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Speaker 1: This is John, this is them Okay Storytime podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: And we have some good stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: That's right. But before that, we have a little more

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Speaker 1: sol of a two minute ad break from the sponsors,

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Speaker 1: keeping the show delicious.

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Speaker 3: Hmm.

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Speaker 1: I'm secretly love with my friend, but I mistakenly set

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Speaker 1: him up with my other friend.

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Speaker 2: You should set him up with your alter ego. Tell

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Speaker 2: maybe another personality.

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Speaker 1: Ooh, time to set it down. By twenty four female

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Speaker 1: have a friend twenty two male who I've known since

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Speaker 1: high school. Will call him Jordan. When we met, we

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Speaker 1: quickly became friends, talking during free periods and playing I

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Speaker 1: message games almost daily. I was in tenth grade and

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Speaker 1: he was in ninth. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 1: Dumoth Common eleven forty eight and if you want to

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Speaker 1: sumit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytimes.

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Speaker 1: So how about it. But a little while into our friendship,

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Speaker 1: he expressed interest in me, but at the time, I

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Speaker 1: was in a relationship that started the same year I

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Speaker 1: met him and ended about a year after I graduated

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Speaker 1: high school. I rejected him. We never revisited the idea,

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Speaker 1: and we've been great friends ever since. Over the last

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Speaker 1: several months, I've slowly but surely started developing feelings for

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Speaker 1: him that I hadn't had before. I've always assumed that

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Speaker 1: our relationship would stay platonic, but I see him in

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Speaker 1: a different light now. I had been contemplating for a

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Speaker 1: while now whether or not I should say something, for

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Speaker 1: multiple reasons, but mostly out of fear. What if we

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Speaker 1: get together, don't like it and have trouble getting back

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Speaker 1: into our normal relationship as friends, Or what if our

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Speaker 1: vibe isn't the same when we're in a more serious relationship.

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Speaker 1: What if he's no longer interested after I rejected him

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Speaker 1: years ago. But if she gets rejected?

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Speaker 2: Ooh, these are all terrible options that are very real.

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Speaker 1: You are the loser in every scenario. We're such good

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Speaker 1: friends that I don't want to lose what we have,

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Speaker 1: and I was slash. I am afraid that pursuing romance

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Speaker 1: with him would lead to too much room for air.

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Speaker 1: Yesterday I had a birthday and planned a short trip

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Speaker 1: to a surrounding city over the weekend, about two hours

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Speaker 1: from my home. I rented one of the nicest gathering

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Speaker 1: homes I've ever seen, invited a handful of friends, old

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Speaker 1: and new and celebrated. I was slightly unprepared and stressed

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Speaker 1: out most of the time, but for what it was worth,

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Speaker 1: it was a great weekend overall. But Handsome Jordan He's back,

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Speaker 1: was so helpful to me during the whole planning process.

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Speaker 1: We were talking almost every day. He ran errands for me,

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Speaker 1: helped me pay for a few things, took the weekend

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Speaker 1: off to come on the trip with me, was constantly

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Speaker 1: checking in on me, and did literally everything he could

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Speaker 1: to try and eliminate as much of my stress as possible.

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Speaker 1: He was a lifesaver, and I have no idea how

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Speaker 1: I would have done any of that without him. He's

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Speaker 1: the reason I didn't cancel the whole trip due to

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Speaker 1: all of the stress of hosting. At this point, I

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Speaker 1: was leaning more towards telling him how I really feel

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Speaker 1: about him, and started working up the courage to do

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Speaker 1: so now. During the second day of the trip, my

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Speaker 1: best friend, twenty four female who I've been friends with

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Speaker 1: since middle school, drove up and joined the trip. We'll

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Speaker 1: call her Maya. During the short time she was there,

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Speaker 1: Maya and Handsome Jordan got acquainted started hanging out quite

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Speaker 1: a bit, so I noticed Handsome Jordan constantly checking for

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Speaker 1: her and watching out for her. I didn't think too

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Speaker 1: much about it because he's generally just an attentive person,

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Speaker 1: but I did notice it. By the end of the night,

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Speaker 1: after we had all all gotten back to the house

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Speaker 1: from being out, Jordan and Maya both hopped up and

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Speaker 1: announced they were going to the diner down the street

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Speaker 1: that was open late. They quickly invited everyone as they

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Speaker 1: were rushing out of the house to go, but we

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Speaker 1: all declined since we had food left over from the

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Speaker 1: night before. Just keeps swinging back and forth. It was

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Speaker 1: three am, and it was so abrupt. Maybe an hour

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Speaker 1: or so later I saw they had returned, but stayed

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Speaker 1: in the car for a really long time before coming

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Speaker 1: back inside.

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Speaker 2: Dude, they totally smooched. They totally smooched.

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Speaker 1: That's when I really started to worry that something was

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Speaker 1: brewing between them. I had another friend come back to

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Speaker 1: spend the second night with us, and our sleeping arrangements

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Speaker 1: changed handsome. Jordan ended up offering Maya his room to

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Speaker 1: stay in since he works the night shift and plans

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Speaker 1: staying up all night to help up tidy the house

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Speaker 1: before we checked out the next morning.

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Speaker 2: Oh, come on, he continues, I mean, and also they're

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Speaker 2: getting they're getting close.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean he's getting her the room.

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Speaker 2: Technically he's like, well wait, wait, but he's not staying

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Speaker 2: in that room. Technically, yes, he's okay, but he's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I left a sock in there.

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Speaker 1: Past forward to when we left and all went back home.

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Speaker 1: Handsome Jordan thanked me for inviting him and let me

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Speaker 1: know how much he had enjoyed all of my friends.

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Speaker 1: Then he specifically mentioned Maya and I jokingly but seriously

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Speaker 1: hinted at them falling in love a jokerly during the trip,

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Speaker 1: and threw in that I picked it up on their connection.

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Speaker 1: He jokingly responded that it was my fault for leaving

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Speaker 1: them unattended. That explained that he was feeling her but

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Speaker 1: couldn't handle another heartbreak, and that the only reason he

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Speaker 1: didn't exchange information with her was because he had recently

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Speaker 1: cut his hair and wasn't comfortable with it.

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Speaker 2: Handsome Jordan, come on.

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Speaker 1: By then, it was clear to me that he was

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Speaker 1: heavily interested, especially since I had already suspected there was

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Speaker 1: something there. I'd be lying if I said the confirmation

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Speaker 1: didn't feel like to my chest. He wanted her number,

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Speaker 1: and I reached out to Maya to make sure she

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Speaker 1: was okay giving it to him.

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Speaker 2: Reach out into the depths of your hearts and say something.

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Speaker 1: And of course he was okay giving him her number.

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Speaker 1: Ah dude, and that was it. Now I've just been

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Speaker 1: left feeling heart broken and it's hard to even put

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Speaker 1: it into words. My feelings are so hurt, not because

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Speaker 1: of anything they did. They didn't know, after all, but

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Speaker 1: because I was too late. I guess I could have

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Speaker 1: told Maya how I felt, but I didn't feel the

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Speaker 1: need to. I didn't think she would come for a

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Speaker 1: day and immediately hit it off with my friends out

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Speaker 1: of nowhere. I generally thought I had more time to

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Speaker 1: think about how to express my feelings for handsome Jordan

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Speaker 1: and when, But I.

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Speaker 2: Guess no time like the present time my friends.

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Speaker 1: How crazy would it have looked for me to step

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Speaker 1: in between them the second I realized they had a

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Speaker 1: connection and try to stop it at the last minute.

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Speaker 1: Why didn't you say anything or why did you wait

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Speaker 1: so long? I really don't know, but I guess it

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Speaker 1: just didn't feel right to mention it to Jordan, because

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Speaker 1: that's not the way I wanted him to find out

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Speaker 1: about how I felt.

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Speaker 2: I guess that's true. It's like bad timing, but you know,

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Speaker 2: it's worth timing when they've kissed, when they smooched.

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Speaker 1: Or no timing at all. Again, it's like back to

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Speaker 1: what's the best time twenty years ago? What's the next?

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Speaker 1: Next time?

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Speaker 4: Now?

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Speaker 1: Now, right now?

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Speaker 2: Carpate those dms, seize the present.

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Speaker 1: I think. I think OPI also maybe has like a

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Speaker 1: lot of like anxiety, like other feelings around being able

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Speaker 1: to express these things.

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Speaker 4: A lot.

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Speaker 1: I'm getting a lot of overthinking.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, but right now, there's no official reason

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Speaker 2: you shouldn't say anything. There's no legal reason. No, you're

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Speaker 2: not infringing on an established relationship. You're not making like

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Speaker 2: you're complicating your friendship. But that's your own prerogative. You

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Speaker 2: can do that. You know, Yes, you're not hurting anyone

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Speaker 2: else's relationship right now. I think it's a budding relationship.

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Speaker 2: It's you know, it's all is fair in the beginnings

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Speaker 2: of love.

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Speaker 1: As long as like you laid it out. You're like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just expressing out I feel I know it might,

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Speaker 1: you know, change things, but I don't want it to.

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Speaker 1: I don't have any asks. I just I just you

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Speaker 1: know what might happen with Jordan.

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Speaker 2: Jordan might be like, maybe I should be confident with

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Speaker 2: my current haircut. You know, he's having two ladies going

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Speaker 2: after him with short hair. He's like, all right, you

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Speaker 2: know what this might be working for me. It's gonna

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Speaker 2: make him run to my about much.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we got we have seven t minus seven days

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Speaker 1: right now before it's just like the full.

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Speaker 2: Confidence is two through the room. He's gonna go straight

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Speaker 2: to Maya right now. You got him, you got them?

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Speaker 1: Well. I wanted to be so much more intentional about

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Speaker 1: having that conversation, and right in the midst of him

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Speaker 1: expressing his feelings for another person just didn't feel like

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Speaker 1: the right time. Maybe I shouldn't have played matchmaker either,

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Speaker 1: But again, I really don't know what I was supposed

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Speaker 1: to do. I haven't talked to may or anyone about

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Speaker 1: any of this. This just happened two days ago, though

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Speaker 1: it's fresh and I'm hurting so bad pantsom. Jordan and

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Speaker 1: I have talked about other people we were interested in before,

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Speaker 1: but it's so much different when it's my best friend.

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Speaker 1: I really thought I had more time, but who am

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Speaker 1: I to expect someone to wait on me to be

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Speaker 1: ready to tell them I love them past friendship. Do

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Speaker 1: I say something or just.

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Speaker 2: Leave it alone?

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Speaker 1: Probably going to leave it alone since we're already kind

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Speaker 1: of in deep. You're not deep.

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Speaker 2: They've just asked for each other's numbers.

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Speaker 1: We're still we're helped with Yeah, which again I like

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Speaker 1: props to her, but that it should have been like,

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Speaker 1: all right, I'm not gonna like mess with this, but

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Speaker 1: let me express my feelings, because if she did, that

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Speaker 1: would be no she did. What if she was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: let me just like fumble the oh oops, I forgot

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Speaker 1: to send the number.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, give you the wrong you know, like, yeah, that

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Speaker 2: would have been it was about it, I think. I

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Speaker 2: mean the best again, the best time be to say

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Speaker 2: it before all of this Yes. Second best time would

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Speaker 2: have been to say it when he's asking if there

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Speaker 2: was a connection and now. The third best time is

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Speaker 2: before they smooch yes, And the best time is before

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Speaker 2: they say it's official yes, And the fifth best time

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Speaker 2: is before they say the I dos.

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Speaker 1: I will say post smooch does make it a lot harder.

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Speaker 2: Post smooch makes it a lot harder. I would say

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Speaker 2: post smooch. You might have lost your might have lost

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Speaker 2: your chance.

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Speaker 1: You know what, just did both of them at the

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Speaker 1: same time. Best of both worlds. Hey to both worlds.

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Speaker 1: Heyna Montana said that, and she meant it. The exchange

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Speaker 1: numbers and are probably talking now anyways, So what's it worth?

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Speaker 1: I know, Handsome Jordan consense there's something up with me,

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Speaker 1: but I just don't know if I have the heart

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Speaker 1: to tell him. After literally him helping me be with

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Speaker 1: someone else who is my best friend. I just don't

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Speaker 1: know what to do and I want to cry. I

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Speaker 1: want to redo the whole weekend, fix this before it

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Speaker 1: even gets the chance to happen. I'm so hurt. What

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Speaker 1: would you do?

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Speaker 2: I hope everyone was screaming in the comments. Say something

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Speaker 2: before it's too late. Don't let love be lost, son

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Speaker 2: or nothing, or say nothing.

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Speaker 1: I say something, especially if you're like torn between yourself.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it sounds like Opie is really really hot

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Speaker 2: in the middle.

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Speaker 1: And again like, okay, two scenarios. You can not tell him,

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Speaker 1: but it'll probably just drive you crazy and you'll just

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Speaker 1: have to like constantly kind of be a bit of

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Speaker 1: a different version of yourself around him to avoid that

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Speaker 1: or you could tell him and at least you won't

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Speaker 1: have this like just sitting on your heart and hopefully

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Speaker 1: try to just re just build the friendship of connection.

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Speaker 2: And this is basically what you're saying, but it recontextualized.

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Speaker 2: It either going to hurt the relationship from telling him

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Speaker 2: possibly or definitely hurt the relationship from keeping this buried

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Speaker 2: beneath and you like being affected by it.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that is a very good way to put it.

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Speaker 1: We have the big fat update. We're not even halfway

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Speaker 1: done with the story. By the way, Thank you guys

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Speaker 1: so much for your comments. The whole situation has been

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Speaker 1: the plot twist of the year and it's only the

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Speaker 1: first week of March. This is recent kind of I

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Speaker 1: had a long chat with my cousin to try and

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Speaker 1: work out my feelings and get some advice in real time.

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Speaker 1: Once I was able to clear my head, I decided

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Speaker 1: to re to both Maya and Handsome Jordan. The same

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Speaker 1: day I made the original post. I had already made

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Speaker 1: up my mind that I was just going to express

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Speaker 1: my feelings, explain my actions to both of them, and

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Speaker 1: fall back from my friendship with Handsome Jordan. I didn't

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Speaker 1: plan on changing anything about my relationship with Maya because

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Speaker 1: she's my best friend. He was oblivious, did nothing wrong

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Speaker 1: and girls go after all. Handsome Jordan didn't do anything

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Speaker 1: wrong either, but this was more of a bros Before

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Speaker 1: Oh's kind of thing. If Jordan was going to be

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Speaker 1: her man, I felt like it was only right that

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Speaker 1: I respect that, tell them both the truth and put

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Speaker 1: some space between handsome Jordan and me. Heel up and

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Speaker 1: move on. So I spoke to Maya first. I told

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Speaker 1: her the whole truth, exactly what I told you guys.

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Speaker 1: I added that I was going to be reaching out

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Speaker 1: to Jordan as well to set up some boundaries in

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Speaker 1: our relationship. But Maya felt absolutely horrible, which made ME

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Speaker 1: feel bad too. She explained that she was just trying

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Speaker 1: to have fun, flirting carelessly to pass the time. She

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Speaker 1: did enjoy the conversations they had and didn't mind continuing

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Speaker 1: to talk with him after the trip, but she didn't

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Speaker 1: intend on taking him seriously and just thought that he

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Speaker 1: was really cute. She was going to keep things going,

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Speaker 1: play with him until she got.

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Speaker 2: Boor he ouch.

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Speaker 1: Okay, dude, call tims on this man to protect him

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Speaker 1: from Maya. Freaking malicious. Maya over here, golly, and then

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Speaker 1: move on to the next thing she normally does with

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Speaker 1: other men. I'm paraphrasing, but these are her words. I

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Speaker 1: promise I'm not being shaving.

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Speaker 2: Save this man from my seat, Tims does work.

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Speaker 1: Maya also mentioned that she thought Jordan seemed like a

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Speaker 1: well rounded young man, but was way too young for

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Speaker 1: her and couldn't see him giving her what she needed

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Speaker 1: in a long term relationship context. Maya has four children

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Speaker 1: under six years old and has always dated men who

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Speaker 1: are significantly older than us. Jordan will be twenty three

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Speaker 1: soon and isn't really her speed. I guess We've talked

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Speaker 1: for a while about the details and concluded that this

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Speaker 1: was all a big mishap, going back to the whole

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Speaker 1: girls girl thing. I wasn't sure what to do with

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Speaker 1: this info because I normally would never want to be

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Speaker 1: with anyone who has dealings with my friends. I left

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Speaker 1: this conversation feeling so sticky.

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Speaker 2: But they haven't really They just asked for each other's number.

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Speaker 1: There's nothing there again, I think op, he might be

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Speaker 1: going into her over things.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they like Oh.

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Speaker 1: They were like talking and like going three and it's cool.

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Speaker 1: There's a way on the one hand, I didn't know

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Speaker 1: what Jordan's intentions were was Maya and wanted to be

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Speaker 1: a good friend to him. I wanted to let him

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Speaker 1: know what Maya's intentions were to protect him from any

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Speaker 1: potential hurts. On the other hand, I wanted to stay

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Speaker 1: loyal to Maya, since I was sure this was info

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Speaker 1: she hadn't played on sharing with Jordan. Luckily, Maya ended

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Speaker 1: up letting me know that she no longer felt comfortable

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Speaker 1: talking with Jordan now that she knew my true feelings,

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Speaker 1: she was going to go to him. So now I

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Speaker 1: no longer feel like I'm in such a pickle harboring secrets.

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00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:32,920
Speaker 1: Both conversations happened through text. By the way, I then

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Speaker 1: spoke with Jordan. Although I had already gotten a full

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Speaker 1: understanding of where Maya's head was, I still didn't know

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Speaker 1: exactly what had gone on between them both on and

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Speaker 1: after the trip. I didn't ask either. I struck a

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Speaker 1: girl code laid out a very simple explanation for Jordan.

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Speaker 1: I told him I still wanted to be friends, but

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Speaker 1: expressed that I needed some space, that his access to

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Speaker 1: me would be limited, that I didn't want to just

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Speaker 1: disappear on him. For a while and not at least

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Speaker 1: let him know why. I unshared my location with him

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Speaker 1: and removed him from friend Finder and expected that to

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Speaker 1: be the end of it. I was so very wrong.

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00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,600
Speaker 1: So Jordan works nights and was asleep when I texted him,

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Speaker 1: which I knew. When he woke up and responded, he

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00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,200
Speaker 1: was devastating. He said he wanted to talk further about

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Speaker 1: the whole situation because he was having a really hard

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Speaker 1: time accepting me wanting to fall back from him. He

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Speaker 1: told me he's had feelings for me for years and

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00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,440
Speaker 1: they'd never gone away since the first time he expressed them,

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00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:28,320
Speaker 1: back when we were fifteen years old and sixteen years old, respectively. Apparently,

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00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,880
Speaker 1: he had planned to try to shoot his shot again

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Speaker 1: during the trip and couldn't seem to nail the right time.

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00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:38,840
Speaker 1: The day Maya got there, she unintentionally slipped some misinformation

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Speaker 1: to him during their parked car convo that made him

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Speaker 1: lose hope. Remember when I said that another friend had

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Speaker 1: come back to the house and sleeping arrangements had changed.

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Speaker 1: That friend, let's call him Mike. Twenty one Mail wasn't

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00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,880
Speaker 1: supposed to stay with us initially, but ended up sending

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00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,480
Speaker 1: money and staying at the last minute. The first night,

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Speaker 1: I allowed Mike to sleep in my room. It sounds crazy,

337
00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:01,560
Speaker 1: but there was plenty of space in there. We were

338
00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:03,640
Speaker 1: nowhere near each other, and that was it. I was

339
00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:05,480
Speaker 1: trying to be a good host and make sure my

340
00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:07,360
Speaker 1: guest had subber to sleep. I didn't want to be

341
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,880
Speaker 1: selfish and keep a room to myself if someone didn't

342
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,120
Speaker 1: have a comfortable sleeping space, so I shared. I didn't

343
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,120
Speaker 1: know Mike was coming back, but when he did, I

344
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,280
Speaker 1: let Maya know and we texted briefly about sleeping plans.

345
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Speaker 1: The convo was happening while she was in the car

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00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,520
Speaker 1: with Jordan. I did want her to feel uncomfortable sleeping

347
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,400
Speaker 1: with a random stranger, but I gave her the option

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00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,760
Speaker 1: to sleep in the room alone and said that I

349
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,800
Speaker 1: would keep my company for a while in the living

350
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,960
Speaker 1: room before going to bed. That way, his stay wouldn't

351
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,960
Speaker 1: be pointless. Maya volunteered to sleep on the couch and

352
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,480
Speaker 1: then basically blurted out to Jordan that Mike slept in

353
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Speaker 1: my bed the night before and was coming back to

354
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,120
Speaker 1: sleep in there again, and that she'd be sleeping on

355
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,800
Speaker 1: the couch because Mike was sleeping with me again.

356
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Speaker 2: She is she is really going going a little far.

357
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,560
Speaker 1: I get a feeling like Maya is the fun friend,

358
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:54,640
Speaker 1: but not the together friend. Because of Maya's delivery, lack

359
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,680
Speaker 1: of knowledge about Mike and I feelings for Jordan. Jordan

360
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,480
Speaker 1: felt like Maya was implying that Mike was my man

361
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,000
Speaker 1: and that I was punting her out of the room

362
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,680
Speaker 1: to sleep with him. I got none of this info

363
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,320
Speaker 1: from Maya until Jordan told me when I asked her.

364
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,240
Speaker 1: I was also informed that Maya was wearing some skimpy

365
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,000
Speaker 1: pj's and tried to invite Jordan to lay with her

366
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,080
Speaker 1: in the bed. He declined and slept on the couch

367
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,200
Speaker 1: himself that all night, thinking that he had lost his

368
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,520
Speaker 1: chance with me. So we talked it out. It got

369
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,040
Speaker 1: a little heated, but stayed respectful. We were both pouring

370
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:28,360
Speaker 1: out very heavy feelings and frustration, so I understood. Jordan

371
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,960
Speaker 1: told me that he just felt hopeless and wanted someone

372
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,600
Speaker 1: to talk to, that they weren't talking about anything beyond

373
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:35,800
Speaker 1: the surface, and that he didn't want much to do

374
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,080
Speaker 1: with her either, just someone to keep him company, and

375
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,040
Speaker 1: she happened to be there. He also said that if

376
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,200
Speaker 1: he had known how I felt, he would have never

377
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,000
Speaker 1: chosen my best friend over me, and especially not right

378
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,560
Speaker 1: in front of my face. He reassured me countless times

379
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,040
Speaker 1: that he wants me and not anyone else. He said

380
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,280
Speaker 1: this was all just a big misunderstanding and that if

381
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,920
Speaker 1: I would give him the chance, he'd show me and

382
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,200
Speaker 1: make it right. I thought on it for a few

383
00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,520
Speaker 1: hours work and accept it. The next day, Jordan came

384
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,800
Speaker 1: to my house to bring me lunch and chat in person.

385
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,360
Speaker 1: When I opened the car door, there were dozens of

386
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,040
Speaker 1: white roses in the passenger seat with food from one

387
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,760
Speaker 1: of my favorite restaurants by exact order.

388
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,120
Speaker 2: Jordan, Oh, he knows there're some love.

389
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,640
Speaker 1: He drove twenty five minutes there and back to get

390
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,520
Speaker 1: my food because we don't have a location super close

391
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,760
Speaker 1: to us. I felt so warm, happy inside. We sat

392
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,520
Speaker 1: and talked for three hours in the car.

393
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:27,840
Speaker 2: This is amazing. This is amazing, And this was only

394
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,040
Speaker 2: supposed to be a drop off. All right, again, this

395
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:33,320
Speaker 2: is what happened. This was like so poorly executed. But

396
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,280
Speaker 2: this is what happens when you communicate early and often.

397
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,760
Speaker 2: You communicate your friends to maybe give you a little

398
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:42,840
Speaker 2: space to pursue a romantic interest that you have aka dibbs,

399
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,080
Speaker 2: and you have the confidence to execute it well, which

400
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,520
Speaker 2: was not done in this case, but still still good.

401
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:51,200
Speaker 1: One thing I will compliment Opion is she was at

402
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:54,920
Speaker 1: least always trying not to, like I think, mess anyone

403
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,040
Speaker 1: up or any way up like sometimes to the detriment

404
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,120
Speaker 1: of her in the situation.

405
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:02,800
Speaker 2: I think she was too detrimental to herself unnecessarily.

406
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,440
Speaker 1: Yes, which is not always the case. So but yeah,

407
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,639
Speaker 1: shout out to op for at least being like thoughtful

408
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:08,960
Speaker 1: and try not to do that.

409
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,720
Speaker 2: This is great working, Its working. This makes me happy.

410
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:12,160
Speaker 1: It's working.

411
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:13,320
Speaker 2: Are you happy?

412
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,000
Speaker 1: I'm thrilled.

413
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,760
Speaker 2: I'm freaking happy. Are you happy? I'm happy to be

414
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:17,840
Speaker 2: with you right now.

415
00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:20,399
Speaker 1: At the end of the convote, Jordan came around to

416
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,000
Speaker 1: help me take things to the door. Yiss, kiss, We

417
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:27,600
Speaker 1: hugg dot dot dot. And this hug was so much different.

418
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,879
Speaker 1: It was a long hug than any other time that

419
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,080
Speaker 1: I've hugged him. It was a rub the back everything.

420
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:37,000
Speaker 1: Oh the last rubbed the back hug Oh my lasted

421
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,959
Speaker 1: a lifetime. And he made me feel so secure, safe.

422
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:44,040
Speaker 1: Then he bent down and we kissed. Then he kissed

423
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,200
Speaker 1: me all over my face and laying the last one

424
00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:49,480
Speaker 1: the forehead kisses. My heart was in my butt. OMG.

425
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,960
Speaker 1: What by the way, if you want something big and

426
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,680
Speaker 1: voluptuous as Keon's junk in the trunk.

427
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,800
Speaker 2: Oh that's big, show those cakes, Keon.

428
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,320
Speaker 1: You go to Spotify, Apple your favorite pot app search. Okay, storytime,

429
00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,639
Speaker 1: We've got over two thousand episodes for you to listen to.

430
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,200
Speaker 1: But just before we get into this final bit, how

431
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,800
Speaker 1: are we feeling? I feel great, dude, I feel great.

432
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:11,520
Speaker 1: I feel great.

433
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,359
Speaker 2: Whoever found this story shout out them, Oh, what a

434
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,159
Speaker 2: great story to come back to. I mean, huh, I

435
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,040
Speaker 2: feel great. I feel like I learned something. I feel happy.

436
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 2: I'm just happy to be here with you. I just

437
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:26,119
Speaker 2: I'm thrilled. Communicate early and often, but not to the point.

438
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,280
Speaker 2: And also like, be wary of your ruining relationships, but

439
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:30,480
Speaker 2: not to the point of martyrdom.

440
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:31,280
Speaker 1: We don't need that.

441
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:33,080
Speaker 2: We don't need know that. Have some confidence. Oh, you

442
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:34,720
Speaker 2: don't be too afraid of rejection that you get in

443
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:35,200
Speaker 2: your own way.

444
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,040
Speaker 1: But before he left, he told me how much he

445
00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:39,000
Speaker 1: loved my friends, and I say, I love you all

446
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,560
Speaker 1: the time, So that was nothing new to us. But

447
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,400
Speaker 1: this time was different. Ooh, and I love him oh

448
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,240
Speaker 1: much more. This disaster was nothing short of amazing, and

449
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,760
Speaker 1: I've never been happier to have my heart broken temporarily.

450
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,840
Speaker 1: It was so worth it. Just I guess I'll have

451
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,200
Speaker 1: to update you guys in a few years because Jordan

452
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,600
Speaker 1: is a man of his word.

453
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:02,280
Speaker 2: Thanks for reading, Oh, thank you forgiving us that story.

454
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,960
Speaker 1: That was wow beautiful. That was like the perfect perfect

455
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,440
Speaker 1: We went through all all the emotions thing and it

456
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 1: looked I honestly, I think it was gonna you.

457
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,359
Speaker 2: Were like Maya, Maya's coming.

458
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,040
Speaker 1: First I thought she was going to swoop in. And

459
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,600
Speaker 1: then and then when when OPI was like I need space,

460
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:20,480
Speaker 1: Like back off, I'm like, I don't. I don't know

461
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,080
Speaker 1: if it's gonna work out. But beautiful, beautiful one.

462
00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:28,080
Speaker 2: Today, Oh, my friend's sister in law announced her due date.

463
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,560
Speaker 2: But it's the same day as my friend's wedding.

464
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 1: We can get the baby out. There's face.

465
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,560
Speaker 2: My friend recently asked me to be in her bridal party.

466
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,879
Speaker 2: We've been friends since college and we're very close for

467
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 2: several years, roommates for two and then have grown somewhat apart.

468
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,600
Speaker 2: After I moved to a city with a new partner.

469
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,760
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Bubblegum Yum yum. And

470
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:46,080
Speaker 2: if you want to smit your own stories, go to

471
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:47,919
Speaker 2: our slash Okay story times. How about it. So we

472
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,919
Speaker 2: haven't grown terribly apart, just more in the way you

473
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,920
Speaker 2: become less intimately close when your adults and live across

474
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,040
Speaker 2: the country from one another. We still talk about once

475
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,200
Speaker 2: or twice a month for about an hour at a time.

476
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,119
Speaker 2: So it wasn't a surprise to be asked to be

477
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,960
Speaker 2: in her bridal party. But I wouldn't have been offended

478
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,160
Speaker 2: if I'd been left out. I hope that makes sense. Essentially,

479
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,960
Speaker 2: I'm not close enough to be your maid of honor.

480
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,200
Speaker 2: I probably won't be missed if I'm not at the

481
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,680
Speaker 2: wedding because I'm no longer in her core social group.

482
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,639
Speaker 2: My friend got engaged just a few weeks ago. She

483
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,400
Speaker 2: called me and the other bridal party members a week

484
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,360
Speaker 2: ago and asked if we could make a September wedding

485
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:25,080
Speaker 2: work because her dream venue out a cancelation. Otherwise the

486
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,720
Speaker 2: venue is booked for the next three years. I've known

487
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,160
Speaker 2: she's wanted the venue for a while, so of course

488
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 2: I said yes. This speeding up the planet. Here's where

489
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,680
Speaker 2: things get murky. I don't know her fiance that well,

490
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:37,840
Speaker 2: but I do know that he has a twin brother

491
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,920
Speaker 2: who got married just before the pandemic. Well, the twins

492
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:45,080
Speaker 2: brother's wife is expecting their first child, and her due

493
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:49,359
Speaker 2: dates is the exact same day as my friend's dream

494
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,920
Speaker 2: venue dates. So the wedding venue is in New York City,

495
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,119
Speaker 2: while my friend, her family, and her fiance's family all

496
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 2: live in the same area in the state, requiring plain

497
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,840
Speaker 2: flights to get to NYC. My friends expressed to me

498
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,720
Speaker 2: and the other bridal party members that her fiance's family

499
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,200
Speaker 2: has been urging her to move the wedding away from

500
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,640
Speaker 2: the sister in law's due date. It's unclear how her

501
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,879
Speaker 2: fiance feels, but I know that he was his brother's

502
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 2: best man when the brother got married. Understandably, the brother

503
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,320
Speaker 2: had agreed to be best man at my friend's wedding,

504
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 2: but has since withdrawn his commitment. Given the September wedding dates.

505
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:27,520
Speaker 2: My friend doesn't understand why the twin can't just fly

506
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:30,880
Speaker 2: home if the baby comes during the wedding weekend. Going

507
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 2: back to how my friend and I aren't as close

508
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 2: as we once were. If I rocked the boat, it

509
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:38,639
Speaker 2: could terminate my friendship with her altogether. At the same time,

510
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,360
Speaker 2: even if sister in law doesn't go into labor that weekend,

511
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 2: shouldn't her husband be with her. This is where my

512
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,240
Speaker 2: friend and I don't see eye to eye, But it

513
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,680
Speaker 2: sounds like no one on my friend's side has been

514
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 2: vocal about the situation. As someone in the bridal party,

515
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:55,480
Speaker 2: I feel a responsibility to advise my friend Accordingly, if

516
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,480
Speaker 2: I weren't in the bridal party, i'd stay mom. Would

517
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 2: I be the a hole if I told my friend

518
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,560
Speaker 2: I agree that the wedding should be moved because of

519
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,320
Speaker 2: the conflict with sister in law's do date. I get

520
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 2: that it's her dream venue, but this doesn't feel like

521
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 2: the best move to get her married life with her

522
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,720
Speaker 2: husband's family. Is there a way to advise her gently

523
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,200
Speaker 2: on the matter or offer a compromise. There isn't editing up.

524
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 2: Thank y'all for not downvoting me into oblivion. Your comments

525
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,520
Speaker 2: have redirected my thought process about the situation, and I'm realizing, well,

526
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:30,440
Speaker 2: while it isn't my responsibility and I shouldn't feel any

527
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,399
Speaker 2: responsibility to discuss it, with my friend. I do think that,

528
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 2: in good faith, I want to find a gentle way

529
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,359
Speaker 2: to say something to her, not a straightforward this is

530
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 2: a terrible idea, but that i'd originally considered. I thought

531
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 2: it was more this or that when I posted this.

532
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 2: Now I realized there are some softer angles, and I

533
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 2: can say something gently without having a full conversation about

534
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,120
Speaker 2: her decision. My thoughts are still evolving, but I really

535
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 2: appreciate it y'all letting me know it's not my responsibility

536
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 2: because I was feeling pressured too. The suggestions about asking

537
00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,119
Speaker 2: my friend questions that might prompt her to reconsider the

538
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,439
Speaker 2: situation a different light. Yes, the Socratic method, similar to

539
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,000
Speaker 2: not taking the responsibility upon myself. I'm grateful for the

540
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:10,320
Speaker 2: permission to reassess the friendship. I don't want to paint

541
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 2: my friend a negative light. I actually think he's more

542
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 2: naive than self centered or entitled for her lack of

543
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 2: understanding for the sister in law's due date doesn't quite

544
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 2: align with my own moral development. Update Here is the

545
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 2: unfolding update. The bank of Daddy stepped in and given

546
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 2: that the bride'smaid's father is a family man from Texas,

547
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 2: was insistent that family be placed first. Since he's paying

548
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 2: for everything, He's provided some suggestions to the bride. I

549
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 2: knew the bride's older brother in college before I met

550
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,240
Speaker 2: the bride, so we're fairly close. I talked to him

551
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 2: and it seems like his sister has given some options.

552
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 2: The venue is thirty thousand dollars, but because of the

553
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 2: dad's emphasis on family, he's said that he won't pay

554
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,080
Speaker 2: the entire wedding budget towards a wedding where the groom's

555
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 2: family won't be able to make it. He has compromised

556
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 2: that he will give approximately one third to one half

557
00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 2: of the cost of the venue, but the bride has

558
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 2: to make up for the rest of the payment before September,

559
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,680
Speaker 2: and the remainder of the dad's funding has to go

560
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 2: towards a wedding ceremony at a later date when the

561
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 2: groom's family can attend. So basically it's like two weddings.

562
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 2: Given the emphasis on family values and what I gather

563
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 2: was some strong influence from the bride's parents, if she

564
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:23,960
Speaker 2: keeps the September venue as one celebration. I suggested this

565
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,720
Speaker 2: to her following the comment of some one on my

566
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 2: original post to thank you, but not the main celebration

567
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 2: that she won't be able to crunch in both a

568
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 2: bachelotte and bridal shower before September. I'm not as certain

569
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,159
Speaker 2: about won't be able to as I am was told

570
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 2: both won't happen. With the compromise that her bridal shower

571
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:45,680
Speaker 2: festivities be fit into a bachelolette weekend in June's last July.

572
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,880
Speaker 2: Instead of a separate bridal shower, the bride will host

573
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 2: a baby shower for the sistern law since the cistern

574
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,640
Speaker 2: Lot won't be able to make it to New York

575
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 2: City again. The vibe here is some strong Southern Texan

576
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,760
Speaker 2: family values reminders from the parents honestly good for them.

577
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 2: So it sounds like basically they're pushing for two weddings.

578
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:06,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that was like, hey, we can have a

579
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 1: celebration where everyone could be here, which I mean low

580
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:13,400
Speaker 1: key like great, but also kind of wild to basically

581
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 1: throw a whole another I mean, I guess it is

582
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,880
Speaker 1: like the best man and the twin brother and everything,

583
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 1: but like, I don't know if I've ever remembered.

584
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,399
Speaker 2: All other weddings or just those two people.

585
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:24,680
Speaker 1: Just yeah, just one now three well, the baby will

586
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: be there.

587
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:29,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I guess you know, I think you can

588
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,120
Speaker 2: do it. Well if you can do it, But I

589
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like, is someone gonna is your family,

590
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,359
Speaker 2: You're gonna have to like travel for this, is your

591
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 2: family gonna travel twice for the same wedding, all of

592
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 2: your family? No, Like, I don't think so. So the

593
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:44,159
Speaker 2: bride can access the remaining wedding funds once it's clear

594
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,720
Speaker 2: that a celebration can be planned that will allow for

595
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,200
Speaker 2: all members of both sides of the family to attend.

596
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 2: To help the bride afford the September venue, the other bridesmaids,

597
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 2: her brother and I discuss options where if she's willing

598
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:57,639
Speaker 2: to rent design her outfits from rent the Runway or elsewhere,

599
00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 2: rather than have the bridal party spent a ton of

600
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,320
Speaker 2: money on apparel and shoes, and will each contribute what

601
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 2: we would have spent on a tire to give towards

602
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,119
Speaker 2: the venue cost. Just do one wedding. Why do you

603
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:09,439
Speaker 2: care so much about this venue?

604
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 1: I guess it's possible. It approaches territory to where it's like,

605
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,000
Speaker 1: if they start asking for more money or something, then

606
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 1: I think that's the only.

607
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'd be like, hey, now it's our circus. Yes,

608
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 2: now it's our circus. I talked to the sister in

609
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:22,960
Speaker 2: law along with the bride's brother, and she is the sweetest.

610
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 2: She was so selfless and clearly trying not to veto

611
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,640
Speaker 2: the bride's dream venue. She shared anecdotes from her own

612
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 2: wedding compromises to lighten the mood. This is all still

613
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:33,200
Speaker 2: in progress, but for now it seems like the bank

614
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 2: of Daddy has stepped in and reminded the bride of

615
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,440
Speaker 2: family values, also to prevent his daughter from starting married

616
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 2: life by alienating his in laws. Gotta say, Dad seems

617
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 2: like a good man and supportive yet firm parent. But

618
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 2: if you want a supportive we get firm podcasts. You

619
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,679
Speaker 2: should listen to full episodes with stories just like this

620
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 2: by going to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast

621
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 2: app and searching Okay, storytime, there's another relevant updates. But

622
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 2: it feels like we're being pushed toward making sure the

623
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,199
Speaker 2: twin brother can't attend.

624
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna be honest. The friend seems

625
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 1: like she might be a little cuckoo for Coca puffs

626
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,679
Speaker 1: and just run run it with two weddings. Yeah, I

627
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 1: feel like there's a there's there's definitely a chance that

628
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 1: might be what we end up with. It makes no sense,

629
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 1: It doesn't make any sense. You're you're stressing yourself out

630
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,639
Speaker 1: for what? For what? Just like have more time, have

631
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 1: your bridal showers, everything, and then just have the second Well,

632
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 1: I guess that the one thing they lose is the

633
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:31,400
Speaker 1: dream venue. But which? But would you rather have your

634
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 1: dream venue or your dream marriage?

635
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 2: You know, like your dream relationship.

636
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,360
Speaker 1: We don't know if she if she loves twin pro like.

637
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:45,359
Speaker 2: That now, all right, not twin bro, but liked to

638
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,679
Speaker 2: make sure his brother can be at the wedding, you know,

639
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 2: I feel like that important.

640
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, for the for the for the for the fiance.

641
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we got an update, So I can't adequately

642
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 2: thank y'all enough. But your comment input of maybe realize

643
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 2: some difficult yet very real truths. This situation has prompted

644
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 2: me to get consider my own values when it comes

645
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 2: to family and relationships versus materialistic destination desires. I'm so

646
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 2: exhausted at this point because the bridal party group chats

647
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,360
Speaker 2: are going bananas, but we all really helped me gain

648
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:15,000
Speaker 2: grounding and perspective on this entire fiasco. Seriously, thank you

649
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,880
Speaker 2: all so much. Wherever the wedding slash weddings ultimately are,

650
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,919
Speaker 2: I hope there's an open bar because I'm going to

651
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,399
Speaker 2: need it. So we don't have a resolution acts what's

652
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 2: going to happen. But if I think I'm going to

653
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 2: take away a lesson from this, choose the person you're

654
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:31,919
Speaker 2: getting married to and their happiness over the materialistic wedding

655
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 2: venue or like anything and any of the things that, like,

656
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 2: the people that are going to the wedding are way

657
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 2: more important than the things that we'll be there.

658
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 1: I will say though, like if it was my wife's

659
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: dream wedding venue, I definitely like that. That's they're like,

660
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 1: it's it's it's it's not fun.

661
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 2: It definitely is a loss. But like, are you choosing

662
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 2: the wedding venue over the best man?

663
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, just to acknowledge, like, yeah, I understand my you know,

664
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 1: my wife's want to do this thing, but it's like, yeah,

665
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,000
Speaker 1: are we going to basically have to miss that? It

666
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 1: just it just makes sense. It just makes sense to

667
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 1: do the one wedding.

668
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 2: But I'm I'm and also it makes further sense because

669
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 2: the bride is not paying for the venue. That's that's

670
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 2: less she has two weddings. If she has two weddings,

671
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 2: then she's paying. It's the bank of Daddy that is

672
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 2: paying for the wedding.

673
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 1: I want that a bank. That's a good bank.

674
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 2: That's a good bank. But yeah, so it's like all

675
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 2: of these things are like why why, why do you

676
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 2: really needed that bad? Let us know what you think.

677
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 2: But that's where that story ends.

678
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:33,720
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to this episode,

679
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 1: but a quick three minute break with ASWERMR sponsors.

680
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,479
Speaker 4: I refuse to give my mother's ring to my queer

681
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 4: daughter because it's for the next born daughter.

682
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 3: Are you sure it's not because your daughter's queer? Are

683
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 3: we one hundred percent certain you're not being a bigger

684
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 3: right now? Are we sure?

685
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 4: I posted this on the m I the a hole,

686
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 4: and they removed it because one of the moms really

687
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:55,320
Speaker 4: thinks I'm an.

688
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:58,920
Speaker 1: A Wait wait, what not? Why they removed it?

689
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 4: I have added a few our details in here that

690
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:04,280
Speaker 4: people asked about before it was removed. I haven't removed anything.

691
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 4: A few people said that if this is me trying

692
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 4: to sound like I'm not an ahle, then I must

693
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 4: be a huge a hole in real life. This is

694
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 4: me being as real about these things as I can.

695
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 1: I'm just being real, dude.

696
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from a non jewelry and

697
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 4: if you would have smit your own stories, go our

698
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 4: slash Okay, storytime suffered it. So I male fifty two.

699
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 4: I have two children, will call Bob male twenty six

700
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 4: and Meg female twenty two. Meg was born male but

701
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,320
Speaker 4: began to transition to female a year ago. My dad

702
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 4: gave my mom a very large and expensive diamond ring

703
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 4: for their thirtieth wedding anniversary, and when she passed away

704
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 4: in two thousand and nine, her will stated that everything

705
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:46,080
Speaker 4: went to my dad except the ring, which is to

706
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:48,560
Speaker 4: pass on to the next born female in our family.

707
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 4: I only have one sibling, a brother, and like me,

708
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 4: he didn't have a daughter, so we just figured one

709
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 4: of us would eventually have a granddaughter and she would

710
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 4: get the ring. The ring was last praised in two

711
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 4: thousand and four for one point two million. I do

712
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 4: not know what it's worth now. Meg and I have

713
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 4: always had a contentious relationship. She was always having problems

714
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 4: in school, always causing problems with her mom. And brother

715
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 4: wouldn't listen to anyone, had never held a job for

716
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 4: more than a few weeks, has been arrested for shoplifting,

717
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 4: just been a tough kid to raise. She still lives

718
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 4: with us and we're basically still paying for everything. A

719
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 4: few weeks ago, she said that she wants my mother's ring.

720
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,240
Speaker 4: I thought she was kidding, but when I said no

721
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 4: and kind of laughed about it, she exploded and called

722
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 4: me all kinds of names and threw food all over

723
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 4: the kitchen before storming out. I wanted to change the

724
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,520
Speaker 4: locks while she was gone, but I calmed down because

725
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 4: I know that would probably lead to a bad outcome.

726
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 4: My wife initially agreed with me, but has now started

727
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,600
Speaker 4: to think that Meg should get the ring. I am

728
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 4: absolutely not going to give her the ring, and here

729
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 4: is why it would fracture my relationship with my brother.

730
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 4: I am not one hundred percent sure that Meg didn't

731
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 4: transition specifically to get this ring.

732
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 3: I meant no, but like one point four million, that's fair, that's.

733
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 4: Crazy though, I'm sorry, that's crazy.

734
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 3: I don't think people appreciate the absurd lengths that people

735
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,240
Speaker 3: would go to to acquire something worth that much money.

736
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 3: But she of course, that's an absurd thing.

737
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 4: This is absurd.

738
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 3: That's absurd, but it is not a zero percent chance,

739
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 3: which is even more absurd.

740
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 4: She has said several times that were dumb not to

741
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 4: sell it. A lot of people really took issue with this,

742
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 4: and that's the reason my post was deleted. While it's

743
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 4: very extreme to transition just to get a ring, children

744
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 4: have unlive their parents for less money.

745
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, who do you think your daughter is?

746
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 4: Meg has already asked her grandparents and us for her

747
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 4: share of her inheritance. I hate the thought of it too,

748
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 4: and I hope it's not true. Even though this wasn't

749
00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 4: an issue my mother ever thought about. I am positive

750
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 4: that she you wouldn't want a trans female to have

751
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,480
Speaker 4: the ring. She wanted the ring to be passed down

752
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 4: from daughter to daughter so that no one could ever

753
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 4: lose it in a divorce. Currently, my daughter dates women,

754
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 4: which could lead to the exact problem my mom wanted

755
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 4: to avoid. Someone mentioned she could detransition after.

756
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:16,040
Speaker 3: Getting the ring.

757
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 4: Even though I'm not happy about it, I am willing

758
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 4: to accept my daughter as she is, and I try

759
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:24,239
Speaker 4: my best to not use her passed away name and

760
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 4: use the right pronouns. A lot of people said a

761
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 4: lot of hateful things about me being transphobic, and if

762
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 4: that's how you feel, consider that I still support her.

763
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 4: She's on my insurance and I pay for her medication

764
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 4: that an insurance doesn't. It's been hard on the whole family,

765
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 4: and we're doing the best we can. Her doctor said

766
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:45,000
Speaker 4: that being a transgender maybe the reason she struggled so

767
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 4: much growing up. And at the end of the day,

768
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 4: I just want my kids to be healthy and happy.

769
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 4: I don't feel like I'm being an ale here. But

770
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 4: with my wife starting to question the situation, I thought

771
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 4: maybe i'd get some outside perspectives and a couple of additions.

772
00:33:58,040 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 4: Since people are asking the ring is in a safe

773
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 4: deposit box in another city, Meg doesn't even know who

774
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 4: to contact in order to see if she'd be eligible

775
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 4: for the ring. In that sense, i'm stopping her getting

776
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,399
Speaker 4: the ring. I am not sure what the exact wording

777
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,480
Speaker 4: of the will is, but it's a legal document and

778
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 4: very specific about how the ring should be transferred. If

779
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 4: one of us has a sis granddaughter that isn't responsible

780
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,360
Speaker 4: and would want to sell the ring, I would do

781
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 4: all I could to stop the transfer, but unless there

782
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 4: are stipulations in the will for that, which there might be,

783
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,760
Speaker 4: I would really have no choice. I have not told

784
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,520
Speaker 4: Meg that I suspect she transitioned just to get the ring.

785
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:33,360
Speaker 4: I was talking to my wife about it because so

786
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,880
Speaker 4: many people have mentioned how crazy that is, and it

787
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 4: doesn't seem crazy to me, and my wife verbalized it

788
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:42,279
Speaker 4: better than I did. She's always treated us, but especially me,

789
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 4: like a resource, not like family. And that is your

790
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 4: argument that you should have been using the whole time.

791
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:50,879
Speaker 4: That is an argument that you could have made it out.

792
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 4: Everyone probably would have been like, yeah, your daughter seems like,

793
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 4: you know, she's just using you guys for money because

794
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:00,040
Speaker 4: she's grown up wealthy her whole life. And if you

795
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 4: said that, I probably would have been like, huh, but

796
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,840
Speaker 4: you've only said the worst things that came out of

797
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:06,400
Speaker 4: your mind.

798
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 3: She wants the ring.

799
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 4: Comment one, Hey, opie, my older sister acts very similarly

800
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 4: to Meg, but she's not a trance. Let's take trance

801
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 4: out of the equation. Meg throws tantrums and has said

802
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 4: she'd sell the ring. Trust me, she'll do just that.

803
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 4: My sister stole and sold my grandmother's ring that was

804
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,640
Speaker 4: supposed to come to me. She also stole and sold

805
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,279
Speaker 4: my Scottish great grandmother's platinum bracelet that was supposed to

806
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:32,000
Speaker 4: come to me. I can't get those things back. My

807
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 4: older sister is now in jail at thirty eight for

808
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 4: not paying her registration and car insurance. Comment to get

809
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 4: a replica ring made, Give it to Meg and see

810
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:42,799
Speaker 4: how quickly she sells it. Reply says, honestly, that's diabolical,

811
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:45,719
Speaker 4: but it's prove Op's point pretty fast. I played off

812
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 4: like it's legit even after the fact. Oh it's not

813
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 4: actually valuable. Well, it's meant to as an heirloom, so

814
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 4: that wasn't the point anyway. Or Another replies says, shady's crap,

815
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:58,360
Speaker 4: but probably necessary tbh. The ring is essentially an engagement

816
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,879
Speaker 4: marriage ring, and if Meg isn't getting married, then there's

817
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,239
Speaker 4: no reason for Meg to want the ring. That's the

818
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 4: type of ring you give to your future son in

819
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:07,280
Speaker 4: law when he asks for permission to marry your daughter,

820
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 4: or the type of ring you give to them when

821
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 4: they announce their engagement. So I'm deaf questioning why Meg

822
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:16,560
Speaker 4: wants it, especially now there is an update. I contacted

823
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:18,319
Speaker 4: the law firm that's set up the will and got

824
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,879
Speaker 4: some clarification on the actual terms. Long story short, there

825
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,360
Speaker 4: is language in it that stops Meg from being eligible

826
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 4: to claim the ring. There's also exclusions for being attracted

827
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:31,439
Speaker 4: to the same gender and for being unstrustworthy.

828
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 3: Right things, the biggot contract rears its head. Fine, Wow,

829
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:36,280
Speaker 3: it's the biggest contract.

830
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 4: Were he's the biggest contract.

831
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:37,839
Speaker 3: Yeah.

832
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 4: In addition to the specific exclusions outlined in the will,

833
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 4: anyone can inherit it or be blocked if my brother,

834
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,280
Speaker 4: my father, and I all vote for it. I remember

835
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 4: when my parents set this up. It was such a

836
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:51,719
Speaker 4: big deal. It was going to be their legacy. They

837
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:54,120
Speaker 4: immigrated to the US while my mom was pregnant with me,

838
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:56,720
Speaker 4: and it was very important to them to set down roots.

839
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:58,840
Speaker 4: And this was going to be the thing that would

840
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 4: bind our family together for generations and keep the story

841
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 4: of their trials and eventual success relevant to our bloodline.

842
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:08,800
Speaker 4: I hadn't thought about the ring in a long time.

843
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,440
Speaker 4: Why would I We weren't planning on having any more kids,

844
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 4: and neither was my brother, so that generation wasn't going

845
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 4: to get it, So why would it matter what the

846
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 4: actual terms were. When my daughter started to transition. It

847
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 4: didn't even occur to me that it might make her

848
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 4: eligible for the inheritance. That's how far removed from my

849
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:27,759
Speaker 4: day to day life the ring is. Now that this

850
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 4: has all happened, I've given a lot of critical thought

851
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:33,399
Speaker 4: to what this ring really is and what it will,

852
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:37,279
Speaker 4: in all probability accomplish. Honestly, almost all the comments that

853
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,880
Speaker 4: I got on hear were helpful, so thank you, unless

854
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 4: you accused me of naming my daughter Meg because a

855
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 4: family guy or saying that this is an episode of

856
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:47,359
Speaker 4: family Guy. I have spoken to my brother. I told

857
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 4: him that Meg asked for the ring and I said no,

858
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,360
Speaker 4: without even knowing the terms of the will. He agreed

859
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 4: that Meg has too many problems to get the ring,

860
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,919
Speaker 4: and like me, he hadn't even thought about the rings

861
00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 4: since the will happened. I asked him what we should

862
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 4: do if one of our kids has a daughter and

863
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 4: she's totally irresponsible and wants to pawn the ring. He

864
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,359
Speaker 4: agreed that it would be a problem that he wouldn't want.

865
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 4: Then I told him that I just don't see this

866
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:10,719
Speaker 4: working out the way our mama thought it would. That

867
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 4: depending on the economic conditions by the time it's inherited.

868
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 4: It might just be a race to see who can

869
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,160
Speaker 4: have the first girl, so they can sell it and

870
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 4: have some security. The further away from my mom it gets,

871
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 4: the less sentimental value it has. He agreed with all

872
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:26,399
Speaker 4: my points. I suggested that we sell it and set

873
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,359
Speaker 4: up a trust in our mother's name that gives all

874
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,000
Speaker 4: of our kids several payments to make their transition into

875
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 4: adulthood easier, maybe a payout at eighteen, twenty one, and thirty.

876
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 4: My brother likes the idea, but the only way we

877
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 4: can do this is convince my dad. He's eighty three

878
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 4: and still pretty sharp, but his wife's memory and legacy

879
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,240
Speaker 4: is very important to him, so I have no idea

880
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:50,439
Speaker 4: if it's something he'll even consider. So that's where we are.

881
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:54,600
Speaker 4: Thanks for your inputs and edits. The value for the

882
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 4: ring is for insurance purposes. I don't know anything about jewelry.

883
00:38:57,920 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 4: According to the helpful people here, the ring is worth

884
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,360
Speaker 4: somewhere between ten and eighty percent.

885
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 3: Of the value. That's a spectrum.

886
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm sure we'll get a new evaluation if we

887
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 4: go forward with the sale. I don't really know anything

888
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 4: about the ring other than it's a single large diamond.

889
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 4: So many hateful people on here talking crap about my

890
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:15,919
Speaker 4: pastway mom.

891
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:17,400
Speaker 3: You are really cool.

892
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:20,400
Speaker 4: My mom had some bad antiquated ideas, but she was

893
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 4: a great mom. You also have some bad antiquated ideas.

894
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:28,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like she was a great mom because you

895
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 3: fit into her idea of what a human being is

896
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:31,360
Speaker 3: allowed to be.

897
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:34,359
Speaker 4: You have those same ideas you didn't learn too much.

898
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 4: I had a great childhood, and my kids, whom she

899
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,080
Speaker 4: loved very much, also have great memories of her. So

900
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 4: enjoy hating on an old Pastway woman. I'm sure it

901
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,640
Speaker 4: depresses the other slogs on here. I know I won't

902
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:49,239
Speaker 4: hate on your mom, but I just am disappointed in you.

903
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:53,120
Speaker 3: That's what I'm here for, folks. Uh, just you telling

904
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 3: me not to hate on your mom. This really makes

905
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 3: you want to hear on your mom.

906
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,440
Speaker 4: But there are ah some comments to finish the story

907
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,719
Speaker 4: off the one. My brother works in a business that

908
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:05,120
Speaker 4: buys old jewelry, gold and diamonds. Based on his experience

909
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 4: and inheritance, is very possible that you are making mountain

910
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 4: out of ant hill and the ring is not as

911
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:13,319
Speaker 4: valuable as you think. And there is an update. I

912
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 4: spoke to my dad for the first time in nearly

913
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,880
Speaker 4: a year. I got my brother on and we presented

914
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 4: him with what we saw is the problem with Mom's

915
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,359
Speaker 4: ring being passed to daughter to daughter. I should mention

916
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 4: that after I talked to my brother about establishing a

917
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 4: trust that gave all kids and grandkids a payment to

918
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 4: help them become adults, he had another idea for the ring.

919
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:32,080
Speaker 4: Sell the ring and use the proceeds to buy slash,

920
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 4: build a house around Big sur, California, which was our

921
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 4: mom's favorite place on earth, name the house after her,

922
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 4: and let all the kids grandkids use it however they want.

923
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 4: I liked that idea too, so we were going to

924
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 4: propose both to our dad. He immediately shot both of

925
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 4: them down. He did agree that it's very possible that

926
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 4: whoever gets it will just sell it and that it

927
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,319
Speaker 4: could cause strife, but it's her will that is being

928
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 4: passed on, and he wants to ensure that her wishes

929
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 4: are fulfilled. My dad did like the idea of a

930
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 4: house in Big Serve for the family and said he

931
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,439
Speaker 4: might look into doing that, and asked if we could

932
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 4: be interested in helping, which we are, so that may materialize.

933
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,360
Speaker 4: Here are some updates on a couple of things that

934
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:11,799
Speaker 4: a lot of people commented on. Some people said to

935
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 4: just wait for my dad to pass away. Not that

936
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 4: I want my dad to pass and I don't like

937
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,520
Speaker 4: speculating on his passing, but his dad lived to be

938
00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 4: almost one hundred and two, and my dad is in

939
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 4: really good shape for an eighty three year old eighty

940
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 4: four in March, so he might have another twentyish years.

941
00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:29,239
Speaker 4: There was a lot of discussion about how much the

942
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:32,320
Speaker 4: ring is worth. My dad is friends with a jeweler

943
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:34,359
Speaker 4: in New York who has done business with for over

944
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 4: forty years. My dad said they spoke last year and

945
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,160
Speaker 4: the jeweler offered to buy the ring for eight hundred

946
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 4: and eighty thousand dollars. My dad says he could get

947
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:46,680
Speaker 4: more in an auction if he wanted to sell, which

948
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 4: he doesn't. By the way, we do want you to

949
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:52,560
Speaker 4: listen to Fall episodes with stories just like this. Just

950
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 4: go to Spotify, Apple Podcast or your favorite podcast tap

951
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 4: in search of Pocus story Time.

952
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:57,719
Speaker 3: Just do that.

953
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 4: Lastly, a development that has nothing to do with the

954
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,560
Speaker 4: original question. I have punted Meg out of my house.

955
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,560
Speaker 4: I'm not taking her off my insurance and I've given

956
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:07,400
Speaker 4: her a month to move out, but I am otherwise

957
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,839
Speaker 4: one hundred percent done. She has always had a better

958
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 4: relationship with her mom than me.

959
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 3: I wonder why.

960
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 4: But they got in a fight over a stupid effing

961
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 4: purse and Meg.

962
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 3: Hit her in the shoulder.

963
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 4: Oh it left a huge bruise. My wife is shocked

964
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 4: and hurt and angry. She can't believe we raise such

965
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:24,640
Speaker 4: a brat.

966
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 1: I can you like?

967
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 3: That was the moment She's like, our kids are brat.

968
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:32,880
Speaker 4: I can believe that you guys would raise a brat.

969
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:34,879
Speaker 4: I hope that this will help fix whatever is wrong

970
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:36,600
Speaker 4: with her, but for now I don't ever want to

971
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:39,920
Speaker 4: see her again. When she leaves and comments, you're going

972
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 4: to have similar problems with a family house. It will

973
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 4: need to be passed on to somebody, and that person

974
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:46,759
Speaker 4: can just sell it. The person could also close it

975
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 4: off to the wider family, making it just their house

976
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:51,400
Speaker 4: alone or rented out to others. Same problem, but now

977
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 4: it's a house shaped reply way more work, drama and

978
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:58,359
Speaker 4: upkeep too. Who's going to pay for utilities? What if

979
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:01,399
Speaker 4: OP pays half the utilities, brother's side uses it more?

980
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:03,759
Speaker 4: Who's gonna make rules on when it can and can't

981
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 4: be used. What if one couple wants it as a

982
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:08,840
Speaker 4: romantic weekend alone and another family wants to invite a

983
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 4: bunch of friends. Who's going to manage a reservation system,

984
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:15,719
Speaker 4: who's gonna pay repairs, property taxes, who's going to keep

985
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 4: an eye on it and make sure someone in the

986
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:20,480
Speaker 4: family isn't reserving it and using those reservations to rent

987
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 4: it out on Airbnb, And basically saying there are.

988
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:27,160
Speaker 3: A lot of problems with that idea.

989
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,680
Speaker 2: Which, yeah, hey, it's Sam. We're going to get back

990
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 2: to these stories. But here's three minutes of ads from

991
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:33,320
Speaker 2: our sponsors.

992
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:38,360
Speaker 3: My grandmother has dementia and she's always angry with me.

993
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:42,800
Speaker 4: Oh boy, this sounds like a sad story.

994
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,839
Speaker 3: Actually, the trigger warning this story's gonna hurt you. So

995
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,000
Speaker 3: if you don't want that, then you need to not

996
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 3: listen to this story. I'm going to try to explain

997
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 3: this as well as possible. From my entire childhood, my

998
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,880
Speaker 3: grandma was a fantastic grandmother. She loves spending time with

999
00:43:56,960 --> 00:44:00,840
Speaker 3: us grandkids, doing things with us, and just overall grow However,

1000
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:03,719
Speaker 3: she has always been a difficult person in general. By

1001
00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from user dementia dilemma and if

1002
00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

1003
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:11,160
Speaker 3: r slash okay storytime subreddit. So my dad, her son

1004
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 3: fifty Mail, always said that in her mind, she has

1005
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 3: the only correct worldview. Anyone who remotely disagrees is just wrong,

1006
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 3: so she has the worst point of view. Cool. She

1007
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:25,879
Speaker 3: would cause fights with my mother her daughter in law

1008
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 3: over things, and just create family drama in general. All

1009
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 3: the same, we love her and I have very fond

1010
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:35,279
Speaker 3: memories of her. A few years ago, she was diagnosed

1011
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 3: with dementia. Over the years since, it's gotten much worse

1012
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:42,319
Speaker 3: due to her now current confusion, which I understand is

1013
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:45,640
Speaker 3: completely out of her control. She has become mean and hateful,

1014
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,719
Speaker 3: to the point that even my grandfather, her husband seventy Mail,

1015
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:50,879
Speaker 3: that takes care of her almost twenty four to seven,

1016
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:54,040
Speaker 3: has to take many breaks from her. As a kid,

1017
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 3: I was the perfect grandchild. I was enthusiastic, hardworking, and

1018
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 3: did everything within my power not to disc point any

1019
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,359
Speaker 3: of my family. Even as a teenager, I visited them

1020
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 3: every couple of days, and in college I visited and

1021
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:10,399
Speaker 3: called routinely. I'm also the only granddaughter and the only

1022
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,480
Speaker 3: grandkid to go to college. My cousins aren't dumb, they

1023
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 3: just chose different paths, which is awesome for them. And

1024
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 3: my grandparents did put a lot of pressure on me

1025
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 3: to be the shining star of the family. In their words,

1026
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 3: if my GPA's at three point nine instead of a

1027
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:28,400
Speaker 3: four point zero, they'd asked, what brought you down. My

1028
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:31,719
Speaker 3: grandma always said she didn't have a favorite grandchild, but

1029
00:45:31,719 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 3: pretty much everyone in the family acknowledges that even if

1030
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 3: I wasn't a favorite, I was special. I'm not praising

1031
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:40,239
Speaker 3: this or bragging, nor did I want to be more

1032
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 3: special than my cousins, but this is just for context. However,

1033
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 3: last year I got really busy. School was way more intense.

1034
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 3: I had an internship that took up almost all of

1035
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:54,759
Speaker 3: my after school time and weekends. I didn't have any

1036
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 3: time to visit or call that much because I was

1037
00:45:57,400 --> 00:45:59,840
Speaker 3: busy from eight am to eleven pm most days, and

1038
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 3: I don't have a car don't need one where I live,

1039
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 3: so I relied on my other family to drive if

1040
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 3: we scheduled something. I did call when I could, though, However,

1041
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 3: because I did all this less than I have in

1042
00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:14,959
Speaker 3: the past, my grandmother got angry with me. She put

1043
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 3: down all my pictures, told everyone how selfish I was,

1044
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:23,000
Speaker 3: and all manner of things. Oh very unfortunate. My parents

1045
00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:26,280
Speaker 3: and my grandfather and myself tried to kindly explain everything

1046
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 3: to her, but because of her condition, she didn't understand.

1047
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 3: I missed the Christmas family gathering because my family scheduled

1048
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 3: it on a day I had to do my internship

1049
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 3: and it couldn't be changed. I visited my grandpa later

1050
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:39,320
Speaker 3: on in December and he said we weren't seeing Grandma

1051
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:42,200
Speaker 3: because she was having a bad day. I was there

1052
00:46:42,239 --> 00:46:45,080
Speaker 3: for Thanksgiving last year and my grandmother refused to say

1053
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 3: a word to me, though she socialized with everyone else.

1054
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,799
Speaker 3: I talked to her, but she ignored me, and that

1055
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 3: hurt pretty much. Any time I see her since has

1056
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 3: been like that. Only gotten busier with work in school,

1057
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,239
Speaker 3: and as a result, I've been more unable to visit

1058
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:03,080
Speaker 3: my hometown because of having to organize rides a lot

1059
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 3: of times planning stuff doesn't work out. If I had

1060
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:08,400
Speaker 3: a car, I would absolutely be there as much as

1061
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:10,880
Speaker 3: I could, and I try to call, but she doesn't

1062
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 3: want to talk to me. Gets more complicated because she

1063
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,319
Speaker 3: remembers things incorrectly. She claims I haven't been there for

1064
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 3: holidays when I have, that I never call when I do,

1065
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 3: and that I never give her Birthday or Christmas gifts

1066
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:25,000
Speaker 3: and all that stuff. If someone corrects her, she gets

1067
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 3: angry and asserts that she knows she's correct. My other

1068
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:30,440
Speaker 3: cousins never go to see her unless it's a holiday,

1069
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 3: but she doesn't hate them for it. Even my dad

1070
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:35,719
Speaker 3: moved across the country and almost never calls, and she's

1071
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:38,800
Speaker 3: not mad at him. It all seems like the anger

1072
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:40,840
Speaker 3: is directed at me. I've given up on trying to

1073
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:43,759
Speaker 3: reason with her. That sounds mean, but she cannot really

1074
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:47,400
Speaker 3: understand reason anymore. I'm not angry at her, as I

1075
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:49,920
Speaker 3: know this isn't her fault, and least I've accepted that

1076
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,319
Speaker 3: she isn't the same person anymore. I want to spend

1077
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:54,239
Speaker 3: as much time with her as I can before her

1078
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 3: condition worshiens or she passes away. But she's so angry

1079
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:00,920
Speaker 3: at me, and I don't even know if my efforts

1080
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,800
Speaker 3: will help with her being confused and not remembering things.

1081
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:07,880
Speaker 3: I feel tremendous guilt over this, like I've done something horrible.

1082
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 3: Maybe I didn't try hard enough before Oh that's not

1083
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:15,359
Speaker 3: That's not what's going on here. I'm already doing all

1084
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 3: I can to schedule more visits and I'm calling regularly,

1085
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:20,640
Speaker 3: but it doesn't seem to be helping right now. How

1086
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:22,920
Speaker 3: can I try to repair my relationship with my grandmother

1087
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 3: on some level? Maybe I didn't try hard enough. How

1088
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:29,400
Speaker 3: do I make this right? And there's comments. Comment number

1089
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 3: one here says she cannot really understand reason anymore, which

1090
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 3: also means that her anger is illogical and has nothing

1091
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:38,680
Speaker 3: to do with what you have or have not done.

1092
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:41,920
Speaker 3: You need to balance your understandable desire to spend whatever

1093
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 3: time she has remaining with her with the reality that

1094
00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:48,120
Speaker 3: not all of those interactions are going to be positive,

1095
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 3: and take care of yourself if it gets to be

1096
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:53,160
Speaker 3: too much. Also, it's generally best not to argue with

1097
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,880
Speaker 3: someone who has dementia. She complains that you didn't do

1098
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 3: something she's forgotten, just say you're right, Grandma, I'm sorry,

1099
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 3: but I'm here now and I want to spend time

1100
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 3: with you and see if that gets her on a

1101
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 3: different train of thought. And there is an update here. Hey, y'all.

1102
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 3: First off, I want to say thank you to everyone

1103
00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:12,479
Speaker 3: who replied and to those who read it and said

1104
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 3: prayers or and sent good vibes and thoughts my way.

1105
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 3: I spent a lot of time reading every reply, and

1106
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:20,800
Speaker 3: I checked this account and was really touched by a

1107
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:24,480
Speaker 3: few private messages I got asking how everything was the

1108
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:27,240
Speaker 3: fact that people remembered the post written by some internet

1109
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:30,280
Speaker 3: stranger tugged at my heart strings. And now onto the update.

1110
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:34,279
Speaker 3: I spent a lot of time considering what everyone had

1111
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 3: replied and the resources and experiences others shared. It made

1112
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:41,320
Speaker 3: me feel a lot better and clear headed about the situation.

1113
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,960
Speaker 3: I realized that my emotions were weird and I didn't

1114
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 3: know how to sort it out. For example, I was

1115
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:50,880
Speaker 3: angry about being ignored and disowned by her when I

1116
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 3: was doing my best, but I felt I didn't have

1117
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,600
Speaker 3: a right to be angry because her condition is not

1118
00:49:56,719 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 3: her fault. I should also mention that my grandmother wasn't

1119
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 3: the nicest of people before dementia, and the only people

1120
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,920
Speaker 3: who really care for her are her blood relatives. That

1121
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:09,000
Speaker 3: sounds really harsh, but the rest of the family acknowledges

1122
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:11,799
Speaker 3: this too. So with a mixed bag of emotions of

1123
00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 3: grieving for my grandmother being angry about her treatment, of

1124
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 3: me anxiety about facing her at holidays just to be

1125
00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:21,400
Speaker 3: yelled at. I was really conflicted about going to Thanksgiving.

1126
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:24,880
Speaker 3: I talked to my dad, my grandma's son, my mom,

1127
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:28,920
Speaker 3: and my long term significant other about my feelings. They

1128
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,040
Speaker 3: understood where I was coming from and encouraged me to

1129
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,400
Speaker 3: go to Thanksgiving if I wanted to and if it

1130
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:35,920
Speaker 3: felt right to me. They gave me some sound advice

1131
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:38,360
Speaker 3: that reinforced advice I got on the sub So my

1132
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:41,319
Speaker 3: mom talked to my grandpa about something unrelated and then

1133
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 3: called to tell me that I was allowed to come

1134
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:46,279
Speaker 3: to Thanksgiving on the condition that my grandmother gets to

1135
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 3: scold and lecture the exact quote me. They all knew

1136
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:53,960
Speaker 3: I wasn't going to go for that at all. My grandfather,

1137
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:56,719
Speaker 3: her husband, and I'm pretty sure he's a saint sent

1138
00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:59,799
Speaker 3: from some deity, called me asking if I'd be going

1139
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:02,840
Speaker 3: to say Thanksgiving. My grandpa is her number one caregiver

1140
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 3: and gave up a part time job. He loved all

1141
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:09,560
Speaker 3: of his activities, traveling, etc. To care for her. It's

1142
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:12,160
Speaker 3: not always healthy for him, but he loves talking on

1143
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:14,600
Speaker 3: the phone to people now more than ever. So I

1144
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:17,600
Speaker 3: always make the time that was a tangent sorry. I

1145
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:20,080
Speaker 3: told him I wanted to go if the scheduling worked out.

1146
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:23,120
Speaker 3: We were still working out plans with my significant other's family,

1147
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 3: and he just lit up over the phone and I

1148
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:28,879
Speaker 3: could practically hear him smiling. I could absolutely not say

1149
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:32,320
Speaker 3: no to him, even if I wanted to. For context,

1150
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:35,160
Speaker 3: the issue with me and my grandmother has been stressing

1151
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 3: my grandfather out too. He loves me dearly, of course,

1152
00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 3: and felt like they were losing their relationship with me

1153
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 3: over this because my grandmother cannot be reasoned with me.

1154
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:47,120
Speaker 3: Not just agreeing to go, but wanting to go was

1155
00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:49,759
Speaker 3: a big deal for him. Aw. He told me that

1156
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:51,640
Speaker 3: he and my aunt were going to sit down and

1157
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 3: talk to my grandmother on how to treat me at

1158
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:56,040
Speaker 3: the holiday. I told him not to do more than

1159
00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 3: he had to, because I felt that I could handle

1160
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:00,680
Speaker 3: it if she did go off on me, but also

1161
00:52:00,719 --> 00:52:02,440
Speaker 3: to not stress him out if she could not be

1162
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:05,080
Speaker 3: reasoned with. He was committed to it, so I trusted

1163
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,799
Speaker 3: his judgment. He couldn't promise she wouldn't go off on me,

1164
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:10,160
Speaker 3: but he told me he would do his best to

1165
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:13,360
Speaker 3: diffuse the situation if she did. The weeks carried on

1166
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:15,880
Speaker 3: and I volunteered to make the mashed potatoes and I

1167
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 3: saw my mom sibe the day before Thanksgiving. Then I

1168
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:21,520
Speaker 3: got a call from my grandmother and I was expecting

1169
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:25,879
Speaker 3: the worst. However, she was extraordinarily pleasant over the phone

1170
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:28,919
Speaker 3: and just wanted to talk about the food. The next day,

1171
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:31,600
Speaker 3: my significant other and I went to her side for Thanksgiving.

1172
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:33,719
Speaker 3: I was really happy it worked out that he could

1173
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 3: go with me, as it soothed my anxiety a little.

1174
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 3: That and a well stocked wine cellar. I kept in

1175
00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:42,360
Speaker 3: mind all the advice on this sub that said deflect,

1176
00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:44,720
Speaker 3: deflec deflect, so that helped me keep my head on straight.

1177
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:49,080
Speaker 3: My grandmother was surprisingly present. She just seemed happy that

1178
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:52,440
Speaker 3: everyone was there for context. Not much of my family

1179
00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 3: goes to see her, which was part of my anger.

1180
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 3: My cousins never see her, even though they own cars

1181
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:01,480
Speaker 3: and live closer. I live further away and don't have

1182
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:04,160
Speaker 3: a car. Yet all her anger was focused at me

1183
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 3: when I made more time and effort than they did.

1184
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 3: My one cousin is studying a trade and my grandmother

1185
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:12,680
Speaker 3: did nothing but praise him and his accomplishments, which is

1186
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,760
Speaker 3: well and good. She wasn't interested in me my studies

1187
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 3: at the university or goals. That stung a bit. As

1188
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:21,319
Speaker 3: in the past she always made a point to tell

1189
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:24,160
Speaker 3: her she's proud of me, but this time it wasn't

1190
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:26,839
Speaker 3: even so much as a pet on the back. I've

1191
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:29,240
Speaker 3: sort of been the lovable black sheep for a while,

1192
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 3: so I'm kind of used to it, but I'm still

1193
00:53:32,239 --> 00:53:35,080
Speaker 3: a little hurt. The rest of the celebration went on

1194
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:38,839
Speaker 3: without incident, ugs and helloes, sharing memories, that kind of thing.

1195
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:41,080
Speaker 3: I told her I'd do my best to be there

1196
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 3: for Christmas. Mainly depends on scheduling. My grandpa was overjoyed

1197
00:53:46,120 --> 00:53:49,279
Speaker 3: that everyone was there, and that made it all especially

1198
00:53:49,440 --> 00:53:51,800
Speaker 3: worth it for me. It certainly went better than expected.

1199
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:54,279
Speaker 3: I'm a little sad that it's not like how it

1200
00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:56,920
Speaker 3: used to be, and I felt a bit disconnected from her.

1201
00:53:57,120 --> 00:53:59,919
Speaker 3: She didn't pay much attention to me, but it wasn't

1202
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:02,319
Speaker 3: like last year where she didn't say a word to me.

1203
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:04,600
Speaker 3: At this point, I'll take what I can get and

1204
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:07,600
Speaker 3: look forward to Christmas, as I like that holiday better

1205
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:10,840
Speaker 3: than Thanksgiving anyway. A lot of people had ideas for gifts,

1206
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:13,640
Speaker 3: and I decided I'll be using my craft skills to

1207
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:16,960
Speaker 3: make her a custom Christmas ornament. I'm hoping that helps.

1208
00:54:17,680 --> 00:54:19,799
Speaker 3: I know that her dementia is only getting worse, but

1209
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:23,200
Speaker 3: I'm still going to do my best. I'm also graduating

1210
00:54:23,200 --> 00:54:25,319
Speaker 3: this fall, and i don't know how she's going to

1211
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 3: be with that, considering she hasn't really been interested in

1212
00:54:28,560 --> 00:54:32,200
Speaker 3: hearing about me for a while. And by the way,

1213
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:36,640
Speaker 3: you can hear full episodes with stories like this. All

1214
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 3: you have to do is go to iHeartRadio or Apple

1215
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:42,839
Speaker 3: Podcasts or Spotify and search OK storytime and you will

1216
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:47,719
Speaker 3: find literally every story we've ever told. Again, I want

1217
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 3: to thank everyone for all their help and support, even

1218
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:53,160
Speaker 3: the up votes that helped my original post get more visibility.

1219
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:55,279
Speaker 3: I felt like we made a big step forward in

1220
00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:57,880
Speaker 3: the right direction, so that's where I'm going to keep heading.

1221
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:00,400
Speaker 3: I hope you all have lovely ho The day is

1222
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:03,240
Speaker 3: no matter your beliefs or customs, that are spent laughing

1223
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:05,480
Speaker 3: and smiling with the people you love, whoever they are.

1224
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:10,719
Speaker 3: And we have some comments. Comment number one, don't take

1225
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:13,640
Speaker 3: it personally. Really, do not take anything she says or

1226
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:16,920
Speaker 3: does personally. Read up on the stages of Alzheimer's and

1227
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:19,120
Speaker 3: the different parts of the brain that get damaged with

1228
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 3: every stage. Try to take in the details. She has

1229
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 3: a terminal illness that is dismantling her brain. If you

1230
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:26,440
Speaker 3: had a friend with MS who couldn't go running with you,

1231
00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:30,759
Speaker 3: would you take that personally? Reply? Yeah, one hundred percent.

1232
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:34,080
Speaker 3: This My grandma had Alzheimer's and sometimes she couldn't remember

1233
00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:35,560
Speaker 3: my name or who I was, and she didn't know

1234
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:37,800
Speaker 3: anything about my studies or my life. And she sometimes

1235
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:40,400
Speaker 3: got angry or sad for no reason. This is all

1236
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:42,839
Speaker 3: because of her brain being confused. She wasn't the same

1237
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:45,319
Speaker 3: person anymore. It doesn't mean that the person she used

1238
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 3: to be didn't love and care for me. Same goes

1239
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:51,279
Speaker 3: for your grandma. Alzheimer's is weird because it's almost like

1240
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:54,800
Speaker 3: you lose the person in grief before they're gone. Maybe

1241
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,160
Speaker 3: look into talking through that grief with the counselor at

1242
00:55:57,160 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 3: school or a self help book. Relationships with people with

1243
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:03,920
Speaker 3: dementia can become quite superficial due to their memory loss,

1244
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:08,480
Speaker 3: inability to hold a conversation, etc. But with my grandma,

1245
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 3: I just tried my best to make her smile and

1246
00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:12,920
Speaker 3: make her happy and occupied when I was with her.

1247
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:16,080
Speaker 3: That's all you can do. They might forget you were

1248
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:18,240
Speaker 3: there as soon as you leave. But with my grandma,

1249
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:21,759
Speaker 3: she'd still be happy after something good happened, even if

1250
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:24,359
Speaker 3: she didn't know why, and sometimes there were moments when

1251
00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 3: she seemed almost normal. You have to hold on to those.

1252
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:31,680
Speaker 3: Definitely read up on Alzheimer's symptoms. I hope that helps

1253
00:56:31,719 --> 00:56:33,800
Speaker 3: you to feel like there is less of an attack

1254
00:56:33,960 --> 00:56:36,360
Speaker 3: on you. If that doesn't work, you might want to

1255
00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:39,320
Speaker 3: consider whether you take things personally in general and work

1256
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:45,200
Speaker 3: on that issue. Comment number two. One thing I did

1257
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:47,960
Speaker 3: with my grandma who had dementia as I would leave

1258
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:50,839
Speaker 3: her a little note telling her I was here and

1259
00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 3: the date and put it on the wall, and I

1260
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:54,960
Speaker 3: would put the next date I was coming to visit

1261
00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 3: on it too. Comment number three says this might be

1262
00:56:58,239 --> 00:57:02,080
Speaker 3: bad advice, especially since it seems like you don't have

1263
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:05,080
Speaker 3: much free time, But have you considered writing her letters.

1264
00:57:05,360 --> 00:57:07,920
Speaker 3: It would give her something tangible to hold on and

1265
00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:11,600
Speaker 3: reread and wouldn't be as easy for her to forget

1266
00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:14,080
Speaker 3: about as a phone call. You could send little care

1267
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:17,120
Speaker 3: packages with a note and some pictures or trinkets to

1268
00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 3: give her a more physical way to connect with you.

1269
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 3: Since you can't visit as often as you like. OHP says,

1270
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:26,200
Speaker 3: this is an idea, and I'll talk to my grandfather onto.

1271
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:30,440
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, and I'll talk to my grandfather about it.

1272
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:32,919
Speaker 3: She tends to prefer phone calls for the most part,

1273
00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:36,480
Speaker 3: for whatever reason. But she's also really but she also

1274
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:39,240
Speaker 3: really likes cute little cards and stuff. So that's something

1275
00:57:39,320 --> 00:57:42,959
Speaker 3: I was thinking about. I like crafts, that's something within

1276
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 3: my skill range. I like this idea a lot, especially

1277
00:57:46,560 --> 00:57:51,200
Speaker 3: the care packages. Thank you. And that is the end

1278
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:53,000
Speaker 3: of that story. Oh sad.