Speaker 1: Welcome to brain Stuff production of I Heart Radio. Hey
Speaker 1: brain Stuff. Lauren Bolga Baum Here, love can certainly be
Speaker 1: a many splendored thing, but what is it about we
Speaker 1: humans that makes us long for love in the first place?
Speaker 1: Before the article This episode is based on How Stuff Works.
Speaker 1: Spoke via email with Dr Nicki Nantz, a licensed psychotherapist
Speaker 1: and professor at Beacon College in Leesburg, Florida. She said,
Speaker 1: generally speaking, human pair bonding is a drive to keep
Speaker 1: the species in existence. Today, falling in love is socially defined.
Speaker 1: If we didn't have love stories to establish the expectation
Speaker 1: of falling in love, we might not do it. We
Speaker 1: would still bond though. How Stuff Works also spoke via
Speaker 1: email with psychologist Dr Beverly Palmer, the author of Love
Speaker 1: Demystified Strategies for a Successful Love Life. She explained a
Speaker 1: theory for how our sense of love develops called attachment theory,
Speaker 1: which states that the beginning stages of love, as well
Speaker 1: as how we pursue it and give it throughout our lives,
Speaker 1: can depend a lot on our parents. She said, we
Speaker 1: are born as helpless infants dependent on our parents to
Speaker 1: fulfill our needs. Love then becomes need fulfillment, and we
Speaker 1: seek this same love out as adults. Palmer explained that
Speaker 1: according to attachment theory, children are protected and nurtured by available,
Speaker 1: responsive parents and have their need for emotional nurturing satisfied. Therefore,
Speaker 1: they learn to love the parents in return. And in
Speaker 1: this theory, what children learn about love from their parents
Speaker 1: determines how they learn to love others as adults. That's
Speaker 1: not to say that people from less than perfect homes
Speaker 1: are not capable of forming a good loving relationship, but
Speaker 1: they might need to do some extra work to get there.
Speaker 1: And remember, for that pair bonding that Nance mentioned, well,
Speaker 1: it happens for a reason, she said. Our brain is
Speaker 1: set up to support pair bonding. When people fall in love,
Speaker 1: they go into a state of lamberance. Lamerance is a
Speaker 1: fancy way of saying infatuation or obsession. This happens because
Speaker 1: our brains and hormones go wild when faced with a
Speaker 1: sincere love interest, and Nance explained, when we are in
Speaker 1: the company of the loved one, the brain produces more serotonin,
Speaker 1: which gives a sense of well being, more endorphins, which
Speaker 1: are natural painkillers, and more dopamine, which increases pleasure. The
Speaker 1: good feeling is a reward that makes us want more.
Speaker 1: Although serotonin levels do vary from person to person, they
Speaker 1: can also go down during the head over heels process.
Speaker 1: As a result, decreased serotonin may produce obsessive type symptoms
Speaker 1: that cause some people to think of the person there
Speaker 1: in love with constantly. The hormonal reaction aren't limited to
Speaker 1: romantic love, though. How Stuff Works also spoke with Joe Bates,
Speaker 1: a psychiatrist and author of Making Your Brain Hum A
Speaker 1: hundred and twelve Weeks to a Smarter You. He said,
Speaker 1: viewing pictures of beauty, nature, a loved one, or even
Speaker 1: your beloved pet can cause us to feel relaxed or
Speaker 1: produce loving emotions releasing oxytocin in the bloodstream. Oxytocin is
Speaker 1: another hormone that our bodies make, a one that can
Speaker 1: increase bonding tendencies. But why do some people find love
Speaker 1: more easily? Occasionally eyes meet across the room and the
Speaker 1: rest is history affirm most of us. However, falling in
Speaker 1: love is more complicated. You have to be ready to
Speaker 1: give and accept love, which it's not always easy to do,
Speaker 1: and it can come down to timing, chemistry, and common ground.
Speaker 1: Although the old saying opposites attract remains prevalent, it's actually
Speaker 1: false and cases how staff Works also spoke by email
Speaker 1: with relationship expert Kevin Darnay. He said, the goal is
Speaker 1: to find someone who shares your same values, wants the
Speaker 1: same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees
Speaker 1: with you on how to obtain those things, and last,
Speaker 1: but not least, has a mutual depth of love and
Speaker 1: desire for one another. If you've ever looked back on
Speaker 1: an earlier romance and wondered what you were thinking, you're
Speaker 1: not the only one, Dinah said. The truth is we
Speaker 1: really don't begin to craft a mate selection process or
Speaker 1: must have list until after we've experienced some heartache, betrayal,
Speaker 1: and disappointment. Whatever we think makes for an ideal mate
Speaker 1: at age seventeen is not going to be what we
Speaker 1: want for a mate at age five or thirty five.
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, love is relative, so
Speaker 1: don't expect your relationship to look, feel, or act the
Speaker 1: same as past experiences or like those of your friends.
Speaker 1: And Darnie said, Ultimately, we're looking for someone to love
Speaker 1: us the way we want to be loved. If we
Speaker 1: don't feel loved. It doesn't matter what's in our mates heart.
Speaker 1: Today's episode is based on the article why do We
Speaker 1: Fall in Love? On how stuff works dot Com written
Speaker 1: by Leah Hoyt. Brain Stuff is production of I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio in partnership with how stuff works dot Com, and
Speaker 1: it's produced by Tyler Klang and Ramsey Young. For more
Speaker 1: podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app,
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.