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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. Welcome to Stephanie. Never

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Speaker 1: told your protection, but I heeart Radio. Welcome to what

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Speaker 1: is gonna be my segment of unhappy hour of our

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Speaker 1: sub sub segments that we do sometimes of all the

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Speaker 1: many of sub sub segments of things. UM. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, Anie, Typically I come in with just the

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Speaker 1: drinks and talking about what's happening in the industry or

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Speaker 1: or about the new drinks or the new companies or

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Speaker 1: the new CEOs or creators or crafters. Um. And we've

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Speaker 1: been talking a lot about sex in the city. And

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Speaker 1: then of course you come in, you do your beautiful

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Speaker 1: conversations about your life and what's going on with you

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Speaker 1: as you're discovering yourself and just kind of unraveling some

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Speaker 1: of the trauma as well as unraveling some of the

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Speaker 1: stigma that you've seen when it comes to things you

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Speaker 1: want like fan fiction and Marvel and Star Wars and

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Speaker 1: all the beautiful things which I love being a part

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Speaker 1: of this journey, thank you very much. UM. And so

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Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna twist

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Speaker 1: it off and do a little of my own concerns,

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Speaker 1: which maybe a little much for a lot of people.

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Speaker 1: So yes, this is I guess this is just me

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Speaker 1: complaining in the best way possible that I can describe um.

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Speaker 1: But it is going to be about abortion. It is

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Speaker 1: about adoption, and I know I've been talking on it

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Speaker 1: a lot, but yeah, it's very personal for me, and

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Speaker 1: so I feel like it's something that I need to

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Speaker 1: talk about, something that I need to keep reiterating because

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Speaker 1: I don't know how many of the FAMI no adoptees

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Speaker 1: who are hearing this narrative as well as trying to

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Speaker 1: really uh shine a light of what this feels like

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Speaker 1: for someone who is personally being called out as a solution.

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Speaker 1: So I did want to take this time. But again,

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Speaker 1: this is kind of that caveat of like, yes, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna talk about abortions. If you're so tired, if you're overwhelmed,

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Speaker 1: if you just need a break, this might not be

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Speaker 1: the moment to have this conversation. And I get it.

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Speaker 1: For those of us who are in the adopted world,

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Speaker 1: for those of us who's been in the social work world,

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Speaker 1: for those of us has been in the system, if

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Speaker 1: this is a little much, I get it too. So bypass,

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Speaker 1: that's the warning at the top. Also, it is an

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Speaker 1: unhappy hour, so it's it's where I like to drink

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Speaker 1: with my friend Danny and have this conversation. So a

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Speaker 1: drink responsibly if you are drinking, whatever you're doing in

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Speaker 1: your self care, make sure for care and not self abuse.

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Speaker 1: Um A B. We are not being sponsored specifically by

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Speaker 1: any of the drinks that we talk about. Um so

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Speaker 1: you know it's the one wants to exactly give us

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Speaker 1: a ring because we're throw it back. So speaking of that, Anny,

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Speaker 1: what are you sipping on? I need a bit of

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Speaker 1: a like beer jitted tonic thing. Um Again, I'm having

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Speaker 1: to get creative because I don't have much stuff here. Uh,

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Speaker 1: and I keep putting off going to the store. So

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Speaker 1: it's been a real interesting I've created a lot of things,

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Speaker 1: some of the really refreshing. It's kind of like saltier

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Speaker 1: than it's beer, engine and tonic. Yeah, and some lime

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Speaker 1: a little bit. Okay, you just wanted to add the

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Speaker 1: beer in there to give yourself a surprise. I just

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Speaker 1: feel like I always say gin and tonic and I

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Speaker 1: got to mix it up sometimes that's all I get it.

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Speaker 1: I feel that same way. I feel got need to

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Speaker 1: mix it up a lot because I'm like, I don't

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Speaker 1: want them to think I only drink this one drink,

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Speaker 1: even though I do love this one drink. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: actually drinking a ginger beer with gin and lime. This

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Speaker 1: is my little twist today. Is that a call the

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Speaker 1: thing a twist? No? No, no, like and gin and

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Speaker 1: ginger beer thing. I'm sure, I just don't know the

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Speaker 1: name of it. I mean the doctor because it's ginger beer.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna do a Star Wars plant. I know, decited

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Speaker 1: for it. Please do it, Please do it. I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to remember, so as they begin, um. Yeah. At the top,

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Speaker 1: we talked about the fact that I do want to

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Speaker 1: talk about this adoption thing, and there's been a tweet

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Speaker 1: meme going around and it's kind of fading, thank god,

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Speaker 1: because I had a lot of feelings about it, which

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Speaker 1: was essentially a joke that was taken from a conservative

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Speaker 1: picture that were like white couples, couples coming around saying

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Speaker 1: will adopt your baby, as if that's the influence for

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Speaker 1: someone to not get an abortion. In this whole abortion argument,

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Speaker 1: we've already talked about Justice Combart say they need to adopt,

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Speaker 1: we need no more babies. Out there, which is an

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Speaker 1: absurd conversation essentially trying to human traffic baby saying that

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Speaker 1: we need more supply. We know there is a conspirat

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Speaker 1: c theory ideal that uh, they're saying that that they're

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Speaker 1: trying to wipe out white children. So making sure that

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Speaker 1: this is that narrative and having that hysterical uh conversation

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Speaker 1: of be careful abortionists who just really want to wipe

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Speaker 1: out white children. This is a way of getting rid

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Speaker 1: of the supremacy. Um, we know that's happening. As in fact,

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Speaker 1: they're talking about the fact that there's not enough children

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Speaker 1: in the market, literally say that it's not enough children

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Speaker 1: in the adoption market, which we've talked about previously when

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Speaker 1: we talked about surrogacy as well in our episode. But

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Speaker 1: you know, one of the things is that meme that

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Speaker 1: came out, and so of course people making fun of

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Speaker 1: that meme have been saying doing like odd couples going

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Speaker 1: that as we want to adopt a baby, and it's

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Speaker 1: like a character from this or something that is supposed

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Speaker 1: to be you know, funny, say we'll adopt your baby.

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Speaker 1: And I have a lot of feeling because I've seen

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Speaker 1: people that I know through this post thinking that they

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Speaker 1: are just being funny. I know there's no ill intent,

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Speaker 1: but that's kind of the conversation and that's kind of

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Speaker 1: the problem that I'm having. And see this narrative that

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Speaker 1: that's what we've become is a marketable joke and a punchline.

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Speaker 1: You know, so many times that practical joke you're adopted.

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Speaker 1: It has been spread around to the constant thing um

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Speaker 1: to the point that I feel like I have to

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Speaker 1: make jokes about myself. I have to make jokes about

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'll look just like my dad, who was

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Speaker 1: very white and very tall. And it's it's it's done

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Speaker 1: out of love, I know, to try to make me

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Speaker 1: feel like I fit in, but obviously it's uthering me.

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Speaker 1: I've already talked about my identity crisis as an Asian

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Speaker 1: woman of being with a white family and Asian. Uh,

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Speaker 1: I guess liberal woman is for and that's become a

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Speaker 1: dirty word in my world all of a sudden, um

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Speaker 1: versus you know, my very conservative white family, and that

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Speaker 1: we are very different spectrums when it comes to what

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Speaker 1: we see that having a conversation with being a transracial

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Speaker 1: adoptee being told to fit into the status quo, which

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Speaker 1: is cis white. Um. So there's a lot of confusion

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Speaker 1: slash turmoil for me when it comes to this conversation. Um.

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Speaker 1: And actually there was a tweet or a conversation I

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Speaker 1: guess on the NBC News social media platform which my

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Speaker 1: friend Michelle, who is in London. Hey Michelle, she doesn't

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Speaker 1: listen to our shows, but might as well. A shadow

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Speaker 1: sent uh this uh to me, this little tweet and

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Speaker 1: it's uh comment, it's a quote. It says, how do

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Speaker 1: I grapple with that? My existence was a winning argument

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Speaker 1: in a debate that eradicated my own rights, the rights

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Speaker 1: of so many other people and has set into motion

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Speaker 1: what it's probably going to be the unfurling of, you know,

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Speaker 1: more civil rights across the board. And it was a

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Speaker 1: Korean adoptee named Stephanie Drinka who had posted this, and

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Speaker 1: I feeled this. I feel this to a core. There's

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Speaker 1: so many things and if I argue for rights, then

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Speaker 1: I'm being told, well, you should be grateful of all

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Speaker 1: people because you are safe from that. And by the way,

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Speaker 1: that's a narrative I've whole, I've heard and I've even

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Speaker 1: used for myself growing up because this is what I

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Speaker 1: was indoctrinated with that this was about children and the

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Speaker 1: wiping out of children and murdering children. UM. And I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to take a time because I'm sure for

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Speaker 1: those again, for our many listeners, and for our fam again,

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Speaker 1: like I said, they know the arguments that we hear.

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Speaker 1: But coming from my perspective as an adoptee, I have

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Speaker 1: told you that I have a fear of being ungrateful

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Speaker 1: or being seen as being ungrateful, and in this narrative,

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Speaker 1: in these arguments, it's even more so that we are

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Speaker 1: just used and weaponized. Um. At this point, and I

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Speaker 1: kind of wanted to talk about this. I kind of

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Speaker 1: wanted to share some of the comments that I'm reading

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Speaker 1: and what it feels like for me to hear these comments.

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Speaker 1: Uh So, of course, in between all of this, there's

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Speaker 1: I guess the new Hunter Biden stuff, which I don't

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Speaker 1: really know. I did see a joke which they're like, hey, dude,

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Speaker 1: you need to learn secure lock. Someone tell this boy

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Speaker 1: about blocking a system. I don't know. Um, But of

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Speaker 1: course it starts with people saying I can't stop thinking

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Speaker 1: about the babies. Another comment M B sure s here

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Speaker 1: likes babies being slaughtered ridiculous liberal article. Everyone in the

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Speaker 1: world can find something to complain about and have their

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Speaker 1: quote feelings hurt about When does everyone going to just

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Speaker 1: grow up and learn how to deal with life without

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Speaker 1: whining such contortions just to find a way to be

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Speaker 1: offended or victimized. Nobody is telling an adopted person that

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Speaker 1: they have no right to voice an opinion. There's another side,

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Speaker 1: of course, when adoptees feel strongly that unborn life should

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Speaker 1: be advocated for. And what about the adopted people who

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Speaker 1: are incredibly insulted and hurt when pro abortion advocates say

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Speaker 1: they should have just been killed instead. Eliminate them was

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Speaker 1: one of the things, and I don't know what that means.

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Speaker 1: Just because you had a rough life doesn't mean you

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Speaker 1: should decide for those in the womb. There are many

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Speaker 1: suicidal individuals with dead ideations which I didn't completely understand.

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Speaker 1: UM work with the states to establish regulation for abortion.

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Speaker 1: I would rather be adopted than aborted. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what the hell these people are talking about. I've noticed

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Speaker 1: the only people fighting for the right to kill babies

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Speaker 1: are the ones who weren't aborted. I feel like there's yeah,

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Speaker 1: the logic behind us. Okay, okay, um, let's just love

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Speaker 1: the cause to be angry about whether it's gun control,

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Speaker 1: you create, abortion, gay rights. What a miserable existence. Perhaps

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Speaker 1: they should consider more, moving far far away, Um, how

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Speaker 1: about the rights that they are born? We Why don't

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Speaker 1: you news outlets try to be fair and objective and

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Speaker 1: maybe write something about the other side of the issue,

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Speaker 1: no thoughts. So the leftist media is conditioning you people

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Speaker 1: to hate America, to hate the flag, to hate the police,

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Speaker 1: to hate the Supreme Court Justice, to hate oil, to

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Speaker 1: hate guns, to hate Elon Musk, to hate Donald Trump,

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Speaker 1: to hate white people, to hate straight men, to hate Christians,

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Speaker 1: to hate capitalism, and to believe that unborn isn't a

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Speaker 1: life to benefits from this? Where is the influence coming

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Speaker 1: from communists China? But like comments like that is what

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Speaker 1: I have run into more than not, like everything is

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Speaker 1: based on feeling about killing babies. Of course, repeatedly saying

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Speaker 1: killing babies or being a victim, which I have heard

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Speaker 1: repeatedly when it comes to adopt the children, saying I'm

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Speaker 1: not happy. These are the things that I wish could change,

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Speaker 1: These are the things I wish could have changed, and

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Speaker 1: being told I am ungrateful and that I should stop

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Speaker 1: whining and complaining and be grateful for what I was

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Speaker 1: given and understand my parents saved me, which again, is

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Speaker 1: this whole narrative of a will adopt babies, We're gonna

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Speaker 1: save you. And I've had this just rolling in my

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Speaker 1: head and constantly just nagging at me, and I can't

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Speaker 1: I can't escape it. It is a constant conversation, and

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Speaker 1: it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger, especially since literally

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Speaker 1: they put it in one of the arguments and part

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Speaker 1: of the argument, like, uh, just Coinbarant literally says it

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Speaker 1: a couple of times in those arguments, And I'm having

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Speaker 1: a hard time reconciling with that because I know what

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Speaker 1: is happening that these points has already been utilized by

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Speaker 1: one side to say this is a solution, which we

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Speaker 1: know we have already talked about the thousandreds of thousands

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Speaker 1: of children and foster care and who have not adopted,

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Speaker 1: as well as we've already talked about the fact that

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Speaker 1: many children are returned to the system because they don't

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Speaker 1: want damaged babies or damaged children as they would see it.

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Speaker 1: And then now being a weaponized talking point to the

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Speaker 1: other side, UM, in which we're just being dismissed altogether.

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Speaker 1: And I say this in this manner of it's just

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Speaker 1: become a topic and become less humanized. And that's what

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Speaker 1: I'm seeing, and I don't know what to do about that.

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Speaker 1: This whole name really kind of pointed out because people

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Speaker 1: really thought it was funny to do this UM without

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Speaker 1: understanding you're isolating a group of people who has been

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Speaker 1: truly affected by this narrative, who is being affected by

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Speaker 1: this narrative, And as we have slowly backtracked in understanding

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Speaker 1: adoption is a not a solution. I mean, Korea has

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Speaker 1: finally stopped realizing, hey, oh, we've been making a lot

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Speaker 1: of money and people are noticing that we're making a

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Speaker 1: we're capitalizing onto this and people don't like it. Let's

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Speaker 1: stop to the fact that other countries have stopped it

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Speaker 1: because there's been so much abuse within the system. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that adopted parents are abusive. I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying that foster parents are abusive. We're just saying that

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Speaker 1: there's a lack of real accountability in this the idea

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Speaker 1: that honestly, when young children are do not work out

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Speaker 1: in a home. They're being called re homed. That's what

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Speaker 1: they're saying. They're re homing children. And I don't like

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Speaker 1: how meaning of a term is that and how often

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Speaker 1: does it happen. It happens a lot. And I've said

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Speaker 1: this before. I don't want to get back on my

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Speaker 1: soapbox of if a child is adopted, if they have

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Speaker 1: come from a hard background, they're going to have things

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Speaker 1: to work through and to pretend like they're coming in

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Speaker 1: as perfect children who are going to be so grateful

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Speaker 1: to you and just idolize you, which is what people think.

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Speaker 1: That is absurd. That is absurd, unrealistic, and honestly really

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Speaker 1: traumatic and uh possibly traumatizing to everyone involved. I think

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Speaker 1: I'm having to try to reconcile all of my ideals,

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Speaker 1: all of my past trauma, all of my current trauma,

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Speaker 1: and all of my um newness and what I believe.

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Speaker 1: And I say newness because again, I grew up in

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Speaker 1: a very conservative home, trying to please what I thought

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Speaker 1: were my saviors until I got into college. That that

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Speaker 1: it took me so long to break out of that.

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Speaker 1: It is. It's hard because there's also a part of

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Speaker 1: that narrative in me that keeps saying, it's so true.

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Speaker 1: I could have I could have not been here, they

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Speaker 1: could have just not you know, had me, what would

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Speaker 1: have what would have happened? You know, like because I'm

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Speaker 1: being told repeatedly they would have killed you, and then

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Speaker 1: because you were unwanted, literally on a constant narrative, And

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Speaker 1: that's kind of that big conversation too. They really love

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Speaker 1: weaponizing that against adoptees. Remember one time you weren't wanted.

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Speaker 1: Just remember that. I don't know that. There's so much

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Speaker 1: that I'm processing and I'm in therapy. All I'm in therapy.

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Speaker 1: We've had the process this a few times, trying to

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Speaker 1: go through this conversation on what does this look like

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Speaker 1: to me? How do I how do I come to

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Speaker 1: terms as an activist, as a person who is pro choice,

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Speaker 1: as a person who did grow up in a really

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Speaker 1: hustle environment that truly believed this was killing babies. This

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Speaker 1: is murder like I've been taught abortion is murder like that.

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Speaker 1: There's no other way for me to phrase that. Do

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Speaker 1: I think that's true? As absolutely not? Do I absolutely

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Speaker 1: believe in the autonomy of women? Yes? Do I absolutely

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Speaker 1: believe that these laws, by the political standpoint, is a

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Speaker 1: way of control. Absolutely, yes. But do I believe my family,

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Speaker 1: my mother who cried at like a table because we

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Speaker 1: were arguing about this, truly believes that this is murdering babies. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I believe that because that's what she has been indoctrine

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Speaker 1: to believe and cannot let that go. There's a lot

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Speaker 1: to try to unfold from me. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm

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Speaker 1: just so glad. I mean, it's it makes it breaks

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Speaker 1: my heart that you're going through this and I see it,

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Speaker 1: like when I hear these things, I think of you,

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Speaker 1: and I think for a lot of people if you

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Speaker 1: don't have somebody who's had this experience in your life.

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Speaker 1: And I hope that you're listening to this and you're

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Speaker 1: going to be more mindful because it is painful, um,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of it's callous and gross. Um. But

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Speaker 1: I'm very thankful that you're willing to share your story

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Speaker 1: and your feelings and your thoughts around all of this,

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Speaker 1: because I know it's not not easy and there is

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Speaker 1: a lot to unpack. Well, thank you for letting me

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Speaker 1: have this time. Um, y'all, thank you for listening. If

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Speaker 1: you stuck around and please know it'll get it gets better.

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Speaker 1: This is this is a process for a lot of us,

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Speaker 1: and I know each of us have been triggered and

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Speaker 1: traumatized by something in this in this whole ordeal, because

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Speaker 1: it is all traumatizing and for us who have been

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Speaker 1: taught that we need to fight to this point is

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Speaker 1: exhausting and so that means sometimes our guards are up

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Speaker 1: and sometimes our guards are down. And just being able

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Speaker 1: to process it with y'all, with you, Annie has been

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Speaker 1: an amazing outlets. So thank you for giving me that time.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. I love you, I love you, I love you.

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Speaker 1: This is how unhappy hours naturally and it's kind of

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Speaker 1: with like almost tears and like, but I love you

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Speaker 1: though I'm here from you, I guess. Cheers to the

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Speaker 1: future with hope, tears tears to the future with hope,

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Speaker 1: and cheers to you listeners. We really do value you

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Speaker 1: listening and um your responses. When you you feel you

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Speaker 1: have something you can commiserate with us. We love that.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being open with us too.

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Speaker 1: So if you would like to email us, you can

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Speaker 1: our emails stuff need your mom stuff at ihart mea

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Speaker 1: dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mom

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Speaker 1: Stuff podcast or Instagram and stuff I've Never told you.

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Speaker 1: Thanks as always to our super producer Christina I Mean,

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Speaker 1: we love you, We love you, Chris Dada, and thanks

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Speaker 1: to you for listening stuff un ever tell you protection

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Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from My Heart Radio

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Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows. H