WEBVTT - Why Is My Teen So Difficult To Connect With? 0:00:11.000 --> 0:00:13.440 Hey, everybody, welcome back to the podcast. Thanks for being here. 0:00:14.200 --> 0:00:17.439 I saw so many people this week. I got back 0:00:17.480 --> 0:00:21.960 from Lebanon, Pennsylvania and saw so many of you and 0:00:23.520 --> 0:00:26.080 people that came up. Were speaking at a banquet and 0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:27.480 a lot of people come up and they're like, hey, 0:00:27.520 --> 0:00:30.720 we listened to the podcast. And other people said, how's 0:00:30.720 --> 0:00:33.560 your poison oak doing? And at first I was a 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:35.479 little bit caught off guard because I just thought, how 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:37.320 did you know that I had poison oak? I was 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:40.400 actually suffering badly, And they're like, you said it on 0:00:40.440 --> 0:00:44.200 your podcast last week, so thank you. Sometimes I forget 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:47.120 what I say. It means the world that you guys 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:52.519 listen and care and come back a week after week. Uh, 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:56.680 put the poison ivy or oak, I should say, is better. 0:00:56.840 --> 0:01:01.120 It's now it's all on my arm four under my 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:05.000 right arm, and that's new. It was all over my 0:01:05.120 --> 0:01:10.280 side on my left ribcage and horrible. Actually, never I've 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:11.800 been in the woods my whole life, I've never had 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:16.280 poison oak until now, and it was it crushed me. 0:01:17.160 --> 0:01:19.600 I cut some seater and it had a little bit 0:01:19.640 --> 0:01:23.600 of I remember seeing it. It was really bright and vivid, 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:26.280 and I remember seeing that vine inside the seater that 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:28.479 I cut, and I remember thinking, oh, that's it's actually 0:01:28.560 --> 0:01:31.560 really pretty. The leaves were really red and pretty, and 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:35.520 it got me and my brother Parker had poison ivy 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:39.800 ironically earlier this year, and so he had a prescription cream. 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:42.200 That's the only thing that's gotten to be better. So anyway, 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:44.840 thank you guys. I mentioned it last podcast, and it 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:46.440 was kind of shocked that I went to Pennsylvania and 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:50.120 people remember that. I love that you guys listen and 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:52.200 come back each week. If you want to ask me 0:01:52.240 --> 0:01:58.280 a question, email podcast at grangersmith dot com. Podcast at 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:00.720 grangersmith dot com. It does not have to be any 0:02:00.800 --> 0:02:04.920 kind of certain subject. It seems like the past probably 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:09.079 six to eight months, there's a lot of these theological 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:10.880 questions and it doesn't have to be that. So if 0:02:10.919 --> 0:02:13.400 you if you tun tune into this podcast and you 0:02:13.440 --> 0:02:18.840 say Granger answers all these theological God questions, Hey, I'm 0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:21.680 just answering questions that you send, so we could talk 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:23.920 about whatever you want and we'll walk through it. We've 0:02:23.960 --> 0:02:27.520 been doing this now, y'all going on eight years. Can 0:02:27.560 --> 0:02:30.240 you believe that in this podcast going on eight years? 0:02:31.560 --> 0:02:34.680 I can't even believe that. I can't that I can't 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:39.080 believe that we could even see the horizon of a decade. 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:43.080 That's crazy to me. The first question comes from James 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:45.120 as we get into this, and I like to say, James, 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:47.280 I want you guys to ask a question like we're 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:50.240 just sitting in the cab of a truck and something 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:52.000 comes up because something's on your mind. We got the 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:54.359 windows down and you say, hey, man, could I kind 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:57.040 of run something by it? That's that's the format of 0:02:57.080 --> 0:03:00.720 this podcast. James says, Hi, Grande, I work a full 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:04.640 time job. I coach my son's Little league team. My 0:03:04.680 --> 0:03:06.880 wife and I are trying to start a small business 0:03:06.880 --> 0:03:09.720 on the side. I feel like I'm constantly running from 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:11.480 one thing to the next, and I don't have time 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:15.040 to breathe. How do you balance work, family, personal time 0:03:15.080 --> 0:03:18.200 without feeling like you're always dropping the ball. Any tips 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:21.320 would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again for being a good 0:03:21.360 --> 0:03:25.440 role model, James, James, thank you, brother. Appreciate the email 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:32.280 and the trust with a question like this, and certainly, man, 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:38.920 it's it's everyone listening thinks to themselves. Yeah, busy. It's 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:43.560 funny in the most hectic days of touring with the 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:48.680 band would be a city after city after city. You 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:52.320 kind of start every every city just starts to look 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:55.800 the same, especially in the summers when we do these fairs, 0:03:56.600 --> 0:03:59.720 and every fair ground starts to look the same. So 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:02.360 you're like in Ohio, and then you're you're in Michigan, 0:04:02.400 --> 0:04:04.720 and then you're in Illinois, and then you're in Indiana, 0:04:04.840 --> 0:04:09.040 and it's they all it's like a a some kind 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:12.840 of dirt track and grandstands and ferris wheels and everything 0:04:12.840 --> 0:04:14.840 behind that, and you could smell the same foods, and 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:19.840 it starts to all blend in together, and you a 0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:21.760 lot of times would be playing with these other bands 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:25.119 and the buses would pull in in the night time 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:28.200 and we would all be sleeping, and you wake up 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:32.000 the next morning and catering would have breakfast and we 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:35.840 would come out of the bus and you know, you're 0:04:36.080 --> 0:04:39.960 looking for coffee, and then the right across, you know, 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:42.240 in the parking spot next to you is another bus 0:04:42.240 --> 0:04:44.560 and that door is opening and a guy's coming off 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:48.800 looking for coffee, and and you haven't seen him in 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:52.039 you know, eight months or since whenever last show you played, 0:04:52.080 --> 0:04:56.120 and hey, how's it going right there? Right there there's 0:04:56.160 --> 0:05:00.400 this moment how's it going when the other guy would 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:05.200 say busy, and then he looks at you and he goes, 0:05:05.760 --> 0:05:10.840 how about you guys, and you go busy? And I 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:13.640 thought about that so much. Always laughed to myself because 0:05:13.640 --> 0:05:18.159 I thought, I thought, what if my answer was I'm 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:22.200 not that busy. Because if it is, what you're communicating 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:26.080 is work is not going good. Things are not going 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:29.400 well in the music business. That's what that answer would communicate, 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:35.480 not that busy. So we associate busy with work is 0:05:35.520 --> 0:05:39.640 good because you usually would say something like it's busy, 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:43.760 you know, but it's good. But man, just crazy right now? Crazy, 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:46.080 And then you'd say, yeah, but us too, Man, how 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:49.120 about you guys? Us to say, where'd you guys come from? Dude, 0:05:49.120 --> 0:05:53.000 I don't even remember Detroit? Maybe how about you Springfield? 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:58.719 I think, yeah, oh, crazy, crazy, busy. So it's just 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:01.640 like this badge of honor. Maybe this is an American thing. 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:03.880 I don't think I've talked to too many people worldwide 0:06:03.880 --> 0:06:07.159 about this, but I feel like it's probably an American thing. 0:06:07.720 --> 0:06:10.920 We just take so much pride in being busy and 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:15.359 there's almost no way out of it. In fact, you 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:18.760 have to really fight to find space, and if you 0:06:18.800 --> 0:06:21.680 do find space, you're gonna fill it with something like 0:06:22.400 --> 0:06:26.120 James says here with if you have time. For instance, 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:28.520 this is what James is thinking, putting words in his mouth. 0:06:28.880 --> 0:06:31.720 He's thinking that I have extra time, I should coach 0:06:31.760 --> 0:06:35.599 my son's little league team, and then there goes the time. 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:39.760 And then if you have a little time because you're 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:42.479 not coaching, you say, hey, we should start this small 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:47.440 business thing, and then there goes that time. So, like 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:49.799 he says, I'm constantly running from one thing to the next, 0:06:49.839 --> 0:06:54.440 and I don't have time to breathe. He's James coming 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:58.279 out of the tour bus looking for coffee, saying busy. 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:01.960 And he's not necessairly complaining. But that's why. I mean, 0:07:02.000 --> 0:07:05.239 everyone's listening right now going yeah, I got it, especially 0:07:05.279 --> 0:07:07.120 this time of year. If you're listening to this podcast 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:10.320 in real time, it is December, and this time of year, 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:15.760 everyone is just busy. In fact, dear brother of mine, 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:21.440 his son has a piano recital tonight and he's been 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:23.560 asking me to go, and I'm like, I really want 0:07:23.600 --> 0:07:26.960 to go, because especially if he asked me multiple times, 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:29.960 I know it's important to him. And so it's that therefore, 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:34.360 it's important to me to be there. And yet Lincoln 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:40.600 has a basketball game tonight, and so I'm texting him like, Hey, 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:43.800 if we go to this basketball game and still make it, 0:07:43.800 --> 0:07:46.000 can we make it to your house at eight even 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:49.080 though the recital starts at seven fifteen? Would anyone still 0:07:49.080 --> 0:07:54.160 be there? And he replies and goes, bro, I understand 0:07:54.360 --> 0:07:59.200 everyone's busy this time of year, and he knows it's 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:02.280 not just this time of year, it's all the time. 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:07.000 That's what we do. So the question from James is 0:08:07.000 --> 0:08:10.920 how do you balance work, family, and personal time without 0:08:10.920 --> 0:08:13.880 feeling like you're always dropping the ball. It's actually interesting 0:08:14.240 --> 0:08:17.840 that he uses that analogy. I've heard it said before 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:23.160 like this, that life and managing time could be looked 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:29.880 at as juggling. So you're juggling these balls, right, But 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:32.760 what we have to understand is that there has to 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:37.920 be priority in the balls that we're juggling. So in 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:41.160 order to establish that priority, think of that. Think of 0:08:41.200 --> 0:08:45.280 these juggling balls as some of them are rubber and 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:49.720 some of them are glass. You don't want to drop 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:54.680 the glass ones the rubber ones. It's okay, it's okay. 0:08:54.720 --> 0:09:00.360 To drop them, they will bounce, nothing breaks. It's okay. 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:05.760 For instance, this piano recital, my friend's piano recital. Although 0:09:05.800 --> 0:09:09.720 it's important, it's a rubber ball that if I drop it, 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:12.560 it's going to bounce. He's not going to get his 0:09:12.600 --> 0:09:15.120 feelings hurt and we're going to be okay as a family. 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:18.120 That doesn't mean it's not important. You know why it's 0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:22.080 important because I'm juggling it. It's in the balls that 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:25.160 I'm juggling. If it wasn't important, if it didn't matter 0:09:25.200 --> 0:09:27.920 to me, it wouldn't be in the five or six 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:31.760 things that I'm thinking about doing today tonight as I 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:34.880 record this podcast right now, there's five or six things 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:40.480 I need to get done today tonight, so that that 0:09:40.640 --> 0:09:43.520 includes the rubber balls that are still important. Don't get 0:09:43.520 --> 0:09:46.800 me wrong. It's it's important. It's important to him, and 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:49.400 it's important to me that we come to his son's 0:09:49.480 --> 0:09:55.040 piano recital because I'm his brother and he's my brother 0:09:55.080 --> 0:10:01.760 in Christ, he's a member at our church. So differentiating 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:05.240 the glass balls and the rubber ones, that's what you 0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:13.520 got to do. So making sure that if my daughter 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:16.640 is going through something and she's not right now by 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:19.800 the way, but if she was going through some kind 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:27.520 of drama at school, there's something happened or something happened 0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:31.960 in her friend group and it really hurt her spirit 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:37.400 and she needs her dad. That is a ball that 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:41.160 I'm juggling, that is glass. If I trade that glass 0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:45.040 one for a rubber one and say the rubber one 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:52.480 is a friend is having to get together for a 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:56.760 Christmas party at his house, This is hypothetical, and it's 0:10:56.800 --> 0:10:59.480 about a thirty minute drive and there's a lot of 0:10:59.480 --> 0:11:02.240 people going and it'd be kind of fun. But it's 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:06.040 a rubber ball. The glass one is London who's having 0:11:06.040 --> 0:11:10.920 the problem. I cannot drop that one that hurts the family, 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:14.920 that could actually do damage dropping the rubber one that bounces. 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:16.920 It's fine. No one thinks about it. We need to 0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:19.640 know the difference when we're juggling, and once again, everything 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:25.079 we're juggling is important. So I can't answer for you specifically, James, 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:28.160 but you get the full time job, you're coaching your 0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:30.320 son's little league, your wife and I are trying to 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:34.120 start a small business on the side. It's up to 0:11:34.160 --> 0:11:37.200 you to figure out what is glass and what is rubber. 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:43.920 And I'm assuming that the full time job is what 0:11:44.280 --> 0:11:46.760 is supporting everything else in this little circle right here. 0:11:47.720 --> 0:11:50.920 So because of the full time job, your son needs 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:53.080 to play in a little league team and you get 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:55.960 to coach him. Because of the full time job, you 0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:59.080 get to take time to start this small business with 0:11:59.120 --> 0:12:02.480 your wife. If you take the small time, the small 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:06.599 the full time job out of the juggling, all the 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:11.400 other balls drop, regardless of rubber or glass. So recognize 0:12:11.400 --> 0:12:14.920 that too. Recognize that if there's seven balls you're juggling, 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:17.400 which one of those, If you took it out, all 0:12:17.400 --> 0:12:22.160 the balls drop. That's an important thing. So these are 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:24.400 things that you're gonna have to figure out, and you're 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:26.800 gonna have to figure out what gives How do you 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:30.400 balance work, family, personal time without feeling like you're always 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:34.880 dropping a ball? Recognize if you did drop a ball, 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:37.480 if more of them drop, and then recognize if you 0:12:37.520 --> 0:12:39.920 drop this one and it's rubber, all the other ones 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:44.839 that keep on juggling and nothing changes. Start to recognize those, right, 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:49.760 So think through these things. Thankfully you didn't give me 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:52.440 a scenario like I'm trying to work through a full 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:56.720 time job and a small business and sharing a family 0:12:56.880 --> 0:13:00.000 meal together, or attending church together. You're like, you didn't 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:03.079 give me that, or I would go, man, you gotta 0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:05.680 you gotta find a way to have these family meals together. 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.720 If it's starting the small business interferes with that every 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:12.360 single time, then you have to push that to the side. 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:14.160 You have to kick that can down the road a 0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:18.920 little bit. On the son's little league team. This is 0:13:19.040 --> 0:13:21.599 this is something we all of us need to constantly 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:26.439 be thinking through kid's hobbies because most people that are 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:29.240 my age are older can think back and go, man, 0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:32.400 I had some hobbies as a kid, but if I did, 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:36.280 mom and dad just dropped me off and said pick 0:13:36.320 --> 0:13:40.880 you up at seven. You know, it's not like that. Today. Today, 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:45.320 our kids, our kids hobbies become the adults hobbies. And 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:48.840 it's never been like that in history. The kid's hobbies 0:13:49.120 --> 0:13:52.959 have never been also the adult hobbies. Meaning whatever the 0:13:53.040 --> 0:13:56.600 kid's doing, the parents are now suddenly that's that, that's 0:13:56.640 --> 0:14:00.760 their whole world. Notice I didn't say that we shouldn't 0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:02.720 care about our kids, or love what our kids love, 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:05.839 or be involved. I don't mean that. I just mean 0:14:05.880 --> 0:14:11.920 I remember when I had a little league team, Dad 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:14.120 would just pick me up when it was, and so 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:15.679 were all the other All the other boys would just 0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:17.439 get picked up when it was time to get picked up. 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:24.960 So sometimes, to finish this whole thought, sometimes we have 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:29.640 to learn how to say no, because, like aunt Man 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:33.680 said on this podcast several months ago, every time you 0:14:33.720 --> 0:14:38.600 say yes to something, you are always saying no to 0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:42.920 something else. Learn how to say no from the beginning. 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:50.800 Next question comes from anonymous. Hey Granger, I'm eighteen, still 0:14:50.800 --> 0:14:53.640 in high school. I'm a Christian. What are your thoughts 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:58.280 on dating someone from a different religion? I am currently 0:14:58.320 --> 0:15:02.440 a little bit puzzled on this. You have a great day, 0:15:02.920 --> 0:15:10.440 all right, Anonymous, thanks for the question, buddy, your thoughts. 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:14.840 He's asking my thoughts on dating someone from a different religion. 0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:20.600 I would first, I would say, if you weren't asking me, 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:23.200 if you're just asking in general, I would say that 0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:30.000 wholly depends on what your idea of religion is, right, 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:37.960 Because if if your idea of religion is an NFL 0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:41.240 team that you just really you're really into it, and 0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:45.440 you're thinking about dating a girl that loves the New 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:49.520 York Giants and you love the Dallas Cowboys, I would 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:51.640 say you're gonna be okay. You're gonna have a lot 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:54.280 of rivalry in your family, but you're gonna be okay. 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:57.320 But if you're asking me and my thoughts on what 0:15:57.560 --> 0:15:59.800 I know you're talking about, and you're talking about Christianity 0:15:59.880 --> 0:16:04.960 versus then I would say the unpopular answer then that 0:16:05.080 --> 0:16:11.160 is it would be absolutely devastating if you were a 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:20.120 Christian and believed in the Bible, then it would be 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:28.920 absolutely incompatible to be married to someone that didn't believe that. 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:34.480 And to date is to be preparing for marriage or 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:39.920 to be getting ready to marry. You're you're dating to marry. 0:16:39.920 --> 0:16:43.640 You should say that way. You're dating someone so that 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:48.360 you could find someone to marry. I wouldn't believe or 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:51.280 advocate for like sport dating or just dating for the 0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:54.720 fun of it, or just dating as a social habit 0:16:54.880 --> 0:16:57.800 or something. I would say you would be dating to 0:16:57.880 --> 0:17:01.240 find a spouse. I think most people would agree with that. 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:05.560 You would only really date, otherwise you would just be single. 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:08.200 We wouldn't put up with the hassle of just dating 0:17:08.280 --> 0:17:10.439 knowing that it was always going to be temporary. So 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:16.199 you're dating for the permanent conclusion of marriage. And if 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:18.680 that's the case and the person was a different religion 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:22.240 and you were a Christian, it would be totally incompatible 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:25.439 with your faith, and it would just make a nightmare 0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:30.800 of problems in the future of I attend church and 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:36.600 she doesn't, and the kid you know is raised with 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:40.280 this faith and she doesn't agree, and then eventually he 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:44.480 wants to get baptized or she doesn't want that. It's 0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:47.960 an endless nightmare, especially when you're talking about kids coming 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:51.800 into the picture. So I would say, I would say, yeah, 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:56.520 my thoughts are absolutely not and I would double down 0:17:56.520 --> 0:17:58.479 on what I've said many times on this podcast, and 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:03.280 that is that this idea we get stuck in our 0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:07.520 heads that there is one person and one person only, 0:18:07.600 --> 0:18:11.199 and that person's our soulmate, and we find them and 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:15.879 although they have these certain flaws that could be huge problems, 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:21.439 very incompatible with with a married couple, we say that 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:25.080 doesn't matter, no flaw matters, because this person's my soulmate. 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:30.160 And then we we end up with these huge problems 0:18:30.880 --> 0:18:34.480 and the reality is there is no soulmate. This is 0:18:34.600 --> 0:18:37.359 this is kind of just a romantic, made up idea 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:42.840 when in reality, you find someone that you're you're widely 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:47.720 attracted to, and you have a healthy amount in common, 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:49.840 and I would say a healthy amount not in common. 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:53.760 And you have the fundamentals right, like you worship the 0:18:53.760 --> 0:18:58.240 same God. And then at that point you make a decision, 0:18:58.359 --> 0:19:01.119 you say, I'm gonna I decide that I'm going to 0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:04.200 commit to her, and I'm going to do it forever. 0:19:04.359 --> 0:19:06.720 I'm gonna well, as long as I'm on this earth, 0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:08.960 as long as I'm breathing oxygen, I'm going to commit 0:19:09.000 --> 0:19:13.119 to her. That's that's really what it is. And it 0:19:13.640 --> 0:19:20.359 sounds so old timey and and it sounds kind of 0:19:20.400 --> 0:19:23.679 like a crude system because we believe in this, you know, 0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:28.479 fairy dust soulmate thing, and it's not true. So if 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:31.320 you find someone that doesn't, that doesn't meet the fundamental 0:19:32.800 --> 0:19:36.480 fundamental characteristics that you need, like worshiping a god that 0:19:36.520 --> 0:19:40.320 you worship, then you would break this idea of soulmate 0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:43.760 and go. Even though I am attracted, I do have 0:19:43.800 --> 0:19:46.600 a lot of things in common, I'm not going to 0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:50.320 pursue this any further. That's it. When you think about 0:19:50.359 --> 0:19:54.600 brands that are doing really well like All Birds Skims, Sure, 0:19:54.920 --> 0:19:58.080 maybe Ye Apparel. You think of this great product, a 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:02.960 really cool brand, good marketing maybe, but The often overlooked 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:05.760 secret is actually the business behind the business, which is 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:10.560 making selling and for shoppers buying simple. For millions of businesses, 0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:14.639 that business is Shopify. They handle the checkout on your 0:20:14.680 --> 0:20:16.719 website so that you don't have to deal with that. 0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:18.880 You can deal with the creative stuff and have them 0:20:18.920 --> 0:20:21.600 handle everything that has to do with taking credit card 0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:25.560 or payment information, shopping card, shipping, all that kind of stuff. 0:20:25.680 --> 0:20:28.199 Shopify takes care of it for you. That's what we 0:20:28.320 --> 0:20:31.719 use at ee and no one does selling better than Shopify. 0:20:32.040 --> 0:20:35.160 So if you're wanting to grow your business, your commerce 0:20:35.200 --> 0:20:38.680 platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are 0:20:38.680 --> 0:20:41.480 scrolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, 0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:45.919 and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify. 0:20:46.160 --> 0:20:48.480 So upgrade your business and get the same checkout we 0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:51.600 use it EEE Apparel. Sign up for your one dollar 0:20:51.680 --> 0:20:54.439 per month trial period at shopify dot com slash granger 0:20:54.480 --> 0:20:57.520 all lowercase. Go to shopify dot com slash granger to 0:20:57.600 --> 0:21:04.159 upgrade your selling today shopify dot com slash granger. And 0:21:04.200 --> 0:21:05.480 if you want to get a hold of me or 0:21:05.520 --> 0:21:07.720 have me make you a video message from my phone, 0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:11.200 as I always say every podcast, go to cameo dot 0:21:11.200 --> 0:21:15.960 com slash dranger Smith cameo dot com slash granger Smith. 0:21:16.000 --> 0:21:19.480 I will make you a video message custom to however 0:21:19.560 --> 0:21:21.439 you want me to say it. This is great for 0:21:21.480 --> 0:21:24.320 the holiday season. You got someone that you need a 0:21:24.359 --> 0:21:26.639 gift for, or maybe you don't know what to get them, 0:21:26.720 --> 0:21:29.680 or it's just too late, go to cameo dot com 0:21:29.720 --> 0:21:32.520 slash granger Smith and I'll make you a personal video 0:21:32.560 --> 0:21:37.080 message to them, say Merry Christmas or happy Birthday, whatever 0:21:37.119 --> 0:21:39.560 it might be, and a little message from me. It's 0:21:39.600 --> 0:21:43.160 super easy. Go to cameo dot com slash Grangersmith. Okay, 0:21:43.200 --> 0:21:45.439 once again, if you want to email me a question, 0:21:45.840 --> 0:21:49.800 email podcast at grangersmith dot com. A man, We'll take 0:21:49.840 --> 0:21:52.840 your question. Put it into the cue. The next one 0:21:53.040 --> 0:21:57.880 is Melissa, and Melissa asked this. My fourteen year old 0:21:57.920 --> 0:22:01.280 daughter has been really distant lately and I don't know 0:22:01.280 --> 0:22:04.000 how to connect with her. She's moody, spends all of 0:22:04.040 --> 0:22:07.120 her time on her phone. She doesn't want to talk 0:22:07.160 --> 0:22:09.840 to me like she used to. Do you have any 0:22:09.880 --> 0:22:12.960 advice for a parent trying to navigate the teen years. 0:22:13.440 --> 0:22:15.959 I don't want to push her away further, but I 0:22:15.960 --> 0:22:18.719 also don't want to just give up on having a 0:22:18.760 --> 0:22:24.639 relationship with her. Thanks for your insight, Melissa. Hey, thanks Melissa, 0:22:24.640 --> 0:22:28.359 A great question. I think a lot of people could 0:22:28.359 --> 0:22:34.439 be interested in something like this, including myself. Navigating a 0:22:34.520 --> 0:22:40.600 teen is something It requires a lot of thought and 0:22:40.640 --> 0:22:43.840 a lot of effort, and that goes against kind of 0:22:43.920 --> 0:22:48.480 our natural state that we kind of just want things 0:22:48.480 --> 0:22:51.640 to operate without really interfering too much. We want things 0:22:51.680 --> 0:22:54.960 to be easy for us because everything else is hard. 0:22:55.000 --> 0:22:57.880 You know, work is hard, the bills are coming in, 0:23:00.000 --> 0:23:05.000 relationships with everyone else, it's hard. Friendships are hard, relationships 0:23:05.000 --> 0:23:07.560 with our spouse can be hard. All these things weigh 0:23:07.600 --> 0:23:10.240 in on us, and we just think, could our kids 0:23:10.320 --> 0:23:13.760 just be easy? But in fact our kids end up 0:23:13.800 --> 0:23:18.159 being the most difficult thing out of all of these scenarios. 0:23:18.840 --> 0:23:22.679 And so we have a tendency, in my mind, a 0:23:22.760 --> 0:23:31.240 wrong tendency to kind of just pacify our relationship with 0:23:31.240 --> 0:23:34.280 our kids in ways that kind of shuts them up 0:23:34.800 --> 0:23:39.760 and makes it go away with the little ones that 0:23:39.840 --> 0:23:44.720 could be giving them a screen. Okay, you're driving me 0:23:44.760 --> 0:23:47.080 crazy right now. Just let me type in a YouTube 0:23:47.119 --> 0:23:49.679 thing for you and you just watch on loop. You 0:23:49.760 --> 0:23:53.480 just watch YouTube videos endlessly because I know that's probably 0:23:53.560 --> 0:23:55.960 not good for your little brain. But at least you 0:23:56.119 --> 0:23:58.680 just shut up and stop bothering me, because I've got 0:23:58.680 --> 0:24:04.399 all these other things going on, and with a specifically 0:24:04.400 --> 0:24:08.679 a fourteen year old daughter that's not necessarily you typing 0:24:08.680 --> 0:24:11.400 is something in YouTube and letting her go that's more 0:24:11.720 --> 0:24:16.119 more so you just let her do her thing. So 0:24:17.280 --> 0:24:19.879 and once again you're thinking, I don't think this is 0:24:19.920 --> 0:24:22.480 probably not wise of me to just let her do 0:24:22.520 --> 0:24:25.680 whatever she wants to do. But when I just let 0:24:25.680 --> 0:24:30.200 her go, she's quiet, she doesn't need anything, there's no drama. 0:24:30.880 --> 0:24:34.000 I don't hear from her, and I could actually relax 0:24:34.080 --> 0:24:35.919 after a hard day of work, or I don't have 0:24:36.000 --> 0:24:40.159 to think about, you know, finding something for her to do, 0:24:40.240 --> 0:24:42.200 or finding a chore for her to do, or entertaining 0:24:42.240 --> 0:24:46.240 her or cultivating some kind of thing that she needs 0:24:46.240 --> 0:24:48.480 to be working on. Instead, I just let her go. 0:24:48.720 --> 0:24:53.240 So that's kind of a default for parents. The default 0:24:53.320 --> 0:24:58.720 is let the team go. But here's what happens. They disappear, 0:24:59.560 --> 0:25:04.239 they come. Once they become distant, they only become more 0:25:04.280 --> 0:25:07.359 and more distant. They don't on their own, they don't 0:25:07.359 --> 0:25:09.720 become distant and then slowly start coming back in on 0:25:09.760 --> 0:25:14.480 their own and when the distance happens, the connection is lost. 0:25:14.840 --> 0:25:18.120 So that's what Melissa is saying. I don't know how 0:25:18.160 --> 0:25:20.440 to connect with her, and that's a product of the distance, 0:25:21.440 --> 0:25:25.239 and then another product. Then furthermore, she's moody, spends all 0:25:25.240 --> 0:25:27.320