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Speaker 1: I tried to impersonate Mary Poppins and paid the ultimate price.

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Speaker 1: Now I am bedridden for my ignorance. Never try to

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Speaker 1: be Mary Poppins.

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Speaker 2: You know, some of these titles, I can kind of

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Speaker 2: figure out what's going on. This one's got me thrown

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Speaker 2: for a loop. I have no idea what's going to

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Speaker 2: happen here?

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Speaker 1: Well, much like this story with a spoonful of sugar. Oh,

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Speaker 1: this story's goett a coat down. Let's see. This happened

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Speaker 1: to me last night around one am, but it is

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Speaker 1: still effing me up today and for the foreseeable future.

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Speaker 1: After a long day of studying from five to ten

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Speaker 1: pm for my final this morning, I needed a break.

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Speaker 1: I was overworked and needed some fresh air. I'm just

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Speaker 1: the type of guy to study NonStop for a long time,

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Speaker 1: other than a stretch every hour. But once I was

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Speaker 1: finished studying, I drove to my girlfriend's house to visit

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Speaker 1: her for a bit, as I hadn't seen her for

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Speaker 1: a while. We relaxed for a bit and I asked

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Speaker 1: if she wanted to go for a drive, as the

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Speaker 1: rainy weather is a vibe even though it was literally pouring,

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Speaker 1: I love driving in the rain, like twenty to thirty

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Speaker 1: centimeters of rain. I have no idea how long that is,

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Speaker 1: how much that is? Be American, come on Imperial system only.

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Speaker 1: So I said sure, not realizing that this would be

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Speaker 1: a terrible idea. So we went outside. It was a

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Speaker 1: nice night. It was warmer than you expect for weather

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Speaker 1: in Canada. Now, whenever I'm with my girlfriend, she does

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Speaker 1: bring out the best in me. That's cute, but she

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Speaker 1: also brings out the dumbass in me. Ooh, So I

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Speaker 1: had the wonderful idea of yelling, look at me, I'm

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Speaker 1: Mary Poppins while jumping with an umbrella I was holding.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why, it's just how I am whenever

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Speaker 1: I'm with her. Either way, it was a dumb decision

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Speaker 1: as I landed on my right ankle at about a

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Speaker 1: ninety degree angle, fell to the ground immediately and landed

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Speaker 1: on my umbrella, breaking it under the force of my

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Speaker 1: six foot two hundred and ten pounds self. That sounds

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Speaker 1: like it hurts like an umbrella and getting speared by

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Speaker 1: your umbrella not a good feeling, you God. Now, in

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Speaker 1: the past, I really messed up my right ankle, either

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Speaker 1: with sports or various other dumb activities to the point

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Speaker 1: where it's gotten very close to tearing slash, spraining some

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Speaker 1: outer muscles ligaments, and it was unable to walk.

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Speaker 3: For like two to three weeks.

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Speaker 1: It happened to my mid teens, so you would expect

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Speaker 1: the muscles to be healed, why now, as I'm twenty

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Speaker 1: years old. But as soon as my ankle touched the

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Speaker 1: pavement at that angle, it brought all.

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Speaker 3: The pain back. Oh God, which.

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Speaker 1: I rolled my ankle like really bad at a rave

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Speaker 1: a while ago, still gives me problems. I like was

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Speaker 1: doing a flip on the snowboard and I put my

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Speaker 1: out and it like y joined it, and I still

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Speaker 1: I still get it. I think it's like your shoulder

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Speaker 1: or yeah, my shoulder I got joined and I still

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Speaker 1: have pain in it every once in a while.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I can only sometimes when you get old, those

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Speaker 3: those indes when your grandpa's like USh, when you were

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Speaker 3: twenty six year old grampers.

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Speaker 1: Back in my day, you know, we had we had

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Speaker 1: the war going on, yes, good old Bush too.

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Speaker 3: The game cube just came out, wippons of mets just

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Speaker 3: stretched everywhere, except they weren't.

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Speaker 1: It was fast forward twenty minutes. Said there, I am

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Speaker 1: sitting in the car doing a sharp inhale that most

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Speaker 1: people do when they are a lot of pain, while

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Speaker 1: cursing at myself, trying to act like Mary Poppins. No

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Speaker 1: one can even match her powers, which is true. Mary

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Speaker 1: Poppins is op bro. That is facts overpowered, not original plaster.

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Speaker 1: My girlfriend laughingly asks if I still want to go

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Speaker 1: on a drive, and as a tear rolls down my face,

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Speaker 1: I say sure. After I drive, I head home to

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Speaker 1: compress ice and elevate my ankle.

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Speaker 3: Why is he driving? Then went to sleep. Why doesn't

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Speaker 3: she drive?

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Speaker 1: Maybe she drove, Okay, maybe he's just assuming the man

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Speaker 1: drives job.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I thought, wow, I.

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Speaker 2: Thought, I thought he said I drove us there. Initially

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Speaker 2: I guess he said we drove back.

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Speaker 1: He said after hour drive gotta be specifically, so I

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Speaker 1: think you're sexist.

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Speaker 3: I think you're right, just kidding, all right.

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Speaker 1: Then I went to sleep. It's now today and I

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Speaker 1: wake up literally with the biggest swollen ankle ever. It's

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Speaker 1: like my ankle swallowed entire tennis ball on the side.

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Speaker 1: There was a huge purple bruise, which is not good.

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Speaker 1: And I felt immen's pain just walking to the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: Either way, though, I had a final to write this

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Speaker 1: morning and needed a way to walk. I had no

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Speaker 1: clue where my crutches or cane were, so I had

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Speaker 1: to use a softball bat to walk around the house.

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Speaker 1: Luckily enough, I had a friend who let me borrow

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Speaker 1: their crutches for the week to trade for the softball bat.

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Speaker 1: After driving to the university and doing my final, which

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Speaker 1: I think I did pretty good on, I drove a

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Speaker 1: friend home and I got pizza for my girlfriend, and

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Speaker 1: to celebrate finishing my spring class, I opened up the

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Speaker 1: compression wrap I had since this morning and.

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Speaker 3: Two tennis balls have been put on my ankle.

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Speaker 1: I really don't know how to describe how bad my

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Speaker 1: ankle look other than to imagine Count von Count was

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Speaker 1: a severe peanut allergy, but based locally in my ankle.

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Speaker 3: It was that purple and swollen. His ankle has boobies.

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Speaker 1: So now here I am in my room, still curzing

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Speaker 1: at myself for trying to be Mary Poppins. I will

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Speaker 1: be calling my doctor tomorrow morning as I need to

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Speaker 1: get my hankle checked out.

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Speaker 3: It really makes me mad.

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Speaker 1: Is I was expecting to be free from the business

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Speaker 1: of my spring class to be able to go outside.

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Speaker 3: But I am now stuck.

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Speaker 1: In my room, probably for the next week, recovering from

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Speaker 1: my Poppins related injury. Good thing I finished class. That's

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Speaker 1: why you don't? You know, you don't try to You

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Speaker 1: don't try to impersonate the goat?

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Speaker 3: Are you kidding me?

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Speaker 1: If I try to impersonate some mobiles, let's get my

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Speaker 1: neck broken.

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Speaker 3: Done. Speaking of done, trying to impersonate Olivia done, done

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Speaker 3: as well, terrible. I barely remember who that is. But

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Speaker 3: be it done? Is is a gymus person? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's not gonna happen. You're done. You're done. You're done.

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Speaker 1: If you try to be elevated splits like that, I

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Speaker 1: just can't. You just can't watch for years but I can't.

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Speaker 1: I can't do it myself.

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Speaker 3: But Sam, you know, you know what is something we

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Speaker 3: can do? What can we do? We can read the

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Speaker 3: comments from our amazing subscribers that we care.

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Speaker 2: Here's another tale gone a Rya thanks to the car.

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Speaker 2: Tori Bell in ninety six says, one time when I

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Speaker 2: was in the car with my family. Dad was driving,

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Speaker 2: Graham was in the passenger seat, and mom and brother

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Speaker 2: and I were in the back us back seaters were

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Speaker 2: rowdy and playing around until we got yelled at by

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Speaker 2: our grandma, where we did calm down a bit. My

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Speaker 2: mom dropped a fry and acted like she was going

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Speaker 2: to eat it anyway, and so I took it and

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Speaker 2: whipped it out the passenger window, which, like in the story,

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Speaker 2: was clean and closed. The fry bounced off the window

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Speaker 2: and hit my grandma, and she spun around to glare

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Speaker 2: at all of us. A little good food fight. A

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Speaker 2: little good food fight. You know, sometimes even just being

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Speaker 2: around cars can can cause an unintentional injury. But guys,

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Speaker 2: if you'd never want to get injured again, just subscribe

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Speaker 2: to the podcast right now and drop your stories about

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Speaker 2: any any crazy car.

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Speaker 3: Stories you mind.

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Speaker 1: There are any injuries that you've had, any fun injury

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Speaker 1: to hear your your injury related stories.

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Speaker 3: That's right, please share them might twreeedom see you soon.

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Speaker 1: I told my pregnant daughter I will have nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with raising our baby. I am a fifty six

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Speaker 1: year old mother to a thirty three year old Kelly Hell.

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Speaker 1: It's like like not a not a daughter, just a Kelly.

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Speaker 1: Her name is Kelly and grandmother to a sixteen year

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Speaker 1: old Ople.

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Speaker 3: It's a great name. Love that name. It's cute. I

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Speaker 3: like it, beautyful.

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Speaker 1: As an Opal, Kelly became pregnant with Opal at sixteen. Yikes,

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Speaker 1: rough man, sixteen man, My husband Eddie and I've always

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Speaker 1: believed in having the right to choose. However, Kelly insisted

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Speaker 1: that she wanted to keep the baby and not give

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Speaker 1: it up for adoption.

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Speaker 3: Okay, there you have it. Damn, that's that's committing. That's

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Speaker 3: a bold move. Bold move.

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Speaker 1: We helped a lot as Kelly was only seventeen when

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Speaker 1: Ople was born, which I hope the parents would help

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Speaker 1: a lot.

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Speaker 3: Dude, Like having a kid.

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Speaker 1: At seventeen, yeah, man, it's gotta be really hard, super tough. However,

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Speaker 1: Kelly would rarely help with parenting even when she was available.

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Speaker 3: It's like, do your chores, beed your baby? It's mom

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Speaker 3: and so yeah.

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Speaker 2: Literally, it's like so crazy because they're like like an

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Speaker 2: angsty teenager. It's like, no, Mom, I'm listening to the

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Speaker 2: new Britney Spears, Stop bothering me.

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Speaker 3: It's like bruh as your.

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Speaker 1: Child, well to update it for for this generation. You

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Speaker 1: were listening to the new Olivio Rego.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, BTS just dropped a new album. Come on, they

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Speaker 2: did just drop her new album by the way, BTS

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Speaker 2: just did. Yeah, you just bumping BTS and my year

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Speaker 2: olds all day.

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Speaker 1: Even asking her to watch Opal for an hour while

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Speaker 1: we ran errands was an issue. It was rare that

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Speaker 1: Kelly wouldn't complain about why she had to be there

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Speaker 1: to look after Opal. It's your freaking kid, bro, you

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Speaker 1: wanted this man. Kelly chose not to attend college. After graduation,

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Speaker 1: she had a job with a flexible schedule, yet she

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Speaker 1: rarely made herself available for Opal. Kelly was only home

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Speaker 1: to sleep or get dressed for some party. She also

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Speaker 1: relied on us to purchase applies and book appointments for Ople.

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Speaker 1: Eddie and I would have serious talks with Kelly that

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Speaker 1: you needed to step up as a parent. Kelly would

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Speaker 1: only make empty promises and never follow through with them.

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Speaker 3: Oh, man, Kelly's not a good mom.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, I would have expected more from a seventeen

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Speaker 1: year old.

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Speaker 3: Love just kidding, young teenager. Why aren't you the perfect mom?

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Speaker 1: I don't understand, but I don't know what you do

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Speaker 1: as a parent, Like if your kid really wants to

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Speaker 1: keep the kid like you can't say like, well.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, what are you gonna say?

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Speaker 2: No, I mean, yeah, you're gonna keep it so and

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Speaker 2: so it's like it's like an angsy team, like you're

208
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Speaker 2: usually fighting over like you know, come back, come back

209
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Speaker 2: before eleven thirty, not like change your child's diapers are

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Speaker 2: like watch is a completely different stake such a so yeah,

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Speaker 2: way different stakes.

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Speaker 1: Kelly moved out when Opel was six. Kelly comes around

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Speaker 1: maybe once a fortnight, a fortnite, once a fortnight.

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Speaker 3: This is a middle aged mom, right, it has been.

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Speaker 1: A fortnight since I saw you last. Kelly comes around

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Speaker 1: once fortnite and for holidays. But Eddie and I have

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Speaker 1: been the ones to raise Ople, and Ople is doing

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Speaker 1: extremely well. She has good friends, plays tennis, participates in

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Speaker 1: volunteer projects, and plans to be a marine biologist after graduation.

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Speaker 3: Dude, I'm team Ople over.

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Speaker 1: Here snaps for Ople. I mean, like, Kelly didn't do

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Speaker 1: a good job raising her. Kelly didn't do a good

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Speaker 1: job raising her, but at least the parents didn't. Dude.

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Speaker 3: They crushed it.

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Speaker 1: The hope hee the parent parents, that's right, I guess

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Speaker 1: the grandparents. Yeah, yeah, good Grandparentingah, grandparenting kill it. The

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Speaker 1: school year ended for opal last week, so we had

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Speaker 1: a nice dinner to celebrate her good grades. Kelly came

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Speaker 1: along with several other family members. We were all chatting

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Speaker 1: and enjoying dinner together when Kelly stood up to make

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Speaker 1: an announcement.

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Speaker 3: She announced to us that she was pregnant with her

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Speaker 3: boyfriend's child. Come on, what are we doing? What is

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Speaker 3: going on? Kelly's womb is freaking in overdrive.

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Speaker 2: Well, there was sixteen years apart, one baby every sixteen years.

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Speaker 3: You just got a freaking pasuka between You're like.

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Speaker 1: Actually that's coming from my family. My my, my grandma

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Speaker 1: had ten kids. She was firing those things out every

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Speaker 1: nine months.

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Speaker 3: Bro. I wonder, like, what's the most kids that anyone's

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Speaker 3: ever had? Let's look it up. Yes, John's on the case.

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Speaker 1: I'm actually really excited for this one. Well, I mean,

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Speaker 1: you have like the ok out of ant, but it

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Speaker 1: can't be. It can't be men, because like men could

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Speaker 1: have like a thousand kids, you know, like Genghis Khan

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Speaker 1: ad Well, actually I want I want both. I want

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Speaker 1: to k I heard Genghis Khan is related to like

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Speaker 1: six percent of all Asian people.

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Speaker 3: I've heard something like that too. It's probably lower than that.

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Speaker 3: Can get on the case. All right, so check me out,

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Speaker 3: all right, checking. So the woman.

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Speaker 2: Valentina vassil lev Yev. Okay, I bet you that gave

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Speaker 2: birth to a grand total of sixty nine children.

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Speaker 1: Sixty nine wait, sixty nine children, yeap of like from

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Speaker 1: one marriage or multiple marriages.

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Speaker 2: I have sixteen pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets,

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Speaker 2: and four sets of quadruplets.

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Speaker 3: Good god, this is the most fertile woman on playing

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Speaker 3: Who No, Who No.

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Speaker 2: It was between seventeen twenty five and seventeen sixty five

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Speaker 2: with the total of twenty seven birds, bro.

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Speaker 1: But sixty nine kids. Okay, wait, wait, now we gotta

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Speaker 1: do gangis con.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, okay, So it wasn't gonna be a straight answer.

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Speaker 3: I think he's related because they said it says fourteen.

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Speaker 1: But those are the people that those are like legitimate kids. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the legit gang is con or a til of the hunt.

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure it's Genghis Genghis Khan. Eight percent of

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Speaker 1: men living in the former Mongol Empire, eight percent of

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Speaker 1: men in the firm. That's that's one hundreds of thousands

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Speaker 1: or milliate. That's insane. Okay, she announced to us that

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Speaker 1: she was pregnant with our boyfriend's child. Boo.

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Speaker 3: Then we already.

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Speaker 1: Were upset because this was supposed to be Ople's special moment,

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Speaker 1: and Kelly announcing her pregnancy was completely inappropriate. Eddie and

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Speaker 1: I said nothing, and Kelly started to say how she

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Speaker 1: and her boyfriend were so busy with life right now.

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Speaker 1: Then began to talk about how grateful she was that

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Speaker 1: she would always look after our grandchildren, and how since

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Speaker 1: we had gained so much joy from raising Opal would

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Speaker 1: be even happier raising this second baby. Excuse me, raising

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Speaker 1: the second baby just matter?

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Speaker 3: You should be raised again? What are you doing?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, you're just saying, your your house so

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Speaker 1: much raising this is so much fun.

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Speaker 3: Raising this next one.

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Speaker 2: For us to wait just absolutely insane, absolutely insane.

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Speaker 1: After Eddie and I called her out, Kelly confirmed that

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Speaker 1: she had expected us to adopt and raise this second

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Speaker 1: baby as well. No, Kelly said how she and her

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Speaker 1: boyfriend did not have time to raise a baby.

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Speaker 3: Why would he make the announcement.

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Speaker 2: I'm too busy, but I'm having a baby, but you

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Speaker 2: and I don't want it.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, my god, Kelly said how she and her

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Speaker 1: boyfriend did not have time to raise a baby, but

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Speaker 1: that putting up the baby for adoption would be throwing

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Speaker 1: it away. She assumed we, at almost sixty years old,

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Speaker 1: would have no troubles or opposition to raising a newborn baby.

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Speaker 2: Of course, she she should be able to just dump

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Speaker 2: whatever she wants her on her parents, especially in their

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Speaker 2: old age kids.

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Speaker 3: Ridiculous, this is ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: Oh God, Eddie and I interrupted Kelly and told her

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Speaker 1: we would have nothing to do with raising this new

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Speaker 1: baby and would not be providing anything for it. Supplies,

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Speaker 1: child colar, etc. Kelly flipped out in an argument ensued.

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Speaker 1: Kelly called us heartless and claimed we were willing to

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Speaker 1: throw our girl. We were willing to throw our grandchild away.

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Speaker 1: Eddie and I called her selfish for expecting us to

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Speaker 1: raise another child.

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Speaker 3: We are too old to raise a baby. Kelly is

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Speaker 3: thirty three and he used to grow the fuck up.

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Speaker 1: Give the baby up for adoption, or be a parent

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Speaker 1: and raise it yourself. Oh. Kelly was left in tears.

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Speaker 1: Now the family has broken into sides, the ones agreeing

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Speaker 1: with Kelly saying we adopted opal and are sending the

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Speaker 1: message that we don't care about our newest grandchild. Others

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Speaker 1: are saying we should have taken her aside privately instead

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Speaker 1: of shooting her down in front of everyone, and our

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Speaker 1: reaction was cruel. Eddie and I I feel that we

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Speaker 1: had to be blunt with Kelly and not sugarcoat reality,

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Speaker 1: which I think is true because it seems like they've

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Speaker 1: been sugarcoating it for all these years, because she just

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Speaker 1: thought she could have a baby and just be like,

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Speaker 1: this is your problem though.

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Speaker 2: It's just it's just it's just so amazing and incredible

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Speaker 2: that like, not only is Kelly this delusional, but many

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Speaker 2: family members think like it just.

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Speaker 3: This is my mind. Ridiculous, dude, ridiculous. Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Ople likes to show us stories from here sometimes, so

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Speaker 1: I thought it would be a good place to ask

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Speaker 1: for a neutral perspective.

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Speaker 3: Am I the A hole? What do you think? John? No? No,

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Speaker 3: not the a hole? What there is't at it? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Ople is always able to express her feelings with me

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Speaker 1: and Eddie. Ople also has a therapist who's available to

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Speaker 1: speak whenever she needs it.

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Speaker 3: Awesome.

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Speaker 1: Ople visited the therapist weekly during middle school, but now

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Speaker 1: has it needed to see him more than once a month.

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Speaker 1: We will be taking Ople on a mall trip to

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Speaker 1: make up for what happened at the celebration dinner. We

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Speaker 1: spoke privately to Ople after this incident, and she knows

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Speaker 1: we in no way view her as a burden. Our

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Speaker 1: granddaughter is a blessing and many and many of her

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Speaker 1: happiest moments involved supporting Ople and watching her grow up.

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Speaker 1: But Opal is sixteen. She doesn't need the kind of

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Speaker 1: constant attention and care that a newborn baby does. We

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Speaker 1: are now too old to able to. We are now

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Speaker 1: too old to be able to adequately raise a newborn baby,

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Speaker 1: even if we wanted to. The biggest problem is that

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Speaker 1: Kelly is now an adult and you start acting like one.

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Speaker 1: For real, Kelly is supposed to outlive us. The reality

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Speaker 1: is that Eddie and I aren't going to be alive

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Speaker 1: for her and her children in our entire lives. It

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Speaker 1: is why Kelly needs to accept that she cannot expect

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Speaker 1: us to take on her responsibilities and must be independent.

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Speaker 2: What Why can't I just have as many children as

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Speaker 2: they want to give them to you to raise?

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Speaker 3: Why can I do that? This is the dumbest thing ever, bro.

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Speaker 2: What I love is that Ople at sixteen seems like

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Speaker 2: way more mature than her mom at thirty three.

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Speaker 3: Right, No, she's going to therapy.

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Speaker 2: It sounded like she very clearly out there, which also

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Speaker 2: like I could understand if Opel maybe like felt away

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Speaker 2: a bit when the grandparents are like, oh was I

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Speaker 2: a but like I can see her questioning that. But

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Speaker 2: it sounded like she was like very mature and was like, no,

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Speaker 2: I totally understand, like you know you weren't. That wasn't

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Speaker 2: any way a dig at me or anything like that,

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Speaker 2: like very mature.

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Speaker 3: Did Opel's the goat. Opel is the goat.