 1: cake and the cake be dry. Are you hungry? Are

1094
00:56:44,239 --> 00:56:46,839
Speaker 1: you hungry? Hungry? I think it's lunchtime, y'all, because it

1095
00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:49,080
Speaker 1: is my moment of truth and you're trying to remix

1096
00:56:49,120 --> 00:56:52,719
Speaker 1: my moment of truth. Now we're talking about pastry. Come on, now,

1097
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:56,440
Speaker 1: ellis that was reasonably shady? Well, you know what you

1098
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 1: should do? Then go on social media and find us

1099
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:01,160
Speaker 1: at dead as the Podcast before I go take this

1100
00:57:01,239 --> 00:57:03,840
Speaker 1: lunch break, and you can find me at Cadeen I

1101
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:05,799
Speaker 1: Am and I Am Devout. And if you're listening on

1102
00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:10,040
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe dead

1103
00:57:10,040 --> 00:57:12,520
Speaker 1: Ass and keep writing in. We'd love to hear from y'all.

1104
00:57:12,640 --> 00:57:16,840
Speaker 1: We love you, Thank you all so much. Dead Ass

1105
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:19,400
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and

1106
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 1: is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on

1107
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:25,960
Speaker 1: social media at dead as the Podcasts and never miss

1108
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:26,240
Speaker 1: a Thing